The Viall Files - E282 Lease On Life with Andy Grammer

Episode Date: June 23, 2021

Today on The Viall Files we are joined by recording artist Andy Grammer. Nick and Andy jump right in and get deep discussing self worth, egos, balance, and how these things inspired some of Andy's new music. They have both learned a lot of lessons coming out of the pandemic and the way they look at things now which changed who they thought they were before. Andy gives us a poem and talks about his fears of how his new music will be received and the very real topics he covers in the hopes it will connect with them. Andy’s new single Lease On Life is out June 28th so make sure to download it wherever you get your music. “Music is the ladder to the soul.” Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes. THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: Mint Mobile: http://www.mintmobile.com/VIALL To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, and get the plan shipped to your door for FREE. Each & Every: http://www.eachandevery.com/VIALL use promo code VIALL30 to get 30% off your first purchase. Ritual: http://www.ritual.com/VIALL to get 10% off during your first 3 months. Rothy’s: http://www.rothys.com/VIALL to upgrade your closet with washable, sustainable, stylish shoes and bags plus they just launched their men’s shoes. Episode Socials: @viallfiles @nickviall @andygrammer See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you're crazy what's going on everybody welcome to another fantastic episode of the vile files i am your host nick and i could not be more excited about this episode that we are bringing you today. Andy Grammer is with us and we have a fantastic conversation. Before we get into that, I just want to say hi to the team. Chrissy, Allie, Amanda. How is everyone this morning? Great.

Good. Amanda and Allie's mics work better today. So we're at the top of our game. We're a legitimate podcast finally. Mic singular. It really brings us closer. It really does. Like physically.

How was New York, Allie? It was good. It was very fun. My best friend who's a year younger than me just graduated Northwestern. That's in Chicago. But she lives in New York. It was like her family grad party.

And there was like 50 people there. And I was impressed because I pretty much knew every single person in New York. So like all of her, it was like her family grad party. And there was like 50 people there. And I was impressed because I pretty much knew every single person in her family. That was my pat on the back. A guy I've been hooking up with for over two months told me he is falling in love with someone else. And then I pierced my nose. That was my weekend. Both very on brand. Very on brand.

And Nick, did you enjoy your first Father's Day with jeff i did thank you for asking dog dad this morning he i think he's okay he got i was doing interviews and he a little plastic bag and it had like an edible in it and then he was chewing on the plastic bag and i caught it just in time so we don't need getting high almost Like a pot edible? He like licked an edible. Is Natalie staying with him or is he like unattended right now? No, he's kennel trained. Cindy's coming by. But like if Cindy shows up and Jeff's passed out. He sleeps a lot anyway.

Okay. No, he didn't really. He pierced the bag and chewed on the bag but didn't get through the bag. So he might have got a couple licks. Can we get a cabinet for these in the future? I didn't know it was there. Like father, like son. Anywho, we have a fantastic episode.

Andy, again, is with us. Andy's got a new single on the 28th of this month. Be sure to check it out. All great stuff. It's called Lease on Life, and we have a fantastic conversation talking about his vision, his inspiration for the song. Andy was just really fun to talk to. I really enjoy his perspective on things. And we really had one of those kind of stimulating conversations.

I'm sure you will love. We have more great content coming your way. Next week, we bring a fantastic episode for you. Obviously, another great Ask Nick on Monday. Tuesday, we have the one and only Dave Holmes with us, who is going to break down the next episode of The Bachelorette. Dave has quickly become a fan favorite when it comes to breaking down all things Bachelor. And then on Wednesday, we have the one and only katie the bachelorette with us to uh learn a little bit more about katie obviously everything leading up to what

we've seen so far but as we like to do with our leads who come on the podcast we like to dive a little bit deeper and who they are as people and we've certainly have gotten to learn more about katie and her experiences so far this season. And we look forward to sitting down with Katie. So that's next Wednesday. So thank you for listening. Tell your friends. Subscribe.

All that fun stuff. Rate us five stars on iTunes. I don't think there's anything else. Let's get to Andy Grammer. Lost my virginity to a woman from Montana. Really? Were you in Montana when this happened? No.

She came to us. It was a nutty love affair. I was in high school. My high school buddy moved to Montana. And then, I don't know if we're going to use this, but Andy Grammer. What's up? How are you doing? Thanks for coming.

Nice to be here. I started off right. So, his sophomore year of high school, he moved to Montana. Andana and then a year later he came out to visit with his dad and we then all road tripped back with his dad and then um she was friends with my buddy matt and like i was just like in love she had a boyfriend at the time she was like one of the hotties who had like this you know dating the senior who then was in college and uh we had a very romantic handhold the night like she left i was truly in love and then we took a bus but one of the greater i'd love to have my kids do this we took a greyhound from missoula montana to milwaukee wisconsin which is was both terrible and amazing.

If you take a Greyhound, if anyone's familiar with that, you will stop at every bus station from your starting point to... So it doubles the trip. Yeah, it's an adventure. And then people come in and come off. We started the trip with four friends on a bus by ourselves. And it ended up being a full bus. And were like playing I Spy with a bunch of strangers.

So good. It was great. But then this was, I was in high school. So this is like when, you know, email, people are like, oh, email. We're like, what's email? So we communicated through email and I would have to pay my parents. Like I'd have to mow lawns so I could talk to her on the phone so I could pay for the long distance. Oh my God.

I'd have to mow lawns so I could talk to her on the phone so I could pay for the long distance. Oh, my God. And then a year later, my buddy came out and my parents let her and her friend come out and stay with us. It was like, I don't know why. I still was like, why are you about to let this happen? And Montana romantically took her up to a hill at night. Wow.

On a hill? I was very uncomfortable. A lot of mosquitoes, very as one would expect their first to be. That is pretty spectacular. I didn't have any mosquitoes at my first, so I didn't expect that. I was terrified. Wow. I was terrified.

Anywho, thanks for coming. Yeah, good to be here. Glad to have you. How have you been? Man, I've been... Oh my... Isn't that such a weird question these days? I know. I feel like it's just the most basic thing to say to someone. It's like, how are you doing? What's up? And after the year that we just had is so loaded, right? Yeah.

Like I could say, honestly, right now i'm doing great the last year like super kick my ass i think did it personally oh yeah well i i suppose someone like yourself who is a musician who's used to touring a lot of interactions with people so that must have been an adjustment yeah just like really not being able to go do the thing that you think is like your purpose and what you're in your light doing um and then you know like just having to really kind of like reorganize where i had been getting my self-worth from i don't know if we want to jump into depth right away holy i'm ready to go but like man you know if you told me before this happened are you getting your self-worth from the right place? I'd be like, totally. I'm like a pretty good dude.

Like I got it all figured out. And then you take away all the shows and all the situations where I'm like getting a lot of my worth from. And I'm like, uh-oh, I'm not scoring that well on this test that I thought I was going to do good at. So a lot of just like, have I got into therapy? Do you do therapy? Yeah. Shit, man. Darlene.

Never did that. Well, I started it in COVID in covid oh you did in covid yeah yeah totally yeah i mean other than like being on the bachelor yeah that was my first really experience with and it was not necessarily because i don't know how it was for you but we talk a lot about mental health on this show um almost every week on our ass Nicks. I'm like, you should probably consider a therapist. And I didn't go to one. And it was just more like, well, COVID. So I was like, I got free time.

I'm sure I got some shit to work out. I have anxiety that I worry about shit all the time. I bet I could process that more efficiently. And I started talking to Darlene. It's been great. It's been great. It's been great. Yeah. First started off every week.

