The Viall Files - E126 Ask Nick- Failure to "Finish" with Claudia Oshry

Episode Date: May 11, 2020

The Morning Toast’s Claudia Oshry joins Nick to answer fan questions about sex and dating. But first, Claudia and Nick discuss cancel culture during a pandemic. Then, they talk to someone who woke up and stopped loving their boyfriend, someone whose boyfriend always has to “finish” by himself, a woman who wants custody of the dog, and a concerned friend.  “I’m takin’ the dog…dumbass!” Send your sex and dating questions to [e-mail]. THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS: CROSSROPE: https://www.crossrope.com/viall RITUAL: https://ritual.com/viall See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you're crazy what's going on everybody welcome to another episode of the vile files i'm your host nick and we have a very fun popular guest today claudia girl with no job. Hey, hey, hey. How are you? I'm good. It's fun to have you on. It's nice to see you. Yeah, I don't think it'll ever get old for me how far we've come as friends. I mean, I feel like I really used our friendship as a foundation for my life because, you know,

I'm 25 and I'm still growing up. I still have a lot of growing up to do. And I just feel like the person I've become over the last few years is so different than like the person I grew up as. And I feel like our friendship is really like a testament to that and also just like a testament to my whole like mentality, like how I see the world. You know what I mean? Like nothing is really as it seems. Don't believe everything you read. Things like that.

Yeah. Well, that's, I'm glad I could have an impact on your life as a whole. What are some other maybe specific things in your life that you think in the past year, you've really evolved as a person? Oh, I think I'm so much more empathetic. I mean, I'm still like, kind of rough around the edges. But for the most part, I just kind of used to be like in my own shit and I didn't really care about other people or like if I did something that hurt someone, but I just think I've kind of softened up a lot over the last few years. I don't know if that just has to do with like growing up or just random things. I find myself caring more about other people. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I just, I find myself caring more about other people. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I mean, I, I feel like almost you and I, the way you talk about yourself, I feel similarities, especially, you know, I've always even been criticized about

sometimes lacking empathy with people. But at the same time, I feel like I'm a very loyal person. I feel like I'm a very loyal person. And if you're in my circle, for me, I'm a ride or die kind of person, right? Same. And at the same time too, even with strangers, it's just like what I know I am is different in how I express it, right? And I sometimes, I don't know if this

is the same with you but sometimes I don't feel like it's a lack of empathy I just have a have a hard time understanding someone's point of view like we were talking about like sometimes it seems to be so simple and granted because we're not emotionally invested so we're just curt and direct yeah and it comes across as a lack of empathy. But I think you're right, especially for me is sometimes through that criticism of other people, you're like, you know what, I probably could be a little bit more aware or self-aware and conscious of how that's coming across so that if I'm trying to show empathy that I make sure that I'm doing it because yeah, you can.

Yeah. And I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I feel really misunderstood a lot of the time by like people who like know me, but don't know me. Um, and I think that I used to make judgments of other people, um, and probably misjudge them based on what I had heard or what I know. But now that I find myself in that position all the time, I find myself, you know, learning more about people before I completely write them off where I just used to write them off because I felt like it. Yeah. So, I mean, I'm curious. And so, because you are still an opinionated person and as you need to be, you're a host of a very popular

show. There's a reason why your show is so popular. And that's because you two are funny and give great insight and you give great opinions. Right. So whether people agree with you or disagree with you, they come to hear that. Right. So the difference is, and I was funny because like recently I've been critical of Madison, right. Or other bachelor people. And I always say, it's like, listen, I'm just, and people are like, oh, you've never met.

It's like, I'm just simply giving people are like, oh, you've never met her. It's like, I'm just simply giving an opinion of what they put out publicly. And I also don't hate them. Like, I don't, I haven't sworn them off. Like, I'd love to get to know them. I just, this is my opinion on this situation. Do you find like that, is that the difference between you now and before

where you would decide you hate someone and now you don't? Yeah, no, I find myself constantly staying firmly on the middle on every single issue. Like, and it's so funny, me and Jackie, we love Howard Stern. And Jackie made me read his most recent book. And he said, like, part of being a great radio host, and like the biggest piece of advice he could give is like, you always have to have a firm opinion on everything. Like you have to take a stand, you can't just dilly dally between and I'm literally the opposite. Because I have this unique point of view where I see everything as a fan.

I see it as someone who has fans. And the thing that people love about our show is also it's like our Achilles heel. It's what people take umbrage with. It's like if we say something unpopular, and it's even so silly. silly. We were discussing two weeks ago, Erin Foster had gotten into some hot water about something she posted on Instagram saying a lot of people were upset it wasn't sensitive. She basically just posted how glad she was she got married before coronavirus because all these brides are now postponing their wedding. And it was honestly just a funny, not meant to be, but it blew up in her face. And we were discussing it on our show. Um, and I obviously, I see all sides. Like I see the side of someone who people tried to cancel.

I see the side of just like a consumer. And like, I didn't think it was a big deal, but it's like us saying the unpopular thing, the unpopular thing being Aaron Foster. Uh, it's not that big of a deal. That's not necessarily the most popular opinion. So then people are mad at us for that. It's like the thing that they want from you is also the thing that they get upset about sure do you get does that make you nervous sometimes too because even for me it's just like i don't think i have some social responsibility to like give my honest opinion about all things bachelor nation at the you know you know i'm saying like i'm not changing the world and you know pop culture but at the same time you know people do appreciate like an honest

point of view. And we're in this cancel culture where especially you have a platform. People are so afraid to just put any, you know, like Howard Stern, have a firm opinion. And people are like, well, I don't know if I want to have a firm opinion on anything because if I rub something right, how do I backtrack, you know yeah and it's cancel culture has like created a sense of paranoia between from anyone who has a platform um because you can be a really really good well-intentioned nice kind person and the internet can make you think that you're actually not yeah and it's a it's a it's a balancing act i think i hope that things get corrected it's funny i was uh's kind of reminds me of,

you know, you know how like right now you go on the internet and you see these photos of people outside and crowds and you know, they're like, you don't know where they come from. And it's like, look at these assholes out in a crowd. They're being selfish. And listen, we should all stay at home. I'm trying to use my platform to remind people when you can to try to be socially responsible practice social distancing stay inside when you can at the same time like there's a balance with things like and it's for example like so i live in venice california right i went for a workout and the beach is the beach is closed right so there's this grassy knoll area right that i ran down to and it was a saturday afternoon and

