The Vault with Financielle - Is My Boyfriend Taking Advantage of Me Financially? | The Vault Episode 65

Episode Date: May 21, 2025

Send us a text“Freelancing isn’t the freedom it’s cracked up to be”—controversial or just real? We unpack it in Episode 65 of The Vault, then dive into your dilemmas:💸 “I promised I’d never rent again… now what?”💸 ”Is my boyfriend taking advantage of me financially?”Got a money win or (totally anonymous) dilemma? Share it via the Financielle app community or email [e-mail] 💌You’re not alone in figuring this stuff out. Get honest, helpful reads at financielle.com 💖💸🐝Thanks to our partner PensionBee. They’re a leading online pension provider on a mission to build pension confidence so that you can enjoy a happy retirement.Pension saving is made simple with PensionBee - you can combine, contribute and withdraw online or from the palm of your hand with their easy-to-use app. Their retirement planning tools - like their Pension Calculator - blogs, videos and podcast - all aim to help you take control of your pension and build a better financial future.Connect with our Partners🫶🏼 Protect yourself and loved ones with our friends at Lifesearch✍🏼 Write a will that is tailored to you with Octopus Legacy🏡 Meet our Financielle approved Mortgage Brokers here💸 Commission-free investing* with Trading 212 (capital at risk)🛒 Cashback on your shopping with Jam Doughnut (use code FINC)🐝 Consolidate your pensions with The Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

Hey everyone, it's Holly here. Before we get into the episode, I want to share something exciting. That's right. If you're looking to take control of your money, the Financial app is your go-to tool. With the app, you can track your spending, create realistic budgets, and hit your money goals faster than ever. In fact, did you know our premium community members save three and a half times more than our free users? That's incredible. Plus, you'll be part of an amazing community where we all support each other on our free users. That's incredible. Plus you'll be part of an amazing community where we all support each other on our money journeys. Whether you're starting to pay off debt

or planning for your future, the app has everything that you need to make it happen. So what are you waiting for? Download the Financial app today and start your free trial. Trust us, your future self will wish you did it sooner. Welcome to the vault with Financial. This is a safe space where we talk all things

life and money and no topics are off limits. How are we doing ladies? We're good. Yeah, no, I'm super good. Thank you. Yeah, we're all in monochrome today.

Yep, as always on trend, matching in, blending with the background. Yeah, we're repping. Monochrome look. Don't do colour, do we? No. But it is, even though financial's pink.

We're like, we've got neutral tones. We've got the balloon dog, sorry. We have. We've got the sausage dog behind us for those people watching on YouTube. But I do have a stress about clothes at the moment with everyone's all about capsule, capsule. Listen, at Financial I feel like we appreciate the capsule

because you can rotate pieces and you don't need to think about, oh, what I'm gonna wear? Because if there's a good rotation of basics, basics is a big thing now, it's a brand in itself, but everyone looks the same. Yeah, Laura says this all the time and I agree. There's no color. So if I wanted, I'm not very good at fashion, but if I wanted to build a fashion TikTok today or Instagram, I would wheel in a rail, right, with a plain white tee, a plain black tee, some jeans, some like maybe some like linen pants, Sambas, blazer

in two different colors, tan and black, and maybe a white shirt and- A denim shirt. And then there you go. So whilst I love the fact that those all rotate, literally it's all that, that's not hard. That's all the same. And I don't know, I just miss a bit of millennial color. Like we would usually wear something bold. I know, but then when you, it was the thing where it was like everyone was getting fed up with-

Statement. Yeah, if you wear like the bright blue dress, you don't want to wear the bright blue dress again. So everyone I think is, it's like a good, it's a good and a bad thing because people lose personality and that sense of like unique fashion style. Cause I used to like wear vintage clothes. I used to go shopping in vintage shops,

drag Neil around charity shops. He was like, you used to drag me to the depths of Manchester in Oxfam and like save the children. And get digging for some good pieces. Yeah, you'd be rummaging around. But it looks so good. Yeah, you'd be rummaging around. But it looks so good. Yeah, you've got unique sense of style. Whereas I do agree every week there's a new like

Athleisure brand launching where they've got the same like wide leg joggers like gray tracksuit, like oatmeal tracksuit, cream, blue navy, like I get it. The palette is just the same. And I do find like, you know, when I'm on the BBC, I wear, people do say, how would you get clothes? I'm like, oh no, this just the same. And I do find like, you know, when I'm on the BBC, I wear, people do say, how do you get clothes? I'm like, oh no, this is the BBC.

They're very nice, but it's like, kind of feels like public money, so no, no, there's no budget for clothes. We wear our own or we borrow from friends, which I've done before, borrowed from you, Holly, before. But I find that every so often, they tend to like you wearing color. So I buy pieces from time to time and we'll wear them literally like once a month.

And you get so many compliments. And I think it's because not only obviously nice dresses, but people aren't used to seeing people being bold in a color or a dress, you know, right? We're either in athleisure or we're in this rotation of palette. So it is hard because when you wear that capsule stuff, like I've got it on today, and you like how you look,

because that's what you're seeing. So it's validation, it's like, oh, I look like all my TikToks, okay. I'm happy, I'm like, I'm gonna fit in. I went through all my, I got my mom around to do a Stacey Solomon sort your life out this day. Oh, she's brutal.

She is brutal. And now I've got the holiday wardrobe out, and I've been scrolling on like H&M, River Island, Zara, new look, like for weeks to update my holiday wardrobe. And I literally went through everything. It is a capsule wardrobe. It's like black shorts, white vest, white vest, black trousers, like linen, and it works.

