The Vault with Financielle - “My Husband Secretly Saved Thousands… Should I Be Furious?” | The Vault Episode 112

Episode Date: April 16, 2026

We asked married people to share what they wish they knew before getting married… and some of these answers might change how you think about relationships and money 👀This week, we’re diving into these money dilemmas:💸 “My Husband Has Been Secretly Saving Money Behind My Back — Should I Be Furious or Impressed?”💸 “New House, No Savings, and £14k of Debt — Where Do I Even Start?”Secrets, stress, and starting over… this episode really gets into the reality of managing money in relationships.Got a money win worth celebrating? Or a dilemma that's been living rent-free in your head? Share it (totally anonymously 🤫) in the Financielle app community or email [e-mail] 💌You don’t have to figure this out alone. More honest money chat at financielle.com 💖💸

Welcome to the Vault with Finance Child. This is a safe space where we talk all things, life and money and no topics are off limits. Howdy ladies? Hello. I've got a question that we asked to our community. And we asked our community of married people to tell unmarried people something they should know before getting married. Ooh. We are overruled responses.

So I'm going to go off paste our adit and the day you can... Can we share? Can we share? Oh, you can share. Suddenly, I realised we've not shared with you all. Lydia's got news. I got engaged. Yes. Congratulations.

You have your ring on. Can you come sit on the sofa and show the ring? Because people watching on YouTube and all Spotify can see the ring. So you're going to have to come on. She's starting her done. She wasn't prepared for this. She wasn't. And I hadn't realised that was the question you were going to share.

And I was like, great opportunity. So you come in and you can share Holly's mic. Oh, my name. mic whichever one gorgeous do you want to give us a rundown quickly of the proposal because we got lucis when she got engaged so i think the community would like to hear us and then and then ring jp where should she can you look at show the ring off yeah we do it like a 15 times zoom like the shopping channel yeah right go oh my god um so i was complete surprise uh we were in north wales I was going around this lake.

Well, I didn't want to go for a walk because it was pissing down. Tim was like looking at the window. It looked really stressed. And then just kind of just seemed really keen on a walk around the lake. Wow, you really like walking. Yeah, I love it. And then I was like in my big, you know, my football manager coach. Yeah.

Awesome. Best kind. And then we were walking around the lake and there was this nice little bit. And Tim was like, oh, should we get a picture there? You know, my phone on the timer. And I was like, I don't know. We bothered climbing backer. I bet he was thrilled with you.

I'll do it. And then he was faffing in his bag. And I was like, oh, fine. I just like throwing rocks in. And then I just heard this like, behind me. And then he was like, on one knee. Oh.

I hit the one knee. Very good, isn't he? I saw one recently where the girl, like, the camera was being set up and she was like twirking for it. And then she goes, oh, and he gets it on. only so you were skimming stones and throwing stones in that was a probably. I've seen one way this woman's at a pumpkin patch and she's just like pretending

that her boobs are going like this like, and he's like, this is what a true surprise does. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that shows you actually filling his bag with rocks. You weren't, you weren't, like, aesthetically planning for the proposal. Do you know what I mean? You weren't like smoothing your hair down and like, sort of. She wasn't filling his bag with rocks. She was throwing them in the water.

Oh, I thought he was going to his bag. No, no. He was faffing in his bag for a while. He was writing for the rain falling. I thought he'd gone up to do the... Oh, God. To start the camera and you were just like, preying a prank and putting rocks in his bag. That'd be on brilliant.

I thought, that's why I so believed it, because I was like, yeah. That's what Lydia would do. You do that on parent, trapped up into the step, when they put rocks on the bag on hike. That was my favourite film on as though. Well, you didn't do that to him. Congratulations. Thank you.

Okay. So now's a big question. have you got a wedding sinking fund on the go I've got 80 pounds in a wedding sinking fund she's a she's a wedding girl big blowout small than Lucy how long have you been engaged now six months seven months seven months

seven months I think you're going you're slowing you're going for a slower engagement aren't you three year and the countdown's scaring me so might extend it like a rolling three year we'll just keep the three years going in then suddenly ago we did it. That's what's going to happen. I know your game. I know. We're just doing secret,

I think. Well, here is some advice for me and Lydia. And if you have any advice as well, chime in. I'm sure. That's what where my head went because you've got, you've asked, I didn't spot this. So we've not given hours so we can. But we've got two ladies unmarried, but planning to marry it with us. Okay. Here's the advice. Have a secret savings account. Don't invest building him up. Invest in yourself. Build yourself up as a priority. By the way, these are all brutal. So, yeah. I used to give him the TikTok comments. If he's not your best friend, don't marry him. Classic. Protect your money. Keep separate bank accounts. Preunups don't stand up in the UK court.

