The Viall Files - E139 Ask Nick - Whipped Cream is Sticky

Episode Date: June 15, 2020

On this episode of Ask Nick we speak with a woman whose husband is looking to create a college fetish in the bedroom, someone whose boyfriend is interested in a threesome with her best friend, and a conversation around masturbation affecting your sex life. We also tackle something people may be dealing with during this time; dating someone with whom you don’t align politically and whose family may be racist.  “Hey we’re here, should we try to get weird?” Don't forget to send your sex and relationship questions to [e-mail] THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS:  STORYWORTH: storyworth.com/viall MODERN FERTILITY: modernfertility.com/viall LUMIN: luminskin.com/viall UVCLEAN: getuvclean.com CODE: VIALL See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you're crazy happy monday what's going on people uh welcome to another episode of the vile files i'm nick feeling like mixing it up and just saying hi differently how are you doing chrissy i'm great yeah um i don't know man you know like hey listen if they say if you're if you're not changing and growing you're getting stale and dying so i mean there it is that that's what we're doing here um thanks for listening guys thanks for tuning in as always uh we got a great uh episode lined up for you. Some really fun callers. And quite honestly, I think I'm an absolute rock star with my answers today. You are.

Your whipped cream is the best. Yeah, there you go. Say no more. Say no more. But before we get into this episode, I do want to let you guys know and inform you that unfortunately, Garrett and Becca will not be on this week's episode of the Vile Files. And I knew that might be a possibility, but I wanted to explain why that didn't happen. Ultimately, Garrett decided not to. Just to give some context, again, I appreciate Garrett getting back to me after I was critical of his post on his Instagram. I reached out to him on the file files, Instagram and and offered him an opportunity to come on the file files.

he was open to it and he wanted to know what some questions I had. And I said, you know what, maybe it makes sense for us to jump on a call and see if it makes sense for us to do. Because I also wanted, in fairness to him, set some expectations of what I wanted the conversation to be about. We were in agreement that neither of us wanted to have some sort of argument over a podcast. I didn't think that was going to be productive. Ultimately, as, you know, the host of the show, I want all our conversations to be productive and empowering. And I don't mind tension on the show, but I also wanted to have direction, you know, like having different points of view and then having that conversation ending by simply just saying, well, we agree to disagree, I didn't think is productive. And so, and Garrett was on the same page there. So Garrett gave me a call and Becca was on that

call as well. And it was a good conversation. And, you know, I was hoping, I said to them, I want to address, you know, my criticism of Garrett's post and then have a conversation about that. But I also, it'd be fun to have Garrett and Becca on and talk about, you know, as a couple having different beliefs, whether it's political or whatnot. I think that happens a lot in our world today. And I said that could be potentially great. And they were open to that. As far as the stuff I wanted to talk about with Garrett, you know, I started off by saying, listen, I want to make it clear that I'm very thankful of the police. That's not a discussion I think we need to have in terms of our appreciation for law enforcement.

Obviously, there's a lot going on in our world today. There's a lot of information and a lot of opinions about police right now. But there are a lot of wonderful police officers. My brother, my brother, as I mentioned, so that's not a discussion I felt like we needed to have. So I didn't want him to come on and him have to be like the person who was stumping for police officers, men and women. And I was the person who was, you know, stumping for minorities and Black Lives Matter. Because to me, that wasn't the argument, right? As I explained to Garrett, and at that point, I hadn't listened to Rachel's and Becca's podcast, which I recommend people do. I think it was really great. I think Rachel was wonderful. And she made a lot of great

points. But Becca kind of mentioned some of the things they talked about. And I said, Garrett, I wanted to, you know, to me, it's more about the optics of it all, right? As Rachel did point out on our podcast, and I didn't know this at the time but i said to him like listen garrett the reality is is that um you've been under fire in the past by some of the things that you liked and and and posted i don't know if you posted but liked and that was offensive to some people right um and i said to him you know you've talked a lot about growth. You've talked a lot about how you've learned. And I don't know you that well, but I'd like to, you know, I'd like to have a discussion about that because the optics look like that you say you've learned, you've done this internal thinking and get your first real opportunity to show that to your audience, it seemed to miss the mark. And I said, imagine a person of color,

a few years ago, who, when this came out about some of your things that you liked on Instagram, that some people thought offensive. Imagine maybe that person you didn't meet or didn't talk to, and they didn't even reach out to you said, you know what, I'm going to give Garrett the benefit of the doubt. I've, hey, I've seen as a person of color, I see a lot of white people say and do offensive things. And they're all they'll attack each other for but like, you, Hey, I've see as a person of color, I see a lot of white people say and do offensive things and they're all, they'll attack each other for it. But like, you know what? I'm going to give the guy a benefit of the doubt. And they're still following you. And you know, for the most part, you're just kind of, you have your very non-offensive posts, you know, very kind of like,

I, you know, whatever you're into and they like to follow you, Garrett. And then this happens, right? And to meant to that person of color, it's just like, wait, I was waiting for this growth. I was waiting for an opportunity to show this and you didn't. Because on a day where everyone's just posting this black box because everyone else is doing it and they're like, I don't know, should I do it? Should we do it? Like everyone else is doing it. And they have a variety of different captions and hashtags. And I ended up deleting it twice because I was putting in hashtags and people would be like, I actually, you're like the hashtags aren't helping. So like just delete it.

And I was like, okay. But Garrett had a caption that, you know, had a black heart and then he had fists of all different colors, which from an emoji standpoint, that says all lives matter. So you have a black box that says all lives matter in your caption via emojis. I don't know how else to interpret that. And then the very next day you have a post of a black box with a blue line through it. And I've never seen that before, but apparently that specific image symbolizes blue lives matter, which again, the whole idea of coming up with the idea of having to say blue lives matter uh is counterintuitive like it's it's it goes against um again i think we don't need to keep discussing this aspect but like and it's nice to see it become more mainstream is that black people just want to know their lives matter that's it they

feel like it doesn't they're not saying you know a page written with right post to the neck yeah and there you go and then the next day instead of like the emojis he put on the black box uh the day before he goes on to just put all this effort into explaining why he we want to support the police and and so again there's nothing wrong with wanting to support the police but it's just the optics of it seemed like you were very resistant to say Black Lives Matter. It felt like you still wanted to indirectly, via an emoji, say All Lives Matter,

which again, shows that you're missing the mark. And then you wanted to create a whole different discussion around cops and police officers in a time where we're trying to put the focus on a group of people, a race that have been, you know, made to feel like in a lot of cases, their lives don't matter. And so I said, I wanted to have a conversation about that. And again, it was a very nice conversation. It was very monotone, if you will, like, again, it was very respectful on both sides.

