The Vault with Financielle - How To Stop Comparing Yourself | The Vault Episode 18
Episode Date: June 26, 2024Send us a textIn this episode of The Vault, we dive deep into the challenges of comparing ourselves to others on our money journeys and the impact it has on our self-esteem and friendships. Join us as... we explore how to handle jealousy in friendships, and provide practical advice on maintaining your happiness and self-worth.We also respond to intriguing listener dilemmas: • Have I committed a Financielle crime?• I don’t want to be financially tied to my sisterTune in for insightful discussions and expert tips to help you navigate your financial path with confidence and peace of mind.Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe for more episodes!Chapters:00:00:00 - Comparing Your Money Situation to Others00:04:00 - Dealing with Jealousy in Friendships00:11:56 - Achieving what others have done00:16:07 - Taking back the Designer Bag00:23:34 - Inheriting and Managing Properties00:27:00 - Selling Assets for Simplicity and Clarity00:30:18 - The Importance of Decluttering and Clearing Out Your StuffThe Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn
Transcript
Discussion (0)
oh i didn't get the gene memo sorry this is the crumpiest jumper ever ever give us a list of all
the things that you've spilled i'm just about to say and it get every single stain i have ever
got onto this jumper has come out welcome to the vault with finite child this is a safe space where
we talk all things life and money and no topics are off limits.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Good evening.
I don't know where we're up to, but wherever you are.
I don't know where everyone's listening to this right now.
Yes, we had a lot of new listeners from the United States, didn't we?
Howdy.
For the last couple of weeks.
Howdy.
How very British of you.
I like how people say where they listen to The Vault as in like,
I do it on my school runs, which apologies for the swearing.
In the bath.
If you do it in the bath.
Like lunchtime walks.
What's your go-to podcast listening routine?
So when I'm doing my hair or makeup.
Yes, on a Thursday morning.
Yeah, for The Vault.
Only on Thursdays.
I don't listen to any of this
we only listen to ourselves
yeah
very self-indulgent
narcissistic
I've got like
a fried dopamine system
so I need something
on at all times
like
so
I got
background noise
literally
example
last night
got in the shower
so it was a hair wash shower
and it was
gonna take a little bit
of a long time
more hair shower
from last week and normally I put my phone like on the windowsill and I like
prop it up and I'll put a youtube video on I will have a podcast on anything my phone last night was
dead I was in the shower I was so bored and I was like oh my god I can't even have anything to avoid
being alone yeah I can't be alone with my own thoughts it is like that though isn't it like you can't go for a walk yeah without it's crazy and Alex
is literally I'd be around the flat and I'd be like walking I'll have my phone I need
Sabrina Carpenter on or something and it'd be the same song on repeat and I'm gonna try it comes
around he's like stop to music constantly it'd be on like song on repeat and I'm gonna try it comes around he's like stop
to music constantly it'd be on like volume one but I just need something you recently went for
a run without yeah music when you did that no that was intentional because I had airpods that
were they only last like an hour and I was like right Alex was waiting for me halfway I was like
I'm gonna get to that point and then it was a treat it was waiting for me halfway I was like I'm going to get to that point
and then
it was a treat
it was an incentive
it was my like
boost
which didn't even work
it did but you got
super fast at the end
no
but yeah
I was impressed by that
well done
a well done new one
thank you
okay
controversial opinion
time
and it's also
kind of like
I'm going to read a community thing out.
Okay.
So, it's normal to compare your money situation to others.
Do you want me to read the post out?
Yeah, go for it.
So, is it normal to want to avoid spending time with people that unintentionally harm your self-esteem when the comparison monster creeps in i want to be happy
for them but visiting a friend's new one million pound house when i've been on a long journey to
pay off my debts and i'm still renting will 100 make me feel even worse about myself then i feel
like i'm being a bad friend what do you think about this comparison like thief of joy oh it
literally is that i didn't just make that statement up by the way it's a common statement i would take that and run it really is comparing yourself to others never ends well
never but it's very normal to do oh it's like second nature to not it's hard to not do how
can i say excellent but i've heard before you know we're all the movie star we're all the movie star of our own lives
like we're not self-centered it's just literally the way we're built even if we're empathetic of
others everything is from our point of view of course it's going to be and so it's really
difficult to not compare to real situations it could be money it could be milestones fertility
massive one between friendship groups you know it could be relationship if you're
not in relationship and people are or if you are and you're jealous of other people
it's so natural to do so it's very normal so i would say it's not controversial
to to do that so then what you do about it you have got to protect your mental well-being you have to create
boundaries there's a little bit of work on the practical stuff which is about boundaries and so
but but you have to be able to work on it mentally to not not see your friend like you're you don't
make that thing into too big a deal that it stops you from being able to navigate every day and and
and have people that have that but i'm oh i've i found the more
okay you are with yourself age helps but the more okay you are with yourself the happier you are for
others without without the like continuous jealousy like you just might have a home
anyway food you know that's what you want to be quick pang you allowed it, but... It might be if you just can't get over it for the moment
because it sounds like you're still on a money journey
and there's a lot to be...
