The Viall Files - E400 Ask Nick - Is My Guy Friend Giving Me Hints?

Episode Date: March 28, 2022

We are back with another episode of Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! We want to say congratulations and thank you for listening, because we are hitting Episode 400 with this release! On this episode we are joined by our first caller who is unsure what to do when her guy friend shares messages from his past fling that seems concerning and troublesome. The twist is that our caller and her guy friend have been romantic before and currently have feelings, but she feels hesitant after seeing these messages. She wonders how to navigate transitioning from friendship to relationship and how to deal with these red flags. Our next caller talks about a dream job turned nightmare after getting a job straight out of college from her friend’s aunt. Our caller has a great relationship with the person who hired her but when her friend’s aunt becomes her boss, everything changes with her strict and rigid expectations. Our last caller struggles to navigate a situation where the person she’s dating has a condition that will limit his life expectancy. She struggles to define the relationship when she realizes that because of his condition, he will always make himself a priority over her. Now she must decide if she should pursue this relationship knowing it’ll differ from something more traditional, or if she should give him space and move on.  “Don’t get caught up in people that don’t want what you want.”  Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes.  Pre-Order Nick’s Book: https://www.abramsbooks.com/product/dont-text-your-ex-happy-birthday_9781419755491/ Check out our new "Introvert" merch at http://www.viallfiles.com today! THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: Framebridge: Go to http://www.Frambridge.com and use promo code VIALL to save an additional 15% off your first order.  Noom: Sign up for your trial at http://www.Noom.com/VIALL  Away Travel: Start your 100-day trial and shop the entire Away lineup of travel essentials, including their best-selling suitcases at http://www.AwayTravel.com/VIALL  Episode Socials:  @viallfiles @nickviall See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you're crazy what's going on everybody welcome back to episode 400 of the vile Files Ask Nick episode. I don't know if we've ever had, we've done the 100, 200, 300. This is our first like, I don't know what we're calling it. Stoic birthday. Stoic, whatever, centennial birthday, I guess. I don't know.

That's an Ask Nick edition. So here we are, 400. Wow. Allie's still not with us. She will be back. Skeleton crew for 400. We record these in bunches sometimes. We have a great episode for you. Before we get into that, we have an Ask Nick update that is a fun one. Also, this is the first Ask Nick episode that I get to announce that I officially have a book available for pre-sale. Many of you have already noticed and pre-ordered. I can't thank you enough. The Ask Nick audience. This is the audience I wrote. This book is for you it was certainly motivated by you I mean I really owe you guys

a big thank you for making me think I could even try to write a book about general relationship advice and things like that and I really think it's good I do and I was always nervous about like obviously a lot of what's in the book

you've probably heard me say in some version. But I think there's new stuff in there. And there's something about it being a book that I feel like there's a lot of new stuff I'm underselling. But I also feel like it's a nice guide. Yeah, I feel like when you read stuff, you process it differently. Like I think I automatically go into learning mode a little bit more than if I'm just like listening to things because my brain's like, we're back in school. We're doing important work. And Amanda has read some, most of it, some of it. Yeah, big chunks of it. Nick was, showed me a section that was pertinent to something I was navigating. And I was like, can you actually text that full thing to me because I need to reread it later.

So it's truly, and I listen to this man talk most days, and it was still new and helpful information. Does it ever get annoying? Your voice haunts my dreams, Nick. It's not like, it's not the in-person stuff. It's the video editing. It's like, yeah, it's like when the things go on loop, on loop, on loop. Yeah. Anyway, it would mean so much to me.

The book's not out until October, but pre-orders are apparently a big deal when it comes to rankings and things like that. So for my Ask Nick audience, I really truly think anyone who has ever enjoyed this show at any point, there is a nugget or two, or maybe many, that I think you will find enjoyable, helpful. It's an easy read.

