The Vault with Financielle - We’re Saving for a House… But He’s in Denial About His Debt | The Vault Episode 66

Episode Date: May 28, 2025

Send us a text“We’re Saving for a House… But He’s in Denial About His Debt”“You shouldn’t talk about money at work” 👀 We unpack this controversial opinion in Episode 66 of The Vault, then dive into your dilemmas:💸 ”How much should I save for maternity leave?”💸 ”We're Saving for a House… but My Partner's in Denial About His Debt”Got a money win or (totally anonymous) dilemma? Share it via the Financielle app community or email [e-mail] 💌You’re not alone in figuring this stuff out. Get honest, helpful reads at financielle.com 💖💸 🐝Thanks to our partner PensionBee. They’re a leading online pension provider on a mission to build pension confidence so that you can enjoy a happy retirement.Pension saving is made simple with PensionBee - you can combine, contribute and withdraw online or from the palm of your hand with their easy-to-use app. Their retirement planning tools - like their Pension Calculator - blogs, videos and podcast - all aim to help you take control of your pension and build a better financial future.When investing, your capital is at risk.Get more out of your money by opening a high interest Cash ISA with Trading 212 here 💸When investing, your capital is at risk. Pies & Autoinvest is an execution-only service, not investment advice or portfolio management. Automatic investing refers to executing scheduled deposits. You are responsible for all investment and rebalancing decisions. This information is not investment advice. Do your own research.Chapters:00:00 Introduction00:46 Welcome to The Vault With Financial01:02 Discussing Money at Work05:18 The Importance of Financial Allies07:24 Controversial Money Opinions08:15 Planning for Maternity Leave18:48 Community Win: Paying Off a Car Loan20:04 Unexpected Car Expenses20:31 Nostalgia: Car Radios and CD PlThe Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

Oh hey, Laura here. I'm just starting off this episode of The Vault to tell you about the money playbook. I used to be terrible with money, designer shoes, fancy meals, all on credit. But everything changed when I realized I needed to take control of my money. That's why I created the money playbook, a step-by-step guide to help you take control of your money, ditch the overwhelm, and create a solid plan for your future self. With three stages, survive, build, and grow, the playbook walks you through everything from paying off debt to building wealth. Start your journey today by grabbing the money playbook for 25% off with the code VAULT.

Check out the link in the podcast description. I promise you won't look back. Now let's get to the episode. Welcome to the vault with finite child. This is a safe space where we talk all things life and money and no topics are off limits. Howdy. Hello. Happy vault day.

Yeah. I thought you were gonna say happy Valentine's day. I said that, I was like, oh my God, what day is it? Every day is Valentine's day with you guys, with you guys. Okay, I'm gonna go into today's controversial opinion. Good one for here. I've read the room. I love the silent giggle.

You shouldn't talk about money at work. Can't be involved out of a job. You shouldn't talk about money at work. No. I remember back in the day, it used to be such a taboo. Specifically, you were talking about money at work. No. I remember back in the day, it used to be such a taboo. Specifically, you were like warned to not discuss salaries with each other.

That was like the big thing at work. I remember people talking about. It still is. Yeah. And it's still, I don't know. It's a confidential thing, isn't it? Someone's. I get it.

You imagine if you're like, well, I get paid. Whereas I imagine. Everyone's around in the office. So, I don't know. And that's obviously why they don't want you to do it. You imagine if you're like, well, I get paid. Whereas I imagine- Everyone's a crowd around in the office. So, I don't know. And that's obviously why they don't want you to do it because there's like nuances of why people get paid and like experience how long you've been there, all those things.

But I imagine in like a sales environment, it's quite transparent to what people get paid, rightly or wrongly, if you're on like a minimum wage. You win a car. You win a car. You know how much. Or like sometimes I've been in offices and they've had like the're on like a minimum wage. You win a car. You win a car. You know how much. Or like sometimes I've been in offices and they've had like the commission on the board and stuff.

So it's very like in the sales environment. Yeah, transparent where if it's like a minimum wage job but you actually will earn a lot of, most of your salary on commission and it's open because they're trying to encourage people to get to the top of the leaderboard or see how much that person's earning and stuff. So yeah, I think it depends where you work.

For some people, like I always use like footballs as an example, the world knows how much to get paid. Like the transfer fee. The prime minister. Yeah. Some people's jobs, like it's truly transparent about how much you get paid and then people can make judgments on that and stuff.