it was it was a nice out so it was it was busy and busy in the sense that the the grassy knoll had a a bunch of people at the same time everyone you know they might have shown up as a couple maybe three friends like there's not much you can do about that you can debate whether they should be with their friends or not you know but, but every group was separated. So I found a section where I was easily 20 feet away from everyone, right? I'm by myself. I'm trying to get outside. And all of a sudden I see this guy walking through the crowd. He has a mask on his neck and I, you know, I can just tell because I've had this happen to me this guy was pretending to take selfies and he was recording everyone and taking pictures and i caught him and i'm looking right at him i'm just like he looked at me and then he went to the top of the park and he's still

filming and i look and he stopped because i'm looking right at him and i'm thinking to myself like i don't know who this guy was maybe he's just a perv i don't know what he's doing with this footage but he's definitely could be this person who's just like look at these assholes outside in a crowd and i'm thinking like i'm 20 feet from everyone you just walked two feet from everybody so if you are infected who has a mask on his neck not wearing a mask and he's out there being like look at these assholes in venice all out of park and like you can get a a photo of someone and it look a photo of a group and it looks pretty busy but like and i'm thinking again like i was i was i wouldn't come close to anyone right and like as humans we want to get us and it's just i'm thinking

to myself just like this guy's a dick right like it's just of course he's selfish that like in a global pandemic we would have other things to worry about. And like cancel culture might, just might take a back seat for the next few months. But I find that it's totally having an adverse effect. Like people are more on edge than ever. People are just gunning for people constantly. And maybe it's just because it's out of sheer boredom. But it's, I think that the climate has never been more susceptible to cancellation when you would think people would have better things to do.

Yeah, it's frustrating. And again, I'm not saying you should go outside and party. You see some of these pictures, it's not cool. But every picture I've seen of these, I'm like, whoever's taking this picture is part of the problem. They're out there. They're doing like, you know, it's not like a building up top in like, it's not a bird's eye view, you know, and it's just like, come on, people. Yes, we should all continue to do our part.

And yes, we are reaching that point of quarantine where we're getting antsy. It's like the first few weeks, like we got this, we can do this, we can stay inside. And honestly, we're all kind of starting to get quarantine fatigue, right? I mean, I know I am and it's been challenging and we got to try to continue to do our part. And it's scary, but like we also, I agree with you, like try to support each other, find the balance. And you know what? There's just something to be said about disagreeing with someone and not having to voice it. Like not the internet is a big place and you could fall in love with a YouTuber or a podcaster and you could fall in love with a YouTuber or

podcaster and you love them and they do something that you disagree with. You don't have to get your pitchfork and start writing out tweets about why you hate them. You can just silently stop supporting someone if they do something that you disagree with. I don't know why it has to be a campaign. Also, and I'm also, but I'm even fine with you expressing your opinion, but there's always a tone. You can say, this is my opinion, whatever. But yes, you're right. Other people, there's campaigns, there's attacks. They are trying to get other people to support them.

They're trying to cancel people. I have no problem with people writing me saying, I disagree with your point of view on Peter, Kelly, whoever. Like. I don't agree with you. That's fine. Great. Thanks for listening to my podcast. That's called civil discourse, and it's not a thing anymore. You're right. And it is kind of frustrating. But it's cool to see even your evolution, kind of like how you've done that. Because you have such an influence on millennials. It's always, it is fascinating to see.

I will say, you and your sister, what you guys do, it's really impressive. And even our, I guess today, three out of the four of the women who called in lost their shit when they realized you were on here. And it was just like, hey, what's up, Nick? How's it going? It's been so long since I've run into anyone.

I was like living for the attention on our calls today. Well, I'm glad I could help. I felt really good about it. Anything else you want to share before we get to our callers? No, I'm so excited to talk with you and everyone. And I hope everyone enjoys the episode. Yeah, I think you guys will love it. Claudia is a natural at this uh make sure to

send your questions that uh ask nick at cast me.com cast with a k uh we'd love for you to give us five stars on itunes if you have the time uh other than that make sure to tune in to your listen to heart recap and as well as on wednesday for raja kamari a fantastic episode with her and other than that uh let's get to the questions new friend to show crossrope uh i actually have been pretty excited about this showed up at my door and i was like oh what is this open it up and it's it well i mean that yeah they're jump ropes i mean the layman's if you will high-end jump ropes and honestly i'm always looking for like new things to do to work out. I'm a creature of habit. I get in these routines. And it's always great to just

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Catherine, and I'm 21. How can we help, Catherine, 21? All right, so I recently got out of a relationship that was like a year and a half long, and things were really good. We didn't really have any problems. And then just like one day, like a couple months ago, I just kind of... It felt like overnight. I'm sure it wasn't.

I just kind of stopped loving him and just was no longer physically attracted to him. And I thought about it for a couple weeks and then wound up talking to him and kind of went in expecting to break up with him. And then that didn't happen. And then a couple more weeks went by and then that didn't happen um and then a couple more weeks went by and then um we wound up eventually breaking up and it was just kind of like a new uh like I'm totally fine with my decision like nothing's wrong there but it was just kind of like a new experience and like feeling for me um and yeah I was just wondering

like if that's common like why that happened like because I've heard of that happening like you just kind of like hang out with someone because you're bored but you don't actually like them but we were together for a while so what's a while a year and a half which was a long time for me yeah is that your first serious relationship um the other relationships were like under a year but yeah was he the first would you consider him the first love of your life or no? Do you, looking back, do you feel like you still haven't found that person yet? Um, he wasn't my, I, I love someone, but I mean, I'm 21. So I think he was the first like big, like I could see a future with this person. Love of my life. Yeah. And so what, you're like,

you just kind of woke up and decided not for you and you're having a hard time processing that? Like, what's your biggest fear out of how you feel about the situation? Yeah, I guess like, I just felt so in love with him one day and then just to have that go away, it's just kind of, I don't know, it's just weird and concerning a little bit.

Was it literally like Wednesday, you're like so in love, you go to bed, I love you, and you wake up on Thursday and you're just like, who is this person next to me? I mean, like, come on, was it really that? I mean, I'm sure it was a little bit more gradual than that, but it was definitely like a one-day realization that I didn't love him anymore and didn't want to be with him anymore. But I guess my question is like, hi. I just want to say I don't really have any advice for you yet because I don't fully understand your problem.

