The Vault with Financielle - “I Said I’d Help Plan the Hen Do, Not Pay for It” | The Vault Episode 76

Episode Date: August 6, 2025

Send us a text“You’re allowed to pause your debt free journey for once in a lifetime experiences” - we unpack this week’s controversial opinion, then dive into your dilemmas:💸 ”I’m jealous of people who get more help with their children”💸 ”I Said I’d Help Plan the Hen Do, Not Pay for It”Got a money win or (totally anonymous) dilemma? Share it via the Financielle app community or email [[e-mail]] 💌You’re not alone in figuring this stuff out. Get honest, helpful reads at [financielle.com] 💖💸Connect with our Partners🐝 Consolidate your pensions with PensionBee (capital at risk)🫶 Protect yourself and loved ones with our friends at Lifesearch✍ Write a will that is tailored to you with Octopus Legacy🏡 Meet our Financielle approved Mortgage Brokers💸 Commission-free investing* with Trading 212 (capital at risk)🛒 Cashback on your shopping with Jam Doughnut (use code FINC)*The above are tracked links, which tells our partners we sent you and may in future result in a payment or benefit to our site.The Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

Welcome to The Vault with Finance Child. This is a safe space where we talk all things live and money and no topics for relevance. Good morning everybody. Hello. How are we doing? We're good. We just nipped her got a coffee, didn't we? Finan Shell Sinking Fund coffee vibes. Is there a coffee in there? Does not? It's a chai. I always want to come across cooler than I actually am. Usually it's a builder's brew when I walk around like this. People think I'm a hun. But no, it's a chai. But you You've got a coffee, haven't you? I have, and it's a gorgeous little coffee shop. It's called Ride, R-Y-D-E, and it's next to the car park that we park on.

So if you like cycling, they've got a cycle things. Cycle things? My husband, they love it. There's loads of bikes around and loads people in Lycra. I scooted here this morning. Oh, God. Every time it cracks me up, I cannot tell you how much I was laughing at Lucy when she rode away last time we were together in Liverpool on the scooter.

But before she's worn a Mac. Yeah, like a trench coat mac. And we were like, she's literally flying. I was going to say a flasher mac, but you had clothes on under it thankfully because it cascaded back behind you like you're on wicked. Yeah. I wanted to do the wicked's divine gravity sound. It's me.

I would never ever go on those. They're so fun. They're giving danger. And you would like wave into us and looking around. And as she was, I kept going for Facebook. Would you go on one on like a car park hall? No, I wouldn't. Because I would.

I would in a car park. I feel like I'll fall off. The one this morning was full battery and it was going fast. I could have took a car at one point. Oh my God. I just can't see you on it. You're not giving. But you had like a tote bag swinging.

Did not last thing. Yeah, last time when I scozy it off from you guys last time, I had two tote bags. And then they both fell to my elbow. You did. To work out. Which then they were swinging. And for me,

gravity was not going to, yeah, I would. I've seen too many fail videos. I've not seen any. What? I'm keeping the blinkers on. They give you a discount if you wear a helmet. Yeah. Well, that's another thing.

You have to wear a helmet. I would have to wear a helmet. I didn't wear a helmet. So bring one next time. I did like the right tip. Yeah, but you were safe. Lucy's got her, pod hair to protect. She can't put a helmet on.

Well, I was just saying to Lydia, I had this hair clip. Before I got on, I just pushed my hair into a bun, put the clip in. I made scoop. And all my hair fell out of the bun, so I just had, like big haught. That happens to my hair a lot because my hair's so heavy and thick. Sometimes if you've not clipped it just right, it all drops and you just left with this. A little tiara. A little tiara.

I felt like a sim. There's a little thing on top of the head. Oh, well, great transport. Okay. Today's controversial opinion is you're allowed to pause your debt-free journey for once in a lifetime experiences. I know this is where this is coming from I've seen so many TikToks like a few months ago and well it was a long time ago

now when Oasis tickets went on sale and I know it was a long time ago because I sat for eight hours on the Euro tunnel I logged on in France on my laptop and hotspotted off Neil's phone and I was online from what time would we left like 8 o'clock in the morning

till like 4 o'clock in the afternoon and if I was on a debt-free journey you better believe that I was getting those tickets probably but but then the end of the day we realised how expensive the tickets actually were. We didn't get them. Hang on. And then they've also been since offered tickets and turn them down because of the venue.

So just horror for all fans. Neil and I are princesses, like gig princesses, I swear. How many gigs are we booked and we've just gone? Oh, we're not going to go. We like, it's a fun game that we play where we lose money every time. You just like the thrill of getting the tickets. The dopamine is definitely not financial advice. No, it's not.

The opposite is terrible. You wouldn't think that we own a financial wellness brand, But the dopamine hit were like, we'll go and watch. I don't know. But it started with Sam Fender coming out of COVID. And we realized it was just very tired parents of young children that couldn't be asked fighting in Victoria Warehouse in Manchester to get a spot.

