The Vault with Financielle - My best friend is a leech | The Vault Episode 3

Episode Date: March 14, 2024

Send us a textWelcome to The Vault with Financielle. Hosts Lucy, Laura and Holly delve into the world of money dilemmas from Leechy friends, getting the money ick, the benefits of budgeting and much much more! Nothing is off limits but everything is safe in the Vault.In this episode of The Vault, Lucy, Laura and Holly dive into the world of money focussed dilemas from the Financielle Community. The team debate car finance, leechy friends, lottery wins and celebrate some community wins! Listen in to Episode 3 now.Visit https://www.financielle.co.uk to join our community! Chapters:00:00:00 - Introduction00:03:22 - The Financial Burden of Car Finance00:09:02 - The Car Finance Dilemma00:12:10 - Charging the Car at a Public Point00:15:13 - Being Comfortable Becomes Leeching00:18:32 - Creating a Mini Emergency Fund00:21:37 - TikTok Trends and Bougie Spending00:24:53 - Living Your Best LifeThe Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

This is a juicy one, so be prepared. Welcome to The Vault with Financial, a safe space where we talk all things life and money. I clearly missed out on the blazer memo today. I didn't get it. Not in uniform today You had knitwear, okay I think I forgot your team colours as well Is it all like denims, leathers and

Neutrals I'm blending in Ain't no colour coming on this sofa anytime soon Well it's nice to be back Nice to be back So I'm going to start off with a TikTok as always I spend every waking minute of my life on TikTok So

You've got plenty of material just for you do you tell do you tell alex it's my job it's my job i need to scroll at midnight right let's have a look at the tiktok my daughter asked me how come we don't have a cool car and i said i beg to differ we have the coolest car available on the road today and that is a paid off car that's right right. I ain't got no car note. And she said, well, if you don't have a car payment, doesn't that mean you can afford a new car? And I said, not around here, partner. Not around here. This car might be 11 years old and have 190,000 miles on it, but we are going to drive her until the wheels fall off

and the engine explodes on the side of the highway. We will drive her until the cost of the repairs outweighs what we have saved for a new car. And we are not fixing non-essential items. The backup camera doesn't work. That's fine. I learned how to parallel park without one. The radio works when it wants to. Also fine. I'm content sitting in the silence listening to the racing of my own thoughts. The temperature gauge says it's 100 degrees outside. It's not. I live in New York. It's snowing.

We're going to drive her until she doesn't drive anymore because there is nothing cooler than a car that has paid off and don't let anybody tell you otherwise. I mean, I know Laura's going to love this one. This is car finance. I mean, I just, I feel like, should I start or should I? Definitely. Yes.

Pause. She mic dropped. Like, there is nothing cooler than a car that is paid off. And there's a couple of things really cool about that TikTok. One is she's sharing that with her daughter. So this is kind of a conversation where our children are being brought up in a society where things are readily available on finance. It's very normal to upgrade your phone. It's very normal to just keep switching cars and it's all a car finance game.

And she is brought up in that space. And so she is learning from her mum that no, no, no, just because most people do it that way we're not gonna when that's okay and so that's the one side the second side is like that car sounds like a member of the family she's a she I wish I knew its name her name I wish I knew the car's name and she's highlighting all the things that someone else would say I need to get a new car because the rain you know the radio doesn't work and the heating doesn't work and um the what else did she say it's like a hundred and a thousand miles like she's listing all the things that someone else would say so I need a new car but she's kind

of celebrating it and going I don't care it's I don't need to change any of that and such a cool mindset even if it's a bit weird what do you think you're not you don't drive yet but you're surely your peers are all like in the car finance game that's a massive assumption but I was just about to say I feel like I've got some friends who are definitely on car finance and just talking to them when we have like money conversations their expenses it's like they're paying rent like times two because I just don't understand how a car, somewhere where I feel like I've heard you say this before, you can't live in your car. Your priority is where you live and all of your basic essentials.

