The Viall Files - E102 Lady Gang on Mimbo Chasing

Episode Date: March 4, 2020

Lady Gang (Keltie, Becca, and Jac) is in the house to tell us how to act like a lady. They share some embarrassing dating stories, and they disagree with Nick about who should text first. Then they teach us about the deadly “Hot Triangle.” Who has the nicest feet? Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode! Get your ViFi merch: https://shop.viallfiles.com. THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS: OPENFIT: Text VIALL to 505050  BEST FIENDS: https://download.bestfiends.com EMBARK: https://embarkvet.com/ CODE: VIALL TODAY TIX: http://todaytix.com/  CODE: VIALL See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

what is going on everybody happy wednesday and welcome to another episode of vile files uh joined here and speaking of hump day uh rochelle my producer what does that mean went on i think i think we have an update on some of these truly blind dates that she agreed to go on having no information about these individuals other than that they were alive and that their friends suggested that they meet this is a bit of a sad update it doesn't know that there's no such thing we're we can't wait okay so when she's like texted us both and was like, this guy, meet Rochelle.

I think you guys should date. And we're both like, ha, ha, ha. So then I texted him and was like, so how do you feel about getting set up? I was texting him just to initiate. Good for you. And I realized I have a very weird name. And he probably went on Instagram,

looked at who she follows and found me. I'm sure I'm the only Rochelle she follows. Yeah, it's not that hard. And then so- Unique, let's say unique name, not weird. Oh, I have a unique name, I have a unique name. But so anyways, I was texting him and then he just wasn't giving me anything back.

And then I'm wondering if he went on Instagram and then saw him and then was like, no don't know i don't know i wanted him to ask me you know because i initiated the text like lady gang says in this episode you can't be the first one which i'm usually am but uh well that's disappointing did you follow up with your friend no i will i'll text her how long ago was this like a week ago okay so wait you reached out yeah blah blah blah blah and then nothing nothing he didn't he didn't ask he you you suggested hey should we do something no i was just like how do you feel about being set up and he was like i feel kind of weird about it how do you feel i was like i feel great and then he just didn't respond yeah i feel great uh next time you did nothing wrong no i'm sure i did no you did it next time

uh no you did nothing wrong you did nothing wrong but if you were to do something different next time if you're like acknowledge the weird situation that it is instead of say i don't pretend like this is great i got my fourth set i'm like you're right again you didn't that is that that that does not justify his behavior and i'm not saying you did something wrong but you don't have to pretend that things aren't weird okay that's weird good that's so good like yeah i normally don't do blind dates but like maybe we should just. This is fucked up and insane.

Should we do it? Yeah. I mean, you know. Oh, shoot. You're right. It's totally fine. Like, it's totally fine. I was trying not to be desperate.

You know, you walk a fine line. Anyways, we have a great episode for you. We have the Lady Gang, as Rochelle mentioned. Lovely, hysterical, funny women. Very successful with what they do. Becca, Jack, and the wonderful Kelty. They're super funny.

I have a nickname for Kelty. I've got to know. This is the first time I met Becca. I've known Jack and Kelty for a while. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, it was the first time I met Becca in person. She did talk shit a little bit about me on her podcast, which we get into into but it's fine

no um and no kelty has been in impressed for a while she does interviews she just recently interviewed harrison ford and um i got to know her a little bit when i was the bachelor so it was fun to have her on and it's a fun group of women they have they're funny they're opinionated they have a very successful podcast of their own called the lady gang they also have very different dating advice than you have i found yeah but they admit i'm right um no they're they're they're a fun group and uh i was very excited to have them on and i also was on their podcast i'm not sure when that comes out maybe it's not out maybe it is this week is it this week so be sure to check that out people uh other than that should we just get to it? Yeah, let's do it.

Don't forget to rate us five stars. I mean, we want to keep those reviews up and we'll do another giveaway soon. How are people liking that swag merch? Love it. Oh, people are so excited when I tell them they won free merch. Check out our Instagram, shopvilefiles.com. Yeah, filefiles.com. There you go, filefiles.com. Anyways, check out her Instagram, shop, vilefiles.com.

Yeah, vilefiles. There you go, vilefiles.com. Anyways, check it out. Up next, the Lady Gang.

Best Fiends, woo, level 402. I think I might be past you, Rochelle. You think that? No, I'm killing it lately.

Let me see what level I'm on. 5'10", baby. Oh, suck it. Yeah, it's, you know, that's what's fun about it. It gets more and more challenging.

Again, you exercise your brain and I feel like, every time I feel like I have this mastered, nope. I know, it keeps it fun. So Best Fiends, it's a free download and it's you have to have it on your phone. Everyone needs a good game on their phone. Yeah, because also it's great for passing the time.

You exercise your brain. Also, and it's just fun. Like, what would you rather do when you're waiting for like a plane or like your friend or, you know, that person's like, I'm on my way. And they're not. No, bust out your best fiends. Yeah, and they have the cutest fiends.

My favorite is Howie. He's cute. He's got a long tail. I think he's a lizard. I don't know. They are cute. Yeah. Super cute.

Defeat the slugs. Yeah. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. And again, if you're going to be on your phone and you want to pass the time, do something that adds value to your brain and exercises it and with great puzzles and you feel like a sense of accomplishment when you play. Best Fiends has thousands of levels already with new levels, events and characters added

every month so it never gets stale. It's hours of fun right at your fingertips and you can even play offline. With over 100 million downloads and tons of five star reviews, Best Fiends is a must play. Download Best Fiends free on the Apple App Store or Google Play. That's friends without the R. Best Fiends is a must-play. Download Best Fiends free on the Apple App Store or Google Play. That's friends without the R. Best Fiends. Today ticks. Well, we all know, if you don't, you should.

Rochelle is entrenched in the Broadway world. I just love musicals and plays. Me, not so much, but once in a while. Once in a while. It's a good date. Me, not so much. But once in a while, once in a while. It's a good date. It's fun to go. It's a great date. I hear Book of Mormon's in town.

I've never seen it. Wait, are you serious? Never seen it. You have. You'll love it. So I'm going to use Today Tix to go. Yes. And with Today Tix makes this easier and helps you save some cash. Oh, yeah.

You should only be buying your musical Broadway dance shows from Today Tix for cash. Oh, yeah. You should only be buying your musical Broadway dance shows from Today Tix for sure. So, yeah, listen, if you love them, which I know a lot of people do, make sure you use Today Tix. Tell your husband or your boyfriend to use it. It's like, listen, take me on a nice date and something I want to do.

Yeah. Not the goddamn game. Yeah. Save some money. Goddamn football game. Not the goddamn football game. But it only takes like 30 seconds to check out it's super easy and you can do it today like it says today ticks or you can get it in advance too

finally see the show you've been wanting to see forever like brook of mormon or discover something new that you'll love just as much go to today ticks.com slash vL-L and use promo code V-I-A-L-L to get $10 off your first TodayTix purchase. That's promo code V-I-A-L-L at TodayTix, T-I-X.com slash V-I-A-L-L for $10 off your first purchase. TodayTix.com slash V-I-A-L-L. I feel like at this point in marriage, just having sex with someone is enough is giving okay like having sex with my husband three times a week I'm a fucking giver you're welcome none of my girlfriends have sex that much with their husbands I think that's a great way to kick off this podcast a nice intro Becca don't put that in we're definitely putting that in. Unless you really insist that we don't.

Let me think about it. I think it's a great way to start. I gotta assume that's not the most aggressive thing you guys have said on your podcast. No, we've said way worse. Or ladies. Do you like to be referred to yourself as ladies or when people say you guys?

I always say you i think you guys is a very californian thing no it's just vernacular of people just people okay i was trying to justify it but i always say i don't care well we have the lady gang here on the vile files today holla becca jack and clickbait i feel like kelty is very nervous to talk right now no i'm not oh uh sharing for those of you don't know the the lady gang is a very successful and popular podcast you guys are more of an og you know you guys have been around for a while now that everyone has you know i got a podcast yeah um do you you you think that about yourselves yes well we know that about ourselves yeah it was like four and a half years ago so too far like it must i gotta say i mean even for you now that i've only had this show

for like a year a little over a year and it's gone well and that's great but even i got in late in the game and now there's been that many more and it's just like oh everybody hey i'm gonna start a podcast you guys must really be like, really? Really, guys? Well, it's kind of like annoying when you try to tell somebody what you do. Yeah. You're like, oh, I have a podcast. And it's basically like, oh, I have an Instagram. Yeah. But it's actually like an entire brand.

And we've been doing it for almost five years. Well, yeah. I've thought about that, too. In due time. We'll get the respect that we deserve. I don't think so. We're like two years away. No, we're getting there.

