The Vault with Financielle - “He Earns More, But We Pay 50:50” | The Vault Episode 31

Episode Date: September 25, 2024

Send us a textVisit https://www.financielle.co.uk to join our community!In Episode 31 of The Vault, we discuss this week’s controversial opinion, “University is a bad investment”, before diving into our listener dilemmas:I have spending anxietyWe don’t earn the same but we pay the sameWe celebrate a listener’s big win of filling their emergency fund - now safely stashed away in a high-yield account, ready to handle whatever life throws their way!If you’d like to share your money win, head to the community in the Financielle app or email [e-mail] your (totally anonymous) money dilemmas to [e-mail] and we may feature yours on a future episode 💌Thank you to our partner PensionBee, who are on a mission to help you build pension confidence and create a world where everyone can enjoy a happy retirement. With PensionBee you can combine, contribute and withdraw online. Join over 252,000 customers saving with PensionBee. When investing, your capital is at risk.Sign up and combine your pensions here 🐝Chapters:00:00 Introduction03:09 Welcome to The Vault05:10 Controversial Opinion: "University is a bad investment"18:29 Dilemma 1: "I have spending anxiety"23:49 Community win 26:41 Dilemma 2: "We don’t earn the same but we pay the same"38:15 Final Thoughts The Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

Trying to arrange one best friend living in London and one best friend living in Rottenstall and children and new cars arriving and jobs arriving and trips and adulting. I'm like, I think there's apps where you can tell me when you're free and it pulls it together. I would literally, I've seen those and you can see everyone's calendars. I'd be like, I need to block out. Don't ask me to do anything. I'd be like, I'm so busy. They're like, liar!

You're not responding to that request. No, I'm not. It's so hard to get together, isn't it? You do need a poll. My automatic... I've just got a gut feeling every time someone organises something, I'm just like, I'm not going.

But then I do end up going and I go and a great time but then I'm but always my immediate reaction like inside my body is like I would say I'm the same that's like oh it's a no from me yeah and then I'll come around and I do that and then I have a really good time and I say to the person that invited me thank you because I didn't want to come to this I didn't want to see you I honestly applaud the social secretaries in my life for some WhatsApp groups

where some of the ladies nail it and I have a life because something gets arranged and you go, hmm. And then you go, oh my God,

I've had so much fun. The best one was Gabrielle. Laura was like, do you want to come to Gabrielle? The Gabrielle. And I was like, yeah, fine. Like a year before.

I don't know any songs. Yeah, I was like, yeah, fine, whatever. And then like the week before I was like, I don't want to go. I don't know any songs yeah I was like yeah fine whatever and then like the week before I was like I don't want to go I don't know any songs the night of

we were in the having drinks before and I was like to everyone I don't know any songs and if I go to a concert you better believe I want to know the songs of which

we're going watching Six and I need to learn all the words yeah you do the show and I confided in everyone that I didn't know and my friend was like both two friends of ours were like you do know and then they literally played it i knew every song i knew every word and i was like i am so excited like i literally went from like 10 minutes before

going yeah do you ever have a wobble because you're like oh i don't know if i'm gonna i was being honest i was like i don't know if i'm gonna like it because i don't know the other songs and they were like i'm gonna to perform that well in my chair just in case it's an open mic when you get to the level the pressure was on she'd have nailed it she could have been

one of those fancy backing singers no problem when a woman wants her man you'd be surprised you've heard all the songs you'd be surprised

every I was going every song's a hit and when they say I get what they mean now when people say that every single song is a hit and when they say I get what they mean now when people say that every single song is in there

