The Viall Files - E112 Ask Nick- Love in the Time of Quarantine

Episode Date: April 6, 2020

First, Nick talks about Colton’s new book. Then we talk to a woman who can’t understand why she isn’t “in love” with the perfect guy, someone wanting to be friends with an ex, a woman who isn’t sure where she stands with the guy she’s dating, and a bisexual woman. Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!  THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS: HIDRATE SPARK: http://hidratespark.com/viall FIGS: https://www.wearfigs.com CODE: VIALL15 SHIPSTATION: https://www.shipstation.com CODE: VIALL EMBARK: http://embarkvet.com/ CODE: VIALL See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

what's going on everybody welcome to another episode of the vile files happy monday i am your host nick joined by my producer rochelle in the comfort of our homes uh at least for this part. I mean, this episode of Ask Nick was previously recorded in our studios before quarantine times, but we are adjusting, trying to give you some current event introductions, if you will. How's your home, Rochelle? My home is good. You know, this is kind of funny. I have a male roommate.

I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. He's my friend from college. He's also gay. But he's the only man I've seen in so long. And I've started, I can't help myself. I've started to get a crush on him. Don't tell him, but I have a crush on him like i've started like we'll be watching tv at night and i'll be like oh my god like he's

so hot and i've known him literally 10 years this is what's happening it's making us all go crazy is that is that what happens when people go to prison just kind of like like is that like your options are limited seriously your brain starts playing tricks on you i was like maybe we should just that's how it's kind of how the bachelor works you know you're just kind of this is what you have you know i don't know eventually yeah you know eventually you'll just eat what's in front of you you get hungry enough you know what are you gonna do uh have you uh have you read uh have you looked at any of colton's uh books but his book his tour you know i saw that he said something about like how he was

questioning his sexuality before the before he was the bachelor and but i haven't read it yet have you i uh i started listening to it uh i had to try to muscle through um maybe maybe i'm just not the target demo uh he does uh he does uh he informs us that he prefers baths over showers and his favorite drink is sangria i don't know i didn't get to the sexuality part but i did get to the baths and sangria part they really featured a lot of showers in the bachelor so that's actually kind of surprising yeah i mean like i skimmed through it basically spoiler alert it opens with colton saying uh if you want to know i'm a virgin you should read this book and then it's a lot of like bachelor bachelor blah blah blah blah blah and

then it ends with him telling you his virginity is none of his none of your business so i mean none of our business it i mean none of our business it was a storyline that we all watched i mean it's met like his the whole title's about his virginity he tells you to redefine how he was a virgin then he tells you to fuck off at the end yeah so anyways i don't know no i don't really i mean it seems a bit disingenuous but um i don't know i i've seen some of his interviews this week. I have more of an issue with some of his comments he's made about the show and his time on the show.

I mean, I just don't like it when... I find that sometimes people on the show, and Colton, he's had a pretty good run. He never really got a bad at it. He's never had a pretty good run like he never really got a bad edit he's never had a bad experience and i find that a lot of people on the show when they have it's the people usually have the best time in terms of like their edit it's like most people in the show it's like when they look good they want they want all the credit it's like oh it was me because i'm great and i'm like nice and perfect and when they look bad they like to break they like to blame the show or the edit you know and right i mean colton's a fine guy but i still think that most people are made to look better than

they really are in general like overall than worse right um and i mean his he just made some comments about like for example like the you know the the producers tried to break up him and Cassie, or they crossed the line, and he realized certain things. It's just like, from my experience, I was very honest with the producers about my interest in Vanessa and that she was my favorite. And they protected the crap out of her. In fact, they protected her even more than I realized in the moment. And Colton's been on record of saying he lied to producers about his favorite i've heard

from multiple producers that is in fact true that like he told him the whole time it was it was uh hannah g well like if that's the case when when cassie's dad wants to come on and talk to cassie of course they're gonna let her like what what that's interesting television it's just like oh what's more interesting colton breaking up with cassie or cassie's dad coming and convincing her that maybe she's not ready and she's leaving and the producers are probably fine with that because they're thinking the whole time he likes hannah g better anyways right had they were had he been honest i mean so i just i don't like it when it's like revisionist history and he's like do the producers produce sure have they pissed me off yes have do they cross the

line sometimes sure but i mean you don't get to have your cake and eat it too i don't know he you know he mentioned about like in the book about how the producers um like the show uh took advantage of his like virginity story like they they crossed the line and pushed limits and i get that like every bachelor bachelorette has their story that the show will try to like harp on and it gets frustrating for ben it was he was unlovable for me it was like i'm so unlucky in love and like it's always exaggerated but like colton introduced his virginity that was he shared that it was up to him he didn't have to do that and so you don't get to like talk about it and then decide what's enough and not enough like he used his virginity storyline to be the bachelor that's why he was

the bachelor like that was a compelling storyline and he knew that colton's a smart guy he was fully aware and so like all of a sudden decide like when it's not okay and then like throw producers or the show under the bus suggesting that they went too far. I don't know. I'm not a huge fan of that. The reality is, is like everything Colton's doing is from the show and he owes the show a lot, you know, because like his charity, everything he's doing, his following, his book, which is all about the show, all comes from his experience on the show. So I don't know. I mean, I know he's rubbed some people the wrong way in the franchise in terms of, I just, yeah. Listen, I, again, like I said, I-

Yeah, we actually talk about this with Jason on Wednesday. So everyone tune in, because Jason was on season with Colton. So he has kind of like a interesting perspective on this. And Colton's just a very fully aware guy who seemed like very primed to be on TV like he and it's just kind of like i don't know i mean he's a nice guy but i just uh i don't like uh it just seemed like reading his interviews and uh the parts of the book that i read it just it seems very revisionist history

like he talked about breaking the fourth wall about like oh i wanted to break the fourth wall it's just like, okay, well, so does that make your fence jump disingenuous? Like, did you plan that? Like, was that in the moment or I don't know. I mean, it's almost like he's blaming the show, the very things that he's also doing, you know? Right, having your cake and eating it too.

Also, special announcement. We are, instead of Wednesday's episode, we're releasing an episode tomorrow because we have Peter Weber on to, in a way, tell all. We talk about everything from beginning to end. Hannah Ann's breakup, AFR, Barb, an update on what's going on with him and Kelly. You'll have to check it out. He was very honest about everything and we really enjoy him doing that so I know we mentioned that we have Jason coming on this week we're going to push that next week because uh the the conversation with Jason is timeless uh you won't want to miss

that it was super awesome to talk to Jason uh about even him as his relationship with Caitlin it was a lot of fun that will be the following Wednesday. So I appreciate you guys adjusting to these crazy schedules, but we're just trying to give you the hot topics when they come up. So thank you so much. You'll enjoy this episode of Ask Nick. We got some great callers who are very authentic and very honest, and we appreciate them calling in. Don't forget to send your questions at asknick at castmedia.com, cast with a K.

