The Viall Files - E279 Dating Theories With Tinx

Episode Date: June 16, 2021

Today on The Viall Files we are joined by TikTok sensation Tinx. Tinx talks to us about all of her dating theories from Boyfriend Sickness & The Ick List to Box Theory and we are here for it. Tinx started her journey on TikTok when she wasn’t finding things on the platform that she was interested in and decided to make it herself. Nick and Tinx break down some of these theories and speak about the topics they get the most from their audiences and the advice they give them. The question is, is that advice different from a male or female perspective.  “ …you better national treasure the sh*$ out of your Ick List.” Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes.  THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: Headspace: http://www.headspace.com/VIALL  for a FREE ONE-MONTH TRIAL with access to Headspace’s full library of meditations for every situation. Episode Socials:  @viallfiles @nickviall @itsmetinx See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Are you a business owner or marketer looking to reach highly engaged podcast listeners just like you? AdvertiseCast can help. Whether you are looking to promote a national brand across Canada or a regional event or service, we've got you covered. Reach out today to Bob at AdvertiseCast.com. That's B-O-B at AdvertiseCast, as in podcast, dot com. at advertisecastasinpodcast.com. What's going on, everybody? Welcome to another fantastic episode of The Vile Files. I am your host, Nick, joined by my illustrious team. I don't even know if that's fitting. Oh, it's beautiful.

Great. You said that beautifully. Yeah. Chrissy, Allie, Amanda, how are all you ladies doing? Fantastical. How are you, Nicholas? So good. How's Jeff?

Jeff is great. Just really enjoying the family life uh we have uh i mean really i'm like yeah i got like i got like a makings of like a little fan i did see natalie posted natalie did post is like i'm here just in case you forgot it's i love it it's been a lot of fun uh we have an amazing episode for you uh the wonderful tinks is with us uh tinks so great that she's on par with the madonnas of the world of having a single name nickname which it works for it's great i'm super jealous but she has been all over uh if you're on tiktok on tiktok she's just i don't know a smart relatable woman who has you know shared her thoughts and opinions and views on life and it's uh she's uh been a joy to get to know and as always we talk a lot about relationships and

dating of which she has a lot of fun and insightful perspectives and i think all of you will really enjoy this episode with tinks yeah i mean if you haven't heard of her you are going to after this and you're really going to love it so let's get to it uh as always sending your questions to ask nick at cast media.com cast with a k we have merch chrishell stouse will be with us next week to recap episode three of The Bachelorette, of which I will be making a cameo and a great Ask Nick episode next week. And also next week is Chrissy. Who do we have next week? We have Dominic Monaghan and Billy Boyd from Lloyd of the Rings.

Oh, that's right. Fun, interesting guys, very successful actors, and really fun to talk about life with them. So be sure to check that out. If nothing else, we will get to the one and only Tinks. Tinks, thanks for coming. Thanks for having me. Let's talk about the name. Sure. I'm sure you get that a lot.

I do. Do you give yourself the nickname? I'm sure you get that a lot. I do. Do you give yourself the nickname? Sort of. So when I was younger, I wasn't that confident. And then one summer I watched this movie.

And in the movie there was this character called Tinka Parker. And she was really popular with boys. And she was really confident. And I came back to school that fall. And I was like, you guys, now I have an alter ego named Tinka Parker. How old were you? I was like 10, 11. And so it was like a Sasha Fierce thing.

And they were like, okay, bet, bet, bet. That's fine. And then I just sort of slowly started to become her more and more because it was fun to be confident. And confidence is so much like fake it till you make it. And Tinka Parker got shortened to Tinka, tinka got shortened to tanks and people have called me tinks for like 20 years now how how old were you when it stuck it stuck right away honestly tanks yeah tanks stuck right away it just everybody apart from my mom and my lawyer calls me tanks and do you even tell people your real name not really you'd rather not it's not that i wouldn't i you know sometimes people like i have a few friends that call me christina when i'm like being bad or

whatever but i when i'm misbehaving like a friend yeah like a friend when they're like christina you need to and my mom still calls me that um i'm very envious of Of having a nickname? Sure. I think most people would desire a nickname, let alone a single word, like a Madonna. Jesus. Jesus. Cher. Yeah. I am putting myself on that level, yeah.

Especially someone, like, I don't have the most appealing last name. Most people don't know how to pronounce it. It's the type of name that you would usually want. Like, that's why actors who join SAG change their name. Because, like... But I think Nick is one of the hottest names for a guy really i love really i never have heard that i love the name nick why yeah i i think it's it's so i think the way it sounds is so hot i have a really good friend called nick and i call him nicky which i think is so cute and sexy I think it's because of like the

the dilf in Parent Trap is called Nick Parker and I think like from a very early age my mom's maiden name is Parker and I feel like my life would be a little different if I was Nick yeah I think it's I was conditioned from an early age to think Nick was a hot name because of the dilf but also it's just like one word it's hot it's easy to say's strong, but it's not like overpowering. Have I gassed you up enough today? Jesus Christ. Yeah, that's not great. How important do you think names are? Extremely important. Why do you think Kim Kardashian's first marriage failed? She's not going to scream her mom's name for the rest of her life.

Who? Kris. Kris Humphries. You can't marry someone with your mom's name it just does not work in the bedroom that's my theory i'm fine with that yeah but also what about siblings siblings like how important is it for your siblings to have good names no i don't care about their quality of their names but if like if you have a sibling and then you date like a, you have a sister named Jessica. Can you date a Jessica? Yeah. I don't, I think it's not preferred.

Yeah. It's not preferred. Yeah. But it's okay. Or your own name for that matter. Yeah. That. Well, if you're narcissists, that could be.

Because I'm a Chris. So there's a lot of male Chris's. Yeah. That's true. Is that a problem for you? I have dated people with the same name as me. Yeah. It's true. Is that a problem for you? I have dated people with the same name as me. Yeah. It's weird.

I think a name is important because you say it for a lot when you're dating someone. And I'm a big nickname person. Yeah, like babe. Yeah, like are you a babe or are you a honey person? I'm definitely not a honey.

I've used babe. I'm a big babe, baby person. Babe. It's always been babe. Babe. But then I also have like weird nicknames for them. That's how I know if I really like someone is if we right away start to develop our own little language.

Sure. And our own little nicknames for each other. Babe's always been the default, but I will. I've said sweetheart. Mm-hmm. Yeah. fault but i will i've said sweetheart yeah i love how sweetheart is totally right on the line of like condescending and sexy that's probably why i use it and that's my daddy and she was wearing their ugly head very early on in this was your dad condescending no well sometimes but i think it's like sweetheart is it's like i've always wanted

that like kind of pat on the head from any male figure where it's you want a pat on the head from a guy because i've heard the opposite from women uh i want it all but sweetheart is kind of like i don't know that's very john draper like like sexy. But yeah, I like babe, baby. Sometimes I'll say honey to be annoying. Like on purpose, I'll be like, honey. Like, I don't know. Yeah. I think my girlfriend uses honey.

Yeah. It's cute. Are there any nicknames that annoy you? Like little words like that that you would be turned off. Name specifically, it's more about how a woman would say it. Right. Baby talk is truly the worst i agree thing ever i don't care what you look like or what you're wearing no what the mood is you start whimpering and whining you're done it's over it's over um how like so who are you where are you where have's, uh, you're, you've made a splash on the old Tik TOK and social media.

You're out here doing interviews. People seem to be enjoying your content. You're like, my producers forced me to have you on the show. So no, I, uh, Amanda suggested you first. Uh, Molly Sims came on here, raved about you. I, uh, when Amanda suggested who you were, had noticed some of your content. We've been active on TikTok ourselves, and therefore I've spent a lot of time on there. I am the world's oldest TikToker.

I picked up TikTok a year ago in lockdown. Before that, I was a writer and brand consultant. So I always loved creating content, but I never thought of myself as a in front of the camera person but I loved writing articles um all throughout my 20s like I went on a date with a new guy every week for a year and this is what happened or I think that dating is like Pokemon Go and here's why you know stuff like that that was like that was what made me really happy and then I would also help brands like with their Instagram and whatever. So it was all leading to this. I just didn't know it yet.

And then in lockdown, obviously, nobody wanted articles about like how to match your workout leggings to your Zodiac sign. So I was like sitting there twiddling my thumbs and I I loved TikTok as a platform. I was enjoying the content, but I did feel that there was space for more different formats like I and I thought there what do I want to see I'm a millennial I want to see I love a starter pack I love celebrity gossip I love product reviews like more of that kind of stuff I was like fuck it I have nothing to lose I'll just start and from the second that I made my first video I knew that I had found my true calling and it's been a wild year ever since that's great yeah I mean we it's we've we started doing stuff on TikTok and it's

it's a fascinating platform because you see it's very niche specific yeah to a certain degree and yeah it's all for I've noticed on TikTok it gives you the opportunity for people. You can build a specific audience and they'll care about what you have to say. Yeah. Much, if not more than actually who you are. Completely. I think it's total opposite to Instagram where it's very much like, who are you? How many followers do you have? What is your grid look like?

