The Viall Files - E13 Demi Returns!

Episode Date: March 27, 2019

GUESS WHO’S BACK? BACK AGAIN? The real Demi Burnett returns to The Viall Files, and she has a lot more to say. We discuss the online reaction to our last episode, I do a rapid-fire “Get To Know Demi” segment, and we dive into the struggle for effective communication. Of course, we get to some fan questions. Is Demi upset with me about the last episode? What does she think of her fans’ comments? And what kind of guy will she be looking for in Paradise? You’ll have to listen to find out! Send your sex and dating questions to [e-mail]. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey guys, it's Demi. I'm back, bitches. I'm here on the Vile Files and I've got my co-host with me, Nick. Hi. How are you? I'm good. the Vile Files, and I've got my co-host with me, Nick. Hi. How are you? I'm good. Thanks for having me. Oh, I'm so glad you could make it today. Yeah.

Me too. I like your shirt. Yeah. If you are watching on YouTube, Demi brought me a shirt. Really driving the point home. Female. And mine says, priority of female. Quick shout out to the laundry room. Thanks driving the point home. Female. And mine says, priority of female.

Quick shout out to the laundry room. Thanks for the stuff. I really love it. Who got you this? The laundry room. It's like this random. Quick plug. Yeah, never heard of them,

but they have really awesome stuff. Anyways, for all the females listening, which there are a lot. We are here for the females. Demi, thanks for coming back. Yeah. Demi is our first returning guest co-host.

Obviously, you created, or we, we as a team, created quite the frenzy. Yeah. Demi. I think we did. I know you got a lot of shit for that, but I really do appreciate you giving me all of the guidance that I really did ask for. I know that I didn't ask for it on the air, but we did discuss it before. And I appreciate all my fans like supporting me and having my back. But, you know, we did we did talk about it and I knew that you were going to challenge me.

And I appreciated that because I'm so used to people just like drinking my Kool-Aid. And I really liked that you gave me a hard time and made me think about my actions and stuff. And it wasn't mansplaining because you definitely, we discussed it beforehand. We created quite the buzz with the mansplaining in this episode for all the people listening. Don't worry, we're not going to continue trying to explain it. continue trying to explain it. But listen, I,

I, listen, I ultimately for, even though after you showed up, I lost my five stars on iTunes. Oh my God. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's obviously mine.

But you know, I'm struck like people's feedback and, and things like that. This podcast ultimately is doing what I hoped it would do, and that is create conversation. I guess I have to be okay with, if I'm going to push a line, to get criticism and not being imperfect about it.

But it is creating conversation. And I do think through conversation, it creates opportunity to learn and hopefully make a difference. So thank you for helping me with that. And that's why ultimately I wanted to bring Demi back is to try to keep the conversation going. And also there were people who chimed in and I know there were a lot of people who tuned in, fans of Demi, who didn't come for me but came for Demi, only to be a bit caught off guard by the methods

in which we incorporated. So they suggested that they didn't listen to the full episode. Yeah. So here we are. Here's another episode to try to power episode. Yeah. So here we are. Try, you know, here's another episode to try to power through. Yeah. And we're gonna get to know Demi a little bit. I was wondering, Demi, I know we talked a little bit about this offline is, and I know you were so grateful of your support from your fans and people coming to your support. But I know you mentioned to me a little bit of frustration about some of the criticism I got and then indirectly suggesting your inability to defend yourself. I mean, what's what is your take on that?

Let's get comfortable. Can I put my feet in this chair? You can do whatever you want. Oh, wow. Thanks. Don't tell me that. That's not me giving her permission. That's just me. That's amazing.

Yeah. I think that people were really hard on you and it was, it was unfair because they didn't know that we had discussed it before. Not necessarily unfair. Everyone's entitled to their opinion, but go ahead. Okay. Okay. Whatever.

But thank you. Yeah. You know, just trying to have her back here. Oh yeah. Pull up me and Nick. Look at those stunners. But yeah, people thought that, well, some people suggested that maybe like,

I was so intimidated by you and I was just such a fan of yours that there was no way that I could have defended myself against you because I was just like, what is the word? Enamored? Yeah. Like by you. And I'm like, okay, Nick, you're cool. But like, it's not like that at all. And if you would have said something that would have offended me seriously, there's nothing that would have held me back from like, you know, ripping you apart. Yeah. I mean, we've become fast friends and she gives me shit all the time. You got 100, 111,000 likes on that picture of us? Yeah. It's so cute. I love that picture. My outfit didn't get any love though that's for sure no everyone said I look like a kindergartner yeah it was interesting too because forgetting about the criticism that you know I probably deserved um not probably well sure whatever but I saw a

couple and this is where I get frustrated sometimes where people I think in the overstep there was literally one comment that suggested that actually someone said, if she was smart enough and older, she would have done this. And it was like, I think yours and I'm just like, well, wait, why, why can't, I mean, I could be wrong with maybe overstepping. And I will say like, you know, Elise called me out and rightfully so. And you even said this to me offline that I definitely assumed and suggested by even just setting it up that way that I didn't think, or you needed my help by showing another side of you. And then I assume that you might come in kind of the same gun-slinging mentality that you were on The Bachelor. And instead of asking what you wanted to do, I assume that way.

And that I am sorry for, Demi. Well, I appreciate it. I think all the backlash made you think a lot about it. I'm always thinking, but it's... We all are. We all are. Yeah. So I don't know. I thought Demi is obviously very entertaining. I thought we'd have an interesting conversation. It brought a light to about communication, all different ways that we communicate, how we respond to criticism. I will. And I just want to say, too, is that I know that certainly I came across condescending with Demi at times. And even though we had talked about it, in talking about some of the criticism that I got

and somehow indirectly suggesting that you weren't able to do it or that you were, this implication of like, well, she's so young and doesn't know any better. She's a nerd, blah, blah, blah. You took, you know, we talked about it, but like certainly I criticized a little bit, right? And I gave my opinion and you, you know, you owned up to certain things or admitted to certain things, which again is yours. You know, I didn't make you do or whatever. Yeah. And I just think in life

that, you know, showing, you know, whether let's assume she asked and it wasn't, you know, me like overstepping, but Demi took criticism. She acknowledged certain things. to me I think that shows a lot of strength when people in general anyone who can not get defensive immediately when they are criticized or ask follow up and recognize that maybe there's things they can learn that shows strength

and I don't think that does show weakness and I personally think you showed a lot of strength by dealing with my bullshit of giving you a hard time. Because like, even though we did talk about before, you didn't know me and we didn't have that rapport. And yet like you killed it. And I think I was, it was bummed to see, like you criticized me,

but instead of suggesting that Demi, if she could have done something differently, a lot of people, a lot of people are very positive about you. Don't get me wrong. But I never saw the, Oh, she's so strong for, you know, doing this or whatever that, you know, that you, you humility is strength in a sense of, um, I don't know if I just wanted to point that out. And, um, yeah, no, I, um, I really appreciate that. And I, I feel like also whenever you were coming at me with all of this, like, you know, quote unquote condescending comments and just you kind of like helping. It definitely was condescending.

Well, I just don't think that it was like coming from like a place of malice. Is that a word? Yeah. That like malicious, right? Okay. Sometimes I like question myself because I need to like freshen up on my vocab. But anyways, I felt like you were coming from a place of you were looking out for me and you wanted me to not make mistakes that like previous bachelor nation people have made. And so, I mean, I don't know. It was like endearing. I thought it was nice. And I will say not to get into mansplaining. I have done that to met more

guys in that world and I'm far more critical of them. But yeah. Well, for all the people who didn't listen to the entire episode last time, Demi, because they wanted to get to know you and they just heard me. Yeah, there you go. Maybe we'll do a little rapid fire. Okay, before that, we need to do an ad.

We got to keep the lights on in this place. Demi hosts in this show. How do you like the essential oils I gave you last time, Demi? I love them. I love the release one because I get anxiety. And so that's been pretty helpful. I have ADHD too. So the rise, you know, gives me a little focus. I like to say clarity, not focus. I like to say clarity. Okay. Yeah. I love them. I love them. Thanks for using them. Yeah. Thanks for giving them to me. Yeah. Natural habits, people. Get used to me talking about it. Essential oils, big part of my life. Obviously we are USDA organic and we do specialize

in blends. So give them a try. And like I said, if you do struggle with anxiety, ADHD, it can help. Again, this is not a cure-all, but it certainly helps improve your mental and emotional well-being, which can also help your physical well-being. When I get stressed and anxiety, it's funny. It's like a chicken before the egg. It sometimes stops me from working out. Obviously, working out helps me with my anxiety, but if I am so stressed out, I like, I have a hard time like doing that. It's somewhat crippling, at least,

at least for me. But anyways, essential oils have something that really helped me out. And so we specialize in blends out of the box, ready to go. If you ever had an interest in essential oils, we are the perfect company to help you try them because we make it easy for you. Have them already blended, ready to go for these specific needs. And again, Rise, Protect, Center, Release are our four blends. So get 30% off free shipping domestically. What code should we use, Demi? Whatever you want.

I like, this is kind of fun. Like every week you get a code for... I mean, DemiGod. DemiGod. Demi. Whatever you want. I like, I like, this is kind of fun. Like every week you get a code for. I mean, Demi God. Oh. Demi God. Yes. Demi God.

How do we spell Demi God? D-E-M-I-G-O-D. I just want to, clarity. He didn't want to say, spell it wrong. Yeah. I just didn't want to spell it wrong.

It's okay. Also, I need to be specific because last week, Elise came up with cougar. I was dying. I was like, yes. And then I put it in as cougars. Oh, Nick.

And then. Just one demigod. Just one demigod. There can only be one. Come with the frog, dude. So natural habits, nhoils.com or follow us at naturalhabits on Instagram and truly

if you ever wondered about essential oils they can certainly really help you feel like your best self we are USDA Organic simple, safe, natural habits, nhoils.com that sounded so nice ASMR let's get to this rapid fire naturalhabitsnhls.com That sounded so nice.

ASMR. Thank you. Let's get to this rapid fire Demi. Let's do it. I thought we'd play a fun little game for all the people who wanted to get to know Demi and didn't get to know Demi last episode. I haven't even thought of the question.

Some rapid fire Demi questions. Hit me with it. Favorite color? Yellow. Favorite alcoholic drink. Dirty martini, extra dirty and with blue cheese stuffed olives. Delicious. It's like a drink and a snack. Yes. Dinner. I try to get them on The Bachelor all the time and they never, they're like, we don't have dirty martinis. I was like, well, find one. Movies or TV shows? TV shows all day. What's your favorite TV show?

Of all time, Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad. Right now, Schitt's Creek. I'm obsessed with that. It's really good. Schitt's Creek, yeah. It's so good. Yeah, it's fun. Being broken up with or breaking up?

Oh, breaking up, I up i guess power moves only wow you're savage i usually we talked about i if i want to be out of a relationship i try to get them to break up with me i'm like the word i'm like the biggest ghoster of all time like are you yeah it's terrible do not recommend it. We'll get into that. That's why I just avoid dating at all. Like I just, I can't deal with hurting people and it's so hard. It's such an, I don't think I've ever broken up with someone in person. I think I've only ever done it over text. I'm the most shallow human being of all time now. No, I mean, you're not the only one. But there were not serious relationships. Ever? I mean, there was the one that we talked about last time, and he definitely dumped me.

And, yeah, I mean, no, they've all been, like, pretty short term. No, he dumped me over text. It's 2019. Nobody breaks up in person anymore. Maybe it's just, like, had really shallow relationships. I do, and it always backfires. What do you mean? They get mad. Like, do you end up, like, getting back together with them? No and it always backfires what do you mean they get mad

like do you end up like getting back together with them no I end up of course they get mad you're breaking up with them yeah but then every time I've tried to do it

they turn around and break up with me make it sound like they're breaking up with me and you're like wait yeah I'm like what I don't like that well you don't like it

because now you're more focused on the power than the why does that bother you I feel that though I feel that. Is that a guy or girl thing? Because honestly, if I'm in a relationship and I, you know, haven't been one and I, even like when I'm dating someone for three months, I definitely try to get them to break up with me. Well, I think it's like, you know, in that moment.

I don't want to be an ass. I would be mad. I would be mad because I'd be like, oh oh no I know that I'm breaking up with you but also it depends on how tired I am of that person like if I'm so over it I'm like oh I'm gonna let him think that he broke up with me this is fine I just want out of here you know if you're like just fed up you're done yeah but most of the time so you're saying you you will try to do the right thing break up with them in person their ego hurts they try to chin around you, then you get mad about it, I feel like that's a win for you. You're like, great, I'm not the bad guy.

Because if you're breaking up with someone, isn't the fear like, I've got to be the dick, I've got to break their heart, I'm going to feel bad. And if you can convince them, you're like, yes and then immediately you're the victim it's a win it hurts like this last game is like oh thank god are we doing this oh i've been wanting to do this for a while i'm like wow no you just got power moved yeah and that's the thing my ego can't take that i'm like oh no it just if i'm really like fed up with them though i'm like oh yeah you can have it that's fine yeah that. I'm like, oh no. It just, if I'm really like fed up with them though, I'm like, oh yeah, you can have it.

That's fine. Yeah, that's his perspective. Like that's a gift. Take the gift. Take the gift. Let your ego just, oh yeah. Oh, you're right. Yeah, you are breaking my heart.

I'm going to make this really uncomfortable and cry and then I'm going to get him to buy you some milk at shit. Like, oh wow. Interesting huh my instagram is fierce let's uh a few more rapid fire questions uh lakes or oceans neither huh oceans lakes are terrifying top or bottom top oh uh i don't know sweet Sweet, candy, or chocolate. Like candy or chocolate? Yeah. Like Sour Patch Kids or Milky Way.

Okay. Sour Patch Kids. So candy. I like sour candy. I like chewing on stuff. Great. Have we gotten to know Demi enough? Can we?

This is fun. I like this. I wonder if people like this stuff. They do. People love everything, you know? Entertainment. That's what we're providing here. Are we?

Yeah, we are. LA or New York? LA. Have you been to New York? I have been to New York. You don't like it? I do like it. I haven't been there enough, I guess, to really have the lowdown on New York.

I've just kind of walked around the city and been like, oh my god, this is so big and I'm so tiny. And, uh, people are hitting me constantly, like bumping into me and I don't know where to go. What is your biggest insecurity? Hmm. My biggest insecurity probably. Oh my gosh. Probably. Um, yeah, I am, I'm a, like a little tiny person. Um, and I'm pretty, I mean, I'm not insecure about being small. I'm insecure about being like physically like weak, like, um, you know, like if somebody like tried to fight me on the streets, I'd lose every time. I think I could win against like, you know, children, but that's it. Yeah. Kind of came across in the show. You have a sharp tongue and you were very good at being intimidating to your peers. Yeah. But the few times were physically that you were like that, you were like, oh shit. Oh my God. You should have seen me at that Vietnam date. Whenever I

found out we had to fight each other, I freaked out. I was like, no. I was like, you guys are crazy. I was like, there's no way. I'm not doing that. And I almost started crying. You fight with your words. I can verbally deconstruct someone in less than five minutes. But physically, I'm worthless. I used to be stronger.

I used to be able to beat up my brother. But I like lost weight and I like stopped working out. And so now I'm just weak. The greatest picture of all time. It's so funny because they like paired that perfectly in the moment to make it look like I was like creeping on Hannah when really I like, they told me that Tracy was going to come talk to me. So I was like looking for her.

I was like, where is she? I've been sitting over here for a while. I could literally be anything. I know. I was about to get a physical fight. That's great. That wraps up quick. Get to know Demi. It was fun. Rapid fire. Well, there'll be, I was about to get a physical fight. That wraps up quick get-to-know Demi. It was fun. Rapid fire.

Well, there'll be, I'm sure, more Kermit the Frog. So I found this article about the, what is the title? Five Ways to Communicate. I wanted to talk about communication. I mean, obviously ultimately this show is a podcast about communicating and talking about ideas.

