The Vault with Financielle - "He Has No Savings, I Have £50k - Should We Still Buy a House Together?” | The Vault Episode 74

Episode Date: July 23, 2025

Send us a text“Your parents should NEVER charge you rent” - we unpack this week’s controversial opinion, then dive into your dilemmas:💸 ”Boyfriend doesn’t have a house deposit but I do”💸 ”How Do I Help My Mum Without Taking Over?”Got a money win or (totally anonymous) dilemma? Share it via the Financielle app community or email [e-mail] 💌You’re not alone in figuring this stuff out. Get honest, helpful reads at financielle.com 💖💸Connect with our Partners🐝 Consolidate your pensions with PensionBee (capital at risk)🫶 Protect yourself and loved ones with our friends at Lifesearch✍ Write a will that is tailored to you with Octopus Legacy🏡 Meet our Financielle approved Mortgage Brokers💸 Commission-free investing* with Trading 212 (capital at risk)🛒 Cashback on your shopping with Jam Doughnut (use code FINC)*The above are tracked links, which tells our partners we sent you and may in future result in a payment or benefit to our site.The Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

Welcome to the vault with finite child. This is a safe space where we talk all things life and money and no topics are off limits. Howdy. Hello. How are we doing? Good, really good. Yeah, I'm hungry.

I'm hungry. What's everyone got for lunch today? So I'm trying to eat a bit clean after my holidays and traveling and whatnot. I feel like I need to get back into a good routine. So I've got chicken salad, but I have like little baby new potatoes that I roasted last night just to give it a little bit.

Cause if I have a chicken salad, I'm inevitably hungry half an hour later and then we'll snack. So it's just chicken and air, oxygen. Yes. So I've made, I know that's protein, but I've done an egg, say I, Neil, I've done an egg, chicken, some little potatoes, a bit of lettuce, cucumber, peppers,

and a little bit of sweet chili sauce. That's my little salad dressing, just to give it a little bit. She's been about weeks, by the way. Like, I'm doing the weeks, and she's like, we're eating clean ass all the time. Yeah, but there's always something else, like, oh, we've got this this weekend,

so it feels like I get derailed, so I'm trying to be like, I have a consistent, healthy eating few weeks. I've not brought anything, and I just derailed. So I'm trying to be like, I have a consistent healthy eating for a few weeks. I've not brought anything and I just didn't know what I wanted. And then Lydia said, Oh, I'm calling in at Tesco if I want anything. I was like, oh, I don't know.

So no, thank you. So I'm hungry. You have to like know Tesco off by heart. Like your meal deal. Like sometimes when you've said like, oh, we're in M&S. I'm like, what's in M&S? What do they have?

You have to be specific. Trying to picture it. Would you have? You have to be specific. Picture it. Would you have had a club card? Yeah. Cause they are ridiculous for if you don't have one. Oh, you can't go in Tesco with a card. You just can't buy anything. Same reason next to points.

Sometimes I'll go and I'll be like, oh my God. I've just saved like six pounds on a 20 pound shop. What do people do if they don't have one? Just by scanning my next card. Yeah. And also I'm like, what are the true prices? Yeah. Like, they're always inflated,

and these are being discounted, and it was actually somewhere in the middle or close to the lower ones. Can this be like the next thing that gets exposed? Like, 100% Remember China, and all of, I don't know, TikTok was like full of all the factories. Yeah, yeah.

I want that for you guys to put up for the prices. On reward cards. What's the one about Club Card not long ago? I feel like the Tesco got a lot of heat about Club Card. Was it the data though? They were selling the data of the Club Card users. Couldn't confirm or deny on this part. But they were in the press.

And I definitely on the BBC have covered this like change and shift in the way that reward cards worked where it used to be like, you know, collect your points for what you spent and then you could reuse that and they would send you vouchers targeted you across all the reward cards where if you bought lots of this, then we'll send you vouchers on stuff you actually like, which is helpful, but you know, like they want you to buy more of that thing and they know that it's a better conversion rate because you bought it previously. It shifted now to this like discount,

like give us your data, be in the club and we will give you such good discounts that it means that you want to come and spend. They make the money off the data, don't they? And like the insights that they get from people and what they're buying. Cause if I just go in and buy something without my club card, they've not got a profile on me.

And like, they can't then retarget me. I'm not a very good customer to them because it's likely that I might not go back. Whereas if they can go, oh. I don't even care. Like I love looking at my Tesco Spotify wrapped at the end of the year. It's like, oh my God, I spent 600 pounds on oat milk.

Come on. I looked at it in our village. Like we've got a Facebook for the village. And it was when Nectar were like, you are the number two person for hummus in your St. Louis low horse. And I remember people were posting it on the culture chat group.

It was hilarious. What would you wanna win your award for, like your category? Well, I think I would. Greek yogurt. Oh, Greek yogurt. Butter and olive oil. Yeah, there's like would Greek yogurt. Oh, Greek yogurt. Yeah. Butter and olive oil. Yeah.

There's like all, there's literally a fridge in our shelf. Shelf in our fridge for Greek yogurt. Cause we go through it so much. Tesco's own good Greek yogurt. No, Farye. Farye. Could it be Farye? Yeah, we're on the Farye train now.

