The Vault with Financielle - “My Boyfriend’s Unemployed and I’m Spiralling” | The Vault Episode 63

Episode Date: May 7, 2025

Send us a textIn Episode 63 of The Vault, we discuss this week’s controversial opinion, “Spending money on therapy/mental health is equally as important as investing”. We then dive into our listener dilemmas:💸 "I’m getting a mortgage by myself… should I protect my income?”💸 ”How much shall we cut out while my partner finds a job?”We got an update from a previous dilemma-writer (”My kids are costing me the Earth!”)—she’s started saying no more, added a budget for little treats, and is proudly buying fewer magazines with plastic toys. Love to see it!l🥹❤️ #CommunityWin #ImpulseBuyingIf you’d like to share your money win, head to the community in the Financielle app or email [e-mail] your (totally anonymous) money dilemmas to [e-mail] and we may feature yours on a future episode 💌🐝Thanks to our partner PensionBee. They’re a leading online pension provider on a mission to build pension confidence so that you can enjoy a happy retirement.Pension saving is made simple with PensionBee - you can combine, contribute and withdraw online or from the palm of your hand with their easy-to-use app. Their retirement planning tools - like their Pension Calculator - blogs, videos and podcast - all aim to help you take control of your pension and build a better financial future.When investing, your capital is at risk.Chapters:00:00 Introduction06:23 Controversial Opinions and Mental Health18:47 Dilemma: Mortgage Planning and Financial Advice24:40 Stress Testing Your Budget24:54 Mortgage and Flexibility25:32 Childbearing and Financial Planning26:05 Nursery Fees and Budgeting26:40 Emergency Funds and Income Protection27:46 Financial Checklist for Property Buyers28:46 The Importance of Credit Reports30:22 Listener Follow-Up: Budgeting Tips38:25 Navigating Job Loss and Financial Stress46:19 Networking and JoThe Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

Hey everyone, it's Holly here. Before we get into the episode, I want to share something exciting. That's right. If you're looking to take control of your money, the financial app is your go-to tool. With the app, you can track your spending, create realistic budgets, and hit your money goals faster than ever. In fact, did you know our premium community members save three and a half times more than our free users? That's incredible. Plus, you'll be part of an amazing community where we all support each other on our free users. That's incredible. Plus you'll be part of an amazing community where we all support each other on our money journeys. Whether you're starting to pay off debt

or planning for your future, the app has everything that you need to make it happen. So what are you waiting for? Download the Financial app today and start your free trial. Trust us, your future self will wish you did it sooner. Welcome to the vault with Financialite Child. This is a safe space where we talk all things life and money and no topics

are off limits. Good morning. Good morning. I just enjoyed my snack and you might have heard Lydia's Russell. I don't know what the snack was. What did you pick?

Four finger Kit Kat. Oh, yes. I've got the remnants of mine. Go on. ASMR. The first half the remnants of mine. What? ASMR. This is the first half of my Bruno. What type? How I enjoy the last half. What type of Bruno?

White Bruno. They're my favourite. Sackle edge. Really? The normal Buenos are so boring because it doesn't have the little like, oh the nibbly bits. Yeah.

I think white chocolate has always just scared me off because it's like, other than they go, the worst thing you could ever eat because it's just the pure sugar. Yeah but pure chocolate. Yeah. I know you're like, just do it anyway.

I am, I do, I'm partial to a dark chocolate, a square a night with a cup of tea. I've been getting on the train. You don't need more than one. You genuinely don't. And that's why I like it. Yeah, because it's shit. Yeah, that's the tactic.

I can't even get through one square. That's why I don't need another. Do you know what's great? No calories. I don't bother. No, I sometimes I dip it in my brew. I've been getting on the hype. Yeah.

I went for dairy milk. It's a bit boring, but it's solid. Reliable. Yeah. I love all the TikToks where someone's like, when my boyfriend goes to the shop and I say, I don't want a treat, and then he doesn't bring me a treat back,

and you're in an absolute foul mood. I want it. When I say to Neil, get me a treat, he's like, what do you want? And I'm like, I don't know, whatever. He's like, no, no. What do you want? I'm like, well, don't bring me back a bounty.

No, or I don't know, like a star bar or a boost. Like you bring me back a Dairy Milk, a Twirl, a Galaxy. Like we're not playing around. Our thing is like, you need to cover all the bases. So you need a sweet, you need a biscuit, you need a chocolate and you need like a crisp. Oh, all right. I love crisps and chocolate.

Yeah, at the same time. If it was a treat night, it's like at the same time. Yeah, a handful of that, a handful of that. Do you know what I did buy into recently? The viral M&S tortillas and the triple layer Mexican dip, which Carl would just love. They also do a chicken Caesar one. My husband's got a doctor dip.

We call him doctor dip. He's like obsessed with dips. I'm like that, I just don't, there's so many foods. I was literally talking about that this weekend. There's so many foods that I'm like, if the dip wasn't a part of it, wouldn't be a non-food for you. I couldn't absolutely leave it.

It's like pizza, I need garlic and herb sauce. Otherwise I'm literally not bothered. Yeah, Carl would totally want that one. No, like a nice garlic aioli. In Rudy's, I'm just not. I'm a hot sauce. I'm a honey gal, like we went to, if anyone's O-Fay with Manchester,

went to Machu Mey the other day, and they've got a fried chicken stall, and it's called Mama's, and it's amazing I had a chicken burger, but Neil ordered chicken thighs, like deep fried, gorgeous, crispy, like not greasy at all, and he had a hot honey side, it's like dipping it in.

Yeah, and on Morning Live a few weeks ago, when they did the roller skate challenge, Yvonne Cobb, who's an amazing chef, made Gethin's favorite for them. And it was popcorn chicken with honey. And at the time I was like, oh, well it'll be on the Morning Live website, the ingredients recipe, so I might have a little look at it.

