The Viall Files - E169 Ask Nick - Bumping Into Narcissists

Episode Date: August 31, 2020

On this week's episode of Ask Nick we start with a simple story: girl meets boy, boy invites girl on a date, boy says his wife died, girl Googles and finds out he lied and she is very much alive. Then, we speak with a woman who is struggling with not feeling like a priority when her boyfriend would rather spend the weekend with friends than her. Next, someone is exhausted trying to get along with her boyfriend's family- and they've been together since she was 15. And finally, a couple have both had discretions in their relationship and keep telling each other half-truths instead of just being honest.  “If I was married to someone and they were telling people I was dead I would want to know.” Make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes. THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: SHIP STATION: Go to shipstation.com CODE: VIALL to try it FREE for 60 days BEST FIENDS: bestfiends.com  BUTCHER BOX: Go to ButcherBox.com/VIALL for two pounds of ground beef in every box for the life of their subscription. Episode Socials:  Viall Files @viallfiles Nick Viall @nickviall See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

what is going on everybody happy monday that was super energetic right then uh yeah well you know it's the last day of august yeah last day of august we're almost through this year we're almost through this year uh i hope you're having a great great day uh great episode today um weirdly enough i feel like trust is a big theme of this episode in a way that we haven't talked about before and yet trust we talk so much is such a big part of relationships and it's a a big part of today's episode i think you guys will really enjoy there are some maybe fake dead people in this relationship or i'm in this episode in this episode is she dead is she not dead i don't know did he lie about her being dead we will find out um so yeah uh as always um you guys know how much i value this uh particular show as part of vile files library if you will

and uh sincerely appreciate you guys taking the time to write your reviews or just giving us five stars without having to write anything totally fine too we just want to get those reviews up also i know you've been waiting for it on my patreon how this uh the episode comes out tomorrow so for all those people who have just been waiting for the vanessa one you can finally sign up and if you just want to listen to that you can just not you can cancel after you listen to the vanessa one but the race rachel one's out as well and well. And then we have all the women from my season. And then if you like that Vanessa one, you're gonna like the Jen Saviano one that comes out in October.

It's real honest. So honest. I'm a little nervous how honest it is. Really? We got done and I'm like, Jen's like, how'd that go? I'm like, well, people are gonna love you. Yeah. I mean, it's, we talk a lot nervous how honest it is. Really? We got done and I'm like, Jen's like, how'd that go? I'm like, well, people are gonna love you. Yeah.

I mean, it's, we talk a lot about how things went down between her and I and while I, between Paradise and being asked to be The Bachelor. Has this been therapeutic for you? Yeah. Yeah?

Listen, it's always, specifically the Vanessa one and Jen, Raven in a different way, Corinne, it's always, specifically the Vanessa one and Jen, Raven in a different way, Corinne, it's just, in any relationship when things end, friendships or otherwise, you guys have guards up, right? And sometimes when you don't talk to people, you get in your head about what they might think of you, what they might be telling friends, and those things might happen.

And as time goes on, sometimes people just want to connect and those things might happen. And as time goes on, sometimes people just want to connect and just clear the air. And I think that's been really nice to do. Because I do feel like we tell people a lot of the times, like it's done, it's over, like forget about it. So I feel like you're in a unique situation where you have like- Well, I've always say like closer definitely comes

from within, but if you're able to get it from someone else that you've wanted to seek closure, it's always nice to get. Sometimes you just don't get that type of closure until like time has passed long enough where you're not personally affected. And so it really has been nice to do that. And it's the people who have signed up for it,

it's just been kind of an honest dialogue between people where there's a lot of mutual respect, but like frustration maybe on both sides. Yeah. I think it's really cool to have those conversations and be able to reflect back. So the Vanessa one comes out tomorrow. Check it out.

I'm waiting for it. So go to my Instagram. It's on my Patreon. We've teased it enough. Waiting for you. I just think people really want to hear it. Yeah. And listen,

I get it. You don't want to pay for things that you're used to getting for free and you recorded this before she got engaged too right yeah so we don't talk about that I did text Vanessa after when she got engaged and she was like I mean I think it was

like one of those she wasn't expecting it but like obviously it's happy but like it's not like sometimes it's like oh are you gonna ask me yeah no um so yeah we're good for you it's out there do we want to talk about you getting some dick this week should we do we need to yeah i mean he you had fun you had a little fly and hook up i did have a little fly and hook up was it as satisfactory as you hoped it would be it was i don't know it was really nice i don't know it was nice it was nice so i wasn't ready for you were gonna get some dick i got more you got a little bit more you got yeah

yeah i'm scared for you to ask nick me yeah it was nice so it sounds like maybe you guys you you he left with net you guys talked next steps i don't think we talked next steps there's no next steps did you i live in la make plans of hanging out again i might be flying there those are next my birthday's my birthday those are next steps i'm not saying you guys decided like should we get married no but you know each other for a long time it's it's different it's just i don't know it was just fun it was easy it was you know like when you're like it's just easy well if i were to ask nick you, I would say,

don't have any expectations other than the expectation that you've enjoyed this person's company. Yeah. I think that's just where I am. And openness to seeing where it goes without saying, well, it can't be like that because I've known him for so long. Or don't create unfair expectations of like, it has to be a certain thing. Yeah.

Just go get that. it's just nice when you like get in the car and you're like you like the same music for a road trip but the window's down or you know it's like oh let me order this drink or they know what kind of coffee you like so they just go and get it for you and you're like do you want a tuggy and he's like i do and you're like okay i want a what a tuggy why go why start with a tuggie? Who starts there? I'm just making shit up. I'm glad you had fun. I did. I had a lot of fun.

I definitely have an extra little pep in my step this week. It was like there was a release. Yeah, there was. I liked it. All right, cool. Let's get to the callers. Oh, make sure to tune in tomorrow because Lauren Zena will be with us

and while we don't talk about my season per se because that's more than done on my Patreon you're just gonna have to sign up for all the juicy content there

we will be covering some things going on in Bachelorverse Universe The Bubble all things Claire season and just going to update on Bachelor world with always the knowledgeable and fun

Lauren Zima well I say we get to these questions great let's make your sexy questions. How's it going? Good. My name's Ashley and I'm 30 years old from Southern California.

Hi Ashley, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Yeah, so I emailed in because I kind of got bamboozled recently last weekend. So I went on a girl girls weekend to go wine tasting. And during our first night there dinner, noticed a handsome gentleman eating alone. And we kind of waited until to see if any date would show up. No date showed up.