Can't go back. We did have like, what is it? Where it's a Greek style. I think Tesco though, do do a good like Greek yogurt one that isn't inspired, but that is their own. Yeah. Mine would be rude health coconut milk because we make, I have a matcha every day

and it's not that big. You go through them fast, like those little cartons. So now, because as well, they don't have it often, and I don't know if it's me that's getting rid of it. I'm like, who keeps buying it? Just you, no one else. I've now, I'm in my era where I'll bulk buy stuff because I get so annoyed that it's not there

or I get annoyed paying full price. So I'm an Amazon girlie for my real hell coconut milk now buying batches of six. What would I be, honestly? Cucumber and red apples probably for my kids. What would you be? I would be Ali's lactose free milk, which I bulk buy and it does sometimes have a nectar offer on it.

So I'll go ham then and the pink fresh made donuts. He cannot walk past without picking, either at his height, like they know, I think they've moved it since they knew he likes them. So he can just collect it and walk around with them, the pink donuts, which again, are often nectar incentivized. So I go, oh, might as well. They're a palm with nectar.

Yeah, how many things have you bought because you've gone discounted and I've got that card. Like, come on now, we're all being played. What would you be Lydia? I'm trying to think. I have no idea. What's your repeat? There must be something that you like.

What are you like hyper fixated on? Are you a food cat? I've got one at the moment really. Just little treats. Sweet treats? Just general little treats. Mine and Neil's probably would be Weathers Originals as well.

We have two Weathers Originals each every day. It's like 40 calories. The 40 calories for how many? Two. Oh no. I wouldn't. You feel like you're having a treat though. No, that's why I would suck on a Weathers Original

whilst I was picking my treat. Yeah, that's why I call it Half Life. I thought you were gonna say like 40 calories, but two. They taste like the airport to me. That's why I have them. I'm on holiday, I'm at my desk. Team call, Weathers Original. Okay, I'm gonna go into today's controversial opinion.

Your parents should never charge you rent. Or we can flip it. You should never charge rent to your children. Oh, what do you think, Lacey? I don't know, I definitely think it's individual, like based on your family. For me, no, I would never want to be charged rent. Someone else could be charged it,

but I don't think it's right for me. Charge it. All right, Neppo baby. She's like, charge my it, but I don't think it's right for me. Charge it. All right, nepo baby. She's like child of a brother, but not me. Youngest daughter, never. I could never. Lydia, what do you think? I think, yeah, I agree with Lucy.

It's like completely dependent on the individual. But I think if you're just staying for like a couple of months while you like saving for a house deposit, and if they can afford to let you stay there, then that would be a nice thing to do. But I don't think there should be a rule. No, yeah. Not a hard and fast rule.

There's definitely examples, and messaging if you know any of these examples, where people that I already really like on TikTok, the comparisons between, it's like a 90s picture of their parents and my parents at 23 and like they're married with two kids. And then it's like, here's me and my onesie doing the Easter egg hunt at 23.

It's the message. It's like, mom, can I get in the bath? Yeah. Oh, I was the one which was like, I walked to work today all by myself. Well done, sweet. I drew this picture today. But that can extend well into, you know, 30s and mid-30s and older.

And no judgment because stuff is hard. And we've talked about property ladder. We've talked about jobs, cost of living, company, you know, where it's more of a US and a UK thing for how young people move out actually, especially in non-Western cultures, there's lots of generational living, especially in Asia. And in Arabic countries, there's lots of like,

the grandparents will live with the children and everyone kind of helps out. And actually there's something about those systems that you think that work. Part of the fact that I hope my family wouldn't drive me nuts. It works and it's this more like communal living, whereas we're very much like,

oh no, I'll move out and I'll buy my house and stuff. So there's definitely an element of like, what's the big deal? But is there a icky taking the piss balance? Yeah, I think we know someone not in our group. Oh, this is good, this is like guess who? It's like, is he wearing a mustache? I want to put his band last name.

What I was gonna try and guess. It's a boy. I'm flipping mine down. Guess who? And he's taking the piss. How old? He's taking the piss. Oh, I know now.

Are we saying an age? No. Does he wear glasses? Does Are we saying an age? No. Does he wear glasses? Does he have go- Too old. An age range. Too old. Older than you.

Oh. I think he's 40. A bit older than us. Really? That's what olders say. And I don't think. And I don't think. That gasp.

He's nearly dead. Did they build a style for him? But, taking the piss, never paid anything in his life. God no. Really? I'm not going to go into too much detail because it could end a friendship, but taking the piss, never paid a penny, doesn't have any responsibilities. And that has then-

Parents legends. Yes, yes. But which is why- We'll let you all add into that now. Which is why you still have to. But there's a risk that if you don't pay anything to either the mortgage, the bills, the food, cleaning, cooking, whatever,

it sets you up for a really- Yeah, you're not learning. There's no responsibility. No, no, in a privileged scenario, it's like, I don't know what to say. I don't have to try and get a pay rise more to get out of this house, not in a bad way, but to have my own flat and my own responsibilities. Like, you just take a back seat.

I think it makes you be lazy. I've lived at home. So me and Neil moved out. I can't remember what age we were. Maybe a couple of years after we graduated from uni or even one. And then went back home when I was pregnant because we'd sold our house

and we're waiting for another house. I don't think mum and dad charged us rent. I think they were like, can you just pay for the food, pay, contribute to the food shop, whatever it might be. But even then it was that and it was for a defined period of time. Whereas if we were staying there for a long time, I'd be like, so obviously, mum would never have to ask me, obviously we're going to contribute. I think when I graduated from union, I still lived at home. We all lived in a big house, like the Brady Bunch together. Me, Laura, Laura's baby, because she was a baby at the time, Ava,

mum, dad, and then basically Neil lived with us as well. And we did contribute because the mortgage that they had to get in this huge house to accommodate us all in this beautiful area was ridiculously expensive. Even I did on that leave, I contributed. You had to, it was like, you couldn't not, like they'd taken on, they didn't have to do that.

