The Viall Files - E181 Ask Nick - Moving Shady with JVCKJ aka Jack J

Episode Date: October 5, 2020

On today's episode of Ask Nick we are joined by recording artist Jack J. First, Nick speaks with Jack as we go through what his own relationships have taught him about himself and how he is able to re...flect on what he's learned to ensure he finds the right relationship at the right time. Jack’s new single “You Lie”  is a look at a past toxic relationship he experienced and we are so glad to welcome him as he uses that experience to help Nick out and share some different perspectives with today's callers. Our first caller is a woman who wants to know how to reassure her boyfriend of their relationship as he is about to leave to train in the police academy. Next, we speak to a woman who’s recent breast reduction surgery has her feeling a bit insecure about men seeing her scars or thinking she is catfishing them on an app that shows her older photos. And finally, a boyfriend's form of communication is screaming- not talking- and Nick and Jack help her realize that he might not be as great as she says he is.  “It’s about the individual. It’s not about the past. ”  You guys nominated us and now it is time to vote! So please go to https://pca.eonline.com/pop-culture/the-pop-podcast-of-2020 and vote for The Viall Files as your favorite Pop Podcast Of 2020 for The E! People’s Choice Awards.  THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: BRUUSH: http://www.bruush.com use promo code VIALL to get 15% off SHIP STATION: http://www.shipstation.com use promo code VIALL for a free 60 days RELIEF BAND: http://www.reliefband.com use promo code VIALL for 20% off Episode Socials:  Viall Files @viallfiles Nick Viall @nickviall Jack J @Jvck.j  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 what is going on everybody happy monday to you all i love that voice it's my like singing voice because we have a musician on oh we do have a musician on today for our ethnic episode Jack J joins us hot literal yeah figuratively and literally yeah hot music Jack J coming out he's already big
Starting point is 00:00:38 he's becoming Jack and Jack solo artist and we thought it'd be fun to have a a young man who's active in the dating world and get his perspective and share his thoughts. So really enjoyed Jack joining us. And I think you will enjoy it as well. So insightful.
Starting point is 00:00:57 We have some great calls. We do have some great calls. All of the above. We were nominated for a People's Choice Award. Congratulations to you, dear listeners. The people. The people. The people.
Starting point is 00:01:11 For nominating this podcast. I do appreciate it. Now it's time to vote. Yes. Voting is now open. If you haven't been voting, you can. I want you to win this award. This is your award.
Starting point is 00:01:24 It's the People's Choice Award. It's for the people. And all I want. to win this award this is your award it's the people's choice it's for the people and all I want is for you guys to win yeah it's for them so if you go ahead and vote for the vile files for yourselves not for you
Starting point is 00:01:39 that would be great I think you can vote many times and you can have your friends do it so I selflessly would like you guys to win this award completely selfless but also
Starting point is 00:01:54 thank you I really appreciate the nomination from you guys I can't thank you guys enough for listening and we'll just see if you guys win I mean really I'm excited to find out see if you guys win i mean really i'm excited to see if you guys win i love it it's the people so um i hope uh you guys are having a great day and i think we should just get to jack and these uh
Starting point is 00:02:20 jack thanks for coming thanks for having me Appreciate you. I appreciate you coming and joining our Ask Nick episodes. We always like to have the occasional guest on these episodes to help us, you know, round out the feedback to our callers. And we thought it would be great to have you. Obviously, you're killing it in the music game, and we will get into what you're doing career-wise but you are someone who you know proudly puts out you know an open book you kind of you put things out from your heart even the music you write and in the skating world we get a lot of feedback from young women complaining about some of the young men out there. I get it, man.
Starting point is 00:03:08 What they're doing wrong. And what they're thinking. We thought we'd bring you in. It's tough waters to navigate. Yeah. So what is your current dating situation? Currently, I'm single. Currently single.
Starting point is 00:03:24 I've been single for quite a while now. Quite a while. How, what's a while? I want to say like since probably around like mid 20, probably like late 2017 I think is when. Three years. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:34 About three, about three years now. Yeah. Is there a reason why you've chosen to do that? I think that's healthy and the, you know, you're, you're in your,
Starting point is 00:03:44 well, you're me, you your mid-20s. Yeah, 24. But, yeah. I've definitely thought about why the reason is. And to me, the biggest thing is when I fall for somebody and I want to give them a big piece of my life, my world, it's like I really want to devote the time. And to me, there's so much going on in my life right now.
Starting point is 00:04:03 And obviously, if you really like somebody, you can always find the time yeah so maybe that's just an excuse i like playing see that's i like that but i will say that you know yeah i don't know i think i think it's just been i haven't found somebody uh you know i never want to stay away from something if it feels right but i'm not actively seeking you know i'm very career focused i have a million things i'm juggling right now and so i know that i want to give somebody as much time as possible if I am with them. And I don't know if I can do that while doing all these things that are on my plate at the same time, but maybe that's an excuse, you know? Well, it can be both. It's, uh, it just all depends on the context of which you're saying it. Of course, if you know your career focus right now and you, and, and like you said, also part
Starting point is 00:04:46 of it is that maybe you just haven't met that person that would make you go, ah, fuck it. I'm career focused, but I can't stop thinking about it. And especially in a place like out here, it's just, you know, ulterior motives are so real and it's, it's hard to gauge why somebody might be into me, why I'm even into them. And, you know, I like to think I'm very transparent and I'm going to be honest and tell you why i like you and i don't have any ulterior motives i'm never gonna like somebody just for you know if they have like all these millions of instagram followers because you know it's yeah it's so what do you do i mean you're you're still a guy you know you're still you're still attracted to people of course right you've been single as of i you know i feel like this is
Starting point is 00:05:24 like two similar stories staring at each other. So what do you, like, so you're dating, right? So how do you go about being a good looking sought after man who's focused on his career, but still wants to interact with people? You're going to have women pursue you. How do you go about avoiding confusing them off the bat? So it's just maybe like a mutual hang or maybe even a hookup where it's just like but do you go out of your way to avoid any confusion
Starting point is 00:05:52 well i mean there's definitely been the instances where somebody will start texting me after like you know maybe we're hanging out for a week and they're like i really want to bring this to a new level i want to transcend what this current relationship is. And, and that's like, this might be a terrible trait of mine, but that's kind of when I back off kind of heavily. Why do you think that's terrible? I don't know. I mean, I think it's good. You do need to be selfish in terms of your, yourself and your relationships. You know, you got to make sure it's good for you and your life. And I don't know, it might, it might just be that I'm not fully into them the way they're into me.
Starting point is 00:06:26 I kind of maybe want to keep things surface level sometimes, which maybe that's shallow of me. But, you know, I'm just looking out for, you know, the time that I have to divide amongst the things that I want to do in life. And, yeah, man, I don't know what it is. You protect yourself. Yeah, maybe I just protect myself. I mean, I think. You do the same thing.
Starting point is 00:06:40 Well, I just don't think you can't. Are you single right now as well? Well, you know, I. Dating. This is about you can't. Are you single right now as well? Well, you know, I. Dating. This is about you, Jack. Okay. You. But I always like, listen, you can't.