And so I said, like, these are the things I want to ask you about. So I want to give you a heads up, I don't want this to be kind of gotcha stuff. You know, I want this to be a productive conversation. I'm not trying to make you look bad or anything. I really want this to be productive. So think about it and get back to me. And about 45 minutes later, he sent me a text message and I'll paraphrase, but like, I mean, I respect it. Ultimately he's like, hey, listen, after thinking about our conversation, I don't think I'm ready. He mentioned that he has some more thinking and processing and kind of self-reflection to do. And I respect that. Um, I know, um, you know, there might be people listening who say, uh, well, that just shows he hasn't learned

but at least he's owning that, you know? Um, and I'm sure there might, again, there might be people saying, well, Garrett didn't say anything wrong. I mean, again, just go back and listen to Rachel's and Becca's episodes on the happy hour. Um, I think Rachel did an excellent job of, of kind of articulating, um, all those points of view that I don't need to spend time trying to articulate, but, um, yeah, so listen, he's not there yet. He, he felt like that conversation based on the talk we had that it wouldn't be as productive as we hoped. And I respect him for doing that, right? Because I think he was feeling really defensive. He wanted an opportunity to talk, but maybe realized that he wasn't ready yet. And I think while not a perfect answer, it's a step in the right direction.

We have to be able to constantly reassess our points of view and how on whether they're helpful or hurtful to the people around us. And so I respect Garrett for actually declining based off the conversation that we had. So no hard feelings. He's always open. Maybe this will happen in the future. I will say, I texted Garrett actually last night. I haven't heard from him, but I watched The 13th on Netflix. And for those of you who haven't seen it, it's something I highly recommend you guys watch. It's a documentary. It's called The 13th. It's on Netflix.

I found it really informative and really insightful and enlightening. It's called the 13th. It's on Netflix. I thought I found it really informative and really insightful and enlightening. Uh, it's very relative to the times that we're in. And I just text Gary, Hey, listen, if you're open to me recommending content, I highly recommend you watch this. So give it a shot. I have not heard from him and he didn't respond to that, but again, it's only been a day and he doesn't necessarily have to respond, um, to, to tell me that he's watching it, but, uh, I hope he's open to learning. And again, I highly recommend you guys listening to watch it. I found it really good. And I do want to say when you do watch it, you know, watch it with an open mind, open, you know, open mind, open heart. I keep saying that, but I'm trying my best to especially talk about these issues that are going on um in our world without immediately

politicizing them i know that's hard to do right now i know everything that we're talking about people are trying to attach a political affiliation to it and that's again at the end of the day you're gonna have to do that but i want to to say that I think too much in our world today, and I do this, I've done this, and I challenge myself to continue not to do that, is too much in our world today, we consume the information that we want to consume based off of how we vote. want to consume based off of how we vote. And in reality, what we need to do is we need to consume information so that we can determine how we vote. And what, you know, I hope that makes sense because right now, all the things that we like, we seem so resistant on, you know, what are we going to read? What are we going to, and there's a lot of biased stuff out there,

right? And we sometimes are very closed off to learning because we think that's going to challenge our way of thinking. It's going to challenge how we might vote. And I want people, when it comes to these issues, to try to set how we vote aside, digest information, try to get it from all angles, right? Try to make it as unbiased as possible and then assess how you do things. Because I think that's the only way in our world we're going to actually get progress with anything is to be open to learning and not be closed off because we're afraid it's going to determine that. So again, I'm not telling you what to vote for, how to align yourself for, but I speak passionately about this because I relate a lot even to Garrett, right? We're very, I'm

clearly very different people. I don't know the guy that well, but I make, it's safe to say we have a lot of differences. But there's similarities in terms of, I haven't always thought this way. A lot of arguments that Garrett has made, that was me 10 or 15 years ago. I was very closed off and very ignorant to certain things. And again, I'm always someone who's like, I would never have considered myself racist or racially insensitive. I've had the opportunity to have some diversity in my life at an early age, certainly not enough. But when it came to certain issues, I immediately was still like, I stopped. I only considered my point of view. It was like, yeah, I mean, I'm not like, I, but like, it was this easy to make excuses. Well, if they just did that,

if they just did this, like, why don't they do that? It was, and I only saw the world through my very narrow lens. And I've been like that. I encourage you to not do that i've in the past would would be resistant to learning about information if deep down i thought to myself it might stop me from it might change how i think and change how i vote you know so i hope that makes sense i i hope that as you not only if you watch the 13th or if you digest other information or listen to this podcast or listen to other things, um, be open to learning and then reassess. Um, I think that's the best we can go about doing things. So, um, that is why Garrett's not on. And again, I respect him for at least being honest with his assessment and, and, and

maybe this will happen in the future. And other than that, I hope you guys really enjoyed this episode. It's another great episode of Ask Nick. We appreciate the people calling in and sharing their vulnerability and learning and hopefully other people are learning along the way. Don't forget to send your questions at asknickatcastmedia.com, cast with a K.

Always need your questions to keep this show going. And if there's anything else, Chrissy, I think we just get right to it. I think you did it. All right. Let's do it. Let's do it. I've always been on a mission to have amazing skin.

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How's it going? It's going good. How are you? I'm good. What's your name? It's going good. How are you? I'm good. What's your name? It's Sarah and I'm 25. Nice to meet you, Sarah, 25. How can I help?

So basically, like with everything going on, like with the, you know, political climate and with George Floyd's murder and stuff, obviously it's like a conversation that like people are having in their like relationships and friendships. And I've like been having a really like hard time, like I'm losing friends and my relationship is kind of always been strained. I'm like a lot more like liberal than my boyfriend. He's more conservative.

He was raised conservative and it never really was an issue. Like we've, we've been together for two years i've known him for like eight um so it never really was an issue as far as like we disagree on like main points that would be like deal breakers um but and he's been really open like within the first year he said um that his ex uh apparently he refused to go to her aunt's wedding because she was getting married to a woman. And, um,

he said that that was like eight years ago. And since then he's realized that that's completely wrong. And he's changed his, you know, viewpoints on that and stuff. Um, but as far as like, um,

his family, like since we've been dating, like, you know, almost two years now i'm obviously friends with them all on social media and it's been kind of like a huge battle of them like just commenting really like disrespectful things on my posts and like i try to not let it affect our relationship but and when i do bring it up he's more you know he's really supportive um but

it like obviously you know it got to a point where i like blocked them basically on social media um and it didn't really upset him but he was just kind of like um like i'm really close to my family like we talk like every other day um so like how is this going to work in the future um so it's kind of just been that conversation i guess that i'm struggling with of like, if you could be in a relationship with somebody who like, maybe their views are different than yours and their families are definitely like different than yours. So what are we talking here?

I mean, I also, I understand we talked about this a little bit on my episode with Tyler. I think it's important right now to focus on i understand politics play a role but things get politicized far too quickly um and so when you say you're more liberal and he's more conservative um i get that i'm not pretending that's not a reality but like this really this current discussion or climate needs to be a discussion about right and wrong about humanity you know um you talked about like gay marriage i understand there's very much a political side to things but uh more and more people even conservatives a lot of like people who are conservatives and the truth is there might have been a time in my life where i i'm i know

i didn't always support gay marriage in my life you know like when i was in my earlier life and that's just a lot of ignorance on my part you know and i'm thankful that as that has changed and that includes my entire family right um uh so when things get discussed like this and then we're going through this kind of awakening um that the goal is to not have these things be so divisive especially when it comes to politics because again like sure there's probably a lot of people out there who still think gay marriage is wrong and they will revert to their politics or religion to justify their beliefs but the good news when it comes to, say, gay marriage is it's become more mainstream and supported by all parties. And I think that's the goal here when it comes to racism.

