The Vault with Financielle - ”I’m £15k in Debt and Hiding It from My Husband” | The Vault Episode 80

Episode Date: September 3, 2025

Send us a textHello there! Here are the links to the episodes we mentioned:✨ How to budget when you're self employed [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fchAFlFJw4M&pp=ygUZZmluYW5jaWVsbGUgc2VsZiBlbXBsb3llZA%3D%3D]✨ Why you're overthinking pensions [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBDCDMzvwAI&pp=ygUTZmluYW5jaWVsbGUgcGVuc2lvbg%3D%3D]🍼 Also, as promised, the maternity leave blog: [https://www.financielle.com/your-ultimate-guide-to-money-and-parental-leave/]Coming up in this episode... “Stop waiting around for inheritance to change your life” - we unpack this week’s controversial opinion, then dive into your dilemmas:💸 ”I’m freelance and have no clue how much tax I should be saving. I’m panicking”💸 ”I’m £15k in Debt and Hiding It from My Husband”Got a money win or (totally anonymous) dilemma? Share it via the Financielle app community or email [[e-mail]] 💌You’re not alone in figuring this stuff out. Get honest, helpful reads at [financielle.com] 💖💸Connect with our Partners🐝 Consolidate your pensions with PensionBee (capital at risk)🫶 Protect yourself and loved ones with our friends at Lifesearch✍ Write a will that is tailored to you with Octopus Legacy🏡 Meet our Financielle approved Mortgage Brokers💸 Commission-free investing* with Trading 212 (capital at risk)🛒 Cashback on your shopping with Jam Doughnut (use code FINC)*The above are tracked links, which tells our partners we sent you and may in future result in a payment or benefit to our site.The Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

Welcome to The Vault with Finance Child. This is a safe space where we talk all things life and money and no topics are off limits. We all got the uniform memo today. We did but actually didn't coordinate in that we've all got different ones on. We've got a plethora of merch. It wouldn't be the vault without talking about what we're wearing. No, but it means we have to be mindful that not everyone's on YouTube. I've got a lovely cozy.

I went for the cozy vibe, cream, a financial jumper in our well. We call it our wealth green colour. And then I've got you getting your money shit together. Miss money. It's a lady, isn't it? It's not, I was okay, money man. Lydia designed it. Yeah, Lydia designed.

Yeah, Lydia's eyelashes, it's a woman. I just got to say, it's very feminine. Lash. Money's a she, that's what we said, didn't we? Yeah, money's a she. Yeah, I like this one. And then I've got Money Club. I like that one as well, that's one on the totes,

which I know lots of you ask, can you sell the merch again, can you do it? It's just, we're not a clothes shop, but we don't need to buy shit, you don't need. No. But I wear these all the time. So I'm like, if I was basically for us. It was quite a selfish decision. If people really want, have a look on YouTube, people really want us to look at that again

in anticipation of maybe Christmas or maybe the winter. And create a sinking fun for it. And it's not a drop. Not like a, get ready, it's a drop. No. No. We're not doing a perishan. Is that a name?

Yeah. We're not doing a parisianian. No shade because I love her. We like her. She's enough. Yeah. Her voice is great. Not a gym shark and not a.

No. There's another one, another one, another one. I wore money club to school when it was like the last day of school, like a few weeks ago. And one of the girls in year six went, Holly, I love your top. Did you feel really good? I was literally like, did you say it's my brand? Thank you. I should have done. But I was literally like, thank you.

I was absolutely buzzing. And he's like, can we go in now? I'm like, did you hear that? Like, can we just have a minute? It probably is probably is like love at school. because he's year three, is it? So year six girls just complimented you. Yeah, and he's probably like, I'm dying in the corner.

I do really like them. They're good quality. I've got a hole in mine, which I put in, not a court it, being clumsy because I'm very clumsy. And so every time I wear a money club now, because I'll wear it like at home and I don't want it on calls. Everyone goes, oh, you've got something. You've got some on your shoulder. I've got, I've noticed it's a hole, but I really do. The rest of the T-shirt's fine.

It's not moth-eaten. We're not giving up a t-shirt because it's got a tiny hole in it. No, no, but it is seable. So, yeah, okay, maybe to message us. If people think we should maybe let them be bought in anticipation of the autumn and winter, we might do that. Yeah, we'll let you. My tote bag is my gym bag. Oh, is it a head?

Oh, that's cool. Mine's my everything bag. I use my toad, everything. Latsot gets thrown in it. Yeah, clothes beach. Yeah, good beach bag. So I've used it this summer at the beach, yeah. You might have seen my photo.

of my Money Club bag has been hung on the railings at Disneyland Paris. Yeah, it's actually. I think I took it to like Grand Canary. I've got a nice shot with it there. I thought they were going to get absolutely filthy. No, they're great. But they really, really don't see. I've washed my own.

Oh my God, I don't. I think I've ever washed a tote bag. I'm a clean queen. Oh, God. I mean, I've got one over there. It's like great. Is it crawling? Yeah, that was cream.

These are tote bags are cream. Oh, my God, I would never think to wash it. No. I'd be scared that it would just go like. No, put it on low, like a 20. Yeah. I've washed mine loads and it's gone white. Oh, it's cleaner. It was supposed to like an aged look and now it's like bright white. We wash trainers. I'm really bad at washing trainers. We don't. Husband washes. Carl washes trainers. But I got some new trainers, some

running trainers, some Adidas, Adizeros for my birthday because they brought out some new ones and the old ones got reduced. So I was well in there and actually there are a dream because I do a lot of running, I've never ever invested in good trainers. But on the first day I wore them, I wore them on a running track in Belgium, which was a blue track. Oh, God, in heaven. And there were white trainers. So I need, he's told me he will wash them, but he wants me to do some research and prove that it won't ruin the trainers. I was like, right, okay, I'll come back to the 12th of them. Never then, they're going to be blue. Yeah, yeah. So now my trainers are blue. Better than being like that than like muddy. Yes. No, they're fine. They're fine.

