The Viall Files - E354 Tefi Pessoa - Not Living In Absolutes

Episode Date: December 8, 2021

Today we are joined by media presenter and TikToker, Tefi Pessoa. You’ll know her from her YouTube talk show Tefi, or from her TikTok content @hellotefi. On this episode we talk about building confidence after having issues with body positivity before, realizing that selfish people are the ones often accusing others, and how men like to complicate relationships. We then talk about not committing to never cheating again, how Catholic guilt lives with you as an adult, and bad habits that are hard to kick.  “When you die, nobody gives you an award for suffering.” Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes.  Check out our new "Introvert" merch at www.viallfiles.com today! THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: Storyworth: Go to https://www.StoryWorth.com/Viall and save $10 on your first purchase! ShipStation: Go to http://www.ShipStation.com and enter code VIALL to get a 60-day free trial.  Audible: Go to http://www.Audible.com/HolidayRomance Episode Socials:  @viallfiles @nickviall @hellotefi See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

what's going on everybody welcome back to a new and exciting episode of the vile files i'm your host nick joined by elliot amanda and do we have an amazing episode for you today the one the only the wonderful hello teffy is our guest today what a woman firecracker what a wild episode it was like conversation fencing yeah there's a lot of back and forth in a very cool way that's great i really enjoyed it uh i won't spend too much time previewing the movie. Okay. I have a short story and a question for both of you regarding love languages.

Because Wedding Slash Minnesota Boy was fixing a computer of mine that was like potentially had a virus and was old. And he was going to get the keyboard replaced and like research the warranty and like brought it to the apple store for me and like did a whole appointment and was like texting me with like options of what to do with this computer and i was like so touched by that and i've never considered that like acts of service would be a love language i've always thought like quality time was mine but then i was thinking i was like i feel like my dad is very into acts of service so

like does that go into the whole debate we've had before of our girls like trying to find someone like their dad guy like for heterosexual relationships and does that have to deal with love languages as well i don't know i mean we're not i'm not i'm certainly not a love language expert i would guess that our love language can evolve yeah and right our needs and priorities change like i've lately been spending a lot of time talking about like people it's like oh well it's like good to be picky and it's like yeah it's always good to have high standards but like we should always be assessing what those standards are right like that can change. They should change.

They should evolve, right? Like from like lists of like, I don't want them to like have a tattoo and go to college. So like, how do they make me feel? So I suppose that can evolve. I also feel like love languages sometimes respond to like deficits where it's like if I'm feeling sort of negative or like if the way I'm feeling is like a sort of is a critique of myself,

then I feel like words of affirmation are super helpful versus if I'm just feeling really overwhelmed, then acts of service, what a treat. Especially acts of service. I feel like that could be a love language that you only appreciate when you're not used to it. I feel like an acts of service, like two years

into this relationship with this guy if let's say you guys were to fast forward you would go from like oh that was really sweet to be like hey my computer's broken do your thing yeah that's true we have a way of like totally stopping appreciating that happened with my ex because my ex had like some very serious conditions that impacted him flying. And I was like, well, do you pre-board? And like, especially because we flew Southwest a lot where you get to like pick a seat, et cetera. And he was like, no, I didn't know I could do that. Like, I don't want to talk to them.

And so then it became like a routine where like the first time, every time we went to the airport, I would just like go up to the counter and kind of like explain the situation. And then you get the pre-boarding pass. And at first it was like, wow, you're working magic it was like an expectation yeah yeah i do think i yeah and like i don't think love language like you know we take these tests like this is my love language like you just never know when you might appreciate something we tend to focus on what we don't get more than what we do receive when i think about like like an impact or like memory like yeah the negative stuff i feel like makes more of like a tangible imprint doesn't have to i think that's a how we assess you know if you always remember the things that didn't happen

more vividly than them i think it's not than the enjoyable moments that's not necessarily a good thing but yet we often do that i feel like it's also maybe getting the enjoyable moments. That's not necessarily a good thing. But yeah, we often do that. I feel like it's also maybe getting out, like I think I feel more flexibility with stuff that brings me happiness and more rigidity with stuff that like frustrates me. Like I think the stuff that makes me happy, I feel like day to day,

I don't know if you feel like this, like changes, but the stuff that frustrates me pretty consistent and like really gets me every time. We don't do a good job of appreciating things that work out. Not taking like a good job of appreciating things that work out, not taking like, like a good day that like nothing bad happened. Like that was pretty good. You know,

we have these expectations. The problem with expectations is we're expecting it to happen. And when we don't, we get disappointed. But how often do we say, give thanks to our expectations being met? I feel like I've been trying to do that more. Cause that seems like that's the secret to happiness is that it's like you find ways to like tolerate discomfort and enjoy little like blips of good stuff. And I don't know. It's also like with the distance with this guy too,

like it's easier to just focus on like the like positive additions because it's like my day to day life really hasn't changed. So he does nothing but add positives in that regard. So it's like to just focus on the positive additions because it's like my day-to-day life really hasn't changed. So he does nothing but add positives in that regard. So it's like, oh, let me send you dinner. I'm at the Apple store for you. Meanwhile, I'm just living my life out here. Wait, why does he have your computer? It's not my normal one.

It's an older one that he was trying to rehab. Oh, it's his fixer-upper. Yeah, exactly. Update on the lake house the appraisal came in significantly lower than the offer what did you say lower is that what you said lower in theory it's a good news for me okay because it means that this buyer who's being rather difficult now granted he doesn't owe me anything personally but like have you heard from him i don't have the time to explain the back and forth but my mom and i are still holding out hope but yeah so the buyer might person back out well i don't know

the eight i mean their agent is not particularly helpful as as often real estate agents cannot be. It seems as though the person who's buying this somehow is treating it like their grandfather built this house in 1960, as opposed to it just being another house in the middle of fucking Wisconsin. Have you done 23andMe? Is this a potential relative that we didn't know about? It's not. But the good news is, when the appraisal comes in lower than the purchase price, that is additional cash that the buyer has to come up with that they weren't expecting.

And it's not a small number. And there's reasons why the appraisal came in low. I don't personally care because I don't plan on selling it. It's priceless. You know, you've already appraised it. Priceless. I can afford to make up the difference. I don't know if this guy can. Because I've been trying to figure out like, you know, how old is this person? Like, you know, if he's like 65, 70 and retiring, like, you know, he doesn't have to be wealthy for money not to be as significant,

right? As someone who, like say they're in their 50s with kids, like, you still have to think about and consider the future and finance, you know, you have to plan. The seller reached out to me because like, he would like to sell it back to my family. And so he reached out and he told me this, and it's, you know, and there was some glimmer of hope. So I don't know. How are you feeling about it now? Like how optimistic? I'm optimistic that like I tend to be someone who like when I'm dedicated to make something happen, I'll figure it out.

This is a journey. Well, what could be cool is that this appraisal, because I had offered him, I even upped it, I offered him 20% of the purchase price, which is like, that's the down payment. Right. So like,

you know, and I don't even know if that information was getting to him through his agent, but it finally did through the seller. But because this appraisal happened in theory, it could fall through this guy. He might just like, would you still have to,

he has to come up with six figures of that. He didn't, he has to like liquid, still have to he has to come up with six figures of that he didn't he has to like liquid like available for yes immediate okay because when when little real estate lesson for people buying houses you do the appraisal because you're for people who have to get a bank loan you don't if you had a cash offer you don't get to do an appraisal the appraisals for the bank because if they're let's, you need to borrow $100,000, they want to know the thing that you're buying is worth $100,000.

Because they're not going to give you a $100,000 loan on something that's worth $50,000. So if it's worth $50,000, they're like, well, we'll give you a loan for $50,000. You have to come up with the difference. No way. And the appraisal's subjective to a certain extent, right? Like, when I purchased my house in LA, I was going through two different loans. So I got two, the bank hires the appraisal is subjective to a certain extent, right? Like when I purchased my house in LA,

I was going through two different loans. So I got to, the bank hires the appraiser to appraise it. And the appraiser came in. At what age do you feel like you started like getting your shit together in terms of like learning about like the more, the intricacies of like finance and real estate? Like those more like adult things?

