The Vault with Financielle - Spoiler: Cutting Out Coffees Won’t Make You Rich | The Vault Episode 43

Episode Date: December 19, 2024

Send us a textIn Episode 43 of The Vault, we discuss this week’s controversial opinion, “Cutting out buying coffees won’t make you rich”, before diving into our listener dilemmas:💸 “Paying double while building up sinking funds?”💸 “Me and my husband had very different money upbringings”✨EXCITING UPDATE ALERT ✨ We had a message from a listener who wrote a dilemma featured in Episode 26, “90k debt and my husband has run out of money”… they’ve made amazing progress! Not only have they paid off £16k in six months, but they’ve built an emergency fund, transformed their spending habits, and are now on track to clear the rest of their debt 🤩🥳🎉If you’d like to share your money win, head to the community in the Financielle app or email [e-mail] your (totally anonymous) money dilemmas to [e-mail] and we may feature yours on a future episode 💌Thank you to our partner PensionBee, who are on a mission to help you build pension confidence and create a world where everyone can enjoy a happy retirement. With PensionBee you can combine, contribute and withdraw online. Join over 260,000 customers saving with PensionBee. When investing, your capital is at risk.Sign up and combine your pensions here 🐝Start investing without the hard work with Trading 212 💸When investing, your capital is at risk. Pies & Autoinvest is an execution-only service, not investment advice or portfolio management. Automatic investing refers to executing scheduled deposits. You are responsible for all investment and rebalancing decisions. This information is not investment advice. Do your own research.Chapters:00:00 Introduction00:41 The Fizzy Drink Dilemma04:44 Fashion and TV Appearances06:11 Financial Tips and Lifestyle Choices16:35 Dilemma: Managing Monthly and Annual Payments21:29 Success Story: Overcoming Debt Together31:05 Dilemma: Different Financial Upbringings39:54 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsThe Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

Hey everyone, it's Holly here. Before we get into the episode, I want to share something exciting. That's right. If you're looking to take control of your money, the Financial app is your go-to tool. With the app, you can track your spending, create realistic budgets, and hit your money goals faster than ever. In fact, did you know our premium community members save three and a half times more than our free users? That's incredible. Plus, you'll be part of an amazing community where we all support each other on our money journeys. Whether you're starting to pay off debt or planning for your future, the app has everything that you need to make it happen.

So what are you waiting for? Download the financial app today and start your free trial. Trust us, your future self will wish you did it sooner. I've fenced in a fizzy drink. So so I've got Coke Zero but Holly won't let me have the can on the fault so she's maybe put it in the mug they won't pay for advertising so they're not having it

because it's cold and fizzy and just that's such a that's such a mind game I think can's part of the vibe like

it's part of the experience the crisp yeah like your enjoyment it's weird that it's cold hey ho looks good nice you need a mulled wine in there yeah you do The crisp. Yeah, like your enjoyment. It's weird that it's cold. Hey-ho. Looks good.

Nice festive. You need a mulled wine in there. Yeah, you do. I hate mulled wine. Festive drink. Yeah, it's not for me. Just red wine's fine. I did that thing for years. I don't know if you did this.

When you're a kid, or even whatever age, you decide you don't like something. So you just decided. Never tasted it. Never. I went years having dry toast because I said, I don't like something so you just decided never tasted it never i went years having dry toast because i said i don't like butter and then i eventually had butter toast it was the best yeah what was i doing that's like my kids just full stop i didn't know i didn't like it i'll

eat something amazing i'm like do you want to try it like oh no i'm like idiots more for you. Like, you're missing out on this amazing thing. I can't think of an example, but it's something. But mulled wine, I think for years, I would say, no, no, no, thank you. And actually, I don't, I'm not obsessed with it, but it's nice. A bit of star anise, cinnamon stick.

Yeah. I don't think I like it really. I am going to try it. Do you know, I think you like it. Now I'm going through all the herbs and spices and stuff. I'm like, Lucy's ideal. I had a chai latte this morning as well. Oh, that's what I mean.

God. You do like mulled wine, actually. Is Glühwein? Glühwein. That's it. Is that mulled wine? Yeah. He's just the German, I think, for it.

I think it's because it's like out of a mug as well this is it's weird it is a weird thing to have i've got a can what are you drinking there's more wine on the train tinned wine it's gonna be warm i had a great tinned wine the other day really it was a festive market thing and yeah it was a red wine in a tin and i was like this is gonna go south like i thought it was gonna be a bottle maybe it yeah, it was a red wine in a tin and I was like, this is going to go south. Like, I thought it was going to be

a bottle maybe. It was delightful. It was really good. It was a Spanish one and I thought, oh, it won't be full-bodied and it was delicious.