And it's all about longevity, isn't it? We don't want to be replacing them all the time. Okay, I'm going to go in with today's controversial opinion. Stop waiting around for inheritance to change your life. Oh, this reminds me of something that we shared in Slack the other day. Oh, that's where it's from. Did you find it? Yeah, I screenshotted it. What was it?

Because I do go on Facebook once in a while. Facebook's an absolute dive place. Oh, it's hilarious. It's not of, luckily, it's no one you know. It's really just like, you know, trash. If you fancy 10 minutes, our friends. It's like the daily mail of social media. I think it is.

It is. that's how that's how I describe it I would avoid it had an operation this week and she's like got to have bed rest and she's got to chill out and she's not a chiller she is at work here there ever

London gym kids activities like on the go so I was like I think this is the only time in your life you should download TikTok

because I feel like you need something to just and then Facebook at the moment it's not the Facebook hun down the street saying oh I'm like sad thinking of you hun it's

the best one is a picture of the hospital yeah you hope you're okay DM me yeah what's up hon no I wish people stop asking

I was like sorry but you don't see that anymore you see viral content which is not always great but I saw this clip of a man and a woman and they might have been

relevant to the story they might have found this poor man and woman having cocktails out of coconuts and it was something like my parents had drinking my inheritance through straws and two straws in coconuts. And it was like, it really,

really made me laugh because one, obviously, we can delve into when people are sat there waiting for inheritance. But it was the idea that the child was like, you're so responsible with your cocktails and your cruises. Yeah, you're wasting my inheritance on that. Usually it's the other way around though, which is like parents saying like, what you're always having coffees or like, you're always getting your nails done. Like, this is expensive. It's like the parents being irresponsible. And the picture of these parents was so young, were like mid-50s as well. You're definitely not a retirement age.

So I whacked it into the group chat to see what people thought. But I've heard so many stories of people waiting around for inheritance. Like literally putting their life on pause and like we know a situation whereby that was happening. Someone was like, it's fine. It's all good. Like they weren't irresponsible with their own money and they weren't necessarily like spending crazy because they knew that money was coming.

They just always had this like, but it's fine. But it's fine. Like an air of confidence this money's coming. And the money didn't come. The inheritance went to somebody else. So, like, they had made this... I'm going to... I will encode, but are we talking about the couple

that are then no longer together. So there's two sides to that as well. One, even if the inheritance came, they split up. Yeah, so one person, that relationship, would never see the light of day of that anyway. But what I have... I don't think she listens and I tell her this anyway. We have to talk about so much code.

So much code. I forget that people watch. this, this is a big problem for us. Like, I will come, a friend will see him in there like, oh, and I'm like, I didn't know you watched that. And I've got like, loads of stuff on you that I was going to put in there. So noted. But this, um, the female that we're talking about and it was the male that was like, don't worry. Yeah. My, you know, someone said the name. The person's going to come into money and like, and it was a far-fetched thing as well. It wasn't even parents. So it just weird. Yeah, like a removed relative. Yeah. But

hey-ho, whatever. They split up anyway. So even if it had come off, which it didn't. Look at me saying come off like it's a win when someone opens his way. I'm really sorry. Don't mean like that. But they split up. I have since realized or think that this man also said to her, don't pay in too pension. You'll be fine. I've got a good one. So there's a big chunk because I was chatting to her about this and there's a big chunk of employment where this person was earning the most that she'd ever earned in her career. But money was tight for them. It was really, very tight. And I'm putting, And she can't remember, like, I was trying to help her list. We could find, like, you know, help.

She was trying to calculate her net worth. It was an amazing moment. And I was like, what about this? And she was like, I just don't know. And people that she worked with did have pension contributions. And she's since found pay slips that didn't have any on. Right. So she's still going to do a couple of bit more checking.

But I have literally come to the realization, and I'm not told her this. So you're watching. This is what I think. Opted out. I think he said, we need all the money we can get. Don't be putting money into your pension. money's tight because he actually wasn't working for a period and she was working. But don't worry, it'll all come good.

But don't worry, because I've got a good pension from something and this windfall might come. And if, you know, this is why financial is really important. We get messages like this from you all the time that literally make our day, which is, you know, I'm so glad I know this now, but they wish that their parents perhaps sort of know this, especially the mum's 30 years ago. because had that been the case, the answer would have been, hell no. Depending on how you're feeling.

That was a roller, so usually it's me saying it's still. But it would have been, no, no, no, because it, you know, A, B and C. And so we should just do the pension thing and not hope something comes off. And then if it comes off, way, well, you know, it's a bonus. So that was a big reveal with a lot of hidden stuff. I'm really very very sorry about it. But I hope you can empathise with that scenario where someone's been told, don't worry, don't worry. and you go fine, and then it doesn't kind of work out.