When I bought a house. Okay. I learned this all by buying a house. Yeah. Okay. So like, yeah, that's one of those things. Should I bought a house. Okay. I learned this all by buying a house. Like recently. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that's one of those things. I'm like, should I know this? Two weeks ago.

No. I've been thinking about that a lot. Because I feel, at what stage do you start to learn everything? Because before, it's like you're 25, you're married, you maybe have a kid, you're cooking. Usually, yeah, when you do it. You're on top of it. And now I'm like, I am making Trader Joe's frozen meals a lot of the time. So it's like, what's the timeline?

Do you know how much I learned about a pool and a hot tub? I know so much about a pool and a hot tub now because I own a house with a pool and a hot tub. And I had problems with my pool and a hot tub. And I learned a ton. But now I know because I had to experience it. I did learn so much about drug tests. Yeah. Right?

And then once you learn it and then you.... Yeah. Right. When I, and like, yeah. And then once you learn it and then you, do we get drug tested? No, it was for, it was for a different job.

Um, but it was like, it was for, it was for a different job in a state where weed was legal, but I, it was whatever. It doesn't matter. Passed. But now I know so much about how to pass a drug test.

If you smoke marijuana recently. You mean cheat? No, not cheat. Okay. Is it cheating? So you learn how to like count a calendar? What do you mean? Like time stuff? Yeah. Okay. So actually, so it depends on how much time you have before the drug test. But also one of my good friends in college, his parents caught parents caught him smoking weed and so then they were like we're going to drug test you every time you come home so he was also interested so i also did research on his behalf and the way it works there's a few different strategies here okay first rule never do your drug test in the morning because like the year the urine from the morning is like the most concentrated because it's been

stored all night and so it has the highest like so schedule your drug test so schedule your drug test for the afternoon. Make sure you're very well hydrated. You want to be getting through. And then there's a special vitamin that you can take that will make, if you take a lot of it, like before it alters the color of your urine. So that way you can still be super, super hydrated,

but it won't look suspicious like, oh, you have clear pee. You take a bunch of vitamin C. And then there's also this one, there's this other one that I tried for, I took one pill and I was like, this is not working. There's this medication that you take for risk of heart attack. And it's like basically you try to flush your system out by like taking it regularly. It's like over the counter.

It's not like anything crazy. I learned, damn it, don't do drugs. Well, the point is, yeah, yeah. The worst part though is, like the absolute worst part though was that i so i go through all this effort because i like didn't it was the first time it was a job that i'd had before that had never drug tested they started drug testing i was just like oh no like obviously stop smoking the second i heard about it but was a little bit worried and the irony is that i went through all this trouble and then i realized the medication i take for my add

was like an amphetamine so it's like, my urine sample is still going to test positive for amphetamines. So they're going to be like, okay, she doesn't smoke weed, but she might do meth. Don't you disclose medication you're on when you take a drug test? The people at Quest Diagnostics were very unhelpful. Because I was like, I'm on medication. That might influence my results. Like, should I tell someone? And the woman was like, we'll call with your results.

She had nothing helpful to say. I don't think that's probably beneficial. If they're not that thorough. Just the thing is that you can't be, when you're getting drug tested, you can't be too eager for the results because that's sus. If you're anxiously waiting,

then it's pretty obvious. The people at Quest Diagnosis, they're just to collect a paycheck. They're not reading your body language and reporting back to the potential employer. But like, I don't know, she looked a little nervous. Her palms were sweaty.

She was really antsy about when she was going to hear back. They're probably getting off of work and like rolling a fat blunt. It's like, yeah, that's a good question. Do they drug test the people at quest diagnostics frequently maybe it was really they like it was crazy the toilet water is like blue they have a they don't let you wash your hands until they come in and get your sample

yeah very high key very high key thank you for not drug testing us nick i i'm just not at that level where i you know just he knows how they would come back anyways so it's fine enough about us let's get to hello teffy what to get the person that you think has everything they want or just buys everything they want or need well i'll tell you what you do especially if it's a loved one a father a role model a grandfather or brother or sister story worth that's right. Give them the gift of memories and stories that can be enjoyed for years to come with everyone in the family. That's what I did with my father one Father's Day not too long ago. And I'll tell you what,

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V-I-A-L-L ShipStation. Make ship happen. Tuffy. Yeah. This sounds good. She is a cancer. She's 5'7".

She's on TikTok like a lot. And Molly is one of her best friends. She's here. Is this on Google? Are we recording? Molly, when people Google me, they see you, that you pop up. That's amazing. I don't know who did this, but I love how just Molly is one of her bestest friends. She's one of my bestest friends. Yeah. It's Molly and Brunk.

So I'd like to say I'm married to the map, but I don't think she likes that. I feel like cancer is an astrology side I often forget exists. Okay. I only say that. That wasn't meant to disrespect. Well, I'm fine that you said it in front of my face, but I wish you respected me enough to say it behind my back. Wait, it's, I feel, well, I'm a Libra.

So I mean, I know what I am. And then I hear about Gemini's. The way that you said that is like, I know that I'm better than you. So that way that you- Did it? Is that how you took it? I know what I am. Superior.

No, maybe self-absorbed. I guess you could- Well, I feel like I don't have any- What is a cancer? A cancer. It's okay if I say it, but so on a cancer, somebody who's like really sensitive, they're like the mother of the Zodiac, very nurturing. Oh, it's the mother of the Zodiac.

I love a grudge. A grudge keeps you healthy, I think. It really gets the blood pumping. You love a grudge. Yeah. Katerina in nursery school made me eat sand. I've never seen her again, but if I see her on the street, it's on site. What's your current grudge?

My nursery school grudge is pretty up there Jake Gyllenhaal's up there so he kept her fucking scarf Jake you want to talk about we just did a whole episode with a psychologist oh what did they say? you'll have to listen

do they talk about how he was nearly 60 years old and she was 20 no we didn't get into that part They talk about how he was nearly 60 years old and she was 20. No, we didn't get into that part. Okay, well, those are the specifics. You can use this as a teaser for it. Jake Gyllenhaal is ACP. You're mad at Jake.

Of course I'm mad at Jake. It's very easy to be mad at men, but I feel like I'm especially... If you saw Jake when you left this podcast and saw him across the street and he asked you out on a date. Well, you know, a lot of time has passed and I feel like, no, I would say, first of all, I've seen him on the street. Have you?

Yeah. He's handsome. He's handsome, but he does not like being handsome. I feel like he covers up his whole face with facial hair. He was in those track pants that have the buttons on the side. That's how you know he's really gorgeous because he's trying to like, he's like, oh, I have to like a Brad Pitt thing.

Well, you know, when I tell my mom, someone's pretty, you know what she says? I don't. That's crazy. I thought you would have it on the sheet. I only know who Molly is. It's just all he talks about Molly. My mom is MJ.

MJ and my manager have the same birthday, actually. So I can't escape her. And I think she designed it to be that way. But every time I say someone's pretty, she goes pretty like us. And I say, don't be ridiculous. So I think it's important to keep the ego as healthy as possible,

unless you're Jake Gyllenhaal. Yeah. You talk a lot about confidence. Do I? You're on a TED Talk talking about confidence. I do. I call it a TEF Talk. And Ted didn't like that, but it about confidence. I do. I call it a TED Talk. Ted didn't like that, but it's fine.

I thought it was genius, but I was like, I'm not saying TED Talk in the way of like, I'm saying in the way of like future schtick talk, the TED Talk, the TED Talk. That's how I mean it. You know? You know what song I'm talking about? What do you mean?

You don't know that song, schtick talk? Should I? Yes. It's by Futuro. Everybody's Latino to me. Nicolás. So yes, I talk a lot about confidence. I do.

I think it's because I didn't have it. You didn't. What's the key to being confident? In your mind. In my mind, okay, so I went to a rehab facility for an eating disorder when I was 22. And something that they said to me really stuck with me because I think, I remember when I got a MySpace, right?

So the internet really changed. I miss MySpace. What? I miss MySpace. Girl, new messages, new comments, new friends. You just got to be petty with your friends. Amazing. Top eight?

Yeah. Looks like you're top nine. No spot for you. I'm in a fight. I only have a top one. When my ex-boyfriend put a girl before me, I was like, oh, so you're just going to tell everyone you're fucking? Doesn't matter.

