The Vault with Financielle - “My Husband Earns More… So Why Am I the One in Debt?” | The Vault Episode 103

Episode Date: February 12, 2026

“I avoid talking about money with my partner because it’s too awkward”… jail or no jail? 🚨This week, we’re diving into these money dilemmas:💸 “Am I Overthinking Baby Savings?”💸 ”My Husband Earns More… So Why Am I the One in Debt?”Got a money win or (totally anonymous) dilemma? Share it via the Financielle app community or email [e-mail] 💌You’re not alone in figuring this stuff out. Get honest, helpful reads at financielle.com 💖💸Connect with our Partner🫶 Protect yourself and loved ones with our friends at Lifesearch*The above is a tracked link, which tells our partner we sent you and may in future result in a payment or benefit to our site.

Welcome to the Vault with Finance Child. This is a safe space where we talk all things life and money and no topics are off limits. How are we all doing today on this Valentine's week? Valentine's. So, is it? Is it? The only thing that I do on Valentine's is get a meal deal. And I do like an M&S one.

Do you do it? Yeah, I get a meal deal. Is it just because they happen to be out and available? You could have it on the 13th as well. There's no rules. Like we don't have it. I don't even probably don't even. have it on Valentine's day. It's like, it falls on a weekend this time. So if it was like

a Friday or a Thursday, Friday would have it on a Friday night. If it was on a Wednesday, a Valentine's Day, we'd have it on the Friday night or the Saturday. So it's more so, oh, it's exciting. There's a meal deal out. Not, we are celebrating. Yeah, we are celebrating valentines together. But we used to buy the MNS one. Niels one, not my dad, used to work at M&S so we get 20% off. So I was like, we're getting that. And then the minute she stopped working at M&S, I was like, I am not getting this meal deal. It's really expensive. So now we get an ASTA one because it got rated. I remember an article I read last year or the year before.

It got rated as the top one for like quality taste and value for money. You get loads in it. Like starter, main, bottle of wine, dessert, sides. Like it was extensive. Yeah. So I do like a meal deal. A meal deal. Not like an asda like tuna and sweet corn sandwich and a granola.

A three-course meal. Yeah. With wine. Yeah. Or Prosecco or whatever. It's really good value. And do you say, happy Valentine's Day. No, definitely not.

But we know you do. Those words never come out of your mouth. Absolutely not. Maybe as a joke, like, Happy Valentine's Day. But Lucy. Miss Reddress. I was about to say, we've got an infamous.

Dustin off the Red dress tonight. So what I need to do is we need to think about maybe what episode it was. There was an episode, so have a look last February to see when roughly it came out. Because it might not have been right on Valentine's Day. we were so, I had to apologize, because I didn't, it's like very judgy of us, right? But we were so shocked that you were so, for Valentine's Day. I don't think I remember watching that back. Yeah, I remember watching that back and I was, at first I was like, yeah, Valentine's Day.

And then I'm like, wait, I disagree. Wait, I disagree. Wait, I love Valentine's Day. And then I think I made a shitter remark that's like, what? Do you wear a red dress? And you were like, yes. And we were like, I don't, I don't think we could breathe. I think we're so shocked and found it so funny.

And the funnier thing was that we were shocked. It wasn't laughing at you from the red dress. It was we didn't think you would because we'd got it so wrong and it slagged it off so much. You're like a meme. You're like a meme of yourself. Like all I could think it was a meet. Like we'd created a meme. Like Lucy sat there in the red dress.

I picture the rose on the table. Legally blonde. Is it legal blonde where she like like, like, perfuminginging. She's got the rose in. It's Valentine's Day meal and he breaks up. We breaks up with it. Obviously at yours and did much more happier. Whereas we're like the Valentine's Day and sex in the city

when they're in the restaurant and they're getting pissed off with all the balloons everywhere. And the woman's like, do you and your partner want wine? She's like, give me the wine. Well, so now you're a fiancé. Oh, yes. What do you think you'll do? Have you got, are you doing it for Valentine's Day? You'll get a surprise.

Yeah, we'll go out for a nice dinner. On Valentine's Day, right. Yes, Saturday night. You'll pay the premium. Well, no. I welcome the premium. I think it's worth it. Holly wants to go out on Valentine's Day, but going like a booth with Neil, not like in a one-to-one table so they could people.

Yeah, that's good. Binoculars. Your people watch us. Yeah. This year, it's every Valentine's weekend. It falls at Alex's brother's birthday. Like, this is the weekend that he celebrated his birthday. And a few weeks ago, Alex, he was on the phone to his mum.

And she was like, we're happy to give up like the Saturday night, Valentine's night or you. And he was like, no. I love that he's so into it. I mean, listen, it's lovely and I'm here for it. And I love that Alex is so like, no, we're not going out on the piss for my brother's birthday. I'm taking my fiancé for a lovely Valentine's meal. Good on you. Right. Lydia, what do you do, valentines? What's going to happen? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Yeah. Will you acknowledge it? Will you say happy Valentine's Day when you wake up? you get a card. I've really underthought this. I don't know. I don't know. I've not thought about it at all.

She's going to nip to the shop on the way. Oh my God. Although last year I was like, do you know what? I'm going to flip the gender rolls. We're going to just give him some red roses. Oh, I like that. Yay.

Keep on his toes and how did it go down? Very well. I've never been bought for hours before. Oh, I do. That's really. I like that. Yeah, that's nice. I'm here for that.

