The Viall Files - E267 Erotic Energy with Sheila Kelley

Episode Date: May 12, 2021

Today on The Viall Files we have one of our favorite conversations with Sheila Kelley. Sheila is not only an actress you may know from shows like The Good Doctor, but also a Feminine Embodiment Leader. She is the Founder of S Factor which is featured in the Netflix documentary Strip Down, Rise Up. In the documentary and in her classes, Sheila helps women regain their erotic energy and become comfortable in their skin. S Factor is a practice that brings you home to your body, awakening confidence and sensuality, through movement and community with others looking for the same thing. Nick and Sheila talk about being comfortable with your sexuality, embracing your erotic energy, how women should start knowing their body, and letting your body move the way it was supposed to. In doing that you may find your purest sense of strength and self.  “How about, lets dance on a pole and free our sexual desire.” Find out more about S Factor at www.sfactor.com  Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes.  THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: Usual Wines: http://www.usualwines.com  use discount code VIALL for $8 off your first order and try your first glass on us! Noom: http://www.noom.com/VIALL to sign up for your trial today. The Zebra: http://www.thezebra.com/VIALL to make insurance your smartest purchase yet.  Untuckit: http://www.untuckit.com use code VIALL for 20% off your first purchase.  Credit Karma Money: http://www.creditkarma.com/winmoney  to open your free account and start winning Instant Karma. Episode Socials:  @viallfiles @nickviall @sheilakelleys @s.factor.official See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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With us today, Chrissy, my producer. Amanda is in house. God only knows what Allie's up to. Allie is becoming a star in the big city. That's right. She's shooting a TV show in New York. She's shooting a TV show in New York. She's a star. We'll just stay here.

We'll just stay here. We're just in this podunk town of Los Angeles. Allie will be back. How long has she gone for? I don't even pay attention. She's coming back on Sunday. Just come back when you want. back how long has she gone for i don't even pay attention she's coming back on sunday come back when he want um we have a really great and hopefully inspiring episode for for all the

listeners out there the delightful wonderful sheila kelly uh is with us today uh to talk about well first and foremost her documentary that's available on netflix netflix uh strip down rise up we talk a lot about essentially what uh sexuality sexuality uh obviously focused on on women's sexuality uh but we get into a nice erotic energy erotic energy autonomy what does it mean to you know our erotic self both men and women Seems to be a big disconnect out there. You know, there's always like love languages and enneagrams and how you partner up astrology and yet- Human design.

Human design. And we talk about kind of knowing who we are erotically and how that's important to know. And I had a ton of fun talking with Sheila. It was one of those conversations where you feel like you could just talk for three or four hours, but it was still pretty long, but jam-packed with delightfulness.

So I hope you guys all enjoyed it. Don't forget we have some fun merch out there. So check us out at vilefiles.com. Follow us on TikTok and Instagram. Do all that fun stuff. Go back and check out our Ask Nick episode this week because, wow, some great stuff there. Quick reminder, great episode next week.

Molly Sims is with us, the wonderful and delightful Molly Sims. And I guess we probably got Basher Rett around the corner. That'll be fun. Can't wait. It'll be great. A lot of drama, I'm sure, to unfold. And yeah, thanks for just listening, guys.

Should we just start by discussing the 10 possible options? Yeah. The 10 erotic creature icons. Where did this come from? This came from teaching S-Factor for 20 years and watching women's movements and watching how women would, they would fall into one of 10 different iconic

erotic energies in the shape of their body, in the way they danced, in the music they chose, in the clothes that they wore. They would develop this erotic creature and it was it turned out to be very close to who they would call in in love in terms of like how like like partners yeah yeah what are the 10 there's five dark and five light and they're based in like core body emotions so the dark is the deep soulful siren which you're familiar with apparently. Apparently I am. Yeah. There's the shy, reluctant enigma. Shy, reluctant enigma. Yeah. There's the dangerous challenger.

Why are they dangerous? They're fiery. Dangerous in a good way, like dangerous sex. Okay. Dangerous sexuality. Okay. Do you know what I mean? There's a volatility to their lovemaking.

Like they leave scratches? Maybe. Yeah. I have no judgment. No, this is a full no judgment podcast. Then there's the naughty provocateur. He and she like kinkier, sexier, crazier, dangerous. They go out, they're outside the box.

They like to provoke. Okay. And then there's the ice king and queen. And they are just kind of haughty, cold, cool. You got to melt them. You got to work hard to melt the two of them. Or do they have to work hard to allow themselves to be melt? Well, you know, that's incredibly wise of you.

Yes. Or they don't, or they're lonely and they don't find anybody to heat them up. They like hotter energy. So ice king and ice queen together, they do not work. They don't work well. They don't find anybody to heat them up they like hotter energy so ice king and ice queen together they do not work they don't work well they don't talk at dinner you know those couples are at the restaurant they're like table like 18 foot tables like those people hate each other they hate each other but they're rich oh wait amanda you were the blissful pleaser she's the blissful pleaser i'm a blissful pleaser too what okay so the light icon's a blissful pleaser. I'm a blissful pleaser too. What? Okay, so the light icon's a blissful pleaser.

And she's like all Mother Earth, and she's nurturing, and she's loving, and she'll cook for you, and she loves to be nurtured and loved as well. And so there's also the blissful provider, which is the masculine version. Okay. There's the lustful lover and that they are just pure pleasure, pure hedonistic erotic pleasure. I have to have Natalie take this quiz. I really care.

Is this your girlfriend? Oh, please do. And then there's the joyful playmate and that is a sexual energy and erotic energy that just wants to have fun and play and just bounce off each other. And then there's the innocent teaser. And that's like a newness of sexuality. They come at everything with an open eyed like, oh, let's do that again. I've never kissed before. And then like five minutes later,

let's kiss again. I've never done that before. they have bring a fresh newness to eroticism like every single time that they engage i think marilyn monroe interesting yeah and then you have the champion energy which is like a deep grounded kind of really centered energy of erotic energy like they're just like pure like think think like i want to say the rock just like pure mountain energy yeah cal drogo is between champion and dangerous challenger because he's pissed yeah he's got anger and he's hot right he's so hot we're so into him because he's like sexy hot like he wants to kill you but he really wants to kill you

in love and he wants to decimate and that's good that's good it's so hot but I think like Barack Obama is like a champion

sexual energy right he's there's a he is between blissful provider and champion but he's a little bit aloof I feel

a little icy not I don't know I feel like he's a little bit aloof, I feel. A little icy? Not, I don't think, I don't know. I feel like he's so warm. I think he might be more like half provider, half champion. Like he's got that selfless, like the champion sexual energy is really selfless. Like I will provide everything you need and I will find my needs filled by your needs being filled.