So I kind of knew that was my chance to spark a combo. And we hit it off. There's instant chemistry. I've learned now with COVID, it's, if I'm ever out in the wild, I just need to shoot my shot. And, um, and so at dinner, we wrapped up early. Me and my girlfriends, and we invited him to grab drinks with us after at a local bar. Um, he ended up showing up at the bar and we just stayed out all night and we really had great chemistry. He's 10 years older than me and really well established when it comes to his profession. He travels all over the world with it. So really well-rounded guy. During that night,

I did notice he had a ring on his right hand and asked him what it was. He said that, and he kind of got a little choked up here and he goes, well, I'm still fresh, but I am a widower and my wife passed away. We had two kids and I have a great support system back at home to help during this difficult time. And I have a great support system back at home to help during this difficult time. He said that he really hasn't gone back in the dating arena yet. Just really hasn't been getting his feet wet when it comes to dating. And yeah, that was just the one kind of situation he said, is that weird? I still wear the ring.

I'm like, no, it's totally understandable. You went through a lot. And towards the end of the night, he just walked me back to my hotel. Nothing happened. We just made out no hookup or anything. And the next day was the last day me and my girlfriends are going to be in that town. And he asked me out to dinner. And it was one of the nicest dinners I've ever went on as a date where you just spent, I've ever went on as a date where you just spent, he was definitely trying to show how much, or it was just an expensive dinner all the way around. And I respectfully got the chicken. I didn't want to, I'm like, this is a lot.

He was just being very chivalrous of like, how's a woman like you still single, this and that. And during the date towards the end, he goes like, so this may be weird, but like, how am I doing? Like, I'm so new to this dating. Like, can you give any point? Like, how am I doing through these last two days we've been together? And tell him like, he's been great. He's been really nice and generous and is interested in learning about me as well as talking about his life experiences um so very respectful so at this point you're just like this is amazing oh i'm like you're just on cloud nine oh yeah i'm like i met my prince charming like sign me up all right and then yep so i got sick

towards the end of the day just from being exhausted from wine tasting all day so i just was like hey i'm gonna like respectfully like go back to my hotel. I'm just not feeling well. And, um, he was totally fine with that. Walked me back. And he just was saying how this has happened where before where he meets a lovely woman while, and it just fizzles out and he doesn't want that to happen. So he's like, I'll fly down to see you. I'll fly you back up here to see me. And we agree on that. And then next day, driving home with my girlfriends, and we're like, we need to dig into what happened with his wife. How did she pass away? So we're digging, can't find anything. Plugging his phone number into Google, up comes a person's name associated to that number. I plug that woman's name into Facebook and up pops a profile

where her profile picture was updated in December of her, him and their two kids. So eight months ago and we're like, okay, okay, with no red flags yet, she could have passed away earlier this year and it's just really fresh. Then I plug in her name into Twitter. We find her profile and she tweeted something five weeks ago. And that's where I'm like, okay, this is a little like, I just feel like I've kind of been manipulated the whole time because that's really, really fresh. I don't really think it's, I think he's just trying to see what would happen while he was away for a weekend without his, with his wife and kids being home. So my question is is like do i reach out to the wife

and message her of like what happened um like i'm just feel i feel manipulated and just he really took advantage of the situation and i don't know if i should message him that i know or her that i know so it just i want to be clear you're you're 100 convinced that this woman is alive and we're basing this off the fact that she tweeted five weeks ago yeah that five weeks ago from today or how long ago was this date a week ago um yep so it was the trip was around august 8th and she had tweeted on like june like what did she tweet uh just something when it came to like environmentally friendly uh it was just it was just a post that was more directed towards like what she does for living he didn't share about how she passed at all no no on all their profiles there's nothing of that sort um of anything of passing and he changed his profile picture to just his picture of him that he has

like that he has in his books that he's an author of. And so I'm like, well, he doesn't have a family photo on his face. He's an author. Yeah. So he's written a few books. So the picture he has as his profile picture is a picture in his books. It's a notable person of some kind. I would say in his, in his books it's a notable person of some kind um i would say in his in his industry he's a professor travels over the world all over the world speaking and so and it's

ironic that he teach like his main focus is ethics this person is googleable in a sense like you know what i mean by googleable we're like you google their name and a decent amount of material comes up 100 he doesn't have a very familiar i mean it's definitely a different name than you google and it's the first thing that pops up about his books and everything and he acknowledges this woman's name in all of his books that's where it kind of linked to when i plugged her name in that and so there's no and to your point you google his name and his wife's name and there's nothing about a death nothing now more than ever trying to find new and fun ways to make some money maybe we've had some uh business ideas of some talents we had like uh i don't know what i mean those these are your ideas maybe you're

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with all the searches me and my girlfriends are doing. And you, so, and you, you, you made out with this guy, there were some physical elements on this date. Second base,

third base. Definitely. I would, you know, just like handsy and making out a lot, but nothing where like second base, third base definitely i would you know just like handsy and making out a lot but nothing were like second base third base like i just thankfully i didn't heavy petting and making out basically pretty much um i have so many questions did you when you like went to go talk to this guy did you know who he was or anything like that? I mean, I'm not an expert in motivational speakers, but you just kind of...

Totally. No, it's a good question. I had no idea. I just noticed a handsome man who just seemed well put together having dinner by himself. And I found him attractive and wanted to introduce myself. And he definitely seemed open to continuing the conversation. And I gave it up to him of like, Katie,

if you want to join us for drinks afterwards, we're going to this bar next door. We'd love to chat more. And he, and he showed up. So where are things with this guy right now? Like when was the last time you heard from him? He,

the day we were driving home, he texts me how like amazing it was. And he can't wait to see me again and plan another trip. And I didn't respond. That was about six days ago. Oh, and he can't wait to see me again and plan another trip. How long ago was that? That was about six days ago. Oh, and you never responded? No, and that's when I messaged him because I was just, I didn't want to, once I found out through my Google searches,

I didn't know what to say to him, and I didn't want to cross any line without knowing, like, do I tell him I know? Do I play along with it so I have more evidence to send to his wife? What do't want to cross any line without knowing like, do I tell him I know? Do I play along with it? So I have more evidence to send to his wife. What do you want to do? I, it's funny. I listened to too many crime podcasts or part of me is like, okay, if I send him his wife something, he's going to know it came from me and he's going to try and like mess with

my life because I messed with his family. Like I just, you never know like people these days you never know i mean i love that the true crime podcast is going down listen if she is alive right then then we're dealing with a really good liar uh you know who teaches ethics like yeah do i is it like totally unfair to think that maybe like a professor of some sort has a higher rate of being like a narcissist or something i don't know maybe like our narcissists are like i think highly intelligent often is that true yeah i don't know yeah maybe who knows um but we're dealing with someone that if you are right and that is highly intelligent and calculated and maybe a narcissist

and a really just good liar um so confronting him might get messy do you have a do you when you say i wonder if i should reach out to her do you know how to get a hold of this alleged dead or alive person wife um through her twitter or facebook i could dm her um that's the only two things i have okay but no i did get a sense where i'm like i could be dealing with a master manipulator that it's like do i want to continue or get involved and insert myself in that relationship he has? Well, how, like, like the simple answer is yes. I mean, if you don't want to be involved in drama, remove yourself from the situation. No harm, no foul. It's made for a good story.

