The Viall Files - E148 Ask Nick - Stop Creating False Barriers

Episode Date: July 6, 2020

We are always so grateful for those of you that call in to share your stories with us because you never know how it can help someone else who is listening. This week we have some great conversations with a woman who overly romanticizes her relationship to a point where she doesn’t even know her own needs anymore, a wife whose husband satisfies her in every aspect of their relationship except in the bedroom and is trying to evaluate if being in a sexless marriage is sustainable, a gentleman whose struggle with coming out about his sexuality has kept a close relationship to him in a state of confusion, and finally how different religious beliefs can put a strain on a relationship when you are not having the tough conversations around it.  “The idea of someone doesn’t deal with the substance of the relationship.” Be sure to send your sex and relationship questions to [e-mail] THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS:  SHIP STATION: ShipStation.com CODE: VIALL EMBARK: EmbarkVet.com CODE: VIALL HIDRATE SPARK: hidratespark.com/VIALL Episode Socials:  Viall Files @viallfiles Nick Viall @nickviall See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

what is going on everybody happy monday to you all uh we're back once again in the studio chrissy i'm here finally back in la trying to get things back to normal. We'll probably pop in and out of the studio, just depending on safety and people's availability. But it's nice to see you here. Oh my God, it's so hot. I haven't seen you in person in quite some time. I know, you're welcome. I'm here. I know, thank you.

How you been? I've been good. Probably what? People are going to be listening to this right after the 4th of July weekend. When is the 4th of July? 4th of July is next weekend. Next weekend. So this is right after.

This is right after. Hopefully you guys are firework safe. No one. Yes. Pool safe. Pool safe. Barbecue safe. And hopefully Corona safe.

Right? I mean, I know we want to get outside. We're in this mess, people. You know, just think of others. I know it sucks. But anyways, I hope you had a get outside. We're those mess people. You know, just think of others. I know it sucks. But anyways, I hope you had a great weekend. I hope it was fun. And thank you for tuning in today to check us out and hear about people's lives and relationships.

And if nothing else, maybe you're going to feel better about yourself. Yes. Through other people. That's what's important. We have some great calls today. Very relatable stuff. I hope you guys enjoyed. I know you will.

Anything else going on in your world? Not much going on. Just check it out. It's like culture shock here a little bit. Are you staying in LA? I'm hoping to go back to Wisconsin for the Jollibee. I'm staying in LA. Flights are...

I just came from the suburbs, so I'm here for a minute. We're glad to have you. I don't know. I don't know if I'm going to make it back. It really depends on... It's hard because on the East coast like it's so fun for fourth of july it's like especially the northeast it's like it's like you know clam bakes and lobster and lighthouses it's terrible um so we'll we'll see so glad i'm gonna be here i don't know i might we might be hanging out together we will we don't know we don't know six feet apart um well i mean we will we won't keep

you uh well let's get went to the questions because they're so good um don't forget to sending your questions at ask nick at cast me.com cast with a k uh you guys are the lifeblood of this show and so we appreciate you guys guys sending in your questions and being vulnerable. As always, we would love to have those reviews on iTunes. Really only if they're five stars. Honestly,

we don't really care if you like it or not. We just want you to compliment us. We need it. It's a little funny. I wonder if we'll ever get back up to the five stars. Maybe.

It doesn't matter. You know what? We're fine. It's fine it's fine it's fine uh other than that um i think we should just get to it Let's ask Nick your sexy questions. How's it going? I'm good. I'm Molly. I'm 26 years old. Hi, Molly, 26. How can I help? Okay, so, well, to preface this, I just want to say that I feel like the situation itself

will be kind of black and white for most people. Like I feel like you in this case will give me some pretty black and white advice. But I feel like I am such a codependent person in relationships to begin with. And I overly romanticize things which never helps me which is why everything's so difficult for me okay well I mean it's a good start that you know this about yourself step one yeah it's I mean I know it but then it's like I don't know what to do with it so could you give me an example of what you mean by give me an example in the past when you felt like you're in a relationship and then having the benefit of hindsight, you looked back and thought, yeah, I went too far. I was I romanticized. I was in that moment, maybe delusional, you know, you know, about something.

Then I created a problem that maybe wasn't there. So, I mean, with my ex-boyfriend alone, I mean, he would like cheat on me all the time. He'd go behind my back, talk to other girls. Like pretty much anything you could think of, that was my life. And I, time and time again, would forgive and be like, no, he means what he says, you know.

So when you say you romanticize about things, you would romanticize it so much in a sense that you just decided that you're in this relationship and you're like, this is the love of my life and we're soulmates or all that stuff. So that no matter what he did, you were able to convince yourself that you should forgive him because of destiny. Yeah, pretty much, which sounds almost horrible when you say it out loud but it's like it like most people i feel like are like okay something bad happens no more like this is it whatever i'm the kind of person that i'm like okay well they're fighting for me now like they're they're showing me how much they love me so i i romanticize that aspect of everything you know what i mean are do you have a specific situation going on now or or is this like you okay you do yeah well i mean that's just in general but so what's going on so okay my boyfriend now of almost two years, well, we kind of had a rough start to our relationship, which I can get more into that if need be.

Give us the cliff notes, like a why. Okay. So he was my ex's best friend. So that's the cliff note version. Like I said, that was two years ago. A lot of things happen. The friend group, not very fond of me. Everything's against us, whatever. So from time and time again, he'll kind of, my boyfriend now, he'll kind of get in his head and be like, Oh, well, you know,

how is this going to work and blah, blah, blah. But in my head, I'm like, you are the whole love of my life. Like, you know, so leading up to the problem, I, there's been times where, you know, he's, like I said, gets in his head, and then things have happened. He was messaging girls before nothing like crazy, but of course I'm insecure. I freaked out. We got in a huge fight, took a while to get back to normal. Everything was fine. And then a couple of weeks ago, he starts acting weird again. It's like, you know, we can't be together for years and just like being annoying about things and um this goes on for like two weeks we're still together though and i finally was like okay something's up i snooped through his phone which he does not know i know bad on me bad on me um and i found out that he was messaging the same girl again. And they were not good messages, obviously. And he still doesn't know that I know. And I'm just then, he stopped talking to her, whatever.

And he's been extra loving to me. Everything's all good. So I'm just like, my head is so overwhelmed with just everything. Yeah. I mean, listen, it sounds like you're just not very good at knowing how to trust yourself or your instincts. Sounds like you're just not very good at knowing how to trust yourself or your instincts. And probably because, again, this thing that you do, which is everyone you are in a relationship with, especially anyone you're investing real time with, you've decided that they're the love of your life. I mean, how many people have you thought in your life as a 26-year-old woman have been the love of your life?

have you thought in your life as a 26 year old woman have been the love of your life um well really my ex before this i thought you know might be but the guy that i'm with now like i mean like in the night yeah um so both so both i mean so that yeah okay yeah i, you don't anymore, but you did. At one point, you were convinced they were definitely the love of your life. Listen, you just have to get better at trusting yourself. And I'm not a big believer in that. We make our choices. Things happen. If this guy is preordained to be your guy, then, you know, where's the romance in that in terms of your guy's decision to decide to do the things that require to be happy in a relationship and make the sacrifices, like not sexting another girl, that's not very romantic. So listen, it's fine to be a helpless romantic. It's fine to get excited about and feel great about your relationship. I think the reason people like to have this idea of the love of my life is because it makes that relationship and that feeling you have feel special, right?

Because if you're just like, well, I could fall, there's like a million people I can fall in love with. That doesn't feel special. And it's like, I remember when I was my first girlfriend and my best friend, he dated her best friend. And in my mind, I had this like, I wanted our love to be more special than their love. Like, no, we're more in love than you guys are. And I think everyone wants to feel like their relationship and the love they have is special. I get that. But you aren't good at

following your gut. You have to get good at that. And you have to be able to recognize that at a risk of following your gut and listening to yourself and trusting your own emotions, that that might disappoint yourself and your ego and might shed a light on things going on in your relationship that would probably in the short term be easier to ignore. But you can't really ignore them because it eats away at you and you stress about it. And then you end up doing things that compromise the things, like going through his phone, right? How many times that we do this is, I've had this happen before. It's like, you feel like something's wrong and you don't want to admit it to yourself. And then you just, because that truth is so painful

to realize that that could happen. And then you just, you finally do it, right? And then you see, you get evidence of the very thing that you just deep down knew something was going wrong and it destroys you. And then, you know, it sucks. And then they use it against you because you're like well you shouldn't have looked at my shit you know and it's like exactly you got to go

back and think about these moments and and think about the times where you you know in any relationship you you shouldn't feel these feelings why are you feeling this level of distrust why do you have these questions it's coming from a place you. You don't sound crazy. So you have to get better at trusting yourself. And as far as this particular relationship, when you strip down all the things you've told yourself about the relationship, how much you love him, how much you think he's the one and only, and you break down the way he makes you feel on a daily basis, is that the type of relationship and the type of guy that you want to be with? Is that the type of feeling you want in a relationship? You know, that's the thing you got to ask yourself. The idea of someone doesn't mean so much about like the substance of a relationship.

How does he make you feel on a daily basis? How does a relationship with him make you feel about yourself? Does it make you the best version of yourself? Or does it make you a more insecure, needy person? And if it sounds like the latter, it doesn't sound like that's a healthy relationship. And if you find yourself getting in these types of relationships and these patterns, then you have to start looking in the mirror at yourself and why do you do this? Again, you are romanticizing it. So maybe you need to work on yourself a little bit about why you tend to do this and just get confident in who you are and

set these boundaries. Again, it's one of those things, subconscious mind works, you know, fascinating, you know, you probably project this level of, you know, ride or die, you know, you're my guy, I will fucking do anything for you, I will fight for this relationship. And for whatever reason, you're giving the sense of like, she'll forgive me. You know? Yeah. Well, didn't you say in your like email that it's like, every time you guys hit a rough patch, he kind of goes back to the same person and kind of texts her every time you guys have a tough time? Yeah. And I guess for me, I was always just like, well, maybe he's just so overwhelmed with this idea of us that it couldn't work. Stop making excuses for him. Just look at the actions of what he did.

There's no excuse. I mean, you know, keep in mind, every time you're trying to make excuses for him, you're really doing it to protect yourself. Oh, for sure. I know I do that. And that's what's motivating you to do it. And so you're just kind of being a wuss because you're having a hard time facing the truth about what the relationship might, it might not live up to

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is ready to meet the demands of the delivery culture. Get started at ShipStation.com today. Click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in V-I-A-L-L. That's ShipStation.com. Then enter code V-I-A-L-L. ShipStation.com. Make ship happen. Listen, I've been in these relationships. I've done this. My first relationship, I've talked about this a lot. She knew for the most part I'd always take these relationships. I've done this. My first relationship, I've talked about this a lot. She knew for the most part, I'd always take her back. I'd always fight for her. And when she would get restless in our relationship,

there was a period of time in this relationship where she would go back to this one guy. And yes, it was a lot about, oh, Nick would fight for me and I was the fighter. But she learned how to take advantage of that. Not necessarily maliciously, not like she wasn't a bad person. It's just a lot of it was my fault. I set this kind of expectation and precedent. But the truth is, I don't know how much of this relationship is salvageable. There's a lot of trust that... I mean, I don't know how can you go forward and really trust him to... You're going to

have to really change who you are and your expectations he's gonna see you as a different person or he should but that different person might be not someone he's interested in a relationship with right well and i think kind of like going into what you're saying how i've like thought all this stuff in my head it's like i know myself like I have given so much this and I like the way things happen. Like I gave up everything. What do you mean by everything? Everything? I mean, not everything, but like all, well, like all of my friends.

Well, don't do that. You shouldn't have to be in a relationship where you have to sacrifice that much. I understand this particular situation got a little messy because, you know, there was an X thing. Fine. But that's the thing. You got to stop talking to yourself in those terms. You didn't give up everything.

What does everything mean? You know, like, did you like have to go to a different planet? Did you get rid of your car? Did you get rid of your car? Did you lose your family? You know, you know what I'm saying? Like, and you tell yourself that because it makes you feel better about the fight of this really i had to give up everything for this relationship and i'm the most romantic person in the world this voice

is amazing um you know like we we do these things you got to stop doing that you got to stop making excuses for him you got to stop making excuses for your own decisions and you got to take the relationship for what it is at face value you You know, the problem, you know, I say this nicely, is you. Oh, trust me, I know. And you just have, yeah. No, that doesn't mean, you know, he did what he did and you need to deal with it.

But don't make excuses for him. There's no excuse. There's no reason, you know. If someone is in a relationship and they are not feeling fulfilled in a relationship and they are not feeling fulfilled in that relationship and they go and have sex with someone else, that might be the reason, but it's not the excuse. They didn't have to have sex with someone else.

