The Vault with Financielle - “I’m Hiding £8,000 of Debt From My Partner…” | The Vault Episode 115

Episode Date: May 7, 2026

We asked your biggest money regrets… and nobody is coming out of this unscathed 😭This week's dilemmas hit close to home:💸 "My Partner Doesn't Know About My Debt — When Do I Come Clean?"💸 "Should You Combine Finances Before Marriage?"Got a money win or a dilemma that's been living rent-free in your head? Share it (totally anonymously 🤫) in the Financielle app community or email [e-mail] 💌You don't have to figure this out alone. More honest money chat at financielle.com 💖💸

Welcome to the Vault with financial health. This is a safe space where we talk all things, life and money and no topics are off limits. Hello. Hello. Happy Thursday. Yes, favorite day of the week. Oms. When we were still, I don't say working, because we still work, but in our old jobs. Do we?

Thursday used to be the new Fridays. Is that still the case? Like, people ended up extending the weekend. When you used to go out of the weekend, people would be like, oh, still go for drinks on a Thursday. Because you could be hung over on a Friday going into work. Is that still a thing? I always think. But in terms of the actual weekend, the only way that you could, like, get me out for some drinks would be on a Friday.

Because I'm not sacrificing my Sunday. Yes. The earliest possible day in the weekend. Yeah, I get that. But I don't think lots of people do things on Thursdays now. I don't think it's like... Perjade. Yeah, Thursdays for me is prep night.

It's fake time night. Is it still fake tan night? What of our girls in the girls chat do? How many years have you done fake tan on a Thursday? Do you think this is... I know, I'm still so pale. Is that fake tan? You're like, you've done it last night.

Yeah? Yeah. This is a Gornier, summer body. Oh, like a gradual? Yeah. Right. Moisturise a base. It's going strong since high school.

Same product. Brilliant. That's good. Stan? Yeah. I'm now green. We had a woman that we used to work with was, every Thursday.

It was Fakedan night, ready for the weekend. Yeah. Scrubbed head to toe jemmer. who used to work at travel counsellors. Oh, see, I didn't sit with Gemma, so it was a lot more of like, she used to make two brews at once. She also used to have at 11 o'clock every day,

or 10 maybe, two, not one, she'd have one brew when she came in in the morning, which started at 9, or earlier, and then at 11, two brews at the same time, for herself, and a packet of belvita biscuits. Nice.

Like clockwork. You could tell if you what time it was, yeah. If it was early, like, because she'd be walking down from the lunchtime, and we'd be like, I've got an hour to lunch time because literally. Have you got any little thing like that

apart from the routine of the fake tan? Are you like clockwork with anything? I don't know. I wish I was with the food shop. I wish I had like a day and a time because it's... I don't remember. I was a lot. Remember the food shop?

Because you need to get your slot in. Because your slot then goes if you don't pick it and buy it and buy it and stuff. There's no routine in my life. Nothing. I don't know if there's anything like... It's... The day. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or is there a meal that you have of the same day every week? We have a meat-free month. We've started to do meat-free Monday and Tuesday. Brand it. We came up with it ourselves. Not. Yeah, meat-free Monday and Tuesday. No, I go through such phases that.

I know you do. I'm even 100% consistent or not. I'm waiting for the chicken, Caesar salad to come back into fruition. Yeah, me too. We're well into spring now and you have not fixated yet. I'm concerned. That was the best two years of my life. Caesar salad every day.

I've never known anyone to hyperfixate on such food groups as much as you. We've had, okay, we've had that. Rocket Shepard's pie. Cottage pie specifically. Shite. It's like the worst thing to get fixated on. No, it's so good.

It's not slop. You need a good one. You need a good one. Mine's nice and crispy. It's got a lot of texture. There's no texture in a cottage pie. It's for babies and old people. Caesar salad.

A tuna salad is a common hyperfixation. there's quite a few used to be like pesto pastas really and like the more I would make it the creamier it would get and Alex would be like oh it's just hot in my tummy yeah it's got two cottons and cream a whole book of Palmsan I can't think why

I can't think why it's you're eating on you Alex whole ring of treats so he's actually lactose intolerant yeah it literally is you pushed him out yeah there's a lot of I'm looking that Alex just goes along with it. Easily led.