And then from there and on we'll book like five gig tickets here. We'd probably go to two out of the five and sell them at a loss. Fun game that we play. Follow me for more finances. But actually your princesses for a few things like, we weren't watching Mulan Rouge in Edinburgh. It was amazing. But the first, like just as they've done the final act

and you're like, oh my God, that was so amazing. The first thing Holly says is, God, that woman was annoying next to me. Like, she was talking and she was and she was wrestling sweets. So Holly's decided that she needs empty performances. Yeah. So that's going to be good for the budget, isn't it? Mum was like, what about a box? I'm like, no, no, she will find someone.

The royal box. She will find someone. Mum was being genuine, like, what did she actually look at price. I literally had so much anxiety in that performance. A lady behind me had a full Tesco bag. I'm not talking like a little bag of wine guns, which is acceptable. No, it was huge.

You could maybe, then when there's a loud song on where any, like, beautiful ballad, she's like, in the test-go-bime, coughing up, to the beat. Yeah. Do you know, like, you're more, you're like, you're just aware.

Yeah, you're aware, and you care about where people's experiences, no, no, no, no, no, this woman must have been, I was like, she must have, I hope you're ill, and you need to eat a lot. Like, you got antibiotics or something

and you need to, like, pack your stomach, or you're absolutely hammered and you need to not be sick on my head. I just kept in any round. I was constantly. I had the worst neck pain the day after because I was just constantly.

She didn't take the hint. Do you know, he's probably going, God, this woman just brought up to her. A head. Yeah, this woman, I kept going. I'm shaking my head. So British, ruined the whole thing for her. So then, I think my mum actually shouted.

I don't think my mum was then aware. So then she, my mum's then. Because I'm looking. My mom, it was the word, sorry, Edinburgh, people in Edinburgh, you were not very well behaving. in that performance because my mum shouted at someone there was a group of people just talking so it was like a beautiful like love ballad and they're just like so anyway I was thinking that next

we'd go here and we go there and then there was like a big crescendo of amazing song a man's phone goes off yeah he doesn't turn the phone off he stands up with the phone absolutely walks between trying to get through to everyone and takes the call and then the by the time he comes back in the song's still going gets everyone up again doesn't wait until it's finished And then every five minutes, people were just cracking cans the whole time. And then do you remember at the beginning of the performance that they were warned, please don't sing along. Oh, yeah.

I feel like. They've got previous. Yeah. You knew that the Edinburgh experience would be great singers. So, yeah, that's a holly's a princess. But my Scottish huns, you are great at gigs because they are, like, any artists that I watch when they're like, where it's good to like go for a gig, they're like, Scott, the Scots are the best. Like, they know all the songs.

sing along they bring the vibes but when it's like a beautiful like quaint theater shut up so it's going to help her budget more because she's never going to one ever again mom was like so we're going to milan rouge in Manchester i was like nope yeah she tagged me out so yeah i can't i probably can't comment on this actually well i get it i get and i you know some of you listening i've spoken to some financial followers about this and listeners um about the dopamine of that the Taylor Swift, oh my God, the oasis, like, there's always going to be something. There's always going to be something. Like, where do you draw the line? And so if you're on a debt-free journey, they're all,

it's all personal, isn't it? So some of it is a long one and it's a slog and some of it's short and intense. And there may be, for example, an event and a birthday or something in the middle. And if you can plan for that one thing and pause your journey to do that one thing, you have permission this is financial permission but if the one thing is every month you are literally just never going to learn and there'll always be something and sometimes we have to you will survive not going watching oasis you will survive you'll be fine you'll be fine like I know that I know that oh they're getting bad like I went back back in the day Barriers collapsed to me yeah no 20 years ago 20 years ago and I honestly great memories

built. And if you're into music, which I'm not as into my music, so this is a real lack of them with people that are proper gig goes, but there's always something. And so if you do the work, I become debt-free and create your music sinking fund, then you can go to as many gigs as you want because you are in the financial position to do it. Now, I mean, the eye-watering prices for some of these things. And there's like the merch and they're staying over, like they're not always in locations, like you might have to go to Cardiff, you might have to go to Edinburgh. It's going out for dinner before and then the drinks after and then the Uber home. And then It's not just people don't price up the whole event,

which is where people go amiss with their budget as well, I think. Even if you are on a debt-free journey, you go, okay, I'm going to forgive myself of this one thing, and I'm going to have it, you can still do a sinking fund when you're in a debt-free journey. Like Laura said, if you know there's something coming up, like the possibility of attending an Oasis gig, and the ticket is £300 per person, you can still create a sinking fund and train your brain to save up for things that you are going to buy. I saw something huge, I know we're on gig tickets a little bit,

but massive amount of Oasis tickets purchased on Klanar. Oh, I buy an appellator, I don't know if it was Klanar that was embedded in it, but it was because they are so expensive and because so many of us don't save up for things in advance. There may be other examples, like, is it like the holiday thing often puts people back because it's a chunky amount of money? Is it like Molly May has done a drop and I want a dress? Yeah. And I've got to have it.

I want to be part of this drop. I'm going to sign up for it. And it's gone. Dopamine's gone. and then you're still left with this purchase. And if you can limit it, that one thing, well done, you better than most of us. That's hard. And so, yeah.