What I'm saying is the internet changed the way that we talk about our bodies, right? But it's like body positivity, body positivity all the time. So with confidence, and my like came really hand in hand. And one of the people that worked at this facility told me, what if I told you it's not about like positivity and, but rather like acceptance, like this is your body. This is it. Like, this is it. This is what you got. You can alter some things, you know, you can do whatever you can, you can work out 24-7, but some things aren't going to change. This is your body. Unless, of course, you undergo surgery like we've all seen.

People change all the time. But I was 22 and broke. I wasn't going to get a fucking BBL. You know what I mean? So it was just acceptance. It's neutrality. It's really neutrality. But then from neutrality, you kind of get to face yourself in a neutral place.

Like you're not at war anymore. You're not mad anymore. You're not resentful. Even the way that you work out is different. Like when I would go running, it was all about like internalizing, like, did I work out for 45 minutes? Did I get to 4.5 miles? Did I burn this many calories? All of that.

to 4.5 miles? Did I burn this many calories? All of that. But then when you change it, it's more, you are letting go of things, not absorbing more things, right? So I started to look at life that way. And when you're neutral about the way that you face the world, I feel like you start to like yourself. And once you like yourself, you don't let people talk crazy to you. Once you like yourself, the world is your mirror and you start to surround yourself with people who fucking like you. And when you don't, you surround yourself with people who don't know if they fucking like you. And that's the fucking worst. Needy people are always looking at people who are hard to get to know and to break down or people who they feel are really exclusive. I call it the Kanye West effect. They're dicks. And we're like, if they like us, we must be worthy. But it's a very conditional place.

You have to behave. And that's how you treat yourself. In these rigid columns of what is good, what is bad. And at the end of the day, bad people feel bad. You're not a bad person. So walk around like you're worth it. That sounds great. Do you apply worth it that sounds great do you apply that in your day are you single yeah i'm single like recently right yeah recently what happened

well we were engaged and then to be married i'm sorry i've been have you seen a lot of engagements huh have you seen a lot of engagements i've seen my share well yeah they come and they go you know and? And that's really what happened. Don't I know it. So he was just like, I feel like I'm in a place where I was, I was in a place where I was, I outgrew him is what happened. I wanted to take him along and he was just like, I feel he's just not in a place where he can be the person that I need.

And I really want a man who like- That's a hard truth. It is a hard truth. It's also a hard truth because- How did you tell him? I just said, I can't, like, I don't want to do that. It's a lot of complaining. It's a lot of, it just wasn't, I no longer felt lucky.

I no longer felt lucky. And I was like, I don't have one more fight in me. And all the fights that we were having were like surrounded by how he was so uncomfortable and how he, it was like, I was just like this supporting character. And I remember looking at him like, you've made me out to be this like incredible,

I've never talked about this. You've never, you've made me out to be this like incredible, like virginal, moral high horse, like fucking moral Clydesdale person I'm not even that person I'm just normal I'm just normal I'm just nice to you but you're a dick and I don't think I want to be married to a dick if I have a choice in it some people don't have a choice I think I have a choice 2021 baby that's great rock and roll so now that you're on the market and looking minus like looking for a non-dick right uh which is harder than it sounds

sure what are tell me something that you've learned about yourself in that past relationship that you want to do better in your next and tell me something that you want to find in your next relationship that you didn't have in the past relationship? So looking back, I really, I'm not a complainer. I don't complain. Molly, I can see you looking at me. Can we confirm? I don't think I'm a complainer. Do you think I'm a complainer?

Dudes, pretend for 15 minutes. Well, in my relationship, I'm not a complainer because I've always wanted to be like, yeah, maybe I do complain to Molly. I don't like pickles or cooked peppers and I don't, I'm never going to eat it. That's not complaining. But if it's on the plate and she's like, just eat it. No, it's not complaining. It's boundaries. That's not what you're talking about. She thinks I'm a picky eater. I'm not a picky eater. I eat everything. Particular. I'm particular. Don't apologize for being particular. But I, so I, before, even that realization of I'm a particular person,

before, I have this joke, like, if I was 22, 23, and a homeless man came up to me and was like, do you want to marry me? I'd be like, I'm getting married. Like, of course, you know,

like you just accept the love that like anybody will throw at you. You just want it to be. I just want it. I want it to be loved and I want it to be in like a grown-up relationship enough where you're like just wanted to be. I just wanted, I wanted to be loved and I wanted to be in like a grown-up relationship enough where you're like engaged and to have that and to like love somebody

but I just, my cup was empty and I realized that like having, like choosing you feels so bad. It feels so selfish when you're wrong, when you're around the wrong people because when you have people who also hold themselves accountable and have these boundaries and these standards, they understand. Discover your holiday love story with Audible. Listen to exclusive stories, original podcasts, and more. Enjoy brand new Audible originals

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Yeah, that's a good point. I mean, I've... Go on. Self, like, it's usually the people who accuse other people of being selfish are the selfish ones you know like once in a while you have someone you're like dude you're being kind of selfish oh yeah like the mind fuckery like real selfish people yeah are the ones who accuse others of being selfish all the time because well yeah it's about them right exactly so and i don't want to use the word like narcissist like because i think that's like thrown around a lot. It's a maturity thing. I think it's like, if you have to be, you have to know who the fuck you are.

What did you say before that? I liked how you said that. What was that thought? and they treat you like you're being a crazy bitch, it's because they don't have any. Or they know that if you do, if someone is mad at you for having boundaries, it's because they know that if you don't, that's how they won you over. But how did you say it though? I don't know. I have no idea. You're on the tape.

Every time I open my mouth, I don't know how it's going to end. We have it. We have it written down. Did you know it? What'd she say? Yeah, she said, choosing you feels so wrong and so selfish

when you're around the wrong people. Oh yeah, that's what I said. It was actually genius. It really is. Let's put it on a pillow. And then what I'm looking for is... It does, because they remind you of it. They remind you.

It's also weird because people are like bookmarks. Because when you want to invest in yourself, the people who support you and love you, that's a really good indicator when you're dating. I think people don't often do. It's just like tell people your dreams and see who supports you. And those are the people who are going to have your back

and they aren't threatened. I think a lot of young couples will find out really quickly when they're dating someone and they have dreams and aspirations and people hold them back. But that's it. I love how you said that. i think a lot of people really need you to be their supporting character and if you know your worth and you know that you have like protagonist propaganda about you they don't like that they need you to be they need this the supporting character because the

fact that you could be a main character but you treat them like a main character feels really fucking good and i think that's something that i realize looking back even on my friendships there's a lot of conditional friendships and i like conditions conditions mean i don't like the word unconditional like i don't like it when people say we're going to be together forever no if you if you're a dick we're not going to be together and i'm a bitch about my word i taught yeah i wake up every day i'm like i don we're not going to be together. And I'm a bitch about my word. I tell it, yeah. I wake up every day. I'm like, I don't know. Should we still be together, Natalie?

No. Okay. Metaphorically speaking, yeah. I think you have to wake up every day and choose to be in a relationship. You have to choose. You never, there's, it's just a choice. It's weird how like some people like don't, I think that there's a big thing that men do

that I've realized. I don't know if my brother does it. Men in general? Yeah, men in general. It's like the worst thing that they could do is cut off communication from you. The worst thing that they could possibly do to you is say- From a woman's point of view.

Yeah, no, from their point of view. And that's what they do. Well, then I don't want to talk to you anymore and I'm leaving. And then for me, that used to be detrimental because I didn't know if they were going to miss me. And this was the first time in my life. I'm in my 30s, so it took a long time.

But this is the first time in my life that I was like, I'll help you fucking pack. And I think that's a strength that comes with age, I think. Well, that's the thing. I think it's more age and less of a gender thing. Because when you said that, I was like that too. I've only noticed it in men. I think women are usually more down to...