But we do get a lot of dilemmas. We actually have the people opposite, where they're stressed over the inheritance that comes in, and we've had a lot of dilemmas over people feeling guilt about what they spend it on, not wanting to pay off debt with inheritance. They feel like they need to go on some life-affirming holiday, or they need to buy a home, or they need to do all these amazing things,

because the pressure, especially if you've not really had money in your life, and then you get money, you're like, oh, so I have to do something good with it, the best thing I say personally, and this isn't financial advice, I would want to be clear of my debt and then I can build strong financial foundations. That person would much rather have you a happy, you know, stress-free life than going on a holiday that you arguably can save up for quite easy if you have all these other financial foundations in place, like an emergency fund and be in debt-free. So you can put yourself on these dream holidays. You don't have to wait for

an inheritance, but people do put lives on hold and like Laura said, make dangerous financial decisions, yeah, yeah. For not you, but for your family as well. So, yeah, I would, we are quite, we're from a background where no one had money. So we, there was no like inheritance planned. And so if you're in a family where it's a big deal and wealth is past three generations, that must be really interesting to navigate. You know, we are in the scenario now where the hope for us and our parents is that

long, it basically skips us and skips our children even. And it might, you know, like, everyone should be sorted. Everyone should be financially responsible. And you shouldn't be expecting anything. And also, you know, it's very interesting to make sure that the meme I sent in, wasn't a meme, it was a genuine story, actually, about a couple, like, on a cruise in the Caribbean. As long as that you can then still pay your bills, actually having a proactive plan in retirement to spend your money. Like, I don't hate equity release and I hate stuff like that.

And I, you know, those adverts are awful. And they go, like, I got, when I spoke about this on the BBC, I got the most hate and DMs on LinkedIn. Talk to me about equity release. So equity release is where you say you own a home and you're in your 70s and it's fully paid off. Yeah. But you're not working then and maybe your pension's not too high. Maybe money's a little bit tight. Or maybe, true stories, you fancy a conservatory or a caravan or a cruise or your children.

need money and they go, well, you've got this big house. Like, I need help. You can do an equity release where you literally release equity out the mortgage. It's like taking on a new mortgage. It's just done in a little bit of a different way. And there's loads of other caveats and different elements to it. And I think it's quite predatory. I don't like it. I can see where in a very financially dire situation for the individual, if they need the money, and they don't or can't downsize, because that's the thing that I always talk about. if you've got these like, you know, a couple in a big, rickety old house that needs loads of repairs and cost loads to upkeep and all the kids and grandkids don't need. And actually, at that age, I'd love a nice apartment or a small house or a small bungalow so they're more accessible that doesn't need as much maintenance.

Less cleaning, less heating. Well, everything. So, yeah, there's no room you can't come. That's what our parents did, by the way. That's why the kids don't really stay over because they got a house too small. So they can't all go. It was very tactical, wasn't it, Trish. I know you're watching.

As in like sleep. They're always there. They're always there. yeah, but I'm kidding, by the way. But you could downsize and then that's your equity release. It's the cash and then you come up with a plan for that cash, whether it's to pay off some debts or whether it's to pay for nice holidays, pay for for nice things.

Like people go, it's my money, I don't want it. But no, it's quite predatory. And, yeah, I got a lot of people didn't like it because it's, I think it's taken advantage of people. And also children could go, mom, just get one of them equity lease mortgages and lend me the money that I need. and mum's will and dad's will. Because those people will generally be retired so they'll only be getting a pension so they're only way to pay that equity release back. That's why there's a couple of different ways you can do it. One is that you can do part payments but another is that you don't pay it off and when you pass away or if you sell your property out of choice, they get first dibs but the fees are like quite high in it. So you can do it a couple of different ways but this is all connected to you thinking that there's a right to your pay. money. The only time I believe I would ever get possessive over that is if it was a blended

family and people were being disinherited and there's nothing more like outrageous that. We've had some dilemmas of that and it happens all the time. That's the only scenario where I would be prickly about it. Other than that, it's yours. So like if one more dad remarried, if one of them passed away and they got remarried and then our family were disinherited of all there were that either one of them is putting over those goes through a new marriage. Yeah, and they would be automatically through a new marriage automatically. Yeah, and people forget that.

It's more that then the shares, but then if they, if, um, if things aren't set up in the right way and you don't get a lawyer to look through these things, you've got a blended family, that's my absolute top tip. Whenever you have a scenario where, where the default, like, it's not easy and the defaults of law don't kind of help you out speak to a lawyer because this happens all a time. That's where I'm like in their inheritance corner and it's like, I mean, Have you seen, like, air hunters? Yeah.

You know what's that? Air hunters is a concept. There's loads of companies that they go and find, like, lost inheritances. And then they split them with the, if they go, hi, sign this. Yeah. We'll split it if we find it kind of, well, I'm going to, I'm digressing. But there's, it's a very interesting, like. Sounds like a TV show.

It is. It is a TV show. Oh, Air Hunters, yeah. It's good. Ooh. Where they find, like, Derek, 79. worked for blah blah blah no family known like and then he's got this house he's got all this money and the people like right we've got to find a relative somewhere connected like a third removed

cousin and they get the money and because they've found the cousin they'll get a split of the inheritance yeah so it's like a job literally as a job yeah we talk about a bit on the BBC as well which is there's also a load of scams doing that but we had a sorry where you get contacted going oh you've got a long lost aunt that's left your money you go yes the answer to my praise it's like if you could just send a thousand and it'll help cover the legal fees for this 30,000 pound payment and where's my 30? You've gone. Yeah. Yeah. But, um, inheritance. Oh, it's a big one. Okay. Time for our first dilemma of the day. I'm freelance and have no clue how much tax I should be saving. And I'm panicking. Hi, girls. I've gone fully freelance for the first time this year.

And to be honest, I'm loving the freedom. But I'm totally panicking about tax. I had a big invoice paid recently and someone casually said, make sure you put 30% aside for tax and I nearly cried. I haven't been saving anything. I just didn't realize how much I'd owe. I thought tax was something you only dealt with once a year. Now I'm spiraling because I don't know how much I need to save, how to even figure it out or what happens if I've already spent some of it. I feel so stupid and scared that I've messed this up. Is it too late to fix it? Please tell me what to do before HMRC shows up at my door. thank you in advance.

Literally knock on the door. It is not too late. It is not too late. But this happens so often when people make the leap to freelance and self-employed and not really understanding, like, because they don't help you. Like, H-MOTC, you don't be like, oh, hi, you've just set up, right? This is what you should be planning for. They obviously, you know, they set out the guidelines of what you have to pay.

But it's very complicated. And when you don't know what wage you're in, like, at least if you get a job and you know, oh, my salary is going to 20,000 pounds, you know, there's lots of calculators online that can help you with that. but freelance. You don't know when you're going to earn and how. So I'm so glad of the person that was like, who did that. And I think she's worried because she thinks, oh, I should have give HMRC each time 30% of my, whereas now we're probably going to tell her how she can make that shortfall in averted commas up. Yeah, because if she's like, when you freelance, if you think

about it, when you've been employed, you get the net pay. So you're like, that's all mine, like, fine. But when you freelance, save like, you've charged, you know, £1,000 for a job and you get a thousand pound pay, you're like, woohoo, just paid a thousand. Whereas obviously, if you'd have been employed, you wouldn't have had a thousand that have kept stuff back. And so it is really important to see that as the business's money, even if you can be self-employed and run a business. It's the operations money. It's not yours. That's the best way to think of it because the other way around is, it's all mine, it's all mine. And then a tax bill comes, where do you find the money? So she's got time as well

because when you're the first year you do it, it's for the earnings during this tax year. So if she, if this is like a since April, if it's pre-April, she will have to do it by the next year. But if it's a since-April game, it's a until next April, anything that she earns during that period, it stops next year in April and then she will calculate and with her, and she'll do a self-assessment. And so then she has, you know, a year. to pay that as well. It's until January. It's not quite a year. Obviously, we advise playing it straight away and get it done, but she's got time to go backwards on these big invoices and sort it. So typically if you were, it's hard to guesstimate what you're going to earn,

but if you started off, you think you're going to be a basic rate tax payers, so not paying 40%. The general advice is to put between 20 and 30% aside because there's tax and there's national insurance and people don't think about national insurance. People think about tax 20% and then obviously you get your personal allowance, but actually, on a blended basis, the rule of them that accountants often give when you look is 20 to 30%. So, like, if you get a thousand pound, are you prepared to put 300 pound in a savings account? Like, we're all financial girlies. I would create, I would want to put 30% to ensure that I'm never going to be stolen. Yeah, but it also just highlights how much, you know, we do actually pay and it will be hard

to save it later. Yeah. And so getting an account like full. in a separate account or if you are quite disciplined using pots, I have a savings pot for my tax and I put that away and then I pay it the beginning of the tax year. Because you're self-employed with the BBC, aren't you? So you've got to, you navigate this well. Yeah. That's why I looked at you when the dilemma came out because I've never been self-employed. So the rental property as well. So that counts as well. So we have to do that that's all done as self-assessment. It's not through a limited company, which is unfortunate because, yeah, it was before all the rule changes. That would have been better for tax.

but I put it aside and then the minute the new tax year starts I do it and I get it done because in my head it's not mine she didn't ask about pension though because that's another thing that if you were employed your pension would be auto-enrolled

and not only would you get the government contribution that everyone gets but you would get the company contribution so she also has another thing to think about which is what do I put aside for pension and not put aside what do I pay because a lot of self-employed people that I speak to put if they're very some people do nothing for pension in fact that's the most common which is really sad we had some decorating done

an hour decorator's so good he did my mum's house and he's done ours and he does our friends like he's amazing and he like confided and said I don't have a pension and he's part of a painter and decorator's style like Facebook group where they put in like questions and can anyone help me source this paint or whatever it might be and then a lot of he said a lot of the conversation he's around pension. Because a lot of people started a self-employed painting company 20 years ago. They were never taught to start a pension. And he was like, I still don't have one. So I was like, here's my link. So then you're like, okay. Yeah. And I sent him, we've got a really good, Laura did an unlocked on self-employed. And then we've also got one on pension. So we've got

two that you should go and watch. We'll just give you like breakdown of details and information. And so the best thing to do is like auto-enrollment, you obviously won't get the employer contribution but as a minimum the employee puts five and so obviously this isn't guidance about whether that's the right amount for you but if you want to start somewhere yeah if you were working you would be putting another five in you know it might be hard for you to think i'm going to put another two three percent in and try and do the employer match because you're not used you're having to put more in personally than we would if we were employed but having five percent but crucially not putting it in a space and saving it up for your pension

contributing it and getting it in the market is really, really important because everyone else who's working is doing that. So if you are a basic rate taxpayer, yeah, trying to looking, put 20 to 30% aside for tax, I would say you might get change. So, oh, you're like, you'd rather put a bit more aside and then be like, but knowing me and financial and how we work, I'd be like, so I'll put it to next year. Yeah. I just thought we're so with that mindset. We're like, we're so organised with our budgets and stuff, I would see it as a, like your personal budget, and we've talked about it so many times.

Or people use the app for business, business budgets as well, because it's really, you're always trying to work out. And like I said, this is, it's not scientific calculations, but I think sometimes people overthinking go, I'll get to have to know the exact amount. Well, actually, you know, rough and ready in the app and doing an approximate will, like I said, if you over it, if you do 25 to 30%, you'll have nailed it.

And if you start to look like you're going into 40% tax bracket, then look at doing 35 to 40. I'd be really surprised if you have to do more than that because you still get the 20%, you still get the personal allowance. But getting it done. And crucially, this is a big thing that I've seen

speaking to some people in the community that have been caught out by this. If people don't save for the tax, what they do is they out-earn it the next year and they just get the bill and they can kind of pay it eventually. So save this year you earn 20 grand and next year you earn 40.

Because you're doing better than last year. You've used the money from the 40 to pay that year. And then the next year you might earn 60 you go, this is amazing. I've got excess money. I'll use that to pay the 40 grand year tax bills. And then you have a baby or you have a really rubbish year or COVID happens. And you go, I'm not, I'm not ready. And I need to live off that. But that, that's catching up is not great. So doing it in the year. I wouldn't sleep. That's why I'm not self-employed. I wouldn't sleep. Do you know the traditional side of the anyways?

That's true. That's absolutely true. Maybe you should go self-employed to do what happens. Mix it up a bit. But that, that, that, that, that, that, if you've not got that structure in place, and it doesn't need to be a complicated structure, which I think should make everyone feel a little bit better whether you're doing lashes, nails, builder, freelance graphic design, like whatever it is.

Right, yeah. Put a percentage way in a pot and start with, you always ask us, same question, all the time on TikTok, forever, on syncing funds, aren't they? In the UK, Starling, Monzo, I think even Revalu. Revolute, Chase. Chase, like everyone's starting to do, yeah, there's none, have a bank account for your business,

keep it separate, don't get it messy. You can create business budgets in the app like Laura said, loads of people do that. It doesn't have to be complicated. Yeah. That unlocked episode is really good as well. It's literally got everything. Unless you don't remember doing it. No, sorry.

I was like, did I? I should listen to that sometime. I'll like get in the show notes as well. Good idea. Yeah, good idea. It gives you like different budgets to do like I think I remember the waterfall budget. Oh yeah, that's a good one. And actually we had a couple people ask about that recently in the DMs about if you've got

fluctuating income, which is again is another thing. Like if you, that's why you need to do stuff on percentages because you can't decide to put $300 a month a month side of tax and then have a really big month, one month, and then a low month and then you, how do you know you're on track? So doing different budgets for different earnings is good. Yeah, that reminded me with the, when we're talking about inheritance for the controversial money, opinion at the beginning of the show, commission as well, where people like, I'll wait because I'm going to get a big bonus at the end of the year or commission

and people live their lives very differently because they think, that something's coming, I won't start paying my debt off because I know that I'm going to get that commission in January. I'm going to hear a tax bill with a bonus. I've seen that loads. All the time. Shit changes. Yeah. It changes. You might lose your job. You might get the commission. The company might fail. Like, you just don't know. A bonus. A bonus is a bonus, isn't it? But also, it's a massive, this is a really geeky thing to say. It's a massive flex to pay things early. Yeah. People go, I'm not giving it HMO. So I want it in my pocket. like,

it's not doing anything. Do you want with with Darren get a tattoo on Benadour Beach. Yeah. But unless you are, like a multi-million pound

business or a of which you should be having far more, you know, in-depth financial planning and accountancy guidance. And yes, maybe shoving that and making some interest on it.

But when people take that view, there's a different side which is when I've paid my tax bill on like the seventh, though it was not the 7th of April because then the accountant has to do it. But actually there's no excuse. probably could do it before.

I pay it in May and it is a flex. I'm not trying to show off something like I'm better than you. No, no. I feel better. One less thing on the list because this list always has shit on the list. Yeah. Let the life admin go. And then when everyone's panicking in January,

because you have to pay it by the end of January and you've just had Christmas and you bought new dresses and you went on holiday and then you've got to pay your tax bill. Oh my God, how to make January even worse. Yeah. Tax bill. Your tax bill till then. You see it, don't your self-assessment.

People are doing the self-assessment then. You will get fined. They've done seven months of the year. No idea what that bill's going to remind you. If it's like, I don't know. I think you do. I don't need to worry about that. I think there's like radio programs where it's like, remember, you need to get yourself

as well. I'm like, I'm sure there's parties. I'm like, who would do it? It's like, we all know I got my dissertation in two months early. And listen. That's the vibe. And there's, there are time. when circumstances hit you, that is the only excuse where like stuff's happened, you know,

cash flow in business, someone hasn't paid you on time. There's loads of things that make it quite difficult. But where you can and you don't, you just like create such a bigger problem later. It's like, you're invoicing. Just get it done. If Neil does it all the time, he's like, I've got to do my invoices. I'm like, well, if you did them every day when they came in, we wouldn't have this problem, would we? He's like, looking at me to say, wishing death. but do you know what do you know what i love an advice if you keep on top of stuff get it done get a life admin piece okay time for a community win listening to the podcast has got me really focused on growth and how to make my money work

for me i'm a solo mum and want to make sure that i'm taking care of myself into retirement and also teaching good money habits to my girls oh she's got two girls sorry the other thing i learned from your podcast is about working out what your priorities are and going for it. I had been waiting to do a big trip with my kids, but hadn't taken the plunge as I thought I need. I just had to save, save, save. We are now planning to go to Japan for three weeks next year, and I'm saving for that whilst maintaining my other savings and investments. It really helps to hear the messaging about enjoying your money as well as saving it. What a great win. I've got like chills. We don't. It's like frugal Fiona's free about like

when you're in. So if you think about the playbook and you're trying to survive build and grow and you're trying to build a mini emergency fund and pay off debt. It's for a period of time. You will have heard us sometimes say, even during that time, as long as it's something that's affordable, you can still do stuff. It's going to live. It's a choice between how long that debt payoff period takes you. So would you advise someone to go and do a holiday to Japan when you're in lots of debt and you've just started your journey? No. But you might say, pick Japan's on the list, pick somewhere else that's a nice weekend that's in six months time and you are saving for it as well as paying off debt then you do it and enjoy it so but you're in control of how long that

takes and but there is a danger that you you overthink the cost of everything and then you end up doing nothing and it is for a living and joy and this is like the worst comparison right I was in my dressing gown this morning which is a rosy dressing girl from MS we've all got these we've all got them we don't get Lydia you got one A dressing gown. Rosie, Huntington, Whiteley, and a M-N-S-1. No. That's really good.

That's lovely. That's your next present. And then we'll have to wear them like Hugh Hefner on the car. What great idea. Hugh Hewfner was not the right example. No, it was the only person that thought I'm in a dressing gown. Not aged well that, has it? The Playboy bunny stuff.

Anyway, it was in a dressing gown this morning because it was colder today. We're getting more autumnal. And I put off by myself a dressing gown for years. Because I just kept thinking, oh, it's a bit of a treat, it's a bit of an indulgence. Like, how, like, literally pathetic are we're talking. We have the money. It can fit in the budget. We travel.

We invest. Like, we are in, we are in growing. We're doing all right. We're doing okay. And I finally bought one. And then we got a mate to get us a discount off it. And because I was like a mum works from M&S. I don't know why we always get discount from Charlotte.

Thank you, Charlotte. And I got it. So I think the net was, might have been like 40 pounds, right? I have never been so happy in January. Six-year decisions. Six-year decision, like, tell me, so no, it's not comparable to Japan, but for someone else, it might be that thing, which is, budget to budget, what do you want to put where? Because we have a hundred-pound clothing allowance, and I took 40 for myself in January.

No one needs any new clothes in January. In one month, like, it was already in the budget, and it would have been in, maybe not December's, could have been in other ones, six years. And is it worth it? This morning, I was like, I just love it so much. That would be my, like, Desert Island. Like, we were talking about this the other day. And I said, I could not live without my dressing gown.

On a Desert Island, you'd be better out. Which one? You've got a plethora. Oh, right. Do you just meet to lose? I could have, like, one. I'm like a dressing gown. No, you're just rubbing it in? Overconsumer, like, majorly.

I love a dressing gown. Really? How many do you have? I think I've got four at the moment. On rotation. No, I've got different ones for different kinds. I've got like a short one, which is a good fake tan one. Okay.

Like it's kind of like, do you know, like a kimono? No, it's still kind of fluffy. A fluffy short one. Oh, I'll be sweating in tan as well. Yeah, it's a bit like, sweat hot, but it's, yeah. What color is it now? Gray, but it's a bit orange. Okay, one, short one.

And then I've got my fluffy Rosenton. Yeah. Rosington. Rosington, I'll take it. It's gorgeous and they keep making them. It's amazing. That's kind of a way at the moment. And I've got my Jurf Avenue one of Alex,

which is kind of like my. morning makeup one, like fresh, just got out of the shower, like, do my skin care. I'll put that on, like, straight after I'm dry after the shower. Okay. And then my, I think this is my favourite one. My white company, like, towel one. It's so thick, it's got a big hood. When did we wear this?

Because that's the same as a rosy one. No, it's kind of not, because it's heavy. It's, you know, like, a weighted blanket and you're like, I could sleep in it literally, like. Do you know what? You rave about this dressing gown. You have sold each of them to me for different reasons. Because I get dressed, put a makeup on,

spill makeup on my top. No. So you need a makeup dressing guy. Like you're eating a lobster. Like what is it? That you put in the hair dressers. Do you do it use a bib? Neil.

Every t-shirt that man owns. No, he's got grease on it. Like, it misses his mouth. I'm like, wear a bib. I'm like, how have you? I don't miss my mouth. I don't have that problem. You say they just wear a bib, but wouldn't it?

a bib give you the ick like yeah yeah that's true let's try it he's got an apron it needs to be a high-necked apron like a barbecue apron huh not to eating no yeah should do though yeah you could get those paper ones that they're having like crab places oh my god yeah like the big plastic bag ones just get a bin bag hole in the top two holes for arms eat that it's like a toddler on put your hands in oh it fastens at the bat yeah at least you won't know but There's definitely an Amazon purchasing that, surely. Yeah. Well, I didn't know that about, now it makes sense, actually.

I think we've heard about each of these at different points, but I've never put together that you have four. Four on rotation. But don't waste that time, get it. But then don't get on Klarna. Yeah, yeah. If you'd like to tell us you'll win, head to the community in the app or email it to the vault at financial.com.

Okay, next dilemma. Choose C-1. I'm 15K in debt and hiding. it from my husband. Hey, I've just come across your page and I'm finding it so insightful and helpful. Thank you so much. I feel like I'm really stuck in bad money cycles and have been for as long as I can remember. I'm 37 and in 15K debt from credit cards that I'm so ashamed of. I'm currently on maternity leave for the second time in three years, which has resulted in more debt and my husband has no idea. I feel sick at the thought of telling him because I feel like I should have my shit

together by now. I've made a list of my debts, but there isn't anything I can do about paying it off until I return to work in October. Do you have any advice on how to deal with chronic bad money habits? I have no idea where to start. I feel so determined to make things better, but also feel very lost and stuck. Thanks again. You say she had two maternity leaves in three years. Holly's going to just hold on everyone because this is not going to be her fault. It's not your fault. I was going to go. It's both of your debts. So I think you're already acknowledging that you've got chronic money, like, mismanagement. So that might be a thing, and we can deal with that.

Like, we have a plan and a system that helps people that have been in hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of debt, get their shit together with a few simple steps. Sometimes when people say they've got chronic money mismanagement, in my head, I'm thinking, like, impulsive spending, spend above your means, not manage, money flying in, flying out, you've just got no control over it, and we can help you with that. but your circumstances are unique. Not many people will have two maternity leaves in three years. That's quite extreme in terms of not having a lot of income coming into the family in any one time.

Or sleep. Or sleep or whatever. Emotionally it's difficult. I, who a person who I would say had good money management through maternity leave was still very stressed about money. So this is not a unique experience in that so many people in our community have panic attacks over going on maternity leave because your income is decimated over a long period of time depending how long you take off. The statute you pay is shocking. Parental leave is a mess at the moment. There's loads of stuff going through government about enhancing it or

forcing. It's an absolute mess and it's hard to navigate anyway. So if you're not going to manage your money and you've had a drop in income, you're going to feel a bit shit. And then compounded by that, like if you, let's play out a scenario, they down. definitely don't have combined finances because he would know about them. So he would typically know about the debts because the payments go out. So they're not going to combine finances on the whole. They may have a little bit of a house account. Who knows?

I know lots of people do that. But let's say she had like 7, 8 grand of personal debt. Very, very normal. I had 25 grand worth of debt, including my car in my really early 20s. And that's quite normal to accumulate. And if you have an okay job and the minimum payment, are fine and you've got a couple of credit cards or a couple of holidays. Really easy to do. And then maternity sleep comes. So then you need all this extra things for the baby,

which is an exciting time, especially for your first one. And your incomes decimated. And if you don't put the right plan in place with your partner, if you have a partner, then that can quickly spiral. That's seven over three years can suddenly be like, oh, well, could do with a pram. And maybe this is where the habits come in. You wanted a certain pram that maybe wasn't affordable, but you wanted it. But she may be like, and we're getting it. She's not to us, but she's hinted that she feels like, but part of this is you've gone, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. But then when it began, when it, she doesn't say it's unmanageable right now, but it's just weighing her down. He could be blissfully unaware of there was a starting point

because everyone's sold his own business. You don't have to share debt with your partner if you don't want to. It's your own journey. But then if it's been compounded by the fact that your income was squeezed for like basically two years out of three. Because of the joint reason, i.e. a child. Yes. Yes. And that you either didn't plan well enough for financially beforehand, because most people don't. Or during maternity, there wasn't a good enough conversation about what people should be contributing. Like, did you both sit down and go, obviously, this is my income, this is yours. Like, what are we going to do? Like, this is what it's going to cost me to live to on my car to be able to always use a coffee thing like it's a tiny cost but the idea that if you want

to go out and see people and get out the house and go to baby classes and stuff all which are really really important then where does that money come from because you might have been and I know people that have done this which is why I'm saying it 10 quid here 15 quid here 20 on a card because there's no income coming in so it's better to put it on a card how are you going to supplement where does it come from and you have to leave no credit unless like laura said you've planned and it's so easy for me to say this now because we've been doing this for so many years and we've helped so many people do it but planning ahead of a maternity leave is like the best thing you can do and we did a guide not longer ago so you can go on to fanashal.com

we've got a maternity guide and literally we can do it in the show notes as well to help people how to plan to save up yeah I had done that because Neil and I even had joint finances but I still found it stressful so I can't imagine people that don't have joint finances that are trying to navigate maternity leave on their own and in that time you'll be behind in ways that you won't be paying into your pension. Like there's loads of ways that you're going to be behind financially, but you can't even make the day-to-day stuff work. I remember because she said she feels like really ashamed as well.

And like she's going through a lot, like two maternity leaves. Like she's had two children. Like I remember you saying you felt like quite guilty at the start of like maternity leave. Like even getting a coffee and stuff. Getting nappies. I used to be like messaging Neil in Aldi. I would be like, where's the cheapest shop that I can go and do my food shop? And the time years ago, Aldi was like really cheap now.

all the other supermarkets are cottoning on so you can kind of shop around but I was like, I'll go to the cheapest place and I was like, really sorry, I need to get formula again and nappy so this shop might come up really expensive. Do you're like, what? And Neil was like, why are you telling?

Why are you bothered? And I'd be like, oh, I'm going to go and meet my friend, Tash, for a coffee and I won't have lunch or I'll just have a coffee and he's like, why? And you might have been out and like, you know, been in the supermarket and seeing a cute little baby going,

you're like, oh, just picked up, you know, you put it in the trial, like, you know, we want, If we're not living on the breadline, we want to be able to do things like that. But when they are, I think women are bad at this, if we make the decision, we go, well, I pay for it. Yeah. Well, I wanted to do it. I want to do the baby shoot.

I wanted to do the nursery like this. So then I, you know, like, yeah, so I've chosen it. So fine. It's a joint expense. So many people we speak to are like, oh, well, I pay for the baby, like, I'm on maternity, but I pay for the, like, baby. grows, clothes. I'm like, it's a joint child, like you did this together. Yeah, there's hard. But even... Sometimes. Yeah, yeah. But, so I understand, like, I have so much empathy because I was in a good financial position, but didn't feel like it because you... Anyone who's income

gets decimated, it's stressful. But you're actually paying out more because there's another human involved. It just doesn't... No. Mathematically makes sense, which is why even before thinking about having children, we've got so many people in the community that have a maternity sinking fund, because they know one day with that person. they might want kids. So they've seen and heard all these in inverted comments, horror stories and gone, I don't want that to be me. Yeah.

And they might be staring fertility treatment down the barrel and that all that comes with that and wellness that forms a part of it nowadays. Like there's so much that goes into planning that that they want to get prepared. For her, I mean, he's got two options. Tell him a lot. Tell him. Yeah. Not telling him.