You need a trust. Oh. Did not know that by the way, Laura. Glad that you're very newly engaged and that you're really excited about married life. Protect yourself. I didn't understand that last sense. If you have any doubt whatsoever, even small, listen to it. It'll save you a lot of money. God, these are all scary. Marry someone you like, not someone you love. Classic.

This is a funny one actually, Holly, and I think this should have been one for you. Did I write it? Eat cereal with someone before you marry. That can be overstimulating at the best of times. Ensure you can listen to him eat for another 50 plus years. I don't like my children the way they eat cereal. It's just the breathing to me. The breathing.

Just breathing. Sometimes I'm like, why are you breathing so loud? She's told me of so many years. We've had a sleepover or when we're away, like we share a room with away with work or as teens like when you share a room when you're older on holiday. Like, stop breathing. Okay. But then it makes you breathe harder, doesn't it? There's a lot of don't do it.

Freeing up. Is that a thing in the UK? Is that just American or is there just different words for it? I honestly don't know how it works intrinsically, but a lot of what I've seen people say is, like the courts will still look at the law and it can't be a way of getting out of what you ought to be responsible for.

So yeah, I don't know. It's a good question. Yeah, I don't know that one. How does he treat his mother? Is it a common one? keep a source of income, rented house, investment, anything and save, save, save, keep a runaway fund too. I mean, we've always pushed the F off fund one

and it's a really interesting point because Neil and I both have one but we're very aware of how much is in it. We both contribute to both of them. So it's not like I contribute to mine and I've got more than him or he's got more. Like when we do our budget every month and the access is like when we were building up

those emergency funds, that are also called F off funds. It was like, right, how much is in yours? Right, we need to top mine up a little bit more. Like, so it's so transparent in a healthy way. It's like, in case you want to run away? Yes, let me top up, honey. Let me top up your funds.

It's getting her a lot of the moment, getting on my nerves. So it's a bit of a weird one that one. When you're in a happy marriage, you can still have these funds when everyone's like, you need escape funds. Like, it doesn't need to be as sneaky. No, you don't have to approach it like that. I think we did an episode, like there was like a dilemma on the episode about this. where I was saying that, where I was like, you can have an open F off fund.

And it can be like a collaborative thing and you can both be well aware of what the other's got in it. And it should be kind of equal. There's not as much pressure then I don't think if then the relationship does break down to like, that's my, that's my, that's more. I know we've been very transparent from the start that that's yours and that's mine. So I have a question then for you both because of, so you know how we do it and we always share it on here as well. and then you've listened to that feedback from maybe scorned married or, you know, people that like effed up and said, okay, what would I say to someone so that they don't

know what I did? Or people that did it well and feel like that helped them. Is there anything that you've both taken from that, not just because you both newly engaged, but because of you've both not married and you've heard our community share stuff? I think like fully combining finances scares me. like I've voiced this before. Yeah. And I think it would take getting married to actually do that

because I think it would just overwhelm me. And I can see all of the benefits of it. Why is it different with a wedding ring on your finger just out of interest? I don't know. It's just like a full, okay, we're committed to this. Right. Well, illegally.

Yes, it's a legal commitment. It's legally when you get married, even if you keep your money separate legally, it's kind of both yours in terms of, asset. Sorry, that's not correct. I don't mean like if it's in your name it's yours, but upon a divorce, the whole of the assets are looked together. So that's why some people go, we may as well, because like, you know, we would fund in lots of different things. But you can, yeah, you don't, you don't need to. But the big, like, would you, in terms of access to your own money as you

go through married life, is that? Yeah, I definitely. Definitely, like you say, like keep it open, always have separate funds. Like, I mean, I don't know logistically. How does it work with, like, ICES and everything? You don't have joint ICES, do you? No, I've got my own. Yeah, so. Cash ICER where I keep that emergency.

Yeah, I'd probably keep both a mix of joint and separate stuff. Because obviously, that's surely more beneficial as well for tax, like, to both to both feel or on ISIS and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. Have you changed the way that you might?

money for money recently after being engaged, has it changed at all or has it stayed the same? No, we do things like percentage based. Yes. So if anything changes, we just change the percentages. And then we do feel like that's the most fair. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I think that's for me, like, I don't know why I'm just so like particular. And I'm like, everything has to be like this. Yeah. And I don't know why. Yeah. Well, you're a very organized person though, aren't you? So I like to be in control. Yeah.

