The Vault with Financielle - My Boyfriend Has A 'Get Out' Fund | The Vault Episode 6

Episode Date: April 4, 2024

Send us a textThe Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money. In this episode of The Vault, we dive into the world of money focussed dilemmas from the Financielle Community. Buckle up for F**k-Off Funds, ‘traditional’ hen do plans, mindset shifts, rent struggles, and reflecting on financial goals and lifestyle. - Visit https://www.financielle.co.uk to join our community!Chapters:00:00:00 - Introduction00:02:45 - Milestone Moments in Celebrations00:07:41 - The Get Out Fund00:10:10 - Building an Emergency Fund Together00:12:44 - The Importance of Mindset Shift in Financial Planning00:15:02 - The Struggle of High Rent and Fixed Expenses in High-Cost Areas00:17:14 - Considering Your Financial Goals and LifestyleThe Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

It was just- What happened to the blow-up dolls and penis straws? Why have we got all sophisticated on ourselves? Let's just bring it back down. Let's just be humble. I'm Ellie and me. Welcome to The Vault with Financial, a safe space where we talk all things life and money.

And no topics are off limits. None. None. None. Okay, ready for the first TikTok? Yes, let's get into it. Okay. You are the bitch that is asking your fucking friends

to go to Greece for your bachelorette. Knock it off. Knock it the fuck off, okay? Unless you are pegging for every fucking thing. You got the plane, you got the tickets, you got the Airbnb. With love to you, Rochelle, I don't want to go to Greece

and have to take off time off of work and pay out of the asshole to go to your fucking bachelorette yeah Rochelle Rochelle I feel like I'm in Rochelle this is confession time go on

I feel like I'm I think any bride to be has a little bit of Rochelle in her. Yeah, because it's social media is to blame. Films are to blame. The bridesmaids, I'm looking at you. No, the concept of going on, of it being your wedding, it's your time to shine.

And we all go to everyone else's and the minute it's yours, it's literally your time to shine. So any kind of to everyone else's and the minute it's yours, it's literally your time to shine. So any kind of like Pinterest board that you've ever had in your head or any like celebrity hem party that you've seen you want to replicate, like it's your time to shine. So I feel, I see both sides on this.

I have been Rochelle and I had the best hem party ever. Laura planned it with one of our other best friends and it was immense. It was incredible. We went down to Cornwall for like three nights in a mansion with a swimming pool. Like we had a themed night every single night.

It was very fun. I'll walk you through it. So Friday, I topped out. This is my, I peaked. I've never planned anything since. And what was your 10th wedding anniversary recently? So Friday night, Irish night, because we liked Ireland.

And so we had like Baileys and Guinness. Blow up left. Cute. Precon's fancy dress. Yeah. Steak and ale pie. Yeah. And then Saturday was New York and we got cocktails.

And it was like, as if you're going out in New York, what would you wear? And we had a disco and stuff. And then the cheeseburgers and things. And then the Sunday was Mexico because they liked Mexico. And so it was all like tequila and wear like your summer outfits and it was really really good tequila do you know what it's funny when you say that it's our day i think as girls this starts at like prom yeah like the prom dress like i need a dress and you know i need to go and get a

beautiful dress and then maybe you're or you're 16th or you're 18th or you're 21st there's these moments where you see like we're the centre of attention it's milestone moments

and I feel like your hen do bachelorette on your wedding is the last one true boy's gonna be that's true it's the last hurrah

yeah usually it's your chance I mean unless you get married again but even then your second wedding can you do oh I'm getting married again. But even then, your second wedding, can you do, oh, I'm getting married again, can you all come to Mexico for my bachelorette?

I feel like people wouldn't be bold enough to do that, though. It's the thing to do. Do you think that once you get a little bit older, if you're the bridesmaid, you get the fear of dread, like you've got to plan another hen do? I don't think I've ever planned a hen do. Oh, I planned yours. I did have a hen do. I don't think I've ever planned a hen do. Oh, I planned yours. I didn't have a hen do.

I had a bridal shower. Yeah. Like a dinner. What's that? Sophisticated hen do. We went for a lovely lunch. Was it Victor's? Yeah, yeah.

We went for a lovely lunch. It was amazing. It was lunch, drinks, home. That's what it should be. Yeah. But I mean, I saw a TikTok the other day as well and it was like, where lunch drinks home that's what it should be yeah but i mean i saw a tiktok the other day as well and it was like where has all of this come from like i thought it was literally a night out like you weddings on the saturday the night's out night out is on the

thursday yeah like i think it used to be that back in the day said her hen do was um a meal at the local the village pub with her mother-in-law and auntie-in-law to be, you know, like that was it. There wasn't like even a night out. It was just. What happened to the blow up dolls and penis straws? Why have we got all sophisticated on ourselves? Let's just bring it back. Let's just be humble. But I like that. We've talked about this on the pod before, actually, this general issue of affordability and what's appropriate and what isn't. And you've just got to find your balance. Because you know what?

