The Viall Files - E23 Perfectly Imperfect with Hannah Brown

Episode Date: June 5, 2019

The Bachelorette’s Hannah Brown is on The Viall Files today, and I couldn’t be more excited. We’re big fans of Hannah on the podcast, and she did not disappoint. We talked about the struggle to be “perfect” and how that can lead to anxiety and depression, why we repeat bad relationships from our past, and Hannah reveals why she is keeping Luke P. around so long. Then, as always, we take questions from fans and Hannah gives a surprising answer.Stay away from the Sour Patch Kids and figure out if those “bright lights” are beacons or caution signs. Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode! Thanks to our sponsors: SHIPSTATION: http://www.shipstation.com Code: VIALL SIMPLE CONTACTS: http://www.simplecontacts.com/viall20 CODE: VIALL20 STORYWORTH: http://www.http://storyworth.com/VIALL See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's up everybody welcome to another episode of vile files I am your host Nick we have Rochelle hi sugar's back hi this is so exciting my little ladies in the room we have a very exciting episode today uh hannah brown is going to join us how exciting and especially after this last episode which as soon as it ended i turned to you and i said no show i hate it when they do like a drop off in the middle that's great that great. People love their consistency. It's a great conversation with Hannah. Just a heads up, we don't talk a lot about the show with Hannah. We talk a lot about Hannah with Hannah.

I feel like we got to know Hannah. Yeah, the beast got released. She got really authentic and honest. I learned some things about Hannah that I don't know if a lot of people know. Maybe. I mean, I haven't watched every interview that given, but... Has your opinion on her changed? No, I had a very high opinion of Hannah. It's been confirmed. She's a really interesting person. She has great perspective. She was authentic in this podcast, and I hope you guys enjoy it. Before we get to Hannah, because we don't talk a ton about this episode,

I'm just, I was right about Luke P. Sure. Can you just, can you finally just relent? Admit it. You know, I still will say that I believe that Luke P can be saved still. I don't think he should be written off. And I think that we need to meet human beings with compassion and love.

But Luke P disappointed me so much. Man, you're not, you know, you kick somebody in the head. How am I supposed to defend you? I will say this. I did see something. He wrote some Instagram post. I didn't like that. What he wrote.

What did he write? I honestly, listen, I don't have a high opinion and a very low expectations of Luke P. I thought what he, he basically, he didn't make excuses and he just said, I sucked. He, it could have been, I mean, listen, I'm not, I thought for a guy I had very low expectations, it was the best thing he could have said,

given the situation. I guess. What did he say? He basically was just like, I'm having a hard time watching me too i'm learning through this experience i need to be a better person regardless if i'm with hannah or not i'm trying to be a better he that's all he could have said whether he means it or not i don't know but at least showed well what's wrong with that hannah i mean uh what's wrong with that rochelle like i feel like if i was him i would be like oh my gosh you guys I'm so I'm mortified

about how I'm acting. I didn't feel like he was that sad about it. I mean you're just reading it through a poet who knows. I'm sure he's struggling with it.

I think to to Suge's point Luke P maybe this could be a great experience for Luke P. In the sense that Luke P struggles with humility he he has

some narcissism he is a bit delusional and overconfident and he's getting knocked down a few pegs and maybe watching this hopefully he resets you know what he looks like to me through this whole episode um you know luke s we'll call him luke's luke's luke's he's like you look at you you look at me i can't even see what's behind your eyes or whatever and i'm like he looks terrified to me luke p looks like like he's far down this road of being this bad person or whatever we want to call him i i think he looks confused and scared and like oh no and then he's lying like he's just he looks like he's gone down this bad path and he is stuck on it yeah about his edit he's he's scared about his edit right now if you're scared about if you're seeing fear in his eyes it's because

he's realizing everyone hates him and this is it is not going away it's it's gone off the rails but like that was a dirt there is no way to describe that play on the rugby field other than dirty. It was a dirty play. I just hate the way he lied. I know. Oh my God, yes. He can't help himself.

Really disappointed. Listen, let's move on. He sucks. Rochelle and I were right. Natalie's notes. What does Natalie have to say? What is Natalie's notes? Here we go, Natalie's notes.

Of course, these are coming from my sister who lives in Canada and has four beautiful boys. So she's raising boys. So all of this, it's all very important for her. So about Lukey P, she says, the heated passion that Hannah receives from Luke P is confusing for her because it feels so intense and so much bigger than other feelings. But for long-term love, it's more important to have slow and steady burn and to stay consistent.

I totally agree. Yeah, Luke is. She says, I do think Luke P actually believes himself all the time, which is super sad to watch. No, he's lying, lying, lying. Oh, I agree with Nana there. I think Luke, I do, I think he's full of shit, but I don't think Luke P knows.

Like, I think he believes his own bullshit. He's a true believer. Sociopath. I love that. This is the definition of a sociopath. I did Google it by the way. And I'm being honest.

I was like, I don't know. I'm reading this and maybe I'm a sociopath. I mean, like, well, that's the thing. Actually, the truth is, if you have any introspective of whether you're a sociopath or not, then you probably aren't. Anyone who dismisses the idea of them being a sociopath might be. It truly is because they don't have any self-awareness or empathy for themselves or others or whatever.

But also, I could be. It's possible. It's possible. It's possible. But I think it's, you know. don't have any self-awareness or empathy for themselves or others or whatever but also i could be yeah it's possible it's possible it's possible but i think it's you know i'm not totally out of the woods the jury's out look at this but luke p uh hey can i give a little shout out to big mike hey big mike big mike is great you handled really well big mike you got a crush on big mike shook i think just big mike handles himself i just think we're seeing some man on there. What a great flex when Big Mike to Hannah just casually referred to Luke P as the boy. What a great flex.

He seems like a really likable guy. He's got morals. People like him. He seems to have a nice story. How do they not make him the first black bachelor? And I can't believe that you told me the other day. there's oh right bachelorette yeah bachelor is male i'm aware i'm aware i'm aware of rachel i have heard of her and her journey to find love i'm somewhat familiar with that story um but yeah i think um i think man if he keeps going, how do they?

Well, I can't believe that you're telling me that there hasn't been anybody but a white bachelor, which is just, come on guys. You can't, Chug? I mean, I can, but I'm disappointed to hear it. So yes, please. Listen, in fairness to the show, it is like, they have to, like the thing, if Mike goes home next week, I don't think he will. It'd be really hard for ABC to make him. Look, what about Hunter? Hunter is gorgeous.

And we saw him for one. Who is Hunter? He's not talking. I don't know. That's kind of my point. Hannah has no relationship with Hunter. This is a show and like part of that, that plays a role, right?

So it's the way their format is to bring some of the storyline and so they've the show has done a better job and that doesn't mean they aren't at fault at all but they have done a better job to make it more possible to find your big mics of the world or rachel you know and things like that i'm just curious does it happen in the show that like kind of later in the season that somebody that you were like who is that guy where did he come from every season oh really someone goes home like week six that's like six episodes in and they go home you're

like i have no idea who this is is hunter still on even on the show hunter's not on the show no what did you think of jed being like i came on here for my music and now i'm here for you it sounded like a sounded like a truth bomb that was meaningless. And listen, I'm glad he said it. He had to say it, but he's no different than anyone else. It's honest, what it is, is that we've talked about this. People go on the show for the experience. Like Jed's unique because he is an aspiring musician.

And so he got ahead of it, right? He has the potential of someone accusing him naturally because he lives in Nashville and he's trying to be a recording artist. So he just told Hannah the obvious truth. Good for him for saying it, but it was kind of like, yeah, of course. I didn't fault him for it because he was honest. I'm glad he said it because other people would try to pretend that's not a reality and so good on him for saying that but i don't think it's some huge revelation but other people in that position would just pretend that's that's non-existent and that's not believable so good for him for being authentic honest and and uh rochelle how did your boy tyler don't you think he really just shown on this episode he really. He came through for us.

I said to Nick, I turned to Nick and I said, you know what? He feels like a man. Like he feels so suddenly so steady to me. And I'm like, ah. He was in a great position to flourish. I mean, Hannah's upset with Luke P. Other guys might not have done as well. But really said, he's clearly a confident guy.