How about you, that's time? Well, we've been doing the percentages thing since living together, and that works really well. And that works for you both. You're both happy with that set up. Yeah, yeah. But I think I would do the, you know, with like a profit and loss account kind of,

like running at like a business, putting both incomes in. I would do that eventually. Yeah. And do you think Tim would be open to that as well? Yeah. He seems like that kind of guy that would be like, we work together.

Like he's very like team-based. You know, it's not me versus you. And I think when we read a lot of the dilemmas or community comments or online TikTok stuff, there's not even ours, the perception of it's like a competition when it comes to money. Like, no, that's mine. What's mine is mine. You know, it's nice. And it's so refreshing to hear people like come at it as a team. Because if that's what marriage is, you do have to do it together.

Like it's so hard. Especially when kids come into the mix as well, working together as a team just makes it so much easier. And I do, you see a lot of marriages. because of financial disagreements, arguments, like resentment, like it comes up as one of the, when we worked with Amacable, we did like a divorce pod a few months ago, like money is one of the big things that cause the end relationships. So if you can start off on a good foot, even before you're engaged, like you two have been living with your partners, you've got some sort of rhythm going. Yeah. With how you manage money. It's no surprise when you get married what it's going

like. Yeah. And we've, we've had that, I don't want kids, but we've had the hypothetical. Yeah. I think because of all the dilemmas. Yeah. She just worked with us for a few years now. She's his best conscious section. Are you going to pay my pension when I'm in maternity leave? I'm not having a baby. I love these scripts that you've done with Tim.

You're like, let's roll play. Is this a test? He is, yeah. He passed. I will pay into the family. Yeah, we've got here. Marriage is a legal agreement about assets, not a declaration of love people might mistake it full.

How do you view that? do you view marriage as like, this is our dedication to each other? Or is it like this is convenient? Not convenient as in like? That's such an interesting question. And I think that it was having children that changed or that made it way more important. But we actually had children before we got married and then we kind of solidified it. and it would be very faffy to like dot the eyes and cross the T's for all of our, you know,

like we've talked about, you know, when we did Legacy Week and for people making sure that they look at protection and life insurance and what those kind of questions help you do is, okay, well, before you married, what would you do? And are you, even without children, like, happy that your partner doesn't get anything so that you could build up assets together as a couple, even if you're not married, but if you don't document things properly it literally goes to parents and siblings and stuff if you were to pass away

or if you want to get sick would you expect the other one to step in what would you do and being married helps to solidify that a little bit but yeah I think I do I don't think it changed massively the love side

it was more this like we're a bit more of a unit and that's quite reassuring because we've had like I said people get sick and people have ambition. People want to start a business. People want to take time off work. It was like, it was that kind of I've formally got your back. Yeah. So the children think, like I don't think if you don't, like I said, you both don't have children and you still can get married and you don't need to have children. But that

definitely helped because it was bit like, okay, let's, pulls all together as this legal unit. But it was this formal, I've got your back and we're one team. And no matter what we choose, I think that was a big moment for me. Yeah. I like. Mine was very different. I was like... I was so young. I want a dress. Yeah, literally. Mine was that. Neil and I were a little bit different.

We were like... You're younger. Yeah, I've been with Neil since I was 14, so it very much was the love thing and I didn't even think about the... Now I see that point of like, oh, it's a commitment, it's a legal thing, we're a team, I just wanted to get married.

Yeah. So it was very different, whereas now I see marriage much more as that. And when you see all these dilemmas coming through and all that type of stuff, I'd totally get why you would, why if you're not married, then you would be like, let's get together and... Yeah, solidify this. Yeah, I could totally get it.

I see in a different light now, whereas I definitely didn't. I wasn't aware of the financial implications or benefits or legal commitment that I was making. I was so young, like 24. I got married at 24. Fun though. Got engaged at 22. So fun. Oh, my God.

So I want to do it all again. Yeah, second one. I'd love to renew your value. Yeah, I'd love to do that. I was more thinking you meant second husband. No, I'm quite happy. Quite happy. No, I'd like to do another one.

Okay, well, that is all our advice from our married community members. We will take it and do what we need to do with them. Do you feel better or worse, Lydia, after those bits of advice? No, smart. I've got a lot to think about. Congratulations, Lydia again. Congratulations. Thank you.

