The Vault with Financielle - How To Stop Comparing Yourself | The Vault Episode 18

Episode Date: June 26, 2024

Send us a textIn this episode of The Vault, we dive deep into the challenges of comparing ourselves to others on our money journeys and the impact it has on our self-esteem and friendships. Join us as... we explore how to handle jealousy in friendships, and provide practical advice on maintaining your happiness and self-worth.We also respond to intriguing listener dilemmas: • Have I committed a Financielle crime?• I don’t want to be financially tied to my sisterTune in for insightful discussions and expert tips to help you navigate your financial path with confidence and peace of mind.Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe for more episodes!Chapters:00:00:00 - Comparing Your Money Situation to Others00:04:00 - Dealing with Jealousy in Friendships00:11:56 - Achieving what others have done00:16:07 - Taking back the Designer Bag00:23:34 - Inheriting and Managing Properties00:27:00 - Selling Assets for Simplicity and Clarity00:30:18 - The Importance of Decluttering and Clearing Out Your StuffThe Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

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Starting point is 00:00:00 oh i didn't get the gene memo sorry this is the crumpiest jumper ever ever give us a list of all the things that you've spilled i'm just about to say and it get every single stain i have ever got onto this jumper has come out welcome to the vault with finite child this is a safe space where we talk all things life and money and no topics are off limits. Good morning. Good morning. Good evening. I don't know where we're up to, but wherever you are.
Starting point is 00:00:30 I don't know where everyone's listening to this right now. Yes, we had a lot of new listeners from the United States, didn't we? Howdy. For the last couple of weeks. Howdy. How very British of you. I like how people say where they listen to The Vault as in like, I do it on my school runs, which apologies for the swearing.
Starting point is 00:00:51 In the bath. If you do it in the bath. Like lunchtime walks. What's your go-to podcast listening routine? So when I'm doing my hair or makeup. Yes, on a Thursday morning. Yeah, for The Vault. Only on Thursdays.
Starting point is 00:01:05 I don't listen to any of this we only listen to ourselves yeah very self-indulgent narcissistic I've got like a fried dopamine system so I need something
Starting point is 00:01:14 on at all times like so I got background noise literally example last night
Starting point is 00:01:19 got in the shower so it was a hair wash shower and it was gonna take a little bit of a long time more hair shower from last week and normally I put my phone like on the windowsill and I like prop it up and I'll put a youtube video on I will have a podcast on anything my phone last night was
Starting point is 00:01:36 dead I was in the shower I was so bored and I was like oh my god I can't even have anything to avoid being alone yeah I can't be alone with my own thoughts it is like that though isn't it like you can't go for a walk yeah without it's crazy and Alex is literally I'd be around the flat and I'd be like walking I'll have my phone I need Sabrina Carpenter on or something and it'd be the same song on repeat and I'm gonna try it comes around he's like stop to music constantly it'd be on like song on repeat and I'm gonna try it comes around he's like stop to music constantly it'd be on like volume one but I just need something you recently went for a run without yeah music when you did that no that was intentional because I had airpods that were they only last like an hour and I was like right Alex was waiting for me halfway I was like
Starting point is 00:02:24 I'm gonna get to that point and then it was a treat it was waiting for me halfway I was like I'm going to get to that point and then it was a treat it was an incentive it was my like boost which didn't even work it did but you got
Starting point is 00:02:32 super fast at the end no but yeah I was impressed by that well done a well done new one thank you okay
Starting point is 00:02:40 controversial opinion time and it's also kind of like I'm going to read a community thing out. Okay. So, it's normal to compare your money situation to others. Do you want me to read the post out?
