The Vault with Financielle - “My Kids Are Costing Me the Earth!” — How to Stop Impulse Buying | The Vault Episode 56

Episode Date: March 20, 2025

Send us a textIn Episode 56 of The Vault, we discuss this week’s controversial opinion, “The whole “personal finance is personal” thing is a cop-out — there are universal truths we should all follow”. We then dive into our listener dilemmas:💸 "Should I disclose my net worth?”💸 ”My kids are costing me the earth!”We celebrate a listener who for the first time EVER is ending the month with an excess! 💸✨ This is proof that budgeting can truly change your money story 🤑If you’d like to share your money win, head to the community in the Financielle app or email [e-mail] your (totally anonymous) money dilemmas to [e-mail] and we may feature yours on a future episode 💌Guess what! As a Vault listener, you can get 25% off our digital course, The Money Playbook. This is a step by step guide to being financially well. It has 101 lessons where you'll learn how to budget, ditch debt, build savings and grow wealth. Use this offer code at checkout: VAULTCheck out The Money Playbook course here  💸Chapters:00:00 Introduction to The Vault03:55 Personal Finance Debate08:34 Dating and Money Discussions16:43 Community Wins and Reflections17:48 Managing Monthly Expenses18:11 Allocating Excess Funds19:26 Emergency Fund Strategies20:36 Financial App Promotion21:15 Impulse Spending on Kids24:39 Strategies to Curb Spending34:22 Final Thoughts and ConclusionThe Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

Oh hey, Laura here. I'm just starting off this episode of The Vault to tell you about the money playbook. I used to be terrible with money, designer shoes, fancy meals, all on credit. But everything changed when I realized I needed to take control of my money. That's why I created the money playbook, a step-by-step guide to help you take control of your money, ditch the overwhelm, and create a solid plan for your future self. With three stages, survive, build, and grow, the playbook walks you through everything from paying off debt to building wealth.

Start your journey today by grabbing the money playbook for 25% off with the code VAULT. Check out the link in the podcast description. I promise you won't look back. Now let's get to the episode. Welcome to The Vault with Finite Child. This is a safe space where we talk all things life and money and no topics are off limits. Happy Thursday. Happy Thursday.

Happy Vault Day. Good morning, good morning. Are you okay? I'm good, I'm good. You're cozy. I'm just eating a mint. Oh, fresh. Fresh.

Making your eyes burn. What kind of mint? It's a xylitol mint because they're good for your teeth. Oh, fresh. Fresh. Making your eyes burn. What kind of mint? It's a xylitol mint because they're good for your teeth. Oh, I feel like we're in our teeth here, let's be honest. If you've been following the pod for some time. I was waiting for the health benefit. I was like, surely she wouldn't have just eat a mint. Yeah, no, it's not in Lucy's nature, is it? It's because she didn't say polo. That I was kind of thinking, okay, it's good. Lucy's eating something. There's a reason why, isn't there, Lydia? Like there's been pre. There's a reason why isn't the Lydia light. There's been pre-done research

as to the health benefits of said meal or it's project pan or she's. Do you want to compulsively buy food? Anything. Yeah, well no. Without research I thought. No, because it's like from a sinking fund, isn't it? No, but like.

Choices in like, oh, that was good. You just go into M&S meal deal and just randomly pick up. I'm going to try that. I feel like everything's well thought out with you. Well, I just have to overthink everything. I know.

So, like, I mean, with food, I mean, I feel like my advice is kind of like random bougie food things. Yes. But on a scale which is so small, like, I'll go and spend, crazy, crazy, I'll go and spend six pounds on some butter. Butter's expensive, but I'm just a big fan. Because I'm like, this is going to be really good butter.

It's hand churned. Whereas I would not think twice about going and spending like six pounds on a Gale's something. Yes. Whereas I would not think twice about going and spending like six pounds on a Gale's something. Yes. So, yep, that's my impulse things. You'll buy a little. Which always come from a food pot anyway. Yeah.

Makes no difference. It's not really impulse spend. No. I'm quite good. But she's already planning like, where you're gonna get your lunch from today. Like, you know what you're gonna have. It's been vetted.