He's sure of himself. He was the perfect guy for that date you know it was i feel like i felt like i was watching the notebook oh yeah i did i did you are not objective are you you are madly in love with him i'm not in love well listen i know you're not objective because you're very opinionated on a lot of dating things and last week when i again luke was tyler was fine but it wasn't his best week of just being totally like I like a man who shows off his body a little bit I like that you like that

but like that's not usually the Rochelle I hear so it tells me you are not objective with Tyler which is fine but you're not there's not criticism that's just a fact I like the side of you I like that there is that person who's like fuck it i don't care

i just want to fuck him uh don't say that mom i think that's great well like i said i think that kind of wraps up what we think about yeah this episode uh tune in hannah has a lot of interesting things to say i hope you guys enjoy uh this hannah time i know we did. Oh, we sure did. I just love her. We're in love, fully in love. Yeah, especially now having met her. She is so consistent and it's so real. Like an onion. Yeah, we're just peeling it back.

So up next, the peeling back. Oh God. Of Hannah B. Oh dang. Hannah Brown. Hannah Brown, as she said. She wants to be Hannah Brown. The story of Hannah Brown.

Story of Hannah Brown. Hannah Brown, as she said. She wants to be Hannah Brown. The story of Hannah Brown. The story of Hannah Brown. Coming up next. Hi, everybody. Welcome to a very special edition of The Vile Files. So special because we have the current bachelorette with us, Miss Hannah Brown. Oh, hello. Yay.

Thanks for taking the time, Hannah. I know that you are so busy and exhausted with life right now because that's what being the Bachelorette is in the moment. So thanks for taking the time. I'm glad to be here. Let's have a good time. Let's have a great time. Well, you know, let's just get into it.

Well, I think the people, you've probably done a ton of press. I've done a little bit. And you've been probably asked a lot of the same questions. I'm not really interested in if you fell in love. I hope you did. But we're not going to ask that question because you're not allowed to answer it. Love that. It's really, you know, the people like in the interviews,

they try to like find a clever way to do it. So did you, are you happy? Yeah, because every time i'm just like yeah i'm happy yeah anyways anyway it's a great day i'm gonna start off by saying i'm gonna pay you a compliment you are in the running to me is one of the best batch rides of all time now with a bit of a disclaimer here i only started watching when i first went on desiree's but not i went on anti-season so i started watching desiree season annie caitlin broke up with me so they're like excluded uh i also dated rachel she's pretty cool jojo was great uh desiree was fine i didn't see any other ones but so far you're killing it

okay so that leaves like yeah why do you have to do that i I'm just kidding. No, you really are doing a great job. You're really doing a great job. Could have just stopped it at the first thing you said. You're doing a great job. The reason why I think you're in the running is because I don't know if other people notice this about you, but you have a very authentic way of how I would describe. You think out loud and it's wonderful.

And it's very authentic. And I think that's my favorite thing about you as the bachelorette is that everything you say, you can like, you know how some people are like some of the guys in the season, like maybe say Luke P. Like he thinks and then he says something and you can tell on his face, he's saying what, in my opinion, what he thinks people want to hear. And then when you, you are thinking and your mouth is going at the same time and I know it's an authentic thought and that's my favorite thing about you.

Thank you because that's 100% true. I am a verbal processor. So good. So that is how I process everything and I have to like talk it out. Like interviews for me were like huge for me to sit in those and like talk out my emotions. Like I have to do that. But I also just do that in life.

I can't help but like say everything I'm feeling. Sometimes good, sometimes not so good. But good TV. Have you always been that way? Um, I don't think, I think naturally. Yeah. Yeah. And like, it's the way that I process my emotions, but I think I learned that you sometimes don't

need to do that. However, my next question, like, has it served you, served you well, but also gotten you in trouble before even say TV? Yeah, absolutely. Cause sometimes like you, when you're processing things, you're saying things that you really don't mean.

Sometimes. Do you think that? I mean, you mean them, but they might not come out the way that you want them to come out. You may not articulate it the best way that you hope. It's everything that I'm actually thinking, meaning I'm not articulating it for like people that are not inside my brain

to actually understand what I'm saying. Is that mean because do you really think that you don't mean that? Or like you said, articulate because they may, may not love what you said at first and you want to soften it up maybe a little bit for them. This is, I just have this mental image in my head right now of my brain.

And I'm in my brain. And I know exactly what's happening inside my brain. This is great. She's thinking out loud right now. It's amazing. So I'll just say a comment or a sentence that's actually inside that sentence is five different thoughts that I put together that I know they all make sense for that one sentence, but nobody else is living inside my brain. And so they just

hear the one sentence and like, wait, do you mean that? I'm like, yeah, I do. Because of those five sentences that I actually didn't say out loud that I thought in my brain. Do you also say those? Probably not. It does. It does. It it totally does but do you also then say those because i i don't know maybe i'm wrong do you i feel like you kind of say everything that i do so so i say what but yeah yeah but this is why right okay but you would but you like that about yourself yes i have grown to like appreciate that about myself that's what makes me unique in myself and I feel like I've found like who I am and I just have to like own that sometimes my thoughts are scattered and I say all those thoughts therefore I talk scattery because that's just who I am but that's what like is

my I would say that would be the endearing quality that I have. It's just like, I, that is how I just have to be to be myself. It's just say everything. Were you, do you feel like maybe when you were younger, you were judged for being, did you ever, did you ever feel misunderstood? Um,

I will say like as a kid, I was like the like golden child. So I knew how to like stay in a row and do everything like to be teacher's pet, to like help my mom out and and just charm people. And so when you're doing that all the time, then are you really saying everything you mean? Probably not. You're showing a version of yourself. And so I liked the recognition I got for being the golden child and for, oh, isn't she so sweet?

Blah, blah, blah, blah. And so I kind of like that was my gig. And it wasn't that it wasn't me. It was me. It was just the small part of me that people accepted. When did that change like when did you start becoming more the hannah we're getting to know now um i'm trying to think of like there's there's like been a few like defining moments i feel like but i feel like ultimately i like suffered with um anxiety and and depression in my in college. And I think it was because the gig was up, you know, like the gig of like being this.

Yeah. It just like I couldn't keep up with it anymore. And then, you know, my hometown, I could be the homecoming queen, the this, the that. But then when you get to college, well, there's like, I don't know, like 50 homecoming queens in one of your classes. So like, you're not that great. You know, and so if that's where you get your worth from, then you realize that like,

oh wait, if that's where the worth's from, it's like, oh wait, then I'm not as special as I thought I was. And so I like had these, I like was suffering with all this for a while but I smile like like just that's just how my face is planted nobody knew anything and I wasn't going to say anything because oh my god I don't want to be a bother you know god and so it was me like I went to the doctor one day and he was like are you happy and I just said no it's first time somebody asked me

if I was actually happy and I just like lost it and I think it was like after that of like okay you're not where do you find your happiness and who are you and that's like what started my transition I was in relationships that I feel like from that like me actually being able to seek help become Hannah again again I remember like the first day that I felt like oh my god this is amazing I feel like myself again and like what was that moment was that like you just kind of said how you felt I think it was like being accepting that like it's okay to like that I was sad and it wasn't and it's okay to be sad for like no reason because it was something that I was struggling with. Because I think I always thought I had to have a reason. I was like, my life is so great compared to other people's, you know.

Everybody has struggles. But I was like, why do I come out and allow myself to be sad? Well, it's because I was struggling with something. And so I think it was really just like allowing myself to be like, it's okay to feel these, what feel this way, but don't let it like, like,

don't just sit in that and like, get up, go take a walk, go do this, go hang out with friends. And I don't know, just kind of like owning it and accepting it. And then like growing from it and doing things to like really discover.

