The Viall Files - E15 After Divorce with Tayshia Adams

Episode Date: April 10, 2019

The Bachelor’s Tayshia Adams joins me as co-host today to talk about moving on after divorce. We discuss the ways we judge ourselves for our past, we address the accusations from her ex about going on The Bachelor, and we talk about romance in the modern age- the days of meeting someone on Aisle 4 of the grocery store may be over! Then, some fans call in and get vulnerable. The truth is, we all have baggage, and we don’t need to be ashamed of it. Download this episode to get to know Tayshia on a deeper level! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How is everyone doing? I think I'm going to do a new intro every different week. I don't even know when this episode is going to drop. So by then, who knows? And I think also every week, I like this song. It's cool. But I feel like it almost

takes itself too seriously. I like it. Do you? I really like it. It had a good beat. Did someone comment that and now you're being sensitive? No.

I just, I hear some other podcasts out there and it's just like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and fun and I'm just like do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, and fun and i'm just like yeah listen to this podcast i'm a rap dance you also sound like kermit the frog that's my go-to

voice whenever i do another character is just coming in kermit um anyways thanks for for listening or watching if you're on youtube we have our essential oils diffusers going with Natural Habits. We are here. We are veng shui. We're ready to go. I am joined by my trusty sidekick and producer, Rochelle. Sam is not with us today, but another time. And then we also have Tayshia.

Hello. Thanks for joining us. Of course. I thought this would be a fun episode to learn more about Tisha. And we do get a lot of questions about obviously breakups. You had shared with us on Colton's season that you have been divorced. And we do get a lot of questions about that. And not necessarily specific to divorce, but I think moving on in relationships can be very difficult. And if you've ever gone through a serious relationship

or have been in a relationship where you feel a little bit damaged, I know I have, you start worrying about baggage or the perception of yourself. And I thought it'd be an interesting conversation to get your take on that. And maybe people listening will find this to be relatable and helpful. And we'll just go from there. Okay. I'm into it. I don't know. Do you want to, like, you know, you've been divorced. Was that your first serious relationship? Yes. So I married my first boyfriend.

How old were you? When I got married. Yeah. How old were you when you first started dating, I guess? I had just turned 21. Oh, wow. When you met him? And then how long did you date for? Six years. Before you got married? No, four years before I got married. Then I was married for just under two. Did you guys break up at all before you got engaged? No. So just a- Actually, now that we did for like three weeks. Okay.

Sometimes that's helpful. But also that was really, it was a long, it was, I was still in college. He lived in Mammoth. And, you know, that commute is just kind of- Sure. Long distance relationships are hard. He was your first love? Mm-hmm.

Okay. Mm-hmm. Okay. Mm-hmm. So, yeah, I dated him all throughout college. Once I graduated, I got engaged and I moved to Mammoth. I lived there for two years and we got married while I was up there. And then we moved back down to Orange County. And then shortly after other than you were in love yeah and that's why you got engaged thinking back and reflecting on

your relationship like would were there times where like do you feel like you was there any part of you got engaged or either both of you like this was the logical next step so that's why you got engaged or was like we're definitely ready and I know I'm in love um does that make does that yeah um it definitely did feel like there was a next step that needed to be had um sure I think we we do that a lot I know moving in you know stuff like that yeah when I first got engaged I was like I guess we moved in. So we're going to, will you marry me? Yeah. No, it wasn't like that.

It was more so like we had talked about it a lot. And being long distance, you kind of talk about your future quite a bit. I mean, all you really do is communicate. So when I was up at Mammoth, he he asked me and yeah i we got engaged right away and then you were engaged for how long um let's see about a year okay and then you're married for uh less than two years how quickly into the marriage were you concerned about the marriage? You know what? The thing about that relationship is we got along very well.

Um, I think we were each other's best friend and I think that we had a lot of similar goals for the future. So we, everything was going very, very, very well up until we moved to orange County. Um, and I think that's just because. Were you married? You weren't married yet. very, very, very well up until we moved to Orange County.

And I think that's just because. You weren't married yet. No, we were. Okay, you were married and then moved. So we moved back to Orange County. Gotcha. And I don't know. People that are not from here kind of get curious about all people and the different lifestyle.

Shiny new toys. Yeah. Yeah. I'm curious about all people and the different lifestyle. Shiny new toys. Yeah. No, yeah. So maybe that's too much for some people to handle. Okay. You know? And so I'm not, I don't think we need to dive into the specific marriage.

I'm more curious about the, I'm asking these questions just kind of under, you know, sense of your mind frame and it might hopefully be relatable to people listening of like, you know, why you thought it didn't work and then how you process that, you know? So once you decided that you guys were going to get divorced, what was kind of your immediate thought about your future? Well, just to get the record straight, I didn't want to get divorced. Okay. Interesting. Okay. So that was obviously, I mean, yeah, I didn't, I mean, it was, I was in it for the long haul. Yeah. I mean, I'm well aware that relationships have their hardships and you're not always going to love that person or like that person every single day. Like it's a thing you need to continuously work on. And I know that you got to try as hard as you can. So that's what I did.

I mean, I guess in terms of, I think I'm trying to set this up for your state of mind. I mean, I've never been married, but the first time I got engaged, I was 28 and found out I was cheated on. So for me, I never thought I would get engaged and only get cheated on. So my mind frame, immediately I felt embarrassment and fear. And I immediately started questioning, what are people going to think? Am I damaged goods? I felt like I had this scarlet letter. Because growing up, when I was younger, I thought,

I'm going to meet someone I fall in love with. And when I get engaged, that's it. And it's all going to look perfect and feel perfect. And it's a great story to tell everybody well my ex was unfaithful as well so motherfucker but it's just that

yeah I kind of he was moving on and I just was kind of forced to in a way and yeah I was embarrassed I was ashamed I felt very undesirable I was in a really like low place at that time. So it was really hard. Divorce sucks. How long before you were, I mean, there's a separation period and then the whole legal

thing, but once you guys were pretty much separated and broken up, how long before you started getting it back out there and trying to date again? Um, I was never and trying to date again? I was never actively trying to date, but I was going out with my girlfriends. I was still just figuring everything out. Was there a period where I asked, because like, was there a time where you told yourself, I don't even want to date? Oh.

Where you shut it down? Yeah, right after I got divorced. I didn't think I was going to get married again. I was very closed off to the idea. Okay. Dating, last thing on my mind. Sure. I mean, I didn't even know.

I had lost myself, to be quite honest. So how the heck can I start dating somebody else? And another thing, that was my first boyfriend. So it's not like I know the whole dating game. I'm not a player. But then it was a couple of months later when I was out with my girlfriends and I did meet someone that showed interest to me. And I will say it kind of caught me off guard. Like it felt kind of good and fun?

Yeah. But at the same time, I was like, no. He asked what my name was and I said, yeah, no. And I walked away. But it's just, I felt so awkward. I was like, why are you talking to me? What is happening? You know, it's interesting that you say that because again, we get a lot of questions.

You know, dating is fucking hard, you know? It is. And so here we have a beautiful young lady. And in this story, this guy's interested in you, and rightfully so. And you kind of abruptly shut him down. And here's this, again, all I'm pointing out is sometimes when we shoot our shot and we get turned down, don't immediately make it about you because we never know what's going on in people's lives. So you just weren't ready. make it about you because we just, we never know what's going on in people's lives. So here, you

know, you just weren't ready, you know? And so, you know, I think that's an interesting takeaway. So go ahead. Well, yeah. So I walked away with, I was with my girlfriends and they're like, what just happened? They're like, why aren't you talking to him? He's cute. And I was like, oh. And so I turned around, I'm like, you're right. He actually is kind of cute. Should I go back? They're like, no. I'm like, I'm going back. And I went back. Great. And I introduced myself and yeah, I just started kind of talking to him. And I think because I was getting, I don't want to say getting attention, but someone was interested in me. It felt really good. And I haven't felt feelings like that in a really, really long time. What happened with that situation? Did it turn into something? I mean, so we started talking with that. I had told him right off the bat. So going back to the whole baggage thing, um, I felt like when I started like being interested in someone after that, or I started talking to a guy, I had to be like, by the way, I'm divorced. Right away? I mean, how quickly? Date one? I mean, oh yeah. Really? I just feel like I don't want it to be a surprise because I was going through so much still. Like

I would be so happy. And then 10 minutes later, I'd just be like, I'm going to cry. Date one. Huh? I wasn't going on dates though. So this is like. But when you started dating you felt like you felt this pressure of I need to be honest with this guy before this first date ends I mean to be honest

the last thing I'd want is to start talking to someone have feelings reciprocated and then be into me but it's the first date then a couple of weeks later, I'd be like, by the way, I'm divorced. I would want to know upfront. Wouldn't you? I'm not saying I wouldn't want to know, but I do think sometimes we put too much unnecessary

pressure on ourselves in our first date. It's like, it's the first date, man. I just want to, especially in this world, uh, see if you look like your profile picture on your dating app. I want to know if like, is there a natural chemistry? Do we just enjoy each other's company? Like a first date could be a cup of coffee or a drink. I don't think we need, I don't think either people need to feel responsible for like, really like letting them know anything personal if they don't want to listen i love getting into like the weeds of conversations if it feels organic i mean i love a good first date where two people are willing to really get into it fine i'm saying i don't

think anyone should feel the pressure of this obligation because how dare you on date three suggest just you know i was divorced and if that happens on date three, if a guy is not okay with it, that's fine. You invested two dates. I guess. Like. I just, the pressure going in with this anxiety of having to explain yourself on a first date, I think is too much for anyone. I don't think they should have to bear that burden. I agree.

