The Viall Files - E29 Someday My Prince will Cum With Dr. Emily Morse

Episode Date: July 17, 2019

This week we are joined by Dr. Emily Morse from Sex With Emily to talk about that crazy “Fantasy Suites” episode of The Bachelorette. Emily reveals the biggest mistake men and women make in the bedroom, we discuss sex with an ex, and we dive deep into how shame affects us. Then we take a call from a fan about a dick pic that wasn’t meant for her. Communication is lubrication, toys are your sidekick, and think twice before sending that nude. And shoutout to the windmill! Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. Help Nick raise money for cystic fibrosis at LA’s Finest: https://finest.cff.org/walkthepurplecarpet/nickviall THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS: RAYCON: http://buyraycon.com/VIALL ROTHY’S: https://rothys.com/VIALL NOOM: https://www.noom.com/VIALL See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you're crazy welcome to another episode of vile files how's everyone doing this week feeling sexy we have windmills it's pete windmill pete yeah we'll get into the more into that later in a massage fake out. I'm very excited about today's episodes. It's a lot of fun. We had a ton of fun with Dr. Emily Morse. Sex with Emily.

I wanted to Google when I was like learning about Emily. I Googled sex with Emily. And then as I'm doing it, I thought to myself, wow, I'm just going to come out. And to her credit, she's the first thing that comes up. She's a big deal. When you Google sex with Emily and then as I'm doing it I thought to myself wow I'm just gonna come out and to her credit she's the first thing that comes up she's a big deal

when you google sex with Emily she comes up imagine all the things like when it comes to the internet and porn and sex there's a lot of options

true I mean you can google anything and you're like why did this come up I didn't do like why you know but she comes up she's a big deal

she's very funny knows a lot about sex and relationships and we talk a lot about that and it's fantasy sweet sweet fantasy sweet weeks sweet oh god sweet week anyways michelle how are you doing how am i doing yeah what do you mean sugar's also sugar's uh has a callback for an audition today so she couldn't join us she's such a big deal she's such an actor i mean like in a good way not like in a disingenuous she's fake so she could she couldn't join us she's the real deal fine we have rochelle how are you doing oh i'm fine how are well we in in anticipation for this

wonderful sexy episode yeah we talk a lot about you know being open with sex and you i don't think a lot of people get to know the real rochelle i'm still learning about rochelle you told this story about we we have not in the same but similar upbringing yes really religious well it's funny because on this episode emily was talking about like the sex talk and my sex talk my mom took me i thought we were going on a road trip just me and my mom and it turned out that we were doing this program called passport to purity and it was like 12 cassette tapes and i felt very trapped you just drove in a car yeah here we go yeah and she put it in she did this with all your sisters yeah but i'm the oldest so of course like i had no idea what was coming and then at the end i had to sign

a contract saying that i would be you had to i was like 11 so basically you got in a car she pops on a tape yeah and looks at you and says listen yeah and throughout this drive was there it was the most uncomfortable thing i've ever experienced in my life what was uh one of the things they said okay so one thing we had to do we had to glue two pieces of construction paper together. Okay. Because it was like crafts inside the box and then tear it apart. It was a kit.

It was a kit. And you tear it apart. Mom's driving this whole time? Oh, she's driving a Volkswagen Eurovan. And, you know, when you tear two pieces of construction paper apart, it's like messy. And they're like, this is what happens when you have sex with someone. You leave part of yourself with them that you can never get back.. You leave part of yourself with them that you can never get back. And they leave part of themselves with you that you can never get away. And I was like, I started crying.

Fuck. Dude, we are fucking up our kids. I know. Explain some stuff, though. Mine wasn't that hardcore, but it certainly was riddled with shame and guilt and worry and paranoia. Catholic, what did they tell you? Don't do it or you'll die. I don't know.

It was like, yeah. I mean, I didn't have to take a road trip, but it was certainly advised against. Anyways, that's more about Rochelle in future episodes. I guess so. How old were you when you lost your virginity? It was the end of my freshman year of college. 18.

Is that young? 19? I was 17. But no, what I'm saying, for someone who had to take a fucking journey. No, end of my sophomore year. But yeah, no, I had a boyfriend that whole year and I had to keep him. It was tough keeping him at bay. After you lost virginity,

did you feel shame and guilt? Oh, 100%. Didn't you? No. I think you were just like, the gates have opened. I mean, I definitely, there's, it wasn't like an immediate, like, oh my God, I was worried. But like, it was certainly, for me, it immediate like oh my god i was worried but like it was certainly for me it was like yeah it was there like i felt it but not like a hardcore i didn't

like have this breakdown by any means oh the first time i kissed someone i cried because i was not supposed to kiss anyone until marriage so i was like i thought this was gonna be with my husband and the guy was like oh my god what's happening christ i know anyways we talked a lot about this episode of not shaming each other and the benefits of um being sex positive and talking it's a fun episode with uh with emily dr emily and then we uh we do a little uh obviously this episode of the bachelor was awesome oh god the best It was the best. I was by myself screaming the whole time. I really was. I was like, when Tyler was climbing on top of her,

I was like, oh, my God. I was freaking out. Were you freaking out or were you alone? Stop, stop, stop. How many times do you watch that scene? Stop, stop. I may have, you know, rewound it once, but. Wow.

Okay. All right. Hannah and Tyler, I just want you to know that you are porn stars as far as Rochelle is concerned at this point. It's hot in here.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy this episode with Dr. Emily, Sex with Emily. And I think it's great. And again, don't forget to rate us five stars on iTunes. We can't do this without you.

Before we go, I just want to let everyone know Nick is nominated for LA's Finest. By that means she's like, I'm responsible to help raise some money for cystic fibrosis. I can't say it. It's a dirty disease. Yeah, it's a heart disease.

But I'm honored that Rochelle has nominated me. Yes. And we need your help. Our goal is... $5,000. $5,000. Which, listen, if everyone listening donated $1. $1.

$1. If everyone listening donated 50 cents, we'd be killing it. Yeah. So how do people do that? I'm going to put the link in the show notes. Put the link in the show notes. And you can also buy tickets to come to the event. You can.

Hang out with us. You know, if you're in LA. Open bar. It's LA. It's in LA. Yeah, it's in LA in November. In November? Yeah.

So donate 50 cents. Yeah. My sister has a disease. That's why I'm raising money. 50 cents, people. Go to the link. Donate 50 cents. Tell us a little about your sister.

My sister, so when she was born, they said she wouldn't live much past high school. What is she doing now? Now she's a freaking doctor at Yale. Yeah, she basically was like, fuck you, cystic fibrosis. I'm going to do what I want. And in addition to her determination, also part of the reason why she's still with us today is the research and funding that's gone into fighting this terrible disease.

And without your donations, Rochelle's sister might be dead. Wow. So donate your money now so Rochelle can still have her sister. Oh, God. It's true. It's true. It's true. So you know what? That dollar you were going to waste, why don't you save Rochelle can still have her sister. It's true. It's true. It's true. So you know what? That dollar you were going to waste, why don't you save Rochelle's sister's life and many

more people? Yeah. I hope you enjoy this episode. It's going to be great. Dr. Emily Morris. Hello. As we've mentioned in our intro, we're excited to have you here. I'm so excited.

As we've said, I think this is, we had been waiting to have you on. We wanted to find the right time. It's fantasy sweets weeks. Fantasy sweet weeks. Yeah. Week. Singular. Fantasy sweets. And in particular,

this episode was truly about fucking. It wasn't even about love. Right. It was just straight about sex. So we decided to have Dr. Emily Morris, like Morris Code. Yep. I say that like I knew what I'm talking about but i don't i just found out 10 minutes ago this is bad that morris code is morris code not morris code he thought this 38 years morris code yeah yeah well it's a

big day just wait we haven't even started yet i I'm going to be like that know-it-all. Did you know? Like a week from now, I'll be like, did you know? Dude, it's Morse code. Anyways, Dr. Emily Morse is a very successful doctor who has a very successful show called Sex with Emily. She also does some radio. I mean, she's all over the place. She's been helping people for years. She's one of the first podcasters. She's an OG podcaster. Before podcasting was in vogue. Yeah.

She was, uh, doing some things and doing some great things about being more sex positive. Yeah. Uh, which I, I've, you know, this people know on this show, uh, we're very sex positive on this show, but you've been, you've been doing this long before. Yeah. I started a podcast in like, yeah, 14, uh, 2005. You were, you've been on, uh, you've been on this long before. Yeah. I started a podcast in like, yeah, 2005. You've been on. First month of podcasting. What's the Dr. Drew? Oh, yeah. So I started a podcast in 2005, honestly,

because I was not a doctor that knows human sexuality. I started out being someone who was like. You're a doctor in human sexuality. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. Well, I was like, sex. Everyone talks about sex being this most incredible thing. It's going to be amazing., I was like, sex, everyone talks about sex being this most incredible thing.

It's going to be amazing. And I was like, sex is good, but I don't think it's amazing every time. How do you have amazing, great sex? So I was like, started interviewing people. What does great sex mean to you? You weren't a doctor at all then? No, I got my degree throughout this process. So while you're having this kind of like.

I wasn't the expert. People weren't calling me for advice. I was just like, when people used to say to me, I had the best sex, sex, sex. Sex is amazing. I'd be like, stop. Back up. What do you mean by that?

Like, were you swinging from the rafters? Did you have 18 orgasms? Like, was his penis double jointed? Like, what do you mean? Are you just trying to sound cool, maybe? Yeah. Are you? Because for me, like, I'm a truth teller.

I'm like, sex is... I don't know. I wasn't always having orgasms. I didn't know how to ask for what I wanted. I had a lot of the same, I guess, myths. You didn't know how to ask for orgasms? I didn't know that I was raised like many, we were talking about like many women were raised that sex is all about pleasing the man.

And as long as they have pleasure, ours will come after. Like, I just want, like if I gave a blowjob, then it's going to be, then you realize like, oh no, actually she comes first, which is actually one of the, every man should read this book

who's with a woman. It's called by Dr. Ian Kerner. And it just talks about, if she's satisfied, you're going to get yours. How do they spell cum? C-U-M-E-S. Because I don't like it spelled C-U-M.

Oh, you don't? I'm shocked. No. Oh, there's me. I just, I'm pretty straightforward. When you say straightforward. With the words cum. I don't want to be like cum, because that turns, we're not sexting.

Like, he's a doctor too. When you say cum, and you mean it like, do you go cum? Cum. Cum. No, I try not to. Baby, did you cum? Can we edit it? Oh, no.

If you have to ask if she came, she probably did. Oh. Good question. Truth. I mean, actually, not a good question. Good point. Good point. So, all right.

So you were fascinated by. Yeah, by sex. And then you went to school. Then I went to school and I started, you know, studying sex and advising people about their, you know, sex life and relationships. And it's turned into, yeah, it's an advice show. It's on Sirius XM five days a week. in the evenings, drive time, LA, five to seven.

You'll have to come on. And it's specifically sex. Sex, no, but come on. Nothing. Here's the thing. Nothing is just sex. No, I know. But it's relationships, dating, love.

Around sex. Around like, and you know what's so funny? My main thing is communication. So I always say communication is a lubrication. Because the more we talk aboutation because the more we talk about sex, the more we talk about sex with each other and questions with Nick, go ahead.

And the more you can see up, it's trademark. I will. It's cool. I'll find you. But the more we talk about sex, actually the better sex we're going to have. It's just true.

But we usually just assume it's going to be amazing. And Oh my God, he's going to know my body. Like I used to think someday my prince will come. And so will I. Why? And why do you think that most people are like that? Do you think it's kind of like old school, like.

Society. Because we don't talk about sex. I had zero sex education. Shame. Did you have sex education? Like I was like. We did, but it was more about like how not to get someone pregnant and how not to get a disease.

Exactly. It's fear based. Yeah. There's nothing about pleasure. Zero things about the disease. Exactly. It's fear-based. Yeah. Don't get pregnant. There's nothing about pleasure. Zero things about the clitoris. I grew up very Catholic. So there's a lot of Catholic guilt and shaming and like, don't get married before sex.

I'm like, I'll try my best. See, but that's who I'm dealing with every day. People like that. All of us had messages from childhood or religious institutions that no longer serve us. But then we're like full on adults walking around still thinking like, I'm a bad person if I have sex or I'm shameful or I want them to like me because I'm doing something or like you always have because if it was a young age and you're going to church and you're like you still even though you don't believe it, it's like deeply ingrained in your psyche. So it's like it's tricky. So I actually help people navigate

through that. So yes yes i give like technical like sexual positions if they ask but a lot of it is like here's how you figure out what you want for men and for women and then here's how you explain that to a partner a lot of times we don't know natural habits our favorite our favorite sponsor it's really what keeps the lights on well that's your personal everyone does i know we talk a lot about it, but we are having a special sale on the bundle, the roll-ons that are ready to go out of the box and carry them with you anywhere. It's our flagship product. 40% off on the bundle for this week only.