She's gonna, there's no, I'm gonna turn up. I'm gonna get a Tuna Cardo. Actually, I'm not gonna get a Tuna Cardo. I'm. There's no one gonna take it to Juneau Cardo. Actually, I'm not getting to get a tuna cardo. I'm gonna get a spicy tuna. I just say tuna cardo because everyone knows what that is.

Right, okay. Spicy tuna cardo from, is that from there as well? Yeah, the main thing is a tuna cardo from Juneau Juice, but spicy tuna, in my humble opinion, is 10 times better. Right, okay. You get jalapenos, you don't get avocado. I don't like avocado really, unless it's all mashed up.

Are we having a drink? No. No, no juice. Have you ever had a drink at Joe and the Juice? No. You pay like 11 pounds for a smoothie. It's very like LA. And I'm like, that doesn't land with me.

Arowan. I'm not a smoothie girl. No, I'm not. It's bad for your teeth. Yeah, exactly. And we're in our teeth era. If you're joining us Lucy, we've talked about Lucy's got a hefty sinking fund

because you've had some problems with your teeth, haven't you? It's cost a lot of money. There's no like aesthetic dentistry. It's all like wellness dentistry, like looking after your teeth. So. And everything is, I'm 95% done.

Ship shape. Yeah. So you're building that sinking from back up. Yep. I am then you will have to take it Okay, I'm gonna get into today's controversial opinion and Same as last week. I'm scared for this one. You're laughing already Okay, the whole personal finance is personal thing is a cop out. There are universal truths that we should all follow. Did you come up with that? A dagger to our hearts. Like you took our line.

That's our tagline. Turned the dagger. You're really poking the bear now. 90% personal, 10% finance. I still stand by that, but you are right, there are universal truths. Like you can't, if you've ever done the slumming world, stay with me.

I know what you're gonna say. Because I used to, it's so true. You can't outrun a fork is what you're gonna say. You can't outrun a fork. So, if you're a gym bunny, but you eat shit all week and you wonder why at the end of the week that you've not lost any weight, you can't outrun your fork.

You can't run, run, run, run, run. And then, cause I watched a TikTok the other day where the girl was running and she was like, all the things I'm gonna eat when I finish running. She was like Twix in the fridge, hula hoops in the cupboard. Like she was going through all the things that she was gonna reward herself with.

That's like me, I'm like a raccoon when I get home. That's good of them kids. It's kinda like you bank it, oh I've done a K, right, that's another. Yeah, so you're like, so it's the same with money. Like you can't out-earn. Out-earn. Like really bad behavior, like spending habits, debt habits.

I'm like, stay with me, I promise you this is pointless. Yeah, it makes sense. But just that analogy, I completely agree, there are universal truths and the math isn't math and is also a thing. You can't fake it. It's like how much comes in versus how much goes out. If you don't manage that properly,

you're gonna go into debt. It's a fact. But we do talk about how you feel. Oh yeah. The links between it, like the science and the framework is the calorie deficit. Calorie deficit is if you want to maintain your weight, then you need to not eat more calories than you burn.

And if you want to lose weight, you need to eat less calories. No, yeah, eat less calories than you burn and that's how you get into your deficit. So like the math is so funny. That's just like finance, which is if you earn more than you spend, there's a difference,

you can put that excess towards things that grow. But then what puts an absolute sledgehammer through all that is different people and different experiences, different emotions, different mental health. And so, and the choice of what you're spending things on and the value that's coming from those, which is just like the choice of fuel that you're putting into your body.

And like perceived value, what you think might be really important, investing your money. And I might be like, are you kidding me? Do you know like, you're like, you could be like holidays, memories, experiences, while still remaining financially well. I could be fire, wanna retire early,

won't waste my money going to, I know they said Butlands. Are you saying that because I'm going to Butlins? You know I'm going to Butlins. It's on the brain, maybe. But you know, I'm fire and I'm like, for me, dance moms. I'm going to dance camp. I'm going to dance camp.