that you're doing in the background.
You just don't go to the house.
You meet them somewhere
where you don't get triggered by something.
True.
Even playing ground.
Yes.
That's not a word.
Even playing field.
Level playing field, yeah.
So you go...
If it's eating you up and you dread going
and it turns into this
big,
If it's a trigger,
beast,
it doesn't need to be
because you're just going
to your friend's house.
Just dial it down a little bit.
Like,
if you like showing the house off
on social media,
which,
who wouldn't even a nice house?
Unfollow them.
Unfollow.
Mute.
Okay, yeah,
we're not unfollow.
You can't unfollow.
You can't unfollow.
That's so savage.
That is so savage.
Bug them.
All my friends,
do not look at whether I follow you.
Savage.
No, mute them.
Yeah.
And you can do it for periods of time as well,
can't you?
Who knew them to mute?
Not me.
Definitely not muted.
I was like,
oh, I like your car.
Did you not know?
No.
I'm kidding.
I would have unfollowed
and that would have
been really awkward
so
I think yeah
removing the
opportunity
for it to
turn into the beast
and for things like
turn it into a little
bit of a positive
so being
you know just
because yeah
they've got the
million-powered house
for this person it might be i'm on
a journey to get a house and this is hard and i really want my little castle and it's not that
you're jealous of the extravagance or yes you know i mean god that's a lot of toes to clean
in a big house yeah she's got they're gonna regret it they're gonna if i don't know
but i think using it as a
little bit of motivation isn't a bad thing either healthy motivation to be like you know
and one and there'll be a moment where you will have your home and you'll invite them around and
you'll host them for the first time and that and they'll be pleased for you and you'll be pleased
for them and yeah a little bit healthy but it is normal though i think her question was like is it normal to feel every day like i need to compare myself or that i don't want
to go yeah but it is you are normal like laura said the community will constantly be like when
you're in a money journey so focused anything that derails you probably feels quite big yeah
triggering yeah and also i think it's this might be slightly unrelated but do you think they feel like a bit like a less of a person because they've got the one million pound
house let's say I'm in Manchester I'm going shopping I go into Selfridges because I need a
new skincare item I feel so judged and like looked down on, like by the staff and everything. And I'm like,
oh my God,
they literally think I'm like poor.
Yeah.
Am I worthy of it in here?
Oh my God.
Just go into Zara,
you'll feel like that anyway.
This is like the Bethany Frankel and Chanel gate.
This is like,
I'll show you who deserves to be in here.
It's the pretty woman moment,
isn't it?
I'm like,
guys,
I'm literally coming in to buy a 20 pound waist dress. You're like, don't worry, I'm not a threat. I'm not going to be sending here it's the pretty woman moment isn't it I'm like guys I'm literally coming in to buy a 20 pound waist dress
you're like don't worry
I'm not a threat
I'm not going to be
sending any money
yes
a sharpener for my
eyeliner
literally
I'm going to the
food court
I want some crisps
can you put it in
the self-adjusted bag
though
but like that's
that's only in my head
yes oh 100%
I used to work in
self-adjusted
so I can say
is it confirmation or a...
No, I never thought about that.
Yeah, they know how much every customer
who walks in has spent in the store before.
They know whether you know your way around.
They know if you just come to browse.
They know.
Yeah.
And do you know what?
It's so true when people say,
the people that used to dress up them...
So I used to work in the luxury handbag department.
The people that used to dress up the so I used to work in the luxury handbag department. The people that used to dress up the most.
No, I didn't.
I left on my own terms.
I quit.
Before I got my discount as well.
Idiot.
They probably saved me a lot of money to be fair.
All my friends and family were banking on the discount
and I was like,
so I've decided that I'm not going to get more.
