The Viall Files - E21 Starting to Fall In Love with Arielle Vandenberg

Episode Date: May 22, 2019

Today I’m joined by hilarious actress Arielle Vandenberg to talk about that crazy second episode of The Bachelorette. We discuss crying in front of others and how soon is too soon to say “I’m falling in love with you.” Also, spoiler alert, I still don’t like Luke P. Then we get a surprising update from a past caller and talk to our most endearing fan yet. FaceTime even though you’re not a model, DTR, and don’t be afraid to correct people when they say your name wrong. Be sure to subscribe and give us 5 stars! SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: ROTHY'S: rothys.com/viall HUM NUTRITION: humnutrition.com/get_started CODE: VIALL NATURAL HABITS: nhoils.com CODE: prettywoman See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you're crazy hello everybody oh wow did i did i come in strong yeah was that me or was that it was good everybody's excited you got us on the mood in the mood. That was the mic. That was just me? No, that was just your Big Nick energy. Big Nick energy. Should I start over? No, we're in.

We're fully in. Well, for those of you listening, you're awake. Welcome to another episode of Vile Files. I am your host, Nick. We have Rochelle, as always. Shug, from last year year decided to pop in, mostly because of Natalie's Notes being such a big hit. Oh, yeah. It's true.

My sister's notes from last episode. We've asked Shug to join us. We have a wonderful guest co-host today in Ariel Vandenberg. Love her. Very excited about that. She will be with us momentarily. I met Ariel.

You did her podcast, right? No, that's not when I met her. I did do her podcast. She has a wonderful podcast. You should check it out. I proposed to her and she said yes.

Excuse me. Wow. Okay. Was it a romantic setting? I had to eat white Wonder Bread and there were like three white men watching us. Oh my, wow. Didn't book it, huh?

No, Ariel did. Wow. It was a Taco Bell commercial. Then Ariel texts me afterwards. She's like, so did you get it? And I'm like No but I guess you did Did you spit out

The bread in a bucket After Yeah Oh gross Why do they always go With white bread In like a Commercial audition

Yes least amount I don't know I don't know Anyways It sounds romantic I can't wait to hear More from her Some house cleaning notes

If you guys You know Are liking this podcast, rate us five stars. Let's just get that out of the way. Also, I've been asked by a young man to ask his girlfriend out to prom for him. This is amazing. So nice of you to do that. I got a DM. Katie, Alex Borelli would like you to go to prom with him.

Hi, Katie. Oh, yes. This is Nick. Oh. You would be doing me and all of us and especially Alex Borelli. A great honor if you would accompany Alex to prom this year. Do it, Katie. I think you should say yes. Alex loves you year do it katie i think you should say yes

alex loves you we love you we think you guys such a cute couple really great together uh so great together alex showed me a picture of the the young couple um gorgeous very very pretty young couple yeah and there's a lot of love between them you can see it I don't necessarily believe in young love I know you don't but these people they're gonna make it they've changed my mind so Katie if you could please go to prom with Alex and

yeah also for those of you who are Bachelor fans my friends Ashley Jared Tanner Jade and myself a little bit have a little uh also uh for those of you uh who are our bachelor fans my friends ashley jared tanner jade uh and and myself a little bit have a little new youtube series out there it's on youtube it's called what now it's mostly a lot of why you laugh or show oh i'm thinking of the promo video that you sent it's really funny um it's a it's a ashley and jared kind of had this idea um

and i kind of pop in as their friend and thought I'd help them out. But it's, you know what? It's a Kramer. At first, at first, I was like, ugh, really? I wasn't very excited about the idea. But as a friend, I wanted to help them out. I actually think it's pretty funny.

I think people. This is just us following them around. What now? What happens after? Yeah, because they're like, what now? I did come up with the name because they i like the name they called it rosebuds there was some no uh yeah i was there's a lot of reasons why i got shut down but thank you i i agreed too and i was like well what about like i don't know what now like what the fuck do we do now honestly what are we doing i don't know. So if you guys are interested, just check it out.

You can find it on YouTube. It's under Kinetics YouTube page. Kinetic is the production company that produced it. Okay. So. And you play the role of friend? Yeah, I play the role of just a guy

looking for a meeting of life. Seinfeld is Kramer, just popping in. Yeah. Crazy. I am, you know, not that to compare what now to Seinfeld is Kramer just popping in. Yeah. Not that to compare what now to Seinfeld.

But I guess I'm the Kramer of the group. Or you're the Joey of the friends. I think you should be the George. I'm like a hybrid of George, Kramer and Jerry. Wow. All mashed up into one. I don't know. I actually pictured you more

of an Elaine. Her too. Yeah. But all their non-redeeming qualities of course none of them really have any redeeming qualities which makes them redeeming which is what about joey from friends he's like an actor and he's always getting the women again i feel like you're maybe a combo I'm more of Ross pivot pivot you know Ross is always married but it doesn't work out oh no

anyway so yeah we have Ariel I'm very excited about her I did want to figure out, Rochelle has, she brought something to my attention I wanted to dive into. What?

We have, no shocker, Rochelle and I don't necessarily agree on this take. I think. Wait, are you about to spill some Rochelle tea? It's not really Rochelle tea. It's not.

Let's play the tea song. Is it tea? I don't know. Is it tea? I don't know. Rochelle started FaceTiming me all the time. This is a whole. I just was like, Rochelle.

She kept saying, I'm sorry. We can FaceTime? It was accidental. My phone was. No, her phone was possessed. That's a whole nother thing. Yeah. Then Rochelle.

I was playfully joking with Rochelle. Listen, fine we can we can we're friends we can facetime it's fine just let me know you know i find facetime to be a great way to communicate it's wonderful eye contact you can see the tone inflection you know and rochelle says i hate hate FaceTime. And then she says, only models like to FaceTime. Okay. No. I was, huh? I don't, yes. I think that's a true statement.

That is not a true statement. Only models like to FaceTime? And I do think most people look at themselves when they're FaceTiming. Would you agree with that? Listen, I would agree that maybe in every single phone call, there's the obligatory, oh, yeah, look at my face. But then you go on and you have a great time talking to each other. Yes. Also, what are you basing this premise on?

Like, why would you have to get ready? No. We don't have to get ready as humans to look at each other. It's your friend. I'm not saying you talk to a guy that you want to go on a date with, or maybe you've even had one date and you should FaceTime right away. And I'm not saying that's wrong. I'm talking about like, you want to ask me a question about next week's episode

or sugar or whatever. And I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to FaceTime Nick. I can't. Like I already have anxiety on phone calls. It's like tenfold on Face. Like I just can't. What I already have anxiety on phone calls. It's like tenfold on Face. Like I just can't. What do you have anxiety about?

I don't like answering the phone. Like a guy was saying he used to leave me voicemails. He would leave me voicemails. Well, that's inconsiderate. Hold on. Voicemails are inconsiderate? Yeah, totally. I don't want to listen to a voicemail.

Yeah, a voicemail is inconsiderate. Fair enough. It is. And then you have to like call them back. Because of texting where you can just like call them back. Because of texting where you can just say call me back or like leave a quick note.

If someone leaves a voicemail it feels like what do you need to leave a message? I do get anxiety with voicemails. Thank you. Thank you.

So that's how I feel about FaceTime. But no, no, no. If you said So different. If you said Nick I don't like FaceTime because it gives me anxiety like voicemails.

I would have been like, okay, that's weird, but fine. You said only models like to FaceTime. Like I get why you guys would want to. You're just like, hey. It makes no sense. I've never met a model who didn't really care about how they look all the time. So I would argue that by your definition, models would want to FaceTime less because they always have to be on.

Is that really true? I don't think people really, no, I don't think models or non-models have a general opinion about FaceTime. Do you ever FaceTime with someone and be like, ugh, not a good day for them? No. Never.

I will admit that when I FaceTime, sometimes there's that you look at yourself and the little, you see yourself, and there's always a, oh, bottom of my chin. But about me, but no one's ever, I've never had that reaction about anyone else. I don't know. That one moment of like,

well, we both look weird on the camera. Let's keep talking and connecting to each other. I like to multitask too, so I don't want to have to like be focused. I like set up my phone in the corner of the kitchen. I'm cooking, I'm talking, I check in, I look. It's wonderful. Maybe this will help me.

Maybe this is a good- I think we should track this. I think this is important. I do. I think this is a real, or just your general, well, then you're just immediately suggesting that you're not a model yeah which i don't love well i mean but like what is it anyone can be a model especially

nowadays look nothing wrong with a catalog i'm taking a picture of you right now oh look you're a model no it's true if you lay down on that table right there and put your hands on your head model model like bite your lip and she's gorgeous everybody that's listening i you know you True. If you lay down on that table right there and put your hands on your head, model. Model. Like bite your lip. And she's gorgeous, everybody that's listening. You know, you paint yourself like some gargoyle. You're beautiful. I have to stay in the darkness.

I don't get it. We're going to figure this out. You said this to me and it blew my mind really like what i honestly thought that was like a a common feeling like that was a i'd like to know people should tell us yeah people listening is this a thing what do you think about facetime are you on my side i just want to facetime you so much please do not have you have you just like you're not a model so you've completely turned it off? Are there people out there like, well, if they become models, guys, you get signed by your first model agency in some like Tacoma, wherever, some like obscure model agency.

You immediately start FaceTiming your friends like, that's right. We can FaceTime now. Right of passage. Turn your camera off. You're not a model. Truly. Only my camera. When you put it like that, it sounds ridiculous.

Honey, it's not ridiculous. It's just something that we're going to nurture out of you. We're crowdsourcing. Maybe we're wrong. And maybe everyone's going to be like, yeah, I hate it. But listen, you can hate FaceTime. It's not that you can hate FaceTime. It's just that you must think you're a mom.

Do you have to get, no, you don't have to get dolled up. No, I'm on there like face masks, pimple cream, hair up, out the shower. Yeah. First time Ashley I FaceTimed me. Oh, no. No, she had no makeup on. And I was like, hey, I feel like I get to know you better. It was a more, yeah, we're friends.

It was a, why do you have to? Yeah, I guess so. I think it's great. Okay, this is good. You know what? You look so uncomfortable. I'm like, I really am just the thought of it. Can I, could you do me a favor?

Okay. Next time you have a good first date. Yeah. FaceTime him the next day. Whoa, that's bold. Hold on. Don't, we gotta walk before we run. No, why?

Why would you, you've met him in person. He's already looked at you. Hey man, how's it going? Hi, how are ya? I don't know. That happens, girls FaceTime me i've facetimed them the the day after and i haven't i haven't asked to my knowledge they're not most of them are they're not they might be wannabe models but like

are they usually dressed up no no. No. Yeah, no. No. Okay. We're going to get there. All right. I'm excited for this. That was a good, this is a good first step. This is great.

