The Viall Files - E4 Liz Loza

Episode Date: January 23, 2019

Join me and Fantasy Football analyst Liz Loza as we talk about making it in a male-dominated field, retiring your blowjob jersey, and our draft picks for Colton's season of The Bachelor. We answer some tough questions from you, the fans, and Nick weighs in on the Kaitlyn/Jason situation. Is it all for the gram? Tune in to hear more!Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I wasn't sure at first, but the song is really warming up to me. I like it. I feel like it makes me edgier than I actually am. Like, yeah, I'm dangerous. Yeah. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. I'm trying not to say heygier than I actually am. Yeah, I'm dangerous. Hey guys. I'm trying not to say hey guys. Hey guys. Because when people say hey guys, it's like it's an Instagram ad.

I'm like, what's up everybody? More friendly. Is that better? We're working on intros. Anyways, how's everyone doing? Welcome to episode four of The Vile Files. Very excited about today's episode. I think we haven't recorded it yet, but I feel like it's going to be good.

I just want to say again, thanks so much for the people who have been listening and tuning in. Really appreciate your reviews. Please keep reviewing us. Please keep giving us five stars. And we also welcome critical feedback. You can, however, give critical feedback and still give five stars. I don't know. So that would be great. Also, we need your questions. So email us at asknick at castmedia.com. That's cast with a K. Whatever you want to ask us, thanks for all the emails and questions we have gotten. We try to get to as many as

possible. Type your email, record a voice memo on your phone, you know, try to keep it, you know, concise, but, you know, do whatever you want and email to us. And hopefully we will Skype with you and have you be a part of the show. And so, again, just want to thank everyone for their feedback and participating in the show. That being said, let's just get right into the show. This week we have, I'm very excited, we have Liz Loza as my special guest host. I'm very excited about having Liz. Liz is a fantasy football analyst for Yahoo Sports. I think that's really cool. I'm a fantasy football analyst for Yahoo Sports. I think that's really cool.

I'm a fantasy football player. This is not going to be an episode about fantasy football in case people... Season's over, man. Season's over. All my listeners are like, all right, well, I mean, bad timing, Nick. I did take second place. Congrats.

Yeah. Matthew Barry did help me. Yeah, I know. You like the competition. It's fine. Maybe I'll ask you in the future. But Matt's been a really me. Yeah, I know. I know you like the competition. It's fine. Maybe I'll ask you in the future. But like Matt's been a really great resource and I took second. Anyways, what I was really interested in, I thought Liz would be a great guest, is that

I'm very curious about, you know, how you, you know, got into fantasy football. My guess is, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, that it seems like it's a very dominated industry by males. Yeah, it's a fair guess. Is that something you always wanted to do? Was it a fantasy of yours to get into fantasy football? No. So I think anyone who is maybe a little bit interesting

has taken a detoured route to where they are in life. And so it was for me, I believe myself to be the same way about me. Yeah, you have had kind of a detoured life. So I like that. I feel better about myself now. Thank you, Liz. You're welcome. It's, you know, the truncated version. I did grow up in Chicago. So I'm one of those FIBs, if you will. so I'm one of those FIBs, if you will. And, um, I was, my mom was a single mom. And so my grandfather was my primary domestic caregiver, if you will. So all the other little girls were princesses for Halloween. I was Ryan Sandberg of the Chicago Cubs. That's, he made the, he was in charge of Halloween costumes. So that's what I dressed as. And I was totally fine with it. So I grew up watching the Cubs, knowing about football as an only child. So I also knew how to change the oil in a car before

they were all computerized and, you know, change a faulty belt in a laundry, in a washing machine. So I grew up, if we're speaking in gender normative terms, learning things that quote boys learn. Didn't think it was an issue. My mom was an attorney. I had no idea that it was going to be so triggering for dudes to have some chick talk X's and O's. Did you find that dudes thought it was triggering? Oh, man, my block button is in full effect on Twitter. Oh, do you block a lot of people? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm not going to listen to the noise. So what happened was, so I went to college and my grandfather died rather abruptly in the first semester of my freshman year.

And it was during football season. And so as a way to grieve, I just started watching not just Bears games, but like every football game on TV because it was my process. And that meant that I all of a sudden started learning the league. Sure. How old were you at this point? I was 17. I was in college. So fast forward a bunch of years. And so this became a tradition. Every football season, I'm watching all of the games, not just the NFC North, not just the Packers, Bears, et cetera. And I start dating this guy and he's in this thing called

a fantasy football league. And I remember him sheepishly saying to me, Hey, you know, there's this thing called red zone. And, um, can, do you mind if on Sundays, like we just, you know, watch football all day or you don't have to, you can go to the gym or do whatever you want to do. And I was like, dude, are we ordering Chinese or wings? Let's do this. And so he realized that I had some knowledge of the game and he started asking my advice on what he should do with his fantasy team. And I started giving him some advice and it was working. And lo and behold, he won the Super Bowl of his league, the championship that season. I was totally hooked. I was like, this is choose

your own adventure for football fans. I'm, I'm totally dragons. It's like the geekiest jock thing you can do. Um, and I didn't even know it was a possibility. So I joined a, the next season there was an opening in the league. I joined the league, won the super bowl. I was the only chick. All the guys said it was beginner's luck. Next season, I won it again. And I thought, man, I'm good at this. And then I also looked at the landscape that is the NFL viewing audience. And it was a 40-60 split. 40% women watch, actually over that now, watch the NFL. And I looked at the fantasy landscape and I thought, this is a growing hobby. It's becoming kind of a pop culture phenomena. This is a growing hobby. It's becoming kind of a pop culture phenomena.

Why aren't there any women doing this? My boyfriend at the time said, I don't know, start a blog. So I did. It was called the fantasyfootballgirl.com. And I started a blog. And then I started a podcast and a Twitter feed. And I was out here working as an actress. So I took my networking, entertainment contacts and experience. And I was out here working as an actress, so I took my networking entertainment contacts and experience. And I was working. I was getting my SAG insurance every year and everything.

But I taught myself how to read off of a teleprompter and write copy, and then I gave myself a production schedule. And I started saying yes to everybody's everything. I was on SiriusXM doing a lot of unpaid work. I started saying yes to everybody's everything. I was on SiriusXM doing a lot of unpaid work. And scout.com hired me for a football season. And then a year after that, that really elevated me. And I was a legitimate paid, you know, I was earning a barely, but still living wage, just doing fantasy. And then Yahoo had me come in and I've been with them.

I just, I think, finished my fourth season. I'm in my fifth year with Yahoo. That's awesome. Being a kind of, at least it sounds like the perception it's dominated by males, but it sounds like there's, I mean, I didn't even realize 40% of women watch the NFL. And I know like there's a lot, I have women friends who play fantasy football,

but it still seems at least the perception it's dominated by men. Do you, how is it, what is that like being a woman in an industry that still, it's a lot of male followers and you talked about blocking fans. Like, do you, do you get a lot of sexist remarks? Do you get a lot of criticism? Do you find like you constantly have to prove your credibility more than say your male counterpart? Sure, absolutely.

I constantly have to prove that I am on top of things, but also silver lining, I would say I'm one of the sharper analysts in the game because I mean, I'm up for an award yearly for best analyst and best fantasy host every year, because I think that that drives me. So go ahead, come at me. I'm a very confident person. And sometimes that flies with folks. Have you always been confident? And now you, because you put in the work, you're even more confident or have you ever been, were you ever, was there ever a point that you doubted your ability to make it in the industry? I have never doubted my ability to be a success. Okay. Back to just getting, just finishing

up on, I'm just curious with fantasy football. Are there, you mentioned you work with a lot of men, have there been men or what could men do better or what have men done that you've worked with that you found easy to work with or, or, you know, working with, with women, if you are, you know, a bunch of guys and like, what's, what are some do's and don'ts that you maybe you could offer some advice to guys like myself of working in the workplace? Do you find that sometimes guys are trying too hard? Does that make sense? I am continually astounded at how men have become the apex of society and yet are the most fragile of all beings. I had this work situation.

We're very tender. I had a situation just earlier this week and there was confusion about a topic. And I said, like, what is the deal? Like, just let's just, what is happening right now? And it was so hard for this particular higher up of mine to own a mistake he made. I don't care. Just be real with me. Is this thing happening or not? Oh, and I have become, I think because I've worked with so many men, very comfortable with being like, yep, that's my bad. And maybe it's working with athletes. Like you see athletes like Alshon Jeffrey miss a giant play in a huge playoff game and he puts his hand up like that's on me. Like I think men in the workplace need to do more of like that's on me.

And also equal pay. I had, yes. Let's go. I have, we're getting into it. A lot of thumbs up in the studio right now. I'm on board. I remember in an anthropology class I had in college reading about women tend to apologize quicker or more often than men,

to your point. Yeah, I mean, men should own up to it. Like, it doesn't do much good. And do you find, do you find it's even heightened when they're disagreeing with you because of you being a woman versus like their ability? Or do you find it's the same men across the board? They just don't want to apologize or don't want to own up to the mistakes, or do you think they're even less inclined to do it with you? I think we are in a new time and women feel, women who are regularly in the workplace at least, feel more emboldened and less nervous. Like when I had a conversation with one of my bosses this week, I didn't have that thing in my stomach, you know, like when your face gets hot and you're like, oh gosh, I'm going to, because I was right. And I was ready to own what I was

ready to own. And I feel like so often women are like, well, I don't want to be a bitch or I don't, I don't want to be seen this way. I don't care. See me as I am. I am ready for it. Let's have an adult conversation. It is not about you are not my husband. I don't have to make sure you feel good. I need to like, I want to, I want this to be business. This is much more black and white than at home. And so I think sometimes men, I think a lot of men too, of a certain age, older than myself, older than you, have wives who've made things very easy for them at home. They make it nice. They've laid out their shirts that everything's a nice, it's just so nice. And I think women are tired now of having to make it nice and also be a boss at work and be all of these things. And so men are sort of like,

oh God, I just wasn't used to like things being difficult. Well, what do you mean by like nice or difficult? Because I mean, I'm not married. I've been in relationships. I do like things to be nice and easy. I get, but this, I want you to clarify. But you're not in a relationship. So do you do those things yourself? You know, you know, I guess my point is, is like, I want you to be more specific in terms of like, nice is kind of a general thing. I get what your point is, but like, I don't think there's anything wrong with necessarily wanting it to be easygoing in a relationship. And then there should be whatever you're in a relationship, your roles are of like who does what, or maybe you share responsibilities.