Yeah. I think like being vulnerable about like, it and accepting it and then like growing from it and doing things to like really discover yeah i think like being vulnerable about like i am struggling with this i think i think that's great i mean i've always said like we can't you don't you shouldn't never have to justify your feelings what you do with those feelings and how you process them you have control over but like you never have to explain how you feel yeah it's like it's how you feel it doesn't matter whether someone feels that you have the right to yeah that's who you are but for so long i wouldn't say it so i was just like internally like going into a ball but still trying to be like hi guys what's up is hannah beast post this process oh my gosh yes um i would say so i call i say that pageants are good we're good and great

for me i mean good it's not good and great that's great and they can be both right they could be but like a good thing and a bad thing for me i feel like with pageants sometimes especially before i ever won i that was like my moment to play the gig you know the best way and it never worked out for it worked out for like me as a teen but I think that was before I really started like pretending to be somebody I wasn't and so it worked well like when I did it in like 15 16 17 like that time and then as I got older like I was just listening to everybody telling me what to do everything and then I stopped doing it and then it came back a year and won and I won because I was just listening to everybody telling me what to do everything and then I stopped doing it and then it came back a year and won and I won because I was like completely myself and I

signed up two weeks before and just was like whatever I'm gonna do no way yeah two weeks before Miss Alabama USA and then but then I'm getting to somewhere in this. I competed in Miss USA. This is all talking. It's a beautiful story. I competed in Miss USA and they let me be my, I loved my directors and people that helped me. They let me be my own. But for me, I still struggled with being the perfect person. And now I'm at this, like the biggest thing.

So like I was still falling into a few straps uh traps along the way and so like I feel like I did kind of fall into those better like could have never done it before like I did like I was still completely I was still Hannah but still falling into some traps because it's really hard not to and I think the same thing with with Bachelor when I got there I kind of fell back into my little trap for a second with Colton yeah I was like uh who do I uh be oh wait I just I have to go on I have to spend a whole day with you after I've only been here for two days great who am I going to be myself or somebody else? You actually had that thought? Absolutely.

Really? I didn't know, not somebody else, but like, am I going to like turn it on or am I just going to be like, this is me. I'm this weirdo. Very honest with you. Yeah. And so what I say, like I had to like write this out in my journal

because it was so devastating for me to like have that like moment that was so, I mean, it was the most awkward date ever. But what happened is it was so devastating for me to like have that like moment that was so I mean it was the most awkward date ever but what happened is it was the middle of this me trying to continue on the track that I was going on of like really leaning into who I am as a person but also like meeting this guy not knowing how much of that person of who I truly am I want to give him and so what you got was the middle of like, just paralyzed, you know,

like, I don't know who I want to be right now and who I want, what I want to show him. And okay. The like millions of people that watch this. Goodness. Do you think as you've gotten older, you've been,

and I think kind of, this is where this is going, but as you gotten more confident in who you are, you're less worried about who you show the real YouTube because you're just going confident in who you are you're less worried about who you show the real you to because you're just going to be who you are I think yeah and I feel like I don't have to like I feel like for so long it was like I am a good person like I need to do the things to show like my heart and it's like Hannah yeah you are a good person. Just be yourself. And like, if people have something to say, they're going to have something to say regardless. So why try to just like walk the straight and narrow path that like isn't even fun anyway?

I mean, it's very honest for you to say. I appreciate you sharing that because I think a lot of people listening. I mean, it's a very relatable feeling. You're not the only one, obviously. I think when you're younger, you know, you are trying to fit in some people a bit more than others. And I mean, the beauty pageant world I'm not familiar with, but I can imagine it's very stay in your lane. So I think it's very honest.

Well, it's like be yourself, but this, this, this. But be polished and be like, be a lady, you know, like be a Southern gentleman if you're a guy, I guess. I don't know. But no, it's very, very honest of you. If you had met all the guys at a bar one night instead of at the mansion on a night one, Luke P is the guy you're going home with that you were going to be in a relationship with. Maybe you won't hook up that night. You're a lady, whatever. But that's going to be your guy, right?

And I think that was really fascinating because, you know, the bachelor's a very unrealistic situation in terms of how you date people. You know, it's not, you know, you get the first impression, but then like you're forced to get to know other people, even if your instincts wouldn't necessarily be able to do that in the real world you just meet someone and you're like whatever but luke p is you know so far as we've seen this show we're kind of at this crossroad and to hear you kind of like talk about how you're confused because you know he has these red flags has this happened to you in other relationships where it's

just i think we can all relate we like the person but it's just like we know we shouldn't or our friends and our family don't but like you just you just want it you know it's just that the tasty as you say dessert yeah have you is this like a thing that you've had i mean i've i've done it more than a few times in my life i know know I've definitely chased the wrong person. Yeah. Is this a habit you've kind of had in the past or? I'm trying to think of how, cause I definitely feel like I can answer this in multiple ways. Yeah, I know. I definitely have, this is what I, I, I do. if I think I see like a light in somebody that's like not and they I think I'm like oh but like I think they're actually a good person like somewhere in there there's some goodness so I'm gonna be the one that makes that helps and I sometimes will

like not I don't ignore anything because I say it out loud. Sure. But we'll be like, uh, okay, but not, and not even make, I don't even make excuses.

I just am like, no, I think this person's a good person. I'm going to make this person a good person and you can't. So which one is it? With what?

You know they're a good person or are you going to make them a good person? Uh, I, oh, I don't, okay. So like I've had them a good person? Oh, I don't. Okay.

So like I've had relationships in the past where like I've like felt like there's something in their heart that's good and they did me so shitty. First, you kind of want them first. I'm saying like first you have the hots for them, right? Like Luke P, you have the hots for him. He's a hottie. Yeah. Yeah. He was dessert.

We wanted to get some dessert. But after that, then you get to know him and it's like uh but then you get to that crossword cross because I still like uh okay I'll say uh my relationship with Luke P especially like at the beginning like the instant connection reminded me a lot of my really long-term relationship and so I like it was like this initial like attraction of like cuckoo gaga eyes and I um I know that like through like what we've seen like I really held on to that like I hadn't had a connection like that in a really long time and when it it had for me it was like palpable yeah it was he and it was huge and it's it's he is something like he is a he is a spark of something that i can see like he's like the brightest light out there and i don't know if the light is like um a like do not come here caution light or like the beacon you know like that is what because he

but he's shining he he's the the brightest thing that like is like attracting me right now yeah that totally makes sense we've all been there even again and in life that happens to all of it i mean yeah i mean do you do you think of yourself as someone who when you fall, you fall hard. I fall hard, but like, yes, I do. But I don't. Yeah, I don't know. I want to say like, it seems you were so aware of yourself. And you know, even with the Lukey P example, you stopped him in his tracks and said, something's going wrong here. I'm not feeling quite right. My feelings are feeling odd. I feel like something uncomfortable is happening. So you could have been a person who was just blinded to any of the red flags, but you're not. Like, so I think that you, from my analysis, it seems like you really assess what you're going

through and you ask yourself how you're feeling and you really look at it. And so I wonder if you would just kind of blindly fall hard. I doubt it. I don't think, yeah. I like, I fall hard when like, I do fall hard, but I'm not like unaware when I fall. Like I will try whatever to make it work, but not make it like not disregard things that happen I want to still talk about them but I'm like did you mean that and I think a lot of times in this I not just with Luke but with a lot of the guys I try to give them the benefit of the doubt of like the weird that we're in like this is so hard I'm like hey you're kind of coming off like this do you want to come off like this because this is what you're actually doing yeah So like, no, no, no.

You think, yeah, yeah. You think that's what's happening. It's not. You actually are looking kind of crazy. So are you crazy or not? I'm going to let you have another chance to see if you're actually crazy. I just think that's so loving of you and very patient. And, you know, it's a way to pass your own wisdom.

I just think, you know, that's the womanly way. And you're doing that. Yeah. I don't think also falling hard or fast is a bad thing, per se. You can do, they're not mutually exclusive. You can fall hard and still be objective. You can, you know. This is what I do.

