The Vault with Financielle - “Help! I’m inheriting £300k” | The Vault Episode 123

Episode Date: July 2, 2026

What would you actually do with a life-changing inheritance? 👀This week's dilemmas go deep:💸 "Help! I’m inheriting £300k"💸 "We're Paying Off £9k of Debt, But I Can't Stop Spending On My Daughter"Plus we asked the community: have you ever used AI for your finances? Would you trust it with your bank statements? 🤖Got a money win worth celebrating? Or a dilemma that's been living rent-free in your head? Share it (totally anonymously 🤫) in the Financielle app community or email [[e-mail]] 💌You don't have to figure this out alone. More honest money chat at financielle.com 💖💸

This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales, using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify.

Hey y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.com.

Wayfair, every style, every home. Welcome to The Vault with Finance Child. This is a safe space where we talk all things, life and money, and no topics are off limits ever. There are none. Like our outfits today, can I just say, if I got, like, if the dress code was Skaterboy, you're 14 years old, I think I would have absolutely nailed.

I look like you're about to leave. I look like I'm Billy Elish. Like it's given that vibe. It's like a windbreaker. That's what my mum would say. Can you run in that? Or is it just for sure? Absolutely not.

It's from Unicloat. It's not a active wear. It's leisure wear. Ready for anything. If she used to run. Did you see an article about street wear? No. People are wearing outdoor clothes indoors now.

So like this, back in the day, you would never wear it inside. It's a coat to go outside in. But now it is an outfit. I got it. So like the Monterex stuff with the young boys in the zipper. Yeah. North Face stuff.

Like that was outerware. It is now. In doorware. Yeah. Like your granny would say take her out. Are you not staying? That's what I would have. I say that to Tim.

He sits in his like north face puffer. Oh really? Yeah. Yeah. Carl does the same. You're not leaving. He comes in and then just doesn't the first thing you do, you take your shoes off.

He's take your coat off. He sits in it zipped up. Like it's a bit icky really up to his chin. Like, where are you going? Why aren't you putting your pyjamas on? Are you cold? No, so take it off. Instantly, PJ's dressing up.

Yeah. Indoor clothes. Whatever the weather as well. Yeah. Okay. Controversial community question this week. Have you ever used AI for your money and would you trust it with your bank statements? Tell us where this comes from, Holly.

So I spotted a few weeks ago now. It was a few weeks ago. Mel Robbins had done some sort of co-lab with, I think it was with Microsoft Co-Pilot. I think so. Sorry, co-lab. Co-lab with a co-pilot. I like co-lab. I like co-lab. Co-laberation. Yeah, co-lab with Microsoft Co-Pilot and they had come up with a prompt that she advised her many millions of followers, primarily women, to put into co-pilot. and it was around personal finances.

So straightway, I'm like, oh, this is interesting. Let me take a look at this. Very concerning. Very worrying. The message went something along the lines of, it was, first of all, very, like, childlike, as though the person that was going to be putting this prompt into way I was stupid.

Not very clever, a bit dim. And it was like, go slowly with me. I'm like, I'm sorry. That's weird. Okay, like, I'll just bear with. And it was like, I'm going to upload all of my personal finance documents. I want you to take it slow and help me take control of my money. I can't remember the exact problem, but it was along those lines.

It was like out of body experience. Mel Robbins is a renowned, like, public speaker, motivational coach. She's done so much good for the world. Like I've followed her for a very long time, wrote some amazing books. Like, I actually do need to read it, the Let Them Theory and the Therapeutic. five or three to one theory of like, I can't be asked getting out of bed. Well, if you start from five and go five or three to one, instead of one, two, three, four five, once you go to one, there's nowhere else to go.

It is. It makes sense. No, I'll still. It makes sense. There's nowhere else to go. Like, you've counted down, whatever. She's done some really good stuff. Great podcast, blah, blah.

