The Vault with Financielle - “I Feel Like I’ve Wasted My 20s!” | The Vault Episode 57

Episode Date: March 27, 2025

Send us a textIn Episode 57 of The Vault, we discuss this week’s controversial opinion, “It’s absolutely fine to take your children out of school to go on holiday”. We then dive into our listener dilemmas:💸 "I feel like I’ve wasted my 20s and nearly my 30s”💸 ”Do I help my boyfriend get rid of his debt?”We celebrate this incredible win! 🎉 After being screwed over by her ex and left with £30k of debt at 23, she thought she had five more years to go. But with Financielle’s help, she’ll be debt-free in just 11 months! An amazing story of resilience and taking back control. 💪✨ #CommunityWin #DebtFreeIf you’d like to share your money win, head to the community in the Financielle app or email [e-mail] your (totally anonymous) money dilemmas to [e-mail] and we may feature yours on a future episode 💌Guess what! As a Vault listener, you can get 25% off our digital course, The Money Playbook. This is a step by step guide to being financially well. It has 101 lessons where you'll learn how to budget, ditch debt, build savings and grow wealth. Use this offer code at checkout: VAULTCheck out The Money Playbook course here  💸Chapters:00:00 Introduction and Exciting Announcement00:49 Seasonal Wardrobe Dilemmas05:09 Holiday Fines and School Absences16:16 Financial Regrets and Moving Forward23:17 Overcoming Debt: A Personal Journey24:15 Financial Independence: A New Beginning24:57 Lessons Learned: Protecting Yourself Financially25:51 Joint Financial Responsibility: Tips and Advice28:17 The Importance of Transparency in Relationships30:00 Emergency Savings and Financial Independence34:43 Navigating Financial Challenges in Relationships48:45 Conclusion: Taking Control of Your Financial FutureThe Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

Hey everyone, it's Holly here. Before we get into the episode, I want to share something exciting. That's right. If you're looking to take control of your money, the financial app is your go-to tool. With the app, you can track your spending, create realistic budgets, and hit your money goals faster than ever. In fact, did you know our premium community members save three and a half times more than our free users? That's incredible. Plus, you'll be part of an amazing community where we all support each other on our money journeys. Whether you're starting to pay off debt

or planning for your future, the app has everything that you need to make it happen. So what are you waiting for? Download the Financial app today and start your free trial. Trust us, your future self will wish you did it sooner. Welcome to The Vault with Finance Child. This is a safe space where we took all things life and money and no topics are off limits. Good morning.

Good morning. Good morning. Happy Funday. Good. I feel like we're not dressed for spring. I don't know why. It's like the most wintery outfit. When I was picking my outfits, my husband was walking out the door and he was like,

great spring wardrobe. Dressed in pentatonic black, this is where we all go, what do we wear? What the hell do we wear? How do you transition from minus ridiculous weathers to like a nice spring day? It's not warm, it's just brighter. So it's not-

I've been mourning personally for winter. Yeah, Lucy is our winter babe. Whereas we're all desperate for the- April's upon us and we're ready. But I'm like, what do we wear? Like jeans and t-shirt? Is that what we did? Because I've been in leggings and hoodies since probably September.

You need to get the Pinterest boards out. Yeah, we do. You need to take my leggings away from me because they are just a comfort blanket every day for the school run. But you want to be able to do it where you don't buy loads new though. But it's just literally this memory block of that's why I'm still wearing my February stuff. Just stay confused until summer. What?

But I find summer wardrobes hysterical because I don't know about you, but I've got like a high summer wardrobe that I wear on holiday, which is not applicable for the UK. No, that's your holiday wardrobe. I've never got into the groove of like, oh what a summer wardrobe looks like in the UK,

like a nice little capsule wardrobe that can change your outfit. But when it's hot on the days, you don't want to wear like your beach stuff. You look like you're going to the beach. It's so weird, like we're going to the park with the kids and you're like, big sun hat on the top of your head. Like it just doesn't, sarong.

Please tell me you're going to the school room and with the sarong and flip. But do you know those days where it's like, we're having a heat wave. I'm like, shit, I wear pajamas. Do you like the shorts? Like the shorts and t-flop. But do you know those days where it's like, we're having a heat wave, I'm like, shit! I wear pajamas. You like the shorts. You like the shorts and t-shirt pajamas.

Oh. Yeah. So we know we've got quite a lot of Aussie listeners. Yeah, I'm so jealous of Australian outfits because I just feel like it's so normal there to just chuck on a pair of linen shorts, linen pants, flip-flops, little top you've done. We look like we're going down to the pool.

Yeah, and I'm like, I live nowhere near the beach. You have no right. And often their spring, sorry, autumn winter is... Our spring, like it's... Yeah, how about after a tree day? It's not a tree winter, not a tree, it depends where you are, Australia. It's like the coldest, I reckon.

I don't know, it does depend as well, because you've obviously got the Sunshine Coast and stuff versus true, it depends where you are. Australia. I don't know, it does depend as well. Cause you've obviously got like the sunshine coast versus like Melbourne. It can change. I remember going to visit Vicky in Adelaide and was in June, I was packing for spring. I was like, it is going to be nice weather. It's like fine.

I was freezing. And then the houses are not geared up for, but there's not a lot of heating in a lot of them. Like, oh, they've got like cool, they need things that can be cool in the summer. So then they have like, they have heating and stuff, but they're like, the windows aren't all like super, super, super glazed or like loads of brick insulation,

like we would have, or carpets, like they don't have carpets, they have like tile. I was freezing, she had to take me to the shop, and it was expensive to buy clothes as well at the time, I remember. Emergency hoodies. I was like, I literally could have just worn what I was already wearing. Yeah, I could have just arrived in my UK weather clothes. At the same time, I do remember I took an 18 month old to Australia and I didn't join myself, Vicky, but Holly went to St. Tropez and I've never been. And it was, I could have

gone and... It was a hard holiday. Had to take one for the team. Nils, my husband was camping at a festival somewhere and I remember being by the pool with all my friends and he rang me and he was like, it's terrible. He was like, our tent effectively was floating this morning when we woke up.