That's hot. Yeah. That's hot. But it's always how how they balance each other out exactly i'm immediately thinking about like now we know ourselves but like who are we dating and how we're attracted to them and if you are someone like the champion where you're you get your joy after after giving out of giving yeah and providing is there a limit to that at what point do you lose yourself in focusing on others and not focusing on yourself enough but what happens if you're not with someone who who receives that in a way that you want them to like we are with an ice queen sure yeah then it's like it's like i don't need yeah that's not that's how

our relationship's gonna work i think champion men and champion women work really well together because it's kind of like that infinity sign. Like they give and take and give and take equally. But like, for example, you talked about my husband. My husband and my erotic energy is the dangerous challenger. Oh, you're a dangerous challenger. Well, in my erotic world, yeah. Okay.

And he's more of a, I'd say he has champion energy in his erotic world. Is this all specific to the bedroom? No. Or is it specific to like everyday life? I think everything that happens in the body, it's like the stone that goes into the pond and ripples out into every part of your life. I really do. Yeah.

I really do. So I think it starts in your body and in your eroticism and how your body wants to be loved or give love, give lust, take lust. And then it just ripples into every relationship. And you can even look at people and you can start to say, oh, yeah, like you said, the forest, right? The deep, dark forest.

And immediately it was like, ah, he's got depth. He's interested in depth in probably many facets of your life, not just erotically. Yeah. Right? And I would guess that your girlfriend, I don't know her, but she might have some shy, reluctant enigma energy. I mean, off the top, I mean, it sounds like, sure, maybe.

She can be shy, reluctant, but underneath it all. Yeah. Well, shy, reluctant energy loves deep, soulful siren energy because the deep, soulful siren is going to penetrate deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper, always going deeper in, and the shy, reluctant enigma is just dying for that. Sometimes when I go real deep she rolled her eyes at me she's like really you're still talking so how did you get into all this um by the way uh sheila kelly everyone that's me welcome to the vile files um i'm not leaving i love it here but

yeah how did you get into this I saw an interview where you talked about you did a movie role yeah that you played a stripper and then she started pole dancing and that snowballed into really kind of a whole lifestyle and become a huge passion of yours exactly and so obviously the movie role but what made you connect with the role and allow you to find something, you know, a deeper meaning as opposed to like, oh, that was like, you know, actors get to do a lot of different things. And depending on the character they play, maybe they learn how to horseback ride. It's like, oh, that was cool. And now I know how to horseback ride. But, you know, it really changed your life.

Is that fair to say in terms of how you approach that? your life. Is that fair to say in terms of how you approach that? And what was it about that moment that allowed you to take playing that role and then find kind of all these benefits and then do what you're doing now in terms of using pole dancing as a way to allow so many women to really reconnect with who they are and really empower them? I think you just nailed it right there. The reason why you're right, I've done a gazillion roles and I've played different characters that do different things,

but this thing affected me in such a profound way personally because what you just said, I really started to see who I really am as an erotic creature. I thought I was really keen on who I was. I thought I was a sexy person. I thought that I had control over my body.

But when I started to work on that film, it was an improvisational film. And I realized I had no idea how to inhabit my erotic body in front of people. That wasn't just in the dark of the bedroom, right? And the discovery over the four months of this improvisational film and developing this character was really digging deep inside and finding a side of myself in my body and embodying my body in a way that I never had before. That gave me incredible confidence. And then understanding who I was as an erotic creature

made me understand the relationship with my husband. And my relationship with my husband was not at a great place at that time. And so discovering all this about myself elevated our relationship. And we've been together like 31 years because of me knowing who I am and being able to bring that to the table with him. Knowledge is power, people. And knowing what we're putting in our bodies and what we're eating,

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Make sure insurance is your smartest purchase yet with visit thezebra.com slash V-I-A-L. That is T-H-E-Z-E-B-R-A.com slash V I A L. That is T H E Z E B R a.com slash V I A L L. No hidden fees or fine print with your personal information. Best of all, the zebra has no stake in the policy you choose. They're there just to help you find the best coverage. Is it right for you and save some money so you can spend it on yourself. We spend a lot of time on this. Like you're watching the documentary,

um, strip down, rise up on Netflix, by the way, if you haven't watched it, you should just pause and watch it. So many things are covered that we talk about, like,

uh, you know, taking your power back, shame, um, you know, you know, finding things like,

especially in relationships, finding your own individual passions and, and still, and not losing yourself in a relationship and it was really kind of fascinating to see you guys cover it all in your relationship we talk a lot it's one thing we talk so much about we get a lot of questions is married couples right it's you know mostly women listen to this podcast but they will ask you know i've been with my partner or my husband 10, 15 years, five years, whatever the time period is,

and we've lost the spark or how do we get the spark back? My husband and I, we have sex twice a month or whatever it is. And that's a tough question to answer on an individual basis, but it sounds like a lot of it has to do with maybe there's a lot of people in relationships and they'll, you know, will people get married at a younger age or, and they don't really maybe know who they are or they haven't, or they've lost themselves in the relationship. And is that something that, what kind of what you spoke to in terms of really kind of tapping in and

taking a step back, even though you were already in this, like at what point, how long were you married to your husband when you kind of identified this, that you wanted to take a step back and get to know yourself and have it benefit your relationship? We were together probably 10 years, 15 years.

So we had, we didn't, we, the beginning of our relationship, we have incredible chemistry. And that's what kept us together, is a volatile sexual chemistry. But my sense of like who he was and how he was erotically and in everyday was like, I didn't understand it, I didn't understand.

I mean you know him, he played Toby in The West Wing, he's on The Good Doctor, he has a lot of dark energy. Yeah, he has like a, it's a very intimidating presence. Yeah. I always, maybe that's why I'm into it. I was like, ah, I really enjoy watching him. But yeah, he does. He's intense and he's dark and he has a lot of

kind of steamy, pissy, pissed off energy that you can just feel. Yeah. And I was like, why am I with this guy? Why am I with this guy? He's so dark. I should be with somebody really light like me. And what this journey was able to show me is, girl, you've got dark energy just as dark as his. And that dark energy is why you are so attracted to each other. And so I feel like you talk about couples that lose the spark. They have kids,

they have life, they go into some time together, and all of a sudden they've lost what I call polarity, the sexual polarity, which is that energy, that masculine, feminine, positive, negative, north-south energy that creates that incredible attraction. If you think about magnetic energy, you think about electrical energy, you think about sexual energy, you've got to have that polarity. If you have too much sameness, if you become like roommates, if you become like family, brother, sister, you lose the sexual polarity. And once you do that, it just kind of flatlines. But I truly am passionate about helping women and men recreate that polarity. Because you can, I don't care if you've been together 40 years,

five years, five months, you can fix polarity. You can create polarity. And the number one thing is finding out who you are in your body as an erotic being. If you don't know who you are, how do you know what your lover is? How do you know what to bring to the party of love, right? To sexuality.