Starting point is 00:06:57 You know, obviously the phrase fuck boys thrown out a lot in a dating situation for. Of course. fuckboys thrown out a lot in a dating situation for course uh but you we've talked about this when we had the call her daddy women on a while back you just don't gotta be honest with your intentions right seems like you are right you say like well maybe it's a negative trait of mine i don't know like you're allowed to date yeah you're allowed to hang out and if someone her in this situation whoever her is puts herself out there and saying hey i like you're allowed to date yeah you're allowed to hang out and if someone her in this situation whoever her is puts herself out there and saying hey i like you what about moving forward and you're like uh here here's the thing yeah like she might perceive me as a fuck boy but it's like is that well i don't well perception fine but the the fuck boy comes in where the guy and that and
Starting point is 00:07:41 that kind of crossroad right you're you're going you're going in, you're, you're just like, hey, not this girl. And you're, you'd like some aspects of her. She's like, Jack, I really want to spend time with you. And you're like, you know what? I really like you too. In fact, I'm, I might be falling for you. However, however, I'm busy with my career. And then that's where, so you, the guys who plant that seed of, but I have these feelings for you. And if I was ready, you would be the one. Where they string you along to the point where. Yeah, you would be the one. If I were ready to fall in love, you would be the one.
Starting point is 00:08:11 I am far from that. I don't string along. It just makes you better. That's what I'm saying. I would like to think so. There's a subtle but distinct difference there. It is subtle but distinct. Because in that girl, and it could be a guy in that situation,
Starting point is 00:08:21 all they hear is, I would be the one. Yeah. I would be the one. He. I would be the one. He's not ready for it right now, but if he was, I would be the one. Let me just wait around until he is ready. I'll make him ready.
Starting point is 00:08:33 It's a nightmare. I don't want to keep someone on a string, though, ever, too. I'll let you know what the deal is. Because there's nothing wrong with focusing on a career. There's nothing wrong with remaining single. And just because you want to focus on your career
Starting point is 00:08:44 and remain single doesn't mean you have to be a career. There's nothing wrong with remaining single. And just because you want to focus on your career and remain single doesn't mean you have to be a monk. Yeah. Truth. I'm just doing Wim Hof breathing methods every morning. What are things that you learned about yourself early and when you have been dating? I mean, granted, that was three years ago,
Starting point is 00:09:02 but you're still interacting with people. What are some things that you've learned about yourself that are important to you when you do find a relationship? Um, that's a good question. You know, I think being in relationships, you definitely, it makes you reflect on, on who you are as a human, just outside of the significant other, obviously. But personally, uh, I think it's that like, I like to give an over, like an overly amount, so to speak. Um, I feel like I like to give an over like an overly amount so to speak um I feel like I always want the other person to be like in a better place than even me in the relationship and sometimes I feel like I uh I'll put them on a pedestal and like you know focus on their
Starting point is 00:09:36 happiness over my own sometimes and so maybe that's why I've been straying away from relationships as of late because I really want to focus on my personal happiness and I just notice I'm such a giver I just want to you know I always want them to have not the upper hand because, you know, a relationship is always mutual, but I just want them to like, you know, whatever, whatever is going to make them happy. I want to make sure I'm doing that. And sometimes I'll sacrifice, I guess, my own happiness sometimes for that sake. And so, yeah, that's something I've learned. I'm trying to think. I mean, the last the last relationship I was in, it was quite a long distance one. And I noticed that I'm really not a fan of that. I don't think that,
Starting point is 00:10:08 it's a tough thing to juggle, you know, especially in these COVID times. It's like, you know, if you're not in the same market or, you know, the same geographical, at least radius as your significant other, things can get weird. People get lonely, things get weird. I'm young, people do stupid shit when they're young and yeah it definitely uh wasn't for the better that this girl happened to be living you know a thousand miles away and so of course you'd be visiting la and whatnot and i would be visiting her but you know distance i notice is definitely not for me either um in terms of relationships yeah i don't know if it's for anyone it's almost kind of yeah true hey if you can handle the distance, like really props to you. It's impressive.
Starting point is 00:10:48 It might be how a relationship starts, but it's not sustainable. There has to be an out. Yeah. Absolutely. I think. Have you ever had your heart broken? Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Good.
Starting point is 00:10:57 That's a good answer. Yeah. It's tough shit. And I think, was I really in love with this girl? But then I'm like, if I'm feeling like this, I must have been, right? You know? I think, was I really in love with this girl? But then I'm like, if I'm feeling like this, I must have been, right? It's just feeling some sort of loss from someone. Being vulnerable, I think, is always good. I think sometimes people might look at you and go...
Starting point is 00:11:14 He's the heartbreaker. He's the heartbreaker. Oh, far from it. No, I'm telling you. I'm a very emotional guy. When I fall, I fall hard. And if things fizzle out out for whatever reason it may be, even if it's like me who spurs the change and, you know, kind of ends things,
Starting point is 00:11:30 I can still be heartbroken because of that too, you know. It's not necessarily just if, like, you know, the girl leaves me. Like sometimes I'll be like, damn, like should I have made this decision? You know, I second guess a lot. But I don't know, you know, I'm 24, I'm young. I guess I'm just kind of figuring out as I go. So hopefully it's all preparing me for my next relationship. That's fine.
Starting point is 00:11:48 One question I have, and I was always curious. A lot of people talk about guy codes. Guy codes? Real stuff. Like girl code? I don't know. I don't know what girl code is. I'm not a girl.
Starting point is 00:11:58 Yeah, that's for you. It's an unwritten, you know, guys don't know. Before we started, you mentioned that you have three other roommates. So you're kind of living that quintessential young LA, got the boys. Yeah, the boys. Hanging out, being single. And I have a lot of friends. And I have a lot of great friends.
Starting point is 00:12:18 And then I have like friends that are like, you know, then I have like friends I've met in LA. And I even have some buddies where I'm like, you're kind of a terrible guy oh yeah you said you have friends that you won't hook up with your girlfriends who are saying like don't you have friends fine they mean well but i'm like you are a shitty person you move shady yeah no it's uh how what is your stance on this uh in terms of you gotta maybe he's not a roommate but like where where do you stand there in terms of you gotta maybe he's not a roommate but like where do you stand there in terms of like you see a friend the guy code oh like oh he's doing his thing with his girl and you don't want to be a narc but have you ever called out a buddy for i'm sure you've known some
Starting point is 00:12:57 guy in la who's pulled some shit and you're like what how do you go about that well it's weird because you know in terms of my roommates like these kids are like greek god looking motherfuckers like i'm i'm like at the bottom of the bear uh the barrel in the pyramid in terms of you know just like first impression yeah you know i gotta use my humor i gotta use my you know you know i gotta use alternative methods to get girls to like me you know what i'm saying because i'm living with these kids who like you know they're in the gym six days a week like literally look like greek gods and i'm like so music yeah you know exactly you can sing that wins over i'll take him in the studio play a little like riff on the piano and you know i gotta play my game a little differently
Starting point is 00:13:33 but either way though i think uh it depends like if the guy um vocally says he's into this girl you know of course of course there's girls there's definitely girls that me and one of my roommates have both hooked up with in the past and there's no hard feelings about it because, you know, it's just more of a casual thing, and we don't see a future with this girl. It's not like we're actually truly in love with this girl. So I think it's just a matter about being vocal. And there's definitely been instances, though, where, you know, I've had friends, not necessarily my roommates, just move shady, and I've just seen them move in shady ways.