We pitched a tent at the bottom of a hill and all the water like ran down and we've had to scrap the tent. We need to go and buy a new one. He was like, oh, we're leaving. He was like, some of the lads are falling out and arguing because the tide and the grumpy and the hungover. And I was like, oh, terrible, wait a minute.

And he's like, do you want some more sushi? I'm like, more sushi. She's blowing the dike down Perignon. Like, who would ever see that? I was so lost down at the pool, like not living the, like, it was not reflective of my income at all. I went with, I was very lucky to go

with a special group of girls, but yeah. I'll never forget. And Holly never lets me forget that I had a moving. I don't let anyone forget. It's like, I'm surprised it's not an opening conversation. We never talked about it on here. I know, well, got it in now, haven't I? There we go, there we go, got it in.

Do you know where I'm just entropy? Okay, I've got a very controversial, controversial opinion today. It's absolutely fine to take your children out of school, to go on holiday. Ooh, this is quite relevant. Yeah, who would do that? Who would do that?

No comment. No comments. Silence. First of all, how does it work? Do you have to pay the fines like directly or is it if you just get caught? So how does it work? It depends. It's driven by council, isn't it?

It depends on your council. I'm not going to say what council we come under. What fines we may or may not have paid. But essentially it's driven by councils and the schools have really strict guidelines to follow in terms of attendance and it's, this is not to defend anything, but it's just to kind of tee up the concept of there are children not going to school. There are children not going to school, missing out on education. Maybe there are health issues, maybe there aren't, maybe there are parents who just decide

it's okay for them not to go in on a particular day, whatever it is, like, obviously the rules are in place for a reason. But they, obviously a few years ago, it was allowed for councils to start imposing fines for, you know, taking kids out of school on holiday. And you can imagine like how much education some kids must be missing if it's lots of holidays and then on top of like then there's illnesses and stuff and unforeseen stuff. It's not great, especially when you know, as they're getting older, they're studying for some exams, GCSEs and stuff. So then each council will decide whether they do send warning letters or whether they do actually impose fines. The fines are sometimes,

because it all depends on the answer, but per child and per parent as well. Like it's- Yeah. It's per over 18 in your household. So if you've got a household and you've got like a kid still living there that's like in their early twenties,

if you go on holiday, they take into account how many over 18s are in your household and you find on them, I'm sure. I will double check. It makes sense. But there's a lot of uproar about it at the moment because the cost of going away, and I genuinely mean this, it's terrifying in half term school holidays

over Christmas and New Year when schools are shut down. The prices, and it is supply and demand, it's astronomical. So I've seen people compare holidays like for like with one week difference before the school holidays finish compared to being in the first week of the school holidays. You're talking like three to 4K minimum of a change, of an upswing. And then people have also checked things like centre parks

in the UK, in and out of school holidays. It is thousands of pounds different. It was four times. I think that's the biggest thing. Like it's 400% different. Heart wrenching. Like the amount of times we've looked at holidays, we've gone, oh, we'll see what it's like in, you know, first week of July, second week of July. Would not hand my money over for it. It's awful. And there was even a protest on the 8th of March in Liverpool,

where parents were protesting against the fines because they want to be able to take the children out of school as and when they see fit. Obviously it's on the back of COVID isn't it? That's a lot of arguments that people have got against imposing fines is that the government could easily shut down in COVID or when children had to self isolate. If someone had a cough in the class. Everyone was like, don't cough. That's overall the children had to go home

until that child got a negative COVID test. If that child had a positive COVID test, then our children had to self isolate for 10 days. And that, let me tell you, we've done back to back with kids where you're in and out of school and they didn't see the teacher for months at a time. So I think people are kind of using the argument of like, well, that's rich, imposing fines on us or even call.

I've seen, I read an article the other day of a lady that took her children out of school to go and see family in South Africa that they hadn't seen for years. And she said that she never received the letter of the school saying that she didn't incur a fine. And then suddenly she got a court sentence and she was like, I didn't even know that I had,

I would have paid the fine. Like I still would have taken my children. I'm happy to pay was like, I didn't even know that I had, I would have paid the fine, like, and I still would have taken my children, I'm happy to pay the fine, but didn't get it. And then she managed to provide evidence and then they kind of didn't take it to court. But that was, yeah, that was really recent. And I've seen a petition going around as well

for parents to sign to say, to be able to take the kids out of school. So I get it. There's a lot of events, given we're on like a money podcast, there's the one element which is like, you know, pragmatism on the part of parents to be like, what's reasonable?

You know, and I feel like as parents, you're always trying your best and weighing things up. You know, whether sometimes children miss school for sporting activities, you know, but you, and then you weigh up and you go, should you be out of school for that? And the school, like, you know, work with you on that and agree. And you're always trying to go, what's the right thing? What if there's been, you know, illness in

the family, grief in the family? What if, you know, there's like rules about keeping them home when they've been a little bit poorly and not really pulling, you know, it's, it's super hard. But on the money side of it, for me, what's interesting is there's three separate groups that are impacted by this. There are a whole group of people that this doesn't But on the money side of it, for me, what's interesting is there's three separate groups that are impacted by this. There are a whole group of people that this doesn't even matter for because holidays, fat chance, like it's an absolute luxury and a privilege to even talk about, oh, I take my kids out of school or I've been looking at prices and it's much cheaper.

Some people, it doesn't matter when it is, they're never going and it must be really interesting if you're from that segment of people you go in. There's a whole lot of fuss about going on a holiday, like we're trying to make sure we can keep the lights on, keep them warm, feed them. So I kind of want to make sure we remember that group of people here, which you go, this is quite a privileged chat. Moving on to the side, the other end of the spectrum. We've known this for years with friends that went to private school and or have children in private school is they get more holidays. So what they do is they break up earlier often or later or different things.