I think you should do that. If he lean into the cheesy. Yes, if you embrace the cheese I vividly remember in high school like my first boyfriend his mum like bought me a necklace from men on

ick and then I broke up I was like I cannot like so I've always had a thing about Valentine's Day it just gives me a little bit of the ick for me I actually quite admire you doing it and I love that with Lydia and Tim

like that's so so so so cute and I miss the kids being in nursery because you used to get a little card from the kids. Like, I love all that kind of stuff. Yeah. The nursery, they'd make your little, like, Valentine's Day card to your mum. And I just think that's so sweet.

Yeah, that is nice. But I'm here for the meal deal. She's here for the food only. Yeah. Okay. Time for Jail or no. Time for Jail or no deal. No deal.

It's like deal or no deal? Okay, so everything is kind of couples themed this week. I avoid talking. about money with my partner because it's too awkward. Jail. Jail. What could be awkward? You're in debt and you don't want to share it with them.

Yeah. They're in debt and you want to address it, but you feel like you can't. You think they're lying about how much money they have and that's awkward. When I hear about people lying to the partner about like how much money they make, like I've heard it. I've been in conversations with guys and they've been like, I'm not going to tell about that bonus.

I'm like, I have heard that. That's crazy. I don't like. that. No, I don't like that. Also, not a good sign. Red flag. We split everything 50-50, even though we earn very different amounts. Jail. Jail. Jail. 50-50 is not equitable in a longer-term relationship. Newbies, yes. Yeah. But then it is not fair or equitable. For a person that you want to spend your life with as well. I think like early in a relationship as well, the 50-50, like you said, stands because you're just like, we don't know, we're not deep into this, but if it starts

and they're like, so let's go to Abitha and then let's go for this like amazing meal with my friends and blah, blah, and you start to get into debt and you're starting to worry, like, a bit of honesty up front and be like, oh, that's not really my, doesn't really sit with my budget, can we do? You have to get in there early, don't get carried away. Agreed. I've hidden a purchase from my partner. Lucy's definitely flipping to no jail. I've never hid a purchase from Neil. Hid, but I'm boring. But then like, let it be known.

Purchased. It's in the basket. So, if you hide a purchase, you either feel guilty for the purchase and like, you're in the wrong, if there's a wrong, or you're worried about what they will think about a purchase. You think it's right, but you're worried about what they say, so it's quite quite life.

But fast forward, like, what do you do? with the purchase then? Is it hide? Does it stay hidden? Is it a secret? I've like, obviously all budgeted for, but like I've said that I'm like, oh, I'm going to put more in like my investments this month. Like I want to grind and become wolf off a street. And then like I'll have ASOS parcels arrive. But Alex's office is in the garden so he doesn't see parcels arrive to the front door. And then I'll put this new like jogger set on and I'm like, perfect work for a home outfit. And then Alex is like, I said, no, I've had this, Frasius, just haven't worn it.

Oh, you do go there. Look at it. Not as sweet and innocent as everybody thinks, Lucy. The funny thing is, though, would he care? If you went. Yeah. No, but then he'd be like, oh, I thought you were doing this. And I'm like, well, yeah, it's all budgeted for,

but I just don't want to have to explain myself, so I don't care. So would that money have gone on to investments or would it have always been being fenced for clothes? Oh, you're allowed. Yeah, I know, exactly. Stop lying. You're living a lie. You're in jail. But sometimes I like the thrill of the lie.

I'm trying to think of like... How do you lie about that than other things? Yeah. Let's do that one. I don't lie. Can't lie. As you all well know. Okay. Right. Lied now. Say, oh, that's nice. Where is that from? Is that new? I like your jumper.

No, that's nice. Do you not like my jumper? Where's that from you? What's that new? Zara. Oh, when? 20 years old. Oh, really? Yeah.

I thought it was a new look. Oh, it is. See, you know. I don't lie. I don't lie to Neil. Maybe the only lie I ever do is like secret eating, so that's not a lie. I'm not active as saying I'm not, I did not eat that chocolate bar. I'm just eating it and not talking about it.

When we were off with the kids and I took them to care of sea. And so Woody wanted a drink. Woody won't eat it. But didn't want boring. Didn't want anything else. So then I was like, I'm actually a bit hungry. I could do with some chips, but I was trying to eat well. So Teddy and Ali both had food.

I'll be with us. So then I got a meal. So I got a strips meal. And I had, oh no, it ended up being like a, you got like a bit of popcorn chicken with it. It's like a boneless bag of everything. So I had two of the strips and some chips, not a lot of chips, and I didn't really want the popcorn chicken.

And I was like, I'd better take it home for Carl because I can't have him thinking that I had Casey and he didn't and it was this really weird mixture of buying and secret eating so I couldn't help but bring something home like I had to

double it I was like here's yours the worst half you got my scraps yeah literally the scraps but it is that I sometimes think everything's so transparent that I overthink if I've got a coffee

and he doesn't have coffee but he doesn't lose Carl He's not like, oh, I've had a pint, I should go get a pack. Like if he goes, he gets a beer with the boys on a Friday, like, he doesn't go, oh, Laura, Laura, I've got one without her. I'm like, I'm like, I've got a coffee without him, doesn't like coffee. I think food, anything goes. Yeah.

You're allowed to lie. See, I, what, the, um, the lying's funny, though. Like, I think it's usually when it's us, it's not them. Yes. And that's the healthy way around. That's the healthy way around. Like, if you're, you're more bothered than he is, it's a good sign for the relationship. It's just funny for you.

You weren't worried that Alex was going to really be judgmental about it. You just knew that... You just want to be right. Yeah. Yeah, me too. And also if he was judgmental, I literally wouldn't care, so I don't know what. And what? I've got your tracks to you.

And what? You could nicely say it. Oh, is that new? You're like, yes, or what? What are you trying to say? Is it a budget? I don't actually know how much debt my partner has. So this is coming from the partner not in debt.

Or partner with debt. No. jail. It's hard to get out of someone and it takes a lot for someone to admit that. And you don't know how long we've been in the relationship for. If you've been in the relationship for a long time, we're weird though. We always have to caveat. Like we are a strange bunch of humans that have come together to be so transparent about money. A lot of relationships aren't like that. People that have been married like 50 years still have separate finances and people have debts for lots of different reasons. And it's amazing. What I would definitely advise people,

especially early in relationships is try to hide the fact that you have debt. Like if you bothered about sharing the amount that's up to you, and if they ask and you go, actually, I'm not feel comfortable telling you, but I will, you know, I will at some point, but it's like, it's kind of something for me. But not pretending all the thing's fine and dandy, because then to later reveal, again, for you, not that person is a bigger thing. But, you know, people sometimes have debt because they've had to leave a past relationship or because of health issues or because of, you know.

Helping a family member out. Moving out last minute and having to fund. There's loads of different reasons why. And though, there's gambling addiction, shopping addiction. You know, I bought all this stuff for my ex-girlfriend, whatever it is. There's lots of contentious reasons that early in a relationship maybe it's just not right to talk about.

But eventually if you want to hit some life goals together, it is advisable to get it all out on the table because you don't know where you stand. And now a big, big, number one thing is know your numbers. And if you're going to achieve things together, and you don't know your numbers, you can't really get started. We've had so many dilemmas where someone's gone, we were supposed to save for a house posit together.

I've saved up my half and he spent it on a gambling addiction. Yeah, only fans. We had that one as well. Yeah, yeah. And so I think preempting that is good. Like, it's not a bad thing to not know the amount early on. Or later, if you don't have combined finances and combined goals, but the minute your goals combine, it's much better to share.

We've never sat down and done a proper budget together. I'm going to jail Jail Finan and Shell Jail budgeting at its core is going to help you achieve so much

to the fact that just to help you this isn't like you're a bad person like this will help this will be amazing budgeting together do it together

okay time for our first dilemma paddles away bombs away I've been watching Masters of the Air so I think I'm like What's Masters of the Air

Oh with Callum the guy who is going to I get married to Julie Epa. I can't think of it. Is it a film or a series? It's a series on Apple TV. And if you go on Amazon, I watched the first episode

and then it made me subscribe to Apple by accident. I didn't realize, so just be careful about that. But one thing I would say about Amazon is they do give you a refund very quickly. They make it very seamless, no friction. They don't want to employ loads of customer service people to be on the phone to me going,

give me my £7 back. Just let me cancel it and refund. So Neil literally on his app and it went cancel refund done. my grandparents are on my Amazon Prime and the other day I was like also just come out on my bank account and go because I've got like loads of subscriptions

on Amazon like almond milk floss random things and I was like sorry Floss? Did we just skip over the fact that you've got a floss subscription? She cares about a tea? I always forget to go and get it from boots

and sell it in any of the supermarket is the one I like so and I was like what's that? I've not got anything else arrived been like today. And I went on my Amazon Prime and it was like this old film. I was like, oh my God, I've been scammed. Like someone who rented a film. She's grandparents had scammed. And Nanny sent me a message being like, oh, I've just, I basically managed my nanny and grandies money via PayPal for them. They don't do anything else online. They cannot handle online.

So if they need anything ordering. I'm like, I'll log into your PayPal. I'll order it for you, so everything out. And they think they're logged into Jack's Prime. Okay. And this film was literally like four pounds. And she was like, send Jack 15 pounds as an apology. To his paypal. I don't even think he's got PayPal. And I was like, it's actually mine.

But I will change the normal rate. I won't take any money from you. Enjoy the film. I think buying films online is the equivalent of like taking something out of the minibar. I do. It's like a couldn't possibly sweet umdenad over Christmas about buying the mask for like two quid or three quid. I think like, we're having some haggendass ice cream that was probably more expensive.

Six quid ice cream. Whilst trying to decide whether to watch it or not. I agree. Because it was two pounds. Yeah, we've gone past it then. But it just shows you like the overthinking of. We hammer the little things to death. Our message, Neil and he'll be like, is this, are you being filmed?

Is this serious? I'm like, what? Just stupid stuff like, oh, I'm in the, um, shall I get rib eye or shall I get cell line because the ribat is like three pound more and we love ribby and he's like fuck sake. It's like having therapy on the phone with him walk around. I feel really bad. I feel really bad. Stupid. It's literally two pounds worth. I think mom does that. I think you get it from mum. I think she says another day I was like, mom does stress about what did she not pay for? And we were like, what? Are you kidding? It was something crazy. Oh, I won't pay for that. And we were

like, yeah, literally. And at the same, I don't care. I think my aunt's even pull her up on it. like, you what? Of all the things. She's like, this with the grandkids. Money, money, money. Some things are just principles, aren't they? I don't you? Like, you wouldn't imagine going to the cinema

and being like, oh my God, this is only three pounds. Yeah. Borging. Or should sit in the comfort of your own home. You could never. No, they went to the cinema the other day. I was like, make sure you take your own snacks. That's the adult mini bar equivalent.

Do not pay for cinema. I think for years I've paid for it and didn't realize you could take your own in. Can you actually? Yeah, you're not allowed hot food. Do you take Nandos in? She knows she got arrested. She's now banned from the summer, so she learnt the hard way.

