The Viall Files - E1 Ashley Grace

Episode Date: January 6, 2019

On my debut episode of The Nick Viall Files, I am joined by my dear friend Ashley (Hinshaw) Grace. We discuss some inside secrets from my time on the Bachelor, and give advice to some of my fans.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is going to be the most dramatic with the most intrigue, the most fun with the most questions and the most best guests. Okay, I'm not, I'm no Chris Harrison. Anyways, this is going to be a podcast. Thanks for listening. I know everyone else has a podcast. And so for that, I'm sorry for having another one you get to listen to, but we promise to make it worth your while. For those of you who have been following me on Instagram, thank you. For those of you who have not, educate yourself.

But we have been doing questions with Nick on Sunday night. And by we, I mean me. And people seem to enjoy it. And thank you for those who have participated in it. So we decided to make it more of a podcast format of which it will be questions with Nick. We'll put a little bit of a spin on it. We'll have a new guest host each episode of some very intriguing, successful, interesting people.

And we will play some games, have some fun, talk about life, what people find interesting. And I hope that you will maybe get to learn a little bit more about me um in a more intimate way of what goes on in my dark mind from time to time so uh let's get to it um before you uh turn this podcast off uh What's up, guys? This is Nick. Thanks for tuning in. Is it tuning in, Ashley? I think so. Thanks for tuning in.

I'm with my friend Ashley. We'll get into who she is in a minute. But how have you been, Ashley? Glorious. Really good. I'm so excited to talk to you today. That's really good. Yes.

I have so many questions. Anything new and exciting in your life right now? No, no. I had a kid and so there's nothing new and exciting. I got dumped last week. You got dumped last week? Kind of. Well, you did get dumped or you didn't? I mean, I was hanging out with someone that for the first time in a while, I was actually thought to myself, huh? Really? Here's someone. Okay. How long were you hanging out? We were talking for like three someone that for the first time in a while i was actually thought to myself huh really here's someone okay we were talking for like we were talking for like three months talking or dating there was we yeah i guess dating but we were never like we never uh you didn't do boyfriend girlfriend we didn't define the relationship but you were hanging out in person and going to

dinners for three months there was a lot of uh talking uh over the phone we were hanging out in person and going to dinners for three months. There was a lot of talking over the phone. We were both out of town and a lot of FaceTimes. And then they were in between hanging out. How'd you meet? Out. Okay. And last week she kind of... How'd she dump you?

She just kind of texted me and was just like, hey. What did it say? I mean, you don't have to say like word for word, but I want to know what she said. I kind of texted me and it was just like, Hey, what'd you say? What did it say? I mean, you don't have to say like word for word, but I want to know what she said. I kind of respected it. She was like, I don't,

I don't want to like waste our time and I'm confused about things. And I think I should like feel a different way. I don't know if you're right for me, which was, I kind of respected it was, it wasn't, you know, the it's not me.

It's, it's not you. It's me. It was, it was, it's not me. It's you. It's it's not you it's me it was it was it's not you it's you it's you nick yeah um so that was were you being too chill i might have been i don't know did she know you liked her yes okay well probably not then i mean listen i i'm at this point in my life i don't dive into things but she was someone who liked me me it was an

overthinker okay i anyways are you sad about it i was it's different for me i don't know i've become more jaded i guess but i i'm disappointed because it definitely was someone i think for the first time in a while i actually was willing like i wanted to keep investing more time. And I wanted to see where it was going. How did you respond? I haven't, kind of like, you know, thanks, you know, pretty chill. And she hasn't reached out since. Like it was a real dump. No, we like, we ended up like talking on the phone.

It was kind of very adult. So you didn't get dumped? Well, we're not talking anymore. Oh, you're not talking anymore. I thought you said you talked on the phone after the dump. Well, it was more like she sent me a text kind of. Yeah, yeah. And then, you know, I was kind of, I was kind of bummed.

It was, it was definitely the first, like, because I'm at the point in my life where I don't, I don't date for the sake of having someone around. Yeah. I don't, I don't go on many second dates. You know, I meet a lot of great women but if unless i really see potential i don't bother with the second date because what's the point you know i i'm really like looking for someone who i can invest time in and wants to

invest time in me and and so it's you know when you're 20 you're like oh i like this person let's let's hang out more and i'm a little bit more critical of that. So when I meet someone that I've... So that was like the first time in a few years, other than like on TV that I... You're a very respectful dumpy. What do you mean? You're very respectful when you've been dumped.

I just don't see the point in freaking out. The thing I enjoy the most about her is how we communicated. So I kind of kept going there. Are bachelor dumps real? Like that's all the dump? They were for me. But that's the whole dump. The five second conversation after.

That's the worst part about the bachelor dump. Is that you're there's no like it's really all there is that's it you just get cut off can't you can't you just ask the producers for the person's phone number and like they won't give it to you they really won't give it to you yeah but they thought they generally they're the assumption is they're in a relationship it's very i i just it's yeah anyways i'm fine it's whatever i felt like i should tell you about it you seem fine you seem great i am disappointed but it's kind of like i i'm definitely disappointed i truly am that's interesting i was really

i was cautiously optimistic and i don't usually get optimistic at this point in my life. That's sad. We'll dig into that later. Anyways, we have my friend Ashley here. Ashley Grace or Hinshaw. Whichever one you want. You know, it's Grace is her married name. She's married. Hinshaw is her professional name. Ashley, tell us a little bit about yourself. Oh, hi. I'm Ashley Grace. We're trying to go into Grace. It's not working very well. I've been an actress for 10 years as Ashley Henshaw. So. Well, Ashley has agreed to join me. She is a great friend and has been a bit of an advisor for me, at least in my acting career. So I always appreciate her. And so I'm trying this, you know, little podcast out because everyone else has one.

Everyone else has one. Literally everyone else. And, you know, questions with Nick seem to go so well and people seem to enjoy it. So listen, I'm just here for you people. I, you know, you asked for it. I want to deliver. And so the thought, you know, we're going to play around with this kind of format, but I'll be with you hopefully every week.

And I hope to bring in friends and colleagues and acquaintances of mine of impressive opinionated women who will also help me answer some questions for the people who are so graciously willing to ask them. And we'll have some fun and maybe we'll learn a little bit about ourselves in life and have some fun. And while The Bachelor's on, maybe we'll sprinkle in some Bachelor talk just to whet the appetite for all you Bachelor fans out there. And Ashley, if you don't know this, maybe if you don't know Ashley,

Ashley might possibly be the biggest Bachelor fan out there. She might actually be the biggest Bachelor fan. Truly. I might actually be the biggest Bachelor fan. Truly the biggest Bachelor fan. Like really, yeah. She's so big that when I met her, I met her, she's good friends with my acting coach, and she made me slightly uncomfortable at first. I thought it was going to be the only time I ever talked to you.

I needed to get the information out of you. I was a little afraid because I was like, oh, this is Ashley. And I knew who you were. I was a little afraid because i was like oh this is this is ashley and she you know i was i knew who you were i was like oh cool like you know and then you really you really attacked me i had to dive in i had to get what i needed to get and get out so she's passionate about her her bachelor pandemonium um i mean do you want to dive into that a little bit since you know i know you want to get to i feel like you really yes i'm i have a whole packet of information here about colton's bachelorettes okay i really want to talk about it should we you know what do you want to talk about colton talk about sure why did they pick colton what

it's so upsetting to me that colton is the bachelor i listen i not upsetting to me i don't because i don't care but uh i i was surprised i'll agree with you it wouldn't necessarily have been my choice if i were and i'm not are you not gonna you're not gonna tell me who your choice would have been no i've already said that i would have picked blake blake obviously blake what is this jason stuff nobody wants jason to be the bachelor a lot of people want to know not me i want in person what i liked about blake is he was the first suitor since myself. Yeah. That I actually believed his heartbreak. And I believe he actually had real heartbreak. You didn't believe Blake's heartbreak?

I absolutely believed it. Okay. Absolutely. Okay. What I'm saying, he's the first one since Andy and Caitlin broke up with me. Right. That I actually was like, I actually, in this moment, and I know he would be fine, but in that moment, I knew Blake really didn't think he would be okay. Right? And i know he would be fine but in that moment i knew blake

really didn't think he would be okay right and he's gonna be fine he's living his full life right now but in that moment i haven't watched that since then and felt that and i i think that resonated with the audience and i think uh well i'm mad about colton i don't understand it he's also 26 years old i think he's gonna be fine what does the guy do for a living starting a charity isn't a job i i have met multiple friends that like that is their job but i don't get the vibe that this guy is like going into an office every day what does he do i don't he's dated all these famous people what he hasn't dated anyone who is colton that is what i want to know who is colton maybe we'll find out you should watch he dated the gymnast girl i've met colton he's a very nice guy.

I don't know about it. I don't know about it. I also am going to call it. I mean, I get the whole charity thing. I generally don't trust people who are under 30 who they just want to start a charity. Well, start a charity. Great. But I do like Colton.

He's a really good guy. What in the world do you do every day? I don't know. It's a very self-proclaiming thing. I'm calling it right now. Colton will not pick a girl over 28. Not going to happen. That's probably a safe bet.

I don't think you're really going out on a limb there. Well, that can get rid of about half of these women on this list. Alex B, 29. Not going to happen. Even though she's very pretty. What does she do? She does some very fantastic stuff with dogs. Dog rescuer.

I will say, I feel like The bachelor has decided to lean into almost the you know how they like you know all the parodies that have come out since then about kind of mocking yeah i feel i feel like the show has leaned into it i'm worried that this season will be the pinnacle of them almost being a parody of themselves is my is a concern of mine uh because i don't like it she is a dog rescuer what is a dog rescuer so she okay no she um owns a dog rescue proud owner of a dog rescue business so they go and they save dogs from being slaughtered so that's legit a good person i don't think it's gonna happen i don't think it's gonna be alex three years colton senior let's bring it up in the thirds is she first third middle third or left in terms of middle third middle third so she'll go home yeah yeah she's

pretty she's not going home all right cool okay um what else we got alex d nope nope not gonna happen just not feeling it. Alex D. No. Okay, let's just jump ahead to the girls that I'm interested in, okay? Yeah, she's cute. I just don't think it's going to happen. Let's go to Annie.

Are we just moving on from Alex D? Yes, we're just going to the girls that I am very interested in. Well, that I think Colton's going to be very interested in. Annie is from Milwaukee. Is she? Yes, she is. Financial associate. Yep, she moved to New York. I was going to say, she moved to interested in. Annie is from Milwaukee. Is she? Yes, she is. Financial associate. Yep. She moved to New York.

She moved to New York. She's from Milwaukee. Would you date Annie? She's a little young for me. She's very cute. She's cute, right? You have Milwaukee in common. Annie grew up in Wisconsin, learned to ride horses.

She competed in the nationals for a whole. She's fancy. Yeah. horses she competed in the nationals for a she's fancy yeah i'm guessing she's from uh like the you know the the nice part of milwaukee like whitefish bay if she knows how to ride horses well here's my thoughts on annie she has seven dogs from my um google stocking she went to alabama yep well traveled yep aled. Yep. Alabama is well-traveled. I think Annie's going to be a player. I think Annie's a real player here.

She also was one of the few girls who met Colton on Ellen early. Oh, I did see a clip of that. Oh, she's going to top three. Top third. Top third. Top third. I agree. She's making it to hometowns.

I'm calling it right now. Oh, hometowns. Yep. I think hometowns. Okay. Okay. Here is the winner of colton's season of the bachelor kaylin let's see what she looked like she's the winner i just know what i feel it in my gut kaylin yep i miss north carolina you think colton picked i do miss north carolina 2018 here's my thing i'm just as much in love with beauty pageants as I am the bachelor and I've done what's that have to do with Colton deep dive on this girl and I just feel I'm feeling

the vibes I'm feeling it yeah and also oh here's the biggest thing this girl is talking about how she went to Japan on a first date she's gonna crush the bachelor she's gonna crush it it's all those type of dates oh huge fantastical dates she's gonna crush again if she if she's gonna crush it it's all those type of dates oh huge fantastical dates she's gonna crush again if she if she's comfortable in her skin uh she was first in her up to miss usa so i would say she's comfortable in her skin okay fine okay um winner sure i mean she'll probably go yeah i'm down with her going i mean hometown i can't confident. Sure. Let's fine. I can get on board with that. Yeah. Do you think anything about her being Miss USA from Colton's point of view?

I think he's going to be psyched about it. You like that. I think he's going to like that. He likes the way he looks with people. Do you think? Because if he dated the gymnast, he has like two girlfriends, two of which have been like personal public figures. Yeah. I think he's going to like it.

So you think he is looking for how someone looks by his side as much as how he feels with them? Yeah, I just think it gives him a little extra like excitement to be with somebody who has some like attention. It's going to be a lot of Southern charm, I feel like, on this show. Well, there are a lot of young girls too. There's like 22, 23. How do you feel about that well i think

because he's 26 it makes sense in that regard but what do you think it's do you think it's gonna do you think as a 30 year old married mom you're gonna be able to relate to this season i don't need to relate i need to escape you don't care i'm curious about this like why you watch it oh i'm just obsessed i just why do i watch it. Oh, I'm just obsessed. I just, why do I watch The Bachelor? Because you don't. To watch people fall in love. Okay, so that is why you watch. And so you don't like Colton as The Bachelor

because you don't believe he's ready or willing or wanting to fall in love? I just was put off by him. I don't know how to describe it. There's an energy there that like. By him. He wants to be famous. I don't think he wants to find.

I mean, he might find a wife just because it happens but I don't think his intention was going on the show. They don't have to be mutually exclusive. Yeah but The Bachelor is so big and at this point it's so prevalent that if you get asked to be The Bachelor or Bachelorette

this whole idea of wanting to be famous you say yes to it because it's an amazing opportunity, right? Why did he go into Tia's Instagram messages before? My understanding is that she wrote him. Oh, what? Yeah. Also, the show didn't do him any favors by casting him on Paradise. It's not his fault for saying yes to go on Paradise.

Why did she go? Had yes to go on paradise why did he go yeah had he not go on paradise like we got too much of colton too soon yeah and had he not gone on paradise and just been the the fourth runner-up or third runner-up yeah it's called he never would have been the bachelor he no he easily would have still been the bachelor and i think people the who the critics of colton would have been a lot less frustrated because colton didn't control his edit he also didn't control how much air time or the the tia storyline that the show pushed on us yeah but i think tia screwed i think tia came off more poorly than colton did and again but i'm saying that's not colton's fault

so i i just think still don... I'm not a fan. I don't like him. I agree with you that he just might not... I think it's weird to have a bachelor who's had, by his own admission, two girlfriends. Yeah. I'm less interested in his sex life. And the virgin stuff is very confusing to me. I'm less concerned about that.

But the fact that he's had literally two girlfriends, I find that hard to believe. Like he has such limited dating experience. How is he going to be ready to know what he... He's going to be so overwhelmed. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that that's a concern. When you're in the fantasy suite and you're the bachelor,

do the other girls ask you offline if you had sex with the other ones? Did she ask you offline if you had sex with the other ones? No. Well, my plan going into that week was to tell two of them that I was going to sleep with no one. I did that. Tell two of them that you were going to sleep with no one. Correct. Uh-huh.

And what about, did the other one ask you if you'd slept? But did you tell her that you didn't sleep with the other two and she didn't ask she did not ask in that night uh-huh interesting i feel like i'd want to know if like you had slept with someone the night like 12 hours previously i think you're so caught up in uh the moment yeah it's making the most of your time also yeah you're making most of your time and you like you don't want to like kill the mood by asking that question yeah fair enough is it my you know at least that was my point of view okay so i have to go back to the fact that you just got dumped thanks um i just want to talk about it a little bit more like um let's just talk about you getting dumped. You've been dumped a few times very publicly. Twice.

