The Vault with Financielle - "I’m Scared To Move In With My New Partner" | The Vault Episode 93

Episode Date: December 4, 2025

Send us a text“Using a boyfriend to fund your lifestyle is embarrassing” - we unpack this week’s controversial opinion, then dive into your dilemmas:💸 ”Is my job costing me too much?”💸 ”I’m scared to move in with my new partner after losing everything once before”Got a money win or (totally anonymous) dilemma? Share it via the Financielle app community or email [e-mail] 💌You’re not alone in figuring this stuff out. Get honest, helpful reads at financielle.com 💖💸Connect with our Partners*🫶 Get life insurance with our friends at Lifesearch. Speak to a female advisor here.🏡 Meet our Financielle approved Mortgage Brokers.💸 Get cashback that reduces your mortgage interest with Sprive (£5 extra for you using code: FINANC)*The above are tracked links, which tells our partners we sent you and may in future result in a payment or benefit to our site.The Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

Welcome to The Vault with Finance Child. This is a safe space where we talk all things, life and money and no topics are off limits. Howdy? Howdy? Good morning. How are we doing? We're good. Have you got a charm on your water bottle?

I've just noticed. The corner of my eye. You're talking to it? Is it peanuts? Peanuts. Oh, that's very cute. I thought it was a quassant from far away, but I have got a quassant one. I thought you had.

What is it from? It's a jelly cat. Aw. Last Christmas. I gave you a number. I was what I said. Last Christmas, on all of my Christmas presents off Alex, he wrapped it and instead of putting a bow, he put jellycat key rings. Oh my God, you used to be made for each other.

That is bougie. Yeah, I know. You are literally made for each other. And he said he didn't realize how much of depends on the until he got to the till. Oh, my God. And he had like four jellycat key rings. How much was it? It was 100 pounds.

Yeah, I'm not surprised. 25 pounds of key rings, though. This was for a gift tag. Yeah, it was a gift tag. Oh, my God. So now you're like, I put everything. Yeah. Peanut

Peanut I've got marshmallows which are on my new car keys finally I basically had to learn to drive because I needed a new key to use my key rings

marshmallows which are on my corkeys I've got a white heart which is on like nothing and then what else have I got

a croissant sometimes put that on my bag yeah I've seen the croissant bouncing around that's why I thought it was that well welcome peanut yeah

welcome to the sofa how are we doing depths of winter yeah i am fully in my cozy era literally i'm jealous i'm thinking of key rings now like i think that could go on my christmas list not a jelly cat one i'd like yeah like a fun one my kids would take it off me but i think i get like you know like well car might have bought a mum key ring at the tiller on mother's day yeah you know i want a boogie jelly cat one can i choose one yeah can they be one that's yeah yeah i want my key keys to be like so heavy Never lose it.

Exactly. I need to like, that's why I've got, on my car keys, it's like two big marshmallows. And I'm like, at least I'll never lose them. Holly's car key. It's an annoying car key. Oh yeah, it's like a square, a rectangle, sorry. It's got no hole for like, jangly things. A key loop ring thing.

It's really easy to lose. It looks like a flip phone. Yeah, it is. Hello. If I walk past my car, it would be doing it empty and out of the house and stuff, if I have it in my pocket, it opens and locks the car every time I walk past. I'm just like, oh my God. It's one of those ones where she can never find it

in the bottom of a bag ever. No. But it'll open the car, so you know it's in there. I just hold my bag against it to see if it's in there because I can't bother searching in the bag. I'll get the bag, I'll take it outside, put it against the car, it'll lock, because I go, write my car keys in there.

It's not lost. Throw the bag back in the house. You know, actually, funny story about that. My, when that first became a thing that you, like, didn't need to actually. Yeah. Or, like, click a button. My dad told me that, like, if you had a certain call,

you had to, like, take a pill to, like, swallow something so that only you can open your car. Like, if you walked out. What else did you do, Dad sell you? You believed it? How old, young? Maybe, like, 13. But honestly, you just, if you think about the evolution of cars and what you all have not had to do. Yeah.

You used to get a steering wheel lock. Yeah. A physical metal thing. Someone had that on the other day and Woody was like, what is that? It was like, do you know, if your car gets clamped. Oh, yeah. But yellow, bright yellow on your steering wheel. Have you seen those?

Have you seen them? I think I have. Yeah. And he was like, what is that man doing? What is that yellow thing? I was like, he's locked in his car. loads of people had them in uni, because obviously that you're just in a uni, I'm really cold, just got robbed. And like a car key would sometimes have to go in the door.

Yeah, I do. Not just like a beep, like a, he would have no idea or would it. Well, it's going to like fingerprint, surely without that point already. Oh, we're just driving those cars. Eyes look at the car and it unlocks. You can do that with your phone, you know, you can control your phone with your eyes. You can, in your accessibility settings, you can. That's cool.