But I think your point is, and just because I want people to understand what you're saying is like, it's not that, you know, like, like you're not going to do all the work for like, it's an equal share, but I think you still want to have a nice relationship. You want to have a nice relationship, but you also, I think as a woman have to say, Hey, I'm tired of picking up your underwear. For example,

my mom is, was a single mom. She's an incredible success story. A single mom, uh, was an attorney did busted her butt so that I could have all the things, right? She is now married to a man.

I set them up actually when I was 16 and she is now a judge. Like we had, we did not have a lot growing up. I had it, we lived in a two bedroom apartment. It was more than many people, but it was not, I didn't have a fancy stuff. And now my mom is a judge. Like she ran for judge eight years ago because it was her life stream and she worked her butt off and it happened. And yet I get so tilted when I go home and like my stepdad's underwear is on the floor. And I was like, she out earns you. She's a goddamn judge. Pick up your flipping underwear. And my mom's like, but I know that's just a pair of underwear.

You know, like that is the, but then she gets mad. And I'm like, lady, your mom is mad at your stepdad. But she'll still do it, right? So it's like, women, if you're tired of picking up his underwear, don't just passively aggressive, like, wait for all the underwear to pile up. Just say, hey, you know what? Like, I know I've picked up your underwear, and you're probably expecting me to do that. But I would really like it if you could just handle that for yourself. I have too many demands on me now to, like, also do that, but I would really like it if you could just handle that for yourself. I have too many demands on me now to like also do that. So I think that in relationships becomes like, as you start buying a house, adding a kid, adding a pet, like there's more stuff to do.

So you need to say, if I have the time, I will totally fold your laundry. But also I don't right now, there's a pile right there. Can you get to folding please? So, so just kind of maybe get segue into like fantasy versus reality of like, what are the expectations of, so advice from Liz, you know, set these up. Cause right. I mean, I think it's a two way street, right? Like in the example you gave of your mom and your stepdad, I mean, it's his fault for being sloppy. It's her fault for enabling him and allowing to do it. Like at some point we are as humans, it's like the classic, if you give someone an inch, they'll take a foot.

You know, people just do. If you are like, it's like, you're going to pick it up. I don't know. You might not even been thinking consciously, you know, and I'm sure there, for example, I remember in a relationship I was, I mean, in every relationship, and this happened to me in my twenties, when I first started dating a girl and we'd be going to bed and she'd be like, oh i'm thirsty I'm gonna get up in a glass of water and i'd be like babe I got it

I'm gonna get you a glass of water and i'd get up and I'd get her a glass of water And I just I felt chivalrous. I felt good about myself. She's like, oh, that's really sweet You know, like we've been dating for a couple weeks fast forward like we've been dating for a year and it's like I'm thirsty. And she would just like, look at me. And at that point I was like, well, get your own goddamn water. Like, I don't like, fuck the fuck that, you know?

But it became this thing where like, it turned out that I just, and I didn't even realize it. Like what was chivalrous and what was like a nice thing became my job. Yes, that is exactly what I'm talking about. And it became this expectation that I was just like, nah, get your own, own water. And so, you know, before.

So what did you do? Did you say something? No, I was like. Or did you just like passive aggressively like throw the cups away? At that point I was like, well, no, it's not, you know, this is not, I didn't do it because it was my job, you know? And so, but, and again, like we were young and, but like kind of that setting that expectation of, and I think as, but it's also kind of on her and your stepdad to,

if, you know, I think it's in relationships, people are, should do nice things for you, you know, in any relationship, you should want to do things for your partner, not because it's your job or your responsibility, because you want to. And we should make sure that we appreciate those things and not take them for granted. And it's easy to do. I think both men and women on both sides do those things. And maybe try to not always have, you know, mix it up. A great way to avoid that is to not have one person always do something. Because then it just feels like a job. Let me ask you guys a question.

Yeah. This is Sam, by the way. Hey, guys. Okay. So there was this article floating around on Scary Mommy, which I'm sure you, Nick, read all the time. Is that like a real thing? It's a real thing. And the article was titled, Why I Give My Husband a Blowjob Every Day.

Okay. So that was what they did consistently. So this is all about expectations, reality, fantasy, and keeping it nice for your husband, right? Okay. Make it nice. So she maintained that it was a good way to keep your husband happy. And it was basically like if your husband's love language is sandwiches,

you would make him a sandwich. But there was no mention in the article about reciprocity. She basically said it's good for his health. It's like giving him a multivitamin. I just wanted to get your thoughts on it. She gives him a blowjob every day. Every single day. And if you don't want to give him a blowjob, make him a sandwich?

No, she was saying. I'm offended by this article as a male. I wanted to get sort of the single male married female take on this. I thought I'd take your temperature on it. I mean, my BJ, like my BJ jersey was retired long ago. What does that mean? I'm feeling the same way, but I feel like my. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What do you mean? Like you're just. I feel like my husband's future wife wrote this article so i want to get your temperature on it well first of all i feel like anyone who said you can have too much no you can't have too much of a good thing was lying i mean i i mean when when call me maybe came out i had that shit on repeat and then i just got old for a little bit and you know i had to to get away from that song before I appreciated it again. If you have something all the time, it loses its kind of charm.

So as a guy, I mean, blowjobs are great. But I wouldn't want one every day. Not to mention, I do have to say, I don't know how you guys do that shit. I mean, I feel like guy listeners in the podcast are probably like, dude, shut up, shut up, shut up. Like, it's like, I don't get how you guys fucking do that. It's great. But like, So Nick, as much as you may enjoy a BJ, would it matter to you? And be honest, would it matter to you if you knew that your partner was doing it as a chore just along with her? Absolutely. I, I, I, it wouldn't turn me on if, if I thought she was doing it in, in, especially in lieu of making me a sandwich, um, you know, like, um, I, I definitely

like I'm big into winning in the bedroom about reciprocity in terms of in the bedroom, by the way, it's a great edit you might want to it's a good thing it's my podcast but the reciprocity is what was missing from the article

right there was no well the point was like I do this to make him happy I think there's something there's something about like spontaneity right

I get a lot of questions about like I've lost a spark and I think it can be hot like once like surprise in the same way like I think there's something sexy about like I've lost a spark and I think it can be hot like once like so surprise you're in the same way like I think there's something sexy about like as a guy who just like the next 15-20 minutes

is all about you this is all about you I don't want anything I don't know if like but that could be hot from time to time and if my girlfriend or wife want like all of a sudden was like, Hey babe, it's all about you. Great. But if it was like this thing, I would, I would, it would like, it would, I did also just feel like the pressure of being like, I just feel bad. But like this whole time, I'm just like, I feel like I'm hurting you. Like, I don't know. Like, do I have to like, you know, like Nick, we got a lot to dig in if you're hurting her wow well the whole idea of like the whole idea of a blow job is like a bit like they were like when you're like this is the biggest humble brag i've ever seen i wasn't even thinking like i can't find it no um but like i

don't know i don't know it's just't know. It's just like, I would, the pressure of like, are you done yet? Like, you know, like it would just be every day. I, I, as a guy, I wouldn't even want that. I would lose the spontaneity. I think the spontaneity is huge. And I think leaving a spark or maintaining a spark is huge. You know, I think for me, surprising my husband, yes, doing something like that in the bedroom. But also, I know one year I told him I had something to, there was a chore, we have to go to this couple's dinner or something. But what I actually did was contact a bunch of his friends and paid for them to go on a beer hop tour of the South Bay where everyone gets on a bus and they go to

the breweries. And I was like, surprise, you don't actually have to go on this awful couple's date. You are going to go take an Uber to the South Bay and like five of your buddies are waiting on this bus and you're going to go like, thank you. And it wasn't Valentine's day. It wasn't a gift. It was just sort of like you had a really intense couple of days at your high power job. I would like to be alone in the house too. So we can all take a break, you know? It's like, yeah, this is not really a gift for you. This is a gift for me. But like that. Smart. I like it. It's very strategic. And there have been times where he has said he's like going to the grocery store and he's actually gone to the gym and put on nice

clothes and like knocked on the door and I've answered and he was like, hello, I'm here for our date, you know, with like flowers. And he's like taking me on a date in our house that we pay a mortgage on. And those are the sort of like, that to me takes more effort and time and is exemplifying or illustrating someone's thinking about you and crafting something special for you other than like grabbing their knee pads and doing some stretches. And you're right. The reciprocity thing is not okay like do i get like a 15 minute back rub every day then because i got some knots you know yeah i mean that's the thing like like a massage or something or you know um that although my husband and i do have like bets like we um if

we're betting on like a football game or like i i bet this person on the bachelor makes it that far or whatever like our bet um currency is bjs to back rubs back rubs so he's like if i win then he gets a bj and if i win like if he wins he gets a bj and if i win i get is he just not good with his mouth or is he just better with his hands? I don't like, I mean, what we really want. So I'm a grownup and I'm stressed. I need my shoulders worked out. I can work out the rest. Thank you. Also, I want to go back to a mildly, mildly concerned. You said you retired your, your BJ jersey forever or like, no, it's like, I'll, I'll like, I had the 23 unless he wins a bet i'll put on the 45 and come back like mj when i need to so it's always a chore so question do it's not

my favorite thing in the world to do okay so any any girl who's like i'm into it oh they're lying are lying they are so lying that's the same girl who's like i love We have Rochelle in here. Rochelle, point of view? I mean, I'm just the kind of person, I like making, I just like the feeling of making someone else feel good. So the idea of it. Yeah. But I agree, the actual act sounds terrible. I mean, it's an art form, you know?

And I think of myself as an artist. I mean, it's an art form, you know, and I think, uh, I think of myself as an artist. I love it. Right. So I'm just like, so I got Sam, I got Sam and Liz here. If I am lucky enough to, to find love and get married, I should be prepared to, uh, retire that Jersey or what's up. Uh, yeah, my Jersey is pretty pretty much retired but i have a one and a half year old it's not what it used to be you know what about you liz my yes my i don't enjoy it like i'm gonna be real very unapologetic about this jersey did it go in the hall of fame like was it well that was also like part of the thing right like because i had sounds like i was never really good at this no it wasn't i mean it's not my skill it's not my special like i'm a really

i'm nice i'm funny and there's things i'm good at that was not my skill so i i would say that i was expert at it like i was great at it and now like you were walter payton you know you bury sanders like retired before his time, but really good. But also. Oh, what? Man, you're just like fucking with your husband right there. He's just like, it's just like, he's just sitting on your bench, you know? Like it's just, man, at any point we could like win this game. You're like, nah, I just don't feel like it.