Starting point is 00:02:54 Yeah, go for it. So, is it normal to want to avoid spending time with people that unintentionally harm your self-esteem when the comparison monster creeps in i want to be happy for them but visiting a friend's new one million pound house when i've been on a long journey to pay off my debts and i'm still renting will 100 make me feel even worse about myself then i feel like i'm being a bad friend what do you think about this comparison like thief of joy oh it literally is that i didn't just make that statement up by the way it's a common statement i would take that and run it really is comparing yourself to others never ends well never but it's very normal to do oh it's like second nature to not it's hard to not do how can i say excellent but i've heard before you know we're all the movie star we're all the movie star of our own lives
Starting point is 00:03:46 like we're not self-centered it's just literally the way we're built even if we're empathetic of others everything is from our point of view of course it's going to be and so it's really difficult to not compare to real situations it could be money it could be milestones fertility massive one between friendship groups you know it could be relationship if you're not in relationship and people are or if you are and you're jealous of other people it's so natural to do so it's very normal so i would say it's not controversial to to do that so then what you do about it you have got to protect your mental well-being you have to create boundaries there's a little bit of work on the practical stuff which is about boundaries and so
Starting point is 00:04:30 but but you have to be able to work on it mentally to not not see your friend like you're you don't make that thing into too big a deal that it stops you from being able to navigate every day and and and have people that have that but i'm oh i've i found the more okay you are with yourself age helps but the more okay you are with yourself the happier you are for others without without the like continuous jealousy like you just might have a home anyway food you know that's what you want to be quick pang you allowed it, but... It might be if you just can't get over it for the moment because it sounds like you're still on a money journey and there's a lot to be...
Starting point is 00:05:10 that you're doing in the background. You just don't go to the house. You meet them somewhere where you don't get triggered by something. True. Even playing ground. Yes. That's not a word.
Starting point is 00:05:19 Even playing field. Level playing field, yeah. So you go... If it's eating you up and you dread going and it turns into this big, If it's a trigger, beast,
Starting point is 00:05:28 it doesn't need to be because you're just going to your friend's house. Just dial it down a little bit. Like, if you like showing the house off on social media, which,
Starting point is 00:05:34 who wouldn't even a nice house? Unfollow them. Unfollow. Mute. Okay, yeah, we're not unfollow. You can't unfollow. You can't unfollow.
Starting point is 00:05:40 That's so savage. That is so savage. Bug them. All my friends, do not look at whether I follow you. Savage. No, mute them. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:50 And you can do it for periods of time as well, can't you? Who knew them to mute? Not me. Definitely not muted. I was like, oh, I like your car. Did you not know?
Starting point is 00:06:02 No. I'm kidding. I would have unfollowed and that would have been really awkward so I think yeah removing the
Starting point is 00:06:11 opportunity for it to turn into the beast and for things like turn it into a little bit of a positive so being you know just
Starting point is 00:06:20 because yeah they've got the million-powered house for this person it might be i'm on a journey to get a house and this is hard and i really want my little castle and it's not that you're jealous of the extravagance or yes you know i mean god that's a lot of toes to clean in a big house yeah she's got they're gonna regret it they're gonna if i don't know but i think using it as a
Starting point is 00:06:45 little bit of motivation isn't a bad thing either healthy motivation to be like you know and one and there'll be a moment where you will have your home and you'll invite them around and you'll host them for the first time and that and they'll be pleased for you and you'll be pleased for them and yeah a little bit healthy but it is normal though i think her question was like is it normal to feel every day like i need to compare myself or that i don't want to go yeah but it is you are normal like laura said the community will constantly be like when you're in a money journey so focused anything that derails you probably feels quite big yeah triggering yeah and also i think it's this might be slightly unrelated but do you think they feel like a bit like a less of a person because they've got the one million pound house let's say I'm in Manchester I'm going shopping I go into Selfridges because I need a
Starting point is 00:07:38 new skincare item I feel so judged and like looked down on, like by the staff and everything. And I'm like, oh my God, they literally think I'm like poor. Yeah. Am I worthy of it in here? Oh my God. Just go into Zara, you'll feel like that anyway.