Calvin she did the originals she didn't do any new shit that people get stressed at when an artist does new stuff no she was

she was loyal to her fans because there were people that were like well up for it she was giving give the people what they want

they only want the songs that they know the words to no no this is new so this is a song from my new album babe no one cares let's go get a drink

the stadium empties that should tell you enough no she was great but yeah social sex like you all deserve a round of applause hats off to the social sex

because we're here it's like no one in the room is one of them shout out welcome to the vault with fine and child this is a safe space where we talk all things

life and money and no topics are off limits hello hello I'm warm today I've done my hair and it's big and bouncy

and hot there's a lot of hair under here so like when you you're like you have your shower you blow dry your hair you here so like when you you're like you have your shower you blow dry your hair you curl your hair and then you may as well have another shower because you're that hot and sweaty even in autumn um yeah struggling with the mane i don't know if

anyone can tell but on this row i am an au natural girly so you can see the nice bouncy blow dries either side of me but i went to sleep i washed my hair let it dry and actually went to sleep like this woke up like this and left the house like this I swear to god you shouldn't let your hair dry wet fungus can grow in your head

yeah and it stays it stays greasy stop it so when you dry your hair if you blow the water out of it because oil and water

obviously don't mix so if you blow the water out your hair absorbs oil but if your hair stays wet your hair doesn't absorb the oil so that's why your scalp's greasy I think that's good Holly thanks Lydia

I've not got fungus on my head no honestly because someone told me this you've got fungus on your head I've got an itchy head now I can't sleep tonight but my eldest always goes to bed

with hair wet no I let it dry you just said you goes to bed with her hair wet no I let it dry you just said you went to bed with it wet no I said I had a shower

I let it dry and I went to bed like this as in I didn't do anything to it like any tongs anything and then I woke up

like this even letting it dry naturally because I still got fungus on my head possibly because it depends how long the water

has been sat there because is it truly dry I feel like the fungus thing is a lie from Dyson. Yeah, I believe it. Great PR. Yeah.

Tell everyone they need to go to a room. It's misinformation. I believe Dyson. I fully endorse this. Okay, I've got a controversial opinion. Was that not it?

That I've got fungus on my head? Ready? University is a bad investment. All three of us are uni on this side. You're uni as well, Lydia. Yeah. Calvin uni.

So. We don't have a balance for you guess what I did um the study of Harry Potter and the

you've seen those like rogue degrees I knew there was a David Beckham one oh okay I'll do that she's like masters

anyone university is a great investment 30 grand did you get a degree in David Beckham yeah Beckhamology isn't it

there was something in it I swear to god there was in the early 2000s he was a pretty successful guy so I guess if you studied him I think it was like

the marketing if you watched the recent documentary of the like class of 92 or whatever it was they it showed you

I always thought that football no it was the Beckham documentary oh the Beckham one it was his documentary yeah fascinating you, I always thought that football. No, it was the Beckham documentary. Oh, the Beckham one. It was his documentary. Fascinating. You always, I always assumed that like footballers were flash and had the best cars

and all like walked in with the headphones on. No, no, no. Yeah. Such short memories. It showed you footage of like Roy Keane turning up to training like an old banger and like they didn't have flash cars. He was the first with the Porsche

and everyone couldn't believe it. Yeah. It was like, what? flash cars he was the first with a Porsche and everyone couldn't believe it yeah it was like what and then he was the first one to get like big deals outside of any sporting thing

so I think he that's why he shaved his hair because he did like an advert and then he did like Calvin Klein and that started it

so I get I fully get why no such thing as footballers so you can do a degree in it I did fashion marketing and I look international fashion marketing and I did a year in it I did fashion marketing and I look international

fashion marketing and I did a year in industry I think we've touched on this before in the pod and I think that was fantastic like it absolutely set me up for when I left university what the world of work was like what I didn't want to do because I actually then decided I didn't want I did a buying she didn't like fashion I mean a buying. She didn't like fashion. I mean. The industry. I go to bed with wet hair like I was never going to fit in. Just a quick one, Laura here. If you're wanting to take back control of your money, ditch debt, make better decisions and build wealth for the future, the Financial app is for you. With Financial, you can track your spending on the go, hit your money goals faster and create a realistic budget that you can actually stick to.

Not to mention, you'll be part of an exclusive money community who share tips, offer support and celebrate your successes along the way. Click the link in the description to download Financial and start your free trial now. This is your sign to take control of your money today.

Okay, I'm done. Let's go back to the vault um but yeah i it's just as good to show what you don't want to do doing that year in industry so for me personally that was works we've just disproved your theory i paid my university to go to work did you get paid that Yes, but it was like a minute. Well, no, it was probably just like an enhanced student loan type thing. I can't remember. Yeah, I mean, because the companies can't get away.