Let's do it. Hi, Drake Spark. Send your questions at asknickatcastmedia.com, cast with a K. Let's do it. Hydrate, spark. You know what happens sometimes when you're not going through your normal routine, like going outside and doing your thing? You forget about the little things, like drinking water. Yes, and drinking water is something

that'll keep you healthy and keep you from not getting sick and help you get better if you are sick. I think about that all the time. Truly. I mean, hydrating is one of the best things you can do for your overall health and well-being. Again, it's not going to stop you from getting anything, but it certainly helps your immune system. And every doctor tells you when you are sick, drink a lot of fluid,

specifically water. And Hydrate Spark has been very helpful to me to make sure that I'm constantly getting the H2O that my body needs because it's a nice little water bottle and it lights up every time I need to do it. Yeah, it's smart. It's a smart water bottle. So it connects to the apps that we downloaded on our phones and it lets us know how much more water we need to drink to reach our goals. And like Nick said, it lights up. Well, usually I have a lot of things close by, but I tell you what, the one thing I definitely have close by,

even in my home is my phone and my Hydrate Spark. That's about it. That's all I really ever need because my phone, because I feel like I'm connected and my Hydrate Spark. So I don't dehydrate my body. I mean, I don't, I don't, what else could you possibly need? I'd usually carry my wallet, but like, you know,

I'm not going anywhere. So that's sitting bedside. And now is the best time to order a Hydrate Spark smart water bottle for yourself. Go to hydratespark.com slash V-I-A-L to get 20% off your first order. Hydrate is spelled with an I. So that's H-I-D-R-A-T-E spark.com slash V-I-A-L-L. Again, that's hydratespark.com slash V-I-A-L-L for 20% off your first order. Stay hydrated, people. hydratespark.com slash V-I-A-L-L. You know, in these times that we're in,

we can't thank our healthcare workers enough. People like Rochelle's mom, a bunch of people you've never met. They're doing great and brave work. It's not too much to call them heroes. And I'll tell you what, when they're working hard, it's also nice to know that they're comfortable and look great. Isn't that right, Rochelle? Yeah. Especially right now, a lot of doctors are working super long shifts and a nurse can walk about five miles per shift. And what I did, I bought my mom figs and I gave them to her. And she thinks of me every time she

wears them when she's going into a hospital and she feels like so much better than wearing those scratchy scrubs that the hospital gives her. And all of her nurses compliment her on it. And I feel, because I feel very helpless right now, like there's not a lot I can do to like help her and protect her. Like that's one thing I can do to let her know I'm thinking about her and that I want her, you know, to be safe. Totally. I mean, I tell you what, if you, if you know a healthcare worker in your life, give them the gift of figs. They will certainly appreciate them. Added bonus, if you want them for yourself,

I wear them around the house and they're super stylish and they're fun. Yeah, you have really cute joggers. I like them. I love them. So like we said, is there a doctor in your house or a vet tech or a radiologist or any other awesome human in the medical industry?

And even if you don't work in the medical industry, you definitely know someone that does and you should tell them about or gift them some figs. That's right. Listeners of the Vile Files are getting 15% off for a limited time. So go to wherefigs.com, that is W-E-A-R-F-I-G-S.com, and enter code V-I-A-L-L 15 at checkout. That's V-I-A-L-L 15 at checkout. VALL15 at checkout. That's V-I-A-L-L-1-5 at checkout. How's it going? I'm good. I'm Kay. I'm 27. Hi, Kay, 27. I'm good. How can we help you?

So my question is pretty simple. I've been dating this guy. Currently, we've been dating for about a year, but I've known him for about four years. And so honestly, he loves me so much like completely and utterly in love with me. It's beautiful. Like it is absolutely one of the most wonderful feelings in the world. And like I can honestly say like I've never been loved the way that like he loves me. Like it is just is really beautiful.

And like I appreciate it and like and I do love him like I want the best things for him and like I want that to be me and I want a future with him but I had this discussion with him a couple days, it scares me that I'm very much aware that he loves me more than I love him. And I don't know that like, I'm technically in love with him, but I, I guess I don't know what else I would need to feel that. Um, is this your first, first yeah is this a first serious relationship second third we're this is my second really serious relationship uh but my first was the epitome of really really really messy and bad and just that and then that messy first relationship. So do you want me to say what happened or do you want to say it? Yeah, I can tell you.

You don't have to say everything, but yeah. No, I have to take some ownership of it. Basically, I was raised like a lot of your listeners in a really religious household, really religious. And I was very naive. in a really religious household, really religious. And I was very naive. When I was 17, while I was in the church, I met a man who was married to my mom's best friend. And when I was 17, we became friends.

And unfortunately, that friendship had a very inappropriate sexual undertone that like I didn't call out and that's not I should have no you don't need to blame yourself for that well you have to take ownership on some level of like knowing even though like I'm like I knew everything wasn't right but like he had he kept telling me like oh you know these people of the church have told me that this is not okay. Isn't that funny? Once in my life, I wish somebody had sat down and said, hey, are you okay? Maybe this isn't the best relationship, but they all seemed to talk to him, and no one really seemed to talk to me, but that's beside the point. No one really seemed to talk to me, but that's beside the point. So we we kept talking for a long time and I went to college and kind of went like started really exploring my sexuality.

And while doing this, like kept talking to him and he was really encouraging a lot of this activity. It was really unhealthy. And by the time I was 21, like dating him, just it seemed inevitable. Like he was so much a part of who I was and who I had defined myself to be. And he had a lot of say in who I developed to be and who I was surrounding myself. How old was he at the time? When I met him, he was 26 when I was i was he was nine years older than me so by the time we dated he was 30 okay yeah i mean he you were 17 when this started so you were a minor yeah i i'd never been kissed like i i was so yeah yeah god i i was so naive like i just

like my first introduction to the world of sex through him, like it was. And like, so then it, it ended, it ended. Yeah. I mean,

like I think Rochelle's right. I mean, don't, you were literally a minor and there's some manipulation going on there and there's a lot going on there. Um, but yeah, I wouldn't,

