The Viall Files - E399 Going Deeper – Chris Olsen

Episode Date: March 23, 2022

Today we are joined by the incredibly talented and hilarious Tik-Tok star, Chris Olsen. On this episode of Going Deeper, Chris opens up about his very public break-up as well as his time in recovery, what that was like for him and his family, and how his life has changed. After that, we break down his thoughts on Love is Blind Season 2, the reunion, and his thoughts on Deepti and Shake. We also talk about how Shake finally got his “perfect” girl, when he reveals his new blonde girlfriend that he can put on his shoulders. We also discuss the ever-evolving Kanye and Pete Davidson drama, after news breaks out about Pete’s new tattoo. We dive into what the attraction is, if this relationship seems too flashy to be true, and how public relationships can only survive media coverage and never benefit from it. We then go to a mediation where a couple is having issues with where to live after his residency: She wants the California Beach life and he wants the mountains. But, after the girlfriend talks about their deal where they would live in California for 4 years and he would get to decide where they move for forever, we wonder if she really had a scheme in the background to never let him leave California. How can they come to a decision together that benefits both of their needs, without anyone holding resentment afterwards? “There's no winning in disagreements, I have found.”  Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes.  Pre-Order Nick’s Book: https://www.abramsbooks.com/product/dont-text-your-ex-happy-birthday_9781419755491/ Check out our new "Introvert" merch at http://www.viallfiles.com today! THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS:  BetterHelp: Go to http://www.BetterHelp.com/ViallFiles to get 10% off your first month. Babbel: Right now, when you purchase a 3-month Babbel subscription, you’ll get an additional 3 months for FREE. Go to http://www.Babbel.com and use promo code VIALL. Episode Socials:  @viallfiles @nickvial @chrisolsen @chris See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you're crazy what's going on everybody welcome back to another exciting episode of the vile files going deeper edition i'm your host nick joined by amanda ali died no i'm just kidding no even just joking about that makes me sad also like don't die on us ali because then i would look really bad uh ali is where is where the fuck is ali puerto rico family family she's she's works around the clock as we all have know and established And so she's finally taking a much needed moment of family time, even though she's still doing work. So you're stuck with Amanda.

Yeah, sorry, kids. You get the crazy aunt. Anything new? I went to Vegas. I don't know that I've spoken about my experience in Vegas. I love Las Vegas. I didn't even gamble that much. I get secondhand thrill from watching other people gamble.

And you went with a gentleman. Yes. Where are we in this stage of this person? Just like spending time together. What are we calling this person? I don't know. I think Allie wanted bar guy. Bar guy? Because we met at calling this person? I don't know. I think Allie wanted bar guy. Bar guy?

Because we met at a bar, but I don't know. I do think I'm sort of, the reason I'm being kind of sheepish right now is because I did really want to take some time to process everything with new girl and to be a little bit more comfortable on my own. Do you feel guilty about liking Bar Guy? Kind, I don't know. Not, I don't know. Like a little bit, but I also think, yeah, it's like, how are you supposed to measure that kind of thing with like other people in terms of nobody really knows what's happening in terms of emotional processing.

And I think like one thing New Girl and I discussed a lot was like that their things were off for like a significant amount of time and so it's the time between calling it quits is not necessarily the time being all in I I do I I'm realizing my semantics I think you're allowed to date whenever yeah listen moving on too fast might not be the best decision for anyone, right? Who knows? But as it relates to what it meant or didn't mean for the relationship that you're no longer in, it's irrelevant. So you could be moving on too fast for yourself. That remains to be seen. Who knows? and maybe you owe that to yourself to ask those questions fine and we love new girl fine but you don't owe that relationship

anymore anything anymore because it's over and that might be hard to hear and process but like it doesn't invalidate anything that you guys shared in the moment and that's one thing i think people make a huge mistake about they invalid like they they worry so much about measuring what the relationship meant when it's over and they actually spent more people spend more time trying to like measure the value of a relationship when they're no longer in the relationship than often when they were in it i'm not saying that's what you and New Girl did, but people in general. But I don't think you owe that past relationship anything. And now that I'm thinking about it, it's like we were open the whole time, like, and hooking up with other people the whole time.

So it's like, and, you know, especially towards the end, like, she was consistently, like, seeing someone that I presume she, like, continued to see after stuff ended between us. So I'm like, okay, in terms of like a fairness, even though it's everybody's different and it's not like just because one person does something, the other person gets that. But it's like not out of pocket to say that it's okay.

Yeah, I don't know. I think I just, I did realize my old date yourself resolution hasn't come to fruition exactly. So I'm trying to find like smaller ways to like carve out. Yeah. I think I just realized that I'm very, that I'm really avoiding commitment and vulnerability. And I overshare so much that it seems like I'm being vulnerable, but I'm not actually being vulnerable. And so that's kind of, I think I just like, you know, I met someone who I like and we're spending time together and it's fun.

And so I'm like not going to stop that in its tracks because I don't feel like I'm in crisis mode or anything, but I am also kind of simultaneously like really trying to be like, okay, let's work through some stuff and kind of face the stuff. I look forward to hearing more. It's good for our show. Yeah. So I trimmed my beard.

I fucked up. I got self-conscious about it. Natalie, I was like, oh, this would be a good opportunity for, like, I haven't really, I mean, I didn't bick it, but like the guard, I wasn't paying attention and it basically went down to like the zero guard. So then I just had to trim it all down. You didn't want to do a design? No.

And yeah, Natalie came home, and she's like, oh, that's not the reaction I was going for, but thanks. Because when you know someone well enough, you know a genuine excitement reaction, and you know I'm being polite and supportive reaction. And it made me feel like I'm like, wow, I need to wear makeup. Okay. I think some of it is also just like change.

Yeah. Whenever someone like changes, it's still like, oh my God, like adjustment period. It is a different look. I'm growing it back. Have you always been a beard guy? No, you weren't on the show. What was the...

Once I grew a beard, it was... I mean, I guess my audience made me self-conscious about my face. Like, there was a part of me that when I fucked up, I was like, you know what? This will be good. I'm going to try it out. A little trial run.

You're like, I want you back. Well, I don't mind. I do think I look better with a beard, but I don't mind it so much as much as, you know, I guess other people have a stronger opinion on it. But what are you going to do? We have an amazing episode for you today. The wonderful and charming and funny Chris Olson is with us.

If you don't know who Chris olson is with us uh if you don't know who chris olson is he is a very popular tiktok personality and also on instagram really charming guy uh went through a very public breakup with his boyfriend talk a little bit about that uh talk a little love is blind little kanye little uh pete davidson kim uh other pop culture news and we have a great mediation call for you also you'll probably hear me talking about this a lot my book is now available for pre-sale called don't text your ex happy birthday i honestly think it's good so i really do i wouldn't i wouldn't say that because I did not want to write a book that people would roll their eyes at

and think of as just some other bachelor book. I didn't write it for a money grab. I actually wrote it. And if you've been following my Questions with Nick series or you are a part of the Ask Nick audience, that many of you are, this book's for you. And I wouldn't be able to write it without you guys. And it's easy to read.

