The Viall Files - E133 Meghan Tonjes - Fat, Blessed & Thriving

Episode Date: May 27, 2020

Recording artist, YouTuber, & Podcaster Meghan Tonjes joins Nick this week challenging us to to think deeper and show up to conversations without thinking you know everything. An advocate for body+ Meghan has learned first hand from being body shamed on the internet the effects it can have on someone’s self worth. She opposes Cancel Culture and shares with us how she thinks the world is not changing quickly enough, encouraging us to punch up rather than punching down. “It's not radical. It's just overdue.” Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss an episode!  Thank you to our sponsors:  EMBARK: embarkvet.com CODE: VIALL FLAMINGO: shopflamingo.com/VIALL  BEST FIENDS: https://bestfiends.com/ FUNCTION OF BEAUTY: functionofbeauty.com/VIALL See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on everybody welcome to another episode of the vile files I'm Nick your host and joined by my producer Chrissy how are you Chrissy? How's it going so far? How are you liking this? You ready to quit? I mean, no, not yet. Pretty good. I like it. I'm learning a lot.

I'm learning a lot. What's going on in your world? Not much. I'm quarantined here in Connecticut. How's mom? She's good, man. She's filling me up with the digital content, I got to tell you. She's always doing something fun in the neighborhood, doing something kind of kooky, and I dig it.

I like it. So I join in the fun with her. Is that why you went home during quarantine, to use your mom as an influencer? Dude, my mom's going to be the next influencer, for sure. It's going to be huge gonna be it's gonna be huge it's gonna be huge um well let's i can't wait to promote her on our she'll be our she'll be our interview next week it'll be great our next guest uh well we have a great guest this this week uh megan tanges as our guest who uh is a very talented and outspoken person in her own right.

She's been active on the internet for some time now and obviously very outspoken about things like body positivity and cancel culture and, I don't know, help me out, Chrissy. Uh, you know, things just like, you know, fat shaming, um, stuff like that. Right. Am I getting it right? You're getting it right. I think she really kind of like sits there and represents like the body positivity culture that she had experienced so much from being on the internet from 2006, uh, how people commented and body shamed her. And she has turned that around to be something that can help other people with their self,

their self worth. Yeah. It's a, it was an interesting conversation. I really enjoyed it. And, you know, we,

she just, you know, helped, you know, shed some light on her point of view. And it was, you know, it's obviously I enjoy having these conversations and I hope that people,

whether they relate to Megan and the things that she says or they don't relate, they, you know, you listen with a kind of open mind in terms of how we interact with each other in the world, on the internet, um, and how, um, how we can only always use these point of views to, again, just become, uh, more educated and friends to, to, you know, everyone, whether, whether you identify with them, whether you don't identify them or not. And, um, it was, it was fun chatting with Megan and I hope you guys really enjoy it. Uh, other than that, I think we just should get right to it. Don't forget to check us out on Monday coming up with my friend and very funny comedian Adam Ray helps with a very fun Ask Nick episode. And other than that, I think we're going to be recapping

the Bachelor Best of All Time shows. So check us out there. I know Caitlin's episode is, I think, number two to be recapping the bachelor best of all time shows. So check us out there. I know Caitlin's episode is I think number two in the docket. Recap the recap. Recap the re it will be fun. We'll see if we maybe get some old guests or whatever, have some fun with it. You know,

and then, you know, maybe they'll get, I think we'll get to my season. I don't know if that's like official or not or what, but it would be a lot of fun. I think we'll get to my season. I don't know if that's official or not or what. But it will be a lot of fun, I think, going back. And why not? We'll use it as a way to continue to talk about all things

Bachelor Nation going on in the world. Maybe hot gas. I don't know. It'll be fun. And if you have nothing better to do, check us out. Other than that, let's get right to it. Megan Tonjes. M. Bark.

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an exclusive offer just for our listeners. Go to EmbarkVet.com now and use promo code V-I-A-L-L to save 15% off your dog, breed, and health kit. Visit EmbarkVet.com and use promo code V-I-A-L-L to save 15% today. EmbarkVet.com and use promo code V-I-A-L-L. Flamingo. People, why spend so much money on waxing? Honestly, you're not even supposed to leave your house anyways right now. And Flamingo is helping you wax whatever you want and get rid of unwanted hair.

You know, um, personal question, Chrissy, what's your waxing? What's your waxing situation? Well, I am home, so I'm not going to the salons, but I don't usually go to salons for a wax anyway. I usually do it myself. So Flamingo is amazing because you get these amazing strips. I do my own eyebrows. They look amazing. You put the amazing strips on, you rip it off. It's fun because you can see all the little hairs on there. And then they have this amazing aloe that you can put over it. So that makes it nice and soft. It doesn't get red. It doesn't irritate your skin. It works great. It all started when a

collective of women at the men's shaving brand Harry's saw the need for better body hair removal products for women. And you know what? It's a thing. Flamingo was born. Their head to toe wax kit contains everything you need from stress-free at-home waxing, from body and face wax strips to calming aloe vera serum. That sounds like an experience. Yeah, a lot of people do think they have to go to a salon, but it's really, really easy. And especially if you're OCD like somebody like me. You just take the strips, you look in the mirror, and you put them on your eyebrows,

for example, right in the areas that you have to trim up. So try the Flamingo Head to Toe Wax today at shopflamingo.com slash V-I-A-L-L. You get 20 face wax strips, 24 body wax strips, post wax claws, and calming aloe vera serum for just $19. That seems unbelievable. And it ships for free. Bam. Wow. CY Refinery 29 calls it the only at-home wax strip they've not hated. That's a strong statement. Get yours today for just $19 plus free shipping at shopflamingo.com slash V-I-A-L-L. Hi, Megan. How are you? I'm great. How are you? I'm so good, thank you so much for joining us. Anytime. Yeah, I wanted to have you on.

I thought you would be a great guest, especially in our times that we're in. My wonderful producer Chrissy introduced me to you and then said how you're one of the more thought-provoking people out there. And I said, ooh, same. I like it. I'm opinionated and I talk a lot on the internet. Yeah. And lately, same. I've been doing a little bit of that.

And I thought that would be kind of an interesting discussion about sharing your thoughts on things, hot topics, and kind of the responsibility that comes with that, the pros of that, the negatives of that. But first, I thought we'd just spend a little time getting to know you in terms of kind of what you're all about and what you're best known for. Enjoyed reading your bio. Your bio is a little more creative than mine on my Instagram. Mine's just taller in person. I'm sure my manager would yell at me about my bio, but, you know, I'm having fun. Fat, blessed, and thriving.