Okay, time for our first dilemma. Oh, God. Sorry, Lister's at home. We're in a great time. But we're getting to the first line once try helping you out for a change. If you're stuck in consumer debt, listen to this. One financial user said budgeting the financial way helped her clear over two and a half thousand pounds worth of debt and finally feeling control of her money.

If you're ready to do the same, download the financial app and join our community today. Am I overthinking baby savings? Hello ladies. My partner and I have recently decided to start trying for a baby. We're both in stable, well-paid jobs and I'm very lucky in my role to receive two bonuses a year, one in June and one in November. For the next two years, I was thinking of putting my June bonus, which is smaller and more variable entirely into my pension,

and using my November bonus, which is larger and more consistent, to build up a baby sinking fund. I currently have a four-month emergency fund, which I'm building up to six months, and I also have, and I also consistently contribute to an ICER. I've already started a baby fund, but I'm not sure if this approach makes sense or whether I should be doing things differently. What I'm really struggling with is knowing what kind of number I should be aiming for with a baby savings fund. I can't seem to find any consistent advice on how much you actually need to save, and it's making it hard to feel confident in the plan. I'd really appreciate your thoughts on whether this is a sensible approach and how we think about the numbers. P.S. I love the app, the community and the podcast.

Woo-hoo. A really good dilemma this. Because it is true. It's so subjective, this maternity leave sinking fund, budget, pot of money that you need to dip into. First of all, you have to know your budgets or how much your, your fixed expenses are likely to change. When you're on maternity leave, you're still got to pay your mortgage, still got to pay a council tax, still got to pay for your car. Like fuel, tax, insurance, all those types of things, that doesn't go away. So making sure as a minimum that your fixed expenses are covered. And you can do a budget in the app as well. You can be like...

Hypothetical. Yeah, what's my income? Your income's like going to decrease depending on where you're working. If you've got fortunate enough, some of our community members do to have a really good maternity leave, some are really poor maternity leave. So it just depends and see what the gap is, what your statutory pay is going to be. and then also working out your pension contributions because I didn't pay into my pension when I was on maternity leave,

my employer still did, but I missed out on a hell of a lot of contributions. So you have to do a lot of modelling yourself, which is why you won't find anyone saying you need this much a month because it's so subjective and personal. The only thing that you keep saying is I have I, I, I, I, I, and my bonus, my bonus,

assuming that you're going to have a baby with somebody else that they're going to have to pay for this as well, I don't want you to be put in all your funds into this maternity leave. It should be a joint venture. because it absolutely is. You need to make sure that you're paying into your pension

is my biggest thing. I don't want you to save this pot up and then not take into account that you still need to contribute. Yeah, and so the question's in two parts and what I like about it is the first bit comes up a lot which is, want to do this, want to do this, want to do this.

And so we'll use this bonus for that and then this bonus for that. And I think it's much easier to playbook it and to follow the flow of that. So she's got a little bit more to put into her emergency fund. She's putting into an ICER, but she's not got an emergency fund ready,

unless the ICER is the emergency fund, which she could be. She says she contributes to an ICER. She's got a four-month emergency fund, which she's building to six. She's building to six. She's got four-month, four-month or a full month? Four.

So she's got two more months. And so that's first. So whether that's just through her April and May salaries or March salaries, you know, whenever her next pay days are, or whether it's whether it's through a payday or whether it's so a bonus payday

that's next so like I would even write this down a list it's like a bit it's like we're doing a waterfall concept so as money comes in and this is true of everyone by the way if you're listening at home let's pretend that we are going to give you

£10,000 today if you are following the playbook you should already know where that 10 is going to go so if we did a waterfall it sounds like given she's going to a larger emergency fund she's debt free and she's got a mini emergency fund and she's building up to six months. So let's say that two more months is

like four grand. So four, step number one for her is £4,000 emergency fund. That's what she's got to do next. So she's got to do it through her access in her budget the next couple of pay days and or when the June bonus comes that might fill it. The next thing on her list was the, it's the baby one. Is there anything else? Is there another goal at any point? Each just baby fund, isn't it? She's using her first, what she's using her first bonus for? So she's putting a small bonus entirely into a pension. Pension, right. So what I would say with pension is I'm all love people investing, love people dumping money into it, love people getting a bonus and putting it in. Some people optimise bonuses for tax. And so if bonuses can push you up into like a 40% tax bracket

or higher, then there's some clever calculations you can do online and you can basically save your tax so that you're not paying 40% you end up only paying 20% by optimising pension contributions. So they're all good. But you do still have a life goal there that you've not nailed yet. And so extra pension investing

typically would come and grow and you're still in build, which is you want to try for a baby. You need to pick a pot of money that you need to save for that period of time. And so rather than waiting for the November budget bonus,

which by the way also might not come at some point or you might leave that a work. Bonus is a bonus as well. Like it should be the icing on the cake. It should be. So if you could come into that money, great but what I would do then is picking them out of money that you need to save

for the baby fund and that's the next thing to do on the list and you until that's full you nail that and then if you're and then if you've done that you go from build to grow in the playbooks when you grow that's the point where any excess

cash you choose to divert across things that increase your net worth which would be pension so that's the order I would do it in rather than going that bonus is for that one and that's for that one because how do you know the amount's going to be what's right, work your way down that list. And so emergency fund, then your baby fund, and then any extra into pension. Then when it comes to the baby fund, there's a couple things to think about. Cash is king or queen, whatever you want to say for this.