Now it's we're on an every other week process really just to check in. Yeah. And it's fun. I really enjoy it. For like in the beginning, because I like the way that we're doing right now is like I share something, you share something. And then I share and then you share. And it feels weird to get into a situation where they're just like, no, it's just about

you. And I'm like, oh, that's so weird. I don't know why I have weird things about that. I don't want to do that. But how are you, though? Did you have any of that or no? I mean, Darlene talks about her life enough that I can tell you a little bit about her. Yeah, a little bit.

But not too much. Yeah, and that's the thing. I don't feel particularly judged by her. It's just more... I like to think of a fairly self-aware guy. The problem, I've joked about this. Maybe this is like a narcissistic quality that I have or I'm just like,

I want to be her most interesting client. Totally. Do you ever? Yes. It's like, how do I compare to your other clients? So you. You know? The same thing.

It's not about being charming also. Like you're having a conversation. It's not about like trying to get this person to laugh or to like you or you're like working through your stuff. It was just very, very strange and unfortunately needed for me. Why do you say unfortunately um not unfortunately just like i didn't think it wasn't on my radar sure i that i needed that so there's a lot of like uh i see myself as a happy person yeah and so just like letting go

some of the um i don't know personal stigma with my ego. Ego, a thousand percent. I feel like I lost like 20 pounds of ego weight through the pandemic. That's probably- Like how hard that would be. A good balance. It felt that way for me. Did you ever have,

before this period in your life, COVID, did you ever have like other periods in your life where you became more aware of your ego or was this the first time that's a good question ego like i was for me like 28 when i got cheated on was more like oh my i like i it was the first time i understood that I even had an ego, which was dangerous considering how big my ego was up until 28. What do you mean? Well, I mean, I was cheated on, right? Yeah.

I was engaged at the time. And so I think for a lot of people, especially dating and relationships or whatever, especially when you're younger, you always – no one thinks shitty things are going to happen to them, right? Especially when you're younger. And then it does. And I think some of the most difficult times we have

in terms of processing whatever disappointment we have is the idea that we never thought it would happen to us. So in addition to someone hurting our feelings or breaking our heart, which we still have to process, we also have to process the disappointment. Like we have to like be like, hey, ego, sorry. We got cheated on?

I know that you don't think this is who we are, but it is. So like we're gonna have to work through this. Yeah, yeah. I know it wasn't positive. Like, yeah, I'm as surprised as you but uh and that was the first time i even had the self-awareness of even considering how my ego played a role in my feelings and so like that was a very kind of monumental for me it was the first time i really felt like i knew who I was and I don't think you really know who you are

and you can even consider the possible like have like that kind of meta moment where you kind of meet your ego uh we overpay on so many things that are unnecessary and our cell phone is one of those many things mint mobile trying to get you to stop doing that. And Ryan Reynolds, God bless him, is trying to save you a bundle. And they're doing it because instead of like having, you know, go to the mall or go to a store and shop for your cell phone plans. And you just do this all online.

It's the internet, people. Like we, why do we need to, why do you need to go to a store and pay for all that overhead? Because ultimately you're paying for it. It's not them. It's you. And Mint Mobile is saying, you know what? We'd rather just give you your wireless and data for 15 bucks a month. 5G, you know, great network, great phones, great service, and all doing it with great marketing from Ryan Reynolds. They basically asked me to promote their

product because, well, they couldn't afford anyone else because they wanted to make sure you get the savings. They can't even afford Ryan Reynolds anymore. They just have me do it. Yeah. What do we call you? The Walmart Ryan Reynolds. So, hey, but the good news is you get the savings,

15 bucks a month. And if you're not 100% satisfied, Mint Mobile has you covered with their seven-day money-back guarantee. If you can't figure it out in seven days, well, that's on you. You've got unlimited talk and text and high-speed data delivered

at the nation's largest 5G network for $15 a month. To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month and to get the plan shipped to your door for free, go to mintmobile.com slash V-I-A-L-L. That is mintmobile.com slash V-I-A-L-L. That is mintmobile.com slash V-I-A-L-L. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash V-I-A-L-L. Can't lose.

Each and every baby, that's right. Smell good and treat your body right. Your skin is your largest organ. Whatever you put on it, it's going to end up in your bloodstream. So make sure what you're putting on your body is healthy and clean. And that starts with deodorant. I don't know. A lot of people out there are allergic to deodorant, like aluminum, people like myself. And if you're not, well, doesn't mean it's still good for you. There's so much toxics and unnecessary things that go in a deodorant. And with each and every natural deodorant, you have the confidence and the peace of mind

knowing that you're putting natural safe ingredients in and on your body all while smelling great. Ingredients that are no hidden chemicals, no nasty byproducts. It's vegan. It's cruelty free. It's sustainable. And most importantly, it smells fantastic. I'm a sweater. I work hard.

I play hard and I never stink. And I thank God for each and every. And it's easy on my body. I wear it every day. I, it's truly amazing. So when you're going to get out there, you're going to get hot. It's hot girl summer. Don't stink. Don't stink. Don't have armpit stains, antiperspirant stains, none of that crap. You have to go out and looking hot. You got to smell good too. We have a very special offer for our listeners. 30% off your first purchase. Go to each and every.com slash V-I-A-L-L and use promo code V-I-A-L-L 30.

Don't wait. Get 30% off now. Use promo code VIAL30 at eachandevery.com slash V-I-A-L-L. I haven't met it as directly as this year. I've had other situations that were really difficult that I got through that I didn't expect. I lost my mom at 25. Okay. And that like reframed my understanding of life, but not in

the same way. But this was like, oh yeah, where are you getting your self-worth from? Which even as I say that out loud scares me to say, because it's just feels like, I don't know if guys talk about that a lot. But it's a really interesting question. Where would you say in your pie chart of yourself, of your work? It's changed. It's evolved. Yeah. How much of it comes from what you do? Right now, that's probably the biggest thing.

Yeah. Actually, we talked about Nikki Glaser. Nikki's been on this podcast a few times. She was one of my first guests. And when I was younger, it was kind of embarrassing to admit, but my self-worth was my looks. Yeah. And I remember getting, you know, I was in my early twenties and, you know, you, my girlfriend and I broke up and I remember like being obsessed, like, am I going to lose my hair or whatever? I was all stressed out about, you know, and, and and i had this thought i said this to my

parents and i was like well what if i get less attractive who will i be totally and i remember just being like wow that's really embarrassing to admit i know you know like oh gross but yeah i mean it's so it's weird when you're right. When you think about what makes me proud of myself, what makes me feel good. Yeah. And your self-worth. And so a lot of this, like during the pandemic, I wrote my next record is like a lot of this stuff. And I'm excited to go into it. I love personally to get into topics that are where there's like high stakes.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Like you write about things that are like super vulnerable and you're like, oh, that could go terribly. I could look terrible or everybody's feeling it. And if you get it correctly, then it can really like have impact on people.

You do have, especially nowadays when you're writing and you're trying to go deep, so to speak, and you're trying to talk about topics that could be triggering so to speak do you feel an added pressure as a writer to get it right so that you're you know like comedians will talk about like are you trying to relate are you trying to trigger people to get their attention how do you go about writing now where the masses will understand the message you're trying to deliver? It's always for me trying to find life proofs. So the analogy I use a lot is

that Isaac Newton wrote out what gravity was. He got it. He was the first one to write out what it actually was. And then he gave it to us and we read it we're like oh dude i'm going through gravity every day that's so sick that you finally wrote that down that's incredible you got it for all of us like amazing and i think that if you if you catch those those little pieces um and it all reminds us that we're going through the same experience together those are my favorite kind of pop songs those aren't there's so many different kinds like like of music and songwriting that does incredible things but that specific thing of catching life proofs that's what like lights me up that's what i love and when you do that and then you can see other people like at a show or or they you know get emails all the time or on

social media being like oh my god you helped me unlock this for myself or or i felt like we were connected in some way and that's like my favorite thing to do so the the door that opened up on this through this pandemic was like oh shit i am actually really uncomfortable like with the idea that i'm depressed like i don't really identify with that i don't want to be that guy i've made a whole business and brand about like not really being that guy. And so I think I got to write about this crap. And then you go there and you try to figure out like, all right, how, how do I get as specific to myself?