Starting point is 00:07:54 This is like the Bethany Frankel and Chanel gate. This is like, I'll show you who deserves to be in here. It's the pretty woman moment, isn't it? I'm like, guys, I'm literally coming in to buy a 20 pound waist dress. You're like, don't worry, I'm not a threat. I'm not going to be sending here it's the pretty woman moment isn't it I'm like guys I'm literally coming in to buy a 20 pound waist dress
Starting point is 00:08:05 you're like don't worry I'm not a threat I'm not going to be sending any money yes a sharpener for my eyeliner literally
Starting point is 00:08:12 I'm going to the food court I want some crisps can you put it in the self-adjusted bag though but like that's that's only in my head
Starting point is 00:08:21 yes oh 100% I used to work in self-adjusted so I can say is it confirmation or a... No, I never thought about that. Yeah, they know how much every customer who walks in has spent in the store before.
Starting point is 00:08:33 They know whether you know your way around. They know if you just come to browse. They know. Yeah. And do you know what? It's so true when people say, the people that used to dress up them... So I used to work in the luxury handbag department.
Starting point is 00:08:45 The people that used to dress up the so I used to work in the luxury handbag department. The people that used to dress up the most. No, I didn't. I left on my own terms. I quit. Before I got my discount as well. Idiot. They probably saved me a lot of money to be fair. All my friends and family were banking on the discount
Starting point is 00:09:02 and I was like, so I've decided that I'm not going to get more. It's not for me no we've been waiting for this moment and you just walk out but the people
Starting point is 00:09:12 that used to dress up and try the hardest you're like you've got something to prove would not be yeah so people
Starting point is 00:09:19 yeah would not be ones not to really just browse browse browse and have a look and then the people that are so unassuming would be like, yeah, I'll just have that.
Starting point is 00:09:27 Or three, actually, like £800 bags, just like no problem whatsoever. Goals. It's funny, isn't it? You can't never judge a book by its cover. Goals to be so comfortable with yourself. Yes. I think that like, well, also goes to, you know, spend what you want, definitely.
Starting point is 00:09:39 But the comfortableness of not overthinking it and being able to be happy with your bit and um yeah but I think it shows that like you do just create comparison in your head like no one else is I'm so creative about you like yeah when you walk down the street and you're like in a movie it's like with the umbrella and like things like like headphones on strutting like movie star of your own life no one gives a shit apart from when you like trip up you know it's the best when you're like driving in the car and you see someone strutting with headphones on i'm like yeah i don't know what to listen to isn't there um there's a there's a TikTok trend about there's a particular like 2000s rom-com soundtrack that
Starting point is 00:10:29 you should listen to right where you're the star of your own life but I think I said it would I definitely think age helps but also when we you know when we're fixated on a particular milestone honestly once you've hit it and you kind of crack on, you don't think about it. It's soon forgotten about. It's soon forgotten. It's a kind of never-ending thing. But then combined with, I do think as you get older, you're more comfortable.
Starting point is 00:10:54 I've found the more money I have, the less I need to impress people. This is genuinely the thing. If I think about, like, you know, bought a um really flash car 10 years ago um even like when I've been a lawyer did I want to be a lawyer because I thought people would think it means I'm more yeah it's more impressive than by suits yeah it was the program she was giving Meghan Markle but it was definitely I was I was predated suits being a lawyer, so that's even worse, isn't it? But I do think the more, when you've not got a lot, you're so conscious about what you don't have. Yes.