They could be like, no, we're happy, me and dad to live on our own in a lovely two bed, you know, gorgeous cottage terrace in the village that we lived in. But no, they were like, no, no, we want circumstances of change for everyone. Let's all live together. It's when it's like it is defined period.

I think you should always contribute unless there's a defined period and there's this mutual understanding. So like when I think you should always contribute unless there's a defined period and there's this mutual understanding. So like when, I think when someone, I've, one of the tax drivers that picks me up for morning live, he's got a son living with him who's saving for a house. And I was chatting to him

because there's been a couple of scenarios where like, is there's a lot of time to be there and he comes home with some new golf clubs and recently got a new car. And he's saving for a house, so it's like, ooh, I can tell it hurts him a little bit. Cause he's like, we're not charging you rent, but you should be saving for this,

but you're getting all boozy. Yeah, I could have some help and you don't need those golf clubs. Watch, you've either got no spare money, but at the end of the day, like it's a bit give and take, isn't it? And listen, so we've talked to Club of Pistarros, there's one where it's like, parents are fine.

So don't need anything. So therefore there's a danger that by not doing an artificial rental agreement, where I've seen people save it for them and give it them back later, but if there's not even an artificial one, you're not teaching the child about what it's like. Because then you send them out into the world and if suddenly got a mortgage and bills and

insurances and responsibilities, it can like, you know, really shock them and not really prepare them for, you know, they might be like, I'll come by your house, can you? Because I haven't managed to budget before. But there's other scenarios where you have to help parents and parents have to charge rent because actually, apart from the fact that how much food we all eat and how expensive food is, you know, it's- It cripples someone financially. Yeah, it could. To help you buy a house

that then you're not really committed to doing because you're not really being charged enough for at all. Like there's a risk, isn't there? Yeah, I know there's a real risk. And I think then the exception then is this like period of time we always joked at my nana's house, like all the kids, apart from one, got divorced at different points.

I'm trying to answer Ruth about this because when they'd split up with a partner, they'd come home. I think John was there already and not because of a breakup, so he lived in the big room. Well, he was a younger brother, so he still hadn't moved out, but she's gone and then come back. She came back, but I think she kicked him out

and moved him into the little room. The little room didn't have central heating, which only came to us later. I was like, Holly, that room didn't have central heating. That's why it had a fire, it had a portable electric fire in the room and was always cold. But she said, oh, it was great.

She said, I'd go down and get us a couple of bottles of beer from the fridge. I was like, what? And you'd like to sit and chat? She was like, no, no, like we'd go into our separate rooms. And I was like, you didn't even sit down and chat to Nana? She was like, God, no. Like, she talked to us all day. But I was just laughing about, there's a period of time where sometimes being there for a family member is a lovely thing. And you don't, as long as they're not taking the piss, you don't have to charge. So a couple of scenarios. It is the big thing about teaching kids

about what it's like and you can start that early. And if you've not done it, and if everything's been a handout, and if everything's been sorted, no problem. We've got to teach them to be good big people because if something financially went wrong with our parents or God forbid anything happened to them, or if you moved away from work or all these different things,

it's all been hard coded over a long time. It's not a, oh, let me read a manual on how to budget. Like, we know, don't we? Everyone listen to this knows it. You've got to be tempted by things and say no to things and go over budget and get into- Like, can I afford this thing? I don't know, can I afford it?

Interesting. There's some absolute horror stories of parents charging kids for, you know, both ways. Both ways, or like kids were like siblings taking the piss and you're like, no, no, no. Can you imagine? I didn't pay rent. By the way, the rent was probably not a significant amount of money, but to my mum it was probably just like, no, no, you I didn't pay rent. But by the way, the rent was probably not a significant amount of money.

But to my mum, it was probably just like, no, no, you need to contribute a little bit. It's just like a token thing. We didn't carry the family by. I reckon it contributed to that mortgage at all. No, no, no. We were very lucky. Other people probably would have had to pay a lot more. Yeah.

Considering how much Neil used to eat. Kill me for that one, but it's true. Okay, moving on to our first dilemma. My boyfriend doesn't have a house deposit, but I do. Hi girls, I love your podcast. I've been listening for about a year and I've managed to build up my savings. Go on a few holidays and I'm nearly out of my overdraft.

So thank you. I'm in my early thirties and I've bought a flat on my own in my mid-20s. Fast forward to now, I've met a lovely man who honestly treats me like a princess, and we're starting to talk about building a future together. We've even started discussing starting a family,

which means I'd need to move out of my one-bed flat. I've managed to save around 50K for a house deposit, plus extra savings to cover my stamp duty and legal fees. The thing is, my boyfriend doesn't have any savings. We'd need both of our salaries to afford a bigger place, but the deposit would be entirely coming from me. And I'm just not sure how I feel about putting in all of the deposit, but still buying the house

jointly with him. Part of me wonders if I should just upgrade to a larger two bed flat on my own, or do I go ahead and buy the house with him, but use my deposit and put it in both of our names? I'd love to hear your thoughts. First of all, I'm a bit stressed. Go on.