I would buy it again. Was it experientially weird? Yes, because I was like, oh, did you drink it? No, no,

no, no, I put it in a plastic. Oh, you put it in a cup. Yeah, you know, I wouldn't have,

oh God, no, no, no, no, I wouldn't have drunk it out of the can. Heathen know I wouldn't oh god no no no no I wouldn't have drunk it out of the can heathen

I don't really like red wine too young you're too young you have a steak the I want like water

the ex-vegan okay I want water when did you last have one a red wine probably with like a roast dinner

when I was like obliged when to have a glass. Probably like a year ago. Oh, okay. So fairly recently. Yeah, fairly recently. I just don't,

even with like eating food, I know it's all like the wine and food. Yeah, you don't get it. I'd want just the food. Yeah, yeah. You want to enjoy this. Yeah.

I get it. A really good red with a steak. And also, I've never had a good non-alcoholic red no no I don't I don't like

non-alcoholic drinks as in proclaiming to be the replacement I'd rather have water genuinely I'd rather have like a little

elderflower spray yeah my mum invited us for a family thing and she was like so I've got you no seco because I don't really drink and I was like

I don't want it I'm really sorry I was like it's just sugar it's just give heartburn yeah in a bottle no so I will forgo no secco if that's all right with you mum Alex's dream is for like me to be a wine person because he's like he's like all like the pairing yeah yeah stuff and I'm like enjoy the bottle he can have more this is arrangement. No. I don't know. But isn't it funny what we pair things with

like practically like the mug and the cold. Yeah. That's funny. Sometimes I'll put if there's no clean glasses or if the dishwasher's on or whatever

I'll if I'm taking like my supplements or whatever I'll use a cup and mug with water. That's weird. Yeah. Weird.

Welcome to The Vault with Fine and Child. This is a safe space where we talk all things life and money and no topics are off limits. Hello. Good morning. Hello. How are we doing today? We're good. We're good.

We're going to a funeral. Oh, I thought that was real. Nope. She's all in black. She's taken my... I'm in black in the summer, black in the winter. I've taken my trophies there. All in black. I've my i mean black in the summer black in the winter taken my uh trophy as the all in black i've been i'm here for it i wore um holly says brown's my color actually i don't have any other brown but i wore a dress on morning live and she was like

that's really good dress and it was actually 35 pounds from marx and spencer's but i've worn it a couple of times but it did prompt me you were like what did you say i think you suit sludge i think it was my mom she was like you need your colors doing you're like what did you say I think you suit sludge I think it was my mum she was like you need your colours doing you're like when you colour like

when they put like the neck and the head but she said I think you suit sludgy I think she meant like forest green brown

blah blah blah I've bought a burgundy dress and the navy's not in that but dark but I'm suit I like dark and they're like on the show

they're like bright so I have to buy bright things and then I only ever wear them yeah well actually I finally wore brown and Holly was like oh my god that looked good and I was like okay because you can't really a color really color black and white don't look helpful on camera like the lights can play around with them and stuff and so you generally that's why if you watch tv you won't actually see people i'm never going on tv then end of my end of my potential tv career yeah you can't wear black well i'm not coming yeah okay i've got a controversial opinion cutting out buying coffees will not make you rich oh do you remember that i felt this was very like covid times this message of like all like this is like all of the boomers

boomers saying are these kids these days having avocado toast yeah and now they're eating avocado on toast I read something

that avocado because it's fallen out of favour avocado farms are struggling why because it was a because it was a it was more of a

no you can't get a ripe one that's why I always think that like can't get a ripe one were you eating avocados like when you guys were 20

no like why isn't that so weird that food's like can you imagine having an avocado no

although I can now like because it's been made trendy my nanny's like goal in life is to like have an avocado and it's so funny

she sends me messages being like I'm trying it she sends me pictures of it on like on Rybita and I'm like nanny you need to mash it on like on Rybita and I'm like Nanny you need to

mash it up a bit she's trying her best it is a weird texture the avocados were nice I think they got mass produced because everyone

liked them and they're rubbish like I've not enjoyed them in a long time well they're ripe and ready they're not no

they're not isn't that so weird though that like food even foods can be like trend yeah

and same with like gin like I feel like gin had like food, even foods can be like trend. Yeah. And same with like gin. Like I feel like gin had like a re-brand. It went from like pirate drink to like cool. That's rum.