But a car spending that much money every single month and you're kind of trapped in that cycle. It's just insane to me. I have a lot of sympathy as well though for people your age that are trying to get the first car because it's just so expensive driving lessons are expensive insurance is expensive and then cars are expensive so it's a really you know a big financial commitment for people to make so i completely understand why the easiest thing to do is to get drawn in to a sign at the side of the road that says not percent interest on your car finance but what's the percentage less than five percent of car finance

is actually not percent um it's absolutely tiny but it is affordable it's accessible and so you see that monthly fee yeah and you kind of go i can afford that and and that is a really important thing to think about people need to get to work and they want to be able to travel around safely some people lean into car finance when they have children, because there is this mentality that I want a reliable car. I mean, I've had a friend with a Porsche that broke down in the first week on the motorway. And so it's not a reliable, it was a brand new one, not reliable. The fact that it's new, you never know. And you always might need breakdown cover and stuff like that. But I think it's, it is a hard one. What I would say is lots of, lots of, especially younger

people that start off on that car finance journey, they usually at some point want a house as well and what happens when you buy a house is they look at affordability so they look at your budget and they go yeah is there room in this budget if interest rates go up or if one of if you lose a job or if you your expenses suddenly go up and if you have a two three four hundred pound car payment possibly two if there's two of you and you're buying together they're just gonna look and go like that is a big chunk that's like bigger than your food bills we know too we know number of community members pay more for their two cars than they do for the mortgage that's insane that's terrifying and law is always like when are you gonna when does this end so that's the problem it's just too easy to roll into the next one

like i remember working in a corporate job and some of the execs would have like very reasonable like norm what you would call normal cars and they're like interns would be like like pulling up literally you and a mercedes like bmws audis and you just know, I think you said one day you looked around the car park and you were like, I think I'm the only person in the car park that actually owns my car. And it was a real slog. Like that's not a flex. It was, you know, going without, um, back then when I paid off that, that car and said, never again, there was a lot of sacrifice that, that went with paying off that car and then driving it around and owning it. And then on the other side, there's a lot of stuff you need to do. Like you need a

sinking fund to think about when, not if it's going to break down, when the service needs to be done, when the MOT, which is hilarious. Cause when I used to do car finance years ago, and I remember the first time I then owned my car and owned a car that was old enough for an MOT. Cause you don't, I think on brand new cars, you don't need it. I missed it. I actually was driving my car illegally for a few days. And I think, I don't know whether it, my dad or husband, one of the men in my life said, you don't think you need an MOT? And I was like, oh my God. And I just never needed to have done it because I'd always had newer cars. And now I've proud, lovely car, 2014. So it's kicking on, like, I guess working from home or not traveling a lot has helped the mileage but

I am proud of it and I think what I would say if you're listening to this now and you're in the car finance cycle like we're here to help message us ask us any questions um email in because we will help you get out of that car finance we'll help you with a plan and we'll also show you that it can be cool to have not the latest car and it's all about prioritization and you will get to a point of your life hopefully where you're so financially well that actually car finance if you want to doesn't really matter it's not a big proportion of your wealth but don't be driving around in a car to impress other people i was just about to say half you can't see the outside of the car when you're in the car literally it doesn't make any

i don't know how to use buttons in my car on my husband's car. It doesn't matter. No, I can't like your car either. It's just such a social status symbol. But why should you not be emotionally attached to a car, Laura? Because what can happen to them? Oh my God. So my husband and I lost two cars in a car fire at Liverpool Echo.

Oh my God. On New Year's Eve when I was pregnant. It was a great time. Great start to the year. Couldn't even have a drink to console my thoughts. How did you get home? So it was New Year's Eve exactly there were people

who were in the Hilton at the Liverpool at the foyer with everyone else whose cars were on fire the whole car park like basically was on fire

good night for Ubers and we we managed to get someone to come get us a minibus because there was there was two cars worth of people

that's why we were there and all the some Christmas presents and stuff like just yeah yeah like brand new stuff like the stuff that kids want to take in the car and you go put it in the boot and we'll go we'll kind of we're taking um

