The Viall Files - E166 Do All Vaginas Feel The Same? with Garcelle Beauvais

Episode Date: August 19, 2020

Today we are joined by the talented, strong, and sex positive, Garcelle Beauvais. You may know her from Coming To America, The Jamie Foxx Show, Fresh Prince Of Bel Air, and most recently The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, but today we get a little more intimate with Garcelle as she and Nick jump right in talking about sex, and what men and women like- or dislike- in the bedroom. Her new podcast Going To Bed With Garcelle has all those sex positive conversations so on this episode she definitely doesn’t shy away from being open and honest about her experiences; and neither does Nick. In addition to all that, Garcelle shares her perspective on speaking with your kids about sex, and dating after divorce, in quarantine, and in the public eye. So sit back (maybe check to see if the kids are around before turning up the volume) and find out why we were happy to jump into bed with Garcelle.  “I like some thug talk.”  Make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes.  THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: DIPSEA: dipseastories.com/viall for a 30 day free trial.  THRIVE MARKET: thrivwemarket.com/viall for a free gift of your choosing, up to $22 in value Episode Socials:  Viall Files @viallfiles Nick Viall @nickviall Garcelle Beauvais Instagram @garcelle  Garcelle Beauvais Twitter @garcelleb  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

what is going on everybody it's a sexy episode today oh it is a sexy episode well i don't have a sexy voice what i don't have a sexy voice like you do you can't go high no uh garcelle bouvet is our lovely sexy guest yes i say sexy because she is uh someone who in her own life her own podcast a very sex positive woman she is uh and so i uh oh i was about to say i took advantage of that, which seems weird to say, given the context of our conversation. But it's fun to talk about sex. It is fun to talk about sex and to have somebody so open about it, which I think is what you're saying.

Yes. You had somebody who was willing to have those conversations. So we took that journey together. We went down that path, so to speak into that that uh hole into the sex into the sex hole that was on purpose by the way um you might know garcelle from a long long list of things she's done over the years um coming to america into america uh jimmy fox show jimmy fox she's been in everything coming to Coming to America. Coming to America. Jamie Foxx show. Jamie Foxx. She's been in everything.

Coming to America. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, obviously. She on Fresh Prince. Fresh Prince. She's obviously on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills right now. And kicking ass on there. Yeah. But I had a ton of fun with her.

And definitely some lightness and just good, clean fun this episode. So I hope you enjoy it. And anything going on in your world? You look lovely today. Thank you so much. Nothing really. Maybe a safe Tinder thing later. But that's it.

You have a Tinder date? Maybe. Yeah. Safe one. It's safe. safe tinder thing later but that's it you have a tinder date maybe yeah safe one it's safe oh you're worried yeah we don't we don't want to get social distant shamed yeah love love the social distance uh yeah it's, have you talked to anyone recently? No. I've never talked to a person in my life. It's terrible. Well, I'm happy that you're going on a... Maybe you'll take some notes from this episode. On the date.

I don't remember what we... I don't know if we gave notes. I don't know if we gave notes, I don't know if we gave notes, but there's definitely some good information. Yeah. You answered a question that I think every girl wanted an answer to. What was that?

What was the question? The question was, Garcelle asked you, does every girl's vagina feel the same? Oh, yeah, she did. She did. Well, tune in for the answer. Tune in for the answer. It's a good one.

I love it. All right. Should we really drop this? No, just kidding. It's fun. It's fun. It's fun. Well.

On that note, I heard you have a Patreon. Speaking of everything being the same or is it or is it we don't know we don't know uh check out nick v tux trash tv on my patreon with uh all my wonderful exes jasmine goods episode that drops tomorrow on that and that's it that's a fun one you sure you're gonna do if you remember what a choked you right want to choke me um and then we talk about the infamous volleyball date how it all went down and how it came to be and we shed some light on the confusion well go back and watch on hbo max and then and then go uh have some fun on my patreon yeah let's get to garcelle shall we garce Garcelle, thanks so much for coming. Oh, I'm happy to be here.

Well, thanks for coming on, not coming because of Corona. We're staying safe. But how are you? I'm really good. How are you? I'm doing well. I thought it would be really exciting to have you on. You've, I mean, like we were talking before, you've done so many cool things in the entertainment

business. And now you're, well, you've been open for a while in terms of talking about your life, obviously being a part of the Housewives franchise that becomes a part of your everyday life. And yeah, just be fun to have a fun conversation with you about all things in your world, dating, relationships. You're so, it's so fun to talk to people who are so open about the things that go on in their lives. Because, you know, we live in this kind of society where everything, you know, can I talk about this? Am I supposed to be able to say that? You know?

And so, yeah. Thanks for coming on. I'm happy to be here to say that? You know? And so, yeah. Thanks for coming on. I'm happy to be here. Thank you for having me. How has it been? Like recently, I know you have your podcast, which is great, by the way. I just listened to your episode with Nicole. We go there on Going to Bed with Garcelle.

We really go there. Yeah, that was kind of, you know, the first episode I listened to, you're just like, hey, by the way, make sure your kids aren't around. That's why it's so good. I was like, oh. It's amazing. I don't have any children. Yeah, put the headphones on in the car.

I definitely make sure my kids aren't around. That's for sure. I'm always looking over my shoulder. How old are your children? The ones that are home are 12. Okay. All right. Yeah. um my my the ones that are home are 12 okay all right um yeah and so uh is that something you've have you always been that way in terms of talking about sex and relationships and kind of putting it

out there is that something that you recently felt empowered to do yeah i don't think always i mean i definitely growing up you know a haitian family sex was not talked about. Body parts weren't really talked about. So I think it's once I became an adult and realized that it's okay for us to sit around, we all have the same parts, right? And so, I mean, you know, women and men. And I just think, why not be open about it? We all share the same experiences here and there. And I think it gives us permission to sort of connect that way. you started kind of being more open and putting out there and said, and say things like, well, this is what I like and don't like. And then your friends were like, well, yes and no. And all those kinds of things that you start sharing information and collaborating.