I feel like I should bow. Now there was a race who gets married first. I will lose it, I will lose it. It's giving bride brides. We did talk about that, didn't but you're like, should we just share a day? And it's like half the price. If you're stuck in consumer debt, listen to this. One financial user said budgeting the financial way helped her clear over two and a half thousand pounds worth of debt and finally feeling control of her money. If you're ready to do the same, download the financial app and join our community today. Okay, time for our first dilemma, which is well-timed. If I do say so myself.

It's like someone. I was prepared for this podcast. Okay. My husband has been secretly saving money behind my back. Should I be furious or impressed? Hi ladies. I just found out something that's left me with mixed feelings. My husband has been secretly saving money without telling me,

not a small amount either. Part of me is furious as we're supposed to be a team. How could he hide something like that from me? But another part of me is almost impressed. He did it quietly and consistently and without making a big deal of it. He says he's building a safety net for us, but I can't help wondering, is this financial infidelity? Or am I overreacting to something that might actually be fine? Where's the line between having your own money and keeping secrets? Big question. How did she find out?

I need more information. I need like, how much was it? Where was it? Is it accessible to combined and he's just gone rogue? Is it accessible to both of you in a joint savings account or is it in his? Why was he secretive about it? If it's for hours, safety net, our future. I would be absolutely furious if Neil did that. I'm genuinely being serious. But that's because we were so transparent. So if you then went ahead and did something secretive,

it would be really strange, whereas if you've got a relationship whereby you're not very open about money and someone's got a savings account, then it's not a big deal. But if you're very transparent about money and then one person goes off on their own doing this, it's for us. If it's for us, let's half it.

You put half in your cash ice set. I'll put half in mine. Oh, yeah. I don't know. I think I'd go through like the stages of shock and then, oh, thanks. Yeah. But. What is it for us? Is it for us? That's my thing. I'd be panicked and thought, oh, it's it for us. Because why is it secretive? It's for us. You'd be like, so I'm saving up for us.

What if it's like, what if you're not married and he's saving up for an engagement rink? And you've just ruined it. Goddam it. It councils, I'm not going to do it now. I need more information. I know I do. Are they married? Husband.

Right. No, they're not. It's not for engagement ring there. Yes, it's not for an engagement ring. Maybe who's going to buy you a house? That's shady. So we don't like spending behind backs. Like, do we?

We don't, that's a no-no. Because you should be comfortable to spend. Openly. Yeah. Yeah. So, like, we've done like secret spending. We've done stuff like, I'm saving over here and he's doing that.

So some of this is hypothetical. I do appreciate we're not got all the information. What if she doesn't admit to it? What if she's a really big spender? And he's like, for God said, we never get ahead. So I'm going to do this for us. I'm going to take the reins. True.

Which I appreciate. But I also would appreciate just the, I think Neil and I are just so open books. But again, we're unique that we've been together for so long. Yeah. I think this is actually Neil. Well, we do the budget.

What if they are fully normally transparent and then suddenly she's found something? If you're budgeting the financial way, there's absolutely no way you can do secret saving. No. There's no way because all money should go in the top, even if you don't combine your actual bank accounts. But what if he's saying he earns less than he does?

Exactly. So then we come into financial infidelity. What is financial infidelity? Is there a definition or is it like a... I think it's misleading or being secretive about something that... So if you have fully combined finances, where you either fully combine the budget or you fully combine your bank accounts,

then you're saying as a household, my income guys is £2,000 net and I'm going to... And that goes, it either gets transferred into that account or it stays in mine, but I own $10,000. And therefore, and this is to Holly's, point. If you then financial budget, what you're doing is you're maximising the possible income that that household can use and you're putting everything in at the top. And it makes you feel better. It makes you know exactly what you've got to play with. And then it makes you make proper decisions

about how much we had to spend. So JP shared that he likes guitars. And so if he went to, our producers, if we want to go and buy guitars, that goes in, that's allowed. Like it's not not allowed we're adults. And if one of us, I really like going to the. gym. I've got a gym budget and I buy trainers and I enter competitions. And then if someone else had Botox or hair, hair is a lot for girls. Like sometimes if that's what we choose or we want, then it goes in the budget. And then we choose our excess crucially at the bottom. So what we want in a budget is a balance between spending for today, saving for the short term and then making sure we're growing our net worth. And so there could be a scenario where you've made all the

these decisions and what you, so infidelity would be, you've lied about what you earn. And if it was for you, that's worse. If it's for us, well, great, but why wasn't I part of that decision? Yeah. Is it because there's something wrong with me that you think I would go, oh, let's put that into the kids this or let's put that into a holiday and you, because, you know, are you not arguing your case well enough? Or am I not listening?