Starting point is 00:14:03 Move shady. I love that. Move shady. Yeah. Like, I literally just typed it move shady brushing your teeth or bruising very important stuff they say as they say yes um i like sleek sexy things i do do you i do like i'm sleek and sexy. Like what, Nicholas? Like my toothbrush. Oh, I didn't think you were going to go there. It's long and stylish and it vibrates at a pace that you will blow your mind.
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Starting point is 00:17:24 started at shipstation.com today click on the microphone at the top of the home page and type in v-i-a-l-l that shipstation.com then enter offer code v-i-a-l-l shipstation.com make ship happen make ship happen you seem like you have a good pulse on things yeah i mean you're not the guy who's moving shady you're just you're you're a free agent i'm a free agent it's fine yeah writing music writing passion let's talk about your new song that's out right now like you're well let's tell us about it you're obviously did you mention it's from the heart it's very personal why is this different than some of the other stuff you've done yeah so so this song you lie um it's it's wild because me and my best friend
Starting point is 00:18:03 jack we uh we're in a group called Jack and Jack, and we've always made music together. And in a sense, it's sometimes tough to compromise in terms of lyrics, in terms of songwriting, when we both haven't gone through necessarily the same experiences in terms of our relationships. And so sometimes we'll write a song all based off of something that he was going through or something I was going through. But now that we're diving into our solo endeavors and putting out our first solo tapes, it's been very liberating in terms of what I can talk about and the content I feel like I can talk about. And so this first song, You Lie, it was very,
Starting point is 00:18:34 I heard the hook, my buddy Ryan and my buddy Cam and my home girl Andrea, they had written this hook about a week prior to me going in the studio. And when I heard the female vocals on the hook it reminded me a lot of like Stan by Eminem like it was a very haunting it's a very haunting like you know female melody and then it goes into these kind of hard storytelling and the verses weren't on there and I saw that as an opportunity for me to really like you know dive into some storytelling in terms of the verses and and you know I sort of channeled my my most recent
Starting point is 00:19:01 relationship and and you know of course I'm not name dropping in there or anything but it's funny there is a line in the second verse where I reverse a guy's name yeah that like you know she may have you know uh yeah done something with while I was on on the road and so it's like this little easter egg and there's been fans trying to like unreverse it and like trying to figure out what the real name is that I said because like I was like when I was on the road in Europe you had you slide through won't put him on blast but like i reversed his name and then but it wasn't like a true reverse so you can't just reverse it in here like we really distorted it and so but uh yeah to me it was just like it's the first time where i
Starting point is 00:19:35 feel like i can really just talk about what the hell is going on in my life and just be as transparent as possible and at the end of the day uh you know i i think lyricism is is where it is what's going to take me really really really, really far in the music game. And that's going to be my bread and butter, so to speak. And so it's been a great opportunity. And in July, I think it's just starting. It's just skimming the surface of what is to come. Well, that's very cool.
Starting point is 00:19:56 And then you think from like a lyricist, you're going to always try to use your own experiences in storytelling or how much do you go from your own experiences or maybe taking stuff from people around you your circles or do you find that it resonates better with your audience when it's coming from something that you've experienced personally yeah so definitely not does not have to be something personal i mean even in the past like like there's a specific song that me and g wrote about uh you know a girl being caught up in the past, there was a specific song that me and G wrote about a girl being caught up in the club scene in LA and Sunday night church turned into One Oak type shit. Just how that can feel almost like your religion, just going out every night and getting caught up in that world, so to speak.
Starting point is 00:20:38 We love writing things from other people's perspectives and to me it's a matter of whatever's inspiring me at any given moment any given session you know it could be the next record we got coming out called Bad News it's like it's literally about the turmoil of the world right now it's it's fully like a general umbrella record about just how the world is it hasn't gone to shit in the last eight to ten months in 2020 has just been a complete mayhem of a year and so and so you know it's definitely not always personal experience it could really. It could really be any given thing that could inspire me.
Starting point is 00:21:06 But I think it's good to put yourself in other people's shoes in terms of songwriting. That's the only way you're really going to become better as a songwriter. And I want to write for other people as well in the future. And so, yeah, I definitely want to, you know,
Starting point is 00:21:15 make sure my perspectives are across the board, not just like talking about personal shit every time. That is exciting. And you're blowing up. Obviously, you're very passionate about what you do and it sounds like very exciting. And you're blowing up. Obviously, you're very passionate about what you do. And it sounds very exciting. I can't wait to see you're the biggest music star in the world. And I'll be like, you got it.
Starting point is 00:21:34 Yeah, I appreciate you. You came here. You came here. We're busting out relationship advice. We're about to talk to some young women. I'm excited. You're going to give advice to. I don't know much. It's been three years since I've been in the game. some young women I'm excited you're gonna give advice to I don't know much it's been three years
Starting point is 00:21:47 since I've been in the game you know what I'm saying I feel like you just give this insider perspective they're probably dating guys you know and not like you because you're better than that
Starting point is 00:21:57 who knows but you know we'll see if they're what is it roll shady slim shady move shady we'll see if they're dealing with some shady movies we'll see if they're, what is it, roll shady? Slim shady? Move shady. We'll see if they're dealing with some shady movies. We'll see if they're moving shady.
Starting point is 00:22:07 All right. Chrissy, I hear you're obsessed. I'm obsessed with relief bands. Tell us about it. I went to Big Bear this weekend, and the road up to Big Bear is so curvy and so whatever, and I put the relief band on, and I went on a boat, and I used it for that too, and it was so good. It helped me.
Starting point is 00:22:26 So I can't even motion sickness with motion sickness. Cause usually I'm taking pills for motion sickness, but this, and it's cool looking too. Were you a skeptic when you first tried it? I was, I was a skeptic cause I was like, how's this little disc underneath here going to make my nerves feel better?
