The Vault with Financielle - “My Friends Split Everything 50/50 — But We Don't All Earn the Same” | The Vault Episode 118

Episode Date: May 28, 2026

You told us whether you have or want a second job… and the results might surprise you 👀This week's dilemmas hit different:💸 "My Landlord Wants to Sell and Is Offering Me First Refusal — Can I Actually Buy This House?"💸 "My Friends Split Everything 50/50 — But We Don't All Earn the Same"Got a money win or a dilemma that's been living rent-free in your head? Share it (totally anonymously 🤫) in the Financielle app community or email us at [e-mail] 💌You don't have to figure this out alone. More honest money chat at financielle.com 💖💸Connect with our Partner🫶 Protect yourself and loved ones with our friends at ⁠Lifesearch⁠ **The above is a tracked link, which tells our partner we sent you and may in future result in a payment or benefit to our site.

You're no longer young people. You're just people. And people are either productive or dead weight. It's my first day of work, and I need to make a big impression. Were you just checking me out? No. It's too bad. I see at least 15 ladies I need to talk to before my beta block is off. My coworkers don't take me seriously.

It's not a human. It's just a piece of meat. Someone bring a gurney. Hey, y'all. It's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder what if? it doesn't hold up. That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair. Every style, every home. Welcome to The Vault with Financial. This is a safe space where we talk all things life and money and no topics are off limits.

Good morning, everybody. Good morning. Are we acknowledging the butter top? She's wearing a buttertop, guys. So cute. It really is. Butter. You touch your top with a picture of butter on it. Makes you so happy, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. You know the other night I ate a third of a block of butter. Waiting for dinner? Just waiting for dinner.

Or on bread like, on Ravita. So it had a vehicle. You chose the worst vehicle in the world. I'm so hungry. I'm so hungry. No, it's good because then you can just taste the butter. That's true. And Alex had gotten me this nice butter.

And I was up, let's try it. Been out of the fridge all day in the butter dish, ready to go. Oh, it was prime. And it was like perfect temperature as well. This season, perfect. like butter temperature. Yeah. From that a better dish uses.

Surely you needed bread. No. Not rive. But right. I love Ravita. It's giving slimming world. How many do you reckon you need to real to eat a third of butter?

A third of a block. I'll send a video next time I do it. Yeah. I'm not sure on these ratios that you see them. I get it on sourdough. Like when Neil makes a brand new fresh sourdough because it's in like a Dutch oven that's like quite round, The end pieces are really small, so you can't use them as a credible meal.

First thing he does, slices the end off. And he literally probably puts a third of the butter. He's like, slap it on there. But not right of either. I just will use anything as a vessel. As we know. Yeah, we do. Okay, we've been busy in the community this week.

We asked people, do you have slash do you want a second job? And this comes from an article that we did quite a while ago. I'm going to say over a month and a bit ago, where we discussed romanticising a second job. Yeah. Do we think we could romanticise a second job? Oh, that's a good question. I remember this article.

Like I said, go have a look at it on fanchelle.com. If you search for a second job, you might find it. It's a little while ago. But we talked about it because it came from a TikTok, didn't it? And then we found a few. We found this like trend. And, you know, we have. help people here that are kind of get the money shit together, take control of the money,

can I pay off this debt, can I become debt free, can I build emergency savings, can buy a house? And it's all connected to earnings. Like if you can up your income in any way, obviously it helps and we tell you to do that, your main job. But the secondary thing you can do is can you earn money in an additional way? And one of the best ways to do it, especially at God, pre-children or if you've got someone else that helps with caregiving, because it is difficult and if you have a job that's flexible or that you don't have long commute so it's not long hours can you take an extra job and for so long it's probably been like um what's the opposite of like romanticized like dist a little bit like is it seen as like desperate times

see it as desperate like are you willing to go be a delivery driver an Amazon parcel delivery like are you prepared to do that or is that beneath you do you not think that that's right for you would you go and get a job in your pub? And if what would people think? Like if I went to work in and did a few shifts in our little local bar, would people think that we're struggling? And actually it's not of their business. But we do think like that.

And then some of these jobs that are service jobs, especially if we have a main job as seen as like menial or beneath us, when actually there's another way of looking at this, which maybe for money that you need the money, I'm going to embrace it, and romanticise it, but also that you want to do extra things with your time and you could earn money for it. And so the one we saw is there was a girl who I think worked in like corporate. So she was like a desk girl all day long, all day on a computer sending emails. That's my job.

