The Vault with Financielle - How Do We Keep Things Fair in Our Blended Family? | The Vault Episode 84

Episode Date: October 1, 2025

Send us a text#ad A special bonus episode, brought to you with our friends at Octopus Legacy 🐙We’re talking all things blended families and how to protect them. Whether you’re part of a blended family or know someone who's part of one, this episode is not for gatekeeping."You should never ask family about what’s in the will, it’s rude" -  we unpack this week’s controversial opinion, then dive into your dilemmas:💸 "I don't want my husband's new partner to get ANYTHING!"💸 ”How Do We Keep Things Fair in Our Blended Family?”One of the best ways to protect the people you love is by putting a plan in place for when you’re gone.And thanks to a partnership between Octopus Legacy and charities across the UK, it’s easier than ever.You can write or update your will, and a charity of your choice will cover the cost, up to £150, so you can get a simple will fully paid for by their charity partners, or get a will with a trust at a discounted rate.You can write your will over the phone, face-to-face or online. Many people choose to leave a gift to charity in their will as a thank you for covering the cost, but this isn’t required to claim the offer.Get started here ✨Make sure to check out the legacy week episode we mentioned: [https://youtu.be/WmyU07PLF74?si=J4SAtgjpB1nK5oyb]Got a money win or (totally anonymous) dilemma? Share it via the Financielle app community or email [e-mail] 💌You’re not alone in figuring this stuff out. Get honest, helpful reads at financielle.com 💖💸The Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

Welcome to The Vault with Financial. This week we've got a special bonus episode in partnership with our friends at Octopus Legacy. In the UK, around a third of families are blended, but so many of us are walking around without the protection we really need. This episode is packed with relatable dilemmas, community money wins and some brilliant insights from our friends at Octopus Legacy. Today's episode is not for gatekeeping, so be sure to share. Okay, let's get into it. I'm excited for this week's episode. Well, because it's driven by so many of our community's messages. Whether we, you know, the stats speak for themselves. There's so many people find themselves in families where they are blended or, you know, there are lots of different children. There's

older children, there's younger children, there's new partners, there's so many different dynamics. And I just feel like the world of money isn't really geared up for helping life, like, what life's like. It's just product, product, and not, you know, how do we navigate it so that we can all chill and enjoy this blended family without like the secret like what... Undertones of the unspoken stuff. Yeah. We put all of the dilemmas in this episode are from Instagram

and I remember seeing all of the dilemmas come through and they were all so different. Yeah. And because so much more just comes into play like there's personalities involved that it's not just what's on paper. Like there's so many different dynamics like you've just said. And nuances. There's no like nuclear family anymore.

Like when we were growing up it used to be like two adults, two children. Like that was the standard family and it's just not like that anymore. Hedosexual, really simple, really simple cookie cutter. This is what life's like. And I'm glad it's not like that. I'm glad that it's very, very, that there's so many different ways that a family can be

or that individuals can be. But I think we're the first generation that have parents to have really gone through separations and sometimes remarriages because our parents didn't because it really wasn't a thing. Like you didn't get divorced. You didn't get separated. Thankfully, as you can. You know, people are living longer, so sometimes spouses pass away. So you might have a

situation where, you know, one of your parents has sadly passed away and your parents remarried. So it's not just our generation of like, you know, children for previous marriages or exes or stuff. It's actually parents as well and in-laws and parents. Yeah. And the law's just not geared up for that. And that's the problem, I think. Like the law hasn't kept up with the changes. It's very archaic. So blended families find it really difficult when there's times of death, divorce, whatever. Illness. Yeah. It's just, it's not caught up. So this episode is designed in mind to, like, help you navigate that or a friend and family member that might need this help. Definitely. Okay, today's controversial opinion is, you shouldn't ask your family

about what's in the will. It's rude. What do we think? Well, what we're picturing, I'm picturing like the dark room and the lawyer's office. Wood chip. Yeah. Yeah. Is it wood chip? Like, oh no, like, varnished, like, wood everywhere. Yeah, panelled wood. Yeah, panelled, like, piquy blind. That's like 70s, isn't it? It's definitely not that. Like a peeky blinders, you know where he's like in the office.

There's a leather chair. A green or red leather chair. Yeah. And a really old man in a suit reading. Yeah, and this is obviously the reading of the will that I'm like over-dramatizing. But that is always in a film. It's like that's when you find out. Because you're not asked.

Because you didn't ask. And there's surprises. There should really, if your clothes, to somebody, there shouldn't be any shocks or surprises in a will, I don't think. It should all be. Unless it's like something nice. Yeah. Yeah. But not like they've kept them out of the will.

Or like they've given that to her and we didn't know. Like you, the fallouts that come out of wills between siblings specifically were someone feel like they're aggrieved because they might have looked after their family member and felt like they deserve more of the split. Like we hear that a lot when someone's like, the carer.

And the family member, rightfully so, has created the will like a long time ago and then maybe not updated it to reflect what it should like a lot of family members sometimes give more to the son or daughter that doesn't have as much as the other so they feel like they need to support them more financially not split it 50-50 because that we've heard it before we've read a we've read a dilemma out someone own their own family business or something and they felt like they were fine so they didn't need as much of the will as the other and then they felt agreed that it wasn't 50-50 it's so controversial can be controversial well so

Lydia and I before we're talking about active listening and I've already forgotten what the actual controversial opinion was it was it you shouldn't ask it's rude to ask Is it rude? I don't think like how would you bring it up But you've never asked our pet

well they're quite open about how things would be So is it rude to ask? I've never heard anything from like my dad for example How am I going to? Or should you? Which is a blended family. Yes. So there's some more questions. Oh, let's workshop it. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Because you are very lucky that both parents are in good health. You do have a dad that's remarried

and you have step. Yeah, I've got two set brothers. One real, real. Sorry, sorry, guys. No offense. You've got a step and a half. No, I've got two step brothers and just one brother. And you've no half siblings. No. So, how would you broach it with your dad? I don't know. I think, I feel like there would have to be a certain, not something happened, but like maybe when you retirees. Yeah.