But at the time I remember going, and then you just said, hot, like chicken and hot honey. I literally, I've got like a jar of honey, and I don't like normal honey, like I don't like honey as a sweet. Like I would not put it on my yogurt bowl. Nothing like that. I get the full jar and make hot honey

just with chili flakes, bit of chili oil, put it back in the jar. And then just have that on my cottage cheese. I would literally put it on everything. Like it's my current obsession. Cut Lucy down the middle. She would bleed cottage cheese. Hot honey and cottage cheese.

Yeah, no, it's the, right. I'm saying this here. I was nodding along until you said cottage cheese. I'm saying this here. I'm saying this here. This trend, it's been going on for a little while now, but it's the trend on TikTok, and everyone's trying to get snatched for summer.

And I was like, I thought of this bowl ages ago. Those rent-free and Lisa's brain. I thought of this bowl ages ago. There's rent free on Lucy's brain. Some nice minced beef. Oh no. Cubed sweet potatoes, roast nice and crispy. Nice seasonings on, cottage cheese. And then vegetable of choice. Everyone does avocado.

I don't know, I'm not an avocado girl. Some broccoli, something. And then you drizzle hot honey all over it. This is like debate class at school and it's like right, now you're up. That's what's left in the fridge. I can't take part, I'm too emotional. Lydia's like, Quad, what's your like tea? What's my tea?

Like dinner, sorry, for all the people that are not Northern. Like if that's Lucy's dinner. No, this is different. We can't all answer this because Lucy has the same thing. Yeah, three. Yeah, she does. We might have different things. Yeah, we can have different things. Wait for spring where it'll just be, or summer,

deep summer where it'll just be Caesar salad. Yeah, it's like winter, cottage pie, all the time. Spring, summer, spring pie. This is my bowl. And then you go summer. Cotton shoes is giving the light spring. Yeah, spring, summer,. And then you've got summer. Because it's a depo gonna be seen. Cottage cheese is given in the like spring. Yeah, spring and summer. Spring and the cold element.

And then it will definitely be some sort of cottage cheese. And by then they'll definitely be like a cottage cheese Caesar salad dressing tutorial on TikTok. Buy me, find it. Honest to God. Just love cottage cheese. Not gonna be sponsored by that. Nobody asked because we're not doing it. We're gifted you free cottage cheese. I don get sponsored by that. Nobody asked us, we're not doing it.

We're gifted you free cottage cheese. I don't want it. Keep it. Okay. Hold for the tangent already. Was that the controversial opinion? Yeah, cottage cheese is good. It's pretty controversial.

I feel like, I'm not gonna say we're gonna do a poll on it, but if we did, I know what everyone would say. Right. Okay, controversial opinion. Spending money on therapy slash mental health is equally as important as investing. Oh, cause you're investing in yourself. Yeah, everyone loves that kind of phrase,

that self care, investing in yourself. See, you just- Can be stretched though, can't it? Oh my God, it can be so stretched. I would say a hundred percent. And for a lot of people I imagine in our financial community, it's well within the light sinking fund budget, 100%.

And I am a massive advocate for it. If you are not okay mentally, a lot of areas of your life can unravel. And a big one of those is money. So we always talk about money and mental health being intrinsically linked and people forgetting that if you are not very well financially, it can impact your mental health.

And if you don't have good mental health traits or habits or you're not in a good place, your money will likely suffer as well. So we are massive advocates for investing in that. But like Laura said, that's one thing. Therapy is one thing, but then it's this. Yeah, people positioning things that they would like that are beyond, maybe beyond their financial means.

As self-care, mental health is like number one. Number one. It's similar to if you were investing in the market and the compound impact of investing in the market or saving cash, there's an interest rate as your total grows, the interest rate gets applied to the bigger total and so on and so forth and that's compound.

And I do believe the right types of self care can compound in the same way. It's like when you invest in your fitness and there are multiple different benefits, first it's like your resilience. Like if you tend to be fit, you tend to get ill less, you tend to be more confident, you tend to be more social, you tend to have-

You have to get up and go. Resilience, yeah. You don't wanna go, you still haven't got up and go. All these 1% start to compound and they really, really do. And that could lead to bigger and better things, whether it's at work, whether it's, you know, health-wise. And so yeah, mental, like, it's such a, it's not a divisive topic, so I don't mean to say that.

It's so misunderstood by those that don't suffer from mental ill health. I, on a personal level, have been so blessed with my health. It was probably only after I definitely recognized a change in my mental wellbeing after my last baby and it lasting quite some time. It certainly wasn't severe, it just was a change. And I think overlaying that on as well being a business owner and having to think about the business all the time as well as raising, not raising the family, but

also being a mum to a really little one. It was one of the first times in my life that I'd recognized that I wasn't fine. And that's it. That's all. So I can't comprehend when people struggle with mental ill health and not doing something to treat it. I can't imagine, you know, like you treat a physical injury with treatment, physical symptoms with medicine, with food. If you couldn't walk down the stairs, physical symptoms with medicine, with food. If you couldn't walk down the stairs, you'd be like, I absolutely need to ring the GP and get this sorted.

Whereas if it's like, I'm struggling with my mental health, I'll just keep putting it off and I'll get through it and I'll do loads of stuff independently. For me personally, in the pandemic was the worst time for me mentally, in my whole life. Oh, mishap anxiety over here. That's all you needed, send a global pandemic to Holly. Literally, because germs and all that kind of stuff really trigger me with my whole life. Oh, mishap anxiety over here. That's all you needed. Send a global pandemic to Holly. Literally, because like germs and all that kind of stuff like really trigger me like with my mental health

and locking me away from loved ones. And I was in the same position as everybody else. I was not unique in it all, but I had like a one year old who celebrated like his birthday and first birthday in lockdown. And I had another child that was a toddler. So I had a baby and a toddler and a husband that was working full time.

And then his company were like, we're gonna start these 8 a.m. calls to make sure that you're okay mentally. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm literally from eight o'clock in the morning till five o'clock at night on my own with two children, locked, not being able to do anything, going one walk a day,

we were literally waiting for my husband to finish work so I could get the kids outside and go and do something. And I just remember being like, this, it was the toughest time mentally for me. Fortunately, my husband, you should look at, if you can't feel like you can't afford it or it's not prioritizing your budget, look at what benefits you get.

