The Vault with Financielle - "How Do I Financially Recover From My Breakup?” | The Vault Episode 36

Episode Date: October 31, 2024

Send us a textWelcome to The Vault with Financielle.In Episode 36 of The Vault, we discuss this week’s controversial opinion, “9-5s don’t deserve the hate”, before diving into our listener dilemmas:“Should I lock in on my side hustle or start investing?” 📈"How do I start over after my breakup?” 💪 We celebrate a listener becoming debt-free, starting her wedding sinking fund, and feeling great when transferring to savings on payday rather than buying things she doesn’t need. What a Financielle queen! 👑💸If you’d like to share your money win, head to the community in the Financielle app or email [e-mail] your (totally anonymous) money dilemmas to [e-mail] and we may feature yours on a future episode 💌Thank you to our partner PensionBee, who are on a mission to help you build pension confidence and create a world where everyone can enjoy a happy retirement. With PensionBee you can combine, contribute and withdraw online. Join over 260,000 customers saving with PensionBee. When investing, your capital is at risk.Sign up and combine your pensions here 🐝Chapters:00:00 Introduction01:44 Welcome to The Vault05:06 Controversial Opinion: “9-5s don’t deserve the hate”11:58 Dilemma 1: “Should I lock in on my side hustle or start investing?” 📈21:55 Community Win & Wedding Chat28:47 Dilemma 2: "How do I start over after my breakup?”35:55 Final ThoughtsThe Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

I see a lot of people kicking off at the moment about companies. I know a while ago, ASOS introduced a charge to return. Oh yeah. And people are going, yeah, I'm not giving you my money. And I remember lots of people have said to us before, that's why they use, like, buying and selling stuff, and all the more sizes. And they're all knowing they're going to send back.

It's really funny, though, because these big companies waltzed in and destroyed the high street. You know, rightly or wrongly, I am not, you know, averse to either, but they capitalised on the fact that actually people could get things delivered to the home, it's convenient. So it was like death of the high street because so few stores can support the cost of rent. Well then, poor, whoever, poor these companies that go, oh, it costs us a lot to handle returns so we're

going to charge you for them it's like oh now you want your cake and eat it you don't want the convenience you don't want the convenience of someone using you for ordering multiple sizes and sending some things back and also sort your sizing out this is what someone said especially like for women like if you've got a certain hip size or bust size it's impossible because they can't predict because their own sizing isn't consistent they're showing their clothes on the model

but they've got like big clips on the back yes it's crazy I always look at that and go models wearing size 6 I'm like

I still need a 20 like minimum because it's tight on her so what the hell is it going to look like on me yeah well it's going to be interesting to see how shopping sorts itself out.

Yeah. If I buy anything, it's a miracle. Like I said, I'm the cereal, keep it in the basket, and then look at it for three hours a day, and then just forget about it and move on. A lot of time wasted. And money saved. Money saved.

Money saved. Welcome to The Vault with Financial. This is a safe space where we talk all things life and money and no topics are off limits. Hello. Hi. Sometimes I think topics are off limits, but we definitely go off on a tangent. Do we? I wonder if people like...

No tangents. Join a conversation and go, what are they? Is this the money podcast? Because I'm talking about... I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about models clipping the clothes behind the back so it looks different no topics off limits we literally will talk about anything money money literally challenge us yeah there's a topic we'll find a way find a way to make it relevant we'll shoehorn it into this podcast

my big issue is I think I want to do the vault goggle box because I want to know what our listeners are thinking and out loud

at the same time I know they WhatsApp me every day and tell me that they've been such a good idea oh my god I just listened to episode 30

and I was crying laughing because and then they'll like tell me I want them mic'd up and I want whoever's listening on the run

or on the drive or with the kids I want to know like what especially when we get like a really outrageous dilemma where we get angry and stuff I want to know what someone's saying

so we need a lot of people listen to us in the gym which I find really weird are we fueling your anger right now I'm not getting you going on a treadmill you need something else

you need a bit of base there's probably a product out there already so sometimes I want to listen to a podcast while I'm running or in the gym or whatever but I need music as well because so is there something that blends you don't remember that

yeah you can blend a podcast with music was it Lydia that did it it was me and I was like I'm so bored of my music but I want to listen to podcasts and it's called Podbeat I don't know if that was quite a while ago I've not run in ages but it was so good and listen to like a full 45 minute episode and it can be like samba oh yeah samba financiality samba we sound like we're rapping please please remind me