It's meant to be fun and like, you know, something, a great gift for a friend who's going through it, maybe in a situation, ship or a breakup or just struggling dating. I honestly think it's a fun, easy read. So it would mean the absolute world to me if you guys supported it and pre-ordered it. And I really think you will be glad you did. There's a link to pre-order in the show description. You can find it all over my Instagram and TikTok. I can't thank you guys enough. We have an Ask Nick update for you. Before we get into that, by the way, Justin Long, we're about to record with him, just so you know, but he will be our guest for our Ask Nick episode next week. I know you guys have been asking for that

for a long time. He was, I think, our 200th guest and then did an Ask Nick shortly thereafter of which, so 200 some episodes ago, Justin Long was with us

to do an Ask Nick. You guys loved it and been asking for him back ever since and he will be with us next week, next Monday. It's like,

he's not just a friend of show, he's like bestie of show. Yeah, he's bestie of show. And I think some people, if Justin stepped in, like if I had to leave and stepped in for Ask Nick, there's not many people I would... Trust. He might be the only person who I would be like,

you know what, give it a shot. For like an Ask Nick. I don't know. Anyways, he'll be with us. All right. Episode 384, not too long ago, we had two friends call in and they were worried about their friend. She was dating some guy. They were wondering, their email was, they were wondering if they were being bitches. And the feedback I gave them was, listen, we don't really know what's going on. There's no point in shaming your friend and making her feel like she has to isolate herself. So just learn more, get to know him. You might be right. You might be wrong, but let's not push her away just because you are judging her initial choices. So we have an update from them and it's

episode three to four if you want to go back and listen to it. But they wrote, we have not one, but two updates. Two days before episode aired, our friend informed us that she and her boyfriend had broken up. Long story short, he had gotten extremely drunk

to the point he was blacked out. When she took him home from the party they were at, he began throwing stuff around her apartment, trashing it before she could wrangle him to bed. Jesus. Wrangle him to bed makes it sound like he's like some... Cattle. Yeah. I mean, a blackout drunk person is kind of like cattle. When she went to get him into bed, he told her to fuck... Oh, he told her, fuck you, bitch. So she slept on the couch. The next morning, he remembered nothing and told him that she was breaking up with him until he could get his shit together and actually express his true feelings to her.

I hated that there was a, she gave him like homework. Anyway. Yeah, like a conditional breakup. Yeah. she gave him like homework anyway yeah like a conditional breakup yeah uh her mom came to visit the following week and said she should give him another chance mom told him to give her another it's like what what information does mom have yeah does mom know the fuck you bitch comment i don't know so they are officially back after just over a week broken up as a friend group we have decided to no

longer give our opinion unless it is asked for, but be supportive of the decisions she makes as best as we can. So yeah, the two updates where they broke up and now are back together. Yeah, it was such a, like we started on such a positive note, you know? Obviously the email is riddled with red flags and I don't love that they're back together. I've told this story before. My very best friend growing up, nicest guy, truly the nicest guy in the world. He's a dad, father of two, wife. And when we were in college, he would get blackout drunk and so much that he would, well, blackout and not remember anything. And there were a couple times, one time, i'll never forget it he my my first girlfriend we would get together and break up all the time and in one of our like

you know breakups where we would still talk she was friends with him and she and her friend used to date him right so and they were all cool and they were like out drinking and prank calling them and i don't just around with them and he was so drunk that he called her up and was just like saying the worst things to her. The worst. She called me up in a panic. My, my, my girlfriend acts at the time. I can't even, I won't even repeat what he said. Just kind of like basically fuck you. Never talk to Nick again. We fucking hate you. Just horrible things. She called me up just like shaking, just be like, and I was so mad. And he was out with some buddies and we almost got like in a fist fight that night.

We had to be broken up and I was so mad. He woke up the next day with no recollection of anything. He was just like, hey, what's up, man? And I was just like, you don't remember. And I knew he didn't remember. He felt ashamed and embarrassed and he called and apologized. And like, it was like something we gave

him a hard time for and and and something kind of like changed his perspective he got much more careful about like taking shots and what he took shots because it was just like he was truly just ashamed so like it can happen like too much liquor people can change the different people so is this guy a monster i don't know know. Honestly, even my, even though my best friend at the time, he did that. If he did that to his girlfriend at the time and she never took him back, I wouldn't blame her. You know what I'm saying? Like I would be on high alert, but yeah, all you can do in that situation. I still like my advice stands. Like you, you don't want to shame your friend. Like shame doesn't do anything for your friends to the point where they feel like they have to isolate themselves.