relatives out around Liverpool and showing in Liverpool and you know what it makes you think stuff's not important and I was not emotionally attached to that car and I owned every piece of it like it was it was all mine it wasn't a car finance company I imagine I would actually be more worried if it was someone else's but yeah extra layer of worries you know yeah well everyone's like that like if you dent your car and you're like oh it's gonna be I'm gonna have to go yeah I'm gonna have to take that and be fixed like when you hire a car on holiday and you're like yeah come outside and look at all the scratches you're like it's fine it's fine it's fine yeah don't tell my dad but I am less bothered if I whack my car door on a concrete post because it's mine and hey ho and like she said and I probably won't get it fixed because there's other things in a priority in my

budget that it can go to so yeah I'm here for the car finance one you knew I'd like that one well done definitely planted okay so I'm gonna go on to dilemma number one so this is a good one not heard this before so the title is my best friend has turned into a leech a leech what is a leech is it like a slug like a slug like a blood sucking oh yeah I get that now that makes sense what is one this is the title what is it can you tell me what that means okay please help I feel like I can't afford to keep my best friend so for reference I'm 30 happily married and a new mum to a nearly one year old congrats I've been close with my best friend since we were children we basically grew

up together so let's just say we have no boundaries which usually I love but it's starting to grate on me we live in the same town and she's always around at our house, which I'm super grateful for because she helps with babysitting here and there. I can imagine that's like a lifesaver sometimes. Takes a village, literally. Until the last couple of months, she seems to have gotten a little bit too comfortable in our home. She helps herself to all the food in the fridge.

She even ate my husband's meal prep gotta look after those calories which didn't go down well she charges her electric car at our house and turns the heating up super high without even asking i didn't say anything at first but just and just put it down to her feeling at home. But our bills have skyrocketed and my husband is at his wits end with her. She's going through a bit of a tough time financially, so I feel guilty. But now I have a family to think about and money goals to hit. I feel like I need to say something, but what should I do? I don't even know what to say.

How bold. First of all, imagine getting home from work and the food... Not even getting home from work. Imagine the food from your fridge that you've mentally thought about all day. It's gone. It's gone. Nothing ignites fury in me more than that.

You are a foodie and I would never mess with your meal prep. There's literally logs on my fridge. Our fridge is like a uni fridge and it's never mess with your meal prep there's literally locks on my fridge our fridge is like a uni fridge and it's like Lucy's do not touch

yeah oh my god your Ross from Friends my sandwich you need the post-it it's a really interesting dynamic I also feel like

you know fair play to the husband that's like you need to speak to your friend he's not gone in and gone well it sounds like he's not made a scene,

but he's not happy and he's back-channeled it and said, you need to sort this out and speak to her before I do, maybe. Yeah, that's crazy. I think the electric car's the bold one. That's literally parking up someone's house. I mean, let's kind of charge my iPhone because it's low. You've got to charge a lead.

I feel like I saw something on Instagram whereby a woman literally just pulled up to a man's house and was like... I mean, what are the laws of that? and then just literally stood leaning on the car and he was like excuse me what are you doing?

she was like charging my car up it's not a public point where do you even go from? I feel like as a best friend though you should never get into this situation

I would it's all you can approach things with banter you can be like who do you think you are? like what do you think we're made of money?

turning the heating up like it's boiling in here or do you know expensive fuel price or whatever i feel like from a banter perspective you could probably yeah sort this quite quickly without being like you need to not do that but then at the same time if she's minding their child her child is that quite hard to come by? Childcare is expensive. She's probably making money. Stop whinging. Sometimes when I come round to your house, Holly, and I have a really bright back room, like where my kitchen and stuff is,

and I'm the person that, my screen on the iPhone, I want it really bright. And I've actually got really good vision. And same as on my computer screen, I feel like I go into your back room and I always want to put loads of lights on so I put them all on and then sometimes it'll be a bit cold and there's a heater in the corner so I'll put the heater on and there's a conservative so like it makes it feel a lot colder and like my brother-in-law always says bloody hell what were you doing here I'm turning everything

on and it's about it and it is but I can imagine if like that was like forever in a day but and i'm very aware of that i go like sorry like this is like i've just made it my space and i'm at least like sister yeah i feel like family like anything goes yeah but if it's for a prolonged period that's what would be really interesting so i think when you are hosting someone when someone's coming around i think you should allow for these like one-offs of if they're a really cold person let them be comfortable in your house and either give them a jumper and give them some socks or accept that like i always remember our nana used to put the fire on for us do you remember yeah like she knew we would come in and she'd put the fire on

to make it to accommodate but yeah how is this person it's she sounds like a bit of a family member so i feel like to to use banter in a way that would not upset someone, but addresses the issue is surely the way to go. I feel like maybe tackle one thing at a time. Yes. The food first. Yeah, obviously food priority. So how should they, is that with banter?