It's not for me
no
we've been waiting
for this moment
and you just walk out
but the people
that used to dress up
and try the hardest
you're like
you've got something to prove
would
not be
yeah
so people
yeah
would not be ones
not to really
just browse browse browse
and have a look
and then the people
that are so unassuming would be like,
yeah, I'll just have that.
Or three, actually, like £800 bags, just like no problem whatsoever.
Goals.
It's funny, isn't it?
You can't never judge a book by its cover.
Goals to be so comfortable with yourself.
Yes.
I think that like, well, also goes to, you know,
spend what you want, definitely.
But the comfortableness of not overthinking it
and being able to be happy with your bit and um
yeah but I think it shows that like you do just create comparison in your head like no one else
is I'm so creative about you like yeah when you walk down the street and you're like in a movie
it's like with the umbrella and like things like like headphones on strutting like movie star of your own life no one gives a shit
apart from when you like trip up you know it's the best when you're like driving in the car and
you see someone strutting with headphones on i'm like yeah i don't know what to listen to
isn't there um there's a there's a TikTok trend about there's a particular like 2000s rom-com soundtrack that
you should listen to right where you're the star of your own life but I think I said it would I
definitely think age helps but also when we you know when we're fixated on a particular milestone
honestly once you've hit it and you kind of crack on, you don't think about it.
It's soon forgotten about.
It's soon forgotten.
It's a kind of never-ending thing.
But then combined with, I do think as you get older,
you're more comfortable.
I've found the more money I have, the less I need to impress people.
This is genuinely the thing.
If I think about, like, you know, bought a um really flash car 10 years ago um
even like when I've been a lawyer did I want to be a lawyer because I thought people would think
it means I'm more yeah it's more impressive than by suits yeah it was the program she was giving
Meghan Markle but it was definitely I was I was predated suits being a lawyer, so that's even worse, isn't it? But I do think the more, when you've not got a lot,
you're so conscious about what you don't have.
Yes.
When you do have that helpfully, it's not that it's not as big a deal.
It's important, but you're like, okay, the next thing.
And so I found the more financially well I am,
and I think the more financially well our community member is and she hits her own goals
you quite you get very comfortable that other people are at different levels of wealth or
levels of expenditure or levels of house and you're not you genuinely are not jealous of them
you kind of go oh good for you whereas that like earlier is very very difficult because you're
slogging it over here so thankless tasks i think
it's also good so i'm just dragging this on a million times but um i think having someone in
your circle that's done that it shows that it is achievable and like you can do anything that you
put your mind to and like it's not something that you've seen on instagram in america or something
far away if your immediate circle has achieved it then why can't you yeah
yeah
and I think that's
quite a good way
of looking at it
yeah
okay
on the topic of handbags
oh
what are the others
it's like I knew
I actually didn't
this is a funny dilemma
have I committed
a financial crime
oh
call the police
hi all I'm fairly new to the community and in my i'm
in my first month of budgeting however temptation has swung my way and i've purchased a designer
bag today about 70 of the cost was budgeted for but i still feel guilty i feel like i have no
willpower but on the other hand i work hard and deserve a treat have i committed a major financial crime i saw this one sorry it's not like i've cheated but i do i do remember there is actually
updates on it i'll just say i've not seen it for a while i was gonna comment but i feel like there's
an update i'll let you say i'll let you say what okay oh okay before we get there and then i'll
give you the how she committed a financial crime? A little bit, yes, because...
A misdemeanor.
Yeah, so you might get off on good behaviour.
She makes herself seem very reckless
until she then says,
70% was budgeted for.
I know.
So it's in the plan
and it's not as impulsive as I wasn't planning on I was going to go in for
crisps and I've walked out with a handbag like that's not what she's done um so I'm definitely
intrigued to know like what it possibly costs and how if you're on like a debt-free journey the
idea of buying a designer handbag like there's different levels of designer that's you know could be one to two months of extra overpayments and it's it's
consumption behavior and usually buying things that are shiny and magpie like yeah the thing
is the thing that's caused the debt and so it's really hard to then so there's two things there's
one there's that bit there's a second and because i'm going to call her out a little bit on um but
she's i know it's been banter and she's joking.
I've worked hard.
I deserve it. I deserve a treat.
Oh, you know.
I run upstairs and I'm like,
I deserve a chocolate bar.
It's like that type of mentality, isn't it?
