The Vault with Financielle - “My Boyfriend Used Me for £3,000… What Do I Do Now?” | The Vault Episode 98

Episode Date: January 8, 2026

Send us a textThis week, we’re playing “Jail or No Jail” with your money confessions 👀 then diving into your dilemmas:💸 ”I feel a credit card purchase coming on…”💸 ”My Boyfriend Used Me for £3,000… What Do I Do Now?”Got a money win or (totally anonymous) dilemma? Share it via the Financielle app community or email [e-mail] 💌You’re not alone in figuring this stuff out. Get honest, helpful reads at financielle.com 💖💸Connect with our Partner🫶 Protect yourself and loved ones with our friends at Lifesearch** The above is a tracked link, which tells our partner we sent you and may in future result in a payment or benefit to our site.*The Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

Welcome to The Vault with Finance Child. This is a safe space where we talk all things live and money and no topics are off limits. Howdy? Hello. First part of the year. January. Well, and we don't often, we haven't more recently, but we usually jump straight in to talk about clothes. And we really, if you're watching this on YouTube, you can tell that berry is the, is it

Burgundy, Barry. Burgundy is the quarter of the season and cream because the sovers are cream. And between the three of us, we're watching. We have literally nailed it on the couch. So coordinated today. These are new pants and I've just spilled olive oil on them. Oh no. Right before this, I was eating some olives and feta.

Oh, God. Was it nice though? Yeah, they were worth it. Was it worth it? Was it worth it? There we go. Oh, God. Well, we're very casual.

I've got a pull in mine. We're having a nightmare. I've got cheese on mine. What? Cheese board. Cheese olive. We need to let it go. It's New Year now.

Come on. Cheeseboards need to get out of the way. We'll come comfy anyway. Ready for the weather and ready for the time of year. right first jail or no jail of the year boards at the ready oh yeah our boards Calvin is here today with us not Dylan last week we were with Dylan and he saw it what do you think these are our paddles lovely battles and I asked Calvin are you in jail or not and he said probably in jail so we'll see don't need the question I'm definitely going to be in jail okay hit us up Lucy

okay should you lend money to family and friends What is an F-OF fund? How do I build my emergency fund? Well, we're so glad you asked. Head over tofinancial.com where we tackle the money topics you actually care about. TikTok shop has me in a chokehold. Jail. Jail. No parole.

Have you ever bought anything on TikTok shop? Yeah, I've bought. You did. You did. No, I tried. Remember, I got sucked into them. Teeth whitened strips. I've bought something else. If I remember correctly, Calvin's mom is a fan of TikTok shop.

Oh, yeah. Because we asked her what she bought on it last time. Do you remember? She said something like a lot of shit. No, it was like the cleaning products she got, didn't she? Clothes cleaning products. For Christmas, she's got me a massive box of wardrobe dehumidifiers. I bet you were glad.

Honestly, hand in it. Thanks, mum. Thank, Mum. Oh, my God. I feel like if Neil had access to TikTok shop. Would that be dangerous? Yes. What would he be buying?

Well, like Calvin. And he got loads of dehumidifier things, but that was an Amazon purchase. And they arrived in this huge, massive box. And I was like, what is this? He's like, oh, you put them in the window. Do you know, like the really, like, granny, clasticy things that they put in, like, toilets when you go into cafes?

Oh, yeah. He thinks that they're going in our windows. I'm like, on what planet? So they can go back. Yeah, TikTok shop. I've tried to buy Italian brain rock toys, remember? Oh, yeah. And it was like, these will arrive in six weeks time.