So are you in favour of if someone was on a day? We do get asked this quite a lot, actually, in our DMs. People like, I really, I'm on a debt-free journey, but something's popped up and I really want to do it. Am I a bad person or like it comes in the community all the time? Am I failing at my debt-free journey? Like, what do you think? I think that you, most of these things are predictable. So, I don't, well, OASIS wasn't predictable, actually, to be fair.

It was not the price as well. Not the price and not the reunion, not that no one thought they would do it, for example. But if Taylor's doing a tour again soon and you are a Swifty and you think that's for you, then if you, I would say, if you're going to spend it, save up for it and slow down your debt-free journey. But what you'll see is the quantum of that all stacking up, like how many Taylor Swift concerts are there going to be, how many things are there going to be? So more often than not, I like to tell people don't splurge on the thing, test yourself because you'll realise you can survive without that thing if there's like, because it's like,

you know, all my friends are going to go for a girl's weekend and I don't want to be the only one not to go, you'll survive. Because it'll be another lifetime. It's not in a once in a lifetime. So pick your moment and because we'll convince ourselves of anything. So have a little chat with yourself. and if it doesn't derail the whole journey and if you can stick to that one thing,

great, but if the one thing's once a month thing Yeah, is it actually, I think, decided is it a once in a lifetime and bucket list style thing that will never come around again? And I bet the amount of people to save up and then it comes to it and they go, I can't.

Do you know, because you stretch that muscle and you're very like, it's not a mindful purchase. It's a mindful purchase. And the other point to this is how many people have a think about the debt, where did it come from?

I bet it was from once in a lifetime opportunities. I do. I think if that's your vice, we've talked about this with Impulsive Spending, what's your advice? If that's the thing and that's the thing that you must simply have, then probably have a little reflection

and go, is that why I'm where I am? It may not be, but if it is, if it is, warning, warning danger signs. Oh, yeah, I like that. Let's just say that we're all on debt-free journeys now. What would be something that would... What's in your wants-in-a-lifetime opportunity that would be like, I'm doing it.

What's yours? I don't know. It probably would be Harry Stiles concert. Right. And you've been and done that. Do you remember how expensive that was? It wasn't that expensive, I think it was like... You've got a good deal, didn't you?

Compared to all the people. That was the first one. Everyone would be like dressed up fun. Yeah, it was, I think it was like 90 pounds for like Wembley. Yeah. Like wear it at the front, so it was good. Yeah. I think we were looking at price at the time.

Do you remember he was going up to like 300 and it was creeping up for people? I mean, there would be a living. admit, like I wouldn't pay more than £100, which probably means I'll never go again. I don't think I'm funny enough. I don't think there's anything that contempt to me that travel for me. So, for example, if my family said, right, we're going to go to... We talked about the Grand Prix, haven't we? Abidabi Grand Prix came up for my dad's 70th and we all just went, yeah, okay, let's go. So on that, dad, because you will be listening to it because mum will listen to this. We were like, for years we've said this. It'd be great to do it for a big

birthday. He loves the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix. We've been to walk on the track. We've been a holiday that loads of different things. So we'll plan for it. And I was like, right, okay, so he's got a big birthday in the next couple of years. And I was like, could we do it the half year before his big birthday? Because it's in November, his birthday's made. Getting all excited. And I was out in Abu Dhabi recently. So I got even more vibes for it. And I'm pointing in the group, da-da-da. And everyone's like, yeah, yeah. And dad's like, no, mom. He didn't even text in the group himself. He dictated verbally not like a dictator. He's very soft to mom. actually he'd prefer a big house

and a villa somewhere in a holiday and we were like, oh. We'd all big down for his bucket list item and he's not bothered. He wasn't even bothered. I was more bought into his dream. I was spending. Yeah, wait.

I was on a yacht. I was on a closing party with Ed Schering. They're popping a bottle of dorm and my dad's like, not there. Not there, yeah. I'll be in the villa. No, it's fine. So like, but that's a good example of

what he's like, like, like, yes, it, that wouldn't change his life as well. Yeah, go on. I watch the girl and poop. I'm like dragging in there. I, like, vivid, like, memories of my dad are just on a Sunday watching hours and hours of F1. And I remember being younger, being like,

is this still on? Yeah. They're still driving around in a circle. Obviously, I appreciate much more now, like, but you're being younger, I was like, sit here all day. You just watching them go around. Yeah.

I love watching. You're completely dissociated in front of the city. Yeah. It's just an excuse she wasn't actually watching it. It's being very mindful. Our friend Chloe from Chloe's Deals Club, massive F1 fan. She's got so many good hacks

about how to do Silverston in a cheap way. Dad actually did it once in a helicopter. Maybe that's why he's like, I don't need to go. I landed at Silveston in a helicopter. He was a guest. He didn't pay for the helicopter.

Again, he wouldn't. He's like, no, I'll be fine. I'll watch it on TV in Wiggins. I've already done the pit lane and flew in by helicopter and I'm fine. But yeah, I think something, travel is the travel with family is probably the only thing that could make me go if they're all doing it

I'm doing it you can't all do it without me and so therefore I'm also very grateful of this journey and the planning that we do where there's there's room to do that but honestly if I was in a debt-free journey I would have gripped my teeth and gone fine go without me and I wouldn't go I really because I think I've been there I think that has happened a while back so yeah Okay, time for our first dilemma. I'm jealous of people who get more help with their children. How do you stop feeling jealous of people who get lots of family help? Someone I know has two very young kids and they have a constant flow of visitors helping them with kids, cooking, paying for things, helping renovate their house and I'm pretty sure their family paid for their cars too.

We have absolutely no help and we're planning on having kids soon, but I'm terrified at the prospect of having no support. I can't help but feel jealous of others who have it easy with the constant help. How do I stop thinking like this? Well, that's a tough one. And we're in a group of friends where everyone's circumstances are so vastly different that it kind of, when you immerse yourself in friends that have children and different circumstances, you kind of just feel more at peace with the help that that person gets, but knowing that they might struggle in other ways.

And I think this was dropped into the community, wasn't it, this tell them? Because I remember, loads of people jumped on straight away saying, it might not all be all sunshine and roses. Those people might not want people turning up at the doorstep every day and interfering with the family life and commenting on how to bring up the children and getting stuck in and involved. They might just want to shut the door at the end of the day

and be on their own with the kids. Like, there's actually a lot of beauty in that as well. Or they've got super hard jobs and they'd much prefer to be, like, lengthy jobs or unsociable hours jobs, whether it's like, I always think about families that do shift work and stuff. Like, we'd work weekend work, while they work through the night and stuff.

And interestingly, on the finance point, we often get asked, like, I don't think I can afford kids, you know. And it's often connected to wraparound care because, you know, nurseries and stuff is super expensive, obviously. It's not usually clothes and food. I mean, that's the thing when the teenagers are getting bigger. It's official childcare. It's childcare.

And so if it's like it would just be us between us as a couple and, you know, then a lot of people are managing this on their own, but people, imagine if you costed up the help from family, um, oh, I bet, some, this is like nanny, like nanny life, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Some people's grandparents will drop off, I know some family and friends whose parents drop off their grandkids. Yeah. And they pick up their grandkids from school and feed them and take them to the hobbies and they're not, and then the parents aren't even home, you know, it's not they're busy working as well. Yeah. I always remember, um, We, my nana used to work in a chicken factory.

There's a story to this. I know it's not a joke. Like, she did actually work in a chicken factory. My nanny worked in a cracker factory. Look at all you see here. Chicken and quackers. So, and mom and dad both worked long hours. And we would, we had wraparound care where they would drop us off at school at normal time.

I don't think we did breakfast club. I can't remember. Just just proves that kids don't remember, by the way. We feel guilty about dropping them off. And then we went to after school club, somewhere else. Like, we would walk or a middills would come. And then that would shut.

They still won't be there. Mom had made to us the week. She said she remembers, ringing my dad and going, where are you? Oh, I'm stuck here. Where are you? I'm stuck here.

And she said, I rang her mom, my nan and said, what do you earn? What do you earn? And she was like probably mid-50s late, 50s late. Yeah, I think she was when she retired in a better company.

And she told her, she was like, You are leaving. You are now helping me. And so the after school club was near her house. And so she, she used to walk, pick us up from school, give us our tea. We used to have two teas with Nana. I used to walk and have a partner. I don't know. Food complex. It was like a three course meal. And then you'd have a property. And then like some between six and seven or whatever appropriate time for them. They'd pick us up. And you under, like she paid her. She was like, I would rather pay you to do that than I can't. We're paying an after school club and we're still not there on time. And all the admin. Yeah. All that they're right. Yeah. At least if she's late with my nan, it was fine.

My nan's there and she's our family. But she had that option and she had the financial means to also pay for that. I think there's like Holly said, there's so many different circumstances. And for this person that's asking about this dilemma, I think it's really difficult. I think that, like Holly said, you never know what someone else is going through. And so just because they've got help, there may be some compromises that come with that. That woman might not want a mother-in-law around there every night. She might not.

She might be really peed off about it and just want her own space. You know what I mean? Like you're assuming like, oh, they're having an amazing time. They might not. And then they might also carry the guilt of having that help. One thing that I think that the trying really hard with work and jobs where, again, we are in a much better place now for flexibility, but where there's flexibility and where there's like, as far as possible, it being even between partners if you're in a couple

because you can't have one person always leaving early and always doing this. the, you know, there are a sick day because it's just, it really isn't fair. And employers are getting, are much more open to it nowadays and therefore there shouldn't be this unbalanced where possible. But the other thing that I think is possible, I think especially as children are getting older, is your village isn't just family. And I think if you're willing to help friends out with their kids and you've got to pick the right friend and you've got to pick the right moment and I don't think they should be regular because you'll just get a little conflict but you can swap and so you can offer if you offer help here and you know

have a school pick up or a football training or a half term we definitely have that with our friends you can do it back and it's not just family then we yeah Laura's right like family might not be the thing they might not live near them they might not be available they might still be working people are working it's a really funny thing people rely on grandparents much more but actually grandparents are living longer fortunately and therefore working longer so some people don't have the beauty of a retired grandparent that can be on hand to help they might be working as well. But we do

lean on our friends and they lean on us. We've got two friends who are really busy jobs, really important jobs as well. They can't just leave place at the drop of a hat. And we'll regularly get a text like, would you mind picking such and such up tonight? And we're like, yeah, it's fine because we're picking our child up any like it's no problem. And then regularly

pretty much every Monday, we've got another child to think about they've got one. They'll take our child to football. Like we swap and change. It's like if you can, It's two-way street, for sure. It's like, well, you're not taking the piss where it's a really, really good, a good swapsy. And the other thing is, we definitely work on the basis that it's on us. And so we don't expect, so, you know, in our family, we're extremely lucky that mum has always looked after all the grandkids on a Monday at different ages.