No, in seriousness, the podcast space is the Wild West. It is. I mean, it wasn't even five years ago that no one really thought about or heard about podcasts. When Serial came out, that was like the big like, oh, a podcast? What is that? How do I even listen to that? And then more and more people. And then everyone started doing it so now when now when you say you have a podcast there's a bit of an eye roll yeah like oh okay neat so you don't work uh so you talk to

yourself in your bedroom yeah but in the past year and a half it's really gotten steam and credibility just the space in general and the people who have successful shows are now um you're getting the credit they deserve and i gotta assume that you you ladies are on top of that and then but do you get do you get annoyed when everyone you meet is like i'm starting a podcast too well i think there's a difference and i always say like even when people um are interested in coming on like the Lady Gang Network, because now we have a network of shows under our umbrella as well. That's a flex.

That's a flex. No big deal. But what I do is because I'm a psycho is I make them write out their first 10 shows because everyone has an idea for one great podcast or like two great podcasts. That's why people search podcasts. I'm going to start a podcast. I'm going to start a podcast and it's going to be me and my friends. Me and my friends talk about this all the time we talk about it and it's

great and like it's so interesting and then like episode four it's like and they stop doing it and there's actually a lot of celebs that have been like oh i need a podcast in my portfolio and they start and then they nothing happens so i think there's a difference between someone being like i want to make a three-part series podcast and like have a podcast that runs and your listeners know every Tuesday, every Thursday, you're getting a new episode no matter what. And that dedication, it is a show, you know, so we don't really get mad. I think that the cream rises to the top and we have such a beautiful and loyal group of fans. And because we've been able to beautiful, beautiful fans, but we've been able to beautiful beautiful fans but we've been able to

like you know we have a book that's on pre-sale right now at the lady gang.com act like a lady out june 2nd um wow and you know we have a book we have a clothing line coming we had a tv show like we've been able to i love how we spent the first five minutes talking about justifying ourselves passive aggressive passive aggressively saying why we're awesome. Well, we live in LA. There's nothing passive-aggressively about me. Me too. There's nothing passive-aggressively about me. How does one act like a lady?

Oof. We have a lot of rules. Yeah. You do? Yeah, yeah. First rule in dating, if you're actually a lady, is you never text him first. Ever.

That's our number one lady rule. Never? To this day, my husband still has to initiate conversation. Me too. I don't follow this rule. I this day, my husband still has to initiate conversation. Me too. I don't follow this rule. I always text my boyfriend first, but that's just because I wake up before him. And I've never agreed with this rule, but it is a lady gang rule.

Is that why there's three? So there's a tie breaker? Yes. I agree with it, though. It's basically, if you're dating, the guy, we kind of are a little bit old-fashioned in the way that we date that we still think the guy should be courting. Relationship status. You're married. I'm married.

Married. And I'm in a relationship. You're single. No. I mean, in a relationship. You're in a relationship. Oh, I thought you said no relationship. In a relationship.

I actually really like that. No relationship. So you're single. No way. Not married? Okay. You're available. It's like when you're at no not married okay you're available it's like when you're at the doctor's office and i'm like am i i guess i'm single yeah according to the

doctor and uh okay so now now that we have a reference yes no reaching out no first no because here's the problem is yeah tell me why most of my girlfriends who are single are this is gonna sound awful but like if they send me their cell phone if they pass me their cell phone and they're like what's going on why isn't he answering is he into me i see like five bubbles from them and like one from him and then three more bubbles from them and five hours go by and one bubble from him with a one word answer i feel like the dynamic needs to shift and this girl's hot she's got her shit together like that's all true but i don't necessarily agree with the initial contact really i don't either i mean someone's got to break the ice and sometimes you just don't know

and if you believe in yourself and your ability to like be it you know those are the girls no no but i'm saying like if you're just like if you just want to put your you want to plant the seed okay and then from there fine plant it and walk away yes yes like you know just breadcrumb them yes and just and then walk away yes but that's your argument is totally right where it's just like you need to look at your ratio look at the ratio um you need to and you're right like what is he into me well it's pretty clear yeah right right off the bat like but he could be maybe yeah if she adjusted the the ratio to a certain degree i think at the end of the day especially men are simpler men are black and white and if they're into you you'll know

yeah and it's pretty clear and not much you're going to do is really gonna white, and if they're into you, you'll know. Yeah. It's pretty clear. And not much you're going to do is really going to change that. And if you do play a game and breadcrumb them a little bit, they will just more or less – yeah, you might get them excited. You might get them to chase you. Yeah. But it's just – I always say this. It's just like a movie. How?

What? You guys – you're movie fans. like movies right yeah you have some favorites you have some rewatchables if you will you have movies that when you see it on tv no matter no matter when what part of the movie you just sit down and you finish the movie heavyweights yeah right then you have movies that you hate and you're like oh what a weird I don't why did I waste my time watching this movie and then you have movies that you see and they're fine and you like you enjoy that movie and then someone says do you want to watch this

movie again you're like I'm good are the movies the girls in this scenario and it's the same for men you just said men were simple and this is not simple at all this is abstract as fuck it's really simple and so say what you fucking mean the point the point is when people ask are you in devil's rose potter This is not simple at all. This is abstract as fuck. It's really simple. Nick, just say what you fucking mean, dude. The point is, when people ask...

Are you a devil's rose potter or not? Should I... A lot of sound. Like, women will always ask, like, oh, should I hook up with him on the first date? Should I wait four weeks? Whatever the fuck you want. Should I do eight months?

That's the point is, like, it doesn't matter. He's either gonna like it or he's not. I think you should always hook up on the first date. Absolutely. Wait, what? Yeah, yeah. Whoa. Don't text him, but his penis uh he gotta see what you're working with i'm just saying he like that's the thing you're he's either gonna like the movie and want to watch it again or he's not going to here's an example what if you get a movie okay your favorite what's your

favorite movie uh shawshank redemption is a go-to i like that okay well what if shawshank Redemption is a go-to I like that okay well what is Shawshank if it was presented to you in a way Fight Club Fight Club where it comes on your TV way too often

and it's always really loud and aggressive when it comes on your TV you're not gonna just loud and aggressive and it just pops up in the middle of the night

that's like being married eventually like when Fight Club comes on or like The Fugitive I'll still watch it but it's like I've seen this a lot but you know it's still pretty solid And you kind of just like turn down

the volume. It's in the background. You're not really paying attention. You're doing chores, but it's still there. And there's still satisfaction. And it probably brings you some comfort. Yeah. You know, and it makes you feel like you're not alone. Yeah. Wow. This is a tangent. I'm just saying like, yeah, sometimes we do overcomplicate it. And sometimes like they're either going to like you or they don't. And that's the thing. Not much you do is going to really change their overall interest in you. At the end of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, even though she was annoying and obnoxious and over the top, she still got the guy because she was hot.

So be hot. Be hot. So at the end of the day look like kate hudson be a hot movie and then you can be as crazy as you fucking want but if you're a normal looking girl don't pull that that's that's not true but the the crazy hot scale is true but there's always a shelf life there true well sometimes unless you're really hot unless you're like emily are you speaking for a woman's point of view well i was now speaking for the women's point of view because is that true for women the crazy hot scale no yes no she's a sucker i love i love a mimbo like a

male bimbo i've dated so many definitely you do well definitely loves Mimbo. You do? Who's like your ultimate? You just fuck yourself. Can I say fuck on this? Yeah, please. Okay. Wait, who's your ultimate Mimbo? Oh, Henry Cavill. Is that how you say it? Yeah, Henry Cavill. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. He's so short in real life. Is he? Ew. Really? I've noticed

that a lot of really... Not cute? A lot of smart women I know like Mimbos. And I don't know if it's because it's like i'm the smart one in this relationship so like i just need you to be hot because i don't need to like help have you help me figure out life kind of thing i don't know i've just had so many hot guys i've let so many hot guys treat me like garbage for so long and i stick around because they're hot like that's it it. Just I feel like the opposite. The hotter the guy is.

My standards are so much higher for him to not be a douche. But all hot guys are douches. That's why I'm not like a limbo chaser. Listen, I have I've turned over a new leaf. I wouldn't say my boyfriend is the hottest person in the world, but he is the most wonderful man and treats me like gold. And he's handsome and attractive, but he's not like Chris Hemsworth. Yeah, she got the ratio.

She met in the middle. I found the ratio that works for me. We all met in the middle. We met in the middle. You're saying your husband's not hot? No, he's above average hot. But like he's not. There's also, wait, I need to talk about, have we talked about the triangle, the hot

triangle? What? Okay. Well, there's like the man, I don't know what I want to call it. Is there's like the man i don't know what i want to call it isosceles thing i don't know but if a man is tall hot and has good hair he'll treat you like shit so maybe that's why you're single yeah is this your real hair yeah which which yeah i'm trying to figure out in that you're tall hot and have a full head of hair and then and that's why i'm single? Well, that's probably.

That makes me a dick? Probably. We probably don't even know you're being a dick. Yeah. It's your hair. You have all the things. Taking over the edge. You have all the things.