But it goes back to that feeling of feeling undesirable. And like, I just got like the biggest rejection. And so I felt like, like like why would you want to talk to me you know what I mean so I was kind of like putting it out there self-deprecation I really appreciate you saying this I mean that's kind of why I want to have this conversation I think a lot of people feel this I mean again I've never been divorced but I mean it's all baggage and pain is relative first time you're in fall in love and you get dumped, even if it's just, you know, they don't cheat on you,

they just end it. Like that's, no one expects to have their heartbreak. And if you get cheated on, you don't expect that. If you get engaged and it doesn't work out, you don't expect that. And certainly marriage, you don't expect that. So it's all relative, obviously divorce being. And I think that's a common thing.

And so I really appreciate you being open about like what your mindset is, because I think sometimes's a common thing. And so I really appreciate you being open about like what your mindset is because I think sometimes we just make it harder on ourselves to move on. And then we start, I mean, I know I did judge myself about and start filling in the holes of perceptions of what people might think of me before I even gave them a chance to form their own opinion.

I guess,, that too, I was scared. Someone else would say it before I told them, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, you know, this girl's like going through a divorce right now. And what if they,

and what if they did? I was so ashamed. That's the thing. Like I would be like, you know, I, no, I,

I, again, I haven't been divorced, but I, I felt shamed when I, when I was cheated on and I was engaged I was like well what happened to you guys I was like it just didn't work out you know too sometimes things don't work out you know and I was like just don't find out that she cheated on me don't don't find

out don't find out and it you know I I've told this story before it was ultimately the best thing to ever happen to me and that's when I really felt like I grew up is having that realization of like, wait, her cheating on me is her problem, not me. And next time someone asks, I'm going to, I had this thought of like, next time someone asks me, I'm just going to fucking tell them the truth. And I was scared to do that, but I'm not going to, like in a casual conversation, not on like a date, but just like,

this is what happened. You know, kind of like just curious. And they're like, oh, well, shitty of them. And I was like, yeah, it was, you know, it was like this really big relief of like, I'm not going to judge myself and I'm not going to be afraid to tell you the truth because I'm afraid of what you're going to think of me. And that was a big moment for me. And I do think, you know, as you're sharing your story, I think we all deal with this. Anyone who's had this like feel shame is an interesting thing. So you started doing this.

Did you start realizing? Did you come to this like awareness that you were doing this? And did you do it differently? With this person? Just in general. Like, yeah, I'm curious. How long did that situation last? I mean, it lasted quite a bit.

We actually became really good friends. I mean, he worked through a lot of things with me. I will admit that. I was in the midst of going through this divorce. So he was like my backbone for a minute. And I'll never take that away from him. So it kind of maybe dragged out longer than it should have. But at the same time, I was really open and honest

and trying to cut it off when I felt right. When you say longer than it should have. But at the same time, I was really open and honest and trying to cut it off when I felt right. When you say longer than it should have, do you feel like, I'm getting the sense that maybe he liked you more than you liked him. And there's some guilt on that. A little bit. Well, I knew that I didn't want to be in a serious relationship. Sure.

I had just gotten out of a long-term relationship and I was going through a divorce. So the last thing I really wanted to do be in a serious relationship. Sure. I had just gotten out of a long-term relationship and I was going through a divorce. So the last thing I really wanted to do was jump into another relationship. This was like my first chance in my 20s to really do my own thing. So yeah, I was being selfish in that aspect. That's okay.

I mean, it sounds like you were also trying to be honest with him. 100%. Yeah. And listen, I mean, I can, again, marriage, but when you're in a committed relationship, it's nice having that best friend and that person you always caught on. You lose that when you aren't in a relationship. And it's different with friends and it's great to have friends to talk to,

but that person with that expectation is always there. And to be able to find someone who's willing to fill that void, I think it happens often. I think it's great for you that you, I mean, yeah, maybe you were selfish, but at least you were aware of that. Because I think it happens often. I think it's great for you that you, I mean, yeah, maybe you were selfish, but at least you were aware that, because I think sometimes that, you know, that rebound concept comes from this idea of, I need to fill this void. And so I'm going to be less selective about my needs because I need to fill this void as soon as possible because I'm afraid to do it on my own with a rebound. And I think a lot of times people will get in these, you know,

instead of realizing he's not for you, men and women do that where all of a sudden I've been dating this guy for a year and a half that I don't even really like, but like, I just, I, I'm not alone. Yeah. Well, I mean, like I did like him, so I won't discredit that, but we're never in a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. I won't discredit that, but we were never in a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship.

Is this the guy who ended up not being cool? Yes. For those of you who don't know. I have opinions on this in Bachelor World. This will be the little bit of Bachelor discussion that we have. But Tayshia in an Us Weekly weekly and i love my us weekly but sometimes the truth can escape them um or not necessarily but it's more of a one-sided story but so much is made of bachelor nation and and when they release cast or when and and the dating history leading up to their time on the show. And it sounds like this friend of yours suggested that you were dating, as the headline says,

days before she left for the show. I don't know if you have an opinion on this. I don't know if you have an opinion on this before you maybe share your truth. Let's assume everything he says is true. Okay. Who cares? My point is, is that people break up. Thank you.

And when it comes to the casting process, I mean, it's such a kind of a cloudy mess because, yeah, it's a reality TV show meant for dating and finding love, but it's also a TV show. And when you're going through the casting process, at least for me, you don't even know what the hell you're going through or what this opportunity is. You certainly don't know if they're going to ask you. I mean, thousands narrowed down to hundreds, narrowed down to 50 or 60, then narrowed down to 25 to 30. And they're always telling you they can change their mind at any moment. And the power is always, you know, I appreciate where the show is coming from. But, you know, for me, I've joked about this.

I was a last second ad. I went through the casting process, but I could tell that I was not their first choice. And they kind of admitted that later on, kind of jokingly how they thought I was going to be boring. The whole while it's like, do I go on dates? This is weird because if I say yes, I'm going to go on the show. But I don't even know if they're going to ask me.

And if I do, do I like her? Can I go home night one? How much of my life am I stopping while I'm going through go on the show, but I don't even know if they're going to ask me. And if I do, do I like her? Or can I go home night one? How much of my life am I stopping while I'm going through this weird casting process? Right. And I guess if you're talking to someone, and then that can get cloudy. I think some people are talking to someone, and it sounds like maybe even you acknowledge that you were upfront about that, but you kind of maybe hung out with them out of convenience. And dating can get cloudy.

And I mean, I don't know. Like, again, if this is totally true, you ended the relationship when you're just like, there's this opportunity or show. And as a result, I need to be upfront with you because I've had to do this opportunity. I can't date you and I can't keep hanging out. I don't know. I just also like if some guy is going to go to a tabloid,

I personally like, you know, talk about right reasons. Like he can have a problem with it and be hurt. I think selling out and speaking your truth to a tabloid immediately suggests you have alternative motives. That's just my two cents. I appreciate that. So do you have anything you want to add to this? I mean.

I think the thing is I was very open and honest when going on The Bachelor was approached to me. I didn't apply. I actually was nominated. So that's one thing that's a little different. And when you got this nomination, he immediately found out about it? No, actually when I got the nomination, I got a phone call and I actually said, no, thank you. Okay.

And it wasn't until a couple of weeks later where I was like, you know what? Maybe I should. And yeah, as soon as I met with them, I told him. Okay. So I was very open and honest. What was his response? I mean, it was kind of hard for him to be like, oh, okay. It's a weird thing to process, I think, for the person on the receiving end.

Because at the time, you know, for me, I was totally single when they asked, when I was nominated. I was nominated by my best friend's wife, who was best friends with my ex-girlfriend. Right. We had been broken up for a year and a half. But we had mutual friends, so we saw each other a lot. And I felt no responsibility to let her know, but I knew that she was going to find out. And I was worried because it's not just dating someone. It's the fear on their end of, are you going to talk about me?

And all these variables of, I've got to see, you know, so I appreciate the other side of that. But so it was, I get why it would be hard for him. Yeah. And I was very upfront with saying, you know what? I made a lot of decisions in my life based off of a guy. Yeah. And at that time, that was my husband.

Sure. So, and someone I was engaged with and I'm not going to do that anymore. And I realized that can come off, I don't know, selfish, but I was being selfish. And I think that that's okay. And it's not like I was in a, we weren't engaged. We weren't in a long-term relationship. I don't know. Do you get what I'm trying to say? I totally do. I also, sometimes the selfish thing can be a weren't in a long-term relationship. I don't know. Do you get what I'm trying to say? I totally do. I also sometimes, the selfish thing can be a little tricky in a sense because sometimes people, selfish is such a,

it's so easy to call someone selfish. Selfish people call people selfish all the time because if you're selfish, it's very easy to think everyone else is being selfish because it's all about you. I'm not saying that's what he was doing, but also sometimes being selfish is helpful for other people because, listen, and ideally in a happy relationship, you can be selfish in the definition of you need to meet your needs first too, right? You can have a relationship with your needs not being met. And when you're both selfish, you both being selfish about your needs first too, right? You can't have a relationship with your needs not being met. And when you're both selfish,

you both being selfish about your needs, line up, right? You're both selfish about what makes you happy. And when you're selfish, you're like, I know what I want and I need to think about me. And what I want is you. Selfishly, I want you. And so if you're like thinking about what you want and that's not the answer, is it selfish?