We've talked about that before on this pod. Yeah. But the difficulty is, Lucy, when you ask that question, if you're asking Holly and I, and then ask me. So you ask me, I had three maintenance loans of about three and a half thousand pounds. What they don't tell you is interest starts accruing from the first loan. First loan. I do have a bugbear about this. And Mr. Martin Lewis has a halo for much of his time. At the time, he massively promoted student loans and said, it is the cheapest loan you will ever get. You should get it. I remember vividly, this was being pushed on

people. You should, you should take it. You should take it. You should take it. And quite frankly, some people have to take it. It's a privileged position that some people, it's an option. It was definitely an option for me because I worked while I was at university. And then my parents paid for the accommodation and my tuition fees. They paid that. I did not take a loan out for that. So my perspective on university is very different for someone that needed extra loans and grants to be able to just survive there. But I think if I had to have had a loan for those other elements, what would I have come out with? Maybe 20 to 30, maybe closer to 20,

because I came out with 11 after the interest had grown. So the day I left, there was 11,000 pounds. That's the cheapest it's ever been. When Holly went a couple of years later, top up fees came in. It tripled, didn't it? Well, it doubled on the maintenance loans. Oh no, it's the fees doubled

and then you could get higher maintenance loans. So even one generation, it's the fees doubled and then you could get higher maintenance loans so even one generation it's one generation a couple years later different math equation then nowadays now there's like because just the caps have gone the fees are so high cost of living is higher so what i find difficult about education is i want it to be as accessible as possible to everyone so if you if you need to loan your way through, but you want to get that finance degree, that business degree, that medicine degree, that English degree, you know, science degree, if you want to get these core subjects, it's really hard to say, is it worth it? Is it a good investment? Because it might be the path

to earning an above average salary for someone who is not from that background. Likewise, that person could spend all that and do, I'm going to say it like a marketing degree. Marketing moves so quick that you are better being a marketing exec on a low twenties salary, learning your craft and then doing skills like Google have so many amazing free courses, digital marketing courses, HubSpot have courses like, if this is you for marketing, if you want to work your way up, you could have done all that. And I don't think you need a degree to get a marketing exec job. I think it's like a nice to have, but I think you want the person, you want the capability. Have you done projects? Have you done what, what, what industry in your

spare time? Lots of employers now are not necessarily looking at that degree. So it breaks my heart when people do subjects that are completely nothing to do with a career that needs that degree and they've got tens of thousands that just sit in the background. It's really hard.

You did a law degree because you wanted to be a lawyer. You can't hack your way around that. You have to go to university. So I would say yes, it is a good degree because you wanted to be a lawyer. You can't hack your way around that. You have to go to university. So I would say yes, it is a good investment because then the earning trajectory, although some of your friends

that are in law, they were still paying their student loans off because they had to take all those extra grants and loans and maintenance things. And they were still way cheaper. I remember them still paying for them

like a long time after as well. Most people wouldn't pay them off now. Like we're in that place where it's like a, it's on your income forever. But I know so many people that did a degree that they do nothing.

It's not connected. And sometimes you're like, it doesn't matter because you built up skills learning how to do a project, how to do a dissertation. Yeah, network. But half the time,

I feel like saying to people, go and do a graduate. Go and do a graduate. Not a graduate. No, what's the word? Apprenticeship. Apprenticeship. Yeah, it's like to people go and do a graduate go and do a graduate not a graduate no what's the word apprenticeship yeah go and do an apprenticeship

go and do internships while you do like get a paid job and it could be doing anything even like stacking shells whatever it might be working in retail

and then go and do an internship somewhere you will just gain so many more skills and then go out with your uni friends stay at their house go on uni nights out

also get the lifestyle if there's a particular career that you need higher education for is there an employer that will pay you way through it like we've seen it so often with accountants it's a massive one so many of the big accountancy firms and finance firms will actually pay for you to do all your exams and so you're earning and all your student friends are absolutely skin, racking up debt and you're kind of over here. So it's such a tough one. I love how the student loans make education accessible and give someone that lift up.