Yeah, definitely. I think the more we share, the more we not only know about each other, but we go, wait a minute. I felt that way. And I didn't realize that I was, you know, I wasn't the only one. So I think once you start doing that, it's like, all right, we can talk about this. And listen, my podcast started from the idea of it. I used to have like once a month, I'd have like a bunch of girls over. Sometimes I would do couples. Sometimes I would do an eclectic group and we would all sit around gossip drink and sex would always come up. And so by the end of each time, somebody would say to me, this is a show. Why aren't you doing this show? So finally, my producing partner, Lisa and I were like, why

not do it? And then we partnered with MGM and we were like, it's a great time to incubate it, during the quarantine. So here we are. So you would have friends over and you say couples. So their partners, partners their spouses men and women would just be openly just kind of would they be like sharing their like stories yeah they would be sharing their stories they would be sharing like we maybe you know their past with other you know partners and it was just so crazy that people were so open about that that i that it was just fun yeah you know because after a few drinks you, everybody's a little looser, you'll say more. And that's really where it came from. What are some of your favorite stories that came from that or something that you, maybe you learned

that you seem like a very open person where you shocked by any of the stories or, and from any of these kinds of hangouts, did it, did you feel like trying something new? We're like, I'm going to incorporate that next time. Absolutely. A lot was learned during those times. But also I was surprised that some women liked having sex in the morning. I'm not one of them. I found that because I like the whole ambience of it all. Some women liked getting it from the back. It just depended. It was really interesting that husbands would say, oh, you know, it turned me off if a girl said this and we would be shocked.

Like what? We thought guys got turned on by, you know, the air. We're not, we're simple, but we're not that simple. Right. I will say that, like, I think guys, they overall are just horny, simple creatures, but every guy has this kind of like weird thing yeah like seemingly normal that they're like nah i don't

like that or i don't hate baby talk oh god you baby talk i will shut down i will shut down i would shut down as well um whimpering oh god kill me now i felt like you know also like there were times i read something that 20 guys think about sex every 28 seconds yeah sure and i was like holy crap that's a lot it's like that's a fair statement i mean i don't know if it's every i'm not gonna sit there and deny it i don't well you like it's one of those things where like sex is all around us right billboards magazines the internet and there's not a moment where you don't see something and if you're a guy that goes huh yeah okay yeah yeah yeah you can get to porn really easy on your phone which is shocking uh yeah well it finds you sometimes yeah um it hasn't found me maybe it's found you speak for yourself

on an ad all of a sudden you're like i feel i'm feeling judged um i want to hear more about these kind of these stories if that would happen at your dinner parties that you feel like you you wanted to incorporate especially maybe from the it's always i think it is we have a lot of women listeners listen to this podcast and i think it's always kind of interesting and surprising sometimes to hear um what guys think that they didn't realize and you know everyone's different i don't i don't think like most guys either too and so it's always very interesting to hear uh kind of women be more open about some of these things because we do get yeah we we have that puritan kind of culture and or yeah we feel wronged by talking about it,

but guys, yeah. Locker the locker room talk guys are, have always been open talking about it with each other. That's true. That's true. I feel like women, what I found that we liked role-playing a lot more than men.

Okay. No, does that surprise you? Do you like role-playing? I don't hate it. Yeah. I don't mind it. Yeah i'm into it i'm totally into it yeah well i was talking to a girlfriend and she was like i don't want to be called

you know bitch during sex and you know i want to be called beautiful and babe and i was like that's not exciting to me because you can get that on a daily i like the sort of like the thug talk you know sure it can vary i mean there have there have been times where i'm just like you know we're dirty talk whatever role playing and afterwards i'm like hey can i just i really think you're great and i do not think you're dirty or you're i respect you like so we're clear you know like you had to clean it up i don't think you are actually a you know whatever it is i called you i wouldn't normally choke you that way are you okay because i'm i'm okay you seem

that's actually okay that's actually okay to do afterwards i think it's good to check you definitely want to check it i've got to check in um i like that but but yeah so you're you're you're women friends it varies in terms of whether they like the kind of be yeah the make love or fuck kind of right exactly i think it varies depending on you know who your partner is if your partner's open enough i remember once i said to a guy you know during you know sex saying like you know, sex saying like, you know, would you want to see me with someone else? And he was so like, not into it. And it totally ruined the experience. And, you know, I think you also have to figure out who your partner is. If he's

not down for that, and that turns you on, then there's a problem. For sure. Do you ever find sometimes with you that the, I, for me, I find sometimes just the idea of something, even if I don't ever plan on doing it, especially like you make up a great example, like would it ever turn you on to see me with another person? I may never want to do that, but thinking about it in a kind of fucked up sort of way of torturous, yeah, you can convince me that's hot. I think my problem is, though, because I'm an actress, I think I sold it too well. I think he was giving me a side eye like, wait a minute, this sounds too real. Yeah, I don't know.

Did you find, you've been married before, like, is that something that you were always kind of being adventurous in the bedroom is a way to spice up the relationship and keep it fresh? Because I'll tell you what, I get a ton of questions from married couples who are just like, I love my husband, but like, eh, you know, it's the same movie, man. Like what, how many, and you know, they're always asking for ways to mix it up. I've never been married. So I try to give examples, but you seem like you have experience in that department and ways that you are open to being adventurous. And you know, does that something you've ever struggled with in your marriages? Not in my marriages. I mean, I feel like you have to do

that. I mean, you have to do that in your own life. You know what I mean? Like you're not going to eat the same food every day. So I think you have to spice it up. You have to try new things, but you have to be in sync with your partner. If you're married to someone who doesn't want to do any of that and just likes missionary all the time, then I think that would get boring. likes missionary all the time, then I think that would get boring. Yeah. Yeah. You know?