Sure, but you saved him a lot like should you have dated him and like let him on and not done a show because you were afraid of hurting his feelings exactly i just don't think that does anyone any good it doesn't and it's that that means i'm not giving you a hundred percent you know what i mean and i told him that look i don't know if this is gonna be be long-term. Sure. We talked about it, about me not being ready for marriage. And I didn't think I was going to get married again, but you know what? I think, I don't know. I just, it got blown out of proportion and it's not what it is. So I think it's an easy tabloid opportunity. Um, you know, and I understand why the tabloids run

it because it gets clicks. And I, I, I think the fact that he's going to go out there and share his truth, it kind of sheds a light on maybe his selfishness. Not to say that he doesn't have a right to feel a certain way, but doing that doesn't accomplish anything other than getting attention. So that's my two cents. Anyways, we are going to take a quick break to make sure that we can pay for this great lighting that's making us glow.

Nick is obsessed with lighting. Are you? I just think lighting is key when it comes to being on camera. I take the pictures at the end and he makes me take like 100 pictures. 100 is an exaggeration, but I think it's important to find the light. I don't. Do you have lots of lights at your house when you're taking selfies every morning? I don't take a lot of selfies, but I am conscious of where the sun is shining through my bedroom window. I do have, I do have, I have one of those lights on my mirror. Whatever. Those lights are amazing though. I have to say. They're

great. And I'm sorry, I don't use the word influencer or anything. It's a joke, but I do post stuff on social media and I do use it to run my business and I do use it to promote my podcast. And I do. So do I want to look my best? Yeah, I do. I do. And lighting matters. Yeah, I agree. It do. And lighting matters. Yeah, I agree. It's a lot of good selfie. Meanwhile, I think you're going to really enjoy this product we're going to talk about. Sweet. I got you, Tisha, my essential oils.

You did? Yeah, this is for you. That's so sweet. Natural habits. Thank you. You know what? I am passionate about it. We do have diffusers.

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I'm all into packaging. It's gender neutral. I designed it myself. Me and my buddy came up with it. We did this on our own. We came up with the name, and my buddy came up with it. We did this on our own. We came up with the name and then we came up with the symbols. The idea being that taking yourself should be a natural habit. And those symbols on the packaging are the symbols for rise, protect, center, and release.

Symbols in what language? They're just like hieroglyphic stuff. They're not a language. I really like that. We just kind of Googled it. Cultural. Cultural, like what came up. Anyway, so yeah, natural habits.

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and just mental clarity find us at n oils.com. You had a question? You were going to say, oh, I want to talk about it. Oh, just you painting. Oh, me painting. Where did you learn that? I've always liked to paint.

And the story really is the Bob Ross. I've always been decent at art, and I got away from it for a long time. And I've always been obsessed with Bob Ross. And I started doing it, to be totally honest, because I'm constantly starving for shit to put on my Instagram. Because in Bachelor Nation, they want you to have a kid, be in a relationship, be married. I currently have none of those.

So what the hell does a single guy post? And obviously like the cooking with Nick or sometimes the shirtless stuff is an attempt at a self-awareness of like, I don't like constantly doing it, but it's like clearly it gets the attention and I try to have some fun with it. And so I was watching Bob Ross

and I thought to myself, I can do this. And so I thought it'd be kind of funny to do it and put it on my social media and use it as a platform for people to watch me paint and tell some stories and have some fun. So paint therapy. Join us. I try to do it every week or every other week, but on some regular basis. I've given some paintings away to fans for promoting Vile Files. Look at him. When you post Vile Files on your Instagram story and tag us,

I might be sending you a painting. What? That's right, people. I like that. You heard it here. you a painting. What? That's right, people. I like that. You heard it here. So, well, Tisha, thanks for obviously sharing that story. And so sucks that he did that, whatever. We don't want to shed more light on it, but thank you for clearing the air on that. And I personally just don't think that was cool. I understand that people want to speak their truth, but there's a more genuine way of doing that. So is it safe to say that I'm hearing this, that you still have a

very limited dating history post, well, just in general, I guess. Yes. Because after, so you were married, that was your first boyfriend. You then quickly started dating this cute guy, but hanging out with him. And then you went on the show. And then you met Colton. Didn't work out. And are you back on the market? Are you dating?

What's your plan? Are you in love? Do you have news to break to our audience? What's up? I'm pregnant. Just kidding. Awesome. Just kidding.

No. Yeah, I guess you can say I'm back on the market. I'm not actively looking. Honestly, I think I just have so much going on. And again, I'm just kind of living my life right now. So if it happens, it happens. Where would you say you are now in terms of, so you had divorced and then you were, again, this happened.

It sounded like you had a lot of like angst about like getting over rightfully. So the divorce and this guy was, you know, beneficial. Then you went on The Bachelor, which is crazy. Do you feel like you're in a great place today? And like, you seem confident, like you seem very sure of yourself. Is that safe to say that like maybe for the first time you're ready to kind of like your options are limitless and you're going to have a ball? I mean, yes, I'm not going to go crazy and start dating everybody in LA or Orange County, but I mean, yeah, I'm excited. What if you did? Uh, it's just not who I

am. I don't mean like, okay, I'll tell you this, but, but dating and being open to meeting people without the restrictions of self-judgment, I guess is what I'm saying. And in the sense that like, I'm not saying you should hook up. I'm not saying you should go on a multiple dates a week, but you're just open. There's no self like I'm not ready or I can't do this because if you meet someone you're interested in, are you willing to say yes? Yeah. And I think that's the important part of dating. I am, but I'm also very aware of how much time and energy goes into a relationship. And I really don't just date just to date.

What do you mean by that? I guess the reason why I did get married to my first boyfriend is because I was very selective on who I really invested my time in. Sure. And I dated with the intention of seeing them in my future and getting married. So me right now, I mean, I'll go to dinner with people and I'll talk and I'll meet people, but I'm not going to continuously talk to you if I really don't see any potential. No, I get that. But like maybe a lot of first dates.

Yeah, sure. And the occasional second date and then the less occasional third date. Yeah. I guess, you know, I think, I don't know if you're on the same page as me. I've, this is from my point of view. And again, as I've gotten older, I've become, again, we've talked about this, I've become more selective. Yeah. But you also have to shoot to get hot and, and, and dating is a contact sport figuratively and literally. And we, you know, you met your first love when you were younger um are you do you feel

like you're a different person your needs have changed yeah i really don't i'm i don't take bullshit for like i just don't sure i guess what i'm saying is like dating there i don't think there's nothing wrong with just kind of maybe going out with a handful of dinner dates i think there's a difference between dating and being open to that and not wasting your time by getting to know this gentleman that you kind of maybe even admit that you were kind of navigating dating for the first time after a divorce. So maybe you enjoyed his company and you invested time in him and realizing maybe you didn't like him.

I did. So don't do that, I guess, right? But I think people could date and just feel it out without the expectations of, you know, like we talked about, is it okay to hook up on the first date? Sure, whatever you want. But if you are going to hook up on the fifth date

and you're going to rush the physical aspect, it, you know, it can complicate things. It can put the cart before the horse. It can make you feel like, well, we've had sex, so now I feel like I don't want to get used and I want to set expectations, but you both agree to do this. And neither of you really know each other. You may come to find out by date four you can't stand each other.

So there's that risk. But that's fine. I just think sometimes when we date, I hear that a lot. We're like, well, I don't want to waste my time. And it's like, well, how are you going to meet people? Yeah. Honestly, I'm so overwhelmed. How do you meet anybody?

I don't go on dating apps. Like, that scares me. Why? First of all, I would much rather meet somebody out in a natural way as opposed to like you judging me off my photos. I don't even take enough photos. I would prefer that too. I would love to walk to a grocery store

and fall in love in aisle three where we both grab the jar of peanut butter at the same time and like- That'd be the sweetest thing. Sure, I would love that. Great. But like we all would, but like that's what I'm saying is like why,

like fine, that's great. But sometimes we have to put ourselves out there. There's a difference between being open to meeting people and forcing it. And I don't think saying yes to the occasional setup, if that's what you want, saying yes to an activity where you kind of know that there might be a lot of single people

there on the chance of meeting, or even going on a dating app, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. And I don't think that suggests to anyone that they're forcing it or they're doing things inorganically I guess you're right just opening doors just opening windows I mean I guess you're right but I feel like people are I just feel like apps make you so disposable like oh I like you but then I also like you you you you nope you you you know what I mean like you're so disposable totally she's not gonna text me guess what I got 20 others that do that is a But then I also like you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're so disposable.

Totally. She's not going to text me. Guess what? I got 20 others that do. That is a risk of that. Definitely. That can't happen. That's such a playboy.

I'm not looking for that. I'm sorry. Men and women do it too. It's not. I'm not saying it's just guys. Yes, you're right. But I also think a lot of people can control that on their own. You can't control the guys, or in your case, the guys, or in my case, the five, 10 guys that they're talking to plus me. But we can all limit our own options. Yeah.

And I think it starts there. And I think sometimes it's, listen, dating apps can be discouraging for that reason. Yeah. I just think in general, like sometimes we can get too hard on ourselves about meeting people because I don't know how you feel. Because I get the sense of, at least for me, okay, I was engaged, I got sheen on, it didn't work out the way I imagined. My fairytale life didn't become a fairytale.

And now I'm trying to fix that fairytale and create another fairy or two situation so that I don't have to be like, well, I mean, I got engaged and then cheated on and then I slid in her DM and now we're dating. And I know that doesn't sound romantic, but like, whatever, she's my girlfriend, you know, like it doesn't have to be that it's this all matter perspective. And I don't know, like who I don't know. Who cares if you don't have the most romantic story? Who cares if you didn't get swept

off your feet in a bar with your friends? I don't know. We just want to find people that make us feel good about ourselves and we connect with. I guess, actually, in your defense, any guy, even if you meet at a bar, could be talking to 10 other girls at a bar. Right? Even a guy who's brazen enough

to romantically introduce himself at the produce department is also really good at talking to women. Taysha, you went on The Bachelor. He was literally talking. I literally. That's not a fair comparison. But you're right, you know?

Yeah, I don't know. I just, I don't know. I hope I'm not giving you too much of a hard time. I just, I know growing up in a very traditional family, I set these expectations of myself. I do think some people, I think we all do that a little bit. I think sometimes we are hard on ourselves about the story and the life that we want to have. And we all want to write our fairy tale story when it doesn't work that way, sometimes we become even more hard on ourselves. And sometimes if we feel like damaged goods, we're, we become less inclined to take more risks at the risks of being more damaged. I mean, here I am, I'm the guy who like, if I tell a story, I could say I've, uh, I've been engaged twice. I asked two other fathers for their permission.

I went on a reality TV show four times. You want to date me? You tell that story and if I say it with a lot of baggage and a lot of angst about my perception of myself, that can sound really unattractive to literally anyone listening. I have a question with that. Do you really say that to everyone? I don't say it to anyone. Okay, good. But I'm saying if I were to judge myself and I were to be hard on myself, which I am, and sometimes I feel that way. And then I projected that onto everyone that I went out with. I think I would put more pressure

on myself to try to meet someone in the most organic way possible. So it was like, listen, I did all this, but I didn't force this one. She asked me and it was super romantic and it was all worth this fairy tale. And I think sometimes it'd be easy for me to put my pressure on myself as opposed to, yeah, I'm still shooting over here and I'm still walking up to random women I find attractive and I'm still sliding in the occasional DM and I'm just one of these days, I'm going to meet someone and maybe it's on a dating app and I'm just going to try

and I'm not going to judge myself for putting myself out there and opening doors when it's there and hopefully it all works out for me one day. And I've just tried to judge myself less to do that even though I could easily and sometimes am hard on myself. There is that meme that says, I'm just waiting for my Prince Charming to just knock on my front door because you're just not going to go out there and put yourself out there

and you're just expecting them to come to your house. That's not going to happen. So I guess I should put myself out there, huh? I don't know. It's up to you. I don't, you know. Do you feel like women, Rochelle, Tisha, do you feel like, you know, here I am saying this, do you think women women, Michelle, Tisha, do you feel like, here I am saying this,

do you think women even find it, there's a greater expectation even for men because it's okay for men to pursue the perception of the traditional, yeah, guys are going to slide in DMs and they can do all the things, but do you think it's even harder for women or easier for women to judge themselves at the fear of other people judging them?

I mean, all I know is I get like five emails a day of women asking you out via our email address. So I don't know if women seem to be doing it. They seem to be shooting their shot. Yeah. I don't personally, I personally feel hard. It's hard for me. Yeah, I agree.

I don't mean like, but just like the judgment of. Like someone being like, she's the one that slid into my dms or or just like the the baggage of of if do do you think uh women feel more like if a guy's had a failed relationship do you think i don't do i don't know do you feel like that have do you think women have more pressure than men or no no? Do you think that's equal? I don't think so. Okay. I don't think so. That's great news.

I don't know. It was just more like, you know, sometimes, I think sometimes we can be superficial sometimes, all of us. Well, yeah. We list, well, I don't want someone who's like, you know, the whole kid thing or being, whatever it is. Or God forbid, you're like, you know, I don't want someone who even engaged or you've engaged twice. Really? Yeah. Well,

won't I feel special if I'm the one, you know, like there's that fear of that perception of that person feeling like that. Yeah. I don't know. I guess at the same time, like all of your baggage is out there. Yeah, well, I guess that my point of all of this is that we all have baggage. And I strongly feel that our baggage is heavier and the heaviest when we make it the heaviest. And oftentimes, we judge ourselves way more than other people judge us. And we all have, everyone has baggage. And it may not be divorce. And it may not be, not that kids are baggage kids or being cheated on or being engaged.

We all have some sort of version of us. And quite honestly, if you don't, I'm more nervous about dating you because you haven't really lived a real life and you haven't faced adversity. And I don't know, I don't want to be the first time. I don't want to be the first person you face adversity with because I've done that and hasn't worked out. And my biggest challenge in my relationships is being on the same page when dealing with adversity. It wasn't how much fun we had when we had fun. It was our inability to communicate effectively when we face adversity. And so I need to know that we can handle that together.

So, yeah, I don't know. And that's really important to keep a marriage going, just so you know. What is this? I just thought it was interesting. There's this article in the New York Times about the millennial generation or whatever. I just think nowadays people, they're getting married later in life. I kind of feel like that's good. It's just, we have such a different world now

and the expectation of settling down when you meet your first person, for better or worse, we're just maturing later in life. I think 30 years ago, 22 year olds and 21 year olds 23 year olds were more adults than 23 year olds are today i completely they had more responsibility you know it just was normal to like have kids and a mortgage at 22 and now if you're like you meet someone who's like 22 they're like yeah i'm got my 401k my mortgage. I was like, damn. Like, look at you. Who are you? Yeah, right? And so, yeah, to me, this is kind of like, I'm glad. I think it's...

I mean, I think it's good. I think when you're in your 20s, you really should be living your life and you should be experiencing everything that you can. Yeah. You know, my first love, there were definitely... I think about this a lot. You know, great girl, but like, there were definitely, I think about this a lot, you know, great girl, but I was very close to asking, we didn't ever get engaged, but there was a couple moments

that my life could have drastically changed. And we could have gotten engaged and married and had kids, and I could have been a dad at 25, which would have been great, you know, if I was a dad, but my life would be drastically different. I don't think deep down I would have been happy dad at 25, which would have been great if I was a dad, but my life would be drastically different. I don't think deep down I would have been happy with my life because while she's great, I don't think she was my person. But man, I think about how close I got to getting engaged that quickly. And a lot of it was based off of, well, I think this is the next step. I think I'm supposed to do this. And I think now it's a little bit better that we're waiting because we're more comfortable and maybe it is a little selfishness, but it's better to get, you know, to get,

you know, yourself and be selfish early in your life so that you can be more giving and less selfish. I think as we get older. I agree. I mean, what if like you're dating when you're younger and then you figure out, I don't know, you guys just, your interests change, you change, you just. Yeah. I think more people change drastically as people between in their twenties than they do in their thirties or forties. Yeah. And I think maybe, you know, I have a brother who got divorced and he got married very early. You just, you're just like, we are different people.

And there's a challenge too sometimes of that commitment of till death do us part or do I leave? I mean, infidelity is a whole other issue. And if someone steps out, you're helpless to the decisions they make. But I think sometimes you can rush into things. Even if you don't get married, realize that like we're just, I care about you, but we're not, we want different things. And I've always desired to be in a big city.

My first girlfriend, I mean, she still lives in the same neighborhood she grew up in and that's great. And that's what she always wanted. And I think that's what made her happy. And that wasn't me. And that can, you know. I mean, differences are fine. That's what she always wanted and I think that's what made her happy and that wasn't me. Differences are fine. One of my best friends and her husband, they're different spectrums.

One loves to go out and sit, drink, and have fun with me and her husband's a straight edge. You just find the balance. You can get through it, but you just have to be on the same wavelength. Totally. I was talking to someone the other day who married her first love and they seemed to have a great marriage, but she recognizes they both drastically changed, but she also recognized that she's very fortunate they grew together. And that there was no guarantees. Now part of it is maybe I think they made the commitment to do that and they chose each other first. But I think sometimes you'd also realize that,

yep, we still like a lot of, we have a lot of the same interest and so that, you know, and we're willing to make certain sacrifices where there's not similarities. Sometimes that's not the case. Tisha, was there a religious aspect that made,

that was, made you feel like you should get married younger? No. No. No. I mean, the religious aspect of my relationship was that we should stay married and fight for it. So maybe that's where some of the shame came in. Yeah, definitely. I mean, like I said, I don't know if I told you guys but in a previous interview I probably told about 10 15 people and that's family and friends included that I got a divorce

I just kind of let everybody else figure it out yeah I think that's common you know what I mean yeah no totally I mean again not the same as divorce but I when I was engaged in cheating I was like I just don't want anyone to know I told maybe my therapist my parents and my best friend that I was cheated on so I have a one last question about this before we get into questions with fans but he was unfaithful that sucks you

were willing to make it work and that's awesome now that you're divorced and you look back, not that we want to give him any points for leaving, but do you, do you, are you glad it worked out the way it did? Do you think it minus the infidelity could have been salvaged? Are you disappointed that he quit so easily? Or like, what is your, how do you feel about it now? I have mixed emotions. Not that I'm not, I haven't moved on, but we were a very good team. And, um, you know, I think we've, he rushed into a decision. It definitely could have been worked, like worked through. Um, but I'm, I'm content with how my life is now. I think I definitely wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have done what I just did.

I'm more myself now than I was in that relationship. I think I lost myself quite a bit. I'm fortunate. I think everything happened the way it was supposed to, as hard and as much as it hurt. I'm happy. I really appreciate you sharing that with me. Relationships are muddy and they can obviously have such a huge impact on our lives

and there's always this struggle of uh being quote-unquote selfish and meeting your needs or changing for the relationship only to lose yourself and yeah um i mean it's it can be muddy i hope i think my biggest takeaway of what I hope to accomplish in this episode, and I hope people feel like we did, is that we are going to all fuck up and fail and things aren't going to work out the way we hoped, but that's okay. Yeah. I mean, you never know. Especially going through my divorce, I thought that it was,

like I didn't see any positives or I didn't see a light at the tunnel. I thought I was going to be in like this huge depression for quite some time. And I've never been happier. You look, you seem to be glowing. You seem to be in a great spot. Okay. So Nick, we've been getting a lot of questions about divorce actually. And some people are asking, you know, if you've been in something for eight years and you realize you're not very compatible or you're not feeling like you're growing or learning, is it better to stay and fight for the marriage? Or is it better to, you know, try and get out and see how happy you could be without them? I mean, that's tough. Taysha, what are your thoughts in the sense that I know you mentioned you didn't want to get divorced.