Black lives matter. Shouldn't be politicized. Black lives matter. That's it. They matter. There's really no argument. And people will want to make it an argument and they want to politicize it and and weirdly have a discussion um so i want to so i guess my my follow-up question is where are we at

like what are we talking here is it just like ignorance on their part where they're just kind of saying silly things or are they commenting like overt racist shit on your social media accounts like what's what's the spectrum here i mean you know without like how trying to get like too specific because i feel like they listen to you probably um it's just like more so like i kind of do my own thing on social excuse me on social media like i'm just like very like open like advocating you know for anybody it doesn't like matter just obviously right now with that going on it's you know black lives matter and stuff and they will just like make it political like i could post something that has nothing to do with like my political beliefs it's like you said like right and wrong type stuff and they will

straight up post like hashtag trump 2020 like hashtag like his sister literally commented hashtag make liberals cry like on one of my posts it's like straight up just like have nothing to do with what i'm saying and it's like disrespectful it's like bullying like that yeah no that's that's not okay and again i'm not yeah i'm not telling anyone to vote any party. Yeah. But regardless of your political beliefs, yes, when you are quick to comment on social media, and I don't care if it's the left or the right, and you immediately politicize a social discussion, a discussion about right and wrong or humanity,

you're not helping the problem. I don't think there's anything wrong with you blocking them, you know? And if they want to ask why you blocked, it said, listen, like, because you're not being productive. You're not listening to me. And the first thing you do is politicize my message that I'm trying to get across on my page. Yeah. You know, and I feel like I'm being bullied. And if you want to have a discussion with me, I'm open to having a discussion. And I you want to have a discussion with me, I'm open to having a discussion. And I'd like to have a discussion about the topic.

And I'd like to take politics out of it. So as far as your family goes or your boyfriend's family, you got to have to decide, can you have these discussions? I mean, the important thing is it sounds like your boyfriend has made a lot of progress. And that's good. That's the important thing is it sounds like your boyfriend has made a lot of progress, and that's good. And that's the important thing. I'm not saying you should break up with your boyfriend just because his sister is super ignorant and she'll never come around. I mean, I have my own sister.

I'm not talking about politics, but forgetting about these current issues. There's topics my sister, I'm just like, what the fuck are you talking about? You know, like, I'm just like, uh, I'm not going to agree with her on everything. Uh, yeah. And luckily like they don't live here. So, I mean, that's a plus. And, but I basically like sat down with my boyfriend, like had that conversation where I was just like, I am not like, you know, I don't have to be best friends with your mom. I don't have to be best friends with your sister. Like, that's fine.

Like if we can respect each other and what they were doing wasn't really respecting me, then that's fine. We don't have to be best friends. And he kind of just agreed. And he just is very, very, very neutral on the situation. He's like, whatever you want to do. Does his family identify themselves as religious? No, they don't okay interesting no he he said yeah we've had conversations about it it's kind of weird but he uh i think both of our families kind of just like try to do the whole like church

thing and actually both of our families just like it realized it wasn't for them and there was a lot of problematic things that's that's fine. So their ignorance or bigotry just comes from a place of what? Hate or like? It's just, I don't, I honestly just don't know. And I, that's the thing that I can't talk to my boyfriend about because he, it's weird because when me and him sit down and talk about things, like we're always on the same page and like, I will see that he, he does like, you know, agree like the same way, like morally with issues and stuff but then was

what i was seeing before i like blocked his family was that he was like kind of liking like certain like posts that they were posting um some were just like very like you know anti-immigrant type stuff and then i'd like bring it up to him and be like oh that's weird like we've had conversations about this and you are usually on the same page like it kind of made me feel like he was like kind of changing his stance based on who he was talking to so i mean that's kind of still a touchy subject because i kind of like brought if i like if i bring up that i had blocked them because of what they were saying on my post he can totally like he gets that and it's like yeah if they're you know basically harassing you like block them i have your back but if i talk to him about like the issues that they post that i have issues with like the content he just is kind of like i can't

like disagree with them kind of and he'll be like yeah they post some questionable stuff but like i don't think that means they're ignorant and i'm like i i mean one time in an argument i was literally just like i think your family's ignorant like I mean, it doesn't sound like that's up for a debate. No, it's not. I'm not here to cover every issue. I mean, even like, I don't fully understand all the nuances of immigration policy, right? Yeah. And like most things in life, I don't think if you, I don't think you're a racist or you know because you are saying okay

i understand this but i don't understand that you know about yeah certain things at the same time you know you can reveal yourself to be pretty ignorant and maybe even racist by talking about immigration depending on what you have to say about it um you know especially if your general stance is i don't want anyone to come into this country who doesn't look like me, that would be truly ignorant and racist. And if you mask that by just saying, well, I don't care what they look like, but like, as long as you know. Yeah. Just as an example, the first time I met his family, we were at dinner and they were talking about how they had just moved states and they moved from this state to this state and when talking about the state that they moved from um they said that everything was

great about it they would totally recommend someone move there except for that there was too many mexicans and i mean i come from that's racist yeah yeah there's no family yeah it's racist no matter you know how you look at it then I actually, which she didn't know, come from a Mexican background. So it was just kind of like a, oh, shit. That is aggressive racism. And if they can't understand that, that's a big, that's a... Yeah. And I brought that up to my boyfriend. just is like you know i mean that's he he just kind of tried to make an excuse for it that i was like well at some point at some point you are gonna have to make a decision because there's one thing with uh i i don't think you have to believe everything about certainly politics religion to be in a successful relationship.

But there comes a certain point where you're just like, I need to be able to respect the person I'm with. And I know it's tough with family. if I were dating someone whose family said that and they took an ounce to try to defend it or dismiss it, I would have a hard time respecting them. Hey, did you know your phone is dirtier than your toilet? And by dirtier, I mean 10 times dirtier. That's disgusting. So gross. It's so gross to think about. I have my phone on me all the time. I don't doubt it. And knowing that I'm basically like holding my toilet seat throughout the day really grosses me out. I'm actually fascinated by this new friend of show, Home Medics. Now, I've heard, I know Home