Cause usually when you get really specific, it becomes universal, which is like that weird kind of dichotomy. Well, congrats. I mean, I just want to say you, you definitely nailed your brand because this morning I was just thinking about you and your brand, I guess. And I was like his message is one of like happiness and positivity, which obviously. Yes.

But it's interesting too because you talk about depression and things like that. And I saw a post on your Instagram and you talked about channeling your feelings and i saw a post on your instagram and you talked about channeling your feelings and the tension you feel and i think you referred it to like the unhealthy version of feelings you know you're talking about being a street performer yes and i i recently i'm writing a book oh great um and so obviously i'm in my thoughts all the time and and i was thinking it's similar i don't know if it's the same but i was thinking about i i was listening to a different podcast and i heard an author talk about gratitude being the only feeling that can't become toxic interesting uh because you know

gratitude is the appreciation and and and wanting to show thankfulness for whatever it is you're feeling without anything in return. As opposed to every other feeling, I kind of referred it to like an ugly cousin. So like you got love and that's ugly cousin is hatred. Happiness, sadness, or happiness, depression, hope, great despair is that ugly you know so if hope isn't nurtured you can feel despair and totally kind of channeling those emotions and you were talking about you know early in your career being a street performer and balancing this kind of excitement and and motivation motivation you had to, you know, I got, I'm good. I'm,

I want to do this and I'm going to go on and on the street and I'm going to play for people. And then making sure that, you know, you were taking care of your feelings, so to speak, for a lot of back of the word and having the self-awareness of knowing that, you know, with the disappointment of people walking past you all day long, what could that turn into? Yeah. Just just the i think i was talking about like that to get things going especially in the beginning there's a tension because you have these crazy audacious dreams and then what actually has to happen to get to them is these really humble actions. You have to take like all these very basic,

minute actions of street performing, knowing like, no, no, no, I have a good sense in myself that this is going to be like really big and good and I can feel that. But right now I have to play to literally no one, like just performing to no one, just being ignored to maybe like get you,

get this person that was going to buy jeans to buy a $5 CD today today so like that is a tension that you have to hold in yourself which is like i this is where i see that i'm going and this is where i am right now and either i have to hold the the those two feelings and i was saying that either when you seek to release the tension you either go into entitlement, which is negative, which is like, why am I, I shouldn't have to be here. I know that I'm gonna be there. I should already be there.

Or you go into like self-doubt, which is like, see, I knew I shouldn't have done this. That inkling that I had that I will get somewhere was just a joke to begin with. So like, look at this, look what I'm doing right now. How could I possibly be here? Somehow hold both of those together is like really difficult. Yeah, well, especially entitlement. That's interesting. I'm just kind of thinking out loud because I think nowadays we're getting worse and worse on understanding what we are

entitled to versus what we aren't anymore. Totally. And to your point, especially, you know, we're in a world of instant gratification social media anyone can kind of blow up overnight and then and i think that's what probably stops a lot of people i mean i know that's what stops a lot of people it's probably what's stopping a lot of young people today is having that humility and and putting in the work i think a lot of my peers in reality tv will make that mistake of getting that bump and then attention from a reality tv show and then immediately feel entitled to many other things that they don't have ritual speaking of what you're putting in your body, vitamins. Not every vitamin is created equal.

And just because it's a vitamin doesn't mean it's healthy for you because there's a lot of shit that other vitamin companies put in their products. Well, Ritual, not them, they want you to know what they're putting in their vitamins so you know what you're putting in your body. And they go out of their way to make sure that their vitamins are customized directly for you. They've been specialized in vitamins for women. Now they're getting vitamins for men. I've been using Ritual ever since they've had their vitamins for men. And let me tell you, I love it. And the best part is things like fish oil, no fishy taste at all. Yeah, I got a mint tab in it, so it doesn't taste like fish, but you get

all that great fish oil benefits. The fishy nutrients. No, I mean, fish oil is great for your joints. It's awesome. That omega, get it. So if you, we've heard from a lot of our listeners who've been using Ritual that it's the first vitamin that doesn't make them sick or make them nauseous. So, so many reasons to use Ritual.

And if peace of mind isn't enough, well, get the nutrients that you need. So why not shake up your Ritual? Clean plant-based formula specifically created to support nutrient needs at different life stages, 18 plus, pregnancy, postpartum, and 50 plus. So you know you're getting the vitamins that are right for you. To make trying something new less scary, Ritual is offering a money-back guarantee if you're not 100% in love. Plus, my listeners get 10% off during their first three months. Just visit ritual.com slash V-I-A-L-L

to add essential protein today. That's ritual.com slash V-I-A-L-L. Rothy's. Sustainability and fashion all into one amazing lineup of footwear and handbags god bless them all my friends are wearing we're off these they look good they feel good there's no break in period they always look brand new because you can throw them in a washing machine and it doesn't wear

them out they look brand spanking new and people compliment them all the time and you have the comfort of knowing that you're helping the earth because they're made out of recyclable plastics so instead of throwing them away you're you're doing something good for the environment all while looking super fashionable upgrade your closet with washable sustainable stylish shoes and bags from rothy's plus they've launched men's shoes what they've launched men's shoes so make sure to check them out for the guy in your life while i'm going to we're off these send me some goddamn shoes it's the best day of your life you have to be jealous of me anymore god damn it i'm excited can't wait i'm getting some rothys today head to rothys.com slash v-i-a-l-l to find your new favorites today i'm gonna tell, I'm going to use that promo code. That's R-O-T-H-Y-S dot com slash V-I-A-L-L. Go get me some Rothy's, baby. Which I think going back to the worth thing

was like a real gift if we were willing to take it throughout this pandemic was this intense pause of like, okay, you can't get it. You can't get it. There is no bump. All the bumps are gone. Like everything that you were getting filled up from uh at least from your job took like a deep pause um and is there a way to put yourself back together that is a little bit more uh sustainable you know i was thinking like yeah fame is such like a crazy thing to trade on like i don't i don't ever want to trade on that it's worth wise what do you mean like it's such a crazy uh roller coaster of who's hot what's working what's not and i've been doing this for like 10 years now so i've i've taken the roller coaster and had people you know call and then not

pick up your call and then pick it up again oh my god dude right like that is like a terrible thing to be placing too much of your, keep saying the word worth. I wish there was other ones. Too much of your like, yeah, your self-worth in that. And I think that for a lot of people, it used to be just in Hollywood, but now it's like, man, it's really tough on social media. You could, you could have some funny thing that happens at the grocery store.