Thank you for my FaceTime intervention. Anyways, Rochelle, I don't know. I want to hear what the people think. I will. I mean, I'm really, I am curious. I do, because I do think, I will say FaceTime, and there's this there's this youtube doc i showed shug about how we communicate as couples i'm going to mention it to you yeah

and that any real conversation we have with anyone we should always have eye contact with them because there's so many things in terms of our butt inflections even that our brains the way we process information so like like it is just a better way to communicate even over the phone you know yeah um so yeah i'm a big advocate yeah well i'm glad we i'm glad we covered that but gonna talk to our our lovely friend or my lovely friend ariel vandenberg before we get to ariel and take a quick break and then we're gonna have ariel can't wait lovely friend, Ariel Vandenberg. Before we get to Ariel, we're going to take a quick break, and then we're going to have Ariel. Can't wait.

Woo-hoo. Woo. Ariel Vandenberg, everybody. Hey. Hey. Hello. Hi. I don't know who I'm waving to. And it's R-E-L, like the initials, not Ariel.

Not Ariel, like the mermaid, but but Ariel like R-E-L. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like that's where I relate to you because no one gets your first name right and no one can get my last name. I was like, no one can say Nick. No, they can say Nick, but it's just like. They're like Nike Vial.

Vial? I was, it was, I did my friend Juliette Lipippman's podcast the other day, and that came up. And she goes, it's not that hard. It's just veal. And she got it wrong. I was just like, yeah, totally. I just stopped correcting people.

It's like, whatever. I hear you. Do you correct people? Ariel? Hey, fuck you. I started correcting people because one time my dad goes he was like don't let people call you ariel and i was like yeah i'm not gonna let him so now i do he someone said like ariel in front of my dad and he was like it's ariel and i was like whoa bro calm yourself do you feel a

little like bratty or bitchy if someone like no because i go how do you do it i go i go no big deal call me whatever you want and i was like but like it's ariel like i say it kind of like that like like i could care less you know yeah but if you don't want to look like an asshole in front of everyone yeah maybe well because i worked with i worked on a show for, I don't know, literally six months. And a couple people called me Ariel the whole entire time. And then certain people would call me the right thing. And so I would purposefully, in front of the people that called me the wrong one, I'd be like, you got it right this time.

And then they didn't give a fuck. And they still called me that for the rest of the time. And I was like, whatever. They just didn't care. They just didn't care. They don't care to learn it. There's care. They don't care to learn it. There's certain people that don't care to learn things. That's a great point.

Everywhere. Most of our society has pretty much set in their ways. I care to like, like if someone says like, this is how it is, I go, okay, I'm gonna try to do that for you. Like, you know, or like if someone says, my name is this, I'm like, okay. And when I get it wrong, I'm like, wait, did I do it wrong? Like, I feel bad.

Most people are just like, Ariel. I'm like, you fucking asshole. What if someone requests a nickname? No, thank you. You wouldn't do that? No. T-bone. You know what I also, no.

I also don't like using other people's nicknames that they have already had. Hold on, wait, sorry. I had a time in here with somebody with a name like Shug, which is a nickname. Is your real name Shug? No. It's not my government name.

No, it's not my government name. What is your government name? But I've been. Wait, Sugarland's not your government name? Oh, whoa. No, guys. No. No.

It was originally, my government name is Stephanie. Oh. What? Yeah. Get out. I know, I know. guys no no it was originally my government name is stephanie oh what yeah get out i know i know and then my nickname was sugar baby oh so and then why well because we all have nicknames because you're looking at me all of my friends there was like tweety bird there was a t-bone we had a bunch of them and i was sugar baby. And are you from a my whole family calls me sugar. That's just how it goes. My name is Stephanie.

Uh huh. I'm gonna have to process this. I know. Look at you guys are all in pain right now. And I'm sorry to shock you. But I'm in pain and I just

met you. But it would be strange if you were to call me Stephanie. Nobody in the world. My mom, my dad, my brother, my sister. Stephanie is like your nickname for Stephanie. Nobody in the world. My mom, my dad, my brother, my sister. Stephanie is like your nickname for me now.

Oh boy. I've never been mad at you. Oh no. Right now? If I do, no I'm not. You're fired. No, but if I ever get really mad at you, you know like a parent sometimes yells at like Nicholas and I'm going to be like Stephanie! Stephanie!

Gives me shivers. It'll work. It work it'll work really gonna let you have it how have you been Ariel I've been so good you book any more Taco Bell commercials unfortunately not um no but I did just book a Samsung commercial you're like the commercial queen I'm like pretty good at auditions. I don't know what happens there. I'm just literally, I just don't give a shit. If they say wear a wedding dress, I wear jeans. If they say wear jeans, I wear a wedding dress. And then I book it.

The best. I swear to you, wear a wedding dress to your next thing. No, that's like, I feel like you just have to not go. I mean, if everyone's dressed the same, who are they going to look at? So I dress myself the way I want them to be like, oh, wait, she's kind of stood out. Or I just wear what I'm wearing that day. And it's usually not the wardrobe on the call sheet. Weird to me you guys even auditioned for commercials, to be honest, because you're like kind of famous people. No, you know what's so crazy? I've oh my god don't judge me i've done seven jc penny commercials

and i still have to audition for fucking jc penny i'm like guys look at the other seven but what it is is every director every every commercial has its own director. So whether, do I sound echoey? I feel like I'm like an echo monster. Every audition or every commercial is shot and directed by somebody new. So like that director might not want to direct you, but JCPenney might love you to death. But like the director's like, I hate her. And you're like, oh, shit.

So you have to audition to make the director feel important that they hire yes because they want they want to be the decision maker they're like i'll choose you but are they really they're made to feel like exactly really yeah the agency and like the client they're behind the scenes and they're like if you pick her you're dead to me so they pick i don't know who knows who's really behind it all i know did you watch the bachelor yes a little bit a little bit a little bit i did see a little bit who's your favorite and least favorite person i like jed you like jed the singer the singer yeah yeah he's great what do you guys like i like jed i'll pass the thing

is is like jed's like my vibe of like cutie he looks like a cutie pie um he's better with a hat i disagree fully the hat made me go i don't know if i like jed anymore really yeah jed don't worry more hats he's got a large forehead almost maybe five what. What? Oh my God. I guess I like brains. That's true. Yeah. There you go. Is that the larger the forehead? Is that maybe the smarter the guy?

For sure. Definitely. How's my forehead? You've got about a three. It's okay. The way Jed handled the walking in on naked Luke. Good or bad? So good.

The way he handled it. I was like, damn. He's just like kind of a like cool, like. Yeah. It was a little awkward. Yeah. It was a little awkward at first. I thought he handled it.

I thought she actually handled it really well when she just goes, she didn't apologize or anything. She was like, that was awkward. She just called it out. And then they, they like swam in the awkwardness a just called it out. And then they like swam in the awkwardness a little bit. Yeah. And then he was pretty cool about that. Can I see a picture of Jed? She said exactly

what you did, though. She said that he makes her feel very calm. Yeah. He does. He just has like a vibe about him that you're just like, oh, he's like a sweet person. And she's got a little crazy energy. I think we can all agree on that. You need someone who's a little more, you know. Down to earth.

But was there sexy times there? You know, was there any sort of like sexy attraction? I don't know. I don't know. He goes in the falsetto and he's like. How come they picked her? I don't have any opinion on her really. I think she's fine.

I don't really know anything about her other than. I think she's fine. Was she fine? No, I just like, why do they pick the people they pick i just don't know what like how that happens i think it can vary every uh season i think they just look for one of the most compelling people story a lot of the women don't seem to be excited about hannah b i know my friends don't like her i love her i think she's great she's two for two as far as I'm concerned. Episode wise. Seriously.

What? People don't like her. A lot of people. A lot of people weren't fans when she was announced. Oh, see, I didn't even know. I was,

I was, I was at Suge's place last night talking about this episode, like prepping. And, uh, Suge had a friend over who was, was, was,

was not very kind. She was adamant about her first impression she was she thought she was gonna be very i know dumb was the word that she used oh yeah here's the thing i don't think she's dumb i think she's very smart actually i think she's like i kind of like she's just like i know what i want i'm gonna get it and you're like whoa but like she's a she's also she's a little bit unhinged, which is kind of nice. She cried in the episode,

which was, she was so overwhelmed. But you explained that to me that they're very tired. I mean, that was kind of the best part where she's crying and we're all waiting for this like, did someone die? Everybody's face,

all the guys are like, uh-oh. What happened? Oh my God. What was your joke? You were like, it would be hilarious if somebody just left. She's crying like, oh she's like red flag i want you guys to know the real me she starts crying some guy in the background's like yep that's my cue i'm out i can't can't handle a crier i mean she was crying and no one could figure out why i mean reality

and that's the heart like in fairness for any people who were who are criticizing hannah for crying at first week physically is emotionally and physically taxing and she was clearly just exhausted and i think that i mean those i'm certain those are why you saw the tears because you you didn't know you're like why are you crying i don't know i like that keep that dress with the holes on the side do you know what i'm talking about like holes in the side. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like the holes in the side. I don't like a hole in the side dress. You don't. This episode turns on.

It sounds like Rochelle had a lady burner. I had a big lady burner all the time. Wait, so. I also didn't mean to be like, I hate her. I don't know her or know anything about her. I only know that in the first, or in the Colton season, I only know that in like the in the first or in the colton season i only know that she like stressed me out a lot she like that's all i know so i was like i was like who's she gonna like murder and then this season i'm like oh she's like the bachelorette

they made her the star this time what's well that's a fun season to watch it's an entire season of like could she murder someone and listen i'm assuming she's just tired but maybe she's just like after a week of dating 25 guys she's just yeah i mean no but but i think like you were on my podcast and you explained to me like excuse me they made they make people out to be a certain way and they put you in positions kind of not like sure a little bit no i mean editing is editing and everybody knows like that's you know whether they meant to be like that or not like she might have not even meant to been like that she just kind of maybe was placed in that position but like she kind of scared me

and then and now she's this now she's the bachelorette. So hopefully she, in my opinion, I don't know how to explain this. She'll turn it around and I won't be scared of her anymore. Have you ever? I'm scared of her. Have you ever out of nowhere just cried in front of a guy you were dating? Yes. No, I don't think so. Have any you just like i cried in front of you that's yeah i i don't have you cried in front of a girl sure but i'm saying like what was she did she cried she didn't when was the last time you cried last time i cried last night it's probably this morning what what oh on the bachelor that was so long ago like when tears were going down your face

was like a couple years ago well i'm a sucker for a good movie oh so like i get choked up in a movie like there's plenty like i'll get that like yeah you know and like but like and it can be the most it doesn't have to be like a sad movie it's just a moment in a movie will get and like but like and it can be the most it doesn't have to be like a a sad movie it's just a moment in a movie will get me like all like choked up i do a commercial two days ago swear i swear on my life there's moments get me like sports moments even sometimes i like that that's cute but like if i had last time i cried over a situation that i was personally affected by. Yeah. Probably filming the show.