Yeah. Okay. Question for the group today. Money regrets. Tell me your biggest money regrets. What are your regrets? We hear a lot of people reflecting on what they wish they'd done when they were younger, don't we?

Yeah, like when I was 18, I wish I knew. Well, I really like a lot of people go wish you had a pension Like it's, you know, it's the one thing that so many people Wish that they've paid attention to And it's one of those things which we all say like Time flies quickly, enjoy it, da da da da, da. But when we don't want to hear it, do we? It's not positioned to you as fun though.

Like I really would love to like rip up all the ways in which we speak to people about pension because it's just not positioned right. No, like now we are. And I'm like, I just wish I'd have had that at 18 and I wish I would like literally in layman's terms We're like, this is what it is. It's an investing. It's sexy. It's fun. It's blah, blah, blah. It was just like the pension man came in and we spoke about every time. I would conveniently have an appointment every time. The pension man came in to talk to us at work. I'd be like, I'm going on my lunch break. I'm going on a luncheon. Listen to Barry talk about pensions. They should design it like, what do you want to be retired life? Yeah. Do you want to be playing golf every day? Yeah. Do you want to scrimpy? Do you want to stay at home? Do you want to go on a holiday? Do you just want to chill? Do you want to actually retire? Yeah. Do you want to be here forever? Because that's where we're at the moment though, aren't we? Like, that's not going to, the statutory, it's not a statutory, that's from thinking

state pension is not probably going to sustain. It might not even be here. So it's like, guys, you really need to get your shit together. So yeah, it's a big money great. Like I opted out my pension at 21. I went straight back in about six, seven months later. So it was a temporary regret. But I still, so I regret that, but I fixed it quite quickly.

Whilst obviously the whole reason financial exists is because I got into consumer debt. maybe I was meant to, but I do regret not being savier early on because I still think I could have had a nice, you know, early 20s and a nice life and still, you know, been sensible with money. But again, sometimes people do say you shouldn't have regrets and you should just embrace it and take it as a learning. But from a money regret, I think the math obviously shows that that would have been, it would have been far more productive to be investing from an early age and and stuff like that. For you,

I know we are a bit of a broken record with it, but it's the maternity pension. Yeah. A regret is that, you know, Teddy's like 10. And for the past two to three years now, like we say when we started financial, like you had sacrificed like salary then.

And, you know, there's been an extended period where you have, you've been through two maternities since Teddy 10 years ago. And you've had like startup salary or no salary for a period of time. And now you're absolutely hammering

and catching them and putting us all to shame. But it's like to the detriment though because now I'm like, oh, I don't want to spend anything because I'm too busy focusing on these gaps. So yeah, there's no, there's lack of balance there. Whereas had it been something that you knew about? So it's not a regret because you didn't know about it. So it's not like you didn't think wrong.

Yeah, I didn't like go again. I wasn't like rebellion or. Yeah. But I think mine probably like I, we hung out with people like were in careers where they made a lot more money than I did. I was like an intern at one point. didn't get paid for all, but it was a really good internship. It was one of those sacrifices that you make,

and it did help with my career, I think. And it was a great experience, so I don't regret that, but, you know, hanging out with people that earn a hell of a lot more than you, and you get the lifestyle creep, and there's been situations where I've been, like, punched the gut, like, oh, that bill's really expected.

Like, we've gone out for dinner, we've gone on a holiday, we've gone on this, that, and the other. Maybe I wish that I'd have been a bit more like, no, I can't have thought, you know, have a bit more about me. but 18-ish really hard to do that when your friends are a bit older and they're a lot more money

to kind of go against a grain and go, guys, I'm out like it's not, you know, instead of just going along with it because I think that's how I got into consumer debt as well but again, we're meant to now I know what I know now I'm like, oh I know what that feels like so I never want to do that again

so it's like lessons learned isn't it rather than regrets maybe? Maybe. Cars, a lot of people buy like a car that you get excited about the time you're excited, didn't it? And then it's just a car and you throw your stuff in the back and it's messy. And it's like getting one that you take your time with and properly research and budget for surely is more enjoyable than the, I've got one quickly and this is the monthly payment and this is the colour of it.