And it's like, oh, so what are you plans with this? So mine would be more from a place of like care. And it can come from that to be like, yeah. Obviously, it's different for us. But I feel like I'm talking about this. We talk about this all the time, like it's our job. So I've got a very skewed opinion of, course you should ask, because it would.

be, oh, we filmed an episode today. I want to make sure that you've got all the right things in place when it comes to you will. We also have a situation where there's no blended family. Yes. So like, let's pretend we're step-sisters. That'd be fun. Like, we have the ugly stars in Cinderella. You're fighting us for a portion of your dads. But, you know, would, so, so if, if dad remarried with someone who had two children, she had two children so there's us and them and we've seen this in our community

who's seen actually an extended family before where if sorry mum I'm killing you off and I know you watch this so you pass away and dad remarries and so in our head half of the assets

that dad didn't because dad would inherit we wouldn't say dad would the half of the assets that dad inherits were yours and then if dad remarries and something happens to dad, all your assets, never mind dad's, you know, fine,

all yours as well. Go to the new wife. The witch. We hate her. We don't like her children. She doesn't make Bolognais better than you. Like, she's an absolute wagon.

And so inheritance is one of those really interesting things where none of us should expect anything, but the idea that it goes to the wrong person makes you very defensive and go, like my mum worked all the life not for your kids to go to Greece like yeah just my God we want to go to Greece we want to go to Greece so that you can understand how but how do you do you would is it rude to ask what's in the will so I think in the simple scenario where there isn't a blended family I think it can be rude so I think you need to let it engineer

in a different way, which is as parents are getting older and as people pass away younger and you didn't, there wasn't a will in place or you didn't know what their intentions are, this is your excuse to say, I've listened to a podcast today and what they talked about was the biggest thing that people get stressed about or share is when they've been through a scenario where someone passes away and there isn't a will. Because firstly you don't have final wishes intentions. You don't know of like there's agony over whether someone wants to, religious ceremony or not or whether they want to be buried or cremated. And that's the biggest stress for people. It's not even the money. They don't care about the money is. Like, I don't know.

Am I doing right by the person? And I don't know. And that stresses me out the most. Have I done the right funeral for them? Did I read the right poem? Did they like that song? Yeah. It really isn't. You know, and especially if someone passes away older, you've no excuse. Like, you know, you should be doing that for your family. And so that's the first scenario, which is they talked about and you, and you may have been sent this podcast by, you know, your children, that's a big stress. And so having that box off in the will is a big thing. But secondly, what's important to assets? Because I've seen scenarios where it's super straightforward, but you feel guilty about selling

the family home. Yeah. You feel guilty about getting rid of possessions. Whereas in my will, it says, sell everything. Yeah. Nothing is sentimental. Yeah. It is completely up to you.

And that permission is, you know, is there. Because we've had people with guilt. years later the money is still sat there because they don't know what to do with it because they feel guilty that it shouldn't be spent on a holiday or paying off debt or whatever it might be whereas if you make those intentions clear in the will that you genuinely don't care what you do with the money that you are given or the home or the holiday home or the whatever the ring you know there's so much guilt for people like if you can in your will and that's maybe a good opener to someone to be like I just want to know if for whatever

reason you pass away which will happen to all of us so it's a fact it's not a what if so there's no taboo going on here like it's going to happen. It's where not if so what would you? Are you bothered about what we do with the family home, your car, your whatever? And if you're not, can you just put it in your will, then we're all on the same page. I agree. And I think that's the baseline because then what you can start to introduce is, you know, we've had this dilemma before. I remember it. It was a long time ago this dilemma. Do you remember the one with the, the, the, the daughter that was disabled? Yes. And it was like what I, oh yeah. And it's about asking what the plan is. And so this is where, you know, there may be a scenario where one sibling is more

eventually well, one sibling has less needs than the other, having those practical conversations about, if something that's happened to you, like, what would you like? You know, it might be, by the way, I don't mind if I don't get as much as, yeah, you might be actively encouraging. Yeah, to say, or you know that Laura shit with money. Or she has a job. So don't give it to her and I will manage it for. Yeah. Or she like, we know that she has a job in the arts and it really doesn't pay much. I'm a lawyer. I'm going to be all right. So maybe you should think dad about splitting it like 70 30 and I would be more than happy with that I would rather her be looked after and are not worrying when you're gone like that type of conversation because then the next

scenario is that conversation about blended rumbling that's really professional in this I wish we're talking about people die um but then you can also have a chat with um because you might also not have a blended family yet you might have yeah yeah mom and dad's still together parents still together and or you could have one parent you might not have a second parent you might not have uh you know your dad might not be in your life and you've just got your mum the idea that if they remarried you know what are the consequences of that because wills become null and void anyway then so you'd have to have that conversation but yeah i think it's i think in a blended family how do you say really like obviously we've got a different dynamic family and i think you speak to your parent about it you don't

