The Vault with Financielle - UNLOCKED: The Secret To Managing Money As A Couple

Episode Date: December 23, 2024

Send us a text💸 Welcome to The Vault Unlocked – a special bonus series of The Vault Podcast, where we deep dive into the big money topics no one wants to talk about.Money is one of the biggest reasons couples argue—and even break up. But what if it didn’t have to be that way? What if managing money could bring you closer?In this episode of The Vault Unlocked, we’re diving into:- The top money challenges couples face—and why so many feel financially incompatible- How money date nights can transform your finances and your relationship- A real-life story from a couple who went from clashing over money to finally feeling in control- Simple steps to start your own money date night routine and tackle financial goals as a teamThis is your guide to turning money from a source of stress into a powerful tool for connection. ❤️💬 Have a topic you’d love us to unlock next? Email us at [e-mail]👉 Subscribe to Financielle for honest conversations about money, and let’s rewrite your money story together.The Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

Welcome to The Vault Unlocked, where I take a deep dive into money topics that no one wants to talk about. And actually in lots of households, no one wants to talk about this. No one wants to talk about money. Money can cause so many arguments, so many stresses. Sometimes it's like stress between you both and there's arguing if you're in a couple and you're arguing about money. And sometimes it's private stresses where you want to raise something or mention something. And this is like elephant in the room. So we're going to be talking about the concept of money date night. You know, the key to managing money together. Now, this is for everyone.

So if you do not have a partner right now, you should be listening because money date night can also be with yourself. It can also be with a friend It can also be with a friend. It could be with a family member. It's about intention, about where your money is going, what your goals are. And the extra issue is when you're in a couple, this is doubly hard because you have two different money personalities. It's hard enough if we know a little bit about our money personality when you throw someone else's personality into that you know we already have different views on you know cleaning and food and shopping and tastes in sport or not sport you know like we already have lots of variables in personality and throw in you know we manage money every single day throw that

in there you can really see how you know it's a massive cause of breakups between people the breakdown of marriages and so if you are in a couple that manages money really well I hope that you align with what I say but the stuff that you can kind of pick up and and use and we'll share like some success stories from the community and from ourselves and if you are not in a great place with your partner when it comes to money or just generally, you know, I hope this might be the little bit of the lifeline or the encouragement that you're not going to be in a great place with this person if you're not aligning on what is just such a fundamental issue.

And like I said, for those people not in a relationship, enjoy the quiet, enjoy the peace that comes with the idea that one you can kind of get yourself in an amazing place to manage money but secondly you know when and if you do start a relationship you can be prepared and I'm not saying that on the first date you should say how much do you earn how do you manage your money do you use credit um would you like to travel maybe travel but like you know what are you, what are your life goals? What are your career aspirations? I feel like slowly does it, but you definitely early on in the dating process should get a feel for how your potential partner manages money because it'll just bring a whole load of heartache later if you can't get on the same page. So that's what we're going to lean into today. Let's dive in. We're going to look at how couples can navigate many challenges together. And the solution really is simpler than you may think. So firstly, we're going to open with some stats. I know you like the knowledge bombs that we gather and you can kind of use to build your own views on. 62% of couples reported that

disagreements about money are their most frequent conflicts. So the majority of couples said that the thing that they argue about the most is money. 33% of couples feel they are financially incompatible. Now that might be for a number of reasons. It might be quite a difference in earning. There could be a real high earner and a real low earner or a real no earner and a high earner, depending on the situation in the family. But it could also be spending habits. It could be one's a spender, one's a saver,

one's frugal, one's indulgent, different tastes of things, just different values when it comes to money. And 70% of millennials report that money is the leading cause of stress in their relationships. We talk about this often, but given the environment that people are in right now, especially like i'm a millennial so i'm going to say we when you're navigating you know potential parenthood or parenthood buying homes like the ratio of earnings to home prices is just crazy um just the general cost of living the student loan the pension's not being as good as they were just like loads of stuff it's