But I would just like to commend you on being able to identify like the problem within yourself. Like 21 is like just to be able to identify like, I don't know if I really even like this person. It's easy to just get complacent. And then I feel like that's how people end up in really long relationships that end up going nowhere. So just identifying the feeling and like going forward and breaking up with someone is truly commendable. And I don't think I could do it because like breaking up with someone is like my worst nightmare. I'd honestly rather be broken up with. So I just would like to commend you for that. I would agree with Claudia. I mean, it doesn't, and again, unless there's something else going on is that sounds like your

biggest question is like you're just not sure how you feel about it and i agree with claudia it's just that i don't think there's anything wrong here yeah um i guess that really like is my biggest question but it's just i don't know i've never heard of like someone like putting in like actually loving someone and then just like having it go away, I guess. Well, I, again,

I'm just having trouble processing it. Sure. And maybe you are like, how long ago did this happen? It was like mid March. Okay. So what, like,

how are you feeling now about the situation? I feel fine about it. I feel really guilty that i wasn't able to like tell him that he did anything wrong like i you don't yeah i felt bad about yeah yeah yeah but you know what you got to be optimistic here you could be quarantined with him if you didn't make the decision mid-march so yeah i think this is fabulous this sounds like a great situation to be in you know use this time okay go on some apps figure it out and as long as you didn't burn any bridges maybe you could go back in like a year if

you feel like you change your mind well i yeah i wouldn't do that but i mean who knows maybe but like my guess is you felt the reason why you felt and i think you know part like kind of like claudia said i think if anything um what you're doing shows a level of self-awareness and maturity that a lot of people quite honestly your age have a hard time doing it i know i did you know it's just like you're you get so comfortable and you get afraid of of kind of spreading your wings and seeing what's out there, especially if you're like, if you can't pinpoint anything, um, really damaging or toxic, you just kind of get comfortable and stay in it. But, um, you know, maybe there's something there for yourself where you're just a little, um, getting antsy about your love life where, you know, like it sounds like to me, like you sent

something within yourself that worries you. I don't know what that is, you know, like it sounds like to me, like you sent something within yourself that worries you. I don't know what that is, you know, but at the same time, I don't think there's anything wrong with realizing this is not how you feel. You are only 21. You don't need a justifiable reason to break up with someone. You know what I'm saying? Like it's not, it's not as if you, when you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, that you are bound to each other unless someone like cheats on you or steals from you or lies to you. You can, you're allowed to lose feelings for them. And then that's all, that's it. And it sucks. And yeah, people who get dumped, they want an explanation. They want to, well, they want to feel like they can fix it.

They want to be like, well, like, tell me what I did so I can understand. It's like, I don't know. And just, just stop caring for you the way I did. And that's hard to hear. And it's, it really is. But I think it's okay. And I think sometimes, kind of to Claudia's point, we have a way of hanging on to these relationships much longer than we should. And quite honestly, that's when it gets really ugly and toxic, right? Because then you start faking it, you start fighting, you start projecting your frustrations onto the person, you know, like, yeah, you hurt his feelings, you cut your losses. But like kind of the Claudius point, let's say you're quarantined with him. And like, you're just like, I'm stuck. I'm in this relationship. I don't want to be I feel guilty, because I don't want to break with him during

quarantine. And all of a sudden, you just start becoming kind of rude to him short with him, maybe mean, you know, like, you're just frustrated, and you don't mean to break with him during quarantine. And all of a sudden you just start becoming kind of rude to him, short with him, maybe mean, you know, like you're just frustrated and you don't mean to, but you're just projecting your frustrations. And that happens a lot. And you avoided all that. Yeah. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah. And you didn't waste his time. You didn't waste his time. You could have done, you could have hanged on for like three more years. And then that's where it's like, honestly, you're a bitch because you shouldn't have wasted people's time if you knew you felt that way so it's like you really set him free you're giving him a life and i feel like you could sleep at night knowing you did the right thing for you and for him yeah yeah i'm uh i'm with claudia on this um i think a lot of people forget you know they want you know no one likes

to hurt someone's feelings and like claudia like, it's really hard to break up with someone. But when you break up with someone, you have to allow them to like be mad at you or even hate you. Sometimes that's, again, like letting them go, right? Sure, you're the bad guy in their eyes, but they'll get over it. But that is actually kind of, that is somewhat of a selfless act to like, just be honest. You know, you don't want to be cruel. Like you don't say or do things to hurt their feelings, but you also don't sugarcoat it in the moment because you're afraid of an awkward situation and you don't want to hurt their feelings. And usually in those situations when you sugarcoat it and you kind of say like, well, you know, not right now and we'll see and things like that, people hear what they want to hear. And when they don't want to get broken up with, that's when they like hang around. When they feel like they're fighting for something, there's nothing worth fighting for. Yeah. You know, this reminds me of a story of my friend, Kim Kardashian, and she married someone named Chris Humphries. And when she was reasoning after 72 days as to why she wanted to get divorced, she's like, you don't think I feel bad?

I just changed my mind. And it's like, it's not anything like he did even though the show like tried to make it seem like he was a bad guy like he was a nice guy and he just like loved kim and like wanted the life but she the whole thing was like it all happened so fast and she just changed her mind it's like sometimes you connect with someone and you think that it's love but like maybe you just like them as a friend yeah yeah and i think you guys like oh no go ahead i was just gonna reiterate at 21 that's this is the time to figure those things out this is the time in your life when honestly it's be a little selfish yeah yeah i was just gonna say like i think you guys unintentionally like answered the question that i wasn't very good at articulating like i was just

kind of like waiting for something to be wrong i guess and that was like after like seemingly like a year and a half felt like a long time to me and i was just like it didn't seem like a good enough excuse to just not feel it anymore but thank you guys we watch so many tv shows and you think like the only reason people break up is like because someone gets in a car crash like sometimes it's not all that dramatic like sometimes you just don't like someone. And my guess is it wasn't even as drastic in your mind as you kind of remember it. My guess is you were just comfortable with the situation and the situation

is what you liked being in. And then one day you didn't, your feelings didn't change. One day you woke up and decided to be honest with yourself about your feelings. And there's a difference. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. All right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. All right. Cool. All right. Well, thanks for calling in. Yeah. Best of luck.

Yeah. Start, start going out and meeting guys on zoom and FaceTime and start building up that roster. So like when, when you're able to go outside, you know, you start,

start going for it. Now's a great time to start meeting people. Lay the foundation. All right. You're going to be great. All right. Thanks for calling in. Claudia, how many people have you broken up with? Zero. Because you just, how many people did you want to break up with and you got them to break up with you?