You made this promise and you wanted to work for it. I don't know if there is a right or wrong answer, but what is your two cents on that? I think that there are acceptable reasons to get a divorce, such as infidelity or being in an abusive relationship. But if it's things that can be worked on, I don't think that divorce should be one of the first things that pop in your head. I think you should honestly give it a solid effort and try as much as you possibly can. Just because you try for like three months doesn't mean, okay, cool, I've done everything. But you need to give it some time. But that's just like my personal opinion.

Incompatibility or you don't feel like they're your number one support. I just feel like there are things you can do to work on that. Work on communication. Go do activities together. There's obviously a reason why you guys were together for so long already. So try to revisit those things. Yeah. I mean, it's sometimes tough if one person's not willing.

If two people are just struggling, because there's things you can do like therapy. Right. And again, if you're younger, I think there is a challenge, right? If the, when you get, we talked about this, when you get married young, you're going to change. And I think if you are going to get married young, would you agree that like, you kind of have to acknowledge that?

And maybe that's what people aren't doing these days is acknowledge that if we're going to get married young we need to be willing to grow together because yeah people just kind of like just jump into it like like how we've been saying it's the next thing to do would you have done something differently hindsight being 2020 um and yeah you can't control what he did or his actions but if you knew how things played out, would you have had a conversation as a couple before saying, all right, we're going to move and we need to make sure that we, we protect our relationship? Yes. I would have done some, there's a few things that I would have done differently. I think that some of the issues that we did have, we were both embarrassed about and we didn't really talk to anybody else about it.

Can you, are you able to? I mean, it's just, I don't know, just like normal fights that people have in marriage. Sure. But yeah, I feel like if I would have even talked to my parents about like, hey, you know, he's doing X, Y, and Z. How do I go about it? As opposed to just shutting down and basically causing a huge issue and then sweeping it

under the rug and just creating more problems. So you felt you both did that with each other? Yeah. And you know, I think- What would you do now? What would you tell the younger Tayshia about that for people who might be listening who feel like they can relate to you? Um, go to therapy. Number one, premarital counseling is very, very important. Um,

and I also think that you don't, you can't figure it all out on your own. And you actually find out that a lot of the problems that you have a thousand other relationships have the same thing. Yeah. And you're just embarrassed by it. Whether it be with intimacy, whether it be with compatibility, there's a lot of things. I don't know. No, I think that's very helpful. I mean, it's interesting to hear for someone who's been married,

a fear of communicating and still talking through things. Maybe people take that for granted in marriages. And so, no, I mean, I think that's really helpful. Yeah, and that's, I'm just kind of fascinated. I think that's great. Just, and now I'm thinking about it. A lot of people, you know, maybe is it the pressure of, well, we're married and we should feel a certain way.

We shouldn't have certain fights. And it should be fine because we're married. Right. Everything should be fine because we're married. Right. Everything should be great. Dandy. And the acknowledgement that even though my parents taught me this, even though I haven't been married, is that it can get really difficult. And there's not good months or bad months.

It might be sometimes bad years. Maybe there's a challenge there. But you always need to be both hopefully willing to work on it. And that's a challenge. There is that balance, right? I don't know what you think, but, you know, there's like, what's the breaking point? Back in the day, you got married and you stayed married. Divorce wasn't as accepted. But people seemed to be more unhappy because they were stuck in situations they didn't get out of. And instead of fixing it, people just kind of secretly were like cheated or stuff like that. And now it's almost the opposite where people are quitting way too early.

Right. Do you feel that way? I mean, yeah, I think the word and just we're going to get a divorce is just thrown out there so lightly. Like it's like the first thing you do instead of being like, let's work on this. Let's go to therapy. Let's figure it out. This wasn't all, you know, magic and roses. So I guess we should get divorced.

Yeah. Like it should be like your last resort. Yeah. Which sometimes I think can, can happen too. I mean. But also people are just, yeah. I don't think people think about things before they're getting married as well. That's why I think premarital counseling is very important.

I think that's really great feedback. I think sometimes, I know I even, I felt this way when I was younger, but sometimes, well, we're not even married yet. Why should we get therapy? Right. I don't know why people have such a negative connotation on therapy. It's so good for you. Like, I don't see a negative side to it.

Or not even therapy, just the idea that even if you're not married yet, you're going to have maybe communication issues and maybe you haven't figured it all out. And if you are younger, it's going to evolve and change and you need to know how to do that so that you're not waiting to figure it out once you have problems. Exactly. Wouldn't you like to like work through those problems before you get in your marriage and realize like, you know what, this is a deal breaker. Like I don't want to be with you anymore. You know what I mean? Like when you're dating, wouldn't that be nice to work through those issues? Uh, yeah. Way before. Um, yeah, that, that's, that is very, that's hopefully very helpful to the, to the people listening. I mean,

again, I've never been married, but I find that to be something I don't think about or we should all take into consideration, whether it's a marriage or a long-term relationship. Is that, again, dating is hard. I mean, how many times have we had conversations, whatever it is, in a relationship or not, where you get worried about saying something, you get worried about saying it and you say it and then you the response is like kind of fine you're like i just feel a lot better now um right do we not yeah and it's i don't know i mean in relationships and it seems like maybe even in a healthy relationship you should be able to bring up anything yeah but talk about anything we sometimes don't, I guess. Cool. Well, that's really interesting. Okay, so I just have never employed you as a dating coach.

Not saying that you're a dating coach, but have I ever asked you for advice? No. Can I do that? Yeah. Okay. I'm flattered. Rochelle's and I's relationship is touch and go. All right.

We, you know. So I'm flattered. I'm excited. I'm excited to hear this story. Well, okay. This is my problem. Well, the whole commitment thing. I don't know if it's an LA thing or if it's a me thing.

Probably a me thing. But I always feel like, okay, you wait two or three months before you can really be like, is this going anywhere? Do you think we could be together? Is that true? It has to be two or three months? Yeah. You have to like, wait. I think there's a lot of variables. Do you have a specific situation where you... Well, okay. So I always have been waiting and then they're always like, oh, actually I'm not looking for a relationship.

And I'm like, okay, so I've just invested all this time, right? Why are you doing that? Why am I doing what? Waiting. Yes, I've been trying to be cool, right? Okay. So then I stopped being cool.

You're here every week, Rochelle, and we get all these callers and I constantly am telling people, like, stop worrying about being cool. Okay, well, I'm trying different tactics because nothing is working. Do you understand that? Sure. Okay.

Is there a guy you're hanging out with? Yes. So, okay, I decided instead of being cool, I'm going to just be up front about asking. How long have you been dating this guy? It was since we met on New Year's. Yeah. I know. Sexy. Did you kiss? Okay. Yes. Did you kiss? Did you kiss? Did you kiss? Yes. We definitely

did. Definitely. Yes. Yes. And it was good. Oh yeah. How many bases? Oh okay. Let's just say it all. I wasn't planning on a thing. But it just kept going because of good chemistry. So physically, you got to win quick. And then sometimes, well, I've done that.

We would go on dates and he met my roommate. He met my friends and all blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay, this is embarrassing. Now I'm getting red. Listen, then I just said, this is the words I said, which is embarrassing. I go, do you care about me or are you just hooking up? And then he goes, oh, we're just hooking up. And he goes, I'm not going to feel bad about it.

Wait, when was this? Wait. Abort mission. When did you ask him? What do you mean when? So you met on New Year's Eve. And then we've been dating. You've been hanging out.

Yeah. But you hooked up on New Year's Eve. Yeah. we've been dating. You've been hanging out. Yeah. But you hooked up on New Year's Eve. And since then you've been hanging out. Yeah. And I'm assuming still rounding all the bases from time to time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like. Oh, God.

I like. Baseball terms? Well, or just like. I like knowing the specifics. We all know what we're talking about. Okay. But it's just more fun. And you probably.

So you like him. Well, I liked him fine when you met him after you hooked up yeah regardless of what he thought about you did you like him i i did i thought yeah hey but i wasn't like oh my god you were interested in pursuing a relationship. Yeah, but I was like, he should feel good to be with me, to be honest. Like I had that kind of an attitude. And then I was like, oh, when he said that, I was like, oh, hey. I mean, the person you date should definitely feel that way. I do find you're, I hear so many of our callers too. And when questions with Nick, it's so many people worried about whether

they like they're like they're being liked before they think about how much they like there's that there's that fear of like well I mean I guess I like them but do they like me yeah and right and so so he was honest yeah until he asked I mean listen. So what was he doing? What were you doing in between? Like going on dates? Yeah. Like were you. Was it casual? Was it casual?

Were you seeing each other every day? It was like once a week. So that's casual. And you were once a week? Yeah. Was there communication throughout the week? Yeah. Was it always instigated by you?

Like good morning, Texas. Not that that necessarily matters. I'm just. No, yeah. I'm saying obviously he wasn't interested in. And then you finally asked recently. And he said, I'm not going to feel bad about it. That's kind of a dick thing to say.

I can't. say i i i i i can't i have i have hooked up with people who and i realized after we hook up like or even before like this is probably not going to be my person yeah i am very self-conscious about not putting myself in a situation where i'm leading someone on. So I very quickly set an upfront expectation about like where this could be going or not. Like either before or immediately, not like immediately after, but like, and I don't wait for them to ask. You don't? Do they get sad when you tell them? Well, this all depends if it's early on.