I'm going to dance camp. No, I'm going to it. But you know, I'm a fire person and I'm like, why are you wasting money on experiences? I'm head down to retirement. So it's perceived value. And things like, if you think about, I know I keep coming back to the fitness journey,

but you could have someone that's like, perimenopausal or menopausal and goes through lots of different hormone changes. And then an 18 year old who can have four McDonald's and then run around the track really quickly. And so we're all different. We're all different on a science level. We're all different on emotional level,

background level, like when it comes to money in our backgrounds, you know, someone might be less likely to want to invest or might have a spending issue because of something that's happened in their past. And so when we, and we've talked about this before, like when you do the 50, 30, 20, or when you do, you should just, you know,

it's easy to invest compound interest. They're all factual things, but you've got to overlay people on top of that. I think that's where like, and that's why so many people don't engage with their money because it's not made personal to them. It's like for someone else. Mm hmm. We've talked about financial advisors before, we've talked about whether you should pay mortgage offices, put something in a high interest rate.

So often the answer with the maths. Yeah, like it's a maths thing, but actually it could be what makes you sleep at night. Is it that we've all grown up in a society whereby being mortgage free is like amazing and it gives you so much like freedom. And you can, like using those phrases like sleep, I can sleep at night when people pay off the mortgage and the mortgage free, I'm free,

mortgage free, as if like you've been tied into something for life. Personally, that might be more attractive than being in the market with an interest rate in like stocks and shares, or whatever it might be, or investing or whatever. It is how you feel. So it's a very good one.

Well done you. Okay, first dilemma. Should I disclose my net worth? Hey, I'm in my mid twenties and I have a net worth of around 250,000 pounds, mostly in property. I want to continue building my wealth and eventually meet my dream man so we can build an empire together. Businesses, properties, marriage, kids, the whole thing. When dating and things start

to get serious, should I disclose my net worth? And if so, when? My friends and family think I should keep this to myself, but I'd love to hear your thoughts. Looking forward to hearing your advice. Definitely don't keep it obviously private, private and confidential. Dating we're talking. Yeah. So early. Definitely, it's like even in anticipation of marriage or after marriage could be the time that you do that. You have to though talk about money before you get married.

When you're dating even, it's much easier way to sift through people that are not gonna align with you. Just about say maybe discussion about money personalities is like a good way to go. Cause you're not giving financial figures away but you can be like, what's your money personality like? Yeah. You could say like, I'm, I don't know.

Like I like investing. I don't really, I have been in debt before, I don't really like it. I see all the, you know, having lived experiences is good. Yeah, no monetary value, but maybe money personality is like a really good segue into- Yeah, you wanna know-

Like- Suss someone out. If you're a financial girl, so if you like that flow of, I like having emergency savings, I don't like consumer debt, I don't value it, I want to grow an empire and invest in social, it's actually quite ambitious. You need someone on that level, or like that supports that belief system, but they don't have to be on that level,

or like that supports that belief system, but they don't have to be on that level, that's what I was trying to say. Because the yin and yang as well, so you don't always have to want exactly the same things. Like actually, sometimes it might be a bit of a clash if you might be like the empire builder and he might be the supporter.

Like that's a nice thing as well. Let's pretend we're dating now people, what are the types of things that would be red flags? Because for me it would be things like, oh, don't bother with savings, you know, life's for living. Oh, okay, so I have savings. So how are you? Oh, yeah, put everything on finance. Again, this isn't a red, red flag that's done. You know, like a bad person. No, but it's like, oh, you're going to have, these are battles or little, not battles, little hills that you're going to have to overcome to be able to get into a place where you trust

eventually sharing your net worth, where you don't have to be, because you don't have to be protective. Men are women, but everyone has to be protected, all different relationships. We've had red flags before, haven't we, where people say, what's mine is mine, what's yours is yours, and that kind of like, that's fine. Like we're dating, so when you're not like, we're getting married, having kids and putting our money together, but you're getting a sense of that person.

And there's so many people, someone wrote it in the community the other day, him and his wife weren't on the same page when it came to money for a very long time and it's taken her, he was like, got the financial methods straight away, jumped straight and he was like, this is right on my street. Yeah, and then all of a sudden he was like, and then he methods straight away, jump straight in and he was like, this is right on my street. And then all of a sudden he was like,

and then he wrote a dilemma. Quite a few months ago to say it, my wife's just not on the same page, we're in debt and she's just not coming along on this journey with me. And he was asking the community, how would you go about this? And I think people would say things like,