What? Like, I'm looking to Instagram. If you look a certain way or. I don't know if you, like, accidentally did it wrong when I text someone. That's something really bad. 100%. Holly's trying to be Matilda. Yeah.

Was actually, is it, I dream of genie. That one. That's that one. Again, that's your old program. There was a witch one as well. Sabrina the teenage wage. No, like, older than that. One that I used to watch with Nan,

where she'd just be like... That's Adrieney, I think. Ava pays for school things with fingerprints. Oh, really? At school, they don't need money for it. To eat. They'd also no overdrafts, so I didn't pop it up the other day. And she was like, I couldn't eat today because you'd not talk to my parent pay.

And I'm like, it's rubbish technology. I got no notification to say you're getting close to the bottom. There's no facility for them at school that if you've not got any money that you can't go a little bit Oh, but this is where debt is okay. Yeah. For food. So she didn't eat. I would literally cry.

Can you imagine me? I know. She was fine. She was like, yeah, I just didn't eat anything. I was like, I'd have been so angry. I'd have been crying in the teachers often. Please ring my mum. Definitely would have cried. Please ring my mum.

Get to bring me a sandwich at least. No, that's how it works now. Tough, tough rules. That's not okay. Can you see what she eats every day? Yeah. Oh, that I'd be like, right meal. Come on what the boys are.

It's like secret eaters, isn't it? You just don't want your parents to know what you're actually. friend always, our friend boy is in like year eight or something and her friend is like one of the dinner ladies so she reports back and tells our friend what is it and she's like pizza again she's like Calvin you'd be caught out yeah yeah pizza again yeah it's like a pizza slice thing and she's like healthy the mum as well so I imagine it just like oh my god send to west but yeah no I'll show you it later we'll all snoop and we'll have a debrief with her I don't think eats enough. I think of being honest. How are you going to go?

Yeah. Where are you going to? Naver? We didn't get a dessert. Hey-ho. I don't know how we got here. We never do. Okay, today's controversial opinion, it's quite hoarse, I feel like, and it feels mean to say. But it's based on a few weeks ago, there was a Vogue article, and it was like, having a boyfriend is embarrassing. I remember it. It went viral.

And it was really funny in the comments. There was quite, it was, like, quite divided by, like, obviously, girls with boyfriends and girls with not. And it's like, I saw loads of comments in its head, like having a boyfriend is a PR disaster. It was so funny. And it's like, oh, no, I didn't know who's my boyfriend? What do you refer to Alex as your boyfriend? Oh, life partner?

No, he can't. Life partner. Beyonce now? Yeah, because I don't give you the ick. It used to give me the ick. I can't say. I can't say. What do we say then?

What do we call him? For Alex? Just Alex. Just Alex. He's that famous. Yeah. Just Madonna. Sure.

Sure. Madonna. Alex. So what were some of the comments? Why? Okay, let's go to the article then. So why was the article suggesting that having a boyfriend now is embarrassing? So it became a thing because the girl who wrote the article, a lot of girls were saying, like,

oh, I would never post my boyfriend on social media. Like, doesn't get as much likes. Like, it's not seen as a cool thing. basically like just bad for engagement literally true when I post Alex

I get no rights I remember you're saying this yeah you said to Alex you're not posting him anymore because your engagement went down or you're on like

or you're on slide nine of my dump and it's a hand or the back of his head it's not like hard launch yeah

poor Alex has never been hard launch and we're like we're going to get married and he's still not hard launched and some of the comments that I'd seen

or so I've seen some TikToks talking about it actually so I hadn't seen the comments on the actual article but they were definitely veering towards this concept of unless they are a star performing in what I require from boyfriend duties I don't need you like I'm not desperate for a partner and it's really hard at the moment there is a lot of division I think between the sexes

there's got so much toxic masculinity is a huge, huge thing. You've got those men that are not in that category may feel aggrieved that, like, you know, they're kind of having to... Paided with the same brush. Yeah, yeah. It's very hard. But women have had it a lot hard for a long time.

And, you know, we all know the history of finances where you couldn't buy a house without your husband or parents. And you couldn't get a credit card until, I think it was the 70s. And loads of things where we're finally kind of getting on equal terms. And you then go, oh, well, I can... If I can fund myself and if I can enjoy my life and I can have fun with my friends, what value do you bring? And so whilst it's harsh, I think it's more on the line of I don't need it, I should want it.

Whereas there are some girls who tie their status to their partner. And the tables are turning on that, which is quite good. It's good. It's like a positive thing, isn't it? But in Barrett, like that's quite a harsh thing to say to people that do want. to be proactive about talking about their partner. So the actual controversial opinion that I've got today is using a boyfriend to fund your lifestyle is embarrassing.