But if Barry Sanders on Thanksgiving, like plays a game of pickup football, people like, dang, he's still good. Like, so every once in a while we're on vacation or something i'm just like yo let's shake off the rust and then something your husband so that's smart because then your husband is probably planning vacations all the fucking time he's just like hey babe guess what we're going to fucking maui like well we were just in ireland a couple weeks ago i know i know whatever i'm just feeling like spontaneous like okay so okay. So that's it. Make a lot of money for vacations, get blowjobs. Cool. Um, but unless it's an art, unless you're an artist like Rochelle.

Yeah. I mean, an artist, like, that's interesting that you used an artist because some artists struggle and they don't make a bunch of money, but they continue to work at their craft. So yes, you want to find a woman like Rochelle. She's constantly honing her craft. And so like, no, we're crowdsourcing here. I have three wonderful women in this room with me. It's like two, two versus one. Do you think, I mean, it's probably just personal preference at that point. I mean, from my friends, it's, I feel like I, maybe it's just like being single you feel like you have to do more but all my friends you know talk about doing them a lot so I don't know so it's yeah is it single versus because I'm mildly concerned here it's definitely a single versus and again like I

when it comes to the bedroom I don, again, there's a huge difference between the act of spontaneity and doing something because you know it pleases your partner. As a guy who's like, I appreciate that. If I knew someone hated doing something, eventually it wouldn't be great, especially if it happened a lot. If I just knew I was with someone and they hated it, I'd just feel bad, right? I guess I hope that we enjoy pleasing each other.

And again, that reciprocity of whatever they like in the bedroom, you're doing that for them. And so you're kind of just doing things for each other. Yeah. No, I think the idea of wanting to please the person you love is a big deal. But eventually they go away, right? Except for special occasions. I'm looking at Liz right now.

I mean, like every Jewish holiday, I'll do it. Then there's a lot of Jewish holidays. There's a lot of them. I mean, for your listeners out there too, Bishvat. What about birthdays? Do birthdays count? It depends what day of the week it is. It doesn't have to be a full production, right?

It can just be a little appetizer. Yeah, especially. I mean, it goes faster when you don't do them a lot. There's other things, too. Like, also, why can't we just have sex where we both get something out of it? That's the piece of it that's lame. I don't understand. And just so we're clear, for me, it for me it's an appetizer it is not the main

course um i'm not you are a young man nick what do you mean like i don't know i'm feeling awkward now why we've talked about nick stick a lot on this episode so far i know i i was not making an in any way i was just talking about the act of like oral, like vice versa. It's foreplay. Like I, cause you know, like I think the stereotype, like there's a lot of, you know, guys will be like, oh, I just like blowjobs. Like, yeah. If you're like gaining a guy who just, I was not, this is not, I'm not talking about my dick here. Like, man.

Anyways, I feel like you're projecting. I can't wait for my in-laws to hear this episode. Anyways. No, but it's like, to me, it's part of foreplay. Like you can give like each other a head, right? And you don't have to necessarily, it could just be like something you start with and just. That's not the end point.

That's not the end point. But it's like part of. Yes, sure. You know, the four course dinner, you know? Yeah. It's an amuse-bouche. Yeah. So like, I appreciate it in that,

in those, in those contexts. And so, man, fantasy versus reality. Reality is apparently say goodbye to oral sex if you want to settle down. I don't know. I'm really curious what my listeners think after they hear this episode. And if you disagree with either of us, still give us five stars. But I would love your feedback. Also, like a quick note, we do have an Instagram, Vile Files. Would love your comments and conversations on our social. Also, quick reminder, if you do disagree with someone, either myself, Liz, Sam, or Rochelle,

or your peer who's also listening, play nice. You can disagree with people. You can share a point of view. You can agree to disagree. The goal of this podcast is to have conversations, not to be proven right. So that's just a quick note. Liz, thanks for having this very stimulating conversation that was both about blowjobs and work

and not at the same time, because that's HR. HR would not appreciate that. Anyways, let's maybe dive into a little bit of The Bachelor, if you will. You're a fan of The Bachelor. Yes. You've watched for how long?

I've watched on and off. I did watch your season. I could not stomach Ari's. I did watch your season. I could not stomach Ari's. I did watch Becca's. I loved Rachel's. I would say I'm probably more of a Bachelorette fan than a Bachelor fan. I am watching Colton's season. I've gotten that a lot. Is that because of the kind of

patriarchy sexism that is the Bachelor versus like the woman like selecting the men or is it, what is that? Yeah, I mean like as a straight woman i want to see all the hot dudes okay so it's more about checking out yeah i want to see like their vibes rochelle finds none of the guys hot um but rochelle's single see she's looking at it from like a this is what's out there kind of vibe i'm looking at it from a like i don't know't know, Saturday night looked fun. You're never going to make Sunday brunch, but what do I care? I got

Sunday brunch, you know? All right. Um, quick thoughts. Uh, what do you think of the season or what did you think of this episode? How do you want, like, it's just your platform. How do you want to talk about, I'm, I'm really enjoying this season from my, my, and I'm really liking Colton as a bachelor. I think Colton is one of my favorite bachelors of all time, other than myself, of course. I really like him. And for all the controversy about him being selected over Jason Blake, I'm now convinced they made the right call.

And I'm really enjoying him as the bachelor. So I am liking this season. I don't mind Colton as much as a lot of people. I did want Jason to be the bachelor. Mostly, he took on a date to like play hockey right on his Zamboni and eat wings. I am here for that. But I also think that Jason might not have been as like sexy spontaneous. And like, I kind of dig that Colton's young and there's a bunch of young, like they don't all have to be 30. It's a fun element. And in person, Jason's very charismatic. I've met him. But he's a little rigid, I thought, on Becca's season and not as dynamic.

And what I like about Colton is he seems to have this willingness to really go with it and have fun. Every Bachelor is cognizant and wants to be likable. cognizant of and wants to be likable and again it's difficult as the bachelor to um we talked about this last episode to just be respectful of the women's time and not to come across as dickish because every week you're breaking up with people and it's very easy as the bachelor to just go along with the playbook so to speak to like go into every row of ceremony send people like the fact that he sent um someone home on the group date was, I thought a great sign of the season as a viewer, don't get so frustrated that the show is chosen to like not give you what you expect because of what they are is they're giving you what you really want.

And that is interesting television. And I think Colton's playing a role in that and like allowing things to play out. He's a lot, he's, he's, he's like, he's, he's showing facial expressions when you can tell he's kind of annoyed at some of the things that the women are doing or saying. I think that's interesting. And I like that Colton is doing that because I think a lot of, of the leads are very safe and very like always worried. And he's, he's willing to give maybe some women time that like, that might be, he might

get criticized for like Demi of like hanging out with her. So I personally just my little like soapbox, I really like like Colton's bachelor. I think it's going to be a great season. I'm very excited about it. So anyways, I'm digging it. There wasn't enough Demi on this episode. She is my favorite. I love her. That's what I'm talking about too, because Demi knows who she is and she is unapologetic and more of that please in the world. Like I also like that she's when, Tracy, wild-eyed Tracy's wiling out, she's like, I'm sorry you feel that way. Oh, her, how she handles Tracy is awesome.

Like, it's so. Like, can Demi run for something? Like, I'd vote for her. Like, let's put her in Congress or something. Well, okay. Well, I love how Demi handles Tracy. Oh, we don't have a track record of reality stars in politics. It doesn't happen anymore.

I think the, how she handles Tracy's off her, her, her true annoyance is so great because like in that world, right? Like has someone who's gone in there and you know, just Demi just is like, I'm this, she knows, she knows who she is. And that is someone who's forward and has no problem going for what she wants. Um, and she's just truly, I love, she's just so annoyed by the girls who think that they, or the women rather who, you know, it's just like, well, this is rude. It's rude. There's a way to do it. And there's a way not to do it. Like, really, do you do you what's what is the way to date the same person

like you know what i'm saying there's no clutching going on yeah so it's like they and they're saying because they they've seen the seasons before and and and demi has his true confidence to be like this is who i am i'm gonna be that i do i do think demi lacks self-awareness and i think that comes i think that's she's showing i i you can disagree you can disagree, Sam. I think, well, I think because like, what is like, I don't think Colton's as in to her as she thinks she is. And I think she, while she's very confident, my point is, I think Cassie is another someone who I think is really impressive and very confident, but shows her confidence in a very different way.

And, you know, there was that little moment where Cassie, and it's very early on, she's not getting a lot of time with Colton and that, and that world can really mess with you. She's watching all these other, she's had these few on she's not getting a lot of time with Colton and that and that world can really mess with you she's watching all these other she's had these few she's probably had literally six minutes with Colton and and then those six minutes she's probably had six great minutes but like she's also like she's watching all these other girls have time with them and she's just like well I don't you know and she had this moment of like getting emotional but what she's not willing to do, she's not willing to like force it.

And I think that shows a lot of confidence on her part there. And she's going to let things come to her. And I think that shows confidence too, because I don't think Colton is into Demi as Demi thinks Colton is into her. And I think that shows a lack of self-awareness on Demi's part.

That's- Or Demi's also just there to rack up social media followers and she's got an alternate strategy. And that's okay with me. So let's play this out like fantasy football. Yeah. Give me your, who are your, yeah. Give me your, who are you drafting here for your team? So my high floor option.

High floor. High floor floor high floor that's what I mean that's a consistent producer they're like your first round draft pick they're you can count on them there's not much variance right like they're gonna get you there they're not they're not busting any week um that is Hannah G Hannah G yeah with the giant kitten eyes. Yeah, that's a good call. She's going to be in every episode some way, shape, or form. So that's my high floor option. Okay. Anyone, do you have two?

I need two. I think Kaylin is my, I think Kaylin's going to make a real run for it. She's the other beauty queen? Yeah. Oh, we're going to dive into the beauty, I love that storyline,

the beauty queen. I think Kaylin is born for it. She's like presenting every week. She has got it down pat. Okay. I think that I wouldn't be surprised if it's down to, she's in the final four. Those two are definitely in the final four. I think that's a safe bet. Do you have a, do you have a third? Like a sleeper pick? Yeah. Give me your sleeper top four. Sleeper pick is Katie, the pharmaceutical rep from Sherman Oaks who likes to dance. Okay.

And she's, I think, I don't know. What about her? I think that she's not the obvious choice, which makes her an interesting choice. Well, we're only in episode three. So like people just haven't had, there's always like everyone's big reveal is their first one-on-one date. You know, so if you are in the top four, you're going to get a one-on-one date eventually, right? And that's going to be your kind of coming out party, so to speak. So that could be by episode five, usually every major player has had a one-on-one.