I think it's a little funny. Some anecdotes in there, some stories, a little bit of more stories about people from either been on the show or friends or just general anecdotes. But I think it, um, I think it's pretty good.

So if you want to order it, that would be amazing. Can confirm. And also order it. It's an awesome gift. It's like a really good gift. I think it's a great gift for, uh,

your friends who it's a good breakup book. It's a great breakup book yeah for any friend going through a breakup and I really think that my goal in writing it is to make people feel a little bit more in control of their own dating life and I really think you know I promise you at least two or three tidbits of like, you know what? I needed to hear that. Yeah, like this resonates. And I promise.

I promise. I promise. I mean, I can't promise. Like, I can't reimburse you if you're like, you disagree. But like, I really don't think you'll ask for your money back. I really don't. He doesn't. Anyway, don't forget to send your questions at asknickatcastme.com, cast with a K.

I would say this on a few shows. I'm pretty sure that Shane from Love is Blind 2 will be our guest next week, Wednesday. If it's not next week, it will come, but we're planning on being

next week, Wednesday. We haven't fully confirmed, but cross your fingers. He has a lot to say. Let's get to Chris. Chris, how are you? I'm doing pretty good. How are you?

I'm doing well. Super excited to be here. Excited to have you. It's been a long time coming. We were going to have you on a couple weeks ago, and then we were talking Love is Blind. We were. And you were like, I haven't watched yet. And I was like, well, let's just wait for a time because it's like heavy Love is Blind.

And then you went and got like hooked. Yeah, well, right after you kind of, like my manager said, oh, they want to know if you've watched Love is Blind. And I was like, oh, I haven't yet. But I mean, I'll get to it. And then I started watching just kind of after your deadline passed.

And I immediately was immersed into the world and have been thinking about it ever since. I was live texting all my friends while watching it because I was probably the last person to catch up on everything. Do you have any quick takeaways for us? Are you with the masses in terms of like, shakes a dick, we love Deep D, not sure how we feel about Shane type of thing?

Totally, totally. I think I was really interested because I knew actually through seeing some of your Instagram posts that Shake had kind of gone off the deep end since filming wrapped. But I was seeing that unravel while I was still watching. And I was really interested how they gave him some redeeming points throughout the show while I was knowing this is how it ends. I was so interested on how they

needed to give him an arc in a way for us to not completely write him off at the get-go, even though he did not have a good start at the gate. But then when I listened to your podcast with Deep D and how she was like, no, what you saw at the start was kind of like what was happening the entire time. Yeah, like that was pretty much him.

Because you're right. They definitely in the middle of it, you're allowed not to have a physical attraction to someone. Right. Totally. And I liked the fact that he was trying to reconcile with that. Yeah. But it was just the obsession of it. Right.

And the fact that at the end, like, did you watch the reunion? Of course. Just, then it was just like, oh, this guy sucks. And you could just, I mean, you could tell so much had happened from wrapping and filming to the reunion. And one thing he said in the reunion that stuck out to me was like, oh, you're just scared how we're going to be edited or you don't want to be edited a certain way. And I was like, yeah, maybe you were edited in certain ways, but the certain things that you said were clearly

coming out of your mouth. So there's not that much that could be redeemed in however you followed up with, I'm not attracted to her while laughing about it to other people. Yeah, and he didn't seem to quite, well, grasp it at all. No. He told me to suck it on my comments, which I loved. That was great. Yeah. Yeah. He has a new girlfriend, though, apparently.

Okay. Boy, does he. Yeah. Is she a tiny blonde he could put on his shoulders for a festival? Yep, there we go. And just like that. Well. That tracks're just like that. Well. That tracks.

Yeah. Yeah. Looks like you hit the nail on the head with that one. Exactly what we thought. I mean, everyone deserves love. Totally. And I wish him nothing but the best. I'm curious about this part, like the woman he's dating.

When she met him, did she not go, hmm? And then she looks in the mirror and then it's like, yeah, I guess I'm your... It's such a specific thing. I'm someone who's been on reality TV and I've been the villain before, so it's not like just because you have your critics, you don't

deserve... We don't want to be judged just because you go on a reality TV show. But I would have some questions if i were her so quickly after it was so specific in terms of why we had an issue with him right and the way he kind of seemed to be so objectifying yeah to not fully um pre-judge her but to think of an idea of what might be going on there is she could be one of those girls who's like, I haven't watched the show and I don't need to watch the show or something like that. You know, like different than the other girls is a vibe that could come across,

but I don't know her and I'm not, you know, maybe she watched it and was like, I actually fit every box he's trying to check. So let me slide in, you know? That's what I was going to say of potentially it's like that thing of, oh, he has these very high standards looks wise. And so maybe it's flattering to feel chosen in that way. And again, we don't know her. We don't know what her motivations are. But I do think there's almost that like there's the potential for the pick me element to the whole thing. Yes.

And then she just ended up on like a Nostweekly Instagram page. So she probably was excited about that. Yeah. I mean, who wouldn't be? Aunt Jenny is like texting her being like, oh my God, I saw you on Nostweekly. Yeah. A nice little launching pad if that's what she wants. Yeah.

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I am very much Team Deep D. I'm obsessed with her. I think she's doing everything right. I saw TikTok with her and not Nick. Who was the guy who was dating Shayna? TikTok with her and Kyle. Are they just teasing that for clout or is there something going on there?

Okay, so it's hard to say when Shayna and her fiance had this big opening at his restaurant that they were both seen at together. And so it's unclear because they are castmates and it would make a lot of sense for them to be attending the same events. But it's also, is there a romantic sense there? There's nothing on the internet as of now.

Well, at the reunion, he was like, I think Deep D is perfect. She deserves the best. I love her. I think Deep D is perfect. She deserves the best. I love her. I think Kyle's no dummy. And I think he's doing it for the engagement. Totally. If they were dating, they'd be dating. Right.

Right. I guess it would be very much more out there. They're pulling the Hannah Brown and Tyler Cameron. Did you watch the... I didn't. So they're very very popular couple he was the runner-up he was very popular she was a very popular i definitely know of tyler cameron yeah and they for like a good six months to like a year following their season they like

would hang out and post a lot of pictures okay and if you knew that and I I I knew they were never gonna get together but like the public had they had a strong like following that yeah they would but it was this all for right you know right the buzz no I think I was realizing this last night I think the last bachelor season I actually watched was your season. Really? That was like the last one before I stopped. I wasn't actively like, now I'm done with The Bachelor. But I was watching a recap, just doing my research, watching a recap of Your Season.

And I was like, oh, I remember this. I consumed this. What made you fall off? Oh, I went to rehab. That's truly what made me fall off is I didn't have the ability to keep watching it. And I think after I got back into the real world, I wasn't able to consume.

You had other priorities going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe that's what was driving me down to my ultimate demise. How did you end up going to rehab? There wasn't an intervention? Sure was. There was. Yes, yes.