It feels really harsh to say the word embarrassing. We're doing a play on the article, though, we were not saying this. It was just inspired by the article. Yeah. Do you, so I'm not, we're not in a bunch of friends really where boyfriends are at play. We're too old. Yeah. Let's call it just partners.

Yeah. Um, it's not, I don't know. This is so, like, embarrassing is a funny term, isn't it? Like, is it like, is it acceptable? Is it, should it be a thing? Like, do we see people doing it? It's really hard. We're weird. We always say this. Like, we are weird. We have joint finances. But a lot of our friends don't. So we are in the minority in our friendship group. Like, funds are all together, but very much in our friendship groups, they have the separate finance. and things will get funded by partners who have more money, I would say. But I never hear anyone speaking, like, in a presumptuous way that their partner's going to pay for things. Everyone's very respectful. I don't ever get the vibe that someone's like, well, they can pay and they can do this and they can do that.

So we're definitely not in that friendship circle where that's happening. You're talking about like leachy? Well, I think it's more like, he's going to pay for dinner and he's going to pay for my new wardrobe and he's going to assuming that that's going to happen. And I don't get that vibe from any of our close friends. yeah or it's just treated as it's our joint money in but yeah they're like it's the I think it was a thing of the past like it was a thing a boyfriend was a status symbol especially if they had a particular job it could have been guy in finance like that would

be a sports player you know especially soccer in the UK I'm saying soccer because Ariel's here my Australian niece is the producer today in fact we should ask you is having a boyfriend embarrassing she has to pull the microphone to her now sorry um it depends on the person yeah i don't know i feel like because i'm so independent like i would be like no no like that's a bit cringe like for me personally but i feel like in love and that like i guess i feel like it's a big word to say i don't know boyfriend are the embarrassing part um both yeah yeah so i I think this has changed though because I think, oh my God, I've got a situation where you're not the youngest, Lucy.

Holly and I are going, oh, you're so much younger than knows, but Ariel is just 19. And so independent, by the way. Traveling the world on a road. And I think that when I was 18, 19, it was expected that you'd have a boyfriend. Like people just had boyfriends and found boyfriends. And it is so much more, firstly acceptable and normal to not.

And that's so healthy. Like you said, great. if you just happen to meet the right person at the right time, you wouldn't not want to be with them. But there was a lot of pressure when I was younger, which was like boyfriend and who are they with and who could you get with. It doesn't really feel like that anymore.

And like even it's translating to like older age groups and that are anti-single. And for a long time we were like, oh, you should meet someone. And now we've realised she's so happy and independent on her own, like financially as well. Like she's done the financial playbook. Like we've used her as a case to do so many times

for the pension chat because she's done amazing work hasn't she over the last few years to prepare for retirement because she's like I might not have a man and I don't want to rely on a man even if I do so she's so independent it's kind of you know conversations where we'd all be together used to maybe be around like oh what about we could say with this guy and exactly we're now like where you're going traveling next year like yeah what do you want to do like with your house like what are you going to what's your retirement look like we don't talk about men in those in those conversations and we did at first he was pushing like oh you need because we're happily married, like,

and my mum's been happily married for years. We're like, so obviously the thing that you need to do now is to find a man. That's what you're missing out. Yeah. And then we tried to look for one and went to know. See where you're back. She had a couple of like nightmare dates.

And she was like, this is what I'm dealing with girls. And we were like, well, do you know what? We kind of all came to the conclusion together. We'll back off. And if someone comes along that, like, we said the only way you should have someone in your life is if it enhances it. 100%.

only, not financially because you want to be able to make sure that if that person goes away that you are still okay. Imagine like I've done a couple people that are in like a boyfriend girlfriend and relationship and, you know, above the age of 50 and they have lovely separate lives. They don't live together. If they do, they might have separate bedrooms. They might have separate interests and then when they come together it's like for them. But otherwise they are yeah, freely independent and that I think that's you. I think that's you. And I think that's maybe what it was getting at a little bit that article, which is like, this dependency is, I think, what we've come away from. And we talk about money on the show,

don't we? And it is, I would think it's much more attractive for a man or a woman to be fiercely financially independent where they can be. And it's a bonus to be able to come together. And then if you gift people things or if someone, you know, in a relationship, we've had moments like, we don't earn any money that the partners do or we've been the breadwinner. For them to have to. I've never been a nail reminds me every time. Like, you will one day. We'll get a little. that's our next project Holly's with the breadwinner

I want to be Neil's sugar daddy sugar mama yeah that one yeah I feel like that's that's a good discussion to happen I like what you're saying about your auntie Ruth and like I think it's so admirable

like I look at my mum yeah and I'm like it's so tough like obviously I'm not my mum but like seeing what she's gone through like it is tough and she's like fully come out of the other side and like she's so good by herself.