Are you saying, I'd really like. like 30 grand emergency fund and we've got 15 and I feel stressed about it. And when I've said that I want it to be higher, you've gone, no, we don't need liar, but I need that. So at some level, unless this is a weird surprise that is trying to plan, there's a level of like, there's a communication issue that maybe is too scared to tell you. I like that perspective. We talk about money personalities a lot.

So like Laura said someone could be like, oh, I'm fat, like Neil and I had a little bit of a healthy debate on how much our big emergency fund was going to... No, actually... So I said. So this is what happened. One of us was more... I was actually more gung-ho, which is not like me. No, it's not.

To have a lesser, big emergency fund, so like a six-month buffer. I was like, ah, four will be fine. And Neil's like, no, no, like, I want six. Like, we work in a startup. They were going to go down to four. Yeah, I was like, we'll be fine. Which is not like me.

But I think I'm so convincing. of Van and I see what it does I had so much comfort in being able to pull back on things and to be fair you know I just

it wasn't a four month lean it was a hell like oh we're fine but we had to I would never then spend the two but we got a six month one

because Neil won the argument which is you know podworthy announcement she wants something else so she's giving him this win because something else in the background

so just stay tuned viewers in the next few weeks she might see something else that Holly wants. But he, but, and I think that is also like leaning in, I know you've not finished, Sherry, but you agree into that is sharing that you need to be amenable to the person that's a bit more risk-averse, actually. Like if something's causing a little bit of anxiety,

literally that. Don't go, we'll be fine. And then we go with yours. Yeah, listen to that person. It's always better to err on the side of caution. I think so, because you don't want that person to go to bed at night worrying about that. Yeah. Like, it's not a decision.

You can't take that decision on your own. No. And that's why I don't feel comfortable with this, whether it's for the benefit of you both. But then also I empathise. I get what Laura is saying. Like if you might need to look at yourself. Yeah. If you're spending so much uncontrollably, you're oblivious. You might be oblivious. You might be scared to say anything. Yeah. So he's just like, right, I'm taking this into control. Yeah. My own control. But I would say if it's for both of you, then it needs to be accessible to both of you. Yeah. The big thing here is, what is it for?

Yeah. we have heard horror stories of guys and girls, but like where you're planning to leave. And suddenly money's being scurled away. And what's really, really, you know, we're heavily on the divorce today. Sorry, girls. And I know we're like, yay, engagement, bud, be careful.

But it's, you have to declare openly your finances that you're in contempt of court if you hide anything. But there's this really weird, you could. You know, you actually could, not fully declare, like, what is money being put to one side for? And is it because you're planning to leave? And we have to be really careful about what we, it can't just be female versus male like we're telling the woman, make sure you're building up savings if you're planning to leave. Usually, if we've talked like that, it's because there's been some financial

control. It's a safety perspective. And there's been a, um, there's been a difference in stature and standing in the amount of money that the woman's got versus the man the man can leave if he wants to the woman can't because she's done a b and c you know for the family for the household she's taken all these sacrifices and she can't whereas he's been able to so but we so very nuanced it is nuanced but is what's that money for because it's the if you budget in a particular way it's the household money now if you don't budget in that way there's also this other element that is this him using what he feels is his money and putting it to one side? Like, do you combine finances is what's mine, yours and yours is mine?

Because if you don't budget with that in mind, lots of people would think it's okay for me to build up savings. Technically, it's a free for all. Free country. Yeah. But it is. If you're not budgeting the household budget, he's free to do what he wants with his money.

Yeah. And it could be time to be like, oh, should we do this together? That's only the equivalent of him like spending extra on golf and getting takeaways. He's going a lad's trip. Yeah. It just happens to have saved it rather than spent it. He's a good. It's a good egg.

What is he? Like, we need more information. It depends what it's for. We need an update on this one. Yeah, we do. Like, I need more information. Did you know that over a third of women in the UK have no protection in place compared to just 16% of men?

We've partnered with Life Search so you can chat to an advisor for free and get the cover that you deserve. Head to fanashel.com for slash protection to get your free quote today. Okay, time for our next dilemma. New house, no savings and 14,000 pounds of debt. Where do I even stop? Hi ladies. I'm 27 and in October I bought my own house after separating from my boyfriend of nine years. He bought me out of our shared home, but the money essentially became the deposit for my new place. Having my own home was crucial for my well-being as I'd been sofa surfing for months before October. Here's where I'm at with the debt. I have a personal loan originally 14.5 now 10.3K remaining at 9.8% interest, so I'm paying around £300 a month since June 2024.