Why would your manager yell at you about that? I mean, maybe not my manager, but a manager would probably be like, this is not great for SEO. We need to put, you know, you need to link this. You need to do this. I love my manager, but I don't always agree with his point of view. There you go. Managers are meant to be risk averse, and you don't strike me as someone who is all that risk averse. No, no, no no not at all yeah i mean so

you've been very outspoken obviously especially when it comes to body images body positivity i thought that would be you know obviously maybe we just kick things off talking about that um just because that's something you've been you've been on the forefront of. And I just was watching some of your work and reading up on you. I would imagine, and correct me if I'm wrong, that some of your messaging, while well-spoken and thought-provoking and interesting, isn't always initially received well, where there could be some confusion in terms of like what does she mean or some push back what i've noticed recently with some of the things that we've talked about um you know all the hannah brown stuff and the use of the n-word is you find that a lot of people get

defensive when they hear um opposing point of views because quite honestly, they're thinking to themselves, well, I'm guilty of saying or doing the same thing. And so am I a bad person? So I want to defend the old school way of thinking because internally, I'm feeling a little shame myself. So anyways, could you share a little bit about, obviously, some of your thoughts on your body images and specifically just kind of the culture we have and how we talk to people and encourage them and put a lot of emphasis on the way we look is specifically to our size. Yeah. You know, I started making YouTube videos in 2006. And so pretty early on, I was just playing music, putting things up there. And I would get messages from other women who were like, I look like you and I want

to do this, but I see the comments you get and I could never do it. And so I think that was kind of the first moment I was like, light bulb went off. And I thought, why? It's such a sad world that we like we can't we feel like we can't do the things that we want to do because we're afraid of what people might say. And so I think, you know, initially I started just making music and eventually just started speaking up about the ways that I was viewing the world, the ways that I was feeling, things that I hadn't been able to say when I was younger, things that I hadn't been encouraged to feel when I was younger. And that's kind of turned into just part of what I do. I think that, you know, we live in a world that it's such, it's so one side or the other.

It's like if I'm talking about feeling good in my body and loving myself, regardless of how the world sees me, it's like I'm promoting obesity. And I think that what I'm really doing in a lot of ways is I'm just questioning the world that I'm in and pushing back and asking, well, why am I supposed to feel less than because I look a certain way or because I have this much weight or whatever it is. In a lot of ways, I've been able to do really incredible things. Like I went on Ellen in 2011 to talk about online bullying and to perform and do all these incredible things that if I hadn't been in the position I am, and if I hadn't kind of been a fat woman on the internet,

I might not have had the opportunity. And I just think it's important that we understand that we're, we know, we kind of get these, we get told over and over again that, you know, it's about who you are inside. It's, you know, it's more than whatever. But I don't think that our society and our culture really lives up to that. I think that we just kind of accept things as they are, how they've always been, how we've been told, we've all been told, you should be dieting,

you should be doing this, you should be working out all the time, you should look like this, these should be your goals. And I think that I'm just someone who's in their 30s that's pushing back and saying, well, those aren't my goals. I don't wake up thinking about how many calories I'm eating or what this what's happening here. I kind of, I just want to exist in my body and feel good about it. And let other people know that it's possible to be loved and to be admired and to be respected. It's just the world doesn't make it easy when you fit outside of a certain box. Sure. So yeah, I mean, i can imagine that's uh being stressful specifically obviously too in the times we live we talked about like cancel culture and everyone's kind of tiptoeing around can i even say what i think because i don't know if someone's gonna

have a problem with it but you know you even talk about um just of this idea, and I'm guilty of it, right, of you see someone and you're like, oh, have you lost weight? You look great. You know, that kind of mentality. And I know you've been a bit outspoken on that. I mean, can you elaborate on that and kind of your thoughts around that message, that kind of what people feel potentially when they hear that type of messaging all the time? Yeah. So I made a video talking about why I don't think you should congratulate weight loss. And it was one of the things where I put it up and I had to mute the thread instantly because as much love as I get, I get a lot, a lot of hate. And so people were very upset. People were very,

they feel like I'm taking something from them. Like, well, I'm still going to tell people they look good if they lost weight and I don't care. All I'm doing is offering a perspective that when you're commenting on someone else's body, the idea that you have in your head as to how they got there and why they're there is not accurate. And so sometimes you're, and there are a lot of stories that people shared where you're complimenting someone's weight loss and they have cancer or they have an eating disorder or, you know, they've been calorie restricting and doing all these things and they're miserable, but they look good to you. And so now it kind of reinforces this need to keep going down the same path.

And I've had that experience. I lost a ton of weight very quickly and people flocked to me to tell me how great I looked and, and treated me very differently. And so to be on both sides of that, I just think that when we compliment weight loss, and we kind of create it, make it a goal, we kind of we elevate thinness to a goal. And it's hard to separate those things. So I just think it's something to be mindful of. I mean, listen, if your friend is like, I'm working out and I want to be complimented and you feel comfortable doing that, do whatever you want. But at the end of the day, I just think that sometimes we want things that are damaging us and we don't realize it until later on. And there are so many other ways to compliment

someone that has been working out or losing weight about things that aren't about their body. I admire your determination. I love how committed you are to the things that you love. I love how, how it seems like you feel so good, you know, like you, you look really happy. There are just ways of, I think, um, complimenting things that are a little bit bigger than just a very temporary thing, which is your health, your weight, things that can shift very quickly, very suddenly, things that are kind of you're leasing in a lot of ways that are out of your control and that aren't always accessible to everyone. So it was really just me trying to

focus on that. And again, these are all things that I'm learning and I'm realizing. And then once I realize that, I feel like I just need to share it and pass it on so it's hopefully the next hopefully the next time someone goes to see someone that's lost a lot of weight before they go to compliment the weight loss they're just thinking in their head you know maybe I should check in on some other things before I make this comment because I don't really know the consequence of what I'm gonna say yeah it makes a lot of sense and for the people listening who are like what the fuck i don't what do you mean or you know again i think it comes down to you know no one i don't think megan or certainly myself is shaming anyone who's ever complimented someone for losing weight and i think you know it's always funny because i think about like recent conversations we've had and i

think i don't know if that's this human nature of how we think, right? We listen to a certain thing and all of a sudden you're like, well, I've definitely done that. So like, I'm going to definitely disagree with her, you know, because I don't feel like I was doing something wrong. But I think, again, you kind of reverse engineer what you said. And it does make a lot of sense in terms of just kind of not being so quick to it. And again, it sounds like, and just to articulate, it sounds like in just our articulate, it sounds like you're, you have no problem with someone who personally wants to lose weight if they want to lose weight. And hopefully they go about it in a way that you said is not only healthy physically, but healthy emotionally, helpful and mentally, you know, doesn't do

someone any good if they're starving themselves in an attempt to, to lose weight. Um, that can be very unhealthy, both emotionally, mentally, and physically for your internal, your metabolism, your, um, your internal organs, uh, things like that. There are things that you do, you can't go back on and, and will affect you for the rest of your life. And so I think ultimately, I'm not trying to go into everyone's life and individually tell them you're bad and this is wrong and you shouldn't do this. It's really just, I'm telling you

to when you're showing up to these decisions, think a little bit more, a little bit deeper about why you're doing them. So if you're losing weight or you wanna lose weight, is there an element to it that's because I want to look good for this person or for this event? Is there something that's a little bit outside of just like whatever moral stance you have or whatever reasoning you think? I just, it's just really, and when it comes to cancel culture too, right? I think that we talk

about that a lot and that's something people are very afraid of and push back on in a lot of ways. And I think what it really comes down to is now we have the Internet. Everyone is able to share the things that they weren't encouraged or empowered to say before and their actual feelings about things. And so it's a lot louder in this space. And so things that we grew up thinking, it's okay to say this. My friends say this. My family says this. It's fine.