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Yeah. Wow. Well, it's a summer sale, and it's our flagship product. People love it. The packaging is great. But more importantly, you can carry Rise Protect Center Release with you wherever you go. If you go to yoga, you go to work, in the car. I keep them in the car.

Anywhere you go, and you just rub them on your wrist, your neck, your third eye and the forehead. It's a great way. I mean, obviously, we have our diffusers and diffuser blends, but the Rolanda you can carry with you, they're already ready to go with jojoba oil in there, which is also great for your skin. And as Emily pointed out, great for sexy time. Well, again, aromatherapy therapy um you know it sets the mood our release

is very relaxing and calming um so it there's a lot of essential oils have all different types of benefits follow us on natural habits we give a bunch of information about how to use essential oils all the benefits that you can have natural habits on instagram nhoils.com use code by all 40 off our daily bundle summer sale this week only when you're talking with people do you uh focus more on I guess is it is it so you kind of said it but it's more focusing on the male the female everything it's what is it what is my audience is 50% men and 50% women of all ages because hey we have there's nowhere else for people to go I think for practical sex information that's great so what is the if you could say, what's the, probably not one,

but if you had to figure out what's the biggest mistake women make in terms of their expectations of men and of themselves, and the biggest mistake that men make of themselves and of women in the bedroom? I think the biggest mistake that women make is not understanding their own bodies and what makes them feel good and masturbating and figuring out this is how I orgasm. And this is what I need and being able to ask for it. Like we often think, like I said earlier, I'll say it again. Like some, I thought that someday my prince will come. And so will I, I thought that men were sent off to some secret school when they were like eight to 12 and they learned how to work a woman's body and they knew how to touch me.

Like I thought they would know because I didn't know. I was just taught about how not to get pregnant and how not to get an STD. So I believe that. I didn't think it was- Which is just not to do it. I was like, he's going to give me my orgasm.

I think the men's, one of their biggest things is that women, that there's something wrong, that women should orgasm during I think the men's, one of their biggest things is that, um, is that women, that there's something wrong if that women should orgasm during an intercourse during penetration, because only 20% of women do. And of those women, it's not every time. So really all the magic is in the warmup, the foreplay, the arousal. So there's a lot of misconceptions we have, and we're not wrong. Like literally, where would you learn it if you didn't seek it out? Because then we watch TV and culture, like even on The Bachelor last night, like, oh

my God, we came together the first time we had sex. I don't know if that's true or not, but it's like in television, in movies, the couple they are making out and then all of a sudden they fall into bed and there's zero fumbling, zero condoms, zero lube. And then they're having amazing orgasms together. Ah, that's not real sex in real life. But we all feel like we're fucking up because we don't have sex in that way. So we all somehow feel, especially as women, that something is wrong with me because I

can't just orgasm. Or like men are like frying pans, right? When you see something you want, you're like, I'm ready to go. Like erection and excited. And women, we're like slow cookers. Yeah, you're like, boom, you're all ready. Oh, I see. Like a frying pan.

You warm it up pretty quickly. Women are like, hey, kiss my neck. Tell me I'm hot. Ask me about my day. Do you like my shoes? So then we're like well and then women try to have sex in that condition and we're not warmed up yet so we but when if we understood that like no just take your time like slow it down like warmer up make

out kiss do all the things you're both gonna have more pleasure i mean i i agree you weren't obviously here there was an episode i talked about my, uh, this in high school. Yeah. His awakening. Oh, an awakening. Well, I mean, I've already told it, I'll keep it short, but basically we were messing, as high school kids do, messing around, going to all the bases and, you know, it was basically just aggressively putting my hands down her pants, you know, and then she would aggressively put her hands down my pants. And this would go on for 45 minutes or so. Like just there, like just like not even. Oh, no, no, definitely.

Digging for change. By the time I'm done, my hands is like kind of like oh, you know. That's what they do. It hurts. The magic is on the outside. And to my, and to this young lady's credit, who is a friend of hers, pulled me aside in gym class and in a very non kind of shaming way, just trying to educate me, was like, yeah, she doesn't like that.

And I was just more like, I was, you know, I felt embarrassment, all these things. But I also was like, well, how do I do it right? And she kind of gave me some tips. And immediately I was just like, well, first of all, this is easier. A whole lot easier. A whole lot easier. And it taught me a lot of things,

one of which is how to do that better. But more importantly, to ask questions and just, it kind of made me feel at a very early age to just realize that like all women are different. And in any relationship, it's like, well, what do you like? And what are you into? Even like sex, the physical penetration. People like to fuck differently.

People like to be fucked differently. And so it's different. That's why, especially if you're jumping from one relationship to another, that first time you have sex is usually not going to be the best. It won't be the best. In fact, just assume it won't be. Have anyone, have you or anyone here, and I know this has happened to me, but have you ever been in a relationship, broken up, and then for whatever reason, had sex with an ex at some point? Yeah.

But in between that, you've had sex with other people. Oh, yeah. And then you fucked them like the new person and the ex was just like, this is different and weird. Oh, no. Because they're fucking you differently. Oh, God, no. That sounds terrible.

I'm trying to think if that's familiar. It's familiar to fuck an ex and to be fucking someone else. But the part about fucking them the same. They didn't fuck differently. They fucked differently. You felt like they fucked you differently? Oh, you're like, where'd you get those new moves? The girl was not watching Netflix.

Someone I dated for years, and then we broke up. And then we had a random hookup a year ago. In between, I had dated people, and she was just like... You've learned some things. It was just like... Well, for her, it was like... She wasn't focused on that. She like she assumed i'm probably had some other people but it was like all she could think about was like you are doing it differently like yeah it was like

yeah i've never and that's weird yeah well you know this has never happened to you women um no i don't think so but just because, because you know why when you're with someone, I feel like this is another great lesson for men and women to learn is that we often assume that we should have sex the way our last, well, my last partner liked it when I slowed everything down and she only liked to be on top. So then when you're with your new partner, you just assume she's going to get on top. She's going to want these things. But if you put a hundred women in a room and they were all masturbating, let's say that's kind of hot. And then I'm already, you're already in, you're in, you're in. All right. What's next? They would all be doing something different. Literally. Like some

would be going in circles on their clitoris. Some might be using their fingers. Like it's different. We're snowflakes. They're all like snowflakes and penises are the same. They're all different. So that's why the best thing is with a new lover, the opportunity is to like learn in that moment. Like it's always a new canvas. How can people feel more comfortable asking these questions? Because I agree with you. I just, it's, it is fascinating to me just how uncomfortable people still seem to be. We were talking about before the show started in terms of, People still seem to be, we were talking about before the show started in terms of, I do think a lot of women and young women don't have this expectation that they should get off in sex.

They're like, as long as he's happy, we're pleasers. It was a success. And I like, how, how can people do that? I think the best way to do it, like, I think the best way to talk about sex, ironically, is actually outside the bedroom. So when you're like chilling, you're having breakfast, you're having drinks, you're at dinner. Not when you're like totally naked and buff.

You're so vulnerable. Yeah. Because then when you're in the bedroom, first of all, you're in an aroused state. And then when you try to have any kind of conversation, leave the bedroom for sleeping and sex, but not for heavy conversations because then you're like in this aroused state and things are going to sink in differently. But when you're chilling, you're at dinner, maybe you've had a drink, you're like in this aroused state and things are going to sink in differently. But when you're chilling, you're at dinner,

maybe you've had a drink. You're like, you know what? Love having sex with you. You're so happy. I've been thinking about it. And I just want to be like great lovers to each other. Make it your own,

but you know how like, but I want to know like what really turned you on or like what's on your sexual bucket list. Let me tell you mine. Or there's a bunch of different ways. You'd be like, tell me about the hottest time we've had sex. Like what's your most memorable time? Because then it's not like,

tell me about your hottest sex ever. Cause then you're like jealous. What if, what if it's been fairly lukewarm at that, to that point? With that person? Well, how about you just like, you know what? I let's, I want to talk to you about it. I feel like what I've learned in my history of sex is that the best sex has come when I've actually gotten to know someone and what they like. We haven't done that yet. I'm really into you. And so I want to know, like, what are some of your turn ons?

What's like, what's your fantasy? What do you think about when you're like, I want to be that person for you. And I'll tell you some of mine. And then maybe she was lukewarm, but she was like, you know, it's really hot to me. And she says, like, I really want to be spanked. I want to be handcuffed. And maybe you have a fantasy of being dominant. And you she says like, I really want to be spanked. I want to be handcuffed. And maybe you have a fantasy of being dominant. And you'd be like, I didn't know that.

And then next time you do sex, it's so hot because I brought you some handcuffs. This whole time, we've been like on the same page. But that happens all the time because we just like, and since we are so vulnerable around sex because no one taught us how to do it. And so then there's still shame attached to it. We just don't talk about it.

We become mute. And then we think that we've hinted, like maybe we've been like, I think that thing is hot and our partner just to it. We just don't talk about it. We become mute. And then we think that we've hinted, like maybe we've been like, I think that thing's hot and our partner just misses it. And then they think they're ignoring us. So like, you have to have like a really straightforward conversation. I have a lot of tools on my site. When did you become like, where have you always been this way? Because you talked about how, so what made you become more curious? Was it like, was it meeting a guy who kind of no okay no no i wish it was a guy no don't give credit to a man i'm not trying to give zero men

you know like sometimes you like you date someone and they kind of maybe they're more sexually advanced than you and they make you feel more comfortable i was and it can be a woman doing that but i'm an overachiever okay i'll say that but i was also continually disappointed. And it can be a woman doing that, but... I'm an overachiever. Okay. I'll say that. But I was also continually disappointed with sex. And what I soon realized that it wasn't their fault. It wasn't... I didn't know how to communicate. Yeah, no.

Nothing about them. I bet you if I could go back in time... No, I don't mean them. I mean your own expectations, what you thought sex should be. Yeah, I thought that there was something. I mean, literally everything that I answer answer the questions i now i answer which are like thousands a month we get emails and in my career now so many tens of thousands i did every mistake i believed everything that is common belief now knowledge i believed that i was

supposed to be orgasming when i wasn't i i thought that something was wrong with me because i didn't as easily orgasm during intercourse because I didn't know how to say like, no, I need like oral sex. So I need like some warmup. If I haven't talked to you in a week and you just show up and you're raring to go because you're a man and you have more responsive arousal, you get aroused differently. Spontaneous arousal, men are more, women are more responsive. Anyway, it's a whole nother, we don't have to get into the scientific part of it, but I'm like, so I was like, I'm just going to keep going with it. And then sex, sometimes I just didn't know that it was important for me, like to be able to state and guys appreciate it, to be like, let's slow it down. Like, let's make out for a bit, or let me find out, like, let's, you know, I love like talking dirty

or talking about whatever. And so I realized that like, that's why it was more like I was in the pleasing mode. I was in the doing what they wanted. Not that I wasn't having good, like going back, it wasn't like it was horrible. I just knew that if sex is this thing that's on this pedestal, everyone since your young age, it's going to be this amazing thing. And it wasn't, what am I missing? Like, what could I learn? And I realized every day it's about, there's this really big misconception that, okay, sex is typically the best it's going to be the first, the first nine months to year and a half in a relationship. That's the honeymoon phase, not the first time, but a year and a half in, it's amazing because it's new and exciting and it's novelty. And you've never been with this person before. Like I could have amazing sex with this couch for, you know, a month maybe.

But then I was like, oh no, it's actually this normal thing that happens. So what happens is it's going to change over time because we don't keep it interesting. I mean, what I'm gathering and I agree is like, it just seems like it's expectations or incorrect expectations that people have of themselves and each other's in the bedroom. I will say like, I do find it fascinating that if, if I'm intimate with someone, especially early on, um, we were talking about this before, but like, it seems like women seem to be okay with not orgasming, you know, like for example, if who like in a situation where no, seriously, like, so if they're open enough to just be honest that they haven't, right. Because I'm very communicative

and it's just like, yeah, it doesn't seem like you have none, but it's fine. It's fine. And I'm like, no, no, no. What do you like? What do you enjoy? I can do this. I can do that. There have been times where I can just tell they feel almost like inconsiderate. like the because i think there's this conception that if a guy orgasms he's done you know he's not in the mood he's not he doesn't want to do it and i've been like not like right what are you like this is all about you and i've almost borderline had to like convince them just to chill out and relax only for have it to be like i want to be in a great thing but there's this like there's this death there's been a few i've had this experience and i've noticed this over the my lifetime where

it's just like why do i have to if a girl was like listen i i'll really get on my knees and suck your dick you'd be like cool like there's no like there's no moment you're like i don't want to inconvenience you no but women seem so worried about inconvenience the guy. But this is, this is where it's so, this is exactly the thing because first of all, there's an orgasm gap. It takes men between eight and 12 minutes to orgasm on average and women

between 20 minutes and 40 minutes. So when we start pounding, let's say you go right into sex, you grab the boob, you put it in there and then bam, bam, bam. And women feel like it's over.