On TikTok, it's literally are the first three seconds of your video funny or interesting to me? That's all that matters. You never go to people's profiles. It does not matter what you look like. I built my platform on looking hungover and ugly and being like, I'm hungover, but I have this funny thought that I want to share with you guys. So it's, it's much more of a meritocracy in that sense, which I like. Thank God, because I'm not very good at hair and makeup. And now people aren't surprised when I show up to everything in a sweatshirt looking kind of hungover. So this whole TikTok thing was an excuse to train the world to allow you to wear sweatshirts. I am breaking the norms of society.

I mean, it's still a Bel Air sweatshirt. Let's be honest. Also, people have been wearing sweatpants in L.A. for a long time. I invented sweatpants. Did you? Yeah. It's a job. You've been on TikTok.

You talk a lot about relationships and dating. You are active with your relationship and dating life. We talk very much about relationships and dating on this podcast so i figured we can just dive in just some more popular theories yeah you have in there do you find as someone who has decided to be because not only do you talk about like your ideas and like best practices and things like that uh you also are pretty open about talking about your personal dating life yeah i started vlogging really early on on tick tock because i vlogging vlogging vlogging yeah partially because um i binge drink so much that

i was worried i was gonna forget all the good stuff that was happening to me but then i just sort of really liked sharing my life with my followers. I don't mind at all. It feels very natural to me. But so when I date, I always give the guys a nickname actually, like for the vlog. Right now I'm in a situation that's so confusing because I gave the guy I'm dating right now the nickname Young Gemini because he is a younger Gemini. But I shortened it to YG and everybody on the internet thinks that I'm dating the rapper like and they can't get it like they I'm like I've put up so many stories being like guys I'm so sorry for the confusion I am not dating the rapper YG that would be really sick but I'm not and so but yeah I give them all nicknames we have friend guy, Malibu crush, sportsman, sexy restaurateur.

How much of the men that you're dating are aware or not aware? And do they like it? It totally varies. It's preferable that they don't watch my content because I won't lie to my followers ever. But it's just like in the early stages of relationship. Like how I explain it is I speak to my followers as if I was at lunch with friends and I was catching them up on who I'm dating. Sure. But that's stuff that the person you're dating shouldn't necessarily hear.

Like they shouldn't necessarily, they shouldn't know. Not necessarily. Definitely. I mean, that's why I asked. Yeah. It would be,

they shouldn't know that you like them or that they shouldn't know like that you this annoys you about them or whatever. So it's tough. Meditation, people. It's it's a real thing. It's not just for the people who you think would meditate. It's for everyone. And being centered, being present, staying focused are things that have helped me deal with anxiety, things like that. So whether you're stressed out from being an adult or working, meditation can really help channel your energy into positive emotions. And it's helped me and it can help you. You deserve to feel happier. And Headspace is meditation made simple. So if you ever thought about meditating and you don't know what it is and you think it's for people other than yourself, trust me, it can be for you.

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with access to Headspace's full library of meditations for every situation. This is the best deal offered right now. Head to headspace.com slash V-I-A-L-L. And the guy I'm dating now is like, I wouldn't say a narcissist, but he definitely likes to see what I'm saying about him. So I can't, I have to be a bit careful now, but.

Sure. But then you asked, is he, is he showing up and performing? Totally. Totally. Totally. So, and it's been, there've been situations where I've sat down on a first date and they're like, am I going to make it in the vlog? And that's like, yeah, weird.

It pretty much ends the date it ends the date and yeah i think the the the dream is like someone who's loves how much i love my followers and doesn't really care like they they acknowledge it as a separate relationship they know it they're aware of it yeah they assume maybe they might end up in it but they're not gonna make it yeah their focus well and i think like i told the guy i'm dating now i was like i will never passive aggressively speak to you through the vlog i swear on my life because i think that that's a concern where it's like you know you know they if i was like and i want him to you know i was like i'm never gonna

do that so just don't watch it if you have to that's fine but i prefer you don't because that's my friendship with my followers um and he was pretty cool with that so what so you in addition you do you say i'll let you know if i have an issue or if i don't like something you're doing you'll hear it before me before my audience hears it 100 because i'm not passive aggressive i think passive aggression kills friendships and relationships. And I'll say right away that really annoyed me that you did that. Where do you draw the line between expressing something that bothered you? And like, I need to say this to you before I say it to my audience. And just like sharing that you had a date and the guy finding out how you thought,

because you know what I'm saying? Like if I go on a date with a girl, like she probably she probably go talk to her friends yeah download and I won't really know I can have insert my own point of view and guess right and she might say I had a really nice time I hope to see you again but he might be able to go and say oh I guess I didn't realize that she liked that or didn't like that where do you draw the line between those two things it's tricky i think sometimes i'll like delay it like i'll wait a week so that it's just so i can still be super honest with my followers but it's tricky it's tricky because i actually like this guy

i think like for the past couple guys i've dated i haven't liked them that much so it's been like it's been more fun and i can like, you know, just really chat to my followers about like, oh, he did this and that, but now I like this guy. So I need to be more thoughtful about it. And yeah. Well, let's, let's talk about some of your, your theories and then maybe we'll circle back to YG and find out more. I feel like if your audience is listening, they're dying to hear more about your feelings towards him.

Now I'm fully invested. So I want to know how it's going. You have some great theories out on the old TikTok, which I like and often agree with for the most part. You talk a lot about ick. Okay, the ick. So I did not invent the ick, but I did invent the ick list. So the ick is when you get that feeling of sudden cringe with someone that you're dating. I mean, from what I hear, it's mainly women that get the ick about a guy.

For sure. Yeah, I don't think. I don't think men get it. Well, they just don't call it ick. They don't call it the ick. They're like, oh oh she did something that really turned me off but for guys they're not well specific i'll circle back because that actually falls into box theory but men like i have girlfriends where like they'll sit down

and they'll be like you guys he like he had uh white sheets sure and i can't see him again like that's an example of an ick. Everybody's icks are specific. Or no sheets. Or no headboard. No headboard is a great ick. A very common ick. But you can't.

Yeah, because most men in their 20s don't have a headboard. Icks can be varying degrees. You can get an ick that's terminal. You can never see them again. Or you can move past it. I advocate when you're dating someone new to make an ick list. So on your phone, on your notes app, you write their name,

and then you write underneath it little things that they're not a huge ick, but they gross you out, or they bother you, or it's a weird thing that they said or did. And you keep this in your back pocket if you're in a fight or if you you feel like you're catching feelings too quickly and you like them more than they like you or if you break up and you can review it and be like okay i'm fine it's a it's it's a preemptive just in case this doesn't work out yeah safety net yeah yeah remember he puts a bong on his nightstand yeah or or like just like weird stuff that guys do like or if he i don't know like one night if he if you went out together

and like he was completely ignoring you and like it was fine like not enough to make a big deal of it but like you remember it or like i don't know something weird that he said about like his future if he's like well i would never have a dog that's an example but like you know small things where it's like not enough to make a conversation about it's too early on but like you you store it away and you have it in your head because i think sometimes girls get so caught up in like really early on they future trip and they're like this is my husband oh my god i'm obsessed with him whatever and it's like it's a good method to cool yourself down and if he does ghost you if if you break up, what have you, you have that list to ground you in reality.

I think it's great. I mean, I'm always telling my audience, especially if they break up, you know, like no one is, I didn't invent this, but obviously make a list of pros and cons, what you don't like. You break up with someone and I'm, you know, it's always hysterical.

Most breakups aren't, you know, completely one-sided. Yeah. And oftentimes you like, you guys have been fighting. You don't really like them anyways, but they beat you to the punch. And then you immediately like forget everything you didn't like about them. You freak out. You start, you, they become like your new obsession. Completely.

And like everything about everything you ever liked becomes the biggest deal in the world. Like the fact that like you ever had brunch together is like the nicest thing in the world. And you immediately forget all the things that you complained about to your friends over and over. And like that's a time to go back and start making a list. But I find it interesting that you're suggesting they do this from the get. Yeah. This is exactly the antidote to what you're talking about. I do a lot of ask me anything's too and one of the most frequent questions i get is how to get over a

guy i never dated because they exactly what you said happens like you know you're seeing you're in a situation ship for a few weeks a month or two then they're like they ghost you or soft ghost you um and then you're like he literally gave me his hoodie like to wear home. And it's like, that's not good enough. Like our standards are on the floor. And if you have the list, then you can remember like, oh, like that time, like he didn't share his food with me. Or like that time that he like ate a steak with ketchup or like whatever weird ex you have. Like it's always good to have them

because for whatever reason, I think a lot of women get attached super quickly to the idea of people. And again, it's not grounded in their behavior. It's grounded in like what they say or like what you're projecting. Or I find women to be more guilty in dating guys do it too but they're focused on getting the guy to like them totally rather than whether they like the guy

completely it's like such an important mindset shift and like really changed my entire dating life when i started realizing that like you should go into a date saying do i like them not the first day is all about, it is an interview. It is an interview. It's literally an interview with cocktails. And it's just nuts how people can get so attached. Even the way that women describe their dates, it's like they do their stats. They're like, he's from here.