If you were bald. Kelty's husband is tall. I would be nicer. No, but your husband isn't like hot, hot. Your husband's rude. Handsome. Rude. But not like.

Chris, you're so hot. I find you so sexually attractive. Interestingly enough, a lot of people presume I'm a dick or think and I can be a dick and I can be aloof but in a relationship I'm a fucking sweetheart maybe that's the problem if you need to be more

I love aloofness my husband is the most aloof human on the planet oh I mean I'm I'm really good at making you always wonder if I give a fuck same I sometimes look at my husband I'm really good at making you always wonder if I give a fuck. Same. I sometimes look at my husband. I'm like, do you like me?

You hate me, right? I literally said that on the podcast last week. Yeah. Podcast. I was like, I don't think. But I think that's why I'm still sticking around. It's like I'm still working it. You know, you got to keep them on their toes.

Both sides. I got my nose waxed. It's keeping it hot. The inside of your nose yeah what what are some other rules we have with the lady gang is this like uh zombie land how many rules are there do you have the book yeah but it's empty it's a dummy book there's no word you don't pretend you're looking at it okay everyone can see you guys don't even remember these rules okay no we know let's see the book is 300 Beautiful. Let me open up this book that comes out on June 2nd.

Wow. That was for you. Got some work to do. Look at all the words. Look at all the words. What other dating roles do we have? Well, it's not a dating role, but if you're not constructively taking care of your mustache on a weekly basis, you have one.

Yeah. We don't care. If you're like, do I have a mustache? Yeah, women. Do I have a mustache? I don't know. I don't do anything. You have one. Yeah. We don't care. Like if you're like, do I have a mustache? Yeah, women. Do I have a mustache? I don't know. I don't do anything. You have one.

You have one. Yeah. Everyone has one. Every woman. Everyone has one. And every woman. Yeah, see? I don't.

And I know I have one right now. Let me see. I have a little one because I haven't shaved my face in a couple of days. It's blonde. But it's there. Do you want me to come look and see if you have one? Yeah, after. Oh, right now?

Yeah, you can. Oh, no. This is embarrassing because I feel like you're just going to tell me I have one. Someone needs to tell you. Go on. Honestly? You really...

You have a few little blackies there. Everybody has facial hair, you know? And nipple hair. I got a few little blackies. That's another lady game. Well, that's not a rule,

but it's a... So basically, be mindful of your hair and don't have you don't think you're i think you're the exception i have a question for you have you ever noticed a nipple hair on a partner okay what do you think of that you know whatever you don't care like a long black rogue one like if it becomes two inches and up if it becomes an issue you know when she's sleeping i'll just pluck it i'm just kidding but that's honestly where i appreciate it yeah um no i don't i'm not a like a child i don't like you don't if you date someone you have a girlfriend you realize

you know there's all these things that happen and you just what's like what's like your biggest turn off physically uh hygiene hygiene yes yeah smelly people yeah yeah that's like especially like you know bad breath like you know like you know women you know especially over history have this like expectations unfair sometimes of being all demure and ladylike and not having a mustache or farting or farting or pooping or whatever all these these things. But, and I get that's not a reality, but you certainly want them not to smell bad, you know? Right. There's, and I think sometimes do, you know, women's,

you know, like you hear sometimes women are into like guys' body odor. Yeah, pheroms. Men are not. Pheromones. Men are, I'm not into your body odor. I understand that you might have some. And it's okay if I smell you

But no amount of like Stank is gonna like Turn me on Your boyfriend likes your BO? He does like my BO But he's obsessed with me How long have you been in a relationship? A year and a half but I've known him for like 10 years

This isn't the guy you were like toddler jumping on Instagram For like two years He is a psychopath and we Don't say his name it's like Voldemort Okay Listen I watched you from afar And did you think something was up I was concerned about your Instagram

Yeah it seemed a little bit Too much well you know Here's another lady gang rule is The more that you post about your relationship On Instagram being so amazing The more you're crumbling unless you're making money uh yeah but that's true yeah and and i was i was miserable so i kept posting about him yeah as you do the the oh what i was gonna answer your question yes so long ago but i think we moved on well you asked like what's a lady yeah and we the dedication

in the book is to to all the ladies in the streets with zit cream on their sheets yeah so it's like it's all about like right thanks like keep your shit together in public public but we're all normal and we're all human we're all falling apart behind closed doors but it's no excuse keep your shit together yeah we're very 1950s yeah this is stressing me out keep it together on the outside and then you go in your car and you can just ball your eyes out and listen to a rascal flat song and stuff your face with yeah but you're not you're not like suggesting like we're not suggesting anything that you go out and this is not like you can go out and wear sweats and yeah oh yeah like exclusively but there's no excuse to going

out and just being uh no it's like women can be no you career women who make their own money who have their shit together that like have a have a mortgage and have their house you can still black out and puke all over yourself on a saturday night and we won't hate you you know you're human but in public you can do that i mean we don't we don't think we don't advise it. You know, you're human. But in public, you can do that. I mean, we don't think, we don't advise it. I have. But like, we can all, we're allowed to be messes,

but try your best to, you know. Like 70% is fine. How did the lady gang start? Kelsey? Well, Becca? What the fuck? Okay, well.

Anyone want to deflect? Is this a secret we usually sleep together so what version should we tell cult usually starts i think she just had like a short circuit no i'm good um so becca and i knew each other because becca was on broadway in new york and i was unsuccessfully on broadway in new york and we knew each other and we used to compete for roles and she used to get them I'm sensing a lot of no it's fine I'm fine it's fine I'm just so much taller I'm just so much taller what does that even mean I was meant to be a rockette and you were meant to be an I thought you were this people lifted you I thought you were too short to be a rockette

no she was a rockette are you suggesting that like you think you're better looking and taller I am taller that's a fact but I'm better looking you think you're better looking and taller i am taller that's a fact but i'm better looking you said becca no i'm not i'm not we're not having this fight i'm not making any state i'm trying to get you guys to fight my goal of this is to break up the bad i have butthole eyes what so becca wins what did you say okay i was reading through her book and you said something like ant ant hole butt eyes or something. Someone said that to me on Twitter. That you had what?

Your eyes looked like buttholes. I can't watch you on TV anymore with your butthole eyes. They're dark and deep. Dark and deep. Anyway, so Becca and I knew each other in New York. And Glee had just, just, just, just, just ended. And I was working over at my job being an entertainment reporter. And we were having lunch one day and she had had this fashion blog and I had been doing

some writing. We're like, oh, we should, you know, we were like everyone. Oh, my God, we should have a talk show. We're so funny. And then we're like, well, no one's going to give us a talk show because we're not famous. So maybe we should have a and I was like a podcast because I'm a forward thinker. And then we're like, we need a third girl. And I was like, you know who I want?

Jack Vanek. She's so cool. We barely knew. I mean, we knew each other from social circles, but we have a mutual ex-boyfriend. We dated the same guy.

And I want everyone to stop what they're doing and Google Ryan Ross. They fucked this guy. No, no. Google Ryan Ross. You both did? Ryan, sorry.

So you're the Ringo. I'm looking it up right now. Ryan Ross Rose Vest. Google, please. I was not around during that. Is he still alive? Yes. Because he's out looking it up right now. Ryan Ross Rose Vest. Google, please. It's a specific photo. Is he still alive? Because he's outing this guy right now? He is. And he lives in LA. We're not sure. He does?

Yeah. M. Burke. If you haven't used it yet and you have a furry friend, then you aren't smart. No. You're not smart. Why aren't you smart? Well, because first of all, we all like knowing a little bit of ourselves

and we like knowing about our dogs. And most importantly, the more you know about your dogs, the better of a parent you can be to your furry creatures. Yeah. You can give them helpful medical needs if they need it. And also you can stop being a liar to your friends

when you're like, they're a mix of something. And then you start like making up breeds that you don't really know. Yeah. You can find out how old they are.

I mean, if you, you know, hopefully, if you have a dog, hopefully you had a chance to rescue a dog. And if you do,

you have a lot of, there's a lot of information you don't have. Yeah, a ton. So get Embark. It's also fun. It's a great conversation starter. You can talk about it

on our first date. So many people DM us telling us. Yeah, like, you know, all you people on first dates, what do I talk about. You can talk about it on our first date. So many people DM us telling us. Yeah. Like, you know, all you people on first dates, what do I talk about? Talk about your dog, man. Just talk about your, like, how you got this test. It's really interesting.

The person beside you, if they're, like, not interested in this, then they probably suck. Right? So you'll, first of all, figure out who you shouldn't date. And then you have a great conversation starter. How is everything about dating at all no no but our executive producer did this with his dog who was a rescue bubby and he found out he's a hundred percent beagle and also he was able to take that information to the vet and help it helped the vet know how to i was gonna live for 30 more years right now embark has an exclusive offer you can't get anywhere else. Go to EmbarkVet.com right now and use promo code V-I-A-L-L to save 15% off your dog DNA test kit.

Visit EmbarkVet.com and use promo code V-I-A-L-L to save. Open, fit, have amazing exercises and classes on your phone or tablet. I love OpenFit. Are you still taking bar classes? Yeah, extend bar. Bar is the best for toning up all those areas. Well, listen, we have busy schedules. We don't have time to go to the gym.

I mean, most of us don't. Especially if you have kids. If you have kids. But you know what? have busy schedules uh we don't have time to go to the gym i mean most of us don't especially if you have kids you have kids but you know what if you spend 15 20 minutes a day open up open fit on your phone get a extend bar class a yoga class uh listen there's tons of different uh professionals and trainers out there with a variety of different courses there's this one it's called rough around the edges and it's it's by stunt women. Yeah, check that out. So yeah, it's fun too, right?

So you get a little bit of sweat in. Shavings make a pile, people. Just do a little bit each day. People ask me, how do you stay in shape, Nick? I just do a little bit each day. I know, it's so frustrating. I don't go, I'm not a big gym rat. I don't go hard to the paint, so to speak.

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He's going to murder me. I think. Is he a fine human being? Look at this. Oh my. They fought over him. God. They fought over him.

I never fucked him. How old is he? I thought you did have sex with him later. I didn't know him then. And he's into it. He's much younger. He's younger.

That's bad. He's older than me. He's a year older than me. So he's 33. I mean, I don't want to say that I still have his birthday. I'm just kidding. I don't know. I don't know how old he is now. That's not when I dated him. That was before. It doesn't matter. So I dated him when I was like 18 for three months. But there's pictures of her making out with him all over the Internet. It exploded on the Internet. People still won't let me forget it. And then we broke up. Kelty

dated him after me. For three years. For forget it and then we broke up Kelty dated him after me for three years for three years then they broke up and I hooked up with him again and then that was the end of the story look at them look at them second photo so that's wait is that you Jack so big gross that's me wait I need to get oh my god he will spit in your mouth that's amazing very emo it was emo time thoughts kelty get that makeout photo gross god look at my hair i have i have a raccoon raccoon tail on my hair oh wow yeah there you go wow that was great okay those eyebrows thank god those came back in they didn't come back so we had a mutual boyfriend but jack's so cool she's an entrepreneur she has her own brand she is just so radical and we're like we got together and we were like let's do it and we

had no idea that would become as popular there's you kelty see i look amazing your pictures are look at his facial hair though he looks like he drew that in. Yeah. I was so a few blackies. I don't think that he could grow. I was so thin. I lost so much weight. He was thin. And so I was like, he gave you such bad anxiety.

Probably. I was just going to say, cause like he was thin. So it ends, but I was so skinny then. I look amazing. So you brought in Jack. So when we started the podcast,

I don't think we really had a real idea of what we were doing. And we thought that maybe we'd talk for a little bit. I thought we were making YouTube videos and then that would be it. And it would be like a fun side thing. And now it's taken over our lives. Yeah. Now it's like a full-time job. We have employees. We have trademarks. We have all kinds of stuff. Damn. very impressive and so yeah and you guys i mean it's a lot of relationship stuff you have a lot of do you have men coming in and asking you a lot of questions and getting advice i mean we had david asking a question on our podcast it's 98 women yeah there's a few men at our live at our live shows we have a lot of men who are

dragged yeah and then we drag them it's so it's like in fact because of the engagement story this is a good story yeah we were in texas or i don't remember what city it was arizona and we always like question the couples that are there together are you married if they're not we ask how long they've been together and if it's a long time and there's still no engagement we like we get in there we roast them a little we get them to break up no so there's this one couple and they've been together and if it's a long time and there's still no engagement we like we get in there we roast them a little we get them to break up no so there's this one couple and they'd been together for like seven years and he hadn't proposed he hadn't done anything we gave him really hard time how old were they though probably old enough late 20s early yeah late yeah um and then and i think she was like in med school or something like she was definitely

gonna become something like you know he was like hanging on for dear life because he was a loser. And then he sent me a DM like a month later or so, something along the line. I don't remember what it said to you. It was like basically something like you ruined my life. He wanted to fuck me. Yeah. He sent me a dirty. Romantically?

Yeah. Well, maybe he was probably not like a beater up did they break up and then well so he sent me this nasty thing like he wanted to lick my butthole and i was like this is gross so then on the podcast i brought it up and i said if you guys were at a live show i didn't say his name i said if you were at a live kind of you yeah i said if you came to the live show with a boyfriend And um You were dating for a long time and you never got married We did this almost in every city

Yeah it happens all the time Yeah I said you should check his DMs And if he's DMed me then we have an issue Yeah but you also You should just out of this guy Because then you freaked out Everyone needs a good freak out You think so

And how do you feel about checking your spouse's DM I never have I would never freaked out. Everybody. Everyone. Everyone needs a good freak out. Yeah. You think so? Yeah. And how do you feel about checking your spouse's DM? I never have. I would never, ever. Kelty. Chris,

let you look through his phone. Yeah, you've definitely done it. When I first started dating Chris, I was very broken human. I had some trust issues. I'm not going to lie. From Ryan Ross.

From Rose Best over there. From this guy. It just seems so silly in hindsight. Yeah, no shit. And so Chris, he had a Blackberry at the time. Did you guys do each other's makeup? We had Blackberry at the time. And he was like, there's no code.

He's like, here's my Blackberry. He would just be like, look through it. And he would just leave it out. And I just looked through it all the time. Have you done Ryan Ross's makeup?berry. He would just be like, look through it and he would just leave it out and I just look through it all the time. Have you done Ryan Ross's makeup? Probably. No. 100%.

I haven't. Are you sure? Yeah. I used to cut his hair. On a scale of one to 10, how would you guys classify your chillness? In a relationship or in life? Relationship.

Zero. Is a high number chill or is a high number not chill? High number is no chill. In my relationship zero it's a high it's a high number chill or is a high number not high number is no chill in my relationship now is like a zero because i am with you're very chill yeah very chill because i have like the perfect partner for me i believe that about you in past relationships my one before it was a 10 because he was gaslighting me and manipulating me and treating me like shit so are we talking about like chill in like trusting? No, just in general.

Or just in general. Because I mean, everyone has a, like you can push anyone's buttons, right? Like I don't care if you are in a relationship that's toxic and you're being gaslit all the time, you're constantly being, you're on the defense. It's impossible to be chill. But are you,

you know, like sometimes people create the tension through their no chillness. Right. And I'm curious of where you ladies stand. I'm, I would say I'm a one in the relationship. Chris and I have been together 10 years.

We've only had one fight where I didn't talk to him for two days. Like I'm pretty chill in my relationship relationship i'm an absolute 10 in every other i know it's actually interesting it's the only thing that i'm chill with is him because i trust him so much and i love him and he's like a really calming factor in my life everything else is a fucking dumpster fire yep but is it really though you have a network and you have love what more do you need still it she she she creates the dumpster fire in her head yeah yeah sure i mean when things are going great kelty's like everything is crashing and burning yeah yeah and we're like what i i i appreciate

that thank you i need to what essential oil should i use for my high anxiety uh release really lavender a lot of lavender I think it's plugged in. Zero? You seem very chill. I'm chill. I'm like very much like a guy. And I hate when girls say this. It's like the most gag worthy thing.

I'm like a guy in my really, but I really am. Like I really am. I have all girlfriends. I'm not one of those girls. But in a relationship, like I just, I feel like I've only ever been with people who really want to be with me. I get enough rejection. She's that hot, Nick. No, no, no.

I get enough rejection in my career where, like, I don't need to go home to someone where I'm guessing if they're into me. And also, you learned that lesson so early in your life. In the bounce house. She's only dated guys that have worshipped her. And it took me until i was 31 years old to find that guy right because i i chased guys and dated shitheads my entire life up until now i just don't understand like wanting to play a game you can't win like i don't like to do anything that i'm not going to be good at so why am i going to choose someone who's not going to like love me a lot like i could be

that girl that preys on the hottest guy in a bar but he's not going to be into me it's going to bum me out i that's that's really great i'm low i have you learn that so young like found that uh a lot of women aren't like that no no women are generally not like that uh you know men like a chase too but i find it more like women, maybe it's the younger ones or at least our audience is that, not all, I'm not generalizing, but they have a tendency to have their only barometer is, does he like me? And like they don't.

You have to wonder, he probably doesn't that much. And then you have to look inside Nick and think, do I like me? Oh shit. Shit, take it there. You know what I mean? Sure. And if you're chasing someone for self-assurance the answer is probably probably not no no one likes you not even

yourself but you so you've always loved i hate i've always loved myself i mean i have like reverse daddy issues yeah my dad my dad is obsessed with me that's so cute he used to tell me that i was like more beautiful than any Victoria's Secret model. It was a rough time when I. Yeah. No, not like that. That would be creepy. But like my confidence was crazy.

That's amazing. It is until you actually grow up and you realize you're not that incredible. But you are. Thank you. Yeah. But then, you know, I mean mean it gave me the confidence to like not seek validation anywhere outside of just myself i think that's that like makes me want to cry that's great so sweet thanks dad yeah i would uh if i people would ask me when you're

if i'm lucky enough to have a kid or have a daughter it's just you never want to be the dad who's controlling overbearing telling what they can't do just make them believe that they can have anything they want and they can like they have all this value and that they give them all that validation so they don't seek it other places yeah right just make them believe that they every person they bring into their lives is someone who should feel better for it. Yeah, and lucky to have them around. And then they're not chasing.

Is it so nice to be your age and think about kids and not be like, cool, my genitals are done? There's no more eggs left? It's gotta be so nice to be a dude. Wait, how old are you? 39, right? Yeah. 39.

And you're like, I can't wait to have kids. And I'm also, am i 39 now i'm 38 i'm 38 and i'm like almost but we're not freezing our shit i'm do any of you have kids no i'm i'm it's done uh it's got to be freeing right sure i don't stress about it I don't stress about this I really I really want to be a dad Like tomorrow And that's something Yeah that I That I I want

But I don't I don't want I don't feel the stress Of making It happen Or worrying that I can't Having to spend 40 grand To like make it happen

There's no time I just want I just want to have a kid Do sperm Sperm never go away? No that's not true. Sperm does eventually. You should freeze some.

As you get older, your sperm count... Just go freeze some. And it's cheap to freeze sperm, isn't it? Yeah. And it's easy to get it. Yeah, just jack off and go to a tube. Don't even get me fucking started. I'm not totally worried about that right now.

But yeah, mostly because it'd just be good for my brand. Yeah, totally. But also... Honestly, if you... So many sponsorships on it. I just, I just want to be hot dad. And also like,

I still feel, I want to, I want dad porn. Nothing makes dad porn. You know, like, yeah, you know,

like nothing makes your vagina quicker. Is that, is that weird? When I'm in a target, dirty. No, it's more like Instagrams. I'm like dad porn where it's just a guy holding

baby yeah yeah so hot oh so hot yes in a dad and a baby bjorn like in public no a dad with a little girl on his shoulders at like a festival not like coachella but like right a carnival street fair like at the farmer's market i've kind of given up on love which is like you know we'll see i'm not totally giving up on it, but I do also think maybe even being the single dad would be even better. No, no, absolutely not.

Would you just adopt or what would you do? Oh, I'm like, wow, that is so progressive of you. You do not. You can't. Yeah.

You can't have a baby mama. That's like losing her shit on you and like getting jealous when you're, you can't have a baby without the female egg and that female is attached to someone out there so it's either gonna fuck her up or it's gonna fuck up the baby maybe or i don't know we could go find you a great egg donor yeah are you gonna get an egg donor just do that but i'm just saying in a surrogate if i'm like just i'll surrogate your baby 24 7 just be really just something to say i might get a lot of diaper campaigns you would you would be way more relatable yeah kelty's gotten shit about not having kidding but i do

want i do want a kid uh ideally with someone i'm in a relationship with you get shit for not having kids oh always yeah who yeah we all we do focus groups done on our tv show and they're like i don't know these women are almost 40 by the way we're not well you are someone is just kidding i am and they're like where are their children i can't relate to these women where are their children i was like do you get it do you ladies get defensive about that do you want kids i definitely want kids i just wish that my um reproductive organs were 21 versus yeah you know however old they are now probably 600 years old yeah we're almost Reproductive organs Were 21 Versus Yeah You know However old they are now

Probably 600 years old Yeah we're almost Wearing Geriatric age Are you trying it? I've been geriatric Is that Can I ask that?

Not actively trying But I am Hold the goalie I am gonna be doing Some like Embryo freezing Okay Uh huh

To like get my Get our shit together So that when we're ready We have like I don't have to stress about it Yeah I'm freezing my eggs this year congratulations how old are you uh 32 almost 33 and you're freezing your eggs i don't want kids anytime soon but i want kids eventually maybe in like five years

so that's my only option and then you're you're currently freaking out about having no i'm not you're not you're not you don't want to have kids. I'm not having children. Do you want them? I mean, I'm torn. There's like a part of my life that's like, I'm like, oh, fuck. Like, I am going to want that. But I just think my family's really far away.

I don't have a tribe. My husband is not a baby person. Like, there's just like a lot of things at play that I think it would be maybe difficult. That's okay. It can be difficult. And he might be a baby person. No,

you don't, you don't think if he had his own kid, I can tell you it's like the family hilarity stories that like a child will come in the room and Chris will leave and go take a conference call outside. I do that. Like, I really don't like a baby. I still think that's different until you have yours. I mean, he might not be.

He might like, I don't know, but I don't think you really know until you have your own and he could be totally different. Yeah. Yeah. I'd say it's 50-50. Yeah. yeah i'm i'd say it's 50 50 yeah if he if he's so bad around any kid then he still has a 50 chance of loving his own child but also a 50 chance of being an absent father being a shitty dad we love that and just i think that's for any guy hope it's a boy it's just 50 50 there's a lot of

great nannies though though. You know? You gotta think about that. I'll be your nanny. So, and then you guys obviously dated before. You're still out there finding, looking for your... No, I'm not. I'm in a relationship. Sure. Right.

I've talked about my boyfriend like 10 times. I love it so much. How long have you been dating him? A year and a half. Okay. But again, I've known him for 10 years, and we're like best friends. Is he the one? He's the one?

Yeah, he's the one. Okay. Do you want to get married? We love to marry. It's logistical things now. He's a musician. Okay. Do you have a type?

I have a type. I try to stray away from the type, and then I just keep, it's like magnet. He lives in Arizona, so it's like logistical. He has to move out here you gotta figure it out all that kind of shit he's a musician who lives in arizona why does he yeah why does he live in arizona because he's from there the whole band is there yeah the whole okay phoenix are you looking for her boyfriend it's jared monaco that's his real name and you got and you uh is it important of the monaco family is it part of the lady gang's rule book to um approve of your lady friends uh we don't have to approve but well they were very not like the other guy they were very harsh on me when i started dating jared

because yeah i mean if he wasn't my person it would not be a situation i would like put myself in yeah um he looks like he has a kind soul he he is the kindest human i've ever met in my entire life like kind kind kind soul um but yeah you guys gave me shit for a while yeah because of why why you tell them why she was the last single guy on the lady gang and we need a fucking jet yeah they wanted me to date a billionaire but she's so hot. She has amazing legs. She could totally snag a VP of Amazon.

A 60-year-old billionaire that wants me to shit on their chest. Amazon. Amazon. Anyway, we were hoping she would marry a billionaire and we could have a jet,

but it's fine. We love Jared. It's fine. This is fine. We're going to get our own jet. Bang! Yeah, you have a network now. Lady jet.

The lady jet. Ooh, that sounds like a network now. Lady jet. The lady jet. Ooh, that sounds like a sex toy. It does. In the bath. It's a bathtub only womanizer. And it's like a UTI. It's cheap like a submarine. Have you ever had an orgasm off a jet?

No, I have. I have. I have many times. And now I have the hot tub in the backyard. Yeah. Woo-hoo! Do you guys find that you hang out a lot? That your sexual preferences, does it vary with women? Do you guys, from a women's standpoint? What do you mean find that you hang out a lot that your sexual preferences are does it vary with

women do you guys from a women's standpoint what do you mean sexual preferences like i don't know like what things you guys are into you know like are women all the same are they different uh have you found that you're three different women you all have strong personalities but you're all very different as you know do women are are women all the same? Are they different? Like guys are fairly simple. We were talking about sexual fetishes before we started recording. You like, I like foot stuff. You like foot stuff.

Well, I like, I'll explain. You like, you like your toes sucked on, but you, you would, I will not suck on a toe.

I'd rather cut my own feet off than i have a i have a very selfish real foot foot phobia i have a weird thing going on with feet but it's a weird point of contention i don't happen nothing you met quentin at a young age we've googled so many photos we have um no i don't know i just and i are on wiki feet they are which i'm fucking pissed about i, I don't know. Becca and I are on WikiFeet. They are, which I'm fucking pissed about. I don't know how my writing is lately, but. You do have high ratings. I'm just not famous. We have beautiful feet.

I'm not famous enough to be on WikiFeet. I'm kind of pissed off about it. You have to be on. I'm going to look. I'm not. I'm even on it. I just looked this up. I am not on WikiFeet.

Don't even know. Be careful what you wish for. I know. So you're into feet. Do you have any weird. By the way, I'm not into touching anybody know. So you're into feet. Do you have any weird... By the way, I'm not into touching anybody else's feet. Only my feet. No, I get it.

You're selfish. I like having sex for money. Yes. Just kidding. Sort of. No, I mean, I don't... Oh, my God. Here's my feet.

Those are my feet. Oh, five stars. Five stars. Beautiful feet. Five stars. Five stars. Beautiful feet. Five stars. Five stars. I mean, I was a foot model. What is this?

WikiFeet. It rates people's feet. The collaborative celebrity feet website. They gather all your feet photos. My feet are showing in that picture and I'm not even on there. See what Nick's feet are rated. I think it's mostly women. But we check for Nick.

It's like a guy. This website was absolutely made by a weirdo. I took that picture. Yeah, it's a fucking creepy guy there we go there's the feet that picture is so beautiful i have stars impressive i used that photo for a ky ad oh oh look at this one oh god there's my feet dude somebody is a freak out there um looking these foot pictures all right so you you um sex for money fetishes but i do find that like if we find something that we enjoy sexually as a collective group that when we tell our

friends it spreads like wildfire like this is not sponsored they won't give us any money the womanizer is a sex toy that simulates oral sex what's it look like it looks like a little like an old school mouse i think i'm familiar with this and it look like? It looks like an old school mouse. I think I'm familiar with it. And it has like a little suction and you just put it on your clit and then it... It suctions and it vibrates. And there's a warming feature. Mine doesn't have warming. I'm familiar with it. I've heard it's great.

I've heard it's mind-blowing. It is mind-blowing. There it is. Yeah, yeah. They have different versions of it but that's the same one. Yeah. Clitoral stimulator. It is the best sex toy that anybody can invest in. The womanizer. Like you could be having the most.

What's it do? You could be literally having diarrhea. Describe the feeling. And if you put this on your clit, you would have an orgasm. It's like the guy. It's like a guy. Listen, somebody out there is into that.

Somebody out there is fucking into that i don't know i'm just saying like think of the worst thing that could be happening no it's true if i'm not in the mood like i could be having a colonoscopy and i would be like in the doctors with the woman i was on and i'd be like you keep referring to your butthole how are the sexual work how do the men in your lives feel about sex toys because love great yeah it's a sign of a i think that's a sign of a pure man yeah it's a red flag if your partner is that anti-sex yeah they're like oh it can't just be me i can't like i wish there was the equivalent of a womanizer too like uh for a man like fleshlight i wish that there was something

as you know what's magical you know what's magical You know what's weird about that is that I think there's definitely, what do you call it, a double standard or a stereotype that if a guy was using a piece of equipment to get him off, I even think women would find him weird. It's just not as normalized. Well, like in the bedroom with the woman? I would love to just use the fleshlight.

You start dating a guy you're like week two of dating you go home you open his drawer and there's this thing that basically is you know simulates a blow job i wonder what women would think about that i'd love it well i think i would invent that with sex i just not it's not as normal you don't hear about that and i think but again they're them just having it in their drawer for them to use when they're like masturbating yeah it's like a masturbation but i also think that like women need a little more help because you can't finger ourselves it doesn't feel not the same no but you can use your finger to like get off but it's way easier with it's way easier but like for men you guys could be doing anything and if you touch your

penis with your hand it's like well it's go time yeah you know like you don't have to have any women women are complicated creatures and if we're trying to find a g-spot ourselves we need a little bit of a help with a toy are you fingering yourself like in yourself i don't finger myself that's why i have like a toy but you never use your fingers to no oh i have like a glass dildo thing. But you don't always have to go inside. No. But if I am. Glass sounds dangerous. I like the glass.

I did break it once and I had to get a new one. But not inside me. I dropped it. Sounds cold and unfriendly. It is very sterile. You know what? I have the. That sounds like a pap.

I have a nice stainless steel one. It's called the duck bill that they put in your vagina. I actually also have a stainless steel one. I don't know. Sometimes the cold feels good. You are emo. I know. It's so dark.

I like putting on your rose vest. Have you ever used a fleshlight? A fleshlight? Fleshlight. You know what a fleshlight is. I've heard the term. It's like a vagina. It literally looks like a can of soda that you put on your dick. I've never used. I don't. And like It's like A vagina It literally looks like A can of soda

That you like Put on your dick I've never used I don't And that's why Cause you don't need it And that's why I said before I just don't think

It's as common And I think I'd probably be embarrassed To admit it if I did Cause I just don't think But I haven't I don't Also because

Yeah it's so much easy For a guy to masturbate And like So easy It's There's nothing That's gonna beat that. Yeah.

You know? No pun intended. What do you think about girls that don't know how to give a hand job? Define don't how to. Or don't give good hand jobs. I don't. I'll admit it. None of us do.

None of us do. Thank you. None of us do. You don't need to. It's too hard. Here's the thing. I don't i don't need to thank you you don't need to i don't need you to i don't here's the thing if you're gonna i don't know what to do if you're gonna touch a guy's dick with your hand less is more just like have a little a grade it's like it's like the sprinkle on your donut it doesn't actually make it taste make it taste better it's a nice garnish that

might slightly improve but like you never need the sprinkle but like but if you want to like if you want to like kind of touch it and and you know show that you it's more it's more of the gesture yeah right it's like they like oh i like your penis i'm i'm excited to be here and i want to greet you and get to know you and i want to like get to you know but you just you know don't take them anywhere just just right kind of no no tugging. But like, that was always, that was always a really like complicated thing. It wasn't communicated to us. Well, but here's the thing is when you're dating

and you're not quite having, you're not going to like have sex with the guy. Yeah. And, but you want to hook up. You want to do something. You want to do something. I don't want to give a blowjob.

I was always under the impression. Why do you want to do something? But I was always under the impression of like, don't touch it unless you're going to do something about it. Well, because we also just learned. Because the train's leaving the station. We got to, listen, I mean, we've had a lot of, that's gotten us into a lot of confusing and gray situations sometimes.

I think the expectation of. If you're touching it, you're going to. You have to finish. You're going to unpack the suitcase. I firmly believe that blue balls is a myth. It is, just talked about this it's a it's a total myth and it is basically like if you want to get real deep and dark it's like this way to like guilt women into it's manipulation it's it's totally bullshit i have like my whole when i was young i would they would teach blue balls and like sex ed like a legitimate thing you know it was just that it was like it was

unhealthy for a man to have no they wouldn't say unhealthy but it would be like this hurt this pain and just like first of all jerk off who care I've who cares yeah yeah exactly I just remember this whole time I was like waiting for this blue ball experience to like happen

and it's like I don't know I would just if if if we started messing around and and and then she left and stopped i would probably like jerk off so what happens if you don't and you just have to let it go to work i guess i don't understand like it's just if you have to let the boner die does it just it just the sensation just slowly goes away and that's it it goes yeah and that's it it. There's no pain. Wildly overhyped. All the women out there listening never feel guilty. Yeah. Blue balls are fake. I want to go to middle schools and start myth busting this.

Yeah. You can stop at any point. You know how many times I did things? They act like it's like trying to stop mid-peak. Like, oh. Yeah. You know? And you're sometimes like, as if you like get a guy hard and don't finish.

He's walking around like just. With this painful erection all day like he had to stop peeing midstream and hold it for four hours that's not the case does it hurt to stop peeing for men if you were to start peeing and stop yeah it's it hurts i mean you just it doesn't hurt it's just really hard it's like you yeah it's uncomfortable it's difficult you might like get pee in your pants yeah yeah we should start the myth that when we don't come it's extremely painful it's literally we should start that i don't know what it's like to be a woman but i assume it's not fun it's no different to like to no to be all horned up and stop yeah just

stop it's just like well that sucks yeah it's fine it's a total like oh now i can unload the dishwasher it's an absolute i feel total myth that for all the women out there, her guys are gilding into trying to hook up. We need to start a campaign. Balls ain't real. Mythbusters. Yeah, I mean. Nutbusters.

Nutbusters. The I feel bad mentality definitely needs to stop in the dating culture. Don't feel bad for fucking anything. If I have a son, I'm going to threaten his life. I'll be like, if you ever tell a girl you have blue balls, I'll show you blue balls. Really? Really? Really?

Really? You're going to start? Really? Really? Really? You're going to leave me with this? Really? Really?

You know how many times I've heard that? I have PTSD. I know. I'm literally, while we're having this conversation, thinking of all. Really? Really? Really? Just like, really just like really really like i don't know why he's gonna leave me just like hey i've had guys like over and you and for all the women out there you simply say listen buddy i'm certain you can do it better yourself than i can be like look there's lotion right there go jack off and go on. Actually, you know what?

Just be like, you know what? Show me how to do it. I'm going to sit back and watch. I need to learn. I still don't know how at three years old. Yeah, I know. Yeah, it's it's total. It's total.

Do men use lotion every time? Do you have to use lotion? You need a lubricant. You definitely need some sort of lubricant for sure. Yeah, you're a rookie if you're dried. If you're not greasing up the skids, so to speak. I don't like that saying at all. What's the skid? It sounds like skid marks.

Yeah, I don't like it. You took it from the back to the front. What are those cards next to you? Yeah, what's going on? Game we play. Oh, I'm nervous. It's time. Is it time for the game?

Yeah. You don't text your husband first, though. No. That's bad. It's time. Is it time for the game? Yeah. You don't text your husband first. No. That's wild to me. It's not that weird, guys. No, it is. It's fine for you. No, it is.

It doesn't make it not weird. Yeah. Like I said, I text my boyfriend first. I'm going to tell you right now, I don't know who your husband is and I don't know anything about him. And he probably is totally fine. Clearly, he's fine with the dynamic you have. But if you surprised him with just thinking about you out of the blue, I bet you would feel good.

This is the perfect explanation. Wednesday, 1241 PM. This is the first text of the day. He's in New York. Love you. Hope your calls got everything back on track today. I responded seven hours later sorry wow are you on your way

home now just landed remember when you weren't gonna talk to your husband for a few days when you got mad at him I didn't talk to him for two days and he was so upset yeah no shit I'm gonna tease you a little bit so I don't know anything about your relationship you're playing with fire

you're playing with fire we're very independent we're very independent i say not talking i say this being someone who my whole life has been more attracted to a personal type like you were like i i don't like overly sappy i don't feel like i it makes me feel uncomfortable if i feel like someone's obsessed with me yeah um. All that, right? And I do like expressing feelings and letting her know I love her and all those things. I do. But sometimes in those relationships, it got carried away, right? It just felt one-sided.

And they would just be really nice to hear. Just like a little. Thinking of you. Thinking out of nowhere. Because eventually it just like gets old and you realize that you. You feel like what's wrong. You're not, you get comfortable in a certain way.

Like in a marriage or any relationship, you guys define these roles, right? And you do this and it works for you. But if you never mix it up, then like you start realize you are, might be missing a certain level of attention and you will start seeking it elsewhere i just think throwing him a little like i love you that's all like your husband

texts you something very sweet in the morning that was sweet and just to like for like i don't know like a game or spite or like no no no no i don't she just wasn't thinking about it this is not done on purpose no she just does not think about most things. I would be shocked if you don't do that and it doesn't. You may never know that it wouldn't really make him feel happy. And I wouldn't overdo it because he's definitely not the type of guy who needs it and wants to be gushed on. But once in a while, just throw him a fucking bone.

He would think something's wrong. No. You know what, Nick? I'm going to say this in front of my friends. I'm trying very hard. This year has been rocky with my reinvention of kelty 4.0 and what i want to do is fight you right now and be like i am super nice more in person like i do such nice things for him but you know what i'm gonna take your advice nick on your podcast and i'm gonna think about this for the next few days and i'm gonna try it all right and i'm not saying why don't you try it right now

i'm not saying i'm not saying you're mean to him. I'm just saying. Yeah, I'm not mean to him. There's clearly a dynamic of him constantly letting you know how he feels and you always making him wonder how. You're right. And the fact that he said he got mad about certain things, like clearly he is not 100% okay with it.

He's just fine with the overall relationship okay i mean an example i mean that's a very good point that i should probably reciprocate but like i don't really like a lot of attention i don't like the people who text each other like every day being like i love you and i miss you baby love you you're my soulmate but like occasionally i will get a text from my husband like once every couple weeks just being like you you're my soulmate but like occasionally i will get a text from my husband like once every couple weeks just being like hope you're having a good day love you and that's a really great feeling it's just like i like it i mean yeah this is coming from a guy who hasn't been in a long-term relation for some time but when i was in one it's like yeah you have your

roles you have your you like a certain way but like it's always great shake it up always great to remember like what don't i do and what would be a change what would be different and to do that and surprise your partner with like a just a type a different type of way of a showing your affection yeah it's sometimes nice to get like licking their butthole or wearing a tassel a little i am definitely a nipple suck yeah a little nipple. Wearing a nipple tassel. I am definitely. A nipple suck? Yeah, a little nipple suck on the Friday. Kelty actually is, of the three of us, she is the most considerate lover.

Wait, what do you mean? She does things. In the bedroom? Yeah. She does things for Chris that. No one would do. No one would do. She, they went on a vacation. She dresses up a lot.

Yeah, they went on a vacation to the Seychelles and Kelty came out wearing a nipple tassel. Did a little dancey dance. I appreciate that. She does give an effort. She inspires me personally. Well, have you done a crotchless panty? I will not. You should try it. That sounds so awkward. I don't think it's okay to

put a picture frame around your butt. I would not need a magnifying glass on that thing. Do they look at it even worse? Men are visual. What do you think about a crotchless panty? It didn't really do anything for me. Have you had one? Had you had that experience? Yet. I don't think so. So don't judge it yet.

I actually don't mind it. I don't think I'd hate it. No, you're not going to hate it. Most of those things, it's kind of like neat to mix it up. It's a novelty. It's not a game changer. I don't think it would be kind of funny. Did you guys laugh when it was happening? I know, I don't think I could.

I'm always a little funny. I go in, I'm like, I have a treat for you. And then I go away and then I put on Harry Styles. Just let me adore you. And then I just come out. I come out. Can you do this for us? Oh. No, you don't. Oh. No, you don't. do this for us? Oh.

No, you don't. Oh. No, you don't. You really do that? Oh. No, you don't. Ew. I couldn't do that.

She's got moves, everybody. My husband doesn't even like it if we're in the car and I'm like dancing and I make eye contact with him. Like it weirds him out. That would weird me out. Wait, does he get turned on? I couldn't do that. I like to be goofy in life or whatever

but i i'm i'm a method actor in bed like if i i have you have to be in it i have to be in it if we're gonna like push if we're gonna push boundaries and we're gonna say weird shit that we might want to apologize for afterwards yes it's another it's an alter ego what's your longest relationship though uh without breaking up yes two and a half years right i'm i've had i've been i've been having sex with the same guy for 10 years. I think it's awesome that you got to change it up. I just I was method the first two years, too. I was super fly.

But OK, like putting on the crotchless panties and be like, look at me. That's not how it goes. But I was like, what was he legitimately seriously turned on? The conversation about this is over. What's the next topic on your show? Well, we're going to play a little game. The panty is closed. It's called the panty has a full gusset.

Do you know me? It's a fun little game where we ask very simple questions to try to get to know our guests better. You don't think Rochelle and I will guess. It's a fun little game where we ask very simple questions to try to get to know our guests better. You don't think they know us well. Rochelle and I will guess. So I'm going to ask the question. This is going to be hard with three people. It'll be fine. We'll manage.

You guys don't answer right away. We're going to guess. You're going to guess our answer. Are you an Aquarius? I'm a Libra. Okay. Sorry. You're an Aquarius.

You said it like a Valley girl. Like, ew. Are you an Aquarius? It's because I just had like a flashback never mind which made me reply no I'm a Libra we're both awful in that moment um definitely cut that out granted uh there's three of you so if you have an anecdotal story about your answer feel free to share but we don't have to because we might be here forever which is fine but I know some of you have to go. Kelty is just waiting to leave. So real simple, let's kick it off. Do you know me with the Lady Gang?

Does, I'm just going to say the Lady Gang. Does the Lady Gang know how to snowboard? I don't think any. Jack definitely knows. Oh, you guys know. Jack definitely has snowboard I don't think any Jack definitely knows you guys Jack definitely has snowboarded she likes to think

of herself as knowing how to snowboard Kelty absolutely doesn't know how oh she's a dancer and Becca is just like

ew snow Becca and I wait wait wait I have to answer I think um all of them do they're very talented and they're good

on their feet okay thank you yeah and they're good on their feet. Okay. Thank you. She said we're good on our feet. Becca and I both ski. Shred the gnar. We shred the gnar, but we ski,

not snowboard. Okay. Kelty does not. And I grew up skiing because I'm from Canada and I've spent a lot of money on my face and now I don't do dangerous sports.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. These teeth aren't going to buy themselves. So you guys are active skiers. Yeah, we love skiing. We love skiing. Shred the gnar. Cute.

What is shred the gnar? Never heard of that. It's an awful thing that people say. Fucking going down the mountain and I don't know. I actually don't know what it means. Shredding the snow? Maybe? I just do it, you know?

That's hot. You just do. Question number two. Was any member of the lady gang part of the student council in high school? Oh, this is so easy. Jack, definitely no. Fuck no. Kelty.

ASB president. Yeah. Becca, no. No, I think Becca was as well. I think Becca was VP or secretary. No secretary what's the answer becca was a mean i got kicked out of high school what i definitely was not on the student you yeah yeah and this girl who ratted me out i peed in her purse what becca was a girl yes don't fuck with me oh my god i just got the chills yeah i'm like a vigilante that's true you are isn't

don't vigilantes fight for good well i think that's no she you she was she was snitches snitches get stitches oh i didn't hit her that doesn't sound like a vigilante that's well it's usually for other people that i was doing it like doing it for vigilante justice for yourself but this was for myself sounds like organized crime kind of she shouldn't have told on me in the law in your own hand yeah that's right i sure did so i was were you president no well you weren't on anything i think i was on well i went to three different high schools i changed high schools every year did you ever attempt to run for student council of any kind? Like maybe in sixth grade. Why were you in three different high schools?