And to be extra cautious, yeah, don't insert yourself in something that doesn't involve you. However. However. You know, could be an argument. Listen, if I were married to someone and they were telling me uh people i was dead i'd want to know yeah it's uh you know maybe he's this is i i could imagine him arguing that this is some sort of experiment social experiment like social experiment like a sociopath or or you know trying things out but um it's fascinating that you're the one who approached him and then he kind of went with it. Yeah.

But in such a convincing way. Was there, when he was talking the whole time, was there a part of you that's, what made you look? You know, like, why didn't you just believe the story and go along with it? Because it sounds like based on your story that you were quickly wanting to like learn more or was it just because you were like oh well I want to learn how his wife died and through that curiosity realized that no one died it was I guess through my dating experiences I feel like sometimes when something's so good it's almost too good to be true and so that's what um and i i work in the sports industry and i am at trade shows and i it's not the first time i've seen guys take off their rings

when they're off on a trade show weekend and so i just i do have my guard up in certain cases like that and yeah and so that's i think where it stems from because this isn't the first time i've almost went home with someone and his friend tells me, hey, my buddy's actually married with kids home. Like, I don't want you to make this mistake. I'm like, oh, well, okay. Like, so it's not the first time. And I'm like, how? And like a second question is like, how, what, is there questions to ask when you kind of meet someone like this in the wild to avoid this from happening?

Because it's now like a second timer yeah there's no listen if you accidentally bump into a narcissist who's a very convincing liar and charming yeah i mean it's hard to figure out because they're very convincing and charming and they are willing to lie about things that the average person would be like, why would anyone lie about this? Right. So you become gullible. I mean, I, I, sometimes I'm like, well, I'm a gullible person. Cause it's just like, well, I just don't assume. I just don't go about life just assuming everyone's lying because that that's no way to live. Right. So like, there's a certain level of like well i mean if

if you're if you're going to run into people who are willing to say the most insane crazy things and lie about things that you're like why would anyone lie about that and that's just an unfortunate fact of of life so i don't think there's anything to really learn from this and like what you could do differently like good for you for shooting your shot and you might have run into a dangerous person if you were to pursue like involving yourself in the story maybe you could anonymously um dm her somehow and just say something cryptic like your husband told me you were dead is that true uh like set up a fake account or something like set up an anonymous like fake account yeah are you is that true uh let me know if you're willing to learn more i don't know you know yeah protect your identity and uh listen at the it's not your responsibility to convince

her so if you are if if other than like inserting yourself in drama and having this be a kind of, you know, your real life true crime podcast of your own, planning that seed for her is all you really need to do. Right. You don't need to give her the whole even story, but just anonymously letting her know that your husband, her husband said that you were dead is enough for her to start asking some question tough questions and that if she does follow up you could still protect your identity where you could just tell the story and just be like yeah i mean listen i have obviously if he's a narcissistic liar he's going to make up some story about like i was doing it for research or or people are crazy and someone's just making up this story i don't know but there's there is definitely a level of like you have to just remove yourself

and it is not your job to convince her he's lying and that you're not crazy or you're not making this up you know yeah um but that is that sounds right it is wild that is wild i'm just like also the like career aspect of it it's like is this person out there doing this all the time pretending what i really got me what i know who he is like how like how um with like ethics alone it's like he specializes in a certain focus where once you know that you'd probably be able to find his books um and i just know he i know at the end of the day i'm not the only girl he's probably done this with knowing that he travels all over the world for work and speaks and stuff so i just at the end i do feel bad and that's why i wanted to like gosh should i message her give Chrissy his email

Chrissy his name so we can ask him to come on this podcast and talk about addicts no for real email his name we'll keep it between us be like sir what would you say about people who say their lives are dead

but that's like kind of a that is such a crazy sociopathic kind of thing is to be like okay here i am in a position going around the world talking about this this this this and this while completely doing the opposite in my life but everyone will believe the story i tell them because i am known for this maybe i don't know had you not like made out head is that had you not made out with him or done anything you you could almost convince you that he was just like fucking around and and doing research and just having fun and technically his wife could be mad but maybe they have a bizarre understanding yeah but he def you know

and i guess they could have a bizarre understanding when he's on the road but all that i don't fucking know right there's always that element but the physical aspect means that like clearly there's um yeah i mean there's something going on mentally when someone's able to get like emotional and play the sympathy card and yeah it sounds like you put on quite the performance yes that's that's kind of the scary part of of of this where he anytime any guy offers to fly you on a plane google it it's all right here yeah before you get on a plane to meet a guy you've never met or or stuff like well you met him yeah um yeah i mean if it's too good yeah yeah listen there's a reason why when people say if it's too good to be true it often is because you know it often is and not that not just in relationships

like in financial situations and deals and things like that you know it's good to be skeptical but as far as this situation i wouldn't uh i wouldn't go that far in letting her know. Okay. I like that. If you want to plant the seed, that's all you really need to do and let her take it from there. Yeah. My guess is if this is a situation where she's really being victimized, they don't have any understanding and he's just a shitty person my guess is there's a list of examples or situations that are you know building that this would night this would just be another thing that

this isn't going to come out of totally nowhere whether she you know what i'm saying like this is sounds like you know maybe he's been caught you know i don't know before it's not the first time so just plant the seed and move on and and you can do it anonymously all right i like that well i do appreciate your guys's advice and i'm a big fan of your instagram with advice and your podcast so i appreciate it thanks for listening i appreciate it all right best of luck all right all right take care bye-bye bye-bye get your meat get your meat you got some meat over the weekend which is great but that's maybe that's the type that everyone wants to eat i mean maybe you you know you get what i'm saying i'm totally picking up what you're

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life. For life? That's a long time. Two pounds of ground beef in every box for the life of your subscription just go to butcherbox.com slash v-i-a-l-l that's butcherbox.com slash v-i-a-l-l how's it going hi um i'm erica and i'm 25 years old hi erica how can i help you okay um so i titled my email the weekday girlfriend um to give a little background, I've been dating this guy who's 30 for about four months now. We met on a dating app like a year ago, dated for three months, and I had ended it at the time.