Like how should she tackle that? You're eating my food. I think that's the husband's job to come in and go, what am I going to have for dinner? But do you think she was there when they weren't there? I think so. She's just gone to the fish.

She's got a cane. If I had a babysitter though, I would feed them. But is it the bait? Was she babysitting at the time? Maybe they need some bait. And catch it. Ring doorbell.

They need to leave like some cheaper meals in the fridge. The separate fridge. I definitely think on the car front because that is expensive to have to literally be charging an extra car i would be thinking capturing the acting be like whoa like it's actually really expensive or maybe you go oh well actually spills have gone really up recently i think it's the i think it's a charging point she might just be struggling financially as well at the minute you know I could never

I would literally walk to their house because I'd be so I would be like oh no no I don't want to put anybody out I am the opposite of this person she is bold

she is brave she is living her best life I would literally be walking home in the rain Lydia what would you do? I mean I feel guilty asking

for like tap water and things like that no I feel guilty asking for like tap water. No I'm fine. I asked for tap water in a pub the other day and they charged me two. She was like no we couldn't possibly here you have to buy a bottle of water for like three quid. I just want your tap water. She's the type of person to like oh do you want a drink? Yeah I can have hot chocolate whipped cream marshmallows please. The audacity. Can I have an aesthetic milk? What's it called? Aesthetic design. Oh, yeah, the latte art.

The latte art, that's it. I was like, what the hell is it? Yeah. So is she a leech? I don't know. I wouldn't go as far to say she's a leech. I think she's comfortable. Oh, but this could be the start of her leech journey.

Definitely. Oh, no, she's going to fatten up. She's like, she could literally be like, I'm testing the water. It's fine. Definitely. She'd be she's going to fatten up. She's like, she could literally be like, I'm testing the water. It's fine. Definitely. She'd be in the bath next. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a really interesting one. But if she's struggling financially as well, you know, there are, I think there are things that you can do. As a friend or family member, goodness of your heart, which is like, do you want to come round for dinner

like do you want to I'm trying to think of what else you would do we help where it's giving it's not like lending money obviously it's not that

but it's not do you want to come and charge a car around at our house she's a taker and by the way if she's charging a car she's got a pretty good car

yeah definitely I just want to say she's on car finance definitely oh that was a good one I hope you I hope you get it sorted and get to a point

and I think Holly great shout on banter first banter first don't make a big deal about it first don't let her feel attacked see who she realises

definitely wait unplug her car she can't get home she's got to stay over have a bath put the heating on dressing gown slippers meal power cut sorry so i've got a little community win yay which we all love so i'm so thankful that i came across financial about this time last year i fully committed to the principles on the first of How much?

Cuantos? That's a lot of money. Over £14,000 in debt. I've also significantly... Can I speak? Increased. I've also significantly increased my network and still managed to go on two holidays numerous weekends away and meals out with friends balance is key i'm so much more conscious of my

spending and i'm really excited for the year to come my goal for next year is to pay off a large loan and significantly reduce another which will ultimately be the last debt. Amazing. And for those listening who go, what's Financial Shell, what are the principles? Financial Shell is the brand and platform that we've built to help people take back control of their money. And it's a plan. And so people really benefit from this plan.