I went to performing arts high school, then it was too far away. Then I went to a different high school and then I went to a different high school. Wow, that's a great story. If you don't have... That's basically what you just said. If you don't have any friends, it's very easy to change schools.

But were you like in the plays and musicals? Yeah, I was in the plays and I had to like follow the good storyline. You couldn't tell from that performance that she's obviously obviously she's a ham um no i wasn't on any was i on a grad committee i don't know it's so boring question number three has the lady gang ever thrown a drink at somebody or on you know like they're the drink like in your face yeah yeah definitely yeah i mean becca i'm gonna like to say you have to get i have to guess yes i mean if she hasn't she's eating a very unoriginal drink no it's unoriginal she's more creative than that that's

too vanilla for you uh maybe over here kelty now she's like trying to deflect Kelty definitely she's putting her lip gloss on she definitely has Jack hasn't I don't give a shit emo she would go home and write a song about it I'd go home and cry

you'd put on a t-shirt I'm non-confrontational I would I'm passive aggressive just make that eyeliner a little thicker, you know. That's right, girl. You know me. So, yes. I think I have thrown many drinks on many people. It's not out of spite. It's because I'm very clumsy and I'm a very cheap drunk.

One drink and I'm wasted. She is the cheap drunk. Drink number two. You've never done that. Not a bad thing. I threw a cell phone at someone's head. What? Who?

Whoa. Is that mean? Yes. Yeah. That could kill you if it hits you in the temple. Oh, didn't Naomi Campbell have to go to jail for that? Probably. The supermodel?

She threw a phone. And I think the Australian actor, didn't he throw a phone? Yeah. Yikes. Have any of the mean girls used a condom in the last six months? We're not the mean girls. We're so nice. Six months. The lady gang. Rude. The mean girls used a condom in the last six months we're so nice six months uh the lady gang

rude um six months we've created actually that was a that was a freudian slip because there's a mean girls question oh okay um have it has the lady gang have the lady gang i'm gonna say no the past six months i don't think any of them are wrapping it up. You're married. I have. Yeah, Jack has. I just refuse to go on birth control. For you. We're not trusting the old pullout?

Nope. I am way too anxious. Pullout? Who trusts the pullout? Nick obviously trusts the pullout. That's all we do is the pullout method. What? I'm too nervous.

No, no, no, no, no, you guys. I'd be freaking out. Yeah, that's not okay. Guys, it's science. Men, trusting a man when he is about to ejaculate is not science. Nothing gets a man's penis

out of you faster than thinking he might get you pregnant. No, not when they're having sex. It's not true. Think about that. No. Really?

All you want to do is just come. Yeah. And then after you think about getting somebody pregnant and it's too late yeah but i i gotta say like you're right yeah idea there but right before you're like fuck this yeah you're like i don't care it's worth it no didn't know the opposite oh yeah so you think you do pull out but always on time no you guys can't be promoting this.

I'm not promoting it. I'm just, I do not promote it. Uh, uh, well, listen, it's going to be a lot of babies.

We promote save sex. Yeah, for sure. We're a condom. Um, but when I've had girlfriends, we, uh,

pull out. Yeah. Too scary. Seems fine. Uh, you're fine so far you think has uh any member of the lady gang ever been to a uh beyonce concert yeah all of them maybe not maybe not becca beyonce interesting enough you're the

singer none of them and i feel like your fandom for other singers might not be as strong. I have to say, I was not really a beehive. Is that what they call themselves? Beehive. A beehive person, but then I saw her in concert and then I was like, whoa. I didn't know her abilities were so good i have only seen beyonce at coachella so

i don't know if that really counts it's like paying to see beyonce she's great but i haven't purchased a beyonce ticket i'm also not really part of the bayhive okay probably hard for you to believe this nick but i've been paid to be a backup dancer behind Beyonce. Wow. That's true. That is hard for me to believe. Very cool. You're welcome. Not hard for me. I doubted it, but that's a unique thing. It's cool. I've been a Beyonce concert. Wow.

That's a matter of... That's fucking dope. That is fucking dope. Congratulations. And Taylor Swift. Yeah, many people. Wow. Yeah, many people. Wow. Yeah, but then I had to break out and become a star on my own. Kelty 4.0.

Here I am. Kelty 4.0. Last question. Did any of the members of the Lady Gang smoke weed on 420 this year? Do you guys smoke weed? I guess is the question. I'm gonna say.

Oh, sorry. Okay, yeah, they all did they all did the game kelty's a new a new weed smoker yeah yeah i'm really into it i only smoke weed while just to try to go to sleep okay but and i can't talk to anybody and then when i smoke weed i have an existential crisis and an anxiety attack every night about people dying. And then finally I fall asleep. Okay. And I'm shimmying Becca. I love weed. Yes.

Love it. I'm not a big alcohol drinker. You're not? No. I definitely prefer. There's a picture. That's the nice thing about it is you can have a cocktail. Well, that's the thing.

Yeah. And then you can smoke weed. I don't like being hung over. I don't like getting drunk i don't uh and and you don't get hung over from weed you know you don't you might feel a little groggy that's the next morning you can have a cup of coffee and go for a run but you're not like throwing you don't feel like your bones are broken right the entire next day it doesn't feel like you're poisoning yourself yeah well ladies uh right there in the middle this one one? That's really cool. The high pony.

Wow. That is really cool. Who run the world? Motherfucker. You look like a fembot. Who run the world? Can we just say where this, it's from Dance Spirit, this photo, and I think it's probably when Keldy pitched herself to do an article about her dance career. Yeah.

I was on the cover of that magazine. Same. No, you were not. Yes, I was. With who? Myself Same No you were not Yes I was With who? Myself By yourself? I'll have my mom send it

Google that right now I don't believe it Jalen Spirit You guys seem really close But are you guys Constantly flexing To see who's a little bit More famous

In a given moment? No we're not We do No no We like fuck around And we joke about things That like aren't important Yeah things that are not

Important to us Or that we don't take seriously. But we like support each other. The fact that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like we want. That's called being friends.

Yeah. We're like sisters. Guys are more commonly known for doing that for busting balls as they say. But you. Yeah. We bust the balls. You bust balls. Yes.

Well. Must have been before the Internet. It for sure was was oh mine's definitely up on the internet what is my dance spirit magazine cover i think it was a makeup well we'll make sure rochelle finds it and shares it with you it wasn't as a celebrity it was as a like dancer does that count mine was as a dancer as well thank you oh my god so rude are you guys done flexing? We're not. We never are. We never are. But thanks for having us. Oh, actually it doesn't come up. Just American Girl dolls come up.

Anyway. You guys, ladies, it was so fun. Thanks for coming. Thanks for having us. Congratulations on your success and we will personally send you a copy

of our new book, Act Like a Lady, that's available for pre-order. I need it more. I will personally send you all my essential oils. Oh, here. Yes. Look. Oh my God. oh my god she's got it all

Kelty Colleen on booking gigs keeping it real and dating her rock star boyfriend wait I'm sorry barf I said oh my god was he a rock star adjacent for a second no he was for a second no one's a rock star unless you're the

front man of a band but it was you can be the eddie van halen it was both of them though the two of them were like the that was panic at the disco okay anyway i look great i i feel like aspiring musician would have been a more accurate label emotional a musician anyway this is a great cover but an even greater cover is our book that's coming out june 2nd which you can pre-order anywhere books are sold on amazon right now it's on sale for 15 go get it make sure you go find it and uh thanks so much ladies for coming do you have like a tag out or something sign out you need a sign off wow like keep it nickity nick nick nick rhymes with vial you guys ready to can you whenever you're ready keep it real. Nickity, Nick, Nick, Nick. What rhymes with vial? You guys ready to,

whenever you're ready. Keep it rial. Keep in it. Don't forget to smile. Wait, hold on. Okay, so let's do it. What are we doing? Keep in it rial.

With vial. Don't forget to smile. As a sign off. Okay, ready? Three, two, keep in it real. That doesn't even rhyme. Just try it.

Keep in it rial. With Nick vial. don't forget to smile that's good you can have that for free he's speechless the next one you gotta pay oh god no i'm saying sorry about this episode uh thanks for listening, guys. Don't forget to subscribe. Oh my God, there you are. What? Times Square Magazine. That's not you. No, Times Square Magazine.

This episode may never end. I thought we were done. What's that one? Times Square Magazine. What the fuck is that? That is the worst green screen I've ever seen. That's every magazine. No.

What hair is that that they put on you? That was mine. When I started on Glee, my hair was like that. Wow. Yeah, guys. Listen. Good for you. Alright. Well, everyone, thanks for listening. Don't forget to send in your questions at asknickitcastme.com

and we will see you on Monday. Paula, we didn't have to do that song for you.