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with a community of people in case i had any questions so i'm excited to take it to use it to find out about my overall fertility health and then start a bigger conversation with my doctors yeah and it's like far more affordable. So like right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to modernfertility.com slash V-I-A-L-L. That's me. That means your test will cost, bam, $139 instead of the hundreds or thousands it costs at a doctor's office. Get $20 off your fertility test when you go to modernfertility.com slash V-I-A-L-L. off your fertility test when you go to modernfertility.com slash v-i-a-l-l modernfertility.com slash v-i-a-l-l yeah i think like his mindset is kind of like how like he felt about you know gay marriage and stuff how he was able to change like i think in his mind in his mind i think he just thinks like his family is like him and like isn't like that to the core but like maybe just

had you know and again like i'm talking about respect when i'm saying it's like what you're saying is well he he's making excuses for them like if if someone's family is going to say well this new city we live in is great except for there's too many mexicans that's racist right and if he wants to say say, if he's willing to acknowledge that's racist, that's wrong, I'm ashamed that my family said that, but I love them and I want them to get to a place. I'm thankful I have you in my life too. I have been ignorant. I see a little bit more. I have a ways to go. Now it's my responsibility to do that for my family, but I'm not going to make excuses for what they said. I'm going to call it what it is and and and then now try to make a situation better fine

yeah that's i can respect that because you're respecting the fact that he is despite his love for his family and no one's saying he needs to hate these people not because they're ignorant um but he still needs to call it out he can't make excuses for them there's a you know you you it's not mutually exclusive you can do both right yeah um and so i can respect that i could respect if i were dating someone and i've dated people where they're fuck their their parents fucking crazy or their brother or sister are crazy and they're said some weird shit it doesn't stop me from loving or liking my my my friends but the moment they try to justify crazy and and racism and ignorance then i i can't put up with that right yeah so you have

you have to make that clear with him you know and is he willing to do for them what you were willing to do for him? Yeah. Silence and looking the other way and making excuses is not the type of behavior that's going to bring on real progress. for your boyfriend to continue to tell you his story of progress to his family at the risk of getting criticism from them is going to go a long way with them. Some, some, some, some of his family members might reject him outright. Other people might be like, you know what? That's it. You know what? I want, I want to understand your thought process a little bit more.

You're the outsider. So it's easy for them to be like, ugh, he's dating some crazy chick. But he's their family member, right? And so he needs to take a stand. And it's on him. And if I were you, I would have a hard time respecting someone who couldn't do that. Yeah. So, yeah. Cause I, this is like not new for me. Like I've been in a relationship kind of like this before where it was like

the same situation. And like, thankfully though, my ex, like he just completely like he distanced himself from his family and was just like, yeah, they're crazy. Like, you know, and wasn't that close with them. So it made it easier. But this is like, like i mean he talks to them every other day listen that's fine too he can calm out for being ignorant he can calm out for being racist and he can still follow it up with i love you yeah you can you know you can you can still show love and i think that's kind of the mentality we need to love i don't think i hate you of the mentality we need to love. I don't think I hate you. You voted for so-and-so, fuck you. I don't think that's the mentality.

I disagree with you. I don't do that. You hurt me by how you feel, but you know what? I love you. And I think that's the type of messaging we need to have, not only with our spouses and our family members, but even people we don't know. And I think he needs to understand that and maybe help him there.

But he does need to take a stand and he needs to not make excuses and look the other way and say things like, well, they mean well. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Yeah. So there you go. Well, thank you. All right. Best of luck. I know it's tough. You're in a tough position, but you also have an opportunity and so does he. Yeah. And I'm sure everybody's kind of dealing with the, whether it's friends or family or their relationship. I think everybody's kind of going through it right now.

Totally. It's tough, but thanks for calling. Thanks for sharing your story. Thanks for being willing to do the right thing. And I think this is a salvable situation. It's just how you approach it. All right. Thank you so much. All right. Take care. Thanks, you too. Bye. How's it going? Hi, I'm good. How are you? Good. What's your name? My name's Erin. I'm 26. Nice to meet you, Erin, 26. How can I help? Okay, so my husband and I have been together for about seven years. We've been married for two.

And we have an 11-month-old son, our first baby. We met when I was 19. So obviously, our lives have changed a lot over the time that we've been together. But probably what got us from the front stage to being together is that our sex life has always been really great. Obviously, it's taken like a pause or a backseat at different times in our life when I was pregnant or right after I had our son, but it's typically been really good. And he always prioritizes my needs. And we communicate really well about sex. And since we've had our son, being parents has forced us to communicate even better. And our sex life is probably better now than it's ever been. And there's probably nothing hotter than a great dad

to a mom. So that's been great. It's awesome. I'm waiting for the butt. Yeah, I'm waiting there. Yeah, there we go. The only thing I have trouble with is, you know, I don't feel like things are stagnant now, but I really want to be like sort of ahead of that. So I've been trying to communicate more about like different things he might want to try or just like ways to keep our sex life the way that it is now and never letting it get sort of stale. And really, the only thing he's told me is something that I'm not super excited about. So there's nothing like weird or super crazy about it. And I'm pretty open. Like I wouldn't say that I'm like,

a brood. Could we use specifics? So just to make sure I'm understanding, you guys were just talking about like, how can we make sure our sex life stays you know current spicy fresh and he was like well how about yeah you were like so what was it so yeah it sort of came up because like one of the things I was the most fearful of like we got pregnant like three weeks after we got married like very quickly and not on purpose. So I was nervous about just like having children, like meaning that we're going to be in like a sexless marriage and that's not what I ever wanted. So I asked him about it.

And the only thing he brought up was, and you might be familiar with this, but there was a Sports Illustrated cover that Kate Upton was on and she was wearing like a coat with nothing underneath it. Okay. Like a winter coat. I'm not familiar, but sounds great.

Sounds hot. Google it. It's great. But she's like wearing a coat. She has nothing underneath it. And she's like a fur hood that's up. Chrissy, Google this. Yeah, bring it up.

You got to see this. I didn't need to start my Monday morning, right? Yeah, no. I mean mean can't go wrong but anyway so kate upton's looking hot and like yeah she's naked with a fur coat i get the appeal all right yes and so that cover i think it was like we actually googled it the other night together to see like what time in his life that came out and it was like when he was in college right before we met sure so it's like he remembers like seeing that he was like I always thought that was like super hot and I was like okay like so like I said nothing like super crazy or weird about it but I'm just like I'm not and I'm not super turned on by it so I'm having like a hard time getting like

sort of into it. And like, you know, in a previous episode with sex with Emily, you guys talked about like men are like frying pans and women are like slow cookers. And I feel like for me, like I need to be like really into it to be able to like give him what he wants. And so I've had a hard time sort of getting like more comfortable with it. And, and I want to be able to so that I can sort of give him what he wants um the best way possible so have you talked about things that you want yeah but the thing is like he really does everything I want um and it's hard too because like I said we have an 11 month old and like it's my first child so like the way I look has changed a lot over the last like year so I

wouldn't say I'm like super confident right now like I'm I'm not like dying to go put on like some super hot lingerie or anything because I just am not as comfortable with the way I look as I used to be. Chrissy bring it up on the screen share share your screen. screen share share your screen she texted me technical stuff like i can do that keep talking i'll put it up on the screen um yeah okay so i mean listen i you know it's uh it's good it sounds like everything's pretty good you guys guys are actively aware of... I mean, the only maybe thing you should... My criticism would be don't get too far ahead of yourselves. Don't stress over problems that aren't necessarily there.