Okay. What was the harder dump, Caitlin or Andy? In the moment? Yeah. It's hard to say. They were very different. The one that was more personal was Caitlin. Because it was confusing. Because you guys had had sex well everyone knows

that was the same with in oh that's right uh no it was more personal personal sorry because of um the relationship before and all the things that happened leading up to it yeah i gotta just i gotta get this not for once and for all what all. How did you get on Caitlyn's show? I mean, I showed up. Why? Well, I mean, everyone knows at this point, like, Caitlyn and I had chatted before. I mean, I haven't shied away from that. On the phone or just on, like?

Like FaceTime. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I think, and I've mentioned this before. I think what I, I was,

she was on Christmas season. It was halfway through the season. And the, the Chelsea girl, the one with the dead husband with the beautiful story. You remember her? Yeah. And I was so like enamored by that story.

I actually messaged Caitlin on, on Twitter and I asked her, is she for real you know and so that's how that that sea was broken it kind of snowballed from there and then we then she kind of started messaging me questions and things like that about you know and we related on that on that front in terms of uh we both went far in the season yeah and our respective seasons and then um and then we just started talking every day all day um and then how far was that before she knew she was going to be the bachelorette well when we first started talking she didn't know at all but the season had finished the season had

finished but you don't find out till later i mean and even then i mean every season's different in how the producers approach their next lead um but it really those conversations really don't happen until later on it's not like you get done filming and they're like hey just you know you might be the next lead um they they want to see how things play out yeah um but and that was a season if you remember that there were two bachelorettes yeah brett yeah so when they we were had been talking and I remember, I remember when she found out and she was really upset. But she thought she was going to be the only one?

Well, no, it was just, they just, they just, yeah. When they went on Kimmel. I remember everything, Nick. She was throwing, yeah. Anyway, so, so yeah, I'll get to that. I mean, like, listen, I haven't really talked a lot about what happened just because Caitlin's always been in a relationship with Sean at the time. now they're not no they're not so like basically we talked she i remember when she was asked to be the bachelorette and she calls in new york at the

time so you like she called me and she was all upset she's like you know and upset because it was well do i do this there's a that's a huge risk right if you get there's two bachelorettes and they're like hey night one you're gonna get oh poor bre do this? There's a, that's a huge risk, right? If you get at, there's two bachelorette and they're like, Hey, night one, you're gonna get poor Brit. But I'm just saying, but there's a huge, like ego, there's a huge risk to the ego, right? To like, I should do this, but what if, I mean, so she was afraid of that. And, and I was like, well, you got to do it. You know, like how long had you guys been vibing? Like three weeks at that point. And then, so she, what were you like? Uh, yeah. I mean, I mean i you know at that point she was just kind of a friend right and then we were kind of going on that path of like flirting and and talking kind of ridiculous things um and then that kind of snowballed when she went on kimmel um i remember

her texting me and just being like hey make sure you watch i was like okay and she was like i'll throw you signals i'm gonna keep touching my lip with my fingers i'm like okay and so she did that and if you go back and it's not like if you google the now did you had you had any conversation like maybe i'll come beyond your season well no we would joke and she mentioned this she would always be like you should come on this season at the time i was like there's no way i'm ever going back on. And keep in mind at that point, my only experience in the bachelor was being vilified on Andy season.

Oh yeah. That was bad. I didn't have the, like I was back at work. It's like, there's just no way I'm going back. And then, you know,

she was, she did the whole like Kimmel thing. And it was like, at this point I'm like, there's this girl I'm crushing on who's going on Jimmy Kimmel and throwing me these like signals or whatever. And then she like, I remember texting her and she's like, they're taking my phone away. Oh my God.

I think this is goodbye. I'll email you. Like, and we had like these songs that we would like. Did they really take your phone away? Yeah. They were like, at any moment. Well, I think what happened is reality Steve started releasing some of the men. So at that point she was filming her, like, like her B roll and and her packages and they're like she's like oh my god they're taking my phone away and then that night she snuck and called me from her hotel when we had like our goodbye conversation how did that go it was like whatever but i remember how did it go we were both like well i feel like saying something crazy but i'm not

gonna say it like what did you want to say well we were like like i really i love you no it was more like i think i'm like i think you're like great you know it was like it was stuff like that right um it was kind of this puppy love thing but we you know caught up in the moment and the again the whole the big x factor was there were two bachelorettes and i remember saying maybe she won't get like i'm like i'm gonna be honest i hope you don't i hope you don't get picked yep and the thought was if you don't get picked she you're gonna fly to chicago and come visit me your thought or there was a conversation the conversation and so at the time i remember so that was goodbye and i remember the next like four days were super long of course caitlin was getting picked over but i was pretty i was confident caitlin was getting yeah and and i kind of but the next four days were super long

i'll never forget i was walking to the grocery store and I was checking reality, Steve. Oh my God. Just like refreshing, refreshing. Like, you know, like Mike Fleiss, the creator of the show is like his cryptic tweets. So like we've picked a bachelorette, you know? And I'm just like, who is it? Who is it? Uh, just hoping it's going to be Brit, hoping it's going to be Brit. And, you know, and I remember I was walking back from the grocery store and, you know, Reality Steve tweeted to Caitlin. I wasn't shocked. I remember calling my dad and be like, well, you know, and I remember being surprised how

bummed I was. Like just how like I was really just bummed. Yeah. And so that's the time they start casting Paradise. And so they start, they called me up and said hey we would we would love for you to come on paradise so like there's no way i'm coming on paradise again i was back at work i just it was really planning on just kind of letting that all go truly and kind of just for shits and giggles um the producer i was talking to was just like well you know they you know when they're

casting paradise they're trying to get a feel of who you might like because you know if they really want someone on their show and you like someone they they would be like, well, if we can get this person, would you consider kind of thing? And kind of as like a dick, I was just like, well, it's too bad Caitlin's your bachelorette because then it would have been different. I just kind of said that for like fun. The next day I got a call from a higher up, so to speak. Yep. And they were just like like do you want to meet her and at that point i just remember like thinking to myself fuck it and this is only within a week of when she started they were like yeah so i showed up about 12 days into filming and i remember i'll never forget you a little back like like did they get you in as soon as

they could it all happened literally it all happened literally overnight in the sense that i'll never forget i tell this to jared i was at work yeah selling software and again like because i was just kind of obsessed with that whole that season and like just pining over caitlin and checking my emails to see if she would write me because he she said she would kind of thing. And I'll never, the first time I ever met Jared was on reality. Steve, when he's being held up holding hands cause he won the boxing match.

And I never, I never forget. Remember like that kind of, it's kind of a bad-ass looking dude. And you meet Jerry. He's like the nicest teddy bear guy. And like, I,

you know, I'm, I'm again, at this point they're on their, they're on their first, that's like the first group date I'm sitting and selling software thing. And there's like just kind of following the season like a crazy fan with no anticipation i'm coming back on and then from the time the producer called me and said do you want

to meet her it like i was in new york two days later did they say do you want to meet her or like do you want to join the cast it was basically do you want to come on oh my god and at that point um and i was like you know it's and i kind of talked to people at work and i just kind of had this in my in my mind i was like i'm screwed i'm gonna do it so i fly to new york and she does she really doesn't know i mean i didn't i had no communication with you okay and at this point i'm thinking to myself i'm trying to be as realistic as possible thinking yeah i know that like the the four months of us talking every day and FaceTiming and all that. Like I know there's something there.