But we still really liked each other and like still wanted to leave the door open for the future. So we continued to just talk and ended up picking things back up in April and have been exclusive for three months now. So then this is like the situation now where my question comes in. We recently started butting heads about our needs in terms of quality time. We live like 45 minutes away from each other and we both work full time and sometimes he works like a crazy amount of overtime too, so seeing each other has to be like planned in advance and like it's not always super easy. He's super independent and very laid back. And I've been trying to be a little more independent myself and didn't want to jump into things

like too quickly. So in the beginning, I was like cool with us not spending every weekend together. But then when summer began and like COVID restrictions lit up, he started spending the weekends with this new group of friends on the lake where he lives. And I was totally cool with that for a while and like supported him in that. And he even brought me to like meet a lot of these guy friends during the week when we'd hang. But then more recently, like I've noticed this friend group keeps expanding and there's quite a few girls who now like meet up with them each weekend, none of which I've met. And I probably shouldn't have,

but like I did some social media creeping. And I've seen like one girl in particular, like she's liked and commented on some of his photos. She's even like posted a picture on his boat, not like with him, but just like with her friends. And I've also seen her name pop up on his phone. But like, even regardless of that, I'm also just at a point where like we're four months in, we're exclusive. I think it's just like time to ramp things up and naturally start seeing each other more and spending more time together. Because I think like in the last four months, we've only spent like two Saturdays and a Sunday together. So I addressed my need for more quality time with him a few weeks ago. And he said, the reason he hasn't invited me is that he just really values his like alone time on the weekends and that going out with these friends is like his

way of unwinding um but he reassured me that like we are exclusive it's not about anyone else and it's nothing personal and he like somewhat reluctantly then invited me out like the next Saturday um but we didn't hang out with any of his friends we just like did our own thing, but he did start like kind of ramping things up like during the week. Like he's definitely made more of an effort to like come see me more and, um, like take more initiative in that, which was nice. Um, but then, so then things blew up like this past Saturday. Um, we hung out Friday night. I stayed over assuming that we'd like continue to hang out on Saturday. And like the morning rolled around, we were hanging out and then he was like saying that he had a lot to do and that he kind of assumed that I would be leaving. So I brought up like my issue with all of this again and said how it just felt really personal. It definitely like hurt my feelings. And I kind of called him out about this whole like girlfriends situation and how it made me uncomfortable that I never met any of them.

And so he just kind of like said the same thing. It's like nothing personal. It's not about anyone else. And like in relationships in the past, he's definitely like thrown himself way too far in too early and like gave up all his friends and spent like all his time with his girlfriend or whatever so he's trying to be more cautious about that um so we went back and forth for a while he still didn't invite me to stay um he ended up like getting really upset and literally like crying and saying that he just felt too pressured by the whole situation so I left we didn't really talk for like almost two days and then he texted me and like apologized

and just said basically the same stuff still that he's been telling me this whole time uh how old is he he's 30 he's 30 yes okay if you would have told me he was 22 i've'd been like, you know, he's trying to figure out the balance of friends and girlfriends. Because, you know, it's pretty typical for people, men and women, to alienate their friends, their first relationship they get in. And they don't know how to have that balance. And then their friends kind of call them out and be like, bro, it's like, I like your girlfriend. But you're just like really every time and then she either either you're with her or she's always has always has to be there this is a 30 year old man yeah that's why what does

he want in life does he want to settle down get married have kids you have you had those types of conversations um yeah and he says yes he told me that he, like, I asked in the beginning, I was like, do you want a serious relationship, like, anytime soon? Because, like, on the app, like, he said, like, he wasn't sure of what he wanted. And he said, like, yes, he definitely does. That's what he's looking for. and like i've made it very clear like at this point like i yeah like i'm serious now like because i had ended things but i don't know i think it's time to step things up a little and i don't know i don't know if i'm being too pushy about it like i've never really dated any guy with that many friends i don't it is a thing i don't think you are being too pushy because you know here you are like self-evaluating and on this podcast and asking questions and being open to you know make it work it's usually the people who are too pushy who like don't even have that thought right it's so um this might just be a situation where your priorities don't line up right on your love

language as you want quality time he doesn't but like like you are not. What's clear is you're not his top priority. You're a priority. You might be a big priority. You're not his top priority. He might not have a top priority. Right now his priorities might be like, you're a priority. My friends are priority.

My job's a priority. And they're all kind of 1A, B, and C. But you're not're a priority. My friends are a priority. My job's a priority. And they're all kind of 1A, B, and C. But you're not his top priority. And maybe that's okay. Maybe it's not. You have the right for it not to be a priority. You're at the point in your life where it's just like a 30-year-old guy who's been talking to someone for a year and been committed to that person for four months. You should start feeling like a big priority. That doesn't mean, I'm assuming you're agreeing, it doesn't mean you've

asked him not to ever have alone time with his friends. It doesn't ask you to like constantly, but it sounds like you hanging out with his friends is the exception, not the rule. You know, if you're going to be in a serious relationship, your friends should start molding together. You know, it should be more the norm that you're hanging out with his friends. And then once in a while, you're like, go hang out with your boys. I don't need to be there all the time. Right? Because you're the cool girlfriend who's like, yeah, I don't need to be like attached to you. But yeah, that's what I've been trying to asking for. Like like let me hang out with your friends and him kicking you on on a saturday morning uh so we can go boating with

some friends and yeah yeah like being in a serious relationship doesn't mean you can't hang out with people of the opposite sex but it yeah it's fucking weird to just like kick your girlfriend out and then have a bunch of girls show up as a 30 year old guy like he shouldn't be that like well like you know my last i'm just he shouldn't have that hard of a time balancing out his friends and a girlfriend even if he wants a girlfriend but yeah there's a definitely a red flag of does he want the weekday girlfriend does he want the stability of a girlfriend the make dinners with go to farmers markets watch netflix but also want the freedom of a single guy to hang out with groups of friends and maybe he doesn't mean he's fucking anyone but he's definitely there's a reason why

he doesn't want you there what he wants to do is give you as much of attention as he's willing to give you in times where he's okay to hang out with you so that you're okay with being satisfied when he wants his free time right that it's still including other women and like you want to feel like you're part of his group and that's not what in and you're not wrong and he's he might not be wrong either but like your priorities don't match up it's not about him it's about what you want i want this it's totally fine you know what there's i'm totally fine if you want that i just don't it's totally it's so cool man it's so cool but i definitely i do want to be with someone who

wants to like hang out with me most of the time and i want to feel like i'm friends with his friends and i want that and i'm totally fine with you hanging and having you have alone time but this constant compromise for time it's just it's not for me it's totally fine you know and make him believe that you're going to be fine either way okay yeah I gotta be like you are going to be fine either way, but you got to believe that first. But like, just you're not crazy. Keep reminding yourself that. Okay. Yeah. That's like very validating to hear. You're definitely not crazy. You should, you have the right to be with someone who wants to spend time with you and

makes you feel like a big priority. And right now he makes you feel like you're kind of a priority. Yeah. Okay. All right. That's helpful to hear. Yeah. All right.