How was your husband at first when you discovered this in terms of accepting this exploration you did within yourself? Cause I wonder, especially a part of the doc was this almost fear of their partner of, will he accept me? Will he be open to this change? Will he even be okay that I'm taking a pole dancing class, et cetera, et cetera, the judgment that might come with it. Like how was he specifically and what would you say to the women listening who don't, shockingly, you know, even though it's their husband, don't even feel comfortable to like,

talk about this? Hey, I want to get to know, like, almost, does it sound too, you know, hippie, hippie, GB or whatever? Like, let's, you know, like, hey, I want to- Too personal growth. Let's dance on a pole, get to know ourselves again. And you're like, what? How about let's dance on a pole and free our sexual desire? Yeah. Or how about dance on a pole and free my erotic creature?

You know, because I agree with you, people can, they don't, it's how do you put the two and two together? Look, it's a whole revolution in our whole world. It's a cultural revolution of coming from being stuck up here in our masculine mind, coming back into the body, right? I mean, we're all living, you know, from our armpits up with our little phones, our little computers, our little tablets. And so we've lost our body. And we've lost the, we can't even understand how our body wants to come into a relationship erotically or sexually, we see images, we see pornography,

we see romance novels, we see stuff outside of ourselves. And we think, oh, maybe that's how I wanna be loved, or maybe that's what I find erotic. But actually your body has got all the answers. So like, I'm just a real body advocate. And so I feel like it can feel like, oh, this is all so bizarre but it's it blew my mind what happened in my life was so radical the transformation was so intense that I just

started to share it with people and then they shared it with people and it grew grassroots right and then Oprah came and had us more like hey. So it was more like, hey, I'm into this. I'm in, look what happened. This is what I'm doing. Exactly, look what happened to me. This is what happened to me when I, you know, woke up to my erotic body. It can happen to you. And it did happen for thousands of women.

And at this point, I've, you know, taught hundreds of thousands of women. And it just seems to light women back up because, you know, think about, think about the world we live in. Think about the documentary. Women are told from the time they are itty bitty to stop touching that, don't do this, don't do that,

keep those crossed, don't do this, don't wear that, to the point where we are so terrified of what our bodies are saying to you and to the world that we just start to clench and we shrink ourselves to be smaller and smaller and smaller so that we don't upset the status quo, so that we don't upset the patriarchal value, right? The value system.

And so when you actually step back into the volatile sexuality of the feminine body, watch out because you're going to turn into the sexual erotic icon of yourself. It's like women have such incredible sexual energy that has been shut down. So when you free it, it's like you're just unleashing the most magnificent erotic energy. How much resistance have you felt from the outside world along the way? Because, you know, especially we get a lot of people listen to this podcast who it's a very common story. You come from a very traditional religious background or conservative.

I mean, I'm like that myself. And, you know know that's why we just kind of have this kind of no judgment mentality on this show um and they're you know religion can be very great but it has done damage in people's lives what has done damage religion can religion yeah the shame of it all like the judgment or um and even hearing you talk just kind of empower empowerment combined with sex and femininity I think a lot of people can find it intimidating or you see it on the internet

right you know now that my girlfriend and I are more public now and she's posting on Instagram her women audience has gone up before it was more like men following her and she's a beautiful woman and she's proud of her body and she'll post pictures in a bikini sometimes and sometimes you get real a real

harsh judgmental world out there it's harsh man and um how can women not let that get to them and and and not let that like stunt their kind of you you know, confidence in their, who they are and their bodies and their sexual energy and without the shame of traditional kind of conservative values? That's a great question. And it's so funny because, you know, I was brought up Roman Catholic

and a lot of the women at the S Factor community are very religious, Christian or Jewish or there's even Muslim students. But you have to reframe what religion is for your body and include your body in religion to me. I mean, especially I'm not saying, hey, get erotic and go sleep with everybody. Especially, I'm not saying, hey, get erotic and go sleep with everybody. I'm saying get erotic for your own life and your own pleasure and your own if you have a significant other partner. And bring that into, I believe sexuality is one of the most spiritual experiences on the planet. I believe coming together with somebody in consciousness and in love through your body can be like touching God. Yeah. and in love through your body can be like touching God. And I feel like if whatever you believe in, God, the universe, Allah, whatever,

this body was created for pleasure, these bodies, right? That's why the bodies have so many nerve endings and erogenous zones and different ways of feeling pleasure. And what a sad thing to go through your life and not live in this body to its fullest potential that was God-given. So I reframe it in that way, you know, is it's about living to the fullest potential you're capable of. It's about laughing as broadly as you can. It's about feeling as much pleasure as you can. It's about feeling as much love as you can, connection as you can. And then you'll have lived a well, your body will have been well used in life. How can we be untucked and free while still

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it was for themselves like their their sexuality their pleasure was more focused on what pleasures you what makes happy. And then whoever's into that, allow them to maybe enjoy it if you want to. But like we, especially women, and I think men suffer a little bit too much sometimes too, is that all the pleasure they think they should be having should be focused on whether they're accepted by their partner. Like, what are you like?

It's about, you know, oh, are you okay? Did you finish are you like? You know, oh, are you okay? Did you finish? Did you come? Did you like, are you okay? Like, don't worry about me. I'm like, as long as you're happy. I'm over here, be a champion. And then meanwhile, it's just like,

well, wait, well, what about you? And I think it's amazing how many, and I think more women than men aren't even focused on like if they climaxed or if they're getting any enjoyment out of it whatsoever. So many women don't even climax and don't even know how to climax in a lovemaking session with a partner. I mean, that's a statistic that is painful because our bodies are so shut down from such an early age. The minute you wake your body up and if you do it through any feminine movement practice, but I use S if you do it through any feminine movement practice,

but I use S-Factors, a feminine movement practice, you don't have to use a pole. You can just do the floor work and just warm up your body and move your body, undulate your body. And that is an erotic energy, right? And to me, what you're saying is so true. And the fact that women have been okay living like this, and what the documentary shows is we're getting to a tipping point where women are just boiling over. They don't want to live in misery. They don't want to live in shutdown. They don't want to live without polarity and turn on. But a woman, when she wakes up to the fact that she is responsible for her own coming, she is responsible for her own turn on, it's not his or her partner's job,

that changes this whole scenario. It changes the whole thing because it makes her feel like she knows herself and doesn't have to depend on someone else for her own pleasure and our own happiness. I mean, that's huge. That really ripples out. Right. Well,

yeah, it kind of makes you like a free agent, free agent. You know, it's like, and it's, I mean, we wouldn't have a podcast.

We get, we do an episode where people call and ask relationship questions and it wouldn't exist. If, if everyone understood that premise, because it's's so it's so much of well what what can i do to make them okay what can i like it there's very little thinking about their own needs and that's not just sexual it's just about their own happiness day-to-day life their work their passions in career and it's just like well if you just took a moment and prioritized the

things that you want in life and then you were just like if anyone wants this i'm great or if you don't also fine uh it would just make you so much more free you you were going running around life being like are you okay with this are you are you okay no you're not like what can i do and then you're you're being pulled in all these different directions. Like it's a, you know, people are dating like it's a political campaign, which is, it's tough. It's so tough. Because like you can't get everyone to like you.