That's insane. And were they, were they like real, like, like were they tears of like, get me off the show or were they tears of like, I'm sad. Cause this girl is not giving me a chance. But the last time I,

I cried, I think, uh, was when I proposed to Vanessa and I was just really, I mean, again, part of and I was just really I mean again part of it was you're emotionally taxed about the whole

I'm turned on did you cry did you cry when you were proposing yeah aww on TV yeah

that's so nice I don't know if they there were definitely tears for sure does your boyfriend cry in front of you I'm all I'm kind of all or nothing it's hard it's it's that's that's so sad to me why that though the men don't know

how to cry are you doing those nuts to calm you down i have yeah i have no problem crying i just i have no problem crying it's just more i can't i can't i don't cry. I have to be sad about something. I've been, maybe, you could argue that I've been emotionally turned off the past couple years. It's been sucked out of me. That's not good. I haven't been in a situation where it's necessitated a good cry. I hear you. Yeah. I mean, sometimes you just don't need to cry.

Why do I? You don't think men are trained to not cry growing up i'm sure they have been i i i don't feel like i've ever clearly i clearly have never been afraid to cry four seasons of crying crying in fact i was i was the stage coach last year cried and no and some you know girl from arkansas was like oh that's nick he cries all the time a bunch of a bunch of front of guys a bunch of guys with confederate flags and pickup trucks oh boy oh boy like yeah so i i had a boyfriend that cried all the time how was that it was interesting he he um i think he just cried because he well he smoked a lot of

weed and i would feel like they'd make him cry no that makes me cry too no no no no no he would smoke the weed be fine and then when he was like fully not smoking weed sober whatever nothing in the system he would like be depressed kind of and like sad and he would just cry when he so then he'd smoke i'd be like smoke a joint and he'd be like oh what else did like he was like i don't know huh i don't know did that get how is he doing yeah how's he doing i haven't seen him okay i don't know i know did you end it yes did he cry yes he wasn't high when i ended up no um yeah it was what what's the most awkward when when my what's the most awkward situation you've found a guy you're dating in who was and like you just you're like he kind of emasculated himself and you're like this is

you looked at the guy and you're like this is you didn't say this but maybe thought this is not your best moment oh my god so many so many so many you do this to the man you date no no wait what's the question like am i getting run over right now i'm stuck in traffic i know when i i'm very add so like whenever i hear anything or see anything outside these windows i'm like what when uh i thought of this when i my first my first my first fiance um so true go on um the one who we've referenced her a few times on the show who cheated on me or whatever it's was a great moment in my life. But I remember... Wait, what? It was.

It was a learning experience. Was this a television show thing? No. No. This was before... Real life. This was real life. You had a real life fiance?

Yeah. What? No, I don't think so. When I was 28, I was engaged for like a month. And she cheated on you in that month? She was cheating on me before that. I didn't know. I later found out that she was cheating on me.

We've gone through this on the podcast. Are you still friends with this person? No. We broke up. We broke up. And this is before I knew she was cheating on me. But she broke up with me. And it was like weird and whatever.

And I just. And at first she did the. At first it was like she was being really weird I just, and at first she did the, at first it was like, she was being really weird and she thought we should take some time apart. And it was just like this, you know, we've all had these types of breakups and I was about to like go work out and I was changing. And then like in the middle of like,

you've all seen forgetting Sarah Marshall. It wasn't quite like that, but I had the t-shirt on and i didn't have my pants on and she like told me in that moment it was over and i'm standing there your dick was i had no i had my just the t-shirt on like the most one of the most i'm asking looks for a man is just a t-shirt and underwear is it is it yeah it is and i'm standing and i start crying and i remember did you have flip-flops in moment, I remember being so sad, but also thinking to myself, this is a really not a good look.

If she ever thought, if she was unsure in that moment of her decision, I've just confirmed that I'm definitely dumping this guy. Because I'm standing there like crying in a t-shirt and like underwear and no shoes, like socks on. I don't like it. It's a really bad look. Wait, that makes me feel bad for you.

What if you had married her? Where would you be right now? That's crazy. You wouldn't be in this podcast studio. No. Isn't that crazy to think? Well, maybe you would. Maybe you'd be like, I'm going to do a podcast about my wife. I don't know. But like I always think about that. I'm like, if I didn't like have an Instagram account

like what would I be doing right now? I don't know. Or like what would I... I'd be selling software. I'm like, if I didn't like have an Instagram account, like what would I be doing right now? I don't, I don't know. Or like, what would I, I'd be selling software. Oh my God. That was very specific.

Well, that's what I was doing. Oh God. That's his real dream. Okay. What would I, I would be working at Hollister. I don't know.

Like that's what I did. I was my first. Yeah. Standing outside being like, want to go shopping? I don't know like that's what I did trying colognes and perfumes yeah standing outside being like wanna go shopping hitting all the 18 year old

Hollister models that they would hire from the local high school yup that was me you guys are both living your beautiful destinies

there's no other way speaking of software sales people Cam always be Cam I told you you kind of sucked what

he has his own catchphrase for himself Cam's super awesome he's great for Always be Cam. I told you he kind of sucks. He has his own catchphrase for himself. Cam's super awesome. He's great for TV. Do you have an affinity towards him because he does software sales? No, I'm personally offended that we shared a profession at one point. There's a guy on there that said unemployed. That's attractive. I actually thought he was kind of hot and I'm like, maybe something's wrong

with me. It said... Which one is unemployed? I forget his name, but... What does Natalie have to say? Oh, Natalie's notes. We got some good ones. So I don't really watch the shows. I don't know about The Bachelor stuff. Who's Natalie? My sister. Got it. So when Sugar was here last week, and so

we had Natalie from Canada. My sweet sister sister mother of four got it and she gives some very unemployed oh who is it sounds good isn't he kind of cute grant i don't remember that guy he's just not my style of one of the white guys okay he's he's he's like obviously cute and attractive and looks charming but it's not like my guy the dude did it just say grant is the real life the dude i find that hard to believe same he's unemployed actually that makes sense yeah i think that's why i think that's i think the similarities stop there yeah i was sorry I forgot what the actual dude was from. Every unemployed white guy out there is like, it's fine.

I'm the dude. I'm like the dude. It's fine. I'm a bull. But isn't every bachelor person technically unemployed? Let's be real. Well, they're unemployed for like, what, two months? Well, they're either in software and their employer is kind enough to give them a temporary

leave of absence. Or they are a personal trainer. Or they sell insurance. Or they are an entrepreneur of some sorts. That's you. Or they're unemployed. Oh, at the time I was in software. I was yet to be an entrepreneur.

Anyways, Natalie. What does Natalie have to say? Okay. So Natalie says about Cam, and she has a lot to say about your favorite Lukey P, which I disagree with her as well, but let's see. So about Cam, she says, always be Cam really needs to up his self-awareness game.

I get being bold and making power moves to get your time in, but seriously? And poor Kevin seems like he is all about to lose his mind. Wait, that was a very- like, very well put together. Isn't that her thoughts are just so, I know. Is she a blogger? Is she a writer? No, she has four kids.

All you need to know. She barely has an Instagram. Oh, my God. All you need to know about Cam is that She should take over this podcast. when he checked in, when he came to his big interruption moment, his outfit choice was blue jeans

and a tucked in button up Oxford shirt. What's an Oxford shirt? It's like a dress shirt that has like the buttons here and like it's like a- Oh, right, right, right, right. Yeah, they button down. It's a dress shirt you'd buy at JCPenney's. It's like for under.

No, not a tuxedo. No, it's classically in like a very light blue. I meant like under a tuxedo. Like you would put it under like a dressy blazer. What? No, it's a button up. See you later. It's like an Oxford button up.

Can we bring up his, it's an Oxford, it's like a, it's what any guy from like middle America, Can we bring up his... It's an Oxford. It's what any guy from like middle America, if you're a dad, would wear to church on a Sunday. It's a business shirt. Sure. It's a business shirt. And he like had jeans and he tucked it in.

Got it. He was tucked in. Okay, got it. He was really... Where does his confidence come from? Right? Almost good for him. You know, that's a good point.

What gives you the right to be so confident, sir? Is it his mediocre rap game? Oh, yeah, the swag. He's a rapper. That was, like, I turned it off. I'm sorry. Don't do that if you're not, like, good at it. That's what I was saying.

Like, if you're going to rap, you better be fucking dope. No, the problem is, like, he did it like on the after the final rose. And that's fine. It was like a cute moment. It was like funny and cute. Whatever. But then he gets the rose and now he fancies himself as Eminem. That's where it's like you make the mistake.

Like you just do it once. You're not good. No, you're not good. It was like fun and cute. Do it as a joke. But then don't gather around with your bros on the couch and be like

let me just spit some rhymes for you and then not do good like I'm so sorry no but how funny was it when he was doing the interview

and three times he got interrupted that was good well done producers oh Tyler came walking in like Mike Myers in the background just like

I was like oh oh, scary. Tyler, good dressing. Panties dropped off of that. Tyler's good. Panties were gone. Michelle's obsessed. I think I'm in love. I would, yes.

With who? Tyler. Who's Tyler? He's my early front runner for next Bachelor. Which one's Tyler? He's the hot one. Jed's not the hot one. You're really missing out on Tyler if you haven't seen him yet.

Is it Tyler B? Tyler G. Tyler P. Tyler G. Tyler G. It's Tyler G. Oh, he is hot. And he's a construction worker and a dancer.

Is he the one that said I love you? No, that's Lukey P. Damn it. Do you like Lukey P? I'm not in. No. He sucks. How do you

His body He's got a body You can't deny it He believes What he's saying No His body He has a nice body

He's got a great body Well don't they all No I was a little bit Yes No Listen Yes

On the When he took it off Like he Like again I go back to If I don't Ariel didn't watch episode one.

If you don't know, Luke told us on episode one. Yes. That in college, he had a lot of sex. Oh, yeah. Makes sense. Sure. Which is fine. It's totally fine.

That's fine. But then when Luke was showering, God revealed himself to him. Excuse me? Yeah. He did. He showed up. Oh, and then he's like, now he's celibate.

I don't know. Is that where this is going? Well, clearly not. I think it might be. He suggested, I don't know. That's the thing. We don't know.

We don't know what they talked about. He just said God revealed himself to him and now he wants to find love. Oh. If I get a chance.

I'm okay with that. Any interview that Luke does, I hope you. I think that's cute. Thank you. You think it's cute. Thank you. You think it's real? Yeah. You think God actually showed up?

Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Really? This is working on all of you? Uh-huh. Well, he seems very genuine to me. Nobody else thinks this.