I wouldn't beat yourself up too much about it. Have you talked to anyone outside of your church and family, like a professional, about that experience? Like my current friends kind of know about it, and I did a therapy stint. So I've sort of sort of like discussed it with people but like I'm sure I probably need to like have a like good heart to heart about somebody like but like I don't know I guess it's hard to find somebody who actually can relate to that situation because it's yeah

that's true but that's why that's why i wouldn't necessarily go to friends for that um you know it might be someone and again doesn't mean like i don't know what happened and we don't need you to get into specifics but it sounds like it was certainly an inappropriate relationship certainly when you were 17 and then like you said the fact that it carried over like you weren't by the time you started dating you were not you were you know an adult yeah but like i was 21 by the time you dated so like that that could have been fine had you met then and you know three years later but because of with the way you met i mean i don't i don't know like again i'm not a a professional in that regard but it would make sense why you might want to, uh, discuss that

experience with someone, um, who is a professional and might help you explore some feelings you have about that, you know, good or bad. I don't, I don't know. Uh, as it, because it would, I guess what I'm saying is because it wouldn't surprise me that that is carrying over into your relationships now. Listen, you're not the first person who feels a lot of love from someone and doesn't feel it back. That's normal. You don't have to have a unique experience that you had. It doesn't mean anything's wrong with you

because someone loved you a ton and you don't necessarily know if you reciprocate their feelings. So I'm not suggesting that. But given how unique that experience was, I would encourage you to maybe talk to someone because I'm getting a sense that you would like to talk to someone and like to talk to people, as you even said, that could relate to that experience because it's so hard to do that. You feel like you might not have someone to talk to, so you bottle it up. So that's where getting professional help, and not even help, but just, you know,

not to make you feel judged, but just talking to someone who is a safe place that's very private, where you wouldn't feel judged and might get some professional feedback. And just, again, it just helps you navigate your feelings, you know, and navigate your perspective on the situation. There might be a lot of things, like you even said, he almost helped mold your whole sexual, like he had too much input on.

Yeah. Because, yeah, you said you feel like you're missing the lust factor. She wrote that in her email. So that could have something to do. So, again, it's just I'm not, I hope I'm choosing my words carefully here. I don't want, just because you have this current situation doesn't mean it's because of the past situation. We don't know. I'm simply saying, I would encourage you because of that unique experience to not be afraid to talk to a professional without feeling judged. As far as your current situation, yeah, like it's not that uncommon for someone in your shoes

to have someone be really outwardly open about their feelings for you. And especially if you don't know for a fact that you feel the same way, that can be intimidating for anyone. It's just like, man, I like you, but man, you really love me. And that's a lot of pressure. I feel that. I get that way. It's just like, okay, well, I'm not that great. I can assure you. So that's pretty normal.

Let me ask you this. Have you talked to him about that? Yeah, we had this long discussion. And there were a lot of tears on like both of our parts because i think it well i know it broke his heart a little bit to hear that like that's you know and how old is this guy and like and like it broke my heart to say it because it's like i don't want to be the one hurting him like i yeah i care so much about him like in in fairness though um to this new guy um you didn't break up with him you didn't say you didn't feel anything for him and it would be a little bit emotionally immature of him to act like it's the end of the world just because he hears that right like he needs to how old is this new guy uh he's 30 okay so like yeah he's three years older he's he cried because you told

him about your history or because you said no no no no like we like we were crying together because like i was struggling with this and like and he saw me struggling. Have you told him about what happened to you? Oh, yeah. He met me right after my breakup, and he knows absolutely everything. Yeah, and that's good. That's fine. I guess trying to separate your first relationship,

at the same time, he is a 30 year old guy right so i you seem great and i get why someone would really fall in love with you but uh he needs to kind of be emotionally mature to say it's there's nothing wrong with what you did you know what i'm saying i don't feel like you need to feel guilty by being open and honest with him that saying i'm not quite there yet but like i'm open to exploring it if he reacts in such a way where he's crying and and acting like it's the end of the world that's not that he needs that's he needs a that's not as emotionally mature as he could be he needs to hear what you're saying and saying you know the mature response would be you know what i mean obviously i wish you felt exactly how i feel at exactly the time i feel it but that's also not realistic but i mean i'm glad that you like me and i'm glad like are you open to hanging out because him

applying more pressure is we're going to push you away they have plans to move in together after she graduates law school yeah i would uh, it seems like there are even some things in this relationship that you want to get under control because there is nothing wrong. You seem to have this habit of these guys, whether directly or indirectly, almost guilting you into feeling a certain way

with their emotions. And that's not necessarily okay. I am in no way suggesting that this new guy is malicious or being manipulative. And I don't doubt that his feelings are anything but pure. But he might be, I don't think it's that normal or it's not that mature for a guy to respond the way he did just simply because you said, I'm not quite where you are at. Like, that's a normal feeling and you have the right to feel that way well i think the hard part is that like like i like i think there was like this assumption that i was in that place because like yeah that

makes sense like i do tell him i love him because i do love him. Sure. Like I just, and like. But there's something there that you, like he acts a certain way and loves you with such intensity that there's something there that's making you inside feel like. Yeah. And that's okay. That's what I'm saying is that's okay for you to feel that way. It's okay for him to be disappointed that you were honest with him. It's okay for him to be disappointed that you were honest with him. It's not okay for him to like not be in control of those emotions and then process those emotions in an emotionally mature way.

And that is, okay, well, it's not the end of the world because feelings can evolve. He got there faster than you did. And responding in a way that makes you feel guilt or hurt because you feel like you're hurting him is not a healthy way to get you to the place that he hopes that you get to, right? And I would be slightly worried on your part that you are going to feel like this burden to get to a place that he wants you to be. And I don't think if you ever get to that place, you don't want it to be for any other reason than that. That's where your heart wanted to go.

And not because that's where his heart wanted you to go. Does that make sense? Yeah. You know, and I think that's a really important distinction for you because, again, regardless of your past relationship or not, you don't want to be guilted into feeling a certain way. Because as I'm assuming you are learning that, like, your heart's going to feel what your heart's going to feel. And over time, you can only lie to yourself for so long. time, you can only lie to yourself for so long. And I'm not saying that, again, that's what's going on here. But if there's any part of you that is doing this to make him feel better, to not hurt his feelings so that he doesn't cry, eventually you'll get to a place where like,

I can't do this anymore because this is not what my heart needs. And you need to get your heart fulfilled based off your own needs. And so you need to be with someone who can hear what you're expressing. And instead of reacting over emotionally and crying and making you feel guilty and crying, that he just says, okay, well, I'm just glad you're here, you know, and I just love being around you. And I don't want to make you feel too much pressure by saying I love you, but I do. And let's just spend time together, you know? And who knows what you might feel

if all that pressure was removed from you. But it sounds like you feel a lot of pressure and that's not healthy, even though it seems to be masked as beautiful and romantic. Love, yeah. You know, does that make sense, you know? It does. I just, I guess I just feel responsible because like,

yeah, I know. Part of me feels like I had let him on in some way. Even if you did. Because like, I, I do love him. Like,