And I know that there's, she's certainly asked me to come on, but I wasn't an idiot enough to know that like, even though it's only been 12 days since we talked, so much could go on in that world. She's probably vibing with somebody. And we hadn't met in real life, you know? So we, I actually, I came close to flying out when she was in la i was gonna say why didn't i i i booked i was we were about to book a ticket and i was about to and i said to her listen i don't care i i mean i want to come out and i want to meet you before you leave the show

but like i have nothing to lose you have everything to lose and people know who i am so like if you got caught i just don't think we should do this and so it was kind of like fine because I was literally about to like book a ticket to flight LA for literally 12 hours I could come up with a hundred ways in which the two of you could have met up in LA I was in Chicago at the time well fine but I was just trying to like watch out for her at the time so anyways I didn't end up going but I thought to myself again so we hadn't met in person and we FaceTime so I was trying to tell myself i mean i could show up and she she could not yeah she could not vibe me or whatever and so i fly in new york uh the producer who called me you know comes in he's like hey so

this is how it's all gonna go down you know you're gonna show up for this date and then we'll just see what happens oh my god and you know i was pretty confident she would keep me on but prepare myself that she might not it's like one o'clock in the morning i can't obviously can't sleep i'm about to like show up yeah in in that world four weeks in like these guys are gonna hate me yeah suck and i got a notification on my phone oh my god i had my phone and it was a dm in twitter and it said, it's Caitlin. Call me. Oh my God. Here's a number. This is my alias at the hotel.

And I start freaking out. I'm like, well, she must know I'm here. How is this? Yeah, of course. How is this happening? So I called the hotel. I'm like, I think her name is Ariel or something. Because they always pick like these like Ariel and Eric or like Ross and Rachel kind of stuff is your aliases um and she's like hey you know I was like hey and I'm like I'm freaking

out in my head I'm freaking out and so I started talking I quickly realized that she doesn't know she doesn't know I'm here are you in the same hotel no okay I didn't know this at the time okay but we weren't and so she is talking to me and she's just like, hey, it's going really well. Oh my God, the guys are really nice. But I miss you. And I feel like it's different than when we had. And blah, blah, blah.

And I'm just like, this is great. Awesome. Oh God, I was so scared that maybe she won't. I'm like, I made the right decision. Did you say, I'm here. I'm thinking to myself, well, thank God I came because had I got that call and decided not to come, I would be killing myself right now.

And the whole time she's talking, I'm thinking to myself, what do I tell her? I was like, fuck it, I'm not going to tell her. That's such a strong move. I'm like, I'm just going to, I'm here, I've come this far, I'm going to surprise her tomorrow. And so we talked all night long. I remember her saying

I was just like And she didn't say anything About a guy She was So here's the thing She kind of She was You know again

I mean it was weird That at the time I loved hearing it Because she's just like Just come on Just come And at this point I was like yeah sure

She was still saying that I was like fuck it I'll come Okay And I'm like Well what will you do If I come She's like I'll just

Fake it with the rest. She did say though. Okay. She did say, she goes, there is this one guy that I'm, I do, she's like, I'm gonna be honest. I do like him. I have this connection. He reminds me of my ex-boyfriend.

Okay. I come to realize, obviously that was Sean at the time. So she said one, yeah. She definitely referred to Sean at the time. So I remember it was like five six in the morning and i'm like hey like you what time like again i'm familiar with the show i'm like what time you have to get up she's like i have to get up in like in an hour oh my god she's like well you have to go she's like well i don't know when we'll be able to talk again i was like we'll

figure it out this is so romantic and so i hang up on the phone and whatever so i show up on the date she's obviously shocked i'm there i didn't tell her yeah uh and that was kind of the thing too is like trying to protect her like had i told her there would have been like a lot of acting involved did you was she happy shocked i mean i mean she was really just shocked and like and as the lead you probably there's a worry of like everyone looking bad or whatever and so you know i was kind of playing it up and i mean her shock was genuine right because i didn't tell her i was going to be there so she you know had this whole thing if you walk if you go back and watch it was like well i have to think about it kind of thing i was like okay sure and then we

she came out i remember the producers being like hey you should when she comes out just just kiss her oh yeah i'm thinking yeah that's easy and at the time the producers had no idea about like just how advanced we had discussed yeah so when everyone's watching it and we kissed right away they're like oh my god it was like actually it was a pretty effortless kind of moment so then she was like at the time she was she said well you know i don't think i should bring you up right now let me think sleep on it i'm like okay sure so i went back i had a beer with another producer i went to bed and as i went to bed i thought to myself when do group dates usually end uh-huh and i was like i'm like 3 3 30 so i set my alarm for 3 30 thinking she might message me again right yeah okay so my

alarm went off and sure as shit five minutes earlier it said call me so i call her she goes where are you i'm like we're in times square yeah i'm like i'm at this hotel she's like well i'm at it was at the knickerbocker hotel she's like i'm here get your ass over here i don't think and fuck it i don't care about the show no i yeah i can't i literally came for the girl yeah and so I put this hoodie on I sneak over I sneak up, go in a room and we're hanging out all night and it was a lot of fun

we did not have sex sexual relations I tried to be very level headed once I decided to show up for this show I'm in this show you can't cheat it so to speak you can't cheat it while to speak like i still like once i agreed you can't cheat it while you're cheating in a sense well in the sense that like yeah we

were having this moment but she's on lockdown and like we wouldn't shouldn't have been doing that kind of thing but like once i was going to leave that room i don't have access to talk to her right things like that so i knew that who i don't know what's going on with these other guys and i was just trying to prepare myself the whole time so i I, it's like six in the morning. I, I sneak back to my hotel. And again, if you will go back and watch a show,

it was just like, I remember watching it and she's like, Oh, she's like, so how'd you sleep? I'm like, yeah, I had a really hard time sleeping.

And like, this is airing. So when was the next time that you did something like that? There was a time that people saw the producers gave us that permission. Um, and then we had the fantasy suite yeah and again there was a lot of honest conversations there and obviously there's a lot of was she telling you like did you get a vibe in the fantasy suite that she might well this isn't a secret i mean i said this in

the final i mean in the fantasy suite like she wasn't like oh my friend like you know stuff like that but that happens yeah like my friends are gonna be this is gonna be shocked and like there was i love yous thrown around at that point but that's already out there and then right before so that was the season they changed it where they didn't have a hometown that's right yeah because you know again they kind of aired this Caitlin had

snuck I didn't know this at the time Caitlin had snuck out of a room and snuck into Sean's room before that and then Ben was there she was a sneaky little sneaker send she broke a lot of rules you know sneaky little sneaker said she you know she broke a lot of rules and i think at the time the producer was like we gotta save this like it's clearly the nick and sean show did you and sean hate each other as much as they portrayed i it's the funny thing about sean is the time is uh ron was the reason sean got on he was on my season

with andy and we were friends and i when i was coming on i thought to myself well at least this other guy is there not knowing who he was and not knowing it was the guy that caitlin was connected and maybe he is someone i can be friends with because we have a mutual friend in ron that was my thought sean obviously and i get why sean sean didn't like me oh my god everyone anyone would have hated you yeah so i get it right but like i got annoyed by how sean hated me so much. And the producers just kind of like, or, you know, I'm, I'm sure they were like telling Stoking the fire.

Stoking the fire. Right. So at that hometown, so we had to, we went to Utah. Yeah. Yeah. For, for the, basically meet our parents. I remember that. Yeah.

This is like four days before the proposal. Four days before the proposal. Four or five days or something like that. so we had met our parent my parents I went really well and I'm just chilling you know over dates done so we're all in the same complex it's this massive ski resort that's basically like shut down for the offseason and then the producers like hey do you want to go hang out with Caitlin well yeah let's go so it was like we're all hanging on camera now just an off camera very chill like at's go. So it was like, we're all hanging out. On camera, no. Just off camera. It was very chill. At that point,

I knew a lot of producers. We're all just like hanging out, drinking, listening to music. Why is the producer letting you do this? I don't know. At the time, I didn't care. I'm thinking,

at the time I'm thinking, I'm so in with everyone here. Yeah. Like they like me. They like her. Hopefully this is a done deal kind of thing. Maybe that's why they're doing it.