One of my friends who was actually the most excited for me to go on this podcast, big Bachelor Nation girl, was my roommate for a while. Actually, for like two months, we were best friends freshman year of college and then planned to live together sophomore year. And she and my family kind of really started to see my downfall, alcoholism and drug addiction runs in my family on both sides all over. But my sister is somehow perfect, so she didn't really get any of it it all fell onto me and she like the summer before sophomore year I was getting into crazier things than just drinking I went on a trip with my family and I was like kind of wasted every night there and so September

of sophomore year I remember on like a Wednesday, the whole intervention story is on my YouTube, but I remember on a Wednesday, my roommate woke me up and she was like, Chris, your dad's here. I was violently hungover and I was just like, oh, okay. And then I like stumbled into my kitchen and my whole family was there, two of my friends, extended family. Everyone had like flown in. And if they didn't fly in, they sent a letter for someone else to read. And then every person went around and read their letter of how I had affected them. And then it was like, okay, and now you either go down to Florida

or none of us ever speak to you again. So it was like... How resistant were you at first or did it work pretty quickly? Well, quickly as in I did go that day, but off of the initial, you have to go. I was like, I can't now. Like, I can't just leave college right now, leave all my friends. I remember I took my best friend and my roommate into her room and I was just like sobbing to them because I was like, what do you guys think? How am I supposed to just go and leave everyone right now?

And they were like, they had no answers either. We were 19, you know? And then when I came out and I was like, I'm not choosing to go, everyone had packets of paper where the initial letter was. And after I said no, everyone dramatically turned to the next page, which must have been like, if he says no. He's going to say no at first. It was literally that because there was like a sigh around the room

and it was like, if he said no, Paige. because there was like a sigh around the room and it was like, if he said no, Paige. And then that was the like, how we're not going to speak to him ever again. And then they were going around the room and then my sister started like breaking down and was like, please don't make dad read his letter. And after she started saying that,

I kind of knew that like there was, I knew what it was. I knew that that was kind of like the nail in the coffin if he had to read it and always get slightly emotional when I think about my sister saying that. And when I was just seeing her sobbing and then it just kind of hit me that like, I have to go. If anything, just for her, for my dad, my dad started crying too. And that's maybe the third time I've ever seen him cry. And I was like, okay, I guess I will go. And they were like, okay, then you have to move quick.

Cause we have like two hours now to get to the airport. So that day, my phone had broken the night before um i don't know how and so i was texting my friends on my computer like i'm going down i i'm leaving i'm sorry i can't say bye to everyone i got to say bye to one friend who came over and we just like sobbed in each other's arms real quick and then like i was it was a connecting flight so i told most of my friends after the first connection that i was already gone. And then I didn't get to talk to anyone for like six months, except they wrote letters and such. It was a pretty...

It's not like the lightest experience to talk about, but that was like fall of 2017 all the way through summer of 2018. And if your season was January of 2017, that was like my last, my big last bachelor consumption before turning everything around. Well, good for you, man. I'm glad you were able to do that. Thank you. It could not have been easy.

And then I know recently you've gone through a public breakup i sure have you had a public relationship yeah and then a public and you guys were you were pretty giving with your audience in terms of talking about your yeah the whole thing was was that uh being someone who's been not me you but in terms of who's gone through rehab was that something you were concerned about in terms of who's gone through rehab was that something you were concerned about in terms of having type of relapses did your family get concerned any type of stress or trauma that you're feeling in your life i think we might right we tend to like maybe resort back to some of these vices that we've had was that ever a concern of yours or your family

and how did you work through that and what was that like for dealing with this kind of heavy breakup all while being someone in recovery? Surprisingly, like the fear of a relapse was not prevalent in my mind. I think it's possible it could have been in my family. But it wasn't really communicated too strongly because they probably didn't want to like drop that idea in, in a way. But I did, there were a lot of comments that I was getting that was like, really like, it's, it's super proud of you

for being able to go through a breakup sober. Like I can't imagine and all of that stuff. Um, but I think truly with everything that had happened with TikTok, then with like with blowing up on TikTok, then with the breakup, and then with anything that followed, if I had a little less time sober than I had, or if I wasn't sober or anything like that, I would have handled it 10 times worse than I did. So I was grateful to kind of have the time. It was like my date is on September 28th. So,

ironically, also the day that Your date what? My sobriety date. Oh, that's my birthday. Really? Yeah. That's also the date that

Ian and I started dating. So, we had a lot of things. Big day. Big day. Big day. I don't really like my birthday. So,

September 28th is pretty good. No, I'm saying birthdays in general. Birthdays in general. Just whatever. Yeah, but now you can celebrate Chris's sobriety. Yeah. On your birthday. Truly.

Now on my birthday, I'll be like, fuck me, but happy sobriety day, buddy. Sorry about the breakup. Exactly, exactly. So we broke up in December. So it was like four years and a few months. You know, because you guys blew up on TikTok and so much of it was the relationship. How long between you personally knew that like this wasn't going to work out versus you guys deciding to end it. Like how did the, we're known for being in a relationship and now we've built this like audience.

Was there any kind of like one more like let's give it a shot because of like the social media pressure or you were able to separate that? I feel like there was fear early on. Mostly that was living in me just because I was like I mean that's that's a fear in the back of my head for most relationships as though whatever happens if things go wrong but then when we started amassing a following that just got amplified because I was like even when things were really good I would I good, I think maybe being a child of divorce

and having gone through this crazy experience where my whole life was shook up once before, I'm always living under the impression that everything's going to go to shit eventually, or just waiting for the next shoe to drop. So really early on, I was kind of like, okay, that is a fear that's happening. But I think as things went on, and they continued being good for a while, but in that fall, like literally the season fall, that's when I kind of knew like, we're not acting like boyfriends right now we're acting

like two very close friends who share a platform but a lot of things have kind of like fallen to the wayside and that's really hard for me to deal with and I would talk myself out of it a lot of the time because I was like I think you're just being needy and you think you need this and you think you need this in a relationship and you think you need that. But when I would reflect that back to people, they would a lot of the time be like, no, that just kind of sounds like a regular relationship of needing intimacy or needing to be taken out on a date once in a while or something like that and so i kind of realized i was like i yeah this i i guess things are things are not the same as they once were and it was very it was very mutual um through the times that we started having those conversations

who had to broach the subject first? Was it one of those like, hey, I'm not really happy, how do you feel? Or was it like, I think we might need to talk about breaking up? It was actually like a third party. We were talking to someone about a podcast that we were supposed to do together. And we were like, it was going to be a six month contract. And we talked before and we were like, I don't know if maybe this is something we want to do. We don't know where we're going to be in six months. Like we were both saying that. So it

was like, okay, clearly we know something's happening. And then the person was like, okay, thank God that was like, this was the conversation. I thought you guys were about to tell us you broke up. And we were like, no. The call ended. And then it was like, should we talk about that? So it was literally kind of like a third party dropped the subject in and that sparked the conversation. Have you been able to stay friends? Yeah.