And so my son has just the most wonderful relationship with my mum and dad. And they've all done it. And they've all had that quality time. So it's not just childcare, it's genuine bonding. But as a consequence, I won't ask them for like, oh, we're going out for a meal out. Because then they would do it. But actually, I feel like I've had my credit.

And so I so appreciate that so much that, like, we do have a singing fun for a babysitter and we do do things from time to time or between Holly and I will help each other. And again, it's that kind of quip-pro quo. You can't have one person like leaching on and going, can I have, can I have? But building up different support systems because otherwise, and building up the it in your budget, the wraparound care. Don't look at what other people have got because you're just going to tear yourself up inside

and you don't know everything. Focus on you and go, what's my like support plan? Yeah, if you're feeling jealous, that might be there's something lacking in yours. Like Laura said, is it that you don't get to go on date nights with your partner so you're feeling aggrieved?

So should you set up a babysitter-sinking fun to then tick that box? And you're not like once a month. Like you can go out one night and have a babysitter. You might then go, do you know what? We look forward to that. We don't feel agreed that it's in our budget and we finally get some time on our own. Don't just complain about it and feel jealous of the other person.

You can proactively do something. You don't want to like simmer in it. I mean, I joke with Sarah's dad flew back from Barcelona to babysit for her. And she put on an answer and she was like, we are so lucky. I was like, you know, someone could look at that, I can go, well, my dad wouldn't do that. Yeah. But you might not.

They might not. But that's their family. And they've got this wonderful relationship. that also there's downsides to it because he doesn't live there all the time and they don't see them and so pop around and that I think that jumped to my world

like that's extreme babysitting support that that's like my dad flew in from Barcelona so that we could do this thing that's amazing but Sarah has the downsides to that way she doesn't see her dad all the time and so yeah concentrate on like try and focus on

your lane and your reality and build a plan around that this was a long answer but actually we get asked it so often that I'm glad we chatted it through because a lot of people in anticipation of having children It's one of the biggest, the scariest things.

And I think you can do it without any help. You need to work harder to be more prepared than someone that has lots of help. Yeah, be more organised and put those days. Like, don't just be like, woe is us. Yeah, yeah. Like, share, like, if you can't afford a babysitter, which you might not be able to do because they are expensive and your thinking one's like a healthy one for that. Lean on friends and go, do you want to do a rota whereby we take your kids for one night

month and you take hours and then we can do it at least do a date night like they might be struggling as well and it might just be a little of a lifeline for your friends too and it's no big deal to look after listen more kids are better than two or one are they we're like put all our kids together and they play so well whereas if i just have my two kids are like trying to kill each other okay community win time this is the smallest win for me but it feels so big this is my second of budgeting first month was trial and error but i'm getting to grips with it now i know it's only the first few days in from payday but i have not purchased anything which i have never done i also have a very impulsive shopping problem i did get the urge and purchase some pjs through a pay in three

the other day but as soon as i clicked pay i was racked with guilt and emailed the company to cancel the order i'm so proud of myself oh well done haven't that roller coaster with her where she's like i feel guilty like can I can I cancel it just shows you're paying three like it's predatory like it's it's too frictionless it's just begging to be used yeah begging to be used I was speaking to someone the other day on the phone and from another company and he was like oh every time he's clano I just think of you and I feel so bad I'm like so stop using it then why are we not on your shoulder when oh I did think I was like sometimes it just takes a long time for someone. He's doing it and he knows. And he's like, and he said, it's not even

for important things. I say, what do you use it for? And he was like clothes. And I was like, well, so does everybody else. And he just said, and within a few months, I look at the t-shirt and I go, I don't even use that. And he said, and I'm still paying for it three months later. And I'm over it. And I'm like, well, what does that tell you then? So the fact that you've proactively gone, do you know what? I got that dopamine hit. I regret it. I'm going to cancel it. So many people. There was a community dilemma a few months ago. Someone said, oh, I've just done a big shopping spree and I just feel so guilty. Like, I definitely didn't need the things and blah, blah, blah. And I think I just wrote, take them back.