And I will say for me, my biggest struggle in the relationship I've had is communication. I think I can be a good communicator. But I also think sometimes I can be hard to communicate with just because I have no problem sharing my voice. Yeah. And sometimes having that, I seek balance in a relationship and it's been sometimes challenging for me to get that balance. And I'm sure some of it is me

and then some of it is just compatibility with a partner. I don't know if you've experienced stuff like this in communication with anyone. Any relationships are romantic and otherwise. Yeah. Like romantically, I can't really think of any. I mean, I'm sure I've always had a lot of problems communicating in general because I know I can be intimidating and I know that people don't want, if I'm in a relationship, most of the time they don't want to like displease me, but I don't want to be that way. I want them to feel open enough to where they could say anything to me. Do you think you're intimidating, uh, in romantic relationships with the guys that

you've dated? Um, probably like nine or 80% of the time, 20% of the time, maybe the roles were reversed and maybe I was intimidated. Sometimes that changes too, right? Sometimes people can be big presence in life and then they get in a relationship and they change. Yeah. I definitely know that there's been times where I've like met a guy, like I've gone on a date with him or something and my personality like completely changed. Like I couldn't speak. I was like, oh my God, I'm like so nervous. Like this guy is so cute and he's so cool. I don't even know how to talk. But once you get past the, the initial like reaction, do you settle into who you are or have you had relationships where you never really

got back to you? And if so, did you like that? I never like it. I don't. Well, okay. To answer the first part of your question, I, if I'm not myself in the beginning, that dude is not even interested because he's like this girl's so weird she's like silent she's like awkward and I mean this is oh my god it hasn't happened to me in a while because now I'm very I've matured a little bit and I've gotten very sure of myself found your voice yeah found my voice but whenever it was like that it was so miserable because I always felt like I was so nervous about saying or doing the wrong thing. And I didn't want them to like, you know, not like me because I didn't say something right or didn't do something right.

And it sucked. But now I'm like, I'm awesome. They're going to like me or they're not. And it doesn't matter if they do or don't like me because I'm going to be happy with myself regardless. When did you kind of realize that you had the confidence to always do that, even if you were enamored by a date? I think that it was right before I started doing work at Pottery Barn. You worked at Pottery Barn? Yeah, I was a design studio specialist there.

What does a design studio specialist do? That's what, I'm an interior designer. It's a great title they gave me. I just like would, I had a bunch of clients and I would go to their houses and I would like measure out their rooms, recommend a whole bunch of furniture. Oh shit. Yeah. Do you still do that?

No, I've been back a couple of times, but not to work there. I'm kind of like shopping now. I'm like, ooh. But I was really good at my job and it was really fun. And I met a lot of really awesome people there. Oh my gosh, there's this one lady. Her name is Sandy. Sandy's probably like, I don't even know how old Sandy is,

but she is, she's an older lady. I don't know if that's offensive to say. She's amazing. She's literally one of my best friends. Is it offensive to say someone's older? Are we, you know, we just got into a time where we're all just like, I don't know what I'm about to say. It could be offensive.

I don't know. No, with her history, her cougar history. I'm like, but no, she, she's not like, you know, in her thirties or something. Like she's like an older woman. Like her daughter. Older literally just means older. Well, she's great. Okay.

The bottom line is I'm obsessed with her. She's, oh, she's from Canada. And I swear Canadians are like the nicest people ever. And. They're very great. Okay. The bottom line is I'm obsessed with her. She's, oh, she's from Canada. And I swear Canadians are like the nicest people ever. And. They're very polite. Yes. So I met her through there. They have a dark side.

Yeah. Don't we all? Yeah. No, I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but. She got me like a little journal for The Bachelor too. It was so cute. She's the best. So Sandy, go Sandy.

You would love her. She is the sweetest lady ever. And she's so funny too. And, but what about Sandy? You were saying you were. I just, I wanted to talk about how awesome she was and how You would love her. She's the sweetest lady ever. And she's so funny too. And, but what about Sandy? You were saying you were- I was just, I wanted to talk about how awesome she was and how much I love her. And you met her as a-

At Pottery Barn. Oh yeah. So that, that's where all that came from. So whenever I started working at Pottery Barn, I kind of was going through a weird time before that. I spent probably like two years not doing anything at all and just being like sad girl and um I had like gone through some crap in Austin I went through a lot of shit with my old roommate and then I moved back what was that what happened I don't want to get into that um just because like

it's a lot of personal information but we just had a falling out and she abandoned me for her boyfriend. It's fine. But, um, you know, are you still friends? No, I haven't talked to her since she was like a baby and stuff. Now I hope she's doing good. We get, but I mean, she screwed me over ultimately, but it's fine. I'm over it now. I came out on top. Can I ask you without getting in too much detail? Uh, do have any, shopping for roommates and having roommates is a big deal, right? You can have, and good friends don't always make good roommates. And she was my best friend and we made terrible roommates. Well, how so? Like, what was your biggest takeaway from that experience without maybe divulging? Yeah, no, I was, I was like parenting her. I felt like, like I, and it was my fault. Like I was um I was like parenting her I felt like like I and it was my fault like I was always

like trying to ask me or like what are you doing today like I was very controlling because I just wanted to make sure that we were like doing the right thing and we were like gonna get all our bills paid and um I was just controlling and I was I was condescending to her and I I mean I regret that and she was always like you know she acted like a child but I mean, I regret that. And she was always like, you know, she acted like a child, but I mean, it was weird to think about me being in a parenting role, like for somebody else, because usually like I'm the immature one, but she just wanted to have fun a lot. And I mean, I like to have fun too, but I'm also like, okay, we got to go to the bank today. We need to go get a money order. We need to do this. And she like wanted to hang out with her boyfriend.

Getting a roommate as a big, it's like you live with someone. I can't do it again. Like, it's not that I don't want to live with somebody else. It's just that I really want to be alone. Like I want to have my alone space where nobody else is there. I love being alone. All right. Well, even in roommates, it's a relationship and you have to communicate. So what are the five, this article says passive-aggressive is a way of, wait, hold on. What is it? Passive communication? This is just like, yeah.

Aggressive communication? Let's see, passive-aggressive communication. That's my least favorite. Assertive communication. That's what they say, huh? Which one are you you Demi? I think that I am with the majority of people

I feel like I'm assertive I think that there's kind of like a fine line between being assertive what's the difference between assertive and aggressive? aggressive is you're like mean about it that's exactly where I should have gone with that so whenever you're aggressive

it's like you're assertive but you're kind of nasty about it. That's what, that's exactly where I should have gone with that. So whenever you're aggressive, you, it's like you're assertive, but you're kind of nasty about it. You aren't polite. Feel like you're not kind. You're being mean and assertive. Whenever you're just assertive, you know how to have tact and whatever you say. Which one are you? I think I go back and forth between the two. I can be, I can be aggressive, but usually I think I'm pretty assertive. Are you ever passive, passive aggressive? That's my least favorite. I hate passive aggressiveness. It is so hard to have a relationship with anybody like friend or, you know, intimate if they're passive aggressive. It's one of my pet peeves. Yeah. It gives me, it gives, well, I think we were very similar in that regard. We,

we can both be aggressive and assertive. And I certainly tried to be the latter, I guess. Um, I do like, you know, and I think that can be confusing sometimes. And if you're communicating, um, also like perception too, because you can just be, um, direct, uh, and, and sometimes directness again, that's coming back to like being condescending versus like, is it kind of like, if you don't know, is it condescending? Is it feel, if it feels condescending, are you insecure about not knowing? Or I don't know. It's sometimes it's or, or like telling someone or how they take it. Because like, if you're not a sensitive person and someone is very direct about like, Oh, um, I don't like your hair today. You know, me either. No, you're great. But I'm saying like, uh, some, someone might not be offended by that.

That might be assertive or not aggressive or like to someone like, really? Oh, I was, thank you. I was, I wasn't sure, but like, now I know. Some people like that. Some people would be really upset about that. Yeah, I totally see what you mean. I feel like it's circumstantial too. When it comes to communication, I just, I try, it's like, how do you, how do I figure out, or I really struggle with that in terms of that balance of, of like how people get things out. I mean,

people, are you into horoscopes? I used to be so into them. I still am like semi into it, but I mean, I, I need facts. I think a lot of people who are into horoscopes are like, they use that as a way of like,

are you compatible? Like from an accumulation standpoint, you can be compatible with like, I don't think it matters about that. You think you can be compatible with anyone or just horoscope wise? Not horoscope wise, like with anyone. Like it doesn't matter.

You don't, you don't think you can be compatible with anyone. Okay. What are you getting at? I'm just asking, do you think? I think anyone could be compatible with anybody. Like. You do? Rochelle?