Starting point is 00:11:34 When you do have that helpfully, it's not that it's not as big a deal. It's important, but you're like, okay, the next thing. And so I found the more financially well I am, and I think the more financially well our community member is and she hits her own goals you quite you get very comfortable that other people are at different levels of wealth or levels of expenditure or levels of house and you're not you genuinely are not jealous of them you kind of go oh good for you whereas that like earlier is very very difficult because you're slogging it over here so thankless tasks i think
Starting point is 00:12:05 it's also good so i'm just dragging this on a million times but um i think having someone in your circle that's done that it shows that it is achievable and like you can do anything that you put your mind to and like it's not something that you've seen on instagram in america or something far away if your immediate circle has achieved it then why can't you yeah yeah and I think that's quite a good way of looking at it
Starting point is 00:12:27 yeah okay on the topic of handbags oh what are the others it's like I knew I actually didn't this is a funny dilemma
Starting point is 00:12:36 have I committed a financial crime oh call the police hi all I'm fairly new to the community and in my i'm in my first month of budgeting however temptation has swung my way and i've purchased a designer bag today about 70 of the cost was budgeted for but i still feel guilty i feel like i have no willpower but on the other hand i work hard and deserve a treat have i committed a major financial crime i saw this one sorry it's not like i've cheated but i do i do remember there is actually
Starting point is 00:13:10 updates on it i'll just say i've not seen it for a while i was gonna comment but i feel like there's an update i'll let you say i'll let you say what okay oh okay before we get there and then i'll give you the how she committed a financial crime? A little bit, yes, because... A misdemeanor. Yeah, so you might get off on good behaviour. She makes herself seem very reckless until she then says, 70% was budgeted for.
Starting point is 00:13:37 I know. So it's in the plan and it's not as impulsive as I wasn't planning on I was going to go in for crisps and I've walked out with a handbag like that's not what she's done um so I'm definitely intrigued to know like what it possibly costs and how if you're on like a debt-free journey the idea of buying a designer handbag like there's different levels of designer that's you know could be one to two months of extra overpayments and it's it's consumption behavior and usually buying things that are shiny and magpie like yeah the thing is the thing that's caused the debt and so it's really hard to then so there's two things there's
Starting point is 00:14:20 one there's that bit there's a second and because i'm going to call her out a little bit on um but she's i know it's been banter and she's joking. I've worked hard. I deserve it. I deserve a treat. Oh, you know. I run upstairs and I'm like, I deserve a chocolate bar. It's like that type of mentality, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:14:35 I could convince myself every day I deserve a treat. Like, you know. Definitely. I didn't have my full eight hours, so. Yeah, I'm tired today. I deserve five coffees. Biscuits and a brew. Yeah. I didn't have my full eight hours, so. Yeah, I'm tired today. I deserve five coffees. Biscuits and a brew. Yeah, so that never, ever flies in financial court.
Starting point is 00:14:51 You don't deserve it. The fact that she's got a sinking fund makes me think she's forgiven because it's an expense that she has planned for and she's executed on it just earlier than she planned. Okay, I'm going gonna add some updates okay live from the community oh so this person has said it was on 20 discount sale on holiday so she couldn't get it anywhere else okay she was there then and there okay it was a one-time decision discount and then we have a photo and i'll do a little description it's a one time decision discount and then we have a photo
Starting point is 00:15:25 I'll do a little description it's a beautiful black Valentino bag I'm going to say little handheld bag and a little pocket coming off the side can you see
Starting point is 00:15:35 practical practical oh yeah here we go oh my god like it's a dog or something I'm like
Starting point is 00:15:42 that is so nice and then more updates there's been a development a development in the handbag scandal the strap broke the first time i wore it i took it as a sign from the universe returned it didn't replace it as like for like so she's made money again after all she, she's made money again. She's actually bent her off. She is. That was not the money gods. Is it called a swizzle? Like, she's got one over on Valentino. She had a wear.
Starting point is 00:16:13 It broke. Shook it back. Got money back. And didn't replace it. Didn't replace it. See, is that a sign that you don't actually want it? Yes, because she got the little buzz. She didn't need the handbag because she'd have gone and found another.
Starting point is 00:16:22 Yeah. She just got that little dopamine hit I want to know now what you're going to use that singing fund will you continue to fill it is it going to go somewhere else I think
Starting point is 00:16:32 she's got the buzz of buying the designer bag and she realises it's not all that I know it's true so that helps so just go buy
Starting point is 00:16:39 and take it back the next day because you've actually you want the buying process you don't need the bag yes it's great fun extra curricular activity that's so true
Starting point is 00:16:47 going to Selfridges maybe I'll check out something online for once just see for once where it takes me but I think
Starting point is 00:16:55 yeah there is the taking back stress which none of us like either oh no I'll just leave it I'm sorry it didn't work out because she was very excited about it well done on getting the bag
Starting point is 00:17:03 it feels like the universe has sorted her out and we don't need to yeah she was very excited about it well done on getting the bag it feels like the universe has sorted her out and we don't need to yeah she's not in trouble with us definitely released from jail not guilty
Starting point is 00:17:11 bail like Judge Judy I love that if I remember all the other community members were like yeah she had
Starting point is 00:17:20 but we'll forgive you getting involved as well I don't know what their stance on it was they all said she committed a crime, but they forgave her. She's forgiven.