And you might learn about a career that you don't want to be in, but you've picked up loads of other stuff. But I think the system definitely needs sorting out. So many people nowadays, employers don't require a degree I'm seeing that often now with the job application sorry job requirements and what you should have done experience is much higher on the list and imagine if you could have been getting that experience at 18 19 20 I remember some job applications like you have to have minimum

two one I don't think they do that anymore. Do you remember that? I remember looking at job applications. I remember a girl I went to uni with was applying for a year in industry and she'd had her second year results and she'd said 2-1 and she was third, but no one ever checked. Flex. What are you going to do? Carry a certificate round? What are you going to do? Where is my certificate certificate I've got one who knows record of achievement I hope we've all got them

got your swim badges swimming with them at least you're just getting hers now what do you think I think that they should literally just put a stop to all of the like

creative degrees that are just going to make people go so far into debt because it's just going to make people go so far into debt because it's just going to get worse and worse they should make core things like lawyers doctors everything that you need a degree to go into that field and I think there should just be like other courses that you can do like if you want to like I did journalism I did absolutely not need to do a degree for that I started out doing a geography degree changed my mind so I was like

what are we gonna do with this? Riverbeds. I liked this at high school. Volcanoes. Literally I just did that good at A level I was like I'll do that. Okay ladies I've got a controversial money opinion from our friends at PensionBee. Bougie friends impact your financial wellness. Agree? Disagree? 100% agree. Bougie friends can derail you on your money journey, whether you're paying down debt, saving towards a big money goal, or just want to get to the end of the month with money left over. Yeah, one thing to note here is that your bougie friends may act bougie on the outside, but are probably struggling to manage their money. You heard it here first, ladies. Keeping Up With The Joneses is officially out and financial wellness is in. If you want to delve further into this conversation check out episode 27 of Pension B's Pension Confident podcast. The Pension Confident podcast

is available right now wherever you usually get your podcasts and remember when investing your capital is at risk. I would love to see especially for things like the creative industry, that there's a pathway where you can feel like you've got an achievement, but it can be done in industry. Like you want to be creative, but I want to, like we like exams sometimes or projects or accomplishments or certificates or something that, you know, recognises to a potential employer, this person applied themselves and got this, you know,

has got resilience, can work towards something. But wouldn't it be great if there were some, and there probably is, if someone's a realist and just going, the fuck in his, and you're just not using the book. But that's what I think would be helpful. And just like,

I think that sometimes colleges are so bothered about their percentage that got into university stats, that they're really like, they're not truly looking at the person and going, you don't need to go to university. that they're really like they're not truly looking at the person and going you don't need to go to university in form in in sixth form and it being like everyone get your personal statements written out and there's always like a couple of people like i'm not going to uni and they're like well just write one anyway yeah write one in case you might change your mind i think i said i didn't want to go to university for a long time because i couldn't find the course that spoke to me.

And then I found this one and I truly did enjoy mine and I do think it helped me. I still think it helps me today, actually, in some of the things that I learned. So I'm not one to say, oh, don't go to university, but I think it's all relative. I think some people just choose any course because they want the uni lifestyle.

You can have the uni lifestyle you can be a student it should be like the norm to like after college like if you get a job like a starter job

move into like move to a new city move into like can you see this girl in halls young professional she's like I'll join you when you're in a nice house

which she did I skipped over the halls situation it's not for me boarding I chose the most expensive halls. Me too. Much to my forethirst as me.

When I said I wanted to drop out, I still had to pay for the rest. But I want to stay in the halls. I was like, Dad, I don't really like geography. I'm going to drop out. And he was like, pick another course. How would you even have that conversation? I'd be so scared to do

the three-year degree you were very brave yeah I've been such a like indecisive person like I didn't want to go to sixth form I was going to do a photography like course she's gone around the world I went I did it for three days I'm going back to sixth form didn't do a levels absolutely like I didn't flop my A-levels. I did quite well, but not as well as I should have done. Obviously went to uni, did geography for about three months. I was like, no. I bet your mum and dad love us

because I feel like we're the thing that you stuck at the longest. Hey, don't you matter? I'm a flight sometimes. I would take it as a compliment that um they're still here no really this is the longest I've ever done something for oh my god you'll get your certificate you can go yeah you need that dopamine because I see your record of achievement actually I meant to ask you what you're in to do and your degree certificate