They could have addressed the issue. They could have broken up with that person. There's a million things they could have done that would have been more productive and right than cheating on someone. That's not, you know, you don't get to, you know, when people are just like, well, I didn't tell you the truth because I thought you'd be mad at me. What? Like, well, give me a chance to be mad at you. That's not a justifiable reason. So, you know, you need to stop making excuses for yourself and for him. And you need to be

less afraid of realizing the truth that maybe this relationship isn't as special. He's not the love of your life. There's a million other guys that you can fall in love with and have a healthy relationship and have it be special because of what it is, not what you say it is. You never can be too hydrated. I don't, I mean, guys, technically you probably could, but like most people are not. And you need a friendly reminder to get the water that you need. It's surprising how much we are often dehydrated. Our bodies are dehydrated. When we are dehydrated, could, but like most people are not. And you need a friendly reminder to get the water that you need. It's surprising how much we are often dehydrated. Our bodies are dehydrated. When we are dehydrated, our skin is bad. We don't have enough energy. We get headaches. Our immune systems are not where they're supposed to be. It's amazing what simple hydration can do for yourself. And Hydrate Spark

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or pre-order the new hydrate spark steel bottle you won't regret it people get hydrated make it easy make it fun hydrate spark. No, I get it. I mean, you're like spot on. That and letting go are like the hardest thing for me. Listen, you're trying to do 100% of your half and 30% of his. It doesn't work that way. Oh, that's a good one. Right.

I know. I heard you say that so many times before, so I have it like screenshot it on my phone. Well, you gotta, you gotta let it go. And you're gonna, your, your ego and your brain is gonna be like, but, but Molly, but no, but, but no, it's, um, you need to have some like non-negotiables for yourself. If a guy sex another girl, I should break up with him. Non-negotiable.

You know, like if, you know, some things aren't just meant, aren't meant to forgive, be forgiven. Right. And that's okay. Doesn't say anything about you. Gives you a chance to find someone better. I mean, this is probably a good thing.

You probably needed to see this thing for you to have this wake up thing so that now you can leave this relationship and reassess yourself and why you make the decisions that you do. Well, maybe go talk to a therapist. You know, there's there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with you, but you've developed these very bad habits for yourself and they're going to bleed into your next relationship if you don't fix it. I agree. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow, actually. Congratulations. That's amazing.

It's been a long two years and even before that. God, wow. I mean, think about what you just said there. Your relationship, the love of your life. You're like, it's been a long two years. Well, shit, man. It's been forever. Oh, my God. well shit man it's been forever oh my god i mean it's like oh my god i'm so happy in this love of my life relationship he's the best not all the relationship like like i said kind of like the way that it

started like to get to where we are now i feel like has i'm kind of like the way that it started like to get to where we are now i feel like it's i'm just it's like you don't have to defend it it's okay i know i know i know we all have been there right this is like you're not the only one there's a thousands of people listening to this being like oh my god girl me too i've literally been in this type of relationship i've been you you know and it can last a long time if you don't nip it in the bud. So, you know. Well, I guess I'm going to go have some conversation today. Good for you.

Take a breath, but like, make sure you're okay with leave, you know, make sure you're okay with accepting that and stop telling yourself what something is don't like the idea of things more you know um right don't romanticize it because eventually you'll you'll come to this conclusion you can't you know it doesn't really do all right you're gonna be okay you're on the right path you're on the right path I hope so

you are and you have plenty of time to meet your guy alright well thank you guys so much I like seriously appreciate you and I love the podcast thank you for listening alright best of luck. Bye.

Bye. Thank you. I'll need it. Bye. How's it going? Hi, Maria28. Hi, Maria. How are you?

I'm good. Thanks. How are you? I'm great. How can I help? Okay. So I've been married to my husband now for almost four years. And we were both virgins when we got for almost four years and we were both

virgins when we got married. Okay. So we were each other's first. And before we got married, we definitely did other stuff. So we didn't have intercourse, but around and all the bases just didn't slide into home kind of thing. Exactly.

Exactly. And that was all good. But then when we did get married and we did have sex, that was not very good. So, yeah, it wasn't that good and it never really got any better. Are you able to share some details? We don't have to make this into like an audio porn, but like, you know, what about it wasn't great? Do you know if it was mutually not great or were you just talking from your perspective? Just me. Okay. So, um, like it's hard for me to orgasm with it. Okay. I, I have before during sex, but it's just, yes, during sex, physical sex. Um, and then even when I do, it's just really not that great.

And I can totally do it by myself. No problem there, but I feel like it should be better with him than on my own. Um, and I feel like I've, we've talked about it so many times and he's, he's aware that, you know, he can't make me orgasm that easily. During sex with his penis. During sex. Okay. Yes. Actually, even foreplay is not even that.

Actually, it's not good either. It's just all of it is not good. Okay. So it's declined. Yes. It's gotten way worse. Okay. For sure.

Do you feel like he cares or gives a shit? Oh, totally. He does. Totally. does he asks you how could i be better what do you like all the time okay great yeah yeah so he's great in that regard do you find him attractive so that's what i've been playing around with my head. Like, he's definitely a good looking guy. Definitely. But I, I don't want to have sex with him. I don't know why. I don't know why either. But listen, couple things. Obviously, I'm not a woman. We know this. I'm not a sex expert either. But you probably already know this too. But just for the sake in case you don't, like there's a lot of women who don't orgasm via sex, you know, via penetration. And that has nothing to do with their, who they're having sex with.

It's just harder for them to, you know, orgasm that way than, you know, that's one thing I've learned from, you know, talking to experts or just talking to women and people that date. Everyone's different in terms of what they like and how they orgasm and how easy it is for them to orgasm doing different things. So there is that. So this idea of, well, I feel like it should be easier for me to orgasm with him having sex with me, I think that is incorrect, right? And I'm only saying that because just looking at that specific argument of putting pressure on yourself or him in this relationship that he is supposed to, as my husband, be able to get me off via sex is not necessarily accurate.

And especially since you have no baseline, like he's the only person you've had intercourse with, it's quite possible that you are just the type of woman who it's just not that easy for you to have get orgasm via sex it's easier in other ways right but it's so easy with a dildo but then then maybe what you just have to do is be able to like incorporate the two do you know what i'm saying like if you know how to be able to orgasm yourself but like maybe you just introduce that part of it in addition to when you guys are having sex so that way you do find enjoyment out of it i mean the hard part for you is he's the only guy you slept with

yeah you know that's not a bad thing but that is the challenge you are married uh you have some questions about his efficiency the penis efficiency, I guess you could say. Is that like the thing? I don't know. I'm just making it up as I go. Interesting. That is interesting that you are using a dildo. Because you could say, well, I use a vibrator.