He truly does. The only thing I don't... The only thing I... He's naive and young. Yes. He's 24 and that... Oh, he's 24? So I definitely gave him a pass

because he is so but like even after when he took his robe off and everyone cheered like and and he's like flexing it was it no but yes but like he knew how to even do the flexes you know what i'm saying like his body is out of this world it's a little masterpiece is what it is that's because it's all, listen, he, he's got this short play, but he shows up. He's like, God,

just you guys know God. And he showed up. That's how he opened the show. And then next move for Luke is, I'm just going to take off my clothes. I get it. You got a great body. And then,

okay, wait, hold up. Everybody had to take off their clothes. Fine. No, that's fine. And he,

like, he won that moment. And I love his, like, this was awesome. He's like, you know, he's that moment and i love his like this was awesome he's like you know he's getting all the attention he's he knows how to do the flexes did god come down no i don't he did the flexes did you do them in the mirror after you watched well that's what i want to know

did god come down and it was at their conversation hey luke man stop fucking so much but like listen just you know keep keep pumping some iron yeah i mean i would love to read my sister's notes natalie's note on this one because i think it's very very very good this episode should be called field of red flags thank you it should be shown in high school health class to explain the difference between love and lust slash infatuation. The saddest part is current me is willing Hannah through the TV to not fall in love with Luke P. But the 23-year-old me would have fallen for it hook, line, and sinker. May have done it once or twice, little winky smiley face. Now, I just find him completely repulsive.

Nice little winky smiley face. Now, I just find him completely repulsive and enjoy it when the camera pans to his jealous face as Jed serenades her and she gives Jed the date rose. This upsets me because I'm disappointed in my sister. Really, really quick. She's not seeing through it. She's not believing him. Okay, go ahead.

Sorry. You, can everyone just close their eyes really quick? Yeah. And can you say- Shug, can you say XOXO Gossip Girl for me? You want me to reveal my XOXO Gossip Girl? Is that you? No. Oh, it's Kristen Bell.

It's Kristen Bell. But you sound exactly like you were about to start an episode of Gossip Girl when you're reading that. It's Natalie's notes. That was amazing. But in a perfect way, your voice and the notes were like, Will Chad Archibald fall in love with Serena? Or is it about to get dirty? Next week, XOXO.

Your voice is perfect. You have a great voice. I love you, too. Within the first 10 minutes. You have a great voice. I love you too. Within the first 10 minutes. See, it can happen. Natalie's spot on. Natalie's spot on. I love everyone in this room.

Everyone's very cool. He meets God. He pumps iron. And then in the talent portion of the competition. Moving on. No, we're still there. We're still on. What's wrong with the talent?

I love you? I'm starting to maybe kind of start to fall in love with you. That was an issue. It was like a talent contest, and he didn't really have a talent other than I love you, which is infatuation. That to me is way too strong. It's a move.

It's not a talent. It's not a vulnerability. For episode two here's the problem i have with here's the problem i have with the luke peas of the world is that like listen yes he's a good looking guy he's got a great body he's smooth with women he certainly knows he he's he's a smooth guy you know but like here's a talent portion of the competition where like good if you're if you're jed great congratulations this is your moment to shine but like john paul jones he's on a fucking tricycle.

Other guys are just like doing whatever because they don't have the talent, willing to kind of make themselves vulnerable, which I don't know how women feel. Like it's kind of maybe a potential endearing moment. But Luke, he's not, Luke is not capable of being vulnerable. I disagree. I, really?

I don't, you really? I think that in that moment, he thought the best course of action was to express his feelings because he didn't want to put on a pair of heels and say, I would walk in your shoes to fall in love with you. They were all doing really cheesy stuff and he tried to be genuine.

Shug, you haven't watched a lot of this show, but I'm going to tell you that when Luke said to Hannah, I think I'm falling in love with you, he had spent a total of nine minutes with her probably. Nine. Maybe 12. Yeah.

So like he didn't know. That's why I'm like. He also said to her, I was falling in love with you before I met you. Well, he watched it. I'm not saying that it's delusional and that he's wrong. I've been in love with Tyler. But it's his first time.

You believe him. I hope you're the next bachelorette. I just think that he believes his own feelings is my point. We can argue this forever. I just don't think he's like cunning and being like trying to trick her. I think that he genuinely naively thinks

that he's in love and that's sometimes what happens when we're very young. Like when you were young, when you were young, did you ever like within the first whatever two weeks think that you were madly in love with somebody what's the quickest you've fallen in love with someone ariel well here yeah geez my dad would punch you in the face um

uh okay when i day one it was a day one situation but i was young and it was like uh yeah i was probably like 19 or something and it was a day one you were in love i said it so i wasn't in love here's what it was no oh wait what am i saying yeah no i was 20 I was 20 when this happened. So I met this person and I was like, I called my friend after, I don't know, talking to him on the phone. And I called my friend and I said, I might marry this person. Wow. And yeah. Yeah.

So that was like, I said that. To your friend. To my friend. Yeah. Not the same. But she felt it oh i felt it sure it wasn't that but like i don't say stuff like that i'm not the kind of i i really don't like i'm very like i don't fall in love easily like i'm not like oh my god but like i said to this person or i said to my friend i was like i'm probably gonna marry this person and she was like what because i've never said anything like that. And I also, yes, I was 20.

But like when you're 20, you're not you're not 15. You know, like you kind of. Yeah, totally. Yeah. But I don't don't you think that's a little different than being on stage in front of a bunch of people you're competing with? And like he was very confident in that moment. You know what I'm saying? Like Luke, Luke is like he's he's charming. in that moment you know what i'm saying like luke luke is like he's he's charming he's good with the ladies and so what i'm saying if if that were me and if i were like truly in love and like oh my god lose him in mind i would not have been able to like to go on stage and just to say that that's why i think it's a line i think he was so in control

of his emotions that it was hard to believe that he was not in control of his emotions he actually reminded me of you a lot because when you the caitlin thing when you like snuck around and like that's what he was doing i was good i was broken on a date no well i broke in on the season and he broke into a room like it's like a lot of parallels here i don't know i didn't break into anyone's room didn't you uh cait you? Caitlin invited me up after the date. Get that off the record. It's amazing how people miss everything. You're a peeping tom.

And you broke into her room. She was sleeping and you got in her bed. The window. Jesus Christ. No, what's crazy about that is that's how people remember things. Like over the years, like they kind of like like high level like just kind of remember the details and next thing you know it's like weren't you the guy who showed up 14 times and you just like you kind of like broke their window and like crawled in right no you did that i'm certain of it but you didn't know

caitlin that well and you still you know i'm just saying there's some, well, no, it's not because Caitlin and I talked for six weeks, got to know each other, had endless hours of conversation. Then I showed up and then we had a couple of dates. And then on our first one-on-one date, she said, Hey, do you want to come to my hotel room? And I was like, yeah, sure. Uh, I also in that moment, doesn't say I love you. I said, sure. I'll go to your hotel room. So no there's a difference I'm just saying like Luke's known Hannah for

for 15 minutes or whatever and he was very he was smooth as hell in that moment he was I will say if

he's like celibate that it no but but if but yeah who knows if say he is

that is what else but he's celibate in the fact that he has nobody to have sex with right now. In this moment, he's definitely celibate. Right, exactly. So what else is he going to do? He's going to say, I love you. Sure.

Yeah, what else is all that? If he was like, let's look, he probably wouldn't be like, I'm in love with you right away. He was trying to have sex with her on the massage. It's the first time he has to hold back. He gave her a massage on the table, told her, just so you know, I'm good with my hands. Yeah, but like, what a line, if I ever heard one. Yes, I know. That's what I'm saying.

This is not a guy who found God in the shower and he was born again. He's just like, I'm not going to leave with my sexuality anymore because I've abused the power that God's giving me. He has no... He's a one-trick pony. No. With a good trick. No. No. He means it. this is, he's a one trick pony. No. With a good trick.

No. No. No. He means it. He means it. I think he means it too. Oh my God. I don't know if it's good,

but I think he does mean it. I don't think, I think he's going to learn a lot of lessons as, as time goes on. And then his sweetheart is going to get broken and all of those things are going to happen. But I do, by looking at his little face. By the way,

when I, when I said to my friend that i was like i'm gonna i might marry this person i then 10 years later dated that person for like two and a half years wow so like i did have a very well um i was smart um no i like i i when i say like i don't say stuff like that if he's like if that's the kind of person he is and he says like, I'm falling in love with you. I'm falling in love with you. Wait a minute. She's cute.

I'm falling in love with her. Like if that's the kind of person he is, then I think for me, I would have never said that if I didn't mean I'm not knocking on your love because love and getting married is so important or not so important. It's it's a big thing to me. It's not something to be like, I want to have kids with that person. Or I love that person or like, I'm going to marry that person. I'm like, so not like that. So when I think about this guy, um, saying these things to her, it's like, well, he is on television. There's a lot of factors to this. He's on television. He's, he's a hot guy. He's celibate. He's, you know, all these things. So he's on television he's he's a hot guy he's celibate he's you know all these things so he's

got to do what he's got to do to like make a point to her because everyone else he's wearing the wedding dress guys yeah full circle he went to the audition wearing a wedding dress when they told him to war jeans war jeans can i speak wear jeans wear jeans yeah thank you you think luke doesn't give a fuck no he gives a fuck he gives all the fucks no but like he doesn't give a fuck because he's just going for it i just think i don't know fuck it i haven't watched no you're right no i think you're spot on i think luke is about luke i don't even watch the bachelor i'm just kidding i watch every episode first time time Luke is like around a real woman, the idea of marriage is being put in front of him for the first time.

He's like really thinking about it. And he thinks that he has a chance to fall in love and get married. He's just been fucking a lot before this. So he's in college and he's just like going around and banging all the chicks, but never really saying I love you. And now he's with this woman and he's competing with these other guys. And, you know, I think that it's get to him. I think that he is genuinely.

This is a bad angle. Okay. I just realized that camera. It's just a nice shot of you. Like, is it okay, though? Because it's very comfortable. Well, this debate about Lukey P is gonna be going on for a while I can tell I believe that I will believe that

unless he gets kicked off next week no he's not going anywhere honestly you never know he's kind of like he's a very shiny horse right now so like they're gonna kick him off no but you said the statistics he got like the first she's like what is that first rose or whatever it's the opposite

of a dark horse dark horse. Shiny horse. Dark horse. Dark horse, which is the last season was, what's her name, who won. Could you be more specific? Cassie. Cassie. Oh, okay.

The girl who won, she was such like, I didn't know. I didn't know she was the dark horse until like the 11th hour. I don't think you watched too closely. Is this a joke? It's the only one I watched. I watched a little bit of yours. Not gonna lie. She didn't have a one-on-one to a while.