Because if she is truly in like a dangerous situation or he's not the best boyfriend in general, her feeling like she can't have people to talk to isn't going to help her be in a safer situation. Yeah. And it creates the like right wrong situation where then she has to prove that she was right to not to be with him and her mom said get back together so i definitely think as friends you just want to keep them as close as possible and sometimes it can be hard because they're making choices that worry you you don't agree with but it's best to try to still keep them close and then pick your battles. And hopefully he gets on the right path,

or maybe he realizes, hopefully this guy is truly embarrassed. And I certainly hope, if you're listening, friends, if it didn't wake him up the first time that he was willing to make a significant change and never stop this again, then doing it a second time shows that it truly isn't that important to him. And maybe that's what you say to your friend if something similar happens in the future. Custom framing people with Framebridge. They're doing great things. They actually sent me the most. I took this picture with Jeff, posted on my Instagram. Days later, I had it framed

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mondays uh until october but i really i really i really think you guys will enjoy it i really do i just think you put so much like you put a lot into that book like you really were like this is i feel like this is your... But I don't want him to die out of guilt. Like, oh, fuck. I really think it's good. I really think there will be... If you've ever enjoyed anything I've ever said on this show,

I really think it will... It'll sum up everything I've said over all the years into a user manual dating for dummies, so to speak. You know, it's not meant to be, it's not like a, it's an easy, fun read with some anecdotes and examples, some stories from the podcast. If you listen to this podcast,

you might recognize your situation. Also, big announcement. Shane has confirmed with me he will be our guest on Going Deeper on Wednesday. We are back tomorrow with more Bachelor updates and gossip. I'm sure we're looking to have maybe

Sinead or Serene next Monday. Or maybe Sarah. One of those three we'll have for you zooming in and asking some updates and more bachelor gossip. And then Shane exclusive interview with love is blind.

Shane. Apparently he has a lot to say. Yeah. And he's been saving it up for this specific conversation. Let's get to our callers. Let's ask Nick your sexy questions. How's it going? Hey, good.

My name's Maren. I'm 27. How can I help, Maren? So I'm calling in because a dear friend of mine, a guy who's been close with me for almost 10 years, about four weeks ago, told me that he wanted to pursue a serious relationship with me. Like out of nowhere?

He just like call you up and be like, hey, I was just, you know, I'm going to start pursuing you. So yes, so no, but also kind of yes. So this guy and I have kind of always had this inside joke. It's sort of a joke, but not really a joke. Like when we're like 40 and single, we all get married kind of thing. Precisely, but not 40, more like 35. But yeah, but basically, and that's sort of always been something that he and I have touched on throughout our dating hardships as a sort of touch point to make us feel good and confident that, okay, if nothing works out, we'll have each other and we have a really close friendship. And sort of over the past... So I was in a really serious relationship for about four years and I

got out of it over this past summer. And he was in a pretty serious relationship for three and a half. And he also got out of it in this past spring. So we've both been single for like six months or so. And during that time, I've definitely been dating a lot and so has he. And sort of throughout all of that, we've started talking sort of in a parallel to our conversations about past people or the current people we're seeing. We've also talked a lot about, well, if this doesn't work out, we'll just get together. And so sort of recently, maybe about, maybe in December, I was seeing this guy and it didn't work out and I regretted it. And I told my guy friend, let's call him Matthew. I told Matthew that, you know, I was bummed that this didn't work out with this guy. And I wanted to reach back out to him to see if maybe he would reconsider trying to start things again. To be clear, I had ended it with this guy because I didn't think I really saw a future with him.