I agree. Have you become, as you get older, I've always, when I was younger, I always heard something like women hit their sexual peak in their 30s or 40s, where like guys is horny, teenagers in their early 20s. Do you think that's true? Or do you feel like you've always been sexual your whole life and that's almost a misconception or a stereotype? I mean, I think there's an ebb and flow to everything. It depends on what's going on in your life. But I feel like I don't think you can put an age to it where it sort of decreases or increases. I think it's your

experience. You know what I mean? Like when you're pregnant, you're so sexual and you're, you know, you're horny all the time. At least I was. Yeah, absolutely. But I think it's, it depends on your connection with your man at that time. I think it's your, how you feel about your body changes, you know, how you, how you are sexually. I think it doesn't stop, especially if you are a sexual person. I mean, I hear you. Write that one down. I keep, you know. In fact, I just did.

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speak when i was younger now it's just like hey i just give me 10 give me 10 give me Give me a good 45. Yeah. I recently talked to Lunel, the comedian. She said she did it nine times in one day with her husband. And I was like, can you walk the next day? Could you walk? I'd be curious to know if he climaxed nine times or they just had sex nine different times. I would be curious to know that as well. Because if he climaxed nine times, then he's not human or I want to hear what kind of diet. What vitamins he's on.

Hydrating a lot. What kind of diet? Yeah, I don't. That's just not possible for me. Yeah. For me. I don't know. Don't knock it till you try it.

You never know. That's right. I'm not knocking the nine times. I just said like hey it's like goals we can keep going but i don't think anything's gonna happen on my end so right now because like i do feel like i've we've we've talked about this before there is when women climax it's harder for a guy assuming he even gives a shit uh to know it's happening right like you know we talked about you know harry met sally she's like i can fake an orgasm yeah when a guy orgasms i guess he could

fake it but it's easier to it's harder to fake it if you're a guy either he either did or he didn't so there's an expectation i think sometimes and as a guy you're just like hey this isn't gonna happen you know because it already happened and then there's always this conversation it isn't me and i'm just like no i'm just like i i i'm not 19 anymore what do you right you know uh can i can you tell is it has i been able to tell if a girl's faking it yeah i don't know if i said this before i was there was one time um i was having sex with this person and we immediately start having sex immediately no we as soon after we started having sex he just started yelling out i'm coming i'm coming and

i'm just like there's no fucking way you know like she it just sounded like porn yeah did you question her cum i did i didn't say anything in the moment but i was like it's what it sounded like is that she watched a lot of porn and she told me she did and i was just like okay you know i don't yeah i don't think you are yeah who knows like who knows everyone climaxes differently um i i i for me in relationships it's always been important to me to always make my partner feel comfortable i'm a big community i'm big on communication and and communicating the idea that like there's nothing wrong if you don't, if you don't tell me, because there's always, what do you like? There's different ways. Like it doesn't always have to happen the same way. Don't feel bad if you didn't, because I just want to, like this idea, like if

you don't tell me that you don't, then I won't know what to do better or different. Right? So, I think for me, it's always been important to make my partner feel comfortable with this idea that they did it. You don't need to make me feel like some sort of rock star or whatever. But yeah, I'm sure people have faked it, especially if there's an early on. I think early on when you're hooking up with someone, there might not be a comfort level. I don't know. Yeah.

What do you think? You said something about porn. Yeah, I feel like early on, it's always a comfort level. I don't know. Yeah. What do you think? You said something about porn. Yeah. I feel like early on, it's always a little awkward. You sort of have to get to know each other and get that vibe going. But do you think porn is ruining relationships? I think so.

Yeah. I think, I think so too. I think there's no way you can't, you can't say it has, it doesn't have a negative effect on things. Because even if you think, let me know if you agree, that too much of anything can be a bad thing for the moment. Agree.

And I worry about the young kids growing up. I feel like nowadays it's so accessible, it's on your phone, you can get it anytime, that it's sort of ruining it for young you know young adults because they have this you know idea oh my god she's gonna do this and oh my god he's gonna do that and then it's like it's kind of a letdown totally and porn is is is made for men the traditional porn that we're seeing out there it's it's it's designed to get men off not i don't think women off and so yeah some of these um some of these things that you're seeing in porn like young yeah young men and even young women might be like oh i guess that's sex i think that's

what's hot right um and the idea that uh and i think it makes men think they're good at something they're not and then it probably probably makes young women who are if they're learning from sex that way then you know i've i've heard this from people they go years thinking something's great like they might be having fun but like wait i wasn't having an orgasm like wait oh yeah you know i there it's almost like yeah i kind of hated it but i just thought that's what i was supposed to do you know right stuff like that but don't you think it could help like identify maybe some things also like what you might like or maybe something that you see that maybe you didn't think that you would like that maybe you can talk to your partner about in that way as well i don't think porn's all bad

no no i think wouldn't you agree garcelle that you there's yeah but but like anything else not having limitations on it and as a guy i think as a guy it desensitizes you yeah i agree i agree just like i think you know using a vibrator all girl like it's at some if at some point is the does the vibrator just become better than the dick yes yeah it depends on the dick but yes

it just can do some things that a dick can't do I've seen them I understand my dick will never vibrate. Like, I like to think it can, and I'll do my best, but I can't do that. It can't vibrate and wiggle four different ways at the same time. I'm surprised no one's come out with something like that. I'm surprised no one's come out with a device that can do that. Do what? Well, they have the little ring.