I think, you know, sometimes, and we talked about this, you know, if it's someone who's like younger than me and like maybe 24, 25, I don't know where they are in their life.

And so it's kind of like, you know, my, my, I want to have kids and I want to be in a relationship where it's a possibility, you know, where I'm not saying like, I want to have kids. And I want to be in a relationship where it's a possibility, you know, where I'm not saying, hey, I want to have kids tomorrow, but I want to be in a relationship where that person is also ready to have kids if the situation's right.

And I think sometimes that's kind of my out. It's like, hey, you seem like you have a lot in front of you. And maybe you don't want to, I don't say it like that, but that's kind of the, but I think if a guy is going to hook up with you for three straight months and then leave it to you to finally ask and then so abruptly be like,

I mean, it sounds like he said it so with no consideration for how you might be feeling. Right, yeah. I feel like you might've known. Well, obviously, yeah. I did if I asked. That's why you asked. Yeah, that's. Also like. like you might have known. Well, obviously, yeah. I did if I asked. That's why you asked. Yeah, that's.

Also like. So you kind of just got the answer that you were expecting. But was there, again, I'm just thinking about my situation. Sometimes it doesn't come up. Sometimes there's like, I was, I mean, not to this young lady. And we still kind of hang out from time to time. And she's, I actually. Kind of hang out.

She doesn't even live here. She lives in another city. But when she's in town, she lets me know. When I'm in town, I let her know. We go out and we have fun. And we never really talked about dating. And I think sometimes with me, and we'll get into this. I think part of this episode is talking about baggage or what perceptions of us.

And I think sometimes I get insecure about perceptions people have of me or being old. Do you even want to settle down? People just might assume I'm just some fuckboy who doesn't want to date. I think a lot of women who date me early on, that's a question I get often. It's like, do you even really want a girlfriend? And sometimes, I don't want to say I use it to my advantage, but like I think if I'm not, if I don't think there's going to be a relationship there, I know that they just might assume, they just assume this is not going to be something. So like with this particular person I'm dating,

there's clearly like this, we both know. Mutual understanding. There's this mutual, and she even jokes about it. One time I was in New York and we had, we've hung out, I've known her for like five, five months now. And she, she's 25. So like, you know, right around that, like, maybe, I don't know. But like, yeah, anyways.

But I don't know. We like, yeah, anyways. But I don't know. We haven't really talked about it. And we were out to dinner and I was in New York and she just goes, I think we should date. I was caught off guard. And I know she has a dry sense of humor. I know she's really like, she's very sarcastic, which I like about her. But just deadpan.

I think we should date. And I kind of, I'm in ramen and I'm just like, I'm really caught off guard. I didn't know if she was joking. She was, she really sold it. And I, my first, like, well, I, I mean, we live like in different parts of the country

and without hesitation, she looks at me and goes, I'll move. Dead serious. And I was like, and then like, uh, uh, and then like, she let it settle.

Like she let it marinate for like two minutes. And then she's like, I'm just fucking with you. Um, I don't know if she was, I think, I think there's a part, I think there's a part that is testing me in her own way.

I also think, but I'm, what I'm saying is she definitely knows that, uh, this, like she knows we're thinking there's, I don't think we're confused about like, she's not wondering if right now we just kind of hook up. And what I'm saying is things can change in that situation. And then like, you know, that can happen where like, I feel like we've just been hooking up, but I'll be honest, I kind of want

more. I'm interested in having more. And then you can do that, but you weren't even there. You were just like, I don't even know if we're hooking up or I'm, or, or moving, we're progressing into something. Yeah. And I think, I just don't know why people, I guess what I'm saying, I don't know why people wait so long and I don't think you should ever wait. I don't think anyone should wait. I think at the time, if you're having sex with someone, I think you immediately have the right to get a clear understanding of what that relationship is. Even if it's the next, if you hook up the first day. I agree. But don't you feel like that's when they start calling girls crazy when you ask that?

Yeah, but then they don't have real intentions. Like they're just looking to hook up with people. May I offer some without mansplaining? I've literally asked you for advice. I'm just making sure. I don't think when you ask the question, I think your phrasing could be a little better. It gave all my power away.

Do you care about me? It's so bad. It's a little. It's so bad. It's a little like. Oh God. I know. It puts, it really puts a guy in the spot.

I know. You're right. Listen, there's nothing. I do think It really puts a guy in the spot. I know. You're right. Listen, there's nothing. I do think in general, say what you want. Say how you feel. If you're sleeping with someone, I think men and women have every right to ask whatever question they want about their standing. Okay. I agree.

I think it might be a slightly softer way of saying it than do you care about me are we are we just fucking well at least i admitted i actually said that because that is that's totally honest i really appreciate you sharing that i think maybe just kind of like yeah that's where i went wrong i do think and i said this on nikki glazer's show i think you talk about power yeah i think and this is a little bit of a manipulation but i I think women, if you in this situation, if you find yourself in this situation, I think you should, instead of being like, oh, do you care about me?

You should say, hey, listen, buddy. Buddy, I already like this. Whatever his name is. I like you. And in fact, I even quite enjoy having sex with you. And I would be open to dating, but honestly, I feel like this is, you're not, I think you're kind of, you're probably a fuck boy and that's fine. That's totally cool. Absolutely. And I think you should, and I think

like, it just seems like you're maybe not ready for relationship. And I think you just kind of want to fuck around and that's cool but like I I do want a relationship and so I think maybe we should just time this out because it's just not what I want and I've had some fun it's been really good and I'm you know I'm maybe opening it I'm not saying I'm shutting it down I love the acting you just seem you seem like a guy you just seem like a guy who's and then you're inserting all your power at the same time, vetting out what his interest is. Because I can assure you, every guy is going to be like, well, I mean, I feel like I, I mean, I know I'd like to introduce him to my parents this Saturday, if you don't mind. No, I mean, every time I, listen, it's every time I'm dating and even early on, even if I don't think that a girl is my person and we're hooking up and she's like, you don't want a girlfriend, do you? And I do want a girlfriend. I do. Right. But I,

there's a little bit of a neg there in terms of like questioning my intentions. Yeah. And I think, I think if you do that, there's a, there's a risk of manipulation in the sense that you might be getting a guy to try to prove to you he's not a fuck boy only to then prove to you. So I think you need to vet that out. But I think that's a better option of asserting your power and just saying, stating what you want. Yeah. This is what I want. I don't think you do. Yeah. You have to be confident about it. And you were asking for like, if you were desirable. I know. I really did. You need to know that and just be like, listen, you're missing out.

I think that's great feedback. It is what it is. You're missing out. It's kind of that same- Hey, buddy, you're missing out. Okay. Whoa. I think you should sound borderline indifferent.

I agree. Just be like, hey, man, listen, I'm busy. I got this hit podcast I'm producing. I'm a stand-up comedian. I got a bunch of other shit and you're cool, but like I just don't have the time

to deal with your shit. Exactly. And if you want to explore, and maybe I'm wrong. I could be wrong. I've been wrong before. But if I am, let me know. Otherwise, maybe we should just

slow it down or, I don't know, just kind of over it. And that's not crazy at all. That's true. It's also true. It's literally true. Yeah, you're right.

That's how to not be crazy. You're saying it in a totally different way because I totally agree with Tayshia. It's that same thing where like you're right. That's how to not be crazy. You're saying it in a totally different way because I totally agree with Taysha. It's that same thing where if you're dating someone and you're like, I don't know if I'm good enough for you. Or like, I don't know if I'm good enough. When people say that, if you're dating someone and you're saying that, that person dating you who thinks you're totally adequate for them starts to be like.

They start second guessing it. I don't know. Maybe you're not. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe you're right. I really do't know that uh you're right i really did not appreciate you uh being five minutes late uh i feel like i can find a more tardy person more tardy i don't know but like i'm just saying like you if you start you kind of act as if i think uh okay i'll try that out i'll memorize i mean just as much as you want a guy that's confident and sexy and cool you you have to be that.

Oh, God. How do you get self-confidence? Oh. Take it till you make it, baby. Take it, yes. Thank you. I appreciate it. My session is now over. I want updates on this. Me too. I think all you're doing

is just changing how you're saying it. I do think if a guy heard, do you care about me? With a voice of, you're not sure if you do. A guy immediately is like, I don't know, maybe I don't. Like, do you remember that movie? It sounds like a burden. The Disney movie with all the characters. Like, there's happy, there's sadness, and there's.

Oh, yeah. Inside out. Yeah. Favorite movie. But when you said that, you remind me of sadness. Like, do you care about me? You know what I mean? Like, you know, you're just like, yeah, you want to be like, I think all men are like, you know, if you're unsure about like, you're dating someone and you're like, it, it's, I don't, it's kind of when I'm thinking it sounds

bad, but it's just like, if it's organic and you're just like, I'm just, babe, I'm just digging this girl. I'm excited. But a lot of, especially nowadays, a lot of dating is like, I don't know, you know, like, and then I'm girls, like, do you care? It sounds like almost like a responsibility of like, she really likes me. And I think I like her, but like, if I hurt her feelings, I'm an asshole. So like, I'm just going to like, you kind of set that up a little bit. I did. You don't get an authentic answer. All right. I get it up okay we did it it's fine but I do think this guy's

response was totally shitty I agree completely uh uh lacking of empathy for your situation and so like yeah I I don't feel bad I didn't ask you if you felt bad I just asked you what we were now I'll be able to sleep at night. As long as you don't feel bad. He got defensive. Oh, but now it's on you. I think you should stop sleeping with him. Question.

Oh, I'm not anymore. Did you cut it off completely? Oh, yeah, yeah. Thank God. Thank God. I finally learned how to do that. Boy, bye. Also.