Have you only dated men though? Yes and no. But is it serious? No, but seriously. I mean, I'm saying I've only dated women. But what you described, your point of view, I related to you you not the guy you think women are good at being like peace

I think it depends on the power dynamic in the relationship you know do you feel like you've been in a situation where you're not wearing the pantaloons per se is that how you use per se per se

says me I guess I've never been worried about who wears the pants how fucking wonderful is that how you use per se per se says me I guess I've never been worried about who wears the pants how fucking wonderful is that for a woman that that's not in real life and then I found myself

in relationships where they might have in the past yeah I think there's a reason my grandma but I was a

you know I was a fixer you were a fixer you know let's work on it we can talk about it we'll figure it out... But I was a fixer. You were a fixer. Let's work on it. We can talk about it. We'll figure it out. I was always trying to... You drag it on to the point where I think...

It gets to the point where it's just like, no. Sometimes people can love each other and they don't have to be together. Because I've seen many, many of my friends too. They love one another. But together, they are the shittiest fucking people. I probably was in that situation for, I don't think my friends were happy for me at a point. I was like, I was, I told him, I remember one time my ex was like, oh my God, you know, nobody wants to fuck their mom. You nag just like my mom. And I said, who the fuck wants to fuck their son? It's like,

I'm fucking breastfeeding you. You know, I don't want to like, you know how Helen Keller had her hand under the water and she's like spelling water. Why do I have to Helenfeeding you. You know? I don't want to like, you know how Helen Keller had her hand under the water and she's like spelling water? Why do I have to Helen Keller you how to love me? Like, just be nice. Just be fucking nice. Don't fuck anybody else.

And tell me I'm the best. And do sex with me. And that's it. Is that really it? How easy is that? But men like to complicate things. There's this poet, I think it was like Socrates

or somebody, like, men only want love if it's painful. That's T. Swift, baby. Modern day Socrates. That's blank space right there. I don't think it's a man-woman thing. I think it is.

Men only want... Technically, she said boys. No, I get the side. No, they need this power dynamic thing. The idea of a chase. My knees are bad. I don't want to be chased. I'm here.

I'm standing. Either run to me or run past me, please. I think humans like the chase. I don't think so. I've never liked the chase. I was waiting for Molly to check me, but I don't. I don't know you, but I just think we all. Yes, you do.

I'm right in front of you. You're on the paper. No, I think we all have egos, and our egos require us to feel fulfilled and validated, and whether it's, yeah, we all chase on a certain level. We might not, like, you know. Progress. Back in the day, we were told as men, you know.

Providers. Pursue. A woman, pursue. But like, there's still a chase there. There's still a chase, I guess. Or getting him a chase. The word. Or playing hard to get.

Words are important. And I don't think it's chase. I think it's excitement and like mystery. But the word chase, I am not a fox. You are not a hound. That's what I'm saying. Do you, would you agree that there's a difference between feeling special and feeling loved yeah absolutely yeah you i think a lot of people make the mistake of wanting to feel special no they want to feel chosen they want to feel picked like plucked over being loved yeah and

there was a point in my there's a point in every breakup, you probably know, like the idea of them touching somebody else or having a romantic moment with somebody else or dare I say being naked with somebody else is like you rather set yourself on fire. It's horrifying. But now I'm at a place where I'm like,

okay, well, I did it and I didn't like it. So go for it. But before, of course, I was just like, no. And I didn't call it a fixer. I just didn't want to be alone. Yeah. Yeah. How are you being alone now?

I never leave Molly alone. So I have two people living in my house right now. I have one bedroom and I'm just like, why don't you just live with me? They're like, should I get an Airbnb? I'm like, never. Just stay with have one bedroom and I'm just like, why don't you just live with me? They're like, should I get an Airbnb? I'm like, never. Just stay with me. I think I'm just-

Have you been dating or are you like- No, no one has asked me out. No one has hit on me. Not one person. Where are you going to be hit on? Bring on the apps? No.

I mean, what's it called again? Raya? It's Raya. No one except me. May, I want a little country. You're trying to again? Raya? It's Raya. Don't want to accept me. May, I want a little country. You're trying to get on Raya? They turned you down?

It's been two days. What the fuck? It's only been two days? Yeah. How long does it take? I don't know. Can I talk to somebody? Is there an email?

Probably. Raya.com. I'm sure we could figure it out. Let's get you on Raya. I don't know if it's like the most fruitful place to date. There's a lot of guys in fedoras, huh? A lot of open shirts and fedoras. What is it, milady?

You know? But I think I would like to be, ladies, sometimes you don't want to fuck anybody. You just want somebody to flirt with you. You know? And then you say like, okay, now I'm going home,

you know, to do a face mask and be with my cat. But you just want home you know to do a face mask and be with my cat but you just want somebody to like feed a little bit of course men like that too and i'm ready you're right i think better more like i i like that maybe i'm just i've only been with men that have a very like wandering eye you know and not just with me but i think all their past relationships and for some reason that's where feeling special comes in and not wanting to feel love.

You just want to feel like he would never do that to me. They would never do that to me, whatever. And I feel like when, people don't change. You know, people don't change. Like if you're an asshole and you love me, like you're still going to be a little bit of a fucking asshole forever. You know, you just might apologize more for it in the future but that's who you are that's your dna you just got to find somebody who laughs at the things that you laugh at you know or isn't

so sensitive i would literally murder you if i dated you i would i know that i would cry every five seconds i cannot i can take jokes about other people but then if you were to like say like what i know I cannot, I do not like people picking on me at all. Trolls. Am I picking on you? Well, in my mind, you've already have in our future relationship that I've imagined in my mind.

I had to put my, well, you know, when you think about like. What is it about me? You rub your nose on the mic and it freaks me out. So that would make you cry? No. I'm just trying to get good audio. I think that you'd be, if my boyfriend woke up and was like,

should we break up today? I'd be like, oh, I'm taking my things. I'm taking my cap. No, I'm saying we should choose to be with each other. We should choose to be with each other. Every day. I would want to choose to be with you. I'd want you to feel like you couldn't breathe without me.

I've always had so much to ask. Is with you. I'd want you to feel like you couldn't breathe without me. Is that so much to ask? Is that crazy? I don't know. My grandma said you should always marry a man who loves you a little bit more than you love them. But I don't think a man's ego can take that. You're nodding. I absolutely agree with that.

Absolutely. Why? I feel like I've heard other grandmas say that. Because men don't love the same I trust women's emotional regulation more than I trust a man's emotional regulation

by regulation you mean intelligence and I absolutely agree I feel like but men men love differently and I feel like women and not because of this

like DNA and cavemen no it's because of the way that we have molded society it's our fault especially hello I have a baby. Do you have, are you, do you have siblings?

What the fuck did you just say? You have 10 brothers and sisters? Where the fuck did you grow up? Wisconsin. They have that much space out there? Holy shit. They have plenty of space, yeah. 10?

Did your mom ever want to take a nap? Like- Probably. I would have gotten a spray bottle and sprayed my husband away from me. Get the fuck out of here. We're sleeping in different... Catholic. Well, I'm one of three.

Whatever. Jesus. What number are you? Two. I'm such a child. I was going to make a poop joke. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm the oldest of three really yeah my mom's like that's why i'm trying to buy my mom a lake house that's very very sweet very very very sweet 10 but there's 11 so i'm one of 11 oh my god okay whatever it's like they used to do that in olden days so in case like a farmhand died to be like throw in john insanity i don't even know what i was gonna say that's insane 10 what were we talking about talking about men oh men yeah men love differently men do love differently so i think society-wise like when something goes awry in a relationship no matter what even if it's like dealing with monogamy women in the relationship are like from day one supposed to show how like marriageable they are, like how much of a wife they can be. So that deals with a lot of generosity

and a lot of patience. And then when you want to make it work, instead of cutting back on that, I think as a man feels confident to do, we're supposed to double down. And that's really exhausting. Pack me up. Okay, sick.

I was looking for words. I was like, fuck, they're like, she sucks. I mean. Yeah, that was good. I read that in my diary the other day. I thought it was dope. I was waiting to use it. So you think the women should have slightly more power?

No. Equality isn't about somebody having more power. It's about having the same. Yeah, but if you know, if you love a little bit less than they do. Oh yeah, be obsessed... Well, if you love... Equality isn't about somebody having more power. It's about having the same. Yeah, but if you know, if you love a little bit less than they do... Oh yeah, be obsessed with me. Absolutely. Then there's a little bit of a power dynamic there.