It sounds like overall you're happy with your sex life. That's a great thing. Sounds like you're aware... Like hey you've you had a kid recently etc etc just because your husband asked you to do something doesn't require you to do it um and like listen he's planted the seed of something he finds attractive um maybe someday okay yeah she looks neat i mean it is just a i don't know like if one day you can't come out of the bathroom and you're wearing a winter coat and a swimsuit bottom to be honest like i i have found that like like young men especially from like college they fantasize about things like i remember you know you watch

like porn or something and all of a sudden you're like you see some porn or using whipped cream and all of a sudden your first girlfriend like we should use whipped cream and then you use whipped cream and you're just like it's just like fucking sticky and weird and this kind of like just made everything awkward but hey we tried it you know like I find that happens a lot, especially with probably men and women, but certainly with men about some of the things they see, whether it's in porn or in movies or things that they think are supposed to make it hot or sexy. And it could just be you're doing it wrong, right? People have seen like hot wax with candles.

Maybe that could be really hot if done correctly. Also, I can really imagine how you can fuck that up real quickly. And it can like, just kind of ruin, like if you, especially if you have good sex, right? Like, I remember the way, like my first girlfriend, like I was obsessed with her. Like I loved having sex with her, right? Like I had no complaints, you know, you know, so as long as she wanted loved having sex with her right like i had no complaints you know you know so as long as she wanted to have sex with me i was a happy camper so the fact that i'm just like bringing up this whole like whipped cream idea was just kind of like oh what else can we do you know and then we did it and i was just like okay well let's just god we're sticky we're you know it was i only

bring that up because like i mean like this thing is not that big of a deal. Like you said, it's not. And I'm not saying it's not a big deal. You should do it. But it sounds like you're probably both hyping it up more than it needs to be. And listen, if you're not feeling your most confident about yourself, don't do it right now. Plant that seed. You know it's there someday, maybe even a year from now or six months or whenever it is. On his birthday, you put on a fucking winter coat, you walk out, you're just like, ha. And he's just like, oh, cool. That's hot. Great. And then you have sex and you take the coat off and like, I don't know.

I think maybe part of it is like, because it is like, like the whole fantasy is based on this model wearing that are you afraid he's going to be thinking about kate upton i'm just afraid of the comparison um i mean she is probably the i mean is that like his like the epitome of his type well i mean you have a kate upton look to you oh his type? Well, I mean, you have a Kate Upton look to you. Oh, my God. Well, thanks. But I mean, listen, you you you're you're blonde and you got bluish eyes.

I don't even know if Kate Upton has blue eyes. If that's the epitome of his type, it makes sense that you guys are married. Like, I mean, that's a good thing. You have like, yeah, I don't think you look too far off i mean it's listen like don't uh i don't know if your husband is totally obsessing over it sounds like the way you're describing it it's a totally reasonable crush he had on a on a super hot model when he was in college and um it's probably less about kate upden like i i don't i'm not getting the sense that he's trying to like uh figure out the closest way he can have sex with

kate upden without you know what i'm saying like i don't think that's it like you can be a guy and like a look or a i don't i don't think you have to worry about him like this becoming some weird fetish or anything like that. So from your point, if you decide you want to do it, do it. But don't let all these other – it seems like you're like creating a lot of other thoughts in your head of like, well, I'm not Kate Upton. I won't look like Kate Upton. I'm going to disappoint it. Like I won't turn them on. I feel silly. And listen, if you don't, I've said this before, like, listen, a guy wearing a pink shirt can be a really great look, but if he's uncomfortable and he's like, oh, I don't feel like it, then you're going to look

like that when you wear a pink t-shirt or a dress shirt. If you're a guy that's like, damn, I really pulled this off. I look fucking hot. You're going to look hot, you know? So you have to feel confident doing it. Otherwise it is going to be kind of like, you know, like you won't have, you won't have hurt.

That's exactly how I feel. Like I'm nervous about it. Like, but I can't really sell it the way I want to because I'm not as in it so so don't do it yet right now you can always like it you can literally do that whenever um yeah um so don't stress about it it's great in a relationship to be mindful of the things that you guys turn each other on to be willing to do it for the other person you have these ongoing conversations um but you don't have to do everything you know um and he you know sounds like he is an understanding guy right now it's just not you know let him plant

that seed thanks for letting me know someday i'll surprise you i don't know when that is you know maybe that's when you're on your 40th birthday or some shit. I don't know. So then like a follow-up question would be, I'm definitely the more dominant personality like in our life and in our sex life. I'm just, he's a little bit more like chill or laid back than I am. And so sometimes I find it hard, like we communicate really well,

but we communicate about the existing parts of our sex life. And so like, and asking him those things, I'm like, I don't want to sort of skip over this thing he's already told me, but like continuing to ask those things, because like the whole Kate Upton coat thing is not going to last forever. So like having continued conversations about like, okay, is there anything else or like ways that I could ask him or sort of like pull that out of him a little bit more without being too sort of like overbearing or dominant well i guess what do you mean so like i know that sometimes like my family and my i mean i'm in marketing but my family jokes that i should have been a lawyer because I'm so like, uh, I don't know, like on it with my words

and just like, I know he can be intimidated by that. By you specifically, by your. Just because he knows that he's not as like, and I don't mean this to be like, um, you know, to put him down anyway, but he's not quite as articulate when he is very like internal and he just has a, he needs a little bit of time to sort of think over like the things that he wants to say and, and, and sort of lay them out in a way that he can convey it clearly.

So I know he can be sort of like, he feels like in a conversation with me, he sort of has to answer me right away. And so I try to sort of sometimes be like, you know what, think about it. And like, I'm going to go change the laundry or whatever. And we can talk about it in a second and try to give him time. Because I know that he can be sort of like intimidated by having that

kind of a conversation with me because I'm sort of intense and like on it with an articulate. So basically, what do you I guess I'm trying to figure out what you're trying to say. And as I'm sensing that, okay, listen, you have a big personality. You're the one who's kind of driving conversations in all aspects of your relationship, including the bedroom. And it sounds like you want him to come up with ideas. Like you don't want to ask him to choke you. You want him to want to choke you kind of thing.

Like you want to want to do the dishes. Is that? I just want him like i think i would feel more compelled to do things that he was into if he was like if i didn't have to start the conversation if he would just be like listen i was thinking about this or like oh my gosh i was thinking about you know when i was in college i saw this like cover and i thought that was really hot and whatever but like rather than me having to sort of like draw it out of him it makes me feel like he's like actually not that into it and I'm just forcing him to come up with sure I mean yeah I mean yeah you want him to want to choke you

maybe not that but um I'm kidding um but yes you want him to I get that right but I don't know to a certain, this is who he is, right? It sounds like this is a personality trait of he's a more of a quiet, content kind of guy. So whether it's your sex life or parenting or whatever, there's a reason why you guys ended up together. It sounds like you guys are happy in your relationship. Overall, the dynamic works. You're going to have to be a little bit patient with him totally changing. I mean, I'm assuming you've communicated this with him. You can only, yeah, you can only, like, at some point, if you want, you know, like, I want you to want to do the dishes.