just listen to the podcast while you're cooking, just to hear those types of conversations, discussions about the methodology and why it works and how you're not forcing someone into a certain mindset because that's not healthy in any relationship, whether it's like eating, exercise, money. So things can change and personalities can change and you can join on a journey together,

but sussing out really big red flags. Like really big red flags. And see how he reacts to some of the things that you do. Sometimes I've got the weird and wonderful ideas and Carl's like, oh, okay. It's not a bad thing that he's not like, yeah, let's definitely do that. But also, there's nothing wrong with having him know

that you have assets. Like if you have, so she says she's got a great net worth for mid-twenties. It sounds like it's at least one if not two, but if it's one property, the conversation might come up at some point about the equity in the home, and the fact that you've got a net worth goal.

Like maybe you wanna hit a million, you wanna hit half a million. When do you wanna hit that by? How do you plan to do it? You might have conversations where you have decided to dump some money into investments and you're having a conversation and it's like, and you might say, I'm prioritizing like actually building

like building a bit of wealth and building my investments. So I'm slowing down on that bit of spending. I'm not gonna do that thing. You don't know like all your achievements do you? Cause I think you don't have to do it. You don't hide it, but you don't have to be like, this is my net worth, what's yours? No, yeah, you don't need to.

Not long ago, talk about they were in a restaurant and they were like overhearing a man talk. I don't know where it was. They were overhearing a man on a date talk openly about I earn this much. And it was like really like icky. And so the person that was like witnessing this conversation was like, that is so inappropriate.

It was very much like a first date. They heard the conversation and he was just like giving it all, like telling someone how much you made or what is the investment's worth. But you would never actually hear a woman do that. So you don't wanna be like, don't brag. You wanna be like, I like investing. Keep powder dry.

But share what is important to you. Because if you, like I said, with the best in the world, if you've got someone who doesn't feel like that's weird, you'll get the vibes. Like again, it's not always a red flag, but no. Have we made up a man, by the way? Is it potentially meeting someone in the future

that they said not to, or other? True man. So she's not met him yet, we're imagining him. But she's, typical female, we're like, so. I'm marrying them already. He's six foot four. He works at... This is like...

He's a fairy. Well, I didn't want to talk about Akita in this, but I felt like it was gonna come out eventually. We're all in a book series together, and if you're not reading the Akita series, get on board. We're gonna start a book club. Yep. An unofficial book club's on the go,

whereby we're sharing books together. But yeah, I was like, are we imagining this person or is he living and breathing? I've got a good image. Okay. He's got wings. Let's call him Reese. He's got wings.

Reese or Rice? I think it's Reese. I say Reese. Your Rice. Your Rice. Your Rice. Your Rice. He's got wings.

I love her aspirations as well. The biggest amazing thing here is that she's getting her own shit together first. Like so many people have the dream man or woman that's gonna save them. The rich person that's gonna come along and fix everything. The fact that she is going, I like, these are gonna be my standards.

You know, sometimes it's not like Disney, you know, it's lovely and speaking from experience where, you know, we're really proud of our net worth as a family and what we're doing and it's a bit dull. It involves some property and some business and investments and stuff and tracking our net worth is one of the most fulfilling things. But then you do crack on to your day job,

your day life where, you know, then it's like, you know, doing the breakfasts and dropping out, doing the school run and you're doing the boring admin at work. So it's definitely not this like Hollywood, maybe I should live it a bit more. But that is aspirational, but I love that you're doing the work first.

And I believe that if you are doing the work, if you're looking after your own finances in control, I think you'll attract that energy. Like I do believe that you're gonna attract someone that will compliment and support you and wanna do well for themselves as well. And like two financially independent people coming together in a relationship,

it's just one of those powerful things I've ever seen. Because there's no massive dependencies either way, there's no imbalances. It doesn't matter if the numbers aren't the same, it's just if you are both comfortable, you're not looking at what the other's got and what the other has, you just kind of- There's no desperation as well,

because you're okay. Like you'll be fine. And everyone always says like the best thing is to be like have financial freedom so you're not relying on another person. Like there's so much power in that. Show us the Tinder profiles if you want us to approve. We can tell from the photos. Community win time. The first time I'm leaving the month with excess. Payday

for me isn't until the last day of the month, but even getting this far with excess and still having the whole of my last week's food money without having to borrow from myself or others is amazing for me. I still have excess and I'm going out for dinner with a friend, which I've budgeted for so it won't affect anything. Usually I can't do anything at this time of the month because I've spent everything, but not this time. I love that, such an underestimated win that. I feel like we've seen quite a few recently

and it's like, this is the first time ever that I've gotten excess. I've got money left over over that I've not spent more than I've earned. There's a lot of people coming through like that, isn't there? It's the underrated win. And when you, if you've never been in that position,

it's really hard to empathize with it. Or if it's been a long time since, it's really hard to empathize with it. I think some people have been in that position since their first ever paycheck. Yeah, who the hell has ever taught us how to do this stuff? Like how to manage all these different variables and life hitting you and like costs of being expensive.

The bigger win is when they get to end of the month with money and they don't feel like they massively went without, like, you know, it wasn't like absolute bare bones budget. It was okay. She sounds like she's going out for dinner. She's not saying no to things. The only thing I would say is,

what you're doing with your excess, because you keep talking about, I've got excess leftover. And I'm like, no, no. Ideally on the first day that you do your budget, you would have put your excess somewhere, whether it's to pay enough debt, whether it's in a high interest, you'll save the account.

Maybe she's done that and she's still got money left over. So she might, there might be some. Message in, tell us what else she did. Just don't leave it there, only because I know from experience myself, it can just go by accident. It like, you need to give it a job, where in the app, when you do your budget,

the bottom of the budget tracker, it will ask you where your excess is going. And you can absolutely like specify, and it can be spread across 10 different places, but you can add it. It's just good to know, make sure that that excess is doing a job. I think it is, it might just be how it's written,

but I'm like, please protect that excess. Make sure it goes to your goal. Quick fire round, where's your excess going at the moment? Back to emergency fund after the dentist. Okay. Investments. I've got stocks and shares, ISA that I've opened. We've got a cash ISA.

We had to dip into our emergency fund last year. That's back up to where it was. So now all of those. That excess can go to the investments. That excess is going to all investments. Yeah, mine is at the moment, stocks and shares, ISA challenges that I'm doing on TikTok and kids' ISAs. Oh yeah, dry ISAs as well, yeah.

Okay, Lydia. Largeysus. Oh yeah, Jysus as well, yeah. Okay, Lydia. Large emergency fund. Woo, bulky, massive. Honestly, when you get to the end, I think that's one of the, like just as addictive as survive once, that's out the way you feel so proud of yourself for doing a big emergency fund.

Just look at it. Yeah. Cause you've never, I don't know about you, had that amount of money, unless it was for like a house deposit, which we've had built before, and it was easy to do back in the day, I'm telling you it was.

That big amount of money, you're just like, I did that, I saved that. It's incredibly rewarding, I think. And just, it's such a comfort cushion that you feel a little bit invincible. Like if something goes wrong, it's fine. You know, that worry's not on your shoulders. Especially in the slog.

There's so much to worry about, Jesus. Yeah. In the world. There's nothing to worry about Holly, I'll find it. The Alicia Kindred spirits. And Lydia as well, Alicia actually. I think I'm the only one. What is it?

What we worried about this week. Well. You'll never get. I don't need to worry you, I'll do it for me. Outsource it to us. If you'd like to tell us your win, head to the community in the app or email it to the vault at financial.com. Second dilemma, this one kind of made me laugh

because it's written really well. Just a quick one, Laura here. If you're wanting to take back control of your money, ditch debt, make better decisions and build wealth for the future, the financial app is for you. With Financial, you can track your spending on the go, hit your money goals faster and create a realistic budget that you can actually stick to. Not to mention, you'll be part of an exclusive money community who share tips, offer support and celebrate your successes along the way. Click the link in the description to download Financial and start your free trial now. This is your sign to take control of your money today. Okay I'm done let's go back to the vault.