like a it's uh what's it called like a melting pot melting pot i mean like a pressure cooker that's what i mean i got my um my appliances wrong it's a pressure cooker of a situation so you throw relationship dynamics into that it is no wonder that people have disagreements about money so i want you to come from this space that if you are that person and you don't think you and your partner see eye to eye, please be mindful of the situation that we're in and how difficult it is. And because if you can come at this with a real perspective, like an empathetic perspective, like really trying to understand the other person's point of view. Again, I said this is like therapy. It really, really is you're gonna have the best chance of making this work because if that's what you want to do then that's what you have to do another caveat to this is if you are new to financial or if you are

super geeky on your financial journey and you're going super intense please be mindful that your partner may not have read all the blogs you've read listened to the podcast you've listened to um been in the community made the changes so you could be kind of making quite i don't know rash decisions financially because i did that definitely like okay i'm stopping this okay i'm stopping this okay we're not doing that uh we're not going to go um to the football anymore oh sky's going I've cancelled it because we're on a budget I love the enthusiasm but I think remember they haven't been on the journey you've been on I think especially as women men and women listen to this and you're all my favorites but women

tend to think about things a lot in their head when I when I speak to couples about this the woman is typically um this is the same in same sex relationships actually it's just usually a woman that starts this off is thinking about it in the head over and over and over again and then deciding to do something and um to you the person that's been thinking about it for a long time like we've been thinking about this for a long time but to the person that this is new for it's kind of like hang on when like where does this come from you're suddenly doing making these rash decisions and so I think it's

definitely women have thought about things and we've like created them in our mind and we've had a good plan and then we deploy the plan and it can shock people so this is a caveat we I am going to do an episode I think this one this one would be good to share with a partner, but we might do one which is like, send this to your partner because they'll explain why you're being crazy about money. So these are some of the most common struggles that couples have when it comes to managing money. One of them is often one partner feels like they're doing the financial heavy lifting. This might be in terms of responsibility for earning for the family and providing for the family and that provides its own complications and weights. It could be though someone doing like the decision making which usually flips again to the woman so it's usually a scenario

one person in relationship will take the role of doing the budgets or doing the spending making the decisions about okay this month are we going to buy the kids school shoes or are we going to do the holiday or are we going to do this activity and oh it's someone's birthday oh it's your mother's birthday oh I'll get your mother's person oh shall we do that and like that is like the mental load of the person that takes on the admin should not be underestimated and this can kind of build up sometimes a resentment you know especially when unfortunately we point out to people we go you're doing all this work unpaid work managing the money and so that can be a leading cause of a struggle. Another one is you know communication

breakdowns about saving or spending or goals so you know money is precious to lots of us and the idea that money will be taken out of savings to go do a particular thing that may not have been discussed, whether it's an impulsive thing or whether it's like, you know, or whether it's a sensible thing, just the idea that spending and saving decisions, there's a breakdown of communication. You know, you might think we're on a saving, saving streak and a focus to do something. then you you know your wife in the corners kind of then suddenly decided we're getting a new dinner set or suddenly decided um that everyone needs new coats and they might need new coats they might not need new coats but there was a

decision over here and then it comes over here so that's another you know very typical struggle and the final one is you know a disconnection due to priorities I feel like it's really hard to meet in the middle and it's really hard to you can't have everything at the same time and so having having those debates or even arguments about what's more important must be really difficult because we want what we want and but it's like anything it's not just money that you know this this happens in relationships all the time we have to think about it so this is the kind of challenges that couples are facing when they're having to try and manage money so this is why a money date night or the

concept of money date night really can help people to achieve success in life as well as money and financially but in life they're going to feel better which means their marriages or their relationships are going to be better they're going to feel independent enough that they don't rely on the other person, but they're going to feel safe enough that they can build a budget and build finances with another person. And in fact, we saw that couples with shared financial goals report higher satisfaction in their relationships, with 87% of these couples say they're content in their marriage. That is absolutely skewing how content most people are in marriages. We've seen about the breakdowns and we've talked about that and the breakdown of marriages, but the fact that people with shared financial goals,

doesn't say shared finances, it just says shared financial goals, feel more content. And I just, every time I've seen this from financial users and in the community I can attest to it I've seen firsthand how close and happy people are when they're aligned financially and I've seen when people come through this process and do money date nights how they grow together um if they were kind of a bit far apart on this issue prior right so what the hell is a money date night? We're ready. I've convinced you, I've convinced you and your partner to put aside this time and take on a money date night. And it's what I said at the beginning, it's really a time for couples to

align on money goals. It's a time for them to reflect on their current situation. Like I don't think we need to do a performance review and we could do, I mean, be creative, let us know what you do, but you know, have a little reflect on how you've managed money so far, how your money goals have gone so far, how tough the year has been, how amazing the year has been. Like I said, this end of year and doing a money date night between now and the end of the year if you're listening to this like fairly live or fairly in the next week it's it's come out it's a great time to do it but but September is also a great time to do it June is a great time to do it but it can really help you reflect on one on what's been you can also use this as an opportunity to have those conversations that you may have been

putting off you know building up the courage to say things like I think I'm contributing too much to financially like I'm struggling I've not got a pension over here and I feel like we've been in this 50 50 thing can we have talk about it or it might be I do the food shop and I'm really struggling and you make me feel like I'm overspending but can can you do it with me can you see you know or I think you're spending too much money on bikes or triathlons or uh football or whatever the thing is um god I've really really skewed to the sport angle there sorry but that you know and I'm over here trying to make sure that we've we've got the basics and you're spending all this those kind of conversations the difficult ones it's a perfect time to have them at the um when you date night i

feel like i've seen a trend recently on tiktok which is we listen and we don't judge and it's where couples or like mother daughter or whatever make confessions to each other but you're not allowed to shout at the other person you have to say we listen and we don't judge and so maybe that's a tip to use it for money date night this is definitely about having that judgment free zone this open conversation you know your worries your stresses the things that you get excited about all those things and you really end up building trust around money and around each other because it's that safe space. It's got to feel like a super safe space to have a conversation. And they work because what happens is you have that alignment on goals and when we're going to hit them and what we've agreed to work on.

Because again, a big thing about financial is we want to work on one thing at a time. That's why the playbook works so well. People work through survive, build and grow. They don't jump. They don't skip steps. You kind of nail one thing. And it's the same with money goals. Like you can't do too many at once. You're just going to get overwhelmed.

It's just like any kind of goal. You'll definitely see stress reduction, especially when it comes to money. Because things are planned out. There's less tension because people have put cards on the table. There's less surprises. And you just definitely get a feel for what each other's priorities are again it really brings you closer together because I found that when the more money date nights Carl and I had I would preempt things that I knew would make him stressed so I'm gonna make it up but I think at one stage for example we used to have 75 pounds each in the fuel budget and when petrol prices came up when fuel prices went up we didn't

increase the budget and like we were just about this is a pathetic example but it's just showing that I knew it would get him stressed to not have enough in that pot and we had the money elsewhere but it was kind of I just never thought to move the pot i could tell he wasn't filling up our tanks if he'd do both or his i would foresee that and go i think we i think you'd feel better if that was higher and even though the budget was tight because we didn't like i said there was room for it but we had to move it from somewhere else i said to him i think we're a bit lax on um food and groceries and I do the food and grocery shops I was like I will move some money from that section to the fuel section even if we have a bit of a buffer because it'll make you feel better and so I felt

like that was something that was a caring thing from me again pathetic example but there will be bigger things like that where um you know when you're deciding to put money in different places or set certain goals um you have to be aware of how the other person's thinking and feeling so um carl for example i know early on when we were managing our money together investing really um stressed him him out he liked the pension investing it was the extra stuff that was like he wanted money in cash he wanted high savings and so for a period of time especially prior to starting financial and starting a business when I was in a much more secure role and a higher paid role actually we should have in my view been diverting more of our excess money into investing in stocks and shares ISAs but at the