Zero. Ben's my first boyfriend. Oh, okay. Did I, did I know that? Yeah. I'm not really like the person to be giving dating advice because i've only been on one date but i don't know if that makes me like an expert or not listen uh everyone has their own story we're we're not experts on this show we we proudly say we're just people with opinions and if if you think it's, if you think it's entertaining and helpful and great, if not, sorry.

But it's always nice to have people from all different walks of life. Exactly. There you go. How's it going? Hi, going good. How are you? Good.

What's your name? My name is Sam. I'm 27. How can we help you, Sam? So a bit of a long question, but basically my boyfriend and I have been together for over five years now. And while we've had our ups and downs, I can honestly say that we are stronger than ever because of the hurdles we've overcome as a couple. Our sex life is phenomenal. He's always made my satisfaction overcome as a couple. Our sex life is phenomenal. He's always made my

satisfaction and pleasure a priority. However, it's nearly impossible for me to make him finish. No matter what I do to him or how long I do it for or we do it for, he can only finish by self-masturbation. This will usually happen after we've already had sex for a while and i can tell that it feels amazing for him but i want to be able to make him finish on my own and not with his help after five years you can imagine that i've literally tried everything okay no go ahead go ahead i'm not really complaining because we can literally have sex for hours if we want to um but also it would be amazing if he could finish naturally during sex or oral, um, the way that he always tries to make me do. Um, so basically

Nick, my question for you and Claudia, um, is my man biologically prone to being an energizer bunny in the sack or is there something different I could do, uh, that could work? Um, it's probably the former more than likely. How old is he, by the way? 26. Okay. So I would have guessed maybe he's a little older. Because as guys get older, when they're young,

it's just like it takes them a few seconds. It's all exciting. It's new. Everyone gets a little numbed literally to kind of... Are you guys using condoms? No. Okay. Does he watch porn?

Probably, but not a ton, I wouldn't say. I mean, we have together before, but it's not really a focus. Have you talked about this with him? Actually, I have. I've been thinking about it for a while. And that's kind of how I got the idea to send an email here. And after kind of writing it out, we ended up having sex. And I kind of used it as a test.

And I'm like, okay, well, let's see how this ends. And basically, however it ends, I will either go on the podcast and get some advice or not. So you can imagine that, I mean, it was amazing, but of course it ended how it always has. And so I kind of asked him about it because it's not that he's never been able to do it. He comes every time. It's just kind of on his own. But in five years, it's maybe only happened naturally, maybe like once or twice. So I did kind of ask him about it and he was very he was very open and he basically explained the sensation

that he feels is like almost being too overwhelming and so he almost has to like pull back in a sense to be able to like get there natural habits habits, essential oils. Well, guys, as you know, you're staying inside a lot. We certainly hope you want to make sure your indoor air is just as fresh, healthy, safe and clean as possible. And essential oils are a great way of doing that. They also have those additional mis-additional benefits like helping you relax. They can help with headaches, get a boost of energy, and also as well help support your immune system. We specialize in blends to maximize the benefits. 100% USD organic certified. Check us out at nhoils.com. They also come in a very convenient, easy to use

roll-on form. 30% off code natural is 30 off code natural nh oils.com check us out as well as free shipping now can i chime in just really quickly now i don't really have any technical tips because that's just like not my thing but i really am just seeing this as maybe like not a terrible problem to have like Like just if you think in the grand scheme of like the world and your relationship and like the things that could be wrong with sex, like when you were saying this, I was like, oh my God, where is this going? And where it went, like wasn't that bad. So like if the problem, I just want to say, if the problem never gets solved,

like I think you guys can have a very happy, long life together. I don't think it's like the biggest deal in the world. And to be honest, it's like less work for you. i just want i want to put this you know some rose-colored glasses on this before we dive in yeah i mean if if we said nothing more i honestly think that's all we really need to say i actually agree with with claudia there uh but just to you know to get into the weeds a little bit um yeah there's probably a couple things one like he's definitely not the only guy i mean quite honestly tmi like it's i've i've finished the way he does right like listen everyone knows themselves better than than anyone else doesn't matter right doesn't matter who your partner is he's been he's been getting to know himself for a really long time and you know like when he wants to go

faster or slower or longer strokes or shorter strokes that's all on him right that's all on him and his whatever hand he's using and so like nothing and and same with women right like you guys know yourselves better than guys and it's's really nice to, you know, have your partner do it. The fact that it's not impossible, even though it's been one or twice shows that he can do it. There's a combination of like, he's in his routine. It's what he's used to. He feels less pressure. There's also an element in what you were saying too. It's listen, also, you know, be careful, like, yeah, be thankful what you have, right? As a guy, right? I like, as you, it sounds like your partner does, like, I want to be focused on my partner, right? So, there is a concentration element. Again, if I'm not 22 and I'm just like,

no matter what happens, like, it's just like this, you got two minutes. So, let's, you know, get in what you can because about two minutes, I'm going to be done. Like, that's not going to happen for me. He's used to having sex with you. He's not. So, he in what you can because about two minutes I'm going to be done. Like that's not going to happen for him. He's used to having sex with you. He's not. So he's focused on you. And that means his attention is on you. His attention isn't on him.

So after a while, at least for me, if I, if, if I'm having sex long enough, like it's, it becomes harder to finish down. Like if I start having sex, right. And I'm focused on me, I could probably finish pretty quickly. Right. Relatively quickly. If my focus is on her, I'm just focusing on what I want to do to make her happy and make her feel good. And all of a sudden we're going for a while after like 15, 20 minutes, it's like, I'm tired. She's like, I have to reset. It's just harder. So like, he's just kind of doing it.

I guarantee you because he's just like, all right, you're good. Let me just do this because I'm, I know it's going to be harder for me to do it the old fashioned way, if you will. And like, you're done and maybe you're sore. And I'm like, I don't like, can I just finish, you know? And I'm, I guarantee you that's generally what his mindset is. It's just kind of physically easier. And, you know, he doesn't want to have to concentrate so hard on doing it the way you hope. And that's really what it comes down to. It's really not an issue.

And, you know, there's like a misconception, like when you watch tv or porn like sex everything happens at the same time and it's all perfect timing yeah it's not real and to be honest like think it could be the other way where it's like he doesn't give a shit about you and he's like beating off in the corner so honestly this sounds like a dream and the fact that you brought it up to him and he was like not weird and defensive about it i feel like a lot of guys would be like you know all weird and butthurt that you were like talking about, like an issue in sex. Like the fact that he seemed like cool about it.

He sounds like a great guy. I, I agree. It sounds like you have a pretty level headed guy. He's can, who's focused on you. And the one small downside is, is that you personally,

who also wants to please him. And I get it. Like, you know, a lot of girls and like if this has ever happened with me sometimes it's like you know women are as prideful as men sometimes in the bedroom you want to feel like you got your guy you know it's all you trust me he's very into you right like he wouldn't be so focused on making you feel good if he wasn't that into you i can guarantee you that right and this is not of an attraction to you like little things if it bothered you he could probably masturbate a little bit less and watch a little less porn you know you know maybe like i don't know how often you're

having sex but as a guy there's a solid bet that every day you're not having sex he's masturbating and that's totally fine right but if if if if you wanted to try and as a couple and you said to him listen babe i know it's not a big deal but like it kind of makes me feel good if you were whatever and so like maybe let's wait a few days build up the you know sensitivity if you will and it'll be you know make and it'll be, you know, make it about him one time, you know, not make it about you. Like kind of give him permission to be a little selfish because you're getting something you want,

and that is the satisfaction knowing that he finished in a more traditional way. But big picture-wise, I totally agree with Claudia. This is not really a big deal and trust me, he's not the only guy that this happens with. Right. Yeah. And in no way do I want this to come off like I'm complaining because I know that it's not a problem per se.

But I mean, yeah, I have talked to friends here and there about it and they have mentioned that magical moment of of finishing at the same time and and liars you know i don't half of them are lying half of them are lying i mean listen i i mean in my life i can on on on maybe maybe two hands over my life that's maybe happened and then there has to be like and honestly it's like it's cool when it happens but there's luck and there's too much like it's and honestly it's like it's cool when it happens but there's luck and there's too much like it's too fucking hard man like it's just you're focused on whatever what does that even mean the same time like whatever like right you know get yours get his

and like as long as you are and again because you're in a relationship it might not even happen every time you have sex you know what i'm saying like he might get off you might not as long as like it seems like you guys are good communicators in general and in the bedroom and i think that's it's important and as long as you're both feeling like overall you're both sexually satisfied that's that's a win i mean there's enough of people in relationships who have so many more problems in bed that this is not a huge... Don't stress yourself out over it. That's for sure. Yeah.

And don't feel insecure about yourself as a result. It's not you. Okay. Thank you. Yeah. I mean, I definitely do feel like we're both satisfied. I guess it is more just I want to be able to do that because i feel like i'm i am doing the right things makes sense yeah so it's it's like what what's going on

here um nothing really again if if just to repeat if there's anything and again if you wanted to do it once in a while my guess is on his on your days off he's masturbating and if he didn't and he wasn't watching porn he took like three days off without climbing climaxing anywhere it would be much easier for him and you'd go faster and also you would want to you and tell him listen when we this is about you right now like don't worry about getting me off don Don't like, like I want, whenever you can, you should come as fast as possible. Yeah. And I, I, I, my guess is he will. Okay.

You both sound like lovely people. Oh, thank you so much. You're both lovely as well. I feel like, I feel like, yeah, these are, this is a good call, but I, cause I, I think this, these questions questions happen a lot. There's a lot of preconceived notions and misconceptions in terms of the men's role or women's role in a bedroom. And it's supposed to be easy for guys to get off all the time. And if a guy doesn't get off, he must not be attracted to me.

Those are all mostly false. Okay, cool. Well, I mean, yeah, I think that that helps a lot. And again, over the five years, you know, it's hard to imagine that I can really do much different to really try to get a different result. But yeah, I mean, just a little bit of insight helps. And I'll definitely give your advice a try. Yeah. I would be surprised if he did all those steps, it wouldn't happen. But again,

don't feel like you have to do it all the time. But at the same time, we live in a 600 square foot apartment. So I mean, I'm pretty aware that not much is going on, But who knows what happens in the bathroom when the door is closed. I really don't. So true. Maybe he doesn't. And you know what? If he does, don't shame him for doing that.

Like guys do that. Yeah, of course not. It has nothing to do with... But yeah, overall, you guys sounds like you have a healthy sex life and just be careful to fuck with something that sounds pretty solid. So true. The best advice i've ever heard yeah yeah absolutely i i completely agree all right well thank you for

calling in sam best of luck yeah thank you guys so much it was really great meeting both of you yeah you as well how's it going hi how are you good what? Good, what's your name? I'm Fran, and I'm 29. How can we help you, Fran, 29? All right, so me and my ex-boyfriend dated for about three years, and we got a dog after we moved in together. And we broke up, I moved out, and we decided that the dog would live with me primarily since he has a crazy work schedule and is rarely home.

And he would take the dog on random weekends about once a month whenever I traveled. And fast forward to now, over a year after I break up, I want to figure out a way I can broach the subject of me taking the dog permanently. But I want to be fair to him and I want to treat him the way that I would want to be treated if I were in his position but it's a little bit complicated because our breakup was

friendly at first and then he turned hostile sabotaging my move out and he was verbally abusing me and yelling at me he's a lawyer and so I feel like he has more obviously legal knowledge than me uh he signed the contract from the breeder when we bought the dog but i paid more money than he did so it was like 60 40 and he has a new girlfriend now but he used the dog for his dating profiles, obviously, to get women. We all know how that works. And a few weeks ago, he blocked me and my friends and family on social media, and he texted me to tell me that he wants to make it clear that we can only text about the dog's well-being and nothing else, which was completely out of the blue, and I don't talk to him about anything about the dog's well-being and nothing else, which was completely out of the blue.