I just don't know that like, I'm in love. And like, it's so confusing. Cause like, like I do love him and like, I want to tell him that like, I care about you. I love you. Like, but like saying those things, like obviously that's a beautiful thing. But like sometimes you can get yourself in trouble by being too much. And it's easy, especially when it comes to romantic relationships of love, it's easy for the people who are hurt to throw things back in other people's

faces, right? People get led on all the time in relationships. And it doesn't mean they're being malicious, right? Because feelings do change, you know? That's unfortunate, right? If that happens. But you can't constantly feel this guilt and shame just because you were willing to like consider this relationship. You were willing to express feelings that he wanted. And you're not wrong for being honest with him

exactly about where your feelings are. Yeah, you told him. And if it hurts his feelings, that's unfortunate, and you have a right to feel bad because you don't want his feelings to be hurt, but you shouldn't feel guilty because you've done nothing wrong. And there's a very clear distinction there,

and a lot of people have a hard time. And listen, when you're hurt and when you're being broken up with or you're hearing something you don't want to hear, it's hard in that moment to realize that, And I've been there, right? I've been there where you get very defensive and you're like, wow, why would you say that to me? But you've done nothing wrong. And I just want to emphasize that it shouldn't dictate your actions going forward. If you want to move in with this guy, move in. But I wouldn't move in if you want to move in with this guy move in but i wouldn't move in if you're not on the same page romantically um and if he reacts in a way that's uh defensive or angry or frustrated

because you aren't ready that's a red red flag um and i think planning to move in together right now maybe don't even worry about that yeah and again i would just you know men and women can uh mask toxic behavior under the cloak of romance and over loving and things like that and it's men and women do it right and and again i'm not saying he's a bad guy he just might it sounds like he might be slightly emotional image emotionally immature yeah um you know you can be really in love but an emotional mature response to what you said would say okay well you know i don't expect him to sound that pragmatic but he can be like bummed about it but emotional person would say thank you for sharing this with me. This will only help us maybe get to that point.

But like, I am glad I know that we're on the same page. But like, it means a lot that you care about me and that you obviously want me to know. And like, that's an emotional response that maybe not in the moment he would express because like, you know, he's only human. But over time, he should be able to express that and at least see that. And if he doesn't, then, you know, he's only human, but over time he should be able to express that and at least see that. And if he doesn't, then, then, you know, he's not, he's not an, cause you're kind of describing young love, like a 19, 20 year old response to like feeling love for the first time. And he's 30. And so I think he should be a little bit more measured with his emotional response to finding out that someone still loves them,

but maybe not as intensely as they love you. Right? Yeah. Don't feel guilty. You really need to not feel guilty. Yeah. And there might be a pattern here. I don't know.

Again, I'm not a professional, and I would encourage you to maybe seek one out to, to address maybe some things going on in your first relationship and, and how that may or may not be playing into your, uh, the guys you might be finding yourself with or just how you respond to relationships. Because again, too, like, you know, you could be playing into this too with this guy, like you're, you're, you're feeling guilty and your, your ability to empathize really clearly almost like might be indirectly it's all love is messy i guess is what i'm saying

you gotta just uh there's you can feel bad but not feel guilty there's a difference um and don't let feeling bad guilt you into doing something that's not healthy for either of you in the long term. Fair. Okay. All right, I have to run because I have class. Get back to law school. Thanks for calling in.

Yeah, focus on law school. You're going to be fine. You're a very sweet person. Yes. And thanks for being so honest. Have a good one, guys. Take care. ShipStation. Hard to say, easy to use. I'll tell you what. Now is a great time to try to find ways to work from your home and bring some added revenue. And if you're going to do that, you're

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Yeah, great time to do that. But you do want to get information about them. And if nothing else, it's a great conversation starter. It's fun. So our executive producer, Dustin, did this with his dog, Bubby, found out purebred beagle. He had no idea and found out that he's super old, unfortunately. But he was able to give all that information to the vet and it helped the vet care for the dog. So right now, Embark has an exclusive offer you can't get anywhere else.

Go to EmbarkVet.com now and use promo code V-I-A-L-L to save 15% off your dog DNA test kit. Visit EmbarkVet.com and use promo code V-I-A-L-L to save 15% off your dog DNA test kit. Visit EmbarkVet.com and use promo code V-I-A-L-L to save. How's it going? Hi, I'm Amber. I'm 23. Hi, Amber, 23. How can we help? So my question is about how to be friends with an ex after a very messy breakup. And I don't really know where to start. Can I ask you a question with your first question? I'm curious as to why you want to be friends

with an ex after a messy breakup. We have a lot of mutual friends and we have some reunions that it would just make it a lot less awkward if we are friends okay uh did you end the relationship i did okay that makes sense um so you're you're approaching this as almost a pragmatic point of view um of like the the short term of like upcoming things and events as you say yeah so we had a trip in october that was kind of awkward and honestly i've been avoiding going on these trips for a few years because of this reason um just to avoid running and we have some upcoming trips planned that i'd like to finally just like get this over with. When you say trips, what do you mean?

Oh, I live out of state now. So we started, it was trips to my college town where all of our mutual friends are, but we don't live in the state anymore. So that's why it's like a big travel thing. So when you say trips, like you guys went went to college together you dated then you had a bunch of mutual friends and you have some trips to go back to that area where all your friends including him would hang out right okay um okay and then so yeah and then the relationship like you ended it he didn't want to and he's been trying to get back together um at first so i handle breakups by just like completely cutting people off okay uh and so he never really had the opportunity to like pursue getting back together but um um yeah for you thanks thanks rochelle via other friends and social media i can see like over the

course of the like last few years like he's still not over it or at least that's how it seems because why would you still be talking about it online you're still talking about it online yeah like tweeting about you or something or what tweeting and um i think i called this out in my email but on instagram he would go back in like edit captions and things like that so like if i were to go look back at them which obviously i do because i know this information um it says something different like most recently he changed the caption to say like oh i don't blame you at all or if you find yourself back here and then there's like some kind of weird message oh like a hidden message for you he's being cryptic yeah yeah and he's he's hoping she

reads into it and she is reading into it. Perfect storm. I guess my advice is, listen, this stuff happens. Is he your first love? No, not for me. For him? Probably. Probably. Just out of curiosity, why are you going back and looking?

Why are you investing this time to update yourself on whether he is or isn't over it? I think because I know that it's still happening or like at least it was like when I'm bored, I was like, okay, is it still happening? It's sad.

I know. Well, and she said he wrote songs about her. Okay. But is he, is he saying anything that's offensive to you or cruel? He's just being cryptic, right? That you just kind of know it's about you.

Lately, yeah. At first, it was kind of like on Twitter, especially calling me out and to my friends. Like there was no one else that it could have been about in that immediate. But big picture wise, he's not like going on social media and and saying you are a terrible bitch you know like right he's not like and and sharing intimate stories about your relationship well immediately after there was a little bit of that not like he wasn't calling me a bitch but he was like making really mean poems about me or like sure but when i what about now now it's a lot more cryptic and a lot less frequent yeah so i mean listen he needs to get over it and it's not

that um healthy of him to keep doing that but as far as you're concerned i don't think you need to be i think it'd be best for you to just focus your energy on not worrying about whether he is or isn't over it. It's not your problem anymore. You know what I'm saying? And in a weird way, he is winning this little battle of keeping you close. He's doing enough, even this cryptic things to know that like, you're wondering why he's doing this. And then you are assuming, and maybe rightfully so, that it's about you. And that's taking up real estate in your brain, right? I mean, you broke up a couple years ago, right?

Yeah, but then how do I get over the anxiety of going to our college town and hanging out with our friends? You just go. I mean, you are creating this anxiety by looking him up on online and reading his cryptic messages i mean you are playing into it a little bit i truly have to block people because i do the same thing you do i'll go back and look and if i block him i can't look yeah and so unless you feel uh unsafe uh or or uh unless he is out there disparaging your name and reputation, it sounds like all he's really doing is being kind of annoying and a little bit immature about this.

And as a good human, you might even feel a little bit bad and wishing he'd move on. But at the end of the day, none of this really is your problem. And I think you can go and visit your friends and hang out with your friends and enjoy your friends. And if you interact with them, you can say hi and you can more or less act indifferent and not play into it. Whatever know, if whatever he does, he's trying to get a reaction out of you. His goal is to get you to care. His goal is to get you to invest energy into him,

which you are doing. And so you don't want to be friends with this guy. What you're trying to do is get to a place where you can get, you can be, you can get along, right? And there's a difference between getting along and being friends. Yes.

Yeah. So last time when we were there, he, I introduced him to my now boyfriend and like, it went pretty well. But then of course, like they opened the door to more conversation and he slid into my DMs and like, you got to have a fine conversation. conversation yeah but now it's just like it feels like it's feeding

his social media feed where it is like yeah you definitely need to cut him off like you i think you need to stop telling yourself and stop trying to figure out how do i be friends you can be civil uh running into him should be like running into um your math teacher your math grade yeah or your professor you're like oh hey good to see you doing great awesome fine bye like honestly that's he's not your friend he was an he's an ex-boyfriend right um and he might be like oh she's cold and what a bitch or whatever and if he does that he's immature but like it's gonna help him in the long run and it's gonna help you in general um and you have a boyfriend now and it's like this listen these are all normal games we've all played um when breakups oh yeah no

judgment but you are feeding into this um it's a little bit of drama that you probably say you hate, but you deep down don't hate as much as you say you do. I've been there. And it just, it keeps, as far as he's concerned, it keeps you around. As long as you keep doing this, even if he doesn't know you're reading it, it just keeps you around. It keeps you where he, that's where he wants you. Around. Somehow. Some sort of connection. You know, we don't really break up until we like stop doing this shit.

He's not over it. You're right. And technically you're not totally over it either. Ooh, I knew you were going to say that. I don't like that. I'm not saying that doesn't mean you want to get back together with him. It's okay, yeah. You're just not over the relationship yeah you're not indifferent about it right and you could be like hey man like i am sorry and whatever but like

you've said you're sorry i'm sure you've had your conversations it's been two years you're in a new relationship um he needs to move on and you acting it go ahead one conversation we had asked like two years later that like we never actually talked about like what happened he broke up and yeah but i like he still said that like he wants to have another conversation so i don't know if like we should do that no no it's been two years there's nothing he just wants to talk to you he likes you i get it interestingly enough like i get i'm not saying it's right but i get his motive me too i've been there you know his motive is i just want you any way i can have you yes um we can talk about why you hate me we can talk like i just want you in my life somehow. I'm not ready to say goodbye.

I don't quite understand your motivation. I mean, I do in a sense because I've been there too, because you maybe care about him, but you have to let go. You have to be the strong one and it's okay for him to hate you. That's just him saying he loves you. He needs to get to be in a place where he's indifferent about you and vice versa. You need to get to a place where when I went home a couple weeks ago, my best friend's dad passed away and it was a reunion. And my ex-girlfriend was there with her husband and two kids and it was just nice to see her and nice to say hi we were totally indifferent I mean certainly it was someone I cared about and vice versa but it wasn't weird we didn't get awkward we didn't

start going down a memory lane we just hugged and said it was nice to see you and I asked about her kids and I talked to her husband it was totally Right. And that's a place that you need to get with him. And that probably will acquire some significant time apart without any contact whatsoever. I feel like two years, that's a significant amount of time. Sure. Is that not true? Yes. But you two, and I say you two, because you've played a part in this, have been playing this game where there's never really been any consistent like no contact whatsoever. Even if it's these cryptic messages that you go and read and he keeps putting out there, you guys are both doing things to like keep this drama between you going on. And you're both doing it. You know, you're both doing it.

You're playing into his games. And there's something that's not allowing you to stop. And I'm not saying that means you want to get back together with him. It's just sometimes it's nice to know he still likes you. There's sometimes it's nice to know that you like to be wanted. He meant something to you. He meant something. But if you really want it to stop, then you need to stop it. Because right now you're playing into it.

Now's not the time to be friends, right? Yeah, it's not the time to be friends. I just don't know what the happy medium is. Like I go on a trip to New Orleans or I have a conversation. I don't know. Well, that's the thing is right now in the short term, there's no happy medium. You have to stop. You have to stop interacting with him. If you go on your trip, but if you run into him and if it's going to be inevitable, keep your distance. Don't engage.

Don't, it's insane for him to try to pull you aside and say, can we talk about our breakup two years ago? That's insanity. It's insane. It's been too- Yeah, I don't even know what I would say. You should say no. Yeah. And walk away. Yeah. And if he calls you names and hates you for it, that's okay. He needs to hate you for it right

now. You're doing it for him. You're doing it for him. Yeah. But you guys are playing this game that so many of us have played before. And we just have a hard time of completely letting go to a relationship. We hold on to that drama for whatever reason, you know,

but that's what you're doing. And said in love, said with understanding, not judgment. Totally. I've done it. Yeah. We've all done it.

Yeah. I've done it multiple times. So I've been on, I've been on both sides. I've been him. I've been you. I still feel like in some way it might help, but... Okay, well, you're not going to listen. It's not going to help.

It won't. Unless you want to get back together. Unless you want to get back together, it's not going to help. If you want to be with him, then fine. But if you don't, it will not help him. What could you possibly say? I don't know, but he says it would help. I know.

I know. He's delusional right now. He's convinced himself. He's literally having a relationship with you without you being in the relationship. No, it happens all the time. We do this. Like, we break up with people. And when we're not, especially when we get broken up with, we choose missing them is a better, and being sad about the relationship is a better option than being over it. Because if we miss them, at least we still have them in our lives.

When we're still reading the love letters that they wrote us when they used to like us, lives when we're still reading the love letters that they wrote us when they used to like us as painful as it is it feels close when we watch movies that we used to watch together it's it's it's fucked up but we all do this and we do it because we're not ready to let go right but until we actually force ourselves to let go we'll never actually get over that's why it's like you love to hurt so good you know, like you embrace the pain because the pain's better than not feeling anything about them. And it's just scary to let them go. He's just afraid of the unknown.

You got to help him get to a place. Right now, you're just, you are part of the problem. And nothing you say in that conversation will help. It will only make it worse. Because it seems like, again, you're a nice person, you care about him. And it sounds like right now you're not able or willing to say the things he really needs to say, you need to say to allow him to hate you because you're like, I don't want to be mean and I care about him. Well, right now you're only giving him false hope.

I don't know. I feel like I was really mean to him in the beginning when I just cut him off right away. It was just like... No. It's okay. And you know what? Maybe you were the worst girlfriend of all time. I don't know. I feel like I was really mean to him in the beginning when I just cut him off right away. No. That's okay. And you know what? Maybe you were the worst girlfriend of all time. I don't know. The point is you don't want to be with him anymore, and he needs to get over it. It's not your job to fix him either. You don't need to relive your past relationship. If you were not the greatest girlfriend, you can say, again, I am very sorry that I hurt you ever. She already told him. She already told him sorry.

Yeah, you've done it. Exactly. It's just now you're, this is literally the definition of insanity. Yeah. I just don't know, like, I mean, I feel like this cycle has been going on so long that it hasn't ended already with, like, that's a very minimal contact. Like, I'm not doing anything. I'm not sending him any signals on my end yeah but again i can't it's hard to explain but even like talking to friends

about it i'm not you know like you know i'm not a spiritual whatever but like there is energy out there and like you the fact that you're you're doing things that are just you're putting out things out in the world even by you going and looking at his messages and reacting. And then if you're talking to us about it, you're probably talking to your friends about it. And then somehow that's getting back to him. I'm just saying that all this bullshit is all perpetuating the situation. Like Rochelle said, I think you should block him.

Stop yourself from looking. Never talk about him. Never talk about him to your friends. You need to cut him off from your life. Whether you know if he is or if this information is or isn't getting back to him, you just need to act that way. Tell your friends you don't want to hear updates. You don't want to hear updates.

If you happen to run into him, you got to have to be a little cold. Cordial but cold. Cold. And eventually he'll move on because he'll have to. Bless. As he should. Okay, that feels actionable. Actionable steps.

Smart goals. But yes, you cut him off. You like the drama more than you want to admit. Romance. So you got to stop. It's on you. Okay. All right.

Thank you for calling in. It's on you. Okay. All right? Thank you for calling in. Hard to hear, but good. I'm worried about you because I feel like you're really not going to do this, but step one is admitting you have the problem. You seem to be open to that, but it's, and again, no judgment.

I've been on both sides, but this won't stop until you stop it. You gotta, you gotta be okay with him hating you and you not caring. I have to just throw the hammer down. Yeah. But in a way that's not perpetuating the drama, you really have to like the silent hammer.

Yeah. Not talk about with your friends and not look them up and not respond. And truly focus on your actual relationship that you are in. All right. Best of luck. Thank you. Thanks for calling in. All right.

Take care. Bye-bye. All right. How's it going? Hi, Nick. Hi, Rochelle. How are you guys? Good.

What's your name? My name is Kayla. I'm 24 years old from the East Coast. How can we help Kayla 24? So actually you kind of already helped me a little bit. I was one of the people who asked you a question on your like app. Oh, yeah.

Oh, I know it's not like a novel to Rochelle, but basically I met a guy around Christmas Eve and we were talking a lot I went to visit him he was in the city about an hour and a half away um we probably hung out five times but for that span of time it was 48 hours each time because I would stay there um but he's a med student so obviously medical school takes majority of his life um but I understand that I'm a student too so I've been very open and understanding and patient with him studying for his boards and all of that. But he was taking

off to go home to study for two months. So we talked for two months and then he's leaving for two months. So my question to you was if it was too soon to clarify what the expectation was and kind of where we were going with things. And your response was that Pete was about to propose, so I could do that. So I did reach out to him via text, and I kind of just clarified where he expected this to go, if I should be waiting at home twiddling my thumbs for him to come back, or if I should be dating around. I made it clear I did not need a relationship

title. I just wanted to know if I should be spending my time waiting for him or not. And he responded well, basically said that he intended to see where it went and that he intended to see me when he got home and that he wasn't going to go on any more dates while he was home. So that was enough for me. But I guess now my question is more general. I kind of get sick of this whole fear of broaching the subject, fear of asking people where their intentions are too early. How do you know when to do that? When is it appropriate? I'm a communicator, so it's been kind of tough for me dating. Yeah, I don't know why all of a sudden in this day and age of dating

we've become afraid to define the relationship. It's because guys' reactions. It's not just guys. They run away. Men, fine. Now you have an answer. This is a men and women problem. This is not a men problem.