And now you're the man for like the next three days. And then, oh God, it goes away. Cause that's true. Like, how do you manage that in terms of like you, is it just having a self-awareness? Cause for me, sometimes I just, whenever I, when, when I'm on the up, I try to tell myself like, it's not me. It's, you know, some of it's luck, what I'm doing, you know,

and valuing the real people around you. You know, it's really interesting. I was thinking a lot about this and I was writing a lot of songs about it and I don't have an answer yet. I was just like processing it. One thing I do think though, is that you through, through therapy and like really being able to see some of the places that, that I was like getting too much self-worth from i was able to create my own boundaries for myself of like oh okay so i can't at least awareness is like what you're saying is the first step and then really creating like mental pockets where like uh you know throughout the day i'll like put my phone down and just be with my daughters for two hours when i get home that is irrelevant to whoever whatever anybody thinks about me whether my song's blowing up whether anything's happening it's like oh yes this is the undeniable who i am where i build myself up

um yeah i'm open to to like really digging in and learning more techniques and stuff but like i know for sure the one, I know for sure, the one thing I know for sure is if you are getting all of your self-worth from what you do, you're in trouble. Or maybe just from any one thing. From any one thing. Right, because if you get,

if 90% of your self-worth is coming from even your kids, as great as that might sound. No, totally. You know, they're gonna get older, they'll get other joys in life. Maybe there could be a period in that where the relationship is a little strained. Oh, no, no, totally. Yeah, you got to keep.

And then, or your work looks, your relationship with your wife. You just never really know the ups and downs. And I suppose if too much of any one thing is going to one direction, as great as it might sound, you're like, oh, well, how could it ever be bad that all my self-worth comes from my kids? I think my parents, as you know, I have 10 siblings, so I'm one of 11. Holy crap. Their whole life was to their kids.

And my parents are great. But now as they're becoming closer to empty nesters there's been a transitional process for them of finding purpose as they get older and um and i think it's probably because you know so much and i'm grateful for it and i hope my younger siblings are even more grateful for it because they could have stopped after three i'd still exist i'm the second oldest yeah i'm just like, you should be pretty thankful. I have a very, I've come from a conservative brother and I've become more progressive. And I've, with 10 siblings, the spectrum of belief systems is all over the board.

Interesting. In terms of like, really conservative. You say that because I, while you're talking, what I do think I know self when it, when it's coming from a good place, it's coming from my values. And then I'm proud of myself if I'm aligned with my own values. Uh, like to, to me being honest, uh, being of service to other people, all these things, when I am acting in that way, then I am, that's coming from my choice to act that way. And then I feel proud of that.

And therefore I have self-worth in that way, which is interesting. And that's still, you know, for me, that's like all about me, self. The main word there is self. What rocked me was when my therapist told me, he's like, yeah, I just like, when I look at where a lot of the self-worth is coming from,

it's like a lot of things that are outside of yourself and i was like ah shit dude that is really like what like yeah um yeah like if you think of even even doing a show going and playing a show there's a lot of that that feels healthy to me because uh it's me in my light it's what i love to do and all that. But there's a lot of things that surround it that are necessary in the moment, but are kind of irrelevant. Like, oh, we need you, your voice to be good. So we can't have you talk that much right now. So we're just going to get someone to get you your food. That times a hundred, like that's not really healthy for anyone to do for four years straight of like, oh, oh, no, no, no, no, please, please.

Actually, for efficient sake, we need you to be this way, which is like less of, you know, and care only about these things. But then you're like, oh, man, like I get home and I don't really want to do the laundry. Like, why not? You know, and just being put in a bubble and working your way through the bubble and then looking back and going like, oh, man, I think there's like a slight need to be special yeah and that's not cool i don't want

to be that guy well then you know and it shouldn't be that that shouldn't be where you get your your like foundation from and i think there's you know like anything else there's seasons where it's a little bit worse than others but really looking at it starting to dig into it has been something that is uh terrifying because i like to be the person that has it all figured out sure uh and but also really good for music i think the record's great like when you get deep that it comes out yeah like when sure i think the best pop songs are the ones where you're like really simple with like tons of emotion behind it that is when you get the stuff that's like oh my

god this is really exciting you know totally it's uh it's i mean i think a lot of musicians have said that in terms of what heartbreak breakups whatever yeah if it's depression you know staying inside a pandemic i mean there's yeah like like a lyric a simple lyric is either cheesy unless it has this it really like i miss you is just kind of like a normal lyric. Sure. If it's like this situation for you is that like, oh, I lost my mom when I was two and I didn't think about it. Like something happened to remind me of her. And now I say, I miss you.

It's like, oh, shit. Now that really matters. And so that's really fun is to be going through something so intense and figure out the simple little ways to put it together that they hopefully will like help other people like i when i right now i think of someone in the car like i like to think of songs as being like little spiritual chiropractors that like they can get in and like adjust you and i've had that happen to me and been so grateful for it and that's really what i'm attempting to do when I sit down to write a song. Like, I don't want to take myself too seriously, but when it does it that well, it's like when it really works, it has such an impact.

So perfect situation. Someone listens to your song. They're feeling a certain way. They listen to any grammar and they... So you're attempting to maybe slightly adjust people's perspective on their feelings given bring them back to themselves yeah not trying to get you to do anything else i'm not trying to like manipulate any situation i'm trying to go like oh this is happening gravity and then it's like totally i have gravity right now like i remember i feel back to my truest self

that is the highest goal it doesn't always have to be that pretentious of an ideal, but when I sit down, that's what I'm like trying to get at at the piano with my guitar. You know, the last song that I had that on my last record, Don't Give Up On Me, was just like what the way that people use that was so inspiring to me. They would just really they'd put it on every day to like, I mean, the stories are like endless to come back to like, no, I'm not going to give up on myself in this way of bringing my authenticity to the world.

No, I'm not going to give up on myself of like starting my business. No, I'm not going to like, it hopefully can wrap itself around. The best ones are simple enough that they can wrap themselves around whatever it is that you're going through. uh you know there's the quote my company's called ladder soul music i'm a baha'i and one of the baha'i quotes is yeah i went to high school with a girl who's oh cool and one of the quotes is uh music is the ladder to the soul so my goal when i like write music is like, here's a ladder. Like, hopefully I can give you this

and you can climb a little bit higher with it. And, you know, when that's the goal, you fail a lot because you're dealing with like, you're always like, uh-oh, is this cheesy? And you always have to like, that's the balance. It's like, is this right? And when it's true enough and sincere enough, it's not cheesy anymore. It's just just dope and so i usually write like so many to get to the place where

when you hear it hopefully that's how it feels do you it's cheesy i'm interested you say that like you know i'm with the podcast i'll get i'd give advice and you know judging myself whatever sometimes i was like that's just fucking cheesy, right? And then as a writer, your music is very inspiring, and sometimes the haters, and sometimes we can be our biggest hater, is that a criticism that bugs you if someone were to call you cheesy?

Like what are things that bug Andy Grammer that maybe really shouldn't, but you're just like, it really pisses me off. Yes, that definitely is something that I always, uh, I hope I've gotten better at, um, of like not trying to be insecure and beating you to the punch to say that it's cheesy before it'd be called cheesy. Uh, I've definitely slowly been learning how to just accept it. Uh, my last record was called naive because i know that sometimes people when you smile too much they think you're stupid um can i do a poem for you real quick have you had

a poem on the podcast i don't think we have first poem okay so this is like because it's exactly what we're talking about it is no longer impressive to me to watch these melancholy documentaries exposing that behind the things we buy, we love, or eat is a bunch of shitty people run by money, sex, and greed. I'm not impressed with the focus, though what they say it might be true. We ignore the beauty of the forest, obsessing on low-hanging fruit. What about my soul? What about this life? What about the infinite space in the sky?