And I don't talk to him about the dog, about anything about the dog anyway. And so I'm wondering if he's going through something emotionally, or maybe his girlfriend is jealous and made him do that. I'm not really sure. But clearly, he's going through something right now. And I just kind of want him out of my life for good. And it doesn't make sense for me to share the dog anymore since I have them like 98% of the time. So I just wanted to see what you guys have in terms of advice for me. Claudia, do you want to, I mean, I have lots of thoughts, but I'm curious if you do. I mean, this is so legally bond. I'm taking the dog, dumbass. So I feel for you. This is honestly a terrible

situation, just having to be in contact with someone who you tried to excommunicate. I think him being a lawyer sucks, but for the most part, I think the law's on your side. Possession is nine-tenths of the law. So if you are taking care of the dog and feeding the dog and wiping the dog's ass, to me, I don't see how any judge could judge otherwise um i don't know i'm like so shady i kind of want you to like stop giving him the dog like once and then twice and then like maybe he'll just forget about the dog forever you know okay um yeah i mean i think so far claudia and i have really been you know connected um to be a little bit more specific yeah I mean listen I my gut tells me a lot this is this is mostly driven by his new girlfriend um imagine

imagine being in her shoe like she doesn't like like she does not like that you guys share a dog all the dog is to his new girlfriend is something that you guys still share that she's not a part of. That's going to make her most likely feel a little bit insecure. Even if she is mature, she's going to be like, fine. I mean, I love dogs, but like, let's get our own dog. Right. Like she is going to be irritated about him doing that. Right. Which means most likely that she probably at first she accepted it. At first she was like going along with it. And as she got more comfortable in that relationship, she started to was kind of like,

well, what's the fucking situation with this dog? Like, why are you like connecting? And so like, it sounds like based off the, what you're telling me that if it was so out of the blue, he did it with her,

like looking over his shoulder. Right. And so it's all, it's all bullshit and shit you don't need to like really dwell on or worry about. Again, I'm not a lawyer and I'm certainly not an expert in like dog custody battles, but not being a lawyer, my guess is, yeah, Claudia is probably right. Like people, just because people buy and purchase dogs from a breeder. Right. They might sign something. They may have to give up that dog to someone else. I don't know if there's a lot of contracts being exchanged when this happens.

Right. You know, you certainly paid more. That probably works in your favor. He might be a lawyer. There's a lot of lawyers out there. Right. So if you wanted to, like, cover your asses, I maybe even have a friend or even like if you really care about this dog and you want to, like to like cover your asses i maybe even have a friend or even like if you really care about this dog and you want to like just cover your ass spend a couple hundred bucks and and get a lawyer to be like here's a situation what do you think what steps can i go about protecting myself i also think what you should do is just cut them off i wouldn't even giving you a dog anymore block his ass on everything. Block his number. Most likely, and maybe check with a lawyer.

I don't know. But most likely, he's going to get super pissed that you blocked him and throw a fit, but he'll just give up. Because, and you also, like, you've got to be really happy about this girlfriend existing. Because he can only fight so much. Because, like, the more he cares about you blocking him the more she's going to feel insecure about like why do you even care oh yeah and my feeling is that like if she's the one like the timing is so weird that he's now being rude to you and he has this new girlfriend like it obviously has to do with her and i'm sure she doesn't want him to take the dog like i'm sure

she doesn't want this dog in her house that used to belong to her boyfriend's ex-boyfriend and then to go through all the motions where like you guys are going to start fighting and talking. She doesn't want that. She probably just wants a clean break. So I don't want to jinx it. But I think you're pretty much safe to just take the dog and run. I tend to agree. At the same time, we just want to make it clear that neither Claudia or I are giving

you legal advice. So if you want some, make sure to like, like again it might cost you a couple hundred bucks i'm not saying that's like nothing but even maybe i bet you know someone who knows someone who's a lawyer and said can i bend your ear on this right my guess is you're probably fine and i really i strongly feel like he can only fight so much like he is not gonna make this a big fight because that's going to really piss off his girlfriend. Do you think I should use the quarantine to my advantage and with the timing of that? What I think is, don't explain. No, you ghost him.

He's not your boyfriend. He's your ex-boyfriend. You've been broken up for a year. This whole dog charade has been whatever reason like i'm not saying he doesn't love the dog and i'm not saying he doesn't have a bond with the dog but to your point like you've had this dog 90 98 of the time and so like really like is he really the checking it once a month he takes the dog out to for a walk maybe to like honestly who knows maybe not but like to like meet girls in the park i i don't know but like who whoever who like if you want to share custody with a dog or a person share custody right like this whole like once in a blue

moon you take the dog out that's not ownership or love like there's something going on there he's using it he might convince himself he loves this dog he believes that he's like really in love with this dog but it's probably all bullshit my gut my my gut tells me he'll get pissed he'll throw a fit you won't even know about it because you're gonna have blocked him so you won't be able to receive his text he won't be able to receive his phone calls he won't be able to receive his dms he can't get a hold of you like he can might be able to email you and if he he does, you delete him. I know this is giving you anxiety that I'm saying it, but that's what you should do. And you won't know. And he's going to throw a little bit of a fit. And he's going to make a bunch of threats

and try to do some things. But ultimately, he's not going to do shit. Because A, he probably can't do anything. And B, his girlfriend is only going to get pissed. Right. Yeah. I'm just worried about retaliation because he is a lawyer. If I do block him and if I do piss him off like that, I don't want him to come back at me even worse. What could he really do? Again, this is a question for a lawyer. And you should. Just check in. First step is, do you know any friends or family members who have friends who are

lawyers? Yes. Ask them a favor. Hey, here's a quick situation. Should I like actually get, should I get representation to protect myself or am I probably fine? Fine. Step one. Okay.

There's just no way he's going to put you through this long custody battle over this. If he really wanted the dog, he would have wanted to share this dog with you. That's true. He hasn't seen the dog in two months. And before that, it was another two months. All it really was, was two things. One, a hook to like stay connected to you for whatever reason, right? I mean, listen, you had an amicable breakup and then he got toxic,

which means that it wasn't really amicable because it never really is. You had a little bit of a power. He decided to be cool. And then he decided to be a little bit insecure about it. And as a result, he was mean, right? You had the power. He kept you close through the dog

and then used it to his advantage for dating he doesn't want this dog i think you're fine but i'm sorry that sucks like my dog is my life and like if i ever had to worry about custody like i would literally kill someone so i feel you yeah same kind of dog is yours too no way oh my god, you cannot let anyone touch that dog. I'm trying. I got you, sis. You need a lawyer. Yeah, I think you're going to be okay. Just, yeah, check with a lawyer.

I think you're going to, but I think you're going to be fine. And he's, he's just kind of petty. Totally. Yes, yes. And he knows that, you know, he's a lawyer and he,'s he's leveraging that yeah he's a dick so i want to make it clear that we can only talk about the well-being of the dog i know this is great he's literally like a crazy person he's literally giving you permission to block him because you're like listen the dog's fine i'll let you know

and i don't mean no mean don't to be morbid but if at any reason the dog's not fine i'll let you know yeah until then you got nothing to talk about he didn't even say he didn't say we can only talk when we're talking about like me coming over and pick up the dog no he said the well-being of the dog dog's fine right okay all right yeah let me ask you one more question before i let you go okay do you really want him out of your life because you're i'm or or is it just really about the dog and you being afraid of his influence over no i i definitely want him out i do you have anxiety i'm telling you this and you have some anxiety

about like going through with this. I just don't want him to retaliate and then somehow the legal, you know, repercussions of it all means that he gets the dog instead of me. So I don't want to start this battle if I am not confident that I can win it. No, you're right.