Right? You don't think so? It's like I do a skydiving thing. I freak. I like be like, whoa, this is amazing. Oh, parachute back back i don't really so that's like that's me like coming back and being like when the strings open i'm like uh wait this is me assessing from up here i love that am i actually going to continue to float down

or i'm gonna be like somebody better come save me right now have you ever had your heart broken before the show oh yeah yeah for sure i am the guy that i dated for a oh my gosh this is this is some shit how we do it here um i also i have two if that makes really better yeah a few times yeah i would say like i've had like one huge like big heartbreak. But I dated, there was this guy that I dated in high school that I was in ninth grade when I first saw him and his name got called in my Swedish class. And I came home and I told my mom, I'm going to marry that guy. And so like I just.

Ninth grade. Yeah. Ninth grade. But we. What did your mom say? She was like, okay. All right. He's like, he has big ears i said i don't care oh wow yeah yeah savage so he he does have big ears but um i uh i didn't he had a girlfriend

so we really didn't she didn't really like me whatever so we didn't talk like through high school until we had, that was one class we had together. And then my senior year, we ended up having another class together. And him and the girlfriend were on and off. They ended up breaking up. We started dating. And it was like.

You just swooped on in. He swooped on in. She was just an innocent boss, damn. I was just here. And my ninth grade self knew. But he really played me a lot in the first part of that relationship. And I fell in love with him immediately. And that's a lot of being a teenager.

But he truly broke my heart as a young girl. He like truly like broke my heart as like a young girl. And then we ended up getting back together, which now that I look back, I mean, I don't regret anything, but like this girl would have never got back together after that. Sure. And we ended up dating after that for like three years and into college. And I mean, I thought he was my my one and he did a lot of shitty things throughout all that like really did but became a better like who was progressing and like I by the end of it like he will even say now like you saved me through college like I don't know where I would

have been but like I didn't okay congrats Hannah but like I didn't deserve OK, congrats, Hannah. But like I didn't deserve that. But I was so in love with him and like wanted to do whatever to make it work. And the human that he is now is great. What I had to deal with to get to the human that he is now, not cool. And then I ended up breaking up with him after all the depression stuff and like actually coming into my own. And I realized like this is not it. Like I love him. I don't love where our relationship is so I broke up with him and it was the hardest thing because it wasn't because I didn't love him

it was that like I knew where we were at was not where I wanted to go and I was dragging him somewhere like I always say this but it's like I was going 100 miles per hour and he was stuck at 25 and I was just like dragging him and you can't do that to somebody if they're not ready to be there broke up with him and then i ended up started dating this other guy who i did love so much like just it wasn't never got over bringing because we started dating like oh like yeah motherfucker and this guy was ready to get engaged whatever he the week before your sister you'll look at engagement rings i started i got in a conversation innocent conversation with the the last boyfriend first guy first guy just told him everything about it he was like you're still in love with him i can't do this anymore

and and broke up with me which we had had when he started dating me wanted to date me i said i'm still in love with somebody else he's like i don't care i want to pursue you well so it was like all already like from the beginning but then i did i loved two people but i loved two people at the same time wasn't over another went to the guy back to the the first boyfriend and i said i still love you and like i don't know what to do um he like played me for like two days and then ended up was like dating somebody. Question. And it wrecked my soul. I went back to him and a guy wanted to like marry me. And I said, I was like, I'm dropping this because I still have feelings for you.

He wrecked me. Question for you. And you can take a moment to answer this. If you could forget about all of that, like have the power to not remember any of it, would you or would you keep those memories in terms of like what you felt or the embarrassment and the heartbreak?

No, I would totally keep the memories because like I have wisdom now and there's a lot of good in that there was a lot of good about the relationship and and the bad helped me a lot for this experience i think to hearing your story is a big reason that makes more sense while you're in the running for best bachelor at all time yeah I um I truly like like my relationship with the first guy was so passionate and like oh work work however I could to make it work but just like god this guy like why won't he be what I want him to be and like trying and trying and trying but being so in love

and then this other guy checked off every single box but I wasn't ready yet and he wasn't the right guy there were still things um but I was getting there and I feel like I'm so thankful for both of them and I will still say that like no matter what I've said that might make they're both great humans we just grew up together we were all growing and um I'm so thankful for both those relationships because I feel like everything that I learned through those and the heartbreak and the like truly like lovings like I know what love is like I knew what love is before being on the show like what that felt like and yearn to have it again um and had a year and a half to be like by myself. And when I say by myself, I didn't date.

I like focused on Hannah after that breakup. This is great. And so like I missed that and wanted that. And that's why I wanted this to work for me. But then I also could see like why it didn't work in the past through some of the like dating. Yeah, but those are all great things. I mean, I always say like, especially early on,

if in the dating world, like dating yeah but those are all great things i mean i always say like especially early on if in the dating world there's always a balance of trying to figure out what we want and what we deserve because they're not always the same thing and usually we want to have a balance of because we always we want to want to be with someone but we also know things that we deserve and sometimes early in life we will concede what we deserve for the things that we want, which is often sometimes why we chase the wrong people. But you learn. But you learn. And if you can then grow up and have some foresight and some balance and know when to

check yourself, you can hopefully make. And I still like, I've struggled with that because I, yeah, you want, do you want the freaking chocolate cake every single meal? Chocolate cake is so good but you really need the salad that has the avocados and the chicken and all the the tomatoes that you can eat for every meal this is why we're like mine she's referenced she probably doesn't even know my sour patch kid metaphor and she's like it's the same thing it's great sour patch kid metaphor well it's it was i

was giving dating advice to some sister of someone i was dating and she was just it was a it was a she was working with this guy and it was the same thing like she'd be hanging out this guy for a year and she's just like venting to me at a party she's you know they were hooking up at this and that but he never committed and i'm like you know what he is the dude's a sour patch kid she's like what do you mean i'm like, it's the same thing. Like every time you eat a Sour Patch Kids or chocolate cake or whatever it is, your thing, it's like you'll have it. It's delicious.

But then you'll have too much of it. And then you won't feel that great afterwards. But then you're like, you know what? I shouldn't eat that. I shouldn't. And then fast forward two weeks, like you're hungry. You go to the movies and it's right there. You're like, fuck it.

You know, like instant gratification. And you just keep doing it over and over and over. And it's like, you just, you know, but you can't have a healthy, sustainable diet on chocolate cake or sour patch cake. Yeah. Need the salad with all the things. What an exciting time in your life, because I feel like from all of these stories, like you actually are in that good place to find your

love and and to get married and like to do the whole thing because you love you so much which is so wonderful yeah i i think so too and i i've heard a lot of people like i'm like oh my god you're the youngest back i was like i'm the youngest bachelor yeah i am killing it it's yeah but like i know that um all my life experiences and where i am and where i am with myself like i'm able to make that next step and because of like the love that i've had in the past that makes a lot of sense and then i think your your dating history has definitely plays a big role i want to know what happened how what changed because you said you were like halfway authentic in the first bachelor oh because of that date where you were like halfway authentic in the first Bachelor.

Oh, because of that date? You were just saying that. Yeah. Like what changed between that and your season? Okay. So when I talk about. You mean her season as the Bachelorette? Yeah.

I felt like that would happen throughout Colton's season. Yeah. My season with Colton, I feel like it's when I really like. From the first date day like by the end of the day it was like all right this is me and I feel like my whole like growth in that was accepting who I am as a and like being my true self and being okay with my true self I feel like as a bachelor bachelorette my journey has been owning that I'm a I've always been a strong woman but owning that and and showcasing that and not just feeling like like my my faith is really important to me and I read this

thing before I left that it was like a lot of times people think that like a good Christian woman is to be like submissive and just serving well serving can be a total different ways and like I like I'm serving my strength to people like I don't just have to like be in the corner like doing like my thing just standing in the corner and being that type of girl no like there's that's not at all however it's even biblically like it is it's just like people think that's how you're supposed to be. And so I've been like, you know what? I can still be the person I am, the beliefs that I have and be a badass. So I feel like that's like what you see throughout this season. Well, Hannah, I just want to say that I've also had sex and I'm pretty sure Jesus. He does. Yeah. I'm pretty sure I have.

I'm pretty sure he still does. I'm pretty sure. I can tell you he does. I can't wait to find out what that's about. But you know, you're going to love it. I can't wait. But that made me, that was funny because obviously I know faith is important to you. You've talked about that.

You know, we've talked about a little bit on this show in terms of like our upbringings and stuff. You kind of spoke to it a little bit, but I was curious. Is there anything else in terms of in, say, your, how old are you now? 24. 24. So in your six and a half some years of adulthood outside of kind of like your parents raising you and it sounds like a great family and a great upbringing what's one thing that uh your perspective has changed your

values have changed in terms of you know i used to think this way because of how i was raised and nothing you know there's a lot of things that i was raised me my parents both agree it's like that's weird uh we don't think that way anymore. But are there other things that you have, you know, as who are the Hannah that as an adult is now your own person, maybe it's this, Jesus still loves you because Hey, when I was taught, don't have sex before marriage.

Yeah. You know, that's, that's something I had to really grasp. Yeah. First did it. Yeah. For anything else.

So that's like probably the biggest like thing is my faith has like really changed drastically of how I view my faith. Um, I grew up going to church, um, and honestly had a really like spiritual connection, like young, but kind of missed the mark of like, oh my gosh, if I do something bad or somebody else says they're going to hell. No's not true but i would just be like oh god that's like my good girl thing like i just wanted to like people saying you're going to hell no but like you know like that's like the southern baptist sometimes that's how it is you know you feel like yeah so you're scared and fire and brimstone yeah that's right that's the same i

mean like i was catholic it's same yeah it's the same type of thing catholic guilt's a real thing but like i was like no my faith is real like i want to make sure like people know that and it's like okay well then i'm missing the relationship of what faith is supposed to be and honestly um when i went through my depression i didn't care about anything like i didn't really care about my relationships that much i could fake it so so my faith kind of like in any type of way kind of started to pull back so it wasn't that like I just didn't like really still like believed in the Lord like everything I just didn't really like do much it wasn't until I like had that like moment that my relationship with the Lord, like went, like, I always say,

like, I was, I was on fire for the Lord to like learn more and to have a relationship. And that's kind of another, like my relationship was not like based in that. And that wasn't like something we ever talked about as much. And like, it was huge for me now. And I, I did change. I was the one that changed. Um, but I started But I started to realize what it's like to really have a relationship with the Lord. And what it actually says biblically and not what we've made all these rules. And the Bible, God is love. And so you just love on humans. No matter what they do, who who they are you love them because

why if like this is so important to me why would I ever like ever try or mean to come off judgmental or be judgmental about some somebody when it's like we're all the same we all have our things and um like Jesus still loves us who did Jesus hang out with in the Bible? Like the people who were in leprosy and adult prostitutes, like that's who he was with. And that was who those were his homies. So like, why can't I just not be out there living my life? I don't just have to stay in my freaking white pent-up church to be a good girl like no like I want to be with people I want to know like what they're like what their struggles are and be there for them and live life and like have a new perspective of how you serve people

because all we're supposed to do is love and serve people and that means like the people that you're around and just like bring us to church yeah I don't know like it just really has changed in like I don't know I just I think for me a lot of my season was hard because I was like oh my god what are they gonna say if they see me like making out with this dude who cares because I know my heart I know where it is and it's good who's they people back home okay what this season when you're making out with all those guys um um you weren't thinking about that oh i do i do think about it i'm like oh god i've pinned back button that back up i'm not gonna like that one how is how is it how has it been

so far in terms of not that you should care and i'm glad that you uh i mean you want to be respectful of your peers and certainly from a family standpoint but i'm glad that you have, I'm glad that you have changed your perspective and how much you think you should worry about if whether other people think you're going to burn in hell or you're a bad person, but I think because I'm so confident in my relationship or asking in the Lord, like with the Lord that like, I know that regardless if I have or haven't done anything bad, like it's a racist forgiven.

Like we all make mistakes. I'm not even saying I made a mistake, but if I did, Hey, like Jesus loves me. There you go. Have you ever had sex for right after you're like, I don't know.

I'm not entirely sure. Like, I think, I hope he still loves me, but I might've pushed his love a little bit. I'm like, uh, you don't have pushed his love a little bit. I'm like, uh. You don't have to answer that.

I just, I had to ask. Yeah. Oh, no. So, yes. Heck. I think that's called being human. I bet Jesus definitely had a moment where he's like, phew. Boy, I don't know. No.

I don't know if I should be. He did have a moment. If I should be, if I'm worthy of being God. What? He did have a moment. He was also human. One time he was tempted was by a woman. There you go.

And by the devil. But by a woman seducing. I don't remember where that was, but it's somewhere in there. I mean, what I kind of assumed of you, a little bit of what I watch, you haven't disappointed in getting to know you. Again, in the few interviews I've given

when people ask my opinion, I say that you are incapable of being inauthentic, which I find to be great. When I try, it's really bad. And I think that's awesome. And again, I think it's a real teachable moment. We have different

but similar upbringings and just a lot about what we talked about is to, uh, as we get older, we get more comfortable with ourselves and, and not trying to be the people we're not supposed to be and judgment and, and fear of disappointing people or it's really people or your peers can really affect you. And the ones who get more confident in yourself.

Yeah. It's always like, and I, I, I would ride on my arm sometimes on my arm sometimes, like, no fear, Hannah. Because, like, no fear in anything. Like, because every, like, judgment or criticism or feeling not enough, that's all fear-based. And so, like, if I know where my heart is, then there's no fear in that. And so I would just, like, write it is, then there's no fear in that. And so I would just like write it on my arm sometimes. I have a question. You're so vulnerable on the show,

and we've seen you cry a few times. And like, you're just, do you ever, I guess in my life, sometimes when I have like a breakdown, or I have a panic attack, there is a minute of me kind of beating myself up about it, which I have learned to get over and talk myself out of. Did you have any of those moments while you were doing the show where you're kind of like mad at yourself for the way that you reacted or anything like that? Are you feeling pretty steady? Honestly, no, because there was a time where like I would be like, I don't cry.

And legitimately, I didn't cry. I really leaned into my emotions in this because like this is my story this is me to figure out my emotions and like I could honestly like go from like shooting the bull to talking about a like something that was serious and like go back to that moment and I can really like lean in and it's not it's not fake it It's anything. It's just like feel that. And like for so long, when you play an act, you can't do that. And like I'm so proud that I can like tap into my emotions. And I talk to like like some of the people that we work with. And I'm just like, oh, I know I can be sometimes like so erratic, but it's like the first like it's only been a few years since I've actually like, I don't know, displayed my emotions.

So I'm just like displaying them all. So I'll be like, that was a little much. I think it's great. It's beautiful. I'd be like, I don't know why I just freaked out about that. But I did. So sorry. I would be willing to bet that as you you live your life you will become even more free

and less kind of restricted about who who you are and like after this experience in three years you won't even think about because you are you're a good person i mean i don't know you that well but you seem like you have a good heart i do right i'm pretty sure i know again but you are inherently a good person your faith and and you're, you know, as you, we all live life and try to figure out what's right or wrong or in the confines. I mean, I was talking about this with Suge yesterday. Like I grew up very religious. There have been different times where my faith has been stronger than others. My desire to be a good person has never changed, regardless if my, there have been times where I questioned my faith and other times I felt stronger,

but you don't have to like be, you don't have to like have a strong faith and you can struggle with your faith is what I'm saying and still be a good person. And not like have a religious background. And it's like me, like for a long time, I was like, no. Like when I was younger.

Yeah, and it's like, no, that is so far from the truth. Like we all have different backgrounds and different, like who's to say that I would feel the way I did if I didn't grow up where I did and have all the experience that I did and have this like, like truly like this encounter with the Lord that I had. Like people don't, not everybody experiences that. And like, okay, you're still amazing person.

And I want to be around amazing people, regardless of what you look like, what you believe, how you act. You're, if you're a good people, you're my people. That's how I feel.

And you can make mistakes and you can screw up and you can, you know, get got a little pissed off sin, you know, and then we can figure it out and do some more of it and live our life. I'm pretty sure. Oh, before the show.

I mean, you know, for. For this, before the show. This is no joke. I didn't cuss. Before you were on The Bachelor? Really? What was your worst cuss word before the show?

Fuck, shit, balls. Okay, all right. No, I would, I said like freak and fridge and shiz. Shiz. Can we all just, Okay alright No I would I said like Freak and fridge And Shiz Shiz Can we all just

One of Each of us Swear Just Fuck Ass Titty That's not a swear word

Shit There we go That was Hannah again I'll do Bitch Yeah There we go Michelle

Aww We took them I can't think of any good one come on how about dick weed yeah Jesus still loves all of us all of us but I'm pretty sure they used

the bleeper on me more than the other person that with Luke was so funny. You're like, oh, I can't stop saying it. I'm sorry, I don't usually say this word. That was great. Yeah, thinking out loud. Like, what else would you do in that moment? Okay.

What would you do, man? That's why they picked you as a bachelorette i think they made a great when people picked you i was like this i i had i had i had dinner with my friend peter uh who i won't say his name uh but i was just like i don't know who you're picking but you should pick hannah and he was just he just kind of like nods at the time he's like i think you'll be happy and i was like I don't know much about the show, but like she's the most interesting person on the show of like your top four. And you haven't disappointed

because again, you think out loud, like you are inherently a good person. And then as this good person is being willing to be vulnerable with like sharing with America, her inner monologue, it's great TV and I'm really enjoying it. Thank you. And I,

I am that way the whole time. Like I want this to be my story. And so if it's going to be my story, then I have to be vulnerable enough to share that because I don't want to look back at this and watch it. And I haven't watched it and be like, I don't recognize that person. I recognize that person everywhere that comes out of my mouth is something that I would say. And I actually talked to one of my

friends that like has known me forever. And she's like, it's so cool because the Hannah before all this I'm watching on TV. Like that is her, like that's you. And I'm, and I'm so proud of that. And that's what I want. I want my story, not Hannah B. I want Hannah Brown's story. There you go. Well, let's take some fan questions if you're up for it. Yeah, let Brown's story. There you go. Well, let's take some fan questions if you're up for it. Yeah, let's do it. Do you need to go to the restroom? Nope.

You know, I love that mantra that you were like saying to yourself before the first night where you're like, I forget what you said, but you're like, you beat your word, helped me to feel worthy, help. And smart. Yeah, where did you like learn to talk to yourself like that? Well, I was praying. Oh. I was just like, I didn't know. Out loud. Yeah, yeah, smart. Yeah. Where did you like learn to talk to yourself like that? Well, I was praying.

Oh. I was just like, I didn't know. Out loud. Yeah. Yeah. I always pray. I do. Yeah.

I didn't know they captured that. I love that they captured that. But like, I think it's a lot, it's hard for a lot of us to like feel that way with what we see like out there. And it's like, you should be like this, you should be this, but like we are enough, we are worthy i am intelligent regardless of whoever wants to say something about that because i just am a dweebo sometimes whatever i'm so intelligent like i know that and so i can't let anybody else make me feel inferior i just love you so much i

just think that you are a true example to everyone out there. And as somebody who knows depression well or knows self-worth well, we don't get to see enough people on TV that are really authentic to themselves. And I think you're important. What's one piece of advice you would give your unborn child that you think would serve them well for the rest of their life? I think what I want to just you are enough that you're enough even like before like. Just just you as a person, you're enough, and I want to make sure I reiterate that to my child, like forever and ever. Like you're enough, like you are worthy because you were.

Wonderfully made like you as a person are just incredible and unique and special don't get a big head about it but you are you know like that's that's fantastic i think that would be well i love how you you're enough you're not like you're not i mean you can say they're special they're your kid but like you're not necessarily filling their head with like an overflated sense of self but you are certainly regardless of your thinking enough to do whatever it is you believe in or you want to strive for yeah yeah that's great beautiful what's yours next what's mine what's your one piece of advice that you would give your child uh smart people know how to admit when they don't know things yeah ask questions ask questions oh that's one thing i can tell you about chris harrison um so chris harrison tea everybody yeah so when i was on the bachelor i um i had heard like if you um you never know if you don't ask or whatever and i had these crappy seats on the way to like

one of the places by these people who were so ugly they were they didn't speak english but they were like mocking us like and went and i was in the middle window seat and they would not get up for me to get in there and then we're just like talking about me and i was like oh my gosh this is terrible like we had already had issues with them getting on the plane so then people saw i was sitting by them. They're like, oh my God. Sounds like our movie experience show. Yeah. And so then I went to the bathroom and I saw that the business class had like all these seats open. This is on Colton season.

Yeah. Okay. Because I was like, wait a minute. No, no, on Colton season. Okay. So all these business class seats were open and I was like, there's nobody in here. So I saw the flight. And, but then Chris Harrison was like on the last seat of first class and I was like and he was nobody was by him I was

like oh oh did you save that seat for me and there was a flight attendant right there and goes oh yeah you can sit right there and I was like what he goes yeah I guess you can and I was like wait wait I mean are you sure like can I sit right here and then I was like he was like she's like yeah and I was like I looked back and I was like uh? Like, can I sit right here? And then I was like, he was like, she's like, yeah. And I was like, I looked back and I was like, maybe, I mean, can I sit right here? Just like first see the business class. And he looked at me and he goes, Hannah, I'm gonna give you a piece of advice.

When you hear the answer you want the first time, don't ask any more questions. Ask the one question, get the answer, don't ask anymore. And I was like, you're right. But I did think it might be a little weird ask the one question get the answer don't ask anymore and i was like you're right but i did think it might be a little weird if i'm the only contestant sent by that's a good way to get a target on your back but i moved yeah i was like i'm getting away from this until i got in the business class c it was amazing like whole row by myself and the girls like what are you doing i was

like i just asked then i did it again but not with him i just we had all middle seats going back from like from which place yeah it's always terrible you're like the last one on the plane it's like coming from uh vietnam back to denver and we all had middle seats so i went up to the to the flight attendant that was taking our like like, you know, like, skinning us in. And I go, do you have just any more seats by chance? And he goes, what would you prefer? And I was like, I was like, I mean, a window is my preference. But, I mean, if you can get an aisle, that's great.

He changed it right at the gate. And all the girls were like, where are you going? I was like, sorry, I just asked. I was like, what do you do? I was like, sorry, I just asked. I was like, what do you do? I was flaring. It worked out. Good for you. I mean, but they couldn't say anything because they're like, oh, man, I should have asked too.

I know. So I just did. Ask and ask first. Yeah, ask first. Because then you get the feeling. Because everybody's like, no. Yeah, it worked. That is awesome.

But I was like, Chris said just ask. OK, I'm just going to do it. And then don't say anything after that. Question time with Nick. Let's ask Nick your sexy questions. Hi. I don't know where you are. Is this you?

Can you see me better here or here? I don't really know. She's in the iPad right there. Oh, there you are yeah but i want to be able to look into her eyes she's right there she's right there um i'm nick this is hannah hi hi what's your name i'm lauren hi lauren what is your question how can we help so my question is basically about staying friends with people who are in a really different place in life okay so i'm 27 and i'm actively dating and have been single for about four years. And I've met someone actually recently

who I kind of like, but we'll see how that goes. I'm a little bit jaded about dating. I don't get that attached that easily. But all of my friends are in very serious long term relationships. And I sometimes like to talk to them about my dating life, but they kind of don't get it. sometimes like to talk to them about my dating life, but they kind of don't get it. They think that it's really fun and exciting all the time. They're always asking all these questions. And inevitably, I kind of have to disappoint them when it usually doesn't work out. And I'm okay with this, but like, they kind of make me feel bad about it more where it's like, I was okay with it until I kind of got the pity from them after it doesn't work out.