She's in her overdraft. Yeah. She's got all that savings and you're gonna say that. I can't let it pass. Big sister financials here. There's a method. If you've done financials, there's a method

and I fear, my lady, that you have skipped a few steps. You've still got an overdraft. You've been on holiday. You've done all these lovely things. You've saved 50,000 pounds for a house deposit, and you've not cleared the overdraft. Can you just do that quickly before we move on to the next? Thank you.

Public service and health. That's so funny. I could sense, she like stiffened a bit when you were through. It happens every time, do people just casually drop something and I'm like. Can we go back to that please? You don't really well but. Amazing, amazing, amazing, but can you just not?

Just do that quickly and then we can talk. Yeah, then we can have the real issue, but you are right, yeah, get that overdraft cleared. I bet you it was a three grand overdraft maximum and you sat there with 50K, just get rid of it and you've got four to 7,000 pound house deposit, fantastic. Clear it, I mean the bank can say, I don't want this anymore.

Yes, and close it down, go. So do we think, she said he's bad at saving. Cause before I wanna jump into what she should do. Context is good. Is he struggling to save? Is he shit at saving? They're two different things. Like one is like literally, you know,

this is my income, I'm like a musician and I love what I do, but I get paid rubbish. Or I work in a museum and I love what I do, but I get paid rubbish. And my expenses are this. And you know, he might be expenses are this and he might be helping with rent and he might be giving her money. If they're living together, I can't,

I think they might be the way she said, it's her flat, I know, but, and I don't think she confirms it. But either way, why is he struggling to save? Because we're not gonna do that thing where we tell someone to dump someone yet. I don't think. Just because you're bad at saving doesn't mean we're gonna tell you to dump someone.

It's over here. It's something to be- We're going to hold it. We're going to hold it because it's something to be mindful of because, and it's hilarious how many people like aren't ready for marriage, but let's buy a house together. And you're like, ah.

That's like a massive commitment. One of those, even a bigger financial deal than the other kind of. It's so hard when you've bought a house together to then split up. Well, and the risk involved so hard when you've bought a house together to then. Well, and the risk involved, because when you buy a house with someone, you're on a mortgage with someone,

and you've said, we can't buy a bigger place unless we're both on the mortgage, you are legally responsible for that entire mortgage. So if one day he went, I'm not paying, I can't pay, I've no money this month, The bank doesn't give a shit. They don't go, well, that's not fair, you both agreed. They go, no worries, miss, can you pay the mortgage? And so when you are deciding to enter into

a legal contract, a mortgage with someone like that, you need to know why they're struggling financially. So again, this could be easily explained by the renting over here, really high rent on their own because you don't live together and actually by moving together, his budget will do this. Has he been hit with some bad business look? Has life hit him?

But really understand, because before you buy a property with this person, in respect to what I'm about to say next with kind of like the mortgage and deposits, you need to be confident that he can be reliable financially. Because if you can't, then the option of buying a house with him is off for me. No one should buy the house with someone if they can't be sure that they're going to be good at making the payments and if they can't save, for me that's like a very, it's a similar thing.

People get like a bit of a chip on their shoulders while I was worried about one person buying a house so you could do the other thing where she just buys it and then he like contributes and whatever, you can get agreements. There's like risks and it's the same for both male and female. We'd be saying the same to male. There's like relationship risks.

You mean like it can cause power. The balance could just be like, oh well, it's your house. Or she could be like, it's my house, like you can't do that. And we're all like adults, but we're also inner children as well, like that will come out, it wouldn't be. We can be petty if we wanna be. And it's a daily activity for some of us. Tip the balance, but at the same time,

if you're talking about children, you don't wanna wait for him to get his act together and save a deposit. You know how long it takes to save a deposit. I imagine you've been doing this for a very long time because it's really hefty deposit, really good work on your own as a single person. Incredible.

Yeah, she's done so well. He's like, how can I catch up? She's saved a cash deposit and she has equity in the warm bed. She's absolutely smashing it. And sometimes we enter relationships where someone is in a stronger financial position and that's okay and you can't expect him to like, he probably couldn't save and catch up overnight.

Maybe he's good at saving, he's just like, not as good as me though. Really bad at saving. She's like girl bossing in. Yeah, it says he has no savings. Yeah, no savings. So he's like starting from zero. Yeah. So yeah, understanding why is really important

before deciding what the next thing is, because if he is someone who has no savings, cannot save because of his just ability, like not because of a circumstance, but just he's bad with money, spender, doesn't value it, then you are a saver. So what you have to be aware of is,

ooh, we're gonna- Clash money person. And I've seen people manage this really well where what you do is you create financial boundaries, you don't necessarily jump to getting married and you don't jump to combining finances and you respect each other's spaces. Like I've got a friend whose partner

is not very good with money and she is more likely to roll her eyes and dismiss it, but protect herself and she's like... Yeah, so that's fine. She knows what she was getting into. She's not surprised by some like... She knows what she has to manage and she takes control of a lot of the finances so that he has the freedom to spend the money how he wants to spend it, but she's taken like, okay, this is what I need from bills, right, okay.

And they make it work because some people just aren't very good with money and we can't expect everyone to learn, but there's things you can put in place. And she knew going into that relationship that that was the case. So this is all about choices and it's like, one thing I would say, you've already like, he's not very good at saving, we can't save a house together. She can do it on her own, but she can't do it together. What is it gonna be like when you like, you've got a child comes along

and you need to pay for a nursery fees. And he's like, oh, I'm not really got enough to cover this month. Oh, I can't afford that nursery or this and the other. And you're gonna have to compromise or pay more. Are you gonna be bothered? Is this, are you setting yourself up? Are you setting yourself up for a lifetime of compromise?

And if you are, and you know all the facts, that's fine, but what if you wanna go on holiday to Florence and he's like, oh, I can't save that, like I've not got the money. Is this, try and work out now, is it just the house, toilet thing that he just can't get his head around? And is it circumstance and it's for a short period of time?

Or is this a money personality forever and will it come to blows and conflict? Because it is very common to have a financial imbalance in a relationship. It's about how comfortable you are with that. And so if, I think for me, it's all about values and it's about behavior. And if he has really good values

and if he has good financial behavior, it's a math thing, then you need to be prepared for a future, which can be lovely where one person earns more and has more assets. And it can be the female. Like, this is really refreshing. I think if it was the other way around, it'd be like, well, he'll just pay for more, you know?

And so if you want to go somewhere and he contributes proportionately to that thing, or if you want to do it and he can't financially do it, then you pay for it. And it's honestly, when you get there, because I've been both in our relationship with like, with Carla at different points where I've been the lower earner, been the higher earner,

and it can be very safe and it can be very enjoyable. Because you're both clear, you've got rules and boundaries. And you don't think one person's taken the piss, that's where the cracks show. When it comes to what to immediately do, look, they've got a one bed, she's got a one bed flat now and unless she's desperate to upgrade it, and I don't think she is, what

she's thinking about is we might want children and I would like somewhere bigger. The baby doesn't need another room. They don't and I think you need to get period of time where you allow him to save a bit and you allow him to contribute based on what we've said. And slowly does it. Cash is king, she can build up money. This could be a good test actually, because they could stay in this one bed, she's talking about having a family,

that's gonna be, you get pregnant today, that's gonna be nine months to have a baby, they stay in the same room with you for another six months. Like he's got a good amount of time now to prove that he can save. Yeah, and it's about, it's not about the quantity, it's about the effort and the, you know, relevant number that's right for him. And I think it will give you some reassurance. So I think that I wouldn't be immediately wishing to buy a home because it feels like the two bed

flats are compromised for you anyway. You don't really want that. You're only thinking about starting a family like. Yeah. And you explore and stuff. So, I would do that. At a certain point, what you can do is you can buy a home and you can document it where you don't own it as joint tenants, you do it tenants in common and you do it in proportion. So let's say you put down the whole deposit, you can work out how much of the house that means you own initially, and then it changes as you both pay the mortgage together.

Or it might be that you buy the home and then later as he builds a deposit, you remortgage. And again, you do it in proportionality in terms of ownership. So a really good property solicitor can walk this through with you and help you have the right documentation to protect yourself, to protect any initial equity

that you put in and it can always be changed later, especially if things like marriage is down the line. So it's a difficult scenario and you've done amazing. So kind of you're like. You're an A star student. Yeah. So you're the A star student. We're always gonna side with you.

Not that there's like, not that you put into us that there's like any sort of conflict or anything you just made. But hard for him to live up to the title. Like this, yeah. Yeah, good luck. Yeah, yeah. But, but yeah, we didn't quite get,

we didn't get anything from you that is shit with money. No. To be fair. Or like incompetent or lazy or that stuff. So you're allowed, we're still keeping that up here. This is probably the first time whereby we've not said leave him, so well done. Okay, time for a community win. Since I joined FinanChall, I've cleared both my Clona

and my Clearpay and closed both accounts, never again. I added everything over the past four years and it's a horrendous amount. Now I have a credit card to clear, but on my way. Thank you, I wish you existed in my 20s. I would have avoided a lot of mistakes, but better late than never." Yeah, that buying our pay later is still hovering around.

It's a painful little thing. Someone wrote on my LinkedIn today, like, oh, I don't agree that buying a Pellet is that bad. Like a credit card's not worse. And I was like, sometimes I think buying a Pellet is worse because it's so accessible. I think buying a Pellet is worse. It's so accessible.

So the buying a Pellet companies will demonize the credit card because they'll say, you suddenly get access to foreground credit, whereas this is just for the amount that you think you buy now. You're like, tell that to our users that are thousands of pounds in debt. It's never just one thing and you're still buying the thing that you didn't need. In fact, at least with a credit card, I'm actually going to defend a credit card,

it might help you leverage, sorry, it might help you buy a bigger thing that's really needed and that you don't necessarily have the money for and whilst I would never advocate for it, having a big holiday and having like, section 75 protection on buying it. Like if people want that extra protection and they don't want to just rely on the travel insurance and they don't rely on debit card charge back for the various reasons, go for it. If you're buying like a fridge, if you're, you know, the certain things that,

versus buying our pay later, because buying our pay later is enabled at checkout. So it's like buying small things constantly. And it's- Not with your money. Yeah, and creating this really, really dangerous precedent in your mind that that's how I pay for things. At least a credit card is a big application

with a credit check. And if- There's so much friction. You have to think about it a lot. You do. Do I really want this? Yeah. Got to do all the paperwork.