And then once she had a one-on-one, they basically, they like went to bed together. The camera didn't even pander her for a dirty look ever until she was like, sure. Until like the ninth episode. And I was like, who's that hot bitch. She's winning. Literally. I was like,

she's winning. The second I saw her and they didn't talk about her or show her at all. The people that they show in the beginning, I feel like they're like kicking off often. Well, again, like this episode, they kind of reveal you're going to have two like little villains.

You're going to have cam is going to be your early villain he's just like everyone's going to hate him a lot i think he might calm down but i think i think luke's unfortunately i think cam's only going to be on for a few more episodes i think luke is kind of your sustainable long term but like hannah's also hannah's not into cam when you look at a girl and you the first impression rose no i'm kidding the first impression of a girl and you look at their eyes can you tell if they're nice people or not their eyes yeah like that's what is a dead giveaway to me is their eyes and if i see somebody with like kind eyes i can automatically see it really yeah can't say that i i uh like what's someone's character on their own what would be your thing like your first thing where you're like i can tell that

that person's a nice person yeah like looking into their eyes you don't think you can read i think i'm really good at reading people for sure but i wouldn't say necessarily i look at their eyes how are you reading them their titties no i i like i don't read people like in a glance right like because oh there have eyes oh no no no that's not what i mean looking into their eyes that's not what i mean when i look at these pictures i can i can see a genuine like connection to the camera which is i know that sounds like very lame of me but like there's a genuineness about like uh certain cam has the face of a villain yes he's an avatar like a voldemort he looks like he's an avatar i don't know no what about brian brian looks like he's good brian got let go too soon. Did he though? That looks like a glamor shot for Brian.

I don't know. I don't. I, yeah. The kind eyes versus not. I don't know if I buy that. Do you? What's like your first thing that you like when a girl is like,

when you're like, she's cute. And then you talk to her. What's like the first thing that you're like, okay, I'm going to talk to her again. Kind the first thing that you're like okay i'm gonna talk to her again kind of just uh not to sound like her presence her energy her vibe that she gives off yeah see i see energy through people's eyes that's why i i feel like that's the first impression is

someone's eyes if they're if they're bright and they're looking around and they're smiling it's like it's kind of coming through their eyes the most and then you talk to them and you're like oh i was right your energy is there matching the look you're giving the world someone who like sounded so woo woo but like no i feel like that's nice and you have those big gigantic beautiful eyes over there so that's maybe why too she's biased uh no it was sick i'm like i love it no they just seem to take a lot in they do yeah I see everything I do

I like people who like show us some interesting vulnerability you know I don't know it's just it's hard for me

to describe when I'm reading someone it's what they say often it's how they say it and what they say like

yeah not to again keep shitting on Luke P but when they started that date and they say like yeah not to again keep shitting on luke p but when they started that date and they brought out they brought out the uh um the drag queens yeah he looked appalled oh did he you didn't think luke put he looked very judgy like i don't know and then and then the drag king's like uh i'm done with he referenced his character he's like so why do you think hannah's

gonna like you my character it's just like it's just such a fucking alaska love her it was just such a line a line i don't know like a drag queen there's things love love alaska when people speak in platitudes when they don't say anything like uh hannah's one-on-one date the i don't there's a non-memorable date but they weren't, they weren't getting to know each other. They were talking about dating. I'm not a cool guy. I don't, other people try to be cool,

but what's that? That's what's life. That's not life. They were just like talking and they weren't saying anything. A lot of people, to answer your question, a lot of people don't say anything when they talk,

even though they're talking all the time. And i'm when i'm like trying to get to know someone someone who says something of substance it could literally be about anything it could be a strong opinion about her favorite cookie but if someone really was to like really tell me why they have a strong opinion about something i i feel more comfortable with that person because they just have a strong opinion they're being honest about something yeah or they're just being they're just being real about real they're being true to themselves and not trying to get like answers out of you before they answer their question but so when people speak in platitudes i i then i like a red flag will go off i'm the same way they don't say anything i actually start to ask more questions i'm the same exact way They don't say anything. I actually start to ask more questions.

I'm the same exact way. And then when I push them, yeah. So if you're speaking in poetry and it's not from a real place, it's a little awkward. I'm just like, are you talking to me? Are you talking to every chick on earth?

Like what the fuck is going on? So when someone describes it, like, well, why do they think they should trust you? Well, I have a great character. I don't know what that means.

You know, like it's so easy for someone to say that well i've my character it's impeccable i don't know if you know this but god showed up and so like we're homies uh by the way everyone ariel just saw um luki's picture and went nope nope i'm out i don't i don't find much right no she's she's testing with her big giant eyes his eyes and she feels like he's a dud yeah well none of these pictures are, his eyes, and she feels like he's a dud. Yeah. Well, none of these pictures are great. This is a terrible picture.

It really is. He's a good looking guy. No, no, no. I get it. I saw him say, I love you. But I still wasn't really into it. This though, mm-mm. He looks like he could chew down a tree with his mouth.

Oh. But in a good way. In a very good way. Like in a lumberjack-y kind of way. Kind of tree, Chug. To me, that just looks like. Whatever kind you want. That guy.

God, this is going to sound so mean, but he's like, I'm working at a restaurant in Los Angeles. I kind of want to be on a TV show. I should be on The Bachelor. That's what that picture says to me. What does he do? Can we see what his bio is? He's imports and exports. Oh, yeah.

All right. Rick Mandalay. Export manager. What does it mean? What does he do? Can we see what his bio is? He's imports and exports. Oh, yeah. All right, Rick Vandele. Import, export manager. What does it mean? What does it mean? What does that mean? Is that like a, is that a sexual? Well, it was a made up job by George Costanza on Seinfeld by Rick Vandele.

Or was it Rick Van, yeah. I don't watch. His alter ego. Was it? By George. You don't watch that. Vandele Industries. I don't really, I've seen it.

I don't really, I never got like into it, into it. Friends. I got into Friends. Huh. I feel like our audience would relate to that. Mm-hmm. Friends.

Yeah. Friends is making a huge comeback with the new generation. Well, because of Netflix. Because of the Netflix. I watched Friends when I was younger and I like wasn't allowed to watch it because they were like having sex

and stuff like that. My mom was like, this isn't for you and i'm like yeah and then i watch it when she wasn't home and i loved friends and then when i grew up and i'm like now watching it as an adult i'm like this is the greatest show on earth it's so i wish i was on that show yeah who would you be rachel for sure yeah I love her so much I like Well I love Jennifer Aniston In general But I think she's just like

Her to me Her energy is my energy That's the kind of person Is this John Mayer? How did you get John Mayer to do that? Well, we are kindred spirits. Wow, wow, wow. That's so sick.

Are you ready to help us solve some relationship problems? I cannot freaking wait. I am very excited because we have a follow-up to last week. Our Viagra whiskey dick question. For those of you who didn't listen last week or who don't remember uh cassandra was our uh person who asked a question who's is it is it your husband uh ex-fiance ex-fiance uh she found viagra in his drawer and when you asked him about said Viagra he mentioned that he used it to masturbate

on work trips because he had whiskey dick so you have an update for us what's the update thanks for calling in it wasn't just that there's a number of things like we're, we're separated now and it's not, it wasn't just because of that. It was a number of things. That was just kind of one more thing in a pile of things.

Wow. So have you guys split up since we last spoke to you? Or we didn't speak to her. Or sorry. When did you break up or separate? Um, a couple couple weeks ago. Okay, fresh. And it's amicable.

We're still friends. We have a child together, so it's important to not hate each other. But I think everyone's going to be happier this way. Did you get a better answer about why he was taking Viagra? No. And when they first read the question, you said that it was never used with me. And he claims that it was used with me,

but it's still weird that I didn't know that, if it's even true. I mean, again, I would think it's less weird. I think that sounds better. I don't know what you guys think. But as a guy, I mean, I, I would think it's less weird. I think that sounds better. I don't know what you guys think. But as a guy, I mean, I've never used it, but I can imagine why guys might be insecure about needing to use Viagra. Yeah, like telling somebody that they love, like, I have to do that.

I get why it might be embarrassing. The thing that freaked me out is that he would need to bring it on a week-long trip for work. That's a huge red flag. Yeah. I don't know. And there's another piece. He's actually, recently, a couple weeks before that happened, he actually called me one of

his coworkers' names in bed. So that's a pretty big red. So see what I mean when I say it was like a number of things piled up? That's more than a number of things. Yeah. It's a pretty bright red flag. You seem incredibly understanding and chill about it. You're like, well, I mean, this minor thing happened.

You know why? He called me Elaine. You know why? The reason why, and this is probably part of what led him to do this, is even before this happened we were emotionally drifting and like i was over it before it ended okay even when that happened i just wasn't that upset it was kind of like great now i have a legitimate reason to blessing in disguise so you weren't feeling it was it the was it your child that you shared that you feel

like was the reason you guys are trying to make this work? Yes, that was probably the thing. She was probably the glue. So now what? Now I get a bachelorette pad. Great. Free and beautiful. You seem to be doing well. I'm excited about it. Yeah.

Are you feeling empowered by the whole situation? Pardon? Are you feeling empowered by the whole situation? You look bright and shiny and ready to take the sun. I'm excited. I'm excited to have my own space and do my own thing. He had other issues too, like anger issues and he was basically chad from the bachelor really wow yeah so i'm looking forward to just getting into my own positive space just out of

curiosity because you seem like you you are pleased about this is this um do you even care whether he was cheating or not or you're just more like i'm just glad i'm out i'm bothered but i'm not as bothered if this would have happened five years ago i would be like going insane i'd be in like an explosive rage but i'm not that upset, which is probably a bigger red flag in itself than anything he actually did. I just don't, I think I'm just ready to move on. I mean,

I think that's great. I don't know how you guys feel, but like whether he is or wasn't, I mean, ultimately if you're happy out of it, it doesn't really matter, right? Yeah.

I mean, the timing was good. Yeah. Well, I'm just saying, let's assume that he of it, it doesn't really matter, right? Yeah, I mean, the timing was good. Yeah. Well, I'm just saying, let's assume that he was, like, it doesn't, like, your ego wants to know sometimes to be like, oh, how could you? But if you, if, I think it's really healthy that you seem to be not sweating over that detail if you are, in fact, just happy to be out of it. Because then what's the point of figuring that out? Yeah. Doesn't.

And he is, I mean, I probably sound naive, but he is like a loyal person. I think anyone that knows him could attest to that. So that's what's confusing for me is that I know he's loyal by nature. So I'm still curious if anything did happen

and I'll probably never know. So that's annoying. But I feel like maybe not. You'll know. I feel like maybe not you'll know I feel like once you get to a certain point like being separated all things come out and you will find out eventually because like you'll be able to

talk about stuff because there's no like emotion attached to it exactly so once the emotional stuff is gone from both sides he'll probably be like I gotta get something off my chest and then or not. And then that'd be great. At the closure.