The person was like, it was only a, she was literally like the day before or yesterday or something and I was like, get back in your car or you go to the post office and just send it all back. You can do that. You don't have to sit with this. Because you just know those clothes would have just been, they'll have had an ick about them because she just felt so guilty. Yeah. Because it wasn't about the clothes. And to the point on the budgeting, and then when she says, it's the first month that I'd not like bought. something that's such a win. It's such a win because you're breaking a cycle, you're breaking

a habit. It's like we can get your man to not use buying our pay later for a clothing purchase and either don't buy the clothes or buy the clothes but buy them with cash. You're breaking the cycle because your body's getting used. It's the power of habit. The more you do it, the easier it is to do it and the harder it is to stop doing it. So getting to the end of the month without buying something to some people will sound crazy, especially to a frugal person. Do you mean you just don't buy something? That's why I know spending challenges are amazing because they kind of highlight where you would have had that itch.

Do you remember when Neil bought something at an auction, you made him take it back? Yeah. What's it? You're ready for what it is? Can we have guesses? Calvin, what you'd have? You'll never guess.

It was a horse. I wish. I wouldn't have sent it back. At least that would have been like, oh, interesting. A horse. Is she going to take it that school? I'm thinking, like, like something to do of cycling?

No. I wish. Football. Oh, like a shirt. Memorabilia. I wish. I'd have been like, yeah, fine, whatever. We were saving for a home.

So like every penny counted, right? And he came home and he was obviously had a few too many. And he got a signed picture of Vinnie Jones grabbing Gazas balls. For like, I'm talking back in the day when we were saving for a home. There was 200, I remember, it's like burnt on my brain, 250 quid. Oh, Neil.

You better believe that he woke up the next day and he was like, guess what? Like, no regret, no regret. Just, you'll never guess. I like, try me. And he's like, this. And I was like, send it back. And he was like, no, I was like, you will call the lady now. I was like, there will definitely be some sort of breathing space opportunity for you.

And he rang up and they were like, oh yeah don't worry happens all the time whereby they go home they reflect on the shit that they bought or bidded on like I was like you actually like outbid someone for this someone else wanted it it wasn't a raffle you chose it you didn't like a gift it wasn't like or buy a raffle ticket for 50 quid for charity of which I am all for and what you get you get no no I actively put my hand up and wanted to buy this and I was like and where do you think it's going to go like devil's advocate we keep it which we're not going to do they were saving up for a house

we don't have a house where are you putting this I was absolutely furious so let this be known you can't take things back in fact you can cheapishly ring the company and go I made a mistake

he's never lived it down basically every time there's an opportunity to bring this story back up you better believe they were it wasn't on front of mine but it came from the back to somewhere in my head and I was like what about that time Neil did that thing

I've obviously suppressed it that memory No shame The woman was just like Yeah I was like oh my god We're going to have to like argue with this company And she was just like yeah yeah don't worry I'm like literally I've had like four phone calls

For people wanting to return whatever they did on All the things If she was a horse Horse or a bike If you'd like to tell us you're in head to the community In the app or email it to the vault at financial dot com Time for our next dilemma I said I'd help plan the hendu, not pay for it.

I love a hundu dilemma. Hi ladies, my friend is recently engaged and getting married next year in Las Vegas. I already told her I can't afford to come to Vegas for the wedding, and she's been super understanding. Instead, I offered to help plan the hendu with her maid of honour. We're thinking of booking at Airbnb for around 10 people to stay in with a couple more joining for the daytime stuff. Here's the awkward bit.

even though I've been helping with the planning, I've created a spreadsheet and I've been searching for places to say, I don't want to be the one in charge of paying for it up front. The issue is the maid of honour barely replies in the group chat and I'm getting the feeling she thinks it's my job now. I know there are apps that split payments but someone still has to put the full cost on their card first and wait to be paid back. That's what I'm worried about. I don't want to take that on. I've been working really hard on my finances and I've made a rule to not take out any more credit cards. I hate debt and it makes me so uncomfortable. I don't want to be stuck covering hundreds up front or be chasing people if someone drops out or ghosts paying. So my question is,

who's actually responsible for covering the big payment on a hendo? And how can I set this boundary clearly without feeling like the bad guy? I would say no one is responsible. Like there should not be one sole person that's responsible for paying for it. If it was me and I was doing it now and we were trying to sort out our next big birthday is a four zero isn't it if we're doing something special for laura my tactic would be i'm going to pick an Airbnb find out what the cost is and i would put in the group this is where we're going does everyone vote is everyone happy not too many too many cook spoil the broth so just maybe give like two options and people feel like they're having some sort of saying it basically a shit one and the one she wants so everyone picks so then holly's actually

pick the venue but they feel like they've got a choice to needy with children and then i would say i'm not booking it until everyone's paid into this part. I wouldn't, because I agree, chasing people, it's so awkward and it shouldn't be awkward. You're made to feel like you're an annoyance or like you're tight, yeah, or you're mithering people as they were saying, Wiggin, you're mithering. Do you know what I mean? I would be so much more like, gung-ho with being like, I need, if you want to go ahead. Yeah, you are spoiling it, you're holding us back. And I would out people, I'd be like, at Lucy, still waiting on your payment. I'm not paying you. I'm not me. I need to know whether me or Carl's put in for the teachers present.