I could convince myself every day I deserve a treat.
Like, you know.
Definitely.
I didn't have my full eight hours, so.
Yeah, I'm tired today.
I deserve five coffees.
Biscuits and a brew.
Yeah. I didn't have my full eight hours, so. Yeah, I'm tired today. I deserve five coffees. Biscuits and a brew. Yeah, so that never, ever flies in financial court.
You don't deserve it.
The fact that she's got a sinking fund makes me think she's forgiven
because it's an expense that she has planned for
and she's executed on it just earlier than she planned.
Okay, I'm going gonna add some updates okay
live from the community oh so this person has said it was on 20 discount sale on holiday
so she couldn't get it anywhere else okay she was there then and there okay it was a one-time
decision discount and then we have a photo and i'll do a little description it's a one time decision discount and then we have a photo
I'll do a little description
it's a beautiful
black Valentino bag
I'm going to say
little handheld bag
and a little
pocket coming off the side
can you see
practical
practical
oh yeah
here we go
oh my god
like it's a dog
or something
I'm like
that is so nice
and then more updates there's been a development a development in the handbag scandal the strap
broke the first time i wore it i took it as a sign from the universe returned it didn't replace it as
like for like so she's made money again after all she, she's made money again. She's actually bent her off. She is.
That was not the money gods.
Is it called a swizzle?
Like, she's got one over on Valentino.
She had a wear.
It broke.
Shook it back.
Got money back.
And didn't replace it.
Didn't replace it.
See, is that a sign that you don't actually want it? Yes, because she got the little buzz.
She didn't need the handbag
because she'd have gone and found another.
Yeah.
She just got that little dopamine hit
I want to know now
what you're going to use that
singing fund
will you continue to fill it
is it going to go somewhere else
I think
she's got the buzz
of buying the designer bag
and she realises
it's not all that
I know it's true
so that helps
so just
go buy
and take it back the next day
because you've
actually you want the buying process
you don't need the bag
yes
it's great fun
extra curricular activity
that's so true
going to Selfridges
maybe I'll check out
something online
for once
just see
for once
where it takes me
but I think
yeah there is the taking back
stress which none of us like either
oh no
I'll just leave it
I'm sorry it didn't work out
because she was very excited
about it
well done on getting the bag
it feels like the universe
has sorted her out and we don't need to yeah she was very excited about it well done on getting the bag it feels like the universe has sorted her out
and we don't need to
yeah
she's not in trouble with us
definitely
released from jail
not guilty
bail
like Judge Judy
I love that
if I remember
all the other
community members
were like
yeah she had
but we'll forgive you
getting involved as well
I don't know what
their stance on it was
they all said
she committed a crime,
but they forgave her.
She's forgiven.
Maybe she subconsciously broke the bag herself
because she's like, oh no.
Oh God.
Okay, here's a nice win.
I'm going full force on using the app for my budget this payday i'm previously an excel girly
and i don't have my payslip yet to get my exact income why am i more excited for this than payday
i just want to run these numbers yeah i love it i'm so excited doing my budget i was gonna say
it's pathetic it's actually not but it is organizing that feeling of being organized
it's just
being in
I love being in control
I love being in control
more than anything else
and if I can set my budget
and decide where
my money's going every month
I get such a buzz from it
yeah
it's what the plan is
so it's not the money
going into the account
it's what it can do
yes
because they're just numbers
and so
most of us
even if we don't budget
get excited about
the ability
ability to spend
not
and to send it places
move it to savings
whatever
not the money going in
because the money going in
is literally just figures
on a screen
it's the
the thing behind the plan
and so getting ahead
on like your budgets
is very exciting
sometimes people go too far ahead
I think I've seen people
that do
people do them like
six months out
yeah
and then they just
adjust them later
but also I want the bus every month yeah if you're an Excel girly having I've seen people that do them for the year. People do them like six months out. Yeah, and then they just adjust them later.
I want the bus every month. Yeah.
If you're an Excel girly, it's like having an Excel just on the go,
but prettier and easier to keep updated and change figures
and then you get a nice graph that's done for you immediately.
We have a lot of people, don't we, that used like our ipxl sheets because they're like
it doesn't really tell me anything it's really difficult to keep updated like you said the
formulas and you can't update it on the go people love our app because they could be in the alder
queue and they know how much is and they literally update their um if they're tracking actuals and
how much they're spending you can just do it there and then. It's not, the life admin's gone. You're doing it in the moment as you move on.