Yeah. But I do. And it's, and listen, it's 50% men and women who don't, we are blamed. Like it's equal because women are not taught that. Like,

I don't know how to tell you what I want. Cause I was told that giving a blow job would make you like me more. Or I was told that like, it's about you. See, but what is it? No. Right. So I was like, I'm just going to hand it out and then you're going to like me and then we'll get to my pleasure later. And often we don't. That's the part I don't get. Like they're so willing, not even later, like not at all. Ever. Well, I'll tell you why. This is where I was before I started my show.

And most women who I talk to every day, it's because number one, when you say to a woman, like, what do you want? Or does this feel good? I was the, I was the woman who was like, yes, it all feels good. What else do you want me to do? Nothing. It's all great. Cause I didn't know how to explain to you what I wanted or for other women, they didn't know that they literally, they don't know because they probably haven't had a lot of orgasms or what they do want is I need my vibrator because I can't orgasm with a penis because only when only 20% of women can, it's not because they're, they know something that other women don't. It's anatomy. So if a woman's clitoris is a thumbs length or less away from their vaginal opening, okay, those women are more

likely to orgasm. They just just are But for the other women They're not Hold on I just need to see something Alright No one knows this Not me By the way

This is not well known I didn't know this I didn't know there were different lengths Right Okay So all you have to do is For most women though Do you know how 100% of women

Like 99.9 Oral sex Yeah Or a vibrator I find I think there's a lot of shame, too, women have about their own vaginas. We're like, oh, it's gross. I don't want to make you do that.

Well, that's the other thing. So we're so afraid that you don't want to be there. I'm literally down. Right. But you're down for down. But the problem is women are told it's gross. It's dirty. Men don't want to do it. From a young age. It looks weird. I don't look like the women in porn. It looks weird. You know what? It looks weirder? A dick. Yeah. What's not weird about a weird. I don't look like the women in porn. It looks weird. You know what? It looks weirder?

A dick. Yeah. What's not weird about a dick? I don't know. No, but what you do is, what I teach men and I tell, encourage them or anyone who's with a woman is say, babe, I lay down, lay back. I've got you. You, I will be here all night. I'm going between your legs.

It's all about you. Relax. It's all about you. And if a man just said, babe, settle in, like lay back. I'm not going anywhere. I got you. And then we wouldn't be staring at the clock. I'm not, not a humble brag, but I feel like I'm, I'm, I'm doing okay. What do you mean? I've, I've absolutely done this. Good. I mean, this is what I, yeah, I feel, I feel good coming from a doctor. Real pioneer, Nick. No, I'm just,

come on. Can I just, I just, uh, I, I'm in surprise. I mean, I want to try to get to the root.

I think we are, we're doing, you're, you're just really fascinating, but like for the few men that are listening and the women, like, again, it comes down to like,

I think, you know, so women were raised this way. And I know that guys can be more considerate and, uh, you know, so women were raised this way and I know that guys can be more considerate and, uh, you know, less about getting themselves off, but not to defend men, but there is a little bit of like, it's this vicious cycle. It sounds like women aren't communicating their desires and men are just assuming being their kind of macho.

This is, well, she said she had a good time. The fake orgasm. The fake orgasm. We were saying like, if you think every woman has had orgasms since she's been with you, you're wrong. Cause not you, not every man.

No, I was having sex with this girl and a one minute in, one minute, all of a sudden it was like, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming. And she just kept saying it.

And all I could think was, no, you're not. Shut up. It was just so distracting. I was just, there's no way. And she just kept saying it. And all I could think was, no, you're not. Shut up. It was just so distracting. I was just, there's no way. Can I just say something?

In a minute in, I got to be honest with you. Cause I always have to give, give to this flavor. I wasn't, there was some women. Listen to me. Listen,

there are some women. Yeah. And it's not as many as the other ones, the ones who don't, there are some women who comes too quick, come really quickly. Like the second it goes in. And like 30 times? It's rare, but it happens.

It sounds like, but I'm saying for some women, there actually are some women too who don't, oral sex is actually too sensitive for them because. This wasn't oral sex. No, but right. I'm saying like, and those women typically orgasm faster during intercourse. And it's like a rare, it's not as common, but so it's like a rare it's not as common but so it's like there's not one truth to it i'll show i don't believe it no i that's what we were talking before i think she was believe i felt like i felt like this was something she was saying because she thought i liked hearing

it and it came from a place of like porn in a sense that like, it felt like when it was happening, I kind of was like out of my body, kind of like I was distracted and it felt like you, you've watched porn before, haven't you? Like in my head, I'm thinking, and you're saying this because in like an often in a porno, two people having sex and in a minute and she's just like, Oh, your dick feels so good. I'm coming. I'm coming. I'm coming.

And I'm just like, I didn't feel like what she was saying was a reaction to what was going on. I felt like she was just saying it. Exactly. And I've heard this from many people. They're like, I feel like she's just doing what she saw important. Like her moves were porny, her things. And I think what you learn is like, eventually you have your own,

or now, do it when you're alone or you're masturbating. Figure out how you actually want to move, what actually feels good to you. And then that's what you bring into the bedroom because authentic sex is the hot sex. Yeah. To me, I feel like I can tell, like, I think talking dirty is hot. I think communicating, but only when it's authentic. So if it feels good, then say that, express that and be explicit about that. Don't just say it because you think someone wants to hear it. Like there's nothing worse than drunk sex with a girl who thinks you like dirty talk. Right.

Just like she's as drunk and just saying the... It's just like so distracting. And guys do that too. They're like, they get right in there and they're like choking or they're whatever. And you're like, can you please consensually ask me? Consensually ask me consensually if you'd like to choke people like i thought every girl likes it no they some do there's not everything so the only normal the only truth around sex is that everyone wants something different and that's the only truth so consensually choking a serious question but like do you actually have to verbally, I mean, it sounds almost ignorant, but like,

what if you're just like, you put your hand there and they say something or it's just, or it's just kind of have to stop. I mean, I get like, if you're just like, well, that's not cool. I think you could be like, does that, you could be like, if you're doing it, you could be like there, like right there. You're like, how does that feel? Like, is that hot? Like, would you care?

Like, how does that feel? Like apply small amounts of pressure. Always though, no matter what you're doing, does that feel like is that hot like would you care like how does that or like apply small amounts of pressure always though no matter what you're doing even if it's oral like start slow and light pressure

with literally everything you do sexually I feel like in those moments they tend to let you know if they like more harder faster

stronger I don't know right and then she might be like oh that hurts she'll be like yeah and then she might take your hand and do more

then you know but if not just leave it there because then it's just the hinting at it but don't know. Right. And then she might be like, Oh, that hurts. She was like, yeah. And then she might take your hand and go more than, you know, but if not, just leave it there. Cause then it's just the hinting at it, but don't be like right away. Yeah. That happens. I hear this all the time.

Sure. I mean, I'm sure we, I'm sure we've all been like, I'm sure I've been guilty of like getting in too excited or again, like you go from one partner to another. And you're like, my last girlfriend loved me.

I think it, you know, it's just always like the, the slow part makes a lot of sense, right? Just slow. And you're like, my last girlfriend loved me. I think it, you know, it's just always like the slow part makes a lot of sense, right? Just slow and not even like slow foreplay too, in terms of like, anytime you're trying a new move, right? Like look at them and find out what they're reacting to. And maybe just be like, do you like that? Is there, as women, do you find, I guess that what I was trying to get to is as women, do you find, because you hear the stereotype, I want a guy who takes charge. I want a guy who

knows what he wants. Is it, can you ask too many questions? Are you okay? Is this okay? Is this okay? What is right? So I think that's where men get confused just to like play devil's advocate. It's so true because we're like, be dominant, throw me down, be aggressive. Cause let me tell you this, the top fantasy, one of the top fantasies for women is to be dominated in bed. Like we want a man, many women who will take control because there's nothing hotter than feeling like a man wants me so deeply and so intensely and so passionately that he can't, he's overtaken with lust and desire.

He can't help himself. And so then men are like, I thought you wanted me to be aggressive and now you're telling me no, but it's a dance. It's a very tricky thing. So it's almost like you got to test it. You got to be like, I want you so bad. And maybe if you do start to like move in, like, and then see how she reacts. Maybe just say, I want you so bad. Yeah.

I want you so bad. Like, I just want to grab you. And she might be like, do it. Instead of like ripping off her shirt and she's like, huh? And you're like, what? I want you so bad. Like, I just want to grab you. And she might be like, do it. Instead of like ripping off her shirt. And she's like, huh? And you're like, what? I want you so bad. Right.

Yeah. But it's also cool what I would love. And I was thinking about this, like, in all these shows, The Bachelor or whatever. Like, is there, there should be like a sex and relationship coach there who's teaching, who's like, listen, this is, I would love it. I would be like, how's it going? Shameless plug by Emily over there. No, I just started watching it.

I just started watching it I just feel like they've had like dates where they might bring on a sex coach but it's like kind of campy always like a psycho sex coach who's like rubbing oil on their I have a question too like I feel like also

like a stereotype that men and women struggle with is if a guy doesn't come or takes too long to come, women seem to make it all about, it's like, why aren't you coming? Right. And then it's like, it's a lose, lose because men then get like defensive. Women also get defensive because they think it has absolutely, he's just not into me. You don't find me physically.

Am I doing something wrong? And guys, it's like, no, you know? No, it's true. We take it all in. We're like, okay, I'll tell you that too. I don't know. I have all the answers here. Here's the thing.

Women, okay, so babe, I've been bathing people a lot lately. I was prematurely bathing you. I don't mean to. There's no such thing. Is that women get, we feel that like our jobs here i mean like you know prostitution is the oldest profession in the world right like women exchanging sex for something so we feel like we want to please you so if your penis if you we are just told that you should be aroused and hard and turn on all the time so when you're not we're

like he doesn't find me attractive he doesn't me hot. Like that is almost like deeply wired into our brains. And it's very hard for us to understand that. No, like sometimes you just don't come. Like it takes you longer. You've been drinking. And also there's some men who just don't come from, it takes them like 45 minutes, an hour. And that's called delayed ejaculation. That's actually a condition. And so, and it's just like premature ejaculation. You come in a minute or less and for men, some less longer. But we automatically are like,

what's wrong with me? I didn't do it. And so, we just take that on, but men do the same thing. And here's the other thing, I'm going to change your life here with this if you don't know this.

Change your life. Men do the same thing, or just your sex life for a second. Ready? Take a deep breath. Take a deep breath. Change it. Here's the other side.

Men worry if she's not wet that they're not turning her on and something's wrong. But let me blow your mind here. Wetness is not an indicator of arousal. Women can be very turned on. Women can get wet, can be really aroused and get wet. But we can also be aroused and not. We just might not because it's that time of the month we're taking a medication we've had a lot to drink we've had a lot to smoke we've smoked we and so or we're wet at the beginning and not wet in the middle which is why i don't only say communication is lubrication but like a lubrication is lubrication have a lube on every goddamn night yeah i mean because men feel if we have to bring out the lube then i did

something wrong i didn't turn her on i didn't do enough maybe so i'm not huh go ahead maybe what well i'm saying maybe it was my friend but like all i've known about women is that especially biology is that they're very different so i guess for whatever reason i've never been defensive about that good in terms of not your life others i i have six sisters not that they we talked we actually do yeah and but that's not really the reason because my grew up in a family that never talked about sex are you where are you in this i'm number two of 11 um wow yeah but we we never talked about sex so this is not like we were very sex no no you're still around like tampons and yes periods and again i think it had i

that story i told in high school i think that moment was i really like i really thought about that and it just really i started that woman asking questions and it just was it was just more about and then you know i had a girlfriend early on and i guess we had a comfortable relationship and her mom i mean her mom was a big personality. So like she was very like, and I just remember learning just like, well, fuck man, like nothing, just as long as I'm doing half the things right, it was just more like,

there's so many things that can go on, especially with women and their bodies that like don't make it about you. Right. Just do the best you can. Yeah. And like learn about anatomy. Like do your research,

like read some books, listen to my podcast, listen to whatever, however you learn. But like, there's a lot to know. Like there's, that we just don't understand.

And we make assumptions. Like women, there's just so many other, and also there's so many other erogenous zones on the body that we completely miss. Eroginous zones. Like, okay. So the nape of the neck.