Cause I actually got support through my husband's work because they had really good healthcare provisions and partners could tap into it as well. And not many people know that. They just go, oh, I haven't got private healthcare. So I haven't go and look at your company benefits and see what you can get. Obviously you can go to the NHS,

you can get free help there. There might be a long wait list, but there are some affordable online therapy ones. Obviously it might be more expensive to go and visit someone in person, but there's loads of, I would say, cost effective. It's getting better, isn't it? It's more accessible.

It used to be a thing whereby it was just for people that either waited for potentially years on the NHS or were in dire need. Or then for the private, sorry, I could crush you there, but the private element would be, you can afford a therapist, you can afford extra help. So it is a luxury, but so many of us will go without. Especially women.

Would go without. But like we'd spend on other things, we would spend on our hair. And we would spend on kids clothes. Kids are perfectly dressed from head to toe, hobbies are paid for, extra dance classes, horse riding, like equipment, kids birthday parties that aren't even yours.

And you're like, yeah, and you put yourself, so we see time and time again, women put themselves to the bottom of the list and their needs come last. And it gives me the ache a bit that, put your oxygen mask on first, but the analogy is 100% right. If you could not look, I remember being a mess some days

with my kids like in lockdown. And I just think if I'd just got a bit help sooner, it would have made the whole process easier, not just for me, but for everybody in the family. You did get help and had you not, you don't know where you would be now. And I think that's the investment part, which I find fascinating is,

we don't know what's around the corner. We don't know what life's gonna throw at us, but the more resilience we can build physically, mentally, we can take on more. And there is a knock on effect that you just don't necessarily see. It could be confidence in an interview, you know, that could land you a job.

Yeah. That could bring you income. That your trajectory changes for the next life. That can help you. It could be a spending problem where if you have some mental health issues that you're constantly chasing you till because you're constantly not starting out.

It could be relationship issues and fixing that. So it might not be a mental health issue, but it might be relationship therapy. It might be the confidence to leave a bad relationship and having the right support network. That's investment in self. Like I said, there's a fine line between what will bring you a return.

Yeah, what you define as self care. And what you can't afford because you can't have everything. You know, I saw this recently about when, I'm a higher-ups girl now, I've mentioned it several times a day for the past nine weeks, but I've always been into fitness and for a long time,

I've not had that like competitive element that I've really missed. Oh, challenge, like, scare yourself, challenge. Laura's great at challenges. Like, she'll literally be like, I'm gonna tackle that and I'm gonna do it, and she does it. But it had been a long time,

even about what I've figured out, if it'd been do it. And she does it. But it had been a long time. You think about what I feed off. It'd been too long. And then I was interested recently about you, how actually you get in your outfit. Like you do, it's all about, it's about what you wear. And some people aren't bothered about that. But some people, like I spent more time getting dressed for High Rocks on the Friday.

Then our friends had a 40th birthday and in seven minutes, I had showered that day, so that was cheating, but I had literally, I had high rocks hair, I had not washed the hair, I just re-curled it, applied makeup over the top of the makeup I'd had on that day, reached into my wardrobe and luckily fit into a 10 year old black dress. Everyone was like, I like your dress.

I'm like, great, good, cause it's 10 years old. But I put, but that, like, I was confident in that area, but when I wanted to perform, I bought a new outfit. I actually bought two, cause I wasn't sure which one I wanted to wear that I'd feel comfortable in, because I was confident in that area. But when I wanted to perform, I bought a new outfit. I actually bought two, because I wasn't sure which one I wanted to wear that I'd feel comfortable in, because it was a bit revealing. And I was really like, you're in a fitness outfit,

so you're running and stuff, and people are taking pictures. I put fake tan on the night before, my makeup was done, and my hair was the best it's ever been in the gym. So some people could look at that and go, you didn't need all that, like, and you could have just run. But actually, the confidence that I felt, I enjoyed the day more, I got a lot out of it,

I felt like I performed way better than I was planning. I cared about it and I felt it was my armor, I felt a bit more resilient. And this is a difficult example because if that wasn't in my budget, you don't borrow to do that kind of thing. So you either make it work for you or you were so far to friend or you borrow from friends,

but you can invest in you and get a dividend from it, get a result, but it's mindful in proportion and affordable. Not use it as an excuse to dip into credit. Yeah, and so saying, you know, I'm gonna call you out, some people listening, you're gonna say, my Pilates is my self-care. Bore off. You can do Pilates at home Pilates is my self-care. Bore off. It is, you can do Pilates at home

and it be your self-care, but you probably want to look nice, go to a really aesthetic studio, have a matcher. And it's all about the fit. It's like, it is a great, like I said, I'm saying I've just had an outfit for Hi-Rox, but it's one event.

And you budgeted for it. I budgeted for it. The need to look nice and go to these aesthetic Pilates studios, I'm not a fan of, I really am. I budgeted for it. The need to look nice and go to these aesthetic Pilates studios, I'm not a fan of. I really am. Laura hates on Pilates. Because if, I'm not a hater on Pilates,

but if Pilates wasn't on TikTok, if you weren't allowed to take your phone into a Pilates studio, would people go? Probably not. Wouldn't go. And just as good a workout can be done in Pilates without the reformer, without everything. And you do, and it's, I think that people would think

every class I need a new outfit or I need a set of really good outfits that match and that look good. If it wasn't on TikTok, people wouldn't be going. Same as high rocks, if it wasn't on TikTok, people wouldn't be going. And lads, you don't need to take your top off when you're doing a workout and put it on Instagram.

We all know that you've done the workout. All right. Have you seen the- Awful. Depends. Elite athletes, you need to take your top off to show it's for the time. It's for the time.

It's for no drag. I saw a TikTok of two dads doing. Have you seen it? I've seen it. And they're in six pack tattooed tops. T-shirts. It's a t-shirt. Oh yeah. It's so cool. I literally talked about that today this morning.