At some point, he's just like, do you to want to do the dishes at some point he's just like do you want me to do the dishes or do you like i'm not like i'll do the fucking dishes but like you know taking initiative is with certain people who aren't good at that it's just you're only gonna get so far you know um just keep communicating you know just keep talking to them. And just drink a bottle of wine and do it. Yeah. But like, in terms of you're going to have to get out of your head a little bit about like, well, does he really want to do this? You know, like, you know, I mean, just sit back.

It probably has more to do with my own insecurities. Like just cause the way I Sure. I'm just saying like, if it sounds like he's willing to do the things that you ask him to do that's a great thing um would it be nice if he comes up with things on his own sure but like you know pick your poison um but uh yeah being the dominant personality that you have you're gonna have a tendency of creating problems that don't exist. You like being in control. So you're trying to control the unpredictable.

You're trying to control the future. You're trying to get ahead of it. You're trying to do all these things. And that can be all very beneficial. That can be a positive thing. But you have to police yourself and check yourself to not create situations that aren't there and stress about situations that could happen that don't happen and then accept the things that that you can't control um and appreciate your husband for

who he is because that's what makes him who he is and all the things that you're very happy about your relationship his personality is playing a role into that you know you're never going to find the perfect person you know um my guess is someone who is a little bit more of a personality that at times I think you would really appreciate overall might get annoying for you because you probably like being in control. And it works for your dynamic. Yeah, you're right. So that's my overall feedback is just enjoy what you have someday when you feel confident, do the coat thing or not. But I wouldn't overthink that either. You know, just put on a damn coat. And, you know, my guess is it'll turn out like the whipped cream. Like, okay, that was cool.

You looked great. And also, if it ends up not being the greatest thing of all time, it is not because you're not Kate Upton. It's just because all it is is a fucking winter coat, you know? All right. Well, thank you for calling. Uh, you're going to be fine. This is, you're going to be totally fine. It sounds, it sounds like you have a lot, you have a lot to be, a lot to be thankful for. I do. So, all right. Well, good luck. How's it going? Good.

Thanks. How are you? Good. What's your name? My name is Danielle. I'm 26. Hi, Danielle, 26. How can I help?

Okay. So I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over two years now. And he has always had trouble like opening up and being vulnerable um which yeah whatever but just recently um our sex life has felt like a little bit off um we only see each other really on the weekends because our work schedule is so opposite and like even then I feel like I'm always the one initiating it. And I've tried to talk to him about how like, I wish he would initiate it with me sometimes. And he like, he's always like, well, like,

I feel like you don't really want it. So like, I'll just wait for you to initiate, which I don't like. But anyways, just recently he was telling me that like, he really wants to do more kinky stuff and try new things in bed, which, you know, I was all for. I'm like, yeah, I'll try anything like we can experiment. We can talk about whatever. But then he brought up wanting to have a threesome, which is something we've actually talked about before, something I'm interested in. But I told him just because of my like insecurity and like jealousy issues,

it would have to be with somebody kind of like a stranger who would never have to see again, which I don't think it's that big of an ask. And so this time he brought up wanting to have a threesome with my best friend, actually. When you say this time. Like this time we, we talked about it cause we've talked about it in the past,

but this time when he brought it up, he wanted it. He's like, yeah yeah okay like stranger that's that's fine but also like have you considered your best friend yeah right exactly so i'm like what uh so i was like that's disrespectful i felt disrespected uh especially because this was was he was this like on a sunday morning was it a drunk thing um yeah he we were drinking he was a little bit more drunk than i was and actually that morning i had been like at the lake with this friend and so we had taken pictures in our bikinis like i don't know if he saw that and like triggered it inside of him or something. But I mean, I doubt it.

But are you in like, not that this matters, but like your friend, like, I mean, do you feel insecure in general next to her in terms of like, or she's just like another pretty girl or like, is this some, not that, not like, not that this necessarily, I'm just kind of curious per se in terms of like where your head is at with your friend now that he's said this. So that's the thing. Like before I started dating my boyfriend, this friend was kind of a girl who would steal the attention from guys. Like there were several occasions where I would be like, Oh,

I have a crush on this guy. And then she'd be like, cool. And then go directly to that guy specifically and flirt with him. And I was like, whatever. So there's something there. Yes.

Yeah. And, and my boyfriend knows that, like I've told him, he might've forgotten, but the fact that he brought that up was like, Ooh, you know, now I'm like like does he want to have sex with now i feel like just so into care about the whole situation and like am i making a bigger deal out of it than i should or like no i guess so where are you at now like what's your what's your overall question because like the obvious answer

is like yeah that's weird yeah so i guess uh because because when we had that conversation talked about like i was starting to get mad but i was trying not to ruin an otherwise good day and so we didn't really it's very understanding of you well i mean like i don't know because he it was the first time he'd opened up about other stuff too so i didn't want to like completely reject it and make him close up again you know because oh i'm curious like not to tease your boyfriend but this whole like you're like oh you know so my boyfriend has a hard time opening up and expressing himself he also asked to have a threesome with my best friend like those two sound very contradictory of each other so like this person who you say has a hard time opening up, I'm

having a hard time buying that he it's all that hard for him other than like the average guys is not good at like writing poems. Yeah, I know. Okay. Well, I don't know, because I've tried to ask him about what he likes in the past. And he's like, and so I don't know if it was just because he was drunk. And he was finally like, oh, I'm interested in this and this and this and also like i i don't know that's why i didn't know if it was weird or if i was if that's just how guys think because i know guys and girls think differently a couple things there's like a couple little layers here um like it's super weird that he asked to have a threesome with your best friend in general it's extra weird that he asked to have a threesome with your best friend in general. It's extra weird that you already said, listen, like, I'm open to it, but like, I want it to be a stranger, which I think is a pretty common thought.

Yeah. And so that is weird. Just not, I'm not defending his choice to say that i'm from a guy's point of view i can assure you that uh there could be things of like my guess is like here's what usually happens right especially in a couple situation when they're like should we have a threesome you know and you're like maybe you know i'm into it and then you're like well i just and so every guy is kind of like well do you have a friend who wants me to fuck them because like i don't know any girls i could just walk up to and be like hey do you want to fuck me and my girlfriend you know what i'm saying like so as soon as this like couple

who's having this conversation about like do we do this kind of crazy thing the very next question that couples ask each other or themselves in their head is like, well, who's that other person? Right. And the average person who's like just dipping their toes in the water of the threesome doesn't have like a pool of people, especially people they don't know to have sex with. right? So, it's kind of like this default of like, yeah, no, I heard you about the whole like, I don't want you to know them thing, but I still want to do this threesome thing. But like, who's the friend of yours who I think would be the kinkiest who might be down? And I'd be willing to bet that was his train of thought

more than this fact that like maybe he saw a picture of you two in a bikini and he thought to himself I have to have sex with her I'm obsessed now like I'm I'm willing to bet it was more the former than the latter it was just more of a like him trying to figure out okay this sounds fun she's on board maybe we can do this I don't know who to ask you know and like he's just probably hoping like maybe you'll come around and she'll just be kinky enough as opposed to him being like do we just like go to the bars and walk up to a stranger and be like hey do you guys want to do you want to have sex with the two of us because quite honestly like i think if you guys go down

that path you kind of have to be open to doing that, right? You know what I'm saying? Think about what it means as i even think i might be but like i'm down and then that's just kind of fun and invigorating even to say yeah but it's quite another thing to actually go down that path i think most people if they've ever had a threesome it's kind of in this experimental point in their life for like everyone's single you go out out, you go to a party and you're just like, hey, we're here. Should we kind of get weird? You know? And that's a lot easier when it's like in the moment, right? In a relationship, it's really tricky. You know? I mean, we're not even getting into the part of like, you have no idea whether it's your friend or a stranger, how this is going to affect your relationship. And you're naive to think that it won't. And I don't know, I'm not saying good or bad but for someone who openly

admits that they struggle with insecurity and jealousy issues i'm not sure a threesome with a boyfriend is the right idea yeah you know it's what you like listen it's it's i've said this last week relationships are great they're awesome a lot of benefits that come with them they are also like to be in a relationship means you have to give up things and sometimes that means you know hooking up with other people now again you can choose to be a swinger you can choose to have be in an open relationship and that's fine but not everyone's made for that right so you might have to make a choice on you know your boyfriend and you it's just like am i still in this experimental part of my life where there's things i want to try um or do i want to be in a relationship you don't strike me as someone who's

at the point in their life who would successfully have a threesome with anyone and a boyfriend and have that like not fuck you up a little bit in the relationship. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? The weird thing too, cause I like kind of was talking to him about it and like he was saying, oh,

he didn't actually want to like have sex with her he just wanted her to be involved like with me while he had sex with me sure you know like i wanted to watch yeah i get it you know i don't know listen there's a lot of layers when it comes to kinkiness right right right and he i felt like for me i was like yeah we can do like this and then try that and then try that and then try that but he was like okay But he was like, okay, we opened it up. Now we're going to go straight to the end. Wait. Yeah.

Listen, have you talked to him about this? Not really. I'm like afraid to, cause I don't want him to close up, I guess again. Cause like since then we- Listen, a couple of things. Listen, you're, you're, you're not as like emotional babysitter right i get that you want to be this like sympathetic girlfriend and you don't want to encourage him to open up and then criticize him for doing so once he does but like he is an adult right so he can handle a little bit of criticism and if he is so emotionally like detached for like

he he like he's got to be pampered all the way through just to like open up like then he's not ready to be in an emotionally adult relationship and he again is certainly not capable of doing something like having a threesome in a relationship and having the emotional maturity to discuss those things i mean if you're gonna have a threesome when in a committed relationship, these two people in this relationship need to be very much communicative and open and express themselves. They need to be able to say how things make them feel and vice versa. And some of those things that come out of their mouth might cause the other person to get defensive, right? And that's okay. And then you say, okay, let's talk about it.

You know what I'm saying? Like the way you're describing your relationship is like you're moving him along and you're encouraging him to speak up. He's not good at, and that's fine if he's not, but then you guys aren't ready to take the next step in some of these other areas. Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know what the analogy is here, but like, it's like you guys want to go racing, but his car's not, he's driving a minivan, you know? Like, it's, he's just not ready to like, put the foot on the gas, you know? It's like, he's not ready to, you know, hug those corners. So, yeah, I, but in this situation situation you need to be able to talk to him about this right just just because he's not good at communicating and just because he's trying you still have the right to say listen i'm thanks for sharing but also that bothered me and i'm not

trying to make you feel bad but like this like, this is how this makes me feel. You have a right to say that. Once again, that's a non-starter for me. So, I just want to, like, politely end that discussion about my other friend. And, like, I didn't, I wasn't just saying it. So, like, and he might say, well, well, I don't know who to ask. So I thought maybe she would be down. I don't think you should stress.

Don't create in your head, like I said, like this friend might be not one of those great friends. Like everyone has these friends. So you're going to have to evaluate your friendship and maybe this will bring up a wound about the type of actual friendship you have with this girl. I don't think your comment by your boyfriend should create this obsession about does he really want to have sex with her or not. It's not about that.

I'm confident in saying that. Okay. I'm almost certain it has to do with he doesn't know who else to ask. Okay. And he's thinking she's the kinkiest of your friends. I'm certain. I'm like 99% sure that's it. Yeah.

That's a big relief right there. I'm just hearing that from an unbiased male side. Because yeah, it sounds like you know she's good looking right and as a guy we are simple creatures we don't even have to like you to want to have sex with you as a person you know he doesn't like her yeah that and again yeah men are you know we're not the the best things ever, you know, but we don't have to like hanging out with you to necessarily want to see you naked. And that's just.

It's just truth. It's just the ugly side of our simplicity sometimes. Hopefully that was helpful. It was. Thank you. How's it going? Hi. Hi.

What's your name? My name is Emily. I am 21 and my boyfriend is 25. All right. A pro. How can I help? So here's a little backstory. We moved in together at the beginning of April, kind of at the beginning of the coronavirus.

And we have sex almost every day. Even after like two days apart, we like to do it very often. Great. And I feel like we both have a high drive for it and both our needs are being met. So my only issue is one day I had gone for maybe like an hour and I had came back and he had told me that he rubbed one out, which I don't really care. I know that it's normal. I masturbate too. That's okay. But it was the fact that he waited for me to leave and he knows I'm down for it. I would have done it before I left or the hour after I came back um he's very

comfortable with it obviously because he told me about it I just didn't think he would know how it actually affected me I acted like I was fine and that it didn't really matter but I was hurt that he would rather do that than have sex with me um i don't think it's a big deal to be honest i'm kind of team your boyfriend here yeah um i only say that because listen i've i've been in relationships like this and and and it happens it comes up and it's kind of a tricky conversation i think your ego's a little bruised i get it right um i think especially you know i've mentioned this before. I don't know if this is the case for everyone, but I think a lot of stereotypes when it comes to men and women, it's just like guys are the horny guys who are just like always down to have sex whenever.

So have you ever turned like my guess where I'm questioning? Have you ever turned them down for sex ever? Have you ever been like, I'm not in the mood ever? Not once? Never. No. Well, you are a unicorn. Uh, I've never.

That's the thing. I know I'm a little different and I, like I've told him that I'm not like most girls, maybe it's because my young age, but like, I can do whatever. Okay. Well, I only point that out because like sometimes women do and that seems to be a socially acceptable thing. It's just like, you know, you're not always in the mood. Yeah. And I think a lot of women assume that guys always are.