Keep his updated on their arrival. Yeah. Well, I didn't know. of them. It's so confusing. It's like QVC we talked about before. Buying shit you don't need. It's really odd. I think for someone that understands what QVC is,

so it was, you know, for years, it was a shopping channel and so you would turn over the channel, wouldn't you? And you'd find it. So if you were, yes,

so that's just shows how we've kind of developed with tech, because you had to go and look for QVC and browse, and then if you fancied something, you know, you'd order it. If I'd ring up, that's not used to buy it. But then we transition to,

like, Insta ads and things where there'd be a click to a link to the thing that you wanted to buy Kind of not fair enough But still like I understand this is an advert But it's like static To like every other scroll it's Girls you need to get these pants

You will not believe These pants have got me in a chokehold Over Christmas Like Or pre Christmas actually Everyone was just saying leggings Oh my God I love a pair of leggings

I love me a pair of leggings Where everyone was like girls Run Don't run Don't sleep. Don't sleep on these. Don't sleep on these. Don't run. No, you're not allowed on TikTok shop. But even Kim Kardashian, Kim Kardashian did TikTok shop before Christmas to sell skims.

I didn't see that. It just shows you how the algorithm rewards because they get a kickback. TikTok will surely take the commission. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the 12-hour live. Yeah. Are like P. Louise. Yeah. It's like goes so unhinged.

Going quick. It's a bit like market stall vibe. That's what it is. It's like we're just reverting back. Yeah. And at least markets in real life. The thing that you have to remember with TikTok shop and with Insta ads, like Insta ads is a little bit more difficult as well because if you are actively searching for something, it will serve you that up. And I talked a few weeks ago, I was looking at like treadmills.

And then every ad was a treadmill. I was like, I've bought one. You just don't know, stop sending me stuff. But it's very, very clever. It's in the moment it will send it to you. If you search for a particular ring, then all the ring. I'll talk about it. So, like, you're being targeted.

But the weird thing about TikTok shop is you weren't looking for that thing. No. People like you, but have bought them. So that's what the algorithm does. It looks and goes, okay, people like you buy these. So we're going to send you leggings because I am buying leggings. But what I did was when I needed some new active wear, in the budget, clothing budget i went and found it i bought it crack on i didn't happen to be in a doom scroll and go

i could really do with some of those and that's that was really hard to tap out of mentally because you're in this like neuro cycle of scrolling to go hmm i wasn't looking for this dress that i can't don't sleep on looks collectives you remember when they were in the mix they kind of were the first to start selling like luxury goods on ticot shop so at first it was like low-cost things like bits of makeup and a lip glass and her leggings and toys. Make-up-wise, P. Louise and is it made by Mitchell? They're not cheap. Well, they're doing multi-million pounds worth on TikTok shop.

She brought the record, didn't she, P. Louise? Yeah, the day. I'm all for, like, female entrepreneurs, like crack on. But unfortunately, we see the fallout of the people that are making her an entrepreneur. People buying stuff, they absolutely don't need. And spending a lot of money on it. A lot of, I imagine a lot of parents who can't really afford to buy, the 12 year old daughter

or 100 pounds like makeup set what happened to number seven like we just all went to super drug and got a bit of we didn't we used to go to a shopping we're going to call glitz you could buy like

glitter nail polish and then and then maybe like do remember those like things without heads like mannequins without heads that were like elaborate and you could hang jewellery and stuff like I used to love that

going through all the nail polishes it was like a pound probably and I was you know you could pick like all I think it would all the like market stalls as well like the makeup market stall is iconic in wigan like that was the best yeah it was loads of fun and then if you had some money you went to debonums so the clarence or clinic oh my god you were really bougie if you were going to debonums for your makeup jail um jail but i don't blame you and you're not i'm not surprised ticto's in jail tictox in jail ticot's in jail

ticot shop is in jail i've been off work sick for six months full pay and my in-laws don't know no jail no jail none of their business if you're sick you're sick you're sick. And if you work hard or not work? What if she's living at that house or something? Oh my God. We do know someone that did that. They went, I can't get, I can't get too much detail. I'm going to make up the profession and you can read between the lines. Make up. That was a hint. They got up every morning, put their uniform on. Uniform. I went to fly a plane. Oh my God. drives with plane

drives her and then came train yeah maybe every day he came home at the end of the day with his uniform on

oh like the horrendous day the passengers were awful this is a true good I signed Costa with the UFO literally I don't know what it was

I don't know what it was doing but literally for a long time I'm not talking like oh he lost his job and then there for like a couple of weeks It was like months and months and months and What happened when everyone found out?