That's rum, yeah. That was from Pirates of the Caribbean, sorry. But it was actually like a classic pirate. It was a poor person's London drink. Like it was gin.

Yeah, like it wasn't a good image. London gin gin it wasn't a good image London gin it wasn't a good image it wasn't aesthetic it wasn't until someone was like I know

like what's next well do you know Sarah Blakely that owns Spanx her husband started pickles as in

he was like there's one he was like you either come up with a new idea or you disrupt an existing one and make it trendy make it fashionable make it viral he was like one thing one he was like you either come up with a new idea or you disrupt an existing one and make it trendy

make it fashionable make it viral he was like one thing that's not been touched is pickles it's like it's massive in America

yeah like they sell they sell like hotcakes they're just a thing that's just constantly being sold and he was like

so you disrupt that market and you make your brand there's demand it's like you don't need to generate demand

it's already there but you can stand out because they're all so boring they're like really old brands that have done it for years and years so they're just taking everyone's cash yeah it's just like the packaging standard they'll just anyone will pick any and he's like just put an amazing aesthetic like sticker on make it trendy make it cool he was like you'll you'll fly and i was like oh so true because of a trend yeah and jim was the same it was like like you said didn't really get marketed very well really what's next like what's gonna yeah what's like I'm not telling you I'm gonna go home and look in my cupboard maybe yeah but the thing with the coffee is I have literally two really weird opposing views on it

on the one hand I'm big on let's not obsess over the small yeah so someone will get a finance car and put money down the drain give a load of money to the finance company and over here go I'm not gonna have coffees because I'm gonna save up and um I'm on a budget and they make like said 10 quid decisions instead of 10 grand and, you know, 100 grand decisions. And, you know, increasing a percentage into your pension and starting a pension has a six-figure consequence, possibly a seven-figure consequence. But you're over here messing around with cutting a coffee out. And so I'm a big believer in that. The flip side is so much is about social media and aesthetic and you

see influencers going for coffee coffee's content so a nice coffee at home better financially but the fact that you could have got you know coffee machines at home even people that don't really like coffee have them and get them yeah um but at least they're a better alternative to four pound five pound for a minimum for like a bougie one yeah starting price just as part of your day not for the treat and i think that's the danger that you see a lot of influencers with the iced coffee and the gales and the blank street coffee and and you know that's a that's a photo for them it's a photo opportunity. It's something to do, to put on there.

You get that yourself every day. You're just on your commute. I can see how actually... It's just a waste. That could be £30 a week, £6 a day, £30 a week, £120 a month on coffee. Times it by 12 months. What's that? Well over a grand on a coffee when you could have had it

on something that didn't move the needle so like even doing it once in the week is like what 200 quid a year 250 that's not like

that's okay but it's for me it's the mindless I actually am not even connecting with this coffee no yeah I just need it yeah

I've got to have one one before work one during work with a cake and it's the gateway thing isn't, that we talk about all the time. It's now normal to buy coffee. Instead, pick the one day a week that you're going to treat yourself, romanticize it, take time to drink it.

Like I've sometimes bought a coffee and I've let it even go cold. And you're like, grr. Because I've been doing some work and I've answered a call and suddenly I was like, that wasn't special. It was £4.25 of rubbish. Yeah. all of a sudden I was like that wasn't special it was more than 25 of rubbish yeah so I do that if I'm like most mornings

I'll go for a little stroll before work or if I've not been to the gym and I'm like if I really don't want to go I'm like you can get yourself

a coffee and I wouldn't do that I wouldn't do that every day like it's probably happened once a week but gets you out and I'm like

I can go and get a little gales yeah I'm gonna let myself but it's not like every morning I go to gales I get a pastry get a little Gales yeah I'm gonna let myself but it's not like every morning I go to Gales no

I get a pastry on the way to somewhere yeah so then at lunchtime I literally walk to Gales and walk home yeah to go and get

but then it's the people that then go and then I won't prep lunch and then I'll have three takeaways a week like it can just creep creep

it's that lifestyle creep piece yeah I mean stuff's expensive the not prepping lunches is another one that can really add up. I was so shocked. I get really shocked now what food costs, like takeaway convenience food. Yeah, when you work from home or you work in an office and food prep,

when you've forgotten it or something's happened and you're like, a jacket of potatoes, like £6 something. People do this every day. I know. When we went to the office and we joked about soup before, but it's a really good price. It's something like £2.50 and it's a good portion of soup

and it's unlimited bread. By the way, you could definitely go and refill that soup. There she is. Don't tell anyone. But next to it is the salad station of which has got smaller in size, smaller in the proteins. You used to get a chicken breast.