Okay my kids are costing me the earth. Mom is that you? Hi ladies I'm 32 married and I have a two-year-old and a 10 week old baby. We live in Scotland. I work part time and earn an okay wage and my husband works full time and earns a good wage. We have enough to cover our bills, childcare, food, petrol, et cetera, with little leftover. I've always been bad with money. I'm a big spender and a rubbish saver. I've tried so hard to get better listening to money podcasts, reading finance books, following money accounts online, so I know what I should be doing, but I just don't follow through. I can talk the talk, but I can't walk the walk. Since having kids, I've struggled with impulse spending on them, mostly the toddler since there isn't much

to buy yet for the baby. I don't buy everything she asks for and she's not spoiled, but I find myself buying little things constantly. Cheap toys, magazines and plastic tat or random stuff that I convince myself will make my life easier. Sometimes I'll see something and think, oh, she'll love that. But in reality, she's never even seen it before. So how would she love it? How do I stick to my budget and stop buying unnecessary stuff for my kids?

Are there any systems or hacks I can put into place to stop myself? Thank you so much." And she signed it. Lady who buys four too many kids magazines with shitty plastic toys in them. This is such a good dilemma. And I don't think we've had one like this before either. And it's such like, I don't want to say like a mundane one,

but like there's no drama. Like it is something that so many people will experience. Like, I've done it myself, where you just want to buy. They really are, don't bother. I used to beg my mum for those magazines. I had like a full wall full of them. Our kids beg for them. And I'm like, you've not done the crossword on page 57.

You've not done the quiz. Yeah, I wouldn't actually do the magazine. I'd just take the little like cat toy out of it. And then parents stand on them, or the kids cry because the loss, because an adult threw it in the bin, it was a piece of crap because it is. Yeah, I remember my sister when she was about two, she had a huge meltdown in the shop, I think it was like Tesco or something, because she was like, I really need it, I really need it. And it was because it was pink, but it was like a size 18 women's blouse.

In the free magazine? No, sorry, in the shop. Oh, she wanted the pink. It just melted down. It just, the kid melted down about, I really need this. I hope your mum bought it, just to make, just because. Okay, then wear it. And you have to wear it. Yeah.

A jumper dress. I love that. No, I feel like if you love your kids that much and you really do, you think that by buying them things, that's a way of like showing your affection. Yeah, definitely. And I totally understand it.

Like when you love someone, you just- If that's your love language maybe is like- Love language. You just wanna treat them. If you can't give it in different ways. So she said money's tight, right? So what that means is it it's again, social media, you will see the Latlands, UKs,

and the Lego trips, and the theater, and the, oh my God, cinema. I mean, she's only two. Diffed hairbands, and bracelets, and necklaces, and outfits for kids. If you can't do the, you know, and the really beautiful aesthetic bedrooms, like if you can't do the outlandish, and the really beautiful aesthetic bedrooms, like if you

can't do the outlandish stuff, the little stuff is a really similar way of being able to give, give, give, give, give. And it is those, it's not them generally, it can be them. So I've got a few thoughts on this. I think firstly, having a fun element of the budget means that that's your permission, but it's capped. Yeah. So it's your permission to buy for them, give for them, but it's capped. I have to be honest, I went through it on a debt-free journey with my eldest, the other two, have had a way worse and tight time and it's actually, we've got way more disposal income

than ever before. And I think it's because I, during the early years, I did a lot of work on myself about that, about, no, actually my love isn't contained within the thing that I'm buying you. So I worked on me, and then it is strategy. It is strategy all the time. So for example, I used to physically go and do the shop. And then when I had the third, I was like, no, and then one was starting ballet.

I was like, no, no, I'm not doing that on a Saturday. Like I hate, I hate shopping. I tend to buy the same things anyway. And so by doing an online shop, I don't have the physical journey of temptations of the magazines and the places and the things. That's clever. Supermarkets are very clever now.

Arguably a lot of them make more money from the Oh yeah. Magazine aisle, clothes, home. Like you're going to Tesco now, it's like, plates, cups, bowls, candle sticks, tablecloths. And they're beautiful. It's stunning. They spend so much money on it.

Yeah, on the aesthetic of it. So you can understand why there would be, you're a human, like you're being drawn into beautiful things. And they're usually cheap enough to go in the shop. Do you know like it's not a 50 quid jumper, it's a 12 twin or 12. And it's things that can go in.

The kids three piece outfits, only a tenner bargain, put it in the trolley. And actually, you know, that's so true because do you remember what, I'll be looked so cute on Christmas day, she had the cream jumper with love, lame on and then the lame gold skirt. It was from Asda.