And ironically, the wealthier parents are able to capitalize on travel when the travel's cheaper. So if they're breaking up a week before all the main schools, they're going out to Dubai, Tenerife, Spain, even camping, even doing the center park shapes. They're capitalizing on the cheap because they've got more holiday time. And would they be in a private school?

Do they not get- It's not driven by capital. So they won't get fined? Because they're not out of school. School is not open. Yeah. No, I mean, if they want to take the children outside of term time. Oh, I don't know. Really good question. I don't believe that you do because it's a private school. So it's agreed with the school. You don't get fined by the council because it's not.

It's a public arrangement. So you've got all you know, there are some people able to capitalize on the cheaper holidays when they don't need, it's not as much been assessed. Like I said, it's still quite a privileged conversation. I'll say it, I don't mind. I've taken my kids out of school for travel and I don't do it regularly and I don't do it often, but it came out of COVID and we had a couple of trips that just for the time of year we go, we really worked and I was confident that with the time of year and with the age of the children,

they were okay. It's a completely personal view. And I don't judge anyone that goes, Laura, that's out of order. Like this should be school, this should be lane. I'm like, yeah, probably. We always need to go out of school. I think they might be bothered.

Sorry, the last week before Christmas, you don't tell me. Yeah, this is the thing, like the last week of term in summer in like high school and stuff, you're not doing anything anyway. You watch a film, they roll out the TV, we've all been there. Yeah, that big TV on the big stand.

Down the corridor. I bet they don't do that. I don't know, they won't do that anymore. It's probably a projector or a new age projector. Imagine a wheeling with a tape. We always used to go to Holland Towers on school days. Like the whole family. I have a brother and stepbrothers and everything. The whole family would literally be like, and my dad would just be like, family event.

Family event? We don't want to kiss. We don't want to go to Holland Towers on the weekend. We want to go a family event. We're not in town on the weekend. We want to go on a Tuesday. We've never said that 10 times. There are financial benefits

and sometimes there's practical benefits. It was a family event. Yeah, it literally was. We were going all down. Wanted to go on Rita. No clue. It is madness though, when especially with the holiday thing, you get into a point where you're like,

okay, spreadsheet one, option one is we go in term time, the fines will be... I just want to say something I can guarantee right now, some of the fines, people will take the hit because it's still thousands of pounds cheaper than the holiday. So it's like not a punishment. Add on all inclusive, add on the fines.

Jet two might as well put it in the. Yeah. Just send the files. Sorry. Like a jet to on the beach. Too easy jet holidays. You should be doing campaigns where you'll pay the fines for the parents.

Yeah. Sales will solve. Fines covered by us. Right. Right. I wouldn't. I wouldn't. Finds covered bios. Right now I wouldn't. They'd be bold enough to. Right now I wouldn't. They wouldn't give you anything. I'm flying with Jet 2 for the first time this year and I'm still like shook by when you

told me that they played Jess Glynn. I was just about to say are you ready for Jess Glynn? I remember I think Laura you voice noted it once. I did actually. Lucy didn't believe us but Jet Two indeed play Jess Glynn still. Today still. You sat on the plane. Welcome to Jet Two holidays.

I need to know the commercial deal. Yeah. Did they buy lifetime rights or do every year they go, can we have it again Jess? Jess, can we just. Is Jess Glynn literally sat on a yacht somewhere for the rest of her life. Was it the first time you've ever seen her since?

On the Jet 2 flight and it like starts playing, she's there without the yacht. I'm sure that's a TikTok, I'm just made up. Doesn't she go out with Alex, the footballer, the female pundit who used to play Alex Scott? I'm sure she goes out with her, Jess Glynn. I'm not sure. She does.

She's been seen. Can you confirm or deny whether Jess Glynn, who's Jess Glynnne. Yeah, she does. She's been seeing you. Can you confirm or deny whether Jess Glynne, who's Jess Glynne in a relationship with and did they get free flights with Jet 2? They must get free flights. She should never have to pick. She should get extra baggage. Yeah, free baggage. Like meal in advance, reserved seating. Toasty. She should get confirmed toasty. The privileges. Oh, chat GBT says, Jess Glynn likely gets free or discounted flights through sponsorship deals, brand partnerships. Thanks. Chat GBT, we could all answer that.

Probably. Probably. Probably. That's all you were intended to. Okay. Well, so that's our view. Is it, it was certainly controversial. Would love to like, please do email in the

vault at fineshall.com. Oh yeah. Yeah, we'd love to get some good community chats on this. I want anonymous, not anonymous. What do you think? Did you do it? Was it worth it? Is it in your budget? Let's put a question box up on Instagram today. Yeah. We're not going to out you if you do. How much have you paid in fines before?

Yeah. Keeping the councils going. They are struggling. Yeah. Just see if I could just give in donation to your council. Can you fix the pot hole with this please? Yeah, I'll just go away. Okay, time for our first dilemma today. I feel like I've wasted my 20s and nearly my 30s.

I keep seeing posts on social media saying that your 20s are for building financial foundations and your 30s are crucial for setting yourself up for the future. But I feel like I've completely wasted those years. I'm almost at 3 just 2 months away, which should feel like a huge achievement. But instead, I can't help but dwell on the time that I've lost. I wonder if I should have been investing, saving or doing more to build wealth earlier. It feels like I've spent years just trying to fix my mistakes instead of moving forward and now I'm worried I'll never catch up. Is it too late to turn things around or have I already

missed my chance to build the future? I won't." Oh, screw you social media. Have you seen like a live laugh love? If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough. Like a nightmare. I hate all these posts that are like, if I could meet my 21 year old self for a coffee, you know what I was going to say. She was five minutes late. I was five minutes early.