And you shouldn't. And that's why you definitely should get some actual legal advice. Yeah. I definitely want him out of my life. I do not need to talk to him anymore. I have no feelings for him. I'm the one that initiated the breakup in the first place. I just, I'm done with it.

I mean, I'm not a lawyer. I can't imagine a situation where like, unless he serves you, right? And fights for the dog and you go to court and you tell him the story, the judge is going to be like, dude, bro, come on. Like, no. You know what I'm saying? My emotional support animal, so.

Right. Like legally? Well, you can't legally really register. It's not really actual legal thing. You can, there are databases that you can't legally uh really register it's not really actual legal thing you can there are databases that you can register them that way but it's not yeah i mean i'm just saying a letter and everything that way me too yeah you have the dog he's yours all the time like this all sounds i think you're gonna be fine all. All right. Blocking initiated. Good luck. All right.

Good luck. Thank you, guys. All right. Take care. All right. Bye. Claudia. Yeah.

Knock on wood. And obviously, you're having a lovely marriage. But would you even try to share your dog with your husband if things didn't work out? Absolutely not. That fucker's mine. I don't. I just don't. I was going was gonna say that but i don't like to talk like put things out in the universe you know sure yeah i mean i i this is not the first time you know people have broken up and they share dogs and i for the life of me and i get it like they both love the dogs i understand that but you know maybe by the way that's tough like that's why i

mean we didn't get a dog until we were engaged um not for any other reason than just timing but i don't know if i was like in a relationship if i would get a dog it's so permanent yeah it's it's tough but but i wasn't about to like yell at her for making a bad choice, what are you going to do? This guy sucks though. Oh, totally. What a prick. How's it going? Hey, I'm Maggie and I'm 29 years old. Hi, Maggie, 29. How can we help you?

So, it's more, I guess it's more about how you can help my friend and how I should communicate with her. I have a friend, we've been close for probably two years. And she's been in an on and off relationship for the past 3.5 years. And when we met about two years ago, it was always described to me as like, oh, it's complicated. I have this like soulmate,

but we're not together right now type thing. And at first, and I'm like very naive and like, see the world through rose colored glasses. So I'm like, oh, I'm sure he's great. You know, like, I'm sure she's viable reasons for thinking he's her soulmate um but then it kind of especially recently it's really been grating on me that the he's just not that into you like the exception versus the rule and i'm really starting to see that she's probably the rule and she keeps trying to justify being the exception um so for example he has told her explicitly like i can't be in a relationship right now um they're both in grad school they met in undergrad and they had like and i didn't even i didn't know her during this time but apparently that's like when the magic happened and they were like in love and um together and like on this journey together and then um when they both got into different

grad schools that was their first breakup and then they've just been you know kind of like on and off on and off but what's really weird about it is that like he's told her that he wants her to be the mother of his children and they're soulmates they're in love but I can't be with you right now so he's kind of like putting not that women are objects but I feel like a good metaphor is that he like put the sweater on hold but like isn't ever going back to pick it up. So it's just like, okay, well now no one can get this sweater. Like it's probably a terrible derogatory comparison. And I guess like, I just struggle understanding his motive.

Like what's, what's in this for him? Like, why wouldn't he just, if he really doesn't want to be with her, why can't he just say, you know what, like I'm done? Because he doesn't have to. She's not forcing him to make that decision. Let me ask you this. When it comes to your concern for your friend, how much is she really coming to you with questions like how much is she seeking your advice or are you just kind of noticing this from afar you've developed your opinions but ultimately this is just what she's doing i think for me it's gotten to the point that

i feel like i need to be more direct about how I feel with the amount that we're talking about it and that she's all I need to bring. Yeah. She does bring it up to you a lot. Okay. I was, you know, that's,

but then I, I also think that when we first started becoming friends and I first kind of became her confidant, it was a lot more like she knew she could come to me. Cause I'm kind of like the nice cop or like, you like i'm like the person that's like oh you're fine oh he sounds great and i'm like coming for you to valve for to validate she knows yeah people do that like subconsciously it's like when we want tough love we know who to go to when we want to like we want someone to like validate our own bullshit we also know who to go to like we do

yeah i mean this is very reminiscent of a storyline playing out on vanderpump rules right now like your friend is kristin and you are katie saucy and like i by the way and i feel for kristin because she like keeps making the wrong decisions but at the end of the day like it's not your fucking job to like figure out other people's lives for them and i get that you want to be a good friend and you can say what you want to say but at the end of the day it's like it's not your responsibility to fix other people's lives for them. And I get that you want to be a good friend and you can say what you want to say. But at the end of the day, it's like, it's not your responsibility to fix other people's problems or open their eyes to what's actually going on. Like she's an adult. She's obviously smart. She's in grad school. Like this is the decision she's made for herself. And at

some point, like you could say your piece, but you do have to just like, let it go. Yeah, totally. Yeah. At the same time, it's one of those things too. Now, if she's still coming to you and you're just like, okay, you just need to change your approach, right? A couple of things. I agree with Claudia in the sense that like, you can't help people who don't want to help themselves, right? If she's not interested in changing and she's just interested in you listening, she's not going to change, you know? And if you're that, but you also have the right as a friend to be like, listen, I love you you but like you keep saying the same things to me and i'll listen but are you interested in like hearing what i what i think but at the same time like i am it's as a friend

you're complaining to me about a lot of the same things and you are doing nothing about it and you are very smart friend so i just want to put that out in the air right and you do it in a sweet way but you have to change your approach start slowly letting her know that you're you're gonna start being bad cop a little bit and that might open up her eyes right you might you know that might be like hey oh wow if she's saying this well then maybe i need to maybe it but you what you can't do you have to be prepared for her to like not react the way that you want her to because more most likely she'll like think it it's an attack on her so of course like to clear your conscious

and like genuinely be a good friend like you should say how you feel but if she reacts in a way where it's clear that she wants nothing to do with reality. Like, I think you can wash your hands of it. Yeah. And ultimately, ultimately, you can just say, listen, I love you no matter what. You're my friend. I'm there for you. I'm not judging you. But if you're going forward, if you're going to ask my opinion about your relationship

with him, just know that this is how I feel. And I am fine supporting you no matter what, no judgment, but like, that is how I feel. So like, I just like, if you're coming to me to like support this relationship, you, I might not be that person anymore because I care about you. I love you, you know? And just, you always want to do it with love. You don't want to come at him. In terms of like, why is he doing this? I mean, listen, there are a lot of guys out there, especially what I've noticed too.