Yeah. I would say we've ebbed and flowed but are generally finding like a pretty good middle ground of things i think there was definitely a want from the outside world for maybe a little drama um but we didn't announce the breakup right away right after it happened because it was like let's just take time with ourselves for a second and be there for each other or find our support system

all of that stuff and then after announcing it it kind of felt like ripping the band-aid off again but I feel like it's been relatively good since then. Do you think either of you owe each other a phone call or a reach out if one of you starts dating in a serious kind of public way? Or do you feel like it's not really the responsibility

of either of you since you guys are exes and it's been four months now? Yeah. If you find out he's got a significant other, would you want a heads up from him? And do you think you should do the same if you were out there posting? I feel like in saying this it sounds like people will be like, I don't believe him, this sad bitch.

I would be happy for him if I saw something starting to begin and I don't think I would need a personal kind of message on that. if that's something that he would want, I would hope he would communicate that to me as well. But he hasn't.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, but I don't think that's something that I feel like I would need to take priority to do with him as well. Is this your most mature breakup, do you think? Yeah, totally. And has it always been this, what seems to be rather mature?

No, not at all. It's also, he was my longest relationship ever. So I think that I'm set up for the breakup in a very different way than these like passionate and wild three to six month stints that I had been in before. Which end up being, in my experience, I guess I need to experience another one post this breakup, but much messier and more intense than a longer-term relationship. But did you guys, was it like a clean breakup? Because in my youthful, immature days of long-term relationships, especially the longer ones, the breakup was like a process. Multiple conversations.

And then after we broke up, we'd still hang out or hook up because we have mutual friends. There was this kind of purgatory period. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think in between the breakup versus the announcement, that was that period.

Okay. Because there were a lot of conversations. There were a lot of like, can we make this work? There were a lot of like rehashing a lot of the things that we had been through. And I mean, there are probably little like moments of that that continue going on these days as well because we do kind of still try to talk every once in a while.

So I think, um, I wouldn't say it was just like clean breakup and we're not talking anymore. After that, there was definitely like an ebb and flow of conversation of where this is a huge change that's happening right now. So you're handling your breakup much better than Kanye and Kim seem to be. Yeah.

Just about to say that. Handling that. Yeah. Did you hear about Pete's new tattoo? No. Apparently he's got a tattoo that says... My girl's a lawyer. My girl's a lawyer. He's a lawyer also has that one

yeah we haven't seen that i couldn't find any photos of the my girl's a lawyer tattoo so makes me wonder where does he have it pete davidson's like it's you tell me what you think but at first it was like pete davidson was like this enigma. He's a very talented comedian, funny. He's been open about his own kind of mental health struggles and substance abuse struggles, right? And then he's become this like phenomenon where you might not like look at him and first think like heartthrob, but like all these super famous, high-powered women are interested in dating him.

And he kind of came across as like this kind of aw shucks reluctant kind of yeah person is just like i don't know why one's dating me but i feel like pete davidson loves the drama as much as anyone and it's not an accident that he is inserting himself involved like you know i'm saying It just seems, he doesn't seem like this is no longer some sort of coincidence or something

he just kind of finds himself in. Right, right. What do you think? I have no idea on like, his end of things.

I think, like, there was a viral TikTok of Trevor Noah going around kind of talking about Kim's experience through it and how like people are saying,

well, she loves the publicity. She loves the drama. And there's a new show coming out. And also, I think all of the above can be true maybe with all of them. Is that like Kanye wants a little more interaction with his children. Which is valid. Totally.

Pete may love the drama as well. Kim does have a new show coming out. And they're all probably feeling a lot of anxiety and in this messy situation but I guess I I can't really put myself in Pete or Kanye's shoes especially after their like text string came out um where I think that selfie comes from um because that is just like not a move I could really ever imagine making on my own unless I was really ready for it to kind of be blown up, like blown out of proportion or blown up on the spot in a way. So it is possible that that's kind of like he is making certain moves that will get certain amounts of attention.

But I don't know his personality But I don't know. I don't know his personality. I don't know how he goes about things. Well, Pete, we can't forget that Pete Davidson is the origin of Big Dick Energy. Right. As I remember it, it was very much like he was the start of that. So he definitely has.

And with Ariana Grande and Kim Kardashian, both of these relationships have bloomed after they were on SNL. And so I think he clearly has something in person that is like the opposite of the ick. Totally. And so it's interesting to see how someone who seems to be developing these relationships through like person to person like contact, just like banter, getting along well. Yeah. That seems very genuine and organic,

but the more he's in the public eye, like it seems like he's getting pushed and pushed and pushed. Right. Because there was a while where he wasn't saying anything to Kanye. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like this ongoing thing because you're right. He came across as like I mentioned before, it's kind of like, if you want to date me, I guess I'll date you.

And yeah, he's probably very charming and charismatic and kind of a bit of an enigma to people. I can get that. And probably very refreshing because I think a lot of his humor is self-deprecating or very self-aware. And so I think for people who are maybe used to spending time with folks who have a ton of confidence, it's probably very attractive to see someone who's so capable of making fun of themselves and not taking themselves too seriously. Sure.

The tattoo's a little strong. I mean, he's covered in tattoos. So there's the argument of like, what's one more fucking tattoo? And honestly, when you have that many, it's not that hard to cover one up if you want to change it. Regardless of all that, it's a very reactive thing.

And the Kim tattoo, that is actually not a tattoo. That is a branding. So he has several tattoos of like an un- It was a burn into his skin. So it's completely irremovable and permanent. My girlfriend's a lawyer. No, the Kim one on his chest. I think I'd rather have my girlfriend's a lawyer

branded on than kim i mean i would have none of them branded on me i wish him nothing but the best totally hope they are together forever but just the odds are i wouldn't bet any subnet substantial amount of money that they're like nothing relationship wisewise Kim does lasts. Like, you know, there might be a year or two or six months. She's a lot like the rest of us. And this doesn't seem like this relationship has a recipe for sustained success. It could be wrong. Right.

I hope I'm wrong. Would be amazing. Would be amazing. But there are some potential red flags in the relationship. And just a lot of hurdles to overcome. It's really slanted against them when you think about all of the things that are required of them in order to be partners to one another and all the publicity and things they have to navigate. Well, any public relationship, you've been in one, I've been in one i've been in one cam pete conyer all the drama or the the the what i'm trying to think of like this is their relationship

is it's it's you have so much to you're not bored right there's so much outside stimulation because you're responding to fans or the drama and it gives you something to do and something to do in any type of situation a relationship is like half the battle because like boredom can really like set it and be like are we really connecting and sometimes when you are in some type of relationship that's like heavily dramatized you can often not realize how you're not connecting or you're not really building a foundation or really able to like be quiet or be alone with one another in your thoughts it's just about the things that you're involved in like if it's a bachelor nation relationship you're you know focus on the tv

show if you're you know on tiktok you're like you said you're spending too much time being like making videos together but not really like going on dates. And you got to wonder this relationship is kind of born out of this heavy drama, this TV show. And I don't know, maybe that's a way to build a strong foundation, but it proposes its challenges. Yeah. I mean, it's hard to really think about how many like public relationships have had this really great long lasting foundation. Um, I remember thinking back to like Brad and Angelina and thinking like that is, or, or even like before that. And of course I don't know the ins and outs of their relationship, but like Courtney and Scott, I was like, they're doing so well and they're not even married. Like, that seems amazing. That's

like, I mean, they've been together for so long brad and angelina are like the celebrity couple to kind of follow and both have since um kind of disintegrated um so there's there's not really like an image of how this works out in in my mind i think the people who kind of do it behind the scenes or maybe like have a relationship that isn't their main focus of things that are going on seem to be doing it correctly. Not that I would say this is even like Kim's main thing is her relationship with Pete.