And especially if some of that's from home, you don't meet people, you don't get at the house. Yeah. She took on a job, I think as a gym receptionist in New York. Is that right, Lucy? Like a Pilates studio. Pilates studio. Girl on the front desk. So she comes and I think she did it on weekends and maybe some nights. And what was she doing anyway? So she gets like membership of the gym. Yeah. In the comments she said, I get full membership.

Like Pilates is expensive girls. This is a good idea. But you could, you meet people, you chatty. You like, oh, you might like organizing things. You may, and this is no shame either way or no shade. You may not want to be your full-time receptionist. That might not be what you want to do. But you might like playing at it.

Like I used to love playing. Like we talked to it. Post office. And shop and bank when we're kids. The dream. Like, what a, sometimes a job that is a bit more practical, a bit more physical, it might be, and I've seen lots of people do this, get a job as a barista.

Yeah, people are craving the, like, social interaction, aren't they? Yeah, in real life, stuff, not the sitting behind my desk, just sending emails like you say, having social interactions with people. Neil's desperate to own a coffee shop. Oh my God, I hear it every day. And I'm like, why don't you go at the weekends and go do that if you want to do that? I don't want to own one with you, but if you want to go and work as a barista, You crack on. Has he done it? As he held?

He's not got a side hustle, he's not romanticised, not romanticising his girly second job. He loves making the coffee at home. That's a little like role play. Imagine go doing it and be paid for it. Yeah. I didn't ask for it. I know, I'd be like, I don't want to do this anymore. You said oatmeal, no, you didn't.

Or Neil would literally be like, no, you didn't. Dying in the corner. But I just loved, I loved the concept of it. I loved the idea that we can romanticise it and also we can see the good in it. And for some people, it's a way to earn extra money when times are tough

and when you need to bring an extra income for the family. And for some people, it may be a lease of life. It may develop a full new career for you. It may give you that balance if you're feeling a bit stifled and your main job. Lonely, yes. There's a pandemic of like lonely women and men, but especially women out there.

Well, so we put this out to our community. Okay, what was the question? What do we say, would you? We said, do you have slash, would you want a second job? And someone put my second job in a craft beer place was so fun. and gave me a wonderful community. I loved it. It does build something.

Someone said if it actually made me happy, they would do it. They would do it, yeah. And they had the spare time. Someone said, work is my second job. Being a mum is my first job. Oh,

that's quite fun way of reflect. It's definitely a job. Reframing it. I clean an Airbnb three to four times a month after my corporate job. That seems like quite a common thing. There's an Airbnb like in a cottage at the bottom of Wall Street

and I always see. Yeah. I clean it going in. I could do that. Yeah. Draw nose to my house. Don't take her job. The idea is to get a new job fee.

I think like our friend, Rachel is a dental nurse and she helps out of Patrick's Lakes. Yes, she's driving the golf car. She's very good at golf as well. I was like, I know why they gave that job to you. She's a golf captain. But, you know, she, I know, no idea if she needs the money, wants the money. She doesn't do it all the time.

She helps. She's a big, great, reliable person. When a big event's on, she's trustworthy. And she's out and about because she's in a dental room all day, every day. We know someone else has a second job.

One of our, who else. My eldest friend, his mom works in our local craft beer place as well as I think she's a teacher as well. So she does like evenings

and the kids are on the summer. The kids are literally on the park and they're old enough to be so. Babes through the window. There you go. Literally. The kids are having a great time out on the field with all the friends

and she's making money behind the bar and has another job and I'm like, that's cool. Rate that. Yeah, absolutely. I like it. What would be?

your ideal second job. Oh, I've got two. Go on. But one's not feasible because they're only open like 9 to 5. Dentist. Sorry. Sorry. Lydia's not. Lydia just went like this.

What's it called? Wait. I've forgotten. Dentist receptionist. I thought he wanted to be a dentist on a Saturday. I want to play a dentist. It's not feasible. I wonder why.

I was more so thinking they owe you money. How much you've spent at a dentist? I think I'm in like a relationship, like a unhealthy relationship. Co-dependent. You hate the dentist. I don't hate the dentist. I hate the like something being wrong with my teeth. So I love going to the dentist because they fix it.

So she's staying on top of it by being a day. Every day I'll be like, can you just? Yeah, exactly. And then I'd be like, I'd be so secure because I'd be at the dentist. Oh, I get it. I've got, no, I had this really weird thing. Every time it was like a Friday a few months ago, I'd be like, 2.30 and I was like, oh my, the dentist is closed now until Monday.

And I'm like, what if something happens? I need it. Oh, he's about to spit a tea. She said 2.30. I know. What time to close. What I miss that one, Dylan? Two-thirty.