Have your dick vibrate. They have the ring. Oh, it makes your actual oh like the look yeah the little rabbit have you heard yeah but they have like a ring absolutely this is weird i know this they have a ring for men so the the ring has like a little vibrator on the bottom of it and it goes over the penis so that when you're having sex that's like the rat the rabbit yeah it's like a i thought you meant the ring the door ring i'm like what is that no no no it's like a i thought you meant the ring the door ring i'm like what is that no no no it's like a cock ring and it goes on your vibrator on the dick and it vibrates so that and then when you're like fully penetrated it will like hit the top of the clitoris yeah i'm saying that's right you're right you're right um one trip to chichi larue's and you

can learn all that but you can't so so if the vibrator gets to the point where it's just like i don't really need the dick uh is it what what's the point of it is it just having the human touch is it the man a vibrator doesn't a vibrator doesn't hug you a vibrator doesn't hug you does it yeah vibrator doesn't take you to breakfast the next morning um i think you know it can't replace you, the human contact and the touch and having the weight of somebody on you and all that. You know, it's just sort of surpasses the time until the guy comes. started hearing this uh phrase recently dickmatized uh what is what is that is that when you just have a really good that's when you're but you hate him oh no i i don't know if you hate him but i think his uh it's the magic wand that you know you you you lust for you can't wait to have again i think that's what that means okay like when a guy's whipped yeah oh there you go yes yeah exactly to that yeah it's the equivalent of that okay

like sexual napalm like that's yeah okay i'm learning so much what are some other secrets that women have about men uh others that would enlighten us. Just the generalization about like men could do better and other, our thoughtfulness as a partner. Definitely thoughtfulness. Definitely thoughtfulness. Definitely not falling asleep, falling asleep right away. I mean,

I think those are things that can be improved upon. I'm pretty sure that's like not our fault. Oh yeah. Come on, please. i'm pretty sure like genetically it releases like a chemical that like it's like i've heard it's like eating turkey so so getting off is like thanksgiving yeah it's like thanksgiving the cool of a guy ejaculating is like eating a pound of turkey. And you're just like. I'm pretty sure. I don't know. I might be making it up.

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Yeah, but no, but what are some things that you think that are out there in society that is a misconception about relationships in men or even women or things that you've learned from men about like, Oh, I, I didn't realize that or I've, I always thought guys used to think this or that there's someone who's, you know what? It's funny. Me and my girlfriends always go like, why is it that guys, you know,

want to have so many women when we all have the same thing? You know what I mean? We all have the same parts, but that's something I'd like for you to know. Like, can, is every pussy the same? No.

I mean, are you asking? I'm asking you. No, I don't know. I mean, no. Yes.

And no. Yes. And no. I mean, technically mean technically yeah they're all different but i equal opportunity i you know enjoy it all the you know i don't know do they feel different they don't well i'm sure they don't feel they don't feel all that different they don't i mean sure to not that i feel like there's more to you different i didn't tell i don't think they feel all that different okay i put it this way if i'm having sex then why do you need so many varieties that's my question i didn't i didn't say that i do

oh um but i didn't mean you but no i listen i i uh i uh yeah that's like yeah i'm actually i've never thought about this i think the first time having sex with someone new yeah it's not as this i've been like oh okay interesting feeling you know i haven't like it it's like nope i'm inside a vagina again you know like it's more like that rather than oh ooh, what's this vagina feel like? I don't. Is that how it is for women? Well, I would think that's how it is because if you see a woman, you're attracted to her. You're like, hmm, I wonder what it would feel like to be with her.

But it's more like, yeah, what it's like to be next to her. What does she look like naked? What is she, you know? Yeah. Just. All women are different, but I'm talking about the actual feeling of yeah that's what i mean too are but are is that how it is for women um that they that feels like for women it's the it's the whole experience it's like what is he like what does he do how will he you know does he have a good rhythm? I think all those things we think about, you know, but we don't think about it in the moment, but you know, as you're getting to know

the person, I think you're being aroused by the way they speak, the way they touch, the way they smile, the way they laugh. I think all those things play into the experience of it. Sure. So it's not just the actual, the evaluation of the, of the dick. Right. Which, you know, for you guys, guys they're different sizes they're circumcised uncircumcised for us it's really the same way it's either is she waxed or does she not wax yeah it's really just yeah it's a hygiene thing you know it's like as long as it's there's some upkeep i'm good to go you know like it's a hygiene thing, you know? It's like, as long as there's some upkeep, I'm good to go, you know? Like, it's fine. But yeah, I mean, if, but if you really think, yeah, are they all,

is there a variety? But there's not too much. I don't think guys are paying that close of attention, I guess, is what I'm saying. I think you're right. I think you're right. Yeah. I think you're right.

Yeah. It's more of the, yeah, I think like with men or with women, there are things that can turn off guys in the bedroom too. For sure. And a lot of it is too, just chemistry. You just. Yeah. I definitely think it's chemistry. I like to be connected with my partner. You know, I feel like I make the best eye contact in life is when I'm having sex. You know,

I might be aloof throughout the day and not paying attention to you. But if I'm, if we're hooking up, like I'm locked in, you know, and so when I'm paying attention, like, if you're having, if you're trying to connect with someone and, and you feel like they're not there, that would bother me. Yeah, absolutely. I think the connection is everything. I think the experience becomes better because of the connection. Yeah.

Right? Totally. Yeah. Do you think you'll get married? I hope so. I want kids. I always say I grew up very traditional and I always thought I'd be married with kids when I was kids. Like I always say, like I've grew up very traditional and my parents got,

I always thought I'd like to be married with kids when I was young. And my parents have been married. I don't know how long now, but, but I really want children. So like, I'm, I'm,

I'm totally open to getting married. It's just not like, I don't, I don't care if I do or not. I do want to, I want, I want to be in a monogamous relationship with someone and have a family. That's what women want to hear.

Yeah. That's what the idea of marriage. What I'm saying is I want to get married, but if I met someone and fell in love with her and we had a family and she was like, I'm just not big on like the whole ceremony. I'd be like, okay.

Like, but as long as we're committed to each other, that's all I, like Goldie Hawn. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. I would love, I would love to have what goldie and kurt have i would be so down for that um it's really uh honesty and trust for me have it's always one of those things where you it's everything

you say you prioritize but now i prioritize it even more like really um even talking about when you said like oh would you want to see me with another man you know to me i just need to know how much i trust that person and how and trust their connection with me right because absolutely if i felt like this was all about us role-playing or expanding our palates, but I just knew, I trusted that no matter what, she loved me and that this was about us and not about her desire to like get off on another guy, I could go down that path because there's trust there. You know, for my friends who are in open relationships, I hear them tell their stories and it's just like, I don't know if I could do that. But what I see between them is this really close bond and connection and a lot of trust. And I value

that with them. Have you seen that with some of your friends or have you ever dabbled? No, but I've seen that with my friends. I feel like you have to be really connected if you're in an open relationship. I think you have to be really connected if you're in an open relationship. I think you have to be able to trust that somebody is not going to go off and do something behind your back. So for me, I think it's all about trust. Exactly what you're saying. I know before quarantine, I was like, I don't need to get married again. I will have a, you know, just want to commit a relationship.

But I think after COVID, I'm like, I think I want to be married again. I really, I loved being married. I really did. That's good to hear. I mean, you've been married, you've been divorced. So many of our listeners who have been married and divorced have this fear about dating. Women who have kids who get married and divorced and they fear about dating. You obviously, you know, you're People Magazine's most 50 beautiful people in the world. So like, obviously, it's going great. Oh, by the way, that's so, I saw that I was just like, I would be fine with the rest of my life doing, accomplishing nothing else if I made People Magazine's top 50. So congratulations on that. But in all seriousness thank you so much what was wait did you ever have any we all have fears and insecurities sometimes that people we assume would never be insecure because you know hey i'm 50 people magazine top 50 did you have fears what

was that like and um how did you kind of overcome that getting back out there and dating again or did you never i mean i still i still have I mean, I think we all have insecurity about, you know, I don't want to end up alone. I think that's one of my biggest fears. Not having someone, you know, that I trust and love and have a great relationship with. I think we all feel that every now and then. But for me, having, you know, being a single mom and, you know, I'm a package deal. Whoever comes into my life has to be okay with being, you know, sort of a stepdad. Luckily my kid's dad is in their life so that they don't need a dad, but I want to have someone that has a great friendship with my

kids. That's important to me. Yeah. But yeah, nobody wants to grow old alone. And so I definitely sometimes feel like, Oh my my god is this it? How are you meeting people? Do you ever do dating apps? I did it once and they didn't believe it was me. They thought they were being catfished. They were like send me your real photos. Really? Yeah. I mean which

app was it? Bumble. If I match with you on bumble i would have some uh some questions some questions yeah this is really you yeah i went to i i met a guy once from there and we met at some restaurant and he was like the first thing he said is like why are you single and that made me feel really bad i was like girl, I mean, every day I have to be like, why are you single? Like, I just am. I mostly because I want to be or not because I want to be, but because like, I'm fine with not picking someone just so you stop asking me why I'm single.

Right. Oh, that's interesting that you say that. I mean, it makes me feel better. That made me sad. Yeah. What did you say to him? I said, why are you single? You know, I just sort of threw it back at him. But I think people, you know, people have an idea like when you look a certain way or whatever that, you know, they're lined up around the corner. But you want quality.

You know, I want quality over quantity, obviously. And it's hard these days to meet someone because everybody's doing the app dating thing and i don't want to meet my guy like that i want old-fashioned i see you from across the room across the supermarket aisle across the whatever sure sure sure but but but is that realistic i don't know if it is right now but i i would you what would you say if I said, um, it's not that there's anything wrong with dating apps, but it's what dating apps kind of like in a way porn does is it, it makes it unromantic, not because of it's a technology option, but because there's so many options and that feel like, you know, this whole catfish idea and it feels a little bit forced and like, oh, I had a nice time with you, but like, do you have another date lined up later tonight or tomorrow? But if you knew that it was, there's a focus between two people on a dating app, then that would be fine. Right. Right. Or somebody said to me, you know, why don't you, you do a matchmaker? And I was like, I don't want to feel like I have to pay someone to meet

someone. No, I know. Yeah. So there's all these different things, but I feel like my guy is out there looking for me and I'm looking for, do you have a lot of friends trying to set you up? I feel like you must, I feel like here you are beautiful my friends always say my friends always say oh i don't i don't have anybody good enough for you and i'm like what does that say about who your friends are well no i would agree with i get that so i have a lot of women friends like do you have any friends and i'm just like not that i had set you up with and part of it and part of it is a lot of my core group of friends, people like that, you know, my best friends that I love,

they are married and settled down. Right. And since moving to LA, I got up more of a, I got a lot more of acquaintances. Right. And I don't go out a lot. I don't, I'm not in the party scene or the social scene. So I don't have like a group of guys that I like roll out with and,

and, and a few guys I do know. Yeah. I'm not, you don't want any part of them. You know, like I know them, they're fine.

I'm not saying they're horrible people, but I don't, you know, it is. Yeah. I love your honesty. I love your honesty. So are you on the apps?