No. You know, you just gotta find the one. No, but you're really wise because you're absolutely right. I mean, it's like when you are self-satisfied, when you know yourself so well, especially with your body, because that's where I come from is everything emanates from the body.

When you are so keen on exactly how you want to be kissed, exactly how you want to be touched, where you want to be touched, how you want to be touched, how you want to be loved, and you feel so full, you can't help but want to give. You can't help but want to serve when you feel full. But I have met so many people, Nick, so many women, mostly women who walk through the world empty, needy, needy, needy, needy, needy, and thinking that their partner is going to fill that need. And that I don't want to be alone. I don't want you to go golfing. I don't want you to do this. I don't want you to do that. Be with me.

Be with me. Be with me. Go shopping with me. Go do this with me. And it gets to the point where their partners are just at a loss. Like, I can't give anymore. I have to take care of me. If there's one thing that the masculine,

and when I talk about masculine and feminine, I'm not talking about gender. I'm not talking about biological sex. I'm actually talking about whether you identify with more masculine or more feminine energy to define who you are as a human being, right? But the more masculine energies, they've learned, there's a self-sustaining energy

that they've learned. They learn to take care of themselves, I've noticed. And the feminine who wants to please. The more masculine. The more masculine seems to be much more autonomous and it might be the world we live in it might be just innate masculine energy but the feminine energy feels to me that it's always wanting to please and always serving and acquiescent and uh when you get to the point where women and feminine energy is able to be self-sustaining and autonomous, and then you've got two equal energies in a relationship, it's so volatile.

I say the word volatile, but people might not understand what I mean. It's like explosive sexuality. explosive sexuality. So if you are in a relationship that you've been in for 30 years, 20 years, 10 years and you feel that it's kind of like gotten dormant sexually, it's kind of gotten boring like you said, they have sex once or twice a month, once a year, you can pull yourself back into yourself, learn about how to turn yourself on and then bring that back into your that relationship to actually increase that spark you know talk about feminine energy or or women and it's like the stereotype or maybe it's because it's just more prevalent of you're wanting

to please or give the nurturing energy but like and it seems like people will confuse that nurturing energy with like again just forgetting what they need or nurturing themselves or like why you know it's just like and maybe that's why it's so common but it seems like it you you believe both can be possible you can be a nurturer and giving all while not forgetting the things you need which that seems to be what happens most often if this i want to be a caretaker i want to take care of my partner i want to take care of my kids or whoever it is and then one day you wake up you're like i'm miserable yeah yeah and i'm empty yeah and i feel depleted and tired and now i'm depressed so now i'm going to get on antidepressants,

I'm gonna go see Shrank, I'm gonna try and, and you start to try and use, you've gotten so conditioned to look outside yourself for fulfillment, you know? You don't know that if you just turn around and look inside and you look at the wonder that is the feminine body, a woman's body, you look at the brilliance, I often say to women, you are number one,

you're the top of the cup on that champagne fountain cup thing. And if you are empty, you will be giving from emptiness. But if you fill yourself up first and it's called the infinity, right? It's like I can give to you, but I have to give to me to get full. It's this infinity energy. Like we have some blissful pleasers in the audience over here.

Amanda is a blissful pleaser. So blissful pleasers run the risk of giving, giving, giving until they're depleted. What the blissful pleaser needs to learn, I'm looking at both of you, is that I can only give out what I have inside. So I have to fill up first and then I give from that full cup. And so, yeah. I like that kind of analogy. It's like one of those like water fountains. Exactly. Like it's coming from, it's recycling the water. It's not like it's just pulling from nothing.

That's exactly right. You know, so it's intaking the water in the pool that's also filling up the pool. That's right. That's right. And the water in the pool that's also filling up the pool. That's right. That's right. And then I can nurture from that place. And women do have a strong nurture bent, or the feminine does, right? So the one thing women have never been taught or given permission to even do is to spend time filling their own cup first, finding out how they want to be loved, finding out

how they want to be touched, finding out how they want to be touched, moving in an erotic way, turning themselves back on. And if they took all the energy that they use, that we use to shut ourselves down. I mean, when I said earlier that women have been taught and trained from early childhood to get smaller and smaller and smaller like this, right? Look at my body. Do you know how much energy it takes to keep myself this small? It takes a lot of energy. Now, what if I release that energy

and then I find my own erotic energy inside my body? Oh my God, you are like, you're creating 10 times the energy you had, that you had been living with to live in the future, right? So if I've been living real small and little and then I explode out of myself and I find my full body expression, I find my pleasure, I find my sexuality, I find my erotic creature, and I'm turned on, my God, nothing can stop you. You can't stop you in a relationship. It can't stop you at work.

Everything that you've ever wanted will come to you. So how can young women apply this mindset? Because it seems like, specifically the doc, it was women coming to you or seeking this out after they have experienced some life or some trauma or unhappy relationships or etc etc but if we can instill this type of mentality there's kind of this teaching to the you know young men and women to prioritize this and get to know themselves I know easier said than done,

but what would be some ways to try to change that? I think you start so early. I think you start really early with teaching young girls even about their body. When my little girl was three years old, one day she had a big pasta dinner and I put her to bed and we're laying in bed and her belly was kind of protruding and she's like, mommy, I'm so fat. I'm not going to eat anything tomorrow. And I was like,

oh, alarm bells. And I was like, I did a self-touch exercise with her and we touched all these different parts of her body and we talked about what that part of the body does. And then she'd kiss her part of the body. She'd kiss her knee and she'd kiss her ankle and she'd kiss her arms and she'd kiss her, her, whichever she could reach, right? And she'd love up on her belly and love up on her chest. Because I could see her being pulled into the really horrifying whirlpool of self-hate that women go through in their bodies. It's like, it's rampant. It's so bad. Women are so brutal to their own being and their own body. But they didn't start out that way. They learned that from somewhere. They learned that from the culture or from media

and magazines. And so I think it starts super early, getting young girls to feel powerful in their bodies, teaching them strong stances, teaching them about the different emotional energy in their body and how brilliant their body is. There's so many tools that I've learned or other feminine embodiment people have learned about the body that need to be given to young girls so that they don't get sucked into that self-hatred gerbil wheel. Yeah, because it's interesting

because we project all our crap onto like literally everyone else in the world. And then you'll see, and it's like even some, you know, defensive men be like, well, it's, you know, women are more mean to other women and whatever. And like, sure, but like we all do it. We're all just projecting our own bullshit. Yeah. You know, we very often, very rarely like look in the mirror and just be like, why am I, why am I criticizing or why am I commenting on this post or why am I assuming something negative rather than assuming something positive? You know,

for example, like my, my girlfriend will post a picture in a bathing suit and both men and women equally will start deciding whether she's had plastic surgery or why she's wearing X, Y, and Z. And it's like, it's really fucking brutal.