I was like, she's joking here. No, I'm not. She's written this month in advance. That's what time it close. Just to drop this joke in this podcast. There's absolutely no way you pick 2.30 at the top of you had them. No. Two-thirty.

Genuinely, that's what time they close on a Friday now. I think every weekend. How can the reception is credibly when someone brings up and said, what time do you show on a Friday day, say, 2-30 without absolutely the person. The person think they're taking the pace or laughing her head off. Go on second one. No, I'm going, I'm still on the top.

Can we talk about the job? She's like, since two things, one, she heard toxic mind is going at 235. If anything goes wrong with my teeth, I have to wait until Monday. I do. I don't.

I can't go on the same path with that. The doctor shut at 5pm. Like, what if at 5 past 5? My children always need antibiotics on a bank holiday. It's a bank holiday at different points of the year. There may one coming up. They always need them. But like,

people with, this is judgy, who cares, people with like bad teeth and bad breath leaning over you. No, maybe they'll actually come to the dentist, they're okay. They've not got bad teeth and breath. But it's a really nice, bushy dentist as well. You're walking on it's like a spa. Our dentist has a screen in front, actually, so you would be. Maybe that's why.

It's not glamorous, yeah. So what's the one? Noops. Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, I, Holly, I think you'd be more into that than you would because you don't like coffee. Yeah, like they've got all the different. It's a chocolate. And it's like, oh, can I get a 34%?

That would be quite cool. It's like, okay, I'm going to weigh out the chocolate. Okay, pass it along. When I tried that, when you told me to go try it, and I had literally 20 minutes to kill. So I went and got, it was one of the nicest drinks I've ever had. It's so good. It's like liquid gold.

And I was just sitting it, walking back through the city. Some were shining. Manchester was Manchester in for a change. And it was just gorgeous because the afternoons, I really want coffee. And I'm glad I went out to get it. It's so good. But would you, what, so why?

Because you like the community element or you actually like the practical, because you were talking about a mixologist, then you're like, you're getting really excited about the. I think both, but the girls, because I go in there so often. I like, I do know the girls in there. We're friends. So she's like, I want to go to work at all. Oh, hi, you're right.

And I always go like after work. It'll be like 6pm because it's open until 8 p.m. So I could technically do it. Yeah, you could. Go in for a couple of hours in the evening. And they're like, oh yeah, have a nice night. They're all really nice in there. We have little chats.

They love her. People are craving that in-person community, I think. I really, so you said the dentist part, the receptionist. I cannot, I could not have a job where I have to sit still and it be quiet at any point. I loved working in my old jobs, like at Deben. When I'm thinking of like my part-time roles when I was younger when I was at uni and stuff, it had to be fast-paced, busy, getting shit done. I would rather die than sit at a desk.

any more than I do already. Yeah, I want to be like talking to people. Moving, busy. Like, it has to go fast. I have to have adrenaline. Like, I do crave that. Because I do it at home. I always say to Laura,

the measure of someone, do you run upstairs or walk upstairs? I run upstairs. No matter what I'm carrying 20 things in my hand. Like, I just embrace. Do you know you get that from? Anti-booth? Like, yes, I burn myself often with my hot tap

because I'm making a cup of tea while's making the pat lunches, while emptying the dishwasher whilst doing this. And the other week, I had literally three burns in the space of like, day because I realize I cannot possibly do one thing at once. But you are. Sit in my own thoughts would be hell.

You that kind of work of that like our anti-booth would like has been a manager all life and so she can sum someone up immediately about whether they're going to be a good worker or not like are you sat there going well shall I do or have you found something to do? Are you cleaning the cupboard while you waiting for the next thing to come? That's holly. She's like I was always like what can I do now? What can I do?

So I've done that. I've reorganised this. So you would need something that would scratch that itch I think. I don't know what though. Practical. I don't want to do, I think, oh, I'd like to do more cleaning because I like cleaning, but I then get fed up and do my own so then we want to do someone else's. Yeah, that would annoy me. Imagine like cleaning and then you come home and you're like,

I've got to clean my house now. That's what would stop me. I don't mind clean. I would like to do it as a job. But then if I got home, I'd like to someone to clean my house, that would be a good balance. I think barista is a perfect, I think, because you're doing something, you're doing stuff with your hands. You've got stuff to focus on. You can get into a flow state being a barista. You can vouch for me. What about you, Lydia? What could be? Yeah, I was going to, um, I used to work as a barist. It was like a coffee shop slash bar. Yeah. Slash restaurant. And, um, I used to get in like a full flow state with all the coffees and I was having it and like doing a bit of latte art, whatever. And then someone would just be like,

point of fastest please. And I was like, oh, shut out. Would you like a heart on top of your beer? Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't want to work in a bar. No, people in. 10 a.m. People are straight on Yale. That's sad and I'd be wanting to give them therapy. Yeah. I'd be like, come on Jim. Let's have a chat. She wouldn't serve them. Yeah. Oh my God. When I was in uni, I worked in this wine bottle and it was the craziest thing ever. It was really fun. But it was just, there was six of us, like six girls who worked there.