I said it was really good that they had like, they've got like the six pack. I love it. My dad's got one of those t-shirts. I'm here for it. I think we got in it for secret Santa. I'm here for it. But coming back to what you said Holly,

I would be much more open to spending money on looking after my mental health now that I have had a run in with it and was like, oh, actually, I'm struggling here. And that you need that resilience. And I'm just thankful that it is made more cost-effective. I've never used it, but I've heard great reviews, like on the online.

Oh, it's so much more accessible now. Like I think you used to have to jump through hoops, whereas you can literally go online and probably speak to someone when they're nowhere I would have thought it's so much more accessible now. Like I think you used to have to go through, jump through hoops, whereas you can literally go online and probably speak to someone when they're nowhere I would have thought it's that accessible. Yeah, but I think that's the type of therapy versus I need a nice meal out once in a while.

Yeah, like. It's for my self care. Going for a coffee like, this is my therapy. Yeah. No, it's not, not really. The amount of times I've said that. We can convince ourselves of anything. Yep, I'm very good at that.

I'm very persuasive. McDonald's like, this is my therapy. Romanticizing you. Cheaper than glasses. Lucy can romanticize anything. I really can. It's a talent. Okay, I'm gonna get into the first dilemma.

I'm interrupting this fabulous podcast to share this week's controversial money opinion from Pension B. I don't need to worry about my pension, it will just sort itself out. Ladies, what are we thinking? Agree? Disagree? Well, I wholeheartedly disagree. Although I'll be honest, I used to think that way before I realised how preparing for retirement would benefit my financial wellness today. I genuinely sleep much better at night knowing the work I put in now will ensure I have a healthy retirement when the time comes. That's so true.

Life is so unpredictable and it's important to plan for the future. But I know a question we get asked a lot is how much should I save for retirement? Thankfully our friends at Pension B created a pension calculator that helps to work out how much you should put away annually to create the retirement you deserve or expect. Just move the sliders up and down to find your sweet spot. Although remember this is just an indication of what you could receive and it isn't a guarantee. Okay ladies, FinanJel has spoken. Nobody has a crystal ball so it's time to take control of your future with the help of PensionBee. Download the app today to get started or head

to pensionbee.com forward slash UK for more information. And remember when investing your capital is at risk. I'm getting a mortgage by myself. How should I protect my income? Hello. I love the podcast and all the helpful advice you share. It's been such a game changer for me. I'm planning to get a mortgage next year by myself and would love to know what steps I can take to now protect myself

financially and build resilience before taking that step. by myself and would love to know what steps I can take to now protect myself financially and build resilience before taking that step. I'm building up an emergency fund, have paid off my credit card, I'm in the process of overpaying my car finance and will be looking to increase my critical illness cover and life insurance through work when I come to buy. I just wondered if there is any other things I could do

to protect my income. Thanks so much for all of you do, I really appreciate it. She's just getting so organized. She didn't look at this how, and do you know what? It's really, it can be overwhelming thinking about a mortgage. If you think about the, that's a loan, right? It is a loan.

It is the biggest loan you will ever get probably in your life. It's, you know, someone transfer, like you get the keys to our house. Like there's so much at stake with it. And, um, it tends to be, if we've rented, we've experienced having to pay rent. But if we jump straight from home or jump straight from renting with a friend, the suddenly that commitment of paying that amount and you being on the hook for it. People have heard that hat, heard the horror stories of bankruptcy

and the house being taken from you if you don't pay. It is a really big deal. And there's a reason why the small print is so lots of bold and capitals from whoever the mortgage provider is. It'll be, if you don't pay, the worst thing on there actually is not just, if you don't commit your payments,

your house will be repossessed. It's seeing the total amount of interest that you could possibly pay over the term. If you want to read a horror story, if you like scary movies, just read the book. That's what Lucy's like, I'm not buying a house. I'm already paying for work. Oh my God. I think for example, my mortgage is around just under 300 on our property and it tells me that I'll pay off 600 over the time if I don't overpay. I mean, that's it flipping onto variables

and lots of other things. Like you'll obviously always work to not do that, but just that's a horror story in itself. So it's overwhelmed. Like it's a big amount of money. And so the fact that she's prepping and practicing is amazing, isn't it? A star student. I'm like, I know, I feel like she's done everything.

What else do I need to do? I'm like, I would like you not to worry about it. It sounds, you know, you've ticked off so many things and you could get overly cautious and overly worried about individual things. You're even moving on to like insurance is like crystal illness cover and- She's looking at those.

She's not mentioning- They've got cushions. She's not mentioning income protection. So that's one thing that when you are a solo buyer, this is about the connection with, you need to pay this mortgage payment. And if you can't pay that mortgage payment, not only can it massively impact your credit,

but your house could be taken off you. So that's the thing we're worried about here. So firstly, we need a really good look at budget pie. So go and do your budget in the app. And we wanna see greens and purples. And what that is, is it's your excess and your sinking funds. And so the more room you have in your budget,

the more excess you have, the less pressure there is to, you're gonna be able to save, you're gonna be able to overpay things. You're gonna be able to handle that mortgage payment if the mortgage payment goes up, which it will do just because, well it might not do, but just because you could afford it now,

even five years time when you come to remortgage or two years time, interest rates are higher, or for whatever reason, you can't get a mortgage and you flip onto the standard variable, that could jump. And so flexing up that mortgage payment and looking, if the interest rates went up a percent, could I handle it? If interest rates went up 4% like they did for me,

can you handle it? Because it really will flex it up and that model it. Yeah, it will show you one how much to borrow because she's not got a mortgage yet and not over borrowing is a big tip. If you can borrow, borrow the least you can to get the best house for you. Don't just go, how much can I borrow?

And then I'm gonna borrow that. Everyone goes to the max, what is it? Everyone does, everyone stretches it even. People go to what's the max affordability and go, can we go even higher? I've seen a house that I like, just we'll deal with it later. Yeah, yeah. Just kick it down the can.

What's the longest term I can do? Yeah, let's do a 35 year mortgage. But then you get, you know, the interest rates increase that everybody got. Or every night me and Neil, when it was on the news, we were going, think about all the people. Cause we know the people that look for the, what can I get?

What's the most I can get for my affordability? And then you've got your cars on finance. You've got no room. There's no room in the budget. Sometimes there will come a point where there's no room in the budget. And I just, I just thank God every day. It sounds like they're preaching for financial

because my mindset has changed so much when it comes to home ownership. Like we own a home. And no, my next goal is to downsize. She's already on Twitter. I've got it in my brain. I'm like, Neil, we need to downsize. We need to downsize.

We need to downsize because I value like travel so much more than I do my home. You like having your investments. Yeah. I wanna like live life and not worry about paying for the mortgage or like be on a, we're not in the rat race, but if we were like not having to go into a high corporate job and be really stressed and under pressure and work all the hours that God sends, like life

is so short. I couldn't think of anything worse. And I just see the fallout of it for so many people, especially with this mortgage rate increase that we've seen over the past few years where people have just gone, what am I doing with my life? I've got, like Laura said, cars finance, furniture finance, holidays finance, leaning on credit, major credit cards building up, mortgage, cars, everything. And I just think I'm just don't want a part of it. And so looking at that budget and seeing

if the rates went up, what room does it still give me if, you know, one of us wanted to set up a business and not take a salary or if we wanted to move to a job that we love, but it pays us less or if we want to have breaks for children, what does that look like? Cause this is all connected to how you feel. So doing that, modeling that budget, seeing if you can like stress test it's called.

And the banks will do that for you as well, but don't forget they want you to, they want to lend you as much as they can within the right parameters they have to operate because it's in their interest too. So you look after your, I think sometimes people say, how much should my mortgage be? And that's to really like, as a proportion of your income,

it's really hard because it depends where. But generally thinking about that pie chart, keeping like a mortgage to 30 to 20% of your take-home pay is a really good guide because it keeps you, it could grow and you've got enough room elsewhere. Got a bit of flex in it, yeah. But some people will do 50% and it's just crazy. And if you might be a solo homeowner,

so we're always really mindful of that. And you might be based in London and that's out of your choice. So yeah, it flexes, but Laura's, like give it, give yourself some flexibility. If you have like, I honestly would say if you're of a childbearing age and that's something you think of, look at what- That's such an old fashioned thing to say.

I know. Childbearing age. What is that? What is that? Yeah. But look at even look- If it's something you consider in the next few years, genuinely, I would even look at whether you could afford

to be on maternity leave with the mortgage that you take out. Because your income considerably decreases and that's stress testing the budget, trust me. The realization of when people go and do a budget in the community, when they're gonna have a child. Yeah, depending on what they get paid. Oh, and nursery fees kicking.

I was just about to say, then it's nursery fees. Laura, how much do you pay nursery fees a month? I think 800. I was gonna say a thousand, but it is a thousand, but then you get 20% tax. And that's just nursery, that's not after school clubs. Yeah, imagine adding a thousand pounds minimum to your budget every single month,

or taking away from your budget. I didn't know you had to. I was looking forward to this. But that's the stress test, you're right. I think that having a look at those scenarios, what if one of us lost our job, what if one of us moved salaries or moved jobs or whatever, have a look at that.

Cause that'll give her peace of mind. She's building up the emergency fund, that'll give her peace of mind. Clearing debt and overpaying car finance, if they could be gone, that'd be amazing, but you do want to have an emergency fund with you as well. And then I think you mentioned it lightly, but looking at income protection,

if I'm buying a property on my own, there's critical illness and life insurance, she has to rework and they're great. The bigger thing for her though is, if she got poorly for a period of time, so let's say she couldn't work, whether it be a mental health issue, we talked about that earlier, or whether it be like a physical issue she got poorly for a period of time. So let's say she couldn't work, whether it be a mental health issue, we talked about that earlier,

or whether it be like a physical issue and you can't work for say six, nine months, that's not a critical illness cover, that won't kick in because it's not a critical illness. And she could pay for an amount of money that would cover the mortgage while she was kind of recovering.

And so all these different bits get stacked and make yourself feel better. So not borrowing too much, making sure that your budget can take it, making sure you've got a good emergency fund, not having consumer debt or as little consumer debt as possible. And then if you want the extra layer of protection,

literally could take on the world. I've got a vision of a superhero cape. Like- That's all the, that's the financial method. Like there's nothing new. Like you'll hear us say this time and time again. We've got a lovely checklist that when people like, they'll come to us and they'll go,

I wanna, I don't know, get into property. I'm like, okay, have you got all these things done first? And like, no. And I'm like, go back to the beginning. Come back when you have. We're like Monopoly. It's like financial Monopoly. Like, go back to the beginning and start again.

Like, I know you wanna skip steps, but if you wanna be like financially well and in a good position. Especially single person living on their own, nobody's coming. You have to have it, really. It's hard enough. It's hard enough.

It's harder. Sorry, it's facts. It's harder. You gotta- Yeah, single tax. It's gonna take longer if your income's not, you're comparing it to two people on the same job. It's gonna take longer.

It's gonna feel more stressful. But if you can put those things in place, like Laura said, you can become a little bit invincible. Smash it. Got loads of single females doing amazing things, just getting the experience and put your dilemma in there. She's got an exciting countdown now to buying the house and taking that mortgage on.

Oh, and then just lastly, but I like to speak to a mortgage advisor now. Yeah. Because they will help, you're like, oh, and making sure your credit report's clean so that nothing messy, don't be missing bills, don't be transferring money here and everywhere and not leaving enough in your account.

Make sure that you're not connected to financially responsible people on there and also make sure that you register at the right addresses, consistent names. This stuff now has got time to filter through your credit record, which is the you know, the credit report is something that the banks and mortgages will look at.