No, I don't think so. Did it, was it like a big thing when ever? Yeah, yeah. Ooh, can you imagine? If Neil was like, me, maybe the house every day, Neil's like, yeah, see you later. What, how is your day?

How could you just bare faith lie? That's crazy. You see it on films and stuff, don't it? People do it about, obviously like when people have affairs and double lives and stuff it is really bad, but, but, um. How scared would you be in the day? Like, yeah, who's going to see me?

People don't care. They literally couldn't give one. Like, we cared too much probably, but I think unless they are, so like, there could be a funny scenario where they're funding everything and they're like, she doesn't work. She's bringing, his mom, it's bringing you around chicken soup every day. I know sick is obviously, there's a multitude of reasons why,

but in my head I'm like, the mum's like, the mother-in-law's looking after this person. No, no, no, no, she's off-work sick. What does she not know about that she's getting paid? I can't quite work out what the problem is. Say again. I've been off work sick for six months, brackets, full pay. My in-laws don't know.

I'd say, they don't live together. They don't live with the in-laws. It's just none of their business. And like, but is this? I'm going to be very supposite. I'm going to be very supposing. What does it mean? Presumptuous.

Supposition. I was like suppositories? She's doing the word of the day for 2026. I'm going to be very presumptuous and presume that she's married to a man. And my son. It's funding your lifestyle. Let's play that game. Mrs. Bouquet might be the mother-in-law.

And so she's going, I'm not very well, so I'm off work. But I would not tell them because, you know, whether it is a mental health issue or a fiscal health issue, if you and your relationship's fine and you need time off work, it's not his or her, like, you know, mother-in-law and father-in-law's business. Literally like, not your kidding. Let's take you out for a coffee. No. Leave me alone. Yeah, it could be just interfering as well.

Nope. I quite like this. No deal. No deal. That we've like made up. Yeah. And we can picture them and, yeah, we decided everything. I let my partner handle money because it stresses me out. Jailish.

Jailish. I agree. What do you think, guys? Lydia, no, you've not got a paddle, but. Parole. Parole. You're all like suspended sentence. Have you seen the food, the food TikTok that the woman does where it's like someone,

And it's just in America and people turn up with, do they do pot look all the time? The keys to the city. I've not seen this. So she'll be like, someone will walk. Do you know, like, I'm Sarah and I brought the bread. But it's like, the sweet potato marshmallow. Yeah.

Jello. Yeah. And then she's like, the woman's reviewing. So she'll keep cutting in and going, jail. Like, that's shit. Whatever it is. You brought the pickles. So for me, it would be, I brought the gherkins.

Lucy would give me like keys to the city. Keys to the city, like, come in and Neil and be like, you're going to jail because that's horrendous. So she, like, reviews what people bring for the, like, family buffet or whatever. And it's hilarious. There's a lot of bad cooking. There's all a lot of horrendous cooking. And then if someone just sitting good, she's like, oh, hail the king. It's funny. Anyway.

So, because if you, we talk about where possible, both of you being involved in the decision-making and the structure, but if one person likes it more than another or if one person gets overwhelmed has a back history that means this is just too much for me, then it's okay for one person to handle more as long as practically. So I talked about recently on some of the unlocks, but I did a budget. I went in to do the budget and Carl had already done it. And sometimes we do take it in turns, but he more recently has been doing it more than me. And I love that. And he'd put a little picture of me and my high rocks on as a picture. And I was like, oh, and I filmed this live and I went, oh, he's done it.

But what he does is one of us has a go and then we have a chat and we go, I think. And actually that is, it makes a swift budget date night because this is what I think. And when you get to know each other and you get to know, you run your life together, you combine your finances a bit easier. But then he did the legwork. And I appreciated that. But it wasn't without me. It wasn't in absence of my contribution.

But if you're like, oh, I can't be bothered and he handles the money, I'm rubbish. I think everyone's got like a job in their, like we might all have jobs. I'm not the chef. Spoiler alert, Neil is. I'm more like the cleaner. That's fine. I like that. I like to be organised and things to be clean. I have a much better brain when that's the case.