He went to school here. He does this. He has a headboard like it's that's and so they've gone in before they've ever met this guy and they've decided i like i like him and so i my job is to get him to like me exactly and therefore like what questions like they're they're in the interview they're hoping to get the job meanwhile they're just like they have no fucking clue what he is like other than like you say his stats so you think women are more guilty of like 100 and they don't even they don't even ask themselves like how did he i always say this to my followers i'm like how did you feel when you were with him were you yourself did you leave

in a better mood when something funny happens do you want to text him? Like, we just totally forget about all that. And we're like, another thing that women do a lot is they get attached to something that he said. So I'll get a lot of DMs saying, Tink's like, he said this and that. He said he wanted to date. He said he wanted to go here. It's like actions speak louder than words. Does he call you? Does he text you?

Does he try to hang out with you multiple times a week? Does he remember things about your life? Does he follow up? It's very simple. Well, men will do it too at the end. Like if a woman breaks up with a guy and he's heartbroken, men are like, but you said this and you did this. And the truth, like we just, we say things.

Talk is cheap. We say, also feelings change. Well, 100%. That's another thing too. It's just like they might've meant it too. And even in that moment. That's a really good point yeah like moments change and some people value yeah so you know the risk of being someone who like people always talk about living in the present and being present yeah you know the power of now and that's great but

if someone is incredibly present they're also someone who might lead you on because they're so focused on this moment. Completely. So whatever they feel in that moment, they're going to say, and they're not worried about tomorrow or yesterday. And that's great. But if you're someone who like puts all that weight and the meaning behind it, what it means is they're having a good time. Totally.

It's not. Yeah. I always say it's like, it's not a contract. When someone says like, I like you, they're just's not a contract when someone says like I like you they're just saying they like you like right now I love you they're even if I love you exactly what you said is right feelings change and that can be really hard I think there's a fine line between like for me I can be not defensive but like a little wary because listen I'm 30 I've dated a lot I've dated in San Francisco New York and LA like it's not that I'm

defensive and I have walls up but I'm wary you know I think like feelings change people change you've got to wait and just you know gird your loins yeah I mean it's probably not even is it wary wary wary wary I don't know I don't know but you're also just like you've lived some life and you've been yeah and you've experienced you've broken up had been broken up with and now you're just now you're going into dates being like we'll see which is the best possible we'll see is a great mentality yeah and i had a one therapist she was amazing she like, pretend dating should be like you're a scientist and you're collecting data. Yeah. You know, in the first couple months, you're just collecting data. You should really just say, oh, they said this.

It makes me feel this way, this and that. And that's all. You're just collecting data. Yeah. People always say, well, I don't want to feel like an interview. Well, it's fun conducting an interview. It's not fun being interviewed. And yet so many people, and we agree that maybe women might be a little bit more guilty of it,

go into a date making it about them being interviewed. Totally. So you have the option to go into a date and be like, I don't know if he's going to like me or not, but we'll see if I'm going to interview him. And that's a lot of fun. That's power. Yeah. not but like we'll see if i like do i like i'm gonna interview him and that's a lot of fun that's power that's yeah i think like for me so much of what i try to do now and what i hope to do is like to to have girls younger than me learn from my mistakes because the mentality that i have with

dating now and for the past like year or so i just always think like if i could have been this way in my mid-20s oh my god but yeah a part of it is like you have to go through it, but there are tips and tricks where I'm like, if I can pass these on, great. It's hard, yeah. Because like the thing that you, it's so hard to teach anyone, especially, and I'm not a parent yet,

but like how do you teach people perspective? Totally. Right? Yeah. Because like, and that's where like you mentioned, you joked about your dad being condescending. Well, sometimes when people make the mistakes, I don't know, I do. You're trying to teach someone perspective, but you just sound like a dick or you're just condescending because it's like, well, you, you know, you don't know this,

but like I, and you're just like, well, you're not me and you can't assume. And that's, it's the most difficult thing. I i mean that would be the key to life if you could somehow be a younger person yeah who could learn perspective earlier on life would be just a cakewalk yeah i think i'm a person who does um i love like hearing from older people who have been through things before i love reading autobiographies and memoirs and i do feel like I soak up a lot of those lessons and apply them to my life, which is why I'm trying to like, even if some of it sticks, you know, even if 10% sticks of it to my followers, like then that's a win for me. So box theory.

So, well, you just, do you, before you tell us about box theory, do you think it makes a bit of difference whether a woman sleeps with a guy either anywhere between the first date and, let's say, three to four months into dating? And does that in any way impact whether a guy will like them? Very little. Agreed. So box theory is if you meet a guy in a romantic setting, like as in you meet him in a bar or at a dinner party or you go on a date,

he will put you into one of three boxes. He wants to date you, He wants to sleep with you. Or he wants nothing to do with you. Okay. And people are like, but what about friends? Like, no, I said in a romantic setting. Okay. If a guy wants to date you, there is very little you can do to change his mind.

You can sleep with him on the first date. You can get super drunk. You can puke on his shoes. He will find it endearing. If a guy just wants to sleep with you you can hold out six months you can talk about jesus for your first three dates he's still not going to want to date you and if he wants nothing to do with you sorry just move on but i think women get so caught up in when should i sleep with him when should i you know whatever it really

doesn't matter and then people say to me well tinks that puts all the power in like the guy's hands and you're looking at it the wrong way the point is it should be totally freeing because you should sleep with him when you feel like sleeping with him it will not matter like most of the boyfriends that i've had i've slept with on first or second date because it was a vibe and i knew and I could tell that they wanted to date me. No, I don't totally know if I buy the guys will know the difference when they see a girl that they're interested in,

whether he wants to pretend that whether she's girlfriend material versus I just want to have sex with her. I don't think that men are that sophisticated to know yeah that's fair the difference i'll maybe run my movie theory by you okay you can tell me to i've used this to help explain why it doesn't make a difference okay um like so men are simple when it comes to sex so like when you go see a movie i find that you Men are simple when it comes to sex. So like when you go see a movie, I find that how people feel about a movie is one of three things.

The average person, the average, the most common one is you go see a movie. It's fine. Yeah. You had a pretty good time. Yeah. You enjoyed it. You finished it. It's fine.

You don't really need to see it again. Yeah. If you had to see it again. Okay. Yeah. Great. Or you hate a movie. Right.

You had to, you barely got through it. Sometimes you just turn it off. You don't even finish. Or you see a movie. Right. You barely got through it. Sometimes you just turn it off. You don't even finish. Or you see a movie. You love the movie. You're obsessed with it. You tell your friends about it. You can't wait to see it again.

Anytime it comes on TV, you watch it over and over and over again. Right? And for men, you're usually one of three of those things. And it makes no difference how like how whether you have sex with them on the first night yeah or three months in you know he's going to put you in one of those three boxes and if a guy likes having sex with you if he loves you if you're a rewatchable he's going to want to watch it again yeah i co-sign on this right and if and if you uh if he's just not into you yeah it's not going to happen and if and if you're just like oh if it's like a decent watch he's just not going to want he's that's why so the

difference between night one or three months is that's not that's not going to change the outcome all you are is extending the time you're prolonging his decision and the information he's going to get. Now, women will ask, well, you know, doesn't the emotion connection matter? Like a lot of women say, well, you got to build, that's why you have to build the emotional connection first. Emotional connections are great. However, three, four, five months, isn't that much amount of time and no emotional connection you're going to build with with a guy is going to be enough to change his mind depending on where he puts you in that box okay if you are someone who he doesn't like having sex with or sex is like okay but you have a great personality that's he'll make you a friend let's be friends yeah yeah right now emotion

matters to the extent that um i'm losing my train of thought but so a great emotional connection will not make up for how he likes to have sex how he feels about having sex with you that's correct but a bad emotional connection or a bad personality absolutely can ruin a great movie, so to speak. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He might be like, I love having sex with you, but I just can't stand you.

Yeah, totally. It's not worth it. Totally. And he'll move on. For sure. So it really makes no difference on whether you have sex the first night or the fourth date you're just given

the information he needs to make a decision and i totally agree with you that doesn't give him all the power it gives you the power to just do whatever you want knowing that like most people when they see a movie it's just okay it's just okay that's you know it's yeah it's got to be the right fit for for everyone i find it empowering because I'm like, I sleep with a guy if I feel like it and when I want to. And again, it does come with like practice, like to detach from the outcome. And again, this is kind of annoying because like I usually know how a guy feels about me. Like I'm never super caught off guard. And I think I think that, again, comes with like age and practice.