So my question is basically about relating to your friends, sort of letting them, should I let them be involved or should I sort of tell them to butt out a little bit or? Well, I guess that all depends on you. I mean, do you want to, do you want to share some before i just go ham on it or yeah i have like a few things because yeah well first of all i feel like your friends should not be making you feel like if you're you're fine with it then you should be fine with it so i would first have a discussion with your friends about like hey

i want to come to you and i want to talk to you about what's going on in my life. But like, I need you to be supportive, give, give good like, counsel, but don't, I don't need any pity. You're just waiting for the one, you know, like, you don't need no pity. Yeah. But I am in like a similar situation because a lot of my friends are all married and uh actually one of my best friend has a baby is married has a baby and has one on the way and so like we're in totally totally different places in our life but what's really cool about that for me and like my friendships is that she's really supportive of me and I'm really supportive of her like so I don't want to be where she is in her life right

now and I don't think she really wants to be where I am in my life but we're so supportive of where we both are and that's what like you're you need to have a conversation with your friends of like I I do I mean I'm sure you want to like have a serious relationship at one point but like you've you've got to like do your thing and they need to be supportive of you making your own decisions for yourself. And you can be supportive of what they're doing, too. I think that's really what it comes down to and having communication with your friends. I don't know. Yeah, I think they're trying to be supportive. I think they mean well, but they also sort of like, none of them have been single for a very long time. So it's almost entertaining for them to sort of watch what's going on in my life. Have you talked to them about it? I think you should have a conversation

with them about it, how they make you feel. Yeah, I've talked to them a little bit about it, but they still kind of like, it's a touchy subject. I have a question for you. Can you give an example of something they say that bothers you in terms of? So it would be like if I go on a, say, three days with someone and they're asking all these questions, they're so excited. And then, you know, I'm maybe not that excited about it. And then the next time I see them, I'm not seeing this person anymore. And they ask about it and are really excited to be like oh how's it going with this person and you're like oh well you know went on three dates and it's not it's not really planning on seeing each other again and they're like you know oh sweetie like you're gonna you're

gonna get there one day don't you worry about it like okay i wasn't really worried about it until you made me feel like i did something wrong by not being interested in this person. Or, I don't know. Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, that's not great. Kind of like what Hannah said. I mean, if you are really confident, and as you should be with being single and 27, you're super young, like, enjoy it.

you're super young like like enjoy it also you should be um think of it this way is i think you said an important part that your friends do find it exciting and not to take anything away from what they have in their lives i'm sure they're happy and they have their kids and their families but you know yeah sometimes same can get a little boring and you have variety in your life and i'm sure you want to settle down as a lot of people do but right now there's a part of your world that they're a little envious of too. So remember that when not that they are showing you, but they just want you to be happy. But I think it really comes down to you.

It's like, I think you really need to, sometimes we project too, because I know at least for me, if I have an insecurity about something and it's kind of eating me up, even though like I know I shouldn't let the insecurity bother me, like I'm conscious of it, but but deep down it does and then someone will point it out to me and i'll be like well fuck man god damn it like i didn't think it was bothering you but now because

you said it to me now it does so my guess is yeah you may have a little bit of insecurity on your own because all your friends are settled down and that's kind of how it was for me when I was living in Milwaukee. And, you know, 28, 29, it's like, there was a very distinct point in my life where I broke up with my girlfriend of two and a half years and all my other friends got engaged. And it was like... I mean, I know I'm younger, but like that in Alabama, that's normal.

Yeah. I understand that. So you can feel that a little bit. So yeah, I think I would just really stress to yourself that you are very happy and confident in your situation. And I would stress to yourself that you are thankful that you are objective and you're not willing to settle and that you can go on three dates with a guy and think he's okay and not be so worried about wasting three good dates you know when to like get out i think that's a healthy thing to do and so really focus on being confident about that and

i would be willing to bet that it you will feel less judged by yourself by your friends if you're if you're making sure you're never judging yourself would be my my guess yeah but you can tell your friends be like hey listen i'm actually in reiterate with your friends to hannah's point listen i'm i'm i'm i'm yeah i know i will yeah i'm great i'm not worried i got another day i got three meals paid for thank you nice guy. Yes. Nice guy. And on to the next. It was pretty good. Yeah. Decent, but not forever. Let's go. Yeah.

It's like the movie you saw once. It was enjoyable. You don't need to see it again. Yeah. It's fine. Yeah. So, yeah.

Let them know. Let yourself know. And I think you will feel less frustration with your friends. And there's nothing wrong with finding more like people finding other friends not new friends but other friends who are also you're still young

you're gonna you should meet more new people there's a lot of people in my life that didn't meet until i was in my 30s you're gonna change uh your your friends should also adapt you can hold on to old friends you can still make new friends so do that yeah be open to that as well that's fair i have a couple of friends who are single who i can sort of talk to about those kinds of things but yeah with the friends who are in relationships there's just still sort of a barrier in in the understanding of what's going on there's definitely gonna be some condescension from them because you know they've figured it out and they've settled down and now they just want to take care of you but also don't forget that they love fucking talking about your dating life because they might be a little bored and they are so like that's nothing

nothing to throw in their face but just feel better about why they are showing a lot of interest it's not just pity it's for their own benefit as well yeah so. So. Yeah, I think they're kind of living vicariously. And that's fine. A little bit. Yeah. So they're lucky to have you. So you'll, you know, you're going to be just fine. All right.

Well, hopefully that was helpful. Yeah. I think so. Yeah. You're going to be great. You're going to be great. All right. All right.

Take care. Bye. That's a tough one when you are single and your friends are just like. Yeah. All my friends are single and your friends are just like. Yeah. All my friends are married and babies. And it's one of the first questions. Like we should double. Oh, man.

Like our relationships have totally changed. Like my relationships with my friends that like are engaged, married, have babies, have changed. Because honestly, do I want to hang out with them all the time when they're all coupled up not particularly just hang out and talk about her kids and go to bed at 11 it's like well i'm good so nick do you want to come no no not at all um but i think it's just like you you stay updated you don't have to always talk about your kids you don't talk about your husband like let's keep our relationship our relationship and that's your own relationship and when i get to that point like i want to share it with you and like yeah let's have barbecues later but like i'm not there yet and that's okay like it's okay and

i think i had to tell myself that too because it really did because i was the one that everybody thought would be first to start and so then i didn't and i was like what yeah no i can i mean i for sure compared to all my friends that i was gonna settle down and like yeah and i didn't and so i had last of the mohicans still fighting a good fight how you doing mckenzie i'm doing great how are y'all doing uh good thanks for asking i'm nick this is hannah hi hi uh how can we help you mackenzie um well i actually i email i'm really behind on your episode so i'm like trying to catch up so i'm just kidding that's fine We can focus on you. I emailed in after I watched episode 10 about, you know, insecurities and relationships.

And it's that whole conversation just reminded me about the, my very first serious relationship with my now ex-boyfriend. We were together for three years um we started dating when i was 20 we broke up right right before i turned 23 i'm 26 now okay and um he was very like into tumblr because this was 2013 and that was a big thing um and there was like a we met through mutual friends so it was like a running joke with our group of friends that like all he did on tumblr was like reblog porn and stuff like that and they would always ask reblog what's that it's like reposting oh

no you're oh okay um no i mean i'm familiar with blogging and i'm a little familiar with porn but i'm not familiar with re-blogging porn it's like sharing something on facebook okay fair enough on tumblr so he was he was active in the porn community of like not like active i mean he just like followed like porn blogs i guess that's pretty active yeah that's pretty active yeah i mean i wasn't i wasn't on tumblr at the time so whenever they would ask me like hey doesn't that bother you i'm like well i mean it's like out of sight out of mind so you're not dating him anymore i'm curious what's what's your question or what are or what are you trying to kind of figure out, if anything, I guess? I mean, I've moved past that part in my life.

But for somebody who isn't as confident, how do you get past the insecurities of this fictional character, essentially. When you say not as confident, did you feel, after finding this out about your ex, it sounds like it made you feel something about yourself or something? Yeah. I spent probably the first year and a half of that relationship very insecure and uncomfortable because that brought up a lot of issues about self-confidence. Sure. Yeah. Okay.