But I thought it could be nice to date someone. For reference, I live in London, someone I, for reference, I live, I live in London and I'm moving back to the U.S. in June. So I had ended it with this guy because I didn't want to get into something where I could get my heart involved and then have to move. But I figured, okay, maybe I could just have a fun dating thing. So I wanted to see this guy again. And then my friend, Matthew, basically called me and was like, please do not reach back out to this guy. I don't want you to see him. I don't want you to date him. And I sort of was like, I knew why he was saying that. A part of me knew he was maybe going to say something, but I sort of played dumb. We were like, well, why? And he said, because I think we need to stop sort of having a half in, half out conversation about being together. And I think we should just prioritize it. And I don't think we should see other people. I love that for him.

which is, you know, in general, he and I have quite a direct, honest rapport. We know each other incredibly well. So I wasn't so caught off guard, right? I think that was your initial question. What was your instant reaction inside your feeling? What did you feel? Excitement. But there's a lot of stuff kind of that I'm worried about and stressed about. Like what? So, well, in my head, I've kind of bucketed this into three categories. The first is stuff to do basically with his value system and how I've seen him behave with other girls. Stuff that I think I've seen because we've been such close friends. He's shared so much with me.

Give me an example. Okay, so he was dating this girl. Well, he wasn't dating her quite yet. He met her on an app and then they talked on FaceTime for like three weeks and then he went to go see her

and he kind of called me afterward and was like, well, I mean, she has acne scars and cankles and it's just not exactly as hot as I thought she would be. And I was sort of like a little bit not impressed with that reaction to someone because she's also objectively pretty girl from the photos I've seen. So to hear him be really harsh on someone for their looks and stuff like acne scars, I was sort of like, what do you expect? No one's perfect. And so I found that a bit disheartening. Also, I mean, he ended up sending me his text with this girl that she had in, you know, when he was breaking up with her, she had sent him the text, he sent her back to him to kind of be like, well, look, you sent this to me. I got receipts. Do you have them?

I do. I do. Yeah. And the text he sent her, Nick, were extremely worrisome. Okay, so this is, I'm going to read, first I'm going to read her message to him that was sort of after he broke up with her.

And then I'm going to read the receipts, quote unquote, that she sent him. Okay. So she goes, Matthew, I love you with my entire heart. Our time spent in person has been literally perfect. You said you were overwhelmed by the perfection after a year of dating and despair. Me too. You called me your soulmate. You called me your wife, that you wanted to possess me wholly and for me to take your name, that no girl had ever been so sweet to you or made you feel so at home. You said all of these things to me and more, and I believed you. We are so compatible and I feel that I can be myself with you and express everything even without words. As you said in your letter,

marriage is for the glory of God, first and foremost. I want to be your wife. I want to bear your children. I want to love them and build a beautiful life approaching heaven. Every day I spend at work is painful because it's so unnatural for me as a woman. And I just want to be on a farm, nurturing the land and our souls, loving you and living out my truest identity as a wife and mother is he religious yeah he just converted to catholicism a year ago and this is part of this is part of the value bucket nick okay yeah so these are the texts he sent to her later in life i don't feel like you hear that much these days my dad yeah he he did He's a... And I'm Catholic for reference point.

Because that was intense. That was very intense. And he confirmed to you that he in fact said the things that she accused him of saying?

No. No, no, no. He said he didn't say any of that. Because she sounds a lot. Out there. Just intense.

I'm sorry. She sounds unhinged. And we're going to empathize with this stranger. She's in her feelings. She's hurt right now. She's possessed. I mean, you don't know the half of it. I mean, I'm just going to read another sentence.

I want to compliment your masculinity with my deepest femininity and beatific joy that will blossom completely when I feel safe and protected by my husband. Okay, with that. So why, okay, so that's, what's the problem for like, how did he respond?

Okay, so basically, he didn't respond to any of these because he had already broken up with her. But this is what he said to her when they were still in the lovey-dovey stage. Okay. And she sent these texts to him, like as proof that, see, you must love me.

Okay. So the texts say, baby, I liked it when you whistled and sang in the kitchen. I liked it when you sat on me and when you melted into me and when you took a nap on me. And I like your general submissive demeanor

and also that you're active and eager to be helpful and make nice things like all your delicious meals for me. He said this when they were dating? Yes. I think they had just had the weekend together, but they didn't stay together to be clear. But the way you read it, it sounds like he's trying to say,

like it's almost like he's replying to... I think she had said, what do you like about me? And that's what he came up with? That's what he came up with. I like it when you make me sandwiches. And your general submissive demeanor. Yeah, it's the submissive demeanor. I know.

I'm not into that, right? But some people are and I don't think we have to necessarily say that's problematic. It might not be your cup of tea, but there are women who like more men who

take charge and there are men who like more demure women and those two people fit. It's not a me thing, but it is an other people thing so like you know i don't know we have to just it sounds funny to read and the way he the way these two people text is fucking wild you know it's amazing it's so like it's just wild i don't know how to describe it she's over the top intense it's like they're writing love letters but it's in modern. I don't know how to describe it. She's over the top intense. It's like they're writing love letters,

but it's in modern day text form. And really bad at it. But any type of guy says like, I like your general like, which is anything. If you generally, you're like generally, it's such a guy thing to use the word general.

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within the contiguous US, Europe, Canada, and Australia. Start your 100-day trial and shop the entire Away line of travel essentials, including their best-selling suitcases at awaytravel.com slash V-I-A-L-L. That's awaytravel.com slash V-I-A-L-L. Does this sound like the person you know? Does this sound like the person you know? Yes and no. Yes and no. So I... I would be mortified if...

And I can't even think of what I wrote, but I'm guessing I would be mortified if text messages with past partners that I wrote were revealed. And I think a lot of us have a tendency of becoming chameleons and morphing into the people we're dating a little bit. And the fact that if this was during a period

of which he was like converting to Catholicism, especially if she was like, if maybe she was even part of that reason, she wasn't. No? Was she religious too? No, they met like two years after the conversion. This was just his last fling that he had. They ended things in like January.

Okay. But maybe she was like really embraced that and that's how she thought she, you know, just all I'm saying is, is it a red flag? Sure. yeah. I get why it gives you pause. But I don't know if there's anything in there that's like so alarming that we can't consider the possibility.

Because you know this guy. If this was like a stranger, I'd be like, I don't know. Like if this was like you're calling me and reading me this text after like someone like somehow you had him and for some reason and you've been on three dates and you're like i'm getting some like weird vibes then i would be like yeah this is like maybe this is all the confirmation you need but like if you know this guy really well and yeah it kind of sounds like him but not really like we've all uh you know that we've all been through periods where it's like, I was on some shit. What the fuck was I thinking?

So that is possible. I don't really... You know this guy better than I do. But I guess what I'm saying, none of that is like, oh, walk away. You know, type of thing. I think the second category of questions I have is frankly the more

vulnerable and pressing situation. So we should probably get into that. So I was in New York for winter doing an internship and he was in the city for an event. And we ended up making out, like getting really drunk together, making out. We didn't have sex. Okay. But that happened. And then it was sort of, you know, and now what?

He's a farmer. So he was working on his farm. And then over the summer, I was in Chicago for work and he was also farming. So we weren't in the same place for like six months, but we started having quite an intense texting ship basically um after this sort of one night of making out where it was pretty full-on um and that's sort of emblematic of how he actually is always with texting girls um he gets really full no no not sexting just more like I you know fantasizing about like what life could be like together.

Like, oh, you could be on the farm, like making little jams and like putting little like name tags on things. Like just like fantasizing about like farm life. Very wholesome actually, but not sexting, but you know, pretty full on. And you replied back with, what's your favorite jam? How about apricot? Yeah, no, I mean, it was pretty full on. I was also dating someone at the time,

but it was pretty casual. But anyway, we have this like intense texting period, right? That leads into our senior fall. I get to campus. I've just broken up with the guy I was texting or not texting the guy I was seeing, sorry. And I'm sort of thinking to myself on the one end, well, okay, had a steamy makeout in March and then had this really intense texting thing going on where we would, you know, talk about the babies we could have together. And now I'm showing back up fall of senior year. I wonder what the vibe is going to be. And I wasn't necessarily dead set on, you know, starting a relationship then. But I think he thought I was because basically that fall, I remember this night really clearