The Viall Files - E386 Going Deeper - Ryan and Meghan Trainor, Love is Blind 2, Mediation

Episode Date: February 23, 2022

Today we are back with another episode of Going Deeper with The Viall Files. We are joined by Ryan and Meghan Trainor, who host a podcast together called Working on It! First, we dive into talking about Love is Blind 2, where we debate whether Shayne is toxic or a self-aware goofball. We then talk about how LIB describes itself as a social experiment, giving it a really different feel from other shows and the changed dynamic of watching them get married. We also talk about how Ryan feels turned off from dating after watching the antics on the show, and how Nick and Meghan are pushing him to date again and download dating apps. Will they convince him to put himself out there, or will Ryan’s fear of loud laughter shatter his changes from finding love? Afterwards, we get into our Mediation callers, who need help figuring out how to manage each other's emotions. She says she’s cold like an ice queen and that he’s soft and cuddly like a puppy. They struggle with being honest about their emotions, while also trying not to hurt one another in the process. “That is your ego, by the way.” Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes.  Check out our new "Introvert" merch at http://www.viallfiles.com today! THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp: Go to http://www.BetterHelp.com/ViallFiles to get 10% off your first month. Bloom Nutrition: Bloom Nutrition is offering our listeners 15% off your purchase of their Greens & Superfoods blend when you go to http://www.BloomNU.com/VIALL Episode Socials:  @viallfiles @nickviall @ryan.trainor @Meghan_Trainor @workingonitpod See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you're crazy what's going on everybody welcome back to another exciting episode of the vile files going deeper edition i guess that we're calling it now. I'm your host, Nick, Allie, and Amanda are with me. And boy, do we have an all-timer today. Megan Trainor

is with us, our guest. What? Megan Trainor? The superstar musician? Yeah, that's who. And her brother,

Ryan, who I kind of have a crush on. I think he's great. And they're with us. They have a new hit podcast out. And well, I was on theirs. Now they're on mine. And we get into it.

Many of you have asked us to talk about Love is Blind 2. We did. We have. I don't know when did it come out, but I binged it over the weekend. I haven't fully caught up to what's available. And then they release it every week. I don't know when did it come out, but I binged it over the weekend. I haven't fully caught up to what's available. And then they release it every week. I don't know.

People are at different spots, I think is kind of the point. Allie and Amanda are with us. Yeah, we are. They're here. Correct. Anything else we need to remind people? Anything going on in your world?

Does she want to come on for an ass neck? No, I'm not letting her come on. I'm actually, that's a boundary I'm drawing. That is a literal boundary. I had to ask. I will respect that boundary. We've also since had a conversation where she was like,

I never in any way meant to imply that I would do this around your back or over your head. The moving in thing? The moving in thing. And I gave them my full blessing. I genuinely, I think they'd be great roommates. They both have wonderful, wonderful cats.

That could be brother and sister. So I think, so I guess the update is mature conversation. Allie? No, I just, I made a face when you were like, wonderful cats, because I've never met a wonderful cat. But I am expanding in my friend life and I'm very happy about it also

I feel like I've like kind of found a potential group of friends through a couple of my friends yeah and we I just I

moving to LA we both moved here around the same time yeah this is a big deal like moving in 2020 by myself not easy no

and it was really yeah making friends as an adult especially in LA like combine all of these things yeah and it's a very exciting time

my fifth wheeled yesterday and it was really fun your fifth wheeled yeah so this group of friends are all coupled up not all of them

but the other single girl currently has COVID so my yeah the sixth wheel was not there. But they didn't, they're the type of couples where it's not like, they're affectionate and touchy, but you never feel like you're imposing by being there.

There are people that handle the group thing while in relationships well, and there are people who do not. I have always prided myself in being a good third or fifth wheel. Yeah. I also think I've been training for this my whole life. Like my sister started dating her boyfriend 12 years ago.

I've known him half my life. He at one point said, Allie, if you finally get a boyfriend, it'll be weird because he'll be the fourth wheel. That's how integrated I am in their relationship. Okay. I wear it with pride. I think this is like a big moment.

Yeah. Friends. Meeting new groups of friends. It's a nice thing to... Adults were just like, you know, it was so easy in the second grade to be like, you know what, I remember, like, do you want to be my friend? Yeah. Yeah. You also like the color green, done.

Like you just need one little commonality as a kid and it's sold. But just to actually ask someone, do you want to be friends? We used to all do that. And now we... There should be friendship DTR.

Normalize. Normalize telling your friends that they're your friends. Do you want to be my friend? Should we be friends? Anywho, don't forget to send your questions

at asknickatcastmedia.com. Cast with a K. We have a great mediation call. We not only have cast with a K we have a great mediation call we not only have an international superstar we have an international mediation goal

yeah don't forget to send in your mediation questions all listen we have every relationship has been better for

get those guys to to to write in call your call your partner I don't know what you're fighting about.

Your friends too. Roommates. We'll take roommates. Siblings. Siblings. Jim Jefferies is with us next week to recap The Bachelor. He's back. Jim Jefferies, the amazing, wonderful, hilarious comedian, and more importantly, Bachelor fan,

is back to help us break down another episode of The Bachelor. Subscribe, review, Bachelor fan is back to help us break down another episode of The Bachelor subscribe, review tell your friends alright

Megan Traynor and Ryan Megan, Ryan how are you? oh my god hi so good so good to see you guys again

I know I missed you we missed you I was about to say welcome back but I was on your show you were on our show how's the love life coming?

I've been dying to catch up with Ryan. For those of you who don't know, when I was on your show, you were debating whether you wanted to open up your heart again to love. I mean, it's open. I went to a house party. It was a friend's birthday.

I didn't know a lot of people. I just really knew the birthday boy. And I'm kind of just like roaming around the house party. I'm just like, I'll tough it out. I'll tough it out. I had some conversations and there were no sparks, but I stuck in there, did my best, still recently sober.

It's a whole new world for me. Yeah. Then nothing was really grabbing my interest. So we'll find that in a different environment. And no dating apps. I still think you should consider the dating apps. You haven't even thought of doing it? No, I mean, we're going to bring up...

What if we do it right now? Just make one. There's just no shot. But what's the worst that can happen? You match with someone? Are you worried about what it says about you? Or are you worried about... No, no, no, no, no.

I mean, we're going to talk about Love is Blind, right? Yeah. I feel like watching that show, first of all, is melting my brain. I cannot stand it. And it's just watching

hinge date after hinge date after hinge date. I go, oh, that's, that's probably what hinges. I'm all set. I mean, they seem like great people and God bless them. I'm not,

I'm good. That's how you really feel, right? Dude, I love it. We watched it so we could come here and talk about it with you and he was just screaming I'm over it

the whole time holy shit what did you not like what did you not like about it it's so vanilla dude it's just like and then the fucking Shane guy every time he talks

and he's just like tell me I'm pretty why don't you tell me I'm pretty and then he gets upset I'm like what is going on how do people sit and watch this i can't do you watch every second of it i i didn't watch season one okay you should i watched like two episodes of season one and then i don't know i just maybe like covering the bachelor i was too consumed by it. A lot of people listening to our show reached out and DM'd and just adamantly wanted us to at least discuss it. And I thought you guys would be perfect for it.

I was surprised how into it I got. I think it's fascinating because to me, it's like watching The Bachelor after two people get engaged. Yeah. Because The Bachelor's all about the journey to find love. And like, love is blind. It's like the first episode is the pods.

That's kind of it. Maybe it bleeds, like maybe episode two, like it's like two episodes. And then after that, it's so fast. It's like, it's not really about,

they're like, they're basically saying we're going to cast a bunch of people and like 30% of them are going to get engaged and then we're going to follow that mess.