And it was, I can't even like sum it up in words. But it was so crazy. And like, I think three of them. those girls were like working full time. Someone was studying law like, whilst what she was like working and studying or something. And she was like, oh yeah, basically I own no money from this job because it's all like taken away by tax.

But she was like, but I just love it. Like it's so social. Yeah. It was so fun. Enjoy it like doing it for the vibes. Yeah. Yeah. That's really good.

I think I would like gym receptionist. Now I'm really into my fitness. I'm very chatty. I like being like motivator. So I don't mind getting up early. so because you've got to be an early girl. I'm going to do it. Well, it's like, good morning.

Welcome to your workout. Literally, I would be like, hi. Hype girl. I would be the hype girl, but then where's your membership and giving me money? Yeah. There's probably some admin that I can do. But then mainly it's like chatty and front of house because it would only be good for me as a part-time

because I can't keep that up. Yeah. And then you get in your corner eyes. No, my gym receptionist like that the whole time. Every time I tried to sign up, she was like, a free session. I was like, I've had, I've had three free sessions. That lady does not want any money. I've been in a couple of times on it when I just wanted to use the gym and not, and she just says have a free trial to everyone. She can't bother to sign you up. It's just easier if you just get a free trial

every week. And then I emailed over. I used to like, what are the opening time? She was like, yeah, we're not open. But I've just seen on the piece of paper that you're open, I don't know, nine till 11, I think it was or something. And she's like, yeah, that's just for today. I was like, that's what I asked. Like, she just doesn't want people to come, doesn't want you to pay. It's happy for you to walk and have a free trial. She's offering a free trial to you all. She shouldn't be full time. She should.

She definitely does that. But in front of you. So it doesn't have the same. Someone said I worked three jobs alongside my PhD never again. Oh yeah. That's a bit intense. That's a hustle. Hard to romanticise that.

That's on a needs basis, isn't it? Yes, I work in a local cafe on the Saturday alongside my full time 9 to 5. She's done it for four years. See? Just like in the background, what are you doing anyway? All the old days coming in, I would be good at that. Yeah, you'd be good. Yes, the single tax is real.

Yes, it's not a choice sometimes. I work at the local pub when they're busy on bank holes. I work remote so miss the social. That's a good one because if you were someone's call, if you had a friend that had like a restaurant or a bar or a coffee shop or an event's business, it's like, right, I need help. Can you do this day? You're like, yeah, go on.

But then you can be the main character of the job and then go, right, I'm done. You're the cavalry. But then the cavalry. That's a good idea. Someone said, I have a franchise on the side of a full-time legal role. Would not recommend. Yeah. I would not like this.

I had a cleaning job for a year to get extra cash, but it didn't work out tax-wise. I think that's what you forget. Like, you don't. Yeah, it's such a tough one. Like, when you get that extra job, and a lot of people hate, like, emergency tax and all this, tax and people don't understand how it works, but for your main job, your, especially in the UK, your personal allowance is used up in your main job. So what they do is, let's say you earn £20,000 a year, then your £12,570 pounds, interest tax-free allowance is divided by 12

and projected out and it's already planned in. So instead of like you're paying not at the beginning of the year and then not having to pay any later, getting it later and having to pay more, sorry, getting it early or having to pay more later, they spread it. So then it's a lot more nuanced and complicated than this, but it thinks, they think you're going to earn this all year round, this will spread your allowance around, and then your next lot is done on 20%. And then if you are a higher rate taxpayer, then on top of that, you're paying 40% when you hit the thresholds. So it's already planned out. So if you've got a main job, then you go around, I'm going to get an extra job. You get like, people think you get like emergency taxed or heavily

taxed. And there's lots of different examples of without why that could be. But typically it's more. You've already had your personal allowance planned out all year. So you will pay a full, if you're a basic rate taxpayer, 20% on that. If you're a higher rate taxpayer, for example, if you are on, like, 50K and you're a lawyer and then you also have a part-time job, you'll pay 40% tax on that extra income. So feel like a kick in the teeth. It's like, oh, what's the point in me working? I'm giving it all the way in tax.

It's because you have already had your personal allowance, whereas someone next to you, that might be their main role, they might be a basic rate taxpayer, and they're taking home more than you. This works comes back to the two things. one, it's like a needs basis. So do you need the money? Because whether it's a 20 or 40% tax, if you need the money, you're keeping some of it. And two, and or two, what are you doing it for anyway? So like if it's for social, if it's for getting out there, not being too lonely, keeping active, then yes, you're paying tax, but you're earning. It's only like getting

a pay rise at your main job as well. It's just it does take up time. So it's an interesting one that I always say like people get very frustrated with them, part-time job or extra job tax and it's yeah do you think it would be fairer to reduce the tax on a second job if you were a full of higher rate taxpayer in your full time one i don't i don't think so person i know it's a personal view but because i think that if you're a higher rate taxpayer you're already wealthier or earn more than so much of the the main population um really my i would wish that the personal allowances rise and they help that they've been frozen for years and they're not planning on raising any time soon. So people are getting like mini pay rises are extra jobs, but that 20%

threshold isn't increasing. And so people are having to pay tax on on extra jobs. But no, I wouldn't. Interesting. Well, we'll all be signing up for our second jobs. See along the last. We think we could until we could have. Coming to a tea room near you, that's been mine. An old fashioned tea room. Yeah. So I get all the old days. I will sit and chat to them all day. I was just about to say, or you know, God, I could never do that. But actually, in a weird way, like, obviously I do my BBC work, which is only small, but that's like a little part-time job. But my husband has a part-time job.

So I'm like, I couldn't do it with all my kids. I'm like, I could. He does. So now I need to get onto my gym and be like, do you need a front desk lady in exchange for a free gym membership? And I'm like, sorry, I can't, I'm working. So it says to me. If you're stuck in consumer debt, listen to this.

One financial user, said budgeting the Finan Shell way helped her clear over two and a half thousand pounds worth of debt and finally feeling control of her money. If you're ready to do the same, download the financial app and join our community today. Okay, time for our first dilemma. My landlord wants to sell and is offering me first refusal. Can I actually buy this house? Hi ladies, I've been renting my home for four years and I absolutely love it. Last week, my landlord got in touch with me to say that he wants to sell it and he's offering me first refusal. I never thought I'd be in a position to buy,

but now the option is right in front of me, I can't stop thinking about it. The thing is, I have no idea if I can actually afford it. I don't know what my borrowing power looks like and I don't have a huge deposit saved. Plus, I'm not even sure if buying the place you already rent is a straightforward thing to do. But the idea of having to move

or someone else buying it and everything changing feels really unsettling. Is this actually a realistic option for someone in my position? And where on earth do I even start? I need figures. I know. We've not got enough information to obviously delve into figures. But let's talk about when that happens so often.

Our renters are absolutely grinding, paying, you know, increasing the high rents. In London, you might be fighting for properties coming up. We see people documenting it on the internet quite a lot, don't they? On Instagram and TikTok, like another apartment viewing. And it's expensive. to rent, but it's a reality for so many people. And typically the home ownership is the pipe dream, isn't it? It's like at one, I'll be ready at one stage. And as we teach in the financial playbook, it's about building up to something and handling one thing at a time. So do we have really good

emergency savings? Do we have any consumer debt that's eating away our income? And do we want to pay that off? Do we want to become debt free? And then, and then do we want to want to to own a home because for lots of people, it's just not the right time. They could work in a city and never expect to buy in a city. They could be away from home and want to move home at some point. They might be in a new relationship and think, well, actually, we might buy some point in the future. So let's hold back.

So it has to, for me, almost always be an intentional next step, which now we're ready to buy the home. And that's where you then go to figures. So you look at how much can we afford in terms of two things, borrowing but also expenditure on housing. So we say this, that you don't want a mortgage payment to be any more than 30% of you take home pay. It is tougher in the city, especially the south, to get that ratio.

Because, as we've seen, one swing and interest rate, cost of living increase, one job loss, loads of different things, you have suddenly just like massively blown up your budget. So it's done with thought in mind. And so when you do those calculations and you say, okay, I can afford to pay this. That means that a mortgage, I need a mortgage of 200 grand. And I'm going to then need a house deposit of X. It can help, we've talked about some previous episodes, but formulate the right move or the Zouplea strategy.

It's like, okay, we're not going to look higher than this. This is what we're going to afford. This is what we could offer. This is how we would do it. So it's methodical. You're buying at the right time. You're buying at the right price. And you go out looking.

when it's it's a bit more rare for the opportunity to buy a home to appear to you and you be ready because if you're ready you'd be looking do you know what I mean so we see this quite a lot where someone is renting and the landlord's thinking of selling and they go oh my god I'm going to lose my home and this is emotional attachment to it and there may be a time or like a where it aligns the stars align is actually I I had built up emergency savings I wasn't sure about where I wanted to live. Like you.