She's so good. I think that's amazing. I think she's like come further than she ever would have like in a relationship. Jen's like lent into her hobbies, hasn't she? And like stuff that she really cares about. And a man in her life at that time might have been a distraction. She might not have fully done what she wants to do. So now if she meets someone, she'll be like, oh, I'm not giving that up.

Yeah. And I'm still going to progress on this. And I only want to be with you if it's going to make my life better. I saw a TikTok where a guy was interviewing older way. It happened to be women. It was men and women, but when he interviewed the women and we're talking people like 70 up, so not old, but older. They've lived their life.

They're past like, oh, our grandparent age. And it was like, what one thing when you would change about your life? And most of the women, especially if they were on their own and weren't physically with a man, was I wouldn't have got married so young or I wouldn't have got married. And obviously that was a different time. So people that got married, you know, all that time ago, they were getting married super young, then expected to be kind of housewives, then just the caregiver, which may even if it had been an amazing part of the life,

they didn't have freedom. Like everyone said like they didn't travel, for example, because you were suddenly a mother and you were suddenly in the home. You just made to have babies, like that was it. You got married, you had babies and then you looked after the house. Yeah, they all said that. And I was like, oh. You know, and again, as a happily married woman,

but it does, I think that was a generational thing and what they had to go through. But I think the big thing for me is it's not the Beyondland doll. It's like an enhancement to your life. and if it's not, there's no rules, whereas there used to be. And you couldn't, it was like frowned upon to get divorced

if it didn't work or if it wasn't right. You were not. Yeah, you weren't expected to get divorced whereas now it's very much like, you're not happy. You don't make your life. Yeah. Quick financial win.

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to get your free quote today. Okay, time for dilemma number one. Is my job costing me too much? I have a dilemma and would really like to get your opinion on it. Generally, I think I'm quite good with money. I've never had any major credit card debt. I've got 9K as an emergency fund. I own my own car and me and my husband have a mortgage together.

I started a new job a year ago. It was a slight pay cut, but in a much better company where I could seriously upskill. However, it comes with a big commute, 42 miles each way, five days. a week. It takes me just over an hour on the way in and around one hour, 20 minutes on the way home, sometimes longer with traffic or road closures. This is costing me a lot in fuel and also my sanity. There isn't much opportunity to work from home in the job and with the pay cup, petrol and rising costs, I'm struggling to stay on top of my finances. I've already had to dip into my savings a few times this year and haven't been able to replace it, which really frustrates me.

I feel like if I stay in the job, my financial position will just get worse and worse. I don't really want to keep putting more of the financial burden on my husband, but it's hard to find decent jobs where I live or remote ones. And if we want kids in the near future, is it better to stay put? Absolutely not. It's not better to stay put. You're already saying, like the math's not math in, whether emotionally it's a big toll,

already thinking ahead to children, because can I tell you it's going to get worse when you have kids? Because it will be really difficult in this day and age to go and do an hours commute on the way there, an hour 20 on the way back. You're going to have to have wrap around care. that's going to cost you more money. It's already costing you more in fuel.

You're dipping into your savings. Like you're already saying that the math is not mathing in this situation. And I literally was on the drive here, like talking to our ill and Laura. I was like, I've decided that like time is your most like valuable currency. So I could not like sit here and be like, oh, you know, stick it out or whatever it might be. It doesn't sound like you're overly passionate about this job. It's not like your life's work. You know, it is literally time is in exchange for money, isn't it?

It is. I think firstly she talks, though, about. She's had to dip into savings and it's a burden on a husband. And so there is this like, you know, I'm interested with the topic we just talked about, but a collaborative approach on you shouldn't be dipping into any savings as a couple. You should be managing this budget together. So you shouldn't be any worse off because your job costs more,

especially if you're married. Like, we always carry at that because lots of people don't combine finances. But if you do combine finances and or you're married, you're legally combined anyway. It shouldn't be that you're, that it should be the whole. So if there's enough money in the budget to sustain this travel, your travel budget should be in the hole. It shouldn't just be yours. And you may have been in that situation, but it sounds like you kind of say, I don't want to be a burden on him.

And then secondly, there could also be a perspective where if this is the job of your dreams, it doesn't sound like it with the language. But if it is the job of your job of your dreams, and if this is what you want to do and there's a stepping stone to future things and for a period of time, it's a bit of a bad commute. but it's worth it. Then again, it would be interesting to see husband's side of things. Does he work locally, remotely? Like, often Carl picks up way more of the slack on some of the childcare pickups on his work from home days. But then when he's in the office, it's me or it's like family and stuff. And we just, you can make it work.