They won't look at the score, so ignore the score. Look at the details of the report. But speak to a mortgage advisor now. You might want to find one that you like that can get a good breadth of the market. Start talking to you about the types of deposits that you need, because that's another thing, you know, we got better rates because we had an 11% deposit, we, it was actually just me, that was before Carl, but actually, I'll myself, me and Ava,

but the 11% deposit, do you know what, didn't get me a great rate, but got me a better rate than I was offered, which is hilarious now, I look back, but those little flexes, a good advisor can help you with that, so having them in your corner as you prepare for it, it's like your glam squad, glam team, can help you with that. So having them in your corner as you prepare for it, it's like your glam squad, glam team, get it all lined up.

Go into battle. Okay. Instead of a win today, which is still kind of a win, I've got a follow up. Oh, we need more of these by the way. So, if you're ever in a dilemma, make sure you give us the low down on what's going on. Especially where we're predicted by the relationship ends on now. I'm waiting for someone to be like, when you wove that red flag, why is Holly been crossed the screen? Has she been invited to any divorce parties yet that she's indicated? I've had no hate mail yet anyway. That's like, you've split us up. So I want us to cast our minds back to our woman whose kids were costing her the earth. Do you remember?

Every mother then. We got so much response on Instagram. Yeah, we did. So that one by the way, being like, yeah, mine too. She was the one that bought the magazines that have nothing in. Plastic. Yeah. Okay. She said, I just wanted to reply with a couple of things to add on. I forgot to add that

we're in a little bit of debt and that's why we've been trying to do less spending. Thanks so much for all of your advice. I have already started saying no more and been taking a toy from the house with me that she hadn't seen for a while to distract her or getting us something else like a Freddo chocolate, et cetera, that would work on me. That would work on me.

I'll eat. I'll do anything. I mean, they're expensive now, they used to be. I would say. Look how you've got a sink in front for those 25p Freddo's. What a good idea, taking the toy out. Yeah. Like one that she's not seen.

I've also included a small bit of the budget for little things, so I'm not always saying no and try and help that way too. I really appreciated hearing your advice and being so lovely about it all too. Can't wait for next week's podcast. I'm obsessed. Thanks.

And she signed the email off, lady who buys less magazines with shitty plastic toys in them. I love her name. She should change her ID full. I like that she's done a little syncing fun so she can say yes. That's quite empowering because you don't wanna say no.

So I don't know if it's backfired on us as a family, but we won't. I feel like we're very 50-50, very balanced. Sometimes I'll say yes to things. Sometimes I'll say no to things. And if it's no, I mean no. Like, you're not, I feel like we're very 50-50, very balanced. Sometimes I'll say yes to things, sometimes I'll say no to things, and if it's no, I mean no, like I'm not a walkover, but I'm not also so strict because we budget properly, we have an entertainment fund,

and that's what it goes to, but we accidentally had a bit of a yes day the other day, you know, and kids like ask for a, can we have a yes day? And it didn't start as that, but by the end of the day, my eldest turned to me, or my youngest actually, and he was like, so this has been a yes day,

because I think we pretty much went into Manchester. What's a yes day? Why do they know what a yes day is? Because they watch YouTube. Oh, it's actually a thing? Yes, it's a thing. So anything that they ask for, the parents say yes. Because it's great buddy content, isn't it?

In some stupid rich family. These are parents that have got millions. Says, let's do a yes day. We have to say yes to everything for 24 hours. And they go to a mall and they're like, can I have this, can I have this, can I have this. Half the time they're probably taking it back, let's be honest.

But it's a yes day. So we went into Manchester very sporadically, something got canceled and we're like, let's just go and have a fun day. And then I remember we went to a really cool park and then they were like, it was like 11 a.m. and they were like, come down to ice cream. Usually I'd be like, no, no, wait till you've had your lunch

and all that. And we just looked at each other and it was like 11 a.m. and they were like, come down to an ice cream, you should have been like, no, no, wait, so you've had your lunch and all that. And we just looked at each other, and it was like, yeah, why not? Remember when, I don't know if you'll ever remember, but ice creams used to be 99p, like it was a thing, they were called 99s, and it was like four pounds for an ice cream. Oh my God. Each, and my eldest looked at me,

and I was like, he's so me afterwards. And he's like, mom, I really, it's four pounds. He'd kind of clocked how much it was. And I was like, he's so me afterwards. And he's like, mom, I really, it's four pounds. He'd kind of clocked how much it was. And I was like, it's fine. And it was, we had an entertainment fund, like we planned for it. Oh, I don't feel comfortable with you spending that. I was like, oh God, we're creating a-

Did he actually say that? Yeah. Oh my God. He really had a moment of reflection where he said, I don't want you to spend- Even he thought it was expensive. I know. Oh my God. He looked at me and looked at the thing, said, it's four pounds, I really don't want you to, he said, I really don't want you to spend. Even he thought it was expensive. I know. He looked at me and looked at the thing, said, it's four pounds, I really don't want you to. He said, I really don't want you to spend that.

And I was like, no. He was like, Holly, no, his dad, four pounds? Yeah. You can bugger off. You can bugger off. Yeah, but Neil would probably wait until the poor guys. Get into the front of the queue going.

Bugger. No, Neil would wait until the guys flakes in, flakes in, hand it over, how much is it for? No, you can bugger off, not on your Nellie. Go get a Chuck Ice from Aldi. But seriously, nothing was like, there was not like a, oh, you know, that's a bit spending, maybe we should, da da da da.

It was quite refreshing to have a bit of a yes day. And it brought them so much joy because we're not constantly yes parents. Like we do have a really good balance. So for one day to just kind of loosen, cause Neil's a bit stricter than I am, like he's like, no, no, no, sometimes. I'm sometimes one that's like, come on,

like come on, we can do it. So it was nice of yesterday, we went over budget. We didn't create a budget, but the entertainment fund was seriously depleted by the end of the day. Yeah, good job you've no more events the rest of the day. We got a little bit carried away,

but in the same time, we kept looking at each other and it was like only due to financial, again, because we're so good with money. I was like, we literally were fine. Like this day, we could do anything today and we could go, let's stay in a hotel tonight, just sporadically, like, let's just do it. We could have done it because we look after our money.