I'm gonna because even on a walk I like a podcast but I like a beat next week do you know how much faster I run when there's a banger on

next week I'll do it to one of our podcasts and I'll show you we were listening to Jason Manford was on Radio 2 as a guest earlier and he was talking about he's done at festivals in the summer I'll show you we were listening to Jason Manford was on Radio 2 as a guest earlier

and he was talking about he's done at festivals in the summer Broadway bangers and they basically you know because there's this thing about

assembly bangers or something where they'll do assembly songs and like it's Broadway music with like Scooter

or oh no it was Michael Ball and they were like I dreamed a dream and then like Scooter all oh no it was Michael Ball and they were like I dreamed a dream and then like Scooter did like a Michael Ball and then it was like

I would run to that imagine someone fast something that you can like belt I bet someone couldn't predict the danger would be Holly singing as she goes she's a good singer but as in like there's no danger with that. It would just be a pleasantry for anyone that got to witness.

Right, okay. Pod beat. I'm going to do it. Thank you. I'm going to listen to us or someone else and put music to it. And send us more voice notes. We haven't done those for a while. Love a good voice note.

But keep it to a limit, like 12 minutes. Not 17 minutes. Okay. Controversial opinion time. Nine to fives don't deserve hate. TikTok hates a nine to five, don't they? It really does. Why?

Yeah, they don't deserve the hate. No. They're like standing is the person telling you this trying to make money off you they're a concept creator they're a course creator you could be financially free

if you worked for yourself buy my course never work a day again in your life you know bullshit it's so annoying all I see is VAs and like

all of that sort of thing and I'm not saying like there's anything wrong with it but surely we can't all be VAs who are we gonna be VAs to can I just say Laura and I have had hysterical experiences with inbounds for people wanting to be VAs that don't get back to us not it's not very VA of you shit VA like you can't be a VA because you didn't respond to my email going walking the dog or going to the gym

because they're living this flexible lifestyle that doesn't make them anyone else too freaking flexible that don't work it's these people who are not VAs pose as VAs

on TikTok why are we why are we doing this this is why I'm not on TikTok why are people doing that how have you got time not busy she's doing great with the social business social media monk mode that's me This is why I'm not on TikTok. Why are people doing that? How have you got time? I was on Instagram as well. Not busy. I was on there as well at the moment.

She was doing great with the social business. Social media monk mode. That's me. Why? I'm so busy. What are you all doing? That you've got time to put this rubbish out there. Yeah, and the glorification of business owner.

Like being a business owner is hard. This is definitely the, we are at the two most peaks of our existence are I would say pod things that don't feel like work pod and talking about community and speaking to customers yeah those are the two things we really enjoy so that the hard but good stuff is like the creative stuff that we do with you girls when it's like what can we do what can we do that makes someone think how can we help someone yeah this? That is the fun stuff. There is so much other stuff to working for yourself

that is not fun, that is not covered, that is not glorified, you know, whether it's, you know, planning or taxes or property or like forms. Finances. It just, like all finances, we're a money podcast. The stuff that they don't show that

they show aesthetic I'm going to I'm going to work from a coffee shop today working from a coffee shop is annoying like it is sometimes

it's so annoying it's like people and I hate being on one screen I like a big screen there's loads of stuff that and again I'm always like hmm

who is the person telling me this and what do they want because if you yeah because everyone bashes on 9 to 5s but then if you're going to

start your own business you're going to be working more than 9 to 5 literally it's 24 7 probably who keeps the country running people that work 9 to 5 like if everyone

didn't do that what the hell would we all be doing every day we need a little bit of routine we need a little bit like it's

it's gone so flexible I don't know what the hell's going on in the world like people need or some people benefit from routine and structure and nine to fives are not to be sniffed at people that have done nine to fives have got married had had children bought houses managed to travel like it's not the end of the world we all need need to get a grip. Like, ugh. Yeah, well, and the other crucial thing is pension contributions. So people are investing as they go along. I think, like I said, what we're not saying is everyone has to have one.

No. It's do not demonise what is a regular routine and structure, a salary that can help you buy your home, give you routine. I saw a good TikTok that was like, oh God, I missed the 95 glory days which was the banter of the office and i like said you know we work remotely and we've got an office every so often i when we think about our last job when we catch up with some of the girls from our last job

and it's like remembering you did have to go into work every day there wasn't a work from home situation and that was just the norm so we just cracked on but the good stuff was like having lunch together the hilarious like different mix of people the routines that people would have that you know it's the non-work stuff of a nine-to-five that's actually really cool you know someone this guy was saying I had a really long commute I watched so much good tv like I used to download it and that was my time to decompress and actually I really missed my car commute because you know love my children but it was the one time that i dropped them all off at the different places they go and i'd listen to a podcast like this and that would be my time so

it's not even the financial side to it i did love that routine and to demonize it and i think sometimes a lot of people feel like they're failing if they're in a nine-to-five I think it's this rhetoric I would say the majority of the population work a nine-to-five yeah like a nine-to-five is not to be yeah down upon and it but it's made out to be this massive rat race yeah you need to escape to like be succeeding in life to be successful exactly I think it's as if it's a reflection on your on your character I think if you're in a toxic workplace or if you're in a situation that is really inflexible and doesn't allow you to do lots of things outside of work, I think that's different. I think a lot of mothers and fathers struggle with,

and I identify with, the commute. You know, I think that it was the norm for so long. I don't, you know, I can't remember how I did it. I definitely did it with two children. The cost of, it's called link, what is it? It's wraparound care. I mean, it's called link it's wraparound care you still have to do a wraparound care

even if you're working from home and stuff and flexible but the idea that being self-employed is easy is crazy for those of you

that are self-employed you're doing amazing because it is hard work and I bet sometimes you wish you had a regular job I do we always say it

I'm like I daydream and watch people in Tesco and I'm like fucking hell they must have the best day like i crave the routine i think and i think it's being told what to do the protection of a big corporation looking after me like being an entrepreneur is not to be like glorified no no no no like it is the idea that it's not sexy it's not attractive you

could possibly not think about work after five yeah oh I'd love to work in Tesco like honestly I say it didn't someone else say another entrepreneur that we know they were like I just want to be a gardener I planned it all out the days that it rains I don't go to work like and when I shared it when I shared the Tesco thing, three other people jumped in and were like, oh my God, I'm so jealous of people that have a nine to five. Like,

just be careful what you wish for. I think it's the, the grass isn't always greener. Have a look who's telling you it's a great thing. And then look on the LinkedIn bio and they're like,

buy my course. I can coach you. Yeah, buy my course or I'm your coach. Yeah. Fuck off. Would you buy my course? I'm your coach. Yeah. Hmm. Fuck off. Would you buy my course?

Just asking. It's a workaround course. Just asking. Okay. This moves us nicely onto this dilemma. Should I lock in on my side hustle

or start investing? Hi girls. I'm at a bit of a crossroads and don't know what to do. I have never been good with money. My parents were frivolous and used credit cards so I've never known how to save and have picked up extremely bad habits when it comes to money. I have an alright paying job, £40,000 a year but I'm single and everything keeps going up so every month is paycheck to paycheck. I split from my ex of seven years and had to buy everything to fill a new house as they paid for most of our stuff meaning I currently have £7k maxed on a credit card and have around

£700 in savings. I'm trying to set up an event business side hustle and also want to try this investing thing too but I'm terrified of financial stuff and don't know where to begin or what to do I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with it all do I go balls to the walls with the side hustle or focus on investing big thank you from an overwhelmed money gal oh okay I like how she writes by the way like I actually didn't mean I do but yeah I'm here for it. I'm going to disappoint her. I know what you're going to say and I'm going to vote for it as well.

She just asked, should I focus on this? Should I focus on this? I'm going to tell her neither. She needs to focus on paying down her debt. Don't worry about the side hustle because that inevitably will cost money to set up. It's not cheap setting up a business,

whether you're going to have to build a website, whether you're going to have to do social media, you're going to have to have some sort of outlay. Events especially. Yeah. You've already got £7,000 on a credit card. You've only got £700 in savings. I don't know if you've got an emergency fund, you haven't said, but you need to focus on paying down your debt. £40,000 is a good salary to get going with. I don't know what your breakdown of your budget is and you can share it with us after if you want to, but it's not to be sniffed that for a single, to be on a single income and get 40,000 pounds. I would be going balls to the wall and paying down the debt. Just a quick one, Laura here. If you're wanting to take back control of

your money, ditch debt, make better decisions and build wealth for the future, the Financial app is for you. With Financial, you can track your spending on the future, the Financial app is for you. With Financial, you can track your spending on the go, hit your money goals faster and create a realistic budget that you can actually stick to. Not to mention, you'll be part of an exclusive money community who share tips, offer support and celebrate your successes along the way. Click the link in the description to download financial and start your free trial now this is your sign to take control of your money today okay i'm done let's go back to the vault i like it i mean mike dropped but the maxer on stands and can't drop them the um she she's obviously got a bit of a learning journey to go on because she keeps talking about the way she was brought up as well so but i feel like she's been a bit hard on herself so I want to

give herself a bit of grace I'm rubbish at this thing my parents taught me that like you know I feel like I want to say to one you're not alone that's so so common um but there's a really simple way to fix this which is maximizing your income from your main job. She's got a really good salary, energy put into working hard at work, looking for promotion opportunities, looking for other roles elsewhere, like lots of different things like that. If you're going to spend any time doing anything, that's probably worth more of your time. Like Holly said, just focusing on paying off the debt. Because what you're going to learn when you're doing that is how to live on less than you make and how to put money towards something that grows. Because once

you've got rid of that debt and you've built up your savings, you can really lean into investing. We've heard dilemmas before where, and I've done this, people use a bit of fun money to dabble with investing. Investing is long-term. Investing isn't a side hustle. It's not something to bring in revenue to help the business. That would be trading because you will not make a quick enough return unless you buy and sell, which is a whole different game. And so the investing thing is more, I would tell people, track your pension because that's investing. And so we've got a net worth tracker in the app. It'll make you feel like you're investing. It'll make you feel like you're growing your money. You are. It's in the market the market isn't it it's doing the same thing the

difference with the pension we've talked about this before is it's locked away and so there's this feeling like you're not getting rich doing it because it's for when i'm old you know it's a really weird concept but you will you will not be better off you're not going to make money quickly by putting money into an isa we say five years minimum for you know investment account like you want the growth if you're saving for a. If you're planning to move in the next five years, your market tells us don't put it into investments because you have to be prepared for it to go down as well as up. It's so totally unexpected. And the final bit on the side hustle, I knew you were going to say that Holly, and we've got friends in the events business.

It is tough. It's so so tough it's built for people that are built differently for me energy levels animals they are you know relentless energy completely unsocial an events business while you have a full-time job is i'm gonna call it out and it's impossible yeah now so you like events and if you want you have spare time you don't have children are extra responsibilities and your job is quite defined. I call it bookended where you can clock off and you don't have to go and do anything. If for a period of time, go work in events, go get a second part time job, you know. And listen, I'm being, I'm making this up, but if you wanted to be an events business owner in the future, this will also be a good thing to do.

And like then in the future. And your side hustle might be like, I'm just making it up because there's a girl on tiktok that does it but like princess parties at the weekend like if that's the side hustle then i'm fully supportive of that but you've positioned it like events business and you're going to have to be the business owner you're not like i can't decide how hard it is it's so hard mental drain to set up a business whereas and i think it comes back to why do you want to do it if you want to do it to get better with your money and to pay down debt more quickly it actually will be much better to focus on your current salary and your expenses and lean into that and like what can we sell on facebook marketplace and then sell the furniture that you're in 7k debt for.

Take it back to the shop. Literally. Lucy will buy it, but Alex will have to come and pick it up because she won't look at Facebook Marketplace in the face. But yeah, but the energy that it would take, I think you've acknowledged

you've got a lot you want to learn and get better at and keeping it simple. And there's, you know, bringing in extra money is not a bad thing, but doing it where you do it for yourself, I just, again, I think it's very idealistic to think that that's an easy way to make money.

If you've got an events business, I suspect it will be outlay first, which is money. Anyone that runs an events business is literally listening to this going, don't do it. Don't do it. We'll get in a barrage of inbox messages it's like do not because we like laura said at the beginning we know people that work in events it is so hard and they do it so well but it's their full-time job they might start as a little side hustle but you've got a

lot going on you've got a lot going on you have to be contactable as well like if you're if it's different between if you're just turning up to a shift and stuff but you have to be contactable so imagine if you're in your nine to five a bride god forbid or a business owner that's spending a lot of money on a birthday event or a launch event wants to talk about or a supplier needs to ring you it's just hectic it seems very intense you can only remember back at 6 p.m like oh it's just not working we don't know the details like i said it could be something quite flexible like the thing the princess path that i mentioned or kids party whatever it might be but I would just really get you to focus down on the playbook and follow the stages and the first one would be to make sure you've got an emergency fund

because it sounds like you live on your own and it's going to be on you to pay that mortgage and like I said you've got a good salary so you can do this you'll move fast you'll move so fast and if you want to work extra work extra but do it in a way that you can get more controlled yeah so get paid for it for example it's christmas like do you want a christmas job that's like a seasonal job which is you know you can limit it to weekends for a period of time you want to carry it on later great but it's something or is it you know like the the uber driver or uber deliverer or eats and stuff the stuff that's like if i want to work today i can't if i actually want to look after myself today i won't work um those are great ways of bringing in money without just diverting all your attention and energy to something that is just yeah overwhelming could drain you yeah i

admire i'm here for it i love the ambition I was thinking admirable I'm so impressed but probably not practical okay listeners I've got a controversial money opinion from our friends at PensionBee pensions can be sexy yes you heard us right pensions can be sexy Laura Holly disagree agree I oh my god I agree 100% I think so many people reach out to us. They ask how they can start their investing journey. But spoiler alert, if you invest into a pension, you're already an investor. And if you aren't investing into a pension,

our question would be, why not? With PensionBee's website and app, they make it simple for customers to combine their old pension pots, contribute flexibly and withdraw their pension money all in one place. You even get your own dedicated UK-based beekeeper, which is like an account manager, to support you every step of the way. I personally have been a PensionBee customer for years and I wouldn't be so buzzing about my pension without them. Get it?

Yeah, we get it. You love talking about pensions and pension b download the app today to get started or head to pensionb.com for more information and remember when investing your capital is at risk and this isn't to say i hate that i just don't agree with the like hustle hustle culture you can do anything like you absolutely can do anything but just break it up a bit like you can get there but let's focus on the debt first because that doesn't sound like it doesn't sound like it was going anywhere there was no mention of like I really want to pay this debt off it's a priority investing and building a business was so let's just reverse back a little we can get there eventually but let's start with the debt first okay got a great community win

I'm so excited that I'm now debt free and have saved four thousand pounds towards our wedding so far as well as starting a sinking fund that now has £700 in. My aim is to have £5,000 by the end of the year for the wedding and £1,500 in my sinking fund. It feels so good transferring to my savings on payday rather than buying things I don't need. Love this. She's got the addiction and the dopamine hits

from the building up a pile of cash rather than spending a pile of cash. I love that she's saving for her wedding because I spoke to a friend the other day and they spoke to another friend and they were like credit card mania for the wedding. They were paying everything on a credit card and just how long after they're going to be paying this wedding off for.

I was talking to my brother the other day and he's in the age where all of his friends are getting married every weekend, literally. And he age where like all of his friends are getting married like every weekend literally and he was talking to one of his friends who had like quite a big wedding

a year ago and he was like yeah I'm still paying off like it's got so much debt and everything and my brother's like we've been to like six weddings

I don't even remember yours yeah oh my god boom a girl would never I know yeah it's such a lads chat isn't it which one was yours again

which one where did it go did it go to France it's like I've been to seven weddings since then oh my god isn't it so it just shows like it's you

main character energy guys we keep talking about it we'll get that main character energy will get you into debt will get you into trouble because you think you're the centre of your world

so you have to be the centre of everyone else's it's not about you sorry you're on your wedding day i think we've had people write in before where they're still paying off the wedding and they're separated oh god yeah oh my god definitely if it's not on the vault we've had it in financial like definitely dms going through a divorce imagine paying for your divorce and your wedding at the same time mind blown oh my god that's like it could add to the

pain for likelihood of divorce the fact that you still pay for it I never wanted that sweet stall the fireworks a donut wall

I did want a donut wall I didn't get one I'm just going to build one in my house a donut wall what do you need a wedding for? using crisps a wall of donuts

really people make crisps at weddings I don't think for weddings but like you need to soak up the alcohol in the afternoon a crisps wall is a genius

a crisps wall and it's like all different brands and like different types of crisps that is right up your street have you seen the champagne walls where it's really weird

and someone you ring a bell and there's hands oh yeah so I've seen that maybe that girl wants to do that

side hustle so you ring a bell if you're a guest and there's all these holes and someone will just shove a glass of champagne

in a morph suit oh my god out and you just go and collect it off a that's why what I envision

will happen in Albert Schloss when you press the push for Prosecco button or it's just gonna someone will just be like there you go

actually nothing happens me and my husband took my youngest to Albert Schloss and we basically spent 40 minutes in the disco toilet because he just

wouldn't leave it everyone sat on the toilet we went out for a nice lunch and I spent it in the stinky sweaty toilet in the disco toilet because you just wouldn't leave it we actually went everyone sat on the toilet we went out for a nice lunch and I spent it in the stinky sweaty toilet in the disco cubicle oh yeah no my nephew said

guess where we've been in a disco toilet I was like where? 40 minutes oh we went out for lunch in Manchester but no

it was a disco toilet we also did drag queen bingo with him it was great but he was literally like can we go to the toilet again I was like I would like to eat my lunch but sure but isn't that the can we can we go to the toilet again I was like I would like to eat

my lunch but sure but isn't that the thing with like going back to weddings that's it's the novelty factor of um like I've been to weddings more in my 20s I think the older you get the less of a shit you give yeah but where it's like an activity stations like I feel like I'm being moved around the so organized fun oh which who wants organised fun? So you're like, and it's things that people add on late. Oh, we need this and we need that.

And like, can we have this display built and that display built? And can we have this? And can we do the fire thing with the, it's not fire, is it? Sparklers? Like,

it's actually really great for pictures, but there's just loads and loads of things. And it's like, you cram all that stuff in. You know. When are we eating? Yeah. Oh my God.

Can I just say, if you're planning a wedding and you don't feed people after the church there's a special place in hell for you because I have sat around at so many weddings

you've done the you've done the getting married the important bit and then you either get like transported to another transported

to another place and then you're made to wait while people have the wedding pictures taken. There's not a canapé in sight. There's not food in sight. People are hungry.

I have been known with my friends to go to a wedding, drive to the venue, but on the way stop off at KFC. Absolutely get a full meal. Drive through.

Yeah. Like gone in and sat Do they not know I'm the main character? Yeah. Why isn't the food waiting for me on there? No, but do you know meal drive-thru yeah like gone in and sat do they not know I'm the main character yeah why isn't the food waiting for me on there no but you know

when everyone's just stood round it's that time where you're just like and if you then start to have a few drinks you're hungry so you need the crisp wall

you need the crisp wall crisp wall that doesn't have to be expensive that's what you're gonna do build a crisp wall and if you don't you'll know about it I'll tell you or be that friend that in the boot of the car there Build a crisp wall. And if you don't, you'll know about it. I'll tell you.

Or be that friend that in the boot of the car, there's a crisp boot. Oh, we've done a car boot many times. Have you ever done that at a wedding? A car boot? Drinks in the boot. Oh. Bar boot.

Bar boot. I've done that. Not like a car boot. That would be really strange at the wedding. Warm Prosecco at the back of a car. Nothing better. Nothing better. Except in our wedding venue you weren't allowed

to bring your own alcohol in they sold out of a certain type of alcohol the first night which just shows you what our friends are like the wedding was a Saturday they sold out of it

on the Friday so Friday night we all turn up they run out of beer they go into the village to buy more all Neil's friends are in the village

at the same time buying beer as well and in the end it just got free for all they filled one of the groomsmen's bath with the beer there's like wedding pictures of just like thousands of bottles of beer formal wedding pictures and then on the wedding day the guys are drinking bottles of beer and the barman's like we don't sell peroni like where have you got that from it's just oh, oh, free for all. Absolutely free for all. Hacks. Savvy.

Savvy. Send us your savvy wedding hacks, like as a guest survival kit. Have you seen where people take in like gift bags inside a bottle of vodka? That's what my Nana does. Tiny Bacardi's in a gift bag. Yeah. They're not going to check your presents, are they?

We did that for another friend's wedding and there were like five gift bags of rum. Yeah. And then obviously everyone got a bit too drunk, forgot to hide them in the bags. And then at the end of the night, the guys are like tidying up and there's literally like six full bottles of empty rum

under the formal gala dinner table. Listen. No shame. It's very good. No shame in my game. But if in doubt, go prepared, like go to the co-op, get the big bags of crisps

because hangry is not great at wedding snacks no okay time for dilemma number two how do i start over after my breakup hi guys going to be super vulnerable here but hoping you can point me in the right direction lots of elements here so please bear with me i'm 24 and i have a three-year-old daughter with my ex-partner. I have a great job with a good income, however, I only started three months ago. I've got a £1,000 emergency fund and around £500 of a personal loan to pay off and then I'm debt-free. I was very privileged to be living rent-free for the past two years as a private tenant in a house owned by my dad. During this time, I changed jobs three times, doubled my income and managed

to clear over £12,000 of debt. A few months ago, myself and my ex, my daughter's dad, decided to give it another go and I quickly moved in. My ex had kept ownership of the house we bought together a few years ago. When we last separated, I took equity out of the house. This meant that when I moved in, I agreed to pay equally for the household bills and half the mortgage. My ex also owned two cars and given I worked from home and only drove to drop off our daughter to childcare and back, we agreed I could sell my car privately and clear the personal loan I had against it and have use of his two cars. Now, due to a multitude of reasons, we are separating again. The house I

previously lived in is now occupied by another family member and I have two options. Moving to a privately rented property with my daughter which would put me at around 60% fixed expenses leaving around £750 a month to build my emergency fund and save for my own home. I would also need to drain my sinking funds and emergency fund for the deposit and first month's rent. The property I viewed is closer to the current child care provider and prospective school and in the future the child care bills will drop and fixed expenses will come down. I will also need to rebuy all the household essentials such as fridge, freezer, kitchen appliances or I could move back home with my, where there are two rooms available and I could save around £2,000 a month for a house. It's further away from the childcare provider and I would lose the independence of living alone, but it would be a short-term pain for a long-term

game. I'm really struggling on what to do next. I would also need to look at purchasing a car, most likely a cheaper and around for the immediate future. Is there anything I'm not thinking of? Do you have any advice on how to best navigate this crazy time she's been on a roller coaster and you know so many people do do that where they do try and make a relationship work especially when it involves children and they've given it a really good go i feel like you know without knowing the details they both as parents can at least sit there and go we we tried um to the point where they even separated and kind of sorted out finances and then she's gone back and now she's in this position again and um eve like that was a lot of information the the biggest question she's asking is

shall i move out on my own shall live at home holly and i would always say go home go home like if you don't go home i will best time of my life was when I was pregnant with our first child we sold our house we didn't have one to move into and we moved home for a bit the glory days like when Neil and I were looking to buy our second house I was pregnant with my first so there were no children in the picture I was moving back home with my mum and dad and oh my god like we had a loft they had a bit of like a loft conversion thing so we had our own effectively apartment on the top of the house but all our meals were cooked for us like I don't know it was just like

warm cozy like I have such good memories so I would always say move back home and and what we always tell people is this is about environment and if if you are, and this is not just for you who asked for this, people listening, if you're from a toxic family and living with mum is not good for you or your daughter, that's when spending more on rental and struggling, that's a high fixed expenses at 60. But if you acknowledge it's for a period of time, fixed costs are going to come down when little one goes to school earning potential could increase further it's that's a good financial

price to pay for your own mental health but if you are in a great place with family and living at home especially because it sounds like it would be for a fixed period of time i think take it listen extra emotional and child care help around the house whilst you've got a little one on your own is a great thing being able to whack up like two grand a month savings. Can I ask for 1300 on the top of what she would be saving? Yeah and she could use that to kind of in like you know see if your mum's got a car situation where you could borrow it a little bit as well and save up a couple of months and buy a car for three four grand and then build up savings to buy, to either have a good deposit for a rental in a year's time or two years time or whatever that time is.

And it not, you know, your little one's going to school then. And so it's not as much of a squeeze or, you know, there could be an even longer term play, which is buying somewhere for you. Cause you've been in that position once before where you've owned a home. So I think your question is more around, where should I live?

It's never a bad thing to go home. It really isn't. Especially if it's in the right environment. It works for both parties. And kind of also acknowledging you have to pay your way there as well. So like, you know, help your mum out, making sure you're doing nice things there and you're paying financially. But sometimes you have to go backwards to go forwards again.

But even like I said, you could move home with mum for a bit and then still move to rented, but make sure that the money's right there. You don't have to, oh, I'll save up and then I'll buy. I think it's when people move home and they just don't have a plan, but then you'd be like, that's a bit of a problem.

Whereas she's already moving out mentally in her head. She's like, so it's just for a fixed period of time. I'll be moved, you know, because it's hard for the, I imagine the parent that's facilitating that too. For, you see all the time, parents welcoming kids back after

life events and life isn't linear we've gone through that before you know you might have to move home in your 50s with your two kids because there's been a leak in the house or you you're going through a renovation it's taken longer than planned like stuff happens and that's okay but yeah some parents taking kids that just have no plan ever and they have already got a restaurant the kids once twice three times in the back again and that's not fair this sounds like it's I don't want that

and I would never put that on my parents but life happens and stuff happens but she's very much got a plan sounds very responsible you know she's got an exit plan and I think that's the most important thing I mean even five months not even half a year

you've got 10 grand saved yeah amazing yeah you don't have to dive straight into that rental. And like I said, there may be a reason why you think that's a good idea. And if the only reason you're thinking is one, it's a little bit close to the school, which I appreciate is practically helpful.

But if it's just because you don't want the failure or the stigma of moving home. No, everyone's jealous. There is no stigma if anything I would wish I was yeah oh but listen tell us how you get on because that would fascinate it and I think you'll really inspire other people that you know let's think may want to leave the situation they're in and that decision is difficult for them it might open up someone's mind to actually where could I go for a period of time which will be better and not be with you know not be in a relationship I don't want to be in or you know some people stay

in a relationship and stay out of the relationship but stay in the same home because they're stuck you everyone's got options and always ask us if you want help with options definitely that's all for this episode the vault is now closed just a quick disclaimer the vault is just a chat around life and money topics and we are not giving financial advice