Right. And it's like watching The Bachelor like on Fast Forward. Yeah. And then having been someone who was,

who got engaged on the show and lived that life,'m like this is like kind of relatable uh and uh like because you you watch just watching these people try to convince themselves that they love when they're when they're like no i, I love you. Yeah. I love you too. And you see them trying to convince themselves that they feel that. But I also empathize with, it's not that they don't believe it.

It's that what they are trying to do is remember the intense emotions that they felt while in that bubble. Yes. And they're grappling with those emotions that felt very real at the time with introducing themselves into reality, which is kind of like what couples who get engaged,

whether it's in Paradise or on The Bachelor, and they go in the real world feeling very much in love and introducing each other to friends and family and it's kind of wild that way. Yeah, like do we know how long they were in the pods? Do they ever say?

Like is it a week? What I also like about it, I like that they refer to it as an experiment. Yes. A social experiment. A social experiment. I like that.

And like The Bachelor they have referred to as like a journey they don't pretend that this is not fucked up and weird yeah the show doesn't even like no this is like yeah it's like stanford prison experiment but make it love and yeah it does seem crazy though the the the couples will while wedding planning, they will simultaneously refer to it as an experiment while talking about their marriage, while planning a wedding. And that seems kind of nutty.

Yeah. I feel like they didn't do that as much in the first season. Did they do less of that? It was more lovey-dovey romantic in the first season. I feel like this one, there's a lot more hesitation when they finally get to see each other too. You know the big reveal there's a lot of oh you know yeah you can't tell if the excitement with the reveal is like yeah you can't tell if it's like shock and awe or excitement I did enjoy

I did enjoy those moments and like that awkward kisses. I was just like, oh! Screaming. And he's like, what do I do with my hands? Because all of their hands. It's so fucking funny. Like that shit was great. Yeah. Quick update.

In the pod for 10 days, total season airs or takes approximately 38 days to film. So you have the first 10 in the pods, next 28. Five weeks. Cool. In the fiancé phase. That's a summer camp. Oh my goodness. so you have the first 10 in the pods next 28 5 weeks cool in the fiance that's a summer camp phase

oh my goodness wow that's oh that's nice I did like like Jarrett right he

Jarrett was a nice one well he's just like I know this is crazy but I am in love with this girl like this is my my engagement this is my life this might seem in love with this girl. Like, this is my engagement.

This is my life. This might seem bizarre to you. And I'm like, okay. You know, because I'm watching, I'm like, this is insane. Yeah. And maybe, you know, it's fear-based because I'm like, this would be my nightmare if I go, you know, on a hinge date. And she's just like, this is it forever.

Oh, there was a moment. Yeah. What did that one, what did he, who was it? Fuck. There's so many. Who died? Therapy. It's amazing.

We love it. We advocate for it. It is not about having a major problem. It's about doing the maintenance on your mental health. That's at least how I feel about it. But if you are struggling with a problem, maybe it's just general anxiety. Maybe it's some money problems. Maybe it's family at home. Maybe you're having qualms with people in your life.

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They are helping, well, over 2 million people have already taken charge of their mental health with BetterHelp, and you can too. So visit betterhelp.com slash vile files. That's better, H-E-L-P, help. And join over the 2 million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional.

In fact, if you're a listener of the vile files, you get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash V-I-A-L-L-F-I-L-E-S. So everyone could benefit from running a lap, doing a pushup. Everyone could benefit from drinking more water. Same thing with therapy. Let's talk about bloating. I'm just going to pass the mic on to Allie. It is rough. Okay. I suffer from like extreme bloating and gas situations. My gas pains can get so bad that I can't stand up straight. For those of you not watching us on YouTube, Amanda and I made these drinks from Bloom. We have the greens and superfood powder blend. And this one is the original,

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Mallory. Mallory. Thank you. And those two were talking and Salvador was basically saying, he was kind of waxing poetic about, this is kind of the point of living is to like, I'm feeling this intense feeling. And whether this is crazy or not. And as someone who's been in a social experiment that was The Bachelor,

it kind of made me like, for all the kind of the shame and the criticism. I mean, fuck, I joke about my time on the show. And it can at times feel embarrassing. But there was an element of like, you know what? It teaches you a lot about really intensely connecting with yourself I would a little bit I've got to know you Ryan

I wonder I would love to see you go through something like that me too because I think I think it would just completely fuck you up

and not even in a bad way but I think it would really rock you and I think it would really I sense a wall there's such a wall there's such a wall there's such a wall there's definitely a wall

yeah it's a fake brick wall I would lose my mind on this shit I would lose my mind I really was charmed by you when I met you I felt like

I really like you I like you too I feel like you're a handsome charming guy who like but like there's this wall and I want such a wall.

And I just... It's a wall of insecurities, I think. Probably. Maybe a mix of that. I mean, isn't that what a wall is, I suppose? Yeah. Trust issues. When we say we have a wall up,

isn't that just... That's insecurities, I suppose, right? And trust issues. I would agree with that. Trust. Insecurity about not being able to trust people or what they might think or if we'll disappoint people

or let people down, whatever it is. We don't live up to their expectations. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good one. Are you scared of like, you might have to break up with someone?

No, no. I think it's like, yeah, am I good enough for someone? But we're starting to get better with that. I do feel like a better human recently. Definitely was not the case a couple of years ago, but we're much, we're a much better place now.

But I just, I appreciate that. You should be on the next season. I was telling them before you came in, I'm like, Ryan's pretty handsome. Hey ladies. This is The Bachelor.

This actually is a social experiment. This is a social experiment. Jade, Allie and I. Hell yeah. I'm nervous now. We also noticed while watching it, like the ages. Oh, I feel like a child. We look like babies.

How old are you? I'm 29. Like I was… I'm looking at these people. There's a lot of 29-year-olds on the show. I'm like, oh, I would just be a goofy kid. It's very much a late 20s, early 30s kind of,

they all, they seem to try to find people who have tried at love and failed. Some of these dudes were looking like not that age. I don't know,

they looked older. Well, except for a little Shane. Have you got, so we were discussing this earlier on yesterday's episode. How far are you? Are you...

How far into the... Episode four. We got to like... Yeah, so you're... We watched like a little bit of the Cancun action. Are you... So, you're not in Chicago yet? No.

No. We just finished Cancun. I'm in Chicago. They made it back to Chicago. Ryan, I'm really curious because at first oh Shane sorry not Ryan

you're not you're not Shane dude you compare me to the worst guy in the goddamn show I don't know if he is though what do you mean oh you love him

no I'm just I don't know about him bro they get to the beach and they're about to go on the sailing he's just like I feel like Rose from the Titanic

or some shit what the fuck he's a weird he's a goofball someone compared him to Big the movie with's just like I feel like Rose from the Titanic or some shit he's a weird he's a goofball someone compared him to Big the movie with Tom Hanks they're like

he's literally a 12 year old in a 30 year old's body he's a he's a self-identified kind of a goofball weirdo so I can't judge someone on their

self-awareness even though at least he knows if they're not my cup of tea that's fine I'm not going to judge you but I think he

I was potentially judging him early on where there was some when he was going back between Shana and and the what are you wearing

yeah bitch after the oh good I was hoping it was you but when he says the wrong name and he kind of breaks down

like a little boy it was super weird to be honest it's weird like if you think that's weird. Don't call her out if she has emotions. There was some toxic masculine…

There was some toxic behavior. I think he's also in like 100 milligrams of Vyvanse just fucking… He's ready to rock at all times. But later on, he… Other people… Does he chill out later?

Have you seen… Have you seen Nick and… Oh, Danielle. Yes, it was Danielle. Have you seen them fight yet? No. I haven't seen Al fight. Is it good?