So it's a bizarre one really. Yeah, that's salary. I guess the money chat's massive at work, like bills, mortgages, car payments, or energy. Have you switched it out? I love the idea that, and sometimes I wish I could come into all your offices and join the lunches, you know, just like lunch chat, shouting over computer screens if you sat at your desk having lunch, if you go into like the communal bit where you all have a bit of downtime, have chat. I wish I could be a fly on the wall. Power insurance.

How much do you pay, Sandra? Like, we've all been there. But it's hard, it's tough right now, isn't it? And people are probably having to chat finances more than ever before, but we definitely did. We would always be like, oh, you're missing a trick on this deal and you should be doing that.

And whereas, you know, if you're not in an office environment, it'd be really weird for you to talk money to yourself. Or like, again, over the Slack channel is probably not the place to talk money. It's like the family groups as well. It's the same. It's just that bond.

It is a bit of a bonding experience to talk about money, especially when, especially in COVID specifically, when people were worried about what was going to happen to the jobs or if you got a furlough, how long you've got it for, it kind of opened a kind of worm to people because there's a lot going on and you kind of have to come together and then came out of that into a cost of living crisis. So it's constantly been money is being talked about all the time. You can't shy away from it, whether it's influencers talking about like, get this bank account, start investing,

to friends talking about things like energy, car insurance, there was a time a few months ago where everyone was talking about it because it was just so expensive. Everything's more expensive, holidays are more expensive. So it's in our day-to-day life, so it would be really strange at work for you not to talk money,

but I just specifically remember it being like, you do not talk salary, which I get, because it just can create all sorts of trouble. But at the same time, I remember a few months ago on LinkedIn, a woman saying that she'd found out, and I think we've had it on a dilemma before, that a male colleague, she had much more experience than this person, but the male colleague

that had been hired knew the hiring manager and he got paid considerably more. I'm not sure, I can't remember how she found out about it. I think someone in her team that had her back, he was male as well, kind of said- Ally, tipped her off. She had an ally. So at the same time, I'm like,

sometimes you need to find out what's going on or go and find out what, I don't know, a competitor is paying the equivalent of your role just to see whether you're in the right benchmark and guidelines. But yeah, people get screwed, laugh, write, and send. So when they don't know, you've really got to educate yourself.

And it might not be asking people in your peers, but it might be going looking elsewhere. Don't you think for younger people that work from home, they're missing out on that kind of office camaraderie and knowledge and one of the information sharing ways of the world chats that happen at work. An ally that might be watching out for you that's like... I can imagine if there was a younger person working really hard getting paid a really shit wage and if you were there and you overhe overheard them, you go, what'd you take home?

Like, okay, that's ridiculous. Come under my wing and let me, you can be my new project. Or like Glinda like, make me a Taz Taz. I toss my hair then for people interested. But yeah, I do lots of those like allies, I've got you back. Don't like the word mentor. I'm not a fan of mentor life. It's been ruined. It has been ruined by a mentor you and not give you any funding. But those people that have kind of got you back and can help give you life experience. We've talked about it before, like the person in the office that might say,

how much are you putting in your pension? Like, make sure you don't be opting out, make sure you put more in. Or, you know, we're all going, shall we fix our energy or shall we not? If there was someone in your community at work that was like, obviously we're all fixing, go and do it, make sure you do it.

I just, those are my like good chat money at work stuff. I mean, listen, listen to this. We hopefully will be, we're those allies for you do it. Those are my good chat money at work stuff. I mean, listen to this. Hopefully we'll be, we're those allies for you as well. You don't have to get that physically from work, but there's definitely people in my career that have been really good money allies. And it's because we've talked openly about it. I've been vulnerable what we don't understand.

We have to go, oh, I have no idea about that. But if you're open to listening, must be harder if you're not in an office, I think. Hopefully our communities are a bit like you said, all this podcast or whatever it might be, can be a bit of a replacement for people where they can just be a bit vulnerable about money and ask. Yeah.

Yeah, for sure. It's a fault, literally. Okay, time for our first dilemma. Okay, listeners, I've got a controversial money opinion for you. Where you put your money won't have an impact on the world. What do we think, team? Is it important to have a say where we invest our funds?

100%, our money carries weight and power. For too long, women especially have been left out of the investment conversation. In 2025, we should feel empowered to put our money where our passions and interests are. People don't realize that you can have control of the investment conversation. In 2025, we should feel empowered to put our money where our passions and interests are. People don't realise that you can have control as to where your money is invested and that you can invest in a pension plan with purpose. I love the fact that with Pension B, I have control over what pension plan I invest in.