This is all about life admin.
I can't recall,
I don't know how many years
I've been doing financial health for now,
but getting paid
and then just not telling my money where to go.
What do people do?
I feel like I need to-
Imagine just leaving everything.
I need to do a science experiment
and I need to do it for a month
and just see by context.
And be like mentally like,
okay, mortgage is coming on this day. So that it's actually that much. Would I get to the, I want to know how much money I'd get to the end of a month and just see and be like mentally like okay mortgage is coming on yes so that it's actually
that much
would I get to the
I want to know how much money
I'd get to the end of the month with
we should do it
as an experiment
just to show you
no
honestly
my
I am so indoctrinated
into this method
that I don't
I genuinely don't know
what it would be like
I can't remember
yeah
it makes me stressed
but
we are not the norm remember
but
I feel like I should give it a go
just to be like
definitely
this is what it's like
there's no chance
you'd stick to budget
there's no chance
you wouldn't create a habit
so what I mean
by stick to budget is
you'll run out of money
oh yeah 100%
confident
and also that adds in like
maths
because you have to do the mental maths and it's like but then not even so the stress is you'll run out of money oh yeah 100 confident and also that adds in like maths because you have to do the mental maths and they're not even so the stress is you'd run out
of money but you wouldn't move money to sinking funds so therefore when you have a need in three
months time you're not going to meet for the car like that is just panic inducing that's scary
yeah if you'd like to share your win, head to the community in the app
or email the vault at financialhealth.com.
Okay, this is a hefty dilemma, so sit tight.
I don't want to be financially tied to my sister.
Hi all, I'm hoping I can get a little insight
on how I could possibly handle this situation in the future.
My dad and sister moved
to Spain in 2017. My dad is retired and my sister works there. We were born in London but both my
parents are Spanish so we have Spanish and British citizenship. I live in Scotland and my mum lives
in London but is planning on retiring to Spain in September this year. Just to note our family
owns two flats in
Spain which are rented out and one flat in London which is also rented out. My sister and I are not
close. I won't go into the specifics but I do not want to be financially tied to her after my
parents are gone and requested that they split the properties in their wills so my sister gets
the two in Spain and I get the flat in London. They have not done this and insisted that all the
properties are split 50-50. The will for the property in London is now drawn up. They are
currently in the process of writing the will for the Spanish properties. I was hoping to continue
renting the property in London and use it to finance a self-build for my family's forever home.
I take it I can't do this without her being involved in the remortgage process. My sister
has slight learning disabilities and as a result has been protected by my parents
her whole life. She has never been allowed to financially manage anything. For example,
she's never set up any bills or paid for them herself. My parents manage her money completely.
My sister and I have different priorities. She is single and child free. I have three children
and want to use my proportion of the inheritance to cement my children's financial future with the benefit of a comfortable retirement.
I'm so grateful for my parents for building a strong financial foundation for our inheritance, but I suspect that they have split assets like this with the expectation that I will solely manage them and just give my sister her financial portion to live off every month. Will it be difficult with her living abroad to manage these properties and
divide the rental income between us? Will we need a joint account? Could I manage the properties
with minimal contact with her and no requirements for her consent on any decisions? I want to take
with regards to the properties. Please help families and inheritance do you know what
before we even talk about the practicalities of it this is a couple of things
one none of us have got an entitlement to inheritance like the fact that it's really
difficult to be planning ahead on the basis of our parents passing away. And then it's important to do it,
but it's really difficult to do
because you've no idea how long we're talking about,
the practicalities of it, the funding,
the inheritance that I get and how I will use it.
And it's just kind of,
it's better to pretend it literally doesn't exist
other than you have to plan practically
which we're going to go through.
But what I mean is there's like entitlement to it there's like reliance on it this yeah they've said
that they're gonna they're using they're planning to use that to build their own house no when is
that gonna be like because i think that'll that'll hold you back so much in in coming out with a
practical solution here because you'll feel like it's yours don't feel like it's yours first it is
not yours it is your parents at any point they could do anything with these properties they could sell them they could just park it because it's not
yours and so mentally it's actually quite nice to break yourself from that secondly the it's very
very difficult with with the sister and the parents have obviously had to and lots of people will go
through this people with minor or severe disabilities as a parent of
a child that has those difficulties the worst thing you can think of is when you're gone yeah
and how how will they manage it's no one's job to though so you know it's it's really important that
you try to speak to your parents about the plans for a A couple of things, getting her some kind of support
in managing money because it doesn't sound like
she wouldn't be able to at all.
She's just never done it.
And sometimes you can also get trustees
that can manage money for you when you get an allowance.
And so there's lots of legal things.
In Spain, it might be a little bit different,
but you can set up relationships with, like, corporates,
like law firms, and they'll be a trustee of a pile of money
and give an allowance.
And so if there's a danger that, you know,
she would be able to, like, squirrel it all, sorry,
fritter it all away and then not have anything to live off,
I think you have to continue what you're doing with your parents,
which is suggest that they need to put a plan in place
because that could happen tomorrow or in 25 years.
And I feel like I just wanted to say those two things first
because parents can't require children look after the other child.
They can't require that.
We've got our own lives to live, haven't we?
Yeah, she said she's got three children
and that's a big commitment already in itself.
So then her sister and her sister that lives
in a different country like there's lots of things to contend with there it's not someone's down the
road and even then that's just as difficult I've seen people in caring with caring responsibilities
and it's it's really difficult it's a lot to ask for somebody but also you know conscious that the
parents the biggest fear for them is when they go what's going to happen to the other daughter but
it sounds like it's not even it's non-negotiable for her.
It's not like, oh, I'll look after this, that and the other.
It does feel quite complicated to keep all the properties
the way that they plan to.
And I think that, but what she has to be brave enough to do,
I think, is suggest two options.
Either she is grateful for whatever inheritance
is going to be left to her. And if it comes with
it, the responsibility of having to manage certain arrangements with her sister,
then you get an inheritance. And so there's kind of, I know there's terms to it, but she kind of
has to be happy with that. Or if she doesn't want to do that, she's happy to not inherit. Do you
know what I mean? Like it can't come with so many terms for me there's loads of extra complications here which is why you know the
family making sure it sounds like they're getting the paperwork drawn up across two countries for
the different um properties having a legal input into one like does her sister have the capacity
to make a legal decision because if the if the if there's mortgages involved on the properties
and if the two of them need to be both approving
of whether you sell something, knowing that she's fully able to do that and there's lots of
paperwork for it. Because it might be that once the parents pass away, they both sit down and
decide, actually, sometimes we hold onto property and think that the rental from it's helpful,
but actually sometimes it's better to sell and cut tires and have a pot of money that is divided
equally. And if it's used to fund a build or if it's used to,
that could be in 25 years' time, you might have already built
the thing you want to build and it could be funded for something else.
At least you've not got the complications.
So I feel like you do have to try and get your parents on side here,
which is I don't want to do that.
So therefore, could we not come up with something more practical?
And if we can't, then not don't include me, include me well but i just don't think you can give an ultimatum which is
you have to do it the way i want help help them get advice which brings it to a much cleaner
i think clean is the word i want especially if her sister's got learning difficulties you want
to keep it as simple as possible that that could invoke a lot of like fear or like in her as well does she really
want to become a landlord if she's not managing her own money and i think what she's saying is
so they want me to do that yeah and so it's kind of saying well i don't want to do that bit and
and it's you know it's much cleaner to be able to sell assets have a whole estate have it split
like in the right way and like i said put something in place for the sister that supports her to be like money and
cashflow to be managed.
And so that she's got money to be cared for and looked after.
And on that basis,
you might find that,
you know,
they're in two different countries.
It doesn't sound like they're going to be the best of,
best of buddies,
like not best of friends,
but in each other's pockets.
But she may,
it may actually improve the relationship with the sister.
She may be holding back because she's like,
I don't want to become my sister's carer.
That's not in my plan. I've got my own family that i've got to provide for um but yeah very difficult families and money especially when
you're talking about this hopefully and it sounds like this is just planning ahead and it's not
something that's on the horizon so part of you does have to think like she's already thinking
oh i'm gonna use the income and fund it for herself but i wonder how many people live their
lives based on the
inheritance that they think
they're going to get
oh it's massive
so they don't plan
for their own life
they don't live their own life
because they're just
like waiting for that day
when he's going to land
in their account
we were talking about
in the car weren't we
in fact people get scared
about inheritance tax
but I think we spoke about
that not many
less than 5% of people
pay inheritance tax
like it's
it's a thing
that's very political yeah you know very political thing and each party has a different view in it
and listen people with lots of wealth are very very vocal about it but we're talking about less
than five percent the families would end up having to pay it um so the people get stressed about that
but also the fact i think people um as a person writing a will I think it's our job and we all should have a will.
So go get one if you don't have one.
We should all think about making it simple for the people left behind,
requiring that someone continues to rent out a flat.
Just like it's not yours then.
Like kind of park it and don't put pressures on future generations.
If you're going to give a gift of wealth, that's wonderful,
but don't have loads of terms and conditions attached to that.
Yeah, the simplicity is like a gift in itself, isn't it?
Yeah, especially with everything that's going on.
And clear out all your stuff.
While you're at it.
You cleared your house, you cleared your study this weekend.
Do you feel like you're on a roll?
That's the biggest thing with people.
When you speak to someone and they've lost,
maybe like old workplaces, when you speak to someone and they've lost maybe like
old workplaces
when you speak to someone
and it's an older relative
that's passed away
the biggest thing
is going through
the person's stuff
so I read something
the other day
that was like
the most selfless thing
you can do
is make sure
that you're not
hoarding loads of crap
in your loft
in your garage
in a lock up
or whatever
and declutter your home
every year
and just continue to get rid
of stuff because it's not fair and the person that's left behind they want to invest their
time thinking about the good things and it's nice going through memory boxes don't get me wrong but
all the practical like we need to get rid of this and ring this removal to get rid of that spare bed
in a spare room that's not been slept in for like 20 years you know all those things i don't know i
definitely got this view that when um like when you having families like you want a bigger
and bigger house
and then
then you get fed up
of how big they are
and you want a smaller
and smaller house
and I love the idea
that when I'm retired
I've got like a neat
clean little apartment
bachelor pad
yeah
a bachelorette pad
that literally just
I can
just a sofa
minimally
minimally
that's the dream
yeah
Kim Kardashian's got it right
unless she's got a cupboard
she's definitely got
a shit cupboard
where you shove everything in
and hope for the best
she probably owns
the most stuff in the world
yeah
do you know what I mean
where is it all
she hasn't even got a sink
that's her
that's her
front of house kitchen
yeah
she'll have a commercial kitchen
with a chef
yeah
prepping away in the background and a shit cupboard and a shit cupboard a drawer she'll have a commercial kitchen with a chef prepping away in the background.
And a shit cupboard.
And a shit cupboard.
A drawer.
She'll have a shit drawer
with like
key pennies.
No one knows where they got from.
Alan Key
from all the IKEA furniture.
What about 20?
Elastic,
but I'm sure there's nothing
from IKEA.
It's garbage.
Some meatballs
halfway through.
Okay.
Any final words? No. on this fine thursday get get your family to clear out the stuff and
i will get a will that's one of the things that people i think a good thing to take from that is
that like there's an open conversation about wills absolutely they might not be listening to each
other but it's still it's not like a taboo topic for them it It's not, and to not overthink that process.
Like I said, sometimes there's free will months in different countries.
You can usually, between a mortgage and mortgage pensions and wills,
large amounts of money, but there's things that we don't want to pay for help with.
Yeah, we're tight as a nation.
It's not a pot that we ever can give or can receive.
And having a professional walk you through
it can be and sometimes it's once and then you stick with it for quite a few years until a big
event like a marriage or a death happens or a big financial change you don't even need to but
people don't take advice for stuff like that and i just think it's the best thing that you can do
for yourself but also for for your family and um and like i said it's the one of the toughest things
you can go through to leave someone so a complicated inheritance structure or plan
that also like from beyond the grave requires someone to do something like you don't want you
know that to be the lasting legacy of you that i've got this last drop of chaos now you've said
it like that you're like watch i'm gonna make a going to make a plan. I'm going to wind everyone up.
The last line,
enjoy.
Full stop.
I'll leave you to work it out
between yourselves.
Like an Easter egg hunt.
Oh God,
I would love that.
All I'm thinking is Saltburn Mansion
and like everyone comes in,
we're going to read the will.
Isn't there a Taylor Swift video
where she's like,
the whole thing about,
Oh yeah. My daughter-in-law
yeah I know and she thinks I've left her in the will oh I'd love it that bit of drama
I promise I won't but it would be fun again movie star of my own life
yeah I've got the dress done um that's all for this episode the vault is now closed
just a disclaimer the vault is just a chat around life and money topics and we are not giving
financial advice