Yeah. Yeah. And you're just like, why don't you just say you look great and be on your way or, or say nothing at all. But it's, it's wild. And,

and it's, I don't know why. And again, men and women are doing this to each other. Totally. It's misery loves company. Yeah. Your mob mentality.

Well, if she looks that great, she's doing something false, right? Because I look like this because I sit on the couch all day and I'm not moving. And that makes themself feel better, right? I feel like we have such, I mean, this gets into a whole other conversation, but we're in a really kind of just divisive, divided, brutal time right now. Because being celebrity, being a celebrity, being someone in the public eye, Nick, you have a target on your back and your chest, and so does your girlfriend now, and so do I. And we have to decide how are we going to boundary ourselves to be safe

in that milieu. So if this is affecting your girlfriend in any way whatsoever, I would have her create boundaries, psychic boundaries, meaning, you know, block and delete. That's tough. I mean, she's good about it. Don't allow. Yeah, but it can't help it. It wears you down. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It can't help it eat away at. And I feel like we are, you know, social media is such a new landscape that we haven't learned how to create boundaries on it yet. And I've had to because I have had a target too. And now I'm very, very clear. This is a space. My platforms are a space of love and elevation and compassion and learning. And if you do not respect that, block and delete.

Block and delete because I need to create a safe psychic space for myself and for people. And it's really amazing how little people do that and how they allow all of these, I don't know if you want to call them haters or judgers, into your psychic space to judge your body. I mean, that's vulnerable. And I don't care how tough your girlfriend's skin is. That can eat away at you. And it's not just her.

I mean, everyone does it, whether you're in the public eye or not. Now, to some degree, if you have a public social media platform, it's all relative too. Like you could have 300 followers. How many people, how many of those 300 people do you know

and knows you? Like knows who you really are. I get it from this show all the time. I get it from this show all the time what do you get from this show all the time of my face my skin um why is why does nick only hire fat producers like all that kind of stuff yeah i get it in my dms all the time and do you look at them people do you look at them i do but i tell her not to you know be had. I mean, in your documentary, what,

what touched me the most was these women. Yes. I'm a bigger woman with these women who feel the shame that goes along with being a bigger woman. Yep. And so you see on social media and you see all this stuff where it's like, you're shamed into like not showing your body. Like,

you know, like Lizzo's doing the, like here, here I am right now. Right.'s doing the like here and here I am right now right like here's me here I am I'm putting myself naked yeah like someone who's bigger you you have like this shame and like trying to show something like that so it was interesting in your documentary that you were able to help these women kind of like feel like it's okay for them to be considered almost women that were pretty.

A thousand times. I can't even believe you get that. I'm so protective right now, this whole social media world. I'm so protective of people I care about. I'm like, don't ever open a DM. Just shut it down. Just block and delete. We were just never meant to have this much access to other people's opinions about ourselves and and that's true access is the word because you have to earn access to people and people are just feeling like they have access to you is that's not right that was such a beautiful share what you and i don't want it to go by without first of all thanking you for sharing that's vulnerable what you said

and did about your own body. You have a beautiful endomorphic body. And what people don't understand is the different kinds and shapes of bodies and becoming, coming to peace with who you are in your body is one of the most important things you can ever attain. And I know that there was a period of time where the endomorphic body was worshiped, right? And in Maritania-

Can you explain what endomorphic body means? Okay, oh, thank you. So there's an endomorphic body, an mesomorphic body, and an ectomorphic body. And these are the different body shapes that our DNA is gonna dictate we grow into, right? An endomorphic is a rounder body that has more curve and more fat tissue. A mesomorphic has more muscle tissue.

And an ectomorphic has more neural tissue. And so each of these body types have had its reign of popularity as sexual icons, right? The Venus of Willendorf, if you know that, it's that ancient figurine of that kind of robust and full-bodied woman. Do you know that one I'm talking about? Lizzo is an endomorph. In a country called Mauritania, I think it's an African country, women that have more body, more mass, more fat are considered more attractive and more sexually provocative

than thinner women. So there's different cultures that appreciate different kind of body types. Right now we live in a time that loves the ectomorph, the tall, skinny. The ectomorphs are very long boned and really thin and tall and small heads. Think of like any supermodel would probably be an ectomorph. And a mesomorph is more athletic and muscular. Like any athlete you can think of, any female athlete would be a mesomorph. So coming to peace, part of my passion is helping women come to peace with their body and who their body is and was meant to be. They have no control over whether you're going to be an endomorph or an ectomorph. And understanding that, oh, I'm an endomorphic body. I'm supposed to have this curvy shape. I'm not supposed to look like a stick.

Do you think there's a shift at all in the past 10 years? It's a shift that's kind of like, see, look, I'm an endomorph, but I have this tiny waist that I had, you know. Sure. You know, so when we think about, I think Lizzo is doing more for endomorph than anybody because endomorph is, you know, just robust, fleshy, than anybody because endomorph is, you know, just robust, fleshy, you know, has this beautiful, it's not just like I have that 26 inch waist that Kim Kardashian has. It's like, no, I have a wide girth here and that's natural to my body and it's beautiful and it's sexy. So I do know what you're saying, but I do think that we are moving in that direction of pushing more acceptance and normalizing different body types. But I do still think there is this

impossible standard that I'm watching my 20-year-old daughter try and achieve. And it is brutal. And these girls are still cutting, and they're still bulimic, and they're still anorexic, and they're still trying to look like Kim Kardashian, who I don't know how she gets her waist to that. You know, that's she's gorgeous. But please, that's not that does not look like a waist that I've ever seen. You know, I do. Yeah. Right.

And I think there's I think with social media in particular, I'm struck by how it feels like I could really identify like a hierarchy of beauty. And I can tell you, I could look at any given photo and point out which aspects of a person conform to that hierarchy of beauty and which of those traits are like desirable.

I have a very clear sense of like what is coveted as a body. And that might be like slightly different than other people. But I think there is sort of like a shared sentiment about like what traits and features are idealized and celebrated and I think yeah one thing I was like very curious about with like watching the document or watching the documentary was the way you sort of help women get out of the self-talk and into

their body and I'm curious how you think that's possible for people to do on their own because it's like there's you know there's the visceral like more intuitive body I feel good in myself but then there's the voice saying but I know all of these metrics that I could compare myself to and what is coveted and what is valued and I don't meet those and so I'm curious like how that's possible without having another person intervening to get you out of your head to like reconnect with that physical intuition oh gosh that was a big question um it's so i always say to women talk to your toes i know it sounds silly but if i i just started i just said that did you guys wiggle your toes yeah yeah are you all wiggling your toes now i did now do it again all right and and so if you're thinking about the pleasure in your feet and your toes,

you can't be sitting here going, but I'm not this, that, that, that. So I know it's cute and it's funny, talk to your toes. But that is all I do is get women's minds to think down into their body. Touch your leg, tickle your leg, smack your leg. Do you like it? Which do you like better? Do you like a spanking? Do you like you like better? Do you like a spanking? Do you like a tickle?

Do you like a strong hand? You know, it's exploring the body. And that distracts the critical mind from, well, I don't have that waist, so I'm going to autocorrect that. I'm going to autocorrect this. I'm going to autocorrect that. And you don't, you post a picture. It looks nothing like you, but you feel good about it because it represents you to other people. And meanwhile, you go into

the bathroom and you vomit up your lunch and your dinner. I hope I'm not being too graphic, but I work with women day in and day out. I know what women do. I know what girls do. I know what they're doing now to their bodies to try and look like all of these icons that they love, right? So the fact that I'm going to go back to Lizzo because I'm so in love with her and I'm so in love with what she's doing because she's actually saying, this is my body.

I don't have a 26-inch waist, but I'm hot. I'm sexy. I feel good in my skin. I dance. I sing. And she's like, she's redefining what sexy can be, what sexy is, right? And giving women permission to feel it inside. Sexy, if you say, if you allow sexy to be a word that someone can describe you as, then you

are disempowering yourself. If you take sexy and you say, it's mine to define how I feel inside, if I want to feel sexy, then you've just taken the power back, right? And that entails talking to your toes, touching your hair, touching your body, breathing deeply into your curves, swirling your hips. And just to me, it's the biggest F you to a culture that wants to give you these strict guidelines by which sexy is determined. If you say, screw that, and that's what the pole is, that's why I took the pole and turned it into something

that any woman on the planet can do is, look, I don't want this culture to dictate who I am, how beautiful I am, how sexy I am, and how viable I am and valuable I am. I'm gonna define that. And I'm gonna do it by taking the pull back and by taking the six inch heels back and by taking my body back.

Does that help? No, yeah. I mean, I'm passionate about it, you can tell, because I've seen so much pain. I've seen so many women in pain. And I don't want women in pain. Women are too amazing. And I've learned so much from from cisgendered men looking at women

with such love and appreciation and so to be able to get women to open up to that because you're right women can be brutal on women women can be brutal on each other yeah they can and i think it's a culture of scarcity, of feeling like, if I don't look like her, I won't get as much attention as she does. And I feel like what it needs to be is everybody's going to get attention. Because true sexuality, true sexiness is not the 26-inch waist. It is what you feel inside and what you emanate out. You know, when you just radiate like life force energy and you let your body dance and move and you're like liquid and fluid and full of pleasure, you're going to get all the gazes. You're going to get a lot of

attention because you're living fully in your truth and in your body. I totally agree. I was, while watching your doc, I was, a question came to me that is a very common question out there, almost like in a playful adolescent way. And that's just the stereotype that nice guys finish last, right? And a lot about your doc was about

many of these women who have been traumatized by men right and then i think many men might watch it and get defensive it's like well i'm just like one of the good guys but like i've had some tough luck with women as well and the nice guys finish last last do you well one do you believe that to be true um yeah let's just start do i believe that nice guys finish last yeah that the stereotype that nice guys finish last no i do not believe that i actually i do not believe that yeah i think people confuse what nice means yes right that's what i would yeah anybody who's saying that is probably not a nice guy no but like people will say like women will joke about that too i'm not just not gonna say like women will be like i like the bad boy like i like the but the nice guy can be the bad boy well that's what i'm saying

best bad boys are nice guys exactly well and again oh god let's quote that write that down yes and it also depends on what you do how you define bad boy or nice guy or because you're we're spending so much talk time talking about power and empowering. And people will confuse, especially a lot of the women calling in, of like, well, I don't want to be difficult. I don't want to be a bitch. I don't want to like. And I'm just like, I want to be cool.

I don't want a guy to think I'm crazy. I don't want to. And I'm just like, knowing what you want, knowing how you feel, feeling sexy. Guys love that, right? That's what I'm saying. Do y'all hear him? Guys love that. Oh, my God.

Love, love. And it will attract the right guys. That's right. And you'll also attract a guy who ideally feels the same way about himself. Confident, secure, knows what he he wants knows what he doesn't want but when you don't know what you want you will attract sometimes a guy who thinks he knows what he wants because he's just a dick or puts you down and you spend so much time like pining for his love and affection right so but like to stop that we we need to focus both men and women on

knowing ourselves what we want being confident ourselves and then attracting the people we allow into our lives not pining for the attention and validation of others and i think it works both ways but i think we're confusing like nice guy with or or bad boy with someone who's just confident confidence can be intimidating yeah it doesn't mean he's a dick or it doesn't mean he's, you know, gaslights or doesn't mean he, you know, does all these like toxic things, a toxic masculinity and things like that. And often that comes from, you can, if you're in, you know, they'll say like, if you're

insecure about yourself, men or women, you will attract people because, you know, predators will pick up on your weakness whatever that might be and if you have a weakness and you don't know who you are men and women you will attract people unfortunately who will leverage that weakness to mess their own oh 100% agree with you so we just got to focus on what we need first before we're, you know, even if we are a nurturer and knowing ourselves to try to. Can I just share something with you about the good guy, bad guy, bad boy thing? Because you're so dead right about this is knowing who you are and how you are. so as when I was I hate to educate so I I would categorize men when I was younger and I still and I and it still kind of works I would categorize

potential lovers as ABC or D men I'm dying I know the list so the D man is you used the word before, is a dick man. He's the dominator. It's the dominator mentality. And he's a dick man. And he thinks the world revolves around him and his penis. And that's a culture that we are hopefully leaving. The C-man is the compromised or castrated man who has allowed some force in their lives to castrate their virility,

whether it's an overbearing mother and father or if it's society and a job he hates or whatever it is, he's compromised himself. That's what I think people interpret as the good guy. You don't have to be that. And then there's the B man, which is the boy man who doesn't want to grow up and is having a hard time taking on responsibility and stepping into his virility and his masculinity. And then there's the A man, and I call him the

altar man at whose altar I worship. I worship the altar man, the awakened man, who is completely at peace with his virility and his masculinity can stand in it can hold his space can hold his lover's space um can isn't intimidated and overwhelmed by strong oh wild crazy erotic feminine energy can hold that and feels not overwhelmed or intimidated, you saw three amen in the film that held the space for the women who were just shattering, right? It's so beautiful. And I think to get to amen status, to get to this place, you're exactly right. You got to do some deep, deep inner work. Who am I as a masculine energy on this planet? And when I say a man, it could be an a woman as well, if you're in a lesbian relationship. So it's really about

how do I find and hold my integrity in this masculine energized body I'm in, right? So I feel like an a man can be the baddest bad boy on the planet because he's so at peace with himself and his masculinity. He's not threatened by other masculine energy. He's not threatened by, he can hold the space and protect the feminine energy around him that he wants to protect. Yeah. And I think that you said the cat, the castrated guy is what people confuse is the good guy

or the nice guy. And that he's, he might be nice at times, you know, and he might be gentle at times, but he's got some shit he needs to work through. Right. And that's why like, you'll see, like, maybe you might see this good looking guy from afar. You walk up and then he starts talking and immediately he'll lose all his kind of sexual energy because he's always, he doesn't know, you know, he's figuring him. from afar you walk up and then he starts talking and immediately he'll lose all his kind of sexual energy because he's always, he doesn't know,

he's figuring him, he doesn't know what he wants and he's confused and his insecurities just kind of radiate and that makes a lot of sense. And that's why he's not sought after. It's not because he's nice, it's because he's kind of, he's. The guys say get your balls back, right? He's lost his, i don't want to be

crass about it but he's lost his sense of who who he is as a man yeah yeah because i do get fresh i'll see guys on the internet the light of this oh well you know i try to be nice but that doesn't seem to work and it's just like and that's the c-man right there yeah just the way you said it is this is a compromised man who he wants to be nice he wants to fit into the whole model of what's happening in the world and he wants to be respectful and which he can be just don't compromise yourself as a man don't compromise your own sense of masculinity your own sense of groundedness your own sense of power your, your own sense of power, your strength, your physical strength, your emotional strength, all of these elements that can really make for a powerful masculine

presence. And it will really, I see it with a lot of young men too. It's just like the first time they get their heart broken. Yeah. They feel like they've been vulnerable for the first time and they've done X, Y, and Z and she leaves. Yeah. And then there's resentment and anger and it's just like, well, you, I was good to you and I didn't get anything out of it. It's like transactional niceness. Yes. Because it's not niceness that's coming from within and from wanting to nurture and be kind. It's like, I'm doing this for you.

Why aren't you keeping up your end of the bargain? And then they leave and it's just like, what the fuck? How dare you? How dare you? Yeah, I feel cheated.

It's like, you know, there's billions of people. Just find someone else. Yeah, but you see that a lot with a lot of young men. And I think women, I think especially young women

are so susceptible to that guilt. I think guilt is such a like guilt and shame. And that's one thing that's so clear in the documentary is a really comfortable space for a lot of women to go into. And so part of the reason that this dynamic exists and perpetuates is that like I feel like me and my peers were very susceptible to this idea that, oh, we did owe them something and we didn't keep up our end of the bargain and that there is like some obligation and that I think it can be really hard

to have the confidence to take up space and be like, no, fuck that guy. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, people often, like when people break up, there's just always, there's going to be pain

if there was love there. There is. There's going to be sadness. And it's okay to be the bad guy, quote unquote bad guy, if you end up leaving a relationship because they're going to feel anger and you gotta sometimes and we'll do that because you'll break someone's heart and you cared about them and you feel sad because you didn't want to hurt them and then it gets really complicated you're you then you will compromise what you

know you deserve in a relationship because like i need to leave this relationship for whatever reason it's not good for me or i know i want to deserve something more and it's nothing against you and then we worry too much about you know them and or they'll you'll let them shame us right and there's just a lot of a lot of messiness that can come from that and uh and men and women do do that to to each other they do and there's something that you mentioned earlier that I wanted to, in connection to that, is when you mentioned that men can look at the documentary

and say, you know, men can be brutal on women's bodies and there's a lot of things in the documentary that you'll see that a lot of women

recovering from brutal. Yeah. And most men, it must be really, really tough on some level. And I'm showing compassion to the masculine right now because there's such a, it's like a punching bag at the moment. Because so many men are not bad guys and are not going to be sexual offenders, are not going to hurt women, but there are those few that have. And where's the line where men don't have to, and this is a question to you because you must feel that too at some level. You must feel, I can't believe those guys did that to

these girls. Yeah. There's a lot of talk in our culture, like, you know, police are good apples, bad apples, that idea of like, well, you know, it's just some bad apples, right, type of thing. And yes, you get defensive too, but I mean, in my adult life, I feel very fortunate not only to have this platform and have people call each other stories, but I have a lot of women friends yeah i've dated a lot of women and it's shocking

uh how many you when you start talking to women about their experiences or you watch the movie where she goes on these dates and she promising young woman. And the amount of women that have experienced sexual assault, trauma, harassment is astonishing. Astonishing. Astonishing. Thank you for saying that because, yeah. And what's more astonishing is that of all the women who have shared a story in some degrees,

whether it's friends, women I've dated, just acquaintances, 100% of the men who who victimize them are are walking on this earth free yep so that's i mean it's it's well how does that feel as a man terrible terrible and right and so like in you know so if it's 10 of men or 20 of men it's and so like as a, I think you just, and I've talked about this, whether we talk about racism or we talk about, you know, masculinity, it's like, it's easy to get defensive because you're just like, I want to be one of the good guys. But as opposed to just immediately assuming that you've never done anything wrong, I think it's always good to just ask the questions

of like, how could I have done better in any given situation? Right. It's just like, and sometimes, you know, you're just, you're, do I pay attention? Do I ask the questions? Do I, yeah. And you're like, you know, you've never traumatized a woman or put them in a hurt in a situation, but you just try to ask more questions and make them feel comfortable. I mean, but it's easy because you just don't want to get labeled as like, there's a lot of, that's the thing. Right now in this world, a lot of generalizing, right? Labeling everything, everyone, putting everyone into a box.

And then, you know, Amanda and I have talked about this. What's very frustrating is it seems like we're getting into a place where people forget that two things can be true at the same time. You know, the world's nuanced. It's gray. It's not black and white. But it's just so like, you know, a guy did this to me.

All men are bad. And so then guys will get defensive. They're just because of this war. It's inevitable. It's just a lot of doing your part. How can you be an ally? So what's your part is my question to you. For me?

I'm curious. I don't get an opportunity. I talk to a lot of women. I do a lot of women's podcasts. I have a chance to talk to a good guy, a good man. And my question is, when you hear about your friends, right? Astonishing amount of women have had some kind of sexual impropriety done to their body, right? Me teaching for 20 years, astonishing number of women have had some kind of recovery. They have to, because some things done to their body, right? Me teaching for 20 years, astonishing number of women have had some kind of recovery. They have to, because some things happen to their body

as kids, caused by men. As a man that's probably not done it most, you haven't done anything awful to a woman's body. How do you, how do we solve the man problem? I think it's a lot of- Wanted to ask this forever. I mean, it's a lot of wanted to ask this forever i mean it's it's a lot of thing i mean if i'm just guessing and i'm not an expert it there's a religious element there's an inappropriate like in in in like sex education i think we just this kind of puritan culture is we pretend that we shouldn't talk like i mean this the story you told about your daughter when she was eating i think that's the stuff that doesn't happen a lot. Right. Uh, in terms of just having an honest conversation with your young child about real honest things that they're going

to experience and whether that's sex and whether that's, you know, eating habits and not having shame is, is I think we just have to have more conversations about it like you know young men need to watch promising young women and and say this happens and not pretend that it doesn't i think sometimes we we want to right we want to we want to watch these movies or documentaries and and pretend it's an isolated small group of people and maybe it's small relative to like the overall society but clearly too many yeah because you and i almost all the women we know have had some kind of sexual offense and it's just like 10 of men are doing that exactly i it doesn't i don't i don't know what the number is but it's shocking how many and again like i know how yeah where does it start

i mean it's i don't think we're going to solve this problem no but i'm so curious but it's i think i listen i grew up in a very welcoming family yeah and i had a mother who had her own experiences right and so it was you know what her she you know she had six boys and and in talking to her boys about treating women was you know something we were taught since I can remember. Right. Before puberty in terms of, you know, respecting your, first it was respecting your sisters, you know. And it wasn't necessarily about chivalry. It was just about, you know, that.