I also did a balance transfer to a 0% nationwide card for 30 months, as my Barclay card 0% was due to end in August. I have £475 pound left on the Barclay card until August and just under 4K now sitting on the nationwide card. I have no savings and no emergency fund, which is really stressful, especially since I've had car trouble recently and the warranty expires at the end of the month. Since moving in, it's been problem after problem and I've been living pay slip to pay slip with any extra going on house fixes. I also have two holidays to budget for. A cruise I pre-booked pre-separation that I'm paying monthly for and a Hindu in a European city in October where I'm made of honour. I don't drink so hopefully I can keep spending low on both.

My salary has just increased and I've opened a new current account as spending money pot, including £150 of fun money to stop myself tapping lots of small purchases through the month. I've stripped my outgoings back to basics that only non-essential is Spotify, which is very essential to me. I'm picking up at least one extra shift a month and selling on Vinted to make extra money without burning out. I've also contacted the pensions team to pause my pension temporarily. I'm 27 with no dependence, and I'm paying nearly 10% interest on the personal loan, so the maths feels like it makes sense to pause that for now. Here's my actual question.

Do I build a £1,000 emergency fund first, or do I clear the $475 on the Barclay card, and throw everything at the personal loan with minimum payments on the nationwide card? Or is there something else I should be doing? I really struggle to say no to things with friends. Part of me says that I still need to live, but the other part of me knows that if I knuckle down for the money, 12 months, then I've got the rest of my life to be debt-free. Would love your thoughts. I feel like

this literally touches on every single point of financial. I'm exhausted for you. So God knows how you feel carrying all this. Like I'm emotionally like drained listening to the dilemma. So I have, you know, a lot of empathy for what you're going through. Cal Vorderman in the corner has been noting down. Oh God. All the figures that you've just gone through. Can you can you make sense of it? even written down? Yeah, I can. And I think firstly, I've got massive empathy for what's been like a perfect storm.

You leave a nine-year relationship. You manage to, and I would have done the same, by the way, out of, I would have. So some people take the equity and then go, right, okay, I've got some debt, and I'll move into rented, and I'll slow down, and that is an option. But there is some, you've made a choice here,

and I may have made the same. choice, which is a home is a priority for me and that you didn't, sometimes people feel going into rented is going backwards, it's not, but you kind of feel like all that homeownership things forever, forever. However, home ownership is expensive, running a house is expensive. Whatever maths you've done on this house purchase, you've made life incredibly difficult for yourself because if you're living paycheck to paycheck, can't afford this house. Now you're in it, so you're in it.

But the reason I say this is you had a few choices. You chose house. So the problem now is that she's also trying to choose life. And what I've been through and like, you know, the cruise, cruises are expensive. Like we know because we've been in the industry, and the fact that you are paying for a cruise and what you might say is I deserve it.

No, no. You picked house. You can't pick that and you can't pick made of a European Hindu. Don't have to go on that Hindu. You do not, because you literally can't afford it. You literally can't afford it.

So even now she's pre-booked the cruise. Like she booked the cruise. Prues. Free all of this. Pre all of this. She's still paying for it though. She's still not paid it off. Like there's a sunk cost concept of this.

what you also can do sometimes, by the way, is amenda Cruz and you can kick it down the line. So there could be, she needs to decide she's not struggling. She's, there's no pain. I'm going to be brutal with it, but like she's not compromising is what I mean. She's trying to do everything. She's compromised. She's stopped pension. Now that's easy because you were never getting that money anyway now.

And I would never advise people stopping their pension if she decides. decides to do it for a year. It depends on what she earns. She's not shared a salary, but it might not be game-changing. But then she's already compromised on that, but that doesn't touch her. There's no pain, though.

It's your future self, so you're just like, eh. So she, if she chose house, so she's got 14 grands worth of debt, she's no savings, and she's going on a cruise and she's going on a European money. And we've got spends money,

and we're doing a bit of vinted. Like, you think, you're convincing you say, there's a bit of pain, but there's not. Like, there's so many dilemmas that have come through where people have been like, so I've cut this, I've cut this, I've just said no to this, I've said no, like, because it's not forever.

And I think you've omitted it yourself at the end of the dilemma. You understand that actually there could be a bit of short-term pain for long-term gain here, and you're trying to do a bit of bow. Because you've got it, all you need to do is get the flywheel moving. Yes, the momentum, yeah. And so, like, what are your options? I think we're fiddling with the debts. I feel like, yes, you've got a high,

interest loan that you've got to handle. But it's kind of irrelevant. You've no extra money to overpay it anyway. So to start this whole process off, there has to be some give and some leeway in the budget. Because at the moment, you've no savings. You're not saving up for things in advance. So you're going to end up putting some of those on credit. If life hits you right now, you put it on credit. You've got a high interest debt that's just mounting. and you're not invested in your pension. And so I feel like she's kind of saying, I'll just hold on for this year and then.

Maybe, maybe. It'll go all, but everything will go up in the meantime. And they'll just add to the problem. And what would I do in this scenario? This is how we answer these things, because life, this is personal and life is hard. I would possibly take on an extra job. I don't mean to all invented.

I mean, I am going, getting it. another job. I am working Friday, Saturday, Sunday. It doesn't sound like she's got children she may have, but usually people reference children in this kind of monetary problem. Yes, she hasn't. So if she's not... She said she takes extra shifts, did she say? Like a little bit. It sounds like one extra shift. Like, I mean... Yeah, yeah, no, I'm saying. So she's got the, she's got that mindset of, I can work more hours. If you want, the holiday, the hendoo and the house, we're not even talking about overpaying debt right now. We're talking about building up an emergency for

you can go make an extra thousand amount a month if you're single, if you're single without children. Bank switches. Yeah, she said. Small than that, though, like she needs so much more. I just need to start that emergency fund bit

because once you've got that amount of £1,000 emergency fund, you've got a tight, there's a chink of light. You always say, like, once you get that emergency fund, because the car and this, I don't know that, otherwise she's just going to add to the debt even more.

It does help. I think I'm more like, yeah, there's no pain, there's no sacrifice here at the moment. What you've got is BAU. Going to work. and paying your bills is treading water. And so if she doesn't do anything and holds on for this year, like she says, and goes on the cruise, builds up fun money, like she's building,

she's no emergency fund, she's building up a spends. That 150 spends could be going towards the thousand one of emergency fund. We could get there very quick. You can. Laura always says this, even on, sometimes I say this and people buy it back and they say, you don't know what it's like on a really low income. try and save £1,000. I do. I've been there. I was an intern. I got paid zilch and had to pay for a house and tried to pay for the whole. I tried to do all these things that got myself into debt.

That's how it works. I've been there. It's really bloody hard. But you can have a few hats. There's loads of blogs that we've got on how you can. But it's hard work and I don't deny it. But actually, for someone in this situation, if you've got £150 spare spending money a month, I know from what you're talking about that you could save an emergency fund pretty quickly. if you had a bit of pain. I think so. And like I said, there's, there's, he chose house. So what you could have done is not by the house,

go into rented, clear your debt, build up emergency savings, go on the cruise. Yeah. There's a methodology to us. I would have done the same. So I'm not, I'm not, I'm being big sister vibes. Like, I love you and you're doing very well. And you've asked this question.

But you're asking me about like a 9% interest rate on a 10 grandish loan that you're already making really good progress on. So well done. I can't do anything about that. without more income. You cannot even like you can't reduce that. You're not really. You've already done some nop cents. Like maybe you can optimise it, but that's just going to grow. So if you think that for this year you just sit back and enjoy yourself a little bit more, say that with a pinch salt because you're not like living life to the full and spelling your

money here and there. But that's just going to get bigger. I can't magically with this math, I can't magically pay it off. But what I could do, what does change that is getting a job where you get five to six to seven to a grand a hundred or a grand a month, that's game changing. And imagine that for a year. So you either don't do anything and tread water and build that dead up. And then by the end of the summer when all the spending's happened and you decide in September to take control, we'll start then. And we're here for you then and we'll help you.

But even then, it's going to take something else because the maths doesn't work. Either kick up. Or you start that now. You start this now. the cruise, you do the holiday, you do the hendoo, but you build up emergency savings and you absolutely, you work so that you've not got time to spend money. Honestly, some of the best growth happens when you are, you're capable of far more than we think we are, like we're humans. Imagine what September will feel like if you start in April. Yeah. But if you don't

start in April, you start in September, you're further behind. Is that a flywheel like Laura? So once you get the flywheel going and survive, so if someone's listening to this for the first time, we would recommend that they head to the financial playbook and start in survive. You're in survive. You need to get these foundations in place. You need to act like you're in survive. Yeah.