And they're just walking hornballs, right? So that if a guy is dating a girl and he's just like might not be in the mood, they seem to be more offended by that than if it was the other way around because it's like wait like you're a walking sex robot like what do you mean you don't want to have sex so if you don't want to have sex right now is it me that you you know um i think for example like women seem to be more frustrated if a guy doesn't climax when having sex than if a guy if a girl doesn't climax like in fact than if a guy, if a girl doesn't climax. Like, in fact, guys don't seem to give enough of shits, right? But also it's a little more obvious when a guy climax. And then if a guy doesn't, for whatever reason, I find that like women internalize it more. It's just like, well, what did I do wrong? Is it me? Are you not

attracted to me? Et cetera, et cetera. So I only say that where it's just like this idea that he could have had sex with you, but chose to masturb i mean it's not really about you i mean you can make it about you you can start thinking well why did he want to do that i don't know maybe we all just like to hang out with ourselves sometimes you know and you know who knows maybe i don't know maybe he watched some porn i don't know maybe like listen if it's about if you're worried about him thinking about someone else or whatever he can do that while you're having he's having sex with you so yeah you know what i'm saying like and i'm not saying he's doing that but the guy just rubbed one out when you weren't there and yeah masturbating is different than having sex you know what i'm'm saying? It's not the same experience.

Yeah. My thing is too, though, if he does masturbate, then he doesn't want to have sex later or he won't finish or doesn't feel the same. So then I'm kind of, then I feel like I'm gypped out, you know? Sure. But you're getting a little greedy here. Unless I'm hearing you wrong, you're still having pretty consistent sex. If you were calling up and said, hey, listen, my boyfriend jerks off all the time. We have sex once a week, maybe, maybe every other week, but I know he's masturbating multiple times a week, then I would be totally empathized with you. I'm like, wow, there's a disconnect there. That's fine if he wants to masturbate. He doesn't have to have sex with you every time you want to have sex, but there seems

to be a disproportionate amount of times he's masturbating to the time he's willing to have sex with you. But that doesn't seem to be the case. It seems like you're just having regular sex almost on a daily basis that is definitely above the average and if once in a while he opts to like you know masturbate at the risk of not wanting to have sex with you four hours later because like he's still like filling up the old tank then i don't think that's something for you to really stress about too much yeah i guess that is like the insecure part of me too thinking oh so it must feel better when you do it than rather having sex with me i mean it's not you know i'm sure you've seen friends it's not better it's different you know it's yeah it's just it's i don't i don't know

what it's like to be a woman and masturbate but i'm assuming there's aspects of it that are like, no one knows you better than you, you know? And sometimes, I mean, to be totally frank, like, it can be just like a stress reliever. And while sex is fun and sex is great, there is a implied pressure of making sure your partner is okay, you know, to be a good partner and be a good sexual partner, you need to be focused on your partner. You don't want to have a partner who's just thinking about getting off and sometimes there's simplicity and just rubbing one out you know honestly sometimes it's like oh god i'm just like i got a headache i just need to fucking stress out like i need a you know and it could be that simple for guys so yeah don't create it to be like he's fulfilling some great sexual fantasy um he just

maybe needs a little it needs a little me time yeah and unless your sex life takes a drastic dip in terms of like the amount of you having sex i think this is definitely not a problem and more you know it's good that you're addressing that it makes you feel a certain way there's nothing wrong with that you have the right to feel whoever you want but try to not create it into something it's not and and and i've been there i've had like these are fights that happen i'm glad you called because like i think a lot of young couples will spend a lot of time arguing about this topic and it creates a lot of arguments that aren't necessary yeah and i'm not like oblivious to the fact that it's normal i get that like i do it too sometimes if he's gone um i did bring it up

to him too and we talked about it and of course he said it was nothing to do with me and just felt good sometimes and true tried to reassure me but that's an honest answer. And there's not much more he can say, you know? Yeah. Um, yeah, again, if, if, unless it drastically changes, um, then I wouldn't because, and you could do that if you make it, if you're, if you're nag at this and make him feel guilty about it, he'll start resenting you for it. And that might affect his willingness and attraction to have sex with you. I mean, one of the biggest turnoffs for a guy to have sex with anyone is to just be ridiculed and nagged at. And I'm not saying you're doing that, but especially for things that they don't want to feel guilty about or should yeah you know i get frustrated at myself too for feeling this way because i know i shouldn't

but it still just bothers me think about it like no one wants to be told what to do with their body right and sometimes as simple as this like oh and i'm not allowed to like touch my dick you know what i'm saying like and god forbid like he shouldn't be telling you to not touch yourself if you want to do that you know and sometimes it's that simple yeah and again if it was an actual issue you'd have a right to bring it up but there's there's not so um yeah it's a it's a you thing and you just have to process that um yeah and it's okay you know everyone's there we all have our insecurities but just because you're insecure about something doesn't mean that the other person's wrong it might be doing you just might be need to address something and it's good to talk about it it's nice that you guys are doing that that these are all

positive things you're doing to process these emotions because the alternative could just be like getting super defensive and accusatory and telling him he's wrong and and saying things like none of my friends do that and ew you're gross and like and and people will do that i've been in relationships where they were like i'm like i'm pretty sure i'm doing wrong but you're making me feel like a monster, you know? Yeah. So, so do you think it's like common for guys to do it a lot? Even when they're sexually, even when they're sexually active. I mean, uh, yeah, yeah. No guys don't ever, I don't care what relationship you're in, how hot you think your girlfriend is, how sexually like, um, uh like how freaky you guys are as

a couple guys will always have a desire to masturbate at some level 100% I'm not speaking for every guy there's always outlier so I don't want to be like well my boyfriend didn't like but yes overall totally normal okay so you have truly nothing to worry about he's not lying when he says it's not about you and you saw and you're still having sex on a regular basis yeah so and if he didn't want to have sex with you you would notice yeah all right you're gonna be fine this is a great no this is great like again this is very relatable and i think it's something that young couples struggle with like the expectation versus reality of what it means to be desirable to your partner or or in love and and we like to we we

hold ourselves to sometimes unobtainable standards in relationships for ourselves yeah so all right all right well thank you guys all right all right thanks for calling i really appreciate it well guys thank you again so much for listening um another fun episode i don't know what were our takeaways don't be racist uh you can still you know what if you have a family member who's ignorant or racist you can still love them as a human being as a family member and you can still, you know what, if you have a family member who's ignorant or racist, you can still love them as a human being, as a family member, and you can still hold them accountable. And I think that's a really kind of important takeaway. Also, like, don't have threesomes if you're super fucking jealous. Also, masturbating is fine.

Masturbating is fine. Masturbating is great. And also, whippedating is fine. Masturbating is fine. Masturbating is great. And also, whipped cream is sticky. Whipped cream is sticky. Sticky. All the bases covered on this one. Whipped cream is sticky is definitely going to be the title for this episode. Anyways, guys, always appreciate you listening.

Anyways, guys, always appreciate you listening. Don't forget to check us out for our recap of Caitlin's season, of which I think I'm unfortunately a big part of. They teased this big revelation, which they sometimes do. I just talk about my hair routine. Don't forget to send your questions to asknickatcastme.com, cast with a K. And until then, we will see you tomorrow.