Because I went in the shop, because I was doing the Christmas shot, which was different. And yes, she wore it. You're 10 times more emotional at Christmas, by the way. Like everything goes in the basket. It's like, I have to get this. It wasn't on a list.

It wasn't ordered online, like in my shopping basket. And it went in the shopping trolley with like the Christmas chocolates and stuff. And it just proved to me, this is what happens. There will be a two piece outfit for her and the other two every time I go, if I went. So my strategy was that. And the other strategy is things like

deliberately avoiding scenarios where they'll want to ask because toddlers especially, I mean, Ali doesn't do it yet and he's two and a half, so he's a very advanced two year old who knows what to ask for maybe sometimes. But I don't want him in a scenario where he will ask because he can't understand why we can't have it every time. I don't want to keep telling him no. And it's again, really hard when they've got friends as they're getting older, well, thing he's got this and thing he's got this. I know I deliberately avoid scenarios. It's like how like, no,

they can't go into the petrol station with me. I'll go get a petrol when I'm not getting a child in the car. Children are. Cause do you remember when Albie was obsessed with Londis? Oh yeah. She was like, you're saying that on the podcast. Well, last time we came to the podcast, she was in New Supermarket, opened, isn't there?

I bought two bottles of Prime for my kids. Big mistake, didn't buy the same one. The biggest argument erupted over it. And I was like, I'm such a good mom, buying my kids Prime. Literally. When I say World War III, and I have, so every, I see Prime, I'm literally like,

no, no one's having a Prime. But I think another big problem with this is, there's no reason not to spend, so time, money's tight, as you say, but other than that, you've not really labeled like a goal. So I always say it's really hard to stop doing something if there's no consequence. Because if you don't do that, then you couldn't do something else. What's the draw? Like why would you? You can just carry on.

You can just carry on as you are. It sounds like you're not getting you into like tremendous debt. You don't seem overwhelmed. You just know it's probably not the right thing to do. So let's come up with a goal that you can work towards. So then you will feel compelled to say no, because no, you can't have that dial in and just be okay with it. Or no, I'm not gonna buy that three piece Lame set

as much as I like it, because I'm putting it towards, have you been on holiday for the last five years? Would you like to take the children on holiday? Is that more of a reward and experience there for the Tesco random bits and plastic? Cause they're not cheap. They're literally, those magazines are five pounds now. Oh, and the rest.

I think they're more than that. Minimum. What's it going towards? This is all down to strategy, but it's also something called habit stacking, right? And it's about testing it out. So it's really hard to say no the first few times, both to yourself and to the kid.

Once you get used to it, it's just no. And so I feel really lucky with mine, but I know it's been my work. Like I'll be struggling, cause she's at a six year old age. So I have to drum it into her, but Ava, if she asks something and I go, no, not today. She goes, not a problem.

But that has taken years. I'll be at the, but, and I'm like, no, no, it's fine. Like, no, not today. She goes, not a problem. But that has taken years. Albie's at the, oh, but, and I'm like, no, no, it's fine. Like, no, we're not got the money. No, we're not doing that. No, it's expensive. Like she does hear it, but because she does get in other places, and I think it's that as long as it's not no, no, no, no.

I think one, having a budget that's allowable that you stick to is another thing. But two, really think about things that are free, that are fun. Because if it's a guilt thing, then you don't need to buy their love, you can go a different way, it's like, I really don't like going to kids parks, I don't like it, because the little one falls over all the time,

he's really clumsy, it's all the time to it. Never know a child's fall over. Always just, we'll find a hole in something to fall over. I don't, and that is the youngest of all of them, he's two, they're all like five and six, he gets knocked over, they wanna go on the roundabout, he slows it down. It's not fun. So I don't like doing that is the youngest of all of them. He's two, they're all like five and six. He gets knocked over. They want to go on the roundabout. He slows it down. So I don't like doing it, but he likes going to the park. So every so often I will take him to the park. He'll have his time. And I'll be like, I am getting mom ticks for this.

Things like feeding the ducks, like a loaf of bread, taking them. But, but there's a, like an amazing like pancake house around the corner for us called Oliver's that they all, Albie's a sweet tooth, she loves going. But it's really expensive to go regularly. So if I save up that moment and then after a dance exam, talk her to Oliver. It's a treat, it's not a regular occurrence. We've got Hollivers at our house.