What about the galaxies of possibilities swimming in my daughter's eyes? I've been labeled positive, optimistic, the guy that makes the happy music and while i'm flattered with these words come with an aftertaste of stupid as if smart people are the ones who used to smile but learn their lesson as if the scientific truth of reality is that it's depressing i do not agree so if it's stupid to see the good and everything then hell yeah call me night that was kind of my like alright

I love Andy so much that was kind of my agreeing like actually accepting that that this is what I love this is what I'm into is to try to inspire people

to try to like bring you back to the center and if you think I'm stupid then like fuck you i don't know what to tell you it's less again it's less about like fuck you and more about just like hey dude this is who you are like like you gotta accept that man stop trying to like guard it for other people or make it uh in a way that you're afraid they won't digest you just like this is what you love this is who you are go do that it's tough though i mean it's really hard to you know especially if you try to be self-aware and and self-deprecating and like it can come at a price of of being of becoming hypersensitive about the things you want to say you're aware about

you know and then it's just like well i can be self-deprecating to myself and then therefore you're just like but no like i'm self-deprecating so no one else can can to me and i am i'm now excited and terrified about this next cycle of music because it's like a lot about self-love and i don't hear a lot of guys talking about that seems like kind of a scary thing to talk about like you're going to be called out for being cheesy or stupid tell me more about that uh just like really being open about um you know there's a song about like i want to love myself without needing someone else to tell me and like that's like a simple lyric that's like very real. And, and yeah, I think there's something with masculinity about talking about self-love is like, don't do that, dude. I don't

know why I can't like get specific about it. I just know that like, as soon as I start to talk about it, I can feel like the masculine police being like, dude, that's not a good idea. You can go ahead and give us your man card back now because before you even start talking, you should just give it up. And I'm like, but I don't think I'm the only one that struggles with this, with the self-worth thing. So let's like, let's just go. Yeah. You know, I mean, masculinity is a interesting topic these days. I was going to do this last week. I mean, masculinity is an interesting topic these days.

I was going to do this last week. I forgot to do it. But, you know, because you have toxic masculinity as a buzz phrase now. And then you, you know, everything is polarizing. And I'm honestly curious. And I have an audience of women for the most part on my Instagram. And I'm really curious if I just put a poll up and I said, the word masculinity is positive or negative. What are your thoughts? And I'm really curious of what people would say

because it seems like, you know, for all the people, like, is it, is all masculinity toxic to some people or what is positive masculinity? Is there such a thing for people? How can men feel like men while at the same time be open with their feelings and without alienating other, you know, man, it seems mask, the word masculinity, I never thought, which is extremely charged. I think that, you you know going back another baha'i quote is that

the equality of men and women is like a bird and you have femininity is one wing and masculinity is the other and it can't fly unless they're equal. So a lot of times with like from the male perspective, you're like, oh, I'm aware that it's like unfair and that this wing is like more over history has been more powerful and not powerful, but has been given more attention and has been unequally. I don't know. It's unequal. It's gotten more. I don't know, it's unequal. It's gotten more. So what's cool about that analogy is that I, as a man,

then get to think about it like, oh, then I don't even know what it is to fly. Like it's actually that I'm not doing the best I can do either. It's not just like, oh, there's 10 cookies, we have seven, and I guess we'll give you like a couple back. It's more like, oh shit, we can't fly. We don't even know what it is to, to be at our best. And I think that, you know, when you look at masculinity, you look at like, oh yeah, when it's out of balance, it's not good for men either. So we don't have a ton to look to. I mean, one of the craziest moments was I was with my friend and he has a son and his son was like, I forget what it was, but we were trying to think of what are some words, like you just said,

that we can think of that are good about being masculine that aren't charged. When you think of what are some words of femininity, it's know it's not hard you go like oh nurturing uh creation freaking make babies amazing like they start they just like fall out of my mouth and then when you go for masculinity they're all it gets hard yeah it's really weird what are we pointing to what are we pointing our little kids to you said that i'm thinking or i'm trying to think first word that thought that came to mind is protective and then i immediately thought is that going to be triggering for some people to say well i don't need you to protect me yeah i'm who gives you that right totally i'm just like oh sorry i wasn't trying to i'm just saying like i'd i would if you want me to and it becomes

yeah and i i'm you see know, like I'm just trying, especially with this podcast, if I have one goal, is trying to get people to value relationships of all kinds more. And I think people are forgetting what relationships mean. We are entering in a society where I'm just going to spend time with like-minded people. And if that is the goal, then I think it's becoming harder and harder to have relationships because a relationship to me is that understanding that there's a love there, there's a desire to have a relationship and an openness to express feelings at the risk of disappointment or hurt, knowing that if that

does happen, we're going to have a dialogue to find a common ground through our disconnect and our disappointment. And the more we continue to try to disassociate ourselves with people who disagree with us i think it's becoming harder and harder to have relationships of any kind because to me those aren't relationships those are just like validation robots or i don't know you want to call it just like i'm just only hanging out with so and so that's long as long as you agree with me you agree with me you tell me i'm awesome no one's gonna check me no one's gonna suggest it's just like hey i love you is there another way of going about this without you hurting my feelings and and it's becoming harder and harder to do that and i you know that that's my great worry of the world is relationships because we're becoming unwilling to have our feelings hurt

and have discussions, you know, with people who might disagree with something that we feel. I would agree with that a thousand percent. I think we need to be as open as possible, you know, and I think, you know know it's a little bit hard like i love social media i actually do enjoy it and then of course everybody it's a love hate there's like a lot of weird things about it but the silo effect of it yes pretty wild yeah you know like with tiktok like you only see what you love that's insane yeah that is exactly what you're talking about totally but it's also like super entertaining like i really like totally yeah but then i don't you know like it's really wild but is it you know you think about. Totally. But it's also like super entertaining. Like I really like it. Totally. Yeah. But then I don't, you know,

like it's really wild, but it's, you know, you think about it slightly, you know, these silos, right. You know,

men, women, Republican, Democrat, you know, gay, straight, you know,

like whatever you identify with, the more things get siloed, the more we're going to get disconnected. And this idea of the individual, which I mean, when it comes to individual to a lot of degrees i like i like george carlin as someone like you hear you look at back of some of his old stuff he's like he likes the individual and not the group because whenever a group gets together the thoughts and opinions get distorted but the individual has some valid opinions but the individual also like,

you know, like we need to have relationships to keep us in check. And I'm just wondering like, if it's our feelings that at the end of the day are the ones that need to be validated constantly. Yeah. How do we have relationships? Because our feelings sometimes are going to be hurt yeah and then you know it's even like pull out even more of the like macro this makes me think of like what do you uh what

do you think happens when you die because like what's the purpose of being here yeah to me the purpose of being here is to like grow is to grow spiritually i think you grow spiritually and then you go somewhere else the same way that like a baby in the womb grows arms and legs and then they get here and they're like i'm so glad i grew these because i get to use these now i think that's what we're doing spiritually here and so yes the whole point is to like lift your spiritual weights and you can't do that if you're only talking to people that are exactly aligned with you. The whole point is to get into these like interesting tense things and try to understand each other. Yeah.

Try to get deeper. Yeah. And yeah, we're getting away. And social media is definitely siloing us. Because it's that much easier to find people who agree with us. And then we form these groups of like minded people. And then they and that's how we get radicalized, because there is no one there to say, hold on, just opposing thought.

Yeah, just want to throw it out there. And then that group is just like, fuck you. You know, it's been one of the gifts of being a touring musician is that you're in a completely new place every day. So before the, you know, before the pandemic, you're literally like, oh, this morning I'm getting breakfast in Richmond. Then I'm getting breakfast in Florida. Then I'm getting breakfast in Washington. And now I'm getting breakfast in the Philippines.

And so you kind of like you do have a lot of these conversations. And that was really helpful as things got so politically intense. I never could go, oh, those people are terrible or these people are terrible. No, no, no. They're the best. I've been I was just with them. They're unbelievable. Whereas there's a lot going on here that's making it difficult for us to see each other.