But enough of them run away and you're like, how can I keep them? Plenty of women. I just won't talk about it. There's plenty of women who don't want to be in relationships either, who don't respond in the affirmative when guys say, I'd like to date you. I mean, this happens too. But obviously, on our show, we have a lot of women calling in who do act as if like again when you said well i was fine with that answer i'm fine with not being in a relationship

but that doesn't sound like what you want like there's a difference i'm fine i can put up with this but what i really want is that so like start just saying what you want and stop being okay with what you're fine with because you're not really fine with it. Like you're just, you want to, it sounds like you want to be in a relationship with this guy and you want to find out if he is. And so what you've given him, when you say what, when you start answering for him,

like when you ask the guy to define the relationship, you're like, well, listen, just as you know, like I don't really need to be in relationship. I just kind of want to know. You give an opportunity for him. Like when you, when you ask the guy to define the relationship, you're like, well, listen, just as you know, like, I don't really need to be in relationship. I just kind of want to know you give an opportunity for him to give you a very vague noncommittal response. Well, I intend to do this. What does that mean? When someone intends to do something, it's like when, you know, sports reference here, but lots of times when big like coaches were like have a lot of success and there's rumors about them going to a bigger university. They'll say, you know, I have no intention of leaving at all.

I'm committed to this university. And a day later, they leave. And they technically didn't lie because they didn't intend to in that moment. You're right. I guess I kind of put words in his mouth before he could answer. You know what i mean if you like someone and you want to date them i don't know if there's ever really too early of a time to say it i mean yeah is a little nutty to go on one date and say i want you to be my boyfriend sure but you know i get these

questions like we've been hanging out for five months or we've been hanging out for a month like we've gone on five five for a few. A few dates is enough time to say to someone, I've really enjoyed hanging out with you. I'd like to get to know you and I'd like to see where this goes. And then like, and fine. But then like two weeks later, you keep hanging out and I think that's totally enough time.

Like that used to be fine five years ago to say, do you want to be my, like, do you want to date? I want to date? That was totally normal. Now people feel like they have to go and date someone for a decade before totally safe. I don't want to seem crazy. We've been hanging out for 10 years. And listen, is it nuts for me to say that I want you to be my boyfriend?

What didn't this happen? Right. It's frustrating. And I'm a communicator, again, so I'm fine broaching the the subject you're not as much of a communicator as you say you are but like a communicator would say i would like you to be my boyfriend what do you say to that right you're being vague i listen to your podcast all the time and i tried to like take your take the advice it's hard it's scary is what it is and i get that it's scary yeah and i was trying to take like the whole don't be a cool chick all the time don't uh don't be afraid to ask questions if you're

just afraid of the answer i'm trying to like take all that into consideration but it is i don't know it's harder it's hard it's hard to do but small steps i quit honestly again i'm not i'm not blaming men or women but it's not just the men out there at some point women just stopped asking you know like what it was okay to ask not too long ago um and all of a sudden like girls wanted to just be like well you know I'm cool I don't need like you can be an independent woman and say you want a boyfriend right yeah you Yeah, you're right. Yep, yep. And you are like a hot tamale. You deserve the world, man.

I get that it's scary. It's not as hard as much as it is scary because actually it's quite easy to say, I'd like you to be my boyfriend. It's just scary. It's not actually hard to say that. You can say that to anyone. Sometimes it's a little scary of finding out the reason.

And sometimes, you know, and sometimes we get scared because we like guys who seem non-committal and whatever and there's like i would usually say if the guy really likes you you'll know but sometimes if you let a guy you know have his cake and eat it too he will definitely try to have his cake and eat it too and it's usually you'll get the answer you want when you are the one unique woman who's saying i don't know this is what i want welcome to give it to me if not that's also fine you know you know you don't pine for it you don't beg you don't seem needy you just state what you want and stating what you want is very attractive to a lot of guys yeah it's like

walking a fine line and then the other issue i've been having is trying to respect um that you know if someone is as dedicated to something as they are to med school or whatever it is their job that's an excuse making sure that like i'm not trying to be priority number one but i'd like to be busy people make time for a lot of things. Yeah, because you can be boyfriend and girlfriend and date. You don't have to spend every waking moment together. I think that's just offering up a potential excuse. That's what I was fearful of. And that being an excuse because I think I've been very understanding and flexible.

That's what they say, though. It might be an excuse, but it's also an answer. Hey, I really like you. I'd like to be with my boyfriend. Oh, really? Well, actually, I'm just like busy with med school and we can keep hanging out. That's an answer. The answer is whether that's sincere or not, he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.

And that also means it probably isn't going to change exactly uh and that two-month gap where and so far you know he calls me every day we remain in contact we would be quarantined anyway so um yeah but i definitely it's funny because in that moment yeah in that moment a lot of people think, well, okay, fine. I'll just keep hanging out, keep sleeping together. And eventually he'll, no, it probably won't change. Not hanging out with him and saying, that's fine. I get it. You're busy. And, but I want to, I'm like, spending time with you because I don't have a lot of time is also going to stop me from meeting someone else who might want to be in a relationship with me. And that is the only reason, the only way that he might go, well, when you say it like that,

I don't want another guy to date you. So maybe if my option is to, then they'll change their mind. But no one seems to be doing that. Yeah. Yeah, I've said no to a few guys while talking to him because I do like him. So tell him.

And don't be afraid to walk away and don't be afraid to remind him that totally fine. You respect his decision and you respect his busy schedule, but because your time is also limited, you want to invest that in men who are willing to make you a priority on some level. You don't want to invest your time in a guy who's open to figuring it out over the course of a decade. Right. Yeah, no, I'm good. I mean, I know I'm young, but if I like somebody, I like them. There you go. And don't be, don't be ashamed of that. Yeah, no, I won't be. And I listen to you guys every day. You help me every day. I'm listening to my car. I gotta make a little note

of that advice. Well, thank you very much you're gonna be great alright stay safe thanks for calling bye bye bye just just

tell them yeah you like them yeah loving the time of quarantine loving yeah loving the time of quarantine

are the rules changing we have yet to find out I think more people are gonna be more non-committal really I don't know who knows how's it going hey We have yet to find out. I think more people are going to be more noncommittal. Really? I don't know. Who knows?

How's it going? Hey. Hey, what's your name? How are you guys? Good. My name's Allie. I'm 21. Hi, Allie's 21.