He has a lot of pride. He'll probably take it to the grave. What's that? He has a lot of pride. I thought you said he kind of cried. Are you going to start dating soon? Maybe. I think you should get out there. Are you offering to slide into her dms

okay just checking i don't know uh yeah no you seem like you're in a good place i would take advantage yeah i'm also happy right now because i'm excited to be on the podcast but yeah well we appreciate we definitely appreciate you calling in um yeah was that like looking back did you do you believe that he was on i'm actually curious did you notice the viagra when he was like in his penis yeah did you like notice did you feel uh an extra stiffness in his game? I don't know. I mean, maybe. I mean, there was never like a four-hour situation.

I don't really know how it works. I mean, I know the gist, but I don't know if I'd be able to tell. Yeah, we're all kind of... We all have heard you have like a really long... Stone cold, stone hard yeah just spilt water yeah a long super super hard erection

oh my god sorry i don't know anyways i think the important thing i don't think i can hear what she's saying because i think she just said it was freakishly long. She said it wasn't freakishly long. All I was picturing was a freakishly long penis. And you said he has a lot of pride. I thought you said he cried. I can't hear. You might want to make that work.

Explore that. All right. Well, thank you for calling in. i'm glad that you're i'm just glad you seem to be in a good place same you are gorgeous and you are just like you are full of life you are loved you're amazing uh thank you i'm very excited yeah and i wanted to defend you said why would she go to reddit i wanted to address that oh okay i feel like reddit is where the real people are i'm not gonna get some kind of you know you look something up and you get articles and you don't know who's sponsoring them i feel like reddit is like asking

the masses here you know it's funny i thought about this i thought about this too actually and here's my take on reddit because someone uh sent me something i hadn't read it but like it was like this apparently there's this uh page on reddit where it's just like uh dating and relationship advice and it's basically crowdsourcing i do think that could be a helpful page because here's what i think i think reddit can be useful if people are willing to talk their about their own personal experiences and give their own take on things as it relates to themselves. I think where Reddit becomes a little messy is when people are talking about other people and spreading rumors about things they've heard and it's hearsay. Then I don't think Reddit is an accurate source of information.

it is an accurate source of information. But I think when people are talking about and being vulnerable to their own personal experiences, I think that can be, yeah, that makes sense why that could be a helpful crowdsourcing place. Yeah, yeah. So, cool. All right, well, thank you for calling in.

Have a great week. Good luck when you get back in the dating scene. You're going to kill it. Yes, queen. All right. Bye, Cassandra. Thanks All right. Bye-bye. Hi, Nathaniel. Is it Nathaniel or Nate?

I'm Arielle Vandenberg and this is my friend Nick. How are you? I'm just going to introduce us. Doing well. How are you guys doing? Good. Do you go by Nathaniel or Nate? Most of my friends call me Nate. Great.

What's up, Nate? Most of my friends call me Nate. Great. You can go with that. Well, what's up, Nate? How can we help you? Yeah, so I've been struggling in my dating life a lot, and I really like what you guys have been doing on the podcast there. I feel like you're talking about a lot of pertinent issues, especially for us guys in our late 30s trying to get more serious and having those conversations. I never even knew the term DTR

until you raised it on an earlier podcast. There you go, defining the relationship. DTR. Yeah, but I'm having trouble getting those conversations to actually happen. A lot of the women I'm meeting, either they're just not interested in getting more serious, they're just interested in kind of dating around, or they're still trying to find themselves in their careers. And I've worked really hard for the last 10, 15 years to get my career going and to get financially stable so I could have a more serious relationship. And so far, I'm just not finding the right women. So I respect that. What do you do for work, Nate?

I'm a lawyer. I'm in D.C. So it's a pretty intense atmosphere. Very cool. And how are you typically meeting women? I meet a lot of people on the dating app. Okay. So I'm pretty much all of them. Coffee Meets Bagel, Bumble, The League. Coffee Meets Bagel. So you're out there. You're opening all the doors and windows. I think that's great. I think that's excellent. I'm trying to, yeah. No, I think that's... Yeah, I mean, what a catch, too. Can I just say? Lawyer, D.C., beautiful place to live, handsome man, full of charisma.

So, okay, I'm curious. I'm curious. When you match with a young lady, what is your kind of go-to? How do you approach it? I start with a, a hey what's up i usually try to comment on something in their profile that seems interesting to me i like traveling a lot so usually i ask hey do you have any upcoming trips planned somewhere where's your favorite place to go i wouldn't necessarily ask them if they have upcoming trips that maybe sounds like you're trying to get to know their schedule a little too quickly.

Yeah, yeah. Also, keep in mind, Nate, everyone likes to travel. I think people on dating apps need to stop saying they like to travel and they like food. True, true. We all like to travel and we all like food. You're not separating yourself out from anyone, right? Can we all agree? Right. True, true, true.

Yeah, yes um i agree i do like the commenting on something you find interesting on their profile making it about them i think that's a great great thing to do so yeah all right so now you've gotten said girl to go on a date with you where do you right so we're at this point where do you what's what's the first date kind of move that you usually do? Yeah. I mean, I tend to follow the rules, quote unquote, for the first three days. I usually do drinks on the first date and meal for the second and then try to do some kind of activity if I get to a third.

So it's usually either. That's pretty structured of you. Okay. He's a lawyer. Yeah. Very much so. Got structure in that. A little bit serious for my own good.

Yeah. Are you a rule follower, Nate? I am. You're buttoned up, aren't you? Yeah. I have a question. Can you hear me? Yep, I can hear you.

So when you're with your best friend, who's your best friend? I've got a few. I'm not really, I don't have any, I guess, not close, close friends. I've got little pockets of friends for different activities. When you're with like a specific person that you feel like you're the most you with them, who is that person? Probably one of my friends from college I'm thinking of now. Because I would take however you feel with that person

and put it into the person that you're trying to go on a date with. Because that person that you're pursuing or anything like that, they're going to appreciate your actual true self. And if it works out, great. And if it doesn't, then that's the way it's supposed to be to me anyways i feel like if you feel yourself being different like trying to be structured and maybe that's not exactly the way you want to be i feel like a good place to start is how do you feel when you're with your like best friend from college and like go into it with that attitude because women want to see a man just being himself and not trying to go

by the rules and and and stuff like that or be very specific it's like if you want to go to a movie invite the girl to a movie if you're like i want to see this movie come with me i think that's better than being like we have to do this this this and this yeah yeah also i'm very locked into the rules and i'm not really comfortable on the dates either, and I think that's showing a lot, too. I think location is weird, too. Take notes that are weird or different. Don't tell them that. No, don't do that.

Don't say that. Well, I'm afraid to be too much myself right from the start. Wait, wait, wait. No. I don't ask questions and listen a lot, so I'm not really talking a lot about myself. I'm doing a lot of leaning in and paying attention. But I think that's really important.

And I think that you need to know that that's okay to be yourself. I think that is like the best quality. And especially talking to you right now, you're freaking awesome. You seem so normal and cool and you can hold a conversation. But that's so important. So for me, I think like go into that with so much more confidence than you're giving yourself or credit. Yeah, I have a question.

Yeah. Hell yeah, dude. Are you guys not OK with a guy saying I'm nervous on a date? No, that's fine. No, that's OK. Yeah. That's all I'm saying is like he got all sad. He's like, I'm nervous.

No, I'm just saying like here we are. We's like i say i'm nervous no i'm just saying like i here we are we're talking to nate you three women are all going like very oh this is very endearing and sweet because he's being vulnerable with us and i'm not saying a guy on the first date should just like you know pour it all out there play it cool i think you have great i i love your idea like i i totally agree with you because nate you sound like as a lawyer like maybe a little structured and buttoned up. And I think that's served you very well in life and your career. It can be sometimes maybe intimidating.

I think even for both sexes, like if I'm on a date with a woman and I feel like she's like before we're even done on the first date or the second round of drinks, she's like, so what do you want to hang out again? And it's like, yeah, what do you like? And that's the other thing, so, like, do you want to hang out again? And it's like, would you like to? And that's the other thing, too, because I'm pretty slow to grow feelings. So I don't always put a lot out there at first. I really want to kind of wait and see how the first date or two go before I really express myself further. And I feel like that's something I need to back a lot to. Yeah, and I totally agree with Ariel.

Like, I think maybe keep it pretty casual. I would throw your rules away about, like, what should it be it be i think maybe two drinks two drink dates is totally fine catching a movie casually inviting them to it to join you on something it seems like you are already doing is a really great that is so important very good it's like hey i'm uh i don't know if you're interested but i'm actually on my way to whatever if If you're up for it, it could be fun. That's really cool. I just got goosebumps. Yeah, and choose something that you would really like to do

and that you would be super comfortable in, whatever that is, even if you think it's bizarre. I guess that's the whole thing for me. I don't want to put too much out there too soon because if she's not feeling it, then I feel like I'm just being a little too overwhelming. Then you don't want to see her anymore if she's not feeling it then i feel like i'm just being a little too then you don't want to see her anymore if she's not feeling it bye i think it's like a good second date would be you have let's say you have drinks with this girl you've played it fairly cool and

again i think a first date is a lot of like just having a conversation you're a lawyer so you you you talk to people all the time so just have a conversation with some i wouldn't even really talk about date two with them you make them wonder if you're even interested in a date you know you haven't decided yet nate right i think sometimes on first dates there's always one person who can sense the other person just wants to know if there's a second date to be had yeah make them wonder even if you're like totally into it like you don't know i don't know i don't know you yet but then you're like i had a nice time we shouldn't you know maybe we should do this again but keep them wondering and then like a few days later you reach out

you're like hey pam is it um i always go with pam never going on with a pam erica suzy sarah hey listen i don't know what you're up to later, but I'm going to this thing, and you should, and yeah, don't ask. You should, if you're free, you should totally come.

It's a lot of fun. Yeah. Oh, that sounds so good. Yeah, I just want to feel like I'm holding her hostage, too. That's the other thing I feel worried about. You do?

Let her do something. Well, don't. Don't hold her hostage. That's a good start and then um and then if she replies let's say she replies back oh sorry you know i can't i'm busy don't reply right away right go do your thing or don't do it if you were just gonna do it only if she wanted to i disagree with this i Hold on. And then you reply back later and be like, no worries.

Next time, it was a lot of fun. What? You think you should reply right away? Yeah. Well, why? Just be like, okay, great.

No problem. Yeah, fine. Have a great time. Because don't be weird. Because don't. I didn't say be weird, but you can wait like an hour and just do your thing.

What does that accomplish waiting that hour? Exactly. That's so fucking annoying. Don like an hour and just do your thing. What does that accomplish, waiting that hour? Exactly. That's so fucking annoying. Don't do that. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. You don't want her to worry that you said I can't go, and then she's going to worry that you're taking it weird.