Well, that's fair. I mean, we've talked a little bit about the effects of porn a little bit. We probably should do like maybe a whole episode on it. It's a fascinating world. I mean, listen, there's a lot of information out there. You know, you can be, there's a lot of conversations, sex positive. out there uh you know you can be there's a lot of conversations sex positive we had um our friend talked about feminist porn because like listen but like at the end of the day like do people watch porn fine i think when it comes to those types of that's an intense kind of i mean he was

into it right and i think that i can i can get why that mic could make you feel at anyone i mean i would if i was dating a girl and maybe there's a novelty of like oh you know because more guys are into porn it that the general thought is and if i found out a girl i was dating someone she's like yeah no i watch porn you're like oh that's cool like you're but what if she put it up but then all of a sudden you're like no no no i uh i blog and i would be a little or she put it on her instagram back yeah um listen i i think i think it's a natural feeling to feel what you you thought i think you really have to try not to compare yourself to literal porn stars that's right and i think that you pointing out hi it showed you can't see me um but i think that

you pointing out that there's like a fantasy element to it like he's into like a fantasy sex world and i bet that had nothing at all to do with you yeah i don't want to i guess thanks for saying that because i don't want to it's because it is a fantasy world and i'm not trying to defend his actions but it really has nothing to do with you and it is a slippery slope for i think for people because it's a natural to compare yourself. But because, I mean, I don't even know like the psychology of porn, how it plays a role, but it's strong and it can be very detrimental to people and relationships. And I'm not knocking it if you want to do it, or I'm not judging or whatever, but it can, people can be addicted. And so it really has nothing to you trying to just don't compare yourself to it i mean it's that's a the worst thing you can do and it truly is

nothing about you it's it's to do with this especially as if he's blogging about it it's like it's way past this visual thing i I will say something. My biggest issue with it was like when I like actually saw him like reblog a post because we were hanging out together. Yeah. I like saw him reblog something from like hottie of the day or something. And I was just kind of like, really? While I'm sitting right here. Yeah. He's an inconsiderate jerk. I mean, yeah was just kind of like really while I'm sitting right here like yeah he's an inconsiderate jerk I mean it's he's yeah he kind of sucks I got something Hannah's got something

for you um so I I was in a relationship that I was already had some insecurities about and I felt when I found out about like might be looking at that type of stuff. I think because I was already insecure in the relationship that amplified my insecurities. 100%. And I don't know if that's kind of where you were in your relationship, but I feel like if you are already insecure in your relationship and then you have that, especially with like,

are they like talking to other girls or doing this? And then you like physically see them like looking at other girls. And I would be like, what the fuck dude? Like like it's not like I'm not like hello you know and I would be like what why do you need to like look at that and I think it was more so of like I needed it was the issue of like I felt like oh I was being like lied to about it you obviously like knew about it but it's like have communication about it because then that brings up more insecurities.

And I feel like in your next relationships, because you've dealt with that. If you're like the person I'm going to be with, like I'm going to straight up be like, look, do you have a thing? All right, let me know.

Like you, I want to know everything. Like I, it doesn't even like, I want to know the nitty gritty dirty details. So like, I think for that, that makes me feel more secure because I want to know the nitty gritty dirty details so like i think for that that makes me feel more secure because i want to know that like i know everything and not and i

don't think like out of sight out of mind like if if you know find out that he has a tumblr with things i'd be like you know like that's insecurity pause and maybe talk maybe talk about that and i think it's all about communication in a relationship that I've learned through my past of like, if it's bothering you, because I feel like it probably was bothering you before you actually saw him do that. You got to talk about it. Because if not, it's just going to fester, fester, fester and make you feel bad about something that has, like you said, zero to do about you.

It's something with him. And that's not cool. Yeah, I thinkannah said it perfectly um i think you did great i mean it is all about communication and again for the people who listening it depends whatever you guys are into you guys just have to get on the same page you weren't on the same page with this guy you felt misled you felt lied to that brought up a whole another ball of insecurities and made you question yourself and you shouldn't have so kind of to hannah's point in the future, this guy's old news,

but just be open about like, what are your likes and dislikes? Make him feel comfortable about that. You accept him for who they are and hopefully they do the same thing. And then. And if you're not okay with it, then Hey, you're not okay with it.

And there are like, you're just not okay with it. And that's something that you've got to communicate. Cool. Exactly. All right all right well thank you so much good luck thank you guys all right bye-bye well hannah thank you so much you were great thanks for doing this i hope you had a good time yeah you gave great advice thank you you are a very mature uh young person you're not even that young but you are you people like to say like

mature for your age. It comes out naturally. I think that's why you're doing such a great job on the show. I mature for my age but also like to be childish and so I do that. But it's a thought. It's a thought of like, I'm gonna be a child right now. Any big teases you want to hear for those people

tuning in? Why should they tune in? Why should they watch? I mean, if you're liking what you're seeing now, I love how how people are like oh my god i'm loving this this is so great and i'm like if you like it now oh like and i'm not just saying that to like tease it up i'm like oh my god if you think that's something you have no idea what happens so like exciting yeah that is like when i'm like i'm like my God, you're like that into it right now. Like I felt like the first few episodes would be like, is there like any,

like any, what happens with Tyler C? Oh my gosh. Are you a Tyler C person? Yeah. She's obsessed. No. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. Don't even, I understand. It's very cute. Yeah. Um, any,

any specifics you can tease us about? Other than it's great. Specifics. Let me think. She loud? She's one of our producers. I don't know. There's just so much.

I'm like, what do I even go to a specific about? I mean, I think you'll see it. You've said I am a verbal processor and I'm into my emotions. And therefore, sometimes I always say, like, choices lead, feelings follow. But like, that's really hard for me. And I'm and sometimes I like know my feeling and I make the choice to go with my feeling and to really like. make the choice to go with my feeling and to really like make the choice to feel the feelings in and decide where that's going to go. Because in every relationship that I will end, when I end it, it's closed. And so I will have times where it's like, I need to figure out my feelings

and know them completely to be able to shut the door and not look back. And you'll see me process that. I like that you said that. I think sometimes the leads of the shows get a little bit of flack because we get judged and you get judged for our choices

in terms of keeping people around. I want to explore every single relationship in the end. And so I don't have to question, was that just because of this or that? No, it's because I don't want to be with you. Well, listen, as a fan, I don't know if you end up with- Great person, don't want to be with you. I don't know if you end up with Luke P,

but as a fan, I know there's a hand on a cliffhanger. Mike, you can't put the camera on me for the, you don't have to, we don't need a reaction. At some point, Luke S is going to go home, not because of what Luke P said, but you probably just don't have a strong connection with them i hope as a fan luke p sticks around because well i don't love him as a person he is great tv um but as a watching it as a viewer rooting for you to find love i am totally fine with you vetting it out even though we have the luxury of seeing luke when you don't i think sometimes people watching that forget that about

the lead a lot of stuff About when they're watching it. And it's just like, you know, if you do end up keeping Luke P for the next couple episodes and even if like much further, you know, if people still think the same thing about Luke P, there are going to be people on Twitter

being like, oh, how could she do this? It's like, well, because, you know, the same reason why you couldn't get over that one fucking dude. Amen. You know, and so that happens out there there so i'm glad you brought that up because for those of you listening um it's it's no harder or easier and i'm so glad that i've done i did that with a lot of different relationships where i'm like hmm i'm not so sure how i feel about that or

there's something there i need to explore it more and And then when you're like, okay, it's done, I can guarantee you it was done. I don't want to have any, any feeling of like, that could have been my person, or am I missing something? Or being I was never told, oh, trust me. And I did something because somebody else told me. I had to explore it myself and find it for myself and feel so confident in every decision that I made. And when I make decisions, I'm confident about those. That's great. Well, Hannah, I wish you the best on your journey for love. I hope it ends up in a very happy place for you.

I can't wait to watch the rest of your season. I really appreciate you taking the time and getting to know you a little bit better. I hope the people listening feel like they get to know you a little bit better. I hope the people listening feel like they get to know you a little bit better even than watching on the show. For those of you who are tuning in just to listen to Hannah, thanks for popping in. It's like the Catholic priest on Easter.

Thanks for coming. But you know what? We're here every Sunday. This for all Wednesdays. We talk about a lot of stuff. Check back in if you've enjoyed listening to the Vile Files this week. Also check out Natural Habits, nhos.com. New customers get 20% off. Wow.

And I got the hookup for you. Sweet. Have a great week, guys. See you next time. Okay. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye.