The Vault with Financielle - How Do I Stop Spending Money?! | The Vault Episode 7

Episode Date: April 11, 2024

Send us a textWelcome to The Vault with Financielle. Hosts Lucy, Laura and Holly delve into the world of money dilemmas from Leechy friends, getting the money ick, the benefits of budgeting and much much more! Nothing is off limits but everything is safe in the Vault. In this episode of The Vault, we discuss impulsive spending, unhinged wish list items, and the pressure of budgeting with lower incomes.Chapters:00:00:00 - Introduction00:02:26 - Returning Items Bought Online00:04:45 - Addicted to Following Trends00:07:02 - Overcoming the Impulse to Buy00:09:33 - Commercialised Social Media and the Temptation to Spend00:11:58 - The Adult Sensory Sock and Other Wishlist Items00:14:47 - Finding Joy in Not Spending00:16:55 - Communicating about Budgeting with Your Partner00:18:59 - The Pressure of Budgeting for Lower IncomesThe Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

I had to put it on vintage like I made so much admin for myself because I couldn't be bothered to walk two minutes from my house to the little in post amazon blocker thing whatever it is welcome to the vault with financial a safe space where we talk all things life and money and no topics are off limits hello hello hello hello as always, here's a TikTok. Going straight in. Straight in. You, start returning your clothes. Yeah, start returning your damn clothes. When you get that sheen haul and half of it don't fit and the other half looks nothing like how it looked on the website, return that shit and get your money back.

Throwing it in the trash is crazy. You don't want your money? Give it here. I want it. It ain't no shame in my game. I just gassed up $80. So I'll take your money if you don't want it. Hanging it up in your closet, knowing that you never, ever going to wear it ever, ever, ever in life is a little bit crazier. The average 20 through 29 year old wastes $2,700 on clothes every single year. 2,700? Hmm? That's crazy.

Now, I did just make that number up because I don't know how much y'all are wasting on clothes. I'm pretty sure it's a lot, though. It just sounded like good advice. It sounded like good advice that I personally should probably take my own damn self because I do the same thing. But I'm just not in that space right now to change anything I got going on. I'm going to figure out what I'm going to do with my clothes. But in the meantime meantime you return your shit

return your clothes and get your money back okay thank you this is the moment in the pod where we all need to pause the pod everyone go up to your wardrobes get the clothes he's talking about I don't need to I gave mine to Lucy this morning I had the skirt that I bought two years ago with a tag still on that I continue to get out of my wardrobe every single year and try and go I will work this into my wardrobe and then today was the day that I finally handed it over to somebody that I know will get wear out of it so you first of all you're welcome thank you and secondly I am really good at returning clothes I'm not I really I don't get it people are lazy get off your arse why Lucy so recently

actually I ordered a coat for my mum for her birthday from ASOS and I ordered like four coats um all in different orders so like I ordered the first one gave it to her and it didn't didn't fit right um and I was like okay I'll order three more all different sizes sent them to her like directly um she chose the one she wanted and sent the rest back to me like I sent another And I was like, okay, I'll order three more, all different sizes, sent them to her, like, directly. She chose the one she wanted and sent the rest back to me. Like, I sent her the QR code and everything. Smooth. Got the money back.

My coat that I took back with me, however, like, the original one that I bought, it ran out. I had to put it on vintage. Like, I made so much admin for myself because I couldn't be bothered to walk two minutes from my house to the little in post Amazon locker thing, whatever it is. Oh my God. How much was the coat? It was like 55 pounds.

I would never. I am tight. I think I'm tight. I must be. I would get off my ass and go and take that coat. I want 55 pounds back in my pocket. How much did you make on Vinted for it? 40.

Oh, that's all right no but she still has to post it she's still exactly in fact it's harder and then i had to write a description this is why buy now pay later does so well because people want to buy yeah they don't want to pay up front for like five items of clothing because like he rightfully says stuff looks different online, I get it. Stuff fits differently when you get it at home. It looks cheap, it feels cheap, whatever. So people always buy it on Buy Now, Pay Later and go, well, I'm going to return it.

I'm going to return it. It's a favourite thing when we ask people why they use it and how many people never return it. I go for it. I hate buying things online because of that mental admin afterwards. So I got a ball a couple of

weeks ago and um needed a needed a dress and I didn't have a full-length dress so I ordered two I should find a discount code but I I ordered two knowing I was going to have to send one back I already had anxiety yeah it hadn't arrived yet because I knew there was a job I need to because in my day you know and this is um oh my god lucy you've no excuse we've got three children like i've got three children how can i like me fitting in a post office trip is like in between all this other stuff like go for a nice walk and can we say that the lockers are literally at the supermarket that i go to about five times a week as well oh my god but the anxiety i i'm with you they're like I I hate the job I hate

it I don't know how people sell things online like I I worship the ground you walk on that you've got that mental strength to sell things in that way like it's so annoying so yeah I sent one bag and the money's come back into my account and I don't think I've made money I know people like joke about that that well now I'm I've made 40 pounds not lost 10 I've not lost 15 pounds I am more impressed that you put four things in your basket and bought them

because my favourite thing in life my toxic trait is putting things in the basket and never checking out it's like shopping but for free

yeah there's like all the online retailers trying to work out Holly they're like hmm what can we do to get this customer?

She keeps putting seven things in and leaving them forever. You know what happens when you put stuff in your basket and don't check out? Discount code. They send you a discount code and then I play hard to get

and don't buy it again. To the ends of the earth, you will never get me. I'm the anomaly in your database. So I don't commit as much as you, I will look and heart things don't make it in the basket because I know

I'll never it's like a halfway house you're telling the buyer behind the screen oh 20,000 people liked this 10 bought it like you're playing hard to get you know what I mean

but it's like a less of a commitment if I'm hearting it I've not put it in my basket it's like you don't for being hit it's like oh just I just like it it's the screenshot on it in my basket is that your dopamine hit it's like oh just I just like it it's the screenshot on my phone

that I'll never look at again yeah oh well get off your handy later never seen again words of advice after this get off your backside

and take it back it's already too late okay first dilemma kind of goes hand in hand with that actually

so the title is I'm addicted to following trends and it's hurting my bank account. I'm in need of some urgent help as I feel like I'm slowly self-sabotaging my personal finances. I don't know if my spending habits are normal or not,

but I'm too scared to speak to my friends about it because I don't want to be embarrassed. I literally cannot go a day without spending money. As someone who is chronically online. Is this you be honest i feel like i'm constantly being sold to whether it's a new clothing item or some random blanket on tiktok shop tiktok shop or weird place i'm so easily persuaded to the point where i literally don't go a day without spending money i feel like i'm addicted to the buzz of always having a parcel waiting for me to open but i don't know how much longer I can go on

how on earth do I actually stop spending money and reach my savings goals for once we say do you associate with this person not not as much but I'm gonna let you take this one I used to yeah but I actually think I took a step back and I was like what is this shit that I am buying I would literally buy anything give us an example oh my god it's water bottles for me water bottles anonymous the fact that I do not have a Stanley cup by the way is like the biggest achievement. How did that happen? She doesn't like cold water.

I don't like cold water, but I'm still nearly bought. Room temperature water, yes, please. Ice cold, no. But yeah, I think, I feel like the key is to just absolutely have a social media detox. Like that is the one place where it's rife. Like I cannot scroll on TikTok without like flicking to Amazon straight away I used to be so bad and the one thing that actually really helped was a no spend month like massively yeah like going cold turkey and like

literally like leaving your cards at home deleting apple pay just removing like creating so much friction in between you and the like piece of junk that you're gonna buy yeah did it make you realize how many times a day you're triggered to buy stuff so much I feel like if I compared like my like outgoings now to like myself a year ago it would be like six pounds six pounds two pounds three pounds six pounds whatever like getting a coffee getting it like croissant whatever whatever whereas now I'm more like I kind of sit down at the start of the week every week and I'm like okay I was like I'm not gonna spend anything these days like I'm working from home these days so like I'm not gonna do anything I think what she was if, if you think about what she feels like,

it now doesn't matter what it is. It's the spending. It's not the things. And that's where she's absolutely realising I'm not, I just don't, I am just constantly like buying. I don't even know what I'm buying. I don't even know how much.

And it's the dopamine hit from it. And I think your advice is great. It's like frenz advice is great isn't it you can hear in her description it's like a frenzied like purchase I just need to do it all the time yeah you can't go and so there's so many influences I used to follow back in the day that I just loved for the personality and like the like opinions on things like hot takes on things and then I cannot go and watch one story without there being an ad. And yes, they display it and there's loads of rules now to help show, but there's so many things that are gifted to people that people don't disclose.

There's so many PR stays and PR meals out and you look at this amazing restaurant and yeah, every single thing is so commercialised now on social media. I was speaking to a community member yesterday and that was the biggest change that she's seen in herself doing financial and kind of following the plan, just being really mindful and thinking and putting things in place. So she writes things down now and Lydia's really good at this. She writes a little wishlist. So Lydia spent 20 minutes going through her wishlist the other day in the office to us all. Do you want to go through the wishlist? Oh my God. Okay. If

you don't want to share what's on it, tell us you've got one what's the list for okay right so before financial i'm not you know what my worst weakness is is the middle a little like yeah the middle special i really need a jet washer no um but i just avoid that aisle now what i've done that i say i just i look and it's like disneyland and i just just dream i have gone to the middle aisle of aldi now i order my shopping online by the way which was another tip and i i save more by not going to aldi and i just do an online order yeah um because i'm not tempted to buy extra stuff i used to what look to the left i can pick i mean not that long ago just because i'm human and it would trigger me and so i people must i wonder if people when i know what she's doing i physically put my hands to the sides of

my eyes like a horse you know like you need like blinkers like don look, don't look. You have enough power tools. You have a garden. You don't have a garden. Stop. She is. No garden. So then you, so okay. So that was your biggest weakness.

And what's the list for? The list is so that I get a little dopamine hit of acting on it, but I haven't spent the money. It's like acknowledging the things you want that's yeah I'd quite like that one day never are you gonna do any of the list it's a bit embarrassing I feel like it's the truth let's go okay well one something I've been advertised loads on Instagram recently is this thing that it's like an ear cleaner but it's got a camera and it links to your phone and you can watch like all this wax and it's disgusting and i love it like um but it's like 30 quid but i was

like i'm gonna put it on my stupid list he's got a venmo if anyone wants to sponsor her cleaner she would love that you also got an um an adult an adult sized sensory sock, like for your body. Sorry? For your feet? No, for your entire body. Calvin, Calvin, Calvin. Does this suck? I think it's for kids with autism. But I just, I want it. A full body sensory sock.

Climbing sunbags. It's like a climbing sandbag. It's just a little face. It's like a sock, like a light grip. Right, when I get my own house, when I own a place, it's going to have like a swing, like a hammock. Can it work?

It's so low. I've got the swing. I've got my own adult money. I can do what I want I want to have a human sock on a swing just leave me be I'll be happy just go to the park Lydia go to the park and put normal socks on

my flat is actually quite normal this is why I have the list it goes on the list instead of the list works but do you feel better bringing it back and in defence of the list it of... The list works. But... Do you feel better? Bringing it back, and in defence of the list,

it works because you get your dopamine hit so you don't impulse buy the adult sensory sock. But it also, if you then really, really wanted it, you can at least justify to yourself and your budget that that has been on there a while. It's been on there months,

to be honest. It's still not bought. The sock or the swing? Both. Swings when she gets a house. house yeah i need to update my list with my amazon wish list because that's even worse i reckon oh everyone loves an amazon wish list i think putting friction so amazon is so easy like number one is a rich now the richest man in the world that got announced the other day he's taking over ilan musk no surprise there mr beszos but the reason

Amazon does so well is because it's so frictionless you see one thing you go and buy it it is on your doorstep the next day there is no dopamine hit like it

the same day do you remember you used to have to pick a cat hog up for your birthday like a Toys R Us cat hog circle it go into the shop

and actually buy it the code oh my god I remember that steal a few pens while you're at it and you would probably your parent would pop of like

anticipation of getting it so if it's just delayed gratification it's not interesting and you're like why have I bought this would you use

a full body sensory sock yeah for chilling I bet she would well I think you should buy it bring it to the office I think you should buy it in shows

time in the week on the pod next week we support spending if we really want yeah yeah it's uh it's if you budget for it it's the chronic and like frenzied and that's a great tip from you lisa actually and and combined with the list i think that's a really really good idea try and go cold turkey for a period of time try and put friction in place removing the credit cards from amazon pay or apple pay like making it harder to do things and honestly sometimes it's about going through going a day and then going two days yeah then going three days and then suddenly look back and go oh i've not i didn't i've not spent because you once you kick the the habit you don't get the

and you find joys in other ways like doing a budget that is a dopamine hit from saving as well so set yourself a little challenge a customer that i spoke to yesterday a community member said that she now gets her dopamine hit from um not spending but paying off her goals so every time she puts money into her goal on the fan and shop she was like the green the green line moves further she was like that's now replaced by dopamine hit so you can absolutely find that dopamine hit in other ways great tip well that goes on to our community win actually which someone said i did a no spend month and managed to save 1041 pounds to put towards my debt there you go you can do it you can do it the no spend month can literally help you with a kick a habit and a problem and switch it towards putting something good well