And how do you go about that with your music? Or do you go out of your way as you travel to continue to connect and do you feel comfortable these days having conversations with people who disagree with you um yeah you know i don't align with any political party which makes it a little bit easier um i i until you tell someone that who does i'm more like you like I don't know what people over this is not a political show we talk about politics I don't know what people think I am I voted for both parties type of thing but yeah I'm curious yeah do you but I found that sometimes people it's like if you're not with us, you're against us. Yeah, sure. Sure. And I, yeah, I align more with like, this is a bigger thing.

And yeah, it's really, there's no easy answer to it. I do think I just land on, I just have a lot of compassion for both sides. And it wouldn't feel correct to be correct to carry the flag for either one because I have genuine love for people in both we align there so you're a father of two wonderful daughters

he's a girl dad I'm a girl dad and how long have you been in your relationship coming up on nine years well and your dog's a girl and your wife's a girl. You're surrounded. I'm surrounded. They're taking you over.

I'm completely surrounded. It's insane. How do you keep the spark alive? That's one of the questions we most often get that is the hardest to answer. I think you have to, at this point in my life, if it's not on the calendar, it's not going to happen. It's insanity. My life is completely insane. From the moment that we wake up to someone's crying and freaking out, and then you come home, and it's like the mixture of it.

It's amazing and then insanity. And so if it's not put in the calendar that on every Thursday you go for a date, you just won't ever do it. So I think that's really like not a sexy answer, but the most effective. It's practical. Super practical. Cause like you like your partner. She's amazing. I love my wife.

Uh, it's really hard to, to like be like flirty and fun with someone when there's throw up on the floor and the dog is biting you. It's like hard to not be like, could you just, right? Like that's how you get with each other it's funny so if you don't create the space where you can actually um connect in a different way it won't ever happen the pterodactyl video on your instagram is like my favorite video because every parent i feel like has been in that situation but the two of you just sitting there oh my god trying to be like when your kids are screaming i mean wait do you have kids no i just got a dog which okay for the like like do

you want kids are you against it very much so okay um but it's funny because i mean my girlfriend's name is natalie and she i love her for it because she's just like i think we need to make sure that we prioritize prioritize us prioritize us yeah i think she's just like, I think we need to make sure that we prioritize us. I think she's already afraid because I'm allergic to dogs and we got a non-allergic dog so I can play with it. And so being someone who's naturally allergic to dogs, I've always liked dogs, but no one would consider me a dog person in the sense that I don't run up to every dog oh my god your dog i'm like hey cool dog i'm gonna keep going because i don't want to be itchy and and so far i'm really into jeff jeff's my dog's name and natalie's already kind of being like do you love me anymore or like because i'm like bye jeff i'll be back. And I'm like, bye.

She's like, what the fuck was that? And it's, it's, it's, it's kind of, uh, he's created a soft spot in my heart,

but I can, I can see how as your family grows with kids or pets that without like ever thinking, you're not showing your partner enough of attention and love how you know it's like in sports people say well there's only one football you know so there's only and i only have one heart i only have one there's only one of me to give i have a have a finite amount of space my heart or love to give and it's really important i think as we introduce other things to prioritize that time.

And just getting Jeff for two days, it makes you think, oh, whoa. Okay. So this is what I, first of all, definitely do. It's still worth it. Way hard. Only one football and you'll get, it's still worth figuring out how to share it. It is the best thing in the world. You can't, well, you can.

Many people do it. Anyways, what I think the difference between, this is the analogy that I use of no kids to kids, is throughout your normal year, say one is the worst day of your life, ten is the best day of your life. You usually, I don't know, I like my life and I still would hang around like six, maybe five mostly, then a seven. You're in between like the five and seven range. Something awesome happens that you like really connect with someone or something career-wise happens amazing. Maybe hit a 10. Something really awful happens once in a while,

you hit a one. With kids, you're like just rocking ones and tens all day long from the moment you go to the morning, go to sleep. You hit like 40 10s and then 41s it's just like a way more aggressive way to live your life but there's so many more 10s it's unbelievable like it's amazing my little girls this morning were so cute and horrible like just the worst and then oh my god the best like your heart is just like expanding and it's it's totally worth it and it's it's uh yes everything that your your girlfriend is worried about is true and but it can be not really worried but it's but like it's a thought it can be it can be dealt with and it is it is not easy and it is still totally worth it in my opinion yeah i'm looking forward i hope i'm lucky enough to to to have it someday and even like you know with dating natalie and then i'll getting

jeff i'm really nesting really really fast all of a sudden that's great went from being single for a number of years um and it's weird when you start like like, it's, you can get, I think that's the risk of, I think being single is sometimes very much treated unfairly. Why are you single? Why are you single? Like, as if there's some sort of something wrong with you. But a downside of being single is it's just by definition, you become more selfish because you can't. You have less things to, you only have to worry about yourself. Yeah.

It's great. But I think that hardens you um and i've definitely gotten a lot softer in a really great way and it feels very rewarding yeah to uh put your to love things other than yourself and you know it's funny because i was worried i i had a little baby girl in the in the pandemic it was like the second week of lockdown we had izzy she was born in my living room i freaking caught her whole other discussion whoa uh and and i was before she came i was really like worried because my first daughter louisiana i like love her so much she broke my heart open in an amazing way and we had such a bond and i couldn't really imagine

another person in that in that zone um and then there was a day where i actually so so with my daughters and i do it for other kids, for other people as well. When someone's going to have a kid, if they're willing to tell me their name, then I will make a playlist. And the rules are that it has to have the title of the song has to be the name or the artist has to be the name. So like one of my good songwriting friends just had a baby named Henry and I got like

20 songs. The top coolest songs that have Henry as the title or the artist of Henry and you just kind of give them like this is what music around this word means and give it to him so my daughter's name is Louisiana her playlist is fire it's like all jazz and she's so cool and then my second daughter her name is Israel and I hadn't been thinking about the playlist yeah that's a crazy play like Like a wild playlist. And so there was something about going to look, I was in an airport in Chicago, going to look at like what, what songs are with Israel and this guy, the Israel, the Hawaiian guy that sings somewhere over the rainbow. Have you heard that? Oh yeah. That came up. I love that

guy. That came up as one of the first songs. Unbelievable song. He's amazing. And I love like reading the tea leaves in life. So that song comes up and it has such an incredible significance to me because I got to sing Imagine by John Lennon in Times Square when the ball drops. Yes, you did, honey. The ball's dropping. I'm singing Imagine. It ends.

yes you did honey you got the ball's dropping i'm singing imagine it ends and then this version of uh of somewhere over the rainbow by it this guy hawaiian israel i i can't remember his last name i'm the worst there's confetti falling everywhere everyone's so happy it was like one of the most peaceful moments of my entire life just like you're in the middle of new york city there's just so much joy and there's confetti and this song is happening. And it was like, it burned in my brain is like, whoa, really enjoy this. So then I pick, we pick the name Israel. I go and I look for it. The first thing that comes up is this moment. And now I'm just crying in the airport, looking at it. And I'm having this moment of like, oh my God, I'm going to do it again. I'm going to like break my heart again. The same way with your little dog that it's like opening up more than you're expecting. You have a baby, it's going to break it.

And you just like keep breaking. And I think we're always a little bit attached to like, oh God, is it going to be different or what's going to happen? And that's actually the impetus to the song that just came out, Lease on Life is like, whoa, i have a new i'm gonna do this whole thing again i'm gonna fall in love this deep again holy shit that's incredible you know that's that's really great do you want to uh are you do you want a boy of course do you think you'll my wife has hyperemesis which What's that? Which is like a really intense.

Poor Asia. The kids are great, but she gets rocked getting them here. Yeah. And she had like a, she had a needle that had like a Zofran pump 24 hours like going into her. She gets sick all the time, throws up all day long. So big. Yeah.

That's what Amy Schumer had too. Cause Amy Schumer made it like really. We've literally been like, they've been texting all the time like how bad was this like so bad like back and forth she's the coolest uh so i and i'm very persuasive that's what i'll say it's like i if i was a betting man we're looking like exactly 50 50 right now she definitely needs a break but it's a big ask for it's a huge ask but i would love a boy i I think I would love another one, boy or girl. Girls are great. Girls are so great.

Yeah. I mean, I just hope I'm lucky enough to be a father. I mean, selfishly. You definitely will. You want a boy. You want a boy? I mean, listen, again, I would be happy with one healthy baby. Great.

But there's definitely like, if it was a boy, I wouldn't be mad. I know. Both are really cool. The thing about girls is that you get to be the ambassador for half the world. Like you get to set up what her expectations are of the rest of men. And that is like such an incredible responsibility and honor. How do you plan on teaching your daughters about men? So I actually just wrote another song that I just finished.

And it's around this idea that like, I can't make you do anything really. Like I'm not gonna be able to make you do anything. All that I get to do is create what home is for you so you're gonna go to a festival probably don't listen to this you might like smoke something and like uh hopefully you won't i don't you don't need to but like there will be situations where you stray from what home is to you and i just need to be the guy that you you know, like, oh, I'm experimenting right now. But like home for me is like this type of a guy, like like like someone who really values me, honors me and thinks I'm incredible. That's home. That's what that's what my center is.

And then you have your life where you like go off and try and then you come back and stuff like that. I love that you mentioned like you can't. It's a great I think it's really smart and hard to do. And I'm not a father, so I can't it's a great i think it's really smart and hard to do and i'm not a father so i can't necessarily speak for it but to write the first thing you said about that is i can't really make i'm not gonna make you do anything and i think i think a lot of parents i mean right now i'm definitely you're too eat that yeah i'm gonna make you do that like basic things i need you to pick up your shoes i can make you do that teenage years it's harder and harder and then that control the more you try to control i feel like there's that risk of rebelliousness so one of my favorite things what i did uh before both girls is i reach out to uh pick like 10 women

that i really really respect and love and go like hey can you tell me one thing your dad did incredible and one thing that he could have done better and it's like such an awesome interesting thing to get emails back of like this is what my dad did that was like really really special and this is what he did that was uh not super cool and i think like research like that and i ask i like to ask strangers i like to ask the barista i'll ask you right now what's one thing your dad did that was incredible and one thing he could have done a little better you're gonna make her cry question for me it's loaded well my dad passed away so like i get flooded with like so many things it's hard for me to think of something that he did that he could have done better got it because now i only have positive things but my dad just

he just loved me like if i came home crying he just made sure i was okay yeah he also put me in golf lessons when i was 10 solid it's funny i asked i was i was co-hosting today's show with jenna bush and i asked her this question and she said something like really sweet about and then realized that she had to say something bad about like a president she's like ah he's a bad dancer that's tough on air but i love that i was just thinking about you know i get asked a lot about advice and what's advice that i would give young men is to you know value their platonic relationships with women and ask a lot of questions uh of those women and if it's and if you don't have a ton of like even your

girlfriends i mean like stop stop learning from your bros yeah about how to make a woman or your girlfriend happy and i think sometimes young men you're talking about masculinity of the pressure either from your bros or your friends or the perception that uh women like you know don't you don't want to ask you know you want to be assertive like don't ask girl if she wants to go to dinner to dinner with you say i plan you know i'm gonna take you to dinner type of thing and like that that shit works but like yeah it does But at the same time, I think, you know, the idea of like, what is an 18-year-old, like, ask your girlfriend what she likes about his intimacy, you know, good and bad experience, you know, like good and bad experiences with men, you know? Yep. And men, you know, you talk about polarization.

And a lot of guys out there, it's just like, there's just a lot of hatred or frustration towards men and masculinity. Men are shitty. And I even get frustrated when I see things on TikTok. But the reality is if you were to ask your women friends about their experiences, every single woman that I know has an experience with a man and, and probably many more than one, that's either made him uncomfortable or unsafe or more, and just asking those questions and finding out.

And maybe that experience came from miscommunication or misunderstanding. And I think young men need to sit down. If you have a woman friend, just be like, what's it like for you? What do you like? what do you dislike and and we're i don't for whatever reason we don't we don't do that enough as young men and yeah and i'll go further you know it's i found a lot of parallels doing some work on myself around just like context like i i consider myself someone who has pretty good context.

But around, you know, when George Floyd happened, I'm like, oh, not as much as I thought. Holy crap. Like, oh. And similarly with with with the equality of men and women, sometimes we just need to listen a lot more. I was out on tour and I brought all of my uh female like crew members and backup singers and anybody that was in the band that was female and i'm like anything i can do differently specifically for women this is like my eighth year touring yeah why is it taking me so long to ask this question like what can we do and the answers were yes actually this dude touches us too

much super fucking creepy could you get on that like not not like like not like like uh just like a little too long on the back sure or you know i don't have to explain this women super know this or they go like you know if you could put lids on the trash cans because we're all living in a bus and sometimes there's like products that need to go and it would be cool if there's lids things that i have no idea about would have never thought but also for some reason eight years in have never just like made it a thing to make sure that you ask um so being open to get to being off on context i think for men is really important really really important to just be like i i need to listen a lot more than i'm listening right now

yeah and if and if if you're not hearing it because maybe there's a disconnect or that there's a little discomfort of even saying it yeah you know giving them the space to ask so they're like oh yes yeah and then the the the clincher was that they're all like no one's ever asked this yeah and i was like oh that makes me upset. And I'm the one that hasn't asked either. And I wrote like an open letter in the touring magazine, which is Polestar, kind of about it, trying to get the idea of this out. Because once you hear from the women in your life, these things, and you actually hear it and you're not like defensive about it. Oh, my God. You want to jump up and do stuff about it.

Like, oh, my God, let's go get cash cans. Hey, you fucking stop doing that. Like, let's figure out like like if you hear it there's way more good men out there sure but we're not listening we're not really listening exactly yeah and aren't we're not even asking what is what is like what what do you like what do you dislike what do you how could i do better what are your experiences what are moments you could do you feel uncomfortable yeah um because yeah i think if you i i've i've asked natalie i was like what do you what's what's your perception of men and she's like a lot not great not great and it's not because she doesn't have a lot of great men in her life it's because you know you hear the word bad apple you know and like those are those can be you know traumatic experiences so it's just

like understanding again you're right context so that being open that your context is not correct yeah like actually being open to that is is a thing that we all a lot of men need to do and that's i guess masculinity too or it's just like masculine. It's, it's okay to ask how to do it. And does it make you less of a man? Why are you supposed to know? I don't understand. I use that analogy. It's just like when you sex and dating, you don't get into a race car without knowing how to drive and put your foot on the gas. And yet when it comes to sex and dating, that's what both men and women seem to be doing. It's getting better now because like when I grew up in a conservative classic household,

the only instructions that I got to like be given a Ferrari was to not drive. Yeah. And I was like, but what if I decide to drive? They're like, don't. We're not going to teach you how. We're just going to tell you not to do it. And then people get in these kind of high-powered vehicles, again, our sexuality and our hormones,

and that's why we always crash and burn. So, yeah, I guess ask more. I love that you said that in terms of parenting because I was always thinking in terms of dating and relationships, but parenting, that's great that in terms of parenting. Cause I was always thinking in terms of dating and relationships, but yeah, parenting it's, it's great because a lot of parents these days don't like anyone else parenting their kid.