People thought about this. She was five minutes late. I'm 20 minutes late because I've got two kids in tow now. There's no looking back smugly on my 20s. It's so boring. It's like she had a diet minutes late because I've got two kids in tow now. Like, there's no like looking back smugly on my 20s. Like. It's so boring. It's like, she had a diet coke, I had a matcha. Oh my, oh my God.

You're like, oh, life affirming. She's grown. She's grown. She's grown. Honest to God. No, don't like, you can't live in regret. Like, your 20s were your 20s and they make you what you are now.

I don't, did I nail, I didn't nail my money journey in my 20s, I would say I fully got on board in my 30s, I would say. Yes, I put some foundations in place at the back end of my 20s, but before that, and it's not too late, if you're in your 30s and you're nearly debt free, that's a lot more than a lot of people can say in their 30s.

That's amazing, like if you're someone sat here in your 40s and 50s and you're still in that debt trenches, there's gonna come a turning point where it flips and it feels like this person's probably on the precipice of that, like I've nearly debt free, I'm nearly there. And when you are going hard, you get angry and pissed off at your past self, you do.

That's part of it. If you didn't, you might go back pissed off at your past self. You do. That's part of it. If you didn't, you might go back and do the same thing again. Like you don't learn. And so part of this, it's not penance or anything like that, but it's like, it's doing the work and getting annoyed. And the more annoyed you are, the less likely you are to do it again. And that's the stuff in you,

the tools you need in your armory. Yeah, so not do that. You didn't feel that. You're not gonna dip back into your spending because you don't wanna feel like this again. You don't wanna be filling in a debt tracker on financial again. You wanna be able to delete that feature.

Wouldn't it be nice? We should totally do that by the way. Once you're debt free, you can't have a debt tracker. I panicked the other day because I had some debt on it but it's because I was using it as an example. Oh my God. Who's got a credit card? Oh, I really make bougie ones.

Like, I don't know, like the Ritz dinner, 350 pounds. Like as my examples, because we test the Apple watch, so we'll tend to make fake things on our own accounts. Yeah, yeah, or like, I don't know. Oh, I did an odd new sinking fund. Dubai holiday, 20 grand, debt. Not like, I don't know. Oh, I did an odd new sinking fund. Dubai holiday. 20 grand. Yeah. Debt. Not really. Just good to test and try and put the picture on.

We like test the app a lot. So yeah, we've got loads of fake debts in there. There's a big comparison journey as well, isn't there, with other people, like feeling like what people are putting on socials, you know, we've talked about that so much on here, I know, but it is a lie. And then when they finally tell you it's as, you know, we've talked about that so much on here, I know, but it is a lie. And then when they finally tell you it's a lie, you know, when people say, it's like at the time, you don't have to share what's actually going on. And you don't have to share whatever you don't

want to share. I fully support people wanting to put exactly what they want out on social media. And I don't feel that they also have to tell you what's and all. If you only want to give me your highlights, really, you're entitled to it because why should you have to give anything else? But never misrepresent, never try and act like a life came easy, a car came easy, an outfit came easy, an outfit wasn't free, you know, that all your different beauty treatments

don't cost a thousand pounds a month. You know, I don't like the idea that we misrepresent stuff, but I also don't mind the highlight reel, because people have tried to keep stuff private. But a big quote I do like of all these bullshit quotes that was like, be kind, you never know. You never know what's going on in someone's life. And so for sometimes you may compare and go look at them, they've got it sorted. You just don't know. In fact, they could probably do with, they'd rather be like you and they could do with a hug or they could do with a coffee or whatever.

So don't try not to compare easier said than done. But focus on like these like little war wounds that you've got are good. Like it's good that you feel like you wasted bits. Don't regret, but like you've learned from it and this is gonna set you up for 50 years of building wealth, feeling financially well, not worrying about money.

I think like a good way to get over this is to set some goals, because she's focusing too much on the past. It's like, no, no, you're nearly out of the, paying off your debt phase, like what's next? Like you've got, like, let's give you, like, even a one to two year goal in your 30s, like what do you, what does the start of your 30s look like?

What can we achieve in that time? Like maybe flip it on its head. Let's pick some, right. So let's ignore house, but if she's gonna pay off this last bit of debt, then I would want a celebration, a pay off of debt. So the next goal will be save up a little money to go get a really gorgeous meal, really nice outfit.

Let's start a sinking fund. Plan for that sinking fund. And then you're gonna celebrate. And then it sounds like she's regrets like having not invested. Well, let's start your investing journey. Like what's gonna be, who are you gonna open an account with? Is it gonna be stocks and shares?

Are you gonna set up a direct debit for an amount and start there? Like what, then are you gonna calculate what that could compound to over 10 years? Like model it and do the work. Because I think when you can see what that can become, that's your next challenge. And I know you didn't start it years ago,

but starting it today, well, still, you still plenty, plenty of time. And I would say that's when in the 50s, like you with life expectancy, with health, it's never too late. It's always a good idea. And just start small, I was speaking to someone that works

in a massive, massive global investment platform and he was just like, 10 out, we just want people to start with a 10 out because then it's just that, we always talk about flexing that investing muscle and it compound, not only compound interest, but like how comfortable you feel your confidence over time. You're like, you start, just start with 10 pounds. You don't overthink it you feel, your confidence over time, you're like,

just start with 10 pounds. You don't overthink it. No, just don't, cause you'll never do it otherwise. Opening the bloody account is the big overthink, cause do you ever have a task that you go, oh I'm putting that off, but you do it. Yeah, oh, wasn't that bad. I've done it now.

Oh man, they were right. I was wrong. So, oh. Yeah, I wanna know the plan, get back in touch. Let's get set some goals. Like let's flip this on his head and make it a positive thing. Yeah, I like it. Okay.

This is a really, really, really good community win. I'm so close to being debt free, I could cry. Me and my son's dad split up nearly 12 years ago. And when he left, I found out he was paying none of the bills. Bills that I was paying my share of into his bank account. I'm talking gas, electric, rent, internet, counter tax and water. And to top it off, he had taken out credit in my name and jointly. He had made no attempt to repay any of this and quite literally left me at 23 drowning in debt, which was over £30,000. I fought hard

to repay as much as I could as fast as I could. This has been so hard as a single parent, but also as someone with ADHD, as I naturally struggle with money and unnecessary spending. I could almost see the light at the end of the tunnel, knowing I had another five years until being completely debt free. Starting my forties in the best financial position. I want to say financial every time I say it. Starting my forties in the best financial position I have ever been in. But then I stumbled across the amazing financial and working my ass off and making money work for me. Instead of it taking five years, I will be completely debt free in just

11 months." How incredible is that? Oh my God. To be fair, she's done most of it. We can't take much credit because she's done, it sounds like she's done an incredible amount of work before she even came to us. But the fact now, five years is a long time, but 11 months isn't. She can absolutely see light at the end of the tunnel. And screw him. I was just about to say, I am spoiling this win with how flipping angry I am.

The audacity of people, the absolute audacity, like she was paying her way and he like, what about learnings? What about learnings? She wasn't seeing the bills being paid. Why would she doubt him? Like, da, da, da, da, da. But they do, like people surprise us

and people aren't who they seem. And she had had to, and on top of that, he'd taken out loads of credit. In her name, surely that's illegal, but it's hard to prove. It is when it's kind of, well, it is absolutely illegal to take her credit in someone else's name.

There's just like, it could have been something that she was aware of, but he was racking up debt on it. Like there's lots of things, but yes, there's a lot of complications there, but it just goes to show like, I mean, she'll have learned so much from never doing that again, but also from the journey that she's been on. Because becoming debt free within 11 months, then all those extra money. Where's it gonna go?

It's gonna go to her and her son. Yeah, her son. So like if we were gonna give advice to another person so that it doesn't happen to another member of our community, because these dilemmas and wins are always really good because it helps us to go to help the person that's asking the question.

Have a little think about your life. Could there be a thing whereby if your partner, all the bills are in their name, maybe we could half them. So at least you know, like you're covering some sort of. Well, okay, let's go to the beginning though. Let's go to basics. If your name is on a bill, you are responsible for paying that bill.

So if he isn't paying his mobile phone bill, but it's just his name on it, happy days. None of your business, it's up to him. If he is not paying the council tax and you're both your names and you're both liable to pay council tax, you are fully liable for the full amount. And this is similar with mortgages,

it's the same with utilities. Any bill that your name's on, even if it's on jointly, it's not a 50-50 split. It's what it's called, you're jointly liable for it. And obviously the provider is gonna want that because if you don't pay, can you pay it all? They won't say, oh, Holly's not paying, but Lucy, can you still just pay your half?

It'll say, Lucy, can you pay for it all? Cause Holly didn't bother. So anything with your name on it, any bill, any contract, any loan, anything, you are fully responsible for. And so you want to be absolutely sure that that's being paid. It either needs to be paid from a joint account that you can see it being paid or you pay it yourself directly, like have full confidence that it's being paid because this can happen. The credit report thing, sorry, the credit in her name thing, we should regularly check our credit report. I'm not going to go down a credit report. What was it called? I was going to say Mole Hill. I didn't mean that. Rabbit hole. Yes,

Lydia with the rabbits and the rabbit hole. But we should check them. You can check them for free. You don't need to sign up for a premium feature. Just check that everything is correct, that you're not financially linked to anyone that you shouldn't be or that you don't want to be. Really good for fraud to make sure someone hasn't like kind of done it without you know it all.

Yeah, I've got checked mine for a long time. And I'm like, oh yeah, fraud. Someone could have taken out credit in my name. Yeah, you should just check it once in a while because that's where you would see it. And so even if things like if someone says, I've been paying down this debt and they've not been doing, you would see what the outstanding balance is on it.

But this is all kind of stuff in your name, obviously, anything in their name, it's irrelevant. Cause it's not the first, we've had some conversations off the pod today about people not being transparent with money and stuff. So you have, if you're in a relationship, you have to take responsibility. about people not being transparent with money and stuff. So if you're in a relationship, you have to take responsibility.

Like if letters are coming in and they've got just your partner's name on it to do with council tax, like get both your names on and take joint responsibility because you genuinely don't know, and this is proof of this, you don't know what the other person's doing. Like you might trust someone,

but we've heard so many horror stories of these types of things happening where people are racking up credit and debt in couples and the other person just doesn't know. And especially with things like bills, it's attached to your name, it follows you around. You can't easily decouple yourself from debt. And we talk about that all the time.

Not when like you, you know, like I said, with this debt, it could have been validly spent on both of them. It's not necessarily like he had a secret video game addiction and was buying a lot of video games privately. It was like, you know, it could have well beenly spent on both of them. It's not necessarily like he had a secret video game addiction and was buying a lot of video games privately. It was like, you know, it could have well been on family meals and- Yeah, yeah. If you've got transparency,

you're never gonna get a wake-up call like this where someone's racked up hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of debt or not paid really important bills. If you've got transparency from the beginning in a relationship when it comes to money, it's like no pun intended, it'll pay dividends in the future. Like you will- Literally. Yeah, you will be in a much when it comes to money. It's like no pun intended, it'll pay dividends in the future. Like you will be in a much better financial position.

You're not going to get these horror stories because everyone thinks it won't happen to them. And let me tell you, even the most astute intelligent people that I know switched on amazing job, like got it all going for them. Something hits them sideways that they just did not ever imagine would happen to them. Like you have to take responsibility

when it comes to your finances. You have to, you can't be there, oh, I'm shitting with money, my husband deals with it all. Oh, I don't do that. You cannot, like stop, stop. And women have had this rhetoric's been going around for too long when it comes to women. We really need to, we want to change that.

And the same with like, you know, emergency savings. You like, you know, we've talked about this lots about whether you should combine finances or not. And, and you know, emergency savings. You know, we've talked about this lots about whether you should combine finances or not. And, you know, I transparently fully combine finances with my husband, we both hold the emergency fund in each of our names. We don't hold the emergency fund in a joint account, which is a lovely thing because not only is it

both of ours, but we've both got that. Like it's not, oh, could you hold the emergency fund for us, please? Ours is like split down the middle, especially because some like you could get better deals about in there. You should do anyway. It's actually sometimes not financially

but if you are listening to this and you don't have access to the savings in your household, just tell your partner, whoever that is that we said so. Like it's their fault. Played in this. Just say, look, they've said it's a really good idea, like, do you have a problem with that? And if they have a problem, then the red flag guy

runs through the back. Like on TikTok, you only have to watch TikTok, it's not about the red flag guy, or green flag guy. But yeah, like if there's an issue. There's an issue. There's an issue, and sorry, cause that's a big deal. It's a good test, actually, to ask questions like that. You know, oh, I want to put things in our name,

like, oh, can we, once we, once we, I don't know, can we put both, me and my husband are trying to, still not, we talked about an episode a long time ago, set up a joint email address so bills come to us. I was just thinking like a joint email so that you can see everything, like keep on track of everything. Like transparency will be the best thing

and you can't say that you've not got time to do it because you don't want something like this biting you on the ass. You don't want 30 grand for that. Yes. We sit down together and do it and he gets his accounts up and I get my accounts up. And you know, the idea that you,

like, again, you are still also entitled to privacy, but if you're entitled to privacy, this probably means that you both have emergency savings as your own name, which is a good thing. It's when one person doesn't have, everything's been combined, but then you don't see some stuff. Or someone's like siphoning money away.

If you're in a joint household with children, to siphon money away and not tell the other person, not be transparent, that's just a red flag for me. Massively. It means that they're planning on something. Unless it's for coffee, isn't it? You were like, I just, I would do that. It was... It was... Unless you've got a joint starling like us Unless it's for coffees and you were like, I just, it was, it was one.

Unless you've got a joint style in like us when it goes, Bing, Holly has spent £3.68 at Greg's. We all know about Paul Anderson's Greg's. Oh my dad, my poor dad. There are no secrets. No secrets. Just on the bakery update, I drove past him the other day, ran out of green alches and I was late and he was picking me up for the rugby. So I was like, oh quick, yeah, fab is distracted. And he'd actually bought

us all bacon bombs. So it wasn't like a secret green alches trick, but that would have pinged and my mum would have been like, oh, he spent 60 pounds on green alches. How much is he taking? Green alches, he was actually buying for all of us. But great win. Coming forward. Well done. Your win has led to a moral lesson for the wider community. So I don't mean to put a dampener on it. Sometimes these are the best ones

because she might, by sharing your win, you're going to help another person that sat there have been going, something's not felt right. And I'm going to check. And ultimately as well, this is a bit of a gushy thing, but your son will be so proud of you. There's a lot he won't understand. There's a lot he doesn't need to know.

He doesn't need to know about elements of it, but he'll have watched you do this bit. He'll also watch the change in you. He'll watch you act a bit differently. Now you've not got five years of paying off debt and it's just gone to like 11 months. He'll watch you building confidence as you build an emergency fund.

And then he'll watch you building confidence as you build an emergency fund. And then he'll watch you kind of like excel and grow when you are growing your money, when you're investing, watching everything. And so like if there's the biggest, the biggest win for me out of all that is what you're teaching him without even realizing. Yeah, you go girl. If you'd like to tell us your win, head to the community in the app or email it to the vault at financial.com. I'm in a man-hating mood today.

Oh God, join the club. Yeah, in the queue because. We really hate male-female relationship stuff. I hate the lesbians, they're much more better with this kind of thing. Two women is the future. Yeah, 100%. Okay, dilemma number two. Just a quick one, Laura here.

If you're wanting to take back control of your money, ditch debt, make better decisions and build wealth for the future, the Financial App is for you. With Financial, you can track your spending on the go, hit your money goals faster and create a realistic budget that you can actually stick to. Not to mention you'll be part of an exclusive money community who share tips, offer support and celebrate your successes along the way. Click the link in the description to download financial and start your free trial now. This is your sign to take control of your money today. Okay, I'm done. Let's go back to the vault.

Do I help my boyfriend get rid of his debts? Okay, we're going to be nice. We're going to be nice. I need some advice because I feel torn. Deep down, I think I know what I should do, but I worry I'm being selfish. I've been part of your community for a couple of years, but I've only really got my finances together over the last year. I'm happy with my current emergency fund, though I know I'll need to build it up more and I haven't had

a credit card for over 20 years. By May this year I'll be completely debt free. Even my boobjill... boobjill? Even my boobjill... boobjill? Even my boob job will be paid off. Woohoo! Oh my god, you'll finally own them both. Let's get one back. Okay. The issue is my boyfriend. He has £15,000 loan, around £7,000 on a credit card, £10,000 owed to his dad and

step-mom, which he only told me about recently. Plus, he uses Klonarmom, which he only told me about recently, plus he uses Klonar constantly, which makes me really angry. He earns £90,000 a year, so he's on a great salary. When he moved in with me and gave up his flat, all I asked for was £250 a month and that he used the rest that he would have spent on rent and bills to pay down his credit card. We've talked about buying a house together, but I've made it clear that the deposit will be split 50-50. Otherwise I'll buy a place on my own.

My question is, should I help him pay off his credit card and loan, or should I just keep saving and let him dig himself out of his own hole? This is a really interesting one, because if it had been the lady that's written in talking to her, saying that she was the one in debt. And I'd be like, right, you really need help.