Is it dirty? It's… It's awesome. It's awesome. It's tragic. They're… It's over over? They're so toxic. I mean, it's awesome it's tragic it's over over they're so toxic I mean it's here's another thing

here's what I love about no you gotta keep going it's melting my brain I can't there's stuff to learn there's nothing to learn what I'm learning is I'm avoiding every type of person he watched it

and was like I'm not dating after this maybe you shouldn't no no no I'm down to date I just can't do the hinge this is the line for hinge

it's not hinge that's people this is not what hinge is like thank you you don't think so not at all I would also say Amanda has a very

different hinge experience than anyone else I've ever met you have a very good one no she like goes on a every person you go on a date with you like somehow

become soulmates at least for a few months and I've never understood it I've been on dating apps for four years and nothing has ever come of it but these two are like

the this is the yin and yang this is good Amanda is like a ninja dater she is a she's a pro yeah she's a pro This is good. Amanda is like a ninja dater. She is a, she's a pro.

Yeah. She's a pro. She's, and that's, it's a compliment. I just think I like meeting new people. No, she, well, yeah,

you get to go out to dinner, you get a free meal, right? It'll serve her well. It's nice. But then I feel like I want to like get drinks or something after. If I were to give my

psychoanalysis if someone who's not an expert like all of Amanda's doors and windows are open and the only thing she needs to like finally tune that's why it's a great thing

is boundaries and expectations because like with all your doors and windows open everything kind of gets in. Right? And so you have to like

kind of it can get dirty quickly. Allie it's like Fort Knox. She need to like scan your eyes and like you know like all these passwords and it's just like nothing's going on because no one ever gets in um so those that's those two you're more camp alley yeah Yeah. You got a wall? No. Well, before I did,

I loved it. I would go out all the time, but I was drinking. I think now I have to learn how to do that. Sure. Sober. And I could go on a shitty day and have the best time because I was just boozing and I get delicious food and I could kind of turn it into my own

little reality show and then never see that person again. But now I have to be sober and sit in it and be like oh fuck I'm stuck here and I can't like disappear also we've noticed

that he's he's a particular which so am I on laughs oh dude on the show someone laughs I go oh I'm out I'm out

yeah and he's like that's all I'll hear is that laugh cause he's also a funny dude so he's gonna make the girl laugh a lot what is my laugh

I don't know make me laugh funny guy he's got a funny dude so he's going to make the girl laugh a lot what is my laugh I don't know make me laugh funny guy he's got a normal laugh that's a good laugh yeah but like if they have like a crazy laugh like a cackle

dude no I took this girl out and it's like we went to the nice guy and it's pretty it's pretty low key it's quiet she's just laughing

like a fucking dead horse like so loud this was like a deep bellowing I don't know why I said dead horse it Like so loud. This was like a deep bellowing. I don't know why I said dead horse. It's dead. Like, like…

Stupid. It's the volume that's the issue? Volume. The tone. The register. Yeah. Because I could… I like a loud laugh.

But it was like… It was bellowing. It was just like taking over the nice guy. And I'm like, holy fuck. Holy fuck. Did she seem like embarrassed by it? Did she seem aware? No. Why I respected her did she seem like embarrassed by it did she seem aware no

why I respected her she was like my laugh is horrendous she laughed once and I was like whoa and she's like yeah

it's awful and I was like alright I like that we call those pet peeves okay and you see them as non-negotiables

I just it depends it depends like that particular no no it's 100 like if i'm just saying if if you met a woman who at first glance you're physically attracted to her which obviously that matters first and then you got to know her and she's making you laugh and

you're connecting and she's thoughtful then you get to know her even more and you just you feel safe and comfortable around her and she's like all these like things you're just like Megan and then all of a sudden out of nowhere she laughs why did you say Megan

I'm insisting I'd be like Megan I found the one because he knows he's just like yeah he's like you guys are very close he's just like

all you can do is think of him I know you guys are close I know what you're picking I'm picking up thank you and you would you would get over And you would get over it.

I would get over it 100%. No, this was just like the cherry on top. There was other factors of this. But the problem is, the problem with something like a laugh is that you find out the laugh early on. Funny guy, you go on a date, you want to make her laugh.

And that when we're dating, we learn about these potential pet peeves before we get to know the things that like take time to build that will make you feel safe and connected yeah the looks surely you see that right away but some of these other things that like we have to peel back layers to like really get to know someone and be like fuck like i have so many pet peeves with my husband so i gotta get i gotta get with my own husband i have pet peeves with my husband. So I got to get a little laugh. With my own husband, I have pet peeves. And I just talked to him about it. Such as his breath is fucking atrocious.

Like in the morning. Oh, man. Death breath. Poor Daryl. Poor Daryl. I'm sorry. He knows it. He knows it because he doesn't brush his teeth and he drinks coffee.

So imagine the smell. Oh, yes. I brush before the coffee. I brush right after. Baby for the love of Christ. I got to get that shit out immediately. But he can do something about it. He can do it.

And I say, hey, this is a pet peeve of mine. Don't ever fucking do it again. And then he does it. You can taste bad breath, you know? No, when he comes near me, I smell it. Well, he likes to get really close to you at all times. I've noticed that. For sure.

See, love is brine. It might be dangerous for you to watch. And something what I like about it is that like because I know you guys don't watch The Bachelor but on The Bachelor

you have heroes and you have villains and they like oversimplify characters so like if you're a hero you're just like you're great and you're like

a queen or a king and you're just like grateful to be there and you're just like and then you have villains who they'll make one fuck up or the house hates them.

And then they'll isolate on this one annoying tick or habit. Were you a hero? I was a hero and a villain. What? Nice. Well, you know, when you go on enough at times. Oh, you become a villain. No, I was a villain first.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Yeah. That's nice. I went to the good side. And what I love about Love is Blind is there's no heroes and villains. They're just people with warts.

Because everyone on this show has warts. Yeah. And I love, because from an experiment standpoint, they're showing, and that's why Shane, if you keep watching, again, I'm not, I don't know. I don't know if he has anger issues over he's a douchebag but i he has more and more charming moments and there are like there are more times where other people when they're presented like as things like this whole so they get in these pods they get engaged and then they go on this cancun honeymoon and then they go into chicago and try to like

and they meet family and they go in the real world while planning this wedding. And like every episode, it's just like, they remind you, weddings in three weeks, weddings in two and a half weeks, weddings in two weeks. So you, I mean, shit, if that were me, I would be losing every day that I get closer to the deadline. I'd be like, holy shit. And you can see that on some of the other couples where they're just like, no, we're still in love.

And they're just like, but it's two weeks away. And you see that intensity. And with Shane, he's getting calmer and calmer. And when conflict is happening, in his kind of goofy, big personality way, has become this calming presence. I mean, again, I'm not okay totally caught up i will say i had a sweet spot for him when because natalie was just immediately different than she was in the

pod in cancun he says that i'm like okay i could see why he's getting frustrated and acting a little extra because she does kind of switch it up on him i feel like how what did she switch up she just wasn't the same as she was in the pod. I think she was… He's like, I don't know if she's nervous. Yeah. No, she got… She got kind of… Because they're all…

She kind of put up a wall. They're all… And I can relate because they're all… They have these moments. This whole experiment is… Again, like The Bachelor, if you isolate anyone into a confined space with limited stimulation and then you introduce certain you you you you decide on what the stimulation is

the stimulation being these people they meet you're going to feel intense feelings yeah you just will and then when you take those feelings and introduce other variables like You just will. And then when you take those feelings and you introduce other variables, like that just will, that will affect it. And what you're seeing is how these other variables affect these intense feelings. And then you're watching them like, like grapple with these emotions in real time, which is kind of fascinating. And you're seeing how they, they handle it. So like, that's what I mean by you see all their warts. You, you, they by you see all their warts. You see them. And I think that's why it makes

sense when they come back and forth. Because at first it seems like Maya is not remotely into Salvador, which I still don't think she's into him at all. They keep kind of going back to... Her and Jarrett seem like they have the best chemistry of anyone. Wait, do you mean Mallory?

Mallory's not into Salvador at all. Mallory and Jared, I almost want them to end up together. Break that girl's heart. Isn't she on the... Ayana? Ayana.

See, that's the thing. You know what it is? I think we all love Ayana and we're rooting for her. Dude, she's the best. She's the sweetest. I don't know if we love Jared and Ayana as much as we love just Ayana.

I like Ayana more than Jared and Ayana. You know what I'm saying? I think we're we love Jared and Ayana as much as we love just Ayana I like Ayana more than Jared and Ayana you know what I'm saying like I think we're rooting for Jared and Ayana because we don't want Ayana to get her heart broken yeah

but I don't know if we love those two but also she was his second choice which is fucked fucked up and she was like I don't deserve to be

a second choice and I feel like stuff like that like if there is any weirdness at the beginning of a relationship like that stuff really carries like I feel like there's going to be a second choice. And I feel like stuff like that, like if there is any weirdness at the beginning of a relationship, like that stuff really carries. Like I feel like there's going to be

like a lingering resentment where that's going to develop into a complex. Like you never chose me first. Like what would you do? You would say no. If you were the second choice. I thought about it as soon as I'm watching. I was like, well, I don't.

I'd be a second choice. I'd go. Which is interesting because like they don't, they floated the right reasons line which is like a trope on The Bachelor

it's like are you here for the right reasons because you know that's how they get you but when this second option was coming up

I was thinking they're clearly saying yes to be on TV right but the way they framed it later on the more they framed it later on,

the more they kept using the word experiment, it was almost, it felt like the show, instead of like outing their cast as villains, it was the show protecting their cast.

It's just being, saying yes to an experiment, not yes to being on TV. I swear I didn't hear that as much in the first season. The word experiment. I didn't watch the first season like this but it's something that I'm really picking up on

because it seems so different than... Because The Bachelor, when you watch it they want you to pretend it's real. That's what they get the drama is they tell the people on it, even the audience are watching it like no, but you knew what you signed up for the fantasy suite.

And I'm like, okay. But it's not normal. But you know what you signed up for the fantasy suite. Like, what do you mean? And I'm like, okay, but it's not normal. But like, you know what you signed up for. And like here, they keep telling you, reminding you, this is an experiment. This is weird for everyone. I don't know. I feel like I'd love to see you experience something that would like make you just dig you just feel something and cry.

What's the last time you cried for my girl? That's a great question. Probably two years ago. Sometime before the pandemic, I cried. That's not that long ago. How did you guys get so close? Have you always been close? Since the end of high school,

we finally started going to parties together and we were rolling as the trainers are here, right? We were always close growing up and then we moved to a high school and I was like, oh, it's because of you. She was allergic to the previous school. I had a mold allergy.

It was a whole thing. You were allergic to your school. I had a mold allergy. I kept coughing. It was a whole thing. You were allergic to your school. I kept coughing. And they were like, you need to shush. And they would kick me out. In middle school, you could hear her coming from miles away in the halls.

And I'd be like, oh, Jesus Christ. She was just coughing and coughing and coughing. So then we moved to a different island, like to the Cape Cod, you know? Yeah, which was for the best in the Cape Cod you know yeah which was for the best in the long run

at first I was like I was like fuck that I want to be in Nantucket well I want to play for the football team I'm missing it he was Mr. Popular and I took him away

but then he became Mr. Popular at Cape Cod too and then then I was trainer sister forever now I'm Megan trainer's brother

so I love that that's actually I relate to that my sister is a year and a half younger than me in high school. So I was older than her and I was at sports, good at sports. I was at sports. I was good at sports.

And so she would always say, I hate being Nick's sister. Yeah. And then she was also good at sports, but she blossomed later. And then she played college basketball. And then we went to two different colleges, and then I transferred to her college. And I ran track at that college, too. But when I transferred there, she was all-American. She played professional ball in Europe.

And around campus, I was Nick's, Maria's brother. So it's, which I thought it was, I was like, I was proud of her. And I kind of, because I remember it bothered her and it was like a moment. So I was kind of fine with it. Nice man.

Yeah, I love it. To see that kind of change. You love being Megan's brother? Yeah. Just get to go to all the parties and like do you I mean that's a that's a

like a real question like your sister she's a literal superstar rock star mother and

like does it ever does it ever get does it ever get intimidating intimidating yeah I don't know I was never

intimidated I would see her like I remember the first photo shoot and I in New York City I was like intimidated I would see her like I remember the first photo shoot and I in New York City I was like whoa this is crazy but I still

like know Megan I don't know I'm like okay cool it's like fake it till you make it like I was like how you doing this yeah I was like you got everybody fooled

yeah for years he's like how are you doing this and I was like I don't know yeah but now it's here before I see this and I was like I don't know yeah but now I see her perform I'm like

oh fuck and if we go to award shows we'd be like this is silly you know it'd be fun that is kind of nuts

because I'm you know no one really see I'm assuming most of your fan base don't see you that way they see you as

the superstar the rock star the musician yeah nobody knows. Like, just a few years before that, like, in high school, I, like, didn't know how to put makeup on my face, and I didn't, like, change in front of people because I was so shy,

and I didn't, like, sing in front of people. Kick it on the couch once, South Park. I'm all about my curves, you know? I was like, oh, my God. What changed? Like, how did you have to find that or was it? I was always like singing and producing my songs and I was always a songwriter

and someone signed me in high school as a songwriter. And I took that as like, oh, so I shouldn't sing my own songs. I should like be in the back. Got it, cool. And that followed along with my insecurities. But then all about that bass i wrote that song and and epic records loved it so much they were like we'll find out who's singing it and then they hunted me down in nashville and got me and they were like we want to give you a

record deal and i was like are you sure and i played it on my ukulele i was like i don't dance this is about it and then they like got me a music video and everything and i was just like fuck it i've always wanted to but i don't know if i can pull this off that's awesome and i was like, I don't dance. This is about it. And then they like got me a music video and everything. And I was just like, fuck it. I've always wanted to, but I don't know if I can pull this off. That's awesome. And I was like embarrassed that my high school friends would see the music video. Really? Yeah.

You thought they'd pick on you. Yeah, because I always wear like black and like hoodies. And I was in like a dress. And I was in a corset. Yeah, she sent me the music video. It was just like, people are going to rip me to shreds. Yeah. And I played it for for me and my college buddies

and my friends were finally like oh you were fucking serious I would go around campus and be like my sister is going to be a pop star

you should follow her on her Facebook page I would post her Facebook they're like this guy is insane I would like get blackout drunk

by the pool and be like I'm never going to graduate I'll be in Los Angeles and then three years later I dropped out yeah I was like I need you in Los Angeles. And then three years later, I dropped out. Yeah, I was like, I need you to come live with me. That's amazing. I love that.

Before we do our mediation, I want to ask Megan about your marriage. Oh, it's amazing. Thank you. Right? Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Team Daryl. We have an audience of people who love our show because we struggle sometimes with love.

With love. And, well, you guys are a cautionary tale because… Yes, we're very rare. Aliens. The exception to the rule. We love aliens. But there must be some tangible things that… You want the grit.

More than just, I knew, and I know you said you knew when you met him, but what is it that makes it work? You know what I'm saying? What is it the thing that after you guys got to know each other that validated what you thought when you first met each other? Because there's a lot of people who have thought to themselves, he's the one, she's the one, and then love is blind. And then they're like, fuck, you got. Yeah. Why did I say that out loud?

So what were the things that made you like every day be like, fuck, we really are. There was never any games. There was never any like over texting. It wasn't like, oh my God, what do I respond with? Like nothing like that. I could be a fool and he could be a fool. Or like the bullshit of like wait a couple of days.

Yeah. There was nothing like that. It was immediately like hardcore in the beginning. Just like, I want to be with you every single day. And one day I had extra pimples and I was like, I'm ill. And he was like, can I bring you soup? And I was like, no, my mom just did. Shoot. It's okay.

I'll wait and see you tomorrow. Like it was every day wanting to be with each other, no matter what. And then I think what really escalated everything extra fast too was I went on tour like 11 days after we met. And we're like, we're hanging out every single day. And he saw like rehearsals and how hard I was working. And then I left and I was like, do you want to come visit? And he was like, sure, I could do that. And I flew him out.

And then watching me like do meet and greets, he said that I didn't change who I was as a person from when I was hanging out with him to meeting fans and stuff. And I just saw him watch me with big hard eyes the whole time. And then after the show, he caught me and carried me to the cart and carried me to the hotel room and like took care of me and ever since that day he like immediately recognized how hard I work and immediately like took care of me that's a big thing that no one I've ever dated ever did I've never felt like they really care about me and want to make sure that I'm okay at every second. And feeling that type of love, I was like, oh, this is safe. And he never compares himself to me and only just worries if I'm okay at all times.

And it never changed. It only got better as the years go by. I feel like he doesn't compete with you. Yeah, never competes with me and roots for me. Yeah, I feel like you root for each other. Because he was such a big child actor, everything I was going through at the time when we were dating

is what he already did at like seven. Like he already traveled the world and had to sign autographs for hours and he watched me do that. All the carpets. So he knew all the carpets, all the interviews. He knew how to take care of me and he knew what I was actually feeling. It cracked me up though because he would hate, he hated going on those carpets with the interviews he knew how to take care of me and he knew what I was actually feeling it cracked me up though

because he would hate he hated going on those carpets he hated it I hated it and I'm filming all behind the scenes and I was just zooming on his face

and he's just fucking freaking out he's just like I hate this it's awkward but he would do it for Megan you know and I was like

yeah good for him I was like come on come on maybe my day he was like okay I'm assuming you've had a fight before we've had like three big ones.

When you had your first one, did you get like Natalie and I for the first year and a half, I don't think we ever had a fight. Yeah, it took a while. And then we had like kind of a big one.

Why are you looking at me now? When you say didn't have a fight, also mediation caller is probably here very soon.? When you say didn't have a fight also mediation caller is probably here very soon but when you say didn't have a fight like do you just mean there was no big extended confrontation because there must have been things where you fell on different ideological sides

No, really not Yeah, same And the only reason why we fought was over the stupidest thing Again, ours was a little different. We didn't have the, like, love at first sight. Like, we fucked around for nine months. And, but, like, and we've talked about, like, our honesty and communication during that kind of, like, I guess, situationship, for lack of words, was, like, it was just very honest and transparent. And then when we just started dating we were just like we really were

on the same page and like little things we got lucky with things that we like and enjoy we we and i never we never competed you know i have my world she has her world like there's no competition there um but when we had our first and it wasn't even a big fight but it was a fight like now he was like I gotta leave the room you know stupid shit stupid shit I know mine too

I'm having flashbacks of Daryl and yours that one because like he introduced me to his friend and because we don't really have outside friends we have each other

and I like it like that and he was like can you meet my friends and I was like sure fine and I like didn't like them and I was like

are they really his friends though I feel like no he's never seen them ever again and he's like you're right they suck but in the moment he was like, sure, fine. And I like didn't like them. And I was like… Are they really his friends though? I feel like he's just like… No, he's never seen them ever again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, you're right, they suck. He's just like trying. But in the moment, he was like, come on. He does like laps around the house.

I remember… I remember and I'm curious if you had the same thought. I remember being like, okay, no. Okay, it's just a fight. Fights happen. But because it was the first one we had, there was like for a split second of of uh there's the bomb that dropped like it was too good to be true fear kind of thing i only realized oh wait this is a fight we're just so emotional that like once he started

he cries first sometimes in those moments always uh he once he broke broke down then i go like because i can get vicious so i was like okay i've broken you and then i go up to him and i go please don't leave me and he says the same please just don't leave me and like we realize like none of this matters we want to be with each other forever and like let's not this stupid let this stupid thing have us ever break up. So if it went there to tears, it would always round back to, but I just love you so much. And please don't ever leave me. You're my everything.

That's good for you. Do you look at those two and want what they have? You think they're gross. You don't go go I want that someday we breathe the same air it's just like a lot like I like my own space

and they're just it's hands on non-stop you know a lot of foot rubs just a lot of like I haven't got a foot rub in so long since I was pregnant

well maybe things have changed but it was just like he was waiting on your hand and foot I'm like I can't do that I was pregnant but and before that I'm talking about like the tour like it was mama was working i was exhausted i just like you don't want

to rub your lady's feet of course i do but i also like i want to live i have i have friends i want to live my life wow i want to go golfing with the boys you know i want to like do this you're a nightmare you don't let him go anywhere do anything you barely he's like i want to go golfing with the boys. You know, I want to like do this. You're a nightmare. Dude, you don't let him go anywhere. He doesn't have anywhere to go. You barely, he's like, I want to finally golf. You're like, no, you're not going to go golfing with Ryan. I'm like, what the fuck? Give him one day a week.

His therapist is like, you should take one hour for yourself a week to go out. And I go, well, I don't have a fucking hour in a week to go for myself. Dude, let the boy live. I just want him to say, you should have some time too. He didn't say it. Now I had just want him to say you should have some time too he didn't say it now I had to tell him to say it

Natalie Natalie would relate to you yeah like why you gotta go be with someone else be with me for an hour I mean Natalie has her friends too but there's a she likes to playfully joke about like

don't we just want to be in each other's souls always yeah I always go I wish I could just push myself into you and just be one

yes you have to recharge your soul yeah separate and recharge I'm with you but I think it's a different person

but like Natalie is very much like but like can we just combine it I could just Velcro myself and I'm honest I'm like no

no yeah but it works I like I love that she does that in a way but like it's it

so he's my Natalie yeah yeah and I'm like yes please yeah I get it it's just you know

let him live a little they just never had my brothers I want to say they It's just, you know, let them live a little. They just never had, my brothers, I want to say they, they've never had this, you know? So they won't understand until they have it.

And then when they do, I'm ready for them to come to me and be like, I think you should go and pick one app and go on it. Let's fucking do it. There's no shit. Come on, bro.

What do you have to lose? I'll give you 20 bucks. My time, money. Wait. Time. I'm sure you're a very important busy person but like also not even a box

I just I my time yeah I'm good I get it it's dating's not

super easy I think you can also vet people before you get to the date stage I think you can if you're efficient with like the way

you talk to people because like you don't want to like stay in message lane for too long. But I think people are too like reserved in the messaging like part of Hinge

and I think you got to shoot your shot. You got to like show your sense of humor. That's what's nice about the dating apps. Yes, FaceTime, Zoom. The dating apps

are great for that. Can't do that with just a fling you met somewhere. That is true. Oh my God, we're signing up. Which one do we do? What's your favorite? we're signing up. Which one do we do? What's your favorite?

Bumble. Which one's your favorite? I think Bumble is too boring. Really? No disrespect. Whoa. I think Hinge. Hinge.

You look like a Hinge. You look like a Hinge. You know? You're a Hinge guy. Okay. I've made many a Hinge profile. What do you have to lose thank you

again time no you don't have you don't have you don't have time to lose I'm 29 dude I'll you're gonna say that

when you're like 58 I'm 58 I'm fine listen I've always said don't close doors and windows

to rooms you eventually want to fill you know what I'm saying like also I like sorry but the only other thing is like

when you meet a person like that you're like I wish I I always tell Daryl I'm like I wish I fucking had you in high school man

I really needed you you know like you just go back to like oh my god where were you all those years that I was alone and needed you

you know but you're acting like if you have to go on a dating app then you can't meet people the ways that you still hope to meet people you needed you you know but you're acting like if you have to go on a dating app then you can't meet people the ways that you still hope to meet people

you know what I'm saying you're acting like you're acting like you go on a dating app that you like your life will stop and it's just like it'll consume you

just like go on it and like for five minutes and assume you won't meet anyone and then if you match someone

who like you'll find someone who you think is funny. I think that will be the turning point is I think on hinge you'll see someone who has like a funny response and then you'll be like, okay, okay. And it's tough because like we all have to like her.