And then you're financially vulnerable. I see so many people being like, what the hell was I thinking getting out? Because then that monthly payment is so high that you never have the ability or you find it really difficult then to ever come out. of that cycle. Yeah. Because you don't have the excess cash to build up to buy a car in cash. Just forever then for the rest of your life. You've got this like monthly payment.

Money regrets. Come on. Let's have a little. Let's think harder. What could someone else? Because what was someone else's money regret be who like with a share in our community before? Oh, we've seen, you did an article a few weeks ago about Natasha Hamilton, you know, from

Atomic Hitton. Oh, that was so interesting. What was her, you covered that story? What do you think her money regret was? It was so rough, even though it was like exacerbated because she was a famous pop star and so did have access to, like did, I'm not going to say wealth, but she had cash early. She, everything was exacerbated more than perhaps other people went through at that time. So she kind of got big in the early 2000s and we had the crash in 2007, 2008 in terms of property. Yeah.

And it still hasn't recovered. Like some property values have still not recovered past that, which shows how expensive and inflated property got. and the result for lots of people. So, yeah, you can have a read of that article on financial.com, just search for Natasha Hamilton, but she shared a little bit about she first got hit, like, with a quarter of a million pound tax bill when she just quit Atomic Kitten

because she got post-sailers' depression and she needed to stop work, and she hadn't been saving up tax as she goes along. What do these accountants do? I think the she's she's some of them, aren't they? Absolutely. People get into shit and prison and we've known people commit suicide

in the celebrity space and you're connected to some of them. Because this tax the land and what are their accountants doing? It's just rule of thumb. I'm not an accountant. First thing I'd say to someone, put 25% minimum. And they don't always say like I think most accountants will probably say

oh we always tell the climate it's not a responsibility but I think that actually the duty of care especially for a solo trader is higher especially if it's a younger person vulnerable in the public eye. And And with this transient cash flow, like if she'd have carried on, if she, she earned like X, Y, Z,

the net across three years with the time at Kitten. So it's like they just felt she'd just carry on earning. And then this year's tax will be paid by, Lashes tax will be paid by this year's current cash. If you quit, where's it coming from? And if you have had a particularly bump a year, but you've been using the cash in you go

and you've been enjoying kind of the fruits of that, you know, she suddenly had to go back to work and she went back way too early after leaving work for that very reason that she was overwhelmed and she had post-noughts a little depression. So there was that element to it. But that was probably more of a money regret. I didn't save up for my taxes or go. But the other interesting side of it was her and her ex-husband built up like a little business empire really.

So she had like coffee shops and bars and restaurants. And she never paid attention to the numbers. She was like, you stay in your lane, I'll stay in mine. I'll do the public facing thing. I'll invite all the celebrities. I'll graph. Like she absolutely worked. It sounds like,

and like he looked after the books. And then they came to divorce and there was nothing. And I think she'd thought there would be stuff. Like assets for them to divide when they were. Assets that sell the businesses. Let's divide them up. And obviously these businesses were basically probably underwater. She never slags him off.

She never says that he stole money from her. It's not like there's a presumption of like. Wrongdoing. Wrongdoing. But she had just never paid the attention. So in the back of her mind, it's all fine. Don't worry. I've got a retirement because I could sell businesses and that by my pension. At similar time, she also took cash and invested them, I invested cash into houses. So she had multiple properties that all went into negative

equity, which basically means they're worth less than you owe on them. So none were ever repossessed. She was able to, like, probably sell them, but like take on the losses. So she, so she was like this well, you know, highly paid pop star, like on the, every number one at the time, nothing's show for it. Hadn't invested into a pension and done the boring thing, had over leveraged herself by buying multiple properties and kind of getting a bit greedy but probably being led by other people. I'm just not saying, you're not telling me someone's gone,

I know where to invest your money, you're going to do it here and you're going to give me a percentage. But like the, you know, the record label never shaped them, looked after them, gave them some guidance. And, you know, so I would say that's probably such a good example. I'll actually have our money regrets or people's money regrets. Listen to this may not be as exacerbated as that. But what can we learn from her money regret? Pay attention to the numbers.