I've just, I'm now that dickhead. I'm sorry. You've just helped me realise I don't think I've paid in. At Laura, shout out to the type A people in our life that carry the admin for all of us. There are so many queens and kings out there that start the group and do the chasing. And do you know what? Sometimes you might be a bit of the pain and sometimes we get the dilemms about you, which is like you're doing a bit overkill. But at least you're doing it. I just want to say it wouldn't, for you, without you. Grateful to be told, can you pay this now? And this is collective.

Yeah, our friends own, co-own and apps, two co-founders, Amy and Pete, they're amazing. And they own collective, which is a group payment app, C-O-L-L-C-T, oh, I can I just feel like, collect, Ivy. C-O-L-L-C-I-V. I don't know, I get links all the time. But basically, when we say our friends own it, like, it might make it sound like a really small business. They've done like over 20 million pounds in payment. But I keep getting collective links and it helps me all the time

and this is the teacher's presence of one of those and it's exactly to tackle this problem because one person like firstly bank details pain in the ass

on your app like if someone's saying you were bank details in the WhatsApp and then you're going to go to your banking app you're going to flip between the two

some banking gaps closed down again at the moment my face ID won't work and they won't release in a lash lift

in a laugh she literally went oh literally the hour after I'd had the lash lift it didn't recognize me but the hour before it did

be careful out there people like get your eyebrows laminated your iPhone might not recognize you they should come out come with a warning I'd have actually spent and sorry indulged and then your iPhone's like who's this divvy yeah I'm sorry

mine does it when I've got makeup on I'm sure it goes hmm it has a resemblance to Holly it thinks about it this is the day I was in a mood and I was just like thinking I just tested it to see whether it would

And he always sat behind me I was like It recognized me I was devastated Well so if you've not Face ID is not working You have to keep putting codes in And keep doing things

And going between the two Whereas collective is a link To pay into a pot And then that one person When all the money's ready Can then pay that To the person or buy the present Or withdraw it or put the deposit down

So that's another way That can if you can help But it is that problem Get the money first Do not put any deposits down Because deposit's a problem because someone might pay the deposit and then three people drop out

and then you've got to then re-thing of the funds and say actually we all need you to contribute a bit more because three people dropped out of the 10 say if it's a room for 10 you pay the deposit for 10 people they then drop out and can't go so then it's a place for 10 people

that would have been affordable but now it's for six or seven and it's not affordable. There's no terms and conditions for Hendu's is they're like Maybe we should write some We need a hand-do contract? Yeah we do. because you're like if you go now can't afford it

and it happens people drop out I get it but then there's all that all you I can't come anymore give my mon only back oh god I'm stressed thinking about it but I I've got a friend who's a football mum and she has been on she's planning a hendoo for a friend with like two other maid of honours

and she's like it is hell on earth we are zooming every week oh no I have she's this person has three kids she's doing a degree at the moment she has to do the prep she has to be in a A and E however many nights so you can rack up

the hours that way going to uni look after three kids and she's dealing with these absolute wagons it sounds like like men don't do this no and she's like

I want to buy someone's like oh I want to buy all this stuff for the hen and she's like well I found it on she or whatever 20 straws

20 cups should we just do that and the girl's like oh that's horrible she said she's having a hell of a time hell of a time rather you than me

but I'll get the money up front for things like that as well because someone will get left with the cost of it all I think the maid of honour thing's interesting because like again are you that type of person or not so

she's not answering a WhatsApp's but like maybe she didn't want to be maybe she didn't want to she's not the type of personality she's be she was the wrong choice really she was she should just be a backup bridesmaid and enjoy and embrace that so I and I don't think there's again there's no rules there's no hand to contract there's no rules about who should organise it I think that given you've been asked to obviously is a probably compliment that you should pick something nice and help to organise it and you already pick the Airbnb but do yeah do not put your self at a financial disadvantage to let Holly said think about all those things that could potentially go wrong with it it might be that there's a it's a cancelable deposit and no flights are booked

until everyone's paid everything and so you do have to you are going to have to put a little bit the admin work up front in working all this out and requiring money from everyone yeah and and I think that's the fair game which is unless everyone pays it's not going ahead yeah because then the bride can get then in you can say to the bride look I've tried she can push people along you just call the bride in when you need to only when you need to. Only when you need to. And some people, especially if it's an overseas one,

some people will use a travel agent to do it and let them be there and do work nicer and chase the money in. There's something in that. Outsource the admin, you know, and it's not your job to get it the cheapest for everyone. And a good travel agent would get you with the right deal anyway. So much more pressure for women though.

We were talking about it with the conversation came up in the football thing and one of the dads overheard and he was like, and I said, I bet you're all fine. He was like, yeah, he was like, stagged dudes. He went, you just all go. yeah we'll go here

someone finds a hotel someone has to find the hotel it's like oh you use a travel agent someone finds the flights and you just go if you want to come come if you don't don't and you all just sort and I bet they don't do like little installments and stuff I bet they just pay it it it's just done

and Neil's been to like Belfast and he was like I think someone I think two of them that were in a room together started it between themselves they weren't like precious about we need to be on the same floor we need to be in the room next door they were just like we've booked ours yeah book on if you want to come