You think sometimes, you just don't think you're. I don't do horoscopes. I'm not talking about horoscopes i'm like oh sorry i'm a pisces this isn't gonna work out i'm not into horoscopes i'm saying forget about horoscopes do you think you could be compatible with anyone yeah i mean you there's a possibility and then you get to know them and then you find out okay we're not compatible but we could be until you had to act like that but I mean you don't find that there's certain men that have certain personality types that you

jive with yeah I mean yes but I also feel like it's not as like black and white as that like people are also um I mean the personalities that I don't like I'm it's not saying that they could never like change like not change for me but you know grow as a person and become like you know grow out of that that phase of like what no go ahead no it's just i think people can change i don't think that anybody is like always one thing why do they have to change for what i'm saying is like if you are a certain way yeah and they're a certain way And that way doesn't necessarily jive with your preference. Yes, when we're not compatible. There you go.

That's what I'm saying. It's just like, what if they don't, I guess they can if they want to like, oh, I want to make this work. But if they are a certain way, if they're like, you know, like that's, I think sometimes when we try to force relationships and sometimes, I think sometimes people stay in relationships when they're not compatible and they try to fit a square peg in a round hole and they try so hard to communicate like and I think sometimes it's just you guys are just two different people you like different things and sometimes someone ends up not being who they are because they're trying so hard because right I mean you are I mean, I mean, I am too, but like, you are have a certain personality and it's a big one and you're direct.

And especially men, men are not always into, um, the, you know, some, some men like a more demure, more quiet woman. Um, and like, if, some, some men like a more demure, quiet woman. Yeah. And like, if, if, if you should be who you are and, you know, yeah, I would challenge guys to not, to, to, to be more open to have, you know, dating a woman with a voice, but, but also that it's not just the other way around. Like, you know, some, some people like the balance. Like I like, I have, I have a big personality. I like to banter, but I don't necessarily like quiet women.

You know what I'm saying? I like women who can almost quiet me. Yeah. Right. Who I don't, I'm not trying to be silenced, but like can. They can keep up. They can keep up and they can push back. And so I don't feel the need to always

they can put me in my place and I'm not looking to always be but just someone that I can kind of jive with and I can't force that from someone some people are quiet and some people just don't have the patience to deal with my bullshit I mean you talk a lot but I don't need to patience to deal with my bullshit. It's like, I mean, you talk a lot, but I don't need to like talk either. And so like, you know, but like the passive aggressive, I don't know. I feel you. I get what you mean. Like about that, the whole like compatibility

thing. Whenever you said like, you know, quiet people, you're just never going to jive with like a quiet person. It's never going to be like what you want. I can, I can relate. There are people who they don't need to change their personalities. Like, you know, whenever I said change, I guess I meant, I was thinking of not jiving with like a jerk. Like, you know, a jerk can change and like for the better of himself, not just for me and my like personal pleasure for himself. But like if a quiet, nice guy, I mean, love quiet, nice guys.

Y'all rock. But I'm personally not going to be interested romantically. You don't like that either. Cause I write some, some, some people, people with big personalities like the quiet. I know plenty of women who have big personalities and you, they date kind of, it's fun, very quiet, you know, it's kind of fun to be able to like, you know, be like the dominant, like, you know, the big personality. But it gets old, like for me personally. No, I agree with you.

So if we don't know if Demi's going on Paradise, but if you were to go on Paradise, for all the people that Hannah, uh, doesn't want to, to get engaged to, what are you hoping to find in a paradise lover? God, I don't know. Just someone loyal. I like loyalty. Well, yeah. Loyal is great. I'm open-minded to anything.

Okay. Demi doesn't want to. I don't put myself in a box. You don't want to put yourself in a box even for paradise. What would be your, uh, do you for, how important are looks to you early on? I mean, if I'm being honest, I'm a human and we are just attracted to things that we see. So initially looks are really big for me, but it's more about how somebody carries themselves and personalities. I feel like it can more about how somebody carries themselves and personalities.

I feel like it can make people a lot more attractive. Sure. How quickly does that change? I mean, cause some people will like, yeah, they're so good looking. And then they go on a date and they're like, yeah, but they kind of suck. But like, but they're really good looking. And it takes like three or four dates from be like, all right, I can't anymore. It's really like I could look from afar and I could be like, oh, that guy's so hot. I'm like, all right, eyes on the prize. And then the second that they start talking, if they don't have like a personality that like rocks my world, like I always know. Do you think men are more shallow than women when it comes to the physical department?

I don't know. I think we're all pretty shallow. I'm, I can be shallow. It's something that I like don't like about myself. Um, yeah, but I've, I've been pretty patient with, if I see a person I find physically attractive, patient, the sense that like deep down i know they're not my person yeah but i'm like i mean you seem really cool you know like because i'm very physically attracted to them yeah um i feel like women have much less patience for that are you on any dating apps no i used to be i mean yeah i used to one time i met up with this guy on Tinder. I was in high school. I was a senior. And whenever I got there, I was very disappointed. But we watched Shark Week.

In high school? Yeah, we watched Shark Week. So that was fun. You were on Tinder in high school? Yeah, it came out my senior year. That's whenever it got big. And like, I was hanging out with all the people. I can't imagine having a dating app in high school.

It was only, I only got to have it like the end of my senior year. Like all the kids from college, they were like coming back for the summer and they were all talking about Tinder and stuff. So yeah, we all got Tinder. I think I got, oh my gosh, I got on Bumble and I texted two or messaged two people from there. And they both ended up being psychos. They were so mean.

They like, they had some serious ego issues and they were like freaking out on me if I didn't text back. And I was like, we, we've messaged one day, one day they were crazy. Do you women have that a lot? I mean, didn't one of Hannah's guys get called out for that because she was blowing up

some guy. Oh my gosh. Yeah. And he didn't even get to be on the show. Really? Oh wait, I don't know if I could say that. Fuck.

No, I think it's fine. Okay. Also, we don't know for sure. Right. wait, I don't know if I could say that. Fuck. No, I think it's fine. Okay. Also, we don't know for sure, right? I mean, I don't know. Yeah, we don't know. I honestly don't know. But he got, and he was like.

He was exposed. I got that sent to my messages, my DMs. I don't even know how many times. Oh, really? Sending me those screenshots. I was like, y'all, I see it. Does that happen a lot with with women not to that extent but i mean there are some because i've seen like you know does what happen

guys who repetitive message and then aggressively comment if they don't get the response they want yeah they do that and they're they're so mean and they will like bring up some serious shit about you like i had this one guy told me like fuck you you, you're a slut. You work at Hooters. And I was like, nagging. Is that what that is called? Yeah. That's,

that's not, I mean, that's, that's next level. I mean, not that I'm defending nagging, but like nagging is kind of like, Oh,

that's an interesting shirt, you know, to kind of make you like, Oh, is it, is it my hair? Now my shirt, fuck me.

See, that's nagging. Right. But like, fuck you. You're a, you know shirt. Fuck me. See, that's nagging, right? But like, fuck you, you're a, you know. So mean. I mean. That's just, that's nasty and mean. I'm not, again, I'm not defending nagging, but I guess I get the concept of trying to break someone down.

No, like it's unfortunate. Nikki and I talked about this, right? It's unfortunate. It's annoying often. It can work. And we can debate whether, you know, right? It's unfortunate. It's annoying. Often it can work and we can debate whether, you know, people shouldn't do it. I'm just fascinated by guys who, hi, didn't get any, and listen, and then like, hi, hi. Or like, well, you could at least respond. What do you mean? They don't owe you a response. Exactly. That is the number one thing. They don't

owe you a response. I do not owe you anything. So if I don't respond to a response exactly that is the number one thing they don't owe you a response i do not owe you anything so if i don't respond to you you have no reason to get mad what is the most because i will say like i have gone on dates with uh people and not just texting who have been like you know i wasn't sure if i was gonna go out with you but like it was you were really persistent and i really appreciate now again i didn't do that, but I might've, I sent like a message and like, Hey, I'd like to go out with you. And then like a week later I was like, yeah, just in case you're free. Let me try again. And I've never sent more than three. I don't unsolicited messages. Three is a little bit much.

Over the course of like, and again, it's, it's all every situation. That's what I'm saying. So here's the thing. And never in a great, but I've had girls. And again, sometimes I operate in a position of, um, depending on who that person is or whatever of like, they know who I am and they don't know, or like if they have responded back to me and like people forget, but I, I have, I'll admit, like I have sent at least two after no response, which is a total of three. Yep. All very, but all very like, very chill. Like, oh, cool.