You now get definitely half of chicken breast. We're like obsessed with the downfall of the salad station. I think it's because it was so good at first. It was a really big tub. And it was big, chunky fetter. And it's, I think, eight quid, maybe seven quid. I had it the other day. It was actually really good.

But it's not consistent. No was actually really good. Just saying. But it's not consistent? No, it's not. You can't. You're spending that and you can't hang out in it. You can't hang out in it. No.

Will it be good? Will it not? But then like, Teddy likes KFC, doesn't he? That's his treat. If he's been really good at football.

Sometimes he comes with us travelling to go watch my eldest play rugby, which usually involves rinsing my dad for a takeaway for the kids on the way home and so it pops up trish but it's not him um and it's kfc and i'm like thank god they're in his car because i saw how much a meal from kfc if you go do you want to go large no do you want these on the side no thank you just the meals where the village park is next to green arches so the kids were always like can we get a gingerbread can we get this the other day i was like yeah come on

we'll all go and get one and we literally spent like three quid on some gingerbreads for some of the kids that we all everyone does it all the parents like chuck it wasn't just us but so the other day all the kids were on the park like can i have a green arches i was like no i'm gonna walk you over to saint jerry's we're gonna get a multi-pack of cookies no yeah didn't want it got a multi-pack of donuts or whatever because I was like two pound multi-pack of donuts or two pound fifty per gingerbread that you're going to leave anyway or drop on the floor or whatever you do no so you just those little choices like you could do that every day but it would just when you listen to this pod we're like make sure you're thinking of the big decisions yeah the big big decisions you're like is your if you have savings are they sat not making money because that could pay for the

little spending over here just by making one decision and then automating it for the rest of the year are you investing for long term are you doing this people that pay 30 quid for the starbucks cups what like the human fight oh yeah the stanley's and everything literally oh god it's so it's like it's when you're buying into a brand as well yeah yeah yeah and you're loyal to it and you want to yeah i'm looking at you yeah i'm a girls girl you are a girls girl never i just never been to never been to one there's none in our life we live in a leafy village but not i'm thinking it's gonna open soon where. No, where you are. Oh, where we are.

Like infiltrate villages. No, it's not trending in a far village. I think Green Alch is next to the park. We're more Green Alchers than Gales. There is a Waterfields, which is a local family owned one. There was a Waterfields where I grew up as well. Oh, very northern all of us are. If you're listening to this podcast and you have no idea

what green alchies it's like Greggs but actually better yeah so much better I think not mass produced it's like small of this

I recently found out there's a female CEO of Greggs oh I do love Greggs they're doing very well there you go that explains it

who's Gregg who's Gregg right hit us with the dial Emma let's try and help someone now we've had a great time talking about greg food laura do you want to know my secret to wealth building sure go on it's about working smarter not harder basically be a copycat well as your older sister i can see how you would think that okay hear me out. The Trading 212 Pi feature kick-started my investing journey. Instead of handpicking my investment portfolio from scratch, which I found overwhelming and to be honest, I couldn't be bothered, I copied someone else's

portfolio straight over to mine. Now I can take all the credit for their hard work and feel like an investment pro. Just a side note, we handpick our partners based on products that we personally love. If you want to start investing without the hard work, Trading 212 is a great place to start. Head to the link in the podcast description to get started. Okay, paying double while building up sinking funds. That was a question mark. Hi ladies, I'm very new to the app but i've listened to the pod for a while and i'm so ready to get my money shit together i'm currently saving for my february 2025 wedding so i so i need to be patient as i know i'll have more access after this to get my debt down i currently pay

monthly for things that should be paid annually. Car tax, car insurance, gym membership, etc. I know that I need to look at the annual cost and split that sum monthly into a sinking fund to save up to pay it all in one go when it's due. However, how do I manage this while still currently paying it monthly? It almost feels like a double bill until I have enough saved to start paying it annually. P.S. I'm looking forward to being on this journey with you. Well, welcome. Hello.

Congratulations on the wedding. Yeah. She's right. You have to pay double. It's a double hit. Sinking funds. I think we spoke about this on the pod not so long ago.

Like, that dopamine hit is not going to come for a while. But when it does, I promise you it will be worth it. You are paying double for a little bit, aren't you? While you get them set up

and sorted. Yeah. You've got to put yourself, like, if you you're listening you're a seasoned sinking funder you'll forget that pain of the first one and so when you're doing your first budgets and you're building up these sinking funds so that you can take advantage of discounts pay them pay for things up front and get it paid once you've done it once um once you've built up that annual whilst you're paying your monthlies you've done it then and then you're saving up monthly for the annual um what have i seen people do a couple of things i've seen people not do it for all of them so if you really struggle into because some what i've

done with some people when we've looked at their budgets there's not the room to do both there's not the room to build up emergency savings and pay for some of these things annually and so we start small and you pick a couple like things like you know your tv lessons or your road tax or it's a small amount of money and maybe your home insurance and you start to make a dent in it and you accept that like the bigger ones like the car one just has to weigh meaty these days aren't they like it's not it's expensive. Not to be sniffed out to get an annual sinking fund for your car insurance. So what I would do and what I've seen work really well is pick some that you're going to do that for.

It practices your sinking funds. You don't build up sinking funds for like your home maintenance or your car maintenance and you focus on the emergency fund. If you can build that emergency fund, it then can cover you for any emergencies that some sinking funds would typically help with. And then you move on to overpaying your debt. When you can pay off some debt, you're going to get room in the budget. This is the whole point of paying off debt is if you can snowball it and you can overpay one of them, that minimum payment goes to save you overpay your phone. And suddenly you're not paying monthly for

your phone just the contract you're not paying for the actual device that might save you 20 pounds in a month 25 pounds that can go towards the sinking funding and also you might be able to pay a credit card and then suddenly that credit card monthly payment has gone like snowballing your sinking funds isn't it it is a little bit so starting starting small obviously and that's why if if you build up your sinking funds you are having less excess to overpay the debt and it's balancing both because you don't want to have no sinking funds and just overpay debt because when these payments come around you're missing out on these discounts by paying up front and it makes you feel really good and we about how things feel. So this is what's good every month. Keep an eye on it.

How's the sinking been doing? Some people have the big ones coming up soon and sometimes it's easier to go, I'm not doing it this time, but I'll start it once I've paid, once I've signed up for it. Get it out of the way. I'll do it next. So she's not wrong. It does hurt that double.

Some people as well at the end of the month when they've budgeted, they've happened to find some excess somewhere as well and some people go so i'm going to fill up my yeah i don't know my car insurance the meaty one the one that's like difficult to do because it is it's expensive yeah i could get like a refund couldn't they or a gift if money comes in and they've got an emergency fund and the next thing is that's coming up that payment they might just put it in there i've seen people do that with like sweep some that where they um overriderides sinking funds as well so i've done that before i've gone i think we're going to spend this much on entertainment fun money in our budget this month and we haven't so and i've gone do you know what groceries are really expensive this month so i'm going to just

top that up a little bit you can find you just can do that all the time yeah i do i do move sinking funds around especially when you've got it quite visual in like it yeah in the app you've just got that flexibility to move stuff around you don't have to be a stickler on stuff but once you've done it once so like I said it might be that tackle some of them um rather than all of them once your wedding's out the way that's a big expense that's gonna like free your mind up from like life admin and management as well but i'm sorry no magic wand for that one once you do it once you'll feel amazing it's worth it in the end okay i've actually got a follow-up oh from my dilemma oh from okay okay i just wanted to follow up from my dilemma which was discussed on episode 26 i was the lady who had over 80 000 pounds of debt and whose husband announced he also had

additional debts i didn't know about i remember did he have a business i think so i think he had a bit i remember this one i remember it was such a big number and we were like you will break it down and yeah yeah okay so i need to go back and listen to that one now i really wanted to send in an update on the progress we've made in the six months since. We now have an emergency fund. Yes, we've had to use it, but we haven't added to our debts. We've totally overhauled our budget following on from difficult conversations. We realised that the way we were tracking our money just wasn't working. We went through every single line and my husband is now totally on board.

It turned out he just felt he didn't understand what was going on and felt like the split between us wasn't fair. We've addressed this now and have a money date night every month to discuss the monthly budget. We have paid off £16,000 of debt in six months. That's amazing. Oh my gosh. Honestly. This includes getting rid of the car and changing to a cheaper one. I can't believe the number and never thought we could do such amazing progress

in such a short amount of time. We still have approximately £70,000 of debt left to pay, but we are moving in the right direction. Sinking funds really do save lives. Timely. We've finally established sinking funds and it's transformed our spending. We have stripped back most social activities, agreed no holidays,

reduced drinking almost entirely and cutting subscriptions and beauty treatments. I've even started doing my own nails. Oh, are you? Yeah. To conclude, thank you so much for the advice and honesty in the original podcast response. It really was the push we needed. We've made loads of sacrifices and cut out all that we can and try to reflect honestly on what we actually need to have a good life we're desperate we're

desperate to clear the rest and claim back on nearly three thousand pounds a month we currently spend on debt so far we've got an extra six hundred pounds a month back in our budget from the items we've paid off thank you so much and we're finally looking forward to what next year will bring. Round of applause. If they can do 16 grand in six months, what are they going to do in two years? Because every debt that they start to pay off, more goes into... So that 16 grand is going to be 20-odd grand.

Yeah, they've got three grand a month that's going on payments and you can understand how more is going to... That's so exciting. And she sounds so happy. She's not like, and you can understand how more is gonna oh my god that's so exciting and she sounds so happy she's not like and it's miserable and it's hard of that first i remember that because it was a big number it was very somber wasn't it very scary for people you'd like even if you have good income even if kind of there's the stuff to go at any number but it was a big number and it can make some people go bankruptcy you know and just go oh you know not that's the easy way out but that there's no other way out and i just what a journey for her and her husband as well like this is therapy could be the

making of their relationship like that could money stress puts a lot of like marriages into divorce so good that they're on the right page the same page but you have to have that like come to jesus yeah oh hi for the non-practicing catholics in the room like just just they had to have that moment where this you you said this where it's like give me someone else's budget and i'll like i'll have a good go with it yeah tell me you can't do without and let me have a let me have a go at it and so sometimes people come to us and say and i've cut everything and we're doing what we can and it's like what's this gales acrylic nails and everything

with like beautiful hair color i'm like have you though new trainers but it is that moment where um someone recently actually said in the community that they you know we do it where when you get to routine you copy your budget over you just crack on but and you meant to do a new one every month but you still use that copy functionality but sometimes it's good to go through it all let's start at the top yeah someone said like i'm gonna do it from from scratch and i was like i'm gonna do it from scratch as well yeah but it's good it makes you go make sure you think everything yeah do we need to our entertainment budget pretty much stays quite similar every month and i'm like should you lower it yeah we do and every month there's always a little there's always leftover yes

oh we've done so much but the fact that you do it together he obviously then shared with her that he felt like he didn't know what was going on and he felt that they weren't paying fair amounts and actually what then happens in the relationship is we never want resentment to build up it's the biggest biggest thing you know we've joked with you about this with like when Alex buys a pair of trainers and I think you know it's when there's resentment like you when you feel someone's getting more getting short changed yeah just like

and we're big on women for that aren't we whereas this sounds like it was the other way around a little bit whereas we're like make sure you're not paying as much as him

make sure the budget's fair you know if he's getting paid more just do the way around it doesn't matter male female female female this is why combining

the management of money even if you don't actually combine the finances combining the management of it can really help because i've done some calls with people recently where it's like so he pays this and then i pay that and then she pays that and then it's like there's three people in that relationship but it's just like so none of you actually know what things cost and what you're actually paying so then you might both be feeling that you're being shortchanged we've talked about this before

where heating bills have gone up and if one of you in the relationship pays for heating bills and that's going up and up and up and they're having to

suck up that cost it could be someone's paying the food it's all right why do we constantly do the he pays for the mortgage

and I pay for the food does my head in bills are freaking expensive you're you're being played a fool because constantly do the, he pays for the mortgage and I pay for the mortgage. Does my head in. Bills are fricking expensive. You're being played a fool because energy goes up, food goes up, everything gets squeezed and that person,

the mortgage probably says, really might not change. They know what they're going to pay. It's on a fixed term. They know what they're going to pay. And also, can we talk about how sometimes if you're not married,

if you are not, then if something doesn't work out later and you've been paying for food and they're paying off the mortgage you can't be like i contributed to the household and it's like oh no but you didn't you got another card out of it you got another right it wasn't even absolutely rubbish but also you know that all that um he may feel short-changed and she goes oh do you want to try to do the house to shop then and then he goes the life admin and it's expensive like if you think that food's cheap and i'm paying for the bills but it's like it swings around about and that's why transparency around what things cost

and i believe in any relationship where you've been together longer than a year and you live together it's really important about living together even if you don't combine finances just put the money in at the top and like theoretically theoretically yeah add it all our household income comes to this yeah combine your combine the management of your finances because it'll really test out whether you're going to work out with this person long term about whether we can say if you can't manage your money after a year being together yeah how are you going to do anything else bigger like buy you know trust that you can buy a home with someone trust that you maybe even have um children in the future with someone yeah it's like it's it's such a good connection i just feel like you have a lot of empathy with your partner

when you plan goals together as well and the fact and how are we gonna get there yeah paying off debt together must be really exciting i need to listen to that episode back because i hope we didn't say breakup leave him dump him red flag I don't think it sounds good I think they wondered whether I think bankruptcy got brought up so I will listen back to it

I'm really excited to see the fact that they've made that progress because the exciting time then is when this debt's gone yeah you've already got three grand that goes to that what are you going to do?

there needs to be a plan because you just don't want to go I don't think you will because this is a such a big journey that you're on i can't foresee you going back into debt but what are you going to do with it like what's the can we have like a quarterly follow-up yeah yeah um invested yeah in this outcome now amazing love that on that note if we if you've ever sent a dilemma in, please send us a follow up to thevaultatfinancial.com because we're nosy. We want relationships so we're broken up.

Leave him. He's no good for you. He's taking advantage of you. And if you're the partner of someone. Sorry. Okay, listeners. I've got a controversial money opinion from our friends at pension bay pensions can be sexy yes you heard us right pensions can be sexy laura holly disagree agree

i oh my god i agree 100 i think so many people reach out to us they ask how they can start their investing journey but spoiler alert if you invest into a pension, you're already an investor. And if you aren't investing into a pension, our question would be, why not? With PensionBee's website and app, they make it simple for customers to combine their old pension pots, contribute flexibly, and withdraw their pension money all in one place. You even get your own dedicated UK-based beekeeper, which is like an account manager to support you every step of the way i personally have been a pension bee customer for years and i wouldn't be so buzzing about my pension without them get it yeah we get it you love talking about pensions

and pension bee download the app today to get started or head to pensionbee.com for more information and remember when investing your capital is at risk. Okay time for the next dilemma which actually leads on nicely. Me and my husband had very different money upbringings. My husband and I grew up in very different socio-economic households and this is starting to show with planning for our future. He grew up with very limited money in a single parent household and never thought he would own a home or have the disposable income he does. I grew up in a very upper middle class family and I know I was lucky. However, we both view where we should be financially very different. He has made it and he has more than he thought he would, but I feel I'm not even close. I know

times have changed and the cost of living is different, but how do I manage this conversation as I find I get very emotional about it? Oh, this is a good one, but I can't, I want a bit more information because I don't know where they are in their life and where she thinks they should be.

Like I'm thinking that he's kicking back. They've got the house, they're like just doing good. Like they're surfing. Yeah, yeah. And she wants to kick it up a notch because that's what

she's been used to yeah and he's like how are we going to grow this this is amazing we're doing really well this is a promised land yeah

oh I have so much sympathy with this there's a massive fear of when you don't come from a lot that it's going to be taken yeah like that

so the fact that he feels good about money you really have to respect that because if he's come from a place where it could be gone at any moment or there just was never any money, you have to let him have a bit. You have to give a bit.

That feeling of security must feel so good for him. Let him bask in it for a little bit is what I would say. Yeah, and let him enjoy spending a little bit. You know, that might also be an issue. She's not shared that. It might be a bit alien to him to spend. That it's not a waste.

Yes. Like that you can invest in spending. You can spend on... Treat yourself. You can treat yourself also be an issue she's not sharing that to him to spend that that it's not a waste yes like that you can invest in spending you can spend yourself treat yourself and the walls don't all fall down and it's it's interesting because this is where times like times a bit of a healer with stuff like this because the longer that you are someone with savings and with a comfortable life and with a comfortable house the more that becomes the norm yeah and you retrain your brain a little bit um i've said this to friends before when we've talked about some people really want to keep lots of money in cash they could not invest and we've had someone on the pod before

that's like 60 grand in savings and we were like and we're not even hiring that some of them and it's because the fear of that going or or going down mentally is just too hard for them to handle and it's kind of like if you like that then stick with that and the longer that you get used to that you then can start going okay I might try other things that you know as we know investing typically will provide a better return over the long term as history tells us obviously we know that there's risk in that but there's also risk in holding money in cash because if you are not making more than inflation basically the money's going backwards and so this is about gentle baby steps and nudging forward into things that can advance your wealth advance your financial

well-being without feeling like you're pushing someone or pulling someone kicking and screaming don't want to do that and And I think you're right. Small and steady. And I just think like it could be an education thing as well. Yeah. Like go through together. Like you might already know all of these things. But I think going through it together.

Yeah. Going on that journey together. Shall we? What do you think? I want to learn more about. Imagine this feeling of security you have now. Yeah. Like imagine that times 10.

Yeah. True long term financial financial planning like whether that's like do some goals yourself and have a little research or whether it is going to be a financial planner like a lot of them a lot of independent financial advisors will give free check-in sessions 30-minute sessions and so if there's nothing wrong with looking forward and going okay what what does life look like you know and how does that get funded and so what changes can we make now even if it's just the education piece you don't have to actually do anything but because we've all working in this business of all our financial education has

increased over time like it's not a condescending thing to be like oh wouldn't it be good for us to learn more about what we can do with our money like we're in a really good place now imagine if we wanted kids in the future or we wanted to i don't know start our own business or whatever it might be like shall we start learning a little bit about it because when you learn you feel a bit more confident so instead of going let's deploy or access money into investments someone might real they might be like absolutely not like you say there's a fear of it going being frivolous like let's just stay safe you can just stay safe forever I think go through the money playbook because it seems like they've got to

the end of build yeah and he's like I'm done checked out yeah feet up that's me done yeah because it could be really passive I think Carl could be like that you know he has he's someone who's always been good with money right but he's never been into investing so he was so good with money I mean he bought a house without telling his parents oh my god on the day he moved out I think it was like 19 about the friend that's like that's very tall mother you know you're like I'm moving out today well you know I i i believe it was connected to he'd got um a small small small inheritance and bought a car with it right and then sold the car and used that as the funds for a house deposit so super like you know we come from working class backgrounds where like

home ownership is the ultimate right that is you're good with your money that is the fact that he did that at 19 is iconic it really is. And it was like this point where that was it for him mentally in his financial education. If someone... So guess I'll retire now. But it was kind of, there isn't anything next. No, yeah, what else? Because no one taught us about it.

So if someone in his life had been like, oh, also, if you could put this here. It's a hack. Interestingly, when we were when we we combined it we did the pension be like pension come when combined his pensions and when got one from a job that had it like like 1920 because he didn't even go to university and in true actual cavalier male like probably way he had put it in a super risky place like it was in a pension but he'd picked um tech funds so it done really well because it was still a millionaire it was

still like it wasn't solo apple stock so it's not quite a millionaire but this like tiny job they had on a tiny wage actually more call i was looking at where it was and it had been put in tech and he'd been put in high risk because at the time he was 20 so Laura was like hi Carl hey Carl hey Carl looking really good we were long together then and I was like and he didn't he had not even realized it was just at the time I can imagine the conversation Laura opening like this is performed really well look at this letter Carl did you do this oh like I said it wasn't high in value value but it was high in percent because but this is the point like he'd made that decision but no one then had told him that and so the reason I'm sharing that about the house thing was that was it there was nothing else and so for him I have to that's why I love that we do our net worth every month yeah because he needs to see if I didn't do

that what would happen is he wouldn't really be interested in overpaying the mortgage and he wouldn't really be interested in investing he likes to stay for holidays and have emergency savings they're his favorite thing travel and money in the bank so I have to nudge him and then there's the months where you see it go up and go down any any but mainly that goes up he goes oh my god thank god we do this like thank god these but because he's got you've got an emergency fund in place and because you've got a good budget you've got an idea what's going on it's okay if it goes back yeah it's not a panic situation i think for me slowly slowly catch your monkey is the way i would go about it you don't have to be condescending

you don't have to be like forcing kicking and scream but you can be like wouldn't it be fun because we're in this really good place there's always like what could be the next thing we could do should we start to think about investing not like we're going to invest and we're going to do this everything that we've got we're going to yeah like like the mum we're all on a diet the family's on a diet and then you're all like yeah and you know say pick some goals so you need something next when you're in grow you need to know what you're doing and sometimes it's automating some of those and a decision every time puts extra risk on you so if you get to the point when you're in grow in the playbook like you said run through the money

playbook um we like to see you investing a minimum of 15 of your gross income into um retirement and other investments and so have a look at where you're at on that scale so the first decision might just be kicking that up a little bit it might also be actually we'd really like to overpay our mortgage look at your excess and put a little bit. It might also be actually we'd really like to overpay our mortgage. Look at your excess and put a little bit in that. Like it's what sometimes make a decision once and automate it for 12 months. And give options.

Like would you be more, like if you're not bothered, but you know you want to do something, you can be like, do you want to pay off the mortgage, overpay the mortgage, or shall we start to invest, or shall we look at our particular retirement funds? And you might do nothing for six months. You might just stay as you are, but plan it. Play this podcast in the background.

Oh, exciting though. Well done. What a lovely place to be. Yeah. Okay. That is all for this episode. The Vault is now closed. And just a quick disclaimer,

The Vault is just a chat or a life and money topic and we are not giving financial advice.