You can invest in plans that align with your values, whether it's their climate plan or their Sharia plan. There's something for everyone. Do you feel inspired to take control of where your money is invested? Download the app today to get started or head to pensionb.com forward slash UK for more information. And remember when investing your capital is at risk. How much should I save for maternity leave? I'm getting married this year and we're hoping to start a family soon after. We feel really fortunate to be planning our wedding without using credit. And right now we only have our mortgage, no other debt. My fiance is definitely

more financially minded. He has a range of investments through work and we've always been aligned when it comes to money. The plan is for me to work part-time once we're married and eventually when we have children. But my big question is how much should I put aside for maternity leave? My fiance is super supportive, but I really don't want the financial burden to fall entirely on him. I still want to be able to buy things for the baby, cover some of my own costs and contribute to date nights and the day-to-day life. So many of my friends have fallen into debt whilst on maternity leave and I really want to avoid that. Any tips for planning and preparing would mean so much right now.

Take it away. Yeah, maternity leave, I'm always like, I'll talk about maternity leave, because one thing, so you've got to get married. Very exciting, debt-free, fantastic. You have got, and you're already thinking about maternity leave and part-time, and making sure that you both kind of, no one's missing out financially. Couple of things you said,, I want to be able to buy things for the baby and I want to this,

that and the other. I would imagine the ideal situation when you get married might be to combine finances a little bit more because she's conscious that she wants to pay for things like money date night. Like it's not a badge of honor to be able to pay for those things. Like when you become a family unit, the ideal scenario in a financial situation would be to put everything in at the top together, no matter how much money you bring in from your part-time job. And two, we've not talked about things like pension

to make sure that she's not gonna fall behind because you will. Like if you go in part-time and you take maternity leave, that could be a considerable amount of time that you're not putting your contribution or your contribution has been lessened to go into your pension.

So they're the first things that come to mind. It sounds like you're great, like financially, and he's got his investment, so that will continue, but you arguably are going to fall behind. And I'm a little bit worried that you've maybe not thought so far ahead on that. Yeah, and it'll happen when you work part-time too. Like you said, we were always big advocates of combining the numbers and not the money.

So when you are, I mean, when you're married, like, as a joint anyway, and I do think so many, it's so controversial. It really is like people get very, very opinionated on what isn't right. We like sharing what we do. What, you know, we come from a family where our parents combined finances and it was a very clean family. And what I mean by that is there were no breakups and divorces and situations where there were big,

financially tough times. And so we privileged positioned and then we've both got married and we've done the same. And so far, touching any wood that we can touch, it has worked for us as well to fully combine finances where money gets paid into the same account. We always share transparently that we all have fuck off funds. All of us, all four people, me and Holly, Carl and Neil.

In high yields. In high yields, but we have access to cash. No one doesn't have access to cash. And therefore on that basis, all money goes into the main account. We don't have side accounts that, you know, I can have my secret like dairy milk addiction, pay for the macaw coffees, you know, and same with Karl, and same with you. Like, it's not, it's hard when you want to surprise him with something,

you need to kind of use family to do it because we know everything. You've got a person. You've got a person. That I pay. Can you buy this because it will pop up? But it's, a lot of people get, well, I want to spend my money and I want to be able to do it without question.

I was like, well, if there's a question, that's actually more of a relationship question, which is, do you want to have an amount that gets transferred to you and you have a spending account? And I'm fine with that. Like if you don't want, if you have a relationship where someone's got a problem with you

getting a coffee every day or a beer after work. That's their problem. But if you want to mask that a little bit with, okay, you've got 500 quid for money, I've got 500 quid for money. I mean, that's a nice full money budget, but you know what I mean? Spends, fair play. Because if they don't want to meal prep and they want to buy a KFC every lunchtime, then they're an adult. And don't to buy a KFC every lunchtime, then they're an adult. And don't overthink that. So allow us to have their own spends if they want. And I explain this because that's how you can make combined finances work. Because then when you're in a situation where either there's maternity leave or devil's

advocate is, he's poorly. He has a mental health issue, needs to take some time off work, doesn't have any income protection cover, and is in a situation where he is out of work. So what's going to happen then? Well, you obviously will step in and pay more. So he shouldn't be made to feel that he can't pay for the baby something or he can't pay for a nice dinner out because you're paying for everything. It just all goes in the top and we don't overthink who's paying what. And so nice dinner out because you're paying for everything. No, no, it just all goes in the top and we don't overthink who's paying what. And so it's definitely something to chat about

on Monday night, I think we've got some blogs on it that you can have a look at. But having the idea that everything's at the top means that there's a joint budget and it's not you buying for the baby or me buying for the baby or you picking up dinner today and me picking up dinner because you're keeping tabs on it forever. Society like is to blame for with the maternity leave thing.