Best of luck. Thank you so much. All right. Take care. You too. Bye-bye. How's it going? Going good.

How are you? Good. What's your name my name's morgan i'm 23 um and i'm just calling about some in-law issues that have been going on for the past eight years eight years okay um yeah yeah quite a while so what's eight years. So you're 23. This started when you were 15? 15, yeah. Yeah, that's right. I was a sophomore in high school when me and my boyfriend met.

And we have been together eight years, but living together for four years. Okay. And it's a constant battle just because we're so opposite meaning me and his family okay um so it's just very awkward kind of just like the kind of people where very judgmental and you don't really know what's okay to say what's not okay to say because there's always something wrong um like do they say, is this kind of in your face? Is it passive aggressive behind your back? Oh yeah, both. Yeah, it's both. So just recently, to give you an example it was um my sister graduated high school

so being that we've been together for so long they kind of you know expected that they'd be invited and that they they come and they were there um but his sister she is the same age as my sister and she's very you know dramatic she goes about things very dramatic and like you know, dramatic. She goes about things very dramatic and like, you know, just always trying to have an issue and I'm very protective with my family. So that just recently caused an issue and it's like everyone else's fault, but theirs when it's like, no, but you kind of, you're the one who come here, you know, laughing. It's like the, you know, the whispering and just makes you kind of uncomfortable. Cause it's clear that, you know, they're kind of talking about you or being judgmental. And really, if I just been thinking about my future a lot and if this is something that I can make work or not.

And so eight years is a long time to kind of give up. You're contemplating the relationship. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, he says, what can he do because he can't choose his family and he says you know it doesn't bother him if i don't want to be involved in certain things um but then i do kind of feel bad because they ask well why isn't she around or why doesn't she want to you know be around when we have family get-togethers and like we've had talks about it

but it's always the same thing where it's never their fault it's always how you take it you know yeah um as far as the relationship with your boyfriend if everything about this family dynamic was great wouldn't you are there other things about the relationship that would make you question it? Not really. I would be perfectly happy and I would not question anything

if they could be accepting. Because whenever I'm around them for Thanksgiving or Christmas, I kind of feel obligated to go. So when I do, I just feel, you know, out of place and not really welcome. And I feel like really judged and like, she'll just say things. He'll want me in the pictures or something. And she'll be like, I don't want her in all the pictures or like, you know,

just something where it's like, ew, okay. Okay. Does that bother you that bothers you like i can take the pictures no i just i'm like well then why do you care so much if i'm around or not like why don't you just let me do my own thing and not care if i'm around or not because if i had it my way i just you know i would stick to myself and kind of we'd do our own thing so he's pretty involved they want to know why i don't he's pretty involved with his family he tries to be he wishes he wasn't as much but then

he kind of feels guilty if he's not because they like to play like the whole guilt trip thing so they do that often and that gets to him so he tries to be who uh who in the relationship between you and your boyfriend is more of the decision maker i'm kind of the one who like plans everything and he'll go with the flow and which i'm that way too but i'm more like the planner yeah that's that's kind of why i asked because i'm just wondering if um you know it's hard to know the full scope of this dynamic between you and his family, but I got the sense that, right. You're definitely probably a little bit more of the decision maker between the

two of you. And then he also has his family who plays that role as well. And that's where you guys are, are butting heads. Right. My guess is, is if let's, plays that role as well. And that's where you guys are butting heads, right? My guess is if his, say, his sister or his mom called in, right? And they were like, and it was, you know, my son or brother is dating this girl who they would,

I get the sense that they would probably say some of the same things. For whatever reason, it's like there's a battle of control going on here. Yeah. I haven't talked to them. They might be thinking, I don't know, he's just been dating this girl since 15. Who knows if they're going to end up together? Not wanting you in every family picture is not unreasonable. Right.

you in every family picture is is not unreasonable right i just it just right to me it sounds like it is this kind of snowball effect right in the big scheme of things it sounds like you just feel like a bit of an outsider to his family um for sure not fully accepted and i wouldn't be shocked if from their point of view they're just like i don't know he's dating this girl i mean i think in my i think about my family right i have this large family and especially in my early 20s where you know me and my sisters my older sister my younger sister and we were all dating people right and for for several holidays it was always kind of this weird thing where you know like there'd be like arguments with my family about like who's coming for christmas and like we ever since i was a kid we do this secret secret santa thing right there the simply you know there's so many fucking siblings that we can't

all buy presents for each other so we pick names out of a hat and right and yeah and we're we're supposed to get one sibling a present and then it was always like this debate of like so and so would be dating someone and then they would want their girlfriend or boyfriend to be part of the secret center like you're not they're not fucking family yet you know you're fucking dating them right and then that would maybe get back to the significant other and it became this drama thing. And I get that sense. I get the sense that there's some,

like there's a lot, like this little petty drama things going on between you and his family, right? And in a way, it's kind of all his fault. It's like, well, it's not really fair. I mean, it's your fault too. It's his family's fault too. It's his fault because he's this passive person who's trying to please everyone.

And then it's your fault and his family's fault because you're both trying to, you guys have these expectations of how you think it should be. And it's not going that way, right it's my guess is nothing no one's really doing anything wrong it's just that you have a different expectation of what you think it should be versus what his family does and there's not an overall good communication between the the two parties like you and his family the problem is like you just don't feel ultimately really close and they're not overly welcoming and that sucks i mean i get that right because if you felt close and you felt like a part of the family you know there you maybe would be you would

feel less defensive about them being like well let's not hammer in every picture because in technically it's kind of a practical thing you know it's just like you're not part of the family yet you're not married you don't have kids together you're just a girlfriend right and um you know you don't like there's a ton of like family pictures we have with like random ass significant others and like holiday photos we're like why the fuck is this person in this photo? You know, at the time, you know, everyone's like, oh, we're going to get married and have kids. But, you know, fast forward five years, we're like, oh, who is this person again? You know? And so my advice to you, because I'm only talking to you right now, is try as far as the things that you get upset about, right? Because I'm sure there might be things that you get upset about, right?