And on a high level, this community member has probably done what most people do is look at their finances, create a budget, know their numbers. And so they understand what's coming in, what's going out, because that's kind of what you've got to go with. Then she will swiftly move through creating and building a mini emergency fund, maybe for the first time. Some people do it for the very first time. And then when that's an amount that you feel comfortable with, you crack on and you get rid of that debt. If you can ditch debt and stop dancing with debt, you will just fly. You're really going to get to spend that. You're going to get to put it towards

savings, put it towards goals and living your life. And so she sounds like she's in a stage where she's done a little bit of living, a little bit of putting money aside for things that she wants, but also she's, she's got a goal and she's staring down becoming debt free. Um, and hopefully she'll go on to do, you know, big things with her net worth and her wealth whilst feeling like she's staring down becoming debt-free. And hopefully she'll go on to do big things with her net worth and her wealth whilst feeling like she's doing well. So that's a gorgeous win. It's a really good one. And even though she's saying

that she's still got another loan to come, but she sounds so relaxed about it. Whereas if there's no plan in place and there's no system and there's no action being taken to have a loan and number of debts could actually be really stressful. But she sounds like she's like,

and I've got another loan to crack on with. She's just got it going. She's got the flywheel going. She's cracking on. Well done you. If you want to tell us any of your wins, please head to the Financial community or email us at thevaultatfinancial.com.

Okay. Number two dilemma. This is a juicy one. So be prepared. I won the lottery and i don't want to tell my husband oh bold so hope husband's not listening since i was younger i've always bought lottery tickets but i've only won small amounts here and there cut to to now, I'm 42 and I've just won over £100,000 on the lottery. My husband has always laughed at me and said I would never win and I should stop wasting my money. I'm the husband to be fair, I'm the husband. Lottery cynic. I feel bad now. My relationship with my husband has been a bit rocky for the last couple of years.

I've been thinking about leaving him for the last year, but shut down any thoughts because I just can't see how I would be able to afford life on my own. Do I have a moral responsibility to tell him I won the lottery or do I just go through with the divorce without letting him know? I feel guilty because he has provided for me financially throughout our marriage but i have no pension or any financial security so am i right to be selfish and keep quiet run i mean do you want the moral or the legal side because there's two very different whether you like it or not he's gonna find out if you're gonna go through a divorce don't you have to like present all your you have to do a financial statement really yeah yeah so so to to run i mean i don't know where you're gonna run to or skip town just run anyway with bags of money in an aesthetic outfit in a car with a headscarf drive away with a head carver yes and buy the car outright yeah

buy the car in cash i feel like just run for the, run, run. Just run with bags of money flying out the bags in the car with a headscarf. I feel like a Beyonce like theme tune.

Yeah. The new song would be great. Have you seen these TikToks and it's like, I wouldn't tell anyone if I won the lottery, but there'd be signs and it's like,

get in the top shelf, olive oil. Like Filippo Berio. No sub-soil. Vente on the coffee. I've not, but I need to be on that side of TikTok. An extra side of, what was it? Avocado on your salad.

It was like, oh my God. Listen, this is off topic, but I went to Ben's Garden Centre. It's legendary and I'm here for it. And it's in our vicinity. And I love seeing someone who can be quite frugal sometimes i love seeing people be bougie and it isn't the cheapest but it is full and people love it and the quality is amazing so i was here for this salad right i really really wanted the salad and there was this atlantic prawn salad and so because of

the prawns it was obviously a bit punchy on price it was £16.99 oh my god me and my husband were like they were both saying what are you getting £16.99 we were like looked at each other

Willie at home I'll have a cup of tea instead he had us gone it was amazing but there you can you can you can add on

avocado for £3.99 you can literally buy four no eight avocados for that it's a tiny little pot of mashed avocado which I have done it before

I didn't do it yesterday bring your own next time but I've not won the lottery bring your own avocado I've not I've not won the lottery and it was in the budget so it's fine

so that was a bit off topic but yeah I wonder what what would what would you do in your life what would people think what would your bougie option how would I know that you've won the lottery?

Oh my God. You're so careful. I mean, I was going to say food, but I have won the lottery already, so. Yeah, you're a truffle prize gal. You would still do a no spend February. Literally, I would. You would still do it.