It's not an excuse to go or that's not my lane. Yeah. You never know. And like I said, it might not be through wrongdoing. It might just be, do you actually know that. Because what you might do is if you realize that none of them are making any money yet or they're quite risky, you might do some. Get out earlier. Or do some lower risk things as well.

All right. Yeah, to counter. I'm not putting everything behind that. I might also build up some savings or should we? So the moment in the article, she doesn't own a house. Or have her, but she only just started doing a pension, didn't she?

Did you say? She's had one in the past five years. Like five years. Five years. And she's just like, she must be early 40s. Yeah, I think how much she could have put into a pension to ready her for retirement.

You know, I obviously through my work on the BBC have, I can't help it. I'm just so nosy. I always have people about money and they do share. And so whilst I would obviously never digress what people have shared.

there is a pattern amongst some people in the television industry, not just like famous people, but don't have pensions. They've never had that guidance. They're not opted in. They're not kind of, or they're doing it now and they're going, oh my God, like, you know. And for some of them, you know,

it might be, they might be in this season of their life where they're earning the most they've ever earned. And this is a time where an accountant should be in their ear going, great, guess what? This is your tax pot. And then pension, we're doing this full stop. then if you want to do more great, but as a minimum, this is what you should do. And for whatever reason, they don't. So it's positioned. And it's quite transient about that when you're in

the music industry or creative arts or whatever might be, you don't know when the next job's coming so people don't want to commit that monthly payment, do they? No, they don't. It could eat away into a lot of your income for one month when you're not having such a good month. You have to be much more resilient financially. It's harder. Like, you need that emergency fund that's in a really good place because you don't know where the next contract's coming from and you don't know how much. much that will be and you don't know where you're going to have to live for that. And are they going to pay it on time if you're invoicing people? Like, we know what it can be like.

Very tough. Tough. Easy for those of us employed. But yeah, that's such a good money you regret to highlight. Yeah, it is. If you're stuck in consumer debt, listen to this. One financial user said budgeting the financial way helped her clear over two and a half thousand pounds worth of debt and finally feeling control of her money.

If you're ready to do the same, download the financial app and join our community today. Okay, to time for our first dilemma. My partner doesn't know about my debt. When do I come clean? Hi ladies. I need to get something off my chest. My partner and I have been together for three years and things are going really well. We've talked about moving in together and the future feels exciting. But there's something he doesn't know. I have debt. Not a small amount either. It's around £8,000 across a couple of credit cards. I've been managing it on my own and making payments every month, but I haven't told him. Part of me feels like it's my business and I should sort it out myself. But the other part of me knows that if we're getting serious about our future together, he's going to find out eventually.

I'm terrified how he'll react and what if he thinks about me differently. Do you think it will change anything between us and when is the right time to tell your partner about your debt and how on earth do you even start the conversation? Really good question. I'm nervous for it. I know. Only Lucy can romance. Soft or hard lunching it.

It's just a thing I've got going on. Is that how you're soft launch? How would you do hard launch? How would you really like dramatize it? Would you be out for dinner? Would you do it in public? Would you? No, I'd do it on a walk with a coffee.

She's romanticised it. I already down here. Go on. Tell me what you'd say. I would say, oh my God, I've got this friend right. No. No, I would just say. What would I say?

This is what's hard because it said me. It's like a confession. I would genuinely rip the bandaid off. I would say, right, we are moving in together. I didn't know when the right time to tell you was. You've not needed to know I've not needed to divulge this information to you, but I've got debt. You make it sound like it's my fault, Lucy. It is, actually.

And I would say, it's loads. It's bad. It's really bad. Then they're thinking it's like 40 grandres, it's like you're softening the blow. You're like, it's aunt.

Then she'd cry. I knew the tears would come from Lucy. Peek of their hands. No, maybe I'd say it's 10. And then, and then when you, if he's like,

don't worry, we can get this sorted together. I'll give you two. He's now only six. But it's eight. No, and then it's, no,

and then. He's like, oh, let's sit down. You're like, yeah, okay, I'm really going to get organized. And then by the time you sit down and be like, look, have we even paid two? It's only eight now. Oh, God. On this walk, I've paid off two. No, by the time you've, like, gone home by yourself because you don't live together yet.