Starting point is 00:22:39 Help me. But it's amazing from the boat, from the driving. I like, I can't. she would text me she was texting me about it and i was like get it you're congratulations you're not throwing up she was super excited and i was really excited for her motion sickness so this is like seriously like the best thing the best friend of show ever like seriously i can't i'm so excited about like
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Starting point is 00:23:19 you'll receive 20% off. So head to R-E-L-I-E-F-B-A-N-D.com and use promo code V-I-A-L-L for 20% off. It will change your life because it's changed Chrissy's. And she doesn't shut up about it. Seriously, we're so good. Question time with me. Let's ask Nick your sexy questions. how's it going good how are you good what's your name my name's bridget and i'm 22 how's it going
Starting point is 00:23:58 good how can we help um so i am wondering i have been in a two-year relationship with my boyfriend. And he recently got into Illinois State Police Academy. And he's going to be gone every week for six months, but he'll be home on the weekends. Okay. And he won't have his phone at all so like for the whole week like we won't be able to talk at all okay and usually like we're super close and we hang out all the time and like we have similar interests so like we're always hanging out together so like that's gonna be a really hard change for us but um he his like he wants like reassurance but doesn't really know like
Starting point is 00:24:48 how he can be reassured in a sense what do you mean by he wants reassurance like what he he's he's verbally expressing i need to be reassured as i leave that you're what reassurance about what so he his like love language is by touch so like hold my hand or like if we're laying down he's like can you lay like on me or just like things like that so I'm like well my reassurance is like words of affirmation so like he wrote me like this little notebook of like things that I can go back and look at and like be reassured in that sense but like I am wondering since like I can't touch him I won't be with him what are like ways that I can reassure him that like we'll be like fine it's just that we're gonna be away from each other and he's like
Starting point is 00:25:41 I don't have any reason not to trust you that because nothing's ever really happened in our relationship but there's something that he's i'm just curious that's what i'm saying i go back to like what is he wanting you to reassure him about like i get like are you like his love language is touch and he like you guys are both smart enough to realize him being gone that you can't do that and that sucks but what is causing him and what specifically is he asking like other than the inconvenience of this you know he's making this choice and it's temporary but like what does he need to be reassured like you said like i i trust you but like there's a but there like has something happened like in the past is my question like
Starting point is 00:26:23 well he's the past three relationships that he's been in. He's been cheated on. So I think he's just worried that I'm going to like, I'm like, I'm not going to like ghost you when you like, I'm not going to see you. So then I'm just going to ghost you and leave you like that's not going to happen. And I don't like, I don't know what, cause my mind, like I said, is words of affirmation and like, that just doesn't work for him. So like I just don't like from another guy's perspective, what's something that I could do or like different ways that I could reassure him that like we're going to be fine and nothing's going to happen.
Starting point is 00:26:56 Well, to a certain extent, I don't know if it's your job to reassure him in this situation. Right. to reassure him in this situation, right? Only because as you explain it, you're limited. It's great that he's pursuing this career. Congratulations to him for doing this. And how old is he? 23.
Starting point is 00:27:23 Yeah, so you guys are both young and you're at a time in your life where you're making moves right you're yeah taking some risks and you're you have some things are going to be inconvenience because you want you're you're seeing the big picture right you know the problem sometimes with relationships early in life is that you fall in love you're just like i want to spend all my time with you and sometimes we have a way of limiting our own dreams because we're afraid of expanding our comfort zones to like follow our dreams. Like in a lot of situations, like for him,
Starting point is 00:27:53 your boyfriend might be like, Oh, I want to be a cop, but like, I don't want to leave you and I love you. So like, I won't go. And we convince ourselves that we really don't want to do this thing.
Starting point is 00:28:02 Cause we're scared to try and like, good for him. He's doing this. Right. But he has to he's going to have to reassure himself to a certain degree. Like, yeah. Like you said. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:14 Words of affirmation are not his jam. But you like you could be touching him and cheating on him at the same time. You know what I'm saying? Like you could be like hugs and, you know, like here I'm touch your body and like when you're not like you know to a certain degree he has to learn to trust he has to choose to trust you it sucks that he's been cheated on before and all you can say is i'm either going to cheat on you or i'm not and you're going to have to trust me and at the end of the day you're just gonna have to do it if the worst thing that happens is i'm the fourth person who cheats on you then well that sucks but you know there's not much you can do to a certain
Starting point is 00:28:49 degree he's going to have to say okay well i'm gonna go do this otherwise it's just gonna be exhausting for both of you right i mean yeah i don't know if there's a magic thing you can do you know what i'm saying i mean i think you definitely got to take advantage of those weekends that you are with each other too. Try and end those weekends on a high note every time and just make sure by the time the next weekend rolls around, the trust is just still there, which it should be. Based off, it sounds like you guys have had a healthy relationship
Starting point is 00:29:17 for the last two years and nothing's gone weird. So as long as you're just spending those times together when he is home, yeah, I don't think you guys will have anything to worry about. But, of course, he's conditioned. You know, his last three relationships went weird. So I get where his concern may come from. But if he trusts you, it's about the individual. It's not about the past.
Starting point is 00:29:34 So, you know, he's got to, yeah. And Jack, he hasn't gone yet, right? No. You're worrying in preparation? You know, like you're trying to get ahead of it? Pre-worry. Listen, that shows that you care. That's a good thing. But kind of to Jack's point.
Starting point is 00:29:50 OK, fine. Can't talk during the week. No problem for him because apparently he doesn't need to hear you speak. He only wants to, you know, be touched by you. So like he's fine. Right. So when you do. So are you going to be?
Starting point is 00:30:03 Is he flying? Like how far of it? Like, I don't you don't have to say where you is he flying home like how far of it like i don't you don't have to say where you live but how much how long of a community is it around the weekends are you gonna be seeing each other on the weekends or is this being able to talk so it's it's three hours away from where we live so um he'll either come home or like i'll go visit him so on the weekends every friday or sat morning, whatever it is, you're going to be fucking jacked and you're just going to be no pun intended, super excited and just really anxious to see him.
Starting point is 00:30:32 You're going to touch them all over. And like, that's going to have to do it for him. You know, you're in excitement and enthusiasm and you're going to be present. And you know, that's the thing. Like the thing that would like throw him off is you don't talk for all week.
Starting point is 00:30:47 You don't hang out. And then all of a sudden, like you see each other on like Friday and you're just kind of like awkward and distant and like your mind somewhere else. Then he's going to get insecure and weird about it. But if you're like just excited and and throw the be there, I feel like that's going to be enough. Could be a good thing, honestly. Yeah. The more I think about it, it's like, you know to be enough. It could be a good thing, honestly. The more I think about it, it's like, you know, you know when you don't see your significant other for quite some time and then you reconnect with them and it's like you get those butterflies again.
Starting point is 00:31:12 You're going to get that once a week if things are going the way they're supposed to go. And so it could be an opportunity for you guys to be even closer. And I think if he goes through the six months and you guys end up on a good note, the trust will be stronger than it's ever been for sure. But big picture wise, and I know you probably didn't even call in and to get this, but I'm going to tell you is that it's really important for you. It's,
Starting point is 00:31:35 it's not your fault or your problem that his ex has cheated on him. It's not right. I know. And that's what he said. He was like, it's not fair for me to feel this way about you because like you've never done anything for me not to trust you i'm just telling you how i feel and that's good to a certain extent that he can express himself right and it's good that
Starting point is 00:31:58 you are mindful that he had this and you love him enough to make him feel comfortable. But it's still like not your problem in the sense you can't make up for it. Right. You can't do anything to take away the past and you can't overcompensate nor should you want to overcompensate for the things that happened to him. All you can do is be a trusting, loyal girlfriend and be mindful of the things that he needs. But you just don't want to overcompensate. So what I'm saying, do all the things we just talked about, and that should be enough.
Starting point is 00:32:29 I graduated with a psych major, so I'm like, what can I do to help you? Yeah, try not to do too much. But yeah, to that point, that's very real. If you do too much to seem like you are being loyal, it kind of would raise, like for me, it would raise a red flag. I'd be like, why is she claiming that she's just been inside every single day while i've been gone like you know like i think you know you just got to live your life and and um you know as as nick said you can't let his past relationships haunt your guy's relationship you're a new person you're a new individual and yeah i think i think
Starting point is 00:32:59 you guys got this i was like i just i feel good and like this is something you're doing like i'm reassured through words of affirmation. So like, I want to find a way that works for you because I also want you to feel that comfort that I feel and not have you feel uncomfortable in a sense. You know, but he might have to go, go through a period of discomfort, right? This could like to Jack's, but this could be the thing that gets him over his trust issues because you guys go through this. Yeah. together relationships well you know there must some difficult periods there's no sign that you're unfaithful in fact he feels closer to you than ever
Starting point is 00:33:35 and now he's just like my girlfriend was off i was off the grid she was doing her thing and i didn't worry about it at all and then those those past relationships become less and less a part of his kind of bank of memories when it comes to relationships. And I think, yeah, when this is all said and done, hopefully he'll be like, yeah, I really had nothing to worry about.
Starting point is 00:33:57 So that's going to be a positive thing. Alright? Good luck. I think you're going to be be fine a lot of touching on the weekends yeah you got this yeah yeah thank you so much you're welcome it's gonna be great see you later bridget bye thank you how's it going hi i'm tay I'm 23. Hi Taylor, how can you help? So, just to give you a little bit of a background, I recently had a breast reduction surgery. Today is my two weeks post-op.
Starting point is 00:34:37 Congrats. Thank you. So I'm just looking just for some guys' perspective on how to navigate dating uh specifically uh with apps um some of my main concerns are that well all my pictures are recent they're not technically what i look like anymore so i'm concerned i might be false advertising to guys you know if i do end up meeting them well how and then how different are we it's pretty significant cup size um especially um i would say probably four or five cups um i'm i don't know how to i'm looking at you now and it's like it's not like
Starting point is 00:35:24 i just they're still fairly big now. So you have nothing to worry about, you know what I'm saying? Regardless of size. Yeah, exactly. Okay. But do you think that's more in your head? Maybe, maybe. I think, you know, because they were the first things that, you know, especially guys notice about me, you know, on my dating profile would definitely accentuate them.
Starting point is 00:35:49 So a lot of my pictures, you know, they were maybe like the main feature of the picture. So you can update pictures on dating apps. Right. So if you met someone and I mean, you thought that they, you know, had really large breasts and then you met them, they didn't. You wouldn't think that's weird or maybe that I was catfishing them. Why don't you just update all your photos? All the photos? Well, do you have I mean, do you have like such good photos that you're just like, I just look so good here? No, but, you know, some of them I'm on a hike.
Starting point is 00:36:22 Maybe I like to show that I like hiking or, you know, stuff like that. Don't you want to go hiking again? But she's two weeks out of surgery. I guess I have to do. I'm two weeks post-op, so it's going to be a while before I can, you know, go out and do things. But I just didn't know from, like, a male's perspective. From a male's perspective. And I don't want to speak for Jack.
Starting point is 00:36:41 You can chime in here. I don't really care if you hike or not. That's what we're talking about. Yeah, you know, I'm more of to speak for Jack. You can chime in here. I don't really care if you hike or not. That's what we're talking about. Yeah, you know, I'm more of a beach guy anyways. Okay, beach pictures. I mean, I'm just wondering if they're, I wonder if it's more in your head, if it's like. It might be.
Starting point is 00:36:56 It might be more in my head. Yeah. You also mentioned that like you have this like this fear too, that because of the surgery now you're going to have like some scars and stuff like that. And then like you feel like you're going to have to like talk about that and when you're getting intimate that would make you nervous yeah that's another what are some do you have other insecurities regarding the yes my other insecurities are like it's going to take a long time you know months up to like a full year to fully heal so being intimate will be really
Starting point is 00:37:22 different um so i'm kind of concerned with like how do i bring it up to guys when would be an appropriate time to bring it up to someone i feel like a first date is kind of too soon but at the same time you know already in the bedroom seems too late to have that conversation uh i think my personal opinion on, it's about your needs and not about theirs. Right. They're guys. They'll be fine. You could literally bring it up whenever,
Starting point is 00:37:50 and I don't think anyone's going to bat an eye. And I think getting it out of the way early, it's like, you know, it'll be a good gauge of if this guy actually cares or not. I mean, like about you as a person versus, you know what I'm saying? So. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:04 And that's. Yeah. I've hooked up and had sex with uh women who've at the had breast reduction surgery and i the scars you speak of i saw and at the time i didn't know what i was seeing like i didn't know that was from a breast reduction surgery i'm sure you would have liked to have i gotta no i gotta say in the moment could have cared less okay interesting great great looking boobs these are wonderful apparently you've had some sort of procedure great job doctor yeah like honestly you know i was fine and uh i can't speak for every guy you know what i'm saying? Like, certainly there's an occasional asshole out there who might make you feel judged or ask an awkward question. And also, sometimes guys are just fucking awkward, right? They just might say something because they don't know what to say or are awkward about it.
Starting point is 00:38:56 And, you know, certainly something you may come to deal with. And the reason I say that is because there are so many different guys out there and people handled these situations differently. So all you can really do is just do what you are most comfortable with. God, you don't need to... Do not worry about them and making sure they're okay and what's appropriate. If you happen to go out with a guy and have a great first date
Starting point is 00:39:22 and you have a one-night stand, if you want to go out with a guy and have a great first date and you have a one night stand, if you want to say something fine, but honestly, I wouldn't feel like you have to. I wouldn't care personally from my perspective too. Like if you know, what do you have a face Chrissy? Well, just because like, and this might be an overshare, like that sounds great in theory, but from a girl, so I'm a, I have, I've had breast cancer for me. I have like the kind of the same insecurities, but I always feel like the same way. Like it's always like you have to like figure out how to explain yourself
Starting point is 00:39:50 and it's always the most awkward conversation. I'm not saying don't share or share, but if you felt, if it makes you feel more comfortable by putting it out there, then do that, right? I just think there's a big difference between what is your motivation for sharing. If you want to make sure they're okay, I don't think you should do that. If it makes you feel comfortable, then, you know, I just think there's such a subtle difference
Starting point is 00:40:16 in why you're doing it. Don't worry about them being comfortable. They're getting laid. They'll be comfortable. You know what I'm saying? Make sure you're comfortable i think my main concern about bringing it up is like because i'm so early on in the healing process like you do have to be really mindful that i'm still healing and um like my scars are
Starting point is 00:40:37 still and my incisions are still quite delicate so it's mostly um for them to know, like, you have to be a little gentle with me. Do you have any guy, like, waiting to hop in the sack? Or are you all horned up? Or can't you just wait a little bit? I mean, it could take months. So I don't know if you, like, that seems kind of long for me. Quarantine is lonely, you know. Yeah, you know.