But yeah yeah it's empowering have sex when you want to and it i'm not advocating for having sex sooner but i think yeah it gets it out it's like you find it out sooner like you find the outcome is there where it's like i would rather i just always say to my followers like wouldn't you guys rather know early on if it's not a match so you can move on? Or it's like, I think that's so heartbreaking for women when they like wait for three months and they're like seeing this guy casually and like they can't really tell and they sleep with him and then they kind of like soft ghost or then it like, you know, just fades out.

They're playing this whole game in their mind. Meanwhile, he's just like, he's like, he's like, okay, whatever. He's like, the movie was okay. And if you get him to play a game, he might stick around just. To play. Just to see what the movie's like. Totally. And then when women will say, well, you know, and it's true, like women will release serotonin

after sex and therefore might set themselves up to have an emotional connection a man's not going to feel. But that goes back to your original point. That's fine. Then know yourself. Have it whenever you want. If you're someone who finds yourself getting emotional, connected to every guy you hook up with, then wait and wait because you want to wait. It just won't make a difference to him.

You're not going to trick him. He's not going to, if he doesn't call you back, it's just because. It's not because of you slept with him when you did. He didn't lose respect for you. No, no, no, no. He he's just like it's a good movie yeah it's fine it's fine yeah yeah i know i i really it's really hard for for people to to get their head around that one but i stand by it i i agree with movie theory and i yeah it just doesn't matter why do you think you're women struggle with that do you think just old old school kind of mind frame i mean i think yeah i think it's like years of conditioning i mean i think you think of like oh the three-date rule the five-date rule the this and that i think

it's just it feels like this thing that you're holding on to and you give it so much power. But if you take back the power and say, no, like it's when I want, then it like, it's not so mystical. And again, you can even like extend the whole like interview thing to sex as well and flip it on its head and not be like, what will he think of me after sex? No, how was, how was the sex for me? Yeah. How was it for me be like, what will he think of me after sex? No, how was the sex for me? How was it for me? Like, what did he do? Like, would I have that again? Flip it on its head.

Did he check in? Was he like, hey, did you finish? Did you climax? Did you come or whatever you want to say? Did he ask? And it's the same thing, exactly what you said with dating. It's like women just, they don't ask themselves those questions they'll and if the guy goes to them they'll be like oh my god like the sex was great no it wasn't

you told me like that's the thing is like women also change their minds that's the other flip side revisionist history completely like the other thing that box theory explains is like i really do think it kind of fits into one of those categories and you can't really move from box to box. Whereas women, I always say like, we'll sit down at a lunch and be like, I'm seeing a guy. He's okay. Whatever. Three weeks later, they're like, yeah, you know, I think I like him. And then three weeks later they're planning the wedding in Tuscany. And it's, you know, so it's like, that is interesting. Women do that more than men. Yeah. Like I think that women date like venture capitalists and men date like stockbrokers. Men are like that one today right now.

And women are like, well, if we got a headboard and he got a job and if he was this. Has a lot of potential. He has a lot of potential. Then I think we can make it work. And it's just like, and men are just like, they want someone. They don't want to scroll through the Instagram. That's the other difference. Women, show me a picture of the guy dating. Okay, let me just find the perfect. This is the back of his head. someone they don't want to scroll through the instagram that's the other difference women show

me a picture of the guy dating okay let me just find the perfect this is the back of his head and that men men want a girl that they can just turn the instagram around and say that's her yeah it's different and for any critics of tinks and i who disagree and say well if ever anytime i dated a hooked up with a guy after date one, and I didn't hear from him the next day, but anytime I hooked up with a guy after three months, he never immediately ghosted. And I'd say, fine, sure, you've built a rapport for three months.

So short of him being a total asshole, you just started a clock, and he's just going to slowly phase you out. And you're going to waste five months instead of two weeks exactly you played yourself 100 aligned it's good to know we agree uh what are also some of your favorite uh tips and tricks that you have for your audience that you'd like to share with ours um well i have one called boyfriend sickness oh i saw that i love boyfriend sickness it's it's a very serious disease it only affects women i have recovered from it successfully twice and um this is an exclusive i am here to say that i i do have a case right now you suggested it on your tiktok i saw it i saw it i mean okay boyfriend sickness there

are varying degrees that you know it starts some of the early symptoms are she's looking at her phone and she's smiling like an idiot and she's like oh like brad brad is eating a sandwich and her friends are like yeah cool and then it like it just keeps going and it's like oh here's the water she's like brad loves water tries to bring him up in conversation whatever some more serious symptoms are canceling last minute to hang out with him becoming unfun when she goes out um stopping going out altogether some serious terminal uh symptoms are changing her vibe like personality wise saying we too much saying oh we don't like sandwiches now we do this we do that and it's happening within the first few dates it's a it's a serious affliction it can be you know it can come on quickly or it can be a slow burn um but

like i think for me the symptom that i get the most is like that I, if I really like a guy, I bring him up in conversation all the time and it's so annoying of me to do that. But, um, but yeah, boyfriend sickness, I've lost a lot of friends to it. So I just want to raise awareness to this serious cause. Um, you've lost friends behind your actions or everyone's doing it because they, because my friends have gotten boyfriend sickness and they've never recovered. Never recovered?

Yeah. Is that called love? No, no. Because I have friends who are married who don't have it. It's just like it's a sickness and it's just like it's so annoying. Is the antidote ick theory? No, I don't know. I think it's just like be self-aware and never and don't like even if you're

totally in love with a guy like don't lose your friends like why do you think women do it more than men it's more like it's called boyfriend sickness not girlfriend sickness no but in all seriousness like why it's because the you, your boyfriend theory is really just kind of, it's basically losing yourself as the individual and, and being obsessed. You're just one entity and therefore like it's hard for you to hang out with your girlfriends because like, you're just a different person now. Like, you now have this like guy who doesn't have a headboard who's supposed to be having cocktails and brunch and mimosas with the girls and it's just not working out i think i think i developed this theory like because i was really sad when in my

young 20s when some of my friends got boyfriends and they totally disappeared and some of them came back and some of them didn't and i just think female friendships are so important and like i have a rule like never ever cancel on your friends for a guy even if it's the guy of your dreams never ever and he's like i can only do thursday and you have plans to go out with your friends do not cancel even if it's brad pitt it is really bad dating karma and it sets a bad precedent also even if it's brad Pitt, no guy has ever stopped liking a girl or liked her less because she rescheduled. Amen. Ever.

Oh, my God. In the history of dating. Amen. No, never. Never. Yeah. If that happened to you, you just gave him an excuse that he was looking for anyways. Yeah.

Like, if you like a girl, listen, if you're a flake and you keep like flaking him, he'll get annoyed. But if he's like, hey, would you like to go out on Thursday or Wednesday? And you're like, oh, sorry, I have plans with my girls. He will just like you more. Now, if there's exceptions. I'm just saying we get those callers

that have like those controlling kind of like male, like boyfriends and stuff like that, that get like pissed because they don't show up or they cancel. There are some cases. I'm not saying, I'm just saying generally, it's not all cases. There are some men that do do that. Like that control.

Yes. That has nothing to do with a guy's actually liking a girl. You're talking about completely two different things. You're talking about a controlling guy who likes power and what he likes is power. He doesn't like her. He likes his ability to get her to cancel plans with her friends. So we're talking about two different things.

I'm talking about an actual guy who has a sincere interest in a girl. He likes her. He feels vulnerable. He is hoping that she likes him back and he has never lost interest in a girl by not canceling with her friends. Yeah, completely.

And that's also why I say, from my friend, Lindsay Metzlart, don't accept weekend plans after Wednesday. I was just about to ask. Lindsay? My mom did the same rule. And that's how she basically interested my dad. Because if he didn't ask by

wednesday night she'd be like i'm busy and then he was like you believe it don't accept weekend plans and i tell my friends yeah and i tell my friends say no to the date until you get asked on the date you want to me a date is uh you meet a guy whatever on the weekend on monday he's gonna text he's gonna text me hey i've made a dinner reservation for 8 p.m. on Thursday. Are you free to go to dinner with me? Would love to take you. None of this when are we hanging, when you free bullshit. If it's anything less than a set time, place, and date, say no.

For real. Because then that's what you are showing him you think you deserve. Tell me when. Tell me that you've made a reservation and do it three days in advance because I got fucking plans. And even if your plans are staying in and watching Housewives, don't say yes until you get asked on the date you want. Like a lot of women in their younger 20s are just like they want to go on a date. They want that.