done community member um if you'd like to send us your community wins please send us in an email to the vault at financial.com i nearly said the vault at hello right we've got we've got five minutes to do the last dilemma we can do it okay moving on to dilemma two my husband is accusing me of spending too much money hi ladies i'm really in need of some guidance on how to have an open conversation with my husband about money as we're on completely different pages. Since we've had our children, we naturally fell into our own roles when it comes to money. We combine our finances fully and I take care of the household budget as I like to know everything that comes in and goes out. Whereas he just likes to know everything is on track and that's enough for him. We have a few money goals like moving house and going on holiday this year,

so I make sure to prioritise these goals in our budget. Until recently, this system has worked really well for us, but he's realised we aren't building our savings as much as he thought we were. The cost of everything seems to have gone up recently, and it's sparked the realisation that he doesn't actually know this. As I'm the one who orders the food chop fills up the car on the school run and sorts our bills out he approached the situation as if it's me who's overspending and limiting their money progress and this has really annoyed me how do i get him to see that he's not in touch with the current prices of everything and that it's impacting our budget i thought this is such a common problem.

Set him a task, get him to do it. Get him to do it with you or get him to do it. Like, okay, you know, banter, but you think you could do a better job. Here you go. Because they have gone up. That's exactly the point. So if there was a goal,

I think what I would also say is, and the way we recommend budgeting with Fire & Shell is set the budget at the beginning of the month. Your excess, which is the bit that's left over after all your fixed expenses and after your little sinking funds is set. It's set, like say it was £500 for a family or £250 or whatever it is, and you move that money to the savings. So therefore, at the beginning of the month, if those budget numbers are right and as close to,

you should have hit your savings goal and be on track. If she starts to see that actually we're running out really quickly of the groceries, that's not enough or the clothes are costing too much or whatever, she should be having that conversation and saying, we need more money in the grocery port or we need this because it's not going far enough. So either we need to earn more money or we need to reduce that savings down. that's one thing that that should be set at the beginning and if it's if it's costing too much money you need to readjust the budget so that's one thing the second thing is do it together because I think that in defense of him he probably doesn't realize

what things cost I am shocked about how little you get now for a pretty good grocery budget um but it's you know if it's her overspending it'll come out in the numbers yeah they absolutely have to sit and do that budget together i think that's the only way to get over it because it comes across as quite accusatory by him to be like we're not hitting these money goals way up to like laura said you absolutely like i benefit so much from doing a money date night with my partner we sit down at the beginning of every month we know what our goals are we work towards them together and like you say if you do your budget properly and thoroughly you know exactly how much is going to your excess and therefore know when you're going to hit your goals it should come as no surprise at the end of the

month that you either are or aren't moving to those money goals as quickly but things are so expensive like I did food shop the other day again it's up. And generally the woman will take on the role of sorting out the budgeting in the family. Do you know how much pressure comes with that? Sleepless nights for some people that they're worried that they're not going to be able to, you know, the fear of tapping your card at the supermarket. The fear is real.

And it's just for a lot of people. I remember years ago, I got used to people on lower incomes. I see friends struggling to get to the end of the month money left over and again it's generally the woman that takes on the responsibility so pull your finger out I'm fed up with deciding what's for tea never mind working out how much it costs and paying for it I have done food shops and gone there's nothing in so like we've got stuff for lunches but we need to go and decide what should we have for tea and go to Sainsbury's for it so yeah I think collaboration is key here definitely that's it for today have we got any final words

I think the money date night I just always think that when when there's a bit of a mismatch in communication or perception it's not always a negative thing for a relationship it's completely normal but working together and doing bits together I liked what she said at the beginning by the way about I like organise everything and he just like keeps an eye on it and I think lots of relationships are like that

there's nothing wrong with one person being the organiser and the other person not being but certainly not having a blame culture and coming together

and looking at the facts behind it because if she is like like I said if she's overspending it'll come out but working together is one of the best things

you can do as a couple yeah I just want him to pull his finger out to be honest yeah she's overspending, it'll come out. But working together, it's one of the best things you can do as a couple. Yeah. Yeah. I just want him to pull his finger out, to be honest. Yeah. Like, I don't like the accentuary tone, but yeah, just come together.

Yeah. You can have your own money personalities, but like when it's time to budget, like you both need to be there. Yeah. Pull your finger out. Yeah. Pull your finger out.

Amazing. Okay. The Vault is now closed. That's all for this episode. If you would like to send us your dilemmas, please send them to thevault.financial.com. And just a quick disclaimer, The Vault is just a chat around life and money topics, and we are not giving financial advice.