okay I've got a first dilemma. I have spending anxiety. Hi guys, I've been a financial girlie for around three months now and I've been absolutely loving it. I've managed to save money every month since I started, which was not something I could have committed to before. I've cleared my credit card debt and I'm just back on track building my emergency fund and savings etc. However I realise that after every payday routine during the beginning of the month I almost have some sort of anxiety and urge to try and save every penny. I know deep down that I have a budget set for all these expenses but somehow I'm still worried I'll overspend. How do I get over this anxiety and Spending anxiety is a thing. It is a thing, especially when you are on a mission and when mentally you know that to spend less means there's more money to do your money goals,

it's quite black and white. It's very very factual but I think there are grays and this is such a long journey that sometimes I say this about people overthink three dollar decisions and don't think about the thirty thousand dollar ones I've seen that like I did not come up with that someone said that which is why I said the dollar thing so someone might worry about the coffee that's four pounds or the Netflix subscription or like the paying for whatever it is, that smallish thing. If you obsess over that over here in the corner, you could be like investing now and that's going to be $30,000. Or it could be like, pay more attention to a career change or a job opportunity, or pay more attention to the fact that the fees on your pension or investments are really high. And if you move them, those are $30,000 decisions, but you're

over here stressing about a Netflix subscription or stressing about, I'm just going to go over budget. So it's really, it's funny when the discipline that we've learned to do really well actually like holds us back and kind of limits our thinking a little bit. And it's the constant battle of someone who is on a money journey. They don't say they're frugal. It's more that it's the sacrifice that if I spend, it's not going into savings pot. But I think sometimes using, I don't know what you're saving for, but showing that if you're saving, let's say 500 pounds a month, 20 to 30 pounds overspend, next month you're still putting another 500 in. It's not that next

month you're not putting 500 in, it's just that you're a little lower. It's not going to move the needle. And you could really, really stress yourself out. Yeah. If that person's been on a debt payment journey as well, because you're so focused, you're so disciplined, you can see it all moving to then be free of that. And then you've got like choice and leniency. You're worried that it's going to go the other way. So people then contract and they go like, I'm going to think small for a very long time. Like you said, when there could be bigger things at play. Sounds like she's very much in control, like too much in control.

And I think that's why she's written the dilemma because she's acknowledging that actually getting a little bit finicky about some things. I think the budget is permission to spend things as well comes into play. Like always make a sinking fund for it. And like, that's why I have a clothing sinking fund every single month and I don't think I spend out of it like most months because I'm like

I don't actually like I give it to myself so that we don't take it from other places yeah but nine times out of ten we we don't really use it but it's there in case I want it so if you know like you said permission to spend give yourself some grace like give yourself some breathing room sometimes people just create these such strict budgets that if they do fall out of line spend five pound here or ten pound there more they lose the head you need to even though you want to see that excess I get it because that's a dopamine hitting itself getting the biggest excess as possible but there's nothing like the regret of feeling like you've gone over your budget when you could have been a little bit more controlling it in the first place by giving yourself a

bit more. That's such a good idea though, Hall. She could create a space or a pot or a sinking fund and commit to, let's use the 500 example. She's saving 500. There's a fun pot of 50 and she wants something that would be much better if it was 550. No, no, your plan was five but roll it over so next month leave it there and then put another 50 in and after two three four months there's like 300 pounds in there and you still don't need anything then so if it's your savings then and just like you can do it then but it doesn't hold

you back enough I think the numbers that you're probably talking with the spending i'm presuming is small things and so if you are someone that's like particular about detail particular about numbers model it out i promise you if you show if you showed the difference between saving 520 a month and 500 it's just not gonna move the needle the fact that you're saving five is the biggest thing a lot of community members have like a permission to spend part i think they call it like impulsive spending or even miscellaneous. Just try that one month and just see.