And it was just really disappointing. And it really triggered me straight away because I was like, I use AI for a number of things, silly things, helpful things, more broad, strategic things. it is actually can be a really good tool to use, but not for me personally, not when it comes to personal finances. You will not find me put in my intricate details, vulnerable details that can make you vulnerable personal information that you would never upload onto the internet. So why do you think that you've got the right to do that and be safe at all times, like for now and in the future? And it was just really disappointed. And I thought,

is it just me? No, it was not me. The comments. And she's got such a loyal following. base, this reel went really viral. And I shared it with you girls and you even like, the video even looks AI. Like it's so, it was creepy. Yeah, it's so disingenuine. It just wasn't very her and I'm like, oh, she's, she followed the money on this one. That must have been a really decent wedge of like partnership revenue that she's got from that. It's just really disappointing. I thought another thing. It was like, oh, all these women are hating on people saying use AI more. And I was like, oh no, you've not read the room. Like, it's disappointing because how many different people did get that that go through where they felt that that was appropriate on two levels,

one on a fraud and security level where you, you know, these large language models, like it's, there are lots of different security settings that we all find difficult to navigate and to be familiar with. And there's, you know, different things. You know, you have a company organization one versus a personal one, like, are you aware of what you're putting into it? What settings are on as to whether that's used for the greater good and for everyone in the world or within your company or just you, what's locked down and what isn't.

Is, you know, and at the end of the day, we, even if a company starts off on a good path, you don't know who they could be acquired by, what deals they make. You know, there's a load of stuff in the States about defence and companies that will or won't do things for the nutters in the defence department. So you've got a safety and security level about, imagine just uploading your bank statements and going like, what are my outgoings totaling them? Well, so we'll come on to the practical side of it, but the security level is you've just uploaded all that.

And the statements have your personal details on, your address, your sort code. So, like, being aware of that, too, the only thing that got through this, like, campaign was speaking so pathetically to women. The language used and the tone of voice. It was so meek and mild. And we, you know, speak to you guys all the time, don't we? We speak to you about you feel stupid and you overwhelmed.

you're overwhelmed and this stuff's hard. I'm shit with money. You say it all the time. It's okay. And so like no one thought to vet the prompt, which is I find money really difficult. Yeah. So break it down for me in a super simple way, straightforward way. I don't want chapter and verse.

I want it really succinct. Blah. Yeah. And then the other thing that AI can be, which is like coming on to the question, the thing that the AI can be really good for. I like certain explainers. So if you, you know, we've got. got articles on our website about whether you should do a lifetime isa versus a self-invested

personal pension versus the stocks and shares ISA. We've talked about, you know, in some investing, what to think about when investing, you know, there's loads of explainers. I think we are starting to see the world come away from explainers and stuff because what used to happen is, you go to Google and go, what's an ICER. And the best articles on what an ICER is will appear. But now what's starting to happen is Google Gemini, It'll be one too. It's Gemini. It's Google. But at the top of Google, it now searches all these articles on the web and stuff on their own systems and what other people are searching for. And amalgamates it all up into an answer. So you'll start to see that now. It'll say an ICER is. So Google are answering that for you now. So it's AI generated. And so you can go and find an article on it, but you don't need to. This is where, like, you know, times are changing and improving. So for a simple explainer, which is generic, it's, you know, it might be a little more specific. It might be. I am 39.

I'm thinking about opening a lifetime I, sir, should I? I, you know, I, it might be, I can't decide whether I'll go as far as, and I would probably even use it and go, I'm a higher rate taxpayer. So would it be? Oh, yeah, definitely. Because I'm not saying, I'm not, like, I'm not disclosing my actual salary. But there's a point where you just don't, you shouldn't give it your personal stuff. But using it to help you with, like, explainers and learn a little bit.

I don't think it's too bad. I think that's okay. The bit that I don't think you should use it for is what I think you're going to say. So I'm not going to steal your thing. Oh, no, I don't know. You can't let it do the work for you. Oh, yeah, because it's, I know, I wasn't going to say that. But yeah, we're at Fan and Shell, we're all about not making a passive journey when it comes to your money.

You can have automations and things that help you. There's some great technology out there. We did a blog recently on it actually around digitizing things like syncing funds. There's some great banks like Monzo, Starling, Chase, Revolut. Nat West have joined the podcast. party, whoop, who, for sinking fun space, he's been able to personalise them, managing money more effectively, setting up things like direct debit, and paying into a pension, I do it, I do it, but it connects to my bank. Like, there's so much good technology, I think it's true

layer, isn't that technology. There's so much good technology that can help you manage your finances, but there's nothing quite like getting down and dirty with the figures, going through the emotional side of it, modelling things out yourself. That would be so. something very hard to replicate because the AI technology is not you. Like money is, we keep saying 90% personal, 10% finance. Let it help you with the 10% finance bit. You have to deal with the personal bit. And it's a bit like a personal trainer.