It's like, okay, great. No problem. You can't go. No big deal. You should totally be chill about it. Yeah. But like, don't be weird. I think you're right about saying, I'm going to go do this thing.

Come if you want. And then what you need to do is not worry about what she wants to do because she's not being held hostage against her will. She can get an Uber home. She can do whatever the fuck she wants. You are already doing that thing. You have fun. You be yourself.

You go do whatever you're you're gonna do but if she comes with you awesome and if she wants to leave bye and if she wants to stay hell yeah you know what i mean like whatever it is and just know that it's not it's not on you to figure out what she does with her life she'll figure it out because she's an adult yeah and i think there's a difference between being attentive to her and then versus worrying if she's an adult. Yeah. And I think there's a difference between being attentive to her versus worrying if she's having any fun. Totally. So you want to be attentive as a guy because you're not a dick

and you're like, invite her out. That's the whole thing, yeah, because I feel responsible for her good time. No, no, no. She's an adult. She's responsible for her own fun. You can be attentive to her like, hey, can I get you something to drink? Or you open the door for her. You be a gentleman.

But that's why it's really important, I think, to agree with Eric. Invite her something that you already enjoy doing, that you're confident in that environment, that you can look like you're having a good time. So if someone sees you having a good time, she will feel like she should have a good time. Yeah, I want to know so bad, what is your favorite thing to do? Like, what's a hobby? Favorite thing to do? Oh, gosh, I'm a big nerd. So is your favorite thing to do? Like what's a hobby? Favorite thing to do? Oh gosh, I'm a big nerd

So I do like going to bar trivia a lot Great! Great! Perfect! Oh my god, stop everything you're doing And go on freaking Bagel Meets Bagel And tell the girl that you're talking to To meet you at fucking trivia night

That is so fun Yeah If someone told me that they were doing that i'd be like i'll see you there in five i would be there before you that is so fun into it though i just feel like it's a lot yes but but the right person for you will be into it and do that's so people have been telling me that a lot and i need to get over do what ariel said when you say it don't say do you would you be interested and be like meet me at so-and-so for trivia night.

It's going to be a lot of fun. See you there. Yeah. Come if you want. Assumptive close, Nate. You know, you, you know. Oh, I love trivia night. That's cool.

It's a soft close. The assumptive close. Is that a sales term? Yeah. Oh. You presume that they're going to buy from you. So like, sir, when you, when you buy this. I got to go.

I'm back to work. Oh, do you have to go? He's, he's. All right. Well, when you buy this. He's like, I got to go. It's back to work. Oh, D, you have to go. He's, all right. Well, hopefully this was helpful. You seem like a really genuine, sweet guy. I hope so, yeah. I appreciate everything you were doing on your podcast there, too.

I think you're really attentive and really thoughtful, so I appreciate you putting yourself out there like this a lot. Thanks, Nate. I'm learning a lot from it. All right. Thanks for listening. We really appreciate it. Good luck.

Hey, give us an update. You're welcome to call back. All right. You're awesome bye no nate doesn't he's awesome he just doesn't know yeah i know he's just very uh self-conscious about everything dating wise oh my gosh he shouldn't be oh but the game night is perfect somebody asked me to a trivia night i i don't care if I had feelings for this person or not, I would just want to go. Well, and that's the point

is you put each other in a situation where you can independently enjoy it and it's not really so much about, there's no pressure there. It's like you're both having fun and you can see the best sides of each other.

thinking he's a nerd and that nerd's a bad thing and he likes trivia and no girl or woman would want to share that with him i would go i think the key i would go totally trivia sounds fun and even if like even if nate said let's say nate said i listen i love i'm a big nerd and i love love history and i just love going to art museums or museums also great it's better to be whatever he's super into and what

you're confident about a girl goes with you and you like, say he's like a nerdy history buff. Yeah, that could be boring for a lot of people. But like, but if you make fun out of it, like, not even that. Yeah.

You see, you see a guy or you see a person in their element where they are passionate about something that's just attractive in general. Yeah.

Because they turn into themselves. Genuinely. They're themselves and they're like some sort of expert in something where they have

A strong opinion Again like They don't have to speak In platitudes They can just speak I'm so excited for Nate Same It was sad

In the email he wrote Maybe he thought He missed his chance At love And he should give up No I mean listen Hey

I think about giving up All the time But But look at me No you're like But I can't I'm't i i mean i think everyone feels like 90s yeah we all do a little bit i i think that nate is definitely that type of guy who who's self-conscious and maybe he's not super confident as a result of maybe just

not having a lot of luck out there and dating. And my guess is Nate may be out there because he's also very structured is making the mistake of, and he kind of admitted this. I think he's applying unnecessary pressure on his dates. And instead of being himself and showing some of these endearing qualities that we got to know from Nate, he's not showing that

and is almost sometimes making his dates feel uncomfortable. He even mentioned this because he's just, he's a little too anxious and he just wants to know if he's liked. Right. And then. And if she's having a good time. Is she having a good time? If she has a good time it means like, no.

This is such a common dating problem. Yeah. I imagine for boys. Yeah. Yeah. Or just people. He doesn't have to worry about being, he's clearly a nice guy. So he doesn't have to be worried about being a dick.

You know, we're not talking about the guy who's just like well treat a girl like shit and she'll come like that's not like obviously it's not he's not going to do he's a nice guy but i think he needs to assert himself about what he needs to show who he is and he's going to show this confidence by not being so like are you okay are you having fun and even thinking that because that definitely that comes out you truly don't know what another person needs or wants until you know them for a little while. So in that phase, show them what you want to do.

And like, but what I loved what you said about, what did you say? You have to like be nice to them. What did you say? You have to like be a gentleman. No, attentive,

attentive. Yeah. There's a difference between being attentive and being and worrying about if they're having fun. Yeah. Very true. Would you have ever thought a late 30s male lawyer was listening to your podcast? Isn't that exciting? I think our

10 percenters are now our 12 percenters. We're growing. Yeah. Hey, Nate, if you want to get on a plane and fly out here, come on down. I hope Nate calls back with some updates. I hope so, too. Nice to meet you. What is your name? I'm Hannah. Hannah?

Hannah, yes. Oh, so many Hannahs. How are you doing, Hannah? I watch the season. I hear it everywhere. Well, that's exciting. I'm Nick. This is Arielle.

Hello. As we just kind of mentioned. How can we help you, Hannah? Okay, I'm in my car. So long story short, I've been dating this guy for about five years. We are very good friends. We get along really well.

As we fight, it's like little stuff that's kind of like minuscule, but it's like so much so sometimes you know like for example um he did forget my birthday so that was a hard one i was pretty upset and i warned him and i reminded him ahead of time um and i'm young I'm 24. He's actually older than me by a good bit, by the four years. So he's 28. So, like, I feel like I got my stuff together, and I feel like he should get his stuff together too.

So it's just a couple things, like being a little lazy. We live together. So he's gotten very lazy about the house and cleaning. And I've mentioned it to him, he the best part is like he like totally admits it like he knows that he's gotten bad but he uh still doesn't change yeah so I'm at the point where like I've told him time and time again uh different things like again the birthday or being lazy or not you know just little things like that and it's still happening he forgot that too yeah like what do i do at this point you forgot well um so like you said kind of like what you

said it right you've told him and he still didn't do anything about it which means he doesn't care uh ultimately not necessarily that doesn't necessarily care about you, but he just doesn't care. He's clearly comfortable in his environment. This is a situation that will not get better by you continuing what seems to him be nagging. I know you're not trying to nag and you have every right to express how you feel, but he's just hearing it as nagging. I do think he, listen, it's kind of simple. He's gotten comfortable in his own skin and he doesn't care and he doesn't appreciate you. And the only way to probably change that is to let him know that you're not willing to put up with it anymore. Which probably means that you, like, you kind of might just need to break up with him. Yeah.

In the hopes that he, he realizes it. I mean, you can kind of like, you can give him an ultimatum. I mean, those usually don't work. Yeah.

But I, you know, listen, I think you just kind of say, Hey, listen, you know, I,

I've said this in other episodes, the best way to approach it is to more or less act indifferent. And you obviously care about the guy you want to make it work. And you say that, like, listen, I want to make this work, but I know my own worth. And my worth is having someone who like remembers moments. And I'm letting you know birthdays are important to me. And they may not be to you, but they are to me. And so I think that's a small ask in a relationship.

I care about Valentine's Day. That's a small ask i i want you to help me around the house like i don't want to be a nag i don't like who i am when i'm with you you bring out the worst in me buddy and so maybe we should just separate because listen maybe you're just i want you to want to remember someone's birthday you don't remember mine you know and i think you kind of approach it that way where you just you just like let them know that like you're single i know isn't it great he's so blunt every time i'm just like yes do you mean that in a bad way no no yeah i'm saying that's very good advice that's just what you should do i love that um i i totally agree and i think like it's been hard for me because there's because he's had a lot of family stuff going on with him right now.

So I get that there's something going on. But we've got to separate that from what's going on with us. You do. And I don't mean to sound cold on him, but that's not your problem. It's really like everyone has their own shit. Everyone at some point has something going on in their family and some family member has a health scare or whatever. And you can be there for him and you can still be there for him as a friend. Right.

Yeah. But that doesn't mean you are in prison to a relationship with someone who doesn't show willingness to do the little things that you want. And you have every right to decide that whether you deserve that or not. And I think you should just simply let him know what you want and that you let him know that he's not demonstrate that. And you just don't want to bother him anymore with it. So you should take some time apart. And then when you do take time apart, you go and you kind of disappear for a while. Even if you still love him and hope that you get back together, let him miss you. Let him not hope that you get back together let him miss you let him not be there if he freaks out on you and begs for you back you still say no and the truth is

he's probably not people just don't change for other people so you have to take that risk but i do think like those little behavioral things like i don't remember birthdays i forget my mother's birthday all the time and i've known her my whole life but if she said to me hey this is important to me that you do this I would fucking remember my mother's birthday like those things can improve they can but what I'm saying she has already

expressed this and he has said he's without saying it he said I don't care I don't care how long how long has this like stuff been happening like the little fights um i would say in the last year it's gotten more so um more so yeah even more and i get like i said there's more stuff going on with him and i can see that that's affecting him but and we've talked about it and that's what's crazy to me is that like

i've literally expressed this to him time and time again over the past like i would say year uh and it's gotten to the point where i'm like i'm just done you know yeah yeah well and listen whatever he's going through with his family that sucks and i'm sorry but let's say you get engaged and then married and have a family with this kid, you will only deal with more stress points, more situations. It might be money problems. One of your kids could have a health scare, God forbid. As you get older, your parents will certainly, you know, like have health issues. There will be more shit that you have to deal with.