And, you know, I've got lots of friends that are still lawyers, you know, bankers, accountants. And they're having to do the city commute and they're having to be in the office. Not necessarily five days a week, but three or four. And that is hard. than it's a particular lifestyle, but it is possible, but do you know what? It pays well. Yes. So it feels like you're compromising on too many things. You can't have long commute, a lower salary than you had before and like a flat salary, if you will. What's the pull? Because she said it's about opportunity. So fine. When is that coming? So if you thought it was

because there was potential promotion, you have to put work into that now in terms of let's get things moving so what's the time scale how long are we thinking modeling it modeling it out what what for whatever the promotion in the future could be what's the pay jump what's the net impact of that after you've paid tax and stuff after you've had to pay for fuel and is there any likelihood that you're going to again be able to work flexibly in terms of travel because if it only pays a little bit more you still have to travel the same doesn't feel like it fits you've said there's not really remote opportunity there's no jobs locally necessarily Maybe true, especially in the field. It depends that you're in. But there's usually remote or flexible remote job. So if you can travel to like a working hub that's 45 minutes away, I bet there's another employer that does allow more flexible working. And actually going back to what we always say is rethink asking the question. When you can pitch to your employer, this is my working schedule. This is my commute. If you're a value to them, they don't want to lose a good person. It's really expensive to replace and retrain a good.

quality candidate and so again if they're up for that then you could you know see if they'll move you can only ask you don't ask you don't get i was just about to say that there's got to be some sort of compromise here and it feels like you're making all the compromises there's got to be some sort of work around like laura said combining of the finances to make sure that you're not suffering financially but no one should be suffering financially with a job like i find that really hard to get my head around sometimes for a short period of time yeah there's an internship that I've done that, an internship, and it was a really shit salary, but amazing opportunities you have to go,

can we manage this as a family for a short period of time? Yes, and does it give me a stepping stone to something else? Yes, and it actually did, and I managed to get a pay rise, and my experience that I got from there was invaluable, so there's a time and a place, isn't it, but this sounds like a long-term job. Where's the good news? Yeah, I think.

Light at the end of the tunnel. I think you need to look for that light, and it might be where you are. You've got options. You change it, and you either get a promotion, there or work towards one and or you negotiate flexible working and or and you should always be looking elsewhere always always always look elsewhere just to keep yourself on your toes and see if there's anything out there and if you're like half looking get a friend's look because

they find stuff much more you know quickly than you you might be discounting stuff that's out there and a good friend will be like well I've just found seven so yeah good look I'd like to know what you do as well okay I've got a big community win here which I'm loving everyone's emailing is a lot at the moment a lot of community wins at the moment and it's amazing Hi girls

I've come over here to message many times I don't know why I haven't before I'm an avid listener to the pod wait weekly for the next release and continue to spread the message about how incredibly life-changing financial is I wanted to share my win I've been following a budget

using the app and really busting a gut to put me in my family such an American bust in a gut to put me and my family in a better financial position. Although the numbers in our bank may not look impressive yet, we've just realized that we've

decreased our fixed expenses by 10% in the last year. We got rid of our leased car and bought one outright. We don't spend on credit anymore. We're constantly working to build our savings. Our 1K emergency fund is still a work in progress. Ultimately, we're better with money and we're in it for the long run. I love listening to you all. You've completely changed my mindset. I used to see money and think it was impressive to spend and be showy. Not anymore. Now I want to squeeze everything out of each penny and pound. The best part is my husband is also on board and we're both working so hard to give ourselves and our two children the best financial education. Love that and I love it when the partners get involved because you literally supercharge everything. It's so hard going on

your own and a lot of people always drop into the community, how do I get my partner on board? That's one of the most popular questions that we get asked because it is a big thing, isn't it, to try and change someone, like you've changed your mindset, that's fine, but to drag someone along with you and be like, come on, this is the way forward. When people do it together, they just multi, the journey just is so much quicker to get to that £1,000 emergency fund or doing the debt snowball, like coming at it together. You don't realise how fast and far you can move. I wish I had a heart rate when I surrounded us in my heart. It's like, do-da-da-da-da-da-da. It's like I get really excited, but there's not many areas of your life where you can have such a

transformation. If you think about what she's been through, she's gone from someone who spends to impress people. Very, very normal. I went from a person that thinks to spend and buy something and post that on Instagram and all let someone see the new outfit, that especially if it's a designer brand, it's like recognisable that this equals Kaching to not being on credit, getting rid of the lease car and buying a car, like working together with your husband. That is a life changing and that's just one year. It's good when it's a flex as well when people go and show off about that. I show off about the fact that I own my car. I show off about the fact that I don't buy shit to impress people I don't even like anymore. Like, and decrease in your fixed expenses.

By 10%? At a time when inflation's, but. Prices are going up. She's done that at a time when inflation has been driving up prices globally and she's cut expenses by 10%. Because I think everyone like succumbs to the, it's like a dangerous game just going, oh, you know, expenses, it's just so expensive to live now. It's like an excuse to just spend shit with money. Like I feel A lot of people do do that. They just go, oh, like, groceries have gone to up and this, that and the other. So, you know, we're fighting a losing battle. So I may as well just live my life.

And I hear that so much on social media where they're like, everything's so expensive. So just crack on. Like, just got to keep going. It's like, no, you don't. You can do it. TikTok shop's expensive. God, help all the Christmas puns. What a TikTok shop.

Yeah. It really does. These leggings are amazing. Why are you shouting at me? Yeah. It's scary. The girls that sit on it all, it's always weird. I'm in, I'm sorry, it is always women selling stuff to other women.

Where are the men are, Neil's on TikTok shot watching someone sell leggings. I mean, I'm always watching like, not unwrapped your Christmas presents, yeah. I'm hoping he's watching like Rory McElroy swear at Americans or something. Oh, he's definitely, he's watching like stick to football. Oh my God, I'm picturing my brother-in-law on leggings now. Like, it is, it is cold season for running, maybe. Do you know what I mean?

It's like, girls, run. Run and get this deal It really triggers me I swear to God it really does Because the men aren't doing that No No Calvin are you doing that

I do not He's like I might do though You could be a niche If no other men are doing it You could be the male TikTok shop My mom's obsessed with TikTok shop And she said What's your address?

What did you get? She bought me It was a Father Christmas that farts 12 pairs of like The worst socks ever Yeah Are they them? Calvin's mum, they're a bit thin.

They're a bit thin. Can you show the camera? I'll put a call on. I'll film a bit. Okay. They are a giving thin. They're just socks. They're not M&S.

They're not cashmere. But that's, so I want to know but we don't need to know what else she's bought because that's not the first thing she's bought. Oh no, I'll get a list for the next episode, guys. Then we'll follow up with what she got. Have you got anything off TikTok? shop. Yeah, I've bought teeth whitening strips before.

Could be from anywhere. You did try and buy something once and realized how slow the delivery was. Italian brain rot toys. Oh, yeah, I remember you saying that. Mom can never trilla little tralala, shalt with blue shoes. We went to black, we did a little trip to Blackpool with the kids. Oh, God. And all the light tats shops, the kids just wanted Italian brain rot stuff. And I was like, oh, who's this? And it was like, chimpanzee bananini. And it's like a chimpanzee in a banana.

You're like, yes, you can. That's funny. And I was like, who's this? Woody's like, Bombadero, Crocadero. I'm like, sure. Yeah, so that's the only thing I was going to buy it. And it was because people were like, Mums, if you want this, you're like Charlie Mallow vibes.

You're a shit, mom, if you do not buy this now, basically. So that's why I'm told everyone this morning I'm on a social media blackout because I'm getting very triggered because it's coming up to the season. To be a good parent. To be a good parent, and to be a good parent is to spend time with your kids, not buy them shit off TikTok. Someone said to me recently, oh, which Advent calendar are you getting? And I said, Caprice. And they said, no, which beauty one are you getting?

I was like, fuck off. But I didn't, there's so many now. Dairy milk. That's my answer. Like, there's no others. Well, I can't remember who else. But was you, sorry if I said, this is like, about, she's like, mom loves an event, a beauty advent calendar. No, can we just share what her and Auntie Ruth did?

and then we'll move on to the last time. Oh, yeah. I do apologize. They bought a space NK Advent calendar each for themselves rather than each other because it's the same thing. They bought them. Back in October. They've got a sinking fund for them, by the way.

Okay. And someone else had a sinking fund in the community for, yeah, yeah. So they buy them, they love it. It's their favorite thing to do. And honestly, like they bought us one once, and I've still got stuff from it. Like, it's amazing. I still got some niche bits, but I did actually really enjoy it. It was amazing.

I don't need every year, but I enjoyed it. But they've opened it already. they sat together no they did it in batches they facetimed each other every night in October

you know that when Jesus Christ was born like Advent that's why we have an Advent calendar I would have a clue have they yeah

we're opening one tonight ready FaceTime it's their Super Bowl literally their Super Bowl so yeah that was their Advent

calendar are they going to get another one Are they going to feel so sad in December? No, but they have taken, like, if it's meant to be a gift of anticipation, they have taken it, but Antibu's given the box to Albae. The boxes are really good.

Got 31 to fill with stuff. I still got mine under my bed. I'm sometimes like, what do you play with it? It's a two in one. But yeah, that's another thing to buy and another thing to be put on socials.