I'm on, I'm on Raya. Yeah. I, yeah, I looked at that. Mostly because of the security of, I don't use it. I don't really, I mean, I don't, I've, I go on it, but I am really bad at responding. It's something like I, and I've, I've got, I've gone on dates from it, but I do like, it's just more, there's a, there's a level of security that makes me feel safer. And that's, and I don't, it's not because, sometimes I wish I felt safe on some of the other apps, because I wouldn't mind, like, I think, you know, Raya, you know, there's great people on it, but sometimes it limits who can go on it and right the you you just want to meet some people who might not be in the industry as they say and and and give that a shot but like i don't know if i feel comfortable

exposing myself to uh the bumwool community as a whole or or or twitter or yeah i checked out yeah i checked out raya and i felt like i saw agents and managers that i knew and that seemed weird and i saw daniel radcliffe i was like wait a minute you saw harry i did i was like what's harry potter doing you know what i've noticed though you know what i've noticed on that app though is that there's uh i think a couple years ago i was like who are some of the guys out there so like i changed my settings to like oh that's interesting just to see right yeah yeah competition on there for for there's a lot of in terms if you're for like names right there's not a lot of all right there's not a lot of names

in the from women on that app but there's a lot of names if i'm not saying that matters or doesn't matter but i'm like yeah i'm competing against this guy it's like oh fuck you know yeah they'll get you every time no i mean no there's something that there's at times been like really he's on here yeah like okay wow i'll just shut it down that's interesting that was really smart of you to do that to switch it though so you could see that's really close a couple couple years ago but i'm a i'm a big believer in in um trying to open up as many doors and windows if you're trying to meet someone and and take out the idea of the idea of it you know sure i would love to meet someone at a grocery store and i have the courage to look up to her and

i say something charming slightly awkward but she thinks it's cute and i like right you know bumble with the lemons and they fall and i ask for her number and we fall in love like that would be amazing not that you've thought about it at all. I'm so happy you said lemons and not cucumbers. But nine times out of ten, I see a cute girl at the grocery store, and I think about talking to her, and I chicken out, and I never do. Oh, you have to do it next time. Please.

Yeah, that's what they say. But I chicken out. Have you ever hit on a guy out have you or do you have an old school approach i'm like nope he's gonna hit on me like how are you no i have i went to when i first got to la i went on an audition in the um and the casting director was really handsome so i waited until after my audition and he was coming you know back out to get the next actress and i was like hey i'm new to la if you ever want to have coffee or anything let me know and he goes you're so sweet i would love to but just so you know i'm gay and i was like god damn i had no gaydar yeah none but nine times out of ten these days you know casting director has a lot you

know like you know there's yeah i don't but i was like okay but i would hit on a guy i mean i would let him know that i'm definitely have you ever done it and got a date have i ever what have you ever done that and got a date i mean that was how that was what that was like 20 30 years ago yeah that was yeah it was a long time ago um i think most guys if i let you know that they're interested then they'll come up to me oh so you put out the vibe as they say yeah how do you do that how what's your what's your uh what's your move a little longer eye contact a smile or you know hi you know stuff like that okay do you have a myth i just awkwardly stare and I look away like a chicken. Um,

we're going to have to work on that. You're going to have to work on that. I, yeah, I, I should have more moves, but I mean, I have some moves,

you know, I think you're good. I think you're fine. I'm probably am. I, it's skate on by. Yeah. Hi,

roller skate. I just sweep them off their feet with my wheels. That's funny. I really test their gaydar. Yeah. You're fun. Yeah. But yeah, so I don't know.

What's your favorite? What would be your ideal first date right nowadays oh my ideal first day first of all i wonder if i have to check his temperature see a covid negative uh test i would then smart safe um my safe sex is a whole new different meaning nowadays oh my god completely um and they're saying they find now there's traces of COVID in semen. So that's interesting. I would be a nice date on the beach. A nice dinner on the beach would be lovely. You know, sushi.

I always go for sushi on the first day because it's quick. They don't have to cook it in case I need to bail. Well, I would say if you're worried about bailing i don't even bother with dinner so you'll that's true so you'll have dinner with a guy that you're unsure about no no no but if it's not that you're unsure about but you really don't know like how the conversation's gonna flow if he's gonna act weird i totally agree because i was always i'm always like especially like in a dating app situation or let's go for a bit of setup or it's just like, well, let's grab drinks or a cup of coffee. Cause the whole thing, excuse me, the whole idea is, I don't know if we want it

to go through the whole meal. What if we don't? But most guys ask a girl for dinner, not really for coffee, because then that sounds like a lunch or an interview, you know? I guess. Am i doing that wrong maybe i like drinks well i haven't got you know drinks drinks is good but you also don't want to drink too much because you know after two drinks everybody looks a little bit better yeah i i don't usually ask someone out for dinner i'm like unless i'm like really into them really into them because she's right like coffee can be like friend zoning i i've i've done that though i've asked you want to have coffee i'm like i've asked people out to dinner that was like okay i don't know anything about her but sure why

not and then have it be like before you like order a nap i was like oh god this is gonna be a while this is gonna be painful like here we go sushi's good sushi so sushi so if i if so heads up if if uh if you agree to a date with a guy and you suggest sushi you're not sure about him yeah i mean i love sushi anyway but yeah i think it's you know you don't they're not cooking it it's really quick but if a guy's like hey Hey, do you want to get, I know it's a great Italian place and you're not sure about them. You're like, you're, you have,

would you agree to Italian if, if you liked them? If I liked them? Yes. Okay. I would agree to Italian. Okay. Maybe let's have a drink first.

That's very funny. Yeah. Maybe have a drink first and then go to Italian if it's going well. Yeah, I agree. Any, any prospects out there or what do you. Not yet. I got out of something a few months ago. So before COVID let's not a few months before COVID. So, um, no, but right now I'm really in a good place. I just really, uh, feel like it'll happen when it's supposed to. I'm not actively looking, but if it happens, great. That's awesome. Before we get into our fun little game,

what are some projects and things that you're working on? I mean, obviously, we talked about your podcast. Are you still doing Housewives? We're done for the season. We just did our reunion. How was that remotely is that was that aired not yet it hasn't aired september 2nd what tea can you give our listeners listen it was

the hardest thing even though it was remote it was still tense since i had never done it and i felt like right out of the gate they came for me um it was 13 hours and it took me two days to shake off all of it. I mean, it's really tough. 13 hours. Did you guys get breaks? Uh, we got a couple of little breaks and we had like a half an hour lunch, if you will. So it was crazy. It started and it felt like you were, you were, you were target number one.

