The Viall Files - E36 Sticky Situationships with Andrea Russett

Episode Date: August 21, 2019

Good friend, musician, and YouTube star Andrea Russett joins Nick in the studio to talk about situationships. But first, we discuss the Tanner/Demi drama and whether or not Demi was in the wrong to have a girlfriend before coming onto Paradise. Then Nick and Andrea get into the real reason Andrea is avoiding defining her relationships. They discuss heartbreak and debate the best way to break up with someone. To Ghost or not To Ghost? That is the question. Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode! THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS: EMBARK: https://embarkvet.com CODE: VIALL SIMPLE CONTACTS: https://simplecontacts.com/VIALL20 CODE: VIALL20 ARTICLE: https://www.article.com/nick SCENTBIRD: https://www.scentbird.com/viall CODE: VIALL See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi everyone, welcome to another episode of the Vile Files. I'm your host Nick. I have my trusty producer Rochelle with me today. Shug is on vacation. In Canada. I'm really the only one who's really truly committed to being here. Oh, stop it. That is so annoying. No, it's great to have you here, Rochelle. It's your show.

We have a great episode today. My dear friend, Andrea Russett, is our guest today. Many of you people probably are tuning in to hear Andrea as she has quite the social presence on you know all platforms we met we talked about this on on the episode uh yeah we find listen to the episode and uh we'll talk about it uh see i had we were talking and i thought she'd be a great guest because we've had so many conversations about fuck buddies and friends with benefits and the transition from going from that to friends and if you decide not to and who likes who more

and then what if happens if you date someone else and she's kind of in this situation right now. She is, ugh. She seems like they have a good grasp on it. Okay. And so anyways, I put Andrea on the old couch, so to speak. Don't say that, don't say that. In in a therapeutic sort of way not in a sexual way

why does that did that just when you say it I guess I don't know when I say it? what do you mean when I say it? when you're on the old couch when I say that it sounds sexual? I don't know also like I sent you a

a screenshot of my friend who was texting something about the podcast and they started with hey babe and you gave me a big eye roll that i did you're like hey babe you're like you called me i i sent rochelle and like my friend was saying hey this is i'm noticing something with the podcast and and i sent it to rochelle be like hey what do you think about this but my friend was like hey babe i noticed this and it was just i feel like you rolled your eyes start with hey babe it's a little bit condescending like hey babe just so you know your podcast isn't downloading and i was like she isn't subscribed that's why that was true the thing about text messages it all depends on who you're getting it from and how you

i i know her we have this relationship so in no way i read it that way but why do you care if i roll my eyes at her not at her i was just i thought see that's the thing i thought you're rolling at your eyes at me oh no about like my friends are like calling me babe no i don't care if your friends call you isn't it interesting though speaking of text and we talked about this last week with the blake stuff is that's why you don't release text yeah because like it's amazing like how how different how many different ways anyone can interpret a text yeah we and you don't see a conversation then when you put someone's text out there for the world to see yeah everyone can read it in whatever tone they want. It's true.

Wild. Anyways. Wild. Before we get into Andrea, we have a lot of thoughts on the recent events in Bachelor in Paradise, both on the show and some of the Demi and Tanner drama. Oh, yeah. Drama. So let's go. What a week. Rochelle, Bachelor in Paradise, summer drama. Oh, yes, drama. So let's go. What a week.

Rochelle, Bachelor in Paradise summer drama. Action-packed episodes. Should we, let's just get into the Demi and Tanner drama that happened over the past week. It's interesting. I'm close friends with both. Right. Demi has become quite the fast friend

and then Tanner out of nowhere he doesn't normally take stands like this does he? Tanner does Tanner is one to have an opinion like Tanner it's not like I was texting him like why are you coming on Demi?

what did he say? well he tweeted something which was just a thought he deleted it 10 minutes later and as the internet goes obviously things are forever and then it got picked up by us weekly so then tanner was kind of like well fuck it i mean i'm not gonna like this is how i feel so i'm not gonna he doubled up so the tweet says um so demi said basically well yeah go ahead i mean basically the original tweet had something to do like so demi can have a girlfriend back at home but jed can't kind of thing and comparing the two and then jed went i mean then tanner goes on in his kind of explanation

basically saying hey listen i just i'm just kind of annoyed by the lack of sincerity we're seeing on bachelor in paradise recently with the planned relationship etc etc and then Demi be kind of became the target of his kind of of his his frustration listen I I get or I think it's two separate arguments to be honest I get the you know and and let's let's just go back to comparing demi and jed right first of all off the bat it's not the same let me explain one is bachelor in paradise is not the same as the bachelor and bachelorette they're two very different formats yeah let's just black and white right in terms of the bachelorette and bachelor there is a single lead and that one person has this pressure both from the show and America to find love and get engaged.

Right. Right. Everyone else who shows up is, you know, ideally showing up with the open mind to fall in love. But that one lead has this pressure to like have this opportunity to find love. So everyone else that they are, and so they have a finite group of people to pick from. They don't get to pick. The producers pick 25 to 30 people of which they're counting on these people are at a minimum are single and available to maybe date and this one person has a pressure bachelor in paradise no one goes in with any expectation from america or the show to end in a relationship no

one what they use no not one single person The show, the overall show of people going in, the idea is people are going in looking for love, but no one goes in there with like the target on the back that the lead of The Bachelor or Bachelorette has that they find love. It's like, it's an expectation, right? Right. Everyone does.

And there has to be some sort of reason, like Colton, like Cassie's dad had to come say, you're too young. Becca had to have the Jed situation. So Jed going in and having the girlfriend versus Demi just off of face value is worse. I agree with Tanner that there's a frustration of people going in with significant others.

After my season of The Bachelor, I heard that almost all the girls from my season that went on Bachelor in Paradise all were dating people from back home. Really? Yeah. I mean, it happens all the time. I don't think that's okay. Why I think the Demi and Jed situation is very different is one person lied to everyone, specifically the show and one person did not. Demi, as we see on the show, she was very open. I've been hanging out with person back at home. From my understanding before the show, when they were casting for Paradise show, she was very open. I've been hanging out with person back at home from my understanding before

the show, when they were casting for paradise, Demi was very open with producers when they were like, Hey Demi, do you want to go on the show? And she's like, well, sure.

I'm open to it. But just so you know, I've been hanging out with this person, this person who happens to be a woman. How do you know that? She said that in the beginning. Yeah. She,

it was on the show. I mean, they talk about on the show. So you would just have to like the, the two no-nos on the show i mean they talk about on the show so you just have to like the the two no-no's on bachelor in paradise are one lying more than anything when you're lying to producers and you're lying to cast members about the things that are going on in your life that's the first way to get in trouble and two it's to basically be uh wishy-washy to not like to to play to go after two people the same time well those are

the two biggest no-nos in paradise she was literally in that van at the beginning of hannah season trying to figure out who had girlfriends back home it's a different show i'm not saying it's necessarily okay but what i'm saying is one person lied one person didn't if let's say for example like if jed came if you could make the argument that Derek, I guess, is... Derek is maybe the one person who is the... He's kind of collateral damage. Yeah, poor Derek. Also, Derek's going to be fine.

But also, she's been pretty upfront with Derek, too. What I'm saying is that had Jed showed showed up and right off the bat because like think back of the season when Jed kind of sat down and had this first date with Hannah he's like hey I just want to be real with you like yeah I came here for the fame kind of thing and he had told the half truth what if Jed said the truth on his date I've been hanging out with this girl and technically she's not my girlfriend, but, and just said the truth. Yeah. I think a lot of people, including Hannah, it would have been drama and there would have been like opinions on both sides and Jed would have got his criticism, but I'm pretty sure he would have been in the clear. He would have gotten

a lot of credit from people saying, you know what? I get it, but he's honest. And now I believe him because he didn't know what to expect. Yeah. And he he just kept lying demi on the other hand has been listen the producers casted her knowing that she was seeing someone back home she wasn't why did they do that she was why did they cast her she wasn't in a committed relationship not committed it seems committed they're not they weren't why was she so pissed at her when she came back? She was angry. She said, I felt angry. I don't know. I can't break it. I don't know the details of their exact relationship.

All I'm saying is that she was hanging out with some. Everyone back who goes go on Paradise has been hanging out with some. Blake's been fucking half the people in the cast. Okay. All the people have been hanging out with people. Yeah. I'm just saying like you can't have a season if you expect everyone to go from their season to not talking to anyone. You think they would have cast another person if

they were like hey what do you mean like if derrick was like yeah i have a girl i've been seeing pretty seriously would they still have let him come on if he was honest uh yeah i mean listen demi is not demi is not the first person who's gone to the cast and said well i've been kind of hanging out with someone and then they will be well, what do you mean hanging out? Are you like engaged? Are you committed? Are you boyfriend and girlfriend? Are you living with each other? If you've been, if you're hanging out, I mean, there's a lot of gray area. My only argument is this Christian woman, when she came on, she seemed like so intense, and they seemed very intense.