Like, I'm sure that every guy thinks that's being chill. So is that not okay? Like, I'm going to get, but I will say I've had women who, because here's the art of persistence back in the day. Like, remember all the, did we talk about this on a podcast before? The boom box above the head outside the window? Yeah. But like every, I swear we talked about this already.

No? I don't know. But like every rom-com or like back in the day or like old movies be like. Oh, it's like colton and cassie sure but or like yeah or like oh my god he asked me to marry him 26 times and on the 27th time i finally said yes like that's like those are that's something messed up about it totally right that's extreme but so do you ever as women ever like a guy who pursues you no i think that it's if i ever were to like respond back it would be because like i was just settling like i was um you know maybe i

just wanted some attention it's not somebody i would probably like seriously consider we're talking dms here right so you haven't met them in person you don't know them yeah and if i like message someone and they don't respond i'm'm like, okay, I'm blocking you. That never happened. Really? You know, you can delete DMs. Yeah. Unfortunately, I wanted to delete all the ones I sent to you and send them. I don't even know what I've sent. I hope they're gone. But I'll be honest, like we follow each other now. So like I didn't notice anything. Oh God, thank God. I like just deleted them and acted like it didn't happen. You clearly unsent them. I didn't unsend them. No, but this is interesting. So like, am I, so is this a different, like, so women don't like to be, if they're interested,

they'll write back always the first time. Cause that's not the response I've received all the time where like, I, and I have had like, you know, maybe it's because of my time. I, you know, I wasn't sure about you, you know, I didn't really, I wasn't sure if I was going to, and you seemed like, you know, I thought you were attractive, but I don't know, like, I don't want to, you know, and, and so, but you, you seem like a really, you know, you tried and I felt good. It made me feel pursued. So like, I feel like that's you, they're just wanting attention. Like they know that this guy is definitely going to give me attention. He messaged me three times. And again,

it's not like, Hey, Hey, Hey, but I will admit I've done it. Like I have done that before. We're like over the course of three weeks. And like,

there was always something where like, I think the first time she was like, Hey, like, yeah, let's get together. And I was like, well,

let's, are you free this week? Have you met this person? Like, have you met this person like have you met them before this is like over the course of my life right this is not like yeah I know but I have done that and again if oh if I ever do it I'm always like again the thoughtful of like you don't own like you don't she doesn't owe me a response I'm going to attempt to try to ask her out again but I I've never been like, fine.

Don't like, I've never, it's like this whole idea, like, not even hot anyway. No, it's just like, I put myself out there. You don't want to go out with me. Fine. Like, and I'm, you know, I was willing to do that one more time. And, but, and then, and then when it, when it has worked, like I I've gotten positive feedback from the, you know, the persistence. It's confusing as guys sometimes where you're telling me way, no, I'm way off. Yeah. Well, Oh, I should probably shouldn't be touching this.

I'm really curious about how people are going to respond to this. No, I think that it's, it's like, it sounds, it's really sweet that you're, you know, don't be nice. I'm trying to be persistent here. Now I feel like I'm being condescending. I'm patronizing Nick right now. Yeah, patronizing. Yeah. you're patronizing me thank you no i think i think that if they if someone's interested they're going to respond now if there's like a chance that maybe they didn't see it then maybe you can send another one flashback to me like three years ago dming nick again um maybe that's the excuse i don't you know

i've done i just think you should not do it like I don't err on the side of not doing it yeah if somebody messages me like messages me repetitively even if it's just a few times I'm still like huh

kind of desperate not a good look I'm I'm interested in this but again like I'm not like three tops without

but like that's always desperate to say I don't know what it is about you, but you know, fuck all the other girls out in there. I'm just, I would love to meet you, you know, kind of like, that's not flattering. It seems very genuine and like it really does, but, but no, it would depend on who it was. I mean, if I saw the message, I would reply if I was interested. And then at that point, if I do eventually respond, it's because I am settling. I'm, I'm thirsty. I want the D I am. It's not because I'm genuinely that interested. What if you thought he was hot, but you were like, ah, some red flags there might not,

or the perception of it. Right. Like, so I'm not responding. Cause it's like, you know, 21 year old Demi might've like hit him right back. But now, I don't know, 24 year old Demi is like, I don't know, maybe a fuck boy. Yeah. I can see that. If I thought somebody was like a fuck boy or I saw red flags and I thought that it would not be beneficial for my life to like even have anything to do with this person, then if they were, you know, really trying and pursuing me and kind of giving me a reason to like, go ahead and give it a shot, then I guess it'd be flattering. Maybe. I'm honestly like, I,

I'm curious if there's women listening to this, if they agree with both of you or there's women out there who liked the idea of making, I mean, I've had some women friends who have literally told me like, I'll never respond the first time. Well, that is just a game. Come on. Yeah. But can we admit we,

we all play games from time to time. I mean, it's just, I'm just curious about how, how wrong I am. And again, you're like a really hot guy and also kind of famous guy doing it. Can you imagine the opposite?

Like it's true. I do. I get self, like there are true. I do. I get self-conscious. Like there are people, I sometimes get self-conscious as the perception of as I'm older now, whatever. And when I'm out with women and they're like, the question I get often on a first or second date is, do you even really want to be in a relationship? On a first date, I get that a lot. And it's worded just like that. It's not, oh, are you interested in settling down? Do you want kids? It's, do you even really want to? That's really invasive. I get that a lot. I mean, that's, I would

say 80% of the time I'm on a first or second date, it's phrased specifically that way. Wow. And are you? I very much want to be in a relationship, but I'm not desperate to be in one and I'm not going to settle down just to be in one. And again, we've, but I guess what I'm saying is, so with that in mind or that being self-conscious about that, sometimes I'm willing to put myself out there a little bit more to show that I have a genuine interest

in getting to know someone. And if I'm going to send more than one message in tops three, I recognize they don't owe me a response and I'm just more putting myself out there. But if they still choose not to respond, there is never a time where it's okay for a guy to get defensive and therefore mean, and then continue to, and then, and then harass. Harassment. Yes. That's not okay. But for the guy who went, who got cast on The Bachelor, who did that, I do think there's a difference between someone who's making a,

maybe a little bit more of an effort to put himself out there at the, you know, at the risk of some girl reading and be like, this guy's desperate. Like, you know, like there's this, you know, we talk about this some girl reading and be like, this guy's desperate. Like, you know, like there's this, you know, we talk about this every week about how challenging dating can be. And I just think sometimes we see things in black and white sometimes. And we, you know, is it, guys will read that and they see that and they don't want to be that guy. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And then I think every guy who's trying to be self-aware is reading and be like, well,

when I've sent two messages, one's to, is that okay? You know, like, I don't know. I just, I'm curious what the, the, the, the people listening think. And if there's mixed opinions or I should just send one and walk away. I think you should, but I like what you're saying. I think it's really cute. Like the whole, you know, the guy trying to show, like make a genuine effort. and not being,

the word creepy, I hate that word so much. I feel like so many, that is so mean. If somebody ever called me creepy. It's the worst thing. I wouldn't. I don't think I've ever wanted.

I've never called anyone creepy. I can't even think of a time. I hate that word. I would much rather be an asshole than a creep. A creep? A creep? That's so mean. like I can't even think of a time I hate that word I would much rather be an asshole than a creep a creep that's so mean and I can't imagine like being called that I would be like oh my gosh I am the worst person ever I'm a creep do you think uh I think like a calling a woman a creep doesn't seem as bad as calling a guy a creep no and I think that it's thrown around so much and it makes me feel so bad for all these guys like being called a creep

that's really yeah he's a creep and again that's it's over you i'm driving this point home but like so many like rom-coms and like old school movies as they led you astray man it's based this idea of this guy like really going for the girl and not necessarily taking no for the answer. Consent. But that's what I'm saying. Does it go that far to say, of course you need consent,

but like the, the moments of like, you know, making it again, it's a, there's a lot of gray there. I mean, clearly,

but like, is it, Oh, nope. She said no. The first time. Well, I mean, Cassie didn't say no to Col no to colton oh fuck she broke up with him no i'm just like that's the thing is there's

no black and white and very true for all you know they seem to be very happy right now and well their story's yet to be finished but um no seriously i mean they you know i mean yeah but to be fair on that point like cassie did did tell him, like, I don't know. You know, I'm not sure. I don't know. She wasn't just straight up like, oh, ignored him. And then he like came back. No, but all Colton knew in that moment was she left and broke up with him.