speak with the the partner unless you've got that relationship but if you've if you're entering into a blended family, or if you do have a blended family with parents, I think having that conversation about what would you want to happen? Because we do not need fallouts. We don't need that. We need good relationships. How is it going to be? And the final point is if there is animosity and if there is stress with new relationships and blended families, sometimes it's easier to not ask and not care. Yeah. I think the one defenseability is when it's like it could be your mum or dad's stuff that then gets given to someone else and that's like we've covered the Suzanne Shaw story didn't we and that happened to her we've got a blog it's on fanchelle.com

have a look at it just search Suzanne Shaw yeah um from hearsay god I know but she her dad we all know it her dad passed away I think I can't remember which way around it was all her mom her dad remarried yes and the new partner my part like got married again and ever she didn't get anything well and her children like yeah does her children didn't she mentions that but that's the thing for me i think how like coming back to trish you've passed away the grandkids you're like no no yeah it says because you know we always think about this with inheritance well i joke about those of our parents i'm like you know the idea is you're all around forever yeah and actually it's it's never a thing for us but if it's something it's for your grandkids yeah and so that can

sometimes be a good way to talk about it's not like you join what money am i get and it's the The hope is that I'm as old as you, you know, we're all old and we don't need anything and it's actually something, you know, that, to be able to pass on or to be able to donate as well, like what charities are important to people and is that inner will and making sure people put that, is that, you know, there could be someone that helped your parents and that looked out for them and or there could be a charitable cause or a local sports club. You know, a community garden project and they go and they do it every week so they'd like to leave something behind to them.

And if that's not in the will, it might never happen unless you know we probably should donate some of the money. Like, put it as your intentions. It's a super different. We find it easier because we're very open about it as a family. And we obviously are in this line of work. And so we've always been quite big on it. But saying, it could come across. Saying, I've listened to this pod and they've said we should talk about it.

So I'm not, I'm not angling at what I'm going to get. I'm not angling at what I think someone else should get. But do you have a will and do you want to share what's in it? you could position it like so I've done my will and this is what's in my and it could then encourage you should. You should be doing your will. So what's in yours? And you should. You shouldn't be like, it shouldn't be the old. This conversation should not be with the oldest person in your family. It should be with every single person in your family. So you're closest. Nan, you're 90 so let's talk about this. No, no, it should be. You're first on the list.

Yeah. No, listen, we are like, we have, we all know someone that has gone too soon. Yeah. We're all like, we've all been there. And so having, yeah, we should, no matter what your age right now, this is something that you should be thinking about. And so having a comment, and again, we talked about making sure that you review things regularly, making sure that you review things after children, after weddings and divorces, like making sure, well, weddings especially because like making sure that if you have a will and then you get married, it's no one void. So you have to do another one. Yeah. And we've talked about Laura's friend in the past that passed away and didn't get divorced and everything in the will went to her partner

that she was married to eight years previous that had moved on and had children with somebody else her family got nothing so it's really important that you do this. In fact, if you listen to this episode go back to that one, is it if you search Legacy Week you can find it when you're in the pods

because I share the story it's fucking awful and part of my friend's legacy is us being on this couch going get a will tell people to get a will get divorced if you're married to someone and you don't want to stay with them do the paperwork, do the grind

because the idea that in that window something happens to you and someone you specifically don't want to inherit things is awful. So the first step is will because you can divorce takes time. You can specifically disenherit people with a will. Is it rude to ask?

Do you think you'll go and ask your own dad after this chat? You probably won't. Like it is, is it rude? Coming back to the question. Active listening, I remembered. I didn't think so. I think I'd speak to my mum because she's by herself. And that's more of her like,

have you got everything in place? Like make sure. all of that stuff I don't know arguably it'd be more important to speak to your dad because that's the blended family side of things

that it wouldn't be as straightforward as you mum's avoiding it where it would go to her children so it's pretty straightforward from your mum's perspective the law it would follow the law and it would go to you and your brother I think we've got homework for you

but I think we'd give you a bit of a script that would be I did an episode this week and therefore this is what my will looks like what does yours look like not dad what does your will look like because we're a blended family and I don't want, you know, what's the situation.

No, no, Dad, I did my will this week. But be less British, let's not be British, like, and come back and tell us what that felt like, like, have the conversation, like, it's just such an okay conversation to have. Yeah. It's shrouded in so much, so much, like. It's Hollywood. Yeah. It's because it's been, you know, you hear the horror stories, you don't hear there.

And it, it's like, is it, is it you being a leech? Is it you after money? Like, it is very, it's a loaded question. It can be a loaded question. So can we remove. the controversial element to it, which is one, we all know we're going to die. Two, we will have some assets when we die, whether that's like your favourite ring. Someone who's got a ring. We talked about it last week. Is it a piece of jewelry? Is it something sentimental? Is it a painting

that your grandma gave you? Or is it a million pound? Because I'm hoping we're going to building some big empires with people listening to this pod. You will all have lots of money. So who is it going to? Who would you want it to go to? Who would you not want it to go to? And I ask, Collie and Laura, have you asked each other what's in each other's wills? We've copied each other's rules. Yes, because you don't find it rude then. Do you know why? Because it was the guardianship point of view.

So if Neil and I pass away together, if we're involved in an accident, what happens to our kids? And I never thought about it. Yeah. Yeah. So we had to discuss with each other because Laura and Carl are the guardians of my children and vice versa. So it was actually a big conversation to have. Like we had to be like, are you okay with if something happened to Neil and I at the same time that you would look after our children. So yeah, we do actually.