There's judgment free here. She doesn't want to tell him it is entirely possible. The reality of what will happen then is 15,000 pounds is a lot of money. And to be able to pay it off effectively, you obviously can't start paying anything extra until October. And even at that stage, you have to get to a point where how much realistically from your salary, have you been a really good salary? Maybe you can do this. But not only kind of like one carrying the shame and guilt of that debt, you like a hold of

back from other things like you might not be able to go on holidays because you're not contributing and he might be doing this over here and playing for this. He might be getting annoyed with you going. Where's all your money? Yeah, she's just not like engaged in any social activity or holiday without children. Says we can't afford things, but maybe she should pay for more like there's loads of it could create artificial conflict in a scenario that would be completely because you were too proud and embarrassed probably.

And listen, worried about a potential blow up. Like I would, you know, they call it a financial infidelity. which I think is really strong. I think financial infidelity is much more like if you are actively running up debts high without your part, I mean,

this is this. If a man, if this was a man writing the doubt, a woman right in the down, I'm going, I've just found out my husband's in 50. But the fact that maternity leaves and like babies are involved.

It changes the situation. Yeah, and I think, yeah, it feels like it's great, she could have, sorry, it feels like she might have had debt before. I don't know, I made that assumption, but I get that,

I feel like she might have had before only because the way that she talks about the way that she's not said i believe 15 grand in maternity she said and now suddenly i'm at 15 but financial infidelity is where you are the something financial that you're keeping private intentionally you're intentionally not telling the other person and it can it can cause way more issues down the line but i appreciate why you would think i don't want to tell him because then what's he going to do like he'll be so disappointed me he'd be so ashamed but the flip side to that is and i keep thinking about what I would do, obviously, in my relationship, I know I'd tell my partner, but that's because

I know where I'm at with him. And I know that, you know, he would, um, respond okay to it. And I think the way she's talking helps. So she says, I clearly have a problem. Yeah. I clearly haven't been great. We then come in and say, but also this situation wasn't great. So she's got this combination of, and maybe playing this, because like we're kind of saying to him. She's coming to you vulnerable, sharing it. And by the way, if anyone else has listened to this in a similar situation, we're talking to all your partners, girls and boys, share it.

And the person that's run up this debt has accepted that they're stressed, accepted that they're mismanaging it. But we're saying this situation also didn't help. Both parties could have done better planning for maternity and planning for this situation. Two babies in three years. Is this a significant, like, emotional burden anyway? And the cost is the next thing is you've got nursery and you've got rat to say. And all the stuff that we always rant about, so we won't rant about it, but it's there.

So why not tackle this together and why not sit down over a glass of why and say, I want to talk about money. I've been keeping something from you. I am really ashamed because I've caused this. But when I've had to think about it, I think the situation hasn't helped. I think we haven't planned for it. And I think we should tackle this together. And if he is good with money, which she doesn't say whether he is or isn't, but you might like this.

He might be like, oh, my God, let's come at this together. Laura's desperate for Carl to come clean with some debt. Then she can be like, so, this is the plan. You're my project. Yeah. You're my project. No. I was just about to say not to be a Debbie Downer, but it will get harder because nursery fees are going to come into play.

But not one child, but two children. I'm assuming under the age of four, really difficult. So that could be the trigger where you go, this is coming and I can see it. So I need to kind of talk to you about this because it's bad now. It could get worse. if we don't do something about this situation. But with, he can't make financial decisions

without knowing about this information. So he may bring holidays to the table or an extension or a new bike or a fun trip he wants to go on which he may not make those suggestions if he knows or actually let's kind of clear this debt. This could be your like clean slate like as a relationship right, right.

We've like kind of just started a family. Yeah. This is how we need to like go about everything now. like let's put a plan in place like and literally everything so it doesn't happen again so we can both be on the same page she could cry she could she could definitely time the cry definitely cry if you can't cry and command tweezers in the pocket like Joey on friends listen I'm all about being she's upset sure how upset you were like what do you do with the crime woman you're like oh can't be angry at a crime woman unless she's been really

really naughty maybe don't follow that last one but I just pitched the scenario where be vulnerable, don't be too proud because none of us are perfect and you are not the first person what episode are we on now guys I mean I think we've Teddy asked me this morning this is 80

because we've done some unlocks we're past 100 with the unlocks as well aren't we I think yeah a lot of you we've still got a list to get through so you won't be the first and you want the last person to send that in but I tell you actually to close the wins that we have had are the follow-ups

where someone does feel better. We haven't had it yet that someone dumps the person because they told the truth. We haven't had the negative reaction of the partner. There's going to be a negative reaction that that person's going to feel pissed off, upset, annoyed. They're allowed to have those feelings as well. You can't expect them to be like, well, I came clean

so it's got to be okay. It's like, no, no, no, give them a minute to acknowledge, take responsibility. But it's like, don't go with the problem, I think coming with a bit of a solution as well. So I've mapped out or I thought that. So I think we should do this, but I think we should come at it as a team. Yeah.

Yeah. And you'd be really good at it. You'd be really good as the leader of this team. I know you'd be amazing. This is why we got married. We are ticks when it's around. Women are so many people. I'm just laughing at how different this is compared to if this was,

my husband has just come clean. Guys, I'm going to write in a fake dilemma and see the reaction now. Oh my God, you're going to trick us. It's going to be red flags. I think we wouldn't be. I think if it was written the same. I think if it's a man saying, I feel like I've been, we would say

you need to be honest with your partner. Yeah. Yeah. I think. But I'm willing to be tricked. Girls, girls. Yeah, willing to be set up. Stick together. Okay, that is all for this episode. The Vault is now closed.

And just a quick disclaimer, The Vault is just a chat on life and money topics. We're not giving financial advice.