So I remember going on maternity leave and just feeling immense guilt if I ever wanted to buy anything that wasn't like, I don't know for the baby or for the family because I wasn't bringing any income in. I would have been, it would have been statutory, I mean nothing. I'm thinking, right, that statutory needs to go

to the mortgage, because that's like, that keeps the roof over our head, and then anything else that I want to buy is like, I need to ask permission for. Neil's like, why are you bringing me at two o'clock in the afternoon, asking me, can you buy a new bra? You're like, stupid things like that. Yeah, but also-

But I would have gone without, there's so many times in maternity leave I wouldn't have gone into a coffee shop for a coffee because I'd be like, I'm not contributing to the family. But I was contributing to the family. I either looked after the baby or we paid for them to go to nursery in the first 12 months. So society has a lot to answer for in making women feel,

and I think it's a female thing as well. We carry guilt like we're born guilty to feel guilty. Like it's just in our genes and in our nature. So when the minute she said, I wanna buy things for the baby, I'm like, you aren't the person that should be buying things for the baby. The family buys things for the baby.

Just because you're looking after them in terms of like the day to day on maternity leave, you are not solely responsible for this baby financially or mentally or physically. Like it's a shared job. And you feel the same, I also be like, I'm sorry, what? Yeah. Like, you know, again, this is something that often we do in our own heads. You know, I would like to contribute something as well.

Like are you saying that for validation? Like, do you want, I don't know if she's not, but I'm being facetious here, like, you don't need to. Why do you feel that that's something you have to do? You contribute in other ways. You literally contribute in other ways. You have to let, leave the finances at the door. Yeah, so the big thing for looking ahead to any hopeful maternity leave in the future is,

as is the case with so many things, cash is king. So pile up cash. How much will you need? You'll need a lot. But the wonderful thing actually about the financial app that so many people do do is they do future budgets. So you can create budgets for hypothetical ones. So have a little look at what your maternity pay would be.

Have a little look at, and again, I did this and Holly didn't and it was our big story that we like to share. So I had, I probably had pension B then actually, if it was, I'll be, pension B did a direct debit and we picked the amount that might, cause it was a bit faffy with the work pension in my head. I was like, we'll leave that, you know, the care I'm paying into it. I'll get, I pay a reduced amount into it. But then with all these investment platforms, you could just set up a direct debit. So we treated my pension like a bill, just so that we maintained and I didn't go any further

behind because I wasn't earning. So that was an extra burden on the household because it was an extra bill that we didn't have before. I think I did count up and thought actually equals petrol because I wasn't commuting. Do you know like, I do remember the time going, I thought, oh, here we go, like a couple of hundred out of our budget.

And it wasn't, it was all in, because I wasn't going into work and I stayed very local when I was on my leave. It evened itself out. But do that, make sure there's a plan for that, plan for the budget and incorporate things like, play activities, coffees, things that baby needs. You've got two budgets for having children.

You've got one, which is what does the monthly budget look like on that reduced household income? And you've also got the saving for things because if it's your first baby, you'll think it needs everything. Every person that's got a baby will tell you they don't. Babies can only sleep in a box is what most nanas would probably say to be fair.

But you can be pragmatic about that. You start having a look at prams. Sometimes people gift things. Start going through those bigger ticket items because you don't wanna, you need to know that you've got enough for that. You don't wanna be getting that on credit. You're in a really, really good place.

But be super realistic about it. Like what does the furniture look like? What does the nursery look like? How can you, you need to come up with that amount and it might be four or five thousand pounds. Like that might be what it comes to. And if that's the case, you've got a job to save that. And then you've got to look at your maternity leave budget. And the key for maternity leave is, by the way, just going back, I'm not advocating saving up four and a half grand. I'm making like, a prom's over a thousand, a nursery's over a thousand. I certainly didn't say what that amount of

money, but it could be if you have to buy everything and you've not got, even got hand me downs and stuff. But then you need to look at your budget for maternity. And we had this, we had a shortfall. So I had a past two maternity leaves had like no enhanced pay. And so on that basis, with mine, with my reduced salary, my statutory maternity pay, we were down every month. So we had a pot of money that I would top up our budget with. I think it like, let's say it was like 500. So we were minus 500 every month if I didn't do anything else. And so we'd saved up this pot of money. And it was like an extra emergency fund, really like a maternity emergency fund. And we'd pay up this pot of money. And it was like an extra emergency fund, really, like a maternity emergency fund. And we'd pay ourselves from it.

And then it just broke even. So we had no excess then during maternity leave. You kind of just hold on for that period of time. But yeah, you've got two big, three big things to do. One, plan for the maternity leave, like what's the pot you need? Two, look at the budget and do you need an extra money? And then three, make sure you start your pension. Yeah.

Good checklist there. Go away with. Okay. Time for our community win. We just paid off our car loan after having it for four years. The app debts and goals trackers kept me focused and going, thanks for holding my hand through this. Four years.

And so it sounds like they loaned the car then, because it was a car loan. Yes. It's just different when, I mean, this is a bad example, right? But I've been known to open my door to aggressively into a lamp post or two. And you go, but there's something about it being yours. You just go, oh, okay. My dad and husband would not say the same. And I would like to say I'm quite proud of my car, but I remember thinking like years and years ago and I had

finance, Oh God, wear and tear. You know, is it wear and tear? Like they're going to have a look at it because they do a check before you give it back. Yeah. Really? Yeah. And then they bill you. So if ever there's a scratch or a mark, I remember a friend of mine was putting mascara on in the car and we went over a speed bump and she put, I'd had this car four days and then we were on the way to a wedding, she was doing her makeup and the mascara wand, it hit the roof and I had mascara on my, you can't get it off.

Is that what it was? Yes, it's a no. I never asked, I thought it was like oil or something or something car-like. Mascara four days in, I don't know if they ever spotted it, but you do get a bill which is like, oh, it's not exactly perfect. That's hilarious. I didn't know that.

I love all the TikToks at the moment and it's like, Puff, you chose the car with no monthly payments and it's like putting the key in the door, turning it. Oh no, you're amazing. I think a car without payments has a name usually. Definitely. You usually name a car if it's, if it needs a steering wheel lock. I mean, god, some of you listening to this won't know, but do you remember like you'd take the radio out? Yeah. So people wouldn't steal it. So people wouldn't steal it. I see people walking down the street. Do you know that? The what? The radio comes out. Yeah. Yeah. I do. You have seen those.

I've had one of them. Yeah. Yeah. I do have one of those. You have seen those. Yeah, like you push it and then people would be walking down the street with the radio. But I'm like, who was stealing those? I remember my dad having a CD player that was in the booth. That blew my mind. You loaded it with 10.

Yeah. That's why, because it was bulky. So you could choose from disc one to 10. It probably had Beautiful South on our Queen. But you're like, you go in the booth. You just need to change the music. Stop at this station. Yeah. You did? Seriously, like. That was quite cool.

Yeah. I'm like in my head, the CD goes like across the roof into the. Delivers to the back. That's what I mean. I could never process like going change the CD in the boot. You did. You used to put, I mean there was six, wasn't 10. I think I didn't remember there being six. You could put in crazy. But yeah, that car to put, maybe there was six, wasn't 10, I think, I can't remember there being six, you could put in, crazy. But yeah, that car's got a name, if she owns it now and it's four years of paying it off, and the coolest thing, what's she doing with that money?

Yeah, I always do that. When someone's paid to the nuthouse, I'm like, so, I'm like, congratulations, but where's the money going? Yeah. What we doing? What we doing? Yeah, what we doing? If you'd like to tell us your win,

head to the community in the app or email it to the vault at financial.com. Time for our next dilemma. We're interrupting this pod to deliver a public service announcement. Ladies, you should prioritize your investment routine just like you do your skim routine. I worked investing into my payday routine with the help of Trading 212. Consistency is key with the routine and Trading212's auto invest feature

can help you invest in a hands-off way. Also, I find the daily notifications about how my portfolio is performing helps keep me motivated and accountable on my investment journey. Just a side note, we handpick our partners based on products that we love. If you want to take your investing routine

as seriously as your skin routine, Trading212 is a great place to start. So head to the link in the podcast description to get started. We're saving for a house, but my partner's in denial about his debt. Hi all. I'm trying to get my partner on board with financial. We had a money date night for the first time last month, and it ended in a massive argument. Oh no, sorry, it's our fault. He is really bad with money and every time I try to help him or set up a plan, he freaks out. I started sending him your podcast episodes instead, but he said he still wants to do

a money date night. Send me strength. We believe he is neurodivergent and just instantly panics when we speak about money. He's also set himself up so poorly that he doesn't have an excess. And some months he doesn't even have enough to cover all his bills and minimum payments on his debt. My anxiety is screaming.

We are planning to buy a house next year and I just hope he gets his act together. Secondly, I really struggle with the idea of excess. Right now we live with my partner's parents so we can save for a deposit on a house, which we're gonna do shared ownership. But our salaries just about cover what we need in a month right now.