My kids' Advent calendar, Teddy's so bougie. I'm like, I'll have a limp one. I'm like, you won't. It's like 20 quid for a link calendar. What's your advent calendar? herbal tea. Oh God. I know. It's very boring. It's very loose at that.

Are they going to be 24 different flavors? Yeah. Is it like Pucker or twinings or something? How much was that? It was only like 20 pounds. Yeah. Well, to be five for 24 tea bags is a lot because I'm paid like three pounds for a box of 20. Just get you a box of tea. I'll make you on. You can just ruin it now. Oh my God. I'm going to make

nearly yorkshire to you on. Which is a tea bag in the same every day. Do you want that from Auntie Ruth's a box? I'll put it in this space in K-A-1. I just put tea bag in each one. What's it going to be? Oh, God. You're like said, they did sinking fund it and they absolutely loved it. They completely cheated the system by not doing it in anticipation of Christmas.

Let us know, because we're in the season now. What did you get? Do you have one? Do you agree with them? Are you well bought in? Are you actually bored that every brand's brought one out now? It's not that chocolate has like the, you know, it was also. I remember when you used to have a religious one, which is just a window when you opened it

It was a girl who'd just seen. There was no food. Like Jesus on a cross. Yeah. That's Easter. That's Easter. He's not dead yet. He's a baby.

Seven three kings and stuff. Oh God. Right. Let's have dilemma number two. God. Just hit Laura in the face at the same time. Sorry. If you'd like to tell us you,

and head to the community in the app or email it to us at the vault. The vault atfinancial.com. Personal finance. it can be boring, but at Fanshell, we do it differently. From guilt-free spending to the perfect payday routine, our blogs help you feel confident and in control of your money. Head to Fanonchelle.com to get informed, entertained and empowered today. Okay, time for our second dilemma. I'm scared to move in with my new partner after losing everything wants before. I have a dilemma for you guys. I love the podcast, by the way. I came out of a long-term relationship and shared a home that we bought

together. That's all fine now as the property is in the process of being sold. and soon me and my ex can cut ties for good. I've been saving over the past year and along with the equity from the house sale, I'll be ready to purchase my own home next year. However, I'm not sure what to do living wise with my current partner. I've saved and sacrificed a lot to build up a home deposit and I'm worried that if I'm moving with my current partner who wouldn't be contributing to the deposit, that if things went wrong, I'd suffer financially. My previous breakup has scarred me a bit and I'm so conscious and protective over my money and future assets. I'd love to live with him, but I'm not sure what to do.

My breakup meant I had to move home for a bit, and I really don't want to have to do that again. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. She's being careful. Yeah, she's been. Burnt in the past. Yeah.

I would not be jumping into buying a house so soon, especially like it sounds really you've done all the right things you were saving up you moved back home like all the things that a lot of stubborn people i would say or can't because of the circumstances of the family home situation like you've done all the right things you've made all the right sacrifices you're repairing yourself financially but i would not because it's been so hard and because you feel scarred like you've said those words wouldn't be jumping into another house purchase straight away especially when you've got a new partner they're not going to be investing into the property it sounds like you're going to be doing that on your own could it get

very messy again sometimes you end up spending a bit more because you feel like you're going to live with someone so you're like oh how much can we afford for the mortgage yeah you're based on their contribution and I know they're not paying to the mortgage but they might be yeah on the deposit they might be giving you a contribution every month I feel like you could stretch yourself a little bit thinking oh we're in it together yeah and that could change we know this it's already changed in your first relationship so I personally would be looking at to rent because I feel like you're not as tied to the situation to get what if she like completely went into a house purchase in the mindset like this is my house like all that I'm just going to do

what I can afford yes and like within reason for her yeah I think you're right I think it's the balance between can you put blinkers on and ignore your new partner no offense but in terms of this purchase and be selfish because like you said holly women do this like we think ahead and we think about actually the new partner and then we're going to get together we might have children and so oh i need to buy something that kind of suits that yeah and then you've changed what you would have done so you either need to be no no like especially if you don't live with your partner now you might have one eye that they're moving with you at some point but that doesn't mean to change what you buy so you need to buy where you want to buy

how much you want to spend your taste, it's your house and if at some point he moves in with you. And Lydia's shared her journey and she's in that situation where she doesn't own a house and it's been something that, you know, she does think about and it's something that she's put a lot of thought into. She's moved in with her partner. But, you know, I've not asked him. He's not here. But I don't think he thought, oh, what shall I buy for me and Lydia? He bought something for him. And that was always buying something. Yeah. And if it absolutely works a relationship to then move in with that person. And again, in the UK, we always talk about having the right documentation drawn up and often, to be fair, when you buy banks, if they know someone's going to be living there, want you to sign stuff.