We're really proud of it. We're like, yeah, you know what? I've moved a few things around. I've realized how series this is I want to get this together football. She's laughing, but Alex is watching this going, she does act to me about everything. In those series Who the fuck did I marry?

Literally I can be anyone But But interestingly With it You were confessing You were saying I've got something to tell you

I've got a secret child I killed someone once That's what it felt like you were having to try and admit Like I've got debts It's very real isn't it Well he might come out and be like Oh yeah I've got

I use credit cards And then he might not even know It's a big deal Yeah And then he's like Oh how much 20 grand and you're like

you're like, you're like, you what? We couldn't possibly get together. How could I ever trust you? Women have a great way to turn in it. Girl bus gas like gate keep. Neil's literally,

Neil and Alex and Carla watching this going, this is how they fucking do it. This is how they make everything my fault. Can we just say in all seriousness? If a girl had written in to say that their partner

had been keeping secret debt from them. They were meant to move in together. No, no, no, no, no. She wants to. She wants to. She wants to. She's talking about moving in together.

Yeah, so she's like, right, I'm going to have to say about this, because you wouldn't need to say about that. I'll show you, mine, you show me yours. It's that kind of moment. They've not seen each of the naked yet. I would say, do you use credit cards? Like, do you dabble?

Dabble in the old credit card? What was you're going to school? You've got to come clean, but maybe not in a confession way. Maybe more in a, right. Okay, so we're going to be moving in a, together. I've been looking at my finances.

One thing I really need to get rid of before, this is how I do it. Before we're moving together is I just need to clear a bit of debt that I've got. So I'm going to be... Do you know what? In my head, I was like, what would I do? Put it down, girls. I think I would do the same, which is...

I'll like be a bit more nonchalant about the debt payoff process, not the fact that you've got it, which is like, if something comes up where he talks about, oh, let's go on holiday, all let's do this. I might go, that's fine. Money's a bit tight for me. moment because I'm getting rid of my credit card debt and fed up with it. I've had it for a little while doing my head in, own it, but I'm not like, ooh, I've got it and I don't know what to do. I'm like,

so rather than, I think you should know this. Take me on holiday. So it's like I think you should know something. Like I like to cross just like I think I think you should know something. I really hate pasta. Like there's some important things. No, I'm standing by the confession. She wants to draw. She wants the music, she wants it to be a reel. She wants to be looking out into the... She wants to cry. She wants to cry.

Just cry, fine. Some background music. Yeah. She wants to be rescued. Whereas I'm like, let's just paper over this very quickly. So I could do that or... I could pay off my debt first. No, I'd be like, look, if we're ever going to move in together, I probably just need some.

Money might be a bit tight for me. I might not be able to contribute equally to these dates that we go on. So maybe just won't go on them anymore. But it's like a reflection. of your character. Like that's what, when I heard you come... But when I could...

Well, apart from the gaslighting. When I heard you confess, I felt bad that you were feeling guilty. Oh no, she just likes it. Oh, she just likes the drama. But for someone else, she's our... Let's bring it back to that

actually having the dialogue around than our imaginary movie. But she feels guilty. How do I bring it up? Like, oh my God. And, you know, what are you thinking? Are you thinking because he won't want to move in together

or won't want to take our relationship to the next level and won't want to combine finances or make plans together. Maybe it can be a reflection of money issues. So I think also before you have that conversation with your partner, really understanding where the eight came from will help you be confident. So was it through life absolutely whacking you in the face? And you went from house to house and someone did this or did someone steal something off your Was it identity fraud or was it spending?

Yeah. I would want to know if I, on date number one, but like I would want to know money vibes. Like what is your money personality? How is this going to be? If you were going on a first date. Oh no. Probably, maybe.

At what point? When did I ask Carl? At what point are you like, so what's your money situation? Me and Neil are 14, so I was probably like, so I've got to ask me one for a tenor so I can come to the cinema. But yeah. So I think you do this. I think you kind of get a vibe for if someone's a homeowner or not. Yeah.