How can we help? So I am a bisexual woman, and up until I was about 18 years old, I only dated men. But my past few relationships have only been with women. Lately, I kind of feel like I want to start dating men again, but I'm not really sure how or when to bring up my sexuality because I don't want, you know, the person that I'm seeing to be confused or feel threatened or anything like that so i guess basically just you know as a straight man how do you think you would best like receive that kind of information well um i i think there's unfortunately no there's i don't think that answer is black and white right um i'm older i've i have a like i grew up concerned like my answer my my reaction uh going on a date with a woman who's bisexual uh most certainly would have been

different if i was 22 than now right also it's a different time right we've become as a society more uh progressive and aware and less ignorant about this topic but nevertheless there's still probably like a lot of room for for for this um so i think it just uh it's funny because i've had this conversation with some friends women friends who are bisexual and you know for me you're you're if you're going to ask my opinion right um i'm a generally confident person when it comes to relationships and insecurities so i don't feel like i would be threatened it's funny because i've had a a woman say this where it's just like she's worried the guy will be insecure that he's just she that she at any moment can leave her for a woman right is that a fear is that a fear yeah and to which i replied i mean i guess i get it but it

doesn't make too much sense because uh if i'm dating a girl whether she's bisexual or not by your your argument to suggest that you know she like, she could already leave me for any guy, you know, and how many billions of men are there in this world? So, like, what, because we're now including another gender, like, at any given moment, like, does that really increase the odds? There's still a lot of people that she could leave me for if we're just, like, saying, well, I'm worried because there's more people that she could like. You know what I'm saying? No, yeah, totally. saying well i'm worried because there's more people that she could like you know what i'm saying like oh yeah totally if it's just about like uh it's just it's just as basic as that because you know people leave people for by not working out i mean you could say like oh well like if she's a bisexual i guess like does she you does she, you know, like, in a career, like, well, I want a guy, but now I feel like dating a woman this time.

And I'm not a bisexual. I don't think, is it that trivial where, like, you get a sense of wanting the touch or feeling or the emotional connection of a woman as a guy? Isn't it just more people, right? Well, yeah, I just, I feelity bisexuality just kind of ebbs and flows and i think there's a lot of like misconceptions around it like just at any moment i'm like flipping a switch from only liking men to only liking women i guess i know that like the person i find will like obviously accept my sexuality but i mean i know it can still be kind of intimidating um to some people yeah and you're. I think that's a good perspective to have is like, and I agree,

the right person will make you feel like you will feel a connection to whoever that is, man or woman, that they make you feel not judged. And they make you, they don't, they don't look at, you know, like I would talk about my dating life, how, you know, I've had these unique experiences. It certainly has nothing to do with my sexuality, but like, sometimes I feel like I have to explain myself a lot to people. When you do that, it's kind of like, it gets exhausting and you're just like, and when I don't have to explain myself to people, I feel an immediate connection to, right? And I'm sure in some degree, very different topic, but you're going to feel that connection when someone's just like, yeah, cool. You know know and they might have a few questions but they their questions aren't

don't you don't ever feel judged like oh if i say something wrong are you going to think of me differently i've and i go on dates like that all the time we're just like okay you know ask me your questions and if i feel like i have to give a certain answer that they don't, that they might think differently, like I get a high off of that because I like the challenge. But then I realized, eh, I don't really like, like this vibe, so to speak. Right. Right. So I think it's just going to be situational for you, right? It's, if you end up going on a date with a younger guy, there's a slightly greater risk that he might say something dumb and immature.

Not necessarily, right? Because you can get that from older guys. But if you're just playing the odds. Yeah. And I don't think you should be, I think you shouldn't be afraid of it. You know, you should own it. I think that you shouldn't be afraid of it. You know, you should own it.

I don't think it's nothing. I don't think you owe them this information sooner than you feel compelled to give it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I just don't want it to seem like I'm keeping secrets. Yeah. I think she should tell people. That's entirely up to her.

I don't agree. I don't agree with the premise that you owe this information to anyone at a certain time. Okay. Really? Okay. That's interesting. Because in Love is Blind, I know you don't watch Love is Blind,

but the guy. I saw it. I know what you're talking about. Oh. They were like getting married. Like, you know what? You're right. Before you engage with someone

or have sex with them, you can share this information. But until then, you don't owe that information. Like, if you're deciding to maybe get engaged after four hours of conversation with someone, yeah, you should probably tell them, right? Before you have sex, before you're intimate with someone, yeah, that might be something to tell them, right? I think there's, that makes sense. Like, we live in a society that we want to, not that you're have a higher rate of STDs, but like when you're, when you're

going to be intimate with someone, I think, yes, it's okay for someone to ask about their sexual lifestyle if you're going to, you know, exchange bodily fluids. Fair enough. But short of that, like if you go on three dates with some guy and you don't like you know like you're just having conversations you're just getting to know them whenever you feel comfortable is when you should share that and keeping in mind to like they might react differently if some guys well why don't you tell me right away it's like i i personally think you're you're right guy will be like oh well thanks for sharing i didn't you know doesn't really change much but cool you need you know like if a guy freaks much, but cool. You need, you know,

like if a guy freaks out because on the fourth date you told him and he's like, why don't you fucking tell me on the first date? And I feel like you lied to me. Like, he's not your guy. He's just not. You're completely right.

And so, yeah, I get why you might feel these insecurities about it, but I would. I would just feel confident the fact that this is in a way uh maybe a useful measuring tool of knocking yourself in a situation situation with someone who's not your person because sometimes that's the hard part about dating right we we invest like six to twelve months or eighteen months or three years with someone who ends up kind of being an asshole.

And we would have loved to figure that out earlier on. So now you have this like thing about like this information that is harder for people to understand, but it shouldn't be. And their ability to like processes information and not you make you feel a judge is a great barometer. Yeah. And you're just going to save yourself a lot of time by not getting involved with people who might be ignorant or uh short-sighted or make you feel like you have to explain to them or even just

maybe just like make annoying jokes like oh go make out with that chick you know like um stuff like that so yeah but i don't i think it's to, I don't think you should hide it, you know, if you feel comfortable about it. I just don't think you owe people anything. You don't need to explain yourself. You don't need to come out of the closet on every date you have, so to speak. That makes sense. I agree. So, yeah, that's my two cents, you know.

Maybe people disagree,. But yeah. Thank you. Yeah. I think just own it. And I definitely don't think, like, if you date a guy, you can leave him for billions of other men. The fact that you could also leave him for billions of other women doesn't really decrease his chances of that relationship working out yeah so absolutely uh thank you guys no my pleasure but thank you um yeah that's about it so best of luck uh let us know if uh if you meet a lovely fellow um and until then you know enjoy the buffet of options that you have. Thank you, guys. All right. Take care.

Bye. All right. Bye-bye. Take care. Yeah. I saw that on Love is Blind. But yeah, before you get engaged. Yeah.

I definitely thought when I watched that, like, why did you wait till after? Right. Because he didn't want to be rejected. Totally. Yeah. He's about to get engaged. Totally different. Yeah.

Yeah. Not the same as a third date. Well, thanks for listening, guys. As always, we appreciate your calls, people calling in. Hopefully, you are finding these episodes entertaining and fun and insightful. And we do appreciate you continuing to listen. Don't forget to send your questions to asknick at castme.com, cast with a K, sending your reviews. We always appreciate that. And until then, we will see you on Wednesday.