You know what I mean? It's just a lot of family to me. It's a vetting process. It's a lot. But if she's funny, then she's in, you know? Or if she just laughs. Or if she laughs at my jokes. Yeah. She's a lot. But if she's funny then she's in, you know. Or if she just laughs. Or if she laughs at my jokes. She's the one.

That's going to be your vetting call. You can FaceTime her and just be like, laugh. Laugh. Anytime she speaks, laugh. You have so much to offer, man. He loves you. I appreciate you. I'm blushing. I told him when I met you

I get asked all the time do you have any like good single guy friends and I'm always like in LA a lot of my those people are married with kids

and the other people I know I'm like no I wouldn't and so like you're kind of a unicorn you know so

just saying people are looking for unicorns pretty average guy but I'll take unicorn but like sure yeah you're humble see humble too see

we love a humble I'm not saying you are perfect but like you seem like the type of person women are looking for okay should you guys kiss

should we should we mediate a couple's fight yay please alright let's do it how's it going okay Should we mediate a couple's fight? Yay, please. Let's do it.

How's it going? Okay. What are your guys' names? Hi, my name is Zara and this is Sam. I'm 24 years old. I'm 26. He's 26 years old. What's up, guys? who wants to tell the story

about what you guys are having a fight about um so I'll give you a brief of what happened so I went riding and he came with me and then usually after my lessons I like to think about what happened like um what can i improve on what did i do wrong how can i make my horse better so we were and then we have like a little nice routine we go for a shower really quick and then we have breakfast and then he buys me coffee and he drops me off to work and he goes to work so um that morning delightful morning yeah this is quite a dream you're uh and i want to make it's you and say i'm not you and your horse that they take it yeah no no it's me um and then i was thinking i was a little bit in my head which i do which i tend to do often

i was a little bit in my head i was thinking and then he got really quiet so like as i'm doing my makeup i'm like are you okay is everything like are you okay you're being weird but not like oh get off me you're being weird just you're being weird like is everything okay and then we met for lunch and the same thing like he was a little quiet and i'm assuming you said nothing you know like when you asked that question okay yeah yeah naturally um and then um in the evening we had a donut break because he lives really close to where i work so we have these in between breaks because we work like 15 hours a day so um we had the donut break was fine and then in the evening i felt like because at the start of our relationship, I was a really cold person.

I was really cold towards him. I was super cut off. And then I was like, I just made a comment. I was like, oh, I miss how I used to be cold. And, you know, maybe I should go back to the ice queen days where I didn't care about anybody and I just did whatever I wanted. And then it just I don't understand what happened because on chat I'd asked him I'm like are you okay like I'm a little concerned you're being a little weird but then he just he he he told me he was like no I feel like I expected you to be softer but I shouldn't have expected that and then I got really like hurt because I feel like I've already softened up with him so for him to make that statement I felt like was a little unfair but at the same time I don't want him to feel like he

has to walk on eggshells and he can't say things to me so it's almost like I get confused between where I should put my foot down and where I should like consider his feelings so then he was upset but and then we got over it because i saw he was visibly upset as i was walking away driving away from him so i stopped and then we sorted it out but it's because he's been in a relationship where he couldn't say what he felt like before so now i just don't want to be that person again for him yeah does there's track or any anything you want to fill in yeah no I think and just to give a little bit of context I think so we've been together for almost a year now so so we've gotten to understand each other a bit more but I think especially towards the beginning

of our relationship there was a lot of you know communication gaps and like us figuring each other out and trying to understand each other because i'm naturally i think like like she said a bit of softer person a bit a bit like you know being able to express myself and wanting her wanting to get that sort of validation for myself as well so i think it kind of got really it got really good now and we've been able to communicate with each other so it's on those like off days where you know maybe i wasn't 100 or she wasn't 100 where i felt like okay like i'm a bit quieter i'm a bit in my head too and wife and i feel like i'm able to do that and so yeah i think it was just more like when when she was asking you know like are like are

you okay like are things weird i kind of took it as like, you know, like she's thinking something's wrong with me and I'm not doing something right. So yeah, in terms of at least the trajectory, she's spot on. When you were, you said you kept asking Sam questions, like, are you okay? You felt something?

And then finally he told you how he felt and then that was like triggering for you i guess what is what did you expect when were you just hoping he like it's like he said nothing but you didn't believe nothing and yet when he was honest it felt like you use the word it felt unfair but sometimes i think we can, you know what I'm saying? Like, cause sometimes the, the, the truth stings a little bit, whatever it is, or we get defensive.

And have you guys talked about how much it was hard for you to like be, not be the ice queen? Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, because you're just talking? Because we're talking about expectations versus reality, right? You're coming from a place of, I used to be cold. And he's coming from a place of, oh, talking.

And then you try to talk and then you ask him a question you didn't even believe is fine, but it's like you wanted him to say, you wanted there to be nothing wrong because you wanted to not have him to say that you wanted there to be nothing wrong because you wanted to not have upset him but you knew something was do you know what i'm saying like the thing that bothered you the most was him telling you the thing that you wanted him to tell

you yeah but i feel like he could have used like to say that you expect someone to act a certain way and then they don't act that way it's almost like you know my dad's scolding me for getting bad grades like i expected you to do better in school how did you did you say that did you say sam i expect i expected you to do so so i mean after i think she had asked me a fair few number of times and i think i mean i'm not the best articulating myself so i will i will say that but i think what i what i said was more along the lines of you know like right after she said you know like I should go back to like the ice queen days I was kind of like oh I shouldn't have expected you to be softer like I shouldn't have expected that kind of reaction from you and so I think the way that it was worded and I did apologize almost immediately

because I also knew that you were you were a bit upset no we walked in silence for like 100 meters and then yeah so i think it was when you guys uh when you and your husband a few times you fought because what you guys remind me of and like and thanks for calling in and being honest but like it the way you describe it after the fact it's it seems so well intentioned and like oh we can work through this but it sounds like it's just the language you guys are using while you're fighting is like it's triggering your emotions you you know what i'm saying it sounds very relatable to me uh i think i was more of the ice queen uh in my relationship with daryl he's more of a softy um and i love that about him because with that comes like the good parts of being emotionally intelligent. But I talked to my therapist a

lot about it. I was like, sometimes I'm like, your feelings are stupid. And it's something I really had to work on. And I think I got it from like my dad. But then like asking my therapist and listening to a lot of Dr. Phil, I've learned that perception is reality. So when my husband is super emotional and has these feelings that he can't help, that is his reality. So I had to take a step back and go, oh, he's actually really feeling this, whether I think it's stupid or unnecessary, that's his real feeling. So I'm going to try to like really accept that and then take care of him when he's

suffering in pain and calming myself down over the years has definitely helped us grow stronger but I feel you queen I was the ice queen and I had to like after you have to remember their perception is their reality whether you're like that's fucking stupid

you know I like that's fucking stupid um you know no no i think that's great i think that's awesome but also the thing too is like like kind of what was mega was saying is neither of you were doing anything wrong but when you guys when you guys started to like recognize that you weren't on the same page. You spoke to one another like the other person was doing something wrong as opposed to just talking where each of you were coming from, right? So instead of like saying, well, I expect you to do that, Sam,

you could have been like, it felt, you know, it centered your feelings rather than telling her what she's doing wrong. Why are you feeling the way you're doing and then try to articulate it in a way that isn't based solely on like, that isn't accusatory. You know?

Because that's how it sounded to her. You accused her of doing something she has been actively trying to be better at. And that's, fuck, I think that triggers anyone. When you work hard at something and you put effort into something,

even if you're showing the little, to you, it feels like a lot of growth. To everyone else, be like, well, you still suck at it. But you're just like, and then you say, like, correct me if I'm wrong, but what you've probably heard is you suck. You suck at the thing that you've been trying so hard on

and that would trigger anyone you know yeah I just learned recently if you start saying if you try to tell someone like you do this and you act crazy

and instead of that if you say I feel hurt when you say stuff like that or like when you put yourself first and you say my

like my heart gets broken when you say things like that or like when you put yourself first and you say my like my heart gets broken when you say things like that it helps them instead of feeling just like you're attacking them um and it's hard it's hard to compete with it it's hard to disagree with an ally when they're on your side you know when they're like i'm hurt and i want to not be hurt by what you say you know or maybe just yeah and also like before you like state your, what's eventually going to sound like criticism, because I think nowadays people, we've learned some of these tactics

and sometimes in relationships, you're like, I know what you're fucking doing. Yeah. But I think it's also important to state the common goal. Like, hey, like I just just i want to feel more connected to you so like i know that that's what we both want right like you just i think sometimes when we're about to like get into a discussion or disagreement i think it's a good to and something i've tried to do in my relationship uh is to just say like especially like with or now i'd be like first i before anything whatever like i i

just want you to be happy or i want i want you to know i'm there for you or i want to i want you to know that at the end of the day i just want us to feel more connected like you state that upfront goal and then kind of it's more about how we can get to that goal rather than breaking down the individual. Like make the problem the relationship. I get a little confused between when should I, okay, I need to like step back and compromise. I'm being like, I might have an ego right now and just try to prove my point versus that. No, this is somewhere I should stand my ground because he's so sweet i get so um i i really i it's like a bird you know you don't want to harm a bird or a puppy

you don't want to kick them away so but at the same time you don't want to compromise yourself you can you can see someone's point of view and then tell him your point of view but i think it's all not not taking the moment to say to like to validate their feelings because that's what you're not doing if you don't say it like you're literally thinking i see your point but i'm too busy making sure you understand my point boy before i took a moment to just say yeah that makes a lot of sense i get where you're coming from fuck sometimes we only want to hear in relationships. We often, we, like, fuck, younger me in fights, that's, you're just like, no,

I just need to be right right now. You know, I just, I need to be correct. I want to hear, you know, and we spend too much time trying to be right rather than being happy in fights and relationships. But like, what harm would it do? That is your ego, by the way. And you don't have to,

you can check your ego and stand up for yourself. Like they're not like mutually exclusive. You can validate your partner and say, that makes a lot of sense. I don't know if I agree with everything you're saying, but I do understand where you're coming from. Can I tell you where I'm coming from?

It might be a little bit different than yours, but like just that checking,, all you're doing is checking in when you're fighting. I want to be this constant back and forth of like, I understand where you're coming from. Here's my relationship. I understand where you're coming from. Here's my experience.

He's single. He doesn't know. When I'm doing that with my husband, I also take a moment and I go, oh my gosh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry from your point of view. That is painful and I'm sorry that with my husband, I also say, I also take a moment. I go, oh my gosh, I'm sorry. Like, I'm sorry from your point of view that that is painful. And I'm sorry that I made you feel like that. That was not my intention at all. And from my point of view, do you see how it could look like this? And we'll agree on that.

And then we'll start being like, okay, we're agreeing about this. And then I'll flash in a bunch of, and I love you, you know, a cute little, remember how much you love me. Yeah, you're having a discussion and, remember how much you love me. Yeah. You're having a discussion and you're actively trying to find common ground. And you validate their idea. Which is like so rare. Like, fuck, I shit like never did in my earlier relationships. It was just, it was about the fight and winning the fight.

Yeah. Some, a technique that I know we've used in like sororities when two girls don't get along is actually they have to not argue because that sounds really heated, but they have to advocate or argue as the other person. So you don't talk about what you want or where you're at. You have to purposely see it from your partner's point of view and speak as them. And sometimes that can really like help you get in that mindset

and really like enlighten. That's great're literally practicing empathy yeah i think sometimes we just have to remember stop focusing on me and how to ally's point if i'm just gonna if all if my only goal right now is to give you the benefit of the doubt what does that look like and that might help you empathize a little bit more no i agree but i get so scared that i don't want him to feel i don't want sam to feel like he has to ever walk on eggshells around me because i might react a certain way or i might say like he he gets upset that he might upset me so that makes me worried because i don't want him at all to feel like he ever has to be and I told him that day I was like don't ever feel like you can't

you have to mince your words because even if it hurts my feelings I'd rather you just say it than you resent me for it at a later time yeah and then just on on that now I think a lot of how I am with that is is because like like we said, we've been together for a year. At the start, I think it was very much like I felt like if I was to say something that would annoy her or piss her off, I would feel like it would take us a longer period of time than now to get over that. So now I think kind of what subconsciously happened with me is that I would want to avoid those scenarios to begin with. So I just started avoiding those kinds of behaviors or conversations. And so I think now we're at a much better place where I feel like we're connected enough that I can have those conversations. But there's still, I think,

a part of me that's scared of that kind of rejection on feeling like it would take ages to resolve even let's say one day. Is this your guys' first relationship? Second, where are you guys in terms of other people you've dated? No, so I've had one serious relationship before this. And Sam, did

she break up with you? Sorry, no, I broke up with her. Oh, you did. Okay. But have you ever felt rejected for being honest about how you feel? Yeah. So what you described, you're just building trust with each other, right? It's that trust of like, she's giving you permission to be honest. Sometimes it feels like a trap.

It's like, can I really say how I feel? Or, or, but you're going to, you eventually have to chest the waters and then in a relationship you just, you build that trust that they're, Natalie and I have had

those conversations too. Like early on, I think what, like after our big fight, like, you know, when I was younger, we had these toxic fights

and she, and similar to like her and her first boyfriend would break up a bunch of times. Big fight, break up, get back together. I mean, I can relate to that. So, it was really kind of a sweet moment where after our big fight,

she was like, are you going to break up with me? I'm like, no, of course not. And she was just like, yeah, I mean, I wasn't really worried about that at all, but I'm used to that being the cycle. I'm used to that being the thing. So you guys are just building that trust. Also, you have the right, Zara, to be who you are and take space for yourself. You're allowed to be in your head and take a moment. You're allowed to not always have to communicate to Sam just because Sam wants to. Sometimes couples fight and when people sometimes couples fight and two people right and some people like wants so like they want I gotta talk. Let's talk it out. Let's get through it. Another person's like I need a moment, you know, like And sometimes you have to let that person take the moment even though you wouldn't prefer it, right?

But they might need a moment. They might need to like collect their thoughts. They might need to like calm down They might need to like collect their thoughts they might need to like calm down they might need to just relax and you have to like let them do that right so you know what i'm saying so you you you can be in your thoughts and like sam you can't always be you can't maybe be giving her you can't react to like her maybe being a certain way just because you are disappointed that you wish she would have handled something different right let like maybe like the next day just say hey can i can i talk to you about like something that you know and again like just where i'm coming from i just know i love you but like just this is how i felt in that moment i'm not sure what you were where you were coming from and can we talk about it as opposed opposed to, listen, I just expected you to do this.

You know? And I'm, I'm immediately pissed off if someone says that to me. Yeah, fair enough. So, but fuck,

man, like this, this, this is a little shit that like, fuck, I've, I've gotten wrong

way more times than I've gotten right. I don't know about, like. You're nailing it now, man. You should write a book or something.

Yeah, it's impressive. I wrote a book. It comes out in October. I know, I didn't know if You're nailing it now, man. You should write a book or something. Yeah, it's impressive. I wrote a book. It comes out in October. I know. I didn't know if you released it yet. That part's not in it, though. God damn it.

I was making a joke. I'm like, you should write a book someday. Thank you. Sorry. I'm terrible. Anything else you want? No, you seem very lovely. And you seem like you generally really care about each other. So I'm rooting for you. Oh, my God. Thank you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love seem very lovely and you seem like you generally really care about each other

so I'm rooting for you thank you I love you I love you you're so sweet yeah but I see the love that you

have for each other and I'm rooting for you and I think you're gonna be fine you're gonna be fine

thank you you guys have the desire I will say I always say that after our mediation calls it's always like thanks for calling in guys our mediation calls because it's always like,

thanks for calling in, guys. Because it's uplifting. Hopefully this was helpful. I don't know. No, it was. Thank you so much for your advice. All right. Take care, guys. Thanks for calling in. Best of luck. Thanks so much. Bye.

Now, Ryan. Hey. You were like, but it sounds so, like. He was lost from the beginning. I know. No, it's a good. Honey, I was lost for a minute. It's good to come back to that stuff because it does seem a bit tedious at times. Yeah, it's work.

Definitely looked tedious for sure. It is literally work. I mean. You saw that only one and only blow up that we had. Daryl went buck wild. He started running around the house. It was awesome. I enjoyed every second of it.

Then we started talking like shit. Like, yo, is he crazy? And then he was standing right behind us. And we were like, fuck, he heard everything. Oh, I'm crazy? Yeah. Oh, I'm crazy? Oh, I'm crazy?

And then she's like, stop it. Ryan's here watching. I'm like, it's all good you've seen it but ever since then there's not much you know I fixed it

are you afraid to do the work in a relationship not now I guess but it's just like that a lot of that

just seems like kind of bullshit but just like no it's the thing. It's not. But the problem, like, and you're not the only one. I mean, we were, we've all been there.

Yeah. It's the, we are, we are not taught that that is normal. Love is supposed to be easy. I did want to tell them like, you're very normal by the way. Oh my God. Yes. Yeah. And like, it seems like it's easy for them to love each other,

but like easy does not, people take love as if it's like, it seems like it's easy for them to love each other, but like easy does not, people take love as if it's like, when they say love is supposed to be easy, as if it's never supposed to be hard or you never have to do work or you never have to like do tedious fucking things or honestly like things you don't want to do or like, yeah. I mean, it's just even you two destined to each other being like like there's like you have to be like oh like maybe

I need to like tweak this this behavior I've done for so long that pissed everyone else and honestly it's kind of annoying when people do it to me

so like I'm going to stop like yeah it's tough man it's tough but it also shows it makes you a better person like I'm not as cold now.

No. You know what I'm saying? And Dale taught me that. And then, the best part, the best part, and correct me if I'm wrong, Maggie, is that when you find that person that you can work through these things, kind of like when I said before,

when Natalie was like, are you going to break up with me? And it was a joke, but that's a real feeling. I think anyone who's had love before, had it end, felt heartbreak, find love again. There's always that. That's the fear, losing it. Like, you're so kind of like wonderfully ignorant when you're first in love that you're like,

this is amazing. It's not going to go anywhere. It's going to be great. Yeah. And it'll be here forever. And then you go through heartbreak. And then you have a wall up when you find love again. And you're just like that fear of it being too good to be true.

But when you find that person that you can work through these things, that feeling of safety of getting through it, that you have a problem, and you're just kind of like, all right, well, just, you have that common goal and that common goal is to like fix this problem solve it not win and you're never afraid of it going anywhere and that's a really it's a really good safe comfortable feeling we used to say that all the time we're like isn't that it's like, I'm not worried you'll ever leave me or like ever cheat on me

or ever ditch me. It's a great feeling. Yeah, because boy. And then I would joke, I'm like, yeah man, now I got you locked in

with a kid. Like you ain't going nowhere. But in all seriousness, it's a fun feeling but it's not easy to find and it does, it does, you will never just find that with someone.

I think you have to work. You can find the roots of it and get lucky with like having a lot there, but still have to want to. I had the big roots. Yeah. I think my thing is I avoid conflict at all. Like I do everything I can to avoid conflict.

So maybe. You know what's nice? So we live with our whole family. So I live with my two brothers and my husband. We're all together. And my parents come over every single day. And these relationship problems I have with my brother sometimes. And as painful as it is, we have to go.

I have to go talk to them. I say, hey, this really hurts my feelings when you do this. And so that's a great warm up for when you have love you don't hate it that much you just have to find your Daryl your Daryl

how does Daryl deal does he like the does everyone does it ever does everyone just need a moment he knows how much everyone loves him yeah and what are you talking about

does he ever just need a moment in the house with everyone together yeah he meditates twice a day for 20 minutes. Yeah, he's got his moments. He's like, I need to meditate. He escapes.

I love that. You guys got a nice little system. You guys are a delight. You're a delight, man. You're a genius. You should write a book someday. Thanks for having us. Thanks for edumacating him.

I think he's going to have a hinge thing I continue to learn I love learning can I can I at least and I'm not going to set you up with anyone because I think

not ever I wouldn't you think she's on hinge but if I meet someone who I do think could be a match for you can I of course

I'd be honored can I refer you have a pretty cool I only ask because getting set up sucks it's like it sucks I got set up that Can I refer you? You seem to have a pretty cool circle. I only ask because getting set up sucks. It's like it sucks. I got set up.

That's true, yeah. You did? Okay. So I can. Yeah, yeah. I want your permission. Of course. I can like throw your name around. Yeah.

He said, please. He said, since last time we saw you. Your crew, a big fan. He wants to be friends with you. You guys do it right. Likewise. I think you're great. Okay. Sweet. Thanks guys do it right. Likewise. I think you're great. I'm okay.

Sweet. Thanks for listening, guys. Don't forget to send your questions at asknick at castme.com. Cast with a K for all your

Ask Nick questions, your mediation calls. Get your boyfriends and husbands and fiancés or your friends. We haven't done friends yet. We want...

Yeah, because I think like she was saying, we have those problems at the house. Sibling relationships. Oh, we love some siblings. Siblings is going to be intense. Yeah.

Give us a shot at the title. We'll meet at your calls. And so far, everyone leaves happier. I think they did. When we first... Bring us back for the sibling one. Yeah, for sure.

When we first heard this, I think they were just afraid that we would roast the guy. I think... were just afraid that we would roast a guy like I think women primarily we have a larger women audience than male audience so women are writing and then they I think go to their

male partners and say do you want to do this they're like fuck no I'm going to get roasted but it's not how it goes so let them know write in don't forget to subscribe. Five stars. All that fun stuff. We got a great

ethnic episode of Monday if you haven't listened to it. Thank you, Megan. Thank you, Ryan. Go check out your guys' new podcast. Working on it, man. Working on it.

I was a guest on it. They're so much fun. What it feels like, it feels like you're hanging out with the trainers yeah hanging out with the

trainers I feel like was that your goal yeah that was our goal it feels like you're like if you want to know what it's like if you want to know

what it's like to hang out with the trainers listen to their podcast yeah it's amazing anywhere you can listen to a podcast anywhere

anywhere all of it working on it and then your YouTube got the episodes up there my YouTube I actually got into full glam

as Megan I got to go into Megan's shoes and see what it was like honestly fuck being a female pop star that was a nightmare gave him lashes

and everything I was exhausted just after three hours of glam and then she'd have to be like now you're doing a 15 hour music video

I'd be like no it sucked it sucked I looked gorgeous. So anyways, check out that episode. Bye. I got Dr. Phil on my episode too. Coming out.

Do you think you'll come on mine? Hell yeah. I mean, I'll text him for you. Yeah, put in the work. That'd be kind of a big deal for me. It'd be huge. Because he would nail these. Everything I was trying to answer was like,

what would Daddy Phil say? Yeah, yeah. She went full Dr. Phil. I would love to do if Dr. Phil did an ethnic episode hell yeah okay I'll text him alright okay love you

thanks for listening thanks guys bye bye bye bye bye bye

bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye

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bye bye bye