Just respect. And I don't know. And my dad, you know, in terms of how he treated my mother right and I think you know you we watch her and it's a cyclical right you know and absolutely and I don't so this has been going on for years in terms of you watch our young men might watch their fathers treat their mothers a certain way and think that's how they should treat you know women um you know porn porn's a problem you know so there's a lot of things out there. Oh, I think you're absolutely right. It is an issue.

And in terms of, but also it's just having conversations. Young dating couples talking about sex before they, like most people go in and have sex before they've ever discussed sex. Right. You know, they don't talk about what they like or their interests or what their kinks are or what makes them feel safe or unsafe there is have a couple beers and be like let's take our clothes

off you know yeah yeah you're you're gonna get a lot things wrong yeah not necessarily in an unsafe situation right but even that like we're just not talking about sex enough and making it feel like it's a safe space you know and like a lot of what your documentary talked about is just you know you're getting a lot of women yeah not young women women for the first time being open about their bodies and sex in ways they've never before and that's crazy when you're talking about 30 40 year old 50 year old women their whole life they just were like i can't talk about it i don't i'll be a lady it's crazy it's absolutely crazy so i think you're just not having conversations

and in another you know in a deeper issue that's where i get a little worried about the world sometimes is that uh like i i believe in accountability and we a lot of talk conversations about cancer culture but like people will always you got to make sure the conversations are happening out in the public for people to hear yeah because people are if they're not talking about they're still going to wonder about it they're still going to be curious they're still gonna have their own thoughts and in thoughts who that aren't communicated often can get dark so we need to allow a safe space for people to talk about absolutely whatever's going on up in here whether it's through therapy or with each other and absolutely i don't know, I'm rambling.

No, no, but it's good because I'm just curious. And because I've heard it before, I did a TED Talk in 2012 and I heard that men were threatened by it and pissed off. And then I heard about the documentary that men also get their hackles up about the documentary and about the women who've had so many affronts. So I just wanted to kind of,

and I can see that you were also thinking about this and aware of this. And it's like, because you're right, nobody's talking. Everything we're talking about goes back to one thing. And that is what we talked about earlier is that we each need to know who we are and what we want. I mean, I have S-factor and I've developed S-factor for women. And there are a few

places where men can actually go and have a, you know, a collective of the masculine to understand and learn how to be in a tribe of masculine energy. We used to have that more indigenous, you know, when we lived in the more indigenous tribal communities, right? Where young men would go do vision quests, young women would have their own moontime quest. And there was much more development of who we were as masculine feminine creatures. And now there's so little of that. And it's not accessible. It's not easily accessible. You have to really look to find S-Factor or to find like Michael Holt's company, the guy that I used with his three men in the documentary.

It's very challenging. Like, why is this not something that is like as popular as Amazon? I mean, God, to me, this is like the nectar of life. Sexuality, interpersonal relationships, communication is like the nectar of life. Sexuality, interpersonal relationships, communication, connection, eroticism. And yet, you have to hunt to really find it. You do.

I think, was it last week I used the analogy where it's like people go through puberty, start having sex, and it's like we're a bunch of, we're just race cars. We're these souped up big engine race cars with absolutely no training or experience we just get in the cars put our foot in the gas and hope we don't crash but like we we crash all the time and we're crashing into each other yeah

it's crazy it's crazy and then i'm and then i'm and then i'm sitting in a circle of women who are all crying or just upset because they've been crashed into. Yeah. And that's it. It's so simple, you guys. I mean, something so natural and so beautiful is sexuality. It's a great analogy, the race car thing. Because nobody says how or why, where, when, what.

They're just like, just don't get in the race car. It's the only way not to crash. But it's so fun. Don't get in the race car. I feel like you could show me how to put on a seatbelt. Like, like, just don't get in the race car. It's the only way not to crash. But it's so fun. Don't get in the race car. I feel like you could show me how to put on a seatbelt. Like, no, just don't get in the race car. Don't get in the race car. Don't get in the race car is what women hear.

Shut it down. Shut your race car down. So women are, we're in our race car like this. I don't know what my race, and guys are like in their race car out here because the world is okay with masculine sexuality. And then those race cars crash into our race cars and we're just like a mess

instead of like together like that. So tap into your sexuality, be more empowered, get to know who you are and then look for your partner and anyone intimidated by you, just keep on looking. Bye-bye.

Anybody intimidated. Yeah, exactly. Know who you are. Know who you are as keep on looking. Bye bye. Anybody intimidated, yeah exactly, know who you are. Know who you are as an erotic body. Know your body. Know how your body wants to be touched. Know how she wants to move. Know all the different ways she can move to bring you pleasure. Because how many times have women just told me,

and you guys don't know the answer to this, so many times, they just told me they just lay there don't know the answer to this, so many times, but they just told me they just lay there. They just lay there, the guy gets in, and it's like, no, girl, you gotta move. Let me show you how to move. Let me show you how to get on top. Let me show you how to move your body into pleasure.

It's like a lock and a key. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I feel like we could just talk about this forever, but I probably have to let you go. Probably you so much it was great uh can you let the audience know where they can consume more of your wonderful content and if they are interested in learning more about s class and and pole dancing where they could find it sign up take a class absolutely so um if you watch the documentary i did a six month you watch the documentary, I did a six-month journey,

right? The documentary travels six months with this group of women. I'm actually going to do that six-month journey, September, October, November, December, January, February. So I'm going to take women virtually through the same journey. You can come and get on the wait list for that at sfactor.com, or you can come and read my blog at sheilakelly.com but where i spend a lot of time is on my instagram is sheilakellys so it's at sheilakellys on instagram great yeah well i really appreciate it it's been a ton of fun so fun uh thanks so much for listening guys i hope you found this interesting helpful uh make Make sure to follow Sheila. Check out the documentary, Strip Down, Rise Up on Netflix.

It's really great. And yeah, other than that, send your questions at asknickatcastme.com, cast with a K. And if there's nothing else, we'll see you back on Monday. Bye.