same time I had to respect the fact that we were in you know maybe three to four years into our relationship and um and whilst that may seem a long time to some people actually we also navigated you know new babies and weddings and a house renovation so cash was flying out towards our goals and so once kind of all that had settled I felt that Carl needed time to build up those reserves even though we had some I still felt it and so the compromise for me is okay let's do that and by the way this is when there was no interest being made on any savers like it was a nightmare and I think because I did that he would have felt that I um you know leaned towards something that was more important to him and put my preference to one side to the point where then when he got kind of comfortable now he's the should we put any investments should we lean into that should we do that but it's

because he trusts me because I slowed stuff down for him and so if anything he's like the other way um but i think you'll find that there'll be something in your relationship or in your future relationship where you just have to be amenable to the character of the other person to the background you know any previous relationships they've had or any previous like money history they've had that could have impacted how they think and feel about money and just take it into consideration and I think that's true of lots of things not just money um so I may be preaching to the converted but I just wanted to show some money examples of how that can be so nice to do for each other okay um and then lastly do you know what makes you a team like it's a team it's a team

sport budgeting is a team sport it's not one person left to make all the decisions on their own and the other person from the back like backseat driving going like uh why are we doing that and why is that what's in the budget for um uh eating out like we need more than that well you weren't part of the decision so no no you couldn't part the decision it's a team sport and again we like our teammates we're on the same team so then let's get to planning the money date night lots of different variations to this when i asked people in the community like how they manage money date nights a little while back there were variations and i think there's people at different stages of their money journey so if you are a super frugal part of your journey because you've got high interest debt and

you've no emergency savings and basically the shit's hit the fan the last thing you need is a big extensive steak dinner to represent money date night and in fact sarah um who has an amazing instagram called the copper beach house she has she did a money date night and she filmed it and like kind of we did that a little bit with her and um the you know it was home aesthetic it was so beautiful there was like candles and a table and like a nice ambience and you know we'll sit down and do it together we'll get a glass of wine um the other extreme is like physically you know investing in a meal going getting a babysitter getting out the house if you have kids obviously

but go i'm pointing this way if you're on youtube because i'm pointing towards the restaurants in our village that's why i'm pointing that way we're gonna go there and we're gonna have a nice um nice drink and a beautiful meal and we're gonna value this meal this time is not spent on our phones or it's not talking about logistics or what we're doing next week it's like what are we doing what are us important to us and um what does our budgets look like you know and then you might get your phones out if you want to do your budget but i would recommend not doing the budget when you in the middle of the meal but maybe you come out and you read it and you do your budget after that but think about your location think about time again you need I feel like a there's a regular regularity to this like a bit of routine and so we do our budgets um at two different times which

is like weird the default one is evening we will do around 8 8 30 once we've got the kid little kids especially in bed and we'll get up at the kitchen island behind me here as you see we'll get up top I'll get a phone he'll get the phone I'll get the financial app up on my phone he'll get the banking app on his phone that's when we're doing the budgeting um but actually what we tend to do is come sit on the couch and chat about where we're up to first and then we'll move to the table and we'll kind of like do the actual budget because it's usually around budget night and so um the odd time we've done budgeting not connected to a money date night we'll do it in the morning before before the kids are waking up as the kids are waking up like kind of like in bed one person's getting dressed like we're coming back and forwards and it's still a team

effort um so but it's not after morning because the kid like especially the little one he is just on it from first thing in the morning. So that was more when he was a bit of a baby. It's changing. So we like the evening one. It needs to be that both of us have space. We're not on our phones doing other things. We're not working because we work often in evenings.