So I have to do the same with him. He's obviously got a spending problem. He can't stay out of debt. He's on a really good salary. There's no way in high heaven that he should be in that amount of debt. So that's telling me that it's not, I can't get to the end of the money left over

and I'm slipping further into debt, he's got a debt problem. There's a reason. Yeah. That's tens of thousand pounds in various places. The fact that he's relying on Klarna and he gets paid 90 grand a year, there's a problem there and he needs help. Whether it's, I don't think the answer would be that she pays any of the debt off for him because-

No, he needs to learn that lesson himself. Never. Because it sounds like he's even borrowing money from his parents and that's not going, that's not a priority for him to pay it down because he's only just told her about it. It's like, if I have my mom, dad and grand, I won't be able to sleep at night. I don't know if that's just me personally,

but I don't feel comfortable lending money from people, especially family and friends. It's not keeping him up at night. He's only just kind of told her about it. So he's got a bit of a problem, actually, I think. Sometimes when you're a higher earner, credit seems sensible because you can easily pay off. Yeah.

Like per paycheck. So this isn't someone who leans to credit because they've like not got enough money at the end of the month and they need, you know, to use buy an appellator to get some extra clothes or they need to kind of put the food shop on the credit card or something's break. This isn't struggling, as you said. When you have a good salary, you often are the biggest underachievers because you take your foot off the gas and you've got comfortable. So when you

see monthly payments on stuff, I'll split it into three, I'll split it into six. It's just so affordable. And that's probably the value of the thing goes up and up and up. We're not talking small items probably. But also he's had it easy. So 250 quid contribution whilst he pays down his debt, that's very kind of you. Yeah, it is. As a proportion of his budget, I would love to know what he's spending it on, by the way. As in, there's... What have you got to show for it?

I'm thinking holidays, clothes, watches. Eating out, take weeks maybe. We don't know age necessarily. She doesn't, because this sounds really immature, but she said she's not a credit card for 20 years. So, you know, they're not going to be like early 20s and having this time where they're still figuring out he's on a good salary. So what would I say to her to say to him?

I think I would definitely want this like come to Jesus chat, which is like, what's the plan? Not like the, when do we get engaged plan? Because that's not the one that we do sometimes as females. But the, where are we heading? Like, what do we want to do? Do we want to buy a home together? Do we want to get married and have children?

I don't know how long they've been together. But do we want to travel and do, like, what do we want to do? Because money is the enabler to be able to do all these things. And what there is is a massive imbalance in the relationship, which just doesn't work. There's nothing wrong with earning different amounts, but you have to have the same values. So you can have a working couple, not a financial one, but a working couple where one person has debt and one person doesn't like using it, as long as it doesn't conflict. But this is a perfect example of showing how debt can bring conflict into a relationship. It can be a red flag about whether to get married to someone,

especially about whether to get onto big bills with someone and buy a home. And so- To be tied financially to that person that you know can't manage money, you will always have that, they're gonna fuck up, they're gonna fuck up. You know, if they've got no,

if they're showing no intention of getting rid of the debt, which I feel like he's not giving any signs that he's truly committed. She's gonna resent him. Because she's already, because she's written the dialogue. I always truly committed. She's gonna resent him. Because he- She is already, because she's written the dialogue. Okay, yeah. I always say this.

She's like, should I? Should I? I'm like, you know the answer. Embedding goes. You know the answer. Fucking my dick. You know the answer. But like, he's holding her back,

so she is debt-free. She has savings. She- Talking about owning a home. She rents it maybe, because they're talking about a home together, or maybe she owns a home, I can't remember. But she asked for a contribution. She rents it maybe. She's talking about a home together or maybe she owns a home I can't remember. But she asked for a contribution. He gave up his flat.

So she's leading the way and he's like the teenager like going, yeah, this is a group. Like how convenient. He's like, and so what I would want that the interest in the here far more than the numbers and the maths, it's about the value system, about the chat and about what's our plan. Because if the plan is and if he says, hopefully, about the chat and about what's our plan. Because if the plan is, and if he says, hopefully, I really want to buy a home together, I would love to get the property ladder. Yes, I'd really like to retire early. Yes, I'd like

to have travel well. She then goes, how are we going to do that? Because at the moment, it sounds like only I'm doing that. And it sounds like you've not really got a plan to pay off this debt that you've not like you might have tried, but it's obviously not working. Engage how he is. If he's happy to coast, don't think there's any more chat we need to have. That's going to be the rest of your life with him. So you can decide whether that's for you. But if he does show willing and actually he's just had a pretty easy life,

he's behaving a bit like a kid, it's like pull your big boy pants on now, then you do not help him financially, you help him strategically. I was about to say you do the model, like we love a model. You're good at this. We get the kitchen table, we always talk about it. Get snacks. If you're a financial girl, which it sounds like you are, you know the methodology, you know how quickly

people can pay off debt, especially with his income. And then therefore, once that debt's gone, how quickly he could probably save 50% of a house deposit. But if he's showing no willing, can't be arsed, isn't willing to budge, isn't willing to change, you just need to decide if you're comfortable with that. We talk about money personalities a lot. You can have two, Laura mentioned it,

and you can have two people that are completely different when it comes to money personalities. One's a bit more of an impulse spender, one doesn't really wanna spend that much, but they come to some sort of agreement, especially the financial couples, because they put in a budget every single month, and the person that likes to keep the purse strings

a bit tight gets stretched a bit by the person. It's like it's a complimentary thing, but if it's someone actually holding you back from reaching your money goals like buying a home and shows no intention of changing, and you've give them help, like by saying, oh, only pay me 250 pounds a month, which again is extremely generous.