You might not even use it and I suppose that's a problem in itself because she's saying she doesn't want to use it and that's giving her anxiety but call it a sinking fund and you're much more

likely to spend it because you've like ring fenced it to spend not gone over by accident because I was a bit too strict I like it yeah okay got a good community one it's been a long time coming but I've reached my biggest financial goal so far a fully funded emergency fund I'm so glad to have this off my

plate now I can set it in a high yield savings account and forget it but when an emergency happens I know I have the means and confidence to deal with it without worrying about going further into debt and for my next trick I will make my student loans disappear that was crazy anyway I also want to get serious about investing into my pension as I'm almost 30 she's done amazing fully funded emergency fund which for those people that aren't sure what the difference is between the small one and the full one it's that when you first go and if you've got consumer debt and you first starting out this journey you want to build up emergency savings but too much will just keep growing your debt in the background.

And so picking the right number for your mini one's really important. Lots of people do one month's expenses. Some people do more if you have an earning situation that is a bit unpredictable or if for particular anxiety reasons you want more, whatever it is. Or you've got like a family of four. It's like you're prone to more emergencies. Like compared, there could be two cars in the family.

There's like a washing machine that needs to do that. Whatever's right for you. And then once you're prone to more emergencies like compared there's two there could be two cars in the family there's like a washing machine that needs whatever's right for you and then once you're clear you consume a debt the next bit is really to bump up that emergency fund because it really isn't enough and and that's a slog because you want to get to a growing bit an investing bit like she said she wants to get to um she's obviously put her student loans after the emergency fund which is lots of people do as well because kind of just in the background there, but it sounds like she's not far off. So fully funded emergency fund is like a war chest. It's like hopefully it's in a big, fat, juicy percent savings account,

high-yield savings account somewhere. So please make sure you're doing that because it's free money. And then she's going to pay down the student debt and then get into investing. And hopefully as well, this is extra investing because she'll be investing in her pension probably. so she's already doing a little bit of investing she's going to lean into the that moment when you start doing extra investing is really weird you're like it's a big thing at first and then you just forget it and then because in your life

you've always saved up for something so it's just the next thing you're saving yeah you're just like saving for a house renovation saving for a new kitchen saving for a new's just the next thing you're saving for. Yeah, you're just saving for a house renovation, saving for a new kitchen, saving for a new car. Like, no, no. You're just putting this to stuff that grows and it's kind of like, because it's not a physical item, it's really weird

for some people. It just goes away, doesn't it? It's like a bill, really. It's like a bill. But if you have a robo-investor where you can track it, that's a bit more, you get a bit more excitement

because you can see it moving. Do you know, like the stuff happening in the background where if you're just putting it to something that you've never seen and you get an annual statement or whatever actually investing can get quite exciting but capital at risk just saying if you'd like to share your win

head to the community in the app or email it to thevault at financial.com we don't earn the same but we we pay the same. Hi girls. My husband and I have been married for a few years, and whilst we're generally happy, our different incomes are causing tension. He earns significantly more than I do, yet he insists that we split our bills 50-50. For context, he works in tech and brings home upwards of 110k a year, whilst I'm in healthcare and bring home around 35k a year. We live in a lovely house for which we both contributed 50% of the deposit each. I had a chunk of money I inherited and he

matched it. Since renewing our mortgage last year, our monthly payments have skyrocketed and I'm struggling to manage. I work hard in my job and contribute as much as I can but my income is so much lower than his. Splitting bills equally leaves me with almost no disposable income, whilst he has plenty of money left over for savings, holidays and personal expenses. I've tried to talk to him about dividing the bills proportionally, based on our incomes, as I've heard you speak about this on the podcast, but he refuses to budge. He believes that splitting bills equally is fair and that we should both be contributing the same amount. This strain is causing me a lot of stress.