We're not doing logistics here and there. We're not too tired. Like sometimes we've let it slip and it's like nine, nine thirty i am oh my god i'm so tired then i am rubbish i cannot function i don't know how carl has this energy where like he's a morning person and he's a night person and sometimes i'll have to say to him i can't like i want to because you want to be so fully engaged so you're going to pick a regular time that works for both of you and it's in sync with both your both your routines um and you make it like a ritual and again we have that ritual where we kind of sit here might be glass of wine might

have a cup of tea and well then we go go on to the couch but it might be like a date a date night out but it's you know you might have a sunday morning walk where you do it you might go to a cafe for a coffee on a sunday and go do that whatever pick a routine make it a ritual and set the right mood so i talked about this just then but make sure there's no distractions try not to do it around children i don't mind them hearing about your budgeting that's cool we'll talk about that separately but just be all in listen to your partner let them be able to listen to you um you know no judgments no comments like set the scene and say like are we going to do it we'll both do it properly and you need like an agenda but without having like a list that you

follow but you can put this in your notes if you want to take them first but i think you start off a little bit like it's hard if it's your first one but a little bit about goals first like what are we working towards if you're doing the financial playbook we help you set those goals out and they will be structured in a way that might be oh we're saving our mini emergency fund at the moment aren't we yeah we want that because we want peace of mind we're going to ditch credit card debt together do we both agree are we both happy do we know why we want to ditch debt are we both happy with that okay that's the goal we're working towards at the moment it might be our next home that might be the thing that you're saving

towards and working towards and it may be children you know that's a big a big financial and on life goal but you have to plan for that for lots of different reasons but it might be i don't know like building up savings because one of you takes their job and you're going to support each other through that it might be navigating money in maternity leave it might be you want to buy an investment property you might want to start a business loads of different things start with the goals and throw goals onto the table because what you can do is just get all the goals out there and just order them you will have more than one of them but i think coming to an alignment on where you want to be needs to be at the head of the meeting at the top of the meeting because all decisions then fall from that and if this is your

first money date night the second thing you need to do is have a think about how you have been managing money previously so not pointing fingers but making sure you both knew what kind of wasn't going well no it might be that you just literally fall the end of your nose you didn't do any planning and kind of you know nothing happens nothing successful comes out of that um but it might be that you set really strict budgets and they were failing it might be that you're trying too many goals so have a little reflect on before if you if it's your second money date night or more or if you are managing and doing financial together um have a little think about how last month went like do we make progress it might be and Carl and I've done this before we sat down and gone okay so we said

we would overpay the mortgage by um a thousand pounds and did we hell like didn't we enjoy ourselves last month whoa didn't we enjoy those meals out didn't we bust the budget there um can you believe we needed four tires you know that's the sinking fun gone let you know we had to put money back in there have a we've done that where it's not all it's poking fun a little bit you know god we had one in july was it july end of july we we did a money date night in portugal because we booked a last minute holiday to portugal so the money date night started off with okay so we know our goals are to overpay mortgage finish off the emergency fund and overpay the mortgage and um how do we do well

we're here in portugal so we didn't do that did we and that's the kind of like fun that you can have with each other because again no judgments because both people made the decision to do the Portugal holiday and same same for any any other example as well so we're going to start on reflecting about how it went and then we then need to celebrate the wins where it went well you know we joke about stuff that didn't go well but also stuff that did go well so didn't do we do well we didn't do you deliver how amazing are we or we got to the end of the month with money left over we're ace like that is hard well done guys and so celebrate the wins um it's a good time to think about um your net worths now the net worth depends on when, how regularly you want money date nights and when they fall in line. I always fall in line with budget nights, really.

So what then happens is I do, we do our budgets on around the 25th of the month. So it's not right at the end of the month because that's kind of when payday is. It makes more sense. What that means is we do our net worths on around the third of the every month so we do one net worth in the financial app and we do it then because payments go out on the first it may or may not have hit it's i don't know why i picked a random date like the third but it means that any money's been moved around into savings into investments pension contributions have been made etc and so it's as long as it's the same time every month it doesn't really matter it's kind of like if you're

on a fitness journey and you're weighing yourself like try and pick the same day or you know the same scales or whatever like you just want a bit of consistency so um we do that and that's an extra bonus date night for us date moment money moment because we do the net worth together again i might make him do a sneaky video where we record us doing our net worth and have to decide whether we actually share figures or not because it is quite a personal thing isn't it but but actually showing how we do it and that's another moment for us to be like wow didn't do we do well so you could possibly incorporate chatting about your net worth together in the money date night um but if not use it as an extra bonus one and then lastly you

talk about what we want to achieve with the next budget even if you're not physically doing the budget there and then you know it that's you basically closing the loop so what did we do we um we we reflected on our goals and then after goals we looked at how we'd done rightly or wrongly good or bad we then reflected on our net worth and was like, where are we at? Are we moving in the right direction and strategically? So there's like the short-termism, what just happened? Then there was the strategic. And then we think about the next budget

and how we're gonna apply our excess towards the goals that we mentioned at the beginning. So you've got this lovely circular moment to the money date night. I do think they should be short-ish. I think 30 minutes max on the night is stretching it, but on the juicy stuff, maybe a little bit longer. But you don't want this to be like a meeting that drags on and you're kind of looking at the clock and going, how long, how much more are we talking about this? Like you need a finite period of time so then you can both switch off and get that fuzzy feeling about how well it has gone, hopefully.

And, you know, you can dream in your head and daydream and think about the next things you're going to do but you don't like go all intense for all that time and so that's like in nutshell in your notes you're going to do money date night and you're going to set the place set the time make it cozy make it routine make it judgment free you are then going to talk about your goals reflect on how money management had gone in the past like money cycle or just previously we've never done it before also thinking about your wins you're going to reflect on your net worth again head to the app for help if you want any help with net worth i really want you all to track your net worth we'll talk we'll cover it again separately um and then talk about your budget and where your excess cash is going to um this month and i think i wanted to tell you a story about a couple who I did a customer interview

with with a customer and she told me about her and her experience because I think it helps to I don't know like well I'll just stop talking I'll read it you can make your mind up so yeah for years this couple struggled with money. She had a tendency to overspend on clothes and consumer goods, whilst her husband's scarcity mindset really often led to clashes between them about budgeting. They frequently found themselves in their overdraft. They had very little control over their spending, especially on food. Their turning point began with a practical shift, meal planning. After using Gusto for four years and accumulating a collection of recipe cards they started grocery shopping at Asda reusing these cards for inspiration. This brought their food budget down to an average of £70 per week which drastically reduced their unnecessary food expenses. The couple also decided to take a deep dive into their finances so they sat down to do a budget together for the first time and there was resistance between them. The husband initially dismissed the exercise claiming he knew

his spending habits and it was her problem however when they reviewed the actual expenses looking at overspending he was way more aware of the problem and where the overspending was and it wasn't all her she suggested that um her husband tracked their spending so instead of like literally offloading the budgeting and the tracking of the actuals to him um to her sorry he would help and they agreed to sit down and do a monthly money date night to review their progress and with her husband taking this shared responsibility for the budget. And this completely collaborative approach made a significant difference. They are no longer in the overdraft at all, and they feel way more in control.

But this pivotal moment for them not only improved their money situation, but it brought them closer together. And when I asked about their advice for other couples who kind of been on this journey where they were really arguing about money and you're pointing fingers and they said we really recommend people take the time to plan communicate really openly safely but openly and give each other roles in managing money and so that shared responsibility means that, you know, you're sharing the decisions, you're sharing the mental load,

but you share the wins as well. And they said it's never too late to turn things around. And I just think that is a massive, like, light bulb moment for so many people. They can get aligned on money. It's amazing how many other things kind of are freed up. I think there's a couple of hurdles that you might come across so I'm going to go into some of them lightly now. One of the things is your money, my money, our money