But also, I think, oh, am I executor of yours? Because you're not executive of mine. I think Sam and Gem are executive. I think you are in somebody else. I think Tash's. Yeah. Because I knew that I had to pick a friend that would be like, what's the word? Like composed. Yeah. I've got another best friend that I wouldn't want to put on her because I know that she'd be emotional because I would be for hers because we're truly best friends. And Tash is like one of my best friends. But I've just be like, she could handle it. it. She's so practical. Yeah, that's why I picked the lawyers like, yeah, they can handle it. But, but so that's a very good point as well. If someone is an executor and often, sometimes, you know,

children are executors? Why are we executives? I think we are. I think we are. Now, because we weren't. It was friends. But it makes sense, like, you know, quite frankly, like, picking people this similar age. Yes. They might have passed away. So, like, who will be, and having children. So an executor, you make it very easy. for an executor to interpret a will if they've seen it before. An executive signs the will, don't forget. So having that conversation about what's in it and what do you expect to happen

means that there's no pressure on the executive who is usually just a normal person. Like some people choose solicitors and stuff, but some people just choose trusted friends that can interpret a will well. Like family friend could be good where they're not in the... It's not contentious.

Do you remember when Nana passed away in her will? I'm sure it was her friend. who was, like, leader of the council. I know it's good. He's doing it. I'm like, all right. We have to have someone like on a throne of power.

Like, she had millions of pounds to distribute. Like, it was very important that it was very simple, the division of assets. I quite like that she did that. She thought a lot of herself. She thought a lot of herself. She was like, so the leader of the local council is going to be my executor.

It was a brother. So it wasn't like, she wrote to the council. Like, I know you've got a lot on. I rate myself and my will. I've appointed you executive. I want you to read it in the council chambers. Can it be published in the papers? That would have been so much more fun.

Yeah, it would have been actually. It would have been, yeah. Iconic. Okay, time for our first dilemma. Although your life can sometimes feel like a Hollywood blockbuster, weddings, divorce, death and scandal, it's the mundane life admin that can protect you from turning it into a horror film. Here at Fine and Shell, we feel really,

passionate about making sure our community and their families are protected. Be honest, do you have a will? And if you do, when was the last time that you updated it? We've been working with our pal's Octopus Legacy for some time now, and our gal Harriet from Octopus Legacy has dropped us this helpful voice note to help you stay in control when it comes to protecting you and your loved ones. Hi Financial. There's a quick tip on how to make sure your loved ones are looked after, no matter your situation. Make sure you have to be able to. have an up-to-date will in place. Unfortunately, the law doesn't always protect blended or non-nuclear family structures the way you'd expect. So without the right plan in place, your home, savings and

assets might not go to the people you'd want, and the people you love might not get what you want them to. That's why writing a will, or for extra protection and control, creating a will with trust, is so important. It lets you decide who gets what, when and how, like letting your partner stay in the house while still leaving your share of your home to your children, or ensuring you've provided for your whole family, not just your immediate relatives. And if you've already got a will, you should make sure it's up to date and matches your current wishes. Thanks for letting me interrupt, ladies. I'll let you get back to your podcast now. P.S., love the show. A helpful reminder from our gal Harriet to get that important life admin nailed when it comes to

protecting you and your loved ones. And right now, it's simpler than ever to do so. Until October 31st, October's legacy has teamed up with charities from across the UK to cover the cost of your will up to 150 pounds. You and your family can write a simple will at no cost or get a will with a trust at a discounted rate for a short time only. Let Octopus Legacy help you nail the important life admin so that you can go about living your life with the people you love. Head to the show notes to get started. Now, let's get back to it. I don't want my husband's new partner to get anything. Ladies, I know this sounds like a crazy dilemma, but please hear me out. I don't want my husband's future partner to get anything, except I'm happily married

with no reason to end my marriage. So is there a new partner? There's not. Oh, this is okay, right. I know where she's going on. I was suddenly was like, married, happily directing into the future. Happily married and is a new partner, but this is potentially in the future. We've got a fellow overthinking. Yes. Okay. Welcome to the party. Let's crash out together. Yeah. My husband and I recently had the wedding of our dreams in the Caribbean, surrounded by my family, friends and my gorgeous daughter. It was the best day of my life. When we landed back in the UK, I started to work through all the laborious paperwork that comes with getting married and it suddenly hit me. What if something happened to me and my child got nothing? My little girl isn't my husband's

biological child, even though she calls him dad and he treats her like his own. I've heard nightmare stories from children from previous relationships being left with nothing when their step-parent goes on to remarry should their biological parent pass away. I've let me. I've let me my imagination run away with me, inventing stories of who this new woman is, the evil stepmother, cutting my daughter out of her inheritance and leaving her with nothing. So I want to know, am I being irrational and am I being unfair for not wanting my partner to move on with my wealth, should I pass away? How can I protect my child should the unthinkable happen? Your child's Cinderella. Yeah, I love it. Oh my goodness.

Like, even though she's like running away with the story, so many people don't consider this when they marry someone and their child is not biologically their new partners. What do you think? What do you think of this dilemma? So we actually asked Octopus Legacy about this because obviously like we're not lawyers. I am a lawyer actually, but are you still a lawyer? Oh, forgot about that. Well, you're always a lawyer, but I'm a non-practice.

I wouldn't give advice anyway even if I was a practicing one on here about legal stuff but it is a bit of a complicated area and obviously this month you can get a free will through Octopus Legacy if you go to if you listen to this in October if you listen to this in November so you can have to get

one but they really cost effective so you have to get one that's the rule of this podcast but look in the show notes because you can get a free one and we asked them what they would say in this scenario and so they've said helpfully you can protect your daughter's inheritance by writing a will with a trust. So a trust is a way to set aside money or assets in your will to be looked after by a trustee.

So usually someone that you literally trust, hence trustee, for the benefit of someone else. So for example, a life interest trust, also known as a property protection trust, can make sure that your whole estate or just the family home, which is usually the biggest asset we think about it when people pass away, is kept safe for your daughter, while still allowing your husband to benefit from those assets or giving him the right to at least live in the property. The trust can also be written so that if he remarries to the wicked stepmother, your share of the home automatically passes to your daughter. And I have seen these work before.

Often these are put in wills when people take advice. Another option is a flexible life interest trust, which allows your husband to be supported during his lifetime, but guarantees that your assets ultimately pass to your daughter on his death. So that's one way of doing it. So constructing it where there's a trust so your daughter benefits from the asset, but your husband can use them and not be kind of like kicked out. It's home and stuff like that.

This is why it's really important to review your wills like every few years because hopefully if you're following Fran and Shell, your assets will grow and the amount of assets. You might start off married life with not much, but during married life, if you build wealth together, obviously dynamics change. And there may be a scenario where you don't leave the home to your daughter, but you've built up other assets.

So you can leave assets outright to your daughter. If she's over 18, she can inherit them directly. And so I think that's something that you could do and make a good healthy chat with your husband about that. Even debating when you remarry, you know, what's going to happen here? It's like when you have a dream. It's like when you have a dream, the husband's cheating in the dream. And they wake up and they're like, you wake up and they're like, you.

I knew it. And they're like, what? Over cereal, over the Rice Krispies. They're like, what do you mean? And you're like, you had an affair in my dream. And then you're in a mood with them all day. Like, we've all done it. Yeah.

Do you know what? Carl was saying, Alex, he was crying. I was like, right, you go in that bed, I'll go in that bed and we'll all move around. And I was up for the gym, Ellis was like, fine, you can go. And I came in from, actually was the run. I came in from the run and Carl went, did you hear him in the night? I was like, no, and he was going, give me back my bike. So he's probably fallen out with, like, his friend at school today because he was streaming. You stole my bike in the night.

But yeah, I think having that chat is, it's not you or don't trust. It's your future young wife that will, you know, you know, She'll steal it from our daughter because he sees the daughter as his as well. So follow that, have a little look. You definitely, if you're blended and if you're brand new married, any will that you've had before is null and void, you just need to redo it. But other people also use life insurance in this scenario.

Because it is quite complicated when you're thinking about division of assets, especially assets that you own together. You know, you can't have half a house. And what's your daughter going to do with half a house? And she also can't get access to that until your husband then passes away later. And so in the scenario, especially if you've envisaged this where if you pass away young and you want to make sure your daughter's looked after, a life insurance policy is a great way of take out a life insurance policy and she's the beneficiary.

You might have two, the younger you are, the cheaper life insurance is. So you might end up with two life insurance policies where your daughter can inherit one immediately. Not inherit, she wouldn't inherit it, but she will get the pay out. and your husband might have the one that pays out like the family home and you've got a scenario where enough people are protected and this is something that comes up a lot

if you go to fanchelle.com for us protection we have a provider life insurance that we've partnered with you can ring the number that females answer the phone on the other end and can walk through this with you and what I did is just just download, just go right

can I tell you my life story say what you're concerned about and they can genuinely help you with what things you can put in place even if it's nominal amount that can give you that piece of mind that whatever happens to you, she is getting that, she's inheriting it, she's getting a payout for it so that you're not worried because wills, you have to do the will thing. That's a no-brainer. But you have to keep on top of those. It's a good, I would do the two. I would do both. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And

wills are free in the month of October. So like Laura said, if you are no excuse. It's free. Yeah. It's free. The trust might not be free, but getting a will is free. And if you speak to them, like get them on the phone. And if you listen to this after October, just ring them anyway. It's a cost effective way of doing it. So do the will, ring life insurance. Yeah.

Okay, I've got a really, really good community one. I messaged you at the end of last year saying I've got my sinking funds ready. Well, guess what? I use those to pay my car insurance in full, home insurance in full, and I paid for my MOT and already have the amount needed for the annual boiler repair. In a year and a bit, my husband and I have also cleared 29,000 pounds of debt. We have 12K left, but honestly, I'm so proud of us. Our emergency fund is topped up, and I've also going on maternity leave, and we've saved for that too.

I'm feeling good, and it feels so nice to not buy things on credit card and clara. It's all because of the tips you tell us on Instagram, the app, and the podcast. Financial has helped us get ourselves together, and I'm very grateful for it. Yay. Straight-A student. That's a hell of a lot of debt to claim. I've got to confess for a minute. I thought you're going to say we've got 12 kids.

And it was 12K. So, oh my God. And you're going on mat leave, like, in a much better place than you were before. Yes, there's still like consumer debt to clear. But the fact that you've managed to clear how much in the year. When we do like 29K. When we do the things like paying for things in full, I wish that you could ring them. You probably can.

But like, go, I'd like to pay for that in full. Do you know like how you pay for this in full? You know what? I had a moment like that bringing about the dentist story. Listen, I tell so many people about the dentist story. I don't know. Hang on, can you have to tell people about the dentist story just in case they don't know it? So basically, the last like, no, not the last.

I had a good, like, solid eight months of dentist debacle. And in my final bit of this, like, treatment plan, which was very expensive, there was, like, four appointments, like, the line and they were all like 600 pounds each and every time when I like would Apple pay it which is crazy. Can you have to pay 600 pounds? Well no it's just Apple pay it's just it's just it's a card. Yeah but it feels like but she was like is that debit code or credit card and I'll say debit. Debt. Did you have to talk about you as well? Every time I was like debit. Yeah I'll pay in fact you want me to pay for all four now. Yeah I did say that. I thought that's what you're going to say. Yeah, take my money.