We look after our money so well all the time. We've got a system methodology. Like we're not spending beyond our means. It was just such a good, memorable day. It wasn't the routine spending. And that's the great conversation or reflection when we debated our listeners' dilemma. Because it was every time we go, she wants this

and she wants that. Your yesterday, I'm going to call it that, was like centered around an experience of Manchester going into, seeing the skyscrapers, going on their hot, going to a really cool different food place. It wasn't same old, same old, same old, same old. It wasn't something new.

That's wrapped up into a memory. Yes, it was. And like I said, it wasn't same old, same old, same old, same old, it wasn't something new. That's wrapped up into a memory. And like I said, it is probably, I think you've hit the nail on the head. It's a great incentive to work this method, do financial, because we're not about free quality till the end. It's some sacrifices so that not only can you keep proof of your head, be debt free, be really good with money, invest,

it's so that you can do things like that. And that's probably incentivized you, like you'll probably do another one now in like a few months time. I think like once, yeah, once a quarter, like a proper year. And like we didn't position it as that, just kind of turn into it because I think our kids were like, yeah, you can do that as well and get this and buy that. We bought them some treats along the way

and it was just such a good, memorable day. I think it's right. We don't buy the shit in Sainsbury's at the till, the toys that are never gonna see, they're never gonna be seen again, they're gonna be forgotten about. And like you don't get a treat every time we walk past the newsagent.

No. Neil does. Yeah, we don't tell them the kids that. Neil's like, I love that news. We were like, should go to the newsagents when we're not with the kids. And he gets a Pooka mix. And it was a pounds worth, like one pound coin

of Pooka mix. And he's like, that's quite good. And I was like, how much was the big strawberry? And he was like, 20 P. What? For a big strawberry? I remember you used to get 20 P mix from my nan's newsagent, the corn on the,

newsagent on the corner. I think I remember the 10 P mix, I'm not kidding. What, penny, penny tray? So every sweet would be a penny, one penny. Really? It's called the penny tray. So you could get like a strawberry, a cola bottle, blah, blah, blah, for one penny.

So 20p mix actually get you really far. Oh my God. Yeah. Those are the days. Those are the newer, And when ice creams were 99p. Yeah, I do remember that. Okay, so inflation is a real thing then.

Like those girls from Yorkshire, they're like, I watched, did you see the TikTok video where they're like arguing about, they're like probably what his age, arguing with the ice cream man about, he wanted to charge nine quid for two ice creams. You're like, you just paid that? I'm like, I feel your pain.

So yeah, if you've ever sent us a dilemma into the podcast, we would love to know any updates if a relationship has ended. Or stay together when we doomed it. Yeah, please send us an update. Okay, so time for our next dilemma. Just a quick one, Laura here. If you're wanting to take back control of your money, ditch debt, make better decisions Time for our next dilemma. Not to mention you'll be part of an exclusive money community who share tips, offer support and celebrate your successes along the way. Click the link in the description to download Financial and start your free trial now. This is your sign to take control of your money today.

Okay, I'm done. Let's go back to the vault. How much should we cut out whilst my partner finds a job? My partner and I have been deep in the build stage for the last year. We both have more than good salaries, but we live in an expensive area of London and we just signed the rent contract for another year. My partner left his job this month due to very high stress levels, toxic culture, and has been diagnosed with depression caused by the job. He's been looking for a new role since December with no luck.

Thanks to a bonus he received before leaving, we have a fully funded emergency fund for seven months of survival mode expenses. We also have my salary. Here's where the problem starts. My salary is only enough to cover the survival mode expenses. If we keep our bougie thinking funds, gym and some budget for eating out, we'll have to dip into the emergency fund and that gives me so much anxiety. We were sure he'd be able to find a job immediately as he's in a senior role with 10 years of experience, but it seems that the job market is not great right now. The thought of going into survival mode is terrifying for me and I know that it's going to cause my partner even more stress as he's already feeling pressured to find a job whilst dealing with mental health struggles. Should we hope that he finds a job before we run out of money, which will probably last us a year or do we cut all fun expenses for an unknown period of time?

Oh, that's one we've not heard before actually. It's incredibly stressful when... It's like every option causes more stress, which is the problem. It's a domino effect. And the ideal, especially if you're in a place where your job is causing you that level of stress, this is hindsight, this is not for our listeners, sorry, this is not for the dilemma asker, but for our listeners, if you're in a place where it's starting to impact your health and it's toxic, you start looking.

Yeah, get out of there. Be selfish. It is much easier to find a job when you're in a job. We're all aware of that. Like it's just kind of this like less needy space is what it is. It's a very social thing, isn't it? You just speak to recruiters, start having coffees,

look at competitors, get out there because it's not worth it. And it's probably not going to change, especially if it's, sometimes if it's like one particular person, you might be able to have options with the same company, but under a different manager. You might be able, but it's unlikely, like the odds of that person leaving,

or if it's multiple things, it's the culture. You're not gonna change it. And so, you know, we should be keeping ourselves our number one priority. And so looking for a job while you're in a job can help. Doesn't mean you're always gonna be able to, and the more senior you are, it is harder. Just experience sometimes works against you

because it might be certain salary expectations, or I don't know, it is hard the more senior you are, it is harder. Just experience sometimes works against you because it might be certain salary expectations or I don't know, it is harder the more senior you are. There's less roles to be fair. I've seen roles. Yeah, there's less roles and you, like you might have it in your contract that you've got to like six months. What's the word?

Oh, like not non-compete, but more like notice period. Yeah, so it just, everything takes longer. Everything takes longer. So definitely if you're in a position where this is impacting you, then start looking. And just keep looking, keep chatting to people, keep your networks, because sometimes you leave a really good company, but you leave for a good salary

or a good opportunity, et cetera. So don't be too loyal, look after yourself first. So then the next level to that is they've done really well with like London, seven months expenses. That's incredible. And I think what's hard is she's right. If you go absolute storm emergency bare bones mode, there's a level of stress and pressure

that that might put on both people, especially him to find that job. But actually you wanna be as relaxed as you can. I've seen his work well before where people put milestones in. Yeah, that's a good idea. So kind of go, okay, let's not be silly and irresponsible with money. We're not going to be buying designer handbags

and new clothes. And going out to eat every single week. No, yeah, and loads of takeaways and deliveries. We're going to be optimizing our money. We might not book a bougie holiday, but there might be a holiday. So having this, like bringing it in a bit, reining it in will help like stretch that money out

and give yourself, you know, a three month review period. And we've had this before, haven't we? We always said, you get to three months and you have to decide, even, sorry, you decide now what happens in three months if you've not found a job yet. And I would say if three months of looking for the right job, don't worry about taking any job,

don't worry about doing like delivering Uber or getting a part-time job, just focus on getting it, especially if you're a big earner, focus on getting that job. And when you get to three months, we have to decide this now, decide what your next game plan would be, because then you've used three-ish months

of the Emergencies Fund, maybe two and a half, if you've pulled back a little bit. And you don't wanna be another three months on in the same position. And so that's where you might go, okay, we might be open to contracting. We might be open to taking lower salaries. Might be open to part-time work.

Because it might be that you don't actually need to make that much to taking lower salaries, might be open to part-time work. Just to cover, cause it might be that you don't actually need to make that much to cover the gap because she said that her salary covers survival mode. So even him taking a part-time job might just give him a bit of a- And they might still not have to touch the emergency fund cause it sounds like anxiety around dipping into the emergency fund.

But that's what it's for, but you don't wanna- You don't wanna deprete it. Especially if- It needs to be a plan. They sound like they've got such a high one, it sounds like they're used to that. So I think setting out a plan for the next nine months

and going milestone three month, this is what we'd do, milestone six month, this is what we'd do. Because like we said, you're not telling me that he can't find a role. Anything. Of anything. And she stays there and just be a little bit patient with it.

But I don't think they need to go absolute monk mode. Yeah, you can find a balance. Monk mode. Monk mode. Not because she suggests there's an anxiety to it. You don't want to add to his. You don't want to add to, he's already in a bad place because it sounds like he's been working

in a really negative culture. It doesn't, you can't just flick a switch. I've left the company so now I feel fine. No, no, if you've been downbeat for a few months and you lose confidence, like you get anxiety, it's gonna be the same in the next place. You worry that by leaving the company, I bet he feels he's let his partner down

because he's not bringing income into the family. Like there's all these things, but you created that emergency fund for a reason, and this is the reason. Like it's not for, I don't know, a bougie holiday. It is for if you lose your job, or it's an F off fund. We give people permission to create this as an F off fund to take the power back and do something that you love,

but without being financially vulnerable. And this is absolutely what it's for. I think for that and deciding whether expenses are bougie or not, imagine that you had to get us to approve your expenses. So like, submit the holiday, you know, you'll get a fee. I'm like, to buy! But it is, because it's a case by case basis. So for example, if both of you go to a gym that's like a medium price gym, it's not

stupidly bougie, but it's not like necessarily the local council one, which may be fine for you. But if you like this particular gym, it's important for both of you that you are working out that if he's not got a job and he's all day applying for things. But if he's going once a week, I'm putting it out of the budget. Then it's going out exactly.

I think that's where you use. And again, you know, what's a dinner out? Is it your Nando's hack about, we're gonna go to Nando's and we're gonna have some like tapas Nando's and we're gonna make it stretch. Or are we going to gaucho? No, we're going to to Nando's and we're gonna have some like tapas Nando's and we're gonna make it stretch or are we going to gaucho? No, we're going to gaucho.

Are we going for a tasting menu or are we going for an ice burger and fries? Yeah. You know, it's all relative. It's all relative and being pragmatic about that will allow you to not feel like you're going extreme but that you are still being mindful and you're not being like reckless.

And good luck with it. That's a really, really stressful situation. But so many people say that it works out for the best. You have to get out there. You can't hope that a job's gonna, I'm not saying this is what your partner's doing, by the way, but this is a message for everyone. You can't hope that a job lands on your lap.

You have to network. You have to get out. Like Laura said, go and speak to people. The coffee's coffee. They're not competitors anymore. Go and make friends with them. You never know. And crucially, and maybe something we could do

on Unlocked in this, by the way, at some point, around like careers and because in the current world of online applications, AI, I've heard such horror stories of people doing hundreds of applications and not getting anywhere. People buy from people, people hire people and networking is so important. And there's so much that can be gained

from keeping in contact with people, offering coffees, asking to catch up with people. You just get into some industry events, which you might think are a waste of your time, but actually you just never know what, like where it might lead. You don't remember a name on a CV, but you remember, oh, I met this guy.

Sometimes you can't get past the AI checker, that's how, it's really hard nowadays for they're using these tools, HR teams, to sift through. To sift through applications. And that's not right, because the right person for the role might be the person. And people take recommendations from people,

like if you said to me, if we were hiring for something Lucy, and you said, actually, I know someone that would be perfect. I might have looked at the CV and gone, oh, it's not what I had in mind, but I'm so narrow in my thinking. Whereas you know the person and you know, and it's a matchmaker situation.

So it's just like a dating pool, but the more you get out there, the more people that you meet, it's gonna help. So that's why you need to be exercising, socializing, but making it your full-time job. And I think prioritizing making that the job and not going and getting another job in the meantime for the first three months, really important.

And then take a view on it from there. Good luck. I like it. Yeah, I want an update on this one, please. Follow up to the follow up. I want like monthly updates. Feeling good. Direct truth.

Just been throwing handles. That's all for this episode. The vault is now closed. And just a quick disclaimer, the vault is just a chat. Our life and money topics, we are not giving financial advice.