Maybe she's an intense person. Like, what if they agreed before Demi came on, I meet you there you know what i mean and she was upset that she had like made out with derrick or whatever i don't know i don't i don't know the details of that but let's say also just for argument's sake but like our this whole storyline of demi and the first kind of um gay relationship and any type of bachelor official kind of gay relationship and hot makeout yeah it was hot it was like honestly i got a little choked up when i cried i got a little choked up when demi was when when they they saw each other it was a great moment and so for argument's sake for all the people who are like the righteous

bachelor fans who are like that's not okay like listen she was honest like who gives a shit this is good for the franchise this is good for the show this is good for society in terms of like just being more kind of a a network television show that's become uh kind of a cornerstone of pop culture the bachelor is now fine finally having it's kind of openly gay talked about relationship so god forbid it's a little bit like oh my god like they broke there are there are only rules in paradise are there are no rules and just don't be don't lie again like there's what is and don't throw the show the show has been on for like six seasons like what what like what you know what i'm saying like oh

man so this cardinal rule and they first far as tanner concerned is concerned like i get it but like whatever like good for i mean listen i love tanner and jade and they have an amazing relationship and i get from tanner's point of view it's just like all these people like you know coming in with a plan yeah it is annoying i i totally agree with that. But it is a different show. Social media wasn't what it was. It like, they will never be in that sense, another Tanner and Jade. And that's good for them

because it was so kind of authentic. And now people are trying to recreate the Jade and Tanner story. And they have, they've just had their second child. I mean, like the Blake and Hannah situation, it's the same thing. What's the difference? Like everyone's doing this.

I'm not saying it's okay, but with social media and everyone's moving to LA after their first season, everyone's hanging out, everyone's hooking up, everyone's going with their plan. They now have these managers and social media like reps that are like trying to coordinate these relationships. I heard rumors that the Blake and Hannah thing were kind of like his whole visit to Alabama

was kind of set up by the person who's like repping their social media accounts. What? I mean, I heard rumors, but like- See, don't you think this is the beginning of the end of the franchise? Like it's so- No, do I think it's the beginning of the end?

No, I think it's something they will continue. Listen, usually the inauthenticity is flushed out, so to speak, right? Just like the Blake and Hannah thing. I think the producers do a pretty good job as much as they can of flushing out kind of the bullshit. It is a TV show. Let's not forget that it is a TV show and for it to be entertaining, producers do have

to produce and create situations that are compelling and interesting for us to watch. Yeah. Like, I mean, do we have to get so righteous about our bachelor situations that we can't just sit back and watch the show and just be happy for this really great relationship? And listen, is Derek maybe somewhat collateral damage? Fine. Poor Derek.

I mean, again, I do think Demi was, I think Demi went in there. I think what you're seeing is really authentic in the sense that maybe Demi was seeing someone back at home. And maybe there was a discussion about maybe this person might come on, but let's just have you go Demi as a traditional Bachelor in Paradise contestant and just be open to what's down there. Someone who's also attracted to men and women. And then she meets Derek and she's like kind of surprised about how this nice guy that

she's hanging out with him. And she she what is so inauthentic about that it seems like that's pretty much what happened where she liked Derek but she was still thinking about Christian back at home and then they brought her on that's pretty much what happened yeah and that's as it's far more authentic than this other stuff so I'm definitely more team demi here i get tanner's point of view but like whatever it's not the same as jed because jed lied to producers lied to hannah it's also way more stakes to come in with a girlfriend and try to date the one person who has the expectation and relationship where no one who goes in paradise not derrick not demi not anyone is going to leave paradise single and have america being like you wasted your opportunity or blah blah blah you know the

stuff that happens all the time on those seasons so right that that is my my two cents about that and bravo to abc for i think it's i think it's really incredible yeah uh what else bachelor in paradise wise well oh my gosh the Blake the Blake Christina gave Blake her rose and the music the soundtrack was amazing

the soundtrack was like dun dun dun dun I know you told last week you said that you thought Derek was I mean not Derek

Dylan was soft what did you actually you were a little harsh you called him what a stage five clinger

you still think he's A stage five clinger. You still think he's a stage five clinger? Yes. Why? I don't, I just, I, I don't, does he even know who she is

and he's so all in? Here's, I, I think there's only two options as a viewer that you can view. Either, either,

uh, Dylan is not necessarily a stage five clinger, but a little, um, a little in love too quickly. Or Hannah's a terrible person. What?

How is Hannah terrible? I'm saying there's two options, right? And one option is there's the argument that we're not seeing everything. No, we never get to see everything because they can't show everything. So the question is, is there more to Dylan andannah's relationship that we're not seeing which is why puppy dog so why derrick is maybe advancing why derrick's already falling in love and why he's he's just there and he's just crying about potentially going home and all we've really seen is those two kind of hang out a few times and talk and meanwhile he's kind of burying his face in her armpit and what we're what we're

seeing what i'm saying what i agree with you what we're seeing is like not enough to justify why dylan is so like obsessed with hannah i agree besides the fact she looks like a disney but we could easily not be seeing all the times they hung out that's it's easily not we could easily not see that or what i'm saying is and so if there is more to it maybe and so i agree with you maybe dylan is a little much based on what we're seeing yeah if there is more to it if they are spending almost the entire day together and she's saying things to him that they're just deciding not to air for no reason right then she's totally i mean she already looks bad making out with blake 20 feet from from him, like jumping into his arms.

Oh my gosh, can you believe Blake said, I just want to remind you why you have a crush on me? I got to say, and again, I have no problem with Blake as the guy. Obviously, I've been critical of the text, you know, and like, hey, just owning that you just had a lot of sex. But man, does he come off incredibly cheesy and creepy and like just like his inflections are so forced and just like i if manic he's manic my my non-vagina if i had one wait what are you what wait was shriveling up and just like

your scrotum was shriveling yeah like you know how sometimes i like one of my my female friends will talk about how like you know my vagina just went sucked up and dried up and like i'm watching without a vagina oh my god just how like how like unfuckable i would want to be in that moment if blake was was bringing a mariachi bat and then what did he say he was he brought the mariachi bat and she's like he's like oh like yep i'm i'm the greatest or something like oh he was just so giddy with himself and then his whole like dancing thing is cheesy oh i give dylan a lot of credit for being like no i'm fucking watching this like i don't know i there's truth somewhere in the middle i don't know what i what's wrong with that i don't know i wait

so wait you're jen sav showed up this is when i what i was excited to talk to you why because you dated her on paradise two years ago i haven't seen her spoken with her since wait you stopped talking after paradise uh no we we talked after paradise a little bit and then once i became the bachelor i told her i was a bachelor and we stopped talking we weren't in a relationship you haven't dm'd or anything we haven't had any communication i think on new year's eve she posted a picture and i commented because i was just being a fucker and i basically comment i said something about her looking good or something oh no um i've had no you know is there any it sounds like she met also, she had a, it sounds like her and Blake hung out.

They should just do Bachelor in Paradise at Stagecoach, it sounds like. Get some cameras there. Maybe not anymore. So yeah, Christina. Dude, I actually loved

the Christina and Caitlin scene was awesome. I hated that scene. Why? I freaking hated that scene. It was... Caitlin just was so mean oh my you wait you were team christina i'm team neither i'm team neither i i hate talking to someone and they're

like wow you're impossible wow you are going she was being impossible she was having a conversation christina and christine was just going off on her and she was mean girling her for sure not wow totally just totally disagree wow christina was mean girling her for sure not wow totally totally disagree wow christina was mean girling her christina was out of line for sure but i didn't like the i you can't come you can't have a conversation with someone who's just like wow you're off the rails like she she was trying to have a conversation with christina i disagree you know was like she's trying to intimidate christina the literally the opposite christina has been this like long time standing bachelor contestant she's been a arguably a fan favorite she's been fairly

manipulative with these relationships and here's this like newbie who had almost no time on her bachelor season comes in late middle of the season is you know dating the reject blake at this point the reject and she's just like she kind of talks to her and you think caitlyn is mean girl she you think caitlyn's flexing her power over christina i just didn't like the way she was i didn't like her yeah i felt i felt like it was a power it was a power struggle that it was an interesting definitely a power struggle i just think like i thought like christina this caitlyn was being like hey i'm i'm liking this guy yeah i i'm trying to pursue a relationship and you seem to be uh convincing him to like give you a friendship rose just so you can stick around i mean listen i fine if you want to stick around

and good for christina for owning that but it absolutely if we're talking about righteous bachelor fans it definitely goes against the playbook of like um listen yeah there's people every oh yeah i agree on my season give on my season there was an episode like episode two or three before jen showed up and like amanda was it with josh at this point and like we're going into rose ceremony and you know how every rose ceremony, it's just like certain people go in and be like, yeah, you're giving me a rose and I'm fine. And there's always like two or three roses up for grabs, so to speak.

And I was kind of going to this rose ceremony like, well, I don't know who's giving me this rose. And so I like, I think it was Carly and Haley and there was someone else. And I was kind of like, what do I have to do here? Like, what are we talking about? And it was kind of a joke in terms of like, what do I have to do here? Like, what are we talking about? Like, and it was kind of a joke in terms of like,

it was all very playful and it wasn't like manip, I wasn't like, I was very open. Like, if you want to give this to me as a friend, I will take it. That's part of the game. You got to pursue relationship.

That is not what Christina is doing. Yeah, right. She's cock blocking, cock block Christina. 100%. New nickname. I thinkina's getting an accurate edit an accurate edit yeah also why is there so much vomit this season i'm not into it

i don't know because john paul jones is like so gag reflexy maybe he has a anyway there's so much there okay wow you guys there. Okay, wow. You guys look good together. I look angry. You look like the Wolverine or something. I'm jacked. What else? Did we cover pretty much everything? Well, like when he threw Christian down the stairs. Oh, the fight between him and Jordan?

Yeah, and then Jordan like body slammed himself. I'm like, you hurt yourself. I mean, that Christian guy kind of seems like a douchebag and I've heard some stuff how he's this kind of a, but I mean, quite honestly, in that specific situation, Jordan was totally wrong. Yeah. Like, here's this Jordan guy trying to like

date this other girl and Jordan, I mean, this idea he wanted to be a good friend. What? Yeah. Jordan was totally wrong.

Yeah. 100% wrong. Yeah. And it was like, I mean, listen, I'm glad they just kicked them both out.

I know. It was, it got a little, it just got stupid. I mean, that guy might suck and I haven't like, it doesn't seem like

anyone in the cast seems to really care for him. But in that specific situation, I think Jordan was totally out of line. But thank God Clay came on top, came out on top. What a beautiful man. You don't like Clay?

I think he's great. I think it's just so funny. We talked about this last week. You're critical of Dylan, but like you have these Clay and Dylan guys that for the most part, it seems like America, and rightfully so, is really enjoying these nice guys.

And in life, I feel like these are the guys that always get turned down. Clay would not get turned down by anybody. Are you kidding me? He's gorgeous. He's getting turned down left and right in paradise. Clay? Yeah. Oh, man.

We're in the weeds she she she literally is like leaving like clay she liked this other christian guy better she was open to jordan clay was like the nice guy who kept sticking around and oh by the way one of the worst lines that someone can say to you uh and it's total bullshit i want to do this new bit i I haven't thought about it. It's like things that sound nice that are actually stupid. When someone says, I always knew it would be you. Really? Did you always know that?

Did you know that when you were fucking someone else? Did you know that when you were doing God knows what? It's fine that one of the guys she was into and maybe she was going to end up with Clay, but they do get kicked off the show she was

definitely more into that guy clay was the nice guy who was finishing last so to speak in that scenario and clay is a nice good looking guy but no like the women that down there are not that into him it's obvious and i'm not i don't know about real life but like he's he is a scene he is a really nice guy you would seem on paper a lot of people would want to date him and maybe they do. But like, I think this paradise is a perfect representation of, uh, here's this kind of Christian guy who's comes across a little douchey and a little, uh, arrogant and a little cocky and bad boy-ish so to speak. And he swoops in and gets the girl, and Clay's the one, like, the Dylan.

The Dylan watching. And again, Blake might be the douchey guy, but the assertive guy who, you know, the women seem to be going after these guys. I think it's interesting, and we should all ask ourselves why. Let's all ask ourselves. So you, so wait, just one more final thoughts.

You're in the Dylan versus Hannah. You're more team Hannah. No, I don't think they, I don't think they're a good match. That might be true. I'm just saying. I don't think you should ever be with someone who puts you on a pedestal because no one deserves to be on a pedestal. I, I, listen, I totally agree. It seems a little off how how into dylan how into hannah dylan is yeah

we might not be seeing everything and that's probably true he also might be just a little too into her at this yeah when you i'm curious i would i would if i ever got to i don't know if we'd ever get an honest answer from dylan but I'm really curious what Dylan thinks about his relationship with Hannah now. And then you watch as he's watching back, like, I don't know what happens the rest of the season, but like,

is Dylan watching this thinking I'm an idiot or why was I like, I feel like a fool watching her, him be so into Hannah while she's doing what she's doing. Yeah. And so kind of, I mean, it just comes across as Hannah is just trying to figure out who she should be in a relationship specific for Paradise. Right. Hannah's intentions come across incredibly disingenuous.

Oh, yeah. Incredibly. And Dylan, say what you want, seems incredibly sincere whether he's a stage five clinger or not. Right. So, and to that point, that feels awkward. But she made her choice now. She chose Dylan. She did.

But like, yeah, she made her choice, but it still seems just, she made her choice because she had to make a choice. And now I feel like all our friends are like, you need to make a choice and you're going to start looking bad. And now it's like, she's smart enough to realize I have to make a choice. And it feels like it's 100% for show purposes and 0% for her own life. Although when those Aztec dancers all ran out, that was phenomenal. I got choked up.

There were so many dancers. You didn't care? I didn't care. That was was neat the production value was wonderful yes i mean that was great whatever um anyway wow what you know so many thoughts um well yeah um another another great week i guess we'll see what happened, what drama unfolds next week. Yeah. But yeah, I, overall, I am,

I'm glad the show is doing what they're doing with Demi. I think it is a sincere situation and I think the show has handled it as best they could

and sometimes you have to make things happen to enforce change in great new things. And I think that's a great thing. And I think everyone else should just maybe chill out. Good point.

Let's all chill out a little bit. All right. Well, so much, so much Bachelor in Paradise. Can't wait to next week. Yeah. Up next, Andrea Russett. I think you'll really enjoy this. A lot of fuck buddies

And relationship stuff Hope you enjoy it Andrea Russett That's me Thank you for joining us Thanks for having me So good to have you here Good to be here

For all of the people who don't know Who you are Which is not many Not many Well it's How it's uh how how how might people know you i think you're going through a transitional period where you don't know it's like we know how people know you but we want people i don't know how to describe myself andrea has uh been a popular influencer of the internet for some time she is a youtuber

although she's transitioning to music, she's an incredible singer. Thank you. I found this out by following her on Instagram. Yes, and you should too. Andrea and I met at the Streamy Awards. We did. Which is an award ceremony put on by Dick Clark

Production. Sure. I know that's because that's why I was there. Cool. And i presented an award you did i did and i was set at the table with andrea who is uh was there to potentially win an award and i did not well because it's fine your heart's not in it um but andrea andrea and i became friends after that i find her to be interesting and honest and and authentic um and we talk a lot about relationships on this show she's also a bachelor fan i am um die hard we'll we'll you know getting her two cents in a

bit but andrea and i were talking about relationships and we talk a lot about uh fuck buddies oh boy talk about fuck boys. And Andrea told me something interesting not too long ago, that you've only been on one actual date in your life. That is correct. What do you mean by, like, when you say that? Well, how would you describe an actual date that you feel confident enough to say, I've only been on one?

A date is like going to dinner with someone that you're not already dating, right? Yes. It's like you meet someone and say, hey, I want to get to know you. Maybe you met them out. Yeah. So one. Does it have to be dinner? No. It could be like going to a movie, whatever. I've been on one date and it was dinner. What about coffee? No.

Would that be a date? No. That wouldn't be a date. If that's a date, then we went on a date. We got coffee. No, we got coffee with a specific agenda to talk about a work topic. So, okay, yeah. I've been on one date.

I've been on one date and it was dinner and it led to a relationship and it was the worst relationship of my life. It didn't lead to a relationship. And so that's why I've never gone on one after that. So how long ago was that? A couple years ago. A couple years ago. And then you dated that person for how long? Like six months.

And then how long ago did you end that relationship? Years. Like probably two years ago now. Two years ago. And since then, you've been on zero dates. Not a single date. But you are getting laid. Yes.

How is that happening? You can get laid without going on dates. No, I understand that. But what are you doing to meet people then? Because I know that you are, all jokes aside, you, I think, would prefer to be in a relationship if you found the right person no i i wouldn't i i do not have any desire to be in a relationship ever ever i mean i'm sure maybe like when i'm 10 years from now maybe but i have no desire to be in a relationship i have no desire

to settle down like i have so much going on in my own life that I just, I'd rather just have hookups. Oh, okay. And I feel like that's the responsible thing to do. I'm not knocking it or anything. But so when you meet people to hook up, are you talking to someone right now? Like, I'm- Romantically. Yes. And then you also have, and you you know you mentioned earlier that you have this

long-term fuck buddy i do six years going strong you have a six-year fuck buddy yes he's the only person let's get into that in a second okay that's interesting but you're also talking to someone well when i when i find someone that i actually like and i'm talking to then i don't i get that hook up we'll get to that in a second but the person who you're talking to romantically what is your goal for this uh i've learned this term situationship situations sit shoot so where were too many s's and i just like fuck it's okay you did great you did great uh situationship which apparently according to the internet internet, I was Googling like fuck buddies and things like that.

A situationship, it's I think a new millennial term. Ah, yes. Is essentially a relationship that hasn't been defined. So anything that precedes the define the relationship conversation, but follows the initial first date. So you are in a situation ship with. I don't know if I'd call it that. You're not.

Well, like we. How'd you meet? I don't want to be too specific. Don't be too specific. Like you'd be generally. We met in an environment. Okay. I don't need a name of a place,

but you met out. We were out. Mutual friends. Mutual friends. Yeah. We met through mutual friends. Great answer. And then what happened next?

Did you immediately hook up? No, we didn't. Okay. So great. So you flirted, you had fun. Yes. How did you guys hang out again? Did you exchange numbers?

Yes. Okay. And then when was the next time you hung out? Like two days later. And what'd you do? Just hung out. Where? You're killing me here.

What I'm saying is, how is that not a date? Well, is it a date if you go to their house and to hang out? That's a great question. Right? It's not. Because it's casual. you're just hanging out so if okay so if you meet someone out and they say you know what do you want to basically netflix and chill not necessarily yeah you know but all jokes you know that's like come on hey listen

i'm not really doing anything i'm being lazy if you want to stop by i'm uh i'm here the tv's on i gotta it was more than that it was a pot roast on the stove is this is this how you do it yeah well there's a pot roast or something that's how you get them pot roast it wasn't just like a hey you want to come on over it was like we're gonna do this this and this what was the this this and this help our audience out here because i'm just really praying that he doesn't come across this i don't think he listens to this podcast also no one who's figuring anything out i like my followers are like fbi they're gonna know that's that's true well i don't like so you went what did he suggest you do when you hung out i guess what i'm paint great i've had people suggest that we paint because you know painting but is that a paint therapy i would say to say come over

and let's paint is kind of a date it's better yeah because it's kind of like cute and romantic and it's a thing you can do together and spend time i feel like that's kind of a date. Okay, fine. It's a date. I went on a date. And then what? After you painted? Then you had sex? No. Have you slept with this person yet? Oh, okay.

Real situationship there. How many times? So the next time you hung out after that? We haven't. You haven't? No, we're supposed to hang out tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. you haven't you haven't no we're supposed to hang out tomorrow tomorrow how often do you guys communicate via text uh in between a lot throughout the day throughout the day yeah like all day

this is i know wow it's a situation you and so okay so but here's my question then uh let's say you hang out again and it goes really well for someone who said, I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm focused on my life and my career and my transition from YouTube to singing. And he's just like, I really like you. What if he tries to define the relationship? What are you going to do? Run as fast as I can.

Why? No, I'm not going to. If he did, I feel like i would be down to date yeah why do you why do you why do people say things that do you say you don't want a relationship because you're afraid to say you want a relationship i just a lot of people do that i don't i didn't want to be in a relationship because i've had really bad experiences with every relationship so like why would I want to do that again? Why can't you say as someone who is at a point in their life where they have so many options, right?

You're young. And I'm saying like for me, it's like, fuck, I got to. At some point, I'm just going to be like. That'll do. You want to? You know? No, I'm kidding. But as you get older, you feel the pressure,

but it's all like relative. Yeah. But from my perspective, you are really young and you have a lot of options. You could, to your point, say, I'm not gonna be in a relationship for five or six years. Let's say it just doesn't happen for the people who are younger out there.

It just doesn't happen. That's like fine because you're still gonna be like super young and then you focus on career and then you settle down in your late twenties, early thirties, totally normal. Right. Yeah.

But here, why can't you just be open to the possibility of meeting someone when it happens? And then if it does happen, then you, if it happens, it happens. But I,

are you afraid? Like people are, I think there's a lot of people like you who are afraid to put it out there in the world that they would be open to being in a great relationship if it's a great relationship sure but i have no expectations at all that's great that's super healthy right why should you have expectations you shouldn't you should just go in and be like this guy's really good at painting exactly and whatever happens happens so i don't want to define it there's no need to define it there's no need for a very long time the defining is that that i don't want why is that why why are we doing that these days we are becoming more and more afraid why are things like situationships

becoming a a word because like when you define it it makes it real and like serious why are things like situationships becoming a a word because like when you define it it makes it real and like serious and it's like okay but dating but then all right i just want to have fun fine but okay for someone who's had this long-term fuck buddy at what point uh because defining the relationship is all about knowing you're on the same page. And unless you are someone who say into, like what's the difference between this guy who you talk about liking and all,

besides having to define it, would date him? Yeah. What's the difference between him and this long-term fuck buddy? Assuming you eventually sleep with said new guy i i view the new guy romantically like my fuck buddy is just it's all physical like i i wouldn't know i i get that but so what i'm saying is most people i find uh when it comes to not wanting to wanting to define the relationship is wanting to not be confused

by where they stand and that confusion comes mostly with are you gonna be fucking anyone else or i don't care if he's fucking other people the new guy yeah i mean do your thing i don't give a not right now but eventually you're like always open when you start really developing feelings when you're like i need to paint with you all night. Oh, God. I just hate, like, see, this stuff, like, the defining, the, like, are you talking to other people? I just hate all of it.

Like, I just want everybody to just do their thing, have fun. And if it turns into something, then it does. But we don't need to jump the gun. No one's talking about jumping the gun. I'm just saying. Like, right now, if he's hooking up with people i couldn't that's that's normal fine that makes sense because you're you've only been on one maybe date maybe we think it's a date we're pretty sure it's a date you don't like calling it but you've only hung out once so totally normal for you to like you're not thinking about it, but you realize, hey,

listen, I have, I'm in no place to, if he had a date last night and slept with someone, I mean, I can't necessarily get mad. Do your thing. But for someone who is, you know, you're glowing a little bit when you talk about it, you're showing some excitement. At what point would you, would it bother you? Like, again, if you keep hanging out with this person, you even said, I think about this person romantically. So will you want to,

like that's for the people out there listening, at what point do you get that kind of urge to, where would you feel insecure about whether he's going on dates and sleeping with other people? I don't know. I don't know if I would get to that point. Ever?

I mean, I'm sure I would at some point, but I feel like it would take a long time. Okay, that's fine. But your other boyfriend, when did you get to that point? Pretty quickly. Do you think you still have some baggage from your first relationship? Issues. Yes. 1,000, without a doubt in my mind. Do you want to dive into that? Because I'm sensing there's a lot of things you're quick to say because it gives you anxiety and then you just don't want to deal with the things

that you're really feeling on the inside. This is feeling a lot like my therapy session. We can stop it. Look, I'm on the couch. You have a chair. This is therapy. It's what we do here. I love can i come back every week we'll see we depends how how forthcoming you are here oh boy um no because like again i've gotten to know you a little bit you're a wonderful charming person um but you clearly like this guy i can see it you're excited and yet i'm keep getting these signs of i don't care i don't you're like this guy i can see it you're excited and yet i'm keep getting these signs of i don't care i don't you're like afraid to get hurt well yeah isn't everyone sure

but why can't we just be uh open yeah you and i actually had this debate like you feel like why and we we didn't really come to a conclusion you You don't appreciate heartbreak, I don't feel like. I don't ever want to experience that ever again. Why? I literally, I can't. You don't think it'll get better? No. I do remember this debate we had.

Yeah. Yeah. And I'm of the theory that, like, listen, that your first heartbreak is terrible. It's terrible because you've never felt it before. So when you have your first heartbreak and you wake up and you know that anxiety you feel when you wake up and then like, it literally feels like it's like, like a gas tank of anxiety feeling in your body.

But I've had multiples of that. Of the same person? No, no, no, different people, but it was like equally bad. Sure, but again, the initial feeling is is always painful especially if you gave a shit but the difference between the first time and then every other time is the idea that you'll get over it that you will move on yeah i'll get over it and that first time you have heartbreak is truly terrible because when you're like i will never get over this you it's you feel that to be true because you don't know,

you've never felt love before, then you've never felt heartbreak before. So this feeling is, it'll never go away. You literally can't imagine your life without them. And then eventually time goes on, you move on, and then you're like, your just mindset knows, listen, that sucked. I don't wanna experience that again,

but at least i know i can no you've never gotten to that like i i for sure agree that like you get over it yeah but that doesn't mean you forget it like i'm over it i don't care about the past you don't have to anymore but i don't want to relive that ever again so so you would rather be honest don't just like be like no i'll be i'll be you would rather just be alone forever than the risk about this all the time yeah and then risk maybe hurting for a month if it didn't doesn't work out it wouldn't be a month sure it would it would it it always gets shorter i mean i don't i wouldn't know i don't mean to sound condescending and older but like again once you i remember like that first

my first heartbreak with this girl and there were a couple of times with the same person and then there were a couple more like with like, I mean, and then I ended relationships. But even if you, if you love someone, you end the relationship, there's heartbreak there. I just remember always having that thought of consciously telling myself, this really sucks. I feel a lot of pain right now. Yeah. But I know it'll pass. And that conscious thought,

just knowing that made me feel a lot better. I guess. And you don't think that even at your worst, you will just have this thought of, I've done this before, I'll do it again. I mean, I guess, yeah, eventually I could get there. But right now in my life, I just don't feel like I wanna experience that ever again again maybe that'll change i'm sure it will but right now that's how i

feel so what are you gonna do about this guy then you know we're just gonna see what happens that's i don't want to like i don't want to have a plan i just want to just let it happen i think that's really healthy to just let it right right because the opposite too when you're younger and your first time you fall in love is you're just like, you get so anxious and you're trying to force it and you're just like, we should, do you want to take a trip or like- You should get married. You should get married and you start playing house a lot. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. I do not want to do that. I think that's very healthy. But then at some point, you're going to start having these feelings and then you guys will and hopefully he does too and there'll be a lot of confusion eventually because one if not both of you will kind of want to know like are they not fucking i'm like i'm pretty sure they're not their friends will be your friends will be like oh my god so and so it's like you guys are together right and

you're like and they'll be like well we haven't really talked about it like but he's not like sleeping with other people right and you'll be like i don't think so and then it will like getting your head and you're like i'm pretty sure he's not and then you will kind of like well i guess i don't know for sure i mean this happens all the time well yeah no that definitely does happen so and you think when you get to that point you will at a risk of defining it because then it's real and then what's the difference between that and because what you can't control your feelings once you have feelings regardless of you define the relationship you're going to potentially get

your heart broken yeah i know that i'm like i'm saying all these things and i feel like i believe them but i also know that it all it is coming from a place of like being hurt before and i'm sure that when i get to that point i'm gonna care enough care enough and I'm going to want to be like, you're not sleeping with other people. Right. But for now, for my peace of mind, I'd like to tell myself that that's,

we'll just cross that bridge when we get to it. I mean, you can, you can, can't there be stages in defining the relationship? Can't you say like you've been hanging out with someone. So for your example, and I want to get back to the fuck buddy,

uh, is that whether he doesn't necessarily need to to get back to the the fuck buddy uh is that whether he doesn't necessarily need to know that you maybe shut the fuck buddy you turn that spigot off for now yeah right like you just you want to you know he's always there he's there to literally serve a need when you're not getting it and now maybe you will get it soon so you're like i'm gonna turn that spigot off but what i'm saying is is uh you can both as a couple just be like listen i let's see where this goes yeah i don't really want to see with anyone else that's all i'm saying i'm not saying i want to introduce you to my entire family uh you know

what i'm saying there can be stages you don't have to why do you have to like vocalize it? You know, I. Because I think the biggest problem with relationships or situationships early on when you, when there is a lot, is confusion. Right? Yeah. No, you're right. The confusion of, I don't know. And like eventually confusion is like a virus that spreads and like takes over. It's like a cancer and you it gets in your head

and the more you because then you have your friends being like well what your friends it's like friends tend to want to define the relationship for you before you even are maybe ready and then you feel that pressure because you want you feel almost silly because well i don't i don't i don't i don't know it's like oh i saw him with so and so maybe it was like a maybe a platonic lunch with his sister but they didn't know it's his sister and they're like well i saw him so and so and like you know rumors start spreading and then you feel stupid because again you're just confused you've never talked about it communication is key um i just feel like the reason to do that to define certain stages in a relationship is healthy

because it yeah you have less confusion i mean i haven't like liked someone in a quite a long time so like this right now happening me like liking this person i'm still trying to figure it out because like i've that's great so yeah no one's i'm not saying you should uh like ask him if he wants to get married anytime soon. So I should return the ring? Does he want kids or anything like that? He does. He wants two.

We've already talked about it. Oh. I'm kidding. I don't know. Maybe I feel like, you know, he wants kids. No, I don't. We have not talked about that. I feel like you should explore this more

and be open to define the relationship. I'm going to just let it happen and see where it goes. So you have this fuck buddy. I have this fuck buddy. For how many years? Six years. Six years. How did you meet this fuck buddy?

Were you always fuck buddies? Was there ever a romantic time? No. Never? Well, no. For either of you? We met at a party. Well, I can't speak for you. We met at a party. Well, I can't speak for him.

We met at a party. Do you sense that maybe he was kind of low-key in love at some point? Okay. Okay. That's good to know this information. But we are back on the same page. It's all fine. No, yeah.

No, yeah. You've had to have talks. That's what I'm curious. Fuck buddies. No, no, no. I never vocalized it of like, I see something happening here here i just kind of pulled away when you gave it time you pulled you just disappeared yeah very unhealthy i know nick i know okay no no i'm not i'm not i'm not judging again i only i i only see the judgment i'm only having this conversation because

there's so many people like with questions with Nick. It's, I would say every three or four questions, it has to do with fuck buddies or friends with benefits. And it's always this, how do, like, I have feelings or I think they have feelings and that, that disconnect. I feel like it's like. But you've had this fuck buddy for six years.

Yeah. And like. How have you maintained this? We joke about stuff like, oh, we're going to, like, if we're both single at like 40, we'll get married. Sure. You know? Right.

But it's like really good because like I'll help him with girls he likes. He'll help me with guys I like. So you guys openly talk about. Oh, 100%. I think that's important if you're really going to have a fuck buddy. Yeah. And we like. To be able to talk about your dating lives with each other.

100%. It's kind of sounds weird and fucked up, but if you are going to have a friend with benefits and it's a real friends with benefits. And especially if you're the person who's certain you don't want a romantic relationship and you're not sure about how they are, you kind of have to like put it out there. Yeah.

And get them comfortable with the idea. Yeah. And like, he's had a girlfriend in the last six years i've dated people and like we just do our own thing and then we we still hang out it's not like we hang out and we're just fucking the whole time no i get so yeah you're doing a lot of that's also i guess a situation ship no we're just we're like best friends how good is the sex it's pretty good i, it's been six years. That's what I'm saying, right? Like how many times have you had this fuck buddy

who you've been having sex with a long time? Like how many times have we slept together? No, I don't need to know that. That's weird. But you've dated people in between. Yeah. And you've had sex in between with people you've dated. Because you've had sex with this friends with benefit

for so long and it's probably gotten pretty good and there's a comfort level there that no one you're sleeping with in between can compete with has that have you struggled with that in terms of wanting like the the sex being noticeably better with the other guy just because of familiar familiarity no i don't think so i mean i don't i don't think about that like no i mean no no not really it's never no so it's not that good or everyone everyone you're sleeping with is just like really great that's it's definitely not the case but i i don't know. When I'm sleeping with people that aren't him, like not my fuck buddy, it's different because it's like a romantic thing.

You know what I mean? I don't, I mean. No, you don't. No, I guess what I'm saying is, so this is a common debate in terms of what women are, and men, and when they're having sex yeah if there's a way making love making love uh because you're so you're having sex with your fuck buddy and it's truly

physical physical yes and when you are having sex with someone emotionally or you're emotionally interested it's just even it's different it's just different yeah i mean as a guy i know there is a difference yeah but not that much of a difference not like a ton of a difference no i'm not saying it's like a world of a difference it's just different it's like i don't feel like i can compare the two how can you but i'm just talking about like your maybe your ability to get off doesn't that matter with someone who you're used to having sex with yeah and like i mean you can always teach people i know i'm talking about the first time i'm just curious how complicated like it so it sounds like you have a pretty good beat on this whole

like fuck buddy that it doesn't in any way confuse uh your ability to continue to look out elsewhere yeah and do you think it's never it's never fucked with him like what have you other than pulling away so when you pulled away when you felt like he was uh you just left and came back and that was then it was handled i think like i could kind of it felt like he was getting a little emotionally involved about it. And so I just kind of like didn't hang out with him for a few months and was just like busier doing other things. And I think he sensed that I picked up on it. And then when we did hang out, it was just fine.

Things tend to work themselves out. Is that your approach? That's what I tell myself. What do you think would you and so do you ever hang out with the fuck buddy and never have sex yeah oh my god all the time he's like one of my good friends okay oh my god i hope no one can pick up on when uh when you maybe not mr painter but hopefully mr painter but let's assume just for argument's sake. Okay. Mr. Painter's the guy, or at least he's a guy. He's a guy that you are, you're going to date romantically and maybe say things like, I love you too for a couple of years. Will it work out

forever? I don't know. But let's assume for the time being, you're start dating mr painter how is it going to affect your relationship with mr uh friends with benefits in terms of uh i don't think it would affect it at all i think we would just be friends what would you tell mr painter that he has been your fuck buddy for six years no why would i well because if i've never i i have all that would do would put like would you lie about it i wouldn't lie but it's not like i have never uh dated a girl uh and and things progressed in a relationship and have her introduce her to a female friend of mine and if she thinks she's attractive there it doesn't take long to be like did you ever fuck her oh really without question especially you know like they see a girl and

they see this comfort level yeah they they're like oh she's beautiful like how do you know each other yeah did you so you never had sex and i have over the years have a couple friends uh that we met initially had some sex and it didn't like they weren't an ongoing friends with benefits not like your situation but it was more like we had some sex uh we dated for like maybe two or three weeks there was a gap in between we just realized it wasn't going to go anything yeah go anywhere and then we just kind of down the road became friends and stopped hooking up and again talked about other relationships but it it can complicate things in your situation you have this ongoing thing i can't imagine any guy wouldn't just be like oh you you meet him you're like oh this is you know bobby i wouldn't

have a problem explaining it but i i think what do you think do you think if mr new guy was like i'm gonna be honest like you know it seems it makes me uncomfortable and i don't want even if you like let's say he handled it in the most uh mature mature way where he's just like listen i don't want to be jealous and i i can't i don't want to tell you who you can and can't be friends with i would respect like you you've you've like huh you what you want to have lunch with them or like i i you know like again even if you're totally telling the truth yeah would you would you would you stop hanging out with friends with benefits because if you've that's the that's a struggle that people have it's a struggle i i feel like i would hear him and respect what he's saying, but I would also hope that he would trust my judgment.