And there's been- A very, very like weird breakup though. Like it was a very unsure breakup. Like you could tell there was still something. That's what I'm saying though. Like reading that when a girl's like, oh, I don't know, I don't know, but I'm definitely going to break up with you. That happens all the time.

And plenty of times I've been like once the break-up or sometimes when we break up with people, we say things to be nice because we're afraid of being mean. So it's like, well, ultimately they just want to break up. They're just like, listen, if I'm want to break up. But it's like, listen, if I'm being totally honest, I don't like you. Right. No one wants to say that. So like, well, I really don't know. And maybe this will work, but you're so sweet and you're really nice. I'm confused, but like we need to, right. And so we do, when we're breaking up with people, we say sometimes a lot of things for the sake of being nice. Cause they can be very misleading.

The person getting dumped, who's just literally searching for like grasping at straws is there anything there is there are you sure you want to break up with me right this happens all the time and then do you really getting into it no but like from like again women and men do this too all the time and so are like do we just say you don no, that's what I'm saying. And like Colton, a lot, and there was criticism online with Colton of, well, what are we showing? You know, like, and my point is it can be a little bit gray. And so I don't know, I don't think there's anything wrong with someone like taking that, you know, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to put myself out there. I'm going to give I'm going to, I'm going to put myself out there.

I'm going to give this last ditch effort to express my feelings and save the relationship or ask her out a second or maybe a third time over the course of a long time. But, and none of these situations does the other person owe you the answer that you want. And I think that's the difference and being respectful of the no, and then eventually getting the point much earlier on than, you know, I think there is a difference and I think there's not always a right or wrong. Can I go back to the hinge thing I was going to say about our men or women more shallow? Yeah. Okay. I already told you this, Nick, but okay. I was on hinge, which you haven't been on. There's this question of I'm, I'm surprisingly attracted to, and then you fill it in.

And almost every guy writes intelligent women. I'm surprisingly attracted to intelligent women. And that like shocks me. As if it's rare. A woman intelligent? Yeah. And if it's too crazy to be attracted to intelligence. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, that is, wow. I think that speaks more to men than women and not in a positive way to me that's a men admitting that they're shallow as fuck yeah i'm surprised i can't get over that i can't believe i'm i thought i was a total shell douchebag and i'm really proud of myself i mean it's almost in a funny way a guy like being like

he's almost patting himself on the back. That's why he's willing to put it out there. He's like, you know what? Good for me. You know what? So true. Good for me.

I'm woke. You know, I'm woke. She's a hashtag feminism. You know, like a guy who'd probably wear this shirt, you know, like, yeah,

I love intelligent women. She's a, I actually think it's cool that she's smart who knew who knew i never would have guessed um but i don't think that's a reflection on women though i don't think that i don't think that suggests that women aren't uh i think this speaks to how shallow men are at times because if this came up when i like i do point out i like intelligent women. That's not a suggesting that most women aren't, there are stupid people. Yeah. People are dumb.

People are smart. Right. Yeah. There's not. Yeah. I don't know why it does bother me when you say that, but I can't figure out why. When he says what? That he likes intelligent women. It bothers her so when I say like intelligent women. Hmm. I don't know. I feel unaffected by that statement. But I can see. Like, to me, it insinuates that it's hard to find. No. No? I mean, compatible people are hard to find.

Mm-hmm. If I were to say I only like hot people, am I implying that there's a lot of ugly people? It implies. I'm not saying that. The ugly people don't have a chance. It's hurting their feelings. I also like, you know, growing up for me, like, yeah, I'm attracted to attractive people, I guess.

But I do know that like I have unique tastes and I know I have dated women where like everyone, I guess, generally thinks, oh, like that's unique tastes in time. I know I have dated women where like everyone, I guess generally thinks, Oh, like that's a good looking person, but I have dated women that I physically am just like, she's such a babe. And my guy friends would be like,

but yeah, she's good looking, but she's not my type. Right. Like that happens all the time. I mean, that's just personal preferences. Yeah.

And I don't care what other people think as long as I'm super into that person. But yeah, I don't, I think there's smart and dumb people all the time. I don't care what other people think as long as I'm super into that person. But yeah, I think there's smart and dumb people all the time. I don't think, I actually, when I grew up, I always thought women were smarter. We are. In elementary schools, always like the women who like got better grades and the guys are just fuck-offs and like better penmanship. And they were like, you know, because they could multitask and we were just like, I don't know.

But no, I'd never thought of it that way. But yeah, I think it speaks more to men. Shallow, shallow creatures. They like to pat themselves on the back. I can picture it though.

That's why they're saying it. They're literally putting it out there in the universe. Yeah. Right. What's most surprised. They're probably like, yeah, I like how you said I'm woke. I don't know if you also noticed about me, but I like dogs, guacamole, and I like to travel and I can make you laugh. And I also appreciate that you're smart. He said guacamole. I don't like guacamole and I do feel judged about it. You don't like guac? No. Guac's okay. It's like I have to be in the mood for it. I feel judged when I admit that I don't like guacamole. I feel

that way when I admit that I don't just dislike, I despise truffle. I hate truffle. Yeah, I can see that. I don't, I like truffle, but I don't love it. And I think it's wildly overrated. It's disgusting. It's not disgusting. In my opinion, you know, really sorry for all those people who take truffle as a delicacy. How do you feel about mayonnaise? I like mayonnaise. That's disgusting. It's gross. Mayonnaise, mayonnaise users drag him. Fuck. Yeah. Right. One star. Fuck you. We love mayonnaise. I breezed through it and I thought it'd be kind of funny if I read these and see, hopefully I don't fit into any of these categories, but we'll go on this journey together. Let's do it. And see, I'd love to know if you agree, disagree with this article and who of any of these

guys have you dated? I'm already dead at the first one. Where is my hug guy? Oh yeah. Triggered. Where's my hug? I'm like, ew, now i'm forced to hug you where's my hug because if not i'm gonna embarrass you and i don't want to do that i can honestly

say i'm pretty sure i've never been that guy where's my hug where's my that's somebody who who doesn't get hugged a lot he doesn't get a lot of female attention i only want a hug if someone wants to hug me i don't want a hug. I don't want the pity hug here. It's like fine here. Uh, where's my hug guy. Okay. I'm pretty sure I'm okay there. No. And for the guys listening, stop doing that. The, uh, sorry. I fell asleep guy. I hate that guy. I've been that guy. I am that guy. I was like, wait, I do that every day. Sorry, I fell asleep. But if you are going to text me after hours, what does this say?

Behold, the most common red flag women love to overlook. Allow me to set the scene for you. You've been talking for a guy for quite a while now, and everything appears to be going well until it doesn't. What started off as frequent calls and conversations quickly turned into frequent excuses, including this classic line, sorry, I fell asleep. So me. I don't know what, what, what, at what point is it, if you text me after 11, I might have fallen asleep. Yeah. If I'm saying I fell asleep at nine. I do it in like the middle of the day. Someone will text me.

Sorry I fell asleep. Yeah. Sorry I fell asleep. As if I'm just napping, leisurely napping all the time. Have you honestly done that? Yeah. But I mean, I don't really text anybody anymore. I don't know if I agree with this one because like that's so circumstantial.

Rochelle? I do agree with like, he's not, he's just not that into you. I think that if you're doing the sorry I fell asleep thing a lot, they're just not really into you. And you're kind of just there. You're there to keep them entertained whenever they need you. I have literally fallen asleep and only the next day I'd be like, sorry, I fell asleep. I feel that. Also if it's after 11 and I just, I will say I've been in bed and received text messages and just been like, I don't feel like, not that it was a, I just, I don't, I want to go to bed. And so I don't feel like going, and I'll text you in the morning.

And then I have responded, sorry, I fell asleep the next day. What do you think? I'm doing this to a guy right now that I'm not into. I like wait three days to respond to his, he keeps leaving me voicemails. I'm not into. I like wait three days to respond to his. He keeps leaving me voicemails. I'm like, yikes. No. I just don't know if this qualifies as one of the eight.

I agree with this. You agree with this? Yeah. I think if you like someone, you're going to be excited that they're texting you. You're going to text back right away. You're going to have a lot more to say than sorry I fell asleep. This is under the category of one of the eight worst types of guys to date.