I think the Kardashians always have a lot of things going on. But I can't imagine, like there's no scenario in my head that thinks if making a relationship public or having a relationship public makes it better for anyone. Because it's almost impossible to, like, turn off the noise at the end of the day and just be with each other. You had an ex low-key threaten to kill you? Yeah. So, did you believe it i don't yeah i don't think he's one to be listening to a podcast like this but and also if he is like yeah you did this so um you know we're not naming names right no it wasn't we're not

no my god ian did not threaten to kill me um full is clear. But I sure did. I was at theater camp one year, and this was, I think, after my sophomore year of high school. And he was not a very good boyfriend the entire time, but I was, I guess, very into toxicity at that point in my life. Was also very depressed. I was going through a lot of things and he was an older guy who like brought me comfort in the way of I only felt safe from him if I was on his good side. So I was just always trying to like be in penance to this guy. So

anyway, things kind of went wrong and I kind of realized this was not the person for me and but before that he we had kind of made the plan that he would come and visit me at the end of theater camp and see the show that I was in and I remember him getting really mad at me one day because after we broke up he had found out that I had like started talking to a guy again and he like freaked out at me. It was so angry. And then later in the day it was like, you know what? It's actually totally fine. Like, I'm sorry. I freaked out. Like, which he never, he would never do stuff like that. Like suddenly kind of take accountability for something like that. Um, kind of take accountability for something like that.

And then I think two days later we were talking and he got like angry again or emotional and was like, I was like fucking lying when I was saying it was okay. I was just saying that so I could like, I could be invited back to your theater camp or something like that. Come pick you up because we were going to go to his house after it ended. Then I was going to like take your phone and just like drop you off on the side of the road and you would figure it out from there. And he probably never had the plan to do that. But I remember that performance weekend at theater camp, I experienced my first panic attacks because I was so scared that he would just like

show up out of nowhere because he is a guy that kind of would do that he kind of like at that point of his life liked thriving on the fact that he was a little wild and he would always tell me like there were times he would like pull me in to like kiss me and then like push me away and then I would be like what was that and would be like, you just have to remember I have the power in this relationship. I would be like, okay. As like a little sophomore, like a 16 year old, I'd be like, totally, that's... This is how relationships work.

Oh, this is great. There's the power one and then there's me. The power one and then like, fuck me. So I do remember that maybe he wasn't really going to go forth with this plan to kind of just let me die on the side of the road. But that is what he expressed to me. And he also had my mom's number and was texting her what a horrible person I was and everything. And she was texting me and she was like,

is everything okay with this guy? Because like, and I was crying to my friend, one of my roommates, and he was like, Chris, don't, like your mom will always take your side in this situation. Like, you don't have to worry about this moment. I feel like there's a lot of, and I've had this, I've had exes, like my mom is an angel, right?

She's like, she's the queen of empathy. Right. And any girlfriend I ever had, she's so good at just making them feel like part of the family. There's always a lot of quick words of affirmation. There's very close. My mom's always been like that with anyone I've dated. And I love that my parents hold me accountable. Especially when I'm dating someone

they have no problem taking my partner's side with things. But I'm still their son. And there have been times where it's just like I have found out after a relationship has broken up that they would text my mom

and vent to them and saying things. where mom would be like hello did you think i was like not gonna it's not it's not even about taking sides but it was just more like saying certain things where it was like crossing a boundary and i always find it nuts that some some people will break up and find and and think that they can immediately try to convince the parents of their former partner that they should still have them around in their life? What are you trying to accomplish

when it comes to stuff like that? I think it's just a power move. People think of it as a power move and think there is some delusion in the back of the head that is like this person, like I will just get whatever over you I can including turning your parents against you

somehow, which is like I think there is some delusion there for sure. Oh, 100%. Yeah, I guess I'll do it. I've also realized friends and partners like can be bullies. Totally. A lot. You know, like I think there's a lot of people who have friends that like our listeners like your friend might be a bully because i think sometimes we

have friends like i thought about it when you're telling about the story about the x of there are certain pushy people who will like kind of just bully people into doing things they want because they, they, well, that's, that's, that's their style. And they will accumulate certain friends who are more, you know, demure or quiet or easygoing or like things like that.

And then eventually it's just like, you know, like you can have friends who can, can bully people. We've gotten, it sounds like when people call him with our ass, Nick, there's always a couple of those.

Right. But like, you always gotta be careful about, like, you would think that you would never be friends or date someone who's a bully, but that happens all the time.

Yeah. Yeah, you totally do. I think I had definitely found myself in a position of feeling like I just wanted, I wanted some control in my life, but it translated into wanting someone to control me or finding someone who was controlling me. And so there was this

weird like fucked up sense of, well, at least there's something that has a direction, even though it's literally the direction to hell. Like there's something okay here, though it wasn't okay. Yeah, and I'm like locked into this. So it's like not on me. It's just something that is like set up. I mean, it was boarding school. So I remember there was literally, there was like no escaping him in a way.

And one day I like, we had just gotten in a fight and I woke up, I had a roommate too, but I woke up to something and he was sitting at the edge of my bed, just like waiting for me and was like, we have to have a conversation. And I was like, looking back on that now, I'm like, that's absolutely terrifying. And my other roommate was just asleep because this must've been like 6am but I was like yeah there was I ended up learning the sound of his feet walking up the stairs that were that were right by my room because I immediately like I literally knew the cadence of his step because it would make me so nervous or I would be so tense whenever it was happening.

So that was one of my best relationships. Yikes. Yikes. I thought this was really interesting. And before we get to our mediation call, I want to end with this. Okay. But we asked you if there's anything you're holding a grudge about. And you started off by saying you don't hold grudges.

And that made me think, and you actually recognize the same thing i was going to ask you yeah is that you said you gave the example like if someone ghosted you and called you next day you would reply yeah and how are you able to and sound like maybe you're struggling with like the balance of because i i think it's toxic to hold grudges. Yeah, totally. It takes too much energy to hold on to that kind of angst and anger and frustration. It's better, it's healthier to let it go.