Starting point is 00:41:01 That seems kind of long for me. Quarantine is lonely. Yeah. You know, so it could, like I said, like it's going to take up to a whole year to be fully 100% healed. So I don't think waiting that whole year is in the picture, but I could wait longer. Totally. For sure. So again, this all comes down to how you feel, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:24 So I just want to stress, I just don't think you should put a lot of energy because I, and I say this because you, I hear this a lot. I just want to make sure he's okay. And I don't want to make him uncomfortable. It's like, it'll be fine. So whatever you do to make comfortable. So in this stage of healing, right? Fine. Maybe you go a little at a slightly slower pace than you otherwise would right so you don't bring it up with the first date and if you aren't comfortable talking about on the first date maybe you wait to a second or third date to hook up or be intimate or whatever right you just go a little slower right and so you do that because you feel more comfortable bringing it up
Starting point is 00:42:02 you don't like you don't want to have this conversation with every guy that you might go out with and so you just you wait a little bit longer yeah right just totally go a little slower pace you know yeah and if you run into a situation where a guy handles it poorly that's his problem you know just just know that it's going to happen just know that you're just going to deal with some guy who says or something, does something the wrong way. It makes you feel not good about yourself. And. Screw that dude.
Starting point is 00:42:33 Yeah. Just know that like that's not on you. That's just like some guys are just usually comes out of awkwardness. Yeah. Weirdness. I'm trying to think from the flip perspective, though. Like if I like had some scars going across my shaft or something how would i how would i approach a girl about it like one ball
Starting point is 00:42:49 yeah like if i had like one yeah if i had some like you know something going on down there like how how would i go about it i'm trying to think you know i definitely get like you know where your concern comes from because yeah and my i think my final concern is um i think almost every single guy i've talked to is like oh my gosh why would you do this like you slapped god in the face like they were so nice before and like now they're so much smaller so how do i answer i get they're just joking and they don't really mean that but how do i answer that question you don't yeah it's a personal decision you did this for you you don't that's the thing it It's either at best,
Starting point is 00:43:25 they're quote unquote joking insensitively. At worst, they're just ignorant dicks. And listen, I'm not, I'm sure I've said something stupid to a girl, you know, so I'm not sitting here like I'm a high horse,
Starting point is 00:43:41 but you don't need, you just, you, if you want to, what do you say? you say is this like well you just ignore i honestly would just ignore them don't feel like you have to and that's the thing it's just like do what makes you feel comfortable don't feel like you need to justify your decision to these guys uh and again it sounds looks like you're still doing just fine in that department. Like, and as Jack pointed out, it's all, some guys, everyone's different guys. Like some guys like bigger boobs, some guys like smaller boobs, some guys like
Starting point is 00:44:18 midi, some guys don't care about boobs. You know, if you're talking, if you're just talking about physical attraction from God, it's's it all varies um so don't waste a lot of energy emotional energy trying to make sure that you've you know are making every guy comfortable and satisfied because you know what i'm saying yeah chances are they don't really care or mind at least. 100%. I can assure you that the guy you meet who falls for you is not going to unfall for you because of any scars or you're not as large breasts. Yeah, of course. He'll probably just be super thrilled.
Starting point is 00:45:01 I guess, yeah, maybe as girls we think it matters more than it does guys i guess don't normally care about things like stretch marks and scars and whatnot as much as we think they do definitely not i mean that's just speaking from a personal perspective but you know like this seems like something so menial that like you know any guy who's actually you know a good dude like just wouldn't really give a shit. He won't care. Yeah. I wouldn't think so. All right. Well, best of luck, Taylor.
Starting point is 00:45:28 Okay. Thank you so much, Nick. Thanks, Jack. Thanks, Chrissy. How's it going? It's going. What's your name? Mary.
Starting point is 00:45:37 27. How's Mary? 27. How can we help, Mary? All right. So I have this boyfriend that I've been seeing for about four years and he's great you know except for when we fight and it could be the smallest thing it could be the biggest thing he has this issue with like yelling at me and he'll get like really mean
Starting point is 00:46:03 and I don't talk to him like this i don't talk to really anybody like this so like and it's something that like i always will you know like bring up or like we'll argue about it because the thing is i'm not gonna let anybody talk to me like that so he gets it's almost like he's the type to like want to like, you know, say whatever he wants and shit. And then as soon as it comes to me, it's like the second I respond negatively or express any type of emotion, it's almost like it's an immediate fight. Like he just hates when I have emotions. And then it's like, especially if it's like, it could be like I said, I mean, girlfriends whine about dumb shit. The most recent incident, which is when I wrote into you guys is when I had like, I worked all week, and he was out on the boat with his dad. And like,
Starting point is 00:46:54 dude, I get it like fishing. Like, I get it. But like, it's been something that like, I've brought to his attention. Like I wanted to go on the boat like all summer. It didn't happen. Cool. That's fine. And literally, that's all it was. It was just like me whining about like how I, you know, just like whatever. And he just immediately was just like, you're selfish. And I can't believe you would say something. And he kind of just like hung up in my face and like, I just didn't understand why his energy was so up there when like I was literally, you know, not, it wasn't, it wasn't that serious apparently to him.
Starting point is 00:47:26 To summarize your wonderful boyfriend, according to you. This is literally his only thing. He's great. Other than he has like this short ass views and I just don't get it. But how often does this happen? Enough to where like like it could be anything dude like I'm talking about the smallest thing anything will make him snap like he just he just be snapping on me and I just don't understand if he just like might maybe bipolar um and then like
Starting point is 00:47:58 this is the weird thing is he wants to act like everything's fine and like I don't you know I'm human you know not I mean I'm gonna get upset And like, I don't, you know, I'm human, you know, not, I mean, I'm going to get upset, especially with when people take it like, you know, are a little bit out of pocket sometimes. I just don't understand that. Do you feel, so is it safe to say that at this point in the relationship, you feel very uncomfortable or walking on eggshells expressing yourself about anything when it regards to him yes so it kind of seems like uh i mean yes and no so like it seems like any time i have and like i said it could be anything if i express if he feels at all he's very defensive and that's
Starting point is 00:48:40 another thing it's like i just don't get it because it's like i don't understand why you would be that defensive towards your girlfriend it's almost as if like he throws out the fact that he like we're dating and like it's honestly kind of like how you I don't know you would treat a homie or like somebody that you're pissed off about outside of like the scope of dating them it's like I don't know sometimes he just loses that lens and it's like dude you can't talk like and the thing is he's so nice like if you ask anybody it's like he's so he's this great kind guy to literally everyone but when it comes to me that kind of just and like i said he could be really moody i don't fucking get it it's just but i i at this point i don't really
Starting point is 00:49:14 know what to do how to communicate to him how hurtful this is when he gets like this and i'm assuming you have communicated it with him yeah but dude it's like i don't and let me tell you how that goes it's like i don't and let me tell you how that goes it's like i'll literally say exactly what i'm telling you guys like you know it's upsetting it's this and he's he's always just kind of like fucking figure it out or and the thing is he doesn't really have anything to really say so he makes it feel like it's a you problem yeah and he's not the type to say sorry he'll like say i'm sensitive and like call me a baby and like all this fucking shit.