Like, you need as much money as possible because so much is unexpected and so much can come from left field. And there's two things you need to work out. One, how much of a pile of cash do you need for things. So are you going to be decorated in a nursery? What does it cost to have a baby? What kind of things do you need? What kind of things? Does the baby need? What kind of things are people buying you? What kind of things would you have to pay for yourself? Having a little thing, I don't know this is like jumping the gun, but fertility is something that we just don't appreciate or understand. And so many of you have shared your journeys with us that you were glad that you put just that extra cash aside and you piled up that money because you just never know. You don't know

how long, you don't know if you need help, you don't need support, you just don't know. And so I found that quite empowering for lots of couples that that's been a thought that if we don't need it, we have cash. What's the downside? At least we were prepared for it rather than having to kind of use credits, kind of fund fertility and stuff. So baby funds a big chunky, chunky, chunky, chunky fund, which is why I'm inclined to kind of pause pension top ups and kind of leave that.

So you need a big pile of cash for what I need to have the baby and to facilitate the baby. And then you need the baby budget, which is, as Holly said, create a budget in the app that's hypothetical that is based on collaborative incomes, even if you don't have combined finances and includes more than just your income. And include your regular pension contribution as a line in that budget as well as activities, coffees, things that get you out the house, the proper budget that it takes, that would take you to when you return back to work. And then what you do is if there's a gap in that budget, so if your income does not cover those expenses, let's say you're at 500 loss every month and you want to be off for six months, that's £3,000 that you need to find. That's in the baby fund. Does that make sense? So you've got like your things you need to buy and then you need a pot of money that basically you can pay yourself from 500 per month that's like your salary. It's like your salary. But you need to make sure you do it together. Honestly, so many women will go and they'll buy the nappies and they'll do the, top up of the formula and they'll do this. And you have to have a joint.

Collaborative, definitely. Baby account when you're on maternity leave. I really wish that I'd had done a maternity fund. Yeah. Because I didn't. And I felt guilty every time. And Neil would not care. That would be another example of me ringing him going, right.

Coffees is turning to lunch like and he'd be like, yeah. And I'd be like, it's all right. And he's like, what? He's like, but you're in your own head. I mean, when you've got a little, when you've got a little amount of money, which you feel like you've got. When you've got a lack. Yeah, you've got a lack.

You have lack mentality. So you'd go without having lunch. I'd just have a coffee. It's fine. I'll just have a tea. I'll just have a piece of cake. I'll not have a proper lunch. Oh, you go by the nice.

Like, listen, I don't get wrong. If you're going crazy and going every day for coffee and every day for cake and if every day you buy in the baby stuff that it doesn't need, that's you doing, you know, you're constantly in a line. But there's a balance and it's collaborative and,

and, you know, no matter what the dynamics of your relationship, doing it together is really important if there's two of you in the relationship because it's literally how it should be. So having that budget, because then you've got a target, and so as you get paid, use your access to put into it, as you get a bonus,

you whack that on it. And once you've ticked both those, you're ready then, you're ready for when that time comes to you, when the time's right. But in the meantime, you've ticked it off. So then you set your sights on,

how much can I put into pension? Well, can I do because you're in growth. So it's a super, super exciting time, but great to get ahead of the game. Yeah, very mature, like, dilemma. And I'll find, in the community as well, a lot of people that go ham on building a maternity

funding fund, they'll say, I've gone back to work and I hardly spend any of it. Because for some reason you have money left over. Yeah, you just end up being like quite frugal on maternity leave because I don't know why. It does happen. I don't know why because your life hasn't, your life's not changed and you still got the same amount of bills and whatnot, but you just live a little bit differently.

You do spend a lot of time at home in the first few months, so you probably save money and not going out as much and that type of thing. Yeah, I don't think you're shot. Yeah, and you're not going out for lunches in terms of like, like if you're coming into a city or you're not going nights out, you're not shopping and clothes. There's loads of things that you're not doing. Yeah. So you just, I think you accidentally like don't spend as much money. So so many people have been like, so what shall

I do with this like chunk of money? And I'm like, put it in your pension. Exactly. But that's playbooking it perfectly. Yeah. Excited. Updates. Please. Yes. Okay. Time for a community win. I've been using financials since January 2025. So just over a year now. And it's literally changed me. And I've never been so consistent with anything. And I've never been so consistent with anything. I've never missed a budget. My slip-ups have only been minor and I haven't added to my debt. I paid for my birthday celebrations and Christmas using sinking funds and I've also just paid my car insurance in one go for the first time in 10 years. I'm officially a financial convert. I love when people pay their car insurance off in full. It's a proper flex. Do you reckon the car

insurance company like, what? Why is everyone paying it off in full? Why would you do that? Neil was thrilled to the day, paid for his car insurance with compare the market. Just getting loads of freebies. They kept saying like, oh, you've got like two funded image tickets and you've got 20% off this. And he was like, you get 25% off two cafe Nero hot drinks a day and doesn't it? He's like reeling all the things off. I was like, that's what you get. What you get for me and a savvy queen. Savvy queen. Well done, Neil. But yeah, like the flip it to the annual is one of the biggest flexes. Because before you do it, you can't picture you're doing it. No. Why would I? Yeah. And you're like, oh, I'll never be in a position where I'll have enough money to, like,

I need that money so I'll pay monthly. Yeah. It's not even a conclusion. consideration. Everything was monthly for me. Everything. Why would I, why would I pay it in full? I'll pay it every month instead. And now your expenses go like lower and lower, because all the money goes into your sinking funds. It's internal. You're not sending it to anywhere. It's like, yeah, all within your little money ecosystem. Money ecosystem. That's a, that's a word phrase. If you'd like to tell us your win, head to the community in the app or email it to the vault

at financial dot com. Okay, next dilemma. Did you know that over a third of women in the UK have no protection in place compared to just 16% of men? We've partnered with Life Search so you can chat to an advisor for free and get the cover that you deserve. Head to finchelle.com for slash protection to get your free quote today. My husband earns more, so why am I the one in debt? Hi, girls. Financial has genuinely helped me find a budgeting strategy that actually makes sense and is finally making a difference on how I manage my money.

I actually look forward to budgeting now and feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's also helped me get out of constantly living in my overdraft. However, as a financial novice, I'd really appreciate some advice. I currently have around 25K of debt, which was originally accrued on credit cards and is now split across two debt consolidation loans, with two smaller balances remaining on credit cards. For context, I've had two periods of maternity leave in the last five years, one planned and won a surprise. My husband and I have been married for eight years and have two children together. I'm a solicitor and was working in between maternity leave at a small firm, earning around

23K after dropping to part-time to look after the children. Thankfully, I've now secured a new role earning 45K, which has made a huge difference. Most of my debt was built up during maternity leave, largely through spending to keep our household running, things like childcare fees, food shops, bills and activities with the kids. I know I ever spent at times and should have budgeted. better and I've always blamed myself for poor planning. While I know that played a part, after listening to the financial podcast and starting to realise that our household financial structure may be the biggest issue, my husband earns significantly more than me, currently 73K a year,

with regular annual increases. We've never properly combined our finances and we've fell into a habit of where he pays the core bills like the mortgage council tax, while I cover food shopping, insurance policies and most of the costs for the children. After having a proper conversation about money and completing both individual and joint budgets in the app, I realise that he currently has a £900 excess per month, whereas I'm left with about £150 in a good month before contributing to any sinking funds or emergency savings. We've talked about our money goals for the year and they do align, which is reassuring. I've also shared things I've learned from financial and suggested setting up sinking funds. However, my husband thinks we should contribute equally to these and doesn't seem to

understand the maths, just don't work, just doesn't work, as I'd be in the negative if I matched his contributions. At the moment, it feels like we're living two very different lifestyles. He regularly buys luxury clothes and shoes while I'm counting pounds through cashback apps and selling items on Vinted just to make sure I don't slip back into my overdraft. Any advice on how to approach this would be massively appreciated. I think my husband is coming around to the idea of properly combining finances, but practically I don't know the best way to do this or where to start. Thank you so much in advance for your help. Laura's got to have to answer this one first. Probably just need to calm herself. So I'll stew. They're just they make good progress. Yeah, they've done amazing. Well done.

And we've just had that my turn sleeve chat. I know. I know. Just talked about, you know. It's like Lucy planned it. Funny that. How organised. What coincidence? And it's really hard to forgive yourself and crack on. It's really hard. So as you said, the nun, but you do need to work on doing that. And what's done is done.

And this is what happens when finances are separate. And then people have children. And then people return to work part time on lower salaries to help with childcare. And something changes for one of you, not the other. and the higher owner like doesn't really appreciate or understand or have full visibility of the impact of that decision. Now, you know, a solicitor, like, congratulations on your job, when your payrolls and getting the big one, but you're quite easy.

It could be up in the 70s at some point. So like it's not even a scenario where like he's got specific skill set that helps him earn more and you not, you actually have a similar skill set, but you had the children. I love this example. I don't think they said he was a solicitor, but good salary. I love this example because it has. helps to prove what happens, like a sliding door moment for women where all the woman that happens to have a baby, like, say if you're in a same-sex relationship, you can have two women,

but the person that decides to have the children and to have time off and to go part-time on a similar earning trajectory, suddenly ends up on 23 versus a 17. I know she got the new offer at 40, but we're still like, you know, almost half the salary. Whilst he remained in his role, while she did two maternity leaves, he was getting career progression, she acknowledged that. So not only was he continuing to earn a better salary than she was because she was on maternity leave pay, he was getting promotions. And if she'd have stayed in her career, she arguably, they could have been on the same

earn. Literally right now. And it's a perfect example. And so it's always, I find in the main, the men in our lives, whether it's friends, brothers, partners, when they understand those dynamics, they are completely on board to get it. Because what must be hard is when you've had this feeling. of, well, this is mine and you've got yours and you got time off and you're this. And

they're the same. Like, I believe she, I fully believe that if she'd not had children at all, she could have been on 70. 100th. Yes. If not more. So why should he have a 900 excess and her not just because she did that thing and he didn't? And so I find men are amazing allies when they understand that perspective. And so you have been together quite. You have been together quite long time, you've got children, and you're a team. And so the way I would position it is, because it sounds like he's getting it a bit and he's open to it, but he doesn't... Not enough to do it.

He thinks it should be 50-50. A goals are aligned, great. But the maths doesn't work. It's not 50-50 though, is it? Because she doesn't earn the same. She can't possibly. She would have to go with that and she's like laughing around. It doesn't exist.

So when he says we should do 50-50, that doesn't, there isn't 50-50 in this. Literally the math doesn't work. There's no 50-50. one of the best things that can happen in this scenario. You've got, for me, you've got two options. One is proportionate contribution. I still don't like that in this scenario. This is a scenario where I think is perfect for combined finances

because it sounds like they're aligned on so many different things. But at least proportionate contribution would be more fair. You still wouldn't get the same at the end. You would still have him having more, but fine. But ultimately, like when you can. And maybe setting this, because I'm walking. I think he needs to listen to this. So if you're listening, mate, we're friends.

We're coming. We're coming peace. It's like Spice World the movie. Is that what you're thinking? She's too young. She's too young for Spice Girl. When you put both your incomes at the top, you treat it like a P&L and all your incomes there on one page, there's something magical that happens,

I believe in a relationship. And especially in marriage with children where you're legally each other's assets anyway, you've got this big powerful income at the top. You've not got mine and yours and money being transferred here. When you do the, and at the moment, like, you're doing bills and she's doing like food. How do you know that's equitable? But it's like random.