It's the interview thing. They want the guy to like them. Say no no he needs to say drinks this time here yeah because if you go to what are you doing today what you are is just one of many options he's gone through and you don't know if you're the first person he's asked or the fourth yeah or like when we hanging and my followers will be like but then he don't you think he's asking me like when i'm free no he's not he doesn't give a shit enough to make a plan or to even tell you his schedule so say no checking in and saying i'm kind of interested in you yeah and i'm just letting you know i'm still here yeah and i might want to hang out with you someday but i am not prepared to carve out any time for you exactly i'm letting i'm trying to find out when you're available so that i can decide when i can fit you

in yep yeah yeah are there ever exceptions to these rules um so the same i would never accept a same day date rule except for if you already have seen someone like multiple times and they say hey i'm actually in your area for a meeting like turns out would you would love to see you and grab a drink if you're home like that's the only acceptable time where you can go on a same day date or what if it's like he got offered tickets to something or some event of some kind yeah what about if a guy were to slide into your dms or a dating app and you guys hit it off you're talking and he's like well i'd love to take you out sometime you're like sure and you're like hey i don't mean to sound

how about tonight i'm fuck i'm free and you seem great yeah that's occasionally okay but you just have to like what measure their excitement level he really has to you have to be really vibing the other loopholes if you live in new york city people in new york city date like they're going to the gym they're like what'd you do last night oh i went to the gym i wanted to you know they're like you can meet someone on hinge and lunch in new york and you're going to drinks with them that night but that's different vibe that's the only loophole on the whole they should plan in advance it shows effort yeah what about how do you something new out there in the internet is the the phrase simp yeah do you have thoughts on that

and how would if a guy i can i picture guys listening to this being like oh it's so complicated you know like i don't yeah if i show interest then i get called a simp and if i like am i if i'm like sure that I like her then I you know I'm you know I'm all this like what we're first how would you describe being a simp I think a simp is kind of like male boyfriend sickness kind of but I use simp is kind of like in a cute way like for example one time see I have boyfriend sickness I'm about to tell a story about the guy I'm dating see i have it fuck you guys i have it can't just mean you like him no all right continue he was like going to sleep and i was drunk and he knew that i was drunk and i i facetimed him and he was like

asleep and he picked up and i was like that's so simpy that you picked up and he was like are you serious like you called me and i was like yeah but simpy that you picked up because you were already asleep did he get defensive a little but then i was like i just feel like yeah i don't know if that i don't know yeah that was like a neg that you you planted a seed and now he's gonna get self-conscious you can be a simp uh like you should never be a simp for a girl but you can be simpy first of all what does it mean to be a simp well a girl, but you can be simpy. First of all, what does it mean to be a simp? What's the acronym? Do we know?

I don't even know. Get on it. It just means you're kind of... It's a great word. I use it all the time. I don't know where it came from. Noun. A silly or foolish person. That's what popped up for me.

That's it? That's not what we're... We're looking for the origin, right? No, I just like what are... I me that's it that's that's not what we're looking for the origin right no i just like what are i think it's an acronym a simp is someone who will do anything to get a girl's attention often at the expense of their own dignity yeah i to me simp is more like oh guys i can't hang i'm going to take marjorie shopping i don't't know. Canceling with your boys. Canceling with your boys. It's boyfriend sickness. It's boyfriend sickness, but in reverse. Yeah, for sure. And do we like simpy men or you like, you like the occasional, like when you said that

to your guy. Yeah. You were like flirting with him all while like trying to tease him a little bit, but you liked that he answered. Yeah, but that's like how I flirt with people that I'm seeing. I'm like, I'm like, because I also think it's kind of sneaky. I hope he doesn't listen to this, but like kind of sneaky manifestation. I'll be like, you're obsessed with me.

That's how I flirt. So like if I say, oh, you really like me. You picked up. You're obsessed with me. You like me so much. Then they're like, yeah, it's cute. Thoughts on calling the guy you like weird calling him weird like oh you're so weird uh yeah but like in a i i'm a big believer that you

shouldn't call a guy weird especially when it comes like that's weird yeah the guys will get really self-conscious that's so interesting and i completely agree with you i'm very careful with what i say to guys i'm very weird is a like a cousin to creepy yeah and you never want and if they're being creepy or weird let them know yeah but like when you're just like oh that's that's weird like no especially if a guy wants to try things out and i or talk and you may say weird. You're just like. No, I actually completely agree with you. I've never thought about it or articulated it that way.

But I really think you're onto something because like I read this thing about, I went to this relationship talk a long time ago and it was like when you're in a relationship or seeing someone or whatever, like, and someone someone opens to you like you can either like be open back and this could be with anything or you can shut them down and it's like they people can only take so many shutdowns so it could be anything it's like if i come in and i'm like hi honey how was your day and like they don't turn towards you like that's a shutdown and they're like it was fine like whatever but for you like what you're saying also in bed or whatever if someone like does something, if you say you're weird, it's just like such a, it's not good.

Yeah. Especially early on if you don't know them. And I don't, and I don't, and I say that because I don't think a lot of women using it are trying to mean it in the way men are taking it. Totally. I don't know. That's kind of weird. And men, men are, will get very much in their heads about what I'm weird. Oh, I don't want to That's kind of weird. And men are, well, they're sensitive.

They get very much in their heads about what, I'm weird. Oh, I don't want to be weird. Am I creepy? And then all of a sudden that's when a guy, you might trigger a guy, you know, when women are, when women hate, and if a guy's like, are you okay? Is everything okay? Yeah. Is that okay? Am I being, is that fine?

Yeah. That's when you, you start calling them weird like that. That's when you're going to trigger a guy who's going to be constantly checking in in a way that you don't like totally yeah and even in play it's not it's not fun and it's not flirty it's just like yeah find another way to say it because it's so yeah and just say you don't like it or that's not you know totally yeah i'm very into communication almost i'm too much into it like in the bedroom is like, so I would never say that. You think you can communicate too much in bed? Well, I think I'm very like, okay, like tell me everything that you like and like, tell me your fantasies. Like really, really like, I think that that's so important. But again, I think that that's like an age thing where i realize that

it's a comfort level and i'm super comfortable but not every guy is it can be a lot for me to be like tell me everything i i think more i think men are more open to that than i think i think what it is like it's just experience right but I think when you're younger, like when I was younger, I didn't think it was cool to talk about what you liked in bed like early on. Like I thought it was cool to just like go with the flow and like not talk and like do whatever. And now I'm very much like, no, the way that we make this good is like we each say what we like and like how we like it. And then it will be amazing. But I think that's that's only something that i've really done for the past couple of years yeah i think this just comes more

from our puritan society yeah yeah like you know we i didn't i don't think i've ever said the word blow job to my parents or hand job or like we didn't talk at all no oh my god don't do it yeah totally yeah and so you take those kind of lessons into your dating life and you're just like like i can put my dick inside you but we can't ever have a conversation about it totally just like bizarre but we weirdly yeah do that when we're when we get out there in the dating world and totally kind of insane when you say it out loud. It's insane. And it's like, I think a lot of women feel that they have to be super performative in

sex. Um, and like they have to act a certain way. And I, I wish that I could tell, I mean, I do tell them like actually just being super open about what you like and asking someone what they like is the sexiest thing that you can do you don't have to literally be like screaming and like whatever all the time there's nothing worse than knowing she's performing oh my god and and i used to do it like i'm not embarrassed like i'll say it now all of my sex in college apart from when i had a boyfriend was like me literally acting like i'm auditioning to be on Pornhub like for what yeah and the difference between like mutual dirty talk and role playing with your partner and like

you know maybe playing a character versus like getting drunk yeah and and being like fuck me yeah yeah and the guy's just like shut up you're like shut up little did i know every guy was probably like why are you screaming like this and i don't know but also that impression was amazing yeah and then like you don't know what to say is you just repeat the and i've you know i've said this before just repeating the same thing over and over again yeah does it make it hotter oh my god i'm cringing for my my younger self have you ever hooked up with anybody in porn either of you no like they've been in a what do you mean well like overshare but i may have hooked up with somebody that was in porn um but that also was an issue because in your mind

it's a it's a yeah it fucks with you of course because you're wondering if the way they're reacting you're like oh but like to their training i don't know why like why would you do that i mean it's their job you're just gonna make it feel like work no but i've actually it's just an observation that's exactly what it's like a mind fuck like yeah yeah speaking what about uh do you have any advice for the women out there when it comes to nudes and sex tapes because that seems to be a growing phenomenon with everyone being a producer with their own phones so i i love to send nudes i really do but you know what it's for me it's not for the guy i've realized yeah and i god know, that's actually one of the growing most common questions I get

on my Ask Me Anythings, which are Mondays and Thursdays on my Instagram, by the way. It's like, what are flattering poses for nudes? I don't know if I'm ready to like show the pose that I do, but maybe. But I've realized it's for me because I get turned on thinking about them getting turned on when I send them a picture. So I like it and again girls will ask me like when is too soon to send nudes and i'm like when you feel moved to absolutely do it do you include your face i do yeah interesting yeah we had a girl on lala milan

who gave us the best advice ever when it came to nudes watermark she watermarks the guy's name on it unbelievable so smart so if it gets out she knows you know who did it that is so genius it's really great yeah i'm just kind of like but we're also in a day and age where like it's like you know five or ten you know kim kardashian changed the game for everyone totally it's just like you know i don't want my nudes to get out but like if they did yeah and i'm just kind of like well when i signed with my manager like pretty early on he was like is there nudes is there tape i told him everything and he was like okay he was like something will come out at some point and i was like like, I'm honestly okay with that. That's fine.

Secretly hoping. As long as I look. Is that why guys, because you always hear guys, women will get unsolicited dick pics. And then when you describe, well, I send nudes for myself, I can only assume that that's what men must be doing. Because no one's asked for the dick, but you're off, you're here taking a photo and sending it. They must just feel good about it. Yeah. And they want you to see, and it's not really for, I'm assuming that it's not for men must

know. I think it comes from a different place. I think like I really encourage women to like, if, if like not only can the idea of your guy getting turned on, turn you on, but also like, but also like the act of taking a nude I think can be like a big celebration of your body and like feeling really good about yourself. I think dick pics, it's more like this is my dick. It looks great. I'm sorry. I make all these guys sound dumb.

No, listen. I like, I don't like a pic. Oh my God. You like the full, you want the whole No, listen. I like, I don't like a pic. Oh my God. You like the full, you want the whole, the sweat. I like a video. The video. I like a video. It can't be a pic.

It can't be a static pic. I like a video. Oh, like using the tool? Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. And do you want the... Sound on.

Oh, it wasn't even... Oh. Okay, there. That's way better than a picture 100 no do you want a close-up or do you want like the abs or stomach or you you just really want um like how big it looks in his hand versus like what are we what's the goal in a video and why do you want the sound on i don't know that is just a personal preference that I like. Do you guys?

I mean, I don't. Allie has no. Do you have an opinion, Allie? A pic is just like, what am I going to do with a pic? I analyze the pictures because I'm old now. So I'll be like, oh, their bed's not made in the background of their penis. Or like, why do they have a white sock on with their black shoe that's still on in the background of their penis? A video would distract from that.

That's the thing. It's like a pic is too, unless it's a Snapchat where it's like, oh my God, where it's like I'm thinking about you. And it's just a quick Snapchat. That's fine. But otherwise, I want a video with sound because it's exactly, it's less distracting. Because there's a lot of X in a pic. There's a lot of potential where it's like, why is your sheets like that? You said it.

But like if your socks are any weird shit like that, I'm going to immediately focus on and be like, well, but if it's a video, I'm like, OK. Can see what we're working with. Like gets me in the zone. But yeah, you got to work up to that. But I always tell girls if you feel like sending a nude do it but don't do it because a guy sends you like pics question mark like that's not cool do it as like a part of foreplay or like if you're seeing someone and you're you're like getting to know them in that way like that's cool to do and water market and

water market genius idea but we're just in a completely different age now where it's like it's not looked down upon and if anything it would be like sympathetic to the person whose nudes got leaked that's how it's as long as the general thought is you didn't do it on purpose totally it was like you were somehow yeah victim not victimized or yeah or it was an accident and then everyone's like oh okay they're like i'll check it out respectfully i can't believe that i just said that i like videos with sound i i feel like that's a risk for men yeah because they're men are very vulnerable with the kind of yeah noises they're capable of making yeah i think that's also just like you get older and you just like you're just ready to say

like what really turns you on like because the stuff that i used to say turns me on was like i don't give a shit about that stuff. Yeah. Does your current, is it, what's his name again? YG. YG, YG. Is he aware of the Ickless that you have accumulating? Mm-hmm. Do you recommend showing your guy the Ickless? God, no.

No, that's for you. You better bury that shit so deep in your phone. You better national treasure the shit out of your egg list because it could go nuclear because if he finds it he's gonna be he's not only gonna think you're i i say like the x it's not even like not having a headboard is like the most normal ick you should have on there like i can't even give examples because well the one i gave in the video that i made is like this guy i was dating held the fork like a toddler and it literally drove me insane like this and like this and i was just like i can't the ikla should be so specific it should be like that time he had like a weird i sound mean but it's it's important to make it like the time he had a weird like one hair like

that he didn't shave or like that time that he had a weird zit on his back like these are all things that are going to help you if it goes belly up I'm not toxic I'm smart I swear no I again it's just how you use things yeah or is a is a big yeah difference but you're right. I mean, if, so he knows one exists, but he doesn't know what's in it. Now, and well, this one is so different because it's like, yeah, this is the first guy

that I've dated that I've really liked since I've had followers. And so it's like, How long have you been hanging out with him? Like a month and a half. What do you like the most about him? He's really fun.

And he's, I've never met someone who likes having fun as much as I do. him he's really fun and he's i've never met someone who likes having fun as much as i do and he's really silly with me like i really last year i was in lockdown sleeping with my best guy friend which was an utter disaster and when you say sleeping like having you're hooking up yeah and no we were, we were slumbering. I don't know. Like maybe it was a quarantine. You said he's your best guy friend. You're like, I don't know.

We got one bad. And it was a disaster. And it was a disaster. It was so bad. And then I was like, okay, I need to get another boyfriend to show him. Who felt feelings? I did. So bad.

Like sobbing on TikTok is bad. Like really bad. And then i was like i'm gonna get another boyfriend to show him like because he's he doesn't see like what we have is perfect so then i got another boyfriend this poor guy got caught in the crossfire then i dated that guy for five months and i never felt silly with him like and what i said at the beginning like for me it's very important like that i immediately start developing my own language and like we're really goofy and silly together like feel safe i feel safe i don't take anything seriously i also need someone who can like put me in my place and be like that's enough um but yeah i uh i don't most

of my audience tends to agree with me on on tiktok but i did put one out about being friends with the opposite sex yeah you know there's always like well you know i'm my best friend i know it's a congratulations like there's always exceptions to every rule but do you uh agree for the most part you can't have a best friend of the opposite sex obviously if you're bisexual yeah i can it comes down to sex You have to draw the boundaries of, like, having sex with your quote-unquote best friend or friend with the opposite sex has to be as unappealing as seeing your sibling naked. Completely agree with you. Yeah. And for the most part, that's not the case.

Right. Because you always do and like i think with with boy and girl best friends like it kind of ebbs and flows like if if you're friends for a long time like who would fuck who like more easily do you know what i mean like you go through phases where it's like maybe one of them is seeing someone and it cools down and then whatever or like one person's really horny and like they'll like the other person a little bit more. But like, yeah, I mean. Yeah, I was because I made the TikTok because a woman put out a very, you know, popular one who said women can have guy best friends because women generally she was her theory was women are more selective with their sexual partners, right? For the most part, like, and there's a lot of truth to it. the the assumption is women can pretty much have sex with anyone they decide they want to

have sex yeah and and men can't which yeah generalization sure but there's a lot like there's a lot of i've said no to a lot of sex like sick bro i don't mean it like that but most most people are unless like most guys you know what I'm saying? Like it's not like any girl who walks up to a guy. They're like, yeah, let's go. I'm sure you always see that one guy at a bar who would, but for the most part, it doesn't happen. But she was saying how, you know, women have that ability to say no and therefore it's possible. that ability to say no and therefore it's possible and i'm just like no because even if you're the person who deep down thinks if i wanted to have sex with this person i could but i don't want to so i can be friends with them yeah i'm like well first of all like well if oh you if well to be

friends that you have to mutually feel the same way it can't be one person who feels that way that's not a friendship. That's just someone who's like most times friends of the opposite sex. And I don't even mean this is a bad thing. Serve as placeholders. Completely agree with you. You know, and like I have when I when Natalie and I started getting more serious in dating, I didn't like stop being friends with my girlfriends who i'd go out to dinner with

and sometimes like go to a flea market or do some things and yeah it was completely platonic and neither of us wanted to hook up with one another but that time goes to natalie now of course of course so it's just like you know like yeah i didn't want to have sex with my friend but i also like i'd rather go to a movie and dinner with like Shug than I did Eric. Completely. You know? Because it feels good. And it's like, there is that, I completely agree with you. And I mean, I was, we even called it like fake boyfriend, like me and my best guy friend.

I would be like, let's play fake boyfriend. And he would like take me into the Grove to have wine and stuff. And then, yeah. But. And it gets a little. And now like, I don't know. I'm interested to hear what you think. Like we are still friends.

I don't know if I should actually hang out with him one-on-one anymore now that I have this guy that I'm seeing. And this is someone that you were crushing a little bit more. I was, like, fully, like, really, really had bad feelings for him and, like, had to take a little space and like. So then you have to ask yourself, like, how much was that real or how much of that was situational? Yeah. Given like it was a quarantine.

We lived together. Yeah. It was an idea of someone, not really him. Like, do you need the Ickless? Did you need an Ickless to get over it? I needed a full random other boyfriend to get over it and like to not see him for a while. But now we're good

again but we still like before I met YG like we did still cuddle. Like we cuddled in like February. We didn't sleep together. We had a little kiss. But you're saying this is someone you really were friends with? Yeah. Well I don't know if I ever was.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I don't think you ever really were. I think we were just placeholders and it felt good. Yeah. And sometimes when we meet someone, whether it's a guy or a girl, we'll tell ourselves like, I'll just be friends either because you don't know if they'll like you.

So it's just like, I don't know. I don't even know if I'm crushing on them and I don't know if they even like me. So let's just call each other friends. Yeah. But if they took their shirt off or let's just call each other friends. Yeah. But if they took their shirt off or their pants off, like you would feel something. Totally.

And therefore you never really were just friends. I don't think you should see this guy anytime soon because... Well, we usually hike every Saturday, just us two. Are you still doing this? Well, we were, yeah. How long ago was this? That I last hiked with him two weeks ago are you in the position with yg yg thank you um where you feel like you have you defined anything

no i mean so you're still technically a free agent yeah but it would be like like we see each other four nights a week. Sure, but like... So you're in that gray area where you haven't defined anything, but you both have some unspoken expectations of one another? Yeah, we're exclusive, yeah. So you've defined that. What's the difference between being exclusive and calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend?

Because honestly, I'm unaware. I don't know. I sent him a picture last night. He was out, and so he was drunk, but I sent him a picture Last night He was out And so he was drunk But I sent him a picture And he goes That's my girlfriend Oh so there you go

Fuck Oh my god So you have a boyfriend I don't know Congratulations I don't know If he's my boyfriend I feel like he's gonna

Ask me this weekend He just asked you He didn't He was drunk Doesn't matter Also you You've both said i'm not having sex with other people you've defined that you've set that expectation then your boyfriend and girlfriend

what is the difference because people are i don't understand like uh boyfriend and girlfriend it's that's what it is it's not having sex with other people totally yeah you're right that's it that's all it is i feel like there's a with other people. Yeah, you're right. That's it. That's all it is. I feel like there's a threshold where it's like when a holiday comes up, is there a conversation? Like, is it on the table that you guys might spend it together? Like an act like a Thanksgiving, like a Christmas? Like, I think that's a real. Well, no, but that's like like boyfriend and girlfriend is just, as we know, a label.

And you can be dating. You can be boyfriend and girlfriend for a week or you can be boyfriend and girlfriend for five years and the more the relationship advances, the expectations increase. Right now, your only expectation is we're not gonna fuck other people for the most part. Like that's the first one people established where it's just like, can I just know that I,

every time we have sex, I don't have to wonder if I should go get an STD test. Yeah. And then like- Or like going away together this weekend, like I'm going to his house in July. Sure. And there's a playing house phase early in relationships too, but what you're talking about in terms of like,

well, if I call you my boyfriend and girlfriend, does that mean you're automatically going to invite to Thanksgiving? Not necessarily. I just think there's a threshold where it's like once you cross that then it's like a different stage of things and i think it like you can be boyfriend girlfriend without being in that stage but i think that's like when you really start to like work them into your life or expect that they're going to be present in certain ways i would argue that you really can't but it's something people say to themselves yeah are they because they're either afraid of it's always generally based off

of fear of what the other person is going to say or not give you the same thing that you want so you like you distance yourself

or detach yourself from like having the or saying what you expect right because you can be boyfriend and girlfriend like honestly

Natalie and I have not talked about like the holidays coming up and I don't really know if there's like we're very serious we live yeah but like her family lives in Georgia mine's in Wisconsin right I don't like we might spend it together but I don't think it's

crazy to be like I don't know your family lives in Georgia and mine lives in Wisconsin right there'll be if we stay together there'll be plenty of times we can see each other's families so like we don't have to if we want to it's a choice that we make because we have to people make the mistake all the time of being like well what does it mean no while we're boyfriend and girlfriend we have to spend our holidays because they were not it doesn't mean shit like we people make the mistake that's the playing house but i don't think it's like whether you do or don't it's just like whether that's on the table like if i'm booking a trip do i at least think about whether i'm bringing this like guy or girl with me like i can still go on trips by myself but if I'm booking a trip, do I at least think about whether I'm bringing this like guy or girl with me?

Like I can still go on trips by myself, but like, are they at a stage in my life where like I fit them in? They could fit into a lot of different aspects. But defining a relationship has more to do with what happens if we break up or what happens if my feelings change. So once you define the relationship and say, well,

we no longer have want to have sex with other people. If your or his feelings change, you still have to have a conversation. You still have to break up. It doesn't really matter whether you're going to play house or take trips together or see each other's families. You're still going to have to break up. And therefore, if you have to break up, you're a boyfriend and girlfriend. If it requires you to have a conversation short of

so that they don't both go he's a fucking asshole yeah he just like ghosted me then your boyfriend and girlfriend yeah so do you think so it's been i've been out of town and then my my best guy friend has been out of town for like probably three weeks and this thing with yg has like moved really quickly and my girlfriend was like um like probably two weeks ago my best guy friend wanted to come over and watch TV with me and she said you can't do that anymore probably not probably not what is YG think well it's all depends on what the it's this I think he doesn't we don't really like we don't talk about that like you might not talk about it, but you guys have expectations.

Like, relationships start when expectations are defined and explained. And you can have expectations. And then when it gets messy is when you start having expectations, but don't communicate them. Completely. So that, you know, when you ask your friend, I would just ask him. Well, yeah. My girlfriend was like, the reason why I think it's inappropriate if he comes over to watch tv with you is because um your feelings will never be completely zero for him

that's not necessarily not true right you can totally well i i mean i have cried over you know girlfriends and i've i've been a mess like you look back and you laugh how much of a mess you were and i couldn't be more indifferent now i i have a level of like i'll always care about that person and i guess if i needed to help them and needed my help they'll never need my help because they have other people in their lives and like i would be there for them but i could give a shit about like who they're dating or what's going on i'm completely indifferent and you can absolutely become indifferent about people. That's the goal when you break up, is to focus about being able to be happy for them.

And what do you think, this has turned into my therapy session, what do you think it means that I didn't tell my best guy friend about, we don't talk about boys and girls anymore. Like since we stopped hooking up. But then you're definitely not friends. Yeah, we stopped hooking up in like september of 2020

and then again we recuddled and like we didn't sleep together but we like cuddled and kissed in february but we do not mention other guys and girls to each other whereas before we slept together we would give each other advice you're not remotely friends we're not friends not at all yeah like being friends is being friends like you want their advice. You want to tell them what's going on. I've had situations where I've started dating a girl, had sex a couple of times, and then we just, it's stopped for whatever reason. Right. And you can be friends with those people, but there has to be a gap, right? Yeah, there has to be a gap. So you're going to need this person. There needs to be a complete gap. And then you'll have to accidentally reconnect. And one of you will have to break the ice and say, listen, I know we don't work out, but you're cool and let's hang out. And usually this only happens when you're single.

And then you hang out and you might do the dinner and movie thing. You don't cuddle. When you get drunk, you don't crash at each other's houses. And if you do because your safety is in need because you shouldn't be driving or getting in an Uber when you're hammered, you sleep on the couch. You never go back to that place. And you very much talk about your sex life and dating life.

And then you can be friends. And I've had that happen. And it's straight up platonic. And you're not friends because you're dating someone else. You're friends because you could have sex with each other. You could sleep in each other's bed. You could cuddle and you don't want to, it's not on the table and you mutually don't want to.

And like, that's not what you're describing. You're describing a guy who's like, you're very fragile about this guy. And actually part of you wants to go hike with them because like, it's like, uh, yeah,

it's you. I always use the sour patch kid theory you know where like i'm not saying this this friend was toxic but he's a fix you get a fix from hanging out with him and you're you're you're trying to convince yourself how do can i get this fix without at like without getting sick yeah from it without getting gut rot without like it doing something you're trying to convince yourself that he's somehow healthy for you right now even though you like this other guy because he's like such a good friend you know yeah it's not a friend he's not remotely a friend okay but maybe someday probably probably not the thing is one day you just won't give a shit i know i know and i actually feel like that might be sooner rather than later because with the placeholder boyfriend in the fall

like i didn't ever really connect with him but this guy i can really see myself falling for so maybe this will be it with yg maybe he's older younger he's younger do you have how do you how much younger 26 i'm 30 is that a big deal for you no I actually only date guys younger or older not my own age I mean it's hard to land on your own age anyway no no but like 28 to 34 is like kind of a no-fly zone for me wow another theory why um because they are kind of if you're if they're 28 to 34 not in a relationship they're kind of like if you're, if they're 28 to 34, not in a relationship, they're kind of like having a mental breakdown.