But when it comes to money, someone can be operations and logistics and move the money around and do like me and Neil will sit together, do the budget and then he will move the money to the right place. He likes to do that. It gets done. I might go and get distracted. to do 12 other things and then we'll never get to it and then it doesn't get done. So we know our roles.

You know like we know our roles but we like Laura said there's no like if you come to this community it's highly likely that you started not being very good with money or you've avoided dealing with money they're just numbers

and we have to get over it we have to remove the emotion we have to have an understanding of where our money's going and what it's doing and if you're giving all of that over to somebody else I just find that quite worrying

because we're going to get into a place in six months time if you're not together something happens whatever it might be, you're going to have no clue what to do. So just to have an understanding and an awareness. And like Laura said, you don't have to do the do. You don't have to physically move the money because I don't.

That's Neil's job. And it changes every month. Like Laura said, one month I'll do it, the next. But just have that money conversation. Because how are you going to know what your money goals are and what it's going to? He could be like, oh, I'm putting it all in stocks and shares. I said, well, you might need to pay into your pension. Yeah, yeah.

It's also a little bit of weaponising competence. Yeah. And lots of women. joke about men doing this like how does you dishwasher work again or I put a wash on for you yeah like it's it's it's it's this false praise thing but it happens I think some some women do do it with money and they go oh just not very good and he likes it yeah doing it so I let him do it fine but you are you can't absolve yourself of involvement and knowledge because one of you're on your own what you're going to do you know he could it could die could get ill it could go on holiday it could leave

Yeah, like you believe him. If one of these things, it's like more likely to. But also like you don't have then agency and choice in what happens. You know, we've talked about this before. It's typically in heterosexual relationships. We've had this shared more where a male may make a comment about how much someone's spending. But then they don't know how much Tesco costs and how much clothes costs and how much school trips for the kids. costs, for example, or like how much hair, makeup, nails and ascetics cost.

Just to exist as a woman. And it's like, you like me looking like this and I like me looking like this, but you know what? It costs a bit of money. So like it's a bit of giving take. And you might not know how much golf costs. So I've been like a huge stereotypical here. But just an involvement and that can actually, it's really good for your relationship

because it's an acknowledgement of whether the other person may be coming from, but it costs to run the one's life, what they are getting or not getting, for example, pension contribution or a similar one so um ish how many fall out so we had as well of people sending a dilemma where they're like oh they've racked up loads of debt and i had no idea and they've yeah you're like we were supposed to be saving for something and it never came does your lack of communication or i've got this hidden thing but i let him handle the money so he can't know that i've got this debt it works both ways yeah jailish parole suspended sentence

community service deal with you later okay community service that's everyone okay first dilemma of the year i feel a credit card purchase coming on hi girls firstly i absolutely love the podcast you have completely changed my outlook on my finances and in march this year i started clearing my debts over time my habits are getting better i'm creating sinking funds and by this time next year i think i'll be in a much better place financially i cannot wait however i have a few huge purchases coming up in the next sixth weeks, which I haven't properly planned for. One is my only sister's 40th birthday where I need to get myself and my family overseas to celebrate with her. Then a family event where I need to get myself and my family overseas again to my parents. I have an emergency

fund, a travel sinking fund and a birthday sinking fund, but I think I will be left short and will need to put some of it on my credit card. It's been seven months since I used credit card and I feel sick at the thought of using it. Any advice would be so welcomed. Ooh, I have a bit of empathy here because we don't have any family overseas and I imagine. So like she's the one overseas.

Yeah. There's two overseas trips. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Why didn't I think that? No, but I thought she was like going on holiday and then going to see her parents. I don't know.

I suddenly thought she's moved and people aren't next to her. Like we've got people on the same street. She's not in the same country. My only sister is nine doors down. So if I can be asked for a 40th, I might walk nine doors down. And my parents are only two streets away so I can be asked for them

but God, like imagine it sounds like she's one or the other but it's not like and they've said I have to go away for their they've chosen the party there you're like we get the wedding ones a lot don't we do overseas ones That's tough isn't it?