Like you. Yes, yes. If your house at your rented at the moment came up for sale and you were in the market to look, you're ready to go. You've built those savings up in the background. So you could. For you, I'd be like, I would consider it

because I know that you've got all your follow financial player, but you've got your emergency savings in place. You do-da-da-da. I would... Just because it's offered to you doesn't mean you take it. Exactly. And even in that scenario, the house that you rent isn't necessarily the house that you would buy.

So lots of people might rent something because it's a great place to live. But it's actually a poor investment. Oh, like, it's a lot to maintain. And we don't see ourselves living here, you know, X number of years. The house that you choose to rent, I isn't always the one that you'll buy. I see this much more often with like amazing, like families where they rent and they've, you know, they've, for whatever reason, they've not been able to get on the property ladder. And we've seen the Facebook messages on our.

local Facebook hun community group where someone's like, I mean, it's really, really wanted village other than houses for rent, it's really this and that and everyone gets quite stressed about it and a family's go, we need like our landlord's selling and we need somewhere and you can imagine that it's been their family home and if they could buy it, they would and maybe it's not for them. But other than that, a rental is a rental and a house is a house, a property purchase, a property purchase and the different things. You go into it thinking different things. as well. Like the house, literally.

Like, we love our house. We wouldn't buy it because it's too small and like we're in the mind's self like we're only going to buy a house when we have children. And it's like it's too small for us to have children in there. Yeah. So it's not on the cards. Yeah. And so sometimes imagine what it feels like though if there's not many rental properties, that's the only one and you're really happy where you live. And then suddenly your landlord goes, I'm selling, do you want to buy it? You can imagine. Imagine how someone goes, panic, I need to buy it. I'm going to lose my home.

Like, it's this emotional thing. Like, I'm not, a tenant always wants to move out on their terms, not have the landlord go. You have to leave. By the way, do you want to buy it? Because if you buy it, I mean, it's great for them because they don't have to pay any citizen fees or do any work. But also, like, someone else doesn't take your home from you.

I remember when I used to work back in the day, like one of my first jobs. A girl was talking about her and a partner. And I think they had a child as well. We're renting a combination. and the landlord I think was like an older gentleman. He was like, look, I will reduce your rent, your monthly rent, so that you can save up a house deposit because we're like, we really want to buy this house, we really want to.

They didn't save it. They didn't save it. Lucy was like, that's so... I know what a gorgeous gesture, like that he was really looking out for them, and the amount of money they spent on shites. Like, you'd be like, how's your weekend, blah, blah, blah. She's like, I bought this, a proper impulsive spender. She literally had it gifted to her on a plate.

Well, it'd be fine because it'd be like, I'll find another buyer. Like, they missed out. They had a child. They were ready to buy a house in inverted commas. He'd massively reduced their rent so that they could save a deposit and they didn't do it. I was like, you're an idiot. I remember, I wasn't even doing financial and or following the principles or anything. I remember thinking, you're an idiot.

Like, what have you done? You've been given this gift. Yeah. The one's goodwill. Yeah. So I don't know. I don't actually know what happened to them, but they definitely didn't buy the house. He couldn't.

I think they had to move out because he was like, I need to sell it. You told me 18 months. ago that you were going to save that excess and create a deposit from it. No, it just shows you. And I think that's why, like, it's the, the, the, the, you, the person has to want to do it. So this sounds like landlords come and said, do you want to buy the home? And that's what you have to think through. Do I want to buy a home, not even this home?

Like, am I in a position to? Because if you're not in a position to, end of conversation. Like, it doesn't matter. Because it's someone, you know, and just detach yourself from it from it from. emotionally because you can't buy a home just because someone's giving you, just because it's in the shop window doesn't mean you can have it.

It's like the last top, like you've looked at it, walk past it, gone, oh, that's quite nice and then someone's gone to pick it up and you've gone. I wish I had it. Yeah, is that.

It is, it is. And so then if you do, if you are in a position to move, just have a real thing. I would say, if you did live in it now and you drove past it, would you go for it?

Because sometimes it's the least path of resistance and you're emotionally connected, but would you? And I'd say, for all the things like when people have a home and want to turn it into a rental and like, would you buy it as a rental? Because a rental's a business.

Would you buy it as a rental? Or are you clinging on to it because of a different reason? So try it. The best thing is to be objective about it and go through those steps and see if you tick boxes. It's like a flow diagram.