And we didn't really think too much about. Now we're getting to meet other people who are like, actually, that's really screwed up. Actually, that really hurts me. Actually, that feeds into this. And so I think a lot of us can become really defensive really quickly. But I think it's about how you show up to it. If you're showing up defensive because you don't want to ever feel like you were bad in any kind of way, you're already limiting your self-growth in so many ways. I would suggest you

show up to conversations saying, I don't know everything. I know what I know. I've done what I've done, but I want to learn. I want to be better. I want to have more viewpoints. I want to listen, I think is a big one. And everyone's going to mess up. Everyone's going to screw up. We all have things that we've done or said that are problematic, but it's how you address it. If you're running from it, if you're just saying, well, whatever, and you're not diving into it in a little deeper of a way, I just think you're missing an opportunity. And yeah, you're missing an opportunity. And I just think that it shows that you're scared of maybe figuring out who you are as a person and your capability of growing and learning and rectifying and doing better. And

sometimes in order to do better, you have to be able to look at your past and say, this is where I was. And this is where I am now. And I'm committed to showing the difference every day, because I think that's the right thing to do. Also, when you say something online or you do something that's problematic, I think at the heart of it, we just a lot of people just don't like to not be liked. So it's easier to kind of turn on it and be like, well, I don't want to be liked by you anyways. The reality is that your first your first impression. I know I do. Yeah. Your first impression is your first impression and you can't change that. So you might say something and then you might apologize and there's still people

that aren't going to be okay with it. And that's okay. They're allowed to have that first impression of you or that third impression of you and be like, you know what? I'm good. I don't, I'm not interested anymore. So you're going to lose people constantly and you have to be okay with that. And just the people that are in your life, hopefully they're people that are helping you grow in the way that you need to grow and are calling you in on the behaviors and the things that you're saying that aren't okay as we're all learning together. So I just think we're so scared of cancel culture, but at the heart of cancel culture is a lot of people who are in pain, who have felt disempowered, who have felt disenfranchised, who just want to see the world change. And it's not changing quickly enough. And it hasn't changed

quickly enough. So you're seeing a lot of frustration and anger. And it's coming from a place of pain. And so just recognize that, let that ego go and just understand that, okay, like, I'm here to listen. Yeah, I think that's really well said and very helpful. And yeah, it can be tough too, right? Because we want discussions, as you just said, kind of to be out there and ongoing. And sometimes discussions can be uncomfortable and challenging and incredibly sensitive to a lot of people or even a small group of people. And I think the fear for a lot of people is like, well, if I address it and I bring it up, like, am I going to make it worse? The old, the kind of the standard PR policies, you know, for like a lot of big networks. If you have a PR team, it's like, well, just, you know, no comment. And we'll just wait it out, you know, kind of thing. And I get that.

But as you said, like sometimes there's people want change and they're wanting it faster and avoiding the conversations sometimes can be self-serving in a short period of time, but from a bigger picture can be, you know, lack progress. Yeah. I mean, I think that, you know, we just, listen, I've, as I've gotten older and I've been on the internet and I've learned a lot more, I'm constantly listening and reading and not even having set ideas on anything, just really listening to every side of things. And I really think that, I lost my train of thought, but it's coming back. we just, we have to understand that a lot of the conversations, things that we're just arriving to, things that we don't understand, it's really about how you approach it. I would rather someone just say no comment when they don't know what they're talking about before they do further harm to other people and themselves. So if you have to take a minute, you have to take some time offline. And

when you come back, you are genuinely like, I want to learn about this. I want to understand this. I'm understanding where maybe I've had some privilege or I've been sheltered. I've been naive in certain ways. And my eyes are starting to open to that. And I'm receptive. Like whatever you want to send my way, please send my way. I want to understand. There are going to be people that joke about it. There are people that ignore you. There are people that, you know, clown you on the internet. And that is how it is. But I think that more often than not, you will find people that are willing to share those resources that want more people to understand and to not, you know, go the other direction. So I just think it's about how you approach it when

you walk into it, understanding that I'm going to be wrong. People are going to disagree with me. And that's okay. But I really have to reckon with myself how are going to disagree with me. And that's okay. But I really have to reckon with myself how I want to move forward and what kind of world I want to live in. And sometimes that's going to be a bit to my detriment. I'm going to have to recognize that I had some kind of privilege. The world's a little bit easier for me in certain ways. And what I said or did was really hurtful. And I might never get the people that were hurt back on my

side. And that's the consequence of, you know, that's just a consequence of existing. And it's on a broader, it's on a huge scale right now. We're on the internet. And so it feels like it's not just one person in your family disagreeing or a friend on Facebook fighting with you. It's millions of people chiming in and, and it can be overwhelming. Absolutely. Yeah. And then it's like,

it gets almost confusing too, or it's just, there's so many trigger words out there now. Like if you're someone who gives an opinion, then you're at the risk of bowling someone, especially if you're giving an opinion, commenting about something or, you know, so it's almost like no matter what it's going to be coming from at a certain angle if you take a stance and yeah that's where it can get exhausting

for them let's just all just shut our mouths and just mind our own business versus all right yeah do we talk about this are we honest and are we, are we going to rile other people up? It's, it can get very confusing and challenging sometimes. Yeah. I mean, I think, you know, when you're, if you're being honest about something in the way that you feel, I just think it really comes down to, which maybe is a PR perspective. It's really about how you frame it. If you're coming into it and you're like, this is fact, this is true. That's, that's a big, that's a huge difference from, you know, I've always been taught this, or I've always thought this, or this is kind of where I've been coming from, from a long time.

And then being open and receptive to the fact that your experience is not everyone's experience. And there's a lot to learn in that middle. So, you know, and listen, I've been on the internet, I've been labeled SJW, like social justice warrior, I've been labeled a lot of things. internet, I've been labeled SJW, like social justice warrior, I've been labeled a lot of things. And I have a lot of opinions and ways that I respond to things that I think for some people is very radical. And for me, I think anytime someone who looks like me is speaking up confidently or not looking for validation from other people, it's seen as radical when really it's when you listen to what I'm saying, or who I'm standing up for. It's seen as radical when really it's, when you listen to what I'm saying or who I'm standing up for, it's not radical. It's just overdue. Function of beauty. Listen, we all know the frustrations when it comes to shampoo and conditioner. You have bottles on bottles of half

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Every day since I downloaded it, I've been playing it. What level are you on now? I'm on level 42. What? You were on like a level, like what, 11 last time? I'm on level 42 what? you were on like a level like what 11 last time? 20 last time yeah it's amazing what's your favorite part of it?

I think my favorite part of it is just being able to sit down and relax a little bit and then get a little brain action going while I'm doing that relax and brain action people yeah relax and brain action it's like a dream they also have if you like cute characters which which I know I do, they always have a ton of

new ones. They're fun to watch. You've got puzzles, strategy for solving things, your favorite characters in the game. It's super fun. You can play with your friends online. You can play offline. It's absolutely great. Thousands of levels already with

new levels added all the time. Events and characters. They're added monthly. It's amazing. It's hours great. Thousands of levels already with new levels added all the time, events and characters. They're added monthly. It's amazing. It's hours of fun right at your fingertips. And you can even play offline like we said. I am collecting a ton of characters now that I'm at level number 42. And I like it because it's like I get to make them bigger and give them power and do fun things. They jump around a lot.