We don't pay much rent, nor do we pay food or bills. I've tried to see where we can save, but I just can't see the answer. Let's face it, Sussex is a disaster when it comes to income and cost relation. I think what I'm trying to say is I don't think we'll ever have enough access to do anything once we move out.

For context, my partner works full time and earns around 31K per year. His commute is long and eats up around 400 in diesel alone. And I am part time earning 20K. I can't up my hours due to health issues. How do people live in the south of the UK? Even though I feel very low about this at the moment, I'm not giving up.

So I'm gonna jump to the second one first a little bit, just because you just mentioned it. My best friend's from Sussex and it is tough because you've got this like people getting seaside vibes from London and getting, you know, because close to Brighton's obviously that way, it could be anywhere down there, but inherently local jobs pay very little, but house prices are really expensive.

And so you've got this really stressful situation like you're finding in Wales and Cornwall and other areas, especially of beauty, which is the earning ratio versus expense is super, super difficult. And the other people with property are the elderly. and those, there's no family money necessarily. It's just the fact that house prices have gone up, but they've gone up that much that locals can't buy them. So it is really, really difficult. And I do admire her talking about wanting to get on the property ladder. And this is a kind of scenario that, I don't like advocating for shared ownership, but

it's a way that people can get on the ladder and have that extra bit of help. There's just so many extra variables, because with shared ownership, the mortgage is lower as well. And so she's still talking about it would still be difficult. And they've kind of had it easy, but those are relatively low salaries for two people buying a property. When you think about energy bills and you think about food prices, you can really understand how they'd find it difficult. The short answer on that one though is this is still a maths problem. You have to make sacrifices and on those salaries, I reckon even in your ideal budget, you've done that. You've cut, there's only so far you can cut. And so income is the maths equation

here and I'm like, I'm sorry for her at this moment in time, and this might be a temporary thing for your health that you can only work part time and whatever energy you can put into your health and your wellbeing so you can up those hours the better. Or supporting your partner to either be able to study or I know that's expensive and there's debts to do with that, but progressing his career, switch to say earning the same, but not spending as much on commuting or moving up the ladder wherever he is. Income is your answer. And if you can't sort your income, I think you're probably going to have to question one how soon is that you're gonna be able to buy?

But secondly, whether you can. I agree the fact that you've not got any excess at the moment and you're not currently not paying a mortgage in any way. Well the saving, the saving, but when she's forecast her budget when they've moved, you're right. There's no excess. So that means there's no backup should there be any problems

which tells, screams to me that if there's an increase in mortgage rates, energy, fuel, food, which there is constantly job loss and you have no excess, you're going to go into debt to make ends meet. And it just, it fills me with a bit of concern and me personally, I wouldn't be looking to buy a home. I just wouldn't. It's not for everyone as well. Like it's not, the math isn't my thing. Yeah, and until the math's work, I wouldn't be putting that pressure on myself because if I'm not making an excess,

to put towards an emergency fund or a backup, whatever it is, you've got no maneuver and it will just put so much stress either on your relationship, on your health, on you as individuals, on your health, on you as individuals, as a couple, whatever. I just, I look at it and I look into the future and I think it's giving stress. Like it's giving money worries, it's giving debt, it's giving instability.

There's nothing wrong with tortoise mode, like slowly, slow and steady. You know, we're always keen to move to the next stage. It's normal. You're living with, I think she said in laws, that may be wonderful, that may be quite stressful. It's about doing what you can first and building up a deposit is one thing, but then running a home, it's like when people are desperate to move out and I'm like, do you like home? They're like, yeah. I'm like, stay. Because you just, you don't realize how good you've got it. I think there's one level of the finances where you can appreciate, oh, I'm not having to pay these bills. I'm just contributing a little bit or they're letting me just save. But like it's expensive

to cook. It's expensive to put stuff in, you know, toilet rolls in the toilet roll holder to keep a warm home, to be able to have Wi-Fi. And so it's super privileged for those people that can stay at home for longer, but where you can, I mean, God, in lots of other countries, that's completely normal. You share the burden of finances, you know, and so I feel like you can't change maths. So you either need to dramatically, I mean, dramatically change income here for one or both of you. And if you can't change math, so you either need to dramatically, I mean, dramatically change income here for one or both of you. And if you can't just yet make a plan to when you can, like I wouldn't, it's difficult, right?

Because you're telling me that you have health issues and you're earning 20,000 part-time and you give him a bit of a hard time, but you actually at the moment cannot practically help anymore. So, whilst you are obviously quite a nervous person and you've got anxiety about this and he needs to do a lot better, it doesn't sound like he's actively planning for a home. It sounds like he's maybe enjoying being at home and he's not going gung-ho like it sounds she is. There's no real deadline or plan.

It actually is all on him for now as well with the earning. And so that if, you know, whilst you're looking after your health, I might say slow down on that point. Now listen, he's at home and you're with your in-laws. You might want to, I get it. You're like you're under someone else's roof. It must be quite frustrating. And if he could change a couple of things, maybe that would happen more quickly.

Cause we're not coming on to the relationship point, but I do think with the buying a home like Holly said, the stress that comes once you owe that mortgage, once you have nowhere else to go, but pay it, interest rates change, something changes. It can like put pressure and cracks on the most solid of relationships and our own mental wellbeing when we're having to cope with paying those bills. And you've already brought up that your partner gets anxious about money, and he might be neurodivergent and you're trying to find a way that he can manage money

because at the moment it sounds, the date night that you've had ended in disaster and I really wouldn't put a nail in the coffin on that one. To be totally transparent, there will have been money date nights where Neil and I would have had an argument because something's not worked out, something's more expensive than you said it was gonna be. I didn't think we were doing that.

Like that's human nature when it comes around money. Love that you've sent him episodes. Maybe not this one, decide whether, hold it back and decide. There's a sense in this one. But I would definitely on both your sides, I think you're doing the right thing. And I think, remember what we say when it comes to partners that you may be more naturally

anxious with money. So therefore you're more careful. You talk, I think you mentioned he was like useless with it and stuff. And we've all had a partner like that or we've been that partner and that's okay. And money date nights are about being brave enough to do it again, understanding your money personality and deciding your role in this. So if you are the more competent one when it comes to money, when you have listened to more financial for longer,

give them time and grace. We always joke it's the health and fitness thing. We reference it all the time. It's just the easiest thing for people to get a grip off. Like if your partner's like, I'm going all in my fitness journey, come on, we're going for a run. And the person's like playing an Xbox, like, no.

Like I would never going to go for a run and why are you in a mood for me for not wanting to come for a run? Because especially as females, we have a lot of internal dialogue. And I realized that my partner does not have that. So I'm like- Why can't you hear my thoughts?

Neil's left the school this morning and I've left some uniform out to put in the pre-love sale. And I'm like, why didn't you know to take that? I never told him to take it. And I'm like- Telepathy is best. But in my head, that's been on my imaginary to-do list in my brain for the last week.

Oh, that needs to go to school. That needs to go to school. He didn't take it to school. I didn't tell him. It's so funny when you sit down from when you date night, I imagine she's got all these thoughts ahead about we need to move out, we need to save this much, and to go at someone with all the information,

especially someone with maybe that's neurodivergent might just feel the overwhelm and push back. And I totally get why he might do that. But numbers always takes the emotion out of it. And I genuinely think her maybe creating a budget to show what a house could look like. Look, we're about 500 pounds short of where I think we need to be, so what can we do?

Or if she's got extra time on her hand because she's part-time, she might say, do you want me to try and budget for you for this month and just give you a bit of spending money or whatever, bits of money, like do cash em? It looks like, what is it? What can I do to help you? If you've got more time than he has,

it sounds like he's got a hell of a commute, which I would definitely be looking at. Change if you possibly can. Yeah, because it's a lot of money to spend, but you know, you've got time on your hands, he arguably hasn't, so can you maybe do a budget for him and take a bit of that mental burden off? I think so, and try where possible,

beginning with the end in mind. So if both of you do both want to buy a home together, you do a budget for that and you do a deposit total for that. It sounds like she's tracking that already. And you work backwards from it and you talk about that together. And you need to be sure of the vibes you're getting from him that this is something that he wants. Because if it is something that he wants,

then he knows he needs to get his money shit together. But then when he knows he wants to do that, he can't do 12 things at once. Sometimes it's good to fix one thing. So doing that first budget, I love the idea of doing it with him and getting him to the end of that first month where he's got a little bit of money left over.

And that's all you have to do. Yeah, and not trying to. So we can buy a house, it's like, let's do a budget to do a budget. Yeah. And to get through one month or even a week. If someone finds it so overwhelming, a month's a long time to manage money,

like a big chunk of money. Yeah, yeah, divide it up to the week for him. Might be a good idea. Let's do a week, it's short term goal, and then review it at the end of the week and go, how did you feel? Well, I wanted to spend more money on like, I don't know takeaway food.

Okay, let's look at that. Does that work? Yeah, I think beginning with the end in mind and make sure you're both aligned on that goal. And if you want that home, it is then, and if he can get on board with managing his money well, manage your money together, it's then, it's a math problem. And for anyone listening in one of these areas where,

you know, you want to be able to go on the property ladder, you don't quite earn enough, or really what you would want is that you take home pays between 25 and 30% of, sorry, your mortgage is around 25 to 30% of your net pay as a couple. And that is a stress test that banks will put on you as well.

Like when you're going for a mortgage, they'll do an affordability check. In fact, a mortgage advisor, they really like it when someone from financial goes because they've got a really good budget because you've got to do a budget with your mortgage advisor to try and show that you have room. They're going to take one look at this budget and say no anyway. They're absolutely going to do it. Because they put stress tests of, I can't remember the percents, I think I've seen between

two to three percentage points changes and we've seen that in interest rates. We've seen them go for like the 1.5 to the 5.5 and the six is even. So they will stress test and they're going to say computer says no anyway. So get into a point where we go, okay, we've agreed what our goal is. We do want to move out. We do want to own a home. We've also agreed we don't want to be absolutely financially stretched. So we need to save X, but we also, goal number two is getting our earnings to where she's on 30 and he's on 50 and making it up. But

because when we earn that, the impact is the mortgage we would have would be 30%, even 35 at a push for some of these higher areas. Therefore, we can still breathe the rest of the month. I feel like that's a good plan. I agree. I think taking that pressure off, like I hope she feels a little bit less pressure now you've said, why do you want to buy a house? If you like staying at home, stay at home longer, push it off as much as possible. And I think the thing about the shared ownership, like it may be look into that. And if, if you don't like the full sound of it, because you just put it away. Why are you apprehensive about shared ownership for people?

So the, the, the wonderful thing about shared ownership is you end up in it. I think it's usually with local councils and small organizations, but you tend to buy like 75 or 80% of the property and effectively usually the council owns 20 to 25%. So you can get access to, let's say, a two bedroom flat that you would otherwise not have been able to afford and you pay mortgage on, let's say three quarters of it and you pay rent on a quarter of it. And so you do still actually do pay the same amount. It doesn't effectively reduce, but it reduces the amount of deposit you need because you only need to deposit for as if you're buying 75%.

And the hope is that property values go up. I mean, property values go up and both of you sharing that by the way, like you both, your percentages stay the same. so you both benefit from that. But the idea is that also your earnings go up and your situation changes and you can create equity in it and then you can either refinance, which a lot of people do, or completely sell and move on. So it can be a way of having that access to home ownership, but without having to buy a hundred percent of the property. The downsides are, you know, for example, you still have to find the rent for that quarter

of a bit. So you still, you know, it's not necessarily cheaper financially in terms of monthly expenses. What if house prices go down? What if you can't get out of it? So a lot of people buy it on a starter home basis. And by the way, they stretch. So instead of buying, I always wanted a two bed flat, so I'll buy the two bedroom flat.

It's, ooh, with shared ownership, I could get a house. Or I could get this bigger one. I'll go for that one. So everything, when we're first buying a home, is about stretching ourselves to within the inch of our lives. And it's human nature. I'm gonna say we've all done it.

I've not done it, but lots of people have done it. And so I get it. But- Right move, we all love playing right move. The multi-million pound houses that I'm not to say we've all done it, I've not done it, but lots of people have done it and so I get it. But- Right move, we all love playing right move. The multi-million pound houses that I'm not happy with and that would have to rip the kitchen out. It's just, it's kind of, it's monopoly when it's fake and there's just a danger of it being like that.

And so when we've spoken to people in our community with shared ownership, they do often regret it because you're just so quick to get that first one that it can hold you back from other plans. Like I said, if people bought a shared ownership four years ago, they've been remortgaging now since then, the payments have gone up massively. Obviously, like all of ours have with mortgages. They didn't think they'd be here. They think they'd be on the next house.

So their plan was to sell and get a bigger house. Well, they can't, still in the same one. And so if it wasn't the forever home mentally, it puts you, I don't know, there's like all the complications because the local authorities involved. It's great for helping, especially these areas where the economics are stretched for earnings versus accessing if you want to stay local, but the not for the faint-hearted. The bigger thing here still says to me, once they're in it, even though they can afford the smaller deposit, they can't breathe. Breathing is good. I've heard. It's crucial.

That is all for this episode. The vault is now closed. And just a quick disclaimer, the vault is just a chat or online for many topics. We are not giving financial advice.