Yeah. And then like producers like all right we'll leave for like 30 minutes oh poor nick and so we you know hung out for 30 more minutes and had more private time and so at the time what does that mean it doesn't matter and what does that mean come on like i'm anyway and so we had more alone and so i'm four days before and i'm thinking all right well i'll never forget the whole time for us like well you got this thing and I'm just like listen The only thing I know about my experience with Andy is I don't know what else is going on And I kept and I kept comparing it to like I know it sucks is as confident as I was with Andy

I thought to myself man. I had no reason to be confident Andy because I have all this going on. Yeah here. Yeah And then okay, she picked Sean. So, hmm. But, I mean, listen, it's fine because I don't. And then have you talked, other than the after the final rose? No, I will say this, though. The one thing I was bummed about, because she did me a huge favor in picking Sean. They clearly were a good match.

They didn't work out for the day for three years. I don't think Caitlin and I would have ever come close to that. Okay. You don't. No, no. Um, so she did the right thing.

So no vibes for Caitlin now that she's single. No. Okay. Um, she's a great person, but like at the time I, the only thing I was ever really upset with at the time or disappointed. Well,

all of that and they, her and Sean really shit on me. And after the final roads and they're like interviews, they they dug in but i will say caitlin had my number which is different to your question before yeah she had my number so i was just like hoping for like a i'm sorry yeah or a call or just like hey do you have five minutes nothing like all i got was darkness and then national interviews of her and sean laughing at me oh that's so sad um i was pissed about that i will say i was bummed about that and do you think she's fine she's cool i mean does sean know the extent of the relationship between you i have no

idea and quite honestly the reason i mean whatever i'm telling you now, but I was always unwilling to talk about it because I didn't know. I mean, you assume that was an interesting experience. Would you be the bachelor again? If they asked you to? I'm just asking. No one wants that. I don't want that. Really though?

I want to meet someone in a more traditional sense. Like what type of sense? Like anything other than like The Bachelor. People pick 30 women that they think I might, well actually they pick six women

You should do Married at First Sight. I love that show. Oh my God, Ashley. It's amazing. No, experts pick the people. Experts. Experts. A sexologist.

Experts pick the suitors on The Bachelor too. No. My biggest takeaway with my story with Caitlin.lin yep sometimes people say things in the moment and we shouldn't get caught up in those moments right i don't know like i get a lot of questions sometimes it's like well he said that or she said this and what does it mean it means like in that moment they wanted to say it and sometimes we just have to forget about those things that's really hard to do if you're the person that it was said to sure well going back to me i wouldn't be cool going back to me recently getting dumped yeah perfect example two days before she was like hey i don't

think this is gonna yeah most of the time we're i said this to her like i honestly can't tell if because we were both kind of like taking things slow and i said i honestly can't tell if because we were both kind of like taking things slow and i said i honestly can't tell uh with i mean not talking about me but your hesitations are you protecting yourself or you think you're protecting me because i know like a lot of times when i if there's women i'm dating i think there's a lot of like does this guy really want to settle down you know what's your story and i was the guy from you know the bachelor kind of thing and she told me she's like well i just had a dream and in this dream you were hanging out with what she described as her arch rival and in this dream her and this me and this arch rival were getting along okay and she was just

like you have so many code words for having sex i've never met no i don't know if we were having sex oh okay in the stream i mean she was just saying that we were like flirting and in the stream she was telling me how like she confronted me in her dream and she's telling me this how how upset she was she's like you know i'm upset and i really like enjoyed hearing that story because i was like she's telling me that she likes she likes me like she's kind of coming to grips with this reality of like how old was this person 29 oh okay um and so that happened and then two days later darkness my point is it's like good luck dating in la it's i could have that happens all the time though i mean it would have been easy for me to sit there and i didn't even bring that up to her it could have been like

well why what is but you said this i would have why because it doesn't do anything for you but but calling i feel the need i constantly feel the need to call people out to be honest to themselves fine but again like yeah i i asked caitlin and fine and you know why did you say this or why did you do this it her answers did nothing for me if you felt the person was really being honest with you and was like you know ever do you think in a breakup you really think how often when you get dumped uh-huh and your ego's telling you yeah no that's the real reason yeah that's a valid reason why we're not how often does that happen do you really think someone's like if the if you push the person to be honest with themselves and say like if they say

it's not you it's me i'd go like that's bullshit tell me for real sure and then they might be like you know what i don't like this about you and then at least you feel like how often does that happen very often does that happen where you push the person to just be very specific of what they don't like and even then are you even okay with that are you like fine you're like oh yeah you know you're right i do interrupt people you know what I'm saying? Like, is that people's complaints about you? I do interrupt people. So do I. So now we're gonna do the meat of the program.

Questions with Nick and this week, Ashley. And we want to be interactive. And I think part of the reason why we want to do this podcast is because we want to really get into these questions. And so we want you to be a part of the show. And each week we're going to call some of you, Skype with you, talk with you, hopefully solve your problems or just hang out. But that's what we're going to do today.

And let's get right to it and see if we can save the world. Danielle, what is your question? How can we help? Okay. So my thing is I've been single for over a year. I'm in my mid th30s at this point. So my thing is I'm fine when the relationship comes, it comes. But I want to be coming with someone.

Wait, all right, let me start over. Is that a Freudian slip? I thought so too, yeah. Totally. We all do, we all do. That's the dream, right? Same time, same time. Oh, Nick, never happens.

So essentially I'm single, but I don't want to sleep with anybody. But at the same time, I still have sexual needs. So essentially, how do you do that dance of waiting for the next relationship when you still want to sleep with someone? But I'm over the one-night-stand thing, and I feel like friends with benefits doesn't serve me. Well, you're in a pickle. Well, I would like to be in a pickle i want well i would like to oh lord oh lord yeah here's my thing this is what i tell i'm married and i have a kid so it's like over for me but um every friend who asked me this question i say you have to leave room for greatness to come into your life if there isn't space for it it's not going to come. So keeping around the guys you're sleeping with

or hanging out with because you're lonely, I just don't think it's allowing space for something truly great to come in your life. So I think you should buy a vibrator. Yeah, I have a vibrator. I guess I just go through some moments where it's just like... Physical connection.

Yeah, like I'm craving it. Nick? I think it's good to like know what you want, right? You know that you want to meet someone, you know, you don't want to just hook up with anyone, right? But as I was once told recently, and I think there's a lot of truth to it, dating is a contact sport, both figuratively and literally in the sense that you have to take your swings, you have to take your at bats and you're going to again, strike out more often than you're going to hit. Right. So it's fine by saying, don't do the one night stands. That's easy to, to, to do. Right.

I'm not going to just meet a guy at a bar or go on our first date and hook up with him because truthfully, well, I'm not, I'm not saying it's bad. It's everyone's you can do it do it fine, but you've decided you don't want to do that. So that's easy for you to execute. If you want to hook up with someone, you might have to be willing to do that with someone who you're still not going to end up with. And that, to Ashley's point, it might get a little messy. And if you want to wait, then wait. But I think you have to come to this.

Are you meeting guys? Yeah. I think so. Yeah. But you're going out there you're like i'm going out doing the apps my friends know like they set me up with people yeah so the three of us what you're how old are you again 30 uh 35 35 right so we're all kind of you're actually a little younger but we're in our 30s in the sense that the harder part about dating in your 30s there's a good impact you have perspective and the bad part about perspective is you kind of know what you want. More importantly, you know what you don't want. So you're just like, well, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

You're less willing to go on second dates because you're like, I know I've dated that person before. When you're younger, it's a little bit more, you're naive and you're more willing to get hurt. And you have, but it's more exciting. You have more fun. So that sucks. But, but I think you just maybe have to more exciting you have more fun um so that sucks but yeah but i think you just maybe have to be a little bit more open yeah and if it's like you know what at least i got laid i don't need to keep it going yeah stop it here got my needs met keep going yeah

you know and just be be kind to the man you know don't break his heart um you know as we get older and get experienced we close too many doors and windows because we've decided that's not a door a window for us also sometimes they're bad people sometimes first dates are bad because people are nervous and they like you give off a different side of yourself on the first date than you do if you like calm down and you know what i mean so give somebody a second date. Yeah. Yeah. No, this was helpful to realize. I think I got a little bit rigid and I wasn't,

I didn't really realize that I kind of got into that space. Great. You're going to be fine. You're going to get laid so soon. When you do let us know. I will. Yeah. DM Nick and let him know. You know, you can call us back. Please don't. Please don't.

Yeah. Best of luck. So good to meet you. Bye. Happy holidays. Appreciate it. Bye. Hi, Nikita. Hi. back please don't please don't yeah best of luck so good to meet you bye yeah appreciate it all right bye-bye hi nikita hi so you have goals in life you know what you want to do but you don't know how to do it kind of thing yeah totally um so if you have like an idea of where you eventually want to be so like you have the end goal but you're still trying to figure out kind of how to get there from where you're at are you speaking generally or do you have the end goal but you're still trying to figure out kind of how to get there from where

you're at are you speaking generally or do you have a specific goal like what do you want to do um so i do a lot of advocating for people with mental health um problems so i have anxiety and that's kind of been my thing is being a real person and having a real life while still having anxiety yeah and kind of being a functional human being in that aspect. But I know I like both of my roommates. They have this goal of wanting to advocate for this or to, I guess, go to foreign countries or do this. And they were always talking about, OK, well, how do we get from where we are right now

to where we want to be? And how do we kind of effectively use our time and what we're doing to get there? So when you say you want to advocate for things, I mean, my first recommendation would start being more specific with your goals. So instead of saying things, I just want to, like anyone can advocate for anything at any point. So when you say advocate, what do you specifically want to do? Right. So my big thing, I just got cast in a runway show in LA that's going to be there in June. That's amazing.

Congrats. Yeah. So that's kind of going to be my big focus for the next little bit of, okay, people said that I was too short or too this or had anxiety or had stage fright. And so I couldn't do a live production and so that's kind of the focus right now is I can do a live production and kind of my journey of going there I think it's amazing you want to advocate for people with mental illness if your goal is hey listen you want to share your story of your successes throughout life I think that's great I

think everyone should do that from time to time I mean mean, if you have a moment or if you feel like you've overcome some sort of adversity, I think you should, without necessarily bragging and talking about all the time, be open and discussing that. And then if other people in your life are curious about, you know, how did you have that success? You talk about it and, you know, it's always important, I think, to talk about the struggles that you've overcome, um, the obstacles that you've had to face and specifically, how did you, how did you face them? But I think, I think a lot of times people in their twenties and it's a challenge, they don't know necessarily what they want to do. And they have these, these dreams, I think, uh, figure out what you want to do first and be specific with your goals. And then from

that point, kind of reverse engineering. And I think every time you're doing something, you should ask yourself, am I getting further or closer to that goal? You had another question though, about what was it? Uh, if my memory serves this, uh, thank you next something. Oh yeah. Yeah. So this is another thing that, yeah, me and my roommates were talking about this last night, just with the whole culture of like dating apps. It's so easy to just thank you next. Thank you next. Thank you next.

Like, it's just so easy to just swipe one way or the other. Um, and it just seems all superficial. And so we were like, Hey, well, we're doing things like we're going out. We're trying to like be out in, and not even to be in like genuine romantic relationships, but just in finding genuine relationships. Just any thoughts or advice that you guys would have for going about doing that in kind of this fast paced, I want it now kind of mindset. Are you looking to date now?

Are you in a relationship? No, I'm not. Okay. Are you looking to date now? Are you in a relationship? No, I'm not. Okay. Are you on dating apps? I have a couple, but I don't. But you own them? I don't know. They're not my super focus.

I feel like everyone says that. It's just like, I mean, I have them, but I don't use them. But no, you're on them, right? Yeah, I have two. Okay. don't use them but like no you're on them right like what i yeah i have i have too okay um i think you have to prioritize getting off the dating app as soon as humanly possible not in terms of like don't go on it i'm saying like if you meet somebody and you're curious about that person like let that be the introduction and then meet the person like go for coffee and then get off the dating app with that person when you you say get off, do you mean?

I mean, just don't go log in. Like don't delete it. No, no, no. I don't even mean. Because that's a lot of starting and stopping. No, I don't mean how often you go on the dating app. Like I had a first date deleting this shit. And then you're like, well, that didn't go well.

I have to download it again. No, I'm not saying to get off the app. I mean, if you meet somebody. Like your conversation. Yeah, like don't flirty text message on the app. just get in person like that's the way to be authentic nowadays Like I you know stop texting each other. No, I totally agree I think the speed of the thank you next for the speed in which you date is entirely up to you I would say if I went for a coffee with somebody even if I wasn't sure about it

Like don't go back on tinder until you you know whether you're not interested in that person. You know what I mean? Like give it a few dates because it feels like right now from what I hear from my friends, they go on a date, but they don't know if the guy's going to ask him out again. You know, but that's normal life dating stuff.

But then it's injected with going on and looking at a hundred other guys every day. It's weird. Yeah, everyone's keeping their options open. It's weird. Don't keep your options open. I think it's, yeah, it's, I think it's weird. Yeah. Everyone's keeping their options. It's weird. Yeah. Don't keep your options open. I think it's, yeah, it's, I think it's, you can't, you can only control what you can control. So to Ashley's point, focus on, uh,

don't do the thing that you're complaining about guys doing, which I'm assuming everyone, men and women both do it. Right. So, it's just so easy to do. It's just so easy to do. Everyone access. Um, good luck. I hope you find someone awesome oh thanks and congratulations on your uh show yeah thank you good luck thank you so today's episode is brought to you by natural habits essential oils for those of you who don't know i am one of the co-founders of natural habits something i've been working on for the past year and a half. I'm very proud of it. We are an essential oil company that is certified organic by the USDA. We specialize in blends. So for those of you who don't know about essential oils, each unique essential oil

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a 20% discount on all your orders with code MAKEITNATURAL. That is code MAKEITNATURAL. Again, nhoils.com. us a try so whether you're looking to uh improve your own mental emotional or physical well-being or you want to uh give the gift of essential oils to a friend uh give us a try we know you will love them some of the highest quality essential oils on the planet natural habits there's this guy that likes me and there's been like a lot of electricity lately and i um i kind of want to sleep with him but i don't want to lead him on and be that person i have so many follow-up questions yeah so when you say you don't want to lead him on there's an implication there that you don't want to date this person.

No. Why? Why? Tell me why. Well, I've known him for like over 10 years, I guess. And I just don't have that kind of chemistry with him. Lately, I've had like a physical kind of chemistry. Lately.

Is he a friend or like a co-worker? Who is this person? He's just always been in that group of friends Oh he's part of the group Are you recently Broken up Have you been recently Broken up

No I've been single For like two years So it's not like You're super thirsty Right now to get laid No What is this magic Like what are you

Noticing about him Has he been working out Is his butt looking better Or like what's going on No he's always been Like really good looking Like he's always been Like out of my league

in terms of looks. What? No one's, that's nonsense. He likes you and you know that? Yeah. What is your concern? So if you want to shag this guy, like what? Shag.

What do you? Are you pretending you're Australian? No, it's just because he's in our, we're both guy friends and so like, I have to see him a lot after this. Do you know he wants to sleep with you? Yeah. Has he propositioned? Has he been like, hey, listen.

Oh, for like a solid 10 years. I think Nick is going to tell you to sleep with him, and I don't think you should do it. If you were to sleep with him, if you don't think you can get over this itch, so to speak, I mean, eventually you're going to have to scratch it. Scratch it elsewhere. Oh yeah, I've tried for so long not to.