Because I'm sure there might be things that they get upset about. We can't control that. The things that bother you, I would try to not make a big deal about little stuff if you can, even if it feels like a big deal. You know, like you being like, does that make sense? I know I'm kind of being vague, but I just don't have a lot of information. And we're talking about eight years

that you've been hanging out with his family. And my guess is it's just a lot of miscommunication. Have you ever sat down with his mom or sister and just had a heart to heart about like, just saying, I just feel like you guys don't like me or don't welcome me. And have you said it in a way where you're not trying to get to who's right or who's wrong, but just saying how you feel?

So that was actually my next question. I only have talked to my two very close people in my life about it which is my mom and my aunt and i've gotten two different two different advice from them so one of them says you know with those kind of people what does it do to talk to them because you've tried so you know so many times it's they always pretend you know like the conversation didn't happen my mom okay and so she's like you know just you know just like the conversation didn't happen. My mom. Okay. And so she's like, you know, just, you know, just deal with it. You gotta, you know, do what you gotta do.

Put a smile on your face and, you know, you're good when you leave. You know, there's no confrontation or anything. But then my aunt, she thinks that maybe talk it out and then say, you know, this is my last attempt to try and let you guys know how I feel because I just talked to her a couple days ago, his mom. And it's so confusing. She will be, like, not wanting anything to do with me or, like, be in a mood, but then randomly text me and tell me she loves me, like, randomly. And it's so confusing because it's, like, the next day she'll have something totally wrong. It's, like, a whole new person. But then pretend like

it didn't happen you know a week later so see you saying that's a conversation well you saying that to me shows that she does like you and cares about you on some level right you guys clearly don't see the world the exact same way and part of it is I think you're both fighting for control over your boyfriend. To me, it sounds like a miscommunication and a conflict of expectations. So I totally disagree with your mom. If you want to continue to date this guy, you actually should be able to sit down and just talk. Again, the goal of talking isn't to convince her to say she's wrong and she's treated you so poorly. The goal of the conversation is to try to get on the same page, right? To say in a non-accusatory way how you sometimes feel, but maybe recognize

that you might do things that they don't understand about you and trying to figure out and in a way that you don't get defensive, right? Because this is not about right or wrong. This is just about you guys just not being on the same page, right? So you have to be willing to have this conversation with people because I'm assuming you've been in this guy for eight years and you're debating whether you want to spend the rest of your life with him or not, right? If you're planning on breaking up with him, there is no point, right? If you plan on just having this guy be your boyfriend for a couple more years and then move on, then yeah, I don't know, just deal with it.

But if these people could end up being family and grandparents and aunts and uncles to your kids, then yeah, I would want you to want to feel like you can have a conversation with these people. And it sounds like that idea gives you anxiety. But if you, listen, if you love your boyfriend and want to be with him, then you should want to make it work with him. And it sounds like there's some hope with them, like, extending olive branches wanting you to be a part of there my guess is you have a lot of uh it's just a build-up of these little things of miscommunication not understanding one another and i think you need to try to strip down your preconceived notions about them and hopefully they can do the same but if you talk to them you really got to try to do it in a non-confrontational way.

You have to give a little bit here if you're going to want to get something in return. But that's only based off the idea of, I think you really need to decide, is this the future you want for yourself? And no answer is wrong. But if it is, yeah, I think there's some urgency in having this conversation so you don't feel this

way yeah i agree with that um it doesn't sound like anything is this is what i want yeah yeah i'm sending some real hesitation there so i think you should explore that and i don't think it's just his family and that's okay listen you've only dated one guy since 15 if i were you i'd be very curious about what else is out there yeah definitely yeah so yeah maybe we just spent 20 minutes be okay but it's gonna be tough it's gonna be tough but you you can get through this you just have to be hard you're gonna have to be strong and you're gonna have to do do what's really don't do don't make a lot of decisions

based off of fear and my fear of fear of losing um don't be don't be selfish here it's it's a tough situation because you're struggling right now and so you feel a little bit of like the victim but you're also you're very much in control here right i feel bad for this guy because he's not in control he's got his family and you and he's just he's just trying to hang out he's just trying to make it through the next day you know so um deal with him address his family when you are 100 certain you really want to make this relationship work and you have every right to not want to all right all right best of luck thank you guys all right take care yes thank you bye how's it going good how are you good what's your name my name is jen and i'm 28 years old hi jen how can we help so uh you know recently me and my boyfriend of two years have been going

through some issues and i guess um should give you the background on that we've been together a little over two years and you know when we first started talking, dating or whatever, you know he told me he wanted to be serious, be exclusive and a few days after that he ended up telling me he went to a party and he had slept with someone else. So obviously I was pretty devastated about that. Right after you guys became exclusive? We hadn't been exclusive yet we kind of just started talking about being exclusive um you know he had been asking my friends if i asked her to be my girlfriend do you think she would say yes and all of my friends were like

yeah absolutely you know she really likes you and yeah so he told me uh that he has loved someone else at a party and obviously you know i was pretty hurt about it i know we weren't exactly together quite yet but you know just the fact that he told me he wanted to be together kind of hurt me so we ended up talking and kind of like you know realizing that maybe we should take a step back and maybe try the dating thing again later on so a few days later a co-worker invited me to go to a tailgate with him and this co-worker you know we had been good friends for a few days later, a coworker invited me to go to a tailgate with him. And this coworker, you know, we had been good friends for a few years now. And so I was supposed to go to the tailgate with him and a few other friends. But those other friends, the girlfriends, they ended up ditching me.

And it was just me and the coworker and a few of his friends there. And after, you know, a few drinks, I was still pretty hurt you know just no excuse but I ended up kissing my co-worker's friend and a few drinks after that my co-worker ended up kissing me and you know I didn't resist and I was cool with it like we ended up kissing and so uh you know I told my co-worker can we just pretend this didn't happen I didn't want to risk losing my job or risk him losing his job. So then a few days after that, my now boyfriend, you know, texted me that he wanted to talk to me again and kind of see like where we stood with everything. And again, he apologized for what he did for sleeping with another girl. And I ended up telling him about the coworker's friends, but not the coworker.

I ended up telling him about the co-worker's friend, but not the co-worker. So, you know, two years later, we're together. And recently, we actually just moved in together. And I started going to work again full time at the office. And I would get dressed and put on makeup and everything, which, you know, during the pandemic, I wasn't really doing during quarantine. And I would notice he'd get a little jealous and ask me why I'm getting so ready and you know why I'm putting on makeup and all this stuff and uh so one night I came home from work and he was just super mad with me and asked me why I was dressing up for work why I was looking cute and uh he asked me about the tailgate and I ended up confessing that yeah I kissed my co-worker's friend how How long ago was the tailgate?