Maybe episode six, but usually episode five. And so we're only in episode three. I also think Elise is my high upside play. Love Elise. Love Elise. I think, I'm going to call it now. She is the next Bachelorette. Really?

Yep. Interesting. She is lovely. I'm a huge Elise fan. I've already said that. I love her voice. Yeah, I'm a big, I'm a big Elise fan. She's got a good story.

She's super honest. She's so likable. She digs kids. I don't think that Colton and she will ultimately, like, I don't, I think he likes her fine, but I don't think that this is the match. And again, that's what I like about Elise versus, say, someone like Tracy because they're the same age, right? Oh, she's so nuts, yeah. I'm sure Elise is aware of the age difference between her and Colton. I'm sure she's aware of the stereotype of, you know, younger guy, older woman.

It's six years, by the way. That's like not, or it's five years. That's not that much of an age difference. It's not that much, but it's not as common to see a younger guy date an older woman. And I think they're playing into that stereotype. And certainly you have people like Demi naggingging the older women calling them cougars and it's getting to tracy brave yeah it's i mean it was so savage i fucking love demi um and but like elise is just not like she doesn't care yeah she just doesn't care and it like clearly just like doing

her thing and radiating and it was i think she's fantastic and i what i don't know i don't know how far she goes and this is actually i'm really enjoying the season maybe because i truly have no idea how this thing ends usually in the past being part of the franchise i hear rumors and i figure things i have no clue i truly have no idea so everything's a guess on my part and it's been kind of fun. I can see Elise. Yeah, she definitely has a story and she's very likable. And, you know, I could see a lot of guys being into her. Yeah, I think she would be a great bachelorette.

And I also think that, I mean, in terms of the age difference, I think Colton has a lot of life yet to live. And Elise at 31 is probably ready to make some life decisions that Colton may not have matured into. Are you suggesting that while we're enjoying Colton as the bachelor, he might not be ready to get married? He's definitely not ready to get married. Yes.

You're like, oh, duh. All right. And that's fine, by the way. Also, like let's divorce ourselves from the expectation that these people are going to have babies together and get married. Like, by the way. Also, let's divorce ourselves from the expectation

that these people are going to have babies together and get married. I love that you watch it that way. I mean, it's funny. Again, when you go on Twitter, I'm sure I didn't really look, but I'm sure it would be really easy for me to find the comments of, oh my God, Demi, go home. I can assure you, you don't want Demi to go home. You love to hate her, whatever fan you, Demi, go home. I can assure you, you don't want Demi to go home. Like you love to hate her, you know,

whatever fan you are who doesn't appreciate her as much as we do, but you definitely want her there. And it just kind of blows my mind that every season people are, even if you watch it for the love story, because there is real love and there's real feelings. I've said this over and over, it's very much real. When people express those words of, of I love you, they mean it when they say it. But we also love it for the drama,

but I don't know why people it's like, they, they still don't fit. I'm surprised by that. I don't know. I also like, I'm loving, absolutely loving the beauty pageant storyline. I mean, what a casting, what a casting dream., Hannah B. What a casting dream. I think that's just dumb luck on their part. How do you force that? But who's lying? I don't care. What are they lying about?

They're being so vague. She was really crappy to me. Did she put laxatives in your coffee? Like what the hell did she actually do? She hasn't said anything. There's a story. The only miss, the only, I don't think so. I don't think so.

I think the only miss on Colton's part is the real answer. Because you're right. She's not saying anything. They're like, well, there's something happened. Well, really, what was that? She's just, it reminded me of my season on Caitlin's season where I was, you know, I showed up late and I was the bad guy. And this guy named Joshua was like telling Caitlin, I don't know. It's my guy intuition tells me I was the bad guy. And this guy named Joshua was telling Caitlin, I don't know, it's my guy intuition tells me he's a bad dude.

Like, okay, what the fuck does that mean? I was so mad. But Hannah is just like, I don't know. I just, there's just something about her. And then she's like, just freaking believe me. Like, oh my God. Like, oh, okay. Let's see how that relationship is going

to go with you. And I just, I like, give me an example. She has no examples. I mean, the real answers I would have liked to see Colton say this and maybe he did and maybe they didn't show it, but I would have, I don't know if there's something there. How about you just like, hey, listen, maybe you're neither of you are right and neither of you wrong. Maybe like you just found out you weren't friends and maybe you guys agree to disagree. And maybe while you don't think so, I can probably be attracted to both of you because you were friends at one point and you probably both had like redeeming characteristics. And while I'm sure maybe she did something to offend you or piss you off in a very competitive atmosphere that you keep, you guys keep referring to, can't we just acknowledge that maybe that's why you butted

heads? Sometimes great friends don't make great roommates. That happens all the time. heads. Sometimes great friends don't make great roommates. That happens all the time. Right. So like if I'm cold, I'll just be like, you know, I don't care because I really don't think anything really happened. And whatever happened, I guarantee you, it's not the crime that Hannah thinks it is. Right. I'm done with Hannah too. Like Hannah B. I mean, I want her there. I don't think, no, I don't want her there because she's not making enough drama like she's kind of offended by that comment all she does is like smile and say he freaking hates me and she's

smiling with these crazy robot eyes but it's so fun to watch but she's not doing anything like I want her to like confront him and say like that she broke the heels off my she stole the sequins off my pageant gown. See, this is why you don't, you know, you're like- I'm not the pro that you are, Nick.

No, it's not the pro, but you love her more than you're admitting because you're so worked up about it. And like, you're so like- All right. That's why she's there. So you can have an opinion and you can be like, oh, like give it like-

And Heather, can we talk about Heather baiting her, by the way? Oh, yeah. Take advice from the girl who's never kissed a guy ever. You know what? It's like, we're in episode three and we already have the, I just don't think they're right for you. Like you've had one day and the girl, the girl who's never kissed a guy. Well, you know what? I think you should definitely tell them. And it seemed quite, quite organic that like the producers are just probably like, fuck yes. Like amazing. And what's the best part about that is, again, I always get asked about producers influence. And I've said this time and time again, the producers are amazing. They're very good at their job, but they also sometimes get more credit than they deserve in the sense that like the drama just happens. like they're not these evil geniuses they're great people that i'm friends with and we as human beings get bored and we think we're supposed to do things and we want to like subconsciously be part of the show and she's just like yeah you should definitely tell them i think she's being

sincere too like she's actually just like ruining her chances but um yeah take advice from the girl who's never been kissed that's that's great Guys, I have a question. Like, you know, I thought it was an interesting dynamic, like with the beauty pageant thing versus they overemphasized the need for strong women. We had the strong women contest. And then Colton said, you know, he was raised by strong women. And they kept talking about strong women to the point where it became, I mean, I found almost offensive. What did you guys think about this? Well, I think strong women means, that's the thing right now.

Every dude wants to like be okay with having a strong woman, but they don't necessarily want to deal with the cascade of events that means being with a strong woman. What does that mean? It was almost like the talk about it though. Like, you know what they say, like Shiro and, you know what I mean? Like the talk that we need a strong woman.

It was almost like the talk about it, right? The metaphors they used. I mean, the show always is need a strong woman. It was almost the talk about it, right? The metaphors they used? The show always is going to do that. And I think in defending the show, I think sometimes they, they're sometimes damned if they do, damned if they don't. Whether it comes with having more,

whether they get criticized for not having enough of diversity, and they do, and then sometimes people will criticize them for trying too hard with diversity or things like that. I do think sometimes the show is trying to read the pulse of the climate and trying to recognize and maybe give the platform that women deserve. I don't know, but maybe in the past they've never talked about it. And the criticism the show gets

about being misogynistic or sexist, and then sometimes they maybe lean too hard. I don't know, but I think that's my guess. Sometimes I get a little defensive of the show because everyone's going to have an opinion, whether it's right or wrong, especially when they're trying to recognize social changes when it comes to things like that, I guess.

I didn't see it as a guy. I don't pay attention, I suppose. But I can see how it might be. Did you notice that, Liz, in terms of finding it annoying? I didn't mind the competition. I thought it was kind of cool to see women beasting out. And I liked that Terry Crews' wife was there. I think she was great. Terry Crews' wife is awesome. if I'm going to go next level with this person, like, what does that mean to you? Does it mean you want someone to earn a lot of money? Does it mean that you want an equal

in terms of domestic responsibilities? Like a strong woman is such this vague, very easy to sound good, but much harder to dissect. I mean, I've always said things like that. I'm interested. I've always tend to say I'm interested in opinionated women. That's different. Yeah, that's very different. But i kind of maybe subconsciously make that

distinction between like a strong-minded because i consider myself to be strong-minded i like that in women i like to have the banter in a relationship i have struggled me personally in relationships i have had is that um with that they're we butt heads there. Like there's, it's becomes too competitive. Um, because whether I like a good banter conversation and I like someone's opinion, I do want someone who's also interested in them learning about my opinion, because I do feel like in relationships, I'm curious about their opinion. I don't, I mean, this is just me personally. I don't feel like that's been reciprocated. It's been like, I'm the opinionated woman. You wanted to date me for this. And so I'm always going to share my opinion. I'm going to tell you what I

think and I'm right and you're wrong. And I always felt like in those, in those, my relationships, I felt like I was always conceding and be like, all right, fine. And it's like, if, if I wanted to like move on and have to, to do that and I'm, I'm stubborn. So it wasn't easy to do. Hence, I'm single. Um, that, you know, so that's me me. I like opinionated women. I have equated that to strong women in the past, whether that's right or wrong. Speaking of your past relationships, do you think the Caitlin and Jason thing is real?

Hey, Sam. What's up? Hi. I don't know. Yeah, it's in the news a lot. I get asked a lot about it. Sure, maybe. i don't know like listen i i guess i've said this before i've met jason he's very good looking we all know this

he's very charismatic i can see why women would be into him i have someone who's actually fallen for caitlin so i can see it seems weird that they i don't know who announces their that they're going on a date you know i think they like people seem to be really into it. I think that's great. I get why. I know my friend Dean made a very aggressive statement recently of how all bachelor relationships are fake. Deanie babies? Yeah. Oh, he's so cute. He is. Oh my goodness. I'm right here, Liz. Oh God. No, and I love Dean. And I mean, listen, there's some, it's fair criticism in terms of like, there's, you know of being in a relationship with another bachelor person is good for your bottom line. And that is a fact. I find it to be a bit weird.

I don't know if Jason and Caitlin care about people questioning the authenticity of this relationship. I find it to be a little odd that they are talking about going on it. We're literally watching it in real time. It's in the news a lot. I have, I don't know. I mean, for me, like I have in my dating life, I have dated people in the public eye. When I am dating someone or I've met someone or about to go on a date with someone in the public eye, I'm very, I almost, I'm the opposite protective of it.