Some of us sometimes do want that holiday that's not with children if you've got children or that's like not with your partner, it's just you and some girls. And if it all aligns and the stars align and it's just like, this is what we want to do. But I think it's the bridezilla. Like, I'd like to,

oh my God, who brands their own though? It's people that, Rochelle, it's people that, it's people that want the grease, the grease spatula and then they go,

but everyone can't come to that. So we're going to do a drinks in Manchester. And then we're going to do a bridal shower. The home hen. Yeah. Then for the like mother-in-law

that you might, that might not want to come on the night out, but you still want to celebrate with them. It's just got too much. Stop it. Everyone just take a breath. But then you said it was the last hurrah. It's not. Do you know why? There's now gender reveals and there's baby showers. Why is this a thing? We need to stop. It's the it's social media i would with my friendship group i hope you're all listening right now so this is the plan take notes we're all gonna get married in the same year and we're

all gonna go on a group trip um and just have a really great time that's fine and none of you are the center of attention it's not your day shared it's our day do you know what who i feel who i do feel sorry for the friend that gets married. Because once you've been a bride, you've ticked the box. You're like, I've done my hen do now, so we're going to go and I'm done. Whereas the poor person that's been on every single person's hen do,

she deserves the time to shine as well. So when do you call it? When do you call it? Because people that got married first have started to have kids and they're like, then that's the excuse not to go on holiday but this bride's lucky

because she will look back and think how stupid the old weddings were she can learn from everyone else's mistakes true she's going to have the best one

she's the smartest bride that was a good TikTok that one screw you Rochelle love Carla Daddy can I just say though when is it Alex Cooper

yeah when she gets married, she's going to grace. However, she's flying. Yeah, she's got the plane. She's probably got her own plane

or they're going on Carlier or something. Okay. I've got a dilemma which I think is gonna get us a little bit riled up, maybe. So,

my boyfriend has a get out fund i feel like this is going to silence us a little bit okay good luck okay it's been done so my boyfriend and i have been together for over eight years now we own a house together and we talk very openly about money which which I'm really grateful for. Whilst we split bills 50-50, we aren't fully financially combined. We split groceries and dining out, but practice our one person gets this time

and one person gets it the next time policy. We tell each other when one of us comes into some extra cash or when one of us is short, the other is happy to help cover the expense. We're in a happy relationship. I never sensed any possessiveness or resentment over what's mine and what's yours. But last week, I found out he has a separate savings account, which he's never mentioned. A secret bank account with a nice cushion of money. I feel stunned, but it's hard to express what I'm feeling to him. I felt like

everything was positive and we were slowly moving towards hitting our goals. He tried to explain that he wasn't keeping it hidden, this money was irrelevant to our life and our finances but it was a last resort get out fund. Something he would only use if our relationship became toxic and he needs an escape route. I was with him. I know you're not finished. I was on his side until he called it the get out fun. And I feel like this is all about semantics. Like emergency fun. If it goes toxic and if you turn out to be a lunatic,

I can run away is probably not the right bad chief. Naming of the account. I don't know what the pot's called in Stalin, but we need a, we need a rename. Go on. But that only made me feel worse, obviously. Like he's always had,

kind of had one foot out of the door. I don't know how to organise my feelings about this or how to talk to him about it further. I mean, change the name. I know, yeah. First of all. Aside from the name,

I'm with him because. Honestly. Are you shocked about this yeah no it's a fuck off fund I know we've got one she's just jealous

that she's not thought of the same thing but what if you do that do you do that in a healthy relationship though that like I've got one

has everyone got a pot of money that they're like in case we break up no no it's true I have access to it if I i needed i have access to money if i needed it um but it's the so the big thing here for me genuinely is i don't know how long they've been together obviously she doesn't share

that no she said eight years over eight years she was how much i was listening not a comprehension exercise so eight years is actually quite a long time to be looking at because you don't have to get around there's no rules about that but about what money we do and don't have and to have a get out fund when you've been together eight years is also a little bit of a red flag because surely at that time it just turns into an emergency fund if we need it for anything and and quite frankly they've not fully combined their finances, but they're almost there. It's his anyway. So it's there for him.

So I think he's positioning it as a get out is not helpful. It's the positioning. And you'd think after eight years, one thing I would say is you'd think after eight years that if they're so honest and open about money, that it would be clear that he's got a fund, an emergency fund.

And he would surely encourage her to have one as well. Absolutely. Yeah, that's a good point. Is she just annoyed that she's not necessarily fund, an emergency fund. And he would surely encourage her to have one as well? Absolutely. Yeah, that's a good point. Is she just annoyed that she's not necessarily done the same thing? No, I think she's just more annoyed that he's got one and didn't tell her. And it's in case they need to get out.

But we have to be sensible here. Relationships end. Relationships end after eight weeks. Relationships end after eight years. Relationships end after 28 years. Like, everybody should be thinking about this like you're right it's semantics it's not that the fact that he's got one it's just how it's positioned so my advice to you go and start building yourself one or talk about how you can

have an emergency fund together that you both amicably split should anything happen yeah yeah and talk to him how about how you feel so are you and he's got the money are you annoyed about how he's positioned it could be banter it could be let's get out of front you know and also like they're trying to hit their money goals she might be thinking like well that could go to like that's that could sort our holiday yeah i understand that but some couples are really funny about joining any sort of finances like that aren't they yeah sounds like they've got it's a shame they've got a nice healthy balance. That sounds like a very healthy, financially sound relationship.

Yeah. It's the, she doesn't say I'm struggling. I can't afford, she says when one's struggling, the other one sorts it. And, you know, like if she's spending her excess money on stuff

and he's got excess money to put in a bank account, it's not his fault. True. You thought we were going to go mad on this one didn't you but I mean I think it is just the

like call it an emergency fund the psycho Susan like meme that he's got next to the in case it went toxic oh yeah watch pictures on this

on the what's the picture on the part Freddie Mercury I want to break free like oh good luck

build your own okay sorry Lucy okay Lucy's fuming she's like I've got a friend okay I've got a really nice community win to bring the tone up a little bit okay the biggest win for me has been mindset change I used to think I'll never be able to afford new kitchen new car etc in reality we absolutely could I just didn't know until I started to budget now I feel like anything is possible obviously it takes time to save up the things but they are always possible I don't have any stress anymore that I can't afford things yeah that's such a mindset shift isn't it like the

people we say I can't afford but it is about slowly and steady it's the tortoise and not the hare you can afford these things but if you do it you know if you want everything at once most of us can't afford that in a paycheck that's a really good shift yeah I like that one I also feel like mindset shift is almost harder like you've got the numbers you know like when each you're gonna hit each goal like if you're organized and everything but like the mindset shift like is up to you yeah well it's like years and years of learning bad habits from society from family members from social media and expect social expectations of what you should and shouldn't have to yeah to have a mindset shift of I'm on my own path and we can absolutely afford these things. I've just got to maybe wait,

like delay gratification. Yeah, true. It's brilliant. Love that. Okay, time for dilemma number two. Hey girls, I have a burning question that I just can't figure out the answer to. I'm not sure which way to go.

Is it a stupid idea to spend more than half of my paycheck on rent? I've always heard that you should try to spend under a third of your paycheck on rent. Surely this accounts for like all like housing bills. Yeah, mortgage payments and stuff. I've always heard that you should try to spend under a third of your paycheck on rent. But with the state of the rental market right now, that just feels impossible. I've always shared my space with friends, but I really want to take the I really want to finally take the plunge and live alone

but it would really stretch my budget everyone around me says it's not a wise decision and that I'll regret it is it a bad idea can I justify my rent being more than half of my income this is so subjective it depends it depends on so many things there's no like cookie cutter answer to how much should I spend on rent or what percentage of my income should go to X, Y and Z

everyone's heard of like the 50-30-20 rule that really doesn't apply money is so personal it's not a one size fits all rule it's absolutely not it's so personal what

you have to look at it and how it fits in your life what can I afford what can I afford if stuff goes wrong have I got an emergency fund? Because if it's just on you, being a single person,

we could talk about the single tax all the time, the pressure that that puts on you first of all mentally that should something go wrong, look left, look right, there's nobody there in the house to help you cover those bills. It's a big financial stress maybe to have more than 50%

or up to 50% of your income going on where you live. I would say so. So the way you need to look at this is it being half your income and your after-tax income is that figure. But it doesn't really give you much room to move with the rest of it because fixed expenses are going up for all of us with inflation. So things like your food bill and things like electricity, energy bills, council tax, everything is going up for people. And so that 50% doesn't go as far as it used to, the other 50%. So then when we're talking

about if you wanted to pay down debt, if you wanted to travel, if you wanted to invest, make sure that you put enough in your pension. So much to juggle. really really restrict yourself with 50 with up to 50 percent of your income going on your rent and that's not talking about rent going up so i was just about to say interest rates move if your landlord puts the rent up because their interest interest rate's gone up that surely is like the absolute max whereas if you think about it if you're coming closer to a 30 percent and then your rent went up you might suddenly start nudging close to that 50 but you started lower so this does depend if you are in a situation where you are in like a city if you're living on your own you know you want to be safe and you don't live in a place where you feel unsafe those are all important things that

I think are the only reasons it should go up if you fancy a second bedroom and you don't absolutely have to have one if you were quite like a balcony and you don't absolutely have to have one if you want to move from an apartment to a house but you don't have to have one and that all nudges you up to the 50 you will really struggle to get ahead financially yeah if you're doing it for like i'm gonna call it a bougie reason yeah you've got nowhere to go with it like you said you can't control the mic the macro no so when things go up you've literally got nowhere to go you could cut your flexible expenses as much as possible but life for living do you really want to live like that no if you especially if you're living on your own you need that social like interaction with people so you're going to constantly say no

to go out today and you're going to constantly say no to holidays because you're a slave to your rent yeah again this is geographically like we're quite lucky in the north like speaking to some of our community members in london and the south they really struggle to make that 50 work because of the macro it's not that they're deciding i want a bougie balcony the math just does not work yeah you know we've seen the battles trying to get rent places you're splitting rent with people you're traveling further in i think having a little look at what your income trajectory could be is helpful as well so you may be you know say if you're in like a trainee profession where you know in one year i'm definitely going up another x you know there's

just just have a look on that i think it's easy to get giddy and carried away with right move and some something that's probably pushing oh i can afford it i can afford it but actually it's okay well what are your financial goals what emergency funds do you have what trips and what's your lifestyle like are you going to completely go straight back on your whole lifestyle I know be realistic about it yeah what do you think I mean whenever I look I'm looking to move like obviously just renting at the minute is this you as well? Yeah. Another friend also says. This is therapy. I always add like 200 extra pounds

onto the rent in my brain. Yeah. And I'm like, it's going to go up that. That's a good idea. Ooh, I like that. Like in a year's time, that's what it will be. Lydia, what about you?

So you live on your own as well and as you're looking at places to be how are you working out what makes you feel comfortable in terms of what you can spend on mortgage or rent so I'm hoping to buy a flat soon because I think a lot of people are like oh it's just money down the drain with renting and stuff. But like, it is a lot of freedom. Like, I've only lived on my own for a few months, and it's been hard and it's like way over half of my paychecks gone on rent. But like, it's only temporary.

Yeah. Everyone loves that saying, don't lay money down the drains rent is not money down the drain it's like financially yeah like whatever it's a bad decision it's not you're not you're not investing in anything are you but it's a very british thing like if it wasn't for renting like i'd still live at home i probably wouldn't have bought bought somewhere I'm not even thinking about buying anywhere right now because I don't know where I want to live yeah and like everyone says it's dead money or whatever but I'm getting something back in return for that mate it might not be financial yeah whatever but also if something goes wrong like the estate agent just

takes care of it like exactly I'm not paying for anything like or the roof or something i'm not paying for the broken wheels can you just come to the club because the tap's not working people that rent a really bad rep as in there's a rumor going around that it's dead money and then it's and it's silly to do so but it is it's very this comes back to the percentage point so if you are spending more than you need to on rent, and that's a needs basis. So if you're overspending, but you've loads of options to have cut back and gone a little bit so that you can save in the background,

you can invest in the background, then questionable, maybe it's dead money. But also for a period of time, it may not be right to buy. And so it's just buying patience. It's buying a safe home, like in a good place. I can put myself into work. My earning trajectory can go up. And the first house I bought, I did rush into, I got a really rubbish interest rate. Didn't really have anyone guiding me back then. I just cracked on with it and rushed ahead. And in the first like

two years I had that, I may as well have rented because the amount of money I paid per month in interest to the bank, I got my mortgage statement through and I was like, this is a con. Like I've not paid anything off it. I'd effectively rented. And so it helped reinforce to me when I speak to other people about it going, you know, we love owning our own thing. It is a really big step and it's a lovely step it's a lovely journey and i think everyone should if you want to go on that homeowner journey it's exciting but yeah we're not gonna put shade on people that rent because i always remember when you told me about interest on a house and i showed you a little listen this amount of my payment

actually knocks off the debt and this sometimes it's not all it's cracked up to be it's expensive it's stressful it's all on you also like you say it's worth considering it's cracked up to be. It's expensive, it's stressful, it's all on you. Also, like you say, it's worth considering if you're trying to jump into buying a property to rent first, especially in a relationship as well. You just don't know what's going to go wrong. It's really tough to get out of a house situation. And flexibility of where you want to be. Like you said, you can kind of hop around and rent a little bit.

And if you kind of know where you want to be and this feels good, it's a great next step, especially if everything can line up financially. But not rushing is a great thing as well. Okay can line up financially but not rushing is a great thing as well okay i'm gonna close the vault so any final words i'm rubbish at final words lucy you don't want a summary from us oh my god we need like a chinese proverb each fortune cookie fortune

gun when you say that like oh so no final words final words are final words okay um if you would like to send your dilemmas please email them to the vault at financial.com and And the vault is now closed. I don't know what kind of vault this is, but I'd go to do it every time. Just a quick disclaimer. The vault is just a chat around life and money topics, and we are not giving financial advice.