For some women, it's like their forearm, their nipples. But we know like breasts, right? But if you like stay and play with them, you simply, women can have like orgasms and stuff. Like there's a lot, but we skip right over it and go right to penetration. Penetration is not the main act. I don't think, I mean, I think there's so many other ways

to make sex, make sex great again, to make sex amazing even for the first time. I don't think, I mean, I think there's so many other ways to make sex, make sex great again, to make sex amazing even for the first time. Oh God. Right. No, we just don't. And so I feel like there's a lot to unlearn and relearn and it's fun. What's your, what's your stance on porn? I think porn has some, some use that, so some, some porn can be great. I think it's great for couples. Sometimes if you find a scene you like, you'd be like, that would be hot. That would be hot. And, and also to jack off to porn, we all, every once in a while we do that. My problem with porn right now and where I'm seeing it more and more is that a lot of people that's for like younger people, that's the only sex

they've seen. So they assume that it's, it's actually real. They're like fetish based. Yes. And they're like, technically this is how I have sex because no one's ever talked to me about it. No one's ever showed it to me. And so I'm using it as a teaching to what porn is fiction. It's a hundred percent fiction. They're not having orgasms. They're not really lasting that long. There's nothing about porn. That's real. Just like when you see a movie about the army or the military or war, you're like, that's not even how war, you know what I'm saying? It's the same thing. Porn is all fictional. And so my only problem is if you're technically thinking it, and sometimes we're not even doing

that on purpose. So if I'm watching a lot of porn, the other problem is like, then you keep, have to keep escalating what you're watching to more fetishes or things that are more extreme. And then it can get harder to actually get off with a human. So my thing is like moderation with it, with everything and try to be more mindful in your body during sex and like connecting, you know, with yourself or other, like your body. Cause that's how you're going to really learn to be a great lover to yourself. And I think that's great. Yeah. Just definitely don't think, uh, porn's not the sex Bible. It's entertainment. Yeah. And last question before we dive into sex with Hannah, which was this episode,

sex toys. I get a lot of questions on sex and questions with Nick about, and I, I'm, I don't have a lot of experience with sex toys in a sense. I've had dated people and we've used it. I've had no problem with them again, not to sound like I'm all this like aware guy,

but I've never been intimidated by it. I don't get defensive for all the reasons of, or it's just like, okay, you might like, this might make it more fun, but it seems like from the women, I get a lot of questions from men get very defensive about the inadequate

inadequacies of maybe their dick or their skills. And is there, do you see that a lot too? I see that a lot. I see that every day. First off, you nailed it. Like, no pun intended. That men feel that if you need it, because men are still believing that the penis

is where it's all going to happen. Like my penis is where the orgasm. But if you understand about anatomy and the clitoris, which is 8,000 nerve endings, no matter how big your penis is, it's not about anatomy and the clitoris, which is 8,000 nerve endings, no matter how big your penis is, it's not going to hit the clitoris. So unless you can figure that all out, you know, toys or you could use them during intercourse, your penis can be inside and then you're using one. So I feel like men are just intimidated by anything that's going to replace them. And like, first of all, oh, and also they think they look like the most, the most

of vibrators today are like little tiny eggs. They're like a little tiny thing that you put there. Thumbprints. Literally. And it's not your, in fact, it's your best friend. Like, cause it's going to help things move along. Right. But men are worried.

It's going to, I'm like, I can't cuddle. I can't cuddle. It's not going to take you to the farmer's market. Like, it's just not going to replace you. It's like a tag team. It's like, hey man, I'm breaking a sweat here. Let's think about it this way. You could get to work, right? You could either just say you want to go to work one day. I could walk to work. I could drive to work. I could bike to work and I'm going to get to the office.

All going to have the same result. Same thing for orgasm. It could be through your penis for some, your mouth. It could be a toy. Like, and men like toys too. They feel them. Men, vibrations on your shaft. Yeah, I've, like, I don't. How much can we say on this? When it's. You can say shaft.

Whatever, shaft, balls, cock, it's fine. I don't know their audience, families. Wildly ugly. American. Are you? I would agree. I would agree when, like, it's been introduced, the little bit of vibrations like, you know, like

I don't hate it. Yeah. Meanwhile, she seems to be even having more fun. Right. What about that? Like she's having a great time and she's actually feels, because there's also the other thing about it when I was talking earlier about like variety and needing to spice it up and things just don't seem as interesting after nine months

is that it's almost like it's new. It's like an exciting, for many couples, it can enhance intimacy because you're like, we're using this together. I'm using this toy on you. And also it's a person that you are really into to see them have pleasure. It's going to be hot no matter whether you did it or not. If you could, if you could kind of separate yourself from like, it has to come directly from my penis, then your toys are going to be like the more the merrier.

Would you bring them in? Would you agree that if you were dating a guy for the women in this room that like for the guys who don't get defensive about that stuff, they just become more attractive just because they, it's just like, anytime you have a guy that's like shows insecurity, especially in the bedroom, I feel like it would be a turnoff anyways for the guys listening just like yeah be open ask questions whatever makes you happy babe and i feel like you just go yeah like tell me more about what turned you on all right you know my other favorite thing is like mutual masturbation once you're with someone like let's yeah because it's hot i'm into it like first of all it's a sure thing you know you're both

gonna get off and then i love it because it's hot. It's hot to see like, oh, look, I didn't know that she uses her fingers in that way or that she needs like the way she touches herself. And I'm seeing like, oh, he uses his hands up and around the tip. Okay, well, I'll do that next time. I'm, this is a sensitive spot. So it's educational, but it's freaking hot. I think it's hot to watch your partner get off and you're together and you're doing like it's,

and that's learning and it's hot and it's guaranteed orgasm. There's a threefer. Rochelle, you had a question. Oh no. No, I don't know. I see you in the show. Like you come, you sit there.

Okay. Rochelle's favorite saying on this podcast is, oh no. Okay. Well, I don't know if this, cause I'm 33. Okay. If I'm older, but I, this is what, and I'm 33, if I'm older, but this is what, and

I've talked to a lot of my friends about this, and they kind of agree, I feel like guys can't get it up as much anymore. And I don't know what it is, or if it's me, or what, but I'm like- I've heard this. Okay, so meaning like- It seems like an endemic, or it's just guys are getting older. Do they get it up at first, and then it it gets soft or it's just not getting hard? It's like not getting hard.

At all. Like a little bit or half or- Is it after drinking? Probably. If you drink a lot, if you're wasted, you're not going to get as hard. If you're smoking a lot of weed, you're not going to get as hard. If you are taking some kind of medications like antidepressants or SSRIs, blood thinners, like,

yeah, not going to get as hard. Well, I was talking to my friend and he's like, I buy pills off the internet. And it's in LA. We're all, we're all hopped up in all these things.

Yeah, exactly. But he was like, I get nervous around girls for the first time. So now I bought these pills off the internet and I take them. So I'm for sure can get hard. It's a vicious cycle. I would say don't buy any pills off the internet,

please. Please don't buy any pills off the internet, please. Please don't buy any pills off the internet. The thing is, it is an endemic and women aren't having, because the same thing, medications, stress, anxiety, biggest killer of our sex drive too. That's why I like your essential oils. I'm telling you that will relax people and then give a massage first and say, you know what?

It's okay if you don't get hard. I did not tell her to say this, by the way. Yeah, you should rebrand as a sex oil. Use release. It'll calm you down. Well, it'll calm you down you'll have a good i'm all about engaging the senses during sex like as many as you get to what therapy for sure aromatherapy scent touch sound play some music like because when you are engaging all your senses you're not in your head as much and then it brings you into the moment so for the men with the thing like with or without the thing you got to say to them like like, I don't know.

I think if they are at a lot of drugs or whatever they're taking, that could be why. But then also if you're with a partner that's happened, you can be like, it's cool. Like, let's just make out. Let's give each other massages. Because a lot of what I realize is so much of what I talk about to men and women is how the hell do they get out of their head during sex and in the moment, because most of our sex challenges, I'm not going to call them,

I don't like calling them problems. Our sex challenges are, is anxiety related and anxiety is our thoughts. And our thoughts are creating no orgasms, no erections. Yeah. Anytime I've, uh,

I think more like I've never like thankfully like the i'm having problems and like an up but there have been times where like during where it's just more like for whatever reason i'm just like why is this going away yeah right and it's it's has everything to do with my head or anxiety or thinking about god knows what there have been times where it's like why am i thinking about this? And it has nothing to do with her. I'm like, I'm not like,

will I have, I'll literally even have a thought being like, she's so beautiful. I'm so into her, but like, what is going on? And it's a vicious cycle of like, then all of a sudden,

then I'll have that thought of like, wait, does she, and then she looked and then she thinks it's her and it's not. And it's really more of that. And I think not that it's you, not women are doing anything wrong, but I think the worst thing a woman can do is then just vocalize. Is it me?

Cause then a guy wants, no, it's not you. And then he feels like a dick. Right. You know? And then, and then it's vicious.

And then, so in that moment, the best thing to do is be like, okay, let's just keep going. You know, I, I'm just, you're so happy. This is not you. This has happened sometimes okay let's just keep going you know i i'm just you're so happy this is not you this just happened sometimes let's just keep let's lay here for a second and then just kind of talk about it and be really real like and be like and

it's not you could even say it's i swear before she even goes there like in the moment be like it's not you this just happens let's just let's just hang out for a second i think if you like lie next to each other you're naked you're kind of touching each other you're talking about you god knows what whatever and all of a sudden you look down and be like holy shit and then you're ready to go you're back i'm telling you it will come back in that moment if you just like laugh about you like the weirdest thing i forgot i didn't send this email earlier or whatever you're stressing about and then she'll be like oh yeah that happens to me all the time and then you laugh and then before you know it

meanwhile she's still naked you know you're like super into Meanwhile, she's still naked. You know, you're like super into it. Oh, great. She's still naked. Like nothing else. No, that's a... So that's what I think. Yeah. Wow. How about Hannah? How about Hannah? Are we going to do the game?

Oh my God. You've heard about the game. We have this little game that we play. It's called Do You Know Me? You can buy it on Amazon. Can buy it on Amazon. And it's just a little... We liked it.

My friend created it. You can buy it on Amazon. But buy it on Amazon. And it's just a little, we liked it. My friend created it. You can buy it on Amazon. But I thought it was great for this podcast because we like to talk about how simple questions you can really get to know someone. Maybe even in the bedroom. You might even learn a little bit about their sex preferences by not asking sex questions. So it's a wonderful game. We play a few little rounds. So Rochelle and I are going to try to see if we know Emily.

What you're going to say. So don't answer it. Not talking. World debate. And we'll have a conversation. First question, pretty simple. Can Emily name four players in the National Baseball Hall of Fame? I say yes. She looks very smug. She seems like a cool. No, I meant I'm not giving you any sign. I feel like she's a girl that can hang.

Four in the Hall of Fame. I think she can do it. Just four in the Hall of Fame in the history of baseball. Yeah. I think she can. Go. Name one. Okay, Babe Ruth.

Okay, one. name one okay babe ruth okay one um uh now i because my main mind goes blank when you're okay i'll tell you um who's pressure no i get pressure uh who's the guy uh i think this is a no no not right away not not that right away but like i can't oh um uh oh uh bonds barry bonds no he not not yet not in the baseball hall of fame oh he's not what about what about oh right what about the guy well because i was in san francisco oh oh jackie fucking sure yeah jackie fucking something um and uh jackie fucking robinson is the answer and there's another the first another, the first African American player in the history of baseball. There's another Jackie too.

What's the other effort, a famous black baseball player who broke Babe Ruth's record? Home run record. Okay. She can't do it. I can't. Not in this moment. So she,

not a big sports fan. No. We know that. Too busy having sex. Too busy having not a big sports fan. No. We know that about Emily. Too busy having sex. Too busy having sex. That's what we know. We've learned that Emily is too busy having sex. That's what we learned.

I can't do it. Has Emily ever ridden a horse? And by horse, I mean an actual horse. Not a horse cock. You got to clarify. Not a horse cock. Oh, no. Yes, of course.

Sure. I don't know anymore. She seems affluent. I have ridden a horse cock. Oh, no. Yes, of course. Sure. I don't know anymore. She seems affluent. I have ridden a horse. Yeah. Yeah, she has. I would have said yes, too. I mean, first time I ever...

Well, actually, no, that was... On The Bachelor? It wasn't the first time, but that was the second time. I deliberately picked this one just because... Does Emily own a power drill? And I don't mean do you own your boyfriend? Oh, God. It's fun.

Yeah, of course she owns a power drill. I'm going to say no just so we're not answering the same each time. I do own a power drill. Yeah. I own two power drills. Look at that badass woman on that couch. So she's a do-it-herself kind of girl. Fixing stuff, but not watching sports.

Yeah. Has Emily ever been injured during sex? Yes. You say yes? Yes. I mean, she's an expert, so I'm going to say no. She knows how to protect herself. And by injury, I mean an injury of any kind.

I don't mean like she had to go to the hospital, but like sex resulted in the need for a Band-Aid. I say no. I'm going to say yes. Yes. Oh, wait. You got to tell us now.

Honestly, I was in college. I was in college in my dorm room floor and I got like rug burn on my back so bad that like I had to like care for it with all the

also like what about a good scratching oh yeah like all of a sudden you're like fuck man you're back it's just like I think I've I've injured people that's what I'm saying like I bit the guy he's like you bit me I'm like I did like you know what happened during sex you grab you bite you're like it's like I didn't know I was gonna put you i did technically an injury yeah yeah but i mean yeah i'm sure i've been scratched yeah stuff yeah yeah it's a dangerous game that's like a good ab workout too all of a sudden you're just like damn my hips are just a real tight today no not so much all right has emily ever left a bad Yelp review? No.

I'm going to say no. Too busy. I went to all the time. You don't seem petty. No. And I don't want, yeah. Maybe it was a bad day for them. I'm too positive now.

I'm not going to do that. Do you know your Uber score? I'm going to say absolutely. Yes, she does. No. And I think she's proud of it. I think she's a driver. She doesn't have, she has an Uber she knows her Uber score I don't know my Uber score, I know they show up

when I call them have you ever checked it? no I just what is your Uber score? should we find out? it's right there, Underneath your pillow. Underneath the pillow.

I'm really upset about the baseball players because my brain went to like, I know, I couldn't, I know it. You also know that she's a perfectionist. I am. Because when people ask me things,

I've learned that about Emily playing this game. Okay. Uber. And it's. Let's go to the app. It should come right up. All right. Upper left,

I think. She doesn't even know. Nick, I think you're beating me. I got a tip thing. Hold on. I got a tip on Last Driver. I think you got two. I got one.

Okay. Where is it? 4.8. Solid. Is that good? Is it? Not a 5.0. So my father, you.

Probably. I don't know. I'm on like a 4.5. Are you? I went on a run of, here's what I do in an Uber. I'm always polite and I always say, thank you. I don't conversate. Right.

Conversate? Converse, whatever. Yeah, sorry. When the Uber's like, hey, so like a fun fact. And I'm just like, oh God. Yeah. And I'm always like, I'm really dismissive. Yeah, I'm sure.

And I'm like like, I can't imagine really dismissive. Yeah, I'm sure. Um, and I'm like, yeah, cool. Uh, and then if I went on this run of like, it was their first day. Hey, it's my first day in Uber driver. And then like, I'm on my way to the airport and they take the wrong turn.

Yeah. And I don't ever like, but I huff and puff. So I've been like, Oh, and I'm pretty, I'm pretty sure there was a streak of, they assumed I was going to give them a one star. So they kind of,

I've never given an Uber driver a one star review. I haven't either. I either don't review because I'm just like, forget, or if I do, I get five stars. But see, I never want,

I mean, I'm always like, I'm talking all day, every day. I mean, I do radio for hours. So I get in there and I'll just say, I'll just say, I said, and I've probably, like, listen, right now I've been talking all day.

Do you mind? I'm just going to sit back here and chill. You're awesome. I just can't really talk. I'll put my headphones on. Yeah. I just kind of like let them know ahead of time, like, this isn't going to happen. I don't want to hear about your day.

Yeah. And you don't want to get in my mind, really. You might, but no. Last question. And I'm really curious about this one. Uh-oh. Has Emily ever asked for a nude photo oh a hundred percent she knows how to ask for what she wants a hundred percent i mean i want to say yes

you can you say no just so we do different sure i'll say no i haven't I'm actually not I'm not totally shocked And I've never sent one I'm shocked I feel like I'm shocked What is your thoughts on that?

Because I get the sense I feel like you feel Like you're above it I just feel like If I'm dating you Or we're together Like I'll see it When I see it in person

Like no one wants A random dick pic A dick in the wild I do I want to do something You're dating someone And at lunch All of a a sudden, I'm like, oh, damn. You're going to have to like hug it. My ex, no.

He has, but we've like taken pictures. No, but I haven't sent it. What if you're long distance? I haven't done that in a while. I just, I don't know. Also with what I'm doing, like, I don't know. What is your stance on it? Do I want anyone?

Do I want my photos? Yeah, is it smart for us to be sending it? I don't think it is. I don't think it is your stance on it do I want my photos is it smart for us to be sending these I don't think it is I don't think it is honestly because I feel like just know

the human race that if you send it there will be someone else seeing it and also since I'm like all my I'm like the yeah

if you're if you're sending it to people you don't know I'm a guy's girl I'm a girl's girl like I'm guys I have amazing guy friends

I know that the second they get a pick they're like look what i got and they show it to me do you ever show have you ever shown i really i really don't there's something about i rarely don't oh yeah that sounds like you might have i ever sure oh but like i never have a never of a girl i'm in a relationship with absolutely not no there's a trusting but but like, have I, have that, I mean, have I have been sent a fucking random nude before? Yes.

Oh, that's like a blowjob first. But like, don't, don't send it to someone you don't know I have a rapport with. But if you're in a committed relationship, I think there's something hot about like, and I mean, yes, I will say I have it and I do kind of feel a bond there. Like with the, there's a, there's a trust.

Guys do just so like you women realizing guys who have girlfriends will show their buddies. Yeah. So I'm telling you, so if you, I just say to all my list, if you want their friends to see it, you can Snapchat that shit and it goes away, you know, granted, like you can, they can screenshot it. But like, if you're dating someone, don't you think it's it's weird if you're like if you're i don't know i don't think it's kind i don't think it's the right thing to do but that's what happens and also i've been doing this show for 14 years since it became a thing sending nudes easily on the smartphone so i've been like sex with them i don't know it just didn't seem i'm surprised so you're shaming the

nude i'm not shaming it ever. I do not shame actually anyone. We do it all in our heads enough every day. I'm just saying, think about it. Think about it for a second or leave your face out. No redeeming. I just feel like if you're cool with other people seeing it because that's going to happen likely, then send it. But otherwise, there's so many other things you could do suggestively.

What about wearing something that's just showing enough? I think like a little, like seeing a side boob or a a little like there's so many other ways to be seductive and sexy and i think some of the hottest pictures or hottest moments are the teasing the pre-sex the like building up to it yeah you could see me on it but like what about i mean so i've sent like bikini shots and stuff like that but like i mean all i'm saying is i've dated someone and and got it and it's like a surprise and it's like can't't wait to see you out in the rest of the day. I can't wait to get home. And that's kind of hot, you know, there's, and in terms of spicing up the, and I got, I get a lot of questions on question, Nick, like with married couples who've been

married couples. And it's just like, how do I spice it up? You know, sexting is so hot, but can't be part of sexting? Yes. If you're like in a committed relationship, you trust your partner, you've been together. Yes, for sure. Make a sex tape at home. I'm cool with that too. Watch it.

It's hot. I'm just saying if it's like a new thing, what I hear all the time is we've been together a month. He's like, send me a nude and then I'll send you one in our three weeks. We've never met. We just met on Tinder. Yeah, that's a risk. For sure.

Don't you have one in your, And it's like, I know this. They're like, well, he asked me for one. And I thought, I want him to like me. And it's just like, don't send it to get likes. So he likes you. I don't think women should ever do anything sexual to get a guy to like them. Can we please air quote, put that all over your stuff? I think you're right.

Yeah. I love that. Which is wild. Again, like there's one thing I've learned by doing questions when making this podcast is the disproportionate amount of the willingness that women focus on getting a guy to like them versus figuring out what they like. That's exactly, we need to, what do we like? Cause you want to know what we like. It makes your job so much easier. How, how much women seem to focus on that more than men.

Cause that's just what we've been told and what we've been shown. And our mothers didn't sit down and go, honey, I really want you to have an orgasm and learn what feels good to you. Yeah, because that's just what we've been told and what we've been shown and our mothers didn't sit down and go, honey, I really want you to have an orgasm and learn what feels good to you. Like no one knows this. So this is why I have a job forever. You know who's doing a good job of doing what she likes is Hannah.

And she seems to... Hannah. Man. Pete. Windmill Pete. Oh my. Windmill Pete. Who would have thought?

And they revealed it right at the beginning. Yeah. I never would have thought of it in windmill. Come on. Because he's, remember the pool table kiss? That was amazing. The irony that as a pilot, Pete's job is to avoid windmills. And yes.

I don't know if that's his job. Don't bump into windmills, but you can bump in a windmill. Yeah, exactly. All those condoms were little breadcrumbs leading to the windmill. I really enjoyed this episode for multiple reasons, but it was very much like we talked, it was literally about sex.

Yeah. The whole episode. Are you going to fuck? Are you not going to fuck? Yeah. Who are you fucking? And we're saying- It wasn't even like low key.

Usually they're like, we're going to get to know each other on camera. camera who's fucking who's not baby yeah and there's like condoms were in and they show it do they always i mean because you know never showed a condom before yeah i thought that was i thought that was great and they said yeah they've begun they've uh they've uh they've gotten more sex positive over the years over the past five years yes so is that positive or more sex safe because they put a condom on? Well, just in general. But last season was all about virginity. It wasn't until I was on it

that they ever talk about sex. Well, what did they think you were doing in the fantasy suite? I'm new to The Bachelor. It was just more of a... Euphemism. Yeah. Like, oh, guess what?

You're saying you brought sex to The Bachelor? You did, dude. I'm not necessarily saying I did, but... Sex with Nick. Yes. No. But to Hannah's credit she's done a great job

I thought and do we think Pete was was good she did it twice with Pete twice yeah

and in the morning damn word on the street is there was it was a satisfying experience what street

are you getting word from the bachelor street that it was a satisfying experience I'm all into it yeah well she said twice I mean do you as women do you go back for more if it was a satisfying experience now i'm all into it yeah well she said twice i

mean do you as women do you go back for more if it was like fine but well to be honest if you're there in the morning their direction go yeah even if it was like meh yeah yeah but a lot of times just because they're hard in the morning she seemed nothing to do with you that we think it's our responsibility to relieve them from their erection. Why do we feel that? But I feel like as in that world, that bachelor world, I feel like there's so much going on the next day. I feel like if you do it twice, you're into it. No, because I just think... No, it was probably good. And he's very tender. When he said, I love you, he did it. It was real. It was hard. He really

loved. She loves the words and you could see her get close. I was shocked because the episode before it didn't seem like she liked him that much. Again, kudos to Pete. I never, I've heard also word on the street is Pete has some, he has some swag. What does that mean? Swag down below? Like he's just like. Big swag?

No, I'm not. I'm not referring to his dick size I'm just referring to his like just like that he you certain people you meet in person

and there's an energy about them you're like this guy you're like he's he's just like you kind of want to there's a sexual kind of vibe to it

yeah I think I think he had that I thought the way he like kissed her the way he like touched her face like he's got the the romance he's a he's a yeah touched her face, he's got the romance. Did it blow your mind, Rochelle?

Were you pissed that she didn't have sex with Tyler? Are you kidding me? This is what I thought. I thought she's going to regret this for the rest of her life. If she doesn't end up with Dad. Yes, she is going to be. She will prove to America

there is things as regrets. Right. Any regrets? Not fuckingler right you messed up um or but maybe just the idea of tyler she has proven to america maybe the it the idea of tyler we just don't want to ruin the idea of tyler so let's just imagine that masseuse scene though i'm like can we talk about that female porn killed it okay he was like bye he like tells these it gets up that was such a smooth move i was like female porn. Killed it. Okay. He was like, bye. He like tells these, it gets up. That was such a smooth move. I was like, oh my God, that is so hot. Like for him to get over.

And she's like, I thought that wasn't you. Like that was real. He's like, bye to like the Greek masseuse. See ya. And then he starts massaging her. He gets on his body and with that shot going down to his ass. Good for them. They've never done this stuff before.

She's like, I can't move my tops off. Right. And it was, it was hot, but I think she was like, whoa, I'm not seeing his emotions. So I can't actually have sex with him. But he cried last week. I'm like, what are tops? I think, well, a couple of things. I think, uh, he's great.

I met him. I met him a couple of days ago. Very, very, very jealous. He's, uh, hopefully we'll have him on soon. He met Tyler. He's a nice, he's a very nice guy. Yeah. Yeah. You'll have him on. He's aler c he's a night he's a very nice guy yeah yeah you'll have him he's a guy just to remind people he is also just human you meet him and it's like yeah you're a really handsome guy and he's really nice but like he's taller than you

huh yeah he's a good inch tall i mean he's a big guy he's big he's a football player uh really nice guy um but it was funny when hannah first was like we're not we're not having sex he said all the right things but that first reaction to his face was kind of like... Right. If you catch it, you rewind.

Oh, really? I didn't catch it. It was very subtle. It was subtle, but he definitely had a... Well, don't you think maybe he thought, oh, I'm not a frontrunner

because you didn't have sex with your non-frontrunners. I mean, listen, at this point, if she ends up with Tyler, I'd be shocked. And again, this whole idea, I agree.

I had this debate. I had this debate. We're spoiler free. Okay. I have had this debate when I did my podcast with the comments by celeb ladies, is that I do think that all things being equal, I could get engaged to someone if I knew, if I had seen them naked and we've done everything but sex. Couldn't, couldn't. I could engage, get engaged to someone if I knew if I had seen them naked and we've done

everything but sex. And I felt, I could, I feel like I could feel confident if like, I just think like, because like, again, we talked about,

we talked about sex is a lot about communication and getting to know each other. So if the equipment is there and we're into it physically and we enjoy the chemistry, I don't need to actually have the penetration to feel confident about sex. Okay. But you'd marry someone without having penetrated, without having,

first of all, we're not talking about marriage engagement, but I'm just saying all things being equal. Like, yes, I think if push came to shove, so to speak, I,

I, yes. And again, if that's what everything is, they're still married. Everything is. I just think that the actual, the act of penetration is like,

again, this is assuming that we can communicate. We enjoy kissing each other. We're physically attracted to each other's bodies. I got it. I think that could, that all being said, I do think it's not a good, it doesn't bode well for Tyler that she's willing.

Also, like here's a, to me, I'm thinking she knows Tyler's hot. It's just like, she might be thinking thinking if i fuck tyler there's no way peter or jed or well we all know that luke's gonna ever get over this like do you think because maybe it could be but in my mind i was like she woke up she just had sex twice with pete and maybe her like upbringing was like i can't because are they back to back do they give you a night you get a day off Also consider that this is the first time ever. So this is the first time ever you have four potential fantasy suite dates. So yes,

she's probably thinking, I can't fuck all these guys. I can't fuck all four. Like I never come back from this. Right. She is religious still. She's super into Jad. So she's like,

I'm going to have sex with Jad. She had sex with Peter. Oh, you think she planned on having sex with Jad? I don't think you go into that week not knowing what you're going to do. Do you think she messed up having sex with two of them? Like, is that bad to do?

I think it's great. What do you mean bad? Because you only did one. Why are you shaming Hannah? I'm not shaming. I'm saying your opinion. I'm asking yours. In my opinion,

I only had sex with Vanessa because I pretty much knew I was going to end up with Vanessa. And I wanted to do my best to make that relationship work outside of... And it's not about shaming, but I wanted to do my best to make that relationship work outside the, and it's not about shaming, but I wanted to avoid sticky conversations and having sex with women that I knew I wasn't going to get engaged to. Not that it's wrong, but I just wanted to make life easy

on me. And it didn't really, didn't do shit for it because it like, but it's the same, that was my focus. Right. And I was pretty, but I do think Hannah at this point isn't a hundred percent sure who she's going to end up with. And I think she's just kind of in the moment. So, but I do think to that point, yes, she's probably thinking I can't fuck all these guys, you know, and Tyler, I also think that she, I think she feels the less comfortable, the least comfortable with Tyler. He's doing all the right things, but I think she, like all the women in America are so sexually drawn to Tyler that she feels like she,

it's almost like what she's intimidated. Like, I think she thinks she thinks he's a player type of thing. And that, not that he's done anything, but she is almost like, she doesn't, she's just like,

fuck it. I can't even deal with how hot you are. Well, she said that she goes, I can't believe that he chose me. Right. I'm like, she's put him on that pedestal too. Is he that?

I think she's. I don't know. I mean, to your point, I've met him. He's a great looking guy. Who's really nice. He is a guy like everyone else in Bachelor Nation. No one's as bad or as worse as they come across on TV. Although I've heard it from everyone I talked to that Luke sucks.

Yeah. This is like, oh God. I talked to that Luke sucks. Yeah. This is like, Oh God, could you believe that? That was a brilliant scene though. I thought she was so, so great. Come on here.

Give it to him. She did. She was so good. And it's interesting because it's the Luke thing is at first, it seems like he's trying to articulate his point of view in a way that you're like, you know what? He's trying here. And then, no, no, hold on. It's just his shaming. It's his shaming, right? Because there's nothing wrong with a guy to say, listen,

whatever you do is great, but I want to get engaged to you. And I don't know if I can get over you sleeping with other people. This is not about what you're doing, but like, I just, and I would leave, but again, I'm not judging you, but I just, I need to be open and expressive about that. But what, what he says is if you did the wrong thing, then I would forgive you. It's like, and I love how she just immediately was like, I'm not doing the wrong thing. Just because you don't like something I'm doing, doesn't make it wrong. I love that she thought about it. And I love that she does that.

Her also, when she was like, she had this Bible scripture quote banter of like, and then she's like the whole like right or wrong. The first stone. Not the first stone. Yeah, that was just a pile. When she held her hand up. I love that.

She's like, that's what it reminded me of. She's crying. That was like a really good poetic scene. No, it was the pride. She's like, well, so was pride. Right. You know, if we're going to call each other sinners, fine. I'm a sinner, but so are you.

And what's better? I thought that was so great. And I love that. And it was interesting because like at face value, what I felt like what Luke was saying wasn't like outrageous, but it was like an accumulation of her, him constantly shaming her through the process. Right. And it was like an accumulation of her him constantly shaming her through the process right and it was like and because she already had sex with at least peter

she like she felt the shame that he was trying not she felt you know i'm saying that she wasn't felt it but like she could have i'm not saying she felt it like she felt guilt but like she knew she did it and he's saying if you do that so it was like she felt like, but like she knew she did it. And he's saying, if you do that. So it was like, she felt like, well, I have done it. And like, instead of being passive, she was empowered. And I thought that was great. She was, she handled herself so great. And that's why it's one of the best seasons ever of this whole dichotomy of the struggle between religion and shame and sex positivity and her at least attempt at wanting both saying I can be religious and have a relationship with God and still have sex. And at the end of the day, we're all figuring it out.

All I know is I'm not God. And at some day I'll meet my maker and he'll let me know if I'm going to burn in hell or not until then. Shut the fuck up ever. All you guys, I want to start fucking. It was great. It was great. It was like Jesus.

She's like, God is in my heart. I love Jesus loves me. And the thing is like, he was, yeah, I love that she finally heard that he literally changes his tune and backtracks everything he said.

He was like, what I meant was, she's like, no, this is exactly what everyone's talking about. You're like, yes, you finally saw it

when he's changing his mind. He's like, well, what I didn't really mean that I said that. She's like, you're changing your words. You're changing your words. I mean,

it was just, it was so judgy, but I think that was a good point that in that moment, she probably still, listen, if you're raised in a super religious environment, there probably was a part of her that's still like, I can't believe I just had sex on TV with two people. And when he shaped, there might've been a moment. She could have crumbled. Still felt like, oh my God, like she's got her family, her grandmother, you know?

That's what I mean when I say felt like say felt like she was like this, she, she almost was like she felt it and said, no, no, you're not going to make me feel this way. You could bless me or whatever. You can't pray for me. And then you see Tyler, you know, who was so like, listen to what she wanted was consensual and said, yes, whatever you want. And then she asked Luke to leave and he literally was like, no.

And that's not, um, not listening and not respectful. I think he looked as dangerous at, at any moment as in the time where he calmly sat there because it was just like, again, what if there's not mics? What if there's not cameras? Yeah. He was calm, but he was so dismissive of what he asked of him. And she's like, calmly saying, please respect my choice. And then instead, again, using God as a weapon. I've been vocal about this this whole season. Like you can be

religious. That's great. But the moment you start using your faith in God is like a weapon to shame other people and then saying, well, let's pray together or let me speak my truth. Why not his fist though? That, that before he got into the car, when he was well, let's pray together or let me speak my truth. Why not his fist, though? Before he got into the car, when he was like, let me pray for you, do you see that? He does it all the time. I've heard from some of the guys that that was a thing. A fist. It's scary. He could

be abusive or something like that. He needs to let that anger out somehow. His mom also seems so sweet. His family, beautiful. And his mom's a total babe. I know. You're like, is that his mom? Right. Get over the mom.

She's hot. Yeah. And his mom is like, I got to tell you, this is not our Luke. So then you're like, like during the family. It was like, wow. Like he's, ah, what? What's going on? I don't blame her for being confused, but that's where I want some kind of counselor

on there or somebody who's like, I know you can't, and that's the drama and they can't really share what's going on, but it just was unhealthy. It was kind of like, has that happened on other seasons where there's someone that that's... He's been particularly... In a lot of other seasons, they always have a villain, but even...

It's interesting. I think up until recently, they haven't had traditional villains. Like on my season, Corinne. Corinne wasn't really a villain. If there was a villain she was the villain so to speak you know the biggest villain was the one ben chose her remember the winery guy oh sure yes but what i'm saying is i mean we haven't had a real real villain even when i was a villain like on any season a lot of people are like is he though but like you didn't nice they didn't do anything they didn't you didn't a lot of people didn't like me because of music but like luke's been

music no seriously it was just like menacing he got her flowers and it seems wrong but then when you break it down he's like he just got her flowers though so and there was never a lot of examples when the guys would throw fits and it was like well he got a rose so there's a lot of but luke is truly bad a villain right he, he's an actual villain who like is doing things that in reality, in real life is not okay. It's been like a teaching example for like things that like women should like look out for in terms of if your boyfriend does this, it's not okay. Yeah. Controlling and abuse. Gaslighting, manipulation. I think it's a great example for like parents. I think a lot of young people

watch a show or people, parents could be like, if a guy ever treats you like that, like if you ever feel these things, like that is not okay. Like use that as a teachable moment. If you're confused a lot and they're saying things like I just think, because that, it's very seductive too, because here's the other thing I realized

about Luke P through the whole season is that he's been like, she's like, I knew right away how he felt. He really doesn't say much. Like he looks at her and he's like, always about, I saw when you saw me,

it's always about him. He's so selfish. If you really listen, it's, he's not really saying things. He talks about God. Right. But he's not really revealing that he doesn't really see her.

He's not like, I've seen this in you and seen to your soul. He's like, all he keeps saying is, I know we're together. I know we're together. Nothing's going to stand in our way since episode two, but where is it coming from? But then she's up on Tyler for not being real and emotive, or I think he's truly not said anything of substance that about Luke. No, I agree. But I think, I think he's manipulative. So it seems that way. My only hope for, for,

for Luke is that if he comes from a decent household, he is young and doesn't make any of this. Okay. But I hope that Luke is savable. Right. And like, right. Like,

is he a total narcissist? I don't, you know, but like, is he, will this experience with his family they're filming men tell all today uh i'm really what the men tell all today for the people like they're filming it i'm so but like it'll be curious how he does

well like on tell all will will luke there's gonna be two options right because assuming that all guys are gonna gun for him right and And Luke has two options that tell all. He can, like he had that post about like, it's been hard watching me myself. Luke's only option is to show up and say, listen, I was wrong. I was embarrassed of my actions. I have no excuse. I'm expecting heat. I deserve it. I'm not saying I've fixed it. I don't even want to make the excuse that this wasn't me because this was me apparently, because this is what I did over and over and completely fall on a sword and say, I'm not there yet, but I'm doing some soul searching and I hope that I can be a better version of myself. Yeah, I agree. I don't think he's going to do that. I think he's

going to, I think he's going to do his version of that, but it's going to, if he says things like back to God or something, he'll say that, but he has people who support him who support him who are like yeah you're doing the right thing everyone who has sex is going to hell and you're like saving the world sure but it's gonna be tough because i'm bet his family you know it's because it's so easy to blame production and producers and editing in that moment but i think that's his only thing i think he'll do a version of that but he'll because what luke has been notorious for is at first again again, with Hannah is like almost kind of, again, there's nothing wrong with a guy saying, I just listen, sex matters to me. That's all I'm saying is I value the act of sex. And that's what I want in my relationship and no shame whatsoever. But he has this ability of just

one or two words that completely changed the context. And I think he'll go into tell all and say something like, well, this wasn't me, but, and then he'll say words that completely change the context. And I think he'll go into tell all and say something like, well, this wasn't me, but, and then he'll say something that completely shits on whatever. It's so contradictory. I just don't think Luke really knows who he is as a person. No,

he's 23 years old. 24, 24, whatever. He hasn't enough years on the planet yet to figure out who he is. I mean, Tyler's 25 and he's killing it. Tyler's 25.

And he's saying all the right. What about Jed? Can we talk about that for a minute? Like, I still can't tell. Like, do you girlfriend? I mean, I'm over Jed and his fact that he has killing it. Tyler's 25. And he's saying all the right. What about Jed? Can we talk about that for a minute? Like, I still can't tell. Like, do you girlfriend? I mean,

I'm over Jed and his fact that he has a girlfriend. I think, I think it's over him. Like that. He has a girl. You do like him. Like I didn't even know. I was more or less indifferent.

And then regardless of the girl, the scandal, uh, I was, it's, it's a get that though. If you're dating, how long it takes to cast and all that stuff.

But listen, I've, it will, I've said this in past episodes. There's a lot of every season, there's always these like rumors that there's a half truce of like, someone broke up with me to go on the show. Not a good look per se, but like if you broke up with the person you broke up, you're single. Jed didn't go into this process, assumingly single. He went in with a girlfriend with the expectation, wait for me. This is about my career. And then we're seeing for the first time in a long time a guy obsessively playing the guitar. It's one thing for a guy to fucking sing a

lullaby. He did bring the guitar to Greece. Do you think they didn't let him? I saw a preview where he's naked with a guitar so it's coming back. If Jed is the guy at the end, what's the over under that he proposes with a song?

No. The song they wrote. At this point, I hope he does because I'm pretty sure these rumors are true. Oh no, she's going to be a Jed.

Yeah. I don't know if she's going to be a Jed. Jed's my front runner at this point. That's your front runner. For sure. I mean,

she looked happy after the night. Here's the thing. She sent home Luke. Yeah, she had sex with Peter, but i just don't see i i don't know if she ends up with peter where did this relationship come from right uh and if if what i've heard is true like peter's hot and he's like so it's just like i want to have sex with him there's nothing wrong with that so to me it's like peter's the guy she just kind of wanted to hook up with he's just a knight he doesn't seem strong enough if she hooks up with ty, man, that's some bold move to like not have sex with the

guy. And, but so that, that's definitely my front runner for sure. But like front runner who you think is going to win or who you think she should be? Is that what you, is it the same thing? No, who she's going to pick. It has nothing to do with my opinion. What is yours? I would, I would say Tyler.

Well, here's the thing. I saw a moment in her eyes when Tyler left that morning and she was like, she's like, I'm so sad. He's leaving. She actually looked like she, now she cries a lot. That's called.

I wish I would have had sex with him. Well, no, but I think it was like, I can't believe he was no man. She goes, no man has ever been that respectful to me ever. Ever.

And that to me was like, Oh, that was a real moment for her to say that. It's like, because he didn't try to have sex there. But then she, and then she said right before that though, she's like, and I'm real moment for her to say that it's like because he didn't try to sex there but then she and then she said right before that though she's like and i'm really sad for him to leave and she was like you could see her like ah he's walking away and then she said no man's ever treated me like that i think that's a big statement i think tyler's a great

guy well it's a big statement because i think it says about yeah how women are treated yeah sure but tyler's an example and there's other guys that are good guys but you know i i think it says about how women are treated. Yeah. Also, but like, sure. But Tyler's an example and there's other guys that are good guys, but you know, I think Hannah's a great bachelorette, but again, there's some, and I don't think she deserves some criticism she's gotten for like her choices because it's hard for any lead. But if she's going to say that there's some onus on her selection process or what she puts up with in relationships, right? Like, so I'm not saying

we should shame her for that, but this is not just how women are treated. It's also like, there are some shitty men, some good men, and she's been willing. Hannah has, she said it here in the podcast. She's shown on the show. She is guilty of trying to be a fixer and putting up with a bunch of shit she shouldn't. So I do think just one final thought before we get to questions. I like Tyler. He's done a lot of great things. He said all the right things, but man, he's like, Oh,

he's been set up to say the great things and he's always delivered. But cause I do believe, I don't believe that. I think Tyler and Hannah had this relationship of, she really thinks he's hot and likes him. She thinks he's, she's beautiful and he likes her, but they're missing that intangible love.

And it's just like, Tyler has no stake. So like, I'm glad Tylerler's respectful but i think he's all any pressure he had of getting engaged with someone he's not sure if he's in love with it was like yeah okay she's not gonna pick me so i'm just gonna be the nicest fucking guy what am i gonna do pressure her right because if you know in fairness to like a guy who's like falling in love and she's like she doesn't want to sleep with me that would make you wonder about

if she's gonna pick me that would make you wonder about if she's going to pick me. That would make you wonder. And we saw that moment of he went out and bought an engagement ring and he's here. We don't know who that is. No. I can't wait now. I'm like all in.

Bad, like more seasons. Bring it. So you want to help us answer some fan questions? Yes. Let's do it. Bring it. Question time with Nick. Let's ask. I'm Nick. This is Dr. Emily. Hi. Oh, hi, Dr. Emily. How can we help you? First, Nick, I want to say, I think it's hilarious when you introduce yourself because it's like, yeah, I think I know where we are.

You know, it just gives me a chuckle. I'm glad I can do that. So I'm very nervous right now. I need like some oils. But so I'm 37. I stay at home with three little children and I've been married for nine years. My biggest thing is that in the past three years in my marriage, there has been abuse of pills, specifically Adderall. Not by me, by my husband.

specifically Adderall and not by me, by my husband. Um, so, and I say abuse because he is prescribed to them, but he abuses them by overtaking them in extreme ways. Um, going behind my back to get them spending our money to pay for extras, uh, staying up all hours of the night and things like that. And it has become to a point that it's, this has been going on for three years now and it's just a betrayal to me. How much have you addressed it with him? Almost daily. Okay. So it's not like something you know is going on. You just haven't. Okay. So it's not like something, you know, is going on. You just haven't. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. It's, um, the, and what is he saying now? Is it, does he admitting to the problem or is it still, are we still like in the denial phase? Kind of admitting it,

but not admitting that it's a problem. It's that it's, it's my problem. Apparently. Okay. Do you know what I mean? Like, um, I need to get over it it i need to quit controlling him so where do you feel like

you're at now in the like the process like well i guess what's your specific question i guess i just when i wrote when i wrote in i just i feel kind of lost because I can't talk to anybody. What about the dick pics, Shay? Yes. Okay, so new development. I found a dick pic on his phone, which came in through my computer because it's connected through our cloud. Yeah. How many cheaters have gotten caught by that? Was it his dick? Exactly. Okay. Yeah, it's connected through our cloud yeah so how many cheaters

exactly okay yeah it's his and and so he said that which i don't believe he said that it was for him it was for him he sent a picture of his own dick to himself well i mean i don't know obviously he didn't spend it so he said it was because he wanted to see what it looks like can i yeah you know what i mean yeah okay so i'm like why don't you just look down emily's got some questions i've got some things so i'm a yeah okay so this isn't a great situation as you know beyond the dick pics abusing adderall and i'm sure it makes him very you know aggressive when he's coming down from it. If he ever comes down from it,

it doesn't make him a great husband or a great parent. And I'm actually concerned for you, your safety, and your children. Yeah. And the dick pics are a whole other thing, but I feel like the only way, you guys have been together, how long, you said? And you have three kids?

Nine years. Nine years. So I think this calls for some therapy, couples therapy, like ASAP. Where do you live? Yeah. In South Carolina. Okay.

So this is the thing. Like there's literally no way you guys are going to get out of this situation without you guys committing to a really good therapist. And here's the thing. I hear all the time like, oh, my husband won't go. My wife won't go. No, it's your relationship. You have to go. It's like going to the dentist.

Every single couple needs therapy at some point in there. It's not a weakness because there's nothing else you could do right now, but, but get into some therapy. And also like he, it's not safe. I'm also concerned for his health, his safety and the way, cause Adderall can make you do crazy stuff. And that just kind of can be a gateway as well. He's up all night.

The dick. I mean, the other thing too, like, I don't think the guys are sending dick pics to themselves. Like, I'm not sure what that's about. That gives me pause too. And I feel like someone else received that picture. You have three young kids. You have three young kids. You're at home all day.

You're doing the best you can. And it's confusing. It's like, how is this happening? But I need you to get some support. Emily, I have a question for you and for, I feel like people listening and for like, Shay, I get what you're saying when you're like, oh, my husband or wife won't go. But like, what are some things that people who are the ones who want to go, but their spouses aren't seeming to be willing? Are there things that they can do or say? Like what's advice you

can give to Shay? I think you have to be, I think think i know you've had to talk with him about it like you can't do it i think you have to say to him are i'm concerned that like it's like has to be like you're calm you've take 10 deep breaths it's not when it's happening it's not when he's high on adderall it's like literally if you have moments without the kids maybe you're at breakfast maybe you have babysitters you get a babysitter and you guys go out like it's somewhere where it's not you're not i. Maybe you have babysitters. You get a babysitter and you guys go out. Like it's somewhere where it's not, you're not, I always say it's not your halt, hungry, angry, lonely, tired. You're not in any of those places if you can find that. And then you say to them, I got to talk to you.

This is, I'm right now. I love you. I love our marriage. I, I, the, the out of all abuse or you could say, I'm concerned right now for the safety of our relationship, our kids and our marriage. And I feel the only thing that we can do right now is get some professional help because I can't stay in an environment with you and our children anymore. Like not in good conscious. And what I suggest is I have three names that I've gotten from friends of a therapist and we need to go together. Yeah.

Yeah. But you, you don't think that he will. The trust is just like, so gone. That's where I'm just like, let me tell you. What if she like,

when she like the dick pics, what do you want to Shay? Like, do you want to leave? I don't. Yeah. She's like, I don't. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to split up a family and I don't want, but I also don't want to be miserable and I don't want, if we do end up splitting up, I don't want one day if the kids could ever possibly understand to say, oh,

well, you didn't even try. Let me say this. This is why I'm telling you therapy. It's not just like I'm throwing it out there. Like, oh, therapy. Here's why. I believe that when couples get to this point, that it's really like you can't solve this. I don't know how many things you say and I tell you to say it won't work. It's almost like a mediator.

And what happens in therapy, I believe you're right. When people tell me, oh, I'm just going to leave. Things have been bad. I'm like, don't leave until you know you've done everything because you will regret if you didn't do everything. And you, if you haven't

gone to therapy for six months every week, and I think you're in the point where you need to go twice a week, but if you do start with once a week, I'm happy you are in crisis mode right now. And so until you actually go to, cause what the therapist does is they take, they like, they have no stake in the game. They're like, I'm a mediator. I'm coming in fresh. And they're going to tell you, they're going to help you fast track it in either direction. The therapist is either going to say, here's what you guys got to do. Here's some tools for communicating. Here's like your husband might be able to hear it in a different way because it's not you.

And the best case is he's like, you're right. I'm going to go get help. I'm going to, and then you're going to, and then things are amazing. Or you go every day, you go once a week for a month and then you realize he's not making any changes. He's not listening. And then you know, it's fast tracking it that you can't stay because he's not willing to do things to make it safe again.

So that's why you have to go because so you know you have tried. You could say, I'm going to go for three months. And if it's a money thing, I'm telling you insurance covers it. Counselors have citing scales. It's imperative. It really is. Like there's literally nothing else I can tell you but that. Yeah. Cause that's where I just am at is like, I don't know if I could ever trust him again. Well, that's it. Maybe not. But to Emily's point, I think you should just,

you should still go. Right? Because even if it sounds like maybe there's, I feel like you're struggling with maybe have you checked out or not? Is it worth it? It's still worth it to go to if nothing else for your kids, you did the right thing. Maybe there's things that you find out you don't know, but like you haven't even gone to therapy to figure out if it's fixable. Yeah. And here's the thing about trust. Let's say you were just calling about the dick pic. What I'm telling you is that relationships, when trust is broken in any way in relationships, if couples don't go to therapy, there's no way to heal trust.

Like once trust is broken, it takes time. And couples think, well, when years go past, like, oh, he cheated on me three years ago. I'm okay with it. And then you drill down. They're really not. Cause you got to heal it. You got to like, so that has to be reconstructed plus the Adderall. Like there's a lot of different things. So, but maybe right. You go in and he's like, you're right, babe. And here's what happened. And he gets sober. And then he's like, yeah, I did do something wrong, but I'm

ready to heal. Then you could go there, but we don't know yet until you go to therapy. Well, so, and the thing is I, I ended up like dragging him to this. I had just one day called like an addiction hotline, I guess. And so I found this one addiction specialist guy and it was, it felt like a breakthrough. And he was like, yeah, we're going to just get off of this. I'll show you how to wean off of this medicine. And, and it wasn't a couple's therapy, but it was addiction therapy. And he was like, I don't want to be around all these sketchy weirdos, which admittedly, they seem like a bunch of junkies, I guess you could say. So that's what happens sometimes. We will try to go to AA. They're like, it's too soon. So that's

why, I mean, he's eventually going to have to do something. Like maybe if you guys can afford your own, uh, doctor that could help him wean off of it under your healthcare plan. But, right. Um, at least he saw it, but here's the thing. It takes people seven. And this is, this is for alcoholism traditionally, but it can take someone seven times typically to get sober, to go to rehab, like a less, a lot of attempts. And so that was maybe the first that he like heard it. Like he's not going to instantly be like, you're right, babe, this is it. I'm sober, but keep trying these things, but also take care of yourself. You know what I'm saying? Like make sure you have a strong community around you and you keep doing things

every day to make sure that you're getting some answers so you guys can learn to figure out what to do right now. So congratulations on already getting him to the addiction specialist. That's great. Now we've got to do some more. Well, we wish you luck, Shay. I know this is tough, but yeah, I mean, take Emily's advice. You just got to do it. It's going to be a tough journey,

but I think there's only one way to see if this relationship's worth or even worth or able to save, and that's, it's going to talk to someone. Yeah. Thanks so much. Thank you for calling in and thanks for being vulnerable. All right. Thank you. Take care.

Bye. Bye. Well, I'm Nick. This is Dr. Emily. Hi. Hi.

And what's your question? Um, I'm another one. Let me give you a little bit of a pre-story. I like to joke that I come with a lot of baggage, which I know everyone does. Um, I joke that my baggage is less like a trip to Europe and more like we're going to need a U-Haul. Um, I am a 28 year old widow. I lost my husband when I was 37 weeks pregnant. Um, before that, I also, I lost my first love, um, in the war with Afghanistan in 2009. Um, I have a mom who I take care of. She has a lot

of ailments that leads her to need, um, a caretaker. Um, and I'm also a hopeless romantic. Um, I, I grew up homeless. Like it's just, it's just been a long kind of saga that is my life. And I want love again. But I also find that as I'm trying to kind of pursue dating now, that men are, like, really gung-ho. That they're like, yeah, like, it's no problem. really gung-ho that they're like, yeah, like it's no problem. Like, but they don't understand really what it is with, um, dating a widow and all the baggage that I come with. Um, and it's only fun for them in the beginning until the Rocky points hit. And I just want to know what would be the best way you think to introduce someone to my story and to

make them more comfortable with that? It's okay. When they can't handle it. Well, sure. I mean, I'll take a stab at it and then we'll let the doctor take over. Um, listen, I think that's a lot. I mean, I can't, literally can't relate to you've been through a lot. Um, and it sounds like, you know, you're aware of this, this baggage thing. Um, but even talking to you a little bit now, it's like you've, you've made it a huge part of your identity. Um, and I think in a way that's great because you're not in denial, right? In a sense that you're not pretending that you don't have baggage. But my guess is maybe early on the dating process, it can come on pretty

strong, you know? And there's nothing wrong with, you know, maybe I always say when it comes to dating, like you have to be okay with most people not being your person, most people not living up to the high expectations you should have in dating and that's okay. And you shouldn't get discouraged there. But, um, so if you're open up, if you open, if you open up yourself and you, you speak your truth and you tell your story and some guys can't handle it, maybe there's not your person, but I think you might be at risk of it being such an identity that maybe there's some insecurities preemptively of assuming that. And then, so you almost kind of push it out there a little bit too much. And it becomes this kind of chicken before the egg

problem where you almost want to like test a guy and see if he's able to handle it. And it's almost, I would just advise to like, listen, we all have baggage as you say, you know, for me, you know, the little bit, you know, about, certainly I'm not trying to relate to the shit you've been through, but like, especially in my dating experience, people, a lot of people know I've been on the bachelor and, and, and a lot of times my perceived baggage is a little bit more glorified in reality. But that being said, I don't ever talk about it. Right. Eventually. And when I'm dating, there's a time and a place for me to want to be open about it. I usually let people ask, but with whatever my baggage is, I am

comfortable with it. I realize I have it. I'm not in denial, but I'm not in a rush to get it out there, right? Because usually when, for me, I just find that people are more willing to accept me for who I am when they feel a connection with me. It's easier for someone to accept your baggage when they feel like they connect with you and they know you. You know, if you just right off the bat with them not having any rapport or connection, you're just like, X, Y, Z happened to me. I don't know if anyone's going to be like, let's have that. No one's out there saying, I want someone who's been widowed, who's also someone else died. Like no one's, that's not on anyone's list of like people they desire. That being said, if I met someone and fell in love with her and all

those things happened to her, I would care less, right? So I think it's a lot of it is timing and when you bring it up and how much you project it onto someone else. And I would just be careful of how much you do that because there's a difference between owning your baggage and then like having it be your entire identity it shouldn't define you it's just something that you have yeah so that's that's my two cents but emily can and can add to it yeah my business is has been built off of all of these um things and so it's hard to because I have a clothing line and I do a...

What is it? It's called Cleveled Threads. It's apparel for shit creek survivors. Where can people find it? At cleveledthreads.us. There you go, for all you listening. Thanks, i appreciate it

so everything i do is kind of built on everything i've been through yeah but that doesn't have to be what i'm saying is i totally i have a podcast and i talk about all this stuff right i talk about my dating experiences but when i go on a date i'm not like it's very different right it can be your identity could be your job and i'm not saying anything i say in the pockets is insincere but like i'm very more open because it's an audience i'm not i don't go into a date and be like well if you love me you have to be okay with all this it's still a rose in your bag like no he doesn't live in that place yeah so well i was gonna say this is exactly what you

said is that there's sort of like um this like it's like you've branded yourself as such like this pain is suffering and a widow in your email they're saying like it's bold and it's like i feel like there's a part of you that i mean you're so strong and you're beautiful and you've been through so much and to me i see like the flip side of that is like you've so much strength and you've so much courage and you're like a mom and you like gave birth without your husband. I mean, to me, that's like, like, and you're a survivor. And there's a side of that, like when you're leading with, here's all my suffering and here's my baggage. Can you take it? But like, here's my baggage. And then showing up with your light, like, here's where I came through and here's who I am today. There's a lot of living in the past

with you, which we all do. We let it define us. But if I was going out here's who I am today. There's a lot of living in the past with you, which we all do. We let it define us. But if I was going out with you, I'd want to know like, wow, you came through this and look at you. You've got a big, I would think the flip side of your business is it's not like the negative. It's like the positive. It's for survivors. You're helping people. You've taken your, your darkness and turn it into a light. And I think if you could lead with that night, cause we all have dark, right? Like, of course we do. But to me, that's like the, the brilliant part of it. And that's the part that I think, not that you have to hide that stuff to be like, yeah, I've been through it rough, but like, like this is who I am today and what I want in the future. I think we spent a lot

of time in our past and can you take who I am? But that's also not who you are today. Like you're sitting here and you're beautiful and you're radiant and you have the strength and you have the courage to call into a show for your own. Cause your heart, you want this connection. And so I think until you like truly, you know, learn to be like, that's, that's see who you are today at 28 years old and not who you were last year, 10 years ago, all the things, but like who you are and also what you want, like what you want, not who's willing to accept you, but like, cause you can get whatever you want. Like, I believe it, whatever man you want, whatever life you want, like you've paid your dues and you have strength and that strength will take you so many places. So it's kind of just like a reframing. It's not even a

changing. It's a reframing of all the, of all the amazing traits that you already have and all the things that all the skills you possess and all the love in your heart and leading with that. Yeah. And the only thing I would add to that too, specifically, there's a difference, especially if you're going on a first date and someone says, oh, what do you do? How you talk to them, a first date is not the same as an investor. Like say a customer asking you about your business. If you go in your whole talk track about what you do,

your motivation, what inspired you, you can simply say on a first date, I own a clothing line. You know what? You can leave out the nitty gritty details and you can still talk about your passionate business without getting into the whole story. Right. So my guess is you might like, every time someone asks you to do that on a first date, you talk about it. And all of a sudden, before you know it, 10 minutes later, everyone knows your entire, your first date knows your entire story. You can talk about what you do without getting in the nitty gritty. So don't think of your first date of the same as a customer or potential investor. You can, you can separate them. That would be like more specific advice. I'm kind of something I need to work on. I'm kind of an open book.

All right, well, here's the other thing you could also say like, yeah, I've been through a lot. We'll get to that. We go out again. I am a survivor. I've had a lot of stuff, but I've realized like I'm really excited

about my company now because it's actually helping people who went through things that I went through. We don't have to get into all that now, but yeah, here's my son or my daughter and here's what's going on. What do you like to do on the weekends? Like to me on first dates,

you want to find out like, do we like doing the same things or do we have the same values? Does he like care about family? What is he, yeah, what are his morals? What's he into? Like, do you jive? Began all the other issues.

So if you could kind of stay present and actually see like, do I actually like this person? Because sometimes on dates, we're like in our selling mode and we're in our like, but you can just be like, okay, I just actually want to see if I like this person. I forget if they're like in our selling mode and we're in our like but you can just be like okay i just actually want to see if if i like this person forget if they even like you know what i mean they ask questions and just so there's a way to

do it and still be yourself but not get into all the details again i have a sex talk show it's like i go on dates you can imagine people are assuming right i'm a sex doctor like i'm gonna be all sex and i say that but i'm not getting into all my stuff. Right. It's like you, like, you know, just like, who are you? A guy like sex, you know, you like, but who are we now today? Can we share a life together? I totally agree. You don't have to. Yeah.

I think if you, to Emily's point, just get to know them, like you don't have baggage. And if you guys connect, any guy is going to accept your baggage. Like they would accept any baggage. any guy is going to accept your baggage like they would accept any baggage. Another thing you've had to deal with is any reason for a guy who would fall in love with you to stop falling in love with you. I mean, I truly believe that. And just don't bring it on them too soon before they get a chance to get to know you and you get to know them. Again, to Emily's point, we talk about this every week, focus on whether you want to like the guy and then worry later about whether he's going to accept you.

Yeah, does he get a place in your world? Yeah. You know, not you inviting it to his. And just when he says, what do you do? Be like, I own a clothing line. It's pretty cool. And then like date five. Be like, well, there's a little bit more.

It doesn't have to be everything, you know? And I'm assuming you've had some good therapy, perhaps, around all this? Yeah, my whole life. Good. Awesome. Keep doing that. Well, hopefully that was helpful.

I really appreciate you being so vulnerable and best of luck. And you're going to be great. Absolutely. Thank you so much. Thank you. All right. Thanks so much. This has been so much fun.

So fun. Hopefully our audience has learned a lot. thank you so much thank you alright thanks so much this has been so much fun so fun hopefully our audience has learned a lot I think our takeaway as we talk about I mean just keep asking questions especially in the bedroom

yeah I mean I think we're all as men and women making mistakes and making a lot of assumptions and it all seems to be predicated on our insecurities about our own

adequacies in the bedroom but if we just ask a bunch of questions and have some fun lubrication and lubrication also just like it's awkward. Like I know people because what

I encourage people is like, I know it's weird. No one ever talks about this, but I think we should because I think that and you make it light and then it gets easier and then it seems like it's such a bizarre thing for people

to, I mean, the only bad thing about lubrication is like sometimes you can fuck up your sheets. Not the kind that I would tell you. Do you have a recommendation? I have so many lubes for you. Yeah. If you want a lube that doesn't fuck up your sheet, yeah, use like a, there's an amazing

one called Uber Lube. That's amazing. It's a beautiful glass bottle that you put on your shelf. There's Muse. And if it gets on the sheets, what? Did you wash your sheets? It doesn't stay. But there's another one, doesn't stain.

There's another one called Muse and it's actually tastes like you know there's like flavored loops that kind of like are gross i don't know it's mint chocolate it's friggin i don't i don't want i don't want to i don't i don't want it to taste like mint chocolate here's the other one also pure i mean i guess it's really i mean for oral sex it's great pure p Pure PJUR water-based lube for women. I'm going to give you lots of lube. It tastes like chocolate. Yeah, dude. But it's maybe for some people, that's great.

But there's so many lubes that don't stain. If you buy them, there's like water-based lubes that will not stain your sheets. Uberly won't stain your sheets. All right. There's your takeaway. Yeah. And no shame, right?

No shame. Get rid of the shame. Shame in the game. More self-love, less shaming more talking and your sex will become better because of that i mean guys if she wants to bring in a toy just say yes man with the toys oh man he's your friend your sidekick you always wanted a threesome anyway right yeah he's not gonna take over that's a good point there's only so much you can do give him a name yeah right great let him name. Let him name it. Let him name it. Let him name it, ladies.

Yeah. Just have fun. Remember, like, the part of sex is the variety and the newness and the excitement. So I think the more you can get curious about each other and what you guys both want, that the more longevity your relationship will have because the sex continues to be new, exciting, and different. One last question. We only have so much time, but do you think men should ever introduce a toy into the bedroom or should you let the woman?

It's a conversation that you have to have ahead of time. Because I think I've had some guys that I bought her a toy and she freaked out. So I think like, are you into toys? In that conversation, you're like, what are you into? How about a toy? Would you want one? Let's go on this. Let's go to sexwithelmy.com and order one. Let's go to the store and buy one. A girlfriend of mine, a friend told me like, we're close enough friends that we tell dating stories and she was, they were having sex and this guy just brought out this giant dildo and just like threw it on the bed. And she was, no, I don't recommend. That's a weird move, man. It's a weird move. Where has it been before is the first thing you think of? Yeah, right. Like where has that been? He's like,

don't worry. It's dishwasher safe. Right. No. I recommend talk about all this stuff ahead of time. Great. Well, thank you so much. It's been so much fun. Hopefully you'll want to come back. I'm sure we'll have more reasons to have you come back. And shout out to that windmill.

Shout out to the windmill. Windmill Pete will forever be known as Windmiller Pete. If you like our episode, as always, please rate us five stars on iTunes. Thanks to all our sponsors and have a great week.