And if all this guy has proven to you is that when the shit gets tough, he can't remember your birthday. Or you know what I'm saying? Like he can't, that's not an excuse to start being shitty shitty so you have to take that into account uh these are simple things that yeah these are excuses they're not valid reasons why he's not doing it and he's he's using it against you to justify him just not giving a shit and he's just very comfortable uh and he doesn't think you're ever going to leave well Well, I really think you that. I think I kind of knew what I needed to do, but it's hard to justify it for me, you know,

because of being with him for so long. And I'm so young and I'm like, I have the rest of my life. Totally. I'm doing really well with what I'm doing. Yeah. And I don't think you should, I've been with him for five years, shouldn't be part of your equation of thinking whether you want to stay with him or not. Do you love him now? Is he the person for you now?

It doesn't, I mean, I know you have a history and that's hard to say goodbye to, but that's not a reason to stay with someone just because you were great when you were 19. You know, is he great now? And will he be great in the future? I think are the two questions you need to ask yourself. Yeah, exactly. You're so cute. Oh, thank you so much. I was so nervous.

I'm so excited. You're so mature and like you're just speaking so well and you understand and like you're you're you're exactly where you're supposed to be and you're just you're so cute and i think that you'll you'll figure it out i think that that was very good advice yeah like well thanks very good advice and i also think that you can handle that kind of advice because some people can't and you already kind of came into it saying the same thing. And you were like, I don't know what's happening. But I feel like, yeah, I feel like that was great advice. And you should take it.

Or do whatever you feel is right. I mean, but yeah, I like that. I'll leave you with one thing, Hannah. I'll ask you a question. You don't even have to answer it. And we've talked about this a lot. Deep down, what does your gut tell you you should do? And what does your gut tell you you deserve? Yeah. does your gut tell you you deserve yeah yeah and i know i gotta listen to it my mind and the gut you know sometimes two

different things it's uh sometimes it's those scary things that we have to answer and follow through with that but once we have the courage to do it you'll feel much better for it i feel like it's your heart and your gut are different your mind and your gut are the same yeah i mean if i get the science of it it's all our brain but anyways and that's a wrap so nice to see you all right well it's so nice to meet you have a good day enjoy that sunny day wherever you are she's a sweetie pie he just doesn't care and that really sucks and i think what you said about him becoming comfortable is so true and i think that that happens so much

that complacency you can't you have to watch out for that demon that complacency also like they were together for five years which means that she got with him when she was 19 and he was 24. So like, he's just getting older. Yeah. But he's not even that old, that's a thing. No, no, no, but like when men just, He's super comfortable. Year after year, like you change,

like men really change and so do girls. Like we all, you know, if we heard his side of the story there might be obviously something that he's like well there's this you know or whatever like there's two there's two sides so i feel like she obviously she came to talk about it but she's uh no i think that's a great point is that uh she's probably grown up a lot between 19 and 24. But again, I'm sure that he does have his own side of the story. But I mean, it's pretty black and white whether he's remembered her birthday. For sure. No, no, no.

I just meant in the change category. Like he has changed this year. So you know what I mean? Sometimes you grow apart, right? Exactly. Especially at that age uh yeah well both of these two are very young in the sense that they both have the option for this relationship not to work out be totally fine learn from it be single for a while and meet

someone who's maybe a better fit who they can both appreciate a little bit more like you know um she I appreciate a little bit more. Like, you know, she, they may be that want different things and that's fine, but he does. The question is, is like, are you growing into better people or are you not? Like, are you growing to continue and I'm so inspired by you and you're still inspired by me and you're making me better and I feel good around you.

Those are the simple questions. I don't know who Hannah was, I just know for me, and that's why I said the five years, is my first relationship was, you know, I met her when I was 18 and we dated forever. And listen, for the most part, other than maybe a few high school boyfriends or girlfriends that you have, that's really all you know.

It's really hard to say goodbye to that. Of course. Right? It's really hard to say goodbye to someone. Because you're like, where else am I going to find the person I'm going to be with? Like, it's really hard to say goodbye to that. Of course. Right? It's really hard to say goodbye to someone. Because you're like, where else am I going to find the person I'm going to be with? Like, it's so hard.

You've never gotten that close to anyone who wasn't your mom, dad, or brother or sister. And here's this person. Yeah. That's really hard to do. Yeah. Even when they don't appreciate you or remember your birthday,

that's really hard to say goodbye to. And I think a lot of people who have their kind of first love or early love in their life are afraid to walk away and they i've dated for three years or four years or five years that's a lot of investment to say goodbye to it's hard to cut away yeah yeah but you should not worry about i never like looking at it like that the oh but i've invested so much time i yes they do and all i'm saying is i

appreciate why they do but it's not something they should do because it really doesn't no invest in stocks you know those are the numbers you should be watching any other uh things you want to make sure or get out what are you promoting what do we what can where can people follow you like i'm here to promote natural habits. Oh, wow. Great. What a plug. We can edit that out, right? Just kidding. No,

thanks for asking. Got nothing. No, I have a podcast here at the same studio. You guys can listen to that. It's called the only child podcast. It's hilarious. No,

it's not. It's Nick has been on it. Oh, thanks. No, it's fun. It's I'm still figuring it out, to be honest. Like every episode I do something different. And it's like, I think my listeners are like, what the fuck is this show? But like, but it's okay, because it's like every show, who cares? It's kind of like a variety show. If I want to do this, I want to do this. If I want to do this, I want to do this i want to do this and if you want to listen great but like yeah i every episode i'm kind of figuring things out and it's just fun and there's guests and nick was on it and i'm on it yeah where can people find your ariel ariel i have an instagram account it's at Ariel. I'm on YouTube.

It's an Ariel Vandenberg YouTube channel. You are very, very funny. Thank you. You guys are nice. We're apparently going to do some sort of thing together, she keeps saying. Yeah, I want to do a... No, I rescheduled uno time. What are you going to do?

One time. I don't know. I'm trying to speak Spanish. Dealer's choice. Dealer's choice. I know what you're doing. I told you. Well, you've to do? One time. I don't know. I'm trying to speak Spanish. Dealer's choice. Dealer's choice. I know what you're doing. I told you. Well, you've.

Right? Yeah. Well, I didn't send you a script or anything, but yeah, I have a Instagram sketch I want to do with you. And I'm just trying to figure out if it's going to be funny or not. Let's make it funny. Let's make it funny. No, it'll be funny.

I'm just saying I picture it very short. And then I was like, wait a minute. For a minute, it might be be too maybe we can make it short can you give us a little tea like what is it a little bit it's basically I just want to make so I used to do these things on Vine so on Vine I had a lot of followers there

and that one of my most popular videos was like running into a hot guy while you're doing something that you don't want to be seen by a hot guy doing so nick would play me and i'd play the hot guy just kidding he'd play the hot guy oh yes we can that was fun i liked that angle no he's obviously gonna play the hot guy he and i'm gonna be doing something that i don't want to be caught doing and then i'm gonna try and make up an excuse why it's not me doing it oh i'm excited do you know what i mean yeah it'll be funny it'll be cute follow me on instagram she's a great follow you know thank you i almost lick this microphone

it's way too close i feel like you're one of those like og so consistent kind of wild that you really do keep it up and like your content how do you just are you just pumping it out it's incredible i well i just i don't know thank you i hope it feels like that because i feel like i'm so late i'm always like i haven't posted in like a week and i'm like what do i do i i agree with shug you are much better than i i feel like you're better no yes once in a while I bust out a painting video. Which is amazing. I love those. Also your face wasn't even in the last

one. I was like nice. Yeah that one I was like we gotta get a production crew in here. That was a mistake that kind of worked out because I was showcasing the new Natural Habits diffusers and you know it was a nice little just relaxing while painting which

again you can essential oils are great in any situation especially at home and i was just making my indoor air smell wonderful while painting but i got a little too carried away and then cut out don't do this my my face i got a little too carried away sorry too carried um so yeah that was that was. But it does get stressful. It is stressful. It's so weird because like I feel like my boyfriend's so good at being like on kind of more of a schedule than I am. And so I'm like. With his content creation.

Yeah. So he'll we both do the same thing. So he, you know. But anyways, he he'll he has like a thing where he's like, I have to post tomorrow morning at like 10 a.m. or else he feels like he's not doing enough for the followers. With the analytics you really do have to hit those key times. You actually do gives me anxiety just to think about but I kind of I understand

it completely because people need consistency to be like oh you're in the feed there you are okay cool I'm gonna like it. Truly like the insider info of how it all works you have to be posting you know similar times every day and all of the rest. I don't follow that. I just don't.

The other day I posted it like four and I was like, this is going to bomb. But it was fun. Should I do questions with Nick at the exact same time every Sunday? Because I just do it Sunday afternoon. No. I think it's fine. I think that you are. People are already waiting and that I don't think that that matters.

No. Well, good to know. Yeah. Well, thank you for coming on. Thank you so much for having me. This was great. This was so fun. We've been talking about having you on for some time.

I know. Well, I would love to do it again. This is so fun. I love an advice situation. Isn't it great? Aren't you kind of blown away? Yes. The last time when I was here last week,

I couldn't just stop staring at him it's like very solid bold and yeah because it's really hard advice no it's so good it's it's great well it's really hard to tell somebody the truth yeah and you do it in a really good way you make it seem like yeah you do it in a caring way which which is good because i'm i just kind of like feel weird saying certain things but like you do it in a caring way which which is good because i'm i just kind of like feel weird saying certain things but like you do it in a good way oh yeah thanks ladies yeah and good advice so it helps that it's good and not just confident right yeah i really appreciate it yeah well uh thanks for tuning in guys uh don't forget to check out natural habits nhls.com thought you were gonna

say me but it's fine i already plugged ariel don't forget to check out our my natural habits natural habits uh we'll still use the same called pretty woman since let's all just be pretty women pretty woman though singular for 20 off oh we we will change our codes gotta gotta get it whatever fan mean, we can do a new code. Should the code be Ariel? No. Okay. If you want it to be,

I mean, that's, but is it Ariel spelled your name or is it R E L? I think it should be pretty woman. I think it's a pretty woman. Thank you for that. Just plugging away. You know,

no, I hear you sister. Follow me on Instagram. Listen to my podcast. That's all I you, sister. Follow me on Instagram. Listen to my podcast. Yeah. That's all I got to say. Have a great week. Don't forget to rate us five stars on iTunes.

Yeah. That really helps. It's good. Yeah. If you guys don't want us to not. Comment, like things. We might have to turn this podcast off. Hey.

Don't do that. We need your five stars. It's true. Of course, when I say that, I do. You know, I have noticed that someone's like, you need your five stars it's true of course when i say that i do you know i have noticed that someone's like he asked for five stars here's two stars like that's happened no if you want to hear podcasts and you like what you're like listening to like it so that we know what we're doing or not but thanks for listening yeah well you get what i'm saying have a great week bye