It's just this idea that like, you know, when people are... When like men cheat on you and they're like, oh, well, you know, like biological, we're still animals. Are you shitting on the street? Are you biting into pigeons when you're hungry? Yeah, man shouldn't

no one should cheat it's just so it's this idea like we want you to be obsessed with us because the fear of losing you is very real and we have created society in a way where like I hate it I've never met a woman that I didn't want to be friends with and I feel like society has robbed me of those friendships a few times it's a very competitive space you know and I always say that like never put me in a position where I'm comparing myself to somebody or I'm in a position to maybe not make a friend.

And men who cheat or like men who wander you know have the wandering oculus do kind of rob you of your community of like safety within your community and trust. And I want to trust every woman I meet. Have you ever been cheated on? Like they're paid to do it are you kidding me absolutely and it took me so long to realize it's not personal it's not you yeah say what you want to say well it's not your fault no yeah I was

like when you didn't do it I didn't do it I didn't do it but I've also I've I've also cheated so I'm not like this perfect angel no i'm not this perfect angel i've i've been 19 before in my life you fuck up you're a kid you get adulthood no oh this 22 count yeah oh fuck it uh you can vote you can it counts if you cheat yeah that sucks but um but now you could say that you would never. I made out. Does that count? Kissings? Doing kissings? It's not great, but like, yeah,

I wouldn't. If we, if like, if we met like as single people and you said, I cheated on my boyfriend, I was like, what'd you do? And you're like,

I made out with a guy at 22. I think I'd get over it. Like, I don't think I would be like, Oh, I don't know. Like, you wouldn't go back and be like,

I don't know. Like, I fucked a bunch of guys, you know, like that. I wish I did. But you, you could, can you say you will never cheat again? No.

Why would I put that? No, I'm a human being. I'm going to, I'm going to fuck up. I don't think that I, I want to believe that I never, ever would. How hard is it to say, hold on. I haven't cheated since I was 22 and I've always been in a relationship. Sorry, we need to break up. How hard is it to do that?

To make a call or even text? As cold as it is. No, the question is, how easy is it for you? What would you rather have? Would you rather get a text from your boyfriend saying, need to break up?

Like his dick in his hands. Like we break up. We're broken up. We're broken up. It's done now. It's done now. And he has sex with a chick chick but you're not cheated on or would you it's shitty all around nicolas yeah it's all bad but what would you all bad yeah i'd rather i mean oh this is gonna sound so

fucked up i'd rather him cheat on me so when i walk away i can know that he's a piece of shit and i can like like eyes forward like Freddie. That's a good answer. You know what that is? That's growth on your part. Because like probably like 10 years ago, you would have said the opposite because you would have been worried about what that meant about you and being cheated on.

But now you know it has nothing to do with you. And you have all the cards knowing that he fucked up. Yeah. You can go around and be sort of a bitch cheated on me. Oh, don't you love it when people prove to you that they're not like for you in any capacity platonic romantic even work fuck it but when people show you and you're like oh my god you saved me so much investigative journaling that's that's that's hard to do because we're not always like that because i suspect like myself you have an ego me yeah i don't know what you've

heard absolutely of course i was an ego we have a really hard like we don't know what you've heard. Absolutely. Of course. And with an ego, we have a really hard, like we don't, it takes a lot for people with massive egos to get to that place because usually our egos would rather-

Who said it was massive? Why did you say massive? Oh, I'm sorry. I have a- Ego. We all do to a certain degree. I'm sorry. You can all be right.

You're on- Massive ego? Yeah. You're a social media influencer. We all like ego. I don't think I have a massive ego. I think that I just... I do.

I can't speak for you. I don't get that from you at all. I also focus on it and control it. Like I'm very... Do you think you're a narcissist in recovery? No. Oh. Because narcissists wouldn't even think about their ego

or like recognize it and say, your ego is just that want or desire for the attention or the validation, your mom complimenting you when you're younger and then you realize that not everyone's your mom in the world and you're like, what the fuck? What the fuck? And then you're like, why? And then you kind of reconcile with that

but you still have it like it's the need right but that doesn't mean you give into your ego it doesn't mean you are like a prisoner of your ego i think that's part of like growing up and dating is we are always like if we get cheated on or we start chasing or we're in this kind of toxic you know relationship where we're both like a fighting but you're like, I can fix this because that's all you needing to feel special and saying, I can make this work. People call, I'm a fixer. It's like, oh, maybe you

also have an ego. I don't think anyone who calls themselves an ego or calls themselves a fixer doesn't have a big ego. I think also people who call themselves fixers are very comfortable with the idea that they have cornered their identity. It's usually like the way that we identify ourselves

is very much like reflective, is that a word, reflective? I knew it. It's like reflective of the way that people treat you, right? So like if I'm a party girl, people treat me all the time like I'm a party girl. Then I get home and I'm like, this kind of feels shitty. Maybe I'm not this fucking party girl.

And I feel like fixers have been like, okay, I'm the person that gets hurt and I never give up. But baby, when you die, no one gives you no word for suffering. Like Paul and Peter are not the gates. And they're like, you did it. You got a jello shot. Catholics would tell you differently, but I agree with you. Oh, they'd be like, was it premarital? Was it premarital?

They're big on suffering. Did you suffer enough? Absolutely I like you're right though yeah there's no you know it's safer to define yourself in a small space than roam around a big space and wonder if you fit in can I ask like what was what's the area of suffering that you have cut out that it was the hardest to cut out like what aspect of suffering in your life were you most addicted to or was most comfortable to you? The idea of being almost pretty enough. That was really, that really fucked me up. Like I felt like my whole life,

I was like almost at the point where like I would be pretty enough for someone not to cheat on me. And then I realized instead of not dating cheaters, I kept testing if I was pretty through other people. Instead of talking to myself and being like, it's not even about fucking pretty. You're a nice person. Nice people should be with nice people.

That's not a crazy thing. And to give up on dicks is kind of like what you're supposed to do. It doesn't make you a good person to not let go of someone who's hurting you. I don't think being attractive has ever stopped someone from being cheated on. Jennifer?

Angelina? I heard that Brian was cheating. Who was Heidi? Klum? Oh, Heidi Klum, yeah. Who cheated on Heidi Klum? Oh. I thought she was cheating.

Seal? Did Seal cheat on Heidi Klum? Maybe not. I don't want to spread any rumorsn I don't want to spread any rumors I don't want to spread any rumors that's a bombshell if it's true

I know that I know that she was with this billionaire before oh yes she had a daughter with this billionaire and he cheated on her

and left her and then she met Seal so one of her and Seal's children that he adopted is not his biologically but apparently he's like an abusive

like sicko so they don't even speak anymore and now she's dating the guy from Tokyo she married the guy fromo hotel the german band with the crazy hair dude google was around look up tokyo hotel disco what the fuck it's called 2008 i'm wearing natural deodorant but it is not wearing me nick there was a rumor there was a rumor that Heidi cheated on Seal with her bodyguard back in 2012

but she denied it she denied it I'm a girl girl I will never I will never speak ill like Princess Diana fucked all her bodyguards good for her yeah good for her but why can't you say you'll never cheat again

I just feel like I, um, definitives, is that what it is? Definitive is things in definition. Speaking, speaking absolutes. Speaking in absolutes. Um, I'm sick of holding myself to these, like when you have issues with your body and like, and, and the way that you see yourself, you do hold yourself to these like absolutes. And I just don't want to do that anymore. I just want to do the best that I can. And that'd be good enough. And I know that if I'm doing the best that I can,

the chances of me hurting someone are very low. I like looking at it in a way that it's warm, but not so sharp edged. How do you judge people? All the time. I'm Latin. But how? How do you judge people?