He's drum every week. Yeah. I love that in the waiting room. Debt. Oh, just debit. 600. Debit. It's in there.

When I did my invisible line, I wonder if I was like, do you want it all now? Yeah. Like, what a dick. Installment. I'm safe for it all already. Can everyone here? What a flex? Like, when a lot of people don't know this, but when you're paying for car insurance or home insurance

monthly, you actually take out credit to do it. You won't realize it, but that's why they run a credit. check because obviously they want to know that you're going to pay it but it's this big thing that I was chatting to one of the guys from which consumer and champion which he's champion website that's what the call aren't they like about this because they think it's wrong and I'm like I think it's wrong and you don't realize it that's why you pay more because you effectively take out credit and then pay for it monthly and that's why it's more expensive and what they're trying to say is it's a penalty for people that can't afford it up front

you know not everyone is able to build sinking funds like we are things are tough for lots of people. Why don't you just let them pay monthly and it be continuous? And then if you want to stop, why is it an annual policy? Why isn't it not just, you pay for it monthly? There's no credit agreement. It's just like a subscription cost. When you do like Netflix and you pay monthly, you may pay more for the privilege to do it monthly. I don't know. I don't think you do. I think you just pay monthly. I think there's an annual Netflix. I think you just pay monthly. That's just what it costs. But you're not taking on credit. to do that.

And then, so you should just, and actually, people will be better insured then because it's a rolling insurance policy. And then as and when you want to cancel it, you can't. I always think this, like, what are you doing when you get a new car? Like, that's just an extra bit of admin, isn't it? Like, just leave it monthly. And I think loyalty would be bigger because people would just be like, keep it. It's because all your car insurance is due.

Now, I do appreciate that it does go up and down. So maybe they need to revisit prices. I don't know. But why is it credit? Why don't, why is it just, this is a monthly fee? I didn't know that. And if you don't, and like, maybe you have to sign up for a month, a year. And if you don't pay, you're not insured.

So you'll pay. I don't know. So that's why it's a big flex. Well done. That's cool. You are listening to everywhere and everything. And we have two minutes. The thing, the interesting thing is we don't want you to stop sending in wins,

but we are struggling. To show them all. Yeah, we all. I think it'd be a good thing for me to do on TikTok that or Insta. Like, winner the day. We've got that many. Oh, my God. There's so many.

Do you, what do you think, Lydia? Yeah, that would be nice. We've got that many that some either get held back or some aren't necessarily shared because we've only so many. We like getting them because we've talked about it last week. If you're heading the community as well, there's loads. Yeah, these are ones that, like, they get emailed in or Instagrammed in, but actually there's loads that we just go, oh, that's great. Well done. You might do one of the day.

Well done. Definitely don't hesitate to send them in. Yes. We see them. Yeah. And squeal. Okay. Well done.

So send us your wins in the community or in the app. Oh, the community is in the app. Yeah. Or email it in to the vault atfinancial.com for a reaction in our Slack channel, at minimum. Okay, second dilemma of the day. How do we keep things fair in our blended family? Hey, financial, love the pod, the app and the community.

It's been amazing on my money journey. We're a blended family with four children between us plus one together. Is that? One of the four. I don't know. But they've definitely got one child together. And then they've got other children from previous relationships. Yes.

That's why I read it has. It's complicated anyway. It's blended. We both earn similar salaries. One of us pays child maintenance and the other receives it. We split bills 50-50 and try to keep things fair with holidays, birthdays and money goals. We have two big questions. One, how should we reflect our different starting assets

in our wills. One of us put in the house deposit for our home, but we now pay the mortgage equally. And number two, what's the fairest way to invest for all of our children when we don't know what our exes will be leaving them? It's such a complex and emotional and emotional landscape. And I think a lot of blended families struggle with the same questions. They're asking the right questions. I like imagining you don't handle stuff like that. And so there's definitely two parts to this. And again, Again, when we talk about updating your wills, this is where the starting point might be, okay, I'm bringing this into the relationship, you're bringing this into the relationship.

And especially when you do have children from prior relationships, I do think it's early on. It's right to kind of separate stuff. We talk about combining finances and combining money. And accepting that, you know, we're talking about potential death here, but in divorce, it's really interesting in the UK about how it's tackled. You know, we've talked about pre-unups before and the big discussion with when she got engaged in the summer, Taylor Swift, and are the pre-ups involved? I'm sure you and Alex have had extensive conversations about that's my wealth and that's your wealth. But really, in the UK, the default position is thinking of everything is combined.

Now, when there are, like, you know, negotiations and divorce, you do look at how long someone's been together and what people brought into a relationship, whether someone had, like, inherited a lot of wealth and brought that. And, you know, it will be taken into consideration, but as time was on, it becomes much more of a mixing pot. And quite frankly, you know, when you have been together five, 10, 15 years down the line, you then kind of tend to view what's mine as yours because that bit of inheritance that I brought into relationship was then used to fund our family home that we then both lived in. And so, like, I'm not going to profess to to comment on what would be legal in, what the court would look at in when it comes to a divorce. but it is a bit of a similar thing where you early on I think it's okay to say our will needs to reflect what we've brought in yeah because if you brought if you paid for the full house deposit and that person brought nothing to the table you could get divorced in two years or you could pass away you want to make sure that that big contribution that you

brought in is reflected for your children or you could have you could have more children or you could have all the children and someone has nothing and so it's a very it's a very hard dynamic so I think having like that pragmatic chat with your partner about okay we're doing our will what did we come in with and write it down see what it looks like because I mean this is what I've always said about um you know when like when women don't pay into pensions it's okay my husband's got a great pension more money is more money for all of you like it's not a bad thing to make sure you to have a pension it's a good conversation it's a good problem to have when there's more money to divide up it's when it's very skewed one way

that you have to really think about it so I would, on the inheritance point I would be thinking about writing it down and see what it looked like what did you both come in with and if it's like if it is six of one and half a dozen of the other yeah don't split hairs

don't worry about it starting off the relationship like well you had this and I had that and I honestly can't stand those especially if you're in the relationship 50-50 emotionally yeah please don't split hairs if like Laura said it's half of six of one

half dozen of the other, like, just don't do it. It will cause aggravation and problems. I think the sentimental assets that you want to leave to children, write that down in the will. There's the space for that because, again, you could have a scenario where one of you passes away a lot earlier than the other. You know, like, what you never want is a situation. And this is why some people in their wills don't leave everything to their partner.

They do leave things to children upon your immediate death. To negate that type of stuff. Yeah, because otherwise, like, you know, if you, you don't know what the relationship's going to be like, especially with the blended children and the stepchildren post-death. Because they've got their own parents, maybe on the other side. You know, you're not the only person. But you don't want to be waiting for your then stepdad to pass away to inherit something.

So like having those practical and pragmatic conversations about, okay, we both live until we're 90. What does that look like? But one of us passes away very young or both of us does. What does that look like? And I think then, I think you'll find where you want to be. I think you'll find where you want to land, like we talked about in the last dilemma, life insurance helps in this scenario because you can take away quite a lot of the survival pain of how will they manage, how will my children work out, if you take out life insurance with them

as beneficiaries, it doesn't then really matter what's left in the will because life insurance isn't the will. Sometimes you mention it in the will just so people know that you've got it, but it's separate, it's a separate payment. We keep talking about wills as well with Octopus Legacy. It's so easy to do online if you've got like a, I don't want to say normal, a standard family situation whereby it's not blended. But you can actually with Octopus Legacy, go and call someone. So you still get the will for free.

You can chat through the practical. You can chat through and you can also make appointments to go and see people. So I think in that circumstance where it's like we've got children from here and I paid for this. And we talked about modelling it out, maybe doing that with someone, with the help of someone. You don't have to do this alone. Literally, why wouldn't you? I know. So you've got the options.

You can do it online and it's really straightforward. You can do it over the phone or you can make an appointment to go and see someone. No, that's super helpful. And the other point, I know it's a little bit of both

because it's a bit of inheritance here but she's talking about like what she would like how should we invest for them? Doesn't she? Is that what she said at the end of the time? I'm worried about like what their ex-partners

will be leaving so they want to make it even. So my view is ignoring. Yeah. Same. I was going to say that. I was like, so in my brain I'm going,

I don't care what Sheila's doing Sheila. Yeah. They can do what they want to do. All right. But because you can't, we always say this, you can never bank on insurance. You can never bank on, like, you know, we don't want to be wishing someone passes away soon. Like, this is all about bonus money in our lives.

I think you've got a big responsibility to think about when children are young and when the early teens and when they're early adults. And, you know, there's lots of times that you can turn to your parents for financial and or emotional support. And so the idea that, you know, you're not there, you should think about that. And you know, even if someone is, you know, don't worry, they'll get loads from the dad. No, they might not. You just don't know. We've talked about that before where someone was banking on something from someone and it never came through and they lived their life and the life made their partner live a different life going, money's coming, don't worry. Don't worry. And they lived

a very different life to what they should have done. Yeah. And also don't feel overwhelmed with the investment point for children. and like people overthink this so much. If you've got five children from blended and it's all mismatched, just start small. Yeah, just do it a little bit. You can get a gyso if you want to.

There's loads of investment accounts for children. You can just start small and starting small for them. We'll end up a big number when they're all going to be. But it is an interesting dynamic right, because we, we, I believe, obviously, did it in the right order, which is we saved up and bought a home and renovated it. then we made sure that our pensions were in a good place.

We have emergency savings. And then we didn't do our ices. We jumped to GISA, but we did it in that order. So we didn't jump straight to almost save for the kids. Honestly, you're the bottom of the list because as kids, you need strong parents or strong parent financially.

So when people take like the child benefit and put it away for the kids, I'm always like, no, that's not the right thing to do. Look after yourself first. Now, don't get me wrong. You know, if you like are doing no saving for you and no investment, for you and then just spending it or whatever you want.

I think that's not great either. But there's kind of foundations to this. And so when we were ready, we then look to Gisers. And there's two things you can do. And I have no judgment on either way. You can put an amount for all kids equal from then and go from this date. We started to put 50 quid a month for each of you aside. What's going to happen though is the eldest is going to get less unless you forever,

like when they're even 30 to continue to put money into it. like the geyser turns into an isa when they're, um, it's 18, I think it's like, you can't have a junior ice so when you're like 40. Um, but you can, you can, you can understand that if you put 50 in each, that the eldest is going to get less and the young is going to get more. And you can have no apologies for that. Because it's like, I'm sorry, when you were a kid, we didn't have enough money. Yeah.

It is when it is. You're an adult now. Crack on. Or you can do what we did, which is absolutely like overthinking it, but wanting your children to have equal. So what we did is we modeled it, like Holly said. And we worked out that our. eldest has less time for us to hit this. We've got a goal 21 grand before the 21 and we worked

out what you need to put in and obviously the youngest was like from the day he was born got it put in whereas the eldest didn't because we weren't in a position to do it then and so she has way more going in per month than he does and so when we're transfer it we always go oh he's only getting a little bit but he's got time in the market yeah well would no we don't even include compounding for it you just talked about your contribution he will end up with more because he's got time to come on. Ali's going to be like, don't worry about me guys.