I don't want to get criticized for maybe dating this person because I have, um, alternative motives or things like that. I'm actually interested, uh, in it. Um, and, and I, I don't talk about that because I don't, I want to see where it's actually going. And I think when you bring public attention to any relationship, you're going to open yourself up for people's opinions. Um, sometimes those opinions can have... One stress on relationships that come from bachelor world is the opinions that come in that all of a sudden you are responding to things that most

couples in the real world have to do. Listen, I can see why they would be attracted to each other. It seems a bit forced. Whether it's for media attention or for not, it certainly comes across that way

because they can certainly have been dating or going on dates without announcing it and talking about it. And I think I just saw some article, we're not dating, but we're literally getting the play-by-play. It seems a bit forced. And so whether they care about people's opinions or not,

and they'll probably hear this and be like, oh, we don't care what anyone thinks. I'm just saying if they don't want criticism, they should probably find out and be like oh we don't care what anything i'm just saying if they don't want criticism they should probably find out if they like each other and if they do they should like then you know then let us know um because it it does seem to be come across as a bit forced but for the most part i probably most fans probably don't care they're probably into it and people like to watch people in relationship and they're having fun and watching them them to. That would be my guess.

I think it makes Blake look really good. Why? Because he gets to be the super sincere, jilted puppy dog that was so innocent and lovely, and now he's sticking to those hometown roots and not falling into this crazy Hollywood world. I mean, I love Blake, but he is doing an appearance every week on his social. And I mean, his Twitter is like not great.

He's not the best. He's not. Blake's not the best. Like I follow him and I'm like, come on, Blake, give me more. I'm here for it. Again, he's a, he's a, he's a nice guy who fell in love. I mean, that's the thing. We're all just average Joes, you know? You know,

Blake's a nice guy, but I don't know if, I don't know. I don't think this Jason and Caitlin has anything to do with Blake. I think they're not mutually exclusive. Well, it looked because so many people wanted Jason to be the bachelor and then he wasn't picked. And so Jason's like, okay. I think more people wanted Blake to be the bachelor. Fine. I mean, it was kind of 50, let's assume it's 50-50. But he didn't get it. And so now Colton's season, I think is, is over-performing or exceeding people's very low50. But he didn't get it. And so now Colton's season, I think, is overperforming or exceeding people's very low expectations. We talked about that earlier, right? And so it looks a little bit like Jason is strategizing.

Like it's a chess move on his part, right? Whether it is or not, who cares, right? But then Blake is like the good guy who's above all that. And he just really wants love, you know? Yeah, no, I think that's a good point. But also like not to shit on Jason here. I mean, it's a two-way street. I mean, I don't think, you know,

Caitlin's the smart person, too. So if it is disingenuous, I don't think it's just coming from Jason. Well, I hope he buys her some wings because they looked good. What do you mean? On Jason's date with Becca. Oh, you were in these wings.

Wings are great. I'm way off here. So that's my two cents. I mean, like I also like, I wouldn't be shocked if they end up liking each other. It's not like hard to believe that they would be attracted to each other. So yeah. Anyways, well, that's enough bachelor talk. We can only, we can only do so much. Let's let's let's let's take some fan questions. What do you guys say? Let's get into it. Let's solve some problems. Hi, Courtney. How are you? My name's Nick. Hi, good. How are you? Good. This is my friend Liz. Hi. Hi. We would love to hear your question. Yeah, I'll try to be as brief as I can. First of all, big fan of The Bachelor and Questions with Nick. So I moved to Nashville in July.

And a week after I moved here, I met a guy and we started hooking up super casually. And now it's seven months later. And here we are still hooking up, still fairly casually. But he was home for Christmas. And while he was home, he was, his words, not mine, rather coked up. He doesn't normally use, but apparently like it was a at home thing. And he texted me that he loved me over 10 times in one night. I did not say it back. I said things like, um, if you feel that way, you should ask

me on a date or stop saying that you don't mean that, things like that. And we- Via text. But this was via text, not on the phone? So like it's still there, right? It's not like you can't remember it. You can go back and read the text. That's my thing. Like, does he not mean it? Cause he was like on drugs. Do you want him to mean it? Do you want him to mean it? I don't know. Like, I like how things are going, but I think it's very weird that that happened and we, like, have not brought it up since.

I've seen him multiple times since. We've not talked about it at all. We, like, don't normally talk about feelings, but, like, what the heck does he want from me if, like, it's been seven months of hooking up and he, like, tells me he has feelings when he's really drunk, but, like, we're, like, that's not drunk.

Literally on coke. Do you mind if I jump in here? I have a few thoughts here. One, I mean, I've never done cocaine. I've heard about it. It's a terrible drug. I'm not saying that if someone's like dabbled in cocaine, that's you should immediately break up with them. But like if he has a nasty habit, maybe you dive into that and find out. Okay. Minus the drug part. I do get a lot of questions about like, whether it's usually more about drinking, like someone that expresses their feelings when they're drunk. The truth is like, I think maybe sometimes it's an admission of the real truth and sometimes they're just drunk. I

mean, I don't think there's a, it really depends on the person and if they, how they are when they drink and if it's something they remember, I don't know. I a, it really depends on the person and if they, how they are when they drink and if it's something they remember. I don't know. I think the, and I think Liz alluded to this. I think the most important part about this question is, and I get this a lot. First of all, what do you want? What are your expectations? Who gives a shit about what you think he wants or what he's at?

But I think in these situations, it's always important to figure out, most importantly, what do you want out of it? And if you just want to hook up friend, that's fine. But don't pretend you just want to hook up friend just because you're afraid he only wants to hook up. So I'm curious. What do you want? What's the honest answer? Answer right now. I don't think we'll get married.

Okay. So you don't think you'll get married? No, but I would date him. Why? I don't understand.'ll get married. Okay. So you don't think you'll get married? No, but I would date him. Why? I don't understand. How old are you? I'm 28. You're 28.

Okay. When do you want to get married? Like 30. By 30? All right. So why would you date someone you know you don't want to marry? I mean, I don't know how much time you have in your hands, but like, I don't, I don't know. Do you just want to make it legitimate? Like you just don't want this

hookup moniker. You would like something legitimate and then it can run its course and you'd feel more, more settled about all of it. Yeah. It's like what I know about him. I really like, like he watches The Bachelor. He's a Green Bay Packer fan. Like we have a lot. Dang. I mean, my is the Coke the coke problem sounds like an all right guy but like i just like do we connect on a deeper level like so far we haven't really taken it to that place where we like talk about things that are i'm curious i'm curious when you say you don't think you would marry him is it because you just don't know or yeah because i feel like i'm getting mixed signals from you i mean mean, I guess I generally don't get when someone says,

unless you're 21 or 22 and super young and maybe have, at this day and age, have no business really getting married or engaged, but you're 28 and you want to get settled down sooner than later. So why are you investing a lot of time and energy in someone and trying to figure out what their intentions are if you don't think they're for you but maybe i think it's also okay with the saying i don't know if they're for me and i want to find out those are like two different things so which one let's go with the latter okay so you you might be open to like him being the person yeah okay well listen i guess be serious

well listen i think you're just at the point, especially with this whole like him and saying he has feelings for you, whether he was, you're more than justified to figuring it out sooner than later. And I think you're more than justified in having a sober, honest conversation with him about where this is going.

You seem anxious about it. You're giving too much of yourself away here. You need to set your boundaries, think about what you want, and then go to him and say, we have been doing this dance, this unnamed dance for seven months. While you were not in your right mind, you said you had feelings for me. You need to figure out, Courtney, how you feel, what you want, gather that together, and then go on a dinner or a date, I don't care if he asks you or you ask him, and stop giving pieces of yourself away

because if you do want to get married in a few years, you need to give those pieces away to the right person and not just waste everyone's time. Yeah, and I think in these situations, I totally agree with Liz, and I think in these situations, it's very important to, once you figure out what you really want, to stand by that at the risk of not getting what you want,

right? Because I'm, I'm, I'm sensing a lot of, um, fear that he doesn't want what you want, um, that he might not have meant what he said. And you know, there's, everyone has a fear of rejection. Um, but I think, I feel like you are pretending that you're okay with the situation that you're really not okay with. Also, you're brand new to town, man. And this is the only, you met this guy right after you. Great point too. Nash Vegas looks lit. Like get it girl. Half the bachelor nation has moved to Nashville. So like, you know, get out there, you know, maybe you'll run into some bachelor boys. I don't, not that, not that I'm recommending them. I don't know.

But yes. I think the fear is a real thing though because he's the first guy since I was in a really serious relationship that I thought was the one. And so I don't know if it is just a fear of being not loved, I feel like Ben Higgins, but not being loved again. Yeah, we all have that fear and I think that's honest of you to admit that. And I think, but like, I think tap into

that and be honest with yourself. Cause it sounds like there's maybe not a lot of like really figuring out what you want here. And so I think you should definitely spend less time figuring out what his attentions are and more time figuring out what you really want and whether he is the guy because I would agree with Liz. I wouldn't be surprised. Maybe he's just some guy you like spending time with and it's better than being alone. There's that. You definitely have a lot of choices in Nashville and maybe he is the guy. I just think what you should do is, it doesn't seem like you're okay with your current situation. That is having a long-term fuck buddy buddy i'm not okay with like the mixed signals of it like and since he said he had feelings that has like messed with me yeah and you are entitled

to not be okay with that and it's fair for you to call him on it yeah yeah yeah you don't awkward conversation it's not that awkward why oh girl, you're going to have a thousand more. Just consider it reps. Yeah, I mean, also like, I can assure you, and I feel like Liz will agree with me, if you build up the courage to have this, you're going to feel, regardless of how it goes, you will feel better about doing it.

You will feel better about standing up for what you want and what you need. And I don't know how your last relationship ended, but I'm getting the sense that you were giving too much to yourself and not expecting enough in return generally in relationships. Hondo P. That would be accurate. Okay, so maybe focus on that.

And again, I agree with Liz. Maybe reset, you're in a new city. Maybe get some you time and really figure that out and start having greater expectations of your needs. Yeah, that makes sense. I got to figure out me. Okay. All right. Well, Hey, I really appreciate for all your, all your honesty. This is, you know, I love honesty. So you were very honest and thank you. Enjoy Nashville. I try. Thank you. Don't do drugs. Yeah, please. All right. Well, we have Taylor on, on the line here. Taylor, thank you for calling. I'm Nick. This is my friend Liz. And what is your question?

Yeah. So I originally kind of sent in a few. So I just recently got out of like a two and a half year relationship. It was long distance. And, you know, like starting starting over kind of like scary um i was wondering are there like specific questions that when you're like starting to get to know somebody do you like ask you know certain things right off the bat to kind of gauge if you are wanting to continue to pursue them. And if you do have questions like that, what do you typically ask someone? Great. Liz, why don't you kick this off? I feel like... Well, what are you trying to... Are you trying to find out about someone else's personality?

Are you trying to suss out whether someone is interested in you? I don't quite understand what the objective. I'm getting more so like, are there certain things like that you would want to know immediately about someone as far as like religion, politics, et cetera, et cetera, even not that deep necessarily that like based on their answer, you'd be like, okay, I want to pursue you or okay, I don't. So I think basically what conversation for a first or second date.

And so I think that's extremely personal. You, whatever your political triggers, maybe whatever your principles or your more moral background informs. I mean, I might want to ask someone's credit score because I got stuff to deal with. You know, like I think, are you in debt is maybe not a first date conversation, but that might be something that you want to see. I mean, I'm assuming that if you have been attracted to this person and

they've been attracted to you, you have a general sense of who they are and you guys like each other enough. You have enough in common that a first date is okay. So on the first date, I don't know. I think as a woman, I'd like to ask, what's your relationship with your mom? Like, tell me about your family. Do you come from a big family? I think a man's relationship with his mother is very telling about how he treats and views women. So that would be something I'd want to lead with. Maybe not like,

so do you have mommy issues? But I think, you know, I might say like, tell me about your family. Where are you, where do you come from? Are you close with your brothers, sisters? Are you an only child? How, what's your relationship with your parents like? When dating, I think the, you know, the art of conversation is, it's becoming a lost art now and then. Oh, no, it's becoming a lost art nowadays. I think people are not good at communicating, having conversations. And I think when you're on a first or second date, it really is just about getting to know that person.

And so hopefully you're on a date and both people want to ask questions and learn. And sometimes it can be awkward, but don't try to outthink it. You don't have to figure out, when should I ask him what his politics are? When I should ask him his credit score. You can ask basic questions that maybe like are a bit telling and might create some follow-up questions. What did you do today is a great, simple, like initial question. And then maybe like, well, I went to work. Oh, well,

what do you do? You know? And then if they tell you what you do, ask them if they like their job, because maybe whether they like their job will show their interest. And if they tell you what you do, ask them if they like their job. Because maybe whether they like their job will show their interest. And if they don't like their job, what would you like to do? And then maybe get into family and get good at asking follow-up questions and paying attention to what they're saying. The credit score thing is very specific, but maybe there's something that might be a date three to five. But I think I'm a big advocate.

But at the same time, I don't want to waste my time too. And I like having interesting conversations with people. I like diving deep and I like getting into people's opinions about things. And so if it makes sense, and also you might find through these simple questions and someone's willingness to answer your questions, and hopefully they're willing to then ask you questions. It will just kind of hopefully be an organic conversation. But my advice to anyone and to you, Taylor, is to just ask basic questions and then good at asking follow-up questions and see what their answers are and then see if you're interested in what they have to say. And if you are, then you might learn to realize that you might like this person.

I think it's telling if that person is not asking you questions because either A, they're bad at conversations and they're not interested in what you have to say. And I think, you know, when you do that and then they can get into like, you know, things like personal beliefs or politics or where they're from, you know, that can maybe, you know, that can maybe come out and like find ways to bring it up without being so abrasive or direct, What's your credit score? Eventually you might have to. Maybe they give you signs or maybe by date three they're like, it'll work itself out.

Maybe that person's so laissez-faire that you're like, this wouldn't surprise me if this person doesn't pay his bills. But I think you need to prioritize what's important to you too in doing that. Making conversation, Nick is totally right. Listening and then asking follow-up questions is a hundred percent a way to go, but also knowing about yourself and what you want in a partner, what your beliefs are so that if the person you're on a date with says something that is contrary, or you think might be contrary to that, you can say, oh, well, well, what about this? Or, or, you know, like, I think having, um, a perspective on yourself

will make all of this much easier so that as people talk, certain things will resonate for you and certain things won't, and you'll be able to dive digger. You could dive digger. You could dive more deeply into, um, what, what you want to find out. Totally. And I, I do think, you know, it just kind of seems to be a theme, uh, have expectations of what you want to get out of the day. You know, um, you may go in there and I think it's important to get to know them and ask them a lot of questions, but maybe go into it with an expectation of what you hope that they ask you. Um, and if they don't, maybe you like, maybe they are nervous and maybe you guide, like you share a little information, but like they should be asking you questions too. And you should have expectations of what you want to get out of that date.

So I think you should do that. And then one other note I have about first dates and second dates is, you know, and the credit score kind of brought up is that, um, just remember the people you are dating are not your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend necessarily. Don't project everything they, that went wrong in your last relationship on the people you're on a first or second date with. If you were cheated on, that sucks. Don't ask them by like question three, have you ever cheated on someone? Um, if you know, like, I mean, like, I guess you can add, but like, just, and I don't mean like,

if you want to know that's fair, if they cheated on someone, that's a fair question. But I'm saying just don't come across as so like abrasive that you like, because people can sense that on a date that like when you- Like it's an inquisition. Just like, hey, did you ever do this? Why?

Like, you don't want to come across as like you're truly like checklisting, like making sure they're not shitty guys. You're kind of projecting and it's more it's, it's more obvious than you realize when you're doing that. So just remember your ex is not the person you're on a date with. People do that a lot. Is that helpful, Taylor? Yeah, that is very helpful. I mean, getting back out there, you know, a new game kind of every time. So. Yeah. And listen, Taylor, I've said this, shooters gotta shoot. Like dating is a contact sport and you're going to have more

bad dates and good dates and don't get discouraged by that because, and it's not because it's bad guys or good guys. It's just people you are compatible with. And I'm guessing you have specific interests and desires and wants. And there's a few people out there who are going to meet those needs, but you got to find them and it takes some time. Well, guys, once again, I want to share with you my story about Natural Habits, the essential oil company that I founded with a great team. For those of you who haven't heard, essential oils have become a big part of my life, again, with my struggle with anxiety and headaches. And I got into them to just try to have a healthier emotional, mental, and physical presence in life.

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hi Lauren how are you good how are you i'm great um i'm nick this is my friend liz hello how can we help you today liz lauren how can we help you lauren i feel like i'm the bachelor so um i recently a question about dating an older guy, 30. How old are you? And has a three-year-old. And I started recently dating a guy who's 41. And in regards to everything's going great, and I'm really liking it. But I am not sure how to deal with paying for things. I'm pretty oriented, but I'm not, you know, where I'm at, where I'd like to be.

And so he's obviously, he's pretty successful and makes quite a bit of money. And I'm not ever sure. We've talked about, like, paying for dinner, and he's, like, happy to do that and always offers. And I'll make dinner. dinner and he's like happy to do that and always offers and um I'll make dinner but like as we kind of start to like delve more into a relationship I'm a little uh unsure of like you know how to go about like talking about money and um I don't know being I'm super open and direct and so I kind of don't know how to like broach the subject about it. And people I've dated in my thirties, it's kind of like you're still building your career. And so there's a little bit more like a lottery, like, Hey,

we'll talk about whether we can afford something or going to travel. And I just kind of, I'm not sure if I'm like in my head about it or if I should talk about it or sooner, that sort of thing. How long have you been dating this person? We've been going out for about three months. Okay, so it's still pretty new. Has he met your child?

Yes, and I met his kids too. So he has kids as well, okay. Is this something that in past relationships you've struggled with as well? No, and I think that's where it's caught me off guard and I'm not sure if it's because of the age difference. Well, I guess, here's my question. Where is this coming from?

Is this just like popping in your head? I mean, you've only been dating for someone for three months and that's pretty new. So I guess I'm a bit surprised why this is something that's on your mind. I think mainly because I'm generally super independent and I don't want someone to feel like they're having to take care of me. I don't know.

Like I just, as it kind of gets more serious and because we have kids, um, and they've met, like, it's definitely like kind of moving in that direction. I guess I'm just, I don't want to feel like I'm like hiding a part of something that I feel is important to me. I don't know. Like, I just- Is it that you don't want to feel- I feel uncomfortable.

You don't want him to feel, you don't want to feel beholden to him. Like, you also don't want him to be like, well, I paid for dinner, so now there's like a tit for tat sort of thing going on. Like, can you trust that the generosity he's showing is sincere? Yeah, and he's like super great about, I don't

even think it's like on his radar in regards to like things, but like we want to travel, like we're actually going to LA next weekend. And so it's like, okay, are you going to like, do I expect him to like pay for everything? Do I, you know, offer like it when it's like someone your own age, I think it's like a little bit easier of a conversation, but it's, I don't know why I've never dated someone that's significantly older. And maybe that's like more of the issue I'm trying to like maybe figure out. And you're, how old are you again? I'm 30.

You're 30. Okay. So there's a decent age gap, but I don't think it's as big of a deal as you think it is. Maybe I say this because I'm a 38-year-old guy who's dated younger girls or dated 27-year-olds or whatever. But you're both adults at this point. I mean, it's not like you're 21 or 22. And the fact that you don't think it's on his radar, I mean, I don't know what Liz has to say about this. But my guess is you're probably stressing out a little bit more than you need to.

I think the important part is that you're aware of it and you're conscious of it. The fact that you want to do your part, I think it's great. I think you should just be upfront and honest. Upfront and honest in terms of things when you bring up vacations. I think there's nothing wrong with saying,

I can't afford that. Just be upfront. Don't say it with the expectation of, are you going to pay for it? Just be like, listen, I can't. And if he's less like, well, I would like to pay for you, fine. I think it's also okay to set the expectation and communicate. Listen, I just want to do my part. But also, if he can afford it and he wants to do it for you,

I think that's okay too. Especially, I think you'll get a sense of whether he is doing it to buy your love or whether he just wants to like, I can afford it and I want to take a vacation with you. And that's nothing more than that, then I think it's okay. As long as you don't get a sense from him that he's maybe some guy, I don't do this, but I think maybe some guys maybe it's love languages too where they're're used to like, you know, gift giving and things like that. And it's like, and, and there are, you're not one of them, but there are women.

I mean, I've, there are women who expect to be paid for, or they are like, you know, they'll date guys and want to start getting expensive gifts right away. That's doesn't seem to be who you are. And I'm not saying one's right versus one's wrong but I think it's okay to talk about money and I wouldn't make it a bigger issue than it is and as long as you just communicate with him what I don't want you to do is make a huge deal about it and make him feel like he's doing something wrong because all he wants to do is spend time with you

and if he can afford it, then great as long as he's not in the future holding it over your head by anyways. There should be a no strings attached policy. If he's offered to pay for your vacation and take you out, great. You owe him literally nothing other than your time. And that's up to him. I understand this because my husband is older than I am.

And before we were engaged, while we were still dating, he was making more money than me by a significant margin. And he wanted to go to nice restaurants. And I remember I just said, listen, I cannot afford to go Dutch to these restaurants. Like right now in my life, I can't. So if you want to go to this restaurant or go on that, you know, weekend trip, I can't afford it. So I was very clear and, you know, we are now married. We now both make money. So it feels a little bit different, but because he was older, same thing, like he was making significantly more than myself. But I also, I think he was also very appreciative that I was honest about it and

also wanted to, wanted to contribute to the relationship in the ways that I could. And so even when we were living together before we were married, um, he made more money than I did. I couldn't afford the apartment that he wanted. So we took an equal percentage out of each one of our paychecks. Like we figured out what that number was so that it was equal hardship. He was paying more because he made more, you know, and he's always felt very, and now we have a joint account and we're very honest about those things. So I think in some ways this is a gift for you because it gives you an opportunity to be very clear about, and you have a kid like, and you have an ex-husband.

So there's a lot here for you guys both to sort out. And if you can get really clear on finances and exes and children, then that's great. That's so much more than people with fewer quote obstacles or things to discuss might get to. So I think you're on a great track and just being upfront and you'll be able to feel whether or not he would hold it over you. Because if he's doing that, then he's out anyway. Like if he's got that in his character, you don't need him in your life. Yeah. You know, I totally agree with that. It is kind of a gift. And I think talking about money is an important thing. And it's more about the ability to talk about money. And again, like don't force the issue if it doesn't come up, but if it comes

up, it's okay to be honest to Liz's point. And it will be telling how he communicates about money. You will get a sense if he's good with it, if he uses it as a weapon, in a sense. If it's easy to talk to him and you feel comfortable having that conversation, that's a really good sign. So to Liz's point, it could be a really good gift to see, is this someone you're compatible with? point, it could be a really good gift to see, is this someone you're compatible with? And because you have a child and you have an ex-husband, is he comfortable with having these types of conversations that will inevitably come out as the relationships advances? So just be honest, it sounds like is the theme and upfront and just, you know, but don't make it a bigger deal than it is. Just tell him how you feel and see what he says. Yeah. Perfect. Cool. I will do it.

Awesome. Well, hopefully that was helpful. Good luck and enjoy the rest of your day. All right. Thanks guys. All right. Thanks so much. I was just curious, like what she actually, what she wanted to know, really, I mean, like, did she want to know? It was just an interesting call. I couldn't really quite understand what she wanted to know. And if she wanted to know if he was going to hold strings over her head, or if she should be splitting, or if it was about her child. I was having a little bit of trouble dissecting that call a little bit. Were you guys? I didn't know. Well, I think generally speaking, when we get some of these calls, I think what I like what I like doing the

skypes is because I think sometimes people have a question there's always something why are they asking the question like where are you coming from I honestly I kind of bought her like I I think she just doesn't know and I think she's just aware no I'm not saying aware but like it's more about honest with yourself and like sometimes like uh the Nashville girl it's just like the truth is she just doesn't know what she wants. She's just trying to fucking figure it out. It really has nothing to do with whether this guy means it or, you know, kind of thing. Do you pay on first dates always? Always, right?

And I just, all I hope to have is the insincere offer to pay for it too. The insincere, just a suggestion or the thank you. Like, the pretend reach for my purse. I don't want the, before the check comes, thanks for dinner.

The presumption that I am going to pay for it. And by like date three or four, I don't mind a, hey, I got this one. Even if it's coffee, even if it's like for dessert. Like I appreciate that because I like being chivalrous and I like, you know, not to social, like not to relationship roles. I like to pay for things. I don't know. But like, especially if she's a working professional and also it depends. It varies. Like if she's a working professional and talks about money a lot and talks about how money she makes, there's a high, there's a high expectation of like, well, I mean like if you're going to talk

about chip in, well, it's kind of like if you're gonna talk about so chip in well it's kind of if you're gonna talk about empowerment and how much money you make and blah blah blah and then like every it's just like there's like no attempt at like offering to pay i'm kind of like okay all right cool you know like you know practice what you preach kind of thing um well there is kind of a gender we have like very traditional gender roles in our house in terms of that, but there is a strange gender role expectation with money. Like on first dates, guys pay. And guys, you know, unfortunately tend to make more than women. So I had a very similar situation to you, Liz, in the beginning where my husband was making more than I was and we had to deal

with it that way. But men are supposed to pay. I also think men should pay. And I have a reason. Like men should pay the first date because unless you met me with no makeup on, wearing sweatpants in a laundromat, then we can go Dutch. But otherwise, like all this, highlights, lashes, this all takes money, right?

So like you can pay for my chicken breast which i'm only ordering because i'm on a damn date anyway we all know i want the wings just so i'm gonna i'm gonna go on a limb here and just play devil's advocate so like i didn't ask you to put anything that on when you hit on me when you hit on me i wasn't know, with sleep in my eye and my hair in a greasy ponytail. There are plenty of women I have hit on who I think are beautiful. And then later in life, I see them with less makeup and go, wow, you're beautiful. And prefer the sweatpants and a t-shirt. I personally don't care.

But you've already paid for the dinner. So by that point, by the time I'm in sweatpants, I'm also paying for dinner. I think you would be surprised how little guys care. And I do think when women get dressed up and check each other out, they're doing it for themselves and each other a lot more than they're doing it for men. No. I don't care. I mean, that's just me. And maybe I'm wrong.

That is not just the feminist bachelor. I can tell you when I roll into the whole foods like after this if i go to whole foods i will get someone to hold the door open for me if i can't reach something someone will a man will get it for me if i roll in there wearing my rams cap and no makeup ain't nobody talking to me i just i mean night but also like it could be it could be your body language it could be like i don't want to be talked. It's not her body language. Okay, I'm just clearly... Unless you're wearing those Lululemons.

If you're wearing those Lululemons, they'll talk to you anyway. And those aren't cheap. I'm just saying. I bet the girls that you like who you think aren't wearing any makeup spent hundreds of dollars on facials. They're actually wearing foundation. You just can't see it. Their sweats are designed.

You know what I mean? Once again, while I appreciate the effort, it's not an expectation on my part. And again, I'm fine with paying. I want to pay on the first date. But this whole like, you're actually paying me back for presenting to you in a way that I thought you'd appreciate. Honestly, it almost sounds like reverse. you like i don't know it sounds like i can't wait till i open the next us weekly and nick is with some ratchet looking girl who's like not has crazy roots growing out we should play a game with nick we should throw some women at him and see what like without his knowing consensually thank you for that distinction i'm so sorry i'm

not like i i can't i i like to i don't I don't wear sweatpants out, but I always like to look good. It doesn't mean like I, you know, like that you can look good without like the whole process. I'm just saying. We're not asking like for the Beyonce Ed Sheeran here. here. All I'm saying is by all means, do the things you want to do, but I have no idea. I'm no doubt. I have no idea the extent of the process that goes into it. Fine. And I'm not saying I don't appreciate it, but I also didn't ask. I just think when you say, you know, you like a woman who's like, what doesn't wear makeup? It's, it's what Rochelle is saying you know that the no makeup look takes time for those women and our version of the no makeup look is fine I I really don't think that you're giving us men maybe enough credit I do it's like I truly like I know I'm saying I've had girlfriends and when you you live with someone you really get

to know them and you see them and they're like beautiful and I love it and it's just like I'm sorry but when and there's been plenty of times in relationships where she wants to get dressed up and she wants to look a certain way and she wants to do this for herself and she should I I support it but you're not doing it for me because I think you're hot anyways. And I still want to have sex with you. And I still want to like, you know what I'm saying? Like, by all means. So this whole, like, I did this. So like pay up, buddy. Um, like I would rather treat you because I want to treat you. Not because you decided to get a facial and I'm like indirectly paying you back. I will say to my husband, if we're going on a date night, I'm like, Oh God, do you mind if I don't wear makeup? And he will say, honey, I love you. Like,

why are you asking his permission? Well, because sometimes I like want to make it, but this is a date night. Like I want to make it special. He will also say like, Hey, you know, asking his permission and asking what he likes are two different things. Like, Hey babe, should I wear, what's your favorite thing? That's fine. Then like, am I allowed to wear jeans tonight? Well, I will say like, do you mind if I don't wear makeup? Do you mind if I don't like get gussied up for this date night? We also, you know, have busy lives. So we're not like on date nights on the regular.

It takes like a babysitter and other things. So I hear what you're saying, but I also think initially you probably were attracted to somebody in a setting where the makeup and the hair was required. I appreciate that, but I am not bullshitting when I say I often find that the women I'm attracted to are wearing more makeup than I personally think they need to. You should lead with that. And then make them pay. And I also find that when I have honest conversations with these women, they like wearing makeup. And that's fine, too. They like to do those things.

They're like, I don't know. I like dressing up. Okay, great. I'm just saying it's not for me. Don't pretend that you're doing this for me as much as you suggest that you think you are. That's just me. Is that okay to say? Am I? No, it's fine suggest that you think you are. That's just me. Fair. Fine.

Is that okay to say? Am I? Yes. I know. It's fine. I just think you're wrong. Also in date four, when I don't take the time to contour,

I'll pay for dinner. Also, I'm just saying this is the man's point of view and you're telling me I'm wrong. It'd be like me asking what you women think. You're like, well, I don't believe you.

I really don't think so. This is what I'm like. well, I don't believe you. I really don't think so. And this is what I'm like, I've dated a lot of women. I don't think we're telling you wrong. I think we're having a conversation about it. Did you feel like we were telling you you were wrong? Oh, right.

Rochelle was like, I don't believe you. Oh no, I actually, I felt like it was more, I'm so, I actually wanted this to be more of a conversation. No,

I think this is great. I mean, I will find a way to use it. I think it's fantastic. Listen, some people look better in makeup. I wear makeup every day and it's for me because for me, I feel better when I wear makeup. Like that's, I wear it every single day.