Target number one, or they started, what they do is they show your package of how the season went for you. And then, of course, they start asking you. So whoever goes first, I don't know if that's how they're going to edit it, but my package was first. So then everything came at me first. Do you feel an expectation on that show to expose your dating life? No, but I mean, they want to see all your life. So if you're single and you're dating, then yes. Has that been a struggle? How do you have that conversation with guys? Like, hey, by the way, I'm going to go on a date and I'm going to bring a couple

camera people. You know what? I had just started dating the guy I was dating and I said to him, hey, I'm invited to a party Saturday night. I would love for you to be my date, but just a heads up, it's going to be filmed. And I was surprised that he said yes so quickly. So he was all right with it. But I would totally respect a guy if he said, you know, I'm really not up for that. And I actually would have thought that would have been cooler. Yeah, because there's two sides to that coin where it's just like, wait, why did you say yes so

quickly? Do you just want to, you know, he knows who you are. He knows you're on the show, et cetera, et cetera. Versus, oh, he just, he, he doesn't want any part of that. And it makes me feel like a more sincere, genuine date. You know, I guess you can look at it both ways. Yeah. You can look at everything both ways. Yeah, absolutely. I agree with you but um he was cool with it so therefore that showed on the show okay but which which is not out yet no that part was no um there's little bits of it that's come out already that you know do you survive the tell-all do you come out that you're i think so okay i think so. Okay. Are you worried? I think so.

I mean, for me, I always speak up. You know, I always speak up. I always say how I feel. So I definitely, you know, I think for me also, the first season was really about letting people know who I am. I didn't feel like I needed to attack anybody. I didn't feel like, I mean, I stood up for Denise Richards because she was getting the brunt of it all this season.

But it's really about getting to know who I am. It wasn't about coming out of the gate and attacking a woman. Yeah, that's not my style anyway. I watched the Housewives and I was to say you handled yourself amazingly and not only amazing with the way you approached other people and the way that you speak, but you are such amazing example for a strong woman to speak her mind. So it's really, it's good to have on that franchise that kind of like sometimes gets in the weird waters there.

Yeah. I appreciate that. Well, what is interesting too is like sometimes just in general people who are open about sex and dating sometimes get labeled and like raunchy and things like that. And yet talking to you, you're classy. And just being a fan of you your whole life and watching the things that you've been on and all the things that you've done, you're like, here you are, this classy woman who's also sex positive and open about sex.

also sex positive and open about sex. And I think that puts a nice spin on, um, you know, a liberating feeling to like, you don't, you don't have to sacrifice your class to have a little sass, you know, especially coming from a guy. I really appreciate that. Not that I didn't appreciate you saying you liked it too. Um, but I feel like you can be that, you know, you can be, I mean, at the, you know, people go, oh my God, but you're a mom. What if your kids hear you? First of all, sexuality, I think is obviously a universal thing. And I don't want my kids to feel like you have to hide from it, but I'm also still a woman. And I'm also, that's how I had sex in order to have them. You know what I mean? So I think I want my kids to be open. I try to say, you know, let's talk about sex. And they were like, mom, and they roll their eyes and they get embarrassed.

But I'm like, if we can talk about football, we can talk about movies. Why can't we talk about sex? Yeah. So are you pretty open with your kids when it talks not like about your sex life, but just sex in general? Yeah, I try to because I also want them because they're boys. I want them to know a woman's side of it. Not just what their dad tells them how you should be or what you should do. But I also feel like they should know the woman's side of it too. Yeah. I will.

Like I never talked about sex with my parents, but my mom. I didn't either. Trust me. I didn't either. But in terms of like dating and being around women, my mom had a huge influence on my life about how to treat women. That's awesome. But... That's awesome.

Yeah. God, man, it's got to be interesting raising boys and talking about... I mean, listen, truthfully, when you think about it, moms, if not more, should be just as open about sex with their sons because yeah like dads men don't know as much as you women know about what you women like you know and so you would think you would have a more kind of not you but like people it's we don't talk about it which is probably a yeah the reason why sex it's like humans are still bad at sex and understanding one another in 2020, because we don't talk about it. Because we don't talk about it. I remember, like for my kids, I talk about, you know,

consent and they were like, what's consent? And I said, you know, you know how like, if we're going to the movies, we all have to agree on the movie. And they're like, yeah. And I'm like, well, consent is that way too. You have to, both of you have to agree on what you want to do or what you don't want to do. And with my older son, Oliver, he was 15 the first time he had sex. And I was the first person he told. And I was like, I was standing there and the room was spinning. Cause I was like, holy shit. You know? Oh my God. And I remember him walking out of the room after he told me, and then he came back in and he was like, what's for dinner?

And I was like, what's for dinner? I'm still processing. I couldn't imagine telling my parents. You know, I was happy he told me, but I was still like, holy crap. So I think it's important to be able to talk. I mean, I don't think you have to tell them everything, but I think it's important for them to feel comfortable enough to say you know mom if i do this is it okay

to you know so i don't know i just try to make everything be accessible to them so they can ask i i when i if i'm lucky enough to have kids i hope uh the conversations between my kids and my and my wife or partner whoever she is like you know i don't i want my kids to have their own lives and privacy to a certain extent but i want them to feel comfortable and i want them learning from i don't want them learning from porn or their friends because you know you know i learned a lot of stuff because my buddy's older brother told him stuff who told me stuff and i'm like right sounds kind of fucked up man i don't know you know like stuff like that i'd rather have it be from um yeah my parents in a kind of honest non-judgmental situation like you know all they teach you in sex ed is like the

hot technically how to do it the medical yeah and then they're like the only sure way to not ruin your life is to not do it by the way right which is unrealistic i remember my kids just last year they had uh sex education and they talked about you know waking up in the morning and and there's a tp like and i was like oh god really's a teepee? It's not really a teepee. It's more like a coffin underneath a sheet. Well, it doesn't stand up. You know, stiff as a board, light as a feather. Oh, my God. That visual is too much.