And I suddenly thought, oh, I'm trying to buy, I'm trying to be something I'm not and getting these like bright floral things knowing full well next year I'll be like, oh, I'm not wearing that again. So it's good for the wallet and it's good for the planet. So I didn't have to buy anything. I literally went, I went through everything

and then she went, there you go, done. And I was like, oh, you've taken my like scrolling time away because I don't need to browse for more clothes because I've got this holiday capsule wardrobe. So it does, it's good. Do you think that's something people need to do now then? Cause it's summer, it's coming into summer, shop your wardrobe. Every new season, you feel encouraged to buy a new update, your seasonal wardrobe.

I think like you just said, go into your own wardrobe and make, I've got like kind of a capsule wardrobe within an absolute mountain of a wardrobe. I'm going to say over 150 tops in there and I wear the same four like on rotation and I always feel like such an outfit repeater because I just wear the exact same four outfits. Don't they say like- Different variations. You can make like 80 outfits. Yeah. People say that you wear 10% of your wardrobe or something like that. I do that. So do you want mum to come? Yeah. Because I feel like you need an objective view.

You need someone to be like, no, that's not good. That's not suit you. That's nice. Well, it's like, when was the last time you wore this? And someone said if you didn't wear it, it's hard in the UK because the seasons are so drastic. Did you wear this in the last six months? Well, no, because it's a crop top.

So, you know, come through winter. I hope I haven't worn it in the last six months. So you really have to then think back to the year because the weather's so bad. A year before, did I wear this in spring last year? Did I wear this in summer last year? I'm like, I don't know, did I? You know full well, you know.

You hold stuff up and you go, I'll put it back in. I've done it myself. And then I know she made me get it all out. I've got a full like massive suitcase under my bed of all my summer stuff. And I got it out recently and I was like, I bought this when I was 60. And I'm like, it's literally the tiniest top.

Like, why am I still holding on to all of this stuff? But I'm scared to get rid of it because then I've gotten literally nothing. For some reason, the summer stuff, because it is the time to like have fun and be a bit more playful. That's when I'm just like, I'm never going to wear this. That's when I do all my impulse spending.

Whereas winter stuff, like I literally live in jumpers, I live in hoodies, jeans, trousers. It's just so, so hard to not like spend on trends in the summer for me. Yeah. We laugh about all the time. What do we wear in summer? Cat hands to go to this co-op. Like there's no summer. I don't think Brits do some wardrobe very well. I remember going to work, like we used to work in a corporate job and I literally- What the hell would you wear?

Every summer when it was like ridiculously hot, I used to be like, oh my God, what the hell do I wear? I think I used to do like a smash and grab at like Florence and Fred in Tesco, because I knew that the weather would only be around for like two weeks. Is that what FNF stands for? Who's Florence and Fred? Oh God.

I feel old. It was, yeah, it was Florence and Fred first. I saw a TikTok where this guy goes around his car dealership to all the young workers and goes, engine, engine number nine, all the New York transit lines. She's all right, she's in, she's in. I feel like they didn't have a comeback or resurgence that song. I feel like it might have been.

Yeah, I feel like it's always been. Possibly, but it's like that idea of can you finish it? Can you finish it? Yeah, Florence and Freddie's dress. But I remember doing a smash and grab because I was like, I'm not going to buy, I don't even know what I would have bought. Like an office dress that was suitable for summer but wasn't like a, I don't know. Have you seen a lot of these?

Play suit. Going into, sat at my desk typing away in a play suit in her banners. Have we talked about office siren on here yet? Oh my God, no. Office siren is that there's a couple of like, there's a group, there's a collection of influencers, Instagram, TikTok that like to show corporate wear. But I go for the comments.

I'm here for the comments and never being disparaging towards the person just more. This person has definitely never worked in an office because they'll wear things that are completely uncomfortable, impractical. You know, I'm not even going to talk about whether they're appropriate or not because it's all each down to all of us about what we want to wear. But when you've been sat at a desk for 12 hours, tell me you're going to wear that tight pencil skirt and uncomfortable shirt. You're going to wear the stretchy thing. You're going to wear the thing where the waistband can move a bit. However short it's going to be, you're going to be cold. It's going to be an air-conned office.

And it's all the comments about these people that I think were getting saccharin jobs actually, because they were promoting being the office siren. So not just about aesthetic and how it looks, but also being siren like, not like an eon eon. Let's think of who is an office siren. The woman from love. Is it love actually? Yes.

So position is the, so like to pull people. Encouraging people to... Yeah, to be attractive, to pull people. Because the siren is like a mermaid in the sea. Yeah, yeah. Flapping your tail around. Please watch this on YouTube. Lucy's giving siren vibes. So this whole, there was this whole trend and then it was like, oh, people are getting sacked

and stuff. But it does come back to oh, people getting sacked and stuff. But it does come back to the, that's not what people wear, what people actually wear. And I really do like it where I find that I can't wear, it's definitely what they've worn, what they wear to work. They also will like commute in this outfit. I was just about to say. On and off the tube. When people wear trainers with like a really nice dress or like a pencil skirt.

Hocus. Hocus. And they're sat on the tube and they're reading a book really nice dress or like a pencil skirt, hokers, and they're sat on the tube and they're reading a book and they're in a tight pencil skirt and you know that they're going to get off the tube and then put the heels on at the front door of the office. Yeah, I've definitely done that 100%. When I was walking to the studio this morning, I saw there was a couple and they were on their road bikes. They had full like cycling outfits on. They were like cleated in and everything. And they had these massive backpacks on. Are you doing that every

morning? Probably. Taking all your lycra off in the office toilet. Sweaty back. Yeah. Hopefully showering. A lot of people run to work as well, don't they? But yeah, you have to, at least they've not tried to like cycle in a floated dress, which is probably going to be like a health and safety warning. Well, I'd love to know people's views on capsule stuff. When this comes out, maybe messages in like, how are you finding it? Are you feeling pressured to, summer's here, like for the four days of sunshine that we might get this year? You know, how are you budgeting accordingly for that?