This might be a specific- For so long, I mean like seven months, so it's going to happen regardless. Oh, so you're saying you are going to have sex with this man. I just want to know how to make it the least painful. Well, not painful, but the least like- Do you think he has feelings for you or do you think he just wants to have sex with you? I think he has feelings for me. Well, I know he has feelings for you? Do you think he just wants to have sex with you? I? Think yes feelings to me. Well, I know yes feelings to me. It's told me I feel like I'm gonna be the first girl ever that's gonna want like that thing where guys finally sleep with a girl and

They get over them I'm gonna want that to happen because then it's like a win-win we both agree that you probably for everyone's sake should Not do this. Yeah, but you seem hell-bent on doing it and if you're gonna do it I think I don't know if Ashley agrees yet, but I think you need to be Very very upfront and very cut and dry about what your expectations are and you should do it sober. I Agree with all that. I still don't think you should do it for me. You should do it sober Do it sober don't think you should do it pardon me you should do it sober do it sober i'm sorry but oh you just don't like you don't want to again like you you want to eliminate outside variables

of like blaming it on the alcohol like if you're gonna do i wouldn't blame it on the alcohol you need to own it you need to own it and you need to be up front and you need to live your life girl if you want to fuck him go do it just live your best life yeah all alright but it's gonna get messy it sounds like that wasn't very helpful it doesn't sound very helpful have a good day at work thanks bye guys

bye do it tonight hi what is up what's up what's your name Katie what's up Katie

hi Katie I'm Ashley where are you from I am from Orange County Orange County not too far let's see What's your name? Katie. What's up, Katie? Hi, Katie. I'm Ashley. Where are you from? I am from Orange County. Orange County. Not too far. Let's see. Yeah, not too far from you.

So tell us your question and your problems and how can we fix everything? Okay. So my question kind of had to do with you and then also apply to my life. Let's focus on your life. to my life so focus on your life let's focus on your life okay so I'm 25 and I feel like I graduated college three years ago and thanks um and I feel like since graduating it's just been all over the place like for me my friends everyone we don't know what we're doing we don't know what we want to do with our lives our careers and so I just wanted your advice on kind of how your early 20s were and how you figured out what you wanted to do

and like what path you wanted to take basically I love this question I would like to know that too basically. I love this question. I would like to know that too. This is a great question. In cold Milwaukee. Cold Milwaukee. My twenties were kind of like that too. We're kind of all over the place. I mean, I had three serious relationships in my twenties, but minus that it's interesting growing up in Milwaukee and maybe this is everywhere, but I find that like when we're teenagers, you know, when we I find that when we're teenagers, when we're growing up and we're 16, 17, 18 in early adulthood, we build these expectations in our head. I'll never forget my 25th birthday.

I had a literal panic attack. I'll never forget. It was a Tuesday. I was an accountant. I had just broken up with my girlfriend at the time. In my head, I was like, I'm just broken up with my girlfriend at the time I was in my head I was like I'm 25 I'm I'm I'm so old and I I've never haven't done anything I had a literal thought of like I don't I have not purchased a BMW yet because I that was like my dream car when I was a kid and

I haven't accomplished that yet and I wasn't some executive at a company and I wasn't engaged to be married with kids on the way. And I had this panic attack. And I turned 30. I had a great birthday. I think in your 20s, again, you try to live up to these expectations. At some point late in your 20s, at least for me and I think a lot of people, you start chilling out. You start realizing that who knows what you want or don't want. But you get rid of those kind of built-in expectations

you made for yourself early in life. Katie, what did you go to school for? So I went to Cal State Fullerton, so right here. Okay, and what did you study? Political science. What do you want to do with that? That's very cool. Yeah, so I worked in politics, worked on campaigns.

That's fun. It was like, I got gotta get out of here this is totally right so i've kind of been jumping around ever since and can't really find like my niche yeah you're 25 you said 25. i've been in a four and a half year relationship and he's kind of the same way we don't know what the hell we want to do. Do you want to be with him? Yeah. For sure. Okay, well, there's one obstacle that you don't have to worry about.

I would just say do things. Just do more different things. Even if you don't think that you want to go there with your life, it just opens your mind up when you try new things. You know, sign up for like, I don't know, sign up for a different type of class right just something slowly i even you know i agree but i also with that i think when you do that don't do it with the mindset of i need to figure this out like every time you don't like evaluate every new thing you do is is this the thing i should be doing just do it just experience things if you can convince yourself to let go of this mentality

like the most successful people are people that just do things they don't talk about doing them you know what i mean yeah look i'm not one of those people so i'm not preaching to you i'm just saying i've always looked to my left to my right and i'm like well they're so much further ahead of me and they're my age and then then you go, they're not sitting around picking their nose, talking about the people that are ahead of them. They're just, they're picking something and they're doing it. And they're like putting their head down and they're going. And you can always change your mind.

Katie, it was so good to meet you. It was so good to meet you. Good luck. Happy holidays. Yeah, good luck with everything. Go join a cooking class. I know, I will will it's a good idea bye bye i just want to thank all the people who submitted their questions sorry if we didn't get

to all of them um so we're gonna do some play some quick audios and uh see if ash and i can kind of rapid fire these off uh and see if anything comes of it and uh you you may or may not find this entertaining i hope you i think you will when it comes to online dating is it better to think with the mentality of play the game or be the player i say play the game don't you never want to be the player well yeah don't but don't go into i think yeah i agree with you if you're gonna go in thinking i'm gonna like i'm gonna be in the in control here like use dating apps is a way to meet people yeah people put it's just like do i do dating apps or not it is a it's it's an option it's not the end of be all like also yeah i say meet somebody on a dating app and then stop communicating

i like your idea like you have to have restraint on dating apps. You have to limit your own options. Hey, Nick. It's Allie. Just wanted to know what are some good motivational tips for getting motivated to work out and eat healthy? By the way, I love your questions with Nick. See ya.

Thanks. She sounds chill. She sounds chill. I'll give you that. She sounds like I could be best friends with Nick. See ya. Thanks. She sounds chill. She sounds chill. I'll give you that. She sounds like I could be like best friends with her. Allie? Yeah.

I mean, she seems like, you know, she's my pal. She sounds very chill. Here's the thing. Staying in shape matters to me, but I'm not going to pretend that I haven't been very fortunate in terms of my ability to stay in shape and my metabolism. And I know that's not as easy for other people. How often do you work out? Every day. Oh, Jesus.

I have a background. Every day. That just made me nauseous. A little, but I don't do a ton, right? I do like, it might be like 15 minutes. It might be an hour, but I always try to do a little bit of something. And I think the best advice I can give is work up to things

and try to, you know, doing 10 minutes is better than doing nothing. And if you do 10 minutes every day, it's better than doing an hour and a half one day a week. So to build that motivation, just try to do a little bit of something. Doing 20 squat air squats in your living room while you're watching your favorite show is a good way to start doing. And I do, I do stuff like that. I do not go to gym and pump a lot of iron and do crazy workouts. I just try to stay active and do a little bit as much as I can. How do you feel constantly being judged for being single

by people who don't know you? So am I being judged because I'm single? Yes. Not by me, but by the world world you think that's the general thought i don't think judged i think people are just like what is up with this guy like why is he single yeah is single a bad thing single is not a bad thing i think you put yourself on a bunch of dating shows and so you invite people i understand you invite people to have an opinion about your relationship i understand i think that sucks i wouldn't to, I would hate that if I were you, but also like there is a give and take there. I do get a lot of questions like, well, how is he

single? I mean, the truth is, I mean, ultimately I choose to be single. Um, I really want to meet someone. And like we've discussed earlier, I am less interested in just having someone to chill with just because i like having someone around i have as you get older you get more comfortable with being alone i do think that's healthy your life has been very very atypical for the in the last couple of years like you put yourself on tv it changes people think they can have an opinion. It changes. Yeah. Until I really meet someone where I really see a future and I between her and I confidently know that there's a future that we're going to really try for. Yeah. I'm not really going to talk about this girl or that girl or.

That's fair enough. Or and I'm not willing to just hang out with someone because I'm OK. Like I have an OK time with. I don't think it bothers you so much to be judged for being single because you feel very confident in your singleness. Yeah. I mean, I mean, I have fun with it. I mean, on my Instagram, I play into that character, so to speak. Oh, shucks.

I'm I'm alone. Listen, there are definitely moments where i would like to meet like there's definitely moments where it's like oh man what's up like yeah my question to you is what's your advice for uh myself as a 26 year old who grew up in a super conservative home um has never dated still waiting for a first boyfriend um and uh all that kind of jazz thanks you're welcome very sexy voice yeah nice voice i i i wish i got we got this person on the phone i'd like to know more i mean i too grew up in a very conservative household but there are various degrees of how conservative yeah so i'm curious of how much that conservative household has played a role

in her not having a boyfriend without with limited information i would say at this point being 26 it's not weird only people people like oh is it weird it's not weird but you might need to like force yourself to get out there you might have to get on a dating app or whatever like you need to you need to be don't wait for like your prince charming stop waiting to find love go get it you know and again do that with patience and know that you're going to have your obstacles but you you have to put yourself out there and be assertive because i i think you're at risk of getting in a situation where you you don't know what to do and you you've become almost you never in any situation want to like get a complex for something and then you just get worse you get defensive you start in the

events you're going to date you start talking about how you've never dated with the guy you're on a date with yeah don't live behind that don't make it a thing identity you know and so uh it's not a big deal but just start going out there get some practice like like it's dating is like anything else the better you the more you practice, the better. And dating can just be talking to people, having intimate moments, being vulnerable, being disappointed. These are all things that go into successfully dating. It's really hard. Yeah. You have to be very vulnerable to put yourself out there.

But I think people have to be willing to do those things. And you don't get so hard on yourself for having things not work out the way you want them to work out. That is part of dating. Yeah. Hi. So I'm 25, and I'm just wondering how to keep a guy's attention. I keep getting in these one-month flings that ultimately end, and I've just started talking to somebody new. I'm trying to take it slow,

but I also want to be able to still keep his attention. I feel like growing up I noticed, and I feel like this was more with women than with men, but I don't think it's exclusive to gender, but I tend to notice that women want to be in relationships earlier than men. For sure. I feel like have this problem where they feel like they're, they're chasing love a little bit too much. And I, sometimes I would guess without knowing a lot of information that this person or the people out there who are in these situations, you probably don't even like these guys as much as you think you do.

I think you start dating in your, what I would say is just date. And it, again, it's, it might not work out, but don't start worrying about him losing interest before you even get to know him.

Let things play out. One month into dating my husband, I made a very specific decision not to say, like, what are we doing here? Or what is this? On one night when I thought, I want to say this. And literally the next time we hung out, he was like, so could I call you my girlfriend?

I was like, just let him come to you. He'll come. Totally. They'll come. If you're going into this thing, I like him and I hope he likes me. Don't worry about that. My last two relationships that I've been in, I've started okay, but I end up feeling really trapped.

The current one that I'm in, I feel like I tried to express that to her, but she didn't give me any options, and I kind of feel forced and persuaded to be in this relationship because I'm a pushover I just don't know what to do if you want to get out of the relationship get out of the relationship but there is nothing to be had from a conversation where somebody is saying I feel trapped in this relationship that is like the conversation needs to be I'm sorry I need to leave this relationship but don't ever just tell someone I feel trapped and leave it That also it sounds like maybe I don't know how old this gentleman is

It sounds like he might be young maybe you're just not ready to be in a relationship if every relationship or the pattern is you always feel trapped and You're again so like it's the opposite side of some of these younger women who are calling in saying I, I'm with these guys and eventually kind of flake on me or they don't want to be in relationship. If you don't want to be in one, don't be in one. And I think that there is a lot of pressure,

you know, especially again, when you're in your twenties to, well, I shouldn't, again, going back to like the, the stigma of being single.

If you want, it's like be single. If you want to be single, don't be in a relationship if you're not ready for it. Because relationships take work and their commitment and their sacrifice. And you have to say no to things. And subsequently you might feel trapped. If you're not ready for one, don't be in one.

Relationships are so hard. They are. But don't like put yourself in one if you're not ready. I agree. And if you are like, if you want to date, that's fine. But be upfront with the women or the men that you're dating with and say, hey, listen, I do think a lot of guys like having girlfriends, but they don't like doing the things that require to be in a relationship. Fair enough. Okay. And they ultimately feel trapped. You'll be a better guy if you're just honest upfront.

So I'm going home for the holidays and for the first time will be the only person in my immediate family without a significant other for our vacation. Any tips on how to deal with that sort of change in family dynamics without feeling very lonely or upset? Drink. That's one option. You could get drunk. Or you could just enjoy the people that you're with. It's more complicated than that.

It's not really. It doesn't have to be. That's more complicated than that. It's not really. It doesn't have to be. That's a very optimistic view. It's lonely. I just think people sometimes, and I get it. I've been there. We just don't make it worse than it is. And it's A, not that bad.

Because next year, you could be the one in a relationship and that your sister or brother or friend, even if they're married, sometimes shit doesn't work out or they're engaged or they just have a boyfriend. So who knows? But instead of crying about it and getting drunk and going, like, don't talk to me. Here's one simple advice is don't go there and not shut up about how single you are. You'll only make that worse. So just have some fun, enjoy your friends and family. And I'd be shocked if in at least next Christmas or the next couple of holidays, roles will be reversed in some way, shape or form. I am on the verge of turning 30.

How do I embrace being a successful woman and also being single at the same time and not being sure that the person I'm looking for actually exists? There's a lot in there. Well, the person, I don't think that that is a thing. The person. Relationships are work. People are work. If you really think that the person, your perfect person doesn't exist, then maybe get new qualifications.

Yeah, everyone has qualities that aren't ideal. And like this awesome that you are a successful, accomplished woman at 30, that's great. That's sexy. That's awesome. I'm super turned on by that in general. But like don't, like let that be like something that is a great positive trait.

But don't like, you know, I think sometimes people hang, like they don't lead with it you don't throw it in people's faces like it's a thing let other people compliment you on that like if i were to like simplify like at this point in my life i would love to meet a 30 year old successful woman like those are definitely like oh hold on a second definitely two qualities that i'm into um so yes like what are you doing friday i'm probably not our perfect person i have i don't know a list of flaws but um yes like i those are great qualities so you don't have to deal with that you should own that and and then you know understand that some guys are just we're all a

little average hey nick tina yo i love my best friend and I don't know how to tell him that. Please help. Loads of love from India. First of all, love her voice. Love it. She loves her best friend and she doesn't know how to tell him. I get a lot of those questions,

especially I feel like from the younger. I will say that this is a real simplify. You're going to have to make a choice. I think tell him. Just tell him. Yes, but just keep in mind there's a risk there and it might change always gonna love it i totally agree i think she has to you gotta go for it i mean

usually in most men and women uh just friends relationships especially early on someone likes someone more than other always um there are unique situations that over time, especially as you get older, there's not, that's not there. But I agree with Ashley. If you, you got to tell him,

it's going to eat at you until you tell him. You're not really just friends. No, it's going to eat at you until you know whether he wants to be with you or, or wants to give things a try as well. He's only your best friend because you can't have him as a boyfriend at this point. And if you haven't really put yourself out there, then you don't know if he's willing i think it's gonna work and you know what if it doesn't work that's great information too because then

you can move on with your life and you know if she's if she's 18 she'll probably realize and like yeah she'll laugh you just have to tell him yeah go for it yeah it's gonna be scary though yeah have a drink and just tell him be confident well ashley i just want to thank you so much nick thanks for having me this was fun i hope you come back again i would love to come back again give all of my relationship wisdom because obviously i'm an expert where can people find you ashley ashley underscore hinshaw i'm still figuring out my life in terms of reality TV, but I'm going to get there someday. Well, thanks for coming.

You've been great. It would be awesome if you guys could subscribe on iTunes, do a quick review so we can keep doing this. Thanks.