I find it hard to save money or treat myself to small luxuries like coffees with friends, etc. While he has the freedom to do whatever he wants. It feels like we're not on the same team when it comes to managing our finances. I worry that this difference might lead to resentment and affect our relationship in the long run. I love my husband but I don't want money to come between us but I'm not sure how to approach this issue without causing a bigger conflict. How can I get him to see from my perspective and agree to a more even arrangement? Such an interesting dilemma and one that I think millions of people will be going through whether it's the female that gets paid more than the male because spoiler that does happen um but this like splitting of bills like there's a lot going

online at the moment i see about it as well like should you but split bills 50 50 i'm trying not to red flag him because she says she loves him dump him like elaine is red flag yes have you seen this yeah a huge flag like run red red red flag no it's not it's the refuse to budge that i'm like oh what do you mean you're refusing to budge um so i'm going to come back with a an interesting proposal especially with the mortgage thing i can imagine like if you know on those salaries and and if they've got quite a big home and then interest rates went up a few of us have been through that where suddenly it's not affordable and no problem sweetheart we're going to sell the home and downsize to a one bed flat which will be beautiful and gorgeous and we'll

look after it but that means that as a proportion of my income the house is affordable but like you know and and if then, and it's not fair and right, but if he's so insistent on keeping all his money for him and will contribute 50-50, no problem. We have to make it affordable. She, well, we all, you know, but she needs to be in a situation where

as part of her income, if they don't combine finances, which it sounds like they don't, the housing is up to 25%. And then your main expenses and the rest of everything else is in the rest of your budget, but is it in the rest of it? And then you want to be having between 10% and 20% going towards things that increase your net worth. So making sure you're paying down debt, making sure you've got your own savings. Sounds you need your own savings and also extra investing but because if they're splitting bills 50 50 at the moment i can't believe she's even eating like he must be having he must be

having to pay for stuff on those salaries in a in a weird way so he's probably already like he must be having to get some food shops the math just doesn't work i don't know how much the mortgage is but it sounds like it's skyrocketed and it's gone up. So you can't kind of have it both ways. She has to make sure that her finances are in order. She can't live in the lifestyle that his salary affords because she can't afford it. So either they combine their finances, even if it's not bank accounts, but they put everything together

and that's just what the mortgage costs and this is just what that costs. And even if he has, it sounds like she wouldn't be bothered if he had more fun money than her. It's that she has nothing and it's going to hold her back

and he keeps referring to 50-50 I would like to get a big whiteboard and be in the living room and kitchen with them and go but it's

not actually 50-50 you know like he's saying oh we should split everything 50-50 because that's fair no no if you look at it it's not 50-50

the contributions that she makes towards the mortgage is probably 60% look at it, it's not 50-50. The contributions that she makes towards the mortgage is probably 60% of her salary. So it's not... It's 50% of the bill, but it's not... Yeah.

So yeah, it might be 10% of his wage, but 50% of hers. You have to show the map, like show the working out. That's what I mean about pull back the expenses, which is fine, fine. So if you want to...

We're not going on holiday this year because we can't afford it. We. We can't afford it. We, we can't afford it. We've made this financial decision that this is how we're going to split bills. If that's the case, there's not enough money. So we're not going to go on holiday. We're not going to buy, we're not going to go out for dinner because we can't afford it.

Like if you start to show all the ways in which you can't match this 50-50 lifestyle, I'm sure we'll start to reconsider. You went through something similar not that um your partner didn't want to pay but how do you how do you do bills? So we've like recently moved into a place that was more expensive than our last place um so we've started splitting everything proportionally. Okay um yeah I didn't know that yeah so how are you finding it really good for me it's great but exactly like but it was it was super great for him before like yeah it's just kind of even it out yeah it works so much better and we we kind of had a

debate of like not debate we were like what do we do for holidays and all of this stuff and like even our like fun money account like do we pay into that in our proportions but we've literally just been doing everything in proportion because it just lets you do more like it will literally be like oh I can't afford to put that amount of fun money because I want my own fun money yeah and yeah I've got my own fun money pot so Lucy probably we laugh about your social life, but you were probably not going out. You're like, because I couldn't afford it. No, no, no.

And now you're like, yeah, I'll go here. I think 50-50 works so good when it's quite similar. Yeah. Because then you like pennies and pounds. But it's not split hairs. You don't want to get to that point where you're like, I need two pounds. Yeah.