And also, what are you paying? Like I've been getting some, topping up with some basics because I've been buying like H&M and stuff and they don't last, like they bubble really, really quickly, but I'm not brave enough to up the budget and dip into- Like a cost. Yeah, I'm not ready to. I've had some Marks and Spencer's basics, which I've been really happy with how they've washed really thick white tea. And again, it felt like a lot to pay for it, but then it's keeping, But at least if you think cost per wear,

you're going to recycle it. But yeah, how are you never getting summer? Because are you going to the co-op in a caftan and flip-flops? The same caftan that you've had since 16, because we all know, we get it out, get it out of the suitcase, just iron it a bit. Go on holiday, put it straight back in. Not to be seen for the next 12 months.

Okay, I'm going to go on to today's controversial opinion. Freelancing isn't the freedom it's cracked up to be. What do you think? So I have been freelance full time for like six months before. And I think it's definitely hard to say because it's not consistent. I think it can be consistent. It's just super hard to get sucked up in there like, oh yeah, I'm my own boss. I can control how much I want to work this month, how much I don't want to work this month, how much you want to bring in and everything. But I always talk about it and I don't think I could do that full time. Were you renting at the time? So you had like a fixed income

that you needed to meet as a minimum? No, I was looking at home. So do you think that helped in not feeling so stressed about how much you were bringing in? Yeah, and invoices don't get paid on time, loads of stuff like that. You can't, you're not fully reliant on yourself

or like a guaranteed salary. So maybe not in as much control as people think you might be. Yeah. And it definitely depends on your industry. Like if you're, obviously if you're contracting for like six months or something, or you've got like retainers, you just have to be clued up on all of that. But freedom's an interesting word though, isn't it? It depends what people mean by freedom. Freedom to work with lots of different brands and not just work for the same employer in the same way, although obviously you can work for agency and still take that box. But is

it freedom on the type of work and client that you choose to do? Is it where you work from? You know, some people like working from cafes and from home and from bed and they can be really productive from bed. And some people, you know, want to work from a co-working space. Is it time of day? Like, you know, some people want to work in the morning, some people want to work in the evening, some people want to do weekends. Or some people like they're not working at all.

And I just don't think that's what we're talking about. I actually think some people choose freelance thinking. I can do a couple of hours a day and it'll fit my lifestyle. But the reality of that situation quickly comes crashing down. Especially when you wanna do things like buy a home. Like if you meet someone and then in six months time, you wanna buy a home together and you've got to show

however many months or years of like bookkeeping and stuff. It's suddenly not all it's cracked up to be sometimes. And we always defend people that work that want the nine to five because it's been like de-glamorized as not a good thing. And like, you're not working for yourself and you're not a girl boss and take control and have freedom. But actually talking about these things, not invoices being paid on time,

not knowing where your next job's coming from. You effectively have to wear like 12 different hats. You have to be in sales because you have to go out and get the job. And if you're not good at sales, you're not gonna get any work through the door. You might get off recommendations from friends and stuff, but you've got to do your own accounting.

You've got to sort your own tax out. You've got to know where you're working from. It's actually quite scary. And it wouldn't be for me. Again, like you, I'm similar to you. It just wouldn't be for me. I know that I wouldn't be comfortable doing it. So right that the because because typically when you're freelancing it's time for money you can price it in lots of different ways but

to go out and network and bring in the work that there's everything's got a time lag hasn't it? You don't get paid for that bit. You don't get paid for that bit and and there's a time lag as to you know you might network with someone today and they don't need you for that bit. You don't get paid for that bit. And there's a time lag as to, you might network with someone today and they don't need you for another six months. And so you've got to get started. And then even when you get going, your time will cap out because it's time for money. So it's not scalable.

It doesn't need to be scalable, but you've only got so many hours a day. So why there? Yeah, well, Molly can't take on all the jobs if she's doing freelancing. But she, you know, that's, it's. If you're the person, you've already got so many. Right, I never thought about it like that. It is difficult to scale that.

If you wanna make more money, you're gonna put your costs up. But if someone else is undercutting you for, or it's an industry standard, you're like, well, I can't charge you anymore because industry standard for writing a blog or writing content for web or whatever it might be is capped at a certain amount.

Do we know many freelancers? I'm trying to think in our circles and friendship groups. I feel like in my friendship groups, the people that have been freelance have them being so relieved when they've got a full-time job. Yeah, they've got that security. Yeah.

A lot of it is sales and I don't think people realize if you're like an introvert, you've got to go, where do you think the business is coming from? And I see so many people on LinkedIn complaining about invoices not being paid. That's the biggest kind of viral post that I see all the time. And the thousands of comments of people saying, yeah, I'm on a 90 day invoice from big brands. Like they'll just kind of... Well, we know Nick, who's the amazing CEO and founder of Haida, HYDR, and she's built

an invoice financing business. She's worked in that industry for years and it was born out of the frustration that big companies like have 90 day, 120 day payment terms. It'll be in their default terms and conditions. And she actually, I think she works, one of her biggest clients is a huge influencer agency to this point because one of their selling points is, you know, you'll get paid immediately for the work that you do and they'll collect it later. And then they're not suffering the use hide or for a really, really small fee, as long as like the contracts are checked and everything's

fine. You get paid, I think within within a day, rather than waiting 90 days. And all the jobs chasing it, the time it takes. It's the brain power. And then if you're chasing invoices, you're not working, or you're not going getting the sales. You know, you're paying, it's like the Klarna thing. You're working for stuff, or trying to get paid for the stuff that you did over 90 days ago.

I think the FMCG, so like fast moving consumer goods, if you're like, there's a bean brand that I sent to you, the girl on LinkedIn, she's doing amazing, well, bold bean company, I think. We've seen her. Was she on Dragon's Den? Yes. I love, yeah, I always see them.

So notoriously, the payment terms with people like Tesco or Aldi, whatever, are really poor. Like for an independent, they are your 90 or 120, or they'll just stall, stall, stall, because they can. They want the powerful brand and they want the cash in their bank. Do you want it or not? So do you want the contract with Tesco or do you not?

So a lot of these companies go under because they can't cash flow and get more stock because they're waiting for a big invoice to be paid from like Tescoco or an Ester or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, I think that it's definitely been glamorized. I think like the rise of TikTok and Instagram and people sharing what it's like, you know,

you tend to find it's a bit more icky and it's coaches talking about that lifestyle because they want to coach you to do it and that's how they make money. So I think true freelancers are not documenting their journey on TikTok. Not their time. They're not their time, exactly. And like you said, Holly, I think contracting is a

big one. You can get chunks of time, but that's not freedom because actually you are at the mercy of a new client all the time. You become like an employee and you have to deliver during that time. And then where's your next contract coming from? You also, very financial, don't get the benefits of being an employee. So you might, we've talked about pension all the time and it comes up with people that are self-employed, but particularly those that are freelance to price up a job and then go, okay, from that I need to pay my tax. I need to pay national insurance, I need to pay into my pension. And I just don't think a lot of people look at an invoice

and think, okay, they just think it's take home pay. And then when you really get into it, if you're an employee in a nine to five, which doesn't seem very glamorous, but actually it can be, yeah, you're also enrolled. So you don't get an option. It's like done for you. That bit of life admin's kind of taken care of.

So it's glamorized. It's not for me. No, I life admin's kind of taken care of. So it's glamorized. It's not for me. No, I don't think it's for many people. I think if you're going to do it, you need to build up a portfolio of clients before you leave work. If you're in work, you need to really do the math and understand what you need to be charging

for whatever thing you do. Is it social? Is it writing? You know, whatever your role is, making sure that you know what your price is and that you're forecasting this and that you don't want to make any big financial decisions in the one to two years after it because when you make that leap from employment to self-employed, it's no pension, no pay for your own tax, lots of things that aren't as good as it's sometimes made out to be.

I don't know. I don't, sorry, this is the second time I've called out to the audience and been like, tell us about it, but tell us if we're wrong. Tell us, share your experience. Yeah, we've done a lot of self-employed chat, whereas like, where people have said like, is it glamorized, is it good?

No one's said, I'm freelancing. I think you have to be seasoned pro. I think you have to have worked in something like an agency to know how to price bits of work properly that work for you. I think sometimes people just go into it blindly and we'll do a chat GBT, how much should I charge for? It's like, actually there are good ways of pricing things properly and you have to have the experience or the knowledge to be able to do it. Yeah. Agreed. Yeah. Okay. Time for our first dilemma of the day. Okay. Listeners, I've got a

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Hi ladies, I'm at a bit of a crossroads. Just over two years ago, I relocated from the south coast of England to Edinburgh for a much needed reset. It's been challenging at times being so far away from my loved ones, but I've achieved so much in that time. I'm now fully debt-free and two thirds of the way into saving for my house deposit to finally own my home after a lifetime of renting. One of my biggest reasons I chose Edinburgh

was the abundance of period properties. It's always been a lifelong dream to own one. I thought leaving the South would make that dream more achievable, but Edinburgh hasn't turned out to be as affordable as I'd hoped. Now I'm thinking about asking my landlord if they'd consider selling me the flats I rent.

I love this place and I feel safe here and I know the neighborhood. I've already pictured how I'd make it my own. If they refuse, I'll have to face the brutal offers over system here. That means any offer over the valuation figure has to be provided in cash on top of the deposit and can't be included in the mortgage.

As a solo buyer with no extra help available to me, I just don't have that additional cash. After years of sacrifice and frugality, I honestly don't know if I can keep going like this for another six months or more, just to have a shot at buying. The only other option is to leave Scotland and start over in a more affordable English city, one where I'd also save £1,800 plus per year on income tax. But that would mean

walking away from everything I've built here and all my local knowledge. I promised myself that when I leave this flat, it's for the place I buy, no more renting. However, I'm worried another relocation could end up in being a more costly mistake, especially if I don't like the new location and don't feel safe living there alone. Any advice would mean a lot right now as this is a huge life decision. This is such an interesting dilemma

and we know the person that's written this, like the financial team know this person really well. She's so inspiring. She's been through a hell of a lot. And I really empathize with her because she's like, she says, and she's acknowledged herself. She's come so far. She's become debt-free.

She's two thirds of a way of saving up for a house deposit. She'd envisaged this life. And like she's built a life on her own in Edinburgh. Like that's so brave. And I would never, ever be able to do that. That's just something I would never do. So I really have so much admiration for her and she loves Edinburgh, I know she does.

So to even contemplate then leaving again and leaving to not buy a home must be actually quite mentally difficult because she'd kind of decided in her head that like my next thing that I'm gonna do after being in debt free is buying a home. And it might be that that's not going to be the thing. So it must be really difficult to try and navigate this. The Scottish like buying system absolutely baffles me whenever you see it on like not a place in the sun, but like a Kirsten Phil or whatever. I'm like, I just don't understand it. It's scary, isn't it? No, it, oh God. When,

No, I... God. When you've just gone to that trouble of moving, putting down new routes, the idea of doing that again because of money, I don't like the idea. For me, her wellbeing is like at the top. So she's a planner. Planners struggle with this kind of thing because they like to plan the next thing. I've got, one of my best friends has just had a baby and they have tried for quite a long time to have this baby. And she's a planner. She's a sports person. She's a training, she's a PT. She schedules things within an inch of her life. She knows what she person. She's a training, she's a PT. She schedules things within an inch of her life. She knows what she's eating, when she does, when she, the training, when the events are, when this is, and she can control everything. And not only obviously was the fertility journey just like massive for them. Now she's got a new bond that doesn't

sleep. And she, you know, we're just talking about a routine. I was like, don't say the R word, don't say the R word, because speaking from experience of three very different babies, you can't plan everything and you can't book everything. And I was like, I don't know why that came to mind, but it was just thinking about if you're a planner, not being able to have the next step decided is really, really difficult. But as we're getting older, because she's a similar age to us, and so we're not old, but we're getting older,

this really, we want it to be about how we feel. Where do we wanna be? Like doing that exercise, the My Future Self, Letters to My Future Self, like pitch yourself in 10, 20, 30 years. Where are you? Where are you living? Who are you with?

What's the vibe? Like, can you see the sea? Can you see your period property? Like what? Where are you living? Who are you with? What's the vibe like? Can you see the sea? Can you see a period property? Like what is it that you see and want and work backwards from that? Because you have to get, you know, and it has to be realistic. You can't be like, I see myself in Blenheim Palace.

It's like, oh, okay, maybe not this life. But we can dream, dare to dream and dare to picture that and then work backwards from it. And so it's really frustrating when money gets in the way of the things that we'd like. And what we like doing at Financial is, okay, how can we make this work? How can we workshop this to make the money work? And it might mean slowing down. So she has been super frugal for years because she has paid off an awful

lot of debt from the past and from past relationships and started afresh. She's in the grand scheme of things to compromise what she likes and where she likes for the unknown. Absolutely. Yeah. It makes me feel worried for her. I'll be like, no, no, like where would you like to be? And if it's Edinburgh, then we make Edinburgh work. Now you might not be able to make that flat work. I would definitely be chatting to the landlord at some point. Sometimes it's hard about when you show your cards for that. Cause if you're not quite ready,

it might make them get at your feet and they might put the flat on the market. So part of it is like, wait until you've got that full deposit for what that estimated price would be and then have that conversation so that you could press go. But otherwise start to work out, okay, how can I make it work? Is it another two years saving?

And it's not a too frugal, but it is the next thing. Cause I like my life. It's cause she wants to move on to the next plan. Yeah, she's two thirds of the way there. So half of me, like, so obviously cash is king, I would say. You're gonna have more options in your back pocket. Like you said, you have to, if it's over the asking price, you have to have that in cash

and it's not part of the mortgage. So to be in the best possible position, she's already kind of figured out that you have to be cash rich in this situation. And she's been on a frugal, like Laura said, journey for the past couple of years. And I'm always about making sure that you feel good. And if you've been super frugal for so many years,

you just wanna get to the finish line. And I appreciate that. But it might be a case of just scaling back slightly, holding your cards close to your chest. I would actually like to live here, only do it when you're ready. Because like Laura said, people have done it where they've gone to the landlord and gone,

I'd really like to, I've known people where the landlord's been like, yeah, that's fine. And the rent that you're paying at the moment, you can have towards your house deposit because that means that I've got a buyer, I don't have to go to an estate agent. And then the person's never saved up the money because it's been like too good of a deal.

They're like, oh, they get a bit lazy. And then the landlord loses interest and think they're never gonna buy it, so I'll put it on the market. It does happen. Like giving you a lifeline here, God. Cash is king, so I feel like you're two thirds of the way there.

If it's difficult mentally to just keep going, take it back down a notch, there's no signs of your apartment going on the market, which you love, just enjoy being there. And that's what I was just thinking. It's in my head. It's not going anywhere. I was just thinking,

if you're not on the property ladder, and in the playbook, buying a property is optional in build. The reason I like people buying a property is one, it's a lot more stability and security because other than being able to pay the mortgage on time, you're in control of that property and you're living there, whereas a landlord at any point could say, I'm now selling up. So aside from that, it's an also diversifying your assets. So it's making sure that I've got some money in cash.

I've got some money in investments and I've got some property. So you diversifying it, but there's no rule about having to do them. So I like it, especially once people hit the late thirties, early forties. I do like the idea of someone getting on a property ladder because as they then come into their 60s and 70s, they've got a bit more stability. But also, if you don't have property, but you have lots of cash and lots of investments, you can have lived the life that you want and built up the same kind of portfolio or assets that give you options later.

And so for example, if someone loves living in London, the idea of them solo buying in London isn't for them. And they do actually see themselves not retiring in London, then do you know what, optimize your rent to get the nicest place you can for the money you can afford and stack up that money, invest that money for the longterm, take advantage of all the different high interest rates

you can, because later when you want to make a decision, yes, it wasn't in property and yes, you didn't get the increasing value of that, but it was somewhere else and it was increasing rather than I can't afford to buy all do nothing. So like, yeah, we do want to enjoy being and enjoy living and it's really hard because you want to move on to the next step. But if she likes where she is, carry on as she's doing. And there was a couple of comments about, it's hard and frugal, and I think she slipped back into frugal feeling.

That mindset of paying down the debt. Yeah, where you're like, I've got a debt payment date. She's now got a house deposit date. And it's like, you're putting these timelines on yourself. Genuinely, your village around you will not be thinking, should have bought a house by now. Should have bought, why should not got a house? Why are you not buying a house?

Like screw them, you've been on the biggest, one of the biggest debt-free journeys we've ever seen at Financial. Like you are an inspiration to a lot of the community members. So I would hate for you now to be back in that mindset of lack. Whereas actually you've got two thirds of a deposit, you are debt-free, you are in such a good,

financially well positioned. And you use the words like safe, you feel safe where you live. And not many people financially well positioned. And you use the words like safe, you feel safe where you live and not many people can say that. And you've built this lovely life in Edinburgh and I think my advice particularly would be to just stay there. So I wouldn't go anywhere else

unless there's something calling you, oh, actually I've got loads of family in here or there. If you like there, then settle in. Decide that's your city, decide that's your place. You romanticize your rent. Give yourself grace as well. Like you have to give yourself grace. You're a single person paying city center prices.

You're not going to magic a third of your deposit like that. And it's gonna take time. So I would hate for you to not be enjoying the city as in going out tonight, think nice places to eat. Well now I'm like, show us your budget, that's the next year homework is. I'm desperate to see this person's budget and be like, you're being too strict with yourself.

You've worked really hard, you're not gonna go back to that place because she's not, the journey that this person's been on and she was featured in the podcast heavily before because her story's so amazing. Do you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna send her out for a meal. She's getting a voucher from us.

We need to, girls, Edinburgh research, pick somewhere that she wouldn't pay. She's got the money, but it's in her savings and she's got a mindset. So we're gonna send her out for solo gorgeous dinner and she's gonna have fun. And she's gonna not- Guilt free fun.

Yeah, cause she won't have had to do it. We're gonna do that. And I want feedback on, is the fun in the budget? I bet there's not,- Guilt free fun. Yeah, cause she won't have had to do it. We're gonna do that. And I want feedback on is the fun in the budget? I bet there's not, but it's too tight. I like that. Of course you'd like that. She'll like, I will come. And it can be a dual dinner.

We will decide what you're getting. Yeah, so the rule at financial is you have to send the menu before you go out to eat anywhere. And we all decide as a group what we would, if we were going on this hypothetical, it won't be because she's going, but this dinner that this one person out of our group's going to, we all decide what we're gonna eat when you get there.

We have a Slack channel called hashtag food don't we Lydia? It's like, it's a very important busy channel. Sometimes there's pictures, sometimes there's menus. Sometimes it's what are you all having? Cause if you're just confused and you want inspiration for lunch. Sometimes it makes me jealous and I'm like,

oh, Alex, should we go out for dinner tonight? Lucy shares her weird and wonderful concoctions. Do you want to share with the group what your latest concoction is today for your lunch? Literally just tuna, rocket and jalapenos. Yeah, that's where we're at. That's how exciting the food channel is today. I only had a small tub, where tub?

So I had to commit to the most important part of the salad. Poor Lucy. Okay, time for our community win of the day. I've managed to save 1,000 euros for my emergency fund. As a single mum, it's taken me a while and even a year ago, I've managed to save 1000 euros for my emergency fund. As a single mum, it's taken me a while and even a year ago, I'd have never thought I'd have been able to do it. I'm really proud of myself.

1000 euro? Who's sat there thinking, where's she from? Me. Is she like from the continent? Is she from Ireland? Come on. Do you know? I'm thinking she lives in Paris.

I was thinking the French lady. Very possibly. Like pulling together that first thousand that you've ever done before, is for some people you might be like, oh, it's just savings. You're like, it's not a lot. No, no.

When you've never had to do it before, when it's not for something, when it's just to sit there and to give you and your children peace of mind or you and yourself and your cats peace of mind. It's just, it's game changing because it's the start of everything. I think for a solo person to have that is a game changer

to know that you can, because people just say the shit with money and they just leave it at that to go, no, no, I'm gonna. You could buy a thousand Freddo's if you want to. You probably couldn't. 500 maybe now, yeah, yeah. But to have, like you say, I'm gonna. You could buy a thousand Freddos if you want to. You probably can. You probably couldn't. 500 maybe now, yeah, yeah. But to have, like you said, when you've got children as well, or you're a solo person, to save up a thousand pounds

and it would ring fence for emergencies, you just feel like it's such a security blanket and that feeling of saving it up, people always put in the community when they've done it. Like you'll see so many posts on it. I've done my emergency fund because it's just a mental block for people. They're like, I couldn't possibly save up

that much money for nothing. I can save up for a holiday. That's easy. Cause you know it's like, it's a reward. You're getting something for it. It's tangible. All I have saved up for a house to put it, there you go. You've got a house in return to just save up a thousand

pounds. Like it takes a lot of discipline to do that. So yeah. And even if it does take a long time, it doesn't matter. You've done it now. It's like a financial canon event. Yes. You need like swim certificates like. Yeah.

Badgers. Yeah. On our towels. If you'd like to tell us your win, head to the community in the app or email it to the vault at financial.com. Okay. I've got, we're going to have to lock in on this next dilemma because it's a long one so settle in, but the context is important. Okay.

Just a quick one, Laura here. If you're wanting to take back control of your money, ditch debt, make better decisions and build wealth for the future, the Financial app is for you. With Financial, you can track your spending on the go, hit your money goals faster and create a realistic budget that you can actually stick to. Not to mention you'll be part of an exclusive money community who share tips, offer support and celebrate your successes along the way. Click the link in the description to download financial and start your free trial. Now, this is your sign to take control of your money today. Okay, I'm done.

Let's go back to the vault. Is my boyfriend taking advantage of me financially? Hi girls. I have a dilemma which is really getting me down. I've been with my boyfriend for three years and we've lived together for two years in his new build property. He was in the process of buying this house himself

when we first got together. And by the time we had been together for a year, his house was ready and he asked me to move in with him. Our original setup was that he pays the mortgage as it's all in his name. We split bills 50-50 and I don't contribute anything more towards rent or if anything needs fixes in the house etc. I would however take on the majority of the food shops. For example, if we do four food shops a month, I pay for three. This setup has worked for us up until recently, where my partner expressed that he doesn't feel I contribute enough financially. He has never wanted me to pay rent and does not want me to contribute

to the upkeep of the house as he doesn't want me to have my claim in the house. So he has asked me to basically take on another food shop to readdress the balance. I began taking on another food shop, but then I've noticed it's slowly becoming more than just that. I'm putting fuel in his car, I'm paying more for our dog, I'm doing the big Costco trips,

and I'm just slowly seeing him expect me to pay more for than just another food shop. I've told him that I don't think it's fair because he is paying off his asset while I contribute more to the house and won't see anything from it. But he doesn't see the problem with it being this way at all.