Starting point is 00:49:45 But it's like, dude, nobody's going to be okay with somebody speaking to them like that, especially their boyfriend. So why? I mean, so you opened up with saying, you know, and people do this a lot, right? You're not the only one. But you're like, oh, he's great, but he's not great. Your boyfriend's not great. Just heads up. Like, he's fine but he's not great your boyfriend's not great just heads up like he's fine maybe i don't know he might have some great qualities but when you describe your boyfriend right and you're like oh how's your boyfriend and you're like he's great he's not
Starting point is 00:50:19 great like this if you're going to describe someone with a single word, he does not deserve the great title, you know? Yeah. Okay. Sometimes great would be, you know, and borderline bad, right? I mean, communication is arguably the number one most important quality in a relationship, right? Communication styles. Right. For sure.
Starting point is 00:50:49 This is how he communicates with you. It's irrelevant how he communicates with everyone else, right? How does he communicate with you? How can anyone be in a relationship where they feel borderline scared to express themselves? they feel borderline scared to express themselves uh who who when you do get express yourself he gaslights you and makes you feel like it's a you problem that you have to figure out and he takes no responsibility for any of this i mean does it matter like if someone was a serial killer and murdered people would it matter how nice they were to everyone else? Well, that's a good one. You know?
Starting point is 00:51:27 Yeah, for sure. So you just got to, I get you care about the guy and I get that, you know, there's things that you like about him, but you're completely discounting yourself. You know, you're completely discounting how he makes you feel he you know when people like to describe their boyfriends or girlfriends it's like oh they're great or whatever but how does he make you feel that should be like the number one question we ask ourselves when we want to describe our partners to people. So instead of saying like broadly,
Starting point is 00:52:09 like, oh, they're great, like as a generalization, you ask yourself, how does this person make you feel? And that's how you should describe them to people. So, I mean, he is sweet. He's sweet. He's attentive. He's like, I mean, like we're like best friends, you know? And that's the thing. Another thing too is is like is he just too comfortable with just like you know just like just kind of being a
Starting point is 00:52:31 dick to me i just like is this a part of like and that's the thing it's like i don't know because one i've never like dated somebody this long and then like two he's never actually been in a relationship before me and those are all excuses you're making for him and that's well maybe it does you know what and maybe they are excuses but like that's what i'm saying like i just don't fucking know i don't know at this point well listen all you can do is express how you feel which you have and his way of going about it is to tell you that's your problem i'm curious i need to pry here and play devil's advocate and just ask some questions though how how like one-sided are these are these shouting matches
Starting point is 00:53:11 because i've been really close to like relationships where um not everything like you see is exactly the way it is and and and so is it is it like is he always the aggressor are you shouting back is this like is it like a very toxic mutual thing? Or is it him starting this shit every single time? Is it frequent? Like, I'm just curious, I guess, more about the scope of the situation. So he's just like on tip. Like it could be, like I said, I like literally whined about not being able to go on the boat
Starting point is 00:53:39 the other day with him and his dad. And he was just like, like, it was almost like, how dare you even have the thought of like coming with me? Like, that's me and my dad. That's my dad. It's like, like, it was almost like, how dare you even have the thought of like coming with me? Like, that's me and my dad. That's my dad. It's like, oh, my God. So he's easily triggered. It sounds like very easily triggered. Very, very easily triggered. And then I think the most recent time before this was like I asked him for something before I went out with a friend. And he was just kind of like being stingy. And'm like okay well like you know it's not a big deal but like i said he he brought that aggression that like energy where like it really it doesn't
Starting point is 00:54:11 have to be a thing but like it it seems like it always is with him like he's just i don't and then a part of me is like does he does he hate being a boyfriend like it seems like every time he has to like he's 26 i'm so confused how you can talk and then this conversation that we're having and then like at the same time you're like but he's the sweetest like i'm so confused but no i do i do get it though i've seen this firsthand with like some of my best friends and like you know they they're very toxic at times with their significant others and and they'll just be constant shouting battles and matches and then you know they can be you know all like mushy mushy you know like talking in baby voice and the next day and it's
Starting point is 00:54:48 like it's like it's you can just describe this that's what i'm saying though i've seen it firsthand and and i mean every single time i've i've been around an instance like that it's never it's never ended well unless you can find a way to get through it and get past it but if it's a recurring thing it's like you know um either you guys gotta figure. But if it's a recurring thing, it's like, you know, either you guys got to figure it out. If it's that recurring, like you really got to put your best foot forward and tell him how you feel. And it's like, either you fix this shit
Starting point is 00:55:11 or like you got to leave this dude. Like you can't be just putting yourself through this turmoil. Let me ask you this. If I were like a genie and I was like, listen, it's married. This will never get better. Like this specific issue that you have with him will never improve are you okay with that well i feel like respect is is literally
Starting point is 00:55:39 a fucking non-negotiable it's human decency it's like you don't fucking talk you just don't talk to people like that so when he's going and like i said it's not name calling but it's like the way he speaks to me is just it's just yeah i think we all i think i've i've had i've dated people i like like that and sounds like jack we can kind of consent you get an idea of the type of things and the gaslighting and this going at you and the defensiveness like the highly emotional person but that's not an excuse you know like someone like well he's just emotional like okay well stop being emotional you people can control their emotions and if they can't and then that's when they like lose people they say they love but i think you need to go about this for yourself
Starting point is 00:56:20 is you need to stop prefacing his behavior with he's great, but right. I'm not saying everything about him is terrible. Right. No, I know, but stop dismissing it by prefacing it with like compliments and like feel good adjectives to describe his behavior.