It's just like guys who are planners, right? They have a plan for their lives. I'm going to grad school. I'm going to be a doctor. I have this like plan. And then they meet this girl who's seemingly nice and sweet. And more importantly,

and I don't think he's thinking this consciously but certainly subconsciously he knows that she is okay with sitting on the bench right and she's a relief pitcher to him like i only like i don't you're not my starter you're not playing the whole game but once in a while i need a lefty right and i'm gonna throw on this lefty to get this you know and when he needs her she's there right and you know he knows how to talk to her. She might get frustrated and she might storm off. But at the end of the day, she's not quitting the team. She feels too invested.

And what she is is she feels a little stuck because she's basing so much of her relationship on an idea of something. And an idea of promises and the future. And this picturesque life that he's probably sold her about like a couple little grad school doctors and we're gonna have this and you know that's it's a tough position to be in but what you need to do and sprinkle in from time to time confidence right make her feel confident about herself uh if she's willing to listen like tell her how beautiful ish is and like whether it's him or any guy you'd be lucky to have. Hopefully, and that's the thing,

I can't say that she'll figure it out because there's lots of times guys like him will eventually come around when he's ready to like stop having sex with other people and he's graduating and when he's real like, you know, it's time for me to start my family. This is the new,

he is gonna probably propose to her and she'll probably say yes. And then she'll probably feel very ordinary and average. And it won't feel special. People make those things. People make those decisions. There's no, you know, I don't believe in fate. And I don't, you know, that's just me.

You know, you make choices, you live with it. And she might live, you know, that might, that's just something she's going to have to live with. But you can only do it with love. You can't do it with criticism. She's live you know that might that's just something she's gonna have to live with but you can only do it with love you can't do it with criticism she's you know no and i i think you kind of hit the nail on the head in terms of why it doesn't sit right with me and i think just because i'm such an idealist and i feel like i'm like i really can't have that be her story like i really i just can't but it it might be and like that's not your life yeah your life you know what and she is a big girl right you guys she is smart because

and you know what there's a reason why divorce exists and i'm not saying you know she listen she might make she might say yes to this guy and they might get married i don't know she might break up though tomorrow but if ever gets the point where she's so miserable, she wants to leave, she can leave. She'll leave. And she'll have to live with her choices of getting him and wasting money on a wedding, you know, a messy divorce. Like that's part of life. We make choices. We have to live with the, our decisions. And then we usually have an opportunity to learn from those decisions and make our lives better right like he's just a he's just a dick and like yeah she it won't ruin her life you know

um how old is your friend yeah she's also she's 24 so she's super young why am i hanging out with these kids because it doesn't really matter i I mean, like, listen, she could get married and divorced and be 28 and still have, you know, whatever. I just. Yeah. You just you can only really show her support. You can only give her feedback when she really asked for it. And you can politely ask her not to expect from you unconditional support on the relationship you have a hard time supporting yeah you just say it in a way like that doesn't make her feel judged and i think yet she has the

best chance of listening but also there's a good chance she'll just wake up and realize he's not the one yeah i hope we'll see we'll see you seem like a nice friend because you care so much about other people like i don't care about anyone so you seem really nice you care about fia so true um yeah it's you know it's tough it's tough trying to be a good friend but yeah i just i don't like lying like i i feel like it's okay to like white lie but then when it gets to a point where i'm like blatantly going against my like ethics inside at this point like i'm just kind of like yeah just you don't have to lie you just say hey listen i love you and i'm going to support whatever relationship you want to be in but if you're asking for my honest opinion and i know this might hurt this is how i feel yeah but if you love them i love them you know but also i think you deserve whatever you

want and you deserve the world and you can deserve you can have any guy you want and you just gotta have to you know she's a little scared of leaving something that seems so comfortable. Safe, totally. And even though she's frustrated half the time, she's comfortable with the frustration. It's what she knows. It's consistent

and it makes her feel wanted sometimes. And he fights for her just enough to make her feel validated. Yeah. Oh, man. So that's all you can do. That's all you can do. Thank you.

All right. Thank you guys so much. Thank you. Bye. All right. Bye. Claudia, you seem like me in the sense that with your friends, you're the tough cop.

Well, yes. Very rarely do I become very sympathetic. But more often than not, I just can't deal with people who cannot control their own problems and who can't see outside. I have such a firm grip on reality. And I like to think that I'm so self-aware. So people who live in this life with rose-colored glasses, I really can't relate to that kind of mentality. And you can't really ever get to them.

Like no matter what you say or how articulate you are, like you will never change their mind. So it's like, why bother? Yeah, no, I'm kind of the same. I said this on a podcast where I was a guest of, and it's just like half the reason I say what I say and how I say it is self-preservation because I don't have the patience to sugarcoat it and it's like if you want my opinion this is what I think but other than that right I don't I don't think people are coming to your show or mine to like hear like a fake ass sugarcoated piece of advice because honestly like that's just not how I am and even with my

friends I've set the expectation of like this if I don't listen if you want like I'm like this is your problem you know how good your life is. Stop complaining. Yeah. Um, cool. Uh, well, Claudia, this has been a ton of fun. Uh, I gotta say it really, I've really liked your advice. It was, I felt like we had a nice balance.

Uh, you never, you never really know. So it was, it was really great. Uh, where can, uh, obviously people find you? Not that they already don't know. Um, you know, you can find me on instagram girl with no job my show the morning toast live monday through friday 10 30 a.m eastern time on youtube we're also available as a podcast anywhere podcasts can be found that's the morning toast and it has been an absolute pleasure seeing you nick it's so nice to you know see people

yeah it is uh well thanks for listening guys as always uh make sure to check us out uh for our listen to your heart recap and on wednesday we have an absolute fantastic episode with raja kamari which you're really going to love a very talented musician rapper performer and we just uh have a really fascinating conversation i think you'll enjoy until next time thanks for listening uh claudia as always uh love talking to you see you next time have a great bye guys