I don't have that I have a bit of empathy because we have it so easy wherever she is she's not in the same country I don't think it doesn't sound like as those people whether she's made the decision to move away and they're still in this country but that eats this is tough for the first time over the year. It really is. We know how much travel is into our budget from choosing it as

wanting to go on holiday and therefore planning for it efficiently throughout the year and how much that actually costs. It's really expensive. And she keeps saying to take my family, I'm assuming she then meets children with her, it's just so expensive. So to have to do it when it's like not on your terms as in like, oh, I need to go for this and I need to go. You don't choose a specific holiday for your family. No, they're not choosing an all-inclusive for a week to just sit and relax. And if you've been on like financial for a while, and you know these things are coming up, you also have the time to plan. Whereas, like, she's not used a credit card for seven months, but she doesn't,

she doesn't share, does she how long she's been kind of, because if she had been. Much, she started playing off debt. So she's been paying off debt. She has been putting money aside for travel, but it's like, she's run out of time. So she ran out of track. Yeah, basically our sinking funds are like falling short a little bit. This is where Laura's thing is always like, how much can we put in at the top? like is it any way that we can make extra money so therefore we do not go into yeah like

look at bank transfers like account transfers current account ones um selling things like can you get any extra work parts if you just don't want to get into that cycle of debt the only pragmatic way unfortunately is to increase what goes in at the top can you fill the gap and i really would advise that like you're you're never going to hear us say put it on a card you're not like this is this is there are sometimes it's very very extreme scenario where we go, like, we wouldn't stop you, like, you know, is a family member passing away and you want to go back and see them or, like, has something happened or is there a health issue or whatever? That's kind of in a weird world, like what credit can actually help

if you just haven't had time to build out those images of funds, build out the sinking funds. And I don't think this is one of those times because I think in the way you have set up your life, one of the sacrifices that unfortunately you have to make and we've got friends in Australia and they have to make these sacrifices that you can't always jump on a plane and but it sounds like it's almost within reach with how she's saying she's not saying like it's this like I've not got anything saved and I've got my sister's birthday and I've got my parents to see um I love the idea of actually set yourself a challenge like what is the gap is it a grand yeah can we do that's doable with two people in a relationship

because it sounds like me and my family yeah yeah you might be a partner can you hustle a bank switch each 200 pounds each you can see how it stacks how much do you want it how much need your bed sell it

do you need that sofa but it's an honest it's a hard question to answer right how much are you prepared to do to go to your only sister's 40th like I'm here for it

I've got an only sister do the kids need to go in all honesty oh my god let me I don't know you find a different country or could you just go and not your partner and look after the kids you mean

Girls trip Half the cost if not more You might have to make small sacrifices What are we saying if Her parents have moved away And her sister have moved away That changes the dynamic I think Because it's not her that's made that decision

Yes To move away But she wants to go and see her family I get it I mean they all might be going on holiday I don't know Yeah we don't know We need more information

Because we empathise massively But your sister doesn't want your kids there. It's a 40. In fact, she might pay for them not to go. For them all to be looked after by your husband and her husband. Yeah. That's what we've got in it. But you might have to, like, this is serious stuff. Like, we have to make these hard decisions.

Compromise. So that you don't get into, you know, a financial mess that you've worked so hard to therefore get yourself out of. Like, model all the options. Yeah. But it's for me, it's, if it's, so when someone goes, it's my only sister. and I don't see my mom and dad and is these big things, I then go, okay, what are you prepared to sacrifice? Because you can't, you then don't get permission on the card. Do you know what I mean? It's like, so then what can you sell? What can you blow down? Where else can you squeeze it?