They're like, they don't, they're kind of like, I don't know if I'm young or if I'm old, I don't know what I want. It's just like, it's not a vibe for me. Well,

if they're younger, specific to that age, it has not, it's not as much to do with, it's too close. This is the theory that is the most generalization and i think it's deaf it applies most to la but i just feel that a lot of guys around my age are kind of feeling that the stress of like becoming a grown-up for the first time whereas women kind

of like i feel like around 25 26 are like okay i'm a grown-up now um and I let me put it in in a more positive spin I think younger guys are so much fun they are unaware that they're ever gonna age they have a ton of stamina they're super ambitious and rambunctious and then older guys are kind of like past the point of like caring about the small shit and it's that father figure thing and that's really fun too whereas my age it's kind of like what the fuck of like caring about the small shit and that it's that father figure thing. And that's really fun too. Whereas my age, it's kind of like, what the fuck are we doing?

I think that's also a millennial thing though. It's a lot of generalizations in that theory, but for me it does work. He's about to be 27. That's not bad. That's fine. Right? I think it's totally fine.

Totally fine. If I mean, the only, it doesn't bother me. Yeah. If your theory is right, then you're running you're running the risk of him hitting that phase but if we're in a relationship then he will skip it

i don't think people skip phases i think they just delay them we'll see i think you're gonna be fine i don't know if i necessarily agree that's a very general like you said it's very general theory so it's probably you're probably okay i wish you guys the best of luck before I let you go. You're down to play a game that we play with our guests. It's called, do you know me? It's real simple. Yeah.

I'll ask a question. Does Tinks this? Has Tinks ever done that? You can say yes or no. Don't say it right away. We'll guess if we know Tinks. And if you have an anecdotal story, you're welcome to share. If not, you can simply say yes or no beautiful

question number one do you know me with tinks has tinks ever gone vegan for like less than a week yeah like i even went vegan for a week it happens Yeah, like I even went vegan for a week. It happens. No, I think that she has too many opinions about what it means to be vegan. And I don't think Dink's is someone who would do something like be a vegan if she wasn't committed. I don't think she does things for a week because if she's not going to be a vegan, she wasn't committed i don't think she does things for a week because if she's not going to be a vegan she's going to have opinions on what it means to be a vegan i don't know i think maybe she tried it on like a health journey kind of thing but then like was like no well just to be clear to answer this question like trying a diet for a week for but

like i mean like she actually went vegan hoping that it would stick. Oh, so it's fine. You don't go into it thinking it's going to be a week. But it's like me saying like, I'm not going to eat red meat this week because I've had too much is not me going vegan. It's like me doing a cleanse. It's like, you can have that spiritual health journey where like, I'm going to go vegan. I'm going to have like a good health journey.

But that's what I'm saying. It's not as a temporary diet where you know there's an end date it's just like i want i'm i'm vegan and then like you tell everyone and then a week later you're like housing uh like a pepperoni pizza and everyone's like aren't you like yeah no so i'm gonna say no she didn't do that i was vegan for um but like the worst vegan, like trying to be healthy and then when I was drunk, I would eat meat. And then I was,

yeah, and then I would all, I did it for an article because like Beyonce went vegan so I did it, I was doing one for PopSugar and I was like, So you didn't watch it,

it was just for an article, it wasn't because you watched a doc? No, it was because I watched that stupid doc and then I was like, I'll read the article, whatever, but it didn't stick.

I, yeah. Does Tink's have a go-to pickup line? Also, do you slide into DMs? I have. And what would your pickup line be? A custom pickup line is the best. People ask me all the time,

what should I do to slide into a celebrity's dms um a custom pickup line is the best on a dating app i i used to always do what's your uber rating it's like so you ask a question yeah yeah or if it's in person and all my followers are like oh my god i could never i always go up to a guy and I'm like you're really handsome and then just stop talking fucks their shit up but you have to make eye contact and you have to say it like yeah you have to stop talking and then and shut up and look right at them and yeah yeah it's good it works if pulled off correctly it's has tinks had more alcohol than coffee this week this week is interesting yes yeah it sounds like maybe you've had some fun this week no coffee because she was in new york and trying to stay up because she traveled yeah i don't think she drank as much this week

as she would typically do or has. That's right. I haven't had a sip of alcohol this week. It's tonight. Great. Yeah. It's too much work. Does Tinks own any healing crystals?

Yes. Yeah, probably. I mean, I own healing crystals. I feel like everyone's got a secret crystal passion. You know, I'm going to say no. If she does, I would say they're more so for interior design. I don't think she's a true believer. Yeah. It's a nice feng shui to it. It's like, sure, I'll have them.

Someone gifted me one. That's the only one I have. I'm not a big crystal gal. Has Tinks ever accidentally sent an inappropriate text or email to the wrong person? Yes. I feel like you have recorded a voice memo and sent it to someone by mistake. Well, also, it just happens when you're like, oh, I'm going to text about this person.

Then you type their name because it's like on your mind. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but like everybody has. Has Tinks ever been injured during sex this is the best story yes then yes you guys so yes okay how much time we can end on this now this is why you should this is a story of why you should always just be yourself and a story of how people can change in college i was seeing this guy and he really

wanted to be my boyfriend and I was like no like he was a senior and I was a freshman or sophomore and um and I was like no like I want to be like just we're dating but like you're not my boyfriend and then he was like if you don't show me affection soon I'm gonna dump you and I was like okay and I was really British at this point you have to remember and I. And I was like, okay. And I was really British at this point, you have to remember. And I was like, what do American people think is romantic? Like, what can I do to show him that I love him? So I got on my bike and I rode to CBS and I got a bunch of candles. Because, you know, in romance movies, there's always candles.

And I'm like, tell all my friends. I'm like, you guys have this plan. I'm going to surprise him. And they're like, just don't burn down the sorority house. Like, just please come on. Because if the sprinkler goes off, all of our clothes will be ruined. And I was like, got it. So I set up.

It looks like I'm about to perform human sacrifice. There's so many Yankee candles in my sorority room. But I put them all near the window because so the smoke will go out. And I'm like, this is a phenomenal plan. And I went to Stanford and it happened to be finals week so all the nerds are very stressed out studying whatever and I call him up and I'm like I'm a surprise for you I drink a bottle of two dollar wine in preparation for this evening he comes over he's like this really means a lot to me it shows me that you care um we drink another bottle of wine and things start happening. And in my Merlot haze,

I hear this like beeping noise and I'm like, what is that sound? And I look behind him and my bed is on fire. Like all my basic bitch throw pillows are completely ablaze. And I'm like, all I can think of is like the older girls in the sororities clothes are going to be ruined when the sprinkler goes off i dismount i start whacking the pillows together like to try and get the the fire out and i'm like he's standing there like a fucking idiot obviously by the grace of god i get the fire out i have no idea why the door flings open he didn't help i'm naked he's naked 60 sorority girls are standing and i'm like you guys i'm so sorry I woke you up. But like, don't worry, the sprinkler didn't go off. I got it.

I got it. I got it. And nobody's speaking. And they're just like, Tink's your hand. And I look down and my hand is just totally charred. The next thing I remember is I black in and he's driving me to the ER. And he's like, I know that this isn't funny now, but I promise you'll want it for the story.

And he turns on Sex on fire by kings of leon as they're wheeling me honestly that he wasn't wrong as they're wheeling me in to get like take me to the intensive care burn unit and like do my skin grafts he's like um i apparently grabbed him by the neck and i was like okay okay, you can be my boyfriend now. And he said, which I can tell my drunk self was thinking like, well, now that I'm mauled, I need a boyfriend. And he was like, I've been your boyfriend for a long time, which is really cute. But so then I missed all my finals. I had skin grafts.

Thank you to the Santa Clara burn unit for fixing my hand. It looks great. It looks great. It looks great. But when I went in, they were like, you might use the use of your fingers. So yes, I've been injured in sex before. And the worst part was I'm aging myself. But when I got back from winter break, like I had all these Facebook messages being like, apparently you tried to set Owen on fire in sex or like, apparently you're into like pyromaniacs

and like you did this and that and i was like no i was just trying to be romantic be yourself and just now what's the takeaway be yourself don't light as many yankee candles also like we dated for three years he doesn't need the candles he doesn't need the candles to like you. He doesn't need the candles to like you. There you go. Tinks, thanks so much for coming. Thanks for having me. It's been a pleasure. So fun. Where can the people find you?

It's me, Tinks, on Instagram, TikTok, every platform. Come hang out. It's me, Tinks. Well, we appreciate it. Thanks for having me. Don't forget to send in your questions at asknick at castme.com. The people will probably want you back for one of our Ask Nick episodes. We just have people call in, tell their dating stories.

I tell them what's up. And you probably would enjoy it. Love that. Doing that, so you'll have to come back. And be sure to send me your questions. We can't thank Tinks enough for coming. And we'll see you back on Monday.