Survival. It's painful. Like it's painful. You'll see people going, I'm in surviving. I can't ever see this ending. And then you'll get people going, I've finally paid off.

Like, I've got my emergency fund and I've paid off my final debt and finally moving in to grow. And it's just so rewarding because you've been through the pain. You can't make big change when it's not that painful. Yeah.

And we've done it. She struggles to say no to things with friends. And I get that. And has that bit, what she says, I still need to live. And I get that because you've probably been through an emotionally, exactly, a hard time with the breakup. Like, when no one's saying, oh, you're fine. Like, we understand.

No, she chose, she's made a financial decision with house. Yeah, so let's stick with that. Which means you've made you bed, you're lying in it. Yeah. You'll just feel amazing. You'll just feel amazing. If you do something scary, do something. If you do what you've always done, you're just going to get what you've always got.

You know, saying no to things is easier when you've got a challenge and there's a point to it. So like set yourself that goal of a mini-emergency fund. Set yourself a goal of the sinking funds that you need for these trips. Yeah. Set yourself a mini goal of the wardrobe that you might need to look nice on, you know, like these holidays. But make it a game, gamify it. But you can have rewards if you put the work in. But the work is going to be something, it's going to need something extraordinary to get it going.

Yeah. So this is not a forever. And a bit of honesty with friends as well. If you struggle to say no, it's like, right, guys, I need you to hold me accountable. It's like when I say to Neil, do not let me eat that. Yeah. I still need to. But don't let.

Don't suggest beers, Carl, don't. Because I will say yes and I have the gym and I want to eat well. Don't suggest it. It's like, if it suggests it, then we all know why we failed. Your fault. Bring your friends down with you. But I think a bit of honesty to that I'm on this journey. Although someone, I can guarantee we've done it before where the other best friends gone,

I'm really shit with money and I probably should get my app together as well so should we do it together and it's a bit of like a team bit of team work bit of accountability because you've ruined a couple and you want to hit a goal you share that accountability

there's no reason why it shouldn't be the same this shit is hard but when it's hard it's where we grow and this mentality is the same thing that's going to build you up a 20 grand emergency fund

in the next two three years and it's going to make you debt free and it's going to start you massively investing exciting. 27's so young as well. It's so young so I don't want you to like anyone listening to be like

oh I want excess cash I'll just stop at my pension please don't do that. Laura's done it. Learn from Laura's mistake. Did it for six months. Six months isn't a long time but it kind of is when it's the compound interest aspect

and the government free money and all that people just don't get it. It's also the mentality because it's the I can scrimp on that because I'm living for now. It's not doing the it's all about muscle memory and going with that. out, you know, like saying that you don't need it. Well, then how long?

It'll always be an option. There's a big thing with psychology, which I'm sure there's a really professional study that was done. So please tell me, but I've heard this. It makes complete sense. I've heard it like an exercise science, which is like, if, if no, if there's a way out, your mind will go for it. Your mind wants the least path of resistance.

And so I've said this like to Ava about training and stuff before. like if you if when like when a girl's playing rugby and and like wants to come off once it's an option once it's an option every time if you're training and you're really a hard session and you think of a way out your body is doing fight or flight it's going I want to escape this scenario if you say oh I cannot top my pension or I won't overpay my debt this month or I'll push it back fine but once you've given it yourself the option once your body is trained, like the dendrites in your brain are trained to go, we'll take that option. That option is the easiest way.

It's the least path of resistance as a concept. And so every time you make one of those compromises, it's a slippery slope. But if you can build up that muscle, which is doing the harder thing, that will get easier and easier and easier. The resilience we build up, it'll get easier and easier and easier. And then later what we want for you, like I said, is that you are building wealth. And it's built on the back of these decisions. and one of the best things, especially I think as a solo homeowner,

when you do something that's way harder as a single person, you are so proud of yourself. Got bragging rights. Yeah. A life, smug. I would be smug as hell if I was a single female in my own home. I'm just got to put it out there. Oh my God, you'd know about it.

But this is like said with kindness. We are on your side. You've asked the right questions. We're here to give you a little bit of tough love. Tell us more or tell us how you do. Yeah. I don't want you to feel like we've been hard on you because we're so... We probably have been a bit hard, but I feel like it's for your own good.

Like we're hit, we're on you, we're in your corner. Big cis vibes. Because we'd just tell you to just carry on if we didn't really care about it. You're like, ah, you're fine. You're not fine, but you will be. That is all for this episode. The Vault is now closed. And just a quick disclaimer, the Vault is just a chat around life and money topics. We are not giving financial advice.