And so to ask, you know, well, how do you think I should do it? What are, what about your, your experiences with your father? And people that you,

you know, almost like mental people that you really respect and like, Whoa're incredible can you tell me how that happened yeah yeah what role your dad played in that it's cool will you uh play a fun little game with us called do you know me before we let you go let's do it all right andy grammar do you know me are you good at grammar uh i've had to become because of this shit. I'm terrible. And I, like every radio interview, because you're a writer,

you'd have to be good at grammar. No, but like, like every radio interview I've ever been on, they're like, all right, spell vacuum or some crap or like, they're there.

I'm like, okay, I got to really figure this out. I couldn't have, I wouldn't not hold up to that. I would be terrible. Anyway, you didn't have to like back it up, Chrissy. I'm be terrible. Anyway. You didn't have to back it up,

Chrissy. I'm terrible too. The two of us together, it's not good. And I text people usually, huh? Do you know me? With Andy Grammer. Question number, oh, I should explain the rules. Super easy, by the way. I'm going to ask you a question. Don't answer it away. We are going

to guess. Okay. If we know, and if you have an anecdotal story to share please if not no pressure just yes or no do you know me with andy grammar did andy cook at home more than ordering in this week i don't know i feel like a father of two young daughters he's gonna be uh i'm gonna say he's he's someone cooked i don't know if he did but i don't know if the family ordered in and i no pressure if you did i don't want to like wait is that it do i share now no well i i my guess is you cooked more than ordered in i'm with me i i agree with that assessment with two little kids i feel like you always have to

i've fully i don't know but date night i don't know we are terribly uh like postmates to the to the moon so much i love it i just like i don't even know what what's your go-to you know go to well there's like a lot of stuff yeah what do we again what did we get last night we got like some really good mexican food sushi yeah we're bad postmates we i cook breakfast i don't know if that counts sure i cook breakfast but not as much as we because we order i mean it would be wild if you told me you postmated that should be mad that i told everyone that it's fine yeah no one's suggesting you're postmating taco bell yeah does andy believe Does Andy believe in Zodiac signs? Can we define believe for this particular question? Like, is he entertained by it? Or is he like live his life by it?

Well, is there a happy meeting? Does Andy attribute any value whatsoever to understanding someone's Zodiac sign to help them understand the person? someone's zodiac sign to help them understand the person. Because what we've learned from our friend Ricky Williams is that it can be useful to understand kind of people's roadmaps. It doesn't necessarily tell you or predict the future who they are, but he believes that it is a bit of a roadmap

to understanding people. Would you subscribe to that thought? He's behind. In every couple, you need one. Against or for. I think he's down to, I don't think he dismisses it entirely. Yeah, I don't think he's into it right now. I remember sitting, it was like, right?

We lived on Fountain with my roommate and we both just were like coming to it for the first time. And I'm a Sagittarius and my friend was a tourist and it described us both insanely to a t like sagittarius is like don't hold me down super optimistic wants to travel all the time all this stuff i'm just being like whoa this is kind of weird so i think it's like a fun inexact science and i do like like when my daughter my most recent daughter was born i wanted her to get to the next fire sign. If so, if that means anything to you. Like we were waiting for her to be born.

I'm like, if you just hold out a little bit more, she'll be like. So Nick takes that one. Hard yes. Hard yes. I'm not going to like make any plans on it, but it's fun. Sure. Yeah. Has Andy ever popped someone's pimple?

I think the world's divided into two people. You're either a pimple popper i can't no no i don't know i don't feel things are more satisfying than you are oh yeah so just someone else's pimple uh and mine there's anyone stranger on the street i'm like i got this bro uh is andy so i'm getting a no vibe from andy i don't even even i know for me it's a no it for me it's a no dog uh but my wife is a hundred percent i'm telling you i got like a world divided fighter off my face yeah natalie not a pimple popper yeah me i'm like give me that thing give it oh god so gross orgasm or popping a pimple

oh yeah are you a scab picker 100 oh god natalie will just let it like live she's like no it's like it's on it's it's in its honest journey to like healing let's fucking bust that shit open oh my god that's great has andy ever given a stranger a fake phone number uh touring guy yes somebody come up to him on the street come on i think it's a weird creeper i think that's come on it's got to be a creeper i think that's the easy answer um of course it is. I think women do it more than men for safety reasons because there is a let's just get out of this situation without frustrating the person asking for our number. So let's just... 100%.

As opposed to someone like myself who would just be like, no. Yeah. And so I'm going to say Andy is not because he would just say, no, I'm not going to give you my number rather than lying about a fake number. I'm also like a super rule follower. So similar to like, I wouldn't want to lie to you right now. Yeah. I don't want to.

I don't want to lie to your face. Rather disappoint you than lie. No, I'm not going to lie to you. I'm going to. Well, I wouldn't lie and say no. I would. I would probably be like, oh, I guess. I don't know.

I would make some other reason that was that honestly is as bad as a lie. But I would weasel out of it. I wouldn't want to be like, oh, yes, here's my phone number. That is actually not my phone number. That would ruin my day. I've never done it. Not it. I just would seem so wrong to me. i get why women might do it but yeah um

i just have not has andy ever had more than two cavities his whole life yeah yeah let me tell you i have not really done drugs wait until marriage to have sex uh you waited till marriage yeah super rule follower so sugar was the spot to go to and uh yeah i definitely have cavities how old were you got married got married? 26. Good for you. Long time. Has Andy ever been in a fist fight? I'm going to say he's a lover, not a fighter. I'm going to say no. So I have never been in a fist fight. There was one time in my life where I felt why

you would do it. I had the inclination to be like, to protect someone? It was that I was working at McDonald's and it was already such a shitty situation. We were in the back, we're like flipping burgers and my co-worker was one of those guys who's like, not your boss, but your boss.

Kind of. Like giving you information telling you why to do something, just like talking down to me. And I of those guys who's like, not your boss, but your boss, kind of like giving you information, telling you why do something just like talking down to me. And I remember in that moment being like, oh yeah, this is why you fight. I'm not going to do that with you. We're not going to fight. But like, I get it. Yeah. That's the closest I've come. Has Andy ever lied on his resume?

No, Andy doesn't lie. I don't think you have a resume. I don't have a resume. There's no resumes for street performing. He's like third street. Yeah, yeah. Final question. Has Andy ever crashed a party?

And I mean like truly uninvited. Oh, no. No. I don't think so. Definitely. You have. Yeah. Especially in the beginning when there's people

that you need to meet and you're not invited we've done that like just there's like this like I also will this what my wife hates is I I don't know if she would think this is funny but I have this uh feelings that I'm fun and that people would want to hang out with me. And so I will text way past when you're supposed to text. I'll hit people up at 11 p.m. or someone will invite us at 5. Actually, can we come by

at 2? Things that are not okay to do. And she's always like, her job in my life is like, people don't like you as much as you think they like you. You're like friendship booty calling people. Yes, yes. So that also like micro crashes a lot. A micro crash a lot.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Guys, this was delightful. This is so much fun. Appreciate all of you. Can't thank Andy enough for joining us today on this episode. Don't forget to check out his new song, Lease on Life, on the 28th of this month. We will be back on Monday with an Ask Nick.

Dave Holmes recapping The Bachelorette and Katie with us on Wednesday to learn more about The Bachelorette and her actual life on Wednesday. Thanks for listening. Bye. you