We say it all the time you can find the best like videos and information and be the best educated person when it comes to fitness and health. But you actually have to go and do the exercise in order to see results and improvements. Exactly. Chatch BT as well. give you a great meal plan. We have to still have to go to the shop and buy the stuff and cook it and implement it.

You can do a great weight program that are super generic. But interestingly on the coaching point, you know, I, these AI search engines, not search engines, but these AI chatbots could give a generic weightlifting program. And you may have like a back complexity or you may have a fatigue issue or you may have a fatigue issue or you. you may have mobility issues that you also don't know about and that in person in front of a PT or in an exercise class where there's a qualified one. You just don't know.

So like it's all right. You could be doing yourself harm or or you may need to do lower weights or less reps or more reps but less weights than the next person to because it's all individualised. So concept level great. I always think sometimes I've got a planner. I do actually pay someone, but it's a very generic plan. And sometimes I think, could I be doing more? Like, should I be doing more?

And like to have a personal trainer or someone that's like very... I was at the gym and I've got a coach that helps me program for my high rocks because I really, really love it. And I've kind of like hit the ceiling on what I know, which is just go to the classes. And some of that is personal stuff that's like down to my times, my heart rate, very, very specific, my different abilities. also how I'm feeling, how my work life changes, you know, whether I needed a rest day, whether I didn't, permission to have a rest day, permission not. So like all that extra help

is super, super important. But then this morning I was at the gym, I was on an air bike, it was absolutely awful. And I said, I was started on and I had to do it for a minute. It was like a minute on 30 seconds off. It was awful. And I was like, what RPM should I be on, which is like revolutions per minute. I think it's like reps and forwards, whatever it is for the bike. And he looked at what I was doing, he went 75. And I was like, Are you, the past two I've not done 75, I've done, can I get it just over 70 for the 30 seconds ones? And one of the minute ones.

And he stood over me and Susie's going, oh my God, he's going to go to a bit low of 70, don't get a little bit of 70, do, da-da-da-da. Never in a million years would I have done that on my own. And he knows me, he knows my ability, he knows what other people do. If I'd have done an AI session, it would not, I could have even said,

could you be specific with RPM, but it doesn't know what I'm capable of versus others. It doesn't know loads of the things. fitness and eating is so similar to money. We always say this. And so it's definitely like a bit of a rant. But when we talk about AI, we want you to use it and utilize it.

But get in touch with your own stuff. Because you know whether that Gregs was important because it stopped you getting a pret. Or so you're being hungry and falling out with someone. Stop you losing your job. What did with me as you say? So we've had this kind of a common theme of people not trusting AI exposing yourselves to the wider internet.

I used it for my money but never uploaded bank statements. I just manually type in the figures. I would ask general questions, but I wouldn't upload bank statements. I would never upload documents. I don't trust who would or could access that information, not that they'd be interested in me personally. And then we've got like a quite a nice positive post saying it was good for focusing me

in that I can get overwhelmed with figures so having it there not as something to rely on but something that can give me pointers that really helped her I wouldn't put anything personal into it but if I wanted to work out to get to X in my pension in 40 years what would I need to contribute

based on my current figure of why Nailed it gives me a starting point to work from and then have done more research from that like I say I would never solely rely on it and take it as gospel I love that. Point is understanding that like, you know, these, these, AI cannot give you financial advice because there's so many things that it doesn't know about you.

And it, but it can give you a little bit of guidance. And it's been really interesting to see how the industry regulates that. But like sometimes we don't do enough dreaming and what and planning. And what it can do is make that process easy. We say model it. Model it for some people might be really, really difficult. And so utilising tools to model out like possibilities, you know, potential, like, I saw that the money and pensions advice service have done salary calculators.

And I'm like, are they a bit behind the curve really with it? Because there's always been salary calculators for a long, long time. But, you know, maybe you'll go have a look at it, see if it's helpful to you. But you might use a chatbot and go, if I weren't this, what would I take home? Yeah. I would use what were my pension contributions. I would use AI for that now over anything else. Yeah. I use it almost a daily basis to calculate kilometers per hour and miles per hour and times

because I just never, I just, nothing in my mental maths will ever get me there. That's the only thing I can, well, I know the equation. I couldn't actually do it. Just because I know the equation, but. I can picture the little pyramid. Quick financial win. One listener said speaking to Chelsea at Life Search made sorting income protection and life insurance so easy.