But what a lot of people do and what you've admitted to doing is there's a difference between not holding a grudge and still maintaining a boundary. Yeah. Like you gave that example of someone ghosting you and like forgive not forget right like they ghosted you so instead like are you actually responding to them because you're no longer holding a grudge are you responding to them because you might get the validation you seek that they were maybe sorry or regretted

ghosting you or can give you an explanation that will be easier for your ego to handle yeah it would definitely i i my my ego seeks the validation in in those circumstances or also just like is always trying to find reconciliation or ways that things could work out or something like that. Hopelessly, I want everything to always be okay and to feel in control of things. And when you're ghosted or when things don't work out, you suddenly feel out of control. So then when someone comes back to you and gives a little bit of that control back to you, you're like, okay, I feel great again. How could I? It's a fucked up way of thinking, but like, how could I then continue to hold this boundary

where it felt shitty to have to put it up in the first place? Yeah, but you give it right back when you. Totally. Yeah, when you. I have a really hard time giving up, like giving up my power to people rather than standing in my power, which is something like

my therapist and I have worked on a lot of like, well, why do I feel so comfortable standing in my power on TikTok or on social media? And I think it's because there is kind of a built-in boundary there of feeling like I'm allowed to take up this space here rather than when someone's right in front of me. If they're like, no, I'm about to take up some space. I'm like, okay, take it, whatever you need, because I will quickly acquiesce in an in-person situation. So then suddenly online, I'm like, well, here's my spot. Here's where I'm going to stand or something like that, which is something I'm trying to find the middle ground in. Recognizing it is huge.

It's totally huge. Huge stuff. Recognizing it is huge. Doing something about it is even bigger. Let's get to these are great topics to segue into our mediation call because we have a couple that is having a hard

time figuring out where the fuck they should live and arguing about it. Let's bring them on. Let's's do it what's going on guys all right who we who we have here i'm sarah i'm 28 i'm patrick i'm 30 uh hi you two appreciate you guys calling who wants to kick this off and uh tell their version of the story okay so i'm gonna kick it off okay i will tell the version of the story that i think is most true but then i'll let patrick jump in if if he hears anything that he doesn't agree with great we definitely want to get both sides okay cool so i will first start out with what we're looking for. So we need some

help and some mediation with figuring out how we determine and how we compromise on where we want to live long term. So let me give you the backstory now. So me and Patrick met out here on the West Coast. And then after we met, we were dating. And then we ended up moving all the way out to the Midwest for Patrick to go to medical school. So we did four years out there. It was very cold. It was very hard for me. It was, you know, it was okay for Patrick. He didn't have that tough of a time. But we were just like, oh, man, we got to get out of the Midwest. It's so cold. so cold. So when we were kind of thinking about where we're going to go after that, I was like, let's get back to the West Coast. Like, I love California. I'm from California. I want to go back. And he was more so like, well, I want to pick somewhere for my residency program. That's going to be a good program. It set me up well for my career. And so when we were making that decision, we were going back and forth, back and forth. He had multiple options where he was a really good candidate to go anywhere in the country he wanted. So I ended up saying, okay, here's the deal.

If you take me back to California for the next four years, I will let you pick anywhere you want to go after that. So we can move wherever you want to go. And so my reasoning here... For the to go. And so for the rest of your life, for the rest of our lives. Okay. So my reasoning here was like, okay, if I can get Patrick to California, he is going to see, he's going to open his eyes and he's going to see how great it is out there. Um, cause also we were, we were on the West coast, but we weren't in California. So I was like, he's going to see how great it is out there. You know, he's going to change his mind.

So if I'm hearing you right, Sarah, that was a bit of a lie. It was a bit of a lie. Because you were like, I'm just going to make this promise because I'm going to assume he's going to change his mind. going to change his mind and after four years when he's just like let's go to i don't know wherever the fuck bismarck you're gonna be like what and then you're gonna have to right so like we you didn't actually mean that you were just banking on the fact that you're gonna spend the next four years selling him on building this life in this you know wherever west coast town that you guys settled in yes exactly and so i thought you know he's gonna get out there he's gonna love the beach he's gonna be convinced that like this is the place to be and so anyway now

we're two years in and he is still set on going Pacific Northwest. So he wants to live somewhere other than California. So Patrick, you were like, okay, fine. And you moved out West. I mean, yeah. So I honestly, this is a great deal for me that she proposed and I didn't, I wasn't like, I was transparent about that. So you realize four years really isn't that long. And then our whole life ideally would be quite a while right so yeah are you sure you want to make that deal and she's like no i want to you know

before we have kids and before i get bomb bod like i i want to spend my my youth on the beach and then we can go wherever and i mean i'm not trying to like move her to Omaha no offense to anyone but like yeah like you know Pacific Northwest like these aren't these are places that people love to live so I mean the whole time for me it's I don't like the beach so that's not going to be a selling point for me and I like the four seasons and the cold weather part of the year. And with, you know, Southern California doesn't have that. So to me, it's like, you know,

you made a deal and now it's time to pay the piper. Yeah. So this is where we're stuck. I disagree with both of your approaches. I was transparent the whole time. I hear you there. And she definitely, Sarah definitely made a... Let me ask you this, Patrick.

When she made that deal and you said, babe, I just want to remind you that the rest of our lives is a long time, but are you sure you want to do this? Deep down, did you understand you sure you want to do this deep down did you knew exactly did you understand what she was trying to do which it sounds like to me that you were she was pretty transparent even though she thought she was being super machiavellian that you you kind of knew you i don't know like honestly no i'm not i'm not trying to i'm not trying to set you up to say that you were wrong i'm just no not at all i'm just asking like it seemed like you're a

pragmatic person and it seemed like you anticipated uh this being an issue regardless when she presented the deal it was going to be an issue which is why i tried to talk her out of it i was fully okay with reversing that deal and me going wherever i want both of us for four years and then you know what we'll make it work in southern california it's fine and it wasn't like this was a one-day conversation we never revisited like it's something we came back to multiple times while we were in the Midwest. And she stood around. She seemed like everybody understood the terms of the contract,

and we moved forward. And then I busted my ass to get us here to Southern California for residency, which worked out. Someone's going to have to compromise. And just talking to you both i'm not getting a vibe from either of you that you're all that interested and compromising so i mean i've put forth what i think is kind of a compromise and admittedly I still win in it, but that was the contract. So, but I was like, look, I mean, you, what do you love about Southern California beach? Okay. They have beaches in the Northwest. Yes. They're colder. Um,

but pick a spot and I'll see if we can make it work. Like with my employment and your employment and whatever else, but I'm, you know, I'm willing to, to compromise on my end. You know, there are a lot of places inland that I would do very well professionally, um, that I'm willing to like move past those to find a more coastal place. That's also has seasons and things like that. I, I have to say like, I do hear his argument there. He is giving like a range of options and I'm someone who will frequently, if I don't like

staying home for too long, I'll just kind of like travel on somewhere as a, on a whim for a second. And so if you have, if you're on the Pacific Northwest, you have the ability to kind of pop down when you need to or be near a beach. But I do think it is something, while also sticking to your point, Sarah, and holding to that, which I think you are more than allowed to do,

I think it is something to be appreciated that you're given kind of more of a wide range of options um rather than just saying like we are moving back to omaha because of that was the deal that you initially gave me because like technically he is in his right to say that um with the initial deal yeah for sure and now you guys having being in where you are now it doesn't sound like you've really setting like really roots down and with you like residency is your goal after you whether you stay where you are or you move to your next destination, is it possible that could be your forever place? Or is it also possible that as your career advances, Patrick, that a relocation is also in the cards?