Because if it's that important, something is worth giving up. You'll find a way. But if you then don't want to give up like child's dance classes and if you don't want to give up your gym and if you want you don't want to sell your car it's not at all cost is it it's because you want to use credit to do it it's good test it's tough because i want to be very very empathetic yeah because we don't know that we don't we like lawy said live around the corner we're very very fortunate but other people don't have that luxury yeah give us some more context oh good luck with whatever we decide and i'd love to see if you can money's got a way of appearing i just i'm not woo we're not woo we know we're not we don't we don't we don't we don't we don't

believe in woo-woo manifestation what but it when you are super focused and when you have a goal things appear to help you get closer to that goal so you might get that tax refund you might get a pay rise at work or a bonus you may be able to do some bank switches and suddenly there's two grand that you've got to save in four months does appear and then but also always think there's always another option there's not only one option so is it you don't go to both is it Mom and Dad, can we push your thing back to next year? Or sister, I know she thought it this year, but should we do something the year after and let's start saving for it now?

There's always another option. Don't be blinkered in thinking you've only got what they tell you or what you believe to be the right thing to do because life's tough. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Time for a second dilemma. Struggling to make it to payday,

the financial app helped me track my money, pay off debt and finally feel in control. I've built savings. I've started investing and I actually feel financially well. Download the Fanishall app and start your money comeback today. My boyfriend used me for £3,000. What do I do now? Hey girls, I'm 25 and living at home with my mum. I have a decent income as I work in the NHS as a nurse. At the beginning of this year, I ended a long-term relationship and met someone new quite quickly. He's about seven years older than me. It was all going well and things progressed fast and we got on really well. But then things took a bit of a turn. He was renting his own place at the time. He decided it was

too small and had no storage so he moved him with a friend temporarily whilst he looked for somewhere better. He had a well-paid job earning significantly more than me. He always took us out for nice meals, wasn't afraid to show me the nice things he'd bought. He even promised me holidays and trips away. Then he and the friend had an argument one night and the friend kicked him out. At the same time, there ended up being no more work where he was contracted. He suddenly had no job and nowhere to live. I felt really sorry for him and wasn't sure what to do. He also has no family to support him. It's always just been him. We were only a couple of months into the relationship at this point. I offered to let him use my credit card, which had about £200 left on

it, as it had a £500 monthly limit. I didn't mind helping pay for food and fuel as I expected him to pay me back within a couple of weeks and for things to go back to normal. He was living between his van and hotels at this point and he seemed very hesitant but very thankful and he accepted. But days turned into weeks and then into about two months of him having nowhere to live. I was still lending him money and he kept promising he would pay me back once he had a stable income. He eventually found a short-term rental place which I also helped pay the deposit for plus some household items. My thinking was the sooner he had somewhere to live the sooner he could get a good job and pay me back. And I had really fallen for him.

He said no one had ever helped him like I had. The £200 has now turned into nearly £3,000 and he's only paid me back about £300. I kept thinking he would pay me back soon. Surely it wouldn't be much longer. But as time went on, I started to worry. I recently ended things between us because it was affecting my mental well-being and causing a lot of stress. He said he will start to pay me back, but still nothing. I've never pestered him for the money and I still feel guilty asking because I don't know his financial situation

or living situation. What do you think I should do? Oh God. This is a really tough one. Poor thing. Yeah, I feel for you on that. Oh, I just go Hollywood blockbuster all the time. I'm like, so he was living a double life

and he never had this money anyway and he's always been like living, you know, living in this way and he's done this before. But that might, I have to be, realistic this might actually be genuine from start to finish as in he's just fallen on hard times and therefore can't pay the money back and I'm just going to have to go with that rhetoric because my imagination runs away with me to be honest but well you are right though like we have heard countless times on here as this is not this scenario

but of people who don't have anyone else in the life is that a flag so like family could be dicks or they could be fed up of him yeah and the friend yeah why did he fall out with his friend friend kicked him out friend could be the dick the friend let you stay with them and then they've had a fallout how many fallouts end with you need to leave I know it was never meant to be a long-term thing but the but he he felt like he needed more storage so then moved out and went to his friends and then lost his job so there's because I think what I'm trying to do, Holly, is why I'm back to if you're hurt and you're like two months into a new relationship, which is super, super early.