This was like years ago? Two and a half years ago. Two and a half. Yeah. So just to recap, you guys started, you're now boyfriend. You were two years ago or whatever period of time you guys were dating and doing this kind of thing that people do

where there's not, you're not official. You haven't defined anything, but like there's perceived expectations. While that was going on. He hooked up, he had sex with another girl. He was honest with you about it. You felt hurt because you felt like you guys were getting close to actually dating, but not dating, but you were mad. And so like you, you decided to like say, well, maybe we shouldn't actually get together because I'm hurt. So we're going to kind of like stop talking for a while, but we both kind of expect to maybe rekindle this in the future when you get over it. In the meantime, you went to this tailgate, had like a makeout orgy with some people, whenever, no big deal. You kind of told

them about one person, but not a coworker because in the back of your mind, you were thinking, well, if I ended up dating my boyfriend and I go back to work, I don't want him to get jealous about someone I'm going to see every day. And then somewhere along the lines, you go back to work, and then your boyfriend feels this, now boyfriend, by the way, is feeling this jealousy about you dressing up, and he started asking you questions, and then you tell him about this coworker, and that's kind of where we're at. Yeah, exactly. So it's been, I've had a lot of tension these past few days because of that and i understand that he's hurt you know i lied to him for so long and

it's not really something that's justified and he ended up telling me who the girl was that he had slept with and it's actually a girl that he's pretty like still good friends with and so what does he matter somebody he interacts with he's mad that i lied to him he's mad that you know this co-worker he's met him. Did he ask about the coworker or did you just not tell him? I just didn't tell him. I mean, he's met the coworker before at Christmas parties or happy hour after work.

And I think that's what he was most mad about. I'm disappointed we don't have your boyfriend on this call. I feel like this is kind of a conversation for both of you. Listen, I don't know. I think you both need to let shit go that's what i think i think uh it's ross and rachel they're on a break yeah i mean yeah i you guys are muttering the waters with not defining the relationship but you have feelings even though you're not technically together you're both taking it's like you in as as individuals we both feel like everyone should be honest with us and then when we kind of do shit we feel guilty

and then we kind of make excuses and you're both a little guilty right for right doing some shit none of which is you know Machiavellian not yeah Machiavellian where you went behind their back and you've been fucking someone else while you've been lying about it's just like things got a little muddy and dirty right and you kind of both felt guilt and then you you know you didn't really lie but you omitted information and then the other person you know sent some things right you know, you didn't really lie, but you omitted information. And then the other person, you know, sent some things, right? You know, jealousy and let's like, there's two forms of jealousy, right? I've always said like, some people are just inherently jealous for some shit they're dealing with about maybe a past relationship, family issues, I don't know,

things that are going on with themselves. They have insecurities with themselves, which creates jealousy. And then some other jealousy is created within the relationship that we're in, that someone that we're with is doing or saying things that makes us insecure about something that creates jealousy, right? The second part is jealousy that can be fixed because you guys just aren't communicating well enough and you can kind of address these insecurities. The first part of insecurity is like shit that that person needs to deal with with like that might require therapy or things like that the good news for you guys is it sounds like this is the type of jealousy and insecurities that just coming from a lack of you know communication and quite frankly a little bit of immaturity on

both of your parts right like it's like you both have this kind of traditional mindset of what relationships should be we both should be open and honest and trust but you're both have this kind of traditional mindset of what relationships should be. We both should be open and honest and trust, but you're both guilty of kind of living in the gray. Just listen, you've both hooked up with other people. You've both made out with other people. You just put that out in the open, right? And kind of grow up a little bit in a sense. I mean, I say that conveniently. When I was younger, Nick, at 22, 23, took everything very seriously about like, oh, this and you shouldn't do this and you shouldn't do that. And like,

older me, it's kind of like, whatever. You've hooked up with other guys. All right. So what? You know i you're a little bit more realistic about people's pasts and what it means because it doesn't really mean anything do you should we know each other's body counts or listen the fact that you work with someone you made out what you made out with a guy drunk who gives a fuck you know i mean he does but he's making it a big deal and it's probably not that big of a deal meanwhile all of a sudden you find out that he's making it a big deal. And it's probably not that big of a deal. Meanwhile, all of a sudden you find out that he's still talking to some girl he fucked and you were heard about. And not maybe in a way that's totally innocent,

but like just put it on the table and just decide, do we wanna, do we like each other? Do we love each other? Understanding that we've both been attracted to other people and people have been attracted to us. And if we broke up, we would fuck other people, but we want to stay together so we choose not to and and just have a make trust the foundation of your relationship you know sometimes when i mean by that is sometimes people say they want trust but don't want to hear the truth

you know what i'm saying we do that a lot oh we value trust it's like oh i want to hear the truth. You know what I'm saying? We do that a lot. Oh, we value trust. It's like, oh, I want to know everything, but we don't. We lie to ourselves all the time. And then we don't ask questions because we don't really want to hear the answer. And then we fester those thoughts in our heads, right? Maybe he hasn't really ever asked the question about the coworker and he's avoided that question because maybe he sensed it and he didn't want to hear it, but it's been bothering him kind of thing. And you get what I'm saying? Maybe you've wondered if maybe you never asked the question if he even still talked to this girl, but you always wondered, but you were too afraid to find out or something. I don't know. We do this all the time. So if you really want trust to be the foundation of your relationship, you guys should

have some of those very honest and tough conversations about like, let's just put it on the table without judgment. Just be like, hey, this is what I've done. It's some of the truth might sting a little bit. You know, it kind of, have you ever seen the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith? Yes.

Right? There's that scene where they both realize that they're both assassins and they're kind of like, hey, listen, like I didn't graduate from this school. I was married once before. I paid for my parents to be there. I paid for my parents to be there. And it's obviously an exaggeration, but clearly they're like, oh, we love each other, but we kind of haven't been... Honest.

Yeah. That's obviously an extreme example, but it's a little bit like that. Just put it out there. If you want trust and honesty to be a part part of your relationship then sometimes you're going to have to hear things that you don't like to hear without losing your shit every time and then making that person feel guilty about things that maybe you've also done just a slightly different version of it you know what i'm saying you're like you have an idea of like i can't believe you did that then you're like but you literally did the same thing it's just slightly different right so just put it out there you guys are getting in this rabbit hole of like not fully communicating things that you've done and like this cloak you know and cloaking it and the secrecy and because you don't really want to hear the truth and it builds this like resentment and it builds these doubts and we start getting

in our heads and this is creating this tension that quite frankly it sounds like maybe you guys can get over if you just accept the fact that you've, you know, you guys have passed and you've done some shit. And you're just like, listen, I work with this guy. We made out once. We're drunk. I love you. I have no interest in him. Do you trust me?