All the time. I'm Latin. But how? I judge people by the way that they make me feel. And I give people the benefit of the doubt every time. I walk into any meeting, restaurant, date, whatever, already thinking they love me. And I give them the benefit of the doubt. But if I leave and I feel like shit,

I know it's not me. You know? I mean, there's a lot, there's a lot of layers, Seth. It's like a very general thing to say, but I don't want to be around people who make me feel like I have to do the whole like, hello, my baby, hello, my darling, to maintain your attention or like, yeah, your attention. That sucks. Even friendship wise, beyond dating. So I judge people based off if they are reciprocating with me. And if not, I empathize it to a point where like, oh, that sucks. But then not to the point where I feel sorry for them. And I keep talking to them over and over because then you're a fucking doormat martyr. What are you currently worried about? I really want to be somebody my family can be proud of

so i it's not so much worried but i am like that is something i'm focused on that does give me nervousness you know yeah that makes sense i think they were worried about me for a long time and i think the biggest gift you can give your family is that they don't really have to worry well i dropped out of college four times i didn't know what the fuck i was doing i think i was drunk for like 12 fucking what was miami there's not really bar culture over there you go to fucking live and the cheesecake factory for dinner for the birthday you know what i mean there's not you don't go to like the pub um and i think my family saw me date really shitty people and have really shitty friends you know except for other than like

my core group right now that I've had since like high school, but other friends coming and going and men and like being hung over and unfocused and really sad and not picking, not making choices that are great because I think when you feel small, you have a small life and small things can feel big. And I really needed things to feel big. Like I mattered. And then the moment I stopped giving a fuck about what I looked like to people, things started to happen for me in a positive way. Not like TikTok. I mean, like getting health insurance, like getting a job with health insurance, like stuff like that. You know? Your shirt says no fake orgasms. It's a gym shirt and I love it.

I've been to the gym. Are you a big believer in not faking orgasms? I definitely have. It sucks. But sometimes you got to be nice. Someone's putting in a lot of work. You're like, all right, I'll throw you a bone. You know, I'll throw you a bone.

Is that something women of all ages do? Or is that something younger women do? Like they think they're supposed to. I did it as a teenager. But were you now in future relationships? Is he a nice guy? Probably. Probably.

It sucks though. Who wants to do that? Have you ever had to fake an orgasm? How would you? How would you? Would you turn away? I think one time I tried. I think one time I tried. I think one time I tried and I

fucked it up. I think I made a really weird noise. I was like, what was that? I don't know. It's just not happening. It's like you gave it up immediately. That's the worst case scenario. That's worse than if you

hadn't even tried in the first place that you couldn't come and faked an orgasm and then told her right away that you faked an orgasm. This was years ago and I think, you know,

society tells you that you, as a guy, you're supposed to finish. So you rip it? That is insane. At least with women it's more of a show

like yeah it was it was yeah it's good yeah I I feel like guys guys should not

you should not no one should be faking do you know what your orgasm face is with your O face is do you know if you had to guess I don't think it's pretty

is that it's what is that like for women it's so bad it's so bad the angle for men is never good it's never good

although they're like here and they're past you and they're like this like a tortoise and you're just like and it's not and they have like a look of determination

in their eyes and sometimes I pass their back and I'm like there you go there you go like a it's not and they have like a look of determination in their eyes and sometimes I pass their back and I'm like there you go there you go like a baby your eyes go like above your head

like I feel like a tortoise like emerging from the shell to feel sunlight it's really bad and like reaching for a strawberry at the same time

but you're probably beautiful in the boudoir no you know but I just it just dawned on me like the look women have to experience or when you're beautiful in the boudoir you know but I just it just dawned on me

like the look women have to experience or when you're going down on them and you look up and they're like they're getting electrocuted nightmare

so bad and you're just like well on one hand I'm flattered but on the other hand get it together and on the other hand I just want to press play

on this fucking movie and they apologize for all the things they just said. I'm sorry. No, that's never happened to me. What do you say? I was joking about that.

I know that you were joking about it, but you're like dirty talk like my little whore. You're such a little slut. Like that? I mean, if someone were to do that, you've never had a guy do that? Of course. I'm a person you feel that. Of course. I'm a person that does sex. And if anybody asks, a lot.

You've never had a guy be like, hey, just, I know you know this, but like, I don't think you are a whore. Absolutely. Or a slut. Yes, now that I think about it. But like, for the record, I just want you to know that I respect you and you are a queen. I did have this one ex. And I think if I say it, no, he's not going to listen to this, fuck him. We were doing it as dogs do.

Do women prefer that so you don't have to see his face? No, I'd much rather someone look at me in my face. Do you think if men saw their orgasm face that they would ever say to the girl in the future look at me? Do you?

No, but guys say that. That's gross. You've never had a guy say, look at me? I think I'm already just looking. I'm very here during sexy time. I'm very here, I think. I'm very involved. I'm trying to read cues.

If you're cramping, let me handle this for a sec. I'm looking out. I feel like it's not a relay race. It's a dance. You know, does that make sense? Yeah. What was I going to say before? Your ex.

Yeah, your ex. One time we were doing it that way. And he said, you ugly little bitch. What? And I think, you know, I looked back at him and he was like, I was running out of dirty things to say we've been together for so long i was like we've been together for 12 months ugly little bit i'm telling you i'm not kidding and you're like no i went i looked i looked at him like this over the shoulder you ugly he immediately stopped and he was like i don't know what I'm saying I'm so sorry I've just run out of things to say

I'm like I feel like you could have said I would have preferred duckling you ugly little duckling you ugly little bitch I feel like that's a formula like in a weird fucked up way that's almost like endearing

that you guys got to that point and then he apologized it's like little reallyaring that you guys were like, got to that point where and then he apologized, I don't know. It's like little really throws, if you change any one of those words, I think you can make an argument for it. You make a little bit, a part of me was like. The ugly part. A part of me was like, what is ha,

like what did he think would happen? Like, what did he want to, did he want me to be like, yeah, I am so funny. Well, that's the thing. I think it's guys. I mean, again, once you climax, there is an immediate, like, replay of the tape. Nut clarity. And shame that I think all men feel immediately after orgasm. Yeah, you guys are weird, dude.

Yeah. Weird. This is the act also. Have you heard of, what's it called? Soaking that Mormons do? What? I saw it on the TikTok. That is fucking weird.

Oh my God. Yeah, I've seen it on TikTok. So what it is, is these Mormons, they can't do sex, right? And the guy enters the girl. I can't wait to get a bunch of DMs from the Mormon community. How dare you talk about the way we soak? We soak better than all of them my grandfather soaked he was the best soaker in utah i come from a long line of soakers um so what they

do is the guy enters the girl but they think that that doesn't count as sex what actually sex is like the thrusting motion so a girl or somebody else jumps on the bed and hold it they stick it and hold it and somebody's jumping on the bed so that there's a little bit of movement. But since they aren't the ones moving it, it doesn't count and they're still virgins, which is the equivalent to Miami anal. Or I've seen, like, I saw a TikTok of someone. It was like when my roommate needs to get it on

and they were in a dorm room. So they had bunk beds. Oh, that's the one I saw. That's the one I saw. So she was pushing her feet on the bunk bed from the lower bunk to like help them have sex. She said, when your best friend needs you to help her soak. Look at Nick's face.

And I remember thinking, where's the bath? Yes. And then you Google soaking and then you have a bath. It's shocking. But they're soaking. That's what they're doing. They're soaking in like urban dictionary soaking. And one of them is so wonderful.

And the other is. One of them is so clean. The other is so not. They're both wet. Shame is a terrible thing. Clearly it makes you do crazy things. It does. That's all based around shame.

Absolutely. It's all based around... Do you ever have Catholic guilt? Do I ever have Catholic guilt? That's the way it was designed. Absolutely. Don't you? Sure.

Not so much anymore. But certainly my 20s was a lot. No, my teens. Teens and 20s. Early 20s, maybe. There were so many times where like, oh man, it'd be so nice to take a dirt nap, but I don't want to go to hell. Like that kind of thing. A dirt nap, like suicide? Yeah, but that's a better way to say it, I think.

You know, when you're in your sadsies. Sure. You know? How did being second out of 11 fuck with you mentally? Nah. I was like an only child in my head. The way that you're the farthest fucking thing from being an only child. Did you guys share bunk?

Did you have bunk beds? It was my dream. Did you have more room for activities? I had my own. That's from Step Brothers. Yeah, I know. I had my own room until I was a senior in high school. Cause the way the, like it was my sister, me,

and then two, my two sisters below me, and then my mom had four boys in a row and then three girls. Oh my God. So there was like a seven year gap between me and my closest brother. So it just kind of, I kind of worked out that as an older boy, I got my own room and then- As an older boy.

And then I had to share a room with my senior. Were you an altar boy, I got my own room. As an older boy. And then I had to share a room with my senior. Were you an altar boy? Yeah. All good. And you got confirmed? Yeah. I did it all. I did it all.