Do you go into that, what do I believe or what do we not leave? Or does it matter anyway? It doesn't matter. The facts are you are, you've lent £3,000 to someone. They're not giving you the money back. They're not forthcoming about it. You've also not pestered them for it. You've probably not been, like, I would be a bit stronger on there, right, I'm going

to lend you the money. And this is, it's all well and good saying it. after the fact but we've talked about a few times on here you make a money plan of how you're going to get this money back as in you say yes I'll lend it you but we agree that you pay this but again it's out of your control and sometimes

that's why we say don't lend you just don't lend or you write it off it's one of those and listen it sounds like for a while he was paying for food and stuff like that I think I could have I'm going to be cruel to be kind a little bit with her because I think she's been in a

shit situation and she's had her like goodwill taken advantage of um but you know maybe uh and for anyone else listening to if you get into a situation where a new partner after may have been love bombing may not have been we don't know it's giving a love bombing isn't it trips away yeah but exactly then maybe it's kind of you to kind of once or i'll go i'll get your food shop this week like there's no lending there's no right that goes on a tab because it's like these nice gestures and what you don't do is open the floodgates to more money because there's not a lending relationship. Like I have a,

that we have that in my life of strict no lending relationship if someone needs something. If I think it's right, it's not genuine. It's a gift and it goes. Because what you've ended up doing is it repeating it, repeating it. And I always think, well, if he didn't have you, what would he have done? Yeah, I was thinking that. He would have had to have done something.

He would have had to find money from somewhere. I would have had to... Took his own credit card out instead of using your. It's super tough. And that's alarm bells for me. So that's why I was like, this is deeper because he could have, if you were that desperate, if I'm that desperate and this is going on, I'm not asking you for money, I'll probably go and get a credit card.

And I can get a credit card because I've got good credit rating. Why is it that he can't get access to credit? He's like weekends away, meals. He's probably got awful credit and he's probably got Robin Peter to pay Paul a little bit. So, at hindsight, is obviously a great thing. It's not too good to be true, wasn't it? that lifestyle that he was professing. Yeah, and it's super common. And so I think, like I said, for anyone going forward, listening to this, never lend money in a new relationship.

And you can, that relation, that's like the relationship doesn't hinge on that because you can explain, like, I just have a policy. I don't. Like, I just don't lend money. And if it does, fob them off. Yes. And if they, you know, like, because you have to protect yourself. And if you're strong and you're good, then, you know, they'll want to be with you. Yeah. It's attractive trade to be like. like, no, no, like I'm, I look after my money and I'm financially sound. If I just don't lend money to people, it's just a rule that I have. And for our poor listener, I just think that you have been so kind, and I don't think

you've been outrageous. And two hundred quid can turn into three grand on a month and month basis. And part of you is like extended it, I think, to try and accumulate, speculate to which is like, I want this money back. I don't want to piss him off. I don't want him to leave. And you're trying to give him a good head start. Like a 200 quids, not going to do much, but you know, like a three grand could get someone back on the feet in a house and it did. But I think you might not get this money back. No, I think there's a good chance that you will. It's not okay.

But I think for you, like Holly says, I think there's a couple of things that you can do. You can, like if you've got his email address or a text message or stuff, put him writing formally. Look, I'm going to need this money back. I'm going to need it by this. estate. I'm happy for it to be in one to two payments, but I'm going to need it and put pressure on him. And if he's a good guy and it just didn't work out, he will find a way to find that money,

just how he found it from you and it's not your problem where, like, let him crack on. So I think you have to kind of be forthright with that, but you're owed it, like be okay about asking about it. And quite frankly, it is a debt between you. If you want to take him to court for it, you can take him to court for it. And I'm all for that research that I have a little look online, have a look at money, claims court, like you are road money. Because even the threat of it might make him get his act together as well. You could be like, look, it's not worked out. I've tried to get this money

from you, unfortunately, the only way that I can. Because three grand's a lot of money to you. It is a lot of money to anyone, but it's a lot of money to you. You work hard as a nurse in NHS. I'm like a very feeling very like aggrieved for you. Like your job, your whole employment is based around caring for people. Someone's taking the Mick. But outside of that, you lent in the money. He may even say you gave it to me. Like there's just, it might. It might be chalk it off to a bad experience. I think you have been absolutely taken advantage of. I think you've done a lovely thing in helping someone that you were trying to nurture your relationship with and you had no reason not to believe that he would work out. And you won't do

it again. And that's a shame. You know, and you might be guarded the next time you meet someone and that's why, you know, wearing your corner like, if you meet someone, you've got another dilemma and you're like, right, this is happening again, just we'll make sure we'll protect ourselves a little bit better but you couldn't have known. I'm sure lots of people lend money to their new spouses here and there and it doesn't cause a problem. It's just happened to you. We need like those Facebook groups and it's like when you start seeing someone new and you post the photo of them in that group. Do these exist? Oh my God. Yes. Yes. I want to go in it. And you find other people. Do not date this man. Have you not seen them? Oh my God. I've got so much to show you. I don't go

looking for them like there's someone there's like local areas and it's like have you dated this man it's like a buy and sell but for me no it's not like that how sad that we have to do this in Vito thank God thank God for some of these because you

I will tell you a bad review about one of these Are you going to kill the listeners now they're like no I'm really sorry but it was literally it was a do not date this man and someone saw their friend on there and did they challenge the friend on it

no because boys don't do that oh and a male friend saw a male friend the girls talk and it was localised it wasn't where we live it was localised and it's everyone screenshots it and sends it around WhatsApp groups have you seen this oh my gosh sorry listeners it's not it's not appropriate and it's not money related so it can't possibly discuss it but a bit like this and we when I was on morning live actually a few weeks ago we were talking about um like there was a domestic violence incident and it was a a girl from Bolton actually

and she's been campaigning for like when you meet someone on a dating website someone had been to prison and come out for a domestic violence-related offence it wasn't like, you know, I don't want to give you either way yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not going to judge but someone went for assault and for domestic violence and then went straight

when he was on parole or not probation or something, it was waiting to be sentenced to go back again so he was in the gap and in the meantime he ended up going to jail over something else, not even heard. and he ended up getting in trouble for her. You think now with AI, they would have the mugshots for the police,

AI, many black vibes. If you have a conviction related to a domestic violence or a relationship and related offence, you shouldn't be allowed on a day. No. Or it should give you a, this person has been, by the wrong choice. Like, Jesus.

But yeah, hopefully, you know, there are ways to, these people do get found out. And this is extreme, that's what we're talking about. Yeah. Unfortunately, I think you'll be guarding it. next time, but you are a good human and a good soul. And you're part of the financial community, you will make that three grand thing go away.

And it just one tiny bit, if you end up not getting that money back, I want you to forgive yourself, don't give yourself a hard time. You could have spent three grand in like Primark over a year. Or on a shit holiday that you didn't even like. Exactly. You could have,

or something could have gone around with a car. Yeah. It's just money. Be aware next time, but do not feel guilty and do not be annoyed. and do you not be annoyed because you'll fester over that amount of money, I'd rather be looking to make that somewhere else. Yeah.

Right on a piece of paper and burn it. Burn it. Okay, now we're getting woo-w. Burn it. Just to like... And then get a doll. And then... Do you remember I think we talked about before?

That certain influencer in lockdown was like, draw 500 pounds out the cash machine and just... No, it was pin it in the woods. Go for a walk in the woods. I think it was... I don't think it was 500. Sounds better at 500 quid. A fiver

If I've ever found money on the floor like that I've donated charges straight away Because God will strike me down Yeah, you can't keep money you find I remember I remember I remember at least you would One time after high school

I found 20 pounds on the floor And it was literally the best day What did you buy? I'd like when and bought me All me and my friends like snacks from Yeah You're all buzzing Look at you, you shared you shared it

You could have scoffed out of your side We were like It's mine I saw it that is all for this episode the vault is now closed and just a quick disclaimer the vault is just a chat around life and many topics we're not giving financial advice