and what we have found is when instead of talking about your money my money it's our plan so even if you don't actually combine your finances you don't have to pour all money into the same bank accounts I personally have a shared bank account and we both have our own bank accounts but that's just because we're rinsing the interest rates like other than that all our wages go into one account and all spending goes out we share children together we are married very very clean relationship where things aren't as clean and it is fine to have like a joint bills account as lots of people have but do the planning together um and being really mindful of um like budget contributions we've talked about so much on the vault before but 50 50 is the worst way unless you earn similar and if you truly are in it and we're talking like a longer term relationship of

one to two years plus like we're not talking like first weekend should we look at bill splits um but it's really being mindful that you're a partnership and you're a team and at different points different partners struggle financially struggle emotionally struggle health-wise and so if you can put all money in a pot mentally, even if you don't physically, you don't really look at my money and your money, you look at our plan. Also, I think I talked about this a little bit at the beginning, but if you're opposites, and so being mindful of that. So think about someone's mindset.

How are they coming at this? How are they thinking about it? One sees money as a tool to enjoy life. The other one might see it as a safety net and you just if you can meet in the middle you're gonna come a long way and sometimes financial is it means backing down a bit and being a bit more patient and being slower which we don't like i know we're all aggressive and quick and want to get going but just slowing because time was gonna pass anyway so if you make more change, lifestyle change little and more often

than all in and then it falls off the wagon, it's better. I think setting clear boundaries is a couple, I'm going to say it, if someone's an impulse spender, you're going to need a spending pot. You're going to need one and then you won't end up using it.

Again, something that we've talked about quite a bit, but you need the other person to be okay with you having a spending pot and it fits in the budget and it doesn't derail any other goals and then that's guilt-free spending and so there can't be comments like oh she's off again oh here he is again with a coffee no like let's just not take down our partner for what you might perceive as their weakness might be their little bit of joy as long as it doesn't derail the plan and it fits in the budget respect them and don't point fingers at them set boundaries about what we can joke about and what we can't

joke about. Another tip is to use tools to keep yourselves accountable and keep you both on track and again lots of couples share the financial app if they want to do the budget together but even just that will help you stay on track but if not you can get a piece of paper, you can get a book, you can do a spreadsheet, like anything to just keep you both accountable and then more importantly communicating regularly so if you're running a budget together you know keeping a track of your actuals making sure that you're staying on track for a budget making sure you're high-fiving and saying aren't we doing really well is super important because again this is a process and you're gonna be rinsing repeating every payday for the rest of the time that you're together so you may as well enjoy it and settle into it. I personally have found that money date nights can bring a couple together

I've seen it in my relationship but I've seen it in countless other relationships throughout financial people have you thanked us as a team and they shouldn't but thanked us for bringing them and their partner closer together also people that have been through quite toxic relationships and they're a single feel better prepared for if they go into a new relationship you know they can safely manage money with someone without putting themselves at risk and and there's so much content on the app in that and we can help on further on that but just this idea that it's okay to love again and to be close to someone and how but have your boundaries in place you can still manage money together and not kind of combine all this money and get yourself into a situation where you're particularly stressed. So this is this time between Christmas and New Year that you could put in a money date night.

You can set the date. You can set the scene. You can do all the things we've talked about today and let us know how you get on I want to see it on insta or in the app I want to see pictures of the date night I want to see what you thought about it what your partner thought about it what the outcomes were share because you could inspire someone else to also do the same thing now before I lock the vault as ever would love to hear more topics about what you'd like us to talk about. So please do email into hello at the vault dot com. Feel free to share this episode with other people that you think might find it helpful. It may even be your

significant other. Apologies if you're that significant other and you've got to the end and you're like, OK, right, I've got to do this now. But again, we might do something special for you at some point to explain this whole craziness that is the world of financial. And lastly, it's just a disclaimer, but The Vault Unlocked is just a chat around life and money. It is not financial advice.