He's like, I'll be fine. Do you want me to pay for dinner? Yeah, yeah, drink some needs to know, guys. That TikTok is like, I'll take care of it. And like, Ali's pushing the card,

the debit card, not credit card for dinner. But we did think we'll put more in Ava's because she's older and she's got less time before she's 21 and she's got less time for it in the market.

But if you didn't want to do that and you just wanted to do equal amounts until a certain time, that's all right as well. Don't overthink it. But don't think what any else is giving him. No, and don't be like bankrupting yourself to try and fill her gises up.

No, don't. They've got time. Like Laura said, it's all about the, what do we call it, like putting your oxygen mask on first, making sure that you are healthy, happy, you can pay the bills, you're not stressed. Because I tell you what, your kids will be much happier than you're giving them 50 grand when they're 21. This is a bit left field as well, but just be aware, like we've chosen to do a juniorizer. When it's theirs, when they hit 18. it's theirs

so if you haven't taught them how to manage money like I tell Ava because the other two was just too young I'm like so when you're 21 you're going to have this

and we are going to decide what you are going to do with that and so it's probably not for travelling or a little bit might be for travelling but it might be

for a car bottle or probably end up buying her a car before then but it's probably going towards a house deposit and you're not like she'll already have gone

through education not 18 then she got at 18 she'll be going to university. Someone asked me actually on, we were chatting, I think it was a DM and we were talking about whether it was for her university.

I was like it's not actually, but it's an interesting point. It's not yours. So you have to, if you think it's for a house deposit gift or if you think it's for a university or something like that, you need to be in your name.

Yeah. You don't want to gift them that money. Imagine if they were like, screw you, dad. I'm going like, I'm going buying all my friends. friends like that and that's the worry you have to educate them you have to understand you know if they have a drug problem they have a gambling problem at 18 they're getting 21 grand in my case so

some people talk about pensions as well like putting money in a child in a pension yeah do you know what they're uber wealthy think about that they um you can actually if you invest like something tiny i think you can invest like something like i'm making up 50 quid a month from the into a pension for your baby until the 21, there'll be a millionaire at retirement. I think it's a lovely thing, but it's also like so far down in the future. It's extra. If you're worried about them blowing it on something. Or literally, like, and they could.

So being aware of that, that if you're putting money into account for children, it's a junior ice that it's theirs, it's not yours. If you save for them in yours, it's yours. Oh God, I'm like lecturing today. I'm really sorry. It's soapboxy. But then be aware that. it could go in a divorce.

It could go if you were sued and you needed to owe someone money. Like lots of different things. And you might need it for an emergency. It might never go to them. So just don't tell them as well. You're like, oh, I've got a pot set aside for you. Shit might hit the fan.

And you might have to use it for the family, not like, God, there's so much to think about it. This is hard. This is why we've got a job. Welcome to Finchelle. And that's why we're here. And we could do 12 episodes on this because the dilemma, like you said,

had just been so varied, which is why we would tell you to get advice. Yeah. We cannot answer every single dilemma. and there's so many nuances and different things. We always thought, by the way, we will always get advice. I was tap my friend up Gary as a lawyer on the BBC and be like, Gary, we've got another Wills and Trust question

and he's always happy to answer and then we'll provide the answers. So ask the weird and wonderful things. We will never give advice that we feel we can't give. We'll always just give guidance our opinion on stuff. We need Gary on the pod. Yeah, I think that's, we're going to do that. We should do more episodes like that. So ask the questions, if you've got something you want,

But the other thing I would say is if you've listened to this and you've experienced this going wrong or going right, can you share it? Like feel free to voice note it if you can't bother typing it out. In fact, that would be even more cool and would share it on here. But we need to keep these conversations going because it's stories that inspire people to actually do the thing. So we can, you know, that's why I've shared my story

and what I've been through. And there's been so many different scenarios recently that like it makes you think you have to get this stuff sorted. And you've no excuse when it's free. You've no excuse. If it's a bit more complicated, taking the time to ring up and explain the situation. But we've talked about it before.

It's cost effective. It's not like you're going to a wealth advisor. Like you've not got all these assets. You're worried you don't want to pay to get the advice. But actually it could save a hell of a lot of. You start there and then you layer it on. Like, you know, people are so bothered about paying for something that it's like, could be very costly.

Detriment. Yeah. Like emotionally. It's no brain. one. Relationships can break down because this shit isn't taken care of. No, 100%. So wills are free in the month of October with Octopus Legacy. Go to the show notes, click the link, just get it done. Like, please get it done. I urge you. We don't want you to be one of our stories where it went wrong. Yeah. No, definitely. And our community are very

passionate about learning from their mistakes. So we will inevitably after this episode, go into the community, there'll be someone going, I didn't do this or my husband or why I did and thank God I did. Yeah. Yeah. And we want, we want those to be the story. that come through, not that I'll learn from my mistakes. I'm exhausted, I'm not going to lie. There's so much covered. So much covered. And I just think as a standard family unit, we have got this sorted.

It's more important when you're a blended family because the law is just not kind of caught up with the blended family situation. No, and stuff changes. But going back to the controversial opinion at the beginning, it's like it's not, it might be rude to ask with a agenda. How much? Yeah. But it's not to ask more widely.

Just a quick disclaimer, The Vault is just a chat around life and money topics. We are not giving financial or legal advice.