A priest introduced my parents. We said the rosary as a family in cars. Shut the fuck up. We would kneel. And we had a home shrine. No. No. See, we didn't do that.

We didn't do that. It was my mom always said like Jesus Claus. That is not who that is. Jesus Claus. That's we didn't do that. We didn't do that. It was, my mom always said like, Jesus Claus. That is not who that is. Jesus Claus. You mean Jesus? That's the guy. Jesus is always the one. Jesus Claus.

That's how I really feel. He's the reason for the season. I feel like, I just felt like, how is the Olive Garden more welcoming than church like they even say when you're here you're family but church is like don't ever you know I remember somebody told me

in 8th grade I held hands with a boy and he said you had to do like 9 Hail Marys for that that that was such a big sin and that the Lord was yeah dude and I wasn't like this fast girl like i didn't have like i mean i i think i i stopped growing in fourth grade so you're looking at what i look like which would fucking sucked i used to get on my knees and be like god make me 411 i would do anything because heels were like mandatory at school dances too how fucking cruel i was like

miss rose says like please like let me let me have this. And she's like, no, you got to wear heels. What? I am wearing heels. They're my knees. I'm so tall. And you appreciate that. Now I'm guessing. In high school,

older dudes liked me though. And that, I think I liked that then, but I look back and I'm like, that's kind of weird. You were like 13 dating like seniors. Is that like a junior, like a freshman or?

Yeah. Like I, or like summer going into freshman year gotcha like and that's fucking weird

because if you look at a 17 year old 16 even and a 13 year old it's very clear how old were you when you were I wasn't allowed

to date until like 17 I wasn't allowed but I was out here doing rock and roll shit you know holding hands breaking rules making a name for myself

and you screech. But Catholic guilt, a thousand percent, especially like the idea, the Jewish mother and the Catholic mother are just one in the fucking same, you know? Yeah. Latin Roman Catholic, my mom, I didn't call her for one day. And she called me yesterday and said I'm so I'm really sad that we're estranged estranged I'm like mom Jennifer Aniston I said Jennifer Aniston her mother didn't speak for a decade that's estranged she goes well it felt like 10

years to me I said she spoke she called my manager I didn't even give her like I didn't tell her to call she just called her and she was like I need her to be home for Thanksgiving I didn't even give her, like I didn't tell her to call. She just called her and she was like, I need her to be home for Thanksgiving. I don't care about work because I'm going to die one day. What the fuck? It's true though. And she got me the,

I got the ticket. You smell good when you speak to the manager. Yeah, the manager is Jesus Claus. What bad habit are you currently working on? I smoke. I like do little,

it tastes like fucking strawberries. What do they want from me? It's literally designed. Are you, no, like those electronic cigarettes? I do not smoke cigarettes, but I was a chain smoker for the majority of my life. It's crazy that people in Miami, many people know me as a smoker, but now I like to hit vapes. What about you, dude?

What do you mean? I've never smoked a cigarette. No, your bad habit. My bad habit I'll always have to work on is being more present are you on your phone a lot yeah i'm all i'm just in my head a lot constantly thinking do you meditate not as much as i should you especially if you do like root chakra stuff it's all about being present and feeling safe where you are in that moment and mindfulness is such a bitch.

Like I remember somebody telling me like you have to chew your food 25 times before you, what the, right? I swallow my food. I swallow my, that's the product of being in a family of 11 kids. I eat as if it's like, it might run off the table. You probably eat with like your elbows out.

Yeah. I'm an aggressive eater. Dead. I could work on that. But I love doing like the chakras. Even if people are like, oh, that's such bullshit. They each represent something, right? But your root chakra is like your sense of like being here right now.

And it's nice. And the mother earth. Besides Jake Gyllenhaal, who's the most overrated celebrity you think? I think Jake Gyllenhaal is an amazing actor. Who's the most overrated celebrity, you think? I think J.J. Lohan is an amazing actor. Who's the most overrated celebrity? I don't know why, but the first... No, I do get it, I guess, but like, where the fuck is Nina Dobrev?

She left the show to do work, and where's the work? Dating Sean White? Where's the work, babe? Didn't she just come out with a Netflix movie? Oh, but do we count it? It was bad. It was so bad. It was bad.

It was so bad. It was bad. It was so bad. But maybe also, I feel like she's not overrated. She's probably super talented. Emma Roberts has mean eyes. She has mean, mean eyes. Julia Roberts' niece? Yeah.

And Julia Roberts has the kindest face in the entire world. Like Julia, if you replace the Teletubbies' son baby face with Julia Roberts, I wouldn't even notice. Beautiful. A light. I love Julia Roberts.

Everybody does. Do you have a secret talent? Oh, my God. I don't. Neither do I. That's sad. Reading people. You think you read people well?

Yes. Okay, so how did you read me? is it bad? is it bad? you didn't even care to read me I met you for the first time at GovBall I don't think it's an appropriate place to read people

why because I had 16 alcohols? sure I was doing rock and roll stuff so were you you were listening to Billie Eilish how can you get doing rock and roll stuff so were you yeah you were listening to billy eilish how can you get more rock and roll i was having a great time i don't even remember it my read on you is you were wonderful what that i was wonderful i love your girlfriend yeah she's such a fucking sweetie baby she has a kind face too yeah she's a she's a nice when you say two julie roberts okay not me because I would make you cry

no I think that you you see I don't know it's not that you don't have a nice face it's that you you can tell

when you're reading people and I think that makes people nervous yeah people don't want to be read that's literally their worst fucking nightmare like the Terminator

now scanning like no honestly you probably just taught me about something about myself. I observe a lot. Yeah. Yeah, you're a taker.

And I... But you put yourself in a public position where people expect you to be the opposite. Not so observant, but more like in it, more present. Having conversations, you know, like doing it. And you are a quiet dude. I can be. Yeah. So you're different. different you're shy around you're quiet around me it just depends i hate that

that's not like us uh what are you interested in chakras I'm really interested in I really love cows I think cows are my favorite animal I really like learning about farm animals I think eventually I do want to end up on a farm are you a vegetarian?

no I do, I eat them I like cows too do you know that cows and turkeys like to cuddle turkeys will cows and turkeys like to cuddle? Turkeys will like nuzzle. Yeah, cows and turkeys will put their head on your shoulders and nuzzle. And turkeys purr. And pigs, turkeys and cows like feel love.

And probably dogs. Of course they do. Cats, no. Yeah, they do. Do you like cats? I mean, I don't dislike cats, but I like dogs. I prefer dogs. I like the sass that cats have.

The edge? If I got turned into an animal, I think I'd be turned into a cat. No fucking way. I think about this all the time. You choosing cat? No, I wouldn't choose a cat, but I'm saying I think my essence all the time. Like if it wasn't my choice. You choosing cat? No, I wouldn't choose a cat, but I'm saying I think

my essence would be cat rather than dog. Okay, but if you were a lobster. I'd be the sassy judgmental observer. I love it when you call yourself sassy. And I wouldn't be the Well, that's Sassy Chance and Shadow from Homeward Bound.

Yeah, it's a good movie. So good. Homeward Bound, such a good movie. I'm coming. And he's like limping, instant sobs. What's your favorite movie? Pick one. Not favorite movie, like best made. Just one that makes you feel good.

True Romance. True Romance? Yeah, it's called True Romance. With Sharon Stone? No. Oh, that's romancing the stone. Who's in True Romance? A lot of people.

Christian Slater, Brad Pitt. True Romance? It's a great movie. Has Brad Pitt in it and I haven't seen it. You might not even notice. It's one of his first roles. He plays his roommate. Christopher Walken is in it. Dennis Hopper is in it. Oh, that's good.