He thinks I shouldn't think that way because it sounds like I want to take advantage of him financially. But me being on the mortgage or contributing to the house is a hard no for him. For context, we are near enough the same and because I don't pay the mortgage, I'm able to save a similar amount per month for when we decide to buy a house together.

He states he can't contribute as much anymore because he pays off his credit card. I'm aware he has about 5k in credit card debt, but this has stayed near enough the same amount for a year. When I say I technically take home less than him because of my undergrad and postgrad loan, he says that it's not his problem because I chose to go to uni. I can afford to contribute a little more, but it just eats into what I'm saving. And I actually am saving as much as I physically can for our future. And he knows this. I don't know if I'm being paranoid, but I feel like he is gradually

moving the goalpost of what I'm contributing. And I don't really understand why. We both grew up without money. He has witnessed his parents go through a very bitter divorce, which went on for a long time because they couldn't agree on finances. And I split up with my last boyfriend because I stupidly paid off a large gambling debt for him

on the promise that he'd get help. Spoiler alert, he didn't. So I feel like we've both brought money-related trauma into this relationship. I honestly don't know if he's just taking advantage of me. Am I being unreasonable or is he slowly taking advantage of me financially? Pull me back from calling it a red flag.

I was gonna say- I know. Wait a minute, I've got one here. Am I right? Yeah. She said, am I being paranoid? And I just wanted to shout, no, no. You're not being paranoid. This is not

acceptable behavior and he is a hundred percent moving the goalposts. The language and being taken advantage of and the claim he's like, you're not claiming on my, well, people have told him that like if, and it's right, you know, you used to be fully aware of what the law says, but where you are, where you can show that you actively contributed towards paying the mortgage, because rent's not rent, rental agreement is not rent, possibly towards bills or possibly towards upkeep of the house, which he's been very careful to say, oh no, no, don't contribute to that bit, because that helps you get a claim. Why is that at some point a bad thing? Like,

let's pretend this is all okay and we're not going to tell you to leave it. So if this is all okay, what's next? So ignore the arrangement now, you can afford a bit of extra food shop, you're paying for this, you're paying for that. But it's not like an agreed amount. So it's a bit like, you know, food shops are expensive, by the way, nowadays, like you might be better like picking the Costco. Yeah. But it's like, I don't, you know, he doesn't want you to give him money for that. He wants you to pay for the food so that he's like protected. But what's next? Like when is the plan to buy something new? Do you like what there is that house,

that new build house that he's bought? Because there needs to be, like you've been living together two years, you've been together three, there's no rules about time, but what is the next plan? Because if the next plan is to buy somewhere new and not this one, then there will be quite soon agreements about how much you're going to spend, how much you're going to be splitting things. Or if it's to, because otherwise you could share what he's got now, but you can construct a legal agreement, which isn't 50-50 and he can bank the equity that he's built and you can hold a property proportionately so she could buy in 50-50 if she wants it, but she has to put up the cash and she gives it to him.

He doesn't have to lose out in this scenario. He does want his cake and eating it. He wants this convenient relationship that, sorry, he wants this relationship, but he wants the convenience of, I like it this way, but you can help with food. Yeah, I literally, my brain was, as you were talking, was going, he's having his cake and eating it. And I was like, did I telepathically say that to you?

I was like, she just said the same thing. I think you might've said it in the description or maybe I made it up. I don't know, but he literally is having his cake and eating it. Like it's inappropriate, the language that he's using. I agree, what is the next step? Because in your brain, you've been quite open and vocal

about the next step is to buy a house together. Why not that house that you're both in now? Can you not come up with some sort of arrangement? He's giving like final language. He's not talking future. He's quite happy to pay down the mortgage, but get you to pay for all the things that are arguably really expensive.

You've not got a good deal here. And he is kind of holding you back financially because as well, he's paying down a credit. It doesn't sound like he's paying it down. He's got a credit card balance that he needs to meet every month, but also chastising you that you've got an education that you're paying for.

Like, I'm not quite sure. That's not his problem. Yeah, like that language is- I don't like that. Well, your debt is my problem because like if we're gonna go into buying a house together, if that's still there, your contribution is gonna be less

because you're paying off debt. So actually- I don't, I really don't like the language. It's dangerous language. I'm not quite comfortable with it. If we were gonna flip it and let's pretend she's the one with the house, we would be giving the same guidance. We would want her to protect her assets and her wellbeing. But we would, you know, what do you recommend in that scenario? I think it's always recommendations are for a period of time for a set period. Help, you know, they could make sure he's helping contribute to dinners out,

make sure he's helping contribute to holidays maybe, make sure he's contributing towards food shops. But what we would do is bookend it and say for a period, because after a certain amount of time, he then wouldn't be building up an asset because he's staying with you and you're getting the benefit of kind of paying down your mortgage,

but splitting some things. So what's the next step? I would be curious to see what your budgets look like. Obviously you're part of financial community, so I'm imagining that you have a budget. It would be interesting. You both get paid similar amounts, which makes this much easier

because sometimes you've got a really complicated 70, 30. It sounds like you could both come into this relationship with you've got the into this relationship with, you've got the same amount of income, so it just makes things much easier. But listing out all the things that you pay for, him listing out all the things that he pays for, and then going, okay, what we're gonna do with the rest?