Food's really expensive. Children are really expensive. And why is it their mother's responsibility? You deal with the kid stuff and I'll be deal with the mortgage. There's no, there's no intellect put into that. There's no reasoning. Like, it's disproportionate. Like, there's no mathematical reasoning for you to do the mortgage the more.

The more you can change. Moor can go up and down. Food can go up. I've got a question. It's a legal question. if he's paying the mortgage with his salary, her contributions, does it matter in any way?

Yeah. Not saying that they will, this is for other people at listening. I'm assuming it's her asset anyway. Right. Okay. If you're not, then because they're married assets

would be held jointly. Do you know what I mean? Little things like that. It's like, but then also mentally, he's paying for the house. You're just covering the shopping bill. I'm just, I'm doing,

I'm doing, all he's like dying. Scream into the blow. There's no, there's no intellect or strategy or, what do I mean? There's no like, there's no reason for it. There's no genuine, helpful reason as to why you're doing that and you're doing that. Just split it. Just put it in a joint account and let it come out the one joint account. And then if he has had, you know, the benefit of extra cash bail to buy designing things and stuff, some people get very protective of that.

And I would be like, put it in the budget. Yeah, I don't care. transparently, put it in. I don't mind. But you would say to him like, so what if I want something? Like, can I, is it because you wear more? Like, can't?

It's really like making me feel uncomfortable. Only because my life is so very different to that. So I have so much, like I feel visibly, like physically not great about this conversation because I know how anxious I would feel at home every single day knowing that I was in the minus even sometimes. Like if they've got joint goals,

how does he in the world expect them to hit those joint goals when he's got 900 excess, is he going to do the goal on his own? Is he going to build the emergency fund that they want or pay off the debt that they want with that 900 excess? Because she's only got 150 in a good month. She's got $25K of debt. Is she in it or are they in it?

Because if it was accrued on maternity leave for their children, I would argue to say that debt is for both of them. I currently have. No, 25KK. Not having it. Okay, we need to go back, don't wait. We need to talk about language. It's not even about combining finances, but it's about jointly paying off that debt.

And how does he feel about that? Does he see it as your debt? And because she's very like, you know, maybe I spent a bit here, maybe I spent a bit there. Ultimately, for a really successful relationship, one of the most amazing things you can do if it works is come together.

There's something that happens to your own brain when you don't go, me, me, me. And what I love about the privileged position that you're in it as well, Holly, but I definitely am, is I couldn't, our earnings fluctuate a little bit because sometimes I do some self-employed stuff, sometimes I do non, sometimes Carl, like, does extra work with his other job, like, it might get a bonus and then I won't get a bonus. Like, I couldn't tell you each month who earns more, it changes. Now, some months there's been, I'm returning to leave and I'm not being paid at all, and he's the breadwinner, there's been times where he's been in

between jobs and didn't earn anything. And I was the main winner, breadwinner. And, I couldn't tell you because I don't see it as his and mine. There could be a month where he may earn one, two thousand pounds more than me. And in that month, I might be like, babe, I've got a high rock race. And so out of our fun pot can I have a ticket to that? But you wouldn't even ask. It's just so I've got high rocks this month. And it's not like a permission thing.

I take more that month. But he has put more in, but it doesn't matter. And I think because it's all about balance and it because the budget is the permission to spend. And that's where like, oh, I guess I was getting to. Well, I guess we need to pick up on the debt. But when you have all the income together and you just put it in, I even, this sounds a bit like, I'm not religious. But do you know, when you think about communities where everyone comes together and like, you know, when people like tithe and they give 10% of the money to the church, it's gone. It's not yours.

It's, it's, you don't hold on to it. There's something that mentally changes that puts you at peace. It's like, go on. I trust that. the budget will work like you don't go and it's because of all the extra work that then gets done building the budget together what should the food budget be what should our family be oh you like golf or i would have my bo-tox done let's have this collaborative conversation and then what are our goals and oh we've not got enough access for the goals okay i think i could do bo-tox once every six

months instead of three and this is something you could give up that is game changing for mentality that's not just numbers so i would massively recommend using that as the whether you you want to play this or not, but using that as the motivation for saying, I think we could get ahead of we combine it and I think it will just absolutely smash our goals much more quickly. And the playbook and the playbook is about paying off debt and I do want you to play this to him. That debt is not just hers. If you're married, if you're married, split up tomorrow, it's your debt as well. It's the couple's debt. It's not treated as personal when you've been together so long and when you can prove it was like contributing to like the different things.

playing out the gender stereotypes yeah and like the what's it called like the pay gap the gender pay gap is literally in action here like they've had a child together or children

and she has literally been decimated financially and he really doesn't see that and I'm concerned because you've put the numbers on paper you've shown and there's still no kind of like empathy of like oh yeah actually

we didn't really budge for maternity leave. So you would have had reduced pay, therefore you'd have had to have got credit to be able to fund the gap. So that's partly my responsibility because we didn't sit together and do that. And I hate when women pay for the children's activities.

It absolutely triggers me to non-belief for the children's clothes, children's... Because it's just this gender stereotype all the time that you'll deal with it, you're the woman. I hate it. It drives me insane. And they don't know how much things cost. So like if something happens for tomorrow,

what are you going to do? Yeah. I think a really good thing to do would be, these goals model them and see how quickly and how much pleasure you'll get in hitting the goals together more quickly when you work the playbook together. So what's the household's emergency fund?