You have to make sure that the money that was going to that apartment and flat is going towards a debt. You don't even know if it is. Well, I suspect it's not because there's just no like consequence to it. But again, you can't force someone to do something he has to want. And that's why helping him with the goal thing and the next steps and the, you

know, I'm doing this on my own. I feel like you're not really into it. Um, might help, but if he doesn't want to, he's just not going to do it. It's like, he's just not that into you. It doesn't mean he's not that into you. He's just not into it. Like, you can't force him. No, it's scary to have the chat though, isn't it?

Because it's like, this could be the end of it. Yes, yes, yes. Which is why people put it off because they don't want to have the ultimates. It's an ultimatum, but it's not. It's like, it's a kind ultimatum. It's not, you sort your shit out, I'm gone. Yeah, like it's your decision.

I'm gonna give you the power. Imagine if you went, no, I don't think that. Then you have to, then sort your shit out, I'm gone. I'm gonna give you the power. Compose for that. Imagine if you went, no, I don't think that. Then you have to, then you have a really, you have to decide what's right for you. Cause honestly, you'll, you'll resent him forever. Cause the way, and you shouldn't help, you shouldn't ever help someone financially

that you are not married to and that's not your family. Unless it's like a serious, serious scenario, like and we're talking to small amounts, like an emergency, this or that, not helping someone to pay off debt that earns 90 grand a year, no way, you're not doing that. No, and that's why you keep going back to this, like his salary is good.

He's fine, he's a big baby. He is, he's fine, but it is very similar to a health and fitness journey where he has to want to do it. And the tough thing is, well, the tough thing is. Sorry, my mom always wants my dad to be like, come on, let's, like my mom's on a fitness journey at the moment.

We've all been there when you're like so motivated and you wanna get your partner involved and you're feeling good, then dolphins are there when you're like so motivated and you want to get your partner involved and you're feeling good, the endorphins are going, you're doing your gym class and you go up to your partner, you're like, come on! And they're just like, no. No. You get it? No, it's like a fitness gym. You've got to want it for yourself. My mum can't make my dads go to the gym and like join a fitness class. He's gonna wanna do it himself. But the way you'll tell us well,

when someone plays with financial and like dips the toe in a little bit and they do a budget and they've got all these plans and say, because obviously the way that we pay off debt in financial is you do your budget, you have an excess and you put the excess cash at the beginning of the month to your debt. The problem with kind of putting it to one side and seeing what's left at the end of the month. your debt. The problem with kind of putting it to one side

and seeing what's left at the end of the month. It's a slush fund. Is it just kind of slushes somewhere else? And so if you could help him and you could help him with his budget and you could help him with his cash and like, he should be, I'm not being funny, 1500, two grand should be going to his debt.

Like if his only expense is 250 quid, where else are they going to go? Can I move in and go? There's a queue. Basically you've got a queue of admirers that will fight for this man's space. We'll be really good roommates, we're all gonna pitch ourselves.

But he should be paying thousands off. This could clear really quickly. Maybe he needs to see it like that. Do you know, as easy as that? Literally go, let me show, let's do a lesson. Yeah, maybe. And just one example of a- Oh my God, time to mingle. Can we do it with him? Live, let's do a lesson. And I show a lesson and just one example of a- Oh my God, game to ming in, can we do it with him?

Live, one example of a budget. Over a five-pick. Can you imagine? I think he came in a five-pick. One example of a budget though could be the light bulb moment that he needs. Cause he might think it's too far. He might be like, oh, it's tens of thousands,

I'm never gonna get rid of it, I'll just do minimum payments. She could be like, you could, you need a date, give him his debt-free date. If you do this, you'll be debt-free in six months or whatever it might be. Yeah, 12 months. And then kind of, and like I said,

if someone isn't willing to overpay their debt on payday, it's the equivalent of putting your gym gear on, but then you're gonna call for some chocolate, the very job, you know, like the secret eater concept, it's a, I'm committed, I'm committed, but I'll do it. I will. I will. I will.

I will. And then you just haven't paid off that debt. And so you can help him in a few different ways. And by the way, in the meantime, the more financially well you are, if this guy is going to work out and if you do get married in the future, you're going to go, surprise, I'm also rich. Yeah. Congratulations.

You're very lucky. So you can help him financially in the long run with money when you are kind of all together, but you're gonna help him much more with this theory. Giving him money is not really the option. Sorry, I'm gonna be like, are you gonna help his next girlfriend? Have you ever seen that?

Have you seen that on socials? Like, I built that man brick by brick. What? Have you seen it? socials? Like I built that man brick by brick. Oh my God. So think about this. Like you do all the training, you do all the training and then it ends and then the next person gets this like really emotionally mature. Like if Carl left me now, the next woman has got the best product that I grafted and molded.

If I got a new partner now, that new partner would be like, why did you Molly coddle her? Because she's fucking useless. This is the opposite. They would be like, what a dickhead. Who went out with you because they must have done everything because you're useless. I'm just a baby.

I didn't know you'd not have seen that trend. No, but it's the opposite of what would happen to me. My husband's next wife's going to have a great time. She'll thank me. I think that's the kind of vibe. It's like, thank you, God. Whereas Neil got hate mail. Okay, any final words?

It was said enough, I think. And I'm sorry if your relationship doesn't work out. I'm sorry if you're a man listening to this. You're not in this category. Because they let you down a lot. That wasn't that we have women doing exactly what that man did. You were very well at the beginning. You're very good. You were diplomatic at the beginning. But it has been bit handyman. He should definitely download Sananjela. Oh my God, he would be so welcome in this. He's like, I like Alex in our community.

Hi Alex. Alex shared his wife needed to go on a bit of a journey and he was asking for tips on how to bring her along. Perfect, green flag. Yeah, that was my Alex. She's a nightmare. I'm the pond. Okay, that's all for this episode. The vault is now closed and just a quick disclaimer,

the vault is just a chat around life and many topics we are not giving financial advice.