But you protect your investment, especially in the early days of relationship. And if someone wants to contribute to some bills, you know, then again, make sure you protect it, go to solicitor and make sure it's done properly. And you can make that work. The other side, and I do, I think I'm a bit aligned with your suggestion hall is so many people think that renting's dead money. But you don't have to jump into a house. purchase. If you buy the wrong thing, so like say if you did buy the house it was just for you, but then actually things do develop and you want to buy something together and he saves up money for a deposit. In a year and a half, the fees that you've spent, the interest that you've spent,

the stamp duty, all these different things, wipes out any growth in value of the capital. You could have just been renting. So renting buys a little bit of patience, especially if it fits the budget and you don't have to dip into the savings. So the house deposit can remain protected, shoving a high yield saver and give your relationship. time to blossom with no pressure on my house not your house how much should you pay like a contribution from a new partner i think should be seen as a bonus like you should be able to if they walk out the door they're after it should be like financially you should never put yourself in a situation whereby it requires both because we do it all we're going right move we go top of the

budget everyone does it it's just a thing like you put the toggle on and you're like the max what's the max we can borrow that's just human nature that's not you as an individual this is not me poking at you going, you need to bring your expectations down. We as humans, when we can borrow money, it will always borrow more than we need to. Because it's not real money. It's not ours, so we don't care. But the minute someone walks away from a relationship, which they can do, they can walk away from this house. You can't. You're legally bound to the house. And because it's a new relationship and you, I think because if you pass experience as well, you might feel more comfortable and it'd be more 50-50 if you rent somewhere for a short period of time, even. But you can

get six months leases, 12 months. Things can change very quickly. And, And renting enables you, it gives you options. Yeah. I feel like you can romanticise it as well and being like, oh, remember that six months. Like if everything goes to plan. Rental. I'm a renting advocate.

Yeah. I love renting. You're renting queen. And it's nice to have that, isn't it? We're told so much to buy that it's so nice to have this refreshing outlook. Like you've got an amazing cottage. Like, I remember us all looking at it being like, what, that's the dream house. Yeah.

And it's so easy like, we literally, I remember we watched the video of when I, we got like a video tour in the office. We were in like the next month. Yeah. I know. Yeah. You don't get that house purchase. We were all saying, can we move in with you?

Obviously, like, not that it is dead money because I'm like receiving something for the money that I'm getting. Yeah. And people, this is what, the people don't do the maths. So people go, oh, I want to be in the housing market. And I have two properties. Like, I am all for being in the housing market. But if you're being sensible with your money, if you get an interest on savings, patience is, like, For a period of time, it's okay to be out the market.

It really is. And the math, sometimes of the first one, two, three years of owning a house, if you flip it in that time and you've added no value in the market hasn't gone up, you'll be at a loss because by the time you've paid solicitor's fees, a stage agent fees, stamp duty, surveys and the interest that you've paid on that borrowing, usually in the first one, two, three years of that mortgage, you're not nothing off it is the most upsetting thing, especially with interest rates as they are at the moment, is the most upsetting thing. I always say to people, look at your, it's called an amortization calculator

so you can put in your mortgage amount and your interest rate and it'll actually show of that £700 mortgage that you've probably paid £200 off the mortgage and £500 in interest. So across the year, that's £6,000 in interest that you've paid. Has the house gone up $6,000 in a year? Unlikely for most properties, especially at the moment. So it helps to, it's not a bad idea to, I mean, I'm not saying not,

to not get on the property market, but to step back a bit and go, okay, where am I at in my life? And the other mini red flag that we've not picked up on, but something to look at is he's not in a position to buy. Wonderful. No one has to be. But what's his plan? Because you get impatience now.

But if we think, I do think in the next one to two years, you should think about buying. And maybe together it may be on your own. So if it's on your own, you do the same thing. You do the maths and you just buy it on your borrowing. But if it's with him, if he has made no money, progress towards any savings the next two years, is that really an issue? You're going to be waiting to buy a house.

Whereas actually, if he is in a position to get ready for it, but I'm starting from zero, you can have a nice one to two years now being supportive of him where you save more money. And he does. And then imagine the start you're going to have when you're both on that kind of, you doesn't have to have as much as you and you can set up a purchase which is proportionate to the deposit. It doesn't necessarily have to be 50-50. You can get to a place where it's proportionate.

but that's exciting or it's not and it's a red flag and it'll help you not get into something that could be you've just been through a breakup and you're already going to be on edge like it's already stressful yeah it's a good way to ease yourself into like a new situation like that yeah I think get a fun rental like move somewhere that you wouldn't think of because you know it's temporary and just enjoy it have a fun period of your life before you get a mortgage for you adulting yeah okay that is all for episode the vault is now closed and just a quick disclaimer the vault is just a chat around life

and money topics we're not giving financial advice