Hollivers, Hollins. Hollivers. I love the guys at Hollivers, so sorry if you listen to this. I wanna go to Hollivers. It is really effective. Come to Oliver's. I buy, so it's like a waffle is like seven pounds with all the things at Oliver's. If you come to Oliver's, I'll buy a four pack of waffles, a tub of ice cream.

I've got the sauces, I've got the sprinkles, I've got the pack of Oreos. I have not enjoyed this. And I can make four Hollivers for half the price of Oliver's. You're charging your kids. No, I should. But it's that thing about, let's make it a treat when it's a treat. There's no cause I'm spending on them. Yeah, but so that it's not all the time.

My mum takes them. Someone else takes them. But yeah, I think that knowing that your value and your love isn't in the buying constantly. So practice saying no, also because it's good for them, really good for them to be like, no, no. But also I'm really quick with it. I'm like, no, move on. Next thing, next topic, change conversation.

Don't talk about for ages about why you can't own. It's expensive. You get them all the time. And the two-year-olds rotate the toys because they get fed up and they get bored. And the day that you try and clear out is the day that you'll, I love that, why are you throwing it away?

They never played with it for six months. So rotate the toys. Yeah. Look at this. We'll just bring them back out. Will that work? Well, don't do it as like I've bought it. You just.

Two it would, older than you'll. Just rotate. But would he find stuff that he's not played with for six months? He's like, this is amazing. And then they'll go all in on it for like a week. And then it'll be older than you. Just rotate, but would he find stuff that he's not played with for six months? He's like, this is amazing, and then he'll go all in on it for like a week, and then it'll be forgotten about again. So rotating toys is one that I keep seeing over and over again for young kids.

Rotating toys, avoid your weak scenarios, where, avoid them. Facebook Marketplace to give stuff away for free. You are in control of the routine, like you cannot walk past the newsagents that they wanna walk past, because I've done that before, and things like that. And like said, the flip side, like Holly said,

what's the goal? Because it means the trade-off is better. But that was my favorite dilemma in a long time. Because it just spoke to us. Well, like, how have we got? My husband is the worst for the news agents. Like if we go past the news agents, he's like, just give them all the kids.

For him, it ends up being like a 20 minute, what can I get for this pick and mix? How much money have you got? How many coins have you got? I'm like, what's my limit? Look it out the door to me. What can I spend? I saw a tip and it was like, it's for people to like reparent themselves, but you can also use it with kids. It's for kids really, but it's like, if they really want something, you say, let's take a photo of it and send it to Santa for ideas. Good kids. It's for kids really, but it's like, if they really want something, you say, let's take a photo of it and send it to Santa for ideas.

Good idea. That's a good idea. You could just keep it as a little folder of ideas. And again, like, oh, then you have to recheck in with them and check they still want it close to the time. You can do that, you can create a little folder in your phone. But that's like the four-day hour rule for kids.

Yeah, if they're still going on about it a week later, because I guarantee they won't be. If it's something like a scooter that they would use every day that then you can buy for the birthday, but if it's the fluffy toy that they were just- That they were just- That they were just hitting women's blouse. Yeah.

Well, like I said, this is about us reparenting us. Yes, more about us than them. Because they're fine, they love you no matter what. They're not thinking, they're thinking about the box that the thing came in and they're not thinking about the, if it's in front of them, it's hard to have that battle. So don't make it a routine, like avoid those scenarios and you be in control of it and you need to practice saying

no and I think you'll feel better for it. And if you're sat ordering Amazon Prime boxes every day and there's a new thing coming for you. That's what they're learning as well. They're watching that, they're seeing you open, buy new stuff all the time. So like practice what you preach and it doesn't sound like you're that way,

but just for the people that are like, my kids are obsessed with buying stuff. If you're setting that out, that goal, that intention out and they're watching you, you watch everything. Now is the time to change. Yeah. I like it. Any final words? I think this is full circle to the beginning,

which is personal finance is bloody personal. It comes literally all like... I told you a few minutes about that. Still controversial. Perfect. That is all for this episode. The vault is now closed. And just a quick disclaimer, the vault is just a chat or a live for money topics. We are not giving financial advice.