I would like to see, generally speaking, and this is just me and probably won't use this. I would like to see women where is, if they like wearing it as little as they think they need to. Because at that point, when it looks like you're wearing makeup, then it becomes this, how do you really look? There's a difference between having the eyeliner where I recognize,

oh, your eyes pop with that. That's great. It augments your look as opposed to, you actually might look like a different person. Like a Kardashian. The whole contouring of the face. When you get the side profile and you literally see like two different skin tones, that's a concern that like men notice in terms of like, okay, what else is fake? Yeah. You know? And so like, I just want to know. And again, it's so funny that you were making, I, since I wear makeup

for work all the time or they, I get my makeup done at work. I am so happy on a day off to not wear makeup because it's just heavy, right? Like I don't, I don't like wearing makeup. I feel like I have, but I think I don't like wearing makeup because I have to wear it for work all the time. Yeah. And so when I have an opportunity not to, like I am that mom at drop-off who is definitely in a baseball cap with no makeup. And yet I think my persona is not that at all. Yeah. I don't like wearing clothing. Like I wear like sweats and leggings, but makeup I have to wear every day because I feel so much better. Super into it. My girlfriend doesn't want to wear clothing. That's awesome. I mean like sweats. Hey Nick, my question is in regards to bachelor boners. I would imagine

that over the course of running a a season when you are being intimate with all of these different beautiful women that this could be an issue that may arise if you will if you will how is it handled is it something where you just try to hide it and you're wearing double compression shorts or something ridiculous on every date and cocktail party? Or is it a psychological thing where it doesn't really happen because you know that there's a crew that's filming you and this is all going to be on national television? Um, is it something that Chris Harrison sits you down before you become bachelor or go on the bachelor? No boners. Gives you like the secret to how to handle this and the world will just never know.

I would just imagine, you know, if you say at a cocktail party, you are making out with someone and then someone comes to interrupt and steal you and then you have to say, hey, maybe give me a minute. And then you just have to ride it out before you can go anywhere. That doesn't seem like that ridiculous of a scenario to happen. So anyway, I'm just curious. I've never seen it talked about.

And I would love to have you shed some light on it. So thanks a lot. How do you think Chris Harrison would feel if I told people that he gave me the key to not having a boner? if I told people that he gave me the key to not having a boner. So Nick, are you wearing man spanks or saying baseball a bunch of times?

I'm wearing underwear. I mean, listen, it's The Bachelor. Maybe the best way to answer this is, while it is a show, it's also real life for the people in it. And so real life things happen. Also like people know that things are edited down. I mean, did you get aroused? Do you get attracted? You're into people certainly as the season goes on and the relationships get more

intimate and you get closer with people, you can get excited. Has it happened? Sure. Like do I, you wear special underwear or like subconsciously tell yourself not to get attracted to someone of course not but they can also choose not to show things or like focus on your dick when you're like record you know like yeah so um they're like i'm assuming like maybe trying to relate to the real world if like if this happens to guys i don don't know. But I'm assuming jeans and regular boxer briefs usually take care of the problem. I don't think it's super obvious to... I don't know.

You women, do you women notice if a guy is wearing a normal attire? I don't know. I don't think this is something you really have to like worry about all the time. No, I mean, I don't know what kind of pills this bro's taken. Maybe he's just like wearing like gym shorts and no underwear.

Like then he's got the seventh grader. Yeah, maybe this dude's definitely got the hidden subscription for sure. A problem. Yeah. I don't know. That's also the most like bro. It's like,

God, I just, Nick, I know I get boners all the time. How do I deal with my massive dick? It's like, I'm Al Gore up in here. My God.

I'm up for a promotion. I interviewed three weeks ago for the position. My company is all males dominated. I've heard nothing, yet I am doing the job without the pay. What do I do? Liz, I'll letail, according to this. But she hasn't officially been told she's gotten the promoted. So she hasn't gotten the title bump and she hasn't gotten the pay. But she's doing it anyways. What you say is you say, I need a meeting. And you go to whoever your advisor is, your boss, your manager, et cetera, your higher up.

And you say, I need a meeting. And you schedule a meeting. You don't text. You're not passive aggressive. You take all of that emotion out of it. And you have, you sit down and you set a meeting. If he's avoiding you, then you, you set a meeting. And if you have to walk into his office and say, this is, you know, I've spoken to your assistant and I know that you have this hour and this hour free, then you do that. You set the meeting, you sit down and you very calmly say, three weeks ago, I applied for this promotion. Here are the additional duties I've been doing since then, yet I haven't received

a title bump or additional pay. And I'd like to speak to you about how we can rectify this. And I think you're just very honest. I think that's a great answer. I have really nothing to add other than maybe a question for you, because being a man or a woman, I feel like that could be something that someone is nervous of doing to a superior. And so how would you recommend, because I think the important thing is here to be both direct and respectful at the same time. How do you be direct without being a dick or a bitch or whatever you want to say? What advice would you have for anyone to be you're, because in a way, whether directly or indirectly, there's persons being taken advantage of. And so how do you assert your

worth without sounding unappreciative of the role? Well, I think if you know you are doing the work and you're confident in your product, in your performance, then all of that is alleviated. And you don't, you also have to divorce yourself from, you may be perfectly direct and non-emotional and someone may think you're a bitch and you have to divorce yourself from a hypothetical result and live in the truth of it and know that you're fine. Your boss very, very may well say she's a bitch, in which case that's fine. I'm a bitch who's getting paid. Great. But problematically, if she's doing the work voluntarily and she doesn't get the promotion,

what's the expectation there? Well, that's why she has to change it now though, right? Like she has to say, I've been doing this work. So like you have to have the conversation. You just can't stop doing the duties because then they can say, well, you haven't done this, right? Like she has to set the meeting and sit down and say, in this period of time, I have done these things

and not this three-week period and not received compensation for them. Would you like me, am I receiving this promotion or would you like me to stop doing these things? That's great. Yeah, and little things you can say like, I love this job, I want to be here. All these things, be very positive,

but that's a great way to say, do you want me to keep doing it? It's your call. Make it, put it, turn it on them. Put the ball in their court. I absolutely think. And again, just being very secure in what you're doing and divorcing yourself from, oh my gosh, what if they think it doesn't matter what they think. You know that you have done a good job.

Sit in that and sit in the confidence of that. And just also, I think there's this thought that like, if you're confident, it's cocky. No, if you're confident, you're just sure of yourself. And that's a really, that is why we like Demi. I mean, Demi's not self-aware and stuff, but we are attracted to confident people. We love Rachel Lindsay because she is allowing herself to be comfortable and confident, but also vulnerable when she needs to be. But the joy of those people, we like Nick because he is confident. And sometimes confidence comes with an allowance to be vulnerable. That doesn't mean that you're confident. It doesn't mean like you're shutting everybody out. It just means I know I am good at the, like, I know about my, I am a kind

person. I know that about myself. So I never get, I never get like triggered when someone says someone could potentially say like, Oh, you know, something, no one has actually ever said anything I've said is mean. So like, I feel like I conduct myself well because I know I am a kind person. I know I model that for my kids. Like, and so that allows me to move from a place of honesty and sincerity. And so I think if you're conducting yourself that way, then it should be received like likewise. I think that's all great. And you know, and some people do confuse confidence and cockiness and that's not always your problem. Right. Hi, Nick. It's Angela from Canada. I'm wondering what's the biggest misconception about you that has resulted in your time on The Bachelor and have any of those misconceptions

bled their way into your personal relationships? And what did you do about it? Thank you. Welcome. Great question. I get asked this a lot. I feel like there's a lot of conceptions about me. I've been on the show for so long.

So I think there's several character arcs that I've been given in terms of, if you want to simplify it, the villain or the sexual sexual bachelor, because, you know, people knew I had sex on the show or whatever. I think the one that I think I'm most conscious of, or the one that I think bothers me the most is, um, I think sometimes perceive me, people perceive me to be a dick, which is sometimes true. I can be dickish. Um, but it doesn't, I don't think I'm a dick. And also like for the people who've gotten to know me, I mean, I was at, I was home from Wisconsin and it does bother me because I was home in Wisconsin for Christmas and I was out with my boys, my high school friends, and we were walking the streets of Milwaukee and this, you know, this group of women came up and

clearly drinking, you know, the streets of Milwaukee. And someone was like, Oh, that's Nick from the bachelor. And I was like, Hey, how you doing? And I kept drinking, you know, just do some walking. And someone was like, oh, that's Nick from The Bachelor. And I was like, hey, how you doing? And I kept walking. You know, I didn't like stop. And I was like, oh, you really are an asshole or you really are a dick. And that like really bothered me. Like, it was just like, I don't, huh? And like, clearly this kind of percept, like I can be curt and I have a dry sense of humor

and I am a sarcastic dick. I mean, I am. So there's always these, there's some truth to that. But is it, you know, does it, do I feel like I am most So there's all these, there's some truth to that, but is it, you know, does it, does it, do I feel like I am most of the time? No. But sometimes maybe, but I am like, as a person, I don't, I like, I think you kind of mentioned this, like you're direct and confident and that can rub people the wrong way. But like, you feel as though you're a nice person. You do nice things, but I also like, don't, I sometimes don't suffer fools and I don't like, I like to be liked, but not to the point where I'm willing to change who I am to be liked. And then sometimes I think that people can find

that to be abrasive. And so sometimes, but has that bled over into my personal life? Not really. I mean, obviously again, there's the interactions with people. And no one likes to, I think, in life, no one likes to be prejudged for people who they think they know you, but don't really. And that can get frustrating. But when it comes to my dating life, I've typically found that the women I've dated give me the benefit of the doubt to try to get to know me. And it's no different than anyone else who might have,

everyone has a reputation, good or bad. So I think that's probably it. Well, anyways, I think that's going to do it for today. Liz, thank you so much for co-hosting this episode with me. I really appreciate it. I feel like I learned a lot and I found it really insightful. I hope the people listening did as well. And I really appreciate you taking the time.

Thank you. It was so much fun being here. I hope that you will, in addition to texting Matthew, maybe text me or Brad Evans or Andy Barron's, play on the Yahoo platform. Yeah, totally. I can't wait till Matthew listens to this podcast. I'm going to see him next week, actually.

Really? Tell him I said hi. He texted me yesterday. Oh. He must have felt something in the air. Spidey sense was tingling. I did not tell him that we were going to see him next week, actually. Really? Tell him I said hi. He texted me yesterday. Oh. Yeah. He must have felt something in the air. Spidey sense was tingling. I did not tell him that we were going to do this show today. But anyways, sincere thank you for coming.

It was great. Like I said, I learned a lot. I appreciate your insight in both your career and dating. Final thoughts? You know, listen, put the jersey back on now and then, you know? I mean... I will tell my husband

that you suggested that and then you might have another best friend. And tell him I said, you're welcome. That's advice I will not be taking. But thanks, Nick. All right.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.