I did try one more time. No. I just remembered. If you really shut off, if you really shut off, you're going to hear from him again. Text me next time, please. Abort mission.

Abort. If you hear from him again, Rochelle, if he like chimes in and is like, hey, do you want to like a coffee? I've been thinking about you. You're like, I'm really busy. I agree. And you say, listen, I think it's great. I'm just kind of busy.

And this is, you know, even if you've, I don't, you probably haven't changed. You probably have thought you have. It's okay. People don't change. And you don't, I honestly. Yeah. Not that you're trying to play games, but like he already showed his true colors. Like, yeah, you're over it.

And you don't want to run the risk of hearing from a guy because he's bored. Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing that, Rochelle. How are you guys? Doing so good. How are you guys? Doing so good. How are you? What's your name? Victoria.

Hi, Victoria. I'm Nick. This is Tayshia. Hi. Hello. How's your day going? It's going well. Great.

Yeah, it's going well. Are you driving? Where are you driving to? No, I just stepped out of the office. Awesome. Well, thanks for taking the time. How can we help? What's your question?

All right. So I have a question. I guess this is kind of geared towards Nick, but I'd appreciate all input. I feel like in the past, I've always had relationships where they're into like strong willed and like opinionated women, which is great. But then like time goes on and I feel like eventually it becomes a point of like contention in the relationship where it's, you know, they feel like I'm either like cold to them or they get upset with like when i kind of have my own things going on and um it seems like it's really hard to depict when a guy really is okay with an independent like strong person versus just the idea of like having a badass like you know what i mean do you have a specific example or a guy you're hanging out with now that's

um well my last the last guy i dated um he you know it would it would always be like oh i love that you don't take bullshit from anyone because i you know i am very outspoken and um i like i'm not afraid to take the initiative to do things, but it seems like all the time that transpired into me making decisions about everything. So whether that be like seating, um, like where to go, what to do, or when there were decisions that need made about like events or even like, um, more so like about the like emotional aspect of things and um you know like the physical aspect of things like it almost seemed like it was more intimidating for him and he wasn't okay with it so you know did he say that or you felt that um no he he would always say like, you know, that's what he likes about me that like,

I'm not afraid to say and do what I want, but it always felt like it came off more as it became like an insecurity of his. And he kind of just like to step back and I ended up just ending things because it seemed like it's just like something was missing. I guess I'm curious if you sensed this or like this became a thing you talked about. When you say the voice is insecurity

or No. No. You just kind of felt it. Because he was starting to pull away because he was like not pissed off but no it was not the type to get pissed off but it's like um like I I travel a lot I go out with my girlfriends like we um we run like all 50 states and stuff so a lot of times it would be like oh

well you know I'm going downtown for a couple of days or whatever. And, you know, it's like you slide comments here and there. And it's very hard to, like, depict whether or not a guy is okay with, like, me having my own life. And that's, like, something that's super important to me. So it seems like up front, it's like, yeah, yeah, I love that you have your own life. You have, like, your own friends, this, that, the other. And then it turns into, yeah, yeah. I love that you have your own life. You have like your own friends that's at the other. And then it turns into like, not, not resentment, but, um, like a,

a point of like argument, I guess. Sure. Do you, have you ever felt like this with God? I mean, you, I don't know you that well, but you seem like you're also a strong, you know, no self-assured person who knows what they want? Um, well, yeah, I feel like in my marriage, my husband had, um, his own business. So I think he also required me to have my own independence and be as ambitious and want to do something successful for myself as well. So, and then when I did quit my job, I think that there was tension at that point because I didn't have, I wasn't going to work at the same time he was. And he was like, well, I'm going to go to work now.

And you're just going to stay home. You know what I mean? I get how guys can want that, but then they kind of resent you when you are at work all the time or you are leaving. It's definitely like he, he, I hate to say he, because like, I don't want to use the term Caprice. And because I feel like this has been, you know, it's an issue that I feel like comes up often. you know, it's an issue that I feel like comes up often. It's like, where, how, how can you really tell that a guy is okay with having someone that's like independent and really just does their own thing, but that doesn't necessarily mean like they need to let you make all decisions

and like, you know, take a step back. Yeah. I mean, I, I hear this a lot too. And I think sometimes, I mean, I guess as a guy can like the idea of a strong independent woman and then maybe not be okay with it. Maybe not sure. It sounds like you were doing your thing instead of maybe him communicating something that was bothering him. He was just kind of passive aggressive and would make little comments and that they would irritate you. And like anything any times that happens in a relationship that just kind of builds up to like there's tension there there's some you guys you guys both feel but you're not talking about it right i think sometimes when that happens we start uh making assumptions about what the other people are thinking and feeling um so there could be that. And also in this sense, like,

I don't think any person or woman should ever be discouraged about being who they are. And if you, you know, strong, independent, fine. Like, you know, sometimes I think almost like we make too big of a deal about labeling a woman as strong as independent is like, that's like a thing. Right. It's like, you know, like you're just, you're just someone who knows what they want and that's great. And you should just do that. And I don't think you or any other woman should be some sort of novelty because you're a confident person. Um, so I don't think with that being said, you should ever wonder or be like disappointed that you are that way at the risk

of guys not being into you not how old are you 28 okay so yeah I mean how old is he he was 29 okay um maybe you should look for like an older guy that kind of just I don't know has a little bit more on his plate. Like is, yeah. I mean, that's the, yeah, because if he's too available, obviously he's going to think that you're like, why are you going all the time? You know what I mean? Like if he's just at home, he, he doesn't really have much going. Do you have more things going on than him or did you?

Yeah. Like he, he worked worked at night so I feel like that really there you go that's a little tough but also I think you know I look back and I think it was just like a difference in personalities I we had different like goals and stuff really really nice guy but it's just I think different um but I feel like a lot of times it's super easy for a like a girl to be labeled as a bitch if like she's outspoken and just like really wants like i tried to bring things up with him and say but he just like wasn't getting it and what do you mean do you have an example what bringing things up with him? Yeah. Like what did you bring up that he didn't get?

Well, you know, okay. So for example, I see no problem. Like he had plans to go, uh, his friends wanted him to go to Chicago for, um, uh, like, I don't know, some weekend or whatever. And I was like, Oh, why don't you go? He saw like an issue with me not having a problem with him going like and like, I already had plans of my own. I don't, um, you know, it's. He wanted you almost to be jealous. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, I'm not. Yeah. I guess. Yeah. I mean, people, yeah. People do that in relationships.

It's definitely a red flag. It's a sign of immaturity. It's surprising that someone who's 29 gets that way. I think that's common for, I mean, I know I did when I, like, it's common, I think when people first started dating, the idea of, I mean, I had a lot of immature thoughts when I was young, but like, we're supposed to be so in love that we're supposed to do things together and the expectations we put on ourselves of like, well, that's something we do when we're young. He's 29. But it's definitely, it's a sign of immaturity

and insecurity in this point. And I guess it has nothing to do with you being a strong woman. No, not at all. I don't, I also think, yeah, it's a compatibility thing. I think sometimes I hear when women say, I'm a strong person, not that they're using an excuse, but I don't really always think that's really the issue. I think what sounds like there's maybe a difference in maturity level.

I think maybe there's just a general difference in compatibility. Scheduling, you have to give different lives. You're just not lining up. And he doesn't seem to be a good communicator about his feelings. And it's creating this tension. And it sounds like you just kind of followed your gut that it wasn't the right fit. And he could be a nice guy and all those things can still be true. Yeah. So I don't know. I definitely take blame in the communication part though, because that's definitely not my forte.

We can all, we can all be better, but sometimes it's easier to communicate with people we're more compatible with. I agree. And sometimes people help us communicate better. And I think we all can try, but like,

um, you know, sometimes me, I can ramble. I need someone who can tell me to not, and I'll be like, great, awesome. And then like, you know to not. And I'll be like, great, awesome.

And then like, you know, but like if someone doesn't like press pause, I just keep going. I'll just fucking keep going, man. And then someone will be like six months later, I'll be like, shut the fuck up. You know, like, and I'll be like, what? I don't, you know,

like sometimes it's compatibility, you know? No, I agree. I think you probably just need someone that's a little bit more independent and more business-minded and ambitious like how you are. It has nothing to do with you, with why it didn't work out. Just because you're strong and independent and you have a lot going for you does not mean that you should think down about yourself and think it's your fault. Yeah. I totally agree. I think the biggest takeaway is one, I think it's good that you acknowledge in every relationship that doesn't work out, there's things you can improve and

maybe you can improve about your communication. I don't think you should diminish your overall sense of self-worth and who you are as a person. All right. Keep on keeping on. Good luck in your search for someone who's a better fit. You've got this. Thanks. All right. Take care. All the best. Well, Kayla, thanks for calling in. I'm Nick. This is Tasha. Hello. Hi. How can we help? Hi. How can we help? So it's kind of a lot. So I'll just try to sum it up as quick as possible. But I've been with my husband for 11 years and we've been married for four. And the past year has been pretty rough for us.

And I've had a lot of doubts about the future and stuff. And like I've made a ton of sacrifices on my part, like have a happy marriage but he doesn't really do much giving and we have two kids so I'm so torn with like what's best for them in this situation you know like do I stay in this marriage like I believe in fighting for it for sure but like I don't want to like screw them up, you know, like in their future. But like, if they see the way that he treats me, like that's just teaching them to like treat their, you know, my son to teach, to treat women the same way his dad does or for his daughter to look for a man that treats her like that. Like, he's just really disrespectful. So I guess just like divorce in general with kids like what do

you guys think like with marriage and divorce like at what point do you get out of it for the sake of your kids well and there's a lot more like i feel like that's why i'd have to explain so much so you like fully understand like the extremity of it but like that's kind of trying to sum it up i feel like yeah i mean thank you for sharing for one i but that's kind of trying to sum it up. I feel like, yeah. Thank you for sharing for a while. I know that's not easy to do. And the fact that you're in the situation and trying... I think we can get the gist without you spilling all the tea. Right. So thank you. Have you guys gone to therapy at all?