Starting point is 00:56:39 And I think you need to start going about your relationship considering the possibility of this will never change. And based on what you're telling me, I would, I would guess, And I think you need to start going about your relationship considering the possibility this will never change. And based on what you're telling me, I would guess it's not going to change. Because when you do express it to him, he doesn't take any accountability. He doesn't even pretend to apologize. What he does is makes it feel like it's your fault for even having an issue or bringing whatever it is up you want to bring up. It's an emotional prison to live in or to any,
Starting point is 00:57:11 every relationship has conflict and confusion and misunderstanding and, and, and, and, and you have different expectations like to, you know, there's nothing wrong with him valuing his time with his father. Right. There's nothing wrong with not being on the same page with you in terms of like how he spends his time with his dad versus like how you want to, there's nothing wrong with that. He has the right to, right. There is something totally wrong with how he responds to you expressing yourself and assuming like you're doing it in a respect, respectful, polite way. And you're not like, you know, and I don't want to be accusing you anything but kind of to
Starting point is 00:57:45 jack's question are is there anything you could be doing that triggers him like are you name calling him are you no are you doing it that's like a huge no yeah the thing is is like i know no so you're just like a normal like girlfriend just like hey boyfriend i can tell when he gets aggressive though i can tell like you probably like pipe back up on him I'm assuming right now after the thing is though. I wish Or is it just fully him on a tie right on you literally? That day this was Friday. He literally hung up in my face and then like we were texting but like he was also busy So it's like I'm literally sitting there by my phone like
Starting point is 00:58:29 You know I got to give some tough love here i'm worried for you because it's not like and i get it it's hard it's trust this is an emotionally toxic relationship yeah i've seen this shit and it's not okay and now you're in this basically kind of you're stuck you know for whatever reason you know loving all these about him, calling him your best friend. I mean, that's not a best friend. You know, it's I wish I could tell you there was something else, but this is it. And like I said, it is something that like I I don't know if I can accept. And that's why this is so hard for me, because I'm just like, I know that this is not how this is just not this is just unacceptable for me you know and that's why it keeps coming back up because i'm going to check
Starting point is 00:59:08 him every single time and when i say that it's not like we're we're not screaming i'm just literally trying to like explain to him and then he's just like you're a fucking baby get the fuck over it and it's just like oh my god but i feel like he's also just i mean you're talking to us like chris he said and and i know it's easy for us on this, our end, because for us, we're saying here like, well, that's a non-negotiable, like end it now. You know, I understand there's other things. You love them. You care about them. You'd miss them. You'd be sad. There's. Are you guys on and off? I'm curious. Are you guys like,
Starting point is 00:59:40 have you like split up because of these things before and get back together? It's not like that. It doesn't believe that. And you you know it's like this thing you just i honestly i think you just need to try to remove yourself it's not i don't see this getting better anytime soon it won't definitely or ever uh and i've had that thought even just like to like take a break and just to see but i also feel like i don't know i don't think i don't really think a break's gonna work because here's what's going to happen right you're gonna break up super fine yeah go ahead you're you're a good chance you break up with them he freaks out he starts apologizing for the first time ever
Starting point is 01:00:13 he promises he's gonna change and very convincingly is this like you know and then like two months after you get back together this will like he's going to change for himself he need you need to be gone out of his life you break up you can't treat me like this he's like he apologized you're like nope still gone bye and like then he has to really see it really want to be different for someone he's never met yet and honestly change on his own which will be like a couple years in the making so that's that sounds like it fucking sucks it's still it's still a dangerous yeah it sucks it sucks because you do care about him i understand that means that when you decide to break up with him you're going to lose him and that's going to make you sad and i'm sorry for that and that's an emotional process you're going to have to go through but like the alternative is
Starting point is 01:01:00 being in a relationship that you invest so much time and emotional energy to and referring to someone as a best friend who makes you feel shitty about yourself and questions your literal sanity because you're just like wait what i asked a question what did i do wrong and you start like questioning yourself and like you're and like you can really damage yourself emotionally and like that's not like that so yeah right now in this moment you're stuck between a rock and a hard place like yeah right because you know you shouldn't be treated this way but you know like you like you you value him and you you would miss him and i'm sorry for that but it's a lesser of two evils you're stuck because you're you still you're
Starting point is 01:01:46 you're still resistant to knowing it's like you know you what you should do but you're going to have a hard time doing it and i'm just trying to fill you with ammunition it's true you're blinded by the great days you're blinded by the good moments you know but you gotta i can't let those moments blind you i don't think i've ever like broken up with somebody in the most healthiest way either like i usually just end up like never saying anything again. And my way of like, okay, you hurt me.
Starting point is 01:02:07 You can deal with me like a death now. And I don't think you have to give them some long drawn out explanation. Just be like, Hey, listen, I don't like the way you've made me feel. I'm going to end things. Best of luck.
Starting point is 01:02:18 Yeah. Well, you know, don't ghost them. Just give them a reason. And you don't have to explain yourself. It doesn't deserve much, you know, just let them know. Hey a reason and you don't have to explain yourself it doesn't deserve much you know just let them know hey i told you i was gonna do this bye it's obviously easier said than done also because this is such a toxic environment you
Starting point is 01:02:35 could argue that like maybe you need to take extreme measures you know if this is a guy who talks to you in a certain way when he doesn't like what you have to hear, then while I'm not like a big believer in ghosting, but I think right now you need to worry and protect yourself and protect your well-being. And like he's done things that allow you to not have to give him any benefit of the doubt. It's like you just need to get out, you know? Yeah, you're right, for sure.
Starting point is 01:03:04 I'm sorry. It sucks. You're going to be sad and I get it, but you'll feel better about yourself knowing that you know your own self-worth. You knew, you know, despite this hot guy or whatever, like you were better than that and you were going to put up with it and you can learn from it in the future. And you're still young and you're still killing it and it'll be a good story to tell.
Starting point is 01:03:24 And you can look out for all your friends who experience the same things but yeah i feel like i'm not the only one but also like really quick his mom me and his mom bond over this because she she his dad's very fucking similar i guess well there you go it's genetic fine but like the don't don't get sucked into the relationship because while I was at the bottom with his mom about this, that's unfortunately just a hook that you have to unhook. It's his mom, not yours. You're right.
Starting point is 01:03:55 So say goodbye to her. And that's just all you said is another reason to break up with him. Not going to get better, better like i said clearly this is like a habitual thing he's learned from it is his father maybe and he probably doesn't see it's a problem because he probably grew up around it he probably became conditioned you know but he knows it's a problem because he can do he can not he can he can control it around other people dangerous guy yeah yeah for sure all right well best of luck mary i wish you all the best and i really hope that you uh uh protect yourself and put yourself in a more healthy situation
Starting point is 01:04:35 and i appreciate the input count on your friends and ask for their support and uh get out as soon as you can for sure sure. All right. All righty. All right, take care. Thank you. Nice talking to you, man. You too. Bye-bye. Bye, guys.
Starting point is 01:04:51 Jack, this has been a ton of fun. So much fun, man. She seemed like she was about to cry at the end there. I felt terrible. She'll be all right. I hope she'll be all right. Yeah, listen, it's one of those, like, that was a sad story. Because she's stuck, and i feel for her and
Starting point is 01:05:06 emotionally stuck for sure um he's he's done a number on her but uh dating dating is tough man and i appreciate you uh coming on sharing some insights of course brother uh the world needs more obviously you know good guys out there yeah he. He's a natural, this one. Remind people all the great things you're doing, where they can find your single. I mean, not everyone knows on social, but for the people who don't. All right. I'll do my little plug.
Starting point is 01:05:34 So my first single, You Lie, is out right now. A ton of music around the corner. Actually, I think I was telling you earlier, me and my buddies are starting a podcast. We got to get you on there for sure to get some love guru advice. Happy to come on. You made this easy for me. You made this so easy for me. But yeah, me and my buddies are starting a podcast. We got to get you on there for sure to get some, some love guru advice. Cause you made this easy for me. You made this so easy for me,
Starting point is 01:05:48 but yeah, just a lot of stuff around the corner. Thanks everybody for watching and for tuning in and yeah. Appreciate you, Nick. Jack. I really appreciate it. It's been a ton of fun.
Starting point is 01:05:56 Guys. Thanks for listening. As always, don't forget to send your questions at ask Nick at cast media.com cast with a K. Thanks for listening. We will see you back on Wednesday we'll see who it is for a special guest
Starting point is 01:06:11 surprise other than that have a great day that's right

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