Yeah. I mean, it's tough. It is. It's a sticky situation. What if he said at first, I'm just not there yet? Do you think he would try to respect that? Yeah. And then what would you say to friends with benefits?

I would tell him exactly that. He's just not comfortable with it. We can't hang out for a while. Yeah. Communication's key. I think that's great. Do you think you'd ever situation where you would lie about it? No.

But you wouldn't tell him. I wouldn't go out of my way to be like, hey, what's up? By the way. So wait, you don't think the omission of the truth, where do you draw the line between being asked and flat out lying or just not admitting to things? If you were, let's reverse the situation.

Okay. Mr. Painter. Yes. You guys start dating. True. And like yourself. Yes. Let's say you didn't have Mr. Fuck Buddy. Okay. You start dating true and like yourself yes uh let's say you didn't have mr fuck buddy okay

you start dating okay and he introduces you to erica okay you're like it's my friend erica and you just you don't think to ask you don't want to ask you don't want to sound jealous and this is my good friend and he's just like yeah we just we've always been pals just really just always been my buddy and then she you meet erica she's super nice to you you guys are friends and whatever and then six months down the road you find out that they have had sex hundreds of times hundreds and you found out from not either of them but another mutual friend like oh yeah they i mean they used to have sex all the time and quite honestly like erica like used to like him and then she he just kind of like didn't give into that and so she just kind of accepted

yeah uh that they weren't gonna date but they kept fucking until he met you see when you put it and you didn't hear from him and you heard it from a third person yeah how would you feel i wouldn't feel incredible i wouldn't feel great about it but you feel like he misled you i wouldn't say the word misled i mean you don't you wouldn't feel a lot you wouldn't feel manipulated a little bit maybe a little bit i feel like everything is super situational i I would definitely Well, that's why I'm giving you a situation in this situation, Andrea. I don't know, Nick. Yeah, no, I would definitely be a little upset for sure.

When you make decisions about how you handle situations, do you think about the reverse situation ever? I try to, but clearly I did not in this situation. I mean, you're being a great sport, but I feel like sometimes in these sticky situations. It is a very sticky situation. That's the thing. Like no matter what decision I make, tell, don't tell, like it's not going to be 100% smooth.

If I tell him straight up, it's going to be uncomfortable. And then he's- Not necessarily. Here's you're telling me that let's in the first situation, you, you wouldn't outwardly tell him, but if he like happened to ask, he would be forthright. And you admitted that if he was this, like, listen, I want to get there, but I just, I'm not really comfortable with you guys, like hanging out by yourselves. And maybe over time, if I get to know him and we, him and I develop a rapport, maybe I'll there you would you would uh respect that yeah so i'm

at what i'm wondering is why not then if that's the situation either way you're going to respect how he feels about it why wouldn't you just be up front and just say hey listen i mean not right away i don't mean like date next day no I know you you get to the point you define the relationship he's never even heard or talked or met fuck boy at the fuck buddy at this point but you're just like hey listen can I I feel like we're in a good situation can I be honest with you about something I have a friend uh he's a dear friend of mine and when I've been single we hooked up like I've known him for years I want to be honest with you yeah I don't know how you're gonna feel about it I want to respect how you you. I don't know how you're going to feel about it.

I want to respect how you feel, but he is a friend and someone as a friend, I don't have romantic feelings for, but I hope that I can still be friends with. But I just, why wouldn't you just say that and establish this like trust right off the bat that you would come to him? Because either way, even if he says,

thanks for sharing with me and I really respect you, but like, can we just, can we play it by ear so to speak and like could you maybe not have dinner with him for a while you know like for me i i didn't think about it that well i mean i still don't but like i feel that everyone has a past everybody slept with somebody you know what i mean so i'm not saying yeah but like for me if i would like i wouldn't be that it would make me a little uncomfortable for sure and i'd feel a little bit iffy about it but i wouldn't be like upset i don't think i mean i don't know i've never been in that situation not upset but i'm saying why not just let him know because either way i'm saying

establish that trust up front because you're like, well, I wouldn't tell him. But if you asked, I would. Listen, Nick. I'm just saying this. This is why I'm single. For the people listening. I think it's. Everyone listening is going to be like, who the fuck is this dumb ass bitch?

No, I think quite honestly, I think a lot of people listening will relate, very relate to uh how like that sticky situation of i have this fuck buddy but they're totally platonic or i have or if it's not a fuck buddy it's like that sticky situation of well if they don't ask me i won't tell them because i don't want to get yeah i mean mad at them why why people you always use the excuse of well i didn't do this or say this because i didn't want to make them mad it drives me nuts because it's such a bullshit excuse it is a bullshit excuse the truth is like you didn't know what to say it felt awkward so you just it is awkward it's just yeah that's what it is it's avoiding it because it's uncomfortable and it's awkward and i don't like that but you people always end up, The truth always comes out.

Well, not only that, but like you, you, it makes it worse and it makes it longer. Like it just drags it out. Yeah.

Again, like we were playing with these various situations and some of them are, most of them are like, well, down the road, like you could have just

gotten it out of the way. Yeah. And now it's going to be double awkward. I can't believe you're my therapist now i love this i just like we just in this show we like to find relatable situations that are people at home or is this a relatable just like you don't think so i know i'm saying i'm like no no i mean mine specifically i hope it's relatable i mean you're you're very people yours is very unique that it's gone on for so long which i think is fascinating because you've gone in and out.

But oftentimes, people have someone... I think it's happening more and more nowadays because younger people, dating has become less traditional. The hookup culture is more prominent. People are trying to find different ways to define the relationship. And as a result, they're having a bunch of sex with people they're not necessarily wanting to date and then eventually they'll meet someone and do you cut that person off do you value their friendship i've had other friends with benefits where i did cut them off yeah you know but i did i just think and then and then you get in that sticky situation of

confusion and you don't tell them and it's just like there's there's nothing there's no worse feeling i think than then feeling like two people knew something you didn't and you know they would care and even though they didn't necessarily lie to you they didn't tell you yeah that's a hard feeling to get over you're just like 100 for the past six months we've all been hanging out you both fucking knew this and i didn't now i feel fucking stupid yeah and that's a that's a very hard situation to get over all and you and no they didn't tell you because they're like well we didn't we didn't we didn't know what to say and we didn't want to hurt you and it was awkward and it was just like see this is why i don't like relationships it's all this stuff and why can't

you just be up front first i can i know you can you're you're a very honest person i am a very honest person i i was i was hanging out with this girl uh and she uh was talking about um this guy she went on a date with and she was like oh my god this was not he was uh she was kind of she the way she described the date was harsh in the sense that she didn't have a great time. And she described him to be kind of super into her almost to the point where she was slightly uncomfortable with like his intensity, which is fine, whatever. She, he liked, and then she's like,

and then, you know, we went on a date a couple months ago, he keeps responding to me and I don't write back. And I'm just like, oh, okay, that sounds aggressive. And then I'm like, you don't write back and i'm just like oh okay that sounds aggressive yeah and then i'm like you don't write back at all and then she was describing these messages i'm like well let me see let me see these messages she was writing back yeah and i see the message i'm like well you're clearly writing back yeah you're like you're not a tongue he's clearly pursuing you but you are responding she's like well i didn't want to be mean i'm like and then we went back to the original message because she was like well he asked kind of asked for like a status of where we are and her response was listen

i'm just not looking to be in a relationship right now yeah but we can be friends yeah total lie on her part because she's totally open to being in a relationship with someone she wants to be in a relationship with she's also not really interested in being his friend. I know. But sometimes you like, you can't really say that. Why not over text? Why not? Why can't you say that to men?

I don't understand that. That's a really. Here's. So here's what. Hold on. Let me just finish. Here's what's happened with this situation. This guy.

He's going to start a fight. This guy now is just like, oh oh she's not ready to be in a relationship oh men don't take rejection she's willing to be my friend i just great i'll just be her friend until she's ready to be in a relationship and i'll just slide right in well if she were to say something along the lines of i'm not interested in you i'm not saying he would react crazy but there are a lot of men and I'm sure women as well but a lot of men that react in a very intense harsh way that that is scary like as you said hey listen I know but I'm just gonna read that and get angry and do something crazy I've got you to say I'm not

really feeling you could say that yeah but men don't take rejection well sometimes like i've i've been in her position where i don't want to say something too harsh because of how they might react that's something that you don't live with because you you don't you don't have that fear maybe not but like what are so you're you are do you see the articles all the time of like man shot women because she said no to a date. Like that's a real thing. I'm not saying it happens every day and I'm not saying it'll happen. Show me this article. Are you serious?

You've never seen those articles? No. This is happening a lot? Yes. What? Really? Yes. I don't know the answer to this, but like I.

I'm not saying that that's like why everyone can't reject men. Has it happened? Sure. Here. happened? Sure. Here, just counterpoint. It's a fear I live with. I mean, I don't want to be too mean. Here's what I would, I think in those situations, you know, I don't know what articles you're referring to, but I would argue that people, men and women, don't like to be fucked with,

right? And the more they feel like they're fucked with, and again, these people who are willing to do crazy shit are delusional already right so when you start leading him down a path what i'm saying is at the moment when you start in this situation right this person is just like oh we can be friends and then she kind of keeps responding but not and even it's going to the point let's go we should get together sometime soon she has no interest in getting together with him but just kind of stays in the moment to go like appease him and not be a dick meanwhile this person at our end is just like who knows what this delusional person is thinking be like yeah no she's just like we're like friends

and like we talk and we test it and she keeps saying if she want to get together but she's just super busy so that's fine but i'll just keep asking because she just keeps giving me enough and then eventually she might just like date someone else or just kind of like be tired of it yeah he's gonna feel let on and i'm not saying he has a right to react this way but this meant this miscommunication is what really i think bugs people when they feel like they've been lied to and misled and like why didn't you just fucking tell me i do think at like when you go on a date guys and girls men and women should, if you don't have a good time and the other person,

listen, if you go to one date, the ghosting, not ghosting, I don't think one date you are required to like, you could just not respond. You could just not reach out again. Most people like, you can kind of sense it. No one reaches out with each other and you guys move on with your life. But if one person keeps saying, I had a great great time let's hang out again and you're not feeling

it why can't you just say hey you know i had a really lovely time too but i'm just you know i mean i see both sides like yeah the miscommunication is frustrating and it can be seen as being you seem cool but i i'm just you know yeah but like i said you'd never i i listen you're not gonna understand my point no matter what i say no that's not true do you think you but it is true you think most do you think most men are really bad at i mean i wish i had michelle here she's not with us i'm not saying most men but there are a lot of cases where men don't, and women too, I'm sure, but I'm saying for this situation, a lot of men don't react kindly to rejection and can do crazy things. I get that, but don't, fine, if you didn't, then don't respond.

Okay. Don't say you want to be friends. I don't know. I've been in her position and I've done the exact same thing simply because I was like, I don't want to make it like worse than it needs to be then you're accumulating all these potential guys you kind of keep oh i just ghost ain't fine but at least at least i'm not advocating for ghosting per se but i think ghosting is better than just not wanting to be a dick so to speak and kind of just appeasing them constantly because

you don't want to be mean but you have no interest in ever hanging out yeah and i don't understand why people do that because it's like it it's confusing to people and i do think most people appreciate just the upfront honesty 100 percent uh And sometimes I think mine is like those, I guess as a guy, maybe there's these, women can do crazy things too. 100%, I agree. I mean like, there's certainly more stories of, but like women can.

Yeah, I'm not saying they can't. I'm saying as a woman, it is a thing that is in my head he's gonna beat you that you're afraid that he's gonna like hunt you down there's there's so many situations where that is the case just because they don't want to go on a second date yeah there's like on daily mail i swear it's like every other day i feel like i'm reading an article of like some guy shot this girl because they were rejected or on twitter i'm seeing it all the time again i can't believe not you i'm not justifying any of these actions but i'd be curious if it was literally uh a one date and

just go out or was a yeah it went on for a few months and again i do i do think that like people are are so afraid of being up front they they lead people on through like oh well this and this and then the other crazy delusional people on the other end are like creating this whole new narrative in their head about what this relationship is only to finally realize they never had a shot in the first place again that doesn't justify anyone going crazy for the average person who's not insane and wouldn't harm anyone, they just feel like for a couple months being like, well, why didn't she just fucking like...

I feel like the crazy guy, right? Because what is that fine line between kind of like, I'm just unavailable right now, but you seem nice, so let's hang out. And then if you're really interested in someone, guy or girl, you're like, you know what? This person's great and we seem to have some sort of connection yeah i want to just take them at their word and but like they keep every time i'm willing to like just let it go they they write back or they give me enough or they suggest we hang out and then like i don't and that person kind of feels a little bit i think a

lot of people also just like the attention there you go which i've for sure been that person before in my life why do you think that's i it was it was when i was younger i feel like is it safe to say more women do that than men for the attention reason or do you think men do that too for attention i think it's probably both sides i feel like i mean who doesn't want attention and flattering attention you know i mean i like attention but actually we i was talking with rochelle i produced her last episode with dylan and blake fighting over hannah and she was like oh that's hot yeah in terms of she thought that was kind of hot to have two guys fighting over you hell yeah i find that to be i would find that as a guy to feel i'd feel uncomfortable if two girls were

fighting over you like i just as a guy i just get very like i don't want to deal with fucking with people that way yeah like that whole like i know i don't it makes me uncomfortable for a variety of reasons is that i don't want to for your version of i don't want to get like shot by the crazy guy yeah i don't want to interact with some girl who might be a little off her rocker and do some like crazy stalker shit yeah because i fucked with her and let her on and like i wasn't straightforward with her or she like i was playing both sides and i don't i don't find it doesn't make me more attractive feel it doesn't make me feel more attractive to have two people fight over me.

Do I like it if people are attracted to me? Sure. But like that has nothing to do with people actually like fighting over you, fighting over me. Yeah. I find it to be almost like, Yeah, it's an uncomfortable situation. I can see that.

Rochelle was super, like, even as a woman, she was just like, oh, that was like old school. Kind of like, I was like old school kind of like i was like really it was kind of i don't know i don't know i feel like on paper i would like like it looks attractive on the tv screen but if i were in that situation it would probably be pretty uncomfortable to be in yeah i don't know final final thoughts before we let you go I feel like everyone's gonna watch this and be like

that bitch needs help we all need help Andrea this is my new therapy session we were talking about this on the way in you're a Dylan fan I am a Dylan fan

would you be a Dylan fan in real life in the sense that do you like the guy who comes up to you and says i'm here for you i just want to be with you probably i am 100 available probably not no i don't like 100 available i like like 10 why when you watch someone like dylan on tv you find that to be charming and nice because no i don't know why that is because it is like i'm

like oh he's so sweet and cute and loving and but i know that like all those things yeah and if i were hannah i would it would be on overload like it would be too much for me but as you watch it you do you say i want a guy like that just to love me for who i am i feel like when you're watching and I see the reactions of people, I'm kind of blown away by like, and again, he's a good looking guy, but everyone's like, oh, Dylan's so sweet.

He is. And this is all true. And all I'm thinking is, you're all lying to yourselves. You wouldn't, none of you guys would want a guy to do that. And you should,

but like we all as people, not even men and women, you don't want the person who's just available no you're right uh and when you feel like you can be like you can treat them like a doormat we as shitty humans have a way of just treating them like a doormat when you sense this is like i could go and make out with this other person right in front of them and they might get a little pissed but they'll get over it you tend to do that i don't know why we're we're shitty human beings but we all everyone does this yeah why why do you think that i don't know i it's it's it feels good to be wanted you know what i mean yeah but like no but this this isn't wanted dylan wants hannah she's trying to figure out if she's

like all right i got yeah i think in that sense it's like all right this guy wants me yeah i got to make sure this guy wants me too i don't even know if i want him i just want to get him to want me exactly no that's exactly what it is i've been there i feel you hannah i feel you we we all do that but like i just don't why why the million dollar question you're the therapist you tell me why you are you're a smart you're a smart gal i'm a smart girl why i so when you've done that did you ever know you were doing that um yes yes do you think uh this painting guy final thoughts oh my final thoughts on the painting how do you think he feels about you i don't know i think he like you don't know i don't want to i

don't want to assume anything if you found out that right now he was talking about you to his friends and just being like, this girl is amazing. And just pouring it on. Let's say you got to watch a clip. I would. Big brother style. You would. Oh my God.

It wouldn't turn you off. I would die. It would be so cute. Even if he was like, I would marry you tomorrow. Oh my God. I would love that. Really? Well, good for you. If he ever sees this, Nick, I'm going to have to move out of the country.

No, I don't. I don't know who knows uh we're i'll be honest most of our audience is is predominantly women we have our what we call our 10 percenters out there i doubt he's in one of our 10 percenters but if he is then great just know that i'm moving to columbia i'm changing my name and you will never hear from me again i think that's a good sign though because here we are talking about you don't necessarily like someone who's super available but you want this guy to be available for you well not available but i want him to like me but what if he was like what if he was echoing everything dylan was saying about hannah he was saying about you he could say it about me just don't say it to my face it's so messed up because that's like a overkill you know

i don't know dude i got issues no listen we've all been there i've been there because that's like a overkill you know i don't know dude i got issues no listen we've all been there i've been there where someone's like no no i like i love you i like you yeah and you're like okay also like what are you doing tomorrow and and the next day and like oh just come here can i smile you i think it can be a little a little intense andrew before i let you go we're gonna play this little game for our listeners called do you know me we play it with our guests every week it's a fun little game usually i have uh my my team of rochelle and shug here and we guess who knows you better but it's just you and i okay and our listeners listening. Hey, listener. But I feel like you should play this game with Paint Boy.

On your non-date next date, you guys should play Do You Know Me? And it has all these lists of questions. And even on a one-on-one situation, you guys can both ask each other questions. Get to know each other. Get to know each other. And then you are honest about these answers. And then hopefully there's some dialogue afterwards and be like tell me about that time interesting like for example first question has andrea ever been injured from sex of any kind an injury could be uh some sort of i don't want to say like

a a rug burn on your knees. Oh yeah, 100%. Scratches on the back. Yeah, I had two enormous bruises. Have you ever had to go to the emergency room or doctor as a result? No, not that extreme. Have you? Not yet. Not yet.

Unfortunately, no. Unfortunately, no. Sorry, no. Unfortunately, no. I feel like as a guy, sorry, doctor. Yeah, she really liked me and got a little aggressive. I need stitches. Could happen. So you have, okay, you've had a little injury. Yep.

Has Andrea ever left a bad Yelp review? Do it before you answer. I'm going to guess. Okay. You're an opinionated person. You can be rubbed the wrong way. But I don't know if you have the time or think you have the time to write a review. I'm going to say no.

That is incorrect you have you have i have it was one time i haven't i've never done that what made you want to write a bad because it was it was when my house got broken into they smashed the glass and so the repair guy came to board it up temporarily and i was like it was that morning that i got broken into and i was like all like whacked out like stressed anxiety and so he was like can i was that morning that I got broken into. And I was like all like whacked out, like stressed, anxiety. And so he was like, can I just take a photo of your credit card and write it down so that I don't get the numbers wrong? And I was like, yeah, sure, whatever, just do it. He spent $5,000 on my card.

So hell yeah, I'm leaving a review. Oh, yeah. Wow. Yeah. And I'm assuming you called the police on him? Yes. And he got caught. I got my money back because like but also you're what an idiot what a dumbass like all these and a douchebag who does that terrible like these like tragic uh like you uber experiences or you know where

people like that happened to me i got locked inside an uber but like how do these these uber drivers we know you pick them up right like it's all there on the app what are you trying to get away with i don't i don't understand well that makes sense uh has andrea ever asked for a nude yes definitely no no nope you haven't been like sent me even if he was like hey baby can i have a and you were like well send me a picture of your dick you know nope i have no desire to see a nude like what like i just don't yeah plenty good for you um no none at all the male genitalia does nothing for you what about your fluid what about a a female nude no i like why would i ask for nudes i don't know i could just like just come over just come over i guess wait hold on have you have i ever sent a nude or asked for a nude either either that's a yes i mean like it's like it comes up it's like it's flirting it's not like so nick has yes uh i've never i've never sent a you know i don't know you have someone i've

been dating someone i've been like hanging out with like and they've like they've asked did you leave your face in it no good no uh it's a yeah i think with someone you're dating it's kind of fun to like surprise and like if like hey send me when i'm you know and they're like okay i used to when i was at dinner with a guy i was dating and i would go to the bathroom i would send nudes from the bathroom while we're while we're at dinner it's like a way to spice it up, you know? Has Andrea ever taken a karate class? Have I? I mean, probably not,

but I guess it wouldn't surprise me. I think we say yes. I feel like Andrea has taken a karate class. I have not taken a karate class. Never like in Indiana? Nope. I have. I used to take karate when I was a kid.

Really? I could see that. I did with my dad. Has Andrea ever used a condom in the past six months yes oh i shouldn't have answered that you have said you practice safe sex good for you do you have to do you wear protection with the fuck buddy or yes you have yeah because i'm not trying to have a baby you could be on the pill or something i don't like that is it is it a baby thing so it's not an std thing i only ask because like if when you have sex with your fuck buddy are you guys constantly checking in about like hey like listen have you

been like safe and and like regardless i just like to use a condom anyway just to be safe because it feels good yeah that's exactly that's why everyone uses them right i love that feeling love it that latex has andrea ever paid for a premium version of a dating app i'm gonna definitely know you have not i have you have raya don't you pay for raya you know what's funny i literally canceled my subscription pay for the premium but like some of you might just have to pay for yeah but i canceled my subscription last night because she's in love with paint boy you're gonna say that damn can andrea name all the oceans yeah sam the atlantic how many are there? Oh.

You don't even know. I can name them all. The Atlantic. Mm-hmm. The Pacific. Mm-hmm. The Arctic. Mm-hmm.

The Red Sea. No, it's a sea. The Red Ocean. No. The Salt Ocean. So you can't the indian ocean yeah that's what i was gonna say too that was that was on the tip of my tongue you beat me to it is there no there's not one more yeah there is maybe i don't it's the no there's the i don't know if there's one on the bottom ocean. The South Ocean. No.

The Southern Ocean. I think ocean names. The Oceanic Ocean. Hold on. There's five. So I was right. So I named them all. Pacific, Atlantic.

Arctic. Arctic. Indian. Indian. so i named them all the pacific atlantic arctic arctic indian indian uh what is this in the pacific no there's no this is the southern ocean that's what i said remember i literally said this i did not i said that is this new i never learned that and like no yeah they just made it it's new they made it they made it last week has andrea ever broken up someone over text yes yes that's not cool all the fucking time as andrea ever oh this is our last one i'm curious about this does andrea follow her most recent ex on instagram fuck no baby fuck no why would i better better better better i'm not better uh no i think that's healthy yeah why would i follow my ex i don't want to see that shit do you follow your exes uh i i would my my ex my last ex ex told me to unfollow her oh but i think it was because i didn't care did you block no and they decided to unfollow me

and i was like well i'm gonna unfollow you have to unfollow me and then they like threatened me threatened you you need to unfollow me i don't want to argue with you i'll unfollow you anyways there's the sirens again um andrea yes thanks for playing thanks for having me do you know me andrea i really appreciate you you coming on um oh i'm a shameless plug here how are you liking your essential oils i'm loving loving them. What's your favorite? Release. Hey. Top seller.

That's why I love it. For those of you listening, 20% off for new customers still. It's this code natural for first time customers. If you are a current customer, thank you. There are available at nh oils.com. If you're looking,

you know, we have a lot of customers who are, our center blend also is really helping a lot of people with headaches. It helps me with my headaches. I get migraines. I don't, I don't feel comfortable necessarily promoting that, but a lot of people who are suffering

from migraines say it has really helped theirs. I need to try that. I need to get me one of those. You know, it'll, it'll help you with your headaches. I don't, migraines are a whole, you might have to go to the doctor and things like that i'm gonna i'm gonna use that and if it doesn't cure me i'm gonna tell everyone that it doesn't work so no pressure but no pressure anytoils.com code natural for first-time customers code andrea for five percent that's not that's a thing type it in it in. Andrea, where can people find you?

Twitter.com slash Andrea Russett. Instagram.com slash Andrea Russett. She has an army. She's an interesting follow. I will say she's entertaining. Is it a good follow? Do you enjoy my content? I think it's pretty good.

Pretty good. I like your Twitter a lot. Thank you. You kind of remind me a lot of Demi in that sense. You're both good Twitter follows. I'm into that. I like Demi. Demi's cool. Demi's great.

And I'm assuming you're pro, you're into this whole fluidity. Absolutely. You're a bit fluid. I am fluid. Yeah. Have you dated a woman before? Not dated, no. Because you don't date i don't date i've like talked to talk to you yeah great great um so then you're also andrea russet on instagram

yes i am also check out her youtube or don't why i don't know some of my videos are a little cringy but you know if you're into it you're into it, you're into it. I mean, so are mine. No, all of yours are for sure. Anyways, uh, fuck you, Andrea Russett.

Thanks for having me. Thank you for coming. Thanks for having me. It's been an absolute pleasure. Uh, thank you all for listening. Uh, as always,

feel free to rate us five stars. Five stars. Uh, also, also, Andrea, once again, I said this in the beginning of the episode the people's choice awards for podcasts is now available you can vote up to 25 times there is going to be a link in the description i if i can be honest i want to win i'm gonna make i feel like

we have a dedicated audience i feel like you could our audience is growing and i feel like i think they're passionate about this podcast. I don't know, I'm just delusional. You have like two viewers. I gotta be honest. I wanna,

I wanna, I wanna be nominated and possibly. I feel like you could win, for real. Win. So for those, if you're listening,

we'll put it on our Instagram. We'll put it on the link to vote. You've got my 25 votes. Ask your friends. You you know you can do it 25 times a day it's like if we if I if this show wins everyone

listening wins because you're part of it I win I'll just yeah we'll give everyone who listens little mini trophies do I get one yeah sure okay cool I'm in all right well this was a really long goodbye. Well, what a great episode, Andrea.

Thanks so much. I hope you enjoyed it, Rochelle. I did. So good. Anyways, as always, thanks everyone for tuning in. We will be back on Monday for more, what do we call it? Ask Nick? Call it Ask Nick.

Ask Nick. We might change it. Some great topics. Please don't forget to rate us five stars. Subscribe on iTunes or wherever you are streaming us. And have a great week, everybody. See you on Monday or Tuesday or whenever it is you listen to us.