Someone has ambitions to be if they're not. If someone, the type of job that someone has, I think generically has a reflection on their interests and or competency and other ambitions level. How polished they are is a reflection of them. How important is money in their life as well as in like, I'm just,

money doesn't interest me. I am much prefer like if you're a carer, it's not very well paid, but you care for people. You're not giving the vibe of I'm going to bring in 100 grand a year. So at least I know that, but I also know some plus elements of your personality,

and it's the same way, if someone was flashing cash or like, like, it. Didn't we talk about over here someone on a first date, talk about their investments to a girl or something or that was that someone else I was talking to? They were listening to someone on a first date

and he was like, and I've got this in this, and he was like bragging about his wealth. And I was just like, It walk away. Remember that guy, I think it was on socials and the guy called himself like Race Day Jack and he gave this girl

like he was like spending on his credit card and then like the first date that he took this girl on from the races he met her there took her on this really nice date like really boogie date and he was like that was race day Jack and he's like I can't afford to keep out on his date so I had to break up with her

because I can't live up to it anyone so he met the girl on a race day Yeah, he was at the races and he was like, splash in the cash. And then he like used his credit card to like keep up this persona. And then he like had to break up with this girl because he was like, I can't keep up race day. I think I have seen that on socials. That's amazing. I absolutely love it.

What was a question again? Well, I think she's got a few options of how to break into her boyfriend that she does have debt. Most important thing is you have to have a plan. So if you're going to do this, I don't want you to go in and be like, so I'm in debt. I'm in debt so I'm going to. It would be really helpful if you could have a plan and a model for yourself, more so than your partner, of how you're going to get out of this. Because there's so many people that come to us in debt.

And the most powerful thing you can do is, but I've got a plan. Yeah. I've got a plan. Maybe start with the plan. Start with the plan. Do two months of the plan and be like, so. I paid off. And he's like, what?

Paid off a grand. Of what? Yeah. It's awkward. You've got three options. Take your pick. Tell us what you do. Record it.

Take us. Bring us. Lucy'll tell him. Lucy would love to tell him. Did you know that over a third of women in the UK have no protection in place compared to just 16% of men? We've partnered with Life Search so you can chat to an advisor for free and get the cover that you deserve. Head to fanashel.com forward slash protection to get your free quote today. Okay.

Time for a second. Should you combine finances before marriage? Hi girls. I recently discovered your podcast and I really love it. I'm finally in a place in my life where I've been able to save a little money and your podcast has been helping me so much. I have a dilemma I'd love some advice on from a non-biased financially savvy woman. Should I combine finances with my fiancé? I'm 26 and I've been with my fiance for 11 years. We plan to have a long engagement. We own our home together in London and whilst it's legally split, each He paid for the full deposit and covers about three quarters of the mortgage. He earns around 100K depending on bonuses and is very good with money and investing. I earn about 32k self-employed, which means I also have to manage my own pension and keep a larger safety net. I work around 60 hours a week to stay in a career I love and save a little, but I experience a lot of financial anxiety. It sometimes makes me feel like my home isn't fully mine like I didn't earn it. And I feel a little bit silly with the contrast between our lifestyle, going on nice holidays, living in a lovely home,

but sometimes not being able to afford small things like going out with the girls when I'm on my own. I want to point out that my fiancé has never made me feel judged. He's kind, supportive and sees everything as saving for our future. But I still feel this imbalance internally. We're aligned in our values around money, which is a good start. We've discussed combining finances to ease the pressure I feel, but we're unsure how to do it while still working towards our own personal finance goals. without me feeling even more financially dependent. We just don't know where to move forward from here. I'd love to hear your take.

Thank you so much. I'm truly loving, learning so much and can't wait till I've completed all of the steps. I just finished building my emergency fund. Aw. What a lovely review. First of all, thank you very much. Get married.

Get married already. Do you reckon? I've been together 11 years. They want a long engagement though. Lucy wants a long engagement. Why? Well, this is not saying it. Why?

I don't know why. You're different. You've just got engaged. Yeah. They own a home together. She's doing amazing working on her own financial goal on a 32K salary in London. So she's almost or just about saved her emergency fund. What is your plan with this man?

Because the reason I say it that way and I'm like, is this is big sister tough love is because he sounds like the one. He's, there's no red flaggy. No, he would call it out. It sounds lovely. Yeah. It sounds like such a good egg. He sounds lovely.