No, and he won't do that. I have. You have? Because I struggle with my own things, you know, but. You've asked him? But in general, like, just because I feel like there's kind of controversy about the whole marriage thing. Like, so many people stay in marriages for years just for the sake of their kids, you know? Right. And I know many people myself that have done that.

But, like, later on down the road it's almost like those kids might have wished that they their parents would have split it would have been happier for them you know yeah um it's hard because like I can't really control his actions and his behavior but like he's my role model for my kids you know right yeah and And in some ways that will never change. And you've asked him to go to therapy? Are you assuming he won't go? You asked. No. Yeah, no, he will not go.

Well, I definitely feel like there are reasons that you can work on to stay in a marriage. But there are also reasons that you don't need to put up with daily. And I'm that person that like, I will fight so hard, but like, I feel like sometimes I'm not thinking about my kids, you know? And it's like, Oh, I don't want to screw them up. I had a pretty rough childhood myself. And it's like, I just want to, I just wish they could speak to me from the future and be like, this is what you need to do.

Do you talk to them? I want to stay together with our family, but I'm just like... You also have a right to be happy too. Yeah, definitely. I mean, I'm glad you're thinking of your kids and that's very selfless of you. Selfless, right? Yeah. But you have the right to be happy and you being happy, I think will probably have a more positive impact on your kids as well.

I agree with that. Sorry, what did you say? No, go ahead. And like, I think what really affects me too is like over the years, like I've learned how to just brush stuff under the rug just to like keep the peace you know when really there are things that I need out of this relationship blah blah blah and like I feel like he's like taking advantage of that in a way so now he just like talks to

me however he wants and like I try not to pick fights about it but which maybe this is marriage you know what I mean like maybe that's just what happens after years of being together. No that's not what happens. Maybe in some but I don't think that's the I don't think that's just what happens after years of being together. That's not what happens. Maybe in some, but I don't think that's the, I don't think that's something you should accept. Definitely not.

And I just want to reiterate, I really appreciate you sharing that. I know this isn't easy to do and, you know, hopefully there's people listening, not hopefully there's people listening who are going through, but I'm sure there's people going through this as well. So you sharing this story will have a positive impact on people listening. So thank you. Yeah, no problem.

Listen, there's no black and white answer to this. I've learned in early on in relationships through talking to people whose opinions I really respect, you can only do 100% of your half. Exactly. And it sounds like you're more than willing to do that. And it doesn't sound like he is. And there's a breaking point. And I understand you guys made a commitment to each other, but he's not living up to that. And you're trying to.

And right now, now you're trying to also not only live up to your commitment that you made to him, you're trying to also do the work that he's supposed to be doing. And that's just not sustainable. In addition to that, he's also, it sounds like acting in a manner of which that you don't want to have your kids be around and it's going to impact both your son and your daughter in ways that could affect them for

the rest of their lives. And so at some point, it's not an ideal solution, but don't be afraid. There's a better solution out for you than this one. And just accepting this as your life is not something I think you should, should do. Never settle. You're not, you're not quitting. You're, you're trying to fight and you need someone to fight with you. So. Have you taken the kids to therapy with you? Not yet. I mean, my daughter's one and a half and my son's five. Oh, I see, I see, I see. Luckily, I don't know if they're like on the lines of understanding yet, but like my son is.

Soon, yeah. He talks down to my son too and my son sees it. Right. You know, so it just like breaks my heart because it's really, what can I do? I can't really control his behavior. And I think the hardest thing is that we've been together for so long. Yeah. So I kind of feel like there's no way out at this point you know like i'd be like we have too much invested family

you know but you have to stop there you can't worry about everybody else yeah you really really can't because guess what and they are not with you daily going through everything that you're going through they're not the ones raising your kids. They're not the one taking whatever is happening. So you need to stop thinking about and worrying about what everybody else is thinking. That's number one. Yeah. Maybe, and maybe that's like what I wanted to hear out of this, because like, I mean, of course in the back of my head, I'm like, I need to do what's right for me, but I really feel like I can't do that.

It's like, you know what I mean? You can't. You're just scared. I don't know. And there's a lot more that go into it. You know what I mean? You can. You're just scared. I don't know. And there's a lot more that go into it. I know that like finances, I don't know what you're going to do, what your job, I don't know what your specifics are.

But there's a lot that goes into this kind of decision. And all I can say is that you have to think about yourself. And you're already thinking about your kids, but you have to not be scared and you have to make that jump.

I think you already know what you need to do. Tayshia's been divorced if you didn't know this, and she is glowing over here. I totally understand what you're going through in a way. I thank God that I didn't have to, I don't have kids and I didn't have to go through that with him just because I know that that's really hard. And I can't imagine what you're going through. And like, you know, there were some bad times

that we got through a few years ago. And that, cause you're probably thinking like, if you knew this about him or, you know, like he wasn't supportive in other ways, like, why did you marry him? But like, we went through some rough times and he really stood beside me, didn't leave me when I wanted to get out. And even though he didn't express the way he felt to me during that time, like the fact that he waited for me really like gave me a respect for him. So like when we got back together, it was like, I put him on a pedestal or something. And like, I just like gave up everything I needed just to like make us happy,

you know, or make him happy. But now I feel like it's really kind of bitten me because now he just does how whatever he wants talks to me and just knows that i'll be here it sounds like there's an uneven power dynamic and i think all you i thought it sounds like you feeling your gut the right thing to do give it kind of that last ditch effort you know really put on the table of how you're feeling and what you want from him and that you want to make this work, but you care about X, Y, and Z and your kids. And if he's willing to go to therapy and work on this and have the family dynamic that you think not only that you and your kids deserve, then you're more than

willing. But if he says no, and he's not willing to do his part, then he's giving you no choice. I would look at it that way, that he's forcing you in a decision that you don't want to make. Do you have a community of people around you that can be supportive? Yes, thank God. Are you a Christian? I wouldn't have been able to get through my life thus far. But yeah, so anytime I need support, he's like the last one I call, which is really sad to say, because like, that's your husband. He's supposed to be like my biggest supporter, you know, my go-to and it's like, you're the last one I call.

Yeah. I don't know. Well, I'm really sorry. Um, I know it's not easy. And, um, again, I just want to thank you again for sharing just because I, you know, this happened. I think we see this a lot out there. We get a lot of questions about it and marriage can be a beautiful thing.

And, you know, it can be awesome. And sometimes you can get in a situation that you feel helpless because your partner isn't doing their part. And that sucks. But, yeah, I would just be as upfront and honest with him as you can. Put it out there and be willing to make it work. But he has to do his half. You can't make excuses for his actions. And like Tasia said, like, I do know what I need to do, but I'm just so interested to, like, hear what you had to say about it.

Because, like, I really like how you, like, analyze on people's opinions or questions and stuff. So I just wanted to hear. So thank you for answering my question. No, thank you for sharing. Hopefully Taysha said some light from her personal experiences, but she's living proof that things can not go the way you anticipate and it can still be okay. But one thing I will say, I don't know if you're a Christian,

but you should pray about it. What's that? Sorry. I said, I don't know if you're a Christian, but you should pray about it. I think that's how, that's what got me through a lot of my tough times.

Um, you never know if you're making the right decision. Oh God. I don't know. I just feel like, so I do pray for sure. And like, that's honestly probably why I've stuck around and sacrificed and, you know, made all these things.

Because like, even if he's not doing good, I try to be that person. So he'll, it'll reflect on out of him or something. I don't know. Yeah, it can be tough. And I get how religion can make you think like, oh, you need to stay with him because. Yeah, promise to God. Yeah. And I understand that.

But again, you don't need to put yourself and be miserable. And there's other words I can use because I don't really know what's going on, but you don't need to do all that for someone that doesn't appreciate you. Okay, well, awesome. Thank you guys so much. Thank you so much. Uh-huh, bye.

Bye. Well, anyways, Taysha. Yo. So good to meet you. So good to meet you. I really thank you for being vulnerable and sharing with this and sharing your story. We do get a ton of questions, as we saw with our one caller. Marriage can be such a tricky thing.

Not being happy in a marriage can be a trickier thing. And what should we do with kids is sometimes an impossible answer. And then if we do, unfortunately, have to end a relationship, whether it's our choice or someone else's, how do we move on without being judged? It can be a challenge.

And so thank you for helping us through it. And hopefully people listening, you're not alone with all the things that we judge ourselves for. So thanks for coming on. And again, for those listening, try not to judge yourselves. Get out there, start dating. We all have baggage, but so does everyone else. And you don't have to talk about it on a first date, people. Oh, you don't.

You really don't. You don't even necessarily have to talk about it on a second date. Casually put it in there. And if you want to, fine. Sure. But don't, like, it'll come out, you know? Right? Yeah.

I don't know. And fake it till you make it. Have that confidence, right? You got to do that. Yes, queen. All right, guys. Well, thanks again. Thank you, Tayshia.

Of course. What a pleasure to meet you. So nice to meet you. Thank you guys for tuning in. Feel free to give us five stars on iTunes. Yes. Your reviews are helpful. Your feedback's helpful. You can still give us five stars and give critical feedback. I reviews are helpful. Your feedback's helpful.

You can still give us five stars and give critical feedback. I agree with that. Anyways, thanks again as always for tuning in. It's been another episode of The Vile Files. Take care guys. Have a great week. See you next time.