Oh, there's a lot of checks. This feels quite formal. Like all the paperwork looks very like intimidating. Could I, well, I get in trouble if I don't pay this back. Klarna's like, pink bubble gum, where are your best friends? Let's hire Snoop Dogg to like- Promote it. Promote eating a pizza

on Friday and then pay it back in September. It's like absolute bonkers. Days out now you can do on Klarna. So you can like create memories with your family at like, I don't know, Alton Towers. Which is expensive. Pay for it later. And then what'd you do for the next?

The kids cried all day, they hated it. You held the bags, it rained, the food was shit. You can't pay for it in September, you'll be so pissed off. Yeah, so yeah, I didn't agree with him anyway. But yeah, buying a pay later just sucks life out of our community and it really winds me up. I'd love to go, I'd love Laura to go toe to toe with the founder and then do a proper,

explain to him how it's so damaging. I think they just go, oh, we're just, you know, we're better than credit cards. They use that all the time as they come back. And I'm like, no, no, no, you need to understand you've created a monster here and this is why this is the impact you're having on people. I'd love to do a head-to-head with him.

Yeah, well, they're busy blowing the company right now. I'm becoming multi-millionaires, so they'll be not wanting to go toe-to-toe with me. If you'd like to tell us your win, head to the community in the company right now, I'm becoming multi-millionaires. So they'll be not wanting to go toe to toe with me. If you'd like to tell us your win, head to the community in the app or email it to the vault at financial.com. Okay, next dilemma. How do I help my mom without taking over?

Hi ladies, I'm writing in about my mom who's just turned 55. She recently accessed some of her pension and received a lump sum of around 19,000000. She's always had a low income, has been a single parent and has really struggled financially to the point where I've often lent or gifted her money to help her get by, which I've been happy to do and I even have a sinking fund for family support. This moment feels like a real turning point and I really want to help her learn some good money management habits. So far she's spent about 14,000 pounds of it.

I know. I need the itemized list. Just wait. It's coming. Oh. Her big goal was always to buy a newer secondhand car, which she's done. And she's also paid off a holiday for this year

and put a deposit down for one next year and treated herself to some well-earned little luxuries. She's also lending my sister some money to redecorate her room, which will be repaid and used to build up an emergency fund for my mum. She's even given me £2,000 to look after for her to get that emergency fund started, which is amazing progress. However, I've just found out that she's in a £2,000 overdraft that she's been in since the pandemic. She's slowly been reducing it month by month, but even after

payday she's still in the negative and it's costing her around £40 in fees every month. We've spoken and she said she really wants to stay out of her overdraft going forward and wants to help me and wants my help to stay on track with her money. But she's very reluctant to use that £2,000 she gave me to pay it off straight away, even though it would save her from paying those monthly charges and help her start fresh. I totally get her wanting to hold on to the emergency fund, especially because she's never had that kind of buffer before. But I also want to support her in a way that actually

helps her get in a better financial position long term. So my question is, how can I help her balance paying off her overdraft, building up her emergency fund, and most importantly, staying out of the overdraft in the future? Thanks so much, girls. I'm really grateful for any advice. Can I just say that's the sweetest sinking fund

I've ever heard of in my life. What a good egg. When people are always sharing their sinking funds in the community, it's like hair, nails. Yeah, Botox. Treat myself. Botox, yeah. Not look after other people.

And you've got a family of one. Yeah, I love that. Like, your mom must have brought you up to be a really good human, so first of all, that's just so lovely. I think she's the older sister, I'm just saying. Same to two younger sisters opposite me. We're like.

saying to two younger sisters opposite me. It's like she's been preparing for that moment or like it's her role, really. So they don't want to take over. But sometimes you can do it with love. She talks about mom, she doesn't talk about dad, doesn't sound like dad's in the picture. And so you feel extra protective, you know, in that, in that scenario and you've been in this scenario, Lucy. Well, you're not putting this sorrow, but you have that empathy where single mom who, you know,

these big money decisions are so helpful when you're in a couple. Like people underestimate what that extra debate is. You're like, who do you bounce off to go, is this the right thing? Yeah, mom bounce off me and I'm like, mom, I'm 12 years old. Lucy, should I open a cash eye? So you're like.

You know the answers. Think about what she does have with you actually. But you know, the other hard thing here, and this is the pensions point, is single person running a household on her own. Sounds like the daughter's living at home by the way, because she said the other one decorating her room. Which should not be happening either way, but we'll go back to that. Hold that thought, keep it in your mind, Holly, and we'll go on. It sounds like she'd be

decorating her room in the house with the mum. Yes. Because yeah, you wouldn't, can't decorate my bedroom in my house mum. I actually do want to decorate my bedroom so if you're listening, hit me up. She would probably take over. So she's running a house on her own. And the big thing with pensions, and this is the real dilemma that lots of people have is when you've been lucky enough to build up a private pension, at 55 at the

moment, it does go up, it will be going up, but at 55, she's been able to take out a 25% cash-free lump sum. And this is the law at the moment. And I'm sure it'll be the law for a long time because lots of people have always expected this amount. You can do it a couple of ways. You can have it like 25% of certain amounts or you can do this lump sum. And lots of people at that stage

have hoped that they'd be mortgage-free or that this 25% might pay the last bit of their mortgage off. So as they're entering retirement, they've suddenly not got housing cost. mortgage free or that this 25% might pay the last bit of their mortgage off. So as they're entering retirement, they've suddenly not got a housing cost. Some people use it to clear some debts. Some people use it to buy new cars and then see them through retirement. Because what they do is they're preparing to slow down with work.

And it's always balanced as well with a lot of people don't finish work at 55 and your income is always taxed. So you get taxed on your pension income. I know you get a tax benefit when you're putting it in, but when you take it out, if you're getting like 10 grand from a pension and 20 grand from a job, you get taxed as if you're earning 30. That pension 10 is like a job. So it means that this is why financial planner could be really helpful because what you would do is work out when is the right time to take stuff out because if you are gonna be at 55 working until 65,

doesn't make, and say you were in like 50 grand a year, doesn't make sense to then say, oh, I'll take money out of pension as well in terms of like regular income because it would get taxed at that really high rate. You've got enough money, it might be better to wait until later. And then when you finish the 50 grand a year job or when you go part time and do 25 grand a year work, well actually I might take a bit of supplemental pension income.

So tax planning plays a big part in pensions. But it's also why some people do take a lump sum and then don't take anymore for a while because they can get that tax free bit so they don't get penalized for their tax rate and they can do these nice things with it. But what you've done, you've just reduced your pension pot by 25%.

So what it means is when you need your pension pot, your income is lower. So the big thing when it comes to people on tighter incomes or with smaller pension pots that I always see is unless that lump sum is being used to do something really constructive, bearing in mind that you only live once and there's an element of I'm 55

and I want access to a bit of treat and who's gonna judge anyone for that? If you struggled and you've been on that tight income and maybe kids have finally left home, doesn't sound like they have, but I get that. You might wanna be a bit bougie. You know what, it's my time and I've never been on holiday for 20 years

and I've done it. Exactly. I empathize with that, but I also, it's really interesting, you've taught me quite a lot about pensions and how much you can take out and the implications of it. If you've not got your money shit together, you're just pushing the problem down the line, arguably making it much worse.

Because she's going to have less income later. Because she's going to have less income later. Yeah, so. And that's the thing, she's not taking it out and paid off a mortgage or even to the point like, paid off debt, like she's paid off a little bit of debt, but she's kind of messing around with it already and in and out, like the overdraft I think, isn't she?

And it's the thing that people go, oh God, I can take 25%, I just will. And they don't have that conversation, which is, do you know what? If you take that out now, because you don't have to take the full 25% as well, you can kind of spread it a bit later, your pension income is gonna be this.

So that's already been done, but I think I wanna share that because if you hear, if you don't listen to this, and you're gonna be in that position, or if you have parents in that position. You're overhearing the conversations of them taking out. This is when you get, there's a lot of money and a lot of complications getting someone to walk you through it is worth that time. And so she's done what she's done, no worries. What she now has to do is work to a budget and get to a point

where she can live on less than she makes so that she can still at 55 contribute to her pension. Because she may have another, she doesn't sound like she's not working. 10 years minimum. She's got another 10 years minimum to work. In fact, it's good for us to continue working. And we talked about Antirueth on the podcast before, but this is where she has lent into overpaying into that pension. She's one of the best investors that I know. She's smashing it. From someone who did not at all, who just did default stuff. Like if the employer did

it, great, but otherwise I didn't. Because she's catching up. You know, she's not hit her age and gone, oh, can I have a cash-free lump sum? She's head down. She's head down, keeping it there. Don't be past me. Yeah, getting to grow, grow, grow. And so I think it's a great time to step in and not take her over, but, and like,

play this to her, hi mom. Yeah. Nice to speak to you. Where you going on holiday? And all the questions we actually wanna know. Actually, let's pretend we're talking to your mom. So we're talking to your mom now, we're saying, this is the most important,

next 10 years is the most important time for you to really look after yourself and not everyone else. So you don't need to be lending money to anyone. You don't have money to lend. You've got to sort yourself out. You don't have money to lend. No, you can't afford it. And it's not for something that's not crucial

or emergency. And she's not gonna learn. Yeah, go on, do you want to go home with her sister? No, that is not. Message the sister. It's not like someone's poorly She's not gonna learn. Yeah, go on, do you wanna go home with her sister? No, that is not. Message your sister. It's not like someone's poorly needs support, has an accident. Or has an abundance of wealth.

That's like, of course. That your daughter does not need her room decorating. Like you are the most important person. You are the main character right now and we're here to help you. It's like when a lottery winning and people start sniffing around going, mom, can I borrow money?

Yeah. Yeah. It's not a lottery win. Would she have asked for that money had you not had the lumps about your pension. It's not a lot of money. And so I love that you get ahead on the deposit for next year's holiday.

But what you need to do now is go, you both need to work together with your daughter and go full financial mode. It's just, you need to create a budget, income at the top, expenses, including fun things for you. So fun things go into this budget, like travel every single year, if that's important to you. Like treats for your family and stuff,

that's fine as well. Not relying on any debt and committing to not going in any further debts, overdraft credit cards, anything as you enter retirement. So continuing, and then any excess needs to be put back in. It's ironic, you've taken some out, but you can still keep contributing in to the point where you have a really good pot to supplement you. And the final thing I would say is really have a think about full retirement for you. Will you be mortgage free? Will you be renting? Like what expenses do you need? Because we've done a couple of podcasts and maybe some unlocked episodes in the past where you calculate what you need and you look at the gap. That gap can help to helpfully scare you a little bit,

which is, okay, actually I'm not flush. I can do these nice things. I can have a nice life, but I need to keep my head in the game and let your daughter help with that. I'd love to get to the point where you hold your own emergency money, you know, and someone else isn't,

but you obviously recognize you're struggling. But you're not gonna spend it. Yeah, she's in tune enough with herself that she knows that if she had that two grand, it'd burn a hole in her pocket. So she gave it to someone else, which is like a really common thing for people to do. Like, I'll spend that, so can you ring fence it?

But you've still got a lot to do. The biggest gift that you can give your mom is the financial playbook. Honestly, I do. I think sitting down with your mom, sounds like you're well in the community and you understand and whatnot. So you're probably sat on your hands being like,

oh my God, I just wanna jump in here. And it's really difficult dynamic when she's the parent. But you've actually learned a new skill that she hasn't got. So the worst thing for you to do would be not to share it with her because you're gonna live a really financially well life. Now you've got these strong foundations in place. And genuinely we say all the time, it's never too late.

We get women coming towards. Not to feel better us at 50, mid 50s, 60s. They've either gone through a divorce, there's been a death in the family, they've been overwhelmed by debt, a crisis has happened. They've just never had a pension, they've been a stay at home parent and they've suddenly gone, I have nothing to show for all the years that I've worked or whatever.

I've been this stay at home parent or sacrifice. It's never too late. And I genuinely think you said, what can I do? Is to sit down with her, set her up on financial and get work into a budget with the money that she actually has every month, not taking into account. Pension contribution that she's taken apart from the fact that most of it's been allocated already, which is fine.

It happens like I get it. If you've give your life up for your kids and you're on a low income, you wanna go on holiday, I totally get it, but the best gift you can give your mom is these strong financial foundations. Yeah, be, do a money date night. You can have tea together, you pay for tea, take it out for dinner.

Yeah, you've got that little sinking fund, use it. Once a month, and let's check in with that budget. And I find if she's got a sip or opens a sip over and above or she has a work one, like getting her to do her net worth and doing it with her. Like that was a big moment for us and our parents. Like when, you know, we created an app that tracks net worth and when, you know, there was a time when our parents were quite, quite lucky in that they were, the interest rates were going really, really crazy weren't they? And they were deciding the interest rates were going really, really crazy,

weren't they? And they were deciding what, I'd been saying for a while, like you should pay off your mortgage because they didn't have that much left over, but it was like this safety thing about, well, no, we've just always had one. And when the interest rates went crazy,

and I said, go and have a look how much interest you're paying monthly. My mom nearly died. Because when you see the amount of money, you're just like, how many holidays is that? How many meals out with the kids is that? How, you know, that is- When you break down the mortgage figure

to capital and interest and you go, what the hell? And it was just, it had gone up and up and up. So you don't really, you don't think about it when it's just a lump sum. But when we go, look at it, it makes you cry. Decide whether or not you're going to do that today. Or if today's gonna be a happy day. Decide your advice ahead of time.

It'll be a stick of butter for Lucy. It'll be a bottle of beer for Laura. Get it ready because it's upsetting, it makes you hate the banks a little bit more than you already do. Motivates you though. They made that decision and what was really interesting about the net worth point,

this is a good for anyone deciding whether or not to pay off debt is, we made her track the net worth in the app, it didn't change. She didn't lose any wealth. Her savings, having them moved from that to overpaying the mortgage, didn't suddenly destroy her net worth. Because even though she looked in the savings account

and looked tiny, she had no mortgage. No mortgage. And she couldn't believe the freedom that that gave her, but it was by sitting down and getting her to look at that. The freedom to. They're on holiday every month. It's like, where are you going this month? It's like Portugal this month, and then we're going to go France next month.

This is where we call Judith Chalmers, but this is also where Lucy doesn't know who she is still. So we still are in that vicious cycle. What I would also say is I just want an amazing, amazing dilemma to get that proactiveness thinking about your mom, thinking about working together. And given she's giving you some savings to hold for her, she seems like the mom that would be open to some help.

And you sound like the type of person that would do it so non-judgmentally and not like, God's sake, mom. The dilemma is so kind, like it is, the way you're bringing it and the fact that you've got this sinking fund ready for your family and whatnot. But also, can you get your sister in this chat as well?

Because the fact that she's borrowing money off your mom, your mom definitely doesn't have the money to borrow and I would really delicately discuss that with your mom. But she has a picture of the room. That would be nice. This is where she's like 11. I know, like irresponsible. But the fact that she's paying her back makes me think where she's like 11. I know, like irresponsible. But the fact that she's paying her back

makes me think that she's not 11. 11. I don't know, you're 11. If you're a kid, do it. I want a child for an 11 year old. To have the room decorated. But yeah, she might need it as well to be like, you save up for things.

Yeah. Like that muscle of like, you want something, you save up for it. Like let's start this person young. She could be like 30. I'm sorry, I think she is. I can't wait. I need to know what the room's like now. What supplies?

What's groovy chick? Groovy chick. Oh my God. The bedding. Neon. The way it looked like you're the groovy chick. Yeah. Has it got neon or is it cream aesthetic and she's in her 30s and she's used to go?

Is it Molly Mae, like, the way? Or is it groovy chick? We're invested, but you need to pay for it yourself. Yeah. Okay, that is all for this episode. The vault is now closed. And just a quick disclaimer, the vault is just a chat on life and many topics we are not giving financial advice.