So with over 100 million downloads and a ton of five-star reviews, Best Fiends is a must-play. Download Best Fiends free on the Apple App Store or Google Play. That's friends without the R, Best Fiends. Where do you kind of draw the line? You have a sense of humor. You're a funny person. I try.

You have the comedians out there um you know and like cancel culture versus telling a joke um you know with things about any kind of hot button issue like what are your thoughts on on on that type of argument verse you know because like you know people want to say even me it's just versus, you know, because like, you know, people want to say, even me, it's just sometimes like, you know, I like, I like pushing all sorts of limits. So I like telling dirty jokes. I like telling like, like, ooh, did we just say that? You know? Yeah. What are your thoughts on that? I think, I mean, listen, I'm not a comedian. So I respect the art form of that. I have lots of friends who do that and I

understand how how difficult it can be to really make something that feels like universal and funny and I'm also you know I grew up watching a lot of people that like Howard Stern and stuff like that like I watched a lot of people growing up that just felt very taboo and it was just so outside of what I knew and so it was fascinating and entertaining and interesting and I think that knew and so it was fascinating and entertaining and interesting and i think that i like i i quite enjoy when and this is just you know in general when people are punching up as opposed to punching down and so i think that that's just something that i prefer in the comedy that i like do you describe what you mean by that like i think in jokes questioning who you're really going after like are you making fun of the fat

person are you making fun of the world that's allowed that person to be treated a certain way are you are you going after someone what's the point that you're making essentially like are you are you going at someone who's below you who or who who's experienced certain types of marginalization really doesn't need to be crapped on any further but like um but you're kind of going for like an easy simple joke i'll give an example nicole arbor dear fat people her and i are not fans of each other we're not we're not friendly uh i think i'm blocked and uh that to me was an example of punching down as opposed to punching up um you know she made this video where it was just all these kind of like old jokes about fat people smelling and doing this and X, Y, Z.

And it just felt so stereotypical to the point that it just, while it resonated for some people who really want, wanted to laugh at that or really like felt like they wanted to be kind of, from my perspective, sort of bullied into losing weight or made to feel whatever. For me watching something like that, I'm like, okay, that's such an easy, everyone's already done that. That's the, now we're in a different space. Now, why does this have, there's just so much smarter comedy, I think that's out there that has nothing to do with making people feel awful. You know, like I don't want to be sitting in a comedy club. and here's the thing, if you're gonna make a joke about a fat person,

as a fat person, I wanna laugh. You know, so if I'm sitting in a comedy club and someone's making jokes and I feel uncomfortable and I'm inside of myself all of a sudden, and I feel like I'm looking around and I'm back in middle school, like where all the bullies are surrounding me laughing at the joke they would yell at me in the lunchroom,

it's not something I enjoy personally. So it's not something that I'm going to probably come back around for. But comedy is like anything else. You're going to have fans and you're going to have people that don't like you. And you've got to lean into one or the other. So you're either going to shift and change to kind of get a broader audience, or you're going to focus and stay outside the lines and be really about the chaos and the, you know, feed off of it. It's all business strategy. But ultimately, it's like, how do you how do you want to be remembered? And how do you want people to feel when they're at your shows?

And I just think that there is a little bit, it's a little bit more intellectual, and a little bit more progressive to find ways to poke fun at who's really, you know, capitalizing off the suffering of a lot of people, which is not fat people or, or black people or gay people or trans people. So it's like, who are you really making fun of and what are you really doing is the question. Yeah, that makes sense.

The being opinionated or known for being opinionated, is that how have you managed that? And how, like, as someone who can be opinionated myself, sometimes it makes me feel good, you know, in terms of like, yeah, you know, I said that. And then sometimes just like, oh, fuck, man. Why do I do this to myself? Like, do I really? Does it really?

Do I really need to say this? And, you know, then you're just like, also, you have a platform. I have a podcast. You know, it's just like part of the gig. I only say things I am sincere about. I never want to say things. I'm just saying to say it. But also, it's like, do I need to say it?

Self-preservation. And then, you know. It's hard. It's a lot of things you don't realize until you look back, right? Like, there are definitely things I've said in videos and, you know, understandings I've had and jokes I've made that I look back and I'm like, oh, my God, why? jokes I've made that I look back and I'm like, oh my God, why? But I think that it's really about, you know, are you someone who is going to constantly feel guilty or shamed or like,

look back and be like, ah, I just don't want to deal with it. Or are you someone who's going to incorporate that back? And I constantly am going back through what I've done and what I've said to use it as a jumping off point for what I'm going to make now. And there's no problem for me going back and seeing maybe where I, you know, I don't quite agree where I was, or I hadn't learned this yet. And then adding to the conversation. For me, every joke I've made, everything I've said is just the beginning of a constant conversation I'm going to have throughout my life. And I'm going to keep adding to it and changing it and, you know, subtracting things. And, and I'm not afraid of that work. And so, you know, if you if you say something, or you make a joke, and you're kind of cringing at it, I would just ask yourself, why are you cringing at it? What's changed in you?

And how can you address that moving forward? People will bring up stuff all the time to people and say, Oh, but you said this thing, you did this thing eight years ago, 10 years ago. And I just think I'm more interested in the people who are willing to say, I did say that thing. And my mind has changed since then, if it has, genuinely. And this is what I'm thinking now. This is how I learned. I think it's an example to a lot of other people who might be in that first spot, who maybe need to get to that third spot, and they don't quite see how to connect it. So I think it's just, yeah, just being honest about where you are and your truth, but at the same time, just being open and receptive to the fact that that truth is going to change. And sometimes it's going to change quickly and quicker than you intended it to. And you're not going to be caught up and educated in the way that maybe you need to be to talk about it. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. We get a lot of questions from our audience, especially when they're Ask Nick episodes,

from women who have their insecurities when it comes to dating about their bodies. Their bodies might change. They might get bigger or smaller, I don't know, skin issues, they might get acne all of a sudden. What is some advice that you might have for them? And how they might approach these insecurities? And what are being your own experiences with insecurities you might have had about your yourself when dating? Yeah, I mean, listen, I've been going back recently in this time of reflection and quarantine and being like, I think I regret every person I've slept with. Like I look at situations I stayed in and things that were said

to me are done that now I can't imagine staying for. But at the time I was, you know, I thought, okay, well, this is how it is. Or I didn't know that I could ask for better or expect better or, you know, the fear of like, someone's not going to like me or someone's going to leave me, or, you know, whatever it is, or just internalizing their opinion to the point that I feel like I had to change something. And so I think that's an experience that a lot of people have. I would say, I would take the same philosophy that I do to really anything that I make on the Internet, which is if you're confident about something, like if you really can figure out like how you can listen, whether you're OK with it or not, just accept that your body is where it is. The things are going to happen, that gravity exists, you know, everyone's body is going to shift. Everything is going to change.

body is going to shift, everything is going to change. And I think instead of fearing it and being upset about it and wanting to hold on to, you know, this desire to change it or fix it or whatever, just accept it. And by accepting it and by just confidently talking about it, like I talk about being fat all the time. And when I first started doing that, or, you know, just parts of my body or whatever it is that, you know, maybe doing certain things. I think people had never really heard someone talking that way. So cavalier and so casually. But for me, it's kind of like, I'm really interested in people who are confident in what they're doing and who just seem unbothered or maybe not unbothered because I've been pretty vulnerable about a lot of these things, but just matter of fact about it.