How quickly could the household pay off 25 pounds? Keep label in it as that. How quickly could the household build that bigger emergency fund? And then if it's because we want to move house and get a bigger house or we'd love to go on a bogey holiday for someone's 30th or whatever it is, you will hit, not only will you hit them more quickly, but you'll hit them together. Because why are we married otherwise if we don't want to do things together?

Like it's the working as a team is one of the best things that can happen. And if you as an individual have a, if you've no concerns in terms of like someone being an irrational spender or a gambler or like there's lots of genuine reasons to keep things separate. But if you're not worried about your partner's spending, then why wouldn't you combine it together? because you're following a budget, you're following a plan. Just label the debt as the household debt as well. It's like a mental thing. Start saying our.

Our debt. It's like little things like that. Our debt. Yeah. Our joint account that we're going to open. The money for that Gucci T-shirt because I've actually gone to our debt. Yeah.

I'm worried about the interest rate on our debt. Yeah. How much do you think we could pay off our debt? Yeah. Like change the language. What do you think we should do? It might be learned behavior, you know, And family, like we've talked about.

Yeah, of money personality things. Like this person might not have woken up and gone, I'm going to keep my finances separate and you're going to keep yours. Like he might have grown up in a house or that's totally normal. Do you know what it is? You know, like we've got financial jail. We might have financial forgiven. You're fin and shall forgive him because you don't know because we know it.

Yeah. Yeah. So you're forgiving. But now you know. I feel like I've been on a therapy couch. Do you know what I mean? I'm not, I'm not happy with this dilemma. Because I feel sorry for this person. and I've got a lot of empathy.

I want to go. I want to go meet you. I want to meet him as well. He doesn't want to meet you. No, he doesn't want to meet me. I don't want to be that person that's like, I'm used to do the red flag. I'm not doing it anymore, but the fact that she's kind of vocalised,

this is my concerning thing. I've explained to him, we've done the budget together. He's got 900 excess. I've got 150 on a good month. And he's not suddenly gone, oh yeah, where's the light bulb moment for him that he still thinks that they should contribute 50-50. Yeah.

when it doesn't exist. But he does, is up for the budgeting, they've done it together, has been up, some progress, some joint goals. And so it is important that, I think it's important that we debated this as wide as we have because lots of people listening may not have as an understanding partner

and maybe not close to that. And, you know, there are so many people who the relationship breaks down. Yeah. And had it been snipped in the bud or say, or had this been taught from the very beginning, things could have been different. Like money,

money fights and money distrust contributes to so much. I think it's like the top divorce. Because there's so many... It's emotional, isn't it? Yeah, and there's just so many things that flow off it. And like I said,

the minute, there's something wonderful, and it's hard the first few times. I'm not going to pretend like we are years into doing this and we have particular relationships, but there's something about, and like you both,

we've got, both in long-term relationships, but have separate finances. but joint households, if you will, like, contribute to like the households. If there's a part in your future where you put it into one pot,

it's going to feel weird. It'll feel icky. It's going to feel stressful. It'll feel like you are. And you might be paranoid, like you spend it on stuff. 100%. Is someone watching this or isn't that?

And there's loads of little hacks and tricks, but the first time and then the second time. And then the time when you, I was going to say, like, lose your job. We both work for us. Please don't leave. But like, start your job because you boss is a dick.

And then you don't bring money home that month. And it's just the other person's salary that sustains. That's a tough thing. But you swallow it and you get through this out and you go, Oh, wasn't that bad. And then the next time it's them. Because we're a team. Or the next time you get a five grand budget.

And guess where it should go in the pot. Are you mean the bonus? The bonus. Yeah. He said a budget. You get $5,000 budget. Imagine you get a postcode lottery hunt. You're not.

You're not. But if you were. And you have to put that in. You can't go, well, I would like. I won it. You could, but you don't. You don't even agree with postcode lottery. You told me it's a waste of time.

But like this like workshop in it is a really healthy thing to do for all of us, which is it's so selfless to do. But what you get from that, There's ups and downs, there's give and take. That's marriage or that's a relationship or that's being committed to each other, that's being parents. It's about way more than just putting the money together.

It's about way more than that. Think about the figure that they will come up with when they combine their annual income. Is that 120 grand household instead of a, he's on his own 70 grand and a 40? It's like, we collectively earn over £100,000 a year. What can we do with that? A lot of good things.

Yeah. A lot of really good things. And that, it might just be a positioning thing. It might just be, he's not quite getting it yet. And that's okay. It might just take a bit of time. Positioning in time, the list of us was going to say, like, we always have to recheck and be like,

okay, we've done this for decades. And so we, you have to pitch what it's like that first time, that second time and gain momentum. Like, we always say this. If you are listening to this and you have a partner who you have, what's it called when you're like batch lists. and you've like listened to 10 episodes across a weekend and you're like,

right, this is what we're doing and the guy's going, whoa, she's coming from work. It's like, healthy eating with my mum. She's like, right, Paul, put that bread down. She's like, we are on a diet. He's like, well, I'm not. She's like, we are.

Empty the breadbin. Empty the chocolate cupboard. She's like, uh-huh. But it is like, we have to be like, hmm, how can I sell this in? Yeah. slowly because I have mentally already bought a holiday home for us with our investment money. I'm six months down the line. Yeah, yeah. I need to slow down a little bit.

Let him get his light bulb moment because it will come. It will. When? Fingers crossed. Okay, that is it for that episode. The Vault is now closed and just a quick disclaimer of The Vault is just a chat around life and money topics. We're not giving financial advice.