And she finally feels like a boss with her cover sorted. Want the same piece of mind? Head to financial.com forward slash protection to get your free quote today. Okay. time for our first dilemma. Help. I'm inheriting 300,000 pounds. Hello, I find myself in a fortunate but overwhelming situation. Following the passing of two relatives, my siblings and I are inheriting two properties and I will also receive a direct cash payment of approximately 90k. In total, I estimate my inheritance will be around 300k. While I'm incredibly grateful, I feel a significant weight of

responsibility about this life-changing sum. I'm in my early 30s. with a 120k mortgage and no significant debt beyond a 2K credit card balance. I have a small ICER of 7K and a workplace pension of 30K, but I currently live paycheck to paycheck without a substantial emergency fund. I'm considering leaving my current job to take a career break, travel, or start an online business, but I'm struggling to decide on the best path forward. Should I focus on investing, paying off my mortgage entirely, building my savings, using the fund to pivot my career or all of the above.

I would appreciate any advice. Best regards, one lucky bitch. That's why she signed off her email. I'm going to sign off her email with that. One lucky bitch. Well, I mean, you said it not us, so I would definitely not calling you that. But also, what an amazing gift that someone has left for you and must have thought a lot of you. Whoever it is.

Is it one of the sibling God, did she? Yeah, one of the siblings. But she's going to get 300. Yeah, it's a lot. Isn't it? Significant amount of money. And there's a lot of questions in that. And I just want to direct you to the Fan-and-shell playbook.

And that's how I would play it. Like it's a methodology that we're all familiar with on this podcast. But yeah, there's a lot of questions, a lot of considerations, a lot of things to consider. But let's start at the beginning. Like, literally, I'm going to direct you back, even though arguably someone would be like, well, she's in Grow. She's in Grow because she's got 300 grand coming to when.

I'm like, no, no, no. She's actually in survive because I think we've got a few things that we need to deal with it. She's like, well, she does budget, but she's living paycheck to paycheck. Let's sort that out first because credit card might be a habit. Yeah, absolutely. Just because it's not a massive number.

It's still. You're dabbling. We've not got a system. You need a system. And especially if there's 300,000 pounds going to drop in, we want that 300,000 pounds to have a job the minute lands because let me tell you, it can easily get squirreled away. It can go, not squirreled away.

Fritted away. Fritted away. Fritted away. What's the opposite of what I just said? Fritter. it can easily get spent. Like it sounds mental, but it absolutely can

if it's not been given a job to do. So I would start with paying off you consumer at this is before that money comes in. You can make the, you can take some actions now. This is literally what you would do, isn't it? Yeah, I would not sit and wait

for that money to land. Like that is maybe, like you think it's coming to you. It might be. Do the playbook anyway. Trust the person in the playbook. Because you need that memory muscle and get those good habits in place

and that system for when that money comes in, that it's absolutely given a job to do. So making sure that you consume a debt-free, making sure that you've got an emergency fund, creating a budget you can actually stick to. Like, going from paycheck to paycheck is really difficult. It's actually mentally quite exhausting to be like, have I got enough money at the end of the month to go through this? And I don't want you in the back of your mind to be like,

but it's fine because I've got 300 grand coming my way. I would really love you to take control of your money before it lands. Yeah, and use this, like I said, it's been like you, as a springboard, you know, there's someone very special in our life that has lost family members and is going to come into a little bit of money. And this person was also not happy in their job and the money will take a while to come through and while we're navigating that, like, money is tight actually and miserable in a job. And there was a real worry for me and a real danger that this person was going to just know that money was coming and not like a, you know, not 300,

but, you know, not that far off in terms of like a life-changing amount of money, that they would walk away from a job they hate, which they hate, but they've been at for 13 years and then go like, what's next? You know, there was a little bit about I might travel, might start a business, which is not for the faint-hearted, a lot of people, a lot of people when they don't like immediately need money they go I might work for myself might start my own business it's not all it's cracked up to be it's not stability it's very hard it's very draining much it's turn up for a job than it is to own a business the practical of it is not it's not easy it's not easy and so I think that whenever people talk about lump sums I always try and get them to

park the lump sum like what do you want and what would your plan be anyway now for some people that plan is dictated by money and that you know some people can never travel like they're never going to be able to take a break from work like it's just not in their immediate future whether it's kids money's tight health issues that there's you know but generally what do you want to do anyway pretend that money wasn't coming and this comes back to holly's point about having a plan and a system because money coming in can make you want to spend it oh i can now travel what do you mean by travel Like where do you want to go? How long for? What's your budget? What do you mean? And then after when you come back from travel, if you didn't have that money, or say if you only had money for travel, like when you come back, what business would you start? How much would you be earning genuinely? And or what career do you want to move to? Because you're not proper modelling it. You kind of, it's that thing that, you know, I guess is a few weeks ago now, but if someone said to you, if you won the lottery, what would you do first? It's never boring stuff. It's always something exciting because people, connect like the money to being suddenly you've got the ability to do something like that and

immediately because the money's sat there. But it really can unravel and make us feel a bit lost. And so whilst it is, you are absolutely, you're lucky, not lucky be. There's a pressure that comes with it and I would just absolutely advocate or advise you, literally this is advice, to wait and to not jump to things and to take your time with it and to build that plan. So Holly's exactly right. Like coming to the playbook and start it at the top. And go online.

We have the course. So go on the website at financial dot com and look for the money playbook course. It's like, I had to seven quid and I think there's sometimes a discount code and podcasts. It is life changing. And it'll teach you how to navigate this. It's also in the app. So if you wanted to pay for the subscription, you get the playbook.

Just read it because it'll teach you to start with the process. Build a budget you can actually stick to because you are finding that tough right now. It'll teach you to build a mini emergency fund. it'll teach you to then pay off consumer debt, which might help you not live paycheck to paycheck because you've got a credit card. It'll teach you to build a big emergency fund and that that's non-negotiable.

And so when and if money comes to your later, that might form part of that and you know that's non-negotiable, that stays there. And then it'll teach you the next bit. So for example, you may pay your mortgage off. I certainly would advise you do it straight away, but that may be something. Or you may end up selling that house

because you want to go travelling. I don't want the house anymore. There's so many. There's things to think about. And I do think there's two things here. There's what you want to do with your money and how it should be invested. And it is of the size that I would probably be really interested

in speaking to a financial advisor about. It's something that because you're fairly young and you've got time for that to grow, you might want to be strategic about that. You know, I always caveat that with, they may advise you to invest more than you want to. They are also financially incentivised often for you to invest it. So be very strict on what you want from it.

But listen to them and listen to them and listen to what opportunities you have to help get that to grow. But then have a plan for your career. What does travel look like and what does career stroke business look like? Because if you can't answer those, this money is not for that. It's actually not going to help. It's just not going to confuse issues. And that's why I'm like, arguably, don't wait on this money. It's like a bonus. Make the plan anyway. Yeah, make the plan. Because like, you might find a job that you really love in leaving the job that you really don't like. You talked about wanting to do an online business. Like, what is it in? What sector? Because you go and work.

that sector, learn about it, like arguably the pressure's off a little bit, and it is, whether you like it or not, being realistic, that money is coming to you, that's going to give you such a good, leg up, foundation, leg up, springboard to whatever you want to do. Money does unlock, unfortunately, opportunities for people, whether we like it or not, and it's fair or not fair, but I would love for you to have some answers before that money lands. I don't want it to drive decisions because you could well be like, oh, just start a business and then that business, you'll never start it because you've got too much of a cushion

and there's no drive because, well, I'm fine. Or you launch business and it's a cash cow and you spend 50 to 60 to 70K on something that you may not get that return from. You know, it's funny, like 300 will disappear because once you've put it in some really sensible places, you'll be fine and shell poor. You'll be fine and shopper, you'll be sorted, you know,

and you'll be net worth in a positive position, but it will feel like you've not got a lot. So, yeah, make sure you take your time with this one and get good counsel, whether it's from people in your life. Who are good with money. Yeah, who are definitely good with money. And nail that budget. Like, the best thing you can do when that lands is be as financially fit as you can be. You're really good at budgeting.

You understand what levers to pull. You know, you know what earning levels you want to be at. You know where your expenses are. Like, the more professional you can get with your money, then when you get that money, you're going to be a good, like, steward of it, a good custodian. a good custodian of it, you're going to put it to work in the right way. You're right, yeah. Very excited. Yeah, very excited.

Holly, the floor is yours. What's this for? So this is asking our lovely community. Lovely, gorgeous, attractive, intelligent, insightful community members. Please like, subscribe, follow, leave a review. We're on a 4.9 on Spotify

I want us to get it to a 5. I truly believe that you can get us there. We never ask for anything. Like, arguably, we're a bit too charitable sometimes and we give everything away. We give us. We give. And we would love you to just take pause

on this podcast for one second. It takes literally one second. I did it for another podcast today because I was like, these people are asking me every week. I now feel seen. I'm not action. I don't think I do it. I'm going to do it.

it. It's just another bit of life admin and it seems annoying and it seems trivial. If you're going to do it for a big podcast like, I don't know, like Jamie Lang's really good at doing it and it gives me the ick sometimes. We've talked about Stephen Bartlett doing it. He definitely gives us the ick. If it's between us and Stephen Bartlett, you're going to give us the like and subscribe and the follow and the review. It's just one bit of life admin that we're asking you to take on today. I don't want to add to your load. I know it's big already, but it absolutely does make a massive difference. And arguably, we set up financial health to help people. And like Lydia said last week, that algorithm gods will reward us and will find other people like you to make this

community richer, more dilemmas, more people to help. But actually, more money in the hands of women. Because if you can get better with your money, society benefits. That's what I'm going with. We are philanthropic here. I mean, the fact that you could say that was really impressive. I thought you're going to be like, I rest my case. That has been. It's over to you. We're philanthropists here. Come and join us. Is that okay, Lucy?

Yes, very well said. Thank you, mother. Personal finance, let's face it, can be boring. But at Fanchelle, we do it differently. From guilt-free spending to the perfect payday routine, our blogs help you feel confident and in control of your money. Head to Fanonchelle.com to get informed, entertained and empowered today. Okay, time for a second dilemma.

We're paying off £9,000 of debt by keep spending on my daughter. Hi girls. Firstly, thanks for everything you do. I hope you subscribe them. I have made so many positive changes to my finances since joining. And best of all, my husband is on board too. So we are working together towards the same aims. Love that for us.

However, I wondered if you might have any advice. We are on a debt pay-off journey. We currently have 9K left and are trying to pay as much as we can each month. month. We have our mini emergency fund, all of our sinking pots set up, and we're cash flowing Christmas, MOT and service, school uniform, all of it. We don't really spend on luxuries for ourselves or go out often because we know it would hinder our debt pay off progress. But where I fall down, and I say I, because this is fully a me problem and not something my husband finds hard, is spending on my little girl. I grew up without a lot. My mum was a single parent with three

of us and really struggled. We always had food and clothing, but luxuries were totally out of the question. I always knew never to even ask for anything, because my mum just couldn't afford it even if she wanted to give us it. Now with my own daughter, I find it so hard not to just give her all of the things that can make her happy. I often overspend on birthdays and Christmas for her and will spend on things for her just because. As an example, I recently bought her some at-home gymnastics equipment for her to practice on. Because I spend a lot on her, it does impact the amount we can put towards our debt each month. We earn a lot between us and put a considerable amount towards the debt, usually over £1,000 a month. And I feel like that, I feel like because I'm in the position to be able to say

yes to her, then why shouldn't I? I know I'm likely being ridiculous and should just tell myself to stop and put everything towards the debt, but it feels so tricky. Any advice for a guilt-ridden, I feel her pain I don't feel her pain in that I feel the pain I bet she's got her in them bloody gymnastic maths My mum bought for

I'll be for a birthday If you get in the way It's in front of the TV I'm watching like the sport And it's like flip And they're like cat wheel Tumble And then I didn't really pull it on it

And it made me really dizzy Because we shouldn't do that Out of rage And no I'm a bit like it's a cool present But I'm feeling your pain I was like oh god It's like this thick Yeah

It's huge And then we put it down for when the cleaner came and I've looked like I managed to keep it down and she keeps going, where is it? And I'm like, it's just away for a moment. And you try and move it and you can't. They're a dead weight. Anyway.

I feel like I feel sorry for you. I think a lot of the way that people behave around money when they're older, especially when it comes to children, is connected to their childhood. So she's so insightful. Like she knows the score. She didn't have much as a kid, didn't get the luxuries that she possibly would have wanted.

The fact that she knew it as a child, not even to ask for it. It wasn't going to happen. It wasn't on their being. go card. It wasn't how it wasn't for her. It is now for her child, but she's in a position whereby the math isn't working and it has to be a bit of a math equation. Like she knows full well that the more money that she can put towards her debt, the quicker that she can get into a position where she can say yes to more of the luxuries. Now, confession, this dilemma came in

and I went back to her straight away because I didn't want her sitting on it because I knew that she sometimes it takes us a long time to get through because we get so many dilemmas and I can only answer two a week. It can sometimes be a long time until we answer them. But I wanted to go back to a straightway because I felt her pain through the computer screen of like, I'm trying my best. I'm doing everything I can. Yeah.

And I wanted to alleviate the guilt. So some of the suggestions that I gave are things that we would tell people if they were spending on themselves. So I gave an example of is it a need versus a want? And they are two different things. She might want gymnastics equipment and you might want to give her gymnastics equipment. but it's absolutely not a need. It could be that she started a note section in her phone on impulsive spending for her daughter.

So I want to buy my daughter like a lip glass. I want to take it to Sephora. Laura did Albi birthday the other day. A lot of people gave Albi money because we knew that she was going on this Trafford Centre trip and I went in Laura's house the day and there was a piece of paper that she'd created that was a calendar and it said days till my birthday.

And she was picking off every single day. It was so cute. So I knew how excited she was about this Trafford Centre trip. It's not cheap being a mum of a girl. She got her old lit glass for I did. What the hell? She's got yours. Lucy's lost hers.

She's lost her. She lost it last week with Inkett Pod and she's still not having it again. Honestly, worth every penny. Goodbye. I'm not even sure she should be having it, but. That impulsive, like, it's pink, it's pretty, it's like fun. I'm a cool mum. Like, I want to give you everything.

I want to give you the world. I suggested that maybe she starts an impulsive spending list and then within three days maybe review it and be like oh that feeling has passed. Does your daughter remember the thing that was like... My kids would want everything Teddy walks past. He's like, can I get that? Can I have that?

And then I would ask him the next day, be like, who? What? Yeah, I forgot. Moved on to the next thing. So just being okay with the fact that you want to... Because she wants to impulsively spend on her child and it's the same as wanting to impulsively spend on yourself. It's a dopamine hit.

Dopamine hit. In fact, you get a bigger one if you do it for someone else. Absolutely. It's more rewarding to see, like, your child happy. So I actually then suggested a few things. So that one, a syncing. It's like we're not needed for this time. Holly's going to sit down.

This is exactly what I would say. Sit down. A sinking fund for her child. So, like, I'm not saying don't spend any money on your child over the space of a month, but maybe come up with a figure that doesn't delay your debt repayments as much as it is right now because you're kind of giving into everything, because you just want to give the little girl everything that you use. didn't have. Can we create a sinking fund wrapped up and it's realistic and it's probably

more around cheaper wants. Yeah, like supermarket. Yeah. Like, are you taking to the supermarket? Does she want to buy the magazine? Does she want to buy the lip gloss? Does she want to buy the little dress? Yeah. It's like whatever's in front of her. Yeah. Which you get, we're all human. Like even as grown women, we find it hard not to impulsively spend and be influenced by something. So imagine being an 8 year old, 9 year old, 10 year old, you just want everything. And everything you see on social media is that everybody gets everything. You know, Teddy's got such an unrealistic view sometimes of stuff because he watches, is it the Wingrow family? Yeah, a wealthy YouTube family.

They're giving 10 grand content. Oh, and it's like everything you can touch in one minute. If you can take my credit card and you've got an hour and you can spend as much as you want in the Trafford Center and they've done that and Teddy's watched it and he's like, oh, we go to the Trafford Center. And it's like, oh, trying to sit down with them and be like, that is, that's their job. They get probably paid by some brands to have done that. They're not, the mum and dad aren't spending that money. Or if they are, it's because they've got millions of kids like you that are watching it. They get paid when you watch it.

So it's trying to like unveil the mask of that a little bit and de-influence a young child. I took my phone out because my ADHD room was thinking of ideas, but because I was listening to what you were saying, I'd forget the ideas. So we've got a lot of time. So here's what I've got. First, Trish, fucking does this. did it. So my mum, Tricia's mum, hi mum, she is from a super poor family. Yeah. So like she has memories of Christmases where she remembers her mum, our nan, crying because it was nothing to give them.

She remembers this story of them, like, dividing up a Mars bar between them for a treat in the fridge. Like, she remembers the feeling of like Nana working around the clock, mum having to help with the kids, like her siblings. Had a communal telephone on the street. Like if you wanted to use a telephone. like well after someone else. Yeah. On TV, by the way. So, like, came from that and then did really well, worked away up from being like an office junior. And so, like, we have always been spoiled low S.