A vibrator is very different than a penis. But I guess a dildo does simulate what a penis does. And granted, you are driving that car. And so, but that just means, I get your logic of, well, if I can get myself off of a dildo, then maybe it's, you know, him. Yeah.

And then if I can't, okay, if I can't orgasm, like you said, like, okay, maybe that's a struggle that you have. But shouldn't even the sex itself be enjoyable? Like, it's just not. Well, I mean, that's where I asked, are you attracted to him? It sounds like you look at him and want to throw up.

I don't know. I mean, not throw up. I'm exaggerating. You're like, not throw up, but like, I mean, burp a little bit. Maybe, yeah, a little. What you don't is you don't see him and and ever want to like just be like oh you're sexy you know yeah is that only because you haven't been able to

like it just declined over time like you used to think yeah well you know we're kind of getting into this whole chicken before the egg argument what about the rest of the relationship it's great it's perfect like it's perfect you can say i guess i don't know what is how how much of this information does he know um i mean well in the past few months i've just like stopped trying because it's frustrating so obviously he's like well what the hell like why aren't why aren't we having sex so do you feel like you're married to a friend yeah i mean i don't how old are you again 28 and the fact you guys are you guys both very religious what was the reason you guys were both virgins yeah it was religious um like we both grew up pretty strict Christian household.

We're not really that religious like we are, but we're, we don't, we're not practicing. I'll say. I feel like we kind of just held out cause I don't know. I held out for so long and I'm like, okay, sure. So it was like like it was religion was a driving force and then it just kind of happened that way yeah yeah you want to you want to have sex with another guy like badly don't you yeah yeah yeah um like i i obviously don't want to but no no you obviously do but you i mean you're on it. I get it. That's why you're having this conversation because you're struggling with this. Is there any guy in particular or have you crushed on guys? Have you even emotionally cheated in your head?

Um, so yeah, there's like maybe two guys I can name you. I'm not going to name them. Don't do that. Like in my head. I can name them in my head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, and I wouldn't say emotional cheating, but, um, sexting cheating. Okay. You're done.

Okay. Yeah. Um, listen, you, you need to figure this out, right? Yeah. Because you need to stop doing that. That's not okay. You are married. You seem like a nice, good person.

You're struggling with this. You're going to have to start asking and facing some hard truths and possibilities. At this point, you have no reason not to just have some honest conversations with your husband. You know, maybe it is seeking out therapy, you know, sex. I don't know.

Is it sex therapy? I don't know. Going to a. I don't know. But you're kind of at this breaking point. You are fantasizing about having sex with other men. This is not going to change by doing nothing. Right.

It's just not. This feeling isn't going to go away. So either you're going to go away. So either you're going to address it with your husband and try to figure this out, or you guys are, you're going to come to the conclusion that while you love him as a person, he's a great guy, you're not happy and you're, you're not, you don't, you want, you're not satisfied and that sucks. And it, you know, but like you guys are still relatively young and I bet he wants to have sex with someone who wants to have sex with him. And I mean, you guys are so like,

you're going to do this for 30, 40 more years. Yeah. It sucks. I feel like we've already had that conversation though. Like, like a million times. What's he say? Like, he says, okay,

like, what can I do? And then I'll try to tell him like, I don't know, just take more charge, be more aggressive. If you were. Yeah.

So I'm curious if you were to nitpick him, let's say there was no option there. He was the only guy on the left on the planet. It's just you and him. What are, like, do you fan, what is it about him that he's not doing? I don't know. It's hard to point to words. It sounds like you want somebody who'd be more aggressive, more in charge,

more, like, take hold of you and kind of like toss you around a little bit, which is great. And then when he does do that, it seems like fake. And then I'm like, ugh. Yeah, you definitely have, you know, an idea of your head that you want. And it sounds like you've decided he can't do it for you. I mean, what do you think he would ever? I mean.

It's like have a conversation about like opening the relationship to something different, like an alternative lifestyle. Or taking a break. I don't know. Like I feel like you've decided. I brought up the threesome thing. Like it was brought up. Two guys? No, no.

Girls. Okay. What is that gonna do but um yeah i know not really much it just came up and surprisingly like he was kind of open to it but i feel like you were like you know what i'll let you into me i'll let you have a threesome because ultimately i want to fuck another dude so you're trying to like give him this gift to be like well i'll let you have a sex with another girl and me but like this comes with a price buddy um yeah right yeah yeah um i know you guys your tricks no idea what you're talking about no listen i you i think you know what you want to do you just don't know how to do it you don't know how to navigate it do you want to get have you thought about divorce

i mean where are you at in all the thought process like no not at all you want to be married to him like yeah i i'm pretty sure no that's no okay that's the first time i've said that out loud actually in my head i've always been like definitely i want to live my life with him a lot like he's again he's like perfect in every other way um it's just it's just a sex well you're gonna have to have some tough conversations um i don't know what the answers are. Maybe it is mixing it up, mixing it up, taking a break from each other.

Cause like, I just need to try this. I don't know why. I mean, here's the reality about marriage and this is coming from a guy who's never been married. So, you know,

take it for what it's worth forever is a long time. And we get married with the idea of certain things and then we face the reality and it's not as black and white as we'd like to think. Well, you know, to death do us part. We're so happy and in love and oh my God, like sex with you again forever. Wow, I'm so excited. And listen, there's a lot of people who are married for forever and they've only had eyes for each other and that's amazing you know it's not the same for everyone and sometimes people get mature and start facing various realities of like well I don't know I really

do love you and I just I don't know I need to have these conversations i just think you guys need to have some really honest conversations and maybe talk to a professional and consider all your alternatives because what you're feeling right now what i do know it's not sustainable yeah you'll just end up presenting him what exactly no i was just gonna say um part of me thinks that if like let's say i fucked some other dude part of me thinks that like i would be like okay cool thought that maybe you don't know but i don't yeah i don't know and i how's the equipment is the equipment you know fine yeah no he's well equipped just yeah just double checking i mean i don't do my due diligence you know yeah right yeah um the thought of him having sex with another woman how does you

feel about that without you being there um not the greatest but almost like it would give me a pass. Yeah, no, I get it. I know, not good. I know, I know. No, I mean, listen, I'm just, there's no judgment here. I'm just throwing out scenarios. You got to just, I think my point is, you got to start thinking about all these scenarios of what this means. Right now, you're living a life based off of what you told yourself you

need to think and the vows you guys said to each other. I'm not dismissing the importance of a promise and vows, but sometimes we need to go back and go, all right, well, what's realistic? go back and go all right well what's realistic what's sustainable how do i feel because right now based on how you feel it's not sustainable something needs to change i don't know what you guys need to do but you need to be able to like have some hard conversations and face some possibilities and it might get a little bit more messy until it gets fixed but not desiring your husband and and fantasizing about other guys this early in your life and marriage is definitely not sustainable that's all i know and you need to so you know do i tell them everything like i mean listen walk before you run but like feel it out but at some point you need to like yeah you need to

what i'm saying is like like i said this isn't sustainable so you just need to do something because this is this is if things don't change eventually it'll this is going to end it's going to or you'll be fucking miserable yeah yeah i like, I already am. There you go. So you need to face some hard truths that things need to change. Maybe that is a divorce. Maybe that is some separation and open. Like, I don't have the answer. Maybe you guys get sex therapist, a sex therapist, and he just becomes, he starts fulfilling your needs. I don't know. becomes he starts fulfilling your needs i don't know i just think right now he's operating under false assumption false you know he doesn't know the full scope of the problem yeah no he definitely and i get it's gonna hurt him it's gonna affect his ego i don't know um yeah and i feel like it already is bruised and like i don't want to bruise it even more talk to a sex therapist by yourself first yeah i don't want to bruise it even more talk to a sex therapist by yourself first yeah i don't yeah it might yeah yes listen this is it it's it's gonna get messy before it gets better one way or the other yeah all right um but um yeah yeah you just gotta

okay yeah you gotta do something i guess what i'm saying is i'm giving you permission to really try to mix it up and uh you're gonna have to take some risks you know like you just are it's it's not gonna magically get better so one way or the other you're gonna have to push some limits and get out of the comfort zone of the of the marriage and the relationship at the risk of you hurting him him hurt you know you guys being hurt and it's either going to fix the the relationship or recognize that you two while a lot of love and a lot of respect and a lot of good things is not what you want forever okay a lot of women in my life i love being around them they're my best friend but i don't want to marry them and they don't want to marry me yeah you know yeah and um

yeah yeah just uh hard pill to swallow i guess it is it is but hey it's our lives and uh we want to be happy and i can appreciate where you're coming from yeah all right okay well thank you i appreciate it yeah you're listen you're don't judge yourself and you're not a bad person for having these doubts there's a million people out there you just got to try to handle it in the most respectful and honest way possible you know and sometimes that's going to require people to get hurt in the short run, but just do it honestly. And, you know, cause that's the seat of the sexting. That's where you lose yourself a little bit. That's, that's when you're going to look back. Those are the things that you're going

to look back and, and judge yourself for, you know, look back and be like, that wasn't my best version of myself. Being honest with your husband and hurting his feelings, you're not going to look back and go, I'm a bad person. Like, you were just honest, you know, and you try to do it with kindness. Don't compromise your values. Does that make sense? You know? Yeah, definitely. And I hate doing it, although I do it.

But think of the long term of how you're going to feel about yourself. You want to look back and be proud of yourself about how you handled it however you did and you're never going to be proud of the fact that you uh were emotionally cheating or physically cheating on someone as a result of you not being happy in the short term totally i agree yeah i'm already not sitting doesn't sit well with nobody yeah you. You know, no judgment, but just, that's why you're better off having the hard conversation. So many of us will be like, well, I'm not happy. So like I'll cheat and I'll find this instant gratification somewhere else,

you know? And somehow that seems like an easier thing than just having a very difficult, honest conversation and considering alternative options with the person you're in a relationship with. The person you guys said in front of a whole congregation of like, till death do you part and we'll, you know, through thick and thin. Well, that means having some fucking hard conversations sometimes. Very true.

Yeah. You're right. You're right. It does. Yeah. All right. Okay. I guess I'll do that.

Best of luck. Keep us posted. I definitely will. Thank you so much. All right. Take care. I really appreciate it. Yeah. Bye-bye. Keep us posted. I definitely will. Thank you so much. All right. Take care. I really appreciate it. Bye-bye. Take care. Have a great day. You too. How's it going?

Hey, I'm David. I'm 30 years old. Hi, David. Nice to meet you. How can I help? Nice to meet you as well. Well, back in college, it was my first time experiencing freedom from under my parents' reign. And so I came to realize that I did have an attraction to guys. And that was something that wasn't um accepted within my community okay and whatnot but um there was this particular guy at college that i kind of like was very attracted to and he i feel like he was attracted to me as well but he kind of played mind games and um over the years it's been kind of like a back and forth thing and whatnot

um nearly 12 years okay it's a long time. Yeah. So I'm asking how do you, you know, get over something like that? And I can go a little bit more into detail with the experience. Well, I guess, so just to paraphrase your initial kind of question is, well, it might, so it sounds like we have a couple of things going on here. So you're gay, right? Or bisexual. Bisexual.

Okay. And is that something that, have you come out with that to your community at all? Or are you still kind of very secretive about your sexuality? Yeah, I'm pretty secretive about your sexuality? Yeah, I'm pretty secretive. Okay. Yeah.

Um, have you had relationships with women over the past 12 years? I've actually officially have never been in a relationship with anyone. Actually. I officially have never been in a relationship with anyone, actually. And do you feel like your sexuality and more specifically your fear of coming out to your community, your world, your surroundings, do you think that's played an effect? Or is it because for the past 12 years, you essentially have been focused on this one person or both? I feel like for me, it's probably my community more so than that one specific person. Gotcha.

as far as, again, I can't, I literally can't begin to relate to, I'm sure what must be a terrible struggle for you to have to, you know, kind of hide in plain sight, so to speak, right? And the burden that you must feel as a result. How many people know? Do you have any close friends? I mean, does no one know? I have very few close friends that I've shared with. Okay. And what was their reaction? I've shared with. Okay. And what was their reaction?

I mean, they pretty much accepted it. Even some have shared the same story that I was surprised with. Some have gone on to marry. So they've been pretty accepting, I would say. Okay. so it's it they've been pretty accepting i would say okay and have you fantasized or wondered about what if you told your parents or family about this and what i mean i know you assume but like i'm have you played that out have you ever gotten close to saying anything um in my mind it this i just pictured it as being chaos sure well um i mean i you know it's hard for me to answer that question other than like, I just, I, I hope and wish for you that you can come to a place one day where you can be open.

And I, I say that, you know, um, very lucky and blessed to have the family that I have. And I mean, if you've listened to this podcast, you know, I grew up obviously incredibly conservative and my sister recently came out as gay and, you know ago, I don't know how my parents would have handled it. I'd like to think the same, but I think 10 years ago, my perception of how they might handle it would have been differently. And so, I mean, I just don't know how this is sustainable for you and your mindset. And I hope that the people you have been able to tell and the fact that they seem to have handled this positively is a good sign that I just feel like you got to try to find more and more people to to open up to obviously do it safely doing in a place of comfort but you maybe challenge yourself to to dip your toes in that water of of letting more people know that you're close with because i gotta only assume this is just gonna wear you down uh to the point where you know i'm you know i'm worried for your emotional and mental well-being um i because

i can't imagine what that would be like an entire life of being afraid to be who you are with people you're around and love um sometimes give a chance for people to surprise you, you know, and they may not handle it really well. Do you have a lot of gay friends? Not a lot, but some of my closest friends are. Okay. What do they say? I mean, what is their advice? I mean, I'm assuming those, your gay friends can probably relate to this experience at some level. Well, I would say that their families are not very accepting as well, but like you were saying, they've come to terms and eventually kind of accepted them. Are you really close with your family?

Pretty much, yes. Okay. Yeah. Do you have siblings? Yeah, I mean, do you have siblings? Yeah, I do. And are you, are you afraid that they would, I mean, obviously, yeah, the answer is yes. You would be afraid of even telling them. Like for example, my sister told my, one of my other sisters first,

you know, the one she was closest with, because I don't know, I guess she felt the most comfortable telling her. I think she was worried about what my parents would say um but I think I would be um okay with telling um my brother one of my brothers yeah um he's pretty forward-thinking yeah man I think you just need some friends I mean I want my I'm here I just want to give you a hug you know like I just you know I feel like you just need to even listen to you it sounds like such a weight on your shoulders of um did you tell this person that you were like that you that you liked for all these years did you did they know know uh so it was freshman year and they were actually a baseball player and at our school okay and um he ended up transferring at freshman year but i kept in touch over the years and around 2013-2014 we reached out and I told him and it seemed

like it didn't faze him. And the following year, he actually came and visited me. And he stayed away. So it was kind of confusing, to be honest. Yeah. honest yeah well i yeah my guess is you know you you're living in such a world where you're so careful and tiptoeing around things that i can imagine why it just might be hard for you to even be fully expressive of who you are to people you're interested in you know i don't again i'm just guessing because i can't relate to your situation but um it's harder to like attract people yeah in that way you know your heart you have a hard time being comfortable with yourself on a daily basis and um regardless

listen 12 years is too long to be confused about any relationship uh i don't know this person or you said like maybe he knows and he's just kind of toying with you and maybe he has his own struggle with his own sexuality i don't know but you you shouldn't be in any relationship gay straight man woman um where you have this much confusion about a relationship without having just some honest conversations and just saying hey man this is how i feel do you feel the same way yes or no okay you don't great i need to end this what this current situation or you do great let's let's move forward and change it um you know and, when we obsess over something, when we have a fixation over any relationship, you know, we, again, we justify things. We make a lot of assumptions. We tell

ourselves things like, well, I know how they really feel. They just have a hard time saying it, or they just have a hard time showing it, or they're just afraid. I don't know these answers. And you don't know either because we all do this in relationships because we have a hard time just being direct and honest. I mean, it seems hard, but when people are like, well, how do I address X, Y, and Z in a relationship? Well, you do it by just sitting down and being very honest with them and being very open and willing to face the hard truth. That hard truth being is I don't feel the same way that you feel about me and that possibility. But you're someone

who's really struggling with being who you are at the risk of people judging you and not handling it well, which again, I can only imagine how hard that might be. But I would challenge you to try to find someone more and more people you said your brother you think could open up to what, you know, try to do that, man, like try to tell your brother. And you know, if you're right, and he think he's a pretty open minded guy, ask what he thinks he knows your family, maybe he can help be that, you you know bridge between other people in your family who might have a harder time accepting it but i think this other situation listen if it was going to happen it would have probably happened and i can confidently say that not not you know having it has nothing to do with you being a man who's bisexual or gay or straight like listen this

relationships are relationships and if this was going to happen it would have happened but i just feel like you have a lot more work to do on yourself and your ability to just be free and and be who you are with a group of people uh and if that the risk in the short term of people like not accepting you and i can only imagine how it might hurtful that be but like, but give them a chance to come around. I agree. I did after his visit, I wanted closure and clarity. I asked what was up, what's what? Basically, his response was you know we were miles apart um there's no way nothing

could happen but then he responded after saying and i like girls so that was kind of like yeah the end of that conversation i mean listen also his response kind of does some sound like someone who's fucking with you right yeah um again forgetting about sexuality when you're in a relationship and someone's like well hey man do you want to do this or not and they're like well we're miles apart what that okay well what's that like do you want do you want to try to figure out to make it work he gave you this kind of excuse and when someone gives you an excuse like that the other person's thinking oh well hot well that's just like a problem I feel like I can solve. Yeah, exactly.

What if I move? People do that. Some people just like the attention. Some people like to be liked. He could be a totally straight guy who's just like so narcissistic enough that he just loves attention. Hey, a compliment's a compliment. And does my ass look good in these jeans? I don't care who tells me. I just want to hear it. I don't know this guy right it's possible people do do these things um and uh the fact that he's like oh i but i like but i like girls i mean that's such a weird like if listen if i had a a relationship with a man and i'm very close with my guy friends gay or straight i have no problem saying i love you i have no problem saying affection i'm confident with who i am it doesn't doesn't say anything about me if i show loving affection to my male friends if i had a gay friend who pulled me inside of like listen

nick i love you but i like you know is there and i'd be like i'd be very like direct with him and i think you're great but i don't feel that way I want to be very clear that I'm just not, you know, I'm not bisexual. And I just wanted to say that to be honest with you because I love you as a friend. But I don't want to lead you on. I don't want you to feel a certain way about me, you know, because I don't feel a certain way about you. And it sounds like this guy hasn't done that. And I'm only saying that because like, don't judge yourself for it. He probably was fucking with you, but yes, you do need to accept the reality of it. But I just think this is just kind of a,

this is just one guy you've, for whatever reason, have been obsessed with. But the real work, I think, and the real things that you need to try to do is just find people, friends or family, I think, and the real things that you need to try to do is just find people, friends or family, just more and more people that you can be honest and open with and try to build a community of people that you can be yourself around. You know, you deserve that. Everyone deserves that in their life, right? And I understand that sometimes we want it from the people we grew up with and were born with, but some born with. But the sad reality is some people don't feel that way. But I'm a big believer, and maybe this is easy for me to say, give the people you love who you're afraid of who might not accept you a chance to prove you wrong. But do start,

before you do that, build a community around yourself that if some of your brothers and parents do reject the truth about you, that you still have a support system to fall on. Don't do it alone. Does that make sense? Yes. I appreciate that. So I would try to do that. I'd really focus on that right now. Focus on yourself. Talk to your friends, gay or straight, and just have people that you can trust and rely on and be yourself. And then talk to your brother. Tell him your fears.

Open up with him. Just get it out, man. And at the day you take that big leap and tell the people you're most afraid to tell, do that again with the support system ready to be there for you if it doesn't go the way you hope thank you i appreciate that all right and then yeah stop you know as far as your love life goes you know cut to the chase man you know anytime you're confused about something just be honest and direct and accept the possibility that they don't feel the same way about you. And that's regardless of who you are and regardless of your sexuality,

men and women, is that we have a hard time just facing the possibility that they just don't like us. And there's plenty of people who don't like us. That's just the fact, you know, that's the hard truth about life. It doesn't matter who you are. Thank you. All right, David. Well, best of luck. I wish you all the best and I'm rooting for you.

Thanks, Nick. All right, buddy. You too. How's it going? I'm good. Hi, I'm Alex. I'm 22. Hi, Alex.

Hi. So, yeah. So my question is, I guess, regarding my relationship with my boyfriend. We've been together for almost four years. And I didn't actually meet his parents until about two years into our relationship. And like his family is super religious. They're Christians and super conservative, super traditional, all that kind of thing. And basically his parents are like the pastors of their church. So it's pretty intense. And yeah, the reason I didn't meet them until so long into our

relationship was because like, they're super strict about like dating and like, I guess their expectations of who he should be with. And he was just nervous about introducing me and stuff, but it just got to a point where I literally just kept asking him cause I felt like it was something that was important in a relationship. You were pushing him to introduce you to his parents. Yeah. And I mean, I just felt like I should by then, like it had already been like two years and it got to a point where I was just like, I don't really know if he's taking this seriously and then he finally did introduce me and it was fine like they loved me like it was super sweet like they're still so sweet with me and everything um but basically I started going to their church just you know out of respect and like to support

my boyfriend and stuff um but it just got to a point where like i felt so uncomfortable when i would go to their like services um just i don't agree with a lot of the stuff um that they preach and stuff like like i said super conservative and not open-minded at all so i would just get really uncomfortable like it got to the points where i was literally having like panic attacks during the service and i like had hard had a hard time breathing and everything. So, um, I kind of just stopped going cause I was just so uncomfortable. I don't know. Like some panic attack. Especially not at church. No, not at all. Yeah. So I got really uncomfortable with it. Stopped going as often. Like I've only been a couple of times this year and stuff. Um. But yeah, I guess my question is just kind of how I can navigate this.

Like we've been together for almost four years and like, obviously we've talked about a future together and I can totally see that. I just don't really know what his parents' expectations are of me and how to navigate that moving forward with our relationship. How old is he? He's 23. i'm 22 well i think the only way to navigate that is through honest communication and a willingness to um have tough conversations and open-mindedness to the possibility that maybe you guys are not compatible

yeah i know it's tough to like think about that you know because I mean we've invested so much like time and effort into our relationship and we have had some of those tough conversations but um I guess I mean like we've had points where we're both like crying talking through it and like figuring out like we know it's going to be hard um we just don't really know or I at least I don't really know like what the future holds and like figuring out like we know it's going to be hard um we just don't really know or i at least i don't really know like what the future holds and like how to i guess yeah like i said just go through that and yeah i think you just have to keep talking about it it's his parents are pastors so they're it's literally their job to be good at like bringing people into the church

so you're gonna really struggle i mean it just all depends on what they say who knows maybe So, it's literally their job to be good at bringing people into the church. So, you're going to really struggle. I mean, it just all depends on what they say. Who knows? Maybe they're ultra conservative and ultra rigid in their beliefs and not open-mindedness, but also surprisingly open-minded to you not being a part of it. I don't know. Who knows?

Give them an opportunity to show you. Yeah. But, you know, chances are their willingness to accept you may come down to your willingness to buy into their belief system. Have they said that to your boyfriend? Have they been like, oh, she's not coming to church anymore? Like, what's the deal? Yeah, that's a good question. Have they noticed that you're hyperventilating in the pews yeah well well that time his mom was like asking him after like is she okay and and he was like yeah like she was just a little bit anxious and stuff

but um yeah like i mean they haven't really said anything like negative about it like they know i'm really busy like with school and stuff so i think that's what they assume from it um but yeah and I mean like from my point of view too like I was raised Catholic and um but I was never super like my family's never been super like strict about or anything like we would go to church on special occasions like Christmas and stuff like that um but it is like religion is still something that's important to my family especially my mom's side of the family um so i mean me i guess potentially like converting religions or whatever is not something that my family would really support and not something that i really want to do anyways um but it's just like yeah i just is it is it just i don't you don't have to get too specific

is this a another form of christianity or is it something else yeah it's like i guess they call it pentecostal so it's like i just wasn't sure like if it was like muslim or you know jewish or but yeah just um so just another form of christianity um listen i i think you just have again you have you just have to be willing to have this conversation not only with your boyfriend, but your parents. I mean, you're at a crossroad, right? This whole idea, well, we've been together for so long. We've invested so much in relationship. Again, I've said this over and over, but that is not a reason to keep dating someone based off the work you've done in the past.

Yeah. Right? It's great that you've done that. You've had to do that to get to where you are now. But if you, it's real simple. Listen, if his parents are unwilling to accept him, you, or you guys as a couple without you guys following through with their beliefs going forward, then it may not be practical. It's much easier for them to be more relaxed and chill and have you come now and then. What happens if you do get married? What happens when you do have kids?

Boy, what happens if their grandchildren are not raised in the way that they believe they should be? That could get real messy and dicey. Yeah, that's something that I've thought about a lot too. I know I'm thinking way far into the future, like I'm 22. I mean, you are only 22, but hey, you've been together for four years and you know i'm not here to tell you when you should or shouldn't get married but you know if you're worried about having already invested four years don't invest four more and be 28 and then figure out like well that's not going to be it's never too early to you are an adult you know yeah it's not not too early to be realistic about your future yeah it's just it's just scary because i mean i obviously like being together for

so long like you get comfortable with each other obviously so it's hard to like think about moving away from that like when there's such a big part of your life i guess but yeah i guess i do just have to like think about having those tough conversations more often and like not letting them just not go anywhere like actually doing something about it a couple couple questions what does your gut tell you right now about the possibility of you to spend the rest of your life together based off the current situation like i'm pretty optimistic about it just because of like how much like we've talked about it and like how much no no no but that's not what i'm asking what you're optimistic about i'm asking what is your gut tell you in this moment?

If you had to give a snap answer right now, do you think it's realistic that you two will be not, I'm not asking what you hope I'm asking what you think deep down. I think we will be like, I know it's going to be really hard. It's just like, I do think that like, we're compatible enough to like get married and very well might be. Yeah. But it's just like, I guess, that like we're compatible enough to like get married. Very well might be, yeah. And that is just like, I guess,

having to deal with all of the hard things coming with it. I think there's two big conversations you need to have that I can see. One conversation with your boyfriend is, are you willing to build a relationship with me and as a couple, redefine our belief system as a couple and have our priorities be the biggest priority? At the risk of both of us, in some degree, alienating our parents' expectations of our belief systems.

That's one conversation you need to have, right? The other conversation you need to have is with his parents about, are you guys okay with, and you can say in a nicer way, but I'll just say, minding your own fucking business when it comes to our relationship and how we raise our family in the future. Because I respect your beliefs, but are you willing to accept my beliefs if they do differ than yours at any point? And you have a right as an adult to ask that question. And I think you'll be proud of yourself if you're able to have that conversation. And it will be very telling if they don't. You'll have so much clarity.

You'll have a lot of clarity. And if you do get an answer that shows that they're just not very accepting of it that's never going to change and that will be a nightmare trying to raise your family with with and like i think these are all things that like i know i just haven't been willing to like admit it to myself i guess and like um and yeah and i just think about it too like while yeah obviously i respect their beliefs and stuff i and I just think about it too. Like while, yeah, obviously I respect their beliefs and stuff. I think back to about a year and a half ago, we went on a trip to visit my family and just me and my boyfriend. And then my family was there too.

And we went to one of my relatives were having like a birth, like they're older and they're having their birthday. And they went to like the church, the Catholic church there to um celebrate that and he was so uncomfortable coming in there and like he almost didn't even want to come in and i was like you need to realize like this is the exact same thing i've been doing for you for the past two years it's like yeah so that was kind of frustrating and i always think i like always think back to that thinking like he's been raised this certain way like in such a radical extreme i guess type of way for like his whole life and he doesn't know any difference so i just don't know how how that'll translate into our future

it comes down to you guys being willing to grow as a couple i'll promise you this much is that you know how you both of you how you think of the world in 10 years is going to be different now i don't know how it's going to be i grew up we've i'm at the point in my life that if i like met someone and like practice some fucking i don't know we we went to church and worshiped a marble you know i i wouldn't have a problem telling my parents like yeah i'm doing i'm going to those weird shit and then be like okay whatever i love blue marbles i'm just like yeah just the red marbles are good the blue marbles are bad i don't know like she just i just i just want to make her happy and we're doing marbles my parents i wouldn't have

a problem telling my parents yeah and i just think uh you're right you're you're an adult but only a few years removed from being in the house so to speak and it is all he knows it's all you know he needs you are you guys as a young couple willing to grow as a couple but i guess when i really think about it we haven't really thought we haven't really talked about like what are we gonna do to kind of get through that together and like you said like building ourself or building our relationship up to kind of get through that. So I think that's definitely something that I need to do and just bring up no matter how hard it is,

I guess. You might not be there yet, but if you guys have a relationship, like if you guys are each other's person, you need to be his biggest priority, not his parents. Your respect is his biggest priority, not his parents' respect. And you're the same.

Yeah, for sure. One thing I definitely appreciated my parents and learned from my parents, it was so evident from my parents, right or wrong, whatever their decisions were, they were each other's biggest priority, not their mom and not their parents. And that wasn't always easy for my parents. But, you know, once you guys start a family, you guys are number one. And sometimes you might disappoint mom and dad.

That's fine. They'll get over it. Yeah. Maybe not at first, but eventually will. Yeah. And like, I think about the fact that we've talked about our future so much and like having kids together, getting married, but like, we haven't actually talked about like what entails getting there.

So I think we kind of jumped, jumped ahead a bit there. A lot of people do that, but this discussion is going to make or break you guys and it's not going away. And a lot of people sometimes make that mistake. I'll just get married. We'll have a kid and then we'll figure it out. And then, then you don't. we'll have a kid and then we'll figure it out and then yeah i think like even before like up until we met he really didn't have much like i guess perspective oh i know that's kind of mean but like

no that's the truth he didn't really have like much perspective on like different i guess views on the world because he was like always raised in this specific way, like surrounding himself with these specific types of people. So yeah, I think there's just, like you said, a lot of growing up to do on both ends. And that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, yeah, I'll definitely think about that and have to have those conversations. Yeah. You're doing a great job. That's part of life, man. You're going to look back and no matter what happens,

be thankful that you had these conversations. I can promise you that much. Yeah. I can promise you if you ignore these conversations, on some level you regret it regardless. Yeah. I feel like it's just going to continue to boil up if I don't address it. Yeah. And you'll learn a lot about yourself along the way yeah as tough as it might be i guess yeah it will be tough yeah that's for sure but that's good that's okay you'll be again even

proud of yourself for doing it you'll yeah you'll feel empowered yeah well thank you i'll definitely think about those things and um i guess think about what I can do to help myself kind of grow up in that sense and motivate my boyfriend to do the same. So yeah, just take it slow and just be willing to learn. Try to take it easy on yourself, you know, and just don't, don't ignore things. Yeah. Need to address things. Yeah. It's tough. I know, but you'll, you'll be fine. I trust it won't kill you. I need to address things. Yeah. It's tough. I know, but you'll,

you'll be fine. I trust it. It won't kill you. I promise you that much. Yeah. Thank you. I really appreciate it. All right. My pleasure.

Thanks for calling. It's nice talking to you. You too. Thanks. Bye. Well guys, thanks for listening. Really appreciate it.

Don't forget to send your questions at askdickatcastme.com cast with a K. As always, we appreciate you tuning in. We'll be back on Wednesday. So listen, we love you guys. Have a great day.

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