Oh, I love her. Patty? It's Quentin Tarantino's first movie he ever wrote. He didn't direct it. I don't like Quentin Tarantino's first movie he ever wrote he didn't direct it I don't like Quentin Tarantino only because I don't like blood it's a violent movie True Romance is a violent movie yeah

it's also a great love story mine is The Fifth Element great movie it's so fucking and Waterworld have you ever gone as The Fifth Element to Halloween

I feel like no I feel like I was too in my head about it like I'm not Mila Jovovich so I feel like you should do that in your too in my head about it like what like I'm not Mila Jovovich so I feel like you should do that in your next Halloween costume thank you

you could pull it off but I wouldn't want to or I was thinking it'd be sick to be the blue lady dude yeah that's a lot of work though yeah but I get the cone spray paint that bitch

in my backyard I don't have a backyard do we want to wrap up talking about Britney Spears Britney Jean let's go she's Sagittarius and she's free the way a Sagittarius is supposed to be is she going to go on tour We want to wrap up talking about Britney Spears. Britney Jean. Let's go. She's Sagittarius.

And she's free. The way a Sagittarius is supposed to be. Is she going to go on tour? No, I think she's fucking done. She's done. You think so? Yeah. If anything, she'll do a passion project.

It might be the most sold out tour of all time. She'll produce a show, I feel, or something. She needs to do something. Yeah. But I think... Britney fever has never been higher. I feel like she was... There was a point in her career

where she was ready to like you know buy and she would have been a dope like dance teacher

at some dance studio or like a cheer teacher she loves like teaching and dancing what's your favorite Britney Spears song Radar

off the best album of all time Blackout 2008 what about Toxic I think was it was a toxic i used i had it what was this no it's the one that opens up it's brittany what's that name that's

give me more give me more there so a piece of me is a when give me more came out i know every word when when give me more came out i was like i don, like 25. And I was living with my roommate. I was 18. I just wanted you to know that. Great. And I played it on repeat all the time to the point where I got in a fight with my roommate about it. Because it would just... It's a loop. It's good. I just have it on loop constantly.

You were streaming? Just like jamming in the shower. Every time they turn the lights down. I love Britneydi's rooms I can call an extra mile for you you you

and perfection I love it I can visualize the room and I had like it was on my computer I didn't even have a desk for my computer and it was just like

so good it's so good the lights were great the black wig it was a moment yeah I remember in 2010 where I was

when I heard hold it against me I was with Molly we were driving back from Gainesville from being pieces of shit because that's what you fucking do

we went to the Gator Growl you know what Gator Growl is? it's not important keep going something to do with Florida Gators yeah and they fight

the Florida State is that new? that's a beautiful tattoo thank you it's all by the same dude I like it more than mine important. Keep going. Something to do with Florida Gators? Yeah, and they fight the Florida State. That's a beautiful tattoo. Thank you. It's all by the same dude. I like it more than mine. Come to Brooklyn. John Starr, Gnostic Tattoo.

All right. His real name is John Starr. How fucking annoying. That's such a good fucking name. Like Ryan Starr from American Idol. Who remembers? Yeah, me neither. It's a good name.

It was one of the first seasons of American Idol. It's the type of name where you always introduce yourself with your full name. Hi, I'm Jon Star. I like to go by Teffy, but when I don't know you, I go Estefania Onega's persona. And I turn to the next person, they go, what was that?

And I don't even acknowledge it. I love it. That's the power play right there. Do you like to make people feel slightly uncomfortable sometimes? Only if they're dicks. If you were dating my friend and you're a dick

yeah I'm not gonna be nice and then I'll probably end up liking you because that's what happens with all my friends' boyfriends I get to know them I'm like Jojo's not that bad

that's Molly's ex-boyfriend that I love you love her ex-boyfriend? oh I love Jojo so much is she okay with that? the fact that he's not, they're not together anymore. We're all best friends.

Whose fault is it? 1,000% JoJo's. 1,000% JoJo. He was just like in a place where he was like, I want to move back to Minnesota and I want to have kids. And she's like, that's not what I want. I want to move to, I want to live in like a major city. JoJo from Minnesota.

Well, his name's Joe, right? But he's my JoJo. Okay. And then he's still, and they broke up and they went through a breakup city. JoJo from Minnesota. Well, his name's Joe Wright, but he's my JoJo. Okay. And then he still, and they broke up and they went through a breakup weekend. It was horrible. She also calls me and she's like, Teffy, we're breaking up. I'm like, it's going to be,

it's okay. It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. Don't worry about it. And then JoJo's like, yeah, she's going to be okay. And I said, what the fuck are you doing there? Like, what the fuck? They had a breakup weekend. It was horrible. The motherfucker still lives in Brooklyn. If you're not going to be with us go you want to move go pop out some pups in minnesota and eat some cheese or drink beer whatever the fuck it is over there wear a coat i don't know what they do over there you hope they get back together no not if it's absolutely

do you think people should ever get back together? Person who says people don't change? No, I don't think people should get back together, but it's Jojo. I love him. What do you love so much about? Are you okay with this, Molly? Oh, I'm going to send him this. He loves it.

He loves it. All right, let's wrap up. Okay. We're going to play a quick game called Do You Know Me? It's real simple. Is it about you? No, it's about you. Oh, so it's asking you, do you know me?'s real simple is it about you no it's about you oh so it's asking you do you know me yeah okay like has heffy done this okay okay real simple ready

all right has heffy had more alcohol than coffee this week taffy taffy that's okay it's fine it's actually a stephanie evanegas pisoa youa. You know, it's the hello Teffy I got fucked up about. Did he call me Helen? Do I look like a Helen to you? If I was Helen, I'd make my nickname Nelly. Heffy. Heffy. El Hefe.

What is that? There's a bar in Chicago called El Hefe. Yeah, there is. Is it El Hefe or El Hefe? Oh, fuck. Okay, that's fine. That's fine. It's just a Spanish language.

Has Teffy ever had more has Teffy had more alcohol than coffee this week I've had more I'm so hung over absolutely yes anytime I leave the house even if I'm still in Brooklyn I'm like I'm on vacation can Teffy name the last five presidents of the United States Joe Biden

Donald Trump Michelle LaVon Robinson Obama's husband the United States? Joe Biden, Donald Trump, Michelle LaVon Robinson, Obama's husband, George Bush, Bill Clinton. There you go. Has Teffy ever been fired from a job?

Yes, absolutely. They fire me and I go, I get it. You don't got to tell me, I get it. I'll walk myself out. You were great. I'm sorry.

Yes. Has Taffy ever, have you gotten a speeding ticket this past year? No, my license expired. I haven't, I don't drive. My driver is. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? Yeah, absolutely. You know.

I feel like you could talk yourself out of one. Yeah, but sometimes you just don't have the energy. You just want to light a cigarette. Keep it moving. I can just picture you getting pulled over and just light up. Can I help you, officer? Or I'd go like this. Can you move so I can put this out?

I don't want to get your little shoesies. And he's like, anyway, I'm like, you didn't think that was cute? Little shoesies. Steph, you ever shoplifted? No. Oh. Well, there is, this one girl that I went to high school with,

she was a cashier at this job and she was like, I fucking hate this job. Just like take everything. And I filled up a backpack and I left and I feel bad about it. And her name was,

I'm just kidding. Do you believe in karma? Yes. But I don't believe in the karma that we believe in. I don't think like, if I leave here and I talk shit about you, or like I hurt you, that's like going to bite me in the ass.

I think it's like much bigger than that. I think it's like, it takes years. Like it's like karmic karma. And the way that we think about it is like, well, that's what he gets for cheating on you. You know, his wife cheated on him. No, it's like bigger than that. I am somehow paying for something

that my ex's great grandfather did or did not do. And we live through those things. Have you ever accidentally text or emailed someone thinking it was someone else? So, so much. Yeah, you must have. You work quickly. So much. So much. I don't even look. I just go like this, sent. And it's really bad. Are you good at apologizing? I think so.

I feel like you would be a good apologizer. I think accountability. I don't apologize to be forgiven. So I think I am. I apologize because I know that I did something wrong. I like that. It's a good place to end. Thank you so much for coming.

You're so welcome, Nicolas. Where can people find you? in their dreams and on TikTok, Instagram and Twitter at hello Helen and I'm just kidding hello Tuffy I just combined the two

and hello Tuffy that's H-E-L-L-O-T-E-F-I it's been a real pleasure it's been a real pleasure thank It's been a real pleasure. Thank you so much for coming. You're welcome. Thanks for listening, guys. Don't forget to send in your questions

at asknickatcastme.com. Cast with a K for Ask Nick episodes. If there's nothing else, we'll see you back on Monday. Bye.