Starting point is 00:17:29 Maybe she subconsciously broke the bag herself because she's like, oh no. Oh God. Okay, here's a nice win. I'm going full force on using the app for my budget this payday i'm previously an excel girly and i don't have my payslip yet to get my exact income why am i more excited for this than payday i just want to run these numbers yeah i love it i'm so excited doing my budget i was gonna say it's pathetic it's actually not but it is organizing that feeling of being organized
Starting point is 00:18:05 it's just being in I love being in control I love being in control more than anything else and if I can set my budget and decide where my money's going every month
Starting point is 00:18:13 I get such a buzz from it yeah it's what the plan is so it's not the money going into the account it's what it can do yes because they're just numbers
Starting point is 00:18:21 and so most of us even if we don't budget get excited about the ability ability to spend not and to send it places
Starting point is 00:18:29 move it to savings whatever not the money going in because the money going in is literally just figures on a screen it's the the thing behind the plan
Starting point is 00:18:35 and so getting ahead on like your budgets is very exciting sometimes people go too far ahead I think I've seen people that do people do them like six months out
Starting point is 00:18:42 yeah and then they just adjust them later but also I want the bus every month yeah if you're an Excel girly having I've seen people that do them for the year. People do them like six months out. Yeah, and then they just adjust them later. I want the bus every month. Yeah. If you're an Excel girly, it's like having an Excel just on the go, but prettier and easier to keep updated and change figures and then you get a nice graph that's done for you immediately.
Starting point is 00:19:01 We have a lot of people, don't we, that used like our ipxl sheets because they're like it doesn't really tell me anything it's really difficult to keep updated like you said the formulas and you can't update it on the go people love our app because they could be in the alder queue and they know how much is and they literally update their um if they're tracking actuals and how much they're spending you can just do it there and then. It's not, the life admin's gone. You're doing it in the moment as you move on. This is all about life admin. I can't recall, I don't know how many years
Starting point is 00:19:31 I've been doing financial health for now, but getting paid and then just not telling my money where to go. What do people do? I feel like I need to- Imagine just leaving everything. I need to do a science experiment and I need to do it for a month
Starting point is 00:19:40 and just see by context. And be like mentally like, okay, mortgage is coming on this day. So that it's actually that much. Would I get to the, I want to know how much money I'd get to the end of a month and just see and be like mentally like okay mortgage is coming on yes so that it's actually that much would I get to the I want to know how much money I'd get to the end of the month with we should do it
Starting point is 00:19:50 as an experiment just to show you no honestly my I am so indoctrinated into this method that I don't
Starting point is 00:20:00 I genuinely don't know what it would be like I can't remember yeah it makes me stressed but we are not the norm remember but
Starting point is 00:20:09 I feel like I should give it a go just to be like definitely this is what it's like there's no chance you'd stick to budget there's no chance you wouldn't create a habit
Starting point is 00:20:17 so what I mean by stick to budget is you'll run out of money oh yeah 100% confident and also that adds in like maths because you have to do the mental maths and it's like but then not even so the stress is you'll run out of money oh yeah 100 confident and also that adds in like maths because you have to do the mental maths and they're not even so the stress is you'd run out
Starting point is 00:20:29 of money but you wouldn't move money to sinking funds so therefore when you have a need in three months time you're not going to meet for the car like that is just panic inducing that's scary yeah if you'd like to share your win, head to the community in the app or email the vault at financialhealth.com. Okay, this is a hefty dilemma, so sit tight. I don't want to be financially tied to my sister. Hi all, I'm hoping I can get a little insight on how I could possibly handle this situation in the future.
Starting point is 00:21:03 My dad and sister moved to Spain in 2017. My dad is retired and my sister works there. We were born in London but both my parents are Spanish so we have Spanish and British citizenship. I live in Scotland and my mum lives in London but is planning on retiring to Spain in September this year. Just to note our family owns two flats in Spain which are rented out and one flat in London which is also rented out. My sister and I are not close. I won't go into the specifics but I do not want to be financially tied to her after my parents are gone and requested that they split the properties in their wills so my sister gets
Starting point is 00:21:40 the two in Spain and I get the flat in London. They have not done this and insisted that all the properties are split 50-50. The will for the property in London is now drawn up. They are currently in the process of writing the will for the Spanish properties. I was hoping to continue renting the property in London and use it to finance a self-build for my family's forever home. I take it I can't do this without her being involved in the remortgage process. My sister has slight learning disabilities and as a result has been protected by my parents her whole life. She has never been allowed to financially manage anything. For example, she's never set up any bills or paid for them herself. My parents manage her money completely.
Starting point is 00:22:18 My sister and I have different priorities. She is single and child free. I have three children and want to use my proportion of the inheritance to cement my children's financial future with the benefit of a comfortable retirement. I'm so grateful for my parents for building a strong financial foundation for our inheritance, but I suspect that they have split assets like this with the expectation that I will solely manage them and just give my sister her financial portion to live off every month. Will it be difficult with her living abroad to manage these properties and divide the rental income between us? Will we need a joint account? Could I manage the properties with minimal contact with her and no requirements for her consent on any decisions? I want to take with regards to the properties. Please help families and inheritance do you know what before we even talk about the practicalities of it this is a couple of things one none of us have got an entitlement to inheritance like the fact that it's really
Starting point is 00:23:16 difficult to be planning ahead on the basis of our parents passing away. And then it's important to do it, but it's really difficult to do because you've no idea how long we're talking about, the practicalities of it, the funding, the inheritance that I get and how I will use it. And it's just kind of, it's better to pretend it literally doesn't exist other than you have to plan practically
Starting point is 00:23:43 which we're going to go through. But what I mean is there's like entitlement to it there's like reliance on it this yeah they've said that they're gonna they're using they're planning to use that to build their own house no when is that gonna be like because i think that'll that'll hold you back so much in in coming out with a practical solution here because you'll feel like it's yours don't feel like it's yours first it is not yours it is your parents at any point they could do anything with these properties they could sell them they could just park it because it's not yours and so mentally it's actually quite nice to break yourself from that secondly the it's very very difficult with with the sister and the parents have obviously had to and lots of people will go
Starting point is 00:24:21 through this people with minor or severe disabilities as a parent of a child that has those difficulties the worst thing you can think of is when you're gone yeah and how how will they manage it's no one's job to though so you know it's it's really important that you try to speak to your parents about the plans for a A couple of things, getting her some kind of support in managing money because it doesn't sound like she wouldn't be able to at all. She's just never done it. And sometimes you can also get trustees
Starting point is 00:24:55 that can manage money for you when you get an allowance. And so there's lots of legal things. In Spain, it might be a little bit different, but you can set up relationships with, like, corporates, like law firms, and they'll be a trustee of a pile of money and give an allowance. And so if there's a danger that, you know, she would be able to, like, squirrel it all, sorry,
Starting point is 00:25:15 fritter it all away and then not have anything to live off, I think you have to continue what you're doing with your parents, which is suggest that they need to put a plan in place because that could happen tomorrow or in 25 years. And I feel like I just wanted to say those two things first because parents can't require children look after the other child. They can't require that. We've got our own lives to live, haven't we?
Starting point is 00:25:39 Yeah, she said she's got three children and that's a big commitment already in itself. So then her sister and her sister that lives in a different country like there's lots of things to contend with there it's not someone's down the road and even then that's just as difficult I've seen people in caring with caring responsibilities and it's it's really difficult it's a lot to ask for somebody but also you know conscious that the parents the biggest fear for them is when they go what's going to happen to the other daughter but it sounds like it's not even it's non-negotiable for her.
Starting point is 00:26:06 It's not like, oh, I'll look after this, that and the other. It does feel quite complicated to keep all the properties the way that they plan to. And I think that, but what she has to be brave enough to do, I think, is suggest two options. Either she is grateful for whatever inheritance is going to be left to her. And if it comes with it, the responsibility of having to manage certain arrangements with her sister,
Starting point is 00:26:33 then you get an inheritance. And so there's kind of, I know there's terms to it, but she kind of has to be happy with that. Or if she doesn't want to do that, she's happy to not inherit. Do you know what I mean? Like it can't come with so many terms for me there's loads of extra complications here which is why you know the family making sure it sounds like they're getting the paperwork drawn up across two countries for the different um properties having a legal input into one like does her sister have the capacity to make a legal decision because if the if the if there's mortgages involved on the properties and if the two of them need to be both approving of whether you sell something, knowing that she's fully able to do that and there's lots of
Starting point is 00:27:10 paperwork for it. Because it might be that once the parents pass away, they both sit down and decide, actually, sometimes we hold onto property and think that the rental from it's helpful, but actually sometimes it's better to sell and cut tires and have a pot of money that is divided equally. And if it's used to fund a build or if it's used to, that could be in 25 years' time, you might have already built the thing you want to build and it could be funded for something else. At least you've not got the complications. So I feel like you do have to try and get your parents on side here,
Starting point is 00:27:37 which is I don't want to do that. So therefore, could we not come up with something more practical? And if we can't, then not don't include me, include me well but i just don't think you can give an ultimatum which is you have to do it the way i want help help them get advice which brings it to a much cleaner i think clean is the word i want especially if her sister's got learning difficulties you want to keep it as simple as possible that that could invoke a lot of like fear or like in her as well does she really want to become a landlord if she's not managing her own money and i think what she's saying is so they want me to do that yeah and so it's kind of saying well i don't want to do that bit and
Starting point is 00:28:13 and it's you know it's much cleaner to be able to sell assets have a whole estate have it split like in the right way and like i said put something in place for the sister that supports her to be like money and cashflow to be managed. And so that she's got money to be cared for and looked after. And on that basis, you might find that, you know, they're in two different countries.
Starting point is 00:28:34 It doesn't sound like they're going to be the best of, best of buddies, like not best of friends, but in each other's pockets. But she may, it may actually improve the relationship with the sister. She may be holding back because she's like, I don't want to become my sister's carer.
Starting point is 00:28:46 That's not in my plan. I've got my own family that i've got to provide for um but yeah very difficult families and money especially when you're talking about this hopefully and it sounds like this is just planning ahead and it's not something that's on the horizon so part of you does have to think like she's already thinking oh i'm gonna use the income and fund it for herself but i wonder how many people live their lives based on the inheritance that they think they're going to get oh it's massive
Starting point is 00:29:08 so they don't plan for their own life they don't live their own life because they're just like waiting for that day when he's going to land in their account we were talking about
Starting point is 00:29:16 in the car weren't we in fact people get scared about inheritance tax but I think we spoke about that not many less than 5% of people pay inheritance tax like it's
Starting point is 00:29:24 it's a thing that's very political yeah you know very political thing and each party has a different view in it and listen people with lots of wealth are very very vocal about it but we're talking about less than five percent the families would end up having to pay it um so the people get stressed about that but also the fact i think people um as a person writing a will I think it's our job and we all should have a will. So go get one if you don't have one. We should all think about making it simple for the people left behind, requiring that someone continues to rent out a flat.
Starting point is 00:29:57 Just like it's not yours then. Like kind of park it and don't put pressures on future generations. If you're going to give a gift of wealth, that's wonderful, but don't have loads of terms and conditions attached to that. Yeah, the simplicity is like a gift in itself, isn't it? Yeah, especially with everything that's going on. And clear out all your stuff. While you're at it.
Starting point is 00:30:18 You cleared your house, you cleared your study this weekend. Do you feel like you're on a roll? That's the biggest thing with people. When you speak to someone and they've lost, maybe like old workplaces, when you speak to someone and they've lost maybe like old workplaces when you speak to someone and it's an older relative
Starting point is 00:30:28 that's passed away the biggest thing is going through the person's stuff so I read something the other day that was like the most selfless thing
Starting point is 00:30:35 you can do is make sure that you're not hoarding loads of crap in your loft in your garage in a lock up or whatever
Starting point is 00:30:42 and declutter your home every year and just continue to get rid of stuff because it's not fair and the person that's left behind they want to invest their time thinking about the good things and it's nice going through memory boxes don't get me wrong but all the practical like we need to get rid of this and ring this removal to get rid of that spare bed in a spare room that's not been slept in for like 20 years you know all those things i don't know i definitely got this view that when um like when you having families like you want a bigger
Starting point is 00:31:05 and bigger house and then then you get fed up of how big they are and you want a smaller and smaller house and I love the idea that when I'm retired
Starting point is 00:31:10 I've got like a neat clean little apartment bachelor pad yeah a bachelorette pad that literally just I can just a sofa
Starting point is 00:31:20 minimally minimally that's the dream yeah Kim Kardashian's got it right unless she's got a cupboard she's definitely got a shit cupboard
Starting point is 00:31:28 where you shove everything in and hope for the best she probably owns the most stuff in the world yeah do you know what I mean where is it all she hasn't even got a sink
Starting point is 00:31:36 that's her that's her front of house kitchen yeah she'll have a commercial kitchen with a chef yeah prepping away in the background and a shit cupboard and a shit cupboard a drawer she'll have a commercial kitchen with a chef prepping away in the background.
Starting point is 00:31:45 And a shit cupboard. And a shit cupboard. A drawer. She'll have a shit drawer with like key pennies. No one knows where they got from. Alan Key
Starting point is 00:31:51 from all the IKEA furniture. What about 20? Elastic, but I'm sure there's nothing from IKEA. It's garbage. Some meatballs halfway through.
Starting point is 00:31:59 Okay. Any final words? No. on this fine thursday get get your family to clear out the stuff and i will get a will that's one of the things that people i think a good thing to take from that is that like there's an open conversation about wills absolutely they might not be listening to each other but it's still it's not like a taboo topic for them it It's not, and to not overthink that process. Like I said, sometimes there's free will months in different countries. You can usually, between a mortgage and mortgage pensions and wills, large amounts of money, but there's things that we don't want to pay for help with.
Starting point is 00:32:39 Yeah, we're tight as a nation. It's not a pot that we ever can give or can receive. And having a professional walk you through it can be and sometimes it's once and then you stick with it for quite a few years until a big event like a marriage or a death happens or a big financial change you don't even need to but people don't take advice for stuff like that and i just think it's the best thing that you can do for yourself but also for for your family and um and like i said it's the one of the toughest things you can go through to leave someone so a complicated inheritance structure or plan
Starting point is 00:33:10 that also like from beyond the grave requires someone to do something like you don't want you know that to be the lasting legacy of you that i've got this last drop of chaos now you've said it like that you're like watch i'm gonna make a going to make a plan. I'm going to wind everyone up. The last line, enjoy. Full stop. I'll leave you to work it out between yourselves.
Starting point is 00:33:32 Like an Easter egg hunt. Oh God, I would love that. All I'm thinking is Saltburn Mansion and like everyone comes in, we're going to read the will. Isn't there a Taylor Swift video where she's like,
Starting point is 00:33:43 the whole thing about, Oh yeah. My daughter-in-law yeah I know and she thinks I've left her in the will oh I'd love it that bit of drama I promise I won't but it would be fun again movie star of my own life yeah I've got the dress done um that's all for this episode the vault is now closed just a disclaimer the vault is just a chat around life and money topics and we are not giving financial advice

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