So what is the problem? Because when you're on a really good place, when you've been together a long time, and quite frankly when you buy a property together and have had it for some time, you are a team. And there's something about, we've talked about some previous podcasts, something about getting married, which legally binds you as well as also mentally does. And when you are mentally bound together, it is much easier to combine your finances because you see yourself as a team

rather than fiancé's fiancé I'm really impressed that you're both fiancée but you're still boyfriend and girlfriend like in the eyes of the law it's not like you're like it's like other than the nice little bit

of a ring on the finger formal applications I'm still single yeah I miss because in the eyes of the law you are and in the eyes of society you are because it's just a

it's an intention to wed and a promise to wed but it can be broken at it. So there's just something about your basic, your boyfriend and girlfriend. I feel like she needs to think about herself like that first. So if your boyfriend and girlfriend, I think that's harder to combine finances because you put yourself at risk. Like, should we slash it all around together? Like, what does that even mean when you are legally married, especially for the lower earner that has trouble mentally with it? Because he sounds like he's up for it. He's not

gone and why I'm reluctant to combine finances. I know a lot more than you. Sounds like he's up for it. So she's, I think, got this monkey on her back, which is like, at the lower end of the end, I'm working towards my goals and at some point we'll do this. So there could also be, by the way, in just a really genuine reason for not getting married. There could be some ill health. There could be some family issues. There could be the dream wedding that they're saving up for. But I think a quick fix to how she's feeling mentally would be get married. But they said they're up for combining finances. They just don't know how to go about it. So I don't even think that they're like, oh, we don't really want to combine finances and then wedding be

the answer. She said, I think the best thing, he's up for it to combine finances. But what's connected to this is, I feel a bit more uneasy about people combining bank accounts if they're not married, for example, just because it does become your joint assets, but it's a bit of a grey area. There's something about you've got a bank account with your boyfriend. Like, don't think family. say. But I see a lot of similarities in this story with me because Neil's always been the

higher earner than I have. So I've always had that monkey on my back of what Neil earns more so I shouldn't, especially on things like maternity leave when you're more financially vulnerable than you've ever been because your income's just completely slashed as an individual. So you just go, I don't bring any money into this or barely any money into this household. How can I possibly go and buy myself new socks, a new bra that I desperately need? You'd do it as a mum. You just like put yourself to the bottom of the list. You put yourself to bottom of the list.

Like, I've carried that guilt. Our first home, even though we'd been together like 10 years before, Neil was on the mortgage. I wasn't because of the job that I had. I was an intern. He always reminds her that he bought the first home as well.

He never did it at the time. But now it's funny because it's like, and I'll say, oh, our first home. He's like, was it ours though? Like, it's a running joke. It was like her deposit. It was my deposit. Yeah, but I couldn't put my name on the house.

Like he bought it on his own. I couldn't apply for, I couldn't be approved for a mortgage or not. And we weren't married. Yeah. That's risky. Yeah. God forbid. I've been,

I see myself in her where I'm like, I've always been the lower earner. But it comes to a point where joint finances are the thing that releases you both from that because it all gets sloshed together and all the money goes at the top. It's like this is what we bring into the household. In the financial budget, your income, you can put two lines on because Neil and I do. I don't think Neil and I do, actually. We don't split it. We just put the whole.

the mountain. We're doing that. No, I suppose that maybe it's a bit more freeing as well because it's like, it doesn't mind

if he earns more nobody knows. It's the total income. Hours is checking that it's right because like we've got different forms of it like Carl's got his other job as well.

Yours is much messier than ours. But to that and listen like the easier way to do it without having to combine finances is put everything in the budget and then transfer money into a separate account. And that I would say for for 90% of people

that messaging with this dilemma that's what I would say first. I was like, you don't need to combine my accounts. You don't need to get shared this and shared that. If you don't want to maybe have a bills account, but do a budget that's got everything. This is how you combine finances. The budget has everything at the top.