I need two pounds more on this bit. Yeah. But the minute it kicks up more it's really difficult and then the other side to it is we do have to think of something a bit more positive or proactive or i can't think of the right word but helpful for her because she does love him and she likes him and we need to just get him on side it's showing the numbers on paper surely yeah it doesn't work but what we don't want is them like him paying for stuff for her then so we'll do 50 50 but i'll pay for the holiday and i'll pay for

dinner because there's a bit of an imbalance there which is like i paid for all this for you so we need to get to a point where she needs to show him how important it is to her that they're sorted financially and that they're in a good place and that they can do things collaboratively. And I think share your budget with him. Like, this is my salary. When I've transferred all this in, this is what I've got left. I may be horrified because it's a significant amount he earns more than her. We're not talking like five or ten grand.

You just kind of go, oh, we can work something out. But that is significant. They are two different people living two different lives they come home they are not on the same page whether you're married or not financially she's worrying about paying bills and he's worried maybe about what holiday they're going to go on that's not a marriage and why did you get married like when did you get married i feel like they've been married a few years now she says it's not like first year and she's like right okay now okay, now I'm married, can you pay? Can you put more in the pot?

You know, it doesn't have to work like that. But as you get older and you've been together longer, like the whole point of a marriage, and I keep saying this as well, like we've said this in previous podcasts, but the court sees it as 50-50 in assets. So why did you get married if you didn't want to? Did you want the party or did you want to come together as a team? Because you never know, there could be a situation in his life um he's in tech he could lose a job

he could um take a salary cut he could get poorly there's so many different things that mean different partners earn more or less would you like it if it was on the other foot kids come into the mix i when people haven't got the money shit together before they have children, it's only going to get more difficult. It's only going to get more difficult because I'm assuming the female

is going to take time off. Her salary will go to something ridiculous. Statutory pay is awful. It's going to get worse. So nail it now. Are you going to say, oh, I bought the nappies

this week or I'm going to buy the school shoes or you bought the jumper or they want to go to a kid's play centre. Nothing is cheap. Your expenses are only going to increase so please get it sorted before children

because it just adds so much more stress. I would love to know some of our same-sex couples that listen. What are the dynamics like for you? Yeah, that would be interesting. There's like a weird provider thing for males typically. Like a male ego type thing.

But you may have just two different personality types in uh you know hetero relationship where you've got the the female that's like the provider and wants to care i don't know there's there's some different dynamics but but in a in a same-sex relationship you are like both victims of the fucking gender pay gap so you're both already struggling and you know having stuff held against you i read about do you have these dynamics i read about the lgbtqi plus i think that's correct uh pay gap as well yeah yeah like you're already facing up you're already struggling and then there's an extra dynamic put in there and then obviously with fertility having to pay

out for fertility it doesn't come you know that's an extra expense you're absolutely going to have to take on whether it's surrogacy or IVF whatever it might be like people don't realize so I think we could delve into that a little bit more and maybe get some dilemmas from people and see if we can help navigate those because you even more like you're even further behind is the point so you have to be even more on the same page even if again same you just don't combine finances but these conversate money and relationships, if you can crack it, you've actually cracked the relationship.

I firmly believe it because so much about power, imbalance, safety, comfort, independence, like there's loads of different elements to it. It's not all one size fits all. But if you can work out and also work out bit by bit. So for our listener, you might not nail it tomorrow and go,

no, no, we should just do it proportionately. And that's what we should do. You need need to this is going to be really important for your relationship so if you were invested in this relationship this is going to be hard and you have to plan slowly slowly drop the in do what we do with men which is make them think it's their right but because i don't it didn't happen overnight with you and Alex you probably spoke about it for a long time and had little light bulb moments both of you here and there

and then kind of came together to that decision and that's always the best way I just want him to come and sit here for an hour with us bring him yeah just sit here

and listen to what we have to put up with the hot seat we need a hot seat yeah bring that light how much do you get paid? like an interrogation what bonus do you expect to get this year what are you going to do with it where are your investments how much is your

pension like how much do kids school shoes cost yeah good luck how are we still together good yeah okay any final words this week any If anyone wants to volunteer their partners for the hot seat, applications open. Bring them in. Yeah. Yeah. No, we need to get them on board and get some good allies helping us all out. That's all for this episode. The Vault is now closed. And P.S. we would love it if you would subscribe, follow and share this podcast so we can grow our amazing community. Just a quick disclaimer, The Vault is just a chat around life and money topics. We are not giving financial advice.