Because the, where's my hug guy? He sucks. No one wants that guy but everyone we you know what i'm saying this but whenever i do this sorry i fell asleep thing i know that i'm not being like very genuine with this relationship and i'm not that interested in hashtag not that he's not that it's different than needy i need a hug i don't know i don't know if this i don't I don't like where it's ranked. It's all I'm saying. All right, moving on. The one who's always texting you up after hours, the opposite of. Sorry, I fell asleep. We can't win here.

Yeah. So make up your mind, girl writing article. What do you want? Do you want to talk at the wee hours at night or do you want me to sleep and get my rest? I don't. Are you up? I'm trying to like figure out what that is.

I will say this. You up is definitely a booting call and right like you up. Can I come over? You want to come over? Are you up? You want to hook up? You up? Literally the letter U. You up? Yeah. I mean over? You want to come over? Are you up? You want to hook up? You up? Literally the letter U. You up? Yeah.

I mean, he's, you're not dating him. He's just trying to have sex with you. He's horny. You can be here for that though. Like if you want to, like maybe some people love the U up guy. Mutual agreement. It's all about, it's all about communication. Yes.

All right. Moving on. What else do we got here? The one who texts, hey, big head. Who the fuck does that? People do that to me all the time. Oh, my gosh. Have you ever posted a gorgeous picture of your Instagram only to see side eye emojis pop up in your direct messages by your ex from two years ago?

You may friend. Hey, what? This happens? I'm reading it. We should catch up. I miss you. Yeah, so it's basically people just trying to make themselves relevant in your life again. It's just annoying because it's like, come on now. That flame has died. Let's not try to rekindle it.

Yeah, I get that, but I don't know. I mean, it's not one of the worst things ever. I just ignore it. Yeah, no one likes a cheapskate. The one whose sarcasm doesn't translate in text. Ooh. That's you. Maybe.

I feel like you, yeah. I think, you know what? Let's talk about texting right now and good texting versus bad texting. I'm older. Yeah. I understand that. I get a lot of questions out there from people who will say he's a bad texter. I don't think you're a bad texter.

No, no, no. Not me specifically, but that's a dating complaint I'm hearing more and more these days. I don't want to text somebody I'm dating all the time. I want to chit chat. Call me or whenever I see you, we can talk. I think that if you text about everything all the time, what are you going to talk about? But I think texting obviously opens the door for miscommunication often because of how we read it. I'm a big believer.

Because, I mean, again, you can't win sometimes, especially if you're a guy. And how many emojis do I send and how many is almost, when does it become weird? Guy's always sending emojis at the risk of not trying to sound like a dick or making sure his inflection is understood. Because I do believe that when we read text, it's more on the mood and the emotion that we're feeling at the time of how we received the text. Um, yeah. Plays such a role in how you feel, like how you read it could be so different

and your frame of mind plays such a significant role in how you read a text and how you respond to it. You're feeling insecure and you read a text that's like, it could be so simple. Like, hey, and you're like, oh my God, hey, that's it. Hey, that's all he said. Fuck you, hey. I'm not fucking responding to this.

No, but really it's all. That's all he said. Fuck you, hey. I'm not fucking responding to this. No, but really, it's all. Or just like a question could seem so curt if you're like, oh, well, what is it? Hey, what's going on today? It might be, oh, what are you? What's going on today? What's going on today? I was talking with Nick about this before. He'll text me Rochelle, period, and then ask me something.

He always puts like random dots in between like sentences. Yeah, that's just because I don't know the type or I have bad grammar. He told me that I was sweet. You said I was sweet. Like what?

I said something to you. Like that's sweet. He put sweat. Oh, about me like reposting your podcast. That's sweet. That's sweat of you. Sweat.

I was like sweat sesh. Sweat sesh, yeah. No, but that's what I'm'm saying but like how we read the text because i'm like hey what's going on with this could be hey what the fuck what's going on but like or is it like they're just you know and so how we read it is more on the person receiving the text than the sender yeah i do do you think we put too much pressure on the, the texting skills? Because what is, I mean,

should we start teaching classes of how to, how to effectively text? And like, no, the only way to do that is through like emojis and wink faces. And I hear it all the time from women who like, I don't want a guy who's like sending me like wink faces all the time. Like it's a little

much. There's so many standards. I'm overwhelmed. I don't know. I think that like texting is you, if you're secure and you're confident with yourself and I feel like, you know, this person that you're texting, you should know them if you're texting them. I mean, I guess that's how you get to know some people sometimes, but you just have to be confident to know that they're not being weird in these messages and like, don't suspect that they, there's some underlying meaning that you're not picking up on or like, oh, they don't really like me because they're not texting me like, you know, obsessively or like texting me the way that I want to be texted to. I think that if you're just like, okay, this is this person's right to text however they want. And at least they're texting me.

this is this person's right to text however they want. And at least they're texting me. Maybe. Yeah. You know, I don't know. I get a lot of questions about texting etiquette and I'm, I don't know. Give him a shot on the phone.

What? Yeah. I mean, I just, if all the things you can complain about your guy, not doing texting, texting, I feel like is at the bottom of the,

of the list. What if he's a great caller but a bad texter? The voicemails. How are those going for you? I hate them. I don't like voicemails. People are like, hey, your voicemail inbox is full. Thank God.

Yeah, thank God. I know. I hate listening to them. It gives me anxiety and I don't know why. No, it does. I love that you can read them now. I'm like, oh, yes. No, they give so, it does. I love that you can like read them now. I'm like, Oh yes. No, they give me anxiety.

Um, Nick, uh, don't get mad or when people phrase things like, um, Hey, um, listen, um, I don't want to upset you, but I'm upset now. Just like, no offense. When people start doing that all the time. Hey, I don't want to upset you and no offense. And listen, I'm not the only one who thinks this, but I hate whenever I get the worst moments like, Hey, Demi, this is really important. I need you to call me back.

All right. Bye. And I'm like, Oh oh my god what is it and it's something so stupid we only have a medium I'm wondering if a small fits yeah I guess fine

I was like this was important are you trying to say important in a funny way or is this how you say important oh man I have this really weird thing with T's. I feel like I like this like kind of OCD trigger that I have to like enunciate, like button, kitten, important. Sometimes I try to avoid those words, but I didn't even realize I was doing it.

I try to avoid words all the time. Spells everything. I'm not really sure. What's a simpler word? Great. Do we have questions? We have a question from Stephanie. She was wondering about your thoughts on women's tattoos, especially the lower back.

She said they're dubbed the tramp stamp, but do you still think that's true? And I think she has one and she's feeling insecure. Work that tramp stamp, sister. Rock it. You have no choice. You got to. It's permanent. care. Work that tramp stamp sister. Rock it. You have no choice. You got to. It's permanent. I don't know.

Do guys write off women with tramp stamps? I did a girl for two and a half years and she got a tattoo that was, I guess, by all standards, a tramp stamp. She got it on her 18th birthday. I think the worst time to ever get a tattoo is on your 18th birthday for anyone listening. Or the people who get it before they're 18. That's even dumber.

No, I honestly think on your 18th birthday is showing like a sign of rebellion and impatience. So if you like wait to your 18th birthday, there's like 80% chance you will regret that tattoo. Yeah. Right. I mean, yeah. You don't think so. I have like tattoo anxiety. I love tattoos so much, but I have so many dreams that I get a tattoo and then I end up hating it. So, um, I have never gotten one, but I've always wanted one, but I just have commitment. Commitment. Commitment. Commitment. Um, I, I, I guess, I mean, if I'm being honest, I'm not a huge fan of the tattoos that are considered,

not because I, they just, I don't, I don't love tattoos on women, but sometimes it's attractive. And I've dated women with tattoos and thought they were beautiful. So like, I don't, I'm more or less indifferent, but you have it now, so. Rock it, sis.

Rock it. I just, it's like tattoos or whatever to me. Like whenever it comes to seeing them on people's bodies, like I think that they look really cool and they tell people stories and stuff. But I'm like, hey, that's your body. And if you have a tattoo on it, it in no way affects me. So cool. Lauren, it is it?

Yeah. Hi. Hi, Lauren. This is Nick. This is Demi. Hey, Lauren. Hi, Lauren. This is so cool. This is Nick. Good, how are you? This is Demi. Hey, Lauren. Hi. Lauren, what is your question and how can we help?

So my question is, I have a guy friend who I dated kind of on and off throughout high school. I'm 24 now. He's 25, for reference. Thank you. Yeah, 25, for reference. Thank you. Yeah, because you love that. And we have just remained friends ever since then. He was always kind of more interested in dating than I was, but I always wanted to stay good friends with him.