And once you've added your income levels, even in a way that Holly says, where you just have one line if you wanted to, then you make all the joint decisions together. And then your personal finance goals become both your goals, because at the one you said, your emergency fund,

and then what's his emergency fund? When you combine that practically, again, even the dangerous if it's not in her name and what's in each other's names. Our emergency funds in two different places, one under mine and one under Niels. But it's split evenly. Split even, whereas...

Even let you know he earns more. There might be conversations where if he's got a 20 grand emergency fund and she's got three, it might be we split and we have even and I can't do 23 to buy two. But if you're supposed to like be together, you're not planning on splitting up,

this couldn't be a company? You know, some people like, but what if we split up? I'm like, why is that the first thought? Yeah. Like should it not be, how can we make our money go further together? we should have it split and get interest on both.

That would be like a really good first put to like do the budget together even if your money separate and you transfer the full amount in to the bills account or like, I'm talking practically but you might not have to do that. Depends what's coming out the bills account. But put everything at the top and both your bits go in the budget. And even if it's like your emergency fund, his emergency fund at the bottom put it in. First of that it's going to be and he'll be up for this. He sounds like he's up for this.

And it will get him more invested. your goals and he'll go, oh my God, that's taking you forever. Why do they take you so long? It's like, because I only earned 302. It'll give him more visibility of your goals.

For this case, though, I just feel like if they are engaged and they've been together so long and they own a house together, I think they'll do way better if they got married. I do. I've got married.

I'm not conservative in the slightest, you know me, but I do, I get good vibes from these two. Yeah. Yeah. I think he'll see it as a plus as well. Like, if you're feeling insecure about how much money you're

bringing in, he's only going to see your money coming in as a bonus to his. He's not got, he doesn't sound like he's got an ounce of like resentment about it. He's going to be like, well, that's more money in the pot for like us. That's what he should be. We know. He's such a green flag and we don't have them often on this part, I have to say. But he's absolutely a green flag. You know, she's the one that's worried about this and bothered about this.

And he's never given that impression at all. And, you know, just for, um, this person's benefiting to, you know, Holly has been in the scenario where she, you haven't been the breadwinner. Still it. Still, I'll work on it, guys. I kind of like it. I like being a kept woman.

But I, I, I've done both. And I, and I've done both. And there's obviously times when we were married and weren't married. So I've worn lots of hats. And I think I've always been in an advantage in my relationship that I have always been financially strong, like, because I've always worked, managed my money this way as long as I've known Carl, which helped. but I did struggle when, because I was like the breadwinner and he did quite well.

And then suddenly I went, Matt even went to zero. And then another time suddenly I started a business went to zero. And luckily for me, there was never, oh, can I just because I've just always had my own money and I've always had my own emergency. I've always been there. So I can appreciate that it must be quite difficult. But I promise you, you have nothing to feel guilty about being the smaller earner, especially if you're in a partnership that you've cultivated and grown together. He could get polling next week and needs to. six weeks, six months off work and you, you may have to alter things and you may have to step

up and you know, you may be the breadwinner on 32. Imagine like that scenario. That could be something that absolutely happens and he will be grateful of that and you would step in just because the numbers are fixed. That's right. It's so important to put it all at the top of the budget and not do things where you, like you feel behind. But like one simple combination like Lucy's your example was so amazing. Like, he would see it as a bonus, like, rather than you share in mind. What do you mean? Yeah.

And like, you sound like you're in a job that you love as well. Like, not many people can say that. And your earning trajectory might never get to his. But is it supposed to? Are we supposed to bring the same into a relationship? No. Ebs and flows. Yeah.

From a money perspective, from an everything perspective, we're not the same. Like, we shouldn't, you shouldn't bring 100 in and you shouldn't bring 100 in. Like, life doesn't work like that. It would be great if it did. But it doesn't. Hmm. I'm excited for you. Well done. Yeah.

Tell what you do. Good dilemma. Have a nice wedding. Sorry. Laura's married you off. I know. I'm sorry. We don't believe in marriage.

She's like, get married. I promise. What's it? Efficient. Like Joey, our friends. I think you do that. Like I said, I would never usually like jump straight to that, but I just got such good vibes. It might just close the loop a little bit.

We'll see. Find a hat. That's all for this episode. The Vault is now closed. And just a quick disclaimer of the vault. is just a chat around life and money topics. We are not giving financial advice.