Yes or no. And you just put it out there. And he can be like, yeah, listen, we were dating. I don't know. I'm a guy like as a guy, like it's always possible to have sex with people, but I choose not to because I want to be with you. But yeah, I see her. I don't want to have sex with people but i choose not to because i want to be with you but yeah i see her i don't want to have sex with her anymore it is so possible guys have sex with people all the time that like they don't need to have sex with just because they had sex with a girl once doesn't mean they like can't be in the same room without having sex with them again like

it's quite the opposite quite frankly um so you you're gonna have to trust him if he says to you yeah i hooked up with this girl i love you i want to be with you and the fact that like i might see her in these situations doesn't mean you can't trust you you can trust me right and then you have to decide whether you can trust him just put it out there you guys are you guys are both speaking in half truths which is creating this distrust between the two of you. Right. I agree. And so you both need to just be mature and put it out there and without judgment, kind of have these honest conversations knowing that a little bit of these truths might sting a

little bit, but like, you know, you guys, you're operating under the fact that your relationship is this pure love, you know, and and it's not no one's really is you guys have some past it's fine do you do you choose to want to be with him knowing he has a past does he choose to want to be with you knowing you have a past and it's just a little dirty but you want to be with each other and you guys want to put the effort in to make it work right i mean i definitely agree i think we definitely need to kind of let stuff go we both have a past and all that matters is that we're together now but yeah and just it's just comfort in knowing the truth just put it all out there there's nothing you can hide you know get

to a point where you're just like don't be afraid to recognize that you guys might as human beings have an attractive traction to someone else but you choose not to step out of the relationship because you love that person you know the only thing that i feel like is kind of kind of hurting us now is that he wants me to leave my job because of this but that's because he's just because he's really insecure and jealous so you got to try to get to him a place that makes him not insecure and jealous and it's only going to come from like this really honest and open communication i don't know if he's capable of of this requires mature people to do but not only that is he saying he's not going to see that girl if he's asking you to leave his job because that's ridiculous if he yeah i mean i don't think

he's seen her in a long time but still you know like but yeah that doesn't matter like getting like that that's a dangerous situation in relationships and people do it all the time you know oh you can't do this and you can't do this and like all the seniors like am i can i walk down this street because i might run you know that's ridiculous if you're going to be in a relationship with someone you guys have to you people have to recognize they have past and they have to you can't avoid them running into people they might've hooked up with. Because if you're so afraid of something you've been with running into someone, because that might somehow simulate this attraction. And it's just like, then you don't trust that person.

You don't trust that person to be alone in a room with anyone at the risk of you making a decision that would hurt their feelings. You know, you should be in a room with every guy you've ever fucked, and he should be able to be like, I'm not worried. That's trust. But you guys have to get to a place where you guys have put it all out there and just know that it's... Sometimes you establish trust by being like,

well, I can't believe you told me that, because usually people would lie about that. But like, thank you for telling me. Right. I agree. And he needs to be able to do that too, right? He needs to be able to have that maturity too. But you just sit down and put it all out there.

And enough with the half-truths and the avoiding tough questions because you can't hear the answer. Right. I agree. So, quick question. Should I tell him I was on here asking you for advice? I feel like I'm kind of going behind his back by, you know, asking him to go for advice. Whatever you feel, whatever you just, whatever you feel is right, you know, if you feel like that might hurt his feelings, then you should tell him. If you want, again, if people want trust and honesty to be the foundation of their relationship, because we all say that. If I were to ask everyone, do you want trust and honesty to be the foundation of your relationship? I feel like most people would be like, totally. But very few people act that way, right?

They're like, well, yeah, I want somebody to be totally honest with me. But like, they don't really need to know that. You should just be able to be like, trust and honesty. Here you go. So if you think that could bother him, then you need to put it out there. Regardless if you're like, well, I'm afraid if he'll get mad. Well, that's not trust and honesty, avoiding truths to avoid people getting mad at you right so tell him everything tell him everything um and if he he needs to be mature and in a position

to tell you everything and you both need to like take a chill pill watch mr and mrs smith and kind of get that that's the my point is like that's kind of a place you guys need to go a lot of people don't do that just fucking put it out there man you know you guys both have pasts pasts thank you all right all right best of luck awesome thank you all right take care thank you guys bye-bye you too bye-bye. You too. Bye-bye. That was fun. It was a good one. We value honesty, but we don't want to hear the truth.

That's what we learned today. Yeah. We value trust. Whatever. I don't know. What the fuck do I say? You say we value trust, but don't want to know the truth. It's a good one.

Yeah. That was a good nugget. It's true. We do. Yeah. It's like a walk. You should be like a walking t-shirt sale. Like like saying like who wants trust and honesty in a relationship like yes like hey don't i just don't want to hear it i just want to yeah trust was the theme today for sure um well thanks for listening guys um if

if you like this podcast give us five stars i don't want to hear the truth about what you really think. I just want five stars. That's not true. That's true. It's true. I love it. We really appreciate you guys listening. What day is this going out next week?

It's going to be next Monday, yeah. Well, I also hope that my season of The Bachelor Goat episode's on tonight. Check that out if you want to get a recap. And as you all know, if you want a more in-depth analysis of my season, hearing all the wonderful women from my season, including Vanessa out tomorrow and Rachel.

That's a doozy. I mean, where could we find that, Nick? That's on my Instagram. A link can be added to my Patreon. Just if you have five bucks, sign up. Listen to the Vanessa episode because I know you're all dying to hear it. It's worth your time.

And if you don't want to hear all the other amazing content, you can cancel. I don't know if you'll want to, but you can just show up. See if you'd like it. Play around. We got some great. Get your toe in.

The Jen Savion. The Jen Sav. It'll be a good one. Jen Saviano. I'm curious about that one. Kyle, my friend who's part of the project, said it was the most. It was pretty honest. Yeah.

I think people don't want to hear that one. I think I want to listen to that one. Just because it's like you had that conversation about going to The Bachelor after you were dating, so I think it'll be interesting. Well, since it's all on my Patreon, we're not going to be covering my season of The Bachelor on this podcast

because it's well documented. It's done. On my Patreon. So tune in on Wednesday for the wonderful and very fascinating Constance Nunes. We will see you tomorrow

with Lauren, Zima, and getting some hot goss from inside the bubble.