The Vault with Financielle - How To Ditch Debt And Break Free | The Vault Episode 12

Episode Date: May 15, 2024

Send us a textWelcome to The Vault with Financielle. Hosts Lucy, Laura and Holly delve into the world of money dilemmas from leechy friends, getting the money ick, the benefits of budgeting and much much more! Nothing is off limits but everything is safe in the Vault. In this episode of The Vault, we talk about why it’s so important to have a budget, set aside sinking funds, and make sure you have a safety net for when $h*t hits the fan!-Visit https://www.financielle.co.uk to join our community!Chapters:00:00:00 - Pronunciation of Tortoise00:04:02 - Tips for Lucy in the Coffee Shop00:15:33 - Coping with Financial Struggles00:22:41 - The Benefits of Renting00:26:36 - Escaping the Cycle of Unexpected ExpensesThe Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

You have choice, you have the ability to do whatever the hell you like. Do you want to invest? Do you want to travel to New York next week? What hobbies do you want to pick up? What have you always wanted to do that you've always put off? It's really expensive, you can't justify the cost. Horses, Lydia. I was thinking horses, but it's literally the most expensive hobby in the world. But if that's your thing, that's exactly a debt-free horse empire. You know, the possibilities are endless

welcome to the vault with financial this is a safe space where we talk all things life and money and no topics are off limits how are we feeling today are we ready for some dilemmas we are we just talked about the walking in the fact that it's not raining today it's the first time we've ever filmed the pod and there is sun in the sky in liverpool although i'm gonna say it's 9 a.m yes 11 a.m it'll be raining absolutely there's time yet but but this is the first day that the hair didn't get wet and the we'd never come with an umbrella as well never northern girls you don't need a coat you don't need a broly you just crack on um having said that we've got an emergency probably if we need one. So we arrived and I was like, definitely need the caffeine. Let's nip into Hardware, which is a fab cafe in Liverpool, shout out to Hardware, that we come into and get a catch up in a coffee before

we come on. But we started earlier today. So quick takeaway. And I was asked for a tip. And it made me think, so I didn't give a tip. And I also asked for the discount that we now get because we come a lot. So then I asked you, Lucy, did you use your discount when you came before us? Can I confirm that I did not use the discount? What? And I also tipped. You tipped.

Lucy's like a fiver down already today. She's not even big on them. She's already minus five pounds. How did it make you feel when she, what happened? She or he, what? Did it cross your mind that you had discounted? Did you forget? I'm going to address that bit first.

It came up in my head on the train. I was like, oh yeah, we've got discount. Like I was looking at the menu because I was like, what do I feel like today? And it did cross my mind did kind of semi-forget but also was like even if I remembered I probably wouldn't say um that's worse because it's stressful isn't it it's the back of your mind shouldn't I on the tip of your tongue literally and then swung the ipad around for the tip and I how much first you tip?

first of all there wasn't even 10% option anymore which I'm sure there was last time they listened they listened saw you coming

so message for everyone is if you are in that scenario because we've talked about this before let's talk about it and really quickly

I've worked in the service industry other people have these people don't care that you didn't tip if you go in every week. But he said, just choose an option on the front there. I was like, there's an option that says no tip.

I don't see that. You have to ask for that option. Choose how much you would like to give. No, it was too much pressure. He was like, are you a tight horse? Basically. Is that what it said on the screen? I think it was. I think he was like are you a tight horse basically is that what it said on the screen i think it was i think you saw that and then he like smiled when i say you know you want to know he smiled afterwards so i was like he definitely gave him a little dose of joy for the day he was nice he was lovely whereas he definitely gave me full fat milk when i asked

for skinny because i know someone used to do that oh that's illegal so if a larger person went into Starbucks and asked for a full fat something they would give skim milk and if a really slim attractive person asked for skim milk they would give whole milk I'm not even joking I wish I was joking oh my god I know who you're talking about that is weird yeah a slim attractive person skinny legend you can have whole milk it's like a slippery slope to inappropriate what's next I don't want to think about it sorry I'd be fuming if they gave me skim milk you asked for a full fat diet coke I'm going to give

you a full fat I could tell though I would send it back I would know imagine if you asked for Lucy's very on

the edge when it comes to caffeine or not if they give her caffeine by accident we don't have any whole host of trouble

oh definitely so for people listening if anyone has any guidance for Lucy in her the next time she's in a shop that we all love don't get me wrong

or anywhere else can you give her the tips we need a money script oh my god we give our followers on TikTok like how to navigate open money conversations

how to find me I'm a bad person button on the iPad I'll vlog her next time stay strong okay I've got a controversial opinion I'll vlog it next time stay strong okay I've got a controversial opinion cars are the worst thing

to spend money on I always look at you for this well but I guess it's connected to finance so do you mean the price of the car like

yeah so cars are the worst thing for my money on no they get you from place to place they um if you spend a lot of time in them you do long journeys you got to transport like me oh my god like when you transfer reporting kids from place to place yeah all i do is drive around in our village luckily because a lot of activities tend to be in the village, but between ballet, rugby, singing, nursery, football, anything, I literally just see all the other mums in the village. And it's like a little like racetrack and we're just all,

oh, hi again. Oh yeah, hi again, hi again. So I spend a lot of time in my car. But I think the thing with cars is how much do people want to really put into their car it's we've talked about it before it's a really aspirational thing like the whole I'm driving my vehicle of dreams like the bows on a car like the yeah sheet that's like my super sweet 16 oh my god I'm just glad you remembered what it is I know yeah I was like she's not gonna know she's not

gonna know that start that kick-started it yeah for especially our generation of She's not going to know. She's not going to know. She's not going to know. Join me with us. That kickstarted it, I think, for especially our generation of owning a really aesthetic car or a brand name. It's the same with anything. Cars, designer handbags, designer clothes. It's the brand name and it's what you're putting outward.

I think some people are car fanatics and they just love them. Some people don't even buy very good cars but just want to buy cars all the time because it's their thing so there's spending money on it in that way as well isn't it yeah and i feel like that um you know when you get to a place financially where the car is a proportion of your net worth is small i love it when that's someone's thing do you know what i mean whether it's watches or cars i love that let it be your thing let it be thing if you want to change it up all the time,

like if you feel it's part of your personality, if you drive a lot, I mean, there's one thing if it's sat on the drive, but if you're driving to work or driving around the place, if that brings you joy, I get it, I do. It's when it's like such a big proportion of your net worth that you could have got a really lovely, competent, aesthetically looking vehicle for, let's say,

like 10 grand less. What could you have done with that 10 grand? I mean, we've got in them, I know in the app, we've got a calculation showing you if you'd have, the person that does car finance versus not. And I think like 600 grand by retirement, if you'd have invested like that. Yeah. I think it's the fine the car finance we always come back to it we'll talk about it time and time again until people like so many people come to us and go you've said it so many times I finally looked at what I'm paying out each month how much I've paid since I was the age of driving age or whatever and I did and then when you said how long are you going to do this for is it forever and I think people just need

that little light bulb moment there is a guy that drives around our village in a Ferrari like top top everyone like the heads turn all the kids are going crazy on the park like all the guys are like that's an amazing car and he really pulls up to a house that is not reflective of the Ferrari and I always think that's an interesting one and I kind of like it at the same time he's like that's his thing does he go to Aldi as well like I mean I love that for him I love that he like you know obviously i hope it's reflected it's not a financial burden but like it's so not his house you were judging you were thinking oh you should have oh neil definitely goes why has he got that don't get me wrong but you know why because you you associate that car with but you know it's his thing so let him

do his thing as long as it's not financially putting him in a stressful situation. But two big tips with car finances. Have a look. If you have car finance, have a look at the list price of the vehicle was. Because a lot of us don't look at that. We look at the monthly price. So it's a really good exercise.

Like let us know. We might do a poll on Instagram and get people to like message in what theirs is. So say if it's like two, three, four, five hundred pound a month, what is the list price? Like what did you buy it for you pay it for 40 grand in cash for the car that you drive around in someone would be horrified yeah yeah but they have a look at that and if there's two of you in the household and you're both in that just have a look at the list price because that's

what you buy and that's that that's the level of stuff and and then you know do you sit there and if you are of great wealth yeah if you're on a wealth building journey, have a think about, are you going to be paying a car payment forever? Is that the deal? Is that the plan? I think the other thing with cars as well, it's like, okay, yes, we need a car. This is what we need it to do.

We need to get it to be safe, reliable, get us from here to here. But then it's an easy, slippery slope to be like, oh, but we could upgrade to that sports package. Do you need that? And then it's an easy, like slippery slope. Yeah. Like, oh, but we could like upgrade to that sports package. And like, do you need that? And then it's like, oh,

but they don't do that on that colour. I want that colour. So you've got to like go up her model or something. So I feel like what's the fine line? It's because you can pick and mix your own. People get very overexcited. And to upgrade to the sports package is only like, it's like,

oh my God, it is. It's like extra cheese. Always. I remember playing around with it when I was younger god it is it's like extra cheese yeah always i remember playing around with it when i was younger when i was picking like my car and little things don't cost that much monthly so you could be like oh it's really we did it i don't know if they still do it but it was like do you want electric windows or do you want to watch controversial no everyone knows our stance on that but new people don't know our stance and it's good to kind of discuss but yeah those top tips are good got plenty of blogs on those gonna

have a look okay we ready for dilemma number one yes i've missed these i've missed it okay how do i break the cycle and get out I started listening to your podcast this week and thought I'd send my dilemma in to see your stance on things I'm in my mid-20s living at home with one parent and the vibes of this situation lean more towards a roommate dynamic than a parent and child situation I'm working full-time technically as an apprentice earning 24k before tax which sounds like a great situation from the offset. I'm out of breath. You're carrying the stress of our reader. The catch is that I'm 3k in debt from various overdrafts and credit cards that I was encouraged to get during my time at uni. I pay off monthly and then it creeps back every time I get paid.

I'd like to preface this by saying I'm incredibly unhappy at home. Between my self-esteem taking a hit daily from passive aggression slash blame, being the sole firefighter of the housework and chores and trying to cultivate a healthy living space I find myself very emotionally exhausted and dysregulated which is the cause of most of my overspending. I've seen therapists personally and roped my parent into family therapy many times over the last eight years to make the situation better with no avail. Every therapist has told me the same thing. I need to remove myself from this situation. My partner of six years and I are aiming to buy a house together in the near future

as my partner comes from a better family situation than I and has been discouraged heavily from renting. With my living situation I'm willing to try anything in order to break this cycle. The issue here is that my partner expects me to be fully debt free, have a deposit saved and have the perfect credit score in order for us to start the ball rolling on moving out. I understand that this is irrational but coming from a family with great physical, emotional and financial health, he doesn't understand the difficulty of achieving that in my position. I feel stuck in a cycle of trying, relapsing, shame and guilt around trying to make my situation better. I remove and re-add my credit cards to Apple Pay quicker than I can stop myself.

My parent is emotionally unstable most of the time, so I'm unable to confront them about any issues without sacrificing more of my own emotional state. I feel stuck and I don't know how to move forward. I use purchases as my main source of happiness to offset my emotional state and it's making everything worse any suggestions are really appreciated wow this is a heavy one of the like most heartfelt ones we've had complicated there's so many components where do you start did our dilemma writer tell us how old they were she said mid-20s so mid-20s living at home with one parent earning 24k before tax 3k debt and is just in a cycle of paying off and then ending up back in so the interesting thing is they don't seem to mention that they're financially supporting the parent

because that I often see that so someone feels responsible for is having to lend money is having to contribute more than possibly they should to the house and and um they don't share any of that and so that's an interesting side of it to consider if you're in a similar situation like this answer may be different depending on whether you're kind of entangled financially and stuff. And we see that so often where someone's partner, it's a privilege, it's like a hidden privilege. It's not necessarily, I mean, it's obviously probably physically seen in wealth, but the emotional, the physical, the financial side, when you come from quite a privileged place where you really enjoy being at home, so you're in no rush to kind of rent, you are very comfortable, you can pile up the

cash and build a nice, healthy emergency fund, you don't really have any debt. Like it's, that's very, very privileged place to be. And so I think that's, it's an interesting one about the maturity of still in the mid twenties, like that's's still so so young but is your partner prepared to understand what it's been like for you now obviously you're not talking about marriage yet you're not talking about combining finances but that's a you've done really well and we're all in different we're all at different levels we're all on different paths and so I think that's kind of the first thing I'd want her to consider is like don't compare yourself to him if it's him I think she said him and and don't feel like you need to defend where you're at so three thousand pounds

debt on a twenty four thousand pound salary when you live at home is not awful it's so manageable I thought you were gonna say more oh it must feel not very nice but that's completely achievable if you're not having to pay out like you said for the parents you didn't give that much too much information no and we don't know how much she contributes to the home so she may co-rent you know probably on 24 000 pounds unless you're in a privileged position you're probably contributing towards running the home as well which is only fair and it's only like if you were renting and on that basis you know it's not a big jump to then change and move out because you're used to those expenses. But her biggest problem, two things, it's boundaries and emotional spending. So whatever is going on with her and her parent,

she needs to get to a place where she, at mid-20s, can protect herself. If it is more of a roommate situation, that dynamic does need to change. And I can imagine that's hard. And if that's not going to be able to change because it's your parent at the end of the day, then you either have to create boundaries and protect yourself mentally that you don't get impacted and if you

do you have different triggers so you go for a walk rather than I'm going to go buy something like remove all the friction connected to the spending um because the spending is not going to make it better anyway so every bit of spending is pushing you further away from moving out moving out as well you know like if the goal is to move out, every single impulse spend to take one minute and think, do I want to spend this or do I want to move out sooner? That will be a really easy decision to make. But this is just like binge eating though.

So you're on a diet, you're doing well, you have a really bad day at work, you come in and, you know, you... Sweet. What are you talking about? We're having flashbacks then like describing the the old chocolate drawer in our house the old chocolate but that's the that and then you feel shame and guilt because you were meant to be trying to eat better you were meant to not do that and you were weak and then it literally starts again this is exactly the same she's feeling with the debt, which is I am meant to be paying off this debt. It is me that's blocking my partner

and I moving on together. Whilst, you know, I advocate for being debt free, so I'm all on board with it. I would tell you the partner to back off a bit and that shouldn't preclude you moving in. If you can demonstrate, however, that you can manage your finances. So, you know, there's a, if you can get this going and get it moving and prove that you can, do a budget. A fair one that has some spend in it, by the way, because there's nothing wrong with spend. But do a budget, demonstrate that you can. Spend less than you make. And then in a month, the excess will go towards paying off your debt or building up savings, whatever you're working on.

That will help you and them know that you're going to be able to do this and I think you'll get the dopamine hits from that as well as the the spending it's just a coping mechanism isn't it it's a horrible situation to be in and it's like the shame of it isn't gonna help like no it's like an expression of like if he's living at home though with like quite a comfortable situation maybe she could just live with him for a couple months while they're safe absolutely we've all been there so if it's this if it's a safe and nice space to be in you know you can I think it's identifying what's triggering you at home what kind of things and doing what you can

to avoid those and if it's overnight stuff, is it in the morning? If it's chores, it sounds like they're doing an awful lot of chores, which again, you're going to do that when you're near your own house anyway. So it wouldn't like, whatever's causing you that distress.

Yeah. And we've seen it lots that would depend on geography even. We may have all had it in our lives where you spend time at your boyfriend's house or this and time at our house or vice versa, just whatever suits the living situation for a period of time that's probably a really good suggestion would you encourage like getting him to get onto the rental page because could that fix a lot of the problems you know i did think that it's a really interesting suggestion because renting is not bad like he's obviously been we debate this as well should i buy should i rent yeah he's obviously in a personal situation whereby his family like it's wasting money but

that's a big ask of her to have all those things in place perfect life's not perfect like we have a system and a methodology whereby you do one thing so i'm kind of contradicting our methodology but i feel like we're also very much about personal personal finance being personal and nothing's black and white. So yes, it would be ideal that she would have all these things in place. I think you said deposit, perfect credit score, debt-free. That's a big ask for someone on a 24K salary. That's not real.

It is, isn't it? That is coming from a place of privilege. It's very easy for him to demand those things. But six-year relationship, he can see, I think, what impact this is having on her removing her from the situation and living together after being six together six years you kind of know like they're obviously in a good place they're talking about buying a house buying a house seems very far away for her right now but renting could be quite immediate yeah it's a good this is why money is such a good test for relationships because mid-20s whilst you are still young you mature in your relationship of six years

you know if you are thinking of either marriage or at least if you're buying a house with someone you're thinking you're thinking of life partners you're thinking we're sticking at this and we're going to be together and we're going to look after each other and part of that does involve not 50 50 part of it does involve i will spend some time which will be behind financially and you will spend some time same with health wise like at my um like a husband this morning it's really hurt like got a sore ankle and so I'm doing a lot of getting up with the baby and he's like I'll make it up to you I was like you won't because you won't wake up I'll wake up before you but it's it made me think actually even health wise sometimes you have to take on more than

everything like the way everything works out it's rarely 50 50 like you always pick up on something to like compensate for them like maybe they're a bit extra like busy this week so you compensate and like I'll take care of the cooking I'll take care of the washing up like just do what you need to do and then you'd expect the same back yeah renting is like practice for that buying a house together yeah buying a house together without living together training wheels one of the most risky things yeah like sign a sick i know it's so easy to say this but just sign a six month contract yeah use that six months to like learn what it's like to give to live together and also like go to house viewings and like do all of your house admin like in try and get it all done in that six months and just use that as like your

project yeah it's a bit it's a big risk yeah you might find that you can't tolerate living together yeah what if you literally hate living together but it'd be good for him to know that life isn't all perfect yeah you can't live everything doing like the most financial sense like and they've obviously both had very different financial upbringings yeah so they might have like a slight clash. Yeah. I mean, it sounds like they probably will have a slight, they have different views on money. So get it done now. Expectations of each other.

I'm grateful for renting. Yeah. I'm so grateful for renting. Isn't it hard? Like I've heard it's harder to get out of a mortgage than get out of a marriage. Oh God, yeah. No, well, it's really hard.

Well, you've got a house, it's an asset and there's so many different complications and arguments that can happen over lots of things when you're separated and you own a house together so like you know it's hard enough when you when you're renting but at least it's a good it's a good test sometimes it's a test for the house you want and where you think you want to live that's one side to it but um but yeah i think for him um send him this pod we love you as well we're talking about you we love you we're talking about you it's you

it's you you're the problem no you're not you're not the problem but this is it's not bad it slows you down a tiny bit

when you actually like it's a little bit of a price to pay to test out the situation test out what it's like where you come into a living situation where it's not equal either

because I think he's not you know when she she comes in she is she gonna earn as much as him is he gonna earn as much as her like it won't happen like that this is like the teething bit before you buy a house that would be my suggestion it's not gonna be perfect let's try and rent then i can remove myself from the situation might arguably be financially better off because she's not getting triggered not spending the money will focus on paying down the debt yeah you'll have that like experience

getting the credit score up with all the direct debits off renting life and everything she'll have more energy from not being drained by her parents

yeah renting is freedom like yeah it really is do you know on TikTok when they do those powerpoints yeah

these are the reasons why I don't know you need to sell it into your partner and say what have you done it for you know on TikTok when they do those powerpoints where they're like these are the reasons why I've done this. You need to sell it into your partner and say we're going to do this. Why we should get a cat. Have you?

And are you not getting a cat? That was a year ago and I've finally done it a year later. There you go. Weekly presentations. I literally show it to you. I can't wait to see it

but yeah, bit of a presentation as to why. I want to see it. I'm here for it. I'll help it to you. I can't wait to see it. But yeah, a bit of a presentation as to why. Definitely. I'm here for it. I'll help you do it. Okay. Community winter.

Oh, yeah. I started my mindful money journey five years ago. And in that time, I've paid off five-figure credit card debt, bought a house, built an emergency fund, and now I'm one year debt-free. I spent my 20s relying on credit cards and even though I earned a good salary I never used to pay the full balance each month. Big lesson learned after finding how much I ended up paying in interest over the course of the years. It's the

worst. Don't look. It feels amazing to be debt free and i'm hoping to start investing and growing my net worth which is my goal for 2024 i literally love that win because but you know why because she started it five years ago so this isn't so we have so many people in the community that go on like a i'm going in and there's so it's such an aggressive journey because they want to get to from a to z like as quickly as possible she's literally done a five-year one which means like small incremental habits that have allowed her to get to where she is. It's really impressive. Sustainable.

Amazing. Good one. Don't look at the interest rate. She's like the perfect financial student. Yeah, and I think, just think about five years' time. So had she not done it, she'd have either been in worse credit card debt and the same. So because you took that decision five years ago

to start it it you've earned where you are now the platform that you've built that you can grow from is just massive you would not have been able to do that like the excess money that's probably in her budget and this is what i think people need to think when when we're talking about a debt-free journey it's not just to stop mess around with debt and get rid of it it's's the payments. It's the monthly payment going out that's going to a financial institution and not to a different financial institution where your investments are, your savings. It's literally chucking money away every single month. And it's relentless. And what happens to those people that get into that stage where they're debt-free and they've

got a really good emergency fund? You've got options. You have choice. You have the ability to do whatever the hell you like. Do you want to invest? Do you want to travel to New York next week? What hobbies do you want to pick up? What have you always wanted to do that you've always put off, that's really expensive that you can't justify? Horses, Lydia.

I was thinking horses because it's literally the most expensive hobby in the world. But if that's your thing, that's exactly a debt-free horse empire. You know, the possibilities are endless. The possibilities are endless. But it's just, it's options. And so they're going to have that now. I'm updating my money goals.

Just debt empire. Just editor. Debt-free horse empire. Oh, now that would be an empire. Jesus, that was a debt- horse empire oh now that'd be an empire jeez that was a debt free empire I'd be unstoppable think of the stable boys if you would like to be featured in the podcast

please drop your wins into the community in the app or email them to thevaultatfinancial.com I cannot escape the payday to payday cycle. I feel like I'm constantly trapped in an endless cycle of living payday to payday and I don't know how to break free. No matter how hard I work or how much I try to budget, it seems like I'm always struggling to make ends meet. I want to save for

the future and have some financial stability but every time I try to save unexpected expenses or bills come up that drain my account again. It's a constant source of stress and anxiety and I feel like I'm stuck in a rut with no way out. I'm a single mum who just wants the best for her children's futures. How do I escape this cycle and start building a future for myself and my children? Now I was listening to that but I was also thinking I hope some of you listening to this think of what you would say. I just got this really excited. I wonder what people would advise this person. Do you know what I mean?

Because when you're getting used to how we would answer things, if you're on our wavelength, if you're not on our wavelength, I just, I don't know. I suddenly was like, these dilemmas are so helpful to people because someone is going to be sat in a car with the kids in the back going, shut up. Oh, I know what she should do me me me and so let me let me tell you why I thought that I thought that inside I went oh I know I know um I honestly the magic sinking funds came to my mind here what she said is these unexpected expenses keep coming up and they set me back. So there's the payday to payday thing, which is very common for lots of people. We literally spend what comes in, if not more, and you end up wondering where all the money is. In fact, you might even get to the next payday and go archive and look at my bank account.

But it sounds like, especially with kids, because, oh my God, do expenses come up? Like what have we had in the past couple of weeks? And honest to God did not have the sinking funds for it. So it came out of our fun money. Not fun. Ballet hoodie, fun money, cowboy hat,

not my cowboy hat. For the ladies, cowboy hat. She's a dance show. So we haven't been in this place before because she's getting older she's doing more shows there's costumes needed

there's not a dance sinking fund because we couldn't kind of suck it up in the budget unless you're having a strict budget and we've tried to be a bit more strict recently there's not enough room so we're using fun money and not having as much fun

but with the mindfulness that I could borrow the cowboy hat. I was the fun. I was thinking, Cotton Eye Joe, it's going to be very funny. Cotton Eye Joe ballet? I was thinking more like Beyonce.

Beyonce, no, she's not doing Beyonce. Oh yeah, no, yeah, she's the ballet hood. It's this ballet and this commercial dance.

So it's stacked on top of each other. There was a ballet, there was a ballet outfit as well. Wow. And so we got caught short and I was like, we've not got the thinking for it. So that's a, this happens all the time. need to reset go back and and and we're chatting with an amazing community member this morning we're voice noting backwards and forwards she is getting

her shit together um she said we could even document it and vlog it but I think like we're we're knee deep in it I'm not sure we're gonna be able to do it easily but basically this is someone who works to a budget um like has a, has a business, which is extra complicated because she's managing kind of two budgets, paying down some debt, making great progress, still got quite a lot to go. And she was kind of like, she shared with us, oh, I've got about say a hundred pounds per month excess

to be able to put towards stuff. And honestly, I just said to her, you're just not going to be able, you're not going to be able to do it in less than three to four years with the amount of debt she had and the rate at which she could overpay. I was like, that's just the cold, hard facts.

I'm being kind and nice about it. Like, I love you, but that's how long it's going to take. What are we going to do about it? Anyway, I digress a little bit, but we're going to re-look at the budget end to end. And she did realise that actually there's been other money

that she's just kind of not counting in a budget. Like sloshing around. And that's like, oh, that doesn't count. So that's kind of free. So we're going to get her on a plan. But the big thing is these unexpected expenses. She said every so often she has to travel and every so often she needs to pay money for this

and pay money for that. I was like, that's not unexpected. That's not unexpected, yeah. If that stuff happens, you need a pot for's not unexpected yeah if that stuff happens you need a pot for it so what happens you think you're on a good month then suddenly you get whacked with these apparently unexpected expenses but they're not that unexpected because you tell me that they're going to come up again and so it's really hard to redo a budget where you up things it's just in our human nature not to now I do a budget I'm like I don't want to pay for that because if

I and if I create a sinking pump for it it means I've got to pay for it and i am like hustler like i don't want to pay for it unless it's something fun that's like makeup i hate buying makeup and i'm like i'm not having a makeup sinking we're lying to ourselves how much makeup we're lying because you've got to buy it so where do you take it from i don't even know that's what i mean it can get exactly you need so you need a new foundation today where's it coming from because it's as a proportion of like the food budget is high in the supermarket

groceries groceries for things like that because I refuse to acknowledge that I have any like beauty needs yeah but if they're in the shopping basket it does not care but I think this is the point we it does not care yeah but i think this is the point this is we are all doing it so you're not alone but these expenses that catch you

short have a think about what they are and look at them and then look at your budget and are they in them because if you need the gardener to come around and tidy up the garden if you need to um replace kids shoes if you need to get a foundation all at once a year, which we should do health wise, I think, you never mind. Let's talk about mascaras and I think we have them a lot longer

than we're meant to. Anyway. I look like a rat. Red itchy eyes. I'm not buying a new mascara though. L'Oreal 1994. Yeah. So I feel like that it's time to do a reset, a budget reset, do the

money MOT. We've got that in the app. You can start at the top and work your way down. You've been looking at it recently, haven't you, Lydia? Are you liking the money MOT? Yeah, it's great. I need to do it. Wow. It's a real cathartic exercise to start at the top, but do it alongside your bank account. And I think she will find that if she incorporated sinking funds into her budget, it takes a couple of months and you still feel like, I've just not got further ahead. I've just asked the question, can I get further ahead? I'm to payday to payday and I'm still payday to payday, but you're not, you've been putting money to the side. And then when you need to pay for something, you go to the sinking fund and not

to your current account and you kind of build from there so yeah that's a really really common yeah common dilemma that we all have and i challenge you all have a little look at what are those things that catch you short and see if we can catch them in the next budget yeah what you what are you in denial about if you're tracking your calories or something yeah i're like, I'll just... I won't track this packet of crisps. Because I was walking as I ate it. It doesn't count. This packet is only 25 grams.

When you eat it while you're cooking, they don't count. Quavers or air, do you know what I mean? Yeah. If it's a buffet, you're like, well, I can't track it. I can't track it. It's fruit. Okay. Any final words before we close the vault vault maybe for those people that have sent those

dilemmas in lean into our community because there will not be there will be other people sorry that have been on a similar journey like you say single parent what do i do there'll be so many people like it'll be itching to answer that question these are not like out of the ordinary dilemmas so even though you feel you probably feel like the world's closing especially the first person that's really really struggling there are so many other people that have been in your situation that i think can give good advice so lean into our community it's there it's there for people to use ask the question you will not get people people are not shy in our community they will put an hour around you as well okay that's all for this episode. The Vault is now closed. If you'd like to send your dilemmas,

please send them to thevault at financial.com. And just a disclaimer, The Vault is just a chat around life and money topics. We are not giving financial advice.