The Vault with Financielle - I can't afford to be a bridesmaid | The Vault Episode 4

Episode Date: March 21, 2024

Send us a textWelcome to The Vault with Financielle. Hosts Lucy, Laura and Holly delve into the world of money dilemmas from Leechy friends, getting the money ick, the benefits of budgeting and much much more! Nothing is off limits but everything is safe in the Vault.In this episode of The Vault, Lucy, Laura and Holly dive into the world of money focussed dilemmas from the Financielle Community. The trio discuss the real cost of being a bridesmaid, bougee mates with bougee budgets and the question that's on everybody's lips, "how do they afford that?"-Visit https://www.financielle.co.uk to join our community! Chapters:00:00:00 - Introduction00:02:40 - The Shopping Mentality00:05:10 - Affording Luxuries and Living Beyond Means00:10:09 - Talking About Money with Friends00:12:24 - Influencers and Gifted Experiences00:15:00 - Financial Struggles and Tough Decisions00:17:16 - Budgeting for the Wedding00:19:24 - Unwritten Rules of Weddings AbroadThe Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

We all know how people are doing it though. Credit cards. Yeah. Credit, yeah. Only fans. 100%. Welcome to The Vault with Financial. This is a safe space where we talk all things life and money

and no topics are off limits. Not at all. No, they are not. Hope you're ready for some good money chats today. Always. I'm prepared. I'm ready. I feel like we're going to help some people. Definitely. We're going to laugh with some people.

We've got some people needing some help. Bring on the people. Don't you worry. So first up, I'm going to start with TikTok, of course. Excellent. I'm hoping I've already seen them because I've seen that many that I'm pretty sure. You probably have. This is an oldie but a goodie. think it's actually in their like top 20 tiktoks really it's vintage it's vintage vintage tiktoks right okay my toxic trait is wanting to understand

and know people's finances and how people afford things oh you've just gone on four holidays how'd you afford that how did you pay for that holiday oh my god she's just bought a new bag how does she afford to get that bag i'm pretty sure she's a receptionist how's she affording that my friend has actually had five holidays this year she's just graduated as a student she don't come from money she five holidays how are you affording that honey how are you affording that? Holly, how are you affording that? I sat and asked her down the pub, I said how are you affording this at all of these holidays? What are you doing? Who are you talking to to get on these holidays? I just want to know how people afford things. She's on a boat, oh, how did you afford that? I really have to know. It's none of my business and everyone's got the right to say, get your nose out, but I just have to ask, how do you afford that i really have to know it's none of my business and everyone's got the right

to say get your nose out but i just have to ask how do you afford it are you folding that i love it holly how did you afford that boat holly i felt seen foot foot pictures you're not getting a boat i know i'm not making any money off my feet either I don't know the weirder the better the weirder the better nichefeet.com don't tell anyone that is vintage I do remember that one and I loved it because she's just said what so many of us all think like the math isn't mathing we're like job job parents lifestyle boyfriend activity hmm like women are just the best at investing wouldn't think that i don't think i really don't think you know tell us if we're thinking any different guys if you listen to this and you're like i absolutely go through

that as well like how do people afford it but on a banter level i feel like it's much more of a female thing to assess the situation i think that's because we're always thinking about we're spending our next thing I think it's genuinely built in us we always used to start 85% of the world spending is

sorry is done by women we're always thinking about spending the next thing all the time we're always on to our next purchase

we're always telling our friends what our next purchase is so I feel like yeah she is in my brain I'm always thinking

especially the world of social media there's constantly people post you love the stories i love the instagram stories where are you what restaurant is this how much i saw a really funny tiktok actually of a girl saying if you're on holiday you need you're it you're the best thing on my stories you need to give influencer vibes i want like outfit outfit checks I want food I want scenes I want people watching I just want one pic of this guy just a parasol for god's sake pictures of the menus please that's what she said she said if you're on holiday you have a responsibility to be to influence me and you you are that creator. Pretend you're a TripAdvisor account.

I live vicariously through Lucy's Instagram and socials, 100%. If I took a picture of my meal and you took a picture of my meal, there's a very big difference. Like I am truly on holiday with my kids with white hands and sticky fingers and everything. And Lucy's literally like, move the glasses out. Alex, move, you're creating a shadow. I'm just like proof of life to all the grandparents but holidays is a big one because I feel like everyone knows how much they cost nowadays like

it's really really expensive and there's definitely that bougie era when you've just graduated where if you have managed to get a job and you've got money for the first time and you've probably still got a bit of a student overdraft and you just like you've it's left your hands before you spent it and like definitely when I think back to being a graduate lawyer and the outfits I wore I had a Valentino skirt are you kidding me like I am now 36 and I am not in Valentino. Would you wear a skirt? Would you wear a skirt? I know, but I was at Elle Woods. Like she wore a skirt. So like, I was like, I'll show you what Elle Woods can do.