Do I have the money? No. Okay. Stop. Stop. Yes. Would I buy it if I didn't already live in it? No.

Stop. It's okay to go, okay. This isn't frozen. We'll move on to the next. step. I want to know what she does. Please show us the flow diagram. Yeah. Did you know that over a third of women in the UK have no protection in place compared to just 16% of men? We've partnered with Life Search so you can chat to an advisor for free and get the cover that you deserve. Head to fan-shel.com for slash protection to get your free quote today. Okay, our next dilemma is my friends split everything

50-50 but we don't all earn the same. Hi, ladies. I need some advice on a friendship situation that's quickly becoming a money situation. My friendship group splits everything 50-50. Dinners, holidays, weekends away, it's always just divided equally and everyone pays their share. The problem is, we don't all earn the same. I earn significantly less than some of my friends. And while I'd never want them to know that I'm struggling, the honest truth is that I sometimes can't afford what we're splitting equally.

I've started saying no to things that I actually really want to do just because I can't keep up, but I also don't want to make it awkward, or for my friends to feel like they have to subsidise me? Is there a way to handle this without becoming weird? And am I being unreasonable for finding the 50 split hard? You're not being unreasonable. I'm just going to jump straight in there. Like, it's really difficult to feel like you could be missing out on things with your friends.

But like we always say you are not the main character. I don't think they'll all be sat there going like, she's not come out again. Like if it's a constant, I'm not coming out, I'm not coming out, I'm not coming out, then that's tough for you. And it's tough on a friendship group as well. But I think personally, honesty is the best policy in this situation where you just go, guys, I love having, and it can be over WhatsApp, whatever, or in person. I love the things that we do. And I value our friendship so much that it's actually making me a bit stress that I can't say yes to all these things. As much as I would love to do them, I might start saying no to a couple of things because I'm struggling and I've created a budget that I need to stick to.

As you well know, I don't earn the same as everybody else. You don't have to make people feel guilty. You're not trying to get them to pay for your stuff. But it could be that you start to introduce some social gatherings that don't cost us much money. So having a movie night at your house and you providing the snacks and the popcorn and the sweets and the chocolate, then you know, you're not being a tight house.

You just recognise that some of the activities that your friends do aren't within your means. It's really difficult. You know, if you sat at a big table with 20 friends and you all go out for dinner or it's a hendoo or whatever it might, or someone's birthday, to swallow paying an equal amount when you know that you can't afford to be there. There's a certain type of stress that comes with that

and you're carrying the burden of it. And they have no idea. Probably really good friends and they might be devastated to learn that you've been feeling a bit of financial stress, distress, when you should just be enjoying your night out. No one wants to think about the bill. I've been there where you're like, how much is this going to cost?

Like when I've been younger and you just do because that's what we all do. And it's a horrible bit of stress. Whereas now I'm older, why is it more mature? Give us a bit of a shit, don't you? Yeah, I do. Because I'm in tune with my budget so much as well.

I'm like, what is acceptable in this budget and the money that we bring in as a household to spend on stuff like this? And every so often, you know, there'll be a special occasion whereby I can, but it's a special occasion, it's not every week.

Yeah. Yeah, like it's like the road to nowhere, like, event, is this just going to carry on in perpetuity and we've got so many different articles on financial.com about this, haven't we, like, scripts to use and things to navigate it. Because ultimately, if you want to do all these things, because I think she hints that she does,

I do actually want to do some of them, but it's just like splitting it 50-50 is too difficult. When it comes to splitting bills, a couple of things. We've got splitting the bill 50-50 and it being a fair bill. Like you all had the same, but you earn more and I earn less. On a friendship level, it's 50-50 split. Like, you pay for what you have. It's different in a relationship when you've been established for a while.

That's much more for me about proportional representation, like it's politics, but, you know, proportionally paying. But when it's friends, they don't have to pick up your slack, your financial slack. I mean, very direct. They're like, if they earn more and you earn less, but you both had a steak dinner, you're both paying for a steak dinner. And I think she's doing that. I'm not saying she's not. But this is like just the wider dynamics of paying 50-50. I, you know, we shouldn't be splitting bills if we, so you may eat less, you may drink less,

you may drink less alcohol, you may not have a sweet tooth, or you may have all those things, but you know you can't afford them. So you deliberately pick a small entree, you deliberately have tap water. So therefore you shouldn't be splitting a bill equally, one, because not only physically have you not had the stuff, but financially you can't afford it. And that's why you didn't. And you didn't order the champagne and the oysters and the, you didn't do that. Yeah. Exactly. And so that's why. having like some of these helpful money scripts about how to handle those situations, think like a 30 year old or 40 year old even like give less of a shit about if you're confident in good friends and if

you represent it, they should be okay with it. If you really want to be doing it and spending it, then you've got an income problem. So, you know, go out and see what you can do about getting to a point where you can easily afford that lifestyle if you genuinely want as much of it because there's no reason why you have to go without as well. But again, this is a very important. not your friend's fault that they earn more, you know. We've talked about, I think we had a dilemma. It was a long time ago. I'm talking a long, long time ago.