This is how it is. You know, there's no point in me crying over this right now because this is just the reality of it. And so I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing. I think people who may not agree with or may not understand things that you're doing or feeling or saying or what's going on with you, if you're having fun with it and you're confident with it and you're matter of fact of it and you're just continuing with your life, it's like Twitter. It's like if I'm tweeting about something and people see that I'm having fun, but they don't

quite understand it, they're more inclined to kind of check out what I'm doing because they see that I'm having fun with it. And so I think, yeah, it's a long journey for self-acceptance. It's something that all of us continue throughout our life. There's always going to be a moment where you feel like, okay, I have it. I think I like who I am and I like what's going on and I'm good with it. And then something will change. And then really you're called, you know, up to the front. Like, are you going to stand up for, are you going to figure out how to adapt and shift in this way to love yourself or to accept yourself, or at least to be neutral about your body. And so I would say if you're feeling insecure in your relationships or about your body or anything like that, the best thing I ever did was start following people that looked

like me on the internet and following their journey and filling my timeline with people that were going through the same thing that looked the same way. And it made me feel more empowered. It made me feel a little less like I was looking at the world and everyone looked the same way. And it made me feel more empowered. It made me feel a little less like I was looking at the world and everyone looked, you know, it's like five, nine and 120 pounds. And it just made me realize that, okay, the world that I exist in is very different from the world that is shown to me. And I think finding strength in that and community in that is truly the way that I've felt good about my body at all.

Yeah. I'm curious, as you're talking and looking at your bio, would it be wrong to say that a lot of people view the word fat as a negative word? And we've talked recently about taking power back in the use of words with people. What are your thoughts on the word itself? And do you not see it as a negative word? Or how do you feel about, you know, people who don't identify with being overweight or fat using it versus say, you who like you say, I'm fat. I'm probably like, what are your thoughts on that? I'm curious. Yeah. I mean, I think that the same people, there's so many different sides of it, right? Where I totally understand other people who are considered overweight or fat or whatever,

whatever term people are using, depending on where you are. I totally respect that that word for them has been weaponized against them and used in such a painful way that they can't separate it. Right. So to them, it's essentially a slur. Like they just can't, it's just too painful. And so I totally respect that. All I can do is kind of speak for myself, which is I was called fat a lot growing up and it made me feel like there was something wrong with me to be that word. And now I'm at a place at 34 where like, I want the word fat tattooed on me, you know? So it definitely shifted. And I think a big part of that is taking power back from that word. I didn't like the fact that people could say that in a negative way and make me feel a certain way. So

I was like, well, let me take this back and let me, let me shine this up and make this real pretty and take control of it. And so now people that, you know, write comments about, oh, you fat bitch, fat this, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't sting the way that it probably did when I was younger. It's more of like, I am, it's literally in my bio. Correct. So I think it's, yeah, it's individual. It's everyone kind of gets to decide what words they want to claim or not claim and how they want to be referred to. And, um, but for me, I just, especially with as long as I've been on the internet and how people have tried to like come at me for every single thing that your face is lopsided and

your chins are this, I mean, now I'm in videos, like look at my, you know, like I just, I, I, I'm a little troll at heart, you know, like I was on the internet when it started. So I love taking something that people are so sure is like, I'm going to get you. And being like, yeah, no, it's already here. It's part of my armor. I'm good. Because they scramble because they can't figure out what else to say when you, when you point out everything that they would, they point out. It's a way of taking power back i

was always the one making jokes about myself first so no one could do it um and i think that that's just extended into what i do now yeah i in different ways i found you know even for for myself or on this podcast or you know my whole personality people ask me like my experiences on tv has it changed me and i I always, you know, not really. I mean, I'm different and a little, but I've always been me. You know, I've always, some of the same criticism I get now in life are criticisms I've gotten really my whole life. But I do find sometimes while my own personality can exhaust myself,

there is comfort in it because I i've never like yeah i'm pretty expressive about who i am and and make fun of myself or no no one's ever gonna think i'm perfect uh which is there's a lot of comfort in you know fucking up sometimes um yeah and uh something i've i've i try to remind myself um anytime i'm feeling vulnerable is that like you said you just kind of embrace like if you are quick to acknowledge it first it's harder for people to uh acknowledge it and get any satisfaction out of it. You're just like, yeah, cover that before. Yeah, I got that. That was actually the first line.

That was the first thing that I said about myself. I actually introduced myself to you. I think, yeah, it's the troll in heart, really, that I just love seeing people scramble over thinking that they're going to get me and they're not going to get me. Anything that anyone has ever said, however horrible it's been, I've already as a child said those things to myself or felt those things or heard those things. So I think that for me to show up every day and

continually be hurt in the same way, I'm lucky that I don't experience that. And I think that that's just going to the absolute depths of horrible things that people have done. I've been doxxed. I've had people send things to my house. I've had people threaten to rape and kill me. I've had people fight, you know, I mean, even when I did the Ellen thing back in the day, it really was because I would get comments from people saying, how could your parents ever love you? Look how disgusting you are. Like things like that, that at 19 years old, you know, how do you not internalize that when you don't have people or role models to lift you up out of that or to show you that there's a different way to feel? And I think that,

you know, I'm gonna make the joke first. I'm gonna point out the thing first. I'm gonna be in control of this narrative. And you're not, you random commenter on the internet are not gonna get to me because you think I'm fat or disgusting or because you wouldn't sleep with me. I don't care. I'm fine. Where are your thoughts? Plethora of dick. You know, I'm not stressed about it. There truly is. And there's a lot of guys who, yeah. Any belief that people have about like, oh, only fat people have sex with each other. No one likes fat people or whatever. Listen, fat people are having sex with fat people. Fat people are having sex with thin people. The thins and the fats are coming together regardless. So it's never been an issue. The problem is that society makes a lot of

those people feel like they can't talk about that or share that or they'll be made fun of, right? And so then it feeds back onto the person they're sleeping with where they're kept a secret and they're treated a certain way. And so it's just a constant cycle. And all I'm ever asking people is to step out of the cycle and look around and be like, okay, who cares if I'm cool to these people or not? Look at the things that they're saying and doing. I'm going to put my life on hold and not sleep with who I want to sleep with,

not do what I want to do, not be who I want to be because so-and-so who's still living at home in the fucking basement with their parents and has no real aspirations for what they want to do and feels miserable with themselves and isn't even happy in the relationship that they might be in they're going to dictate what i'm going to do with my life and how i'm going to feel absolutely fucking not um fine yeah you know just i'm waking up that coffee's hitting all of a sudden you know uh where like do you, and then again, I'm just thinking out loud too, is like I'm sure I've said things that have,

I know I've said things that have hurt or offended people before. I'm an opinion person. Like how I said that, like I was like, yes, I looked you up and correct. Yeah. I am someone that's, I have never struggled with weight or body image issues. What are your thoughts on people who... But here's the thing. While you may not have, I think... Here's a bigger point.