Because there's an imbalance here, happy for you to stake your claim on your mortgage. But like Laura said, what's the plan? I need to hold money back then. Yeah, because I need to protect myself. I do think that, you know, if we've got this wrong vibe-wise and you're in a really good place with him and you have both come

from scenarios where you're quite protective, I think the best thing when you're having these conversations and to raise that first, which is like, I'd like to have, let's have a sit down, let's have a money date night, let's talk about what's next. So the arrangement we have, it feels like you think I should be paying more. Well, this is, let me show you the past few monthly shops. Like we'll tell you what I spent on us in. Fuel. Yeah.

The dog. Putting petrol in his car. That's icky. I don't like that. That's just weird. Put petrol in his car? Yeah. Like I don't, I wouldn't like a man to put petrol in my car. No. I'm like, it's my car. I can absolutely do that. You're right. Taking the emotion. Cause everyone, it's very, it sounds very emotional in that he's pulling his past experience

with his parents' divorce, she's pulling, and she's admitted the trauma of paying off the debt by doing a money date night and having numbers. So not just saying, I pay for more, real easy. Start an argument that way. Look at whether you'd pay for more. And also, you know, on the flip side as well, look at if this is still a better deal

than deciding, you know, not to live with him because that's your relationship. But I do think that's where you start to look and go, actually, is this about language and how it's making you feel? It's making you feel like you're not, he's making you feel like you're not contributing enough when you think you are.

Do the numbers, have a look at the numbers. But I also have this conversation with him, which is it feels like you are very protective of your asset. And I fully appreciate that. I'm protective of my savings, I'm protective of this, but I'm saving for our next step. So what is the next step?

Because Bob, I'm gonna call him Bob, is it Brian on Girls Bathroom? Yeah, Brian. Because Brian, not copyrighted, I hope. Because Brian, all the while we carry on doing this, I'm missing out on growth of an asset because I'm not invested in a property and I want to. And I'm committed to our future,

we were supposed to buy a house together. I'm saving up for us. And likewise, if we like this arrangement actually, and I like this house and you like this house and we wanna stay here and you wanna keep owning it, no problem, but I need to protect my savings to grow, I need to invest them, I need to do stuff with them. I can't be giving you extra money

for more food shops and for more fuel. So you can't have it, it's kind of not having it both ways. If he wants the benefit of just his stake on the property and no one else is claiming anything, no problem. But there's a boundary then, and I need to be able to fund my future. And that's the downside that we always say, like there's a great arrangement where one person has a property and you move in together, but there needs to be a decision after a certain amount of time,

does that need to change? And if not, are you building up wealth in the meantime? And I think it'd be open to that because why should he have the claim on a property of an asset, but you not? You should be able to say, no, should he have the claim on a property of an asset, but you not? You should be able to say, no, no problem. If you are precious about this thing, and it could be, it could be something like you said from his past, no worries, but I can give this and I'm paying a lot. I'm not giving any more because just like you,

I want to do the same. I will be very telling. If he doesn't, yeah, if he doesn't listen to that. This is a test. I've got inkling he's gonna fail. And that's okay because you will not waste 10 years of your life because we've had a dilemma like this before where someone's messaged in,

a community member then messaged on the back of it to say, leave this person. Yeah, in fact more than one did actually. I've never been in that position so I'm like, just leave him, really, like very immature. But you just get a vibe. You just get, like, I go with my gut. And the minute that you read that one out, the other one,

and then a really helpful community member was like, I married someone like this, they will never change. Cause it was what, I think the dilemma was something like, what's mine is mine. Yeah, he has a what's mine is mine attitude. Yeah. And you know, you do, it is that this is all about synergy and yin and yang and we're all, we can be different,

but you have to make sure you're protecting yourself. And you may not have presented this in the right way before. You've got another opportunity to, if, you know, if it sounds like you, can I be on the mortgage? Can I do this? I think making it clear that if you were to do that, it's not to get a disproportionate claim on it. It's that, no, no, you've built this,

let's get an evaluation done. You can structure it with a lawyer so well that he isn't down. Like he literally nets off what he retains. You're not trying to get one over on him. No, he's acting like you are. And can I just say, I'm really proud of you for writing this dilemma,

because we are a financial community and it's all about being like financially well and so many women for years would have just put up with this shit and she's like, I feel like I'm being fraudulent a little bit. Like I should be paying to an asset and I'm just really proud that this is a dilemma. And that she's like, this doesn't feel right. This doesn't feel very financial to me.

Oh my God. Yeah. And for years, decades, women would have just moved into a partner's house. Thinking they're getting a good deal. Yeah. I'll be for the food. Not married. No legal payment, anything.

They split up, left with nothing, but paid a hell of a lot of money to Brian's chicken filets. Cause they eat a lot of protein. And they're expensive. You're not telling me those Costco shops aren't cheap. Toilet roll, chicken fillets, Costco cookies. We've all been there.

10 kilos chicken fillets. I heard chicken fillets and thought fake boobs. Yeah, me too. What? What's Brian wearing? Reach to their own spine. Don't worry about it. You know what I mean?

Mums of teenage boys are dying at the moment because obviously the boys want to get hench and they're eating all the the protein and they're like... Steaks. Yeah, when kids eat out of house and home they're like teenage boys are a different beast and I've got two boys and I'm just waiting for the day when Neil's like... Start stockpiling in the freezer. What is this?

Steak for breakfast? Yeah, Neil has to do the food shops then. Switch around. Or let us know how you get on. Good luck. And hopefully it was all our guidance or opinions are well received and the men like were on your side and we could have got the vibe wrong, but well done for asking.

Definitely. Okay, that is all for this episode. The vault is now closed. And just a quick disclaimer, the vault is just a chat around life and many topics we are not giving financial advice.