Stomp, stomp, stomp. It was from like, it was from mywardrobe.com in the sale. So I do still remember where I got it from. But yeah, it was Diane von Furstenberg and Valentino. Do you still have it? I've got that skirt. I'll bring it in. You need to frame it. I have got the skirt.

We'll wear it next week. No, we're all wearing skirts. I sold some other stuff, obviously, but no, I do still have that skirt. But I just feel like actually my spending was a bit more bougie, but that's not her point. She's more saying like,

the math isn't mathing. She's going, I, you know, we all probably have similar jobs or I probably know roughly what you earn. And even if you earn double, like where is it all coming from? We all know how people are doing it though credit cards yeah credit yeah only fans 100%

yeah and like credit cards and put it on put it on there it's not percent don't think about it and kind of let it let it build up and it's um it's an instrument but it's also like the cost to go out like when if you commit to your friends and say we're going to go out for dinner like we went for a lovely dinner um with friends that we used to work with and they picked a really nice venue and I was really glad and I think was it like 85 pound each and it was a dinner and some drinks and I remember the time going like in obviously in our budget there's probably what a few hundred for the whole family for the whole month to have meals out meals like takeaways coffees ice creams whatever the treats are

and I'd in the first day of the budget like blown dead a quarter of it and I felt so guilty but it's just kind of what it cost it it wasn't a an expensive night and if you see this Instagram stories of people like the latest places the sparklers in the champagne bottles and the outfits so what I mean it's getting a bit yeah I can see

it's a bit better nowadays I feel like when we used to go out it was a different outfit every night one night one outfit one pick

done I think people are better nowadays at recycling stuff and re-wearing but so every night out was from the beauty that you needed

to the outfit. And so if you saw people out a lot, you would be like, how are they afforded here? They're not. I wonder every day. Scroll on Instagram,

I'm like, where'd you get that from? People do. Can't be real. Lucy's infamous now on TikTok. She is, we talk about

de-influencing and every single comment on Lucy's TikTok is, where's about de-influencing and every single comment on Lucy's TikTok is, where's your coat from? Where's your coat? Where's your mug from? How are you not putting a affiliate link

on that coat? I have no idea because there's thousands of people that flood the TikTok every day. Lucy's like, I'm doing a TikTok

about de-influence and not going into debt and not being influenced to buy things. Where your where's your Mac from so I feel like that TikTok that you showed us is like in everyone's brains it's our Roman empires we're always well all of us always trying to work out how people afford things so that's a good one to show so this dilemma feeds into that a little bit so the title is my best friend is living way beyond her means so I'm writing in on behalf of my friend who is out of control out as in capitals she shouted it I've grown super close to a colleague on my team and we've turned from

work besties to real life besties seems as we're on the same team I know how much she earns spoiler it's the same as me. Which isn't a bad salary, but it's nothing crazy. Since we've been getting closer, we spend time together outside of work and I've gotten a glimpse of into her reality. Let's just say it's excessive. I don't know how I haven't noticed before, but she drives a brand new Range Rover. Definitely on finance. She rents a gorgeous house and I know that she goes out every single weekend ordering champagne and sitting in booths as I can see from her Instagram story evidence receipts she's always away on expensive holidays and I just don't know how she does it I can't quite believe the lifestyle she's living and it's blowing my mind how does she afford it and am I

being way too stingy on myself I just can't help but wonder you and us all you and us all it's so interesting isn't it to think um she's like am I being too stingy on myself well the numbers will show that so you should you know every month we should be putting something towards one of our financial goals and and working to grow that as much as possible so every month we should be putting something towards one of our financial goals and working to grow that as much as possible. So every month making sure that we're not just spending everything that comes in, but especially not, not spending more than comes in. Cause if you're doing that, you're using credit to do it. And we never know what's going on because people portray a social media image. We never know what's going on behind the scenes. She could have, you know, money from parents or from family. And, and, and, you know, I've known people know money from parents or from family and and and you know I've known people

get money from family and they've not got a good relationship and it's just kind of it's they'd rather have a better relationship and not the support from family but they have that she could be stressed out every single day wondering how she's going to pay her bills but she wants to maintain this image of yeah I'm doing okay and it's a really interesting one. Like I don't think she should, she's kind of over worrying for something that's not her problem. So I don't think she should carry this, like not guilt, but this responsibility to raise it with her. But one tip that I've seen before that works quite well is starting to talk to our friends more openly about money, starting to make comments like, isn't it expensive to go out? Like, isn't it?

Or like, aren't holidays getting really expensive which they are by the way if you start to make conversations with your friends normalizing that money's tough and life's tough and it's hard to balance the budget she may reveal how she could afford it not that it's any of your business but she may do or she may go do you know what you're so right like I actually she could be in a whole load of debt and have a load of pressure but not feel that she can um like reveal this because she's got an image to maintain yeah I feel like the best way to kind of start talking about money with friends is talking about your goals because it kind of attaches it to something else like I really want to go traveling like this is how I'm going to say it like I'm going to have to cut back on all of the drinks like yeah being a little bit vulnerable like you open the door to vulnerability if someone might like then mirror it and be like actually

yeah I'm really struggling it was really difficult you don't want to be judgy because it could come across as judgy or jealous to be like why how you know but I think like you say if you can share a bit of vulnerability like how expensive are holidays now like it's da da da and you can have a bit of banter with it like saying like what do we say Judith Chalmers

you're a certain age she gets to know what that means it means you've got a holiday look Lucy looks dead she just aged me Lydia do you know

who Judith Chalmers is oh my god is that like Jane McDonald Jane McDonald it is a bit like Jane yeah she is a bit like Jane without the singing no it's fun

she's like the og television travel presenter so she used to be on holiday all the time so so in the north you would go who do you are judith charmers because you're on holiday again um so we need to find a more relatable alexa you're alexa and but you know you could you can have that safe and sensitive banter the other thing is she may have some great money hacks she may be like ask for some tips

I am borrowing clothes from my friends and we switch it round I am never paying for a drink I'm literally I was about to say you think she's paying

for a drink that champagne she's not paying for the champagne I know or it's like maybe she's got a good insta following

she's saying I'll promote your place whatever it is I'd be really interested to actually she may be absolutely fine and be really savvy because honestly the girls that go out a lot sometimes know their stuff they know it's their priority like they know what they like to do yeah we're here for the hacks and tips so definitely i do want the receipts though

to know where yeah literally i always do it's my favorite thing i'm like how much did you how much did you actually spend on that night out and how much is actually in your bank account yeah like once you kind of get that first little opening from her you're probably she's gonna tell all and when she does can you tell us yeah and you know what there's a real issue with like influencers getting so much gifted and so like experiences that the alex souls of the world are not paying for everything they're doing it's being gifted and then the next layer down is the people that try and match that lifestyle, but they're literally paying for everything.

And there's a massive gap. So yeah, great dilemma. And I hope that the little light, gentle vulnerability tips are a little bit of banter and let's see what she says. So I've got another little community win. So financial is literally life-changing.

I have a realistic budget, savings and an emergency fund I also have balanced security and a long-term plan my husband and I are finally aligned on how to manage our money and can talk about it open it openly without conflict we've been using the financial playbook for 18 months our net worth has more than doubled and we'll be debt free in less than two years time amazing amazing i love it when couples do it together because obviously everyone might know us as like a female focused platform and brand but actually we help loads of men and couples together and that's where the magic happens when two people can come together put all that income in go and create some financial goals and follow the plan like magic literally happens also this is an og financial user so she's 18 months in yeah that is someone who has been working this plan for a long time that's relentless that's

so impressive and you know what i like how she feels good. Yeah, me too. The balance. I feel like that's the most important thing. Feeling balanced. Amazing. The money's great, but feeling that financial wellness piece is so important. Nothing beats it. So if you want to give us your wins, head to the Financial community in the app

or email us at thevaultatfinancial.com. Time for another dilemma. Let's go in. Let's go in. So I can't afford to be a bridesmaid wedding season is coming up ding dong hi girls I feel like I'm in such a conundrum about this so please help my close friend asked me to be a bridesmaid for her wedding in June back in December they decided to scrap their countryside wedding for a destination wedding in Capri, Italy.

Stunning. I mean, she's been on Pinterest a little bit too much. She's been watching the Kardashians. You stole my wedding singer. You stole my wedding country.

Never get old. I'm so happy for them, but as soon as they broke the news, my stomach dropped as I just knew I wouldn't be able to afford it. For context, I'm a single mum and I'm doing happy for them, but as soon as they broke the news, my stomach dropped as I just knew I wouldn't be able to afford it. For context, I'm a single mum and I'm doing okay for myself and my son, but with rising costs, things are starting to get a little bit tight when it comes to money.

I've been saving for the past year to go on the Hendoo, which is a trip to Spain in early April. I've covered my flights and accommodation, in early April. I breathe in. Big spender. I've covered my flights and accommodation, but I know the group going on the hen don't do things by half. I already know

they'll be ordering expensive drinks, spending days at fancy beach clubs and eating at high-end restaurants, as they should do on her hen do,

but it's just not my lifestyle and I simply cannot afford it. I hope this doesn't sound bad, but I was excited for the hen do to be over so my money would feel less tight and I could enjoy life a little bit more with my son but now I'm expected to book a flight to Italy which is which already costs more than my monthly food bill. How do I approach this situation? I really don't want to have to rely on a credit card as I've been there before and do not want to go back. I feel so sorry for her.

I feel so many people are in this situation or have been and I get the feeling when she said, I just want it to be over, then I can be financially well again and I don't have to worry about it anymore. I'm so sad she's wishing it all away. And then it flipped from the country wedding to the Capri one

which in such short time like short notice for all the guests Dave obviously got a budget that's just

when you get married I think we talked about in a previous episode it like money literally flies out the window and I feel like you do get a little bit you could get a little bit

tunnel vision when it comes to your wedding and what you want everybody what you want everybody else to do, but it just doesn't work like that. You never know, it might be cheaper for the wedding to be in Capri

and there'd be like 20 of them than like a 200 person or 100 person UK countryside wedding. What would be really cool, like not cool, but what would be really interesting is could she pull out the hendy? So with travel, it's really difficult. If you've already paid for like flights and accommodation and there might be a cancellation fee and she goes actually i can only do one of these and i would say it sounds like the the hen do is not her thing she's

going for a friend like she's like taking one for the team and saying like that's what that is hen do's like i've been on some hen do's that i can ride up my street and some they're a little bit left field but you just kind of embrace it um if you the wedding's obviously like priority she'd probably prefer to go to she doesn't say but it sounds like that might be a bit more of a street like capri you can make your own thing there rather than it being like we're doing this event and this event and this event and i wonder if that's an option i like that angle rather than saying no to both because you want to look you want to be a good friend so she's obviously really worried about what this person thinks she doesn't want to go either absolutely not I love the angle of look I'm really happy for you and I want to be involved so that's like number one and the third the second third thing isn't

so I'm not coming it's I can pick one you know I'm a single mum I've already stretched my budget and I've been committed to putting this money away so it's not like she's doing the the day before she's cancelling because she's realising it's too expensive and letting her friend down. She can show, I've been saving up for a month, a year I've been totally committed to come in. I'm going to pick one or the other. Which would you prefer?

I would prefer to come to Capri because it's when you're going to get married and I don't want to feel like a burden that you spend. A bit of honesty. It really does go a long way. Well, I was just about to say with honesty, because if she can't do that and if that's not an option, I would look in your your where in your budget can you make the wedding work without you making you feel like because like when you're a single mom as well the pressure

you feel such pressure to put put your child first um and to not overspend like you don't want to be going over to capri and then they can't you know have a new bed or like you know go do activities and stuff because everything's expensive when you have children right at the end of the month it's all it's on you isn't it as a single parent there's a lot of pressure around there's nobody else like so i wonder if um like what amount of money do you think does she think would be appropriate and that would make her feel okay about spending it and she could go to them and say i don't think think I'm going to be able to do the wedding. This is all I can afford.

This is all I can afford. And they may help pay for it, not load. Like if you want someone to be there, just like how you pay for makeup and you pay for dresses and you pay for this, it might be for like a couple of hundred quid as part of an overall big wedding budget, you could afford to pay for the flights for your friend who's your best friend for a long time not that i think she should ask can you pay

for me to go because i can't afford because we're british and we would never do that i would never just the transparency and enable opens up the conversation honesty and transparency when it comes to money and affordability will get you very far yeah it will do it will do surely there needs to be some unwritten rules about weddings abroad or written rules yeah written ones you think there should be like a a guidebook a bible but it's it is really really difficult I've said this before I had a destination wedding and constantly overthought about who could and couldn't afford to come and I had a friend come from Australia one of my best friends and I kept doing the thing and I hope she didn't think I didn't want to come I kept going you don't have to come you don't have to come

you know and she's from she's from England so she came this way they didn't actually go to England they came all the way to Portugal just for our wedding and it was just the nicest thing she could ever could have done but I never would have expected it um from her and she was great on dance floor so i'm glad she came as well she's a great time she was great fun great asset that's that she made the pictures but it is that pressure of you want to do what you want to do for you for the wedding selfishly but you also like i've seen some really funny tiktoks she's american girls are quite good at going oh are you getting married oh the the hen do's in vegas yeah oh but then there's a bridal shower in mexico oh okay and then the wedding's in jamaica right okay just adding it all up yeah can't wait and so um yeah it's uh it's tough it's a tough one i hope she gets the right outcome. I hope she goes to Capri.

I lived her best life. And can you put it on your Instagram stories for these? Yeah, document it, please. So that's it for today. Any final words before we close the vault? Or just, I think honesty will help in so many money conversations, especially with its people that you're in a really safe space with. So please don't overthink having that conversation because if someone is a good friend, no matter what the situation we're talking, I feel like they'll listen to it and it's much better than keeping things in and you over stressing and worrying because you've got enough on your plate. Definitely. Okay. I'm going to close the vault. Don't forget to invite your friends into the vault and share this podcast. Send over your dilemmas via email or voice note

to the vault at financial.com just a disclaimer the vault is a chat around life and money and we are not giving financial advice