A lot of the things that I do and say, people assume it's like, oh, it's for fat people. It's really for all people. It really is like if we can have these conversations and break things down and understand diet culture and how many billions of dollars it makes a year based off of selling us products and lifestyles that aren't sustainable and aren't like achievable for a lot of people. I think when we start having those conversations, we start breaking it down. That's not good for just fat people. That's good for all people. When you're not carrying around this pressure of like, I have to look a certain way to get this job, I have to do whatever, because fundamentally things have shifted. And people's understanding, whether it's on the surface level or not, at the end of the day, everything's a business. So people cashing in on body positivity is the same way

they're going to cash in on diet culture. But at least maybe it turns, you know, the tides a little bit. Because at the end of the day, while you may not have struggled with body issues, if you gained a lot of weight and you weren't prepared for the, the, the experience of how you would be treated or the jobs you might lose, or, or just, you know, how you feel about yourself, then you would start to experience, I think this world that's outside of, you know, what's happening. And so at any point that could happen to you. And so I think that's why it's so good to have conversations like this, because even if it's something you haven't experienced, at the end of the day, we're probably all going to gain weight at some point. We're all going to get sick. We're all going to, you know, at some point experience possibly a disability or as we get older and we need more accessibility, things like that.

And so I think it's just important to remember that, you know, just because you have an experience doesn't mean you won't. And when you get to that point, isn't it going to be nice if the world's a little bit easier, a little bit softer to you? Sure. You know, I, well, you kind of answered my question, but I was wondering, you know, for the person who maybe socially, in terms of like what we socially kind of identify as, you know, skinny, middle-sized, overweight, or fat, or whatever, you know, you always, and I hear from women, you know, our friends, I feel fat today. I think I'm fat, you know. And you look at them and you're just like, you probably shouldn't say that out loud. And I guess my question is, are they allowed to feel that way and how they say it? Do you if you're, say, sitting next to someone who, let's say, I don't know, socially, she looks like she looks like a thin person. you know, socially, she's looks like she looks like a thin person, maybe she's even like identified as a thin model. And she were to say that after like, she eats a salad with bacon in

it or something. She's like, Oh, my God, I feel fat. Like, does that bother you? Do you care going back to like the use of the word or whether it's negative or positive? Like, yeah, what are your thoughts on that? And is it subjective to the person and how they feel themselves? I mean, I'm, yeah, I mean, I'm just thinking out loud. I'm like, what is that? What is that like? You know, and I'm because I'm thinking about like people listening who don't identify. It's just like, oh, my God, like I can't even say it.

Like how I can't feel that way. How dare she take the word fat for me after I eat bacon. I know I'm a whore. I don't know. No, no, I get it. I think it's people are so scared of like what they're not going to be able to say or feel or think. And I think that that's not the case. Listen, at the end of the day, if you want to say I feel fat or I'm getting whatever it is,

go for it. But what I would say is I if someone's saying that to me, the first thing that springs in my mind is you don't have any fat friends that stand up for themselves. Like, that's what I think, because I just feel like you're not surrounding yourself with, and maybe that's, that's totally an assumption on my part, right? imagine that that feels good to people who are fat or who, who have, you know, I was going to say struggle with their weight, but not everyone necessarily struggles with their weight. That's, you know, that's one of those things that even as I'm saying things, a lot of times I'm like, is that something that society gave to me that I don't, you know, what is that pushing forward? But, um, I just think that be mindful of the things that you say about yourself and the ways that you would you you you portray that you talk about that it will feel in some ways like a judgment to the people around you because if you see yourself as fat where you are what do you think about me is something that's

gonna it's regardless if we think it's right or not is gonna go through people's heads and so in those moments when you're saying, oh, I feel so fat, do whatever you want, say whatever you want, but understand that like there are people around you that are internalizing that. And there's a reason why you jump to describe yourself in that way, as opposed to, ah, I feel bloated or I feel this, this, and this. I just think it's another, it's an example of like fat being used as a really negative thing. Yeah. Or like when they use the phrase, I feel fat and disgusting. And they add that adjective on to identify what they really mean by fat.

At least they said and. At least it's like in addition to. Because a lot of times they just say, I feel fat. And it feels almost like disgusting is kind of lumped in there under the surface. I mean, it's the reality is that it's if you want to shift your thinking and you want to be more aware of how the things not even just how it's affecting other people, but how it affects you when you talk about your body like that, you internalize that in a certain way and you think of that in the way that it is. It's going to be uncomfortable. It's good, you're going to catch yourself, you're going to say that I say things all the time. And I'm like, why the fuck did I say that?

I don't even think like that. It's just, you know, about about other people's bodies or how they look. And it'll come out of my mouth. And I'm like, what are you doing? And it's a lot of unlearning. It's a it's a muscle that you just have to like, you have to work at. And, um, I think it's just about, you know, sometimes when you say those things, you do those things, just stopping yourself and being like, you know what, actually strike that from the record. Cause that's not okay that I said that or did that. Um, and being, and being okay with just rolling along. But yeah, I would, I would listen if any of my friends around me say I feel so fat after

they do something, they're getting a look. They're definitely getting a look and possibly a discussion. And not like, you know, I'm going to attack you in any kind of way, but just like, let's break it down. Like, why? Why is you know, why do you feel like that? Why is that the word? And a lot of times just having those conversations. And that's why people that are around you, especially if you're doing something problematic that do care about you, that's your moment to kind of come in and be like, let's softly break this down so that you don't feel attacked, but you're aware. Softly breaking it down. I like that.

Softly breaking it down. It's very romantic. Yeah. I know you're a big fan of Adele. Is that correct? know uh you're a big fan of adele is that correct right you're a big fan of yeah yeah i um i had the experience when i did the ellen thing um at the time the producer asked me who do you who do you like like who do you listen to and i was like well i started writing music because i was listening to a lot of jason moraz and tristan prettyman i was like but there's this this uk artist that i really like named adele and

she hadn't released an album over here so when when I did the Ellen thing, they actually surprised me at the end of it. And they said, we're bringing you back because Adele's going to be on the show. And so they brought me back to her. I got to hang out at her soundcheck. They sent me this creepy video that pretty much has no audio to it, except the beginning when she's at the mic and Ellen goes up to her and is like, we have this girl here. And Adele was like, oh, I know her. Because the internet was so small at the time and I'd done covers of her. And so, yeah, she's definitely someone that I've been a fan of. Very nice.