I'm like women could be a bit more like that Airbnb pitches because like lads aren't bothered oh they should have premiere in all yeah if it was like oh going to New York I'm going to go into premiere I mean it's not a premiere room I mean it's not a premiering in New York but like if it was that we'd be like what about

where's the infinity pool what time do the game start that's Carl yeah that is I think it's because we've been through all the I think Roy and I are fatigued probably we're not a good person to ask but in that we wouldn't like it if we did

a shit one for you no you wouldn't but now I'm more experience about the money side of things where I feel empathy for that type of personality whereby they wouldn't take any shit they shouldn't pay out until everyone's paid I would just set that rule up front it's fine be like guys just so you know I will only book it once the last person did and then feel free to tag the person in the group and they get one chance in a private message and then three strikes three strikes

three strikes you're out we've pulled out yeah sorry hon but the big thing for that is what it sounds like you can pretty much organize it because made of honor is not really bothered but managing expectations on the full cost because I think what could happen is if if they're, oh then we're going to book this meal and then can we have some money for the bride's outfit? Oh, now we're going to pay for the bride. Like, I don't get paying for the bride. You don't need to pay for the bride. She can pay for herself or not. I've heard this sometimes. Oh, we're all going to chuck in so she doesn't have to pay maybe for a meal, I think. Or like a bit of fancy dress for her or something because that's like her. Like she can pay for

a meal or buy a car to hat. Yeah. But not like completely cover every call. Oh, we'll pay for her. No. It's your wedding. Like, you should. Yeah. It's a holiday. She can pay for it. I've got a friend back home who they were going, back home. She's in Liverpool right now. We're at 20 minutes down the road. Back home.

Sorry, just weird when you said it. I was like, what? I don't know how to describe it, but yeah, they organised a girl's trip. And the person organised it was the type of personality. And she was like, we're going to go here, we're going to go there. It got to like, I don't know, booking and paying for it. And she was like, oh, I can't come. I can't afford it.

And they were like, what? Like, without, I can't afford it. I've organised it myself, but I can't afford it. So then people were feeling bad for said person. Oh, I know. And someone was like, I think we should pay for her to come because she really wanted to come and she organised it and poor her and poor this.

Never be that person that suggests that because there's a particular circumstance where it's a nice gesture. If someone's going through something financially, unforeseen stuff. They're ill, the poor, they're like, they've got a death in the family and they can't put it. She's just shit with money, right?

And I know this for a fact And she's I'm not going to tell her a profession Because it might Pick something in Leffield Don't pick what she does All identity is protected When we're slagging him off

She's a mortgage advisor So she should know How to manage your money Because she'll see the shit That comes across her desk every day When people are trying to get a mortgage And she tells them You can't because you can't manage your money

She does exactly the same thing So they all pay for her to go Is she a mortgage advisor Yeah I know she's a mortgage advisor I've just gone for it I've gone for it I've said what I said I can't take it

Mortgage advisors were here for you as well. Have you ever needed help with money? Don't worry, you're not. Yeah, no, no. This isn't a judge run of her. It's that she was getting everyone to come, thinking everyone along. And then there's a pattern of behavior now with this person.

So that was a one-off thing. So now she's like, everyone were going to Spain for my 50th next year. Like, you're all coming. But then can't afford to go on the group trip that she organized and is now getting people along for this next trip. And they all paid for her. She didn't offer to do, like she took the money and was on holiday.

She went. They went on holiday and she didn't, there was no, like, real thank you to everybody. Like, she didn't really acknowledge it. Just bad vibes. Oh my God. Just being mindful of that. Never be the person. And it's still shit with money.

Yeah. She didn't learn a lesson and she was like, oh, do you know what? I probably should get my, get my act together. My friends had to pay for me to go on holiday because I'm a grown woman and can't manage my money. That's awful. That is awful. If you're that person that accepts your friend's kind of effort, you are groveling. Well, you're just like, you're like, you're like,

you so much. But then like within the minute that they landed back was like guys can have a deposit for my 50th birthday when we're going to wherever. So it's not being bad for money, you're allowed. This is what we're about. Like we won't have a brand if you're bad money. This is manners. Literally landed and then set up a new group that was like someone's 50 birthday, like send me your deposits. Everyone was like, you're fucking kidding. You pay for this one as well. Yeah. Well it's for 50s so someone might in the group go, oh we should. Oh, we should pay for her. It should. No. Pay yourself. I think that should be

whenever you start a new group chat conditions terms and conditions and conditions and on that trip by the way she was in a wagon

I've got so much to tell you in this broadcast so we've got a special premium version like a pay per view Patreon if you want to know

do what's on the holiday DM us Patreon and we'll know we need danger money for when she sues us

for defamation and slant Oh god All right So much tea Don't have children Because they're expensive Don't do hindoos

Because Or set up terms And don't organise it And don't be a wagon Don't be a Taipei personality Don't be a wagon Which is a northern term for Idiot

Idiot, yeah What do you say Inconvenience But it's a female idiot I think You wouldn't call A man A wagon

No You'd call the man He's a weapon A weapon okay close it um lucy before we just wants to know what happened on the holiday i'll tell us straight after that is all for this episode the vault is now closed and just a quick disclaimer of the vault is just a chat are on life from many topics we're not giving financial letters