In fact, you'd love the challenge because all that money it's like you I wouldn't want to see that money like go down I wouldn't want to see it go to 9999

I need a side hustle it's even more pressure getting back up to 100k quick the best hour draft you've ever had literally I'm in debt

oh my gosh 100k is not like I thought you were going to say a lot more it's a good alright I'm not taking it okay I thought you were going to say a lot more alright I'm not taking it I thought it was going to be

like a euro million 50 million I'd pay pay the husband off like no problem 100k listen

it can get spent very quickly you know it's not a minimum especially if she's not got a pension got nothing nothing to show for it

but I'm going to call her out a little bit because she said he's looked after me financially so you know and got nothing to show for it. But I'm going to call her out a little bit because she said, he's looked after me financially. So, you know, it's very easy to think this bit's now mine. But if he has looked after her,

you would kind of expect the same treatment back. But anyway, like on a legal basis, when you are getting divorced, you do what's called a financial statement and you declare what you both have and that's what's in your pensions and that's what's in the house equity and what's in savings and what's in debt as well, relatively. And you kind of look at assets and usually, unless there's like extra agreements in place or extra stuff, you divide it fairly. And you may find that it will be taken into account, but you still might keep most of that in an eventual separation because

if he does have a better pension than you like that gets looked at so yeah I mean no one here is telling her to run but a lot of my told you so

she can just live her like best Beyonce music video like daydream but have to declare it why are you still together I wouldn't tell my husband if I won a scratch card 10 pounds keep it pocket ultimate

hustle only because i probably go what right this is one if you won on a scratch card say like 10 to 20 pounds would you spend it in the shop yeah defo i just go and get loads of snacks you are a snack once they're we two would definitely be in there getting all the nerds all the expensive immediately yeah probably she's boozing out

all the expensive candy top shelf candy nerds none of that smart my little girl there's a garage there's a petrol station in our village

got Londis on the front and she keeps going can we go to Londis and I keep telling her it's too expensive and this morning this morning we drove past on the way back from nursery and she went face on the window can we find going can we go to Londis and I keep telling her it's too expensive and this morning this morning we drove past on the way back from nursery

and she went face on the window can we find a way to get more cash and I was like what do you mean she said so we can go to Londis

I was like oh dear lord a child wants to go to Londis she's never been talking about it at school we're struggling for money it's because I keep saying it's the new Disneyland just keep it

keep it going yeah see how long we can build it up it keep it going yeah see how long you can build it up for keep it going because I'm going to take her we're going to London

you'll know that we've won the lottery if we go to London alright oh that's going to give it away she's there with a lion bar white lion bar

she wants a kinder egg but I'm telling you it's probably double the price that the Sainsbury's one you need to go and like plant some stuff get a Londis bag I went to Londis today for you do you, it's probably double the price of the Sainsbury's one. You need to go and like plant some stuff. Get a laundress bag. I went to laundress today for you.

Do you know what's ridiculous though? I'm going, no, it's too expensive. She spent £17 on a salad. And £4 on an avocado. And guys, if I want a diet coke from that garage, I'm pulling in. I'm going to buy myself a diet coke. I'm taking my noose.

I'm going to be the best auntie in the world. Okay, so hopefully, morally, we'd love you to keep it legally. Please don't run away. And please tell the truth when you have to confess. But actually, tap on that. If you're not happy, don't be worried you're not happy. Oh, it shouldn't be. Yeah, that's very easy for me to be like,

oh, you shouldn't be with him because of a financial situation. There's so many people that come into our community that are stuck in a relationship because they're not financially secure um which is always you know it's really difficult for us to kind of give advice on that because it's easy said than done just leave them where am i going to go if you've not got anywhere to go but we do have a lot of people building fuck off funds in the background in um in an unhappy relationship you've just won one so well done she got gifted a fuck off and that's a sign it is a sign you leave run get a blood dry or something and yeah

get a dice and air it while you're on it okay that was a good dilemma okay that's all for this episode so any final words before we close the vault Run for the hills. No. I think I've said enough. Okay. So the vault is now closed. So don't forget to invite your friends into the vault and share this podcast. Please send us your dilemmas over email or voice note, if you feel like it, to thevaultatfinancial.com. Small disclaimer, the vault is just a chat around life and money topics.

We are not giving financial advice.