Very, very nice. But yeah, there's a lot of stuff going on currently. I was curious. I imagine that's where this is going. Yeah, I mean she like dropped a photo of herself it didn't provide a lot of context around the photo she was created the context for it did she was noticeably thinner um and received a lot of praise and i was curious what your initial and long-term, not long-term, but what your initial and like a few days later thoughts were on the topic. So when I first saw it, I mean, there have been photos of her that have surfaced over the past few months, I feel like where it's clear that she's lost a significant

amount of weight, a lot of S's. And, you know, I, I understand all sides of it, where it's like, at least on the fat side, I will say where it's like, there are a lot of a lot of fat people that feel like, oh, we lost another one. You know, like, damn it, we have like three people that are popular media that are fat. And there goes another one. And so it feels it feels for them like a betrayal or like they've lost something. And I definitely, I relate to that because when you feel like there's just no one that really represents you and you see someone in a field, especially music that is outside of the norm that's succeeding in such a way, you're like,

oh yes, I can do it. Like, yes, there's a possibility. And then you see them lose a lot of weight. It feels like there's no way to exist in this world without having to completely change your body you know your mind fills up with like how to be more popular whatever her the reality is that and what I understand is that she went through a major divorce like didn't she pay some dude 140 million dollars that's a lot of stress yeah there's a lot of stuff going on there and so when I first saw that the first thing I thought instead of oh my god she looks so good was like oh I hope she's okay because that's a significant change yeah she got divorced recently and so um you know I'm because

of what I know what I've experienced I'm just asking myself more questions internally about like well is it what it seems to be or is it what it might not be on the surface? That photo in particular was interesting, because she didn't talk about losing weight. It was like, she just posted a photo talking about like, happy birthday and talking about healthcare workers. And then everyone was like, Oh, my God, this waste, like, oh, and made it this whole thing. And so you're saying it's entirely possible that she just happened to have lost weight for a variety of issues, maybe stress related, having to give someone 40, 140 million dollars, someone you maybe even hate me out at this point. God, I hope that's not the case. Yeah, there's just more to the story, right?

What if like, I mean, that would be like you, she posts this picture and everyone, I mean, who knows? Maybe she knows maybe she that's what maybe that she got the reaction that she wanted i i don't know but could you yeah if she didn't if she didn't then wow you know well imagine imagine if she posted that photo not even thinking about that just like because she was posting a photo and then she saw that reaction to me this is my thought process if she's so if's like, I want to lose weight and I want to do this. And yes, it's building her up and she feels so good. That's absolutely her experience. And she's entitled to have that. But if she's going through a divorce and she's stressed and she's up late at night and she's

like, she can't eat because she's so whatever. And she posts a photo and then millions of people are like, oh my God, you look so good. You look so amazing. My question is, what message does that send? What is she now? Every time she goes above that weight, is she going to remember the millions of people that were like, you look so good. You look so amazing. My question is, what message does that send? What, what is she now, every time she goes above that weight, is she going to remember the millions of people that were like, you look so good. You look so amazing. You look so incredible. It really, I've had, you know, a much lesser

experience of that, but it, it really stays with you for a long time. And not, and not only that, but did I look like crap before? No. Yeah. That's the thought. I'm like, wait, what did I look like? And it's interesting. It's interesting. Yeah, it's that. And then it's also interesting because you saw so many people talking about it like in the media.

They were like, she was beautiful before, but she's just striking now. I don't mean to laugh. Yeah, no, but it feels ridiculous. I mean, I didn't say it so like, you know, winked at the camera, but like it feels ridiculous. I mean, I probably didn't say it so like, you know, wink to the camera. But like, it feels ridiculous because those are the moments where really I'm trying to figure out like, okay, do you understand what you're saying and how you're comparing these

things and what that says? But beyond that, beyond any kind of personal responsibility to that, it's like, why do we automatically think this is, this is good. This is beautiful. This is whatever. I just think that it's a question mark. There's a lot to figure out a lot of gray area there, there. And the video that I made talking about, uh, you shouldn't, uh, you know, congratulate people for weight loss originally was 45 minutes of me rambling, talking and talking about the Adele thing. that was specifically the thing I was talking about and then when I went back through it I was like you know what I'm gonna cut all this out because it's

really not about this specific moment it's about a bigger message and this is going to apply a million this is only going to keep happening this is something we're constantly going to see happen with celebrities and people in our lives And there's hopefully you at least have grown in your reaction or understanding between when it happens when you're 20 and when you're 30 and you're 40. So I'm just, you know, I'm happy to be in the place where I am, where I'm asking more questions before I jump in to say, oh my God, you look so amazing. I'm understanding that there might be a little bit more to the story that I don't know. And maybe it's not my place to say that. It is interesting.

I mean, I'll admit, like when I saw that photo, I was like, oh, go, you know, good for you, you know? And so hearing you talk about it and describe that makes it a little bit more. Yeah. And that's all I can do. It's just something, you know, to be just like annoying little, you know, gnat in the back of your head, just being like, wait, before you say that thing think about it yeah no i i appreciate it and i get it sometimes you know we we we live in this kind of woke world now or the attempt to be this kind of and listen it gets fucking exhausting sometimes

be like oh god i can't say anything now like everyone's so sensitive and uh well yeah and that and that just might be the reality is that yeah people are more sensitive um or people at least are more vocal about the things that they're always they're not more sensitive they're just a little bit more emboldened to uh yeah put out their feelings. And for people who get, like everyone's fucking sensitive, everyone. Everyone. And so, yeah, I think we just have to try to remember that. And again, I'm as guilty as anyone. I can be very insensitive sometimes

with my directness, my candidness. I have to check myself and take a step back too with that. So it's a challenge for us all. insensitive thing. But after you say the insensitive thing, are you able to go back and say, you know what, let me actually, let me let me zoom in on this one. Let me let me focus on this because it's really part of your own growth and your own, you know, discovery of like, what's right and what you want in the world. And, yeah, we all say things off the cuff that we're like, Oh, I don't know. I said that really quickly in the moment, and it was live and whatever. But I don't know if that's really who I am or what I think. And I just think the conversation's starting, so you can continue to add to that in whatever way you want.

And that's how we can really do, and something I've gotten better at as I've gotten older, is someone who's traditionally a stubborn person who likes to play devil's advocate and argue with people, that when someone says... You're doing exactly what you want but it's like if you're listening for me listen listen at the end of the day it's like we can't have it both ways right like if we're pushing boundaries and we're playing devil's advocate and we're saying things just to just to see how what happens the consequence of that is that things are going to happen and so and you don't get to control those afterwards.

So I think that like, if, if, you know, if that's where your fun lies and that's what you're doing, it's just accepting that like on the other side of that, there are people that are really like amused by that and they love it and they feel the same and there are people that are going to be hurt.

And so it's just, it's just a matter of, you know, as you grow into your, your own comedy and how you say things, it's only going to make you, if you listen to the feedback, it's only going to make you, if you listen to the feedback, it's only going to make you better and sharper and more interesting.

Because if you can say the joke that goes over everyone's heads and they have to really think about it, and then it's like, oh my God, wait, he was, I thought he was calling out this, but he's calling out this. That's so much more interesting. Well, yeah, that was the thing I was going to say too. It's just where I've gotten better. It's just simply saying there are certain things where I just like, if someone's like leads with,

hey, listen, this bothers me and here's why it's immediately like, you're right. You know what? I am sorry. I don't need to even understand or agree with you about why it hurts your feelings. Like such a fine line. I always talk about it in a lot of different avenues. Like anyone can feel anything about anything at any given time. That's just called feelings. You can't control how people feel. How we react to those feelings, how we process those feelings are all very much in our control.

And so when someone describes how something made them feel, what are you going to do? You just be like, okay, I'm sorry. You don't spend a lot of energy trying to change how they feel about something. That's why I think it's, it's so good to have people around you professionally or just socially that, you know, have different experiences because sometimes, you know, you might say something, not even understand it. And then it takes that friend that comes to you and says, actually, let me, I need to break this down for you because I care about you.

And I want you to at least understand this moving forward. And so I think that, yeah, it's, it's, it's nice to be able to take that in and to apologize if you feel like you've hurt someone for sure. But ultimately the, the biggest apology is just in learned behavior and understanding the root of why it's upsetting or offensive. behavior and understanding the root of why it's upsetting or offensive. And then listen, there are ways to say so many things that, you know, we in our head, we think, oh, PC culture and cancel culture, you can never say this. But how are you? Who are you going after? And how are you saying it? Is it actually satirical? Or is it just you being an asshole? Like, you know, and then and

then what's the response to that? And then what are you looking for? Because if you're gonna be the asshole, and and you're just doing things to whatever, but then you also are like, but I want you to like me and I need you to like this joke, it's going to be a hard road. Yeah. It's going to be a tough time. You know, I'm not an asshole. I'm just honest, is what people like to say.

Yeah, fair. And listen, everyone's version of honest is their own. Like everyone is telling the truth and that's their truth. And so it's just, you know, how open are you to understanding other truths and letting that influence the one that you have? It's a question. Megan, this has been a ton of fun and insightful. And I really appreciate you being so honest and vulnerable before we let you go. I didn't even cry or anything. It's different. Do you usually cry?

Well, before we let you go... You didn't even cry or anything. It's different. Do you usually cry? I mean, listen, I'm a crier. I'll tear up. I see other people cry. That's great. I don't know what I would do.

I would feel like I made you cry. Like, oh my God, this really backfired. Yeah, I would be like, no, this is just a normal Friday. Don't worry about it. Are you up for playing a quick game called Do You Know Me? Sure. Great. We'll say it with a little more enthusiasm, Megan.

Sure. It's a fun little game called Do You Know Me? These questions Chrissy picked out. And I'm going to ask the question. Don't answer immediately. Chrissy and I are going to determine whether we know the answer. And then if you have an anecdotal story that goes along with your answer, feel free to share.

Don't feel obligated. Yes or no answers are totally acceptable. Okay. All right. Do you know me with Megan Tonjes? Do you know me with Megan Tonjes? Question number one. Can Megan name three elements on the periodic table?

Can Megan name three elements on the periodic table? I'm going to go ahead and say yes. We don't require the symbol. That would be more challenging. But can she name three elements? I'm going to say yeah everyone can they might not think they can but they they truly can i'm gonna say yes as well it's only three there's like a bunch i know and i'm hoping i going is this what's happening yeah well uh we

both said yes so okay okay okay uh hydrogen carbon i don't want to say oxygen but lithium it's lithium one i mean i honestly don't know i don't know if lithium is. But oxygen is. I thought you were going to say like gold and silver and just make it easy on all of us. AU and AG, bitch. I took fucking. Oxygen is definitely one of them. Hydrogen is definitely one of them. Is lithium?

I don't know. Is lithium? I don't fucking know. I think. Is LI a thing? LI? Look it up. I'll get back to you on that one.

Aluminum. Aluminum. Aluminum. Yeah. So she could. That's about it. I got it. We need to get to the point. All right.

Yeah. Oh, man. All right. Question number two. Can Megan name five, five Billy Joel songs? Oh. I don't think I can. And I consider myself to be a Billy Joel songs. I don't think I can. And I consider myself to be a Billy Joel fan.

Her reaction. I'm going to say no. Yeah, her reaction says no. Piano Man? I was going to say, yeah, Piano Man was one of my head. And then, oh, God. What's the song in the movie Step Brothers? It's like Piano Man, Allentown stepbrothers they got really man allentown

oh there you go allentown wow what's the song on stepbrothers they got really mad that they refused to sing because it was like they only did certain billy joel songs oh um i don't know i don't know billy yeah billy billy jo, unfortunately. I got to add him to my Spotify list now so I can listen, get it together. Question number three, and this is subjective, but okay. Does Megan have a green thumb? Do you like to plant shit? There's a plant behind you. I'm going to say no.

I'm going to guess that she might have plants like I do, but they often die over a period of time. I'm going to say she can garden. Anyone can? Like grow apartment tomatoes from the hanging thing. I don't think she grows apartment tomatoes. Are these your official answers? Yes. So, if this had been pre-quarantine, you probably would have been right that I didn't have much of a green thumb. But post-quarantine, I've started growing green onions, tomatoes, dill.

Well, I did tomatoes. Yeah. A few things. A few things that are actually growing. Yes. We'll give that to Chrissy. I knew you had apartment tomato written all over you i did i do but that is a question number four has megan ever streaked

has megan ever streaked now one would say at first, I would say yes, body positivity. I'm going to be proud of my body. But at the same time, just because you're proud of your body doesn't mean you streak. So I'm going to go say no, that she has not streaked because she was like, I just don't want to get arrested for being. Yeah, fair. I'm going gonna say no okay those are your official answers official um yeah no i haven't i haven't streaked unless you count unless you count like accidentally flashing a neighbor while changing

no no i mean i was gonna say i've skinny, but then in my head I thought, why is it called skinny dipped? Why can't I be fat? No, no, no. Why can't I be fat dipped? You can call it chunky dunking. Chunky dunking. There you go. That's it, girl.

Wow. Everything fat is so much cuter. It's so much cuter. So much cuter. Chunky dunk. Question number five. How many instruments can Megan play? I know you're a musician so she has three guitars back there so one uh oh there's a little there's a little piano that too

oh my gosh and i'm gonna say my room is cheating i'm gonna say also growing up, she was probably an orchestra of some sort or band. So she played like some sort of brass or woodwind. I'm going to say four. Four. She can play four. I'm going to say three. Now, this is an interesting question because it's like, how proficient do I have to be at them? Like, am I able to just like plunk out a song you have to be like yeah like better than the average person who can't

play at any of them okay because you don't have to be amazing in any of them does me playing recorder in third grade count you know like questions i have i would say uh two two that i can i can probably play guitar yeah guitar and a little bit of piano i played piano when i was younger but then i just lost it so now i'm trying to bring it back but it listen if you put me in front of something i will figure out how to play it so um well megan i really appreciate you taking the time this has been insightful and thank you for being so uh I really appreciate you taking the time. This has been insightful.

And thank you for being so eloquent about this topic. It's hard to talk about sometimes. I mean, it's so... It is. Sometimes to talk about these topics, every word that comes out of your mouth, at least sometimes I do, you're thinking, how could this be interpreted? Yeah. And I appreciate you sharing everything and thank those for listening. And hopefully, yeah, hopefully you enjoyed it.

But where can people find you, Megan? You can find me at Megan Tonjes on most things. And then I would also say check out Spotify this month because I'm putting out 40 songs on Spotify. Boom, 40. That's a lot. There's new music coming. I'm an overachiever. There's new music coming.

So come hang out. Come watch the videos. Come watch the videos. Come watch the music. Come listen to the podcasts. Awesome. I really appreciate you taking the time. It's been a ton of fun. Thank you all for listening. We always enjoy you tuning in and giving us your time.

Make sure to check us out on Monday. We have a fun Ask Nick episode with the very funny comedian and friend Adam Ray. And other than that, don't forget to send your questions at asknickatcastme.com. We'd love your reviews. Only if there's five stars,

we have no real time for any of your other opinions, honestly. Only accept five stars. We only accept excellence when it comes to your opinions about us. I'm just kidding, but I'm not. Anyways, thanks for listening, guys. We really appreciate it. Have a great day.