We know each other's families. We've been on vacations together and just have been in each other's lives for literally since freshman year of high school. Recently, he decided to move out of his friend's house. Three of my guy friends were living together. And he moved out and moved in with a new girl that none of us really knew about. They kind of started dating out of nowhere and decided to move in together. So we're not really sure the situation, but basically he reached out to me and said that it wasn't appropriate for me

to be talking to him anymore and that it's just affecting his relationship. And I don't know where we're really staying but not sure if we're friends or if he wanted to give up on our friendship over this new girl he's dating but i mean he does now i mean what he he does now i mean what i'm saying is for the time being i i don't mean to be mean or direct about it but um he's he's 25 how you know and listen it's not that uncommon I think what's going on here is his new girlfriend um is insecure about the relationship and his relationship specifically to you did you guys ever hook up

Did you guys ever hook up? I mean. Okay. So you guys have had sex. Have you had sex? No. Have you gone to third base? Okay.

You've done stuff, right? What I'm saying is your name came up at some point, right? And this conversation, clearly they're moving super fast in this relationship. And again, I'm going to get like people listening who are younger who'd be like, well, I met my husband at 22 and we're, yes, exception at the rule. But sometimes when you fast track, you're playing house a little bit and maybe these two people will have a loving relationship and family, but they're moving incredibly fast. And he has been asking her about girls in his life and women, or maybe he brought you up. And then as soon as your name got mentioned,

and maybe she stalked your Instagram, right? And like, you're a beautiful woman. She was like, oh my God, she's pretty. Don't talk to her. Yeah. And then she was like, well, what do you mean your friends? Your friends, huh? Really? Like, what do you mean you're what do you mean you're you're friends uh you're friends huh really like what do you mean what do you mean friends have you guys ever have you ever had sex oh no we no never had sex oh okay cool well did you ever do this x y or z well i mean like what do you you know and so now he's just

like well i mean if you love me you won't want to i mean i don't know like do you want to you said that's not friends and like that's the kind of, that's, that is what's going on here. And he is choosing her over you. Cut him off. It's fine. You don't need him. You don't need him. And you'll be fine.

But just to, I don't know if this is what you're asking in terms of, like, it sounds like you're more trying to understand the situation than anything. And that's my take on the situation is that's probably what's happening to Demi's point. I think you need to accept that right now he is absolutely choosing her over you. And in fairness to him, I mean, it is tricky when you have a friendship, when it's the opposite sex. Um, and those friendships sometimes come and go. Um,

and it might be nice to think that even my, uh, guy friend, if I'm a woman or woman friend, if I'm a guy, we'll be friends forever. But that's unfortunately life, life happens. And even if like, um, you guys never hooked up even if this girl's not his person you know if he does get married and have kids someday it's going to be kind of weird to have that best girlfriend

he confides in and shares his stories or his insecurities or things that are stressing him out she wants to be that person in his life and she might be going a little overboard by forbidding him to talk to you. However, that's what's, that's, you know, he's trying to do the right thing. And I think you

need to let him go. Yeah, for sure. And, you know, sometimes you have to like take a step back and put yourself in her shoes. Like, I mean, I probably wouldn't be extremely comfortable if my boyfriend or whatever he is to her was still talking to this girl he used to hook up with kind of, and she was really beautiful. I mean, I know that that would make me be insecure. I mean, I don't, I would not advise being controlling about that at all, but, you know, just understand her side of it and let him go, sis. Just let him go. I would, if I may offer some advice, I know you didn't necessarily ask for it. If I may offer some advice, I know you didn't necessarily ask for it.

May I offer some advice? Is that it is not your problem if he is making decisions that you don't agree with, specifically moving too fast, moving in with this mystery girl. He's an adult. He's an adult and especially coming from you, it's just going to come across as jealousy and it's going to come across as not as objective, even if it comes from a good place. So if his guy friends want to say that, but I would just let it go. It's not your problem to let him know

what he is doing right or wrong because it won't be your, it won't, he won't be appreciated and it won't be taken from a place of objectivity. I think you're better off just letting it go. I'm sorry. Yeah. I think the hardest part was he's like in our friend group, so I don't really know how to act around him if we are together and it just makes for a really awkward situation. So. If you can i would act

chill and cool and not necessarily indifferent because you care about them but don't make comments uh try not to be awkward be his friend when he allows you to be his friend and if there's a chance that you guys can be buddies and then she can be okay with it if you get an opportunity be her fucking best friend you know but i'm getting the sense that maybe you still kind of like him and miss him and you're not totally honest with the how platonic this relationship is and you're a little sad about like this guy and like maybe he wanted to date you and didn't want to date him. But now you're like kind of feeling a little bit like a missed out opportunity. Maybe a little bit. I don't know.

And so if you can get past it and it's okay that you can't, you got to be super chill about it. You got to be best friends with her. If you truly want a friendship, you want her to be okay with that, you need to friend her up. Yeah. And like in regards to like being in the same room as him, I know that can be awkward. So just like, you know, if you're not talking to him and he's being weird about it, act like he's not there and just be the best Lauren you can be. Just be yourself, act like he's not there and have a good time. And he'll see that and he'll probably get jealous, honestly.

He'll probably start missing you. Slightly disagree with the not acting like he's there. I think you should acknowledge he's there. Well, casually, yeah, but like don't think about it. Like he's just some guy. You should acknowledge he's there. Well, casually. Yeah. But like, don't think about it. Like he's just some guy you get up to get a soda or a drink. You're like, Oh, does anyone need a drink? Hey, what's his name? Do you need a drink? Great. Cool. Here you go. Like totally like chill as fuck. Like if you know, you're fine, you're fine. You're totally fine. Everything's fine. That's how I think I should be. She's so cute. Totally, totally chill.

And I'm sorry. Like it's, it's like, it's tough to lose someone you care about, even though if you're not in a romantic relationship and like, you're not dating, but you run the risk of them meeting someone else. And you, you, you, you, you, you didn't break up with somebody, you lost someone you care about. And even if you weren't, you know, it sucks. I've been there, you know, that's, uh, yeah, but, uh, you gotta let him go. He's not yours. You know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Go, uh, other, other fish in the sea. Yeah, girl, you're so cute. You got this. There's definitely no, I can, I can, I'm not saying that he's not a great guy, but I can assure you in this moment, you miss him in Lancam more than you do because he was immediately ripped from you. And another woman told him that he like another woman decided for you that he can't have

you didn't get to setting your own and that's pissing you off inside. And I'm not saying you don't care about them, but it's not as, it's not as hard to replace as it might feel in this moment is what I'm saying. You're definitely going to be fine. And I'm sure he's great, but he's not irreplaceable. I'm sorry for your loss. We act like you just died. Okay. It's going to be fine.

I'll get over it. All right. You have a great day. Thanks, Lauren. You too. Thanks, guys. Bye-bye. Demi.

Nick. How are you? I'm doing great. Thanks for hosting this. Yeah. Thanks for being here. I appreciate you having me. It's been really nice.

You've been a really good guest today. Thank you. You're welcome. And like true to form, our host talked more than the guest co-host. I feel like you talked more than me this time. I don't know. I talked a lot.

We had fun. I was laughing a lot. For those of you who listened to this whole thing, who didn't listen to the whole thing last time, you're welcome. Anyways, Demi, thanks for coming on. It's so good to see you again.

Good luck in Paradise. This is not an official. I have no idea if she's going on, but there's a good chance if you go, you will not be back until after you fall in love on the beach. And remember, if you get your heart broken, it's fine. It's okay. You're going to be

great. Wow. ASMR. ASMR. It's the best thing to happen. Can I unsolicited advice? And anyways, Demi, thank you for being such a sport. Thank you for being so much fun and, um, you know, showing, uh, all the word things that are Demi and, uh, taking, uh, my, uh, constructive feedback

so gracefully and, uh, like a champ and a friend of show and invite to ever come back. I'm sure. I hope people enjoy listening to this and hopefully they're not sick of you. Could they ever be? Who could ever? I doubt it. Anyways, thanks for tuning in, guys. It's been another episode of The Vile Files. We will see you next week.

Demi, would you do us the great pleasure of also signing off? I don't know. Oh, yeah. So thank you for all of your kind words. This has been a great episode and we will see you next time. Ciao. You're crazy. Ciao.

That was so cool.