Like, we weren't spoiled brats and not everything was available. But, like, we never went without. No, like, holidays were just no problem. Clothes, no problem. But what mum always says is what came in, went out. And your mum and dad, Luckily, have really good health and they had really good jobs and they've moved up to kind of be semi-retired to them being fully retired. And but they probably could have had triple the net worth they've got.

It's not all about the net worth. But what I mean is there's things that they could have done that wouldn't have compromised our happiness. But they would have been a lot further on. Again, they're absolutely fine. They don't need anything else. But it was just like she didn't have Fan and Shell. If she'd have had Fan and Shell and she could have written in a dilemma like this, she might have said something exactly similar. Next up, running through.

Went with not like. went without for nothing. I had the best childhood. Oh, sorry. Absolutely. No regrets from us. That business class seat to New York. No, that was on air miles.

Next, the big thing is your oxygen mask on first. And so you've got nine grand, but you're paying a grand off a month. And that is amazing. Well done. That's nine months. Is there fat in this budget, especially when it comes to spending on your child, whereas if you prioritise, as you said, paying off like a grand and a half, can you pay off two grand?

How quickly could you do this? Because if you can have that delay gratification and go, when we get there, I'm up in that bit of the budget. But for now, it's not forever. You can also feel better about your child because you know it's not forever. It's for a period of time. Next point. Kids are resilient. So they do get used to things.

And so you do have to kind of go a bit cold turkey sometimes. And I'll be traffic centre walks past. Ooh, bubble tea. Would have been so easy to go. It's birthday. Let's get with bubble tea. I was like, oh, yeah. Keep walking.

Like, it's, you know, they are. resilient they can hear no and if they can't hear no there's actually a bigger issue about and you've not said your daughter is someone that demands stuff but don't think that she can't take it and actually in life she's going to have to take that she doesn't get everything and even that's a bit of muscle memory for them by learning that I don't if I if someone if the gymnastics bar and my friends have got it and everyone's it's like oh that's good for them maybe one time we could go play at their house yeah or that won't fit in our house maybe in the future we'll get one for a birthday we'll ask all your family to give money for your birthday exactly how much do you

actually want it. Yeah. And you can relate the resilient. And so it's not them. It is more about us because they're fine. And the last point is, and I always say, and this is for us for Impulse to Spending as well, is strategy over willpower. So I will avoid taking my three-year-old to Sainsbury's at any opportunity because

all he wants a load of crap to eat. Like he wants a kind of break every single time. Don't know. he wants a pack of four donuts. It looks like the cheapest thing in there, but he just wants, he has to have something. He loves going to toy shops.

I've had to stop him going to the toy shop. It's all strategy right, because if I take it, he links it to getting it, and it's another thing that I have to say no to. So I literally plan ahead on, based on the weaknesses. You know,

I would never take Alba to the Trafford Centre outside of her birthday. Never doing it. Because I know exactly what's going to happen. And I don't want to have to be faced with that, like, constant disappointment. So you can build in strategies as of you would

what's your weakness when do you shop what's their weakness what triggers them is it a YouTube channel that they're watching and they need a bit of cold turkey off it And is it not her

is it you Is it you She might be like The endorphin hit from giving to our friends Our family Our children is massive It might not be her going

I want I want I want You might be like I've just seen so I'm going to surprise just kind of addicted to it It's so lovely Like you've got a good jeans Like this is a good thing It's a nice thing to have

And so framing that into a strategy which is you don't have to say goodbye to that but having cold turkey and having to like no spend months are really good for it. There's some really good articles on financial dot com about that because you learn what your trigger points are and you learn that you can get through a month

without having to buy her stuff. But you also get to a point where like in your budget a permission to spend on her, it's like I would put that in your sinking fund and have a little picture of her on it. That's a really nice. I love Albi's dance pot. I mean, I don't love it.

It's a lot of money. But it's for her and it's show me your budget, show up me what's important. financial, strong financial foundations is first and then you kind of work your way down. And if you can get to a point where she gets a little bit here and there every so often, but she's got a strong household and she's got everything she needs in terms of utility. She's like, you'll have taught or something really, something that you can't teach. She'll watch you and she'll learn by example.

You're doing amazing, sweetie. You're doing amazing. Okay, that is all for this episode. The Vault is now closed. And just a quick disclaimer, The Vault is just a chat around live and many topics. because we are not giving financial advice.