And it was about someone that it was, we kind of came to the conclusion that some job roles as well, you're never going to have the earning potential. Oh yeah, like, if you worked for a charity? That was it. Or have you worked like as a caregiver or something. She did. I was like, I'll never remember it. I know exactly the one you're talking about.

She worked in a museum and I think her friends were like lawyers and stuff. He's like, you're never going to have the same thing. same earning trajectory like and she was very much like you know okay with that but then she couldn't keep up with the lifestyle and I think our advice was like you have to pick and choose like this is the career that you've chosen and you know that it's going to be a cap on your earnings and owning it and if you want to do those things um do one one in a while you know like if you may be able to navigate into your budget you can do the other things as well which is you can suggest quality time with friends that is frugal and there is lean and that

you know, embracing the not spending. But if you do like the really nice meal out, the races, the whatever it is that your friendship group do, but you're on a lower income, you have to be tactical about it. And share with them as well, be open and nice about why are you? You know, you're not going to everything. And, yeah, see how it plays out.

And ultimately, you know, being transparent with really good friends does pay dividends, you know. And listen, if it were, knowing our group of friends, if we knew there was a particular member of our group who couldn't do a certain thing because of money, everyone would just, you're not paying, end of. And it's not like a charity,

and it's not that, you know, it's a really difficult dynamic. I would never lend money, we'd never do that with friends, and I would not make a habit of it. But when people are at different stages, and if there's something that's a group happening, if someone shared with us, I can't afford that. We're renovating.

The roof's gone. We're doing this. We're about to have the baby. Like, I just can't afford it. You come in, split 10 ways. Like, it's literally a tip. So, like, forget about it. I had a friend where they did that.

They were planning a girl's holiday. And the girl that was planning it was all out doing it. And then I think it got to the point. And she was like, oh, she lost a job or something. And she was like, guys, I'm really sorry. I am actually going to back out. Like, I can't afford it. And what it was for the weekend,

a way to split between 10 or 12 people. Everyone puts like 30 quid in each. Suddenly it's paid for her. Yeah. I think one person kind of suggesting. And they're like, look, I'm not going to do it unless everyone else wants to, but do we all kind of agree? And everyone was like 100%. She's organized.

She's brought the group together. She's enough. We feel really bad that she can't come. But this is all comes down to the friendship group that you have and the confidence to be open and honest with it. They don't owe you anything. And sometimes we go into different people. Like sometimes groups of friends come together. And sometimes if we can't keep up with the spending their activities, you just naturally grow apart.

And maybe that's a healthy thing too. Like if that's not in your future, you'll just constantly feel like you can't keep up with them. I'm definitely not saying don't be friends with them. But you may find like, was it like natural selection? Yeah. So sometimes it just will work out that you'll navigate somewhere different or it might be temporary.

I think you've loads of options, but own it. And you like what you said, how about pick and choose. Like you control the narrative. Control the budget. Your budget is your best friend. Earn as much as you can. Manage your expenses as best as possible.

you should, you possibly not show on the other numbers, but may be able to create room in this budget for the little boozy treats once in a while that doesn't throw everything off but that keeps you doing

the kind of things that she wants to be doing. Yeah. Orchestrate your own fun like said. For real fun, it could be like, let's go for a coffee,

let's have a movie night. Like you can do, let's go for a run. Let's start a carcher 5K. So you're still getting the social element of your friends but it's not connected to spending a lot of money.

You can do that. And there are friendship groups whereby someone is on six-figure salad of it. Literally, you don't have to be it. That's so true.

It's not going to, it's more on outlook, isn't it? I feel like I've actually before when I was like, maybe you shouldn't be friends with the end too much, but I think I probably meant if...

Well, you're trying to protect her peace. Like, you don't want to be constantly. Like, if the math doesn't work, you might find that not getting involved in everything will mentally be easier. But you can find, you can maintain that friendship in other ways.

Find free friends. Yeah, free friends. Okay, that is. all for this episode. The Vault is now closed and just a quick disclaimer. The Vault is just a chat around life and money topics. We're not giving financial advice.