I agree with you. That it's too much or that you agree with the analogy? No, the analogy gives a visual that's too much. I'm just saying it's not an accurate TP. It's not. Good to know. Anyways, Garcelle, do you have a little time for a fun little game called Do You Know Me?

Okay. All right. Let's do it. It's real simple. It's real fun. Okay. Chrissy and I are going to guess. Who knows Garcelle better? It's real simple. It's real, real fun. Okay. Chrissy and I are going to guess who knows better. It's real simple.

Don't answer the question right away. Okay. Think about your answer. We're going to guess and then feel free to elaborate within an anecdotal story. If you have one also simple yeses and no's or simple answers also work as well. Perfect. Ready? Okay. also simple yeses and no's or simple answers also work as well perfect ready okay do you know me with garcelle also i love your name by the way thank you question number one has garcelle ever used handcuffs during sex has garcelle ever used handcuffs during sex i'm gonna say yeah i'm gonna say no maybe a silk scarf yeah and so if you've been tied up yeah it actually has to be handcuffs

they know the hand i'm gonna say i'm gonna say yes why not i'm going to say no okay score not yet anyway yeah so you don't she is open i'm open have you ever done the tied up i have to really i have to really trust the guy though you know what i mean yeah that that trust factor's got to be strong i'll be honest it's something i tried when i was like a adolescent you know and i And? I didn't like it. No? Yeah. No. Yeah.

Like you were tight or she was? I got, she handcuffed me. Oh. I didn't like it. I was like, no, not for me. Yeah. Question, opposite direction. Can Garcelle name three members of NSYNC?

Can Garcelle name three members of NSYNC? I'm going to say yes. Like everybody can name three members of NSYNC now. I know she can name two. Yeah, I think so. Two. I know she can name one I'm going to assume she knows one more I'm not sure about three

I mean she's in Beverly Hills I require first and last names to get this answer correctly you can't just say I'm going to say yes I'm going to say no no Justin Timberlake that's the one he owns a restaurant in West Hollywood that's the one um he owns a restaurant in west hollywood that's it lance bass joey fatone oh and i love oh my god i love those guys i mean i actually jc shazay jc shazay shazay and then

chris something yeah my uh my first girlfriend was a big NSYNC fan. Yeah. I love Joey Fatone and obviously Lance too. That's okay. I won't tell him. Has Garcelle ever crashed a party? No, no. She's too classy for that.

I'm going to say yes. By crashed a party, she knowingly showed up for a party she wasn't invited to. Not like she just like. Yeah, but think about in her whole life. I'm going to say no. I'm going to say yes. I think she was invited to every party is what I think. I have crash parties and I actually crashed the Oscars once.

Okay. That is not easy. No. I worked the Oscarsars once. Okay. That is not easy. No. I worked the Oscars. Security. We did the red carpet. I talked to Joan Rivers. You did the red carpet?

It crashed? I did. And Joan Rivers even talked to me about my outfit. And then we got in the car. We went back to my house. So hard to do. That was before security was super super tight hello uh congratulations that's i'm like super impressed like i i've worked the red carpet for that for the oscars for abc for a lot of years and it's not easy it's not easy it's not

easy no all right act like you belong. Next question. Yeah, but you do kind of. You do. Not even kind of. Yeah. How do you? I don't know. Hashtag impressed.

Yeah. If I showed up, they'd be like, what the fuck? No, they wouldn't. They'd probably be like, oh, he's probably hosting something. They wouldn't.

Sure. Yeah. I got through it with the Golden Globes, but the Oscars is a little different. Yeah. Has Garcelle ever played strip poker no i gotta say i really appreciate your straight face because you're much better at some of this than other people who have played they're just yeah you're really taking this seriously and i appreciate it i'm gonna say no i'm gonna say yes no god i know her not the exhibition i don't know how to play i don't know how to play poker my kids

do but i don't yeah i don't know if strip poker is about playing poker poker that's true good point good point good point good point all right last Keeping with the theme, has Garcelle ever had sex in a car? Oh, let me say yes. If you haven't lived, if you haven't had sex in a car. I mean, hello. Absolutely, and I loved it. You did, okay. Yeah.

I've had some good spot in any spot. In car sex? It started in an alleyway in Chicago and ended up in her car in a parking garage. Oh, wow. And I think about it. I was like, wow, that was risky. Well, apparently 2020 Roadhead is back. Is it?

Yeah. Did Roadhead ever leave? leave my bad roadhead's like sat in the shower for me it's like the idea you know it's like right right right right you know but a challenge with the girl though the guy pulls over you're like you're doing a good job but that car sex was like all about like it had to happen when it happened. Right. And that was the only place we had. And it was like Titanic handprint.

It was awesome. Now that I think about it, I forget about that. That's so funny. Yeah. Garcelle, thanks so much for coming. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it. Really.

Can you remind the people where they can find you, anything you're working on? I know you're in books you've written. Just now is your time. Get it out there. Plug yourself. Please listen to my podcast, Go Into Bed With Garcelle, anywhere you get your podcast.

On Instagram, I'm at Garcelle. On Twitter, at GarcelleB. And just give me a shout out and say, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey. Well,

it's been a lot of fun. Thanks so much for, thank you so much. Your stories. Thank you guys for listening. As always, we appreciate it. Thanks for tuning in. Don't forget to send in your five-star reviews,

sending your questions at ask Nick at cast me.com. Cast with a K for our Monday. Ask Nick episodes. We appreciate you sticking with us, listening in, and if there's nothing else, we'll see you on Monday.