Yeah, I think it's possible. Just like the statistics are that most folks in my field end up changing jobs within the first three years. Now, ideally, that wouldn't be the case because you're building a patient base and you're kind of making a name for yourself in whatever city you're in. So you kind of start over if you move. But that wouldn't be the end of the world. Okay. So it's possible. Yeah, because I think these...

Unfortunately, Sarah, I think the deal you made... I think you both need to kind of forget about this deal. That's what I think. Because it was nonsense to begin with. You both knew it, right? It was nonsense, Sarah, when you proposed it. Patrick, it was nonsense that you accepted it at face value. You both knew.

You both knew it wasn't going to be that simple. So for both of you to bring up this deal as a way to try to get your way, what I think is it's not not gonna allow either of you to really empathize and understand the other person's point of view it's just you know what i'm saying you need to both just stop bringing up the deal right you're married okay you're married and no matter what like whether whether it's this issue or not like someone who's never been married or but like you can't predict the future right shit's gonna happen and you guys are gonna have to like get through some of these choices this is one of those choices you have to

get through so there's gonna have to be continued compromise i will say uh sarah that well i think you should forget the deal i i do think it does seem i agree agree with Chris, that Patrick seems a little bit more flexible than you. He is. And given that flexibility, I think there are compromises to, you know, while it might not be, you know, Southern California, the Pacific Northwest is a pretty easy and relatively inexpensive flight to even keep touch with friends and family. You know, it's not the East Coast. It's not the Midwest. It's a definitely less chaotic climate.

It's got the seasons that Patrick's looking for, but maybe not the brutal winters that other parts of the countries have. You guys can move anywhere and still move again. You know, I think that's the thing. As long as the only commitment you guys should have is to each other, not to sound corny, is that shit's going to happen and we just have to prioritize this relationship. And at times I'm going to make sacrifices

that I'm not going to love and the other person is going to feel a little bit more like they got their way and the other time it's going to be the opposite it kind of seems like the way you are also agreeing with us is that this is something you did know a little bit in the back of your head that was just kind of like being pushed down because you were like maybe well i the the things will still be able to change because we do that until a definitive decision is made all we're always trying to do especially if the decision has to do with another person is change the other person's mind um while also knowing somewhere back there that the inevitable will come to us you know so I feel like there's definitely more your you have more compromise in you you've just been quieting that side of yourself to really stand your ground yes yeah yeah you know I feel like

that is a good way of looking at it that's's a fair point, because I have been just like, this town, this town, this town this whole time. But it is heartwarming to hear Patrick talk about him kind of taking into consideration, you know, my love for the beach town and still, you know, wanting to incorporate that in wherever he chooses to live. Because, you know, per our deal, he really could take us to the middle of nowhere. chooses to live because you know per our deal he really could take us to the middle of nowhere so i do appreciate hearing him talk like that and hear that he's actually you know considering my you know true desire for why i like living here well i think anyone in a relationship you want your partner to be happy so deal or no deal it would be kind of an insane move to be like well you made a deal so fuck it Not really interested in your wants. Right, right. But he did move for you and gave you something you wanted, and every relationship is a bit of give and take.

And I hate the idea of keeping score, like, well, you did this for me, so now I have to do this for you, and vice versa. But there should be an unspoken kind of like recognition of, you know, maybe it's my time to make some sacrifices. And you said you're only two years into this four year kind of stint, right? I think that, as you mentioned earlier, this has been something that, you know, we more or less joke about for the most part. And Sarah has kind of suppressed, we both have kind of suppressed and put off the fact that we'll just have to

make this decision later, but it's just becoming time to start thinking more seriously about that. And, you know, I get that from, like I said, from one of the first dates we had, my heart is at the beach, et cetera. And I, I totally understand that because like mine's in the forest and i and i think that from her perspective it's like we're finally here yes i agreed that we should leave but how could someone like want to leave here once they're already here it's not that bad versus for me it's everything for someone else it's like you can probably put up with this it's

not that bad totally and that's true that's you know that's true it's actually not well i actually i i think it's dangerous for sarah to have that logic because yes it's a nice place there are obviously worse places to be than the beach but if you're not into it you're just not into it like people are just into different things you know and i think we always have to be careful to be like why don't you like this you know like we do that a lot with it or food or tv shows like i don't i fucking don't and i mean it sounds like both of you kind of have that mindset about your same place like like it's everything for you um patrick and it's also everything for you sarah um and it like i'm sure pat Patrick probably sometimes has a mindset of being like, yeah, but actually not sometimes, is in the mindset of being like, yeah, but the Pacific

Northwest is not that bad, so why don't you just like it there? And you're like, but this place is not that bad, so why don't we just like it here? But again, um in in reflecting back that logic between the two if you're able to find flaws in the other person's logic then it can very easily just be mirrored back to yourself yeah i think it'll go a long way if you guys you're like again sarah if it's you who kind of concedes right and ultimately moves i wouldn't think of it as winning and losing i mean at the end of the day i think you're always going to get more from your partner by giving than receiving weirdly enough right if if patrick's just like fuck it i'm this is you made a deal if you make it about the deal there's going to be resentment on sarah's side right and if sarah if

you're just like fuck it i love i have to do this there's going to be resentment on patrick's side and you guys want to avoid the resentment that's the really the biggest goal here is like no matter what you guys decide can you prevent one of you or both of you from like constantly being resentful of the other person also like you're you know hopefully you have a successful career patrick you make some money as someone who's like a little older like time goes by fast patrick seems to recognize this like hopefully you have a very successful career you make some coin and maybe you buy like a second home at the beach in the future like that's that's possible. Or you just, you travel a little bit more and you

spend more time like traveling to the beach and things like that. Like I live next to the beach for a year and a half and I always consider myself a beach person. Like whatever. It's like, it's not like you can't be happy and you can't be a beach person. You can, it seems like you have a lot of guys, a lot of things going for you. I would just hate for this to be an ongoing thing. And then I do agree with Chris is that I think you guys need to, you're better off figuring this out for the most part sooner than later too.

Because one, enjoy the two years that you have left. Don't make the next few years about fighting about this thing and then anticipating the move and then dreading it. Just appreciate it in the moment and have some fun. And stop thinking, Sarah, that Patrick's going to come around. He's not, right? And that's okay, too.

Because if he does give in a little, it's not because he came around. It's because he's doing it for you. little it's not because he came around it's because he's doing it for you you know sometimes when you try to convince the other person to like something as much as you do you take away their opportunity to like you know give to you to like make sacrifices for you it's just like you know yeah it's nice when you like the same things but it's also nice to know that your partner is like did you a solid and be like you know what let, you know, maybe Patrick one day buys you a concert tickets to like your favorite country music show. And he's like, let's go have some fun. He's a good sport about it. And you know, it's not his favorite thing, but like, you know, he did it for you. And that was like something you're going to appreciate more because

he went and he had fun and he wasn't a baby about it. He just like, this is Sarah's day. I'm going to have some fun. And like that same appreciation of this will be something that you can do for Patrick. But if you kick and scream and talk and make it about the deal, you'll take that opportunity away from yourself to like do something for the relationship. And I'm assuming in the future,

like that will be something like Patrick recognizes is like, hey, you know, you did this for me. Just like Patrick recognizes is like hey you know you did this for me just like he moved to California from you because right now he he did he moved he still moved to a place that you wanted to go that he didn't and despite the deal he he did that and right now instead of like appreciating that you're already focused about how do I make him stay and it kind of takes away that whole kind of gesture of him moving to a place he never wanted to go to in the first place that is a good point and that actually does kind of open my eyes to seeing his perspective a little bit more because I didn't really think about how I'm kind of shitting on the fact that he did a

really big thing for me because I have just been focused on, all right, now how do I get him to stay here forever? So I think that is a good perspective to have. And I can appreciate how willing he is to compromise because even what you were saying about, you know, maybe getting a vacation house, he has brought up nearly all of your points before. He has been very open to compromise and I've just been kind of

stubborn about yeah staying here so it is good to get a third person's perspective on it i'm glad that you recognize one of the things that i love about sarah and why i still love her and fell in love with her was that she's so dedicated to her thought process like she will make her mind up about something and that thing will be seen to the end for sure and but you know every pro has its con and sometimes it's like if that outcome has resistance whether i'm the resistance or something else like can be a problem so if we can like shift our focus and all of her undying passionate energy to like doing some road trips together and and exploring different places that might be you know a good compromise for both of us then i think that can be like a growing experience for us together in just finding that ultimate location

i think you make a good point too because it it's just, it sounds like just channeling channeling your energy, you know? Yeah. It's I mean, yeah, that's a fair point. And, um, I do, it's the attitude shift that you were talking about, Nick. Like I think I do need to just flip the switch and stop being such a baby when we're looking at home. Cause we have done that before we've gone and like, you know, looked in Oregon and see these cute little coastal towns. And I do start to get excited about it but i'm like stop doing that he's gonna he's gonna be not sold on southern california anymore yeah he's not sold i had to talk to him

for two minutes before i was like this fucking hates this place totally true so you know i will try the attitude shift and try to be a little more open-minded when we're you know having the discussion and try to focus my energy a little bit more onto the compromise instead of just holding my ground and i think that would go a long way next time don't make promises like that you know because i i i do as you guys get more and more familiar with each other and you've you're already married and i have just found and we've all been in relationships everyone in this room you get to part no one likes being manipulated right we all agree that we all hate being manipulated we all manipulate in relationships we manipulate in relationships we do it but the

more you get to know your partner the more you pick up on when they're manipulating you. And honestly, like when you proposed that deal, Sarah, to Patrick, that was you manipulating, right? And those are the little things that kind of like, it just gets annoying because it's like, just let's have a conversation and talk. And I just find that like, I would rather have my partner to say,

I'm calling in a favor, so to speak. I want to get my way right now. And that way you could just say, okay, well, I want to make you happy. So I'm going to do this for you. Rather than like, I would rather do that. And as a partner say, I want to be the type of partner

that wants to make my partner happy. Rather than like, I know i'm being manipulated right now so like i'm more i get more irritated on knowing that my partner is just like trying to like get one over me so to speak and usually this stuff like this happens like with smaller things day to day of like let's do this thing but you know what i'm saying like I just feel like that type of communication over time gets frustrating and annoying. Just like, you guys are married. Just tell exactly how you feel about a situation

and then figure out how to get through it together rather than winning. Because there is no winning in disagreements in relationships I have found. There's either figuring out a solution where you're both happy or losing yep that's a fair point yeah so when you got to stop trying to win and then now you sarah and then figure out a way that you're both happy and i do think once you change your mindset you will find have your new goal not being finding

don't try to win your new goal is finding a place that we're both love and be happy about and and until you find a place that you're just as excited as him then you don't stop looking okay okay i can do that i can do that for this relationship channel that energy work i will great got this all right well hopefully this was helpful no that was super helpful thank you so much appreciate it uh thanks for calling in yeah thank you so much thank you you too bye well what a great call. What a couple. I think they're going to make it. Yeah.

Usually, it's like if you're fighting about where to live, it's like game over. Joe and Kendall. I was mildly concerned for them because at one point, I wanted to be like, guys, if you don't fix this, you're definitely going to get divorced. Well, and they also, I mean, Sarah set it up with that first line of saying,

like, this might be vile trials. I kind of, I honestly expected maybe a little more bloodshed during that conversation, but it seemed like they were both kind of hearing each other's sides pretty well. Yeah, I feel like another successful story, or mediation rather, and without you having to prompt them, Amanda,

they were kind enough to articulate what they liked about the other person on a happy ending so i'm i like i'm a big fan of words of affirmation and like uh instigating it imposing it on other people totally i love that chris thank you so much for thank you it's been a pleasure. This was great. You're wonderful. Where can my audience find you, follow you, all the great stuff you're doing? They can find me at Chris on TikTok, just Chris. Or I am the Chris. You're the Chris on TikTok.

I'm the Chris. Or if they're feeling a little more chaotic at not Olsen Chris on TikTok, Chris Olson on Instagram, and probably somewhere else in the world. Okay. Yeah. Well, it's great content. Follow along.

I really appreciate you coming on, Chris. Thank you. Don't forget to pre-order my book. I'd really appreciate it. Go link in the show description. I'm sure I'll be promoting the show out of it for the next so much. Beautiful book cover. Go check it out on his Instagram.

I really think you guys will enjoy reading it. I honestly, I'm very self-conscious about it, and I was fully prepared when I wrote it to be like, I'm just not going to tell anyone I wrote a book because I don't need this book, so to speak. So I was like, I'm fully prepared to not promote it. But I think it's good. No, that's important.

So read it. And if you hate it, then you can make fun of me. And if I'm wrong. Thanks for listening, guys. Don't forget to send in your questions at asknick at castmedia.com. Cast with our K. Don't hold me to it, but believe shane from love is blind 2 will be our guest for next

wednesday is going deeper pending confirming hopefully he's going to be in the studio maybe over zoom a lot we don't know uh but uh we anticipate getting the exclusive. He has not done any other interviews and has held all his answers in for this show. So we appreciate him doing that. A lot of questions that we all have. Yeah, I've actually seen him say multiple times on social media,

everything will be revealed on Nick Viles' podcast. Which is, I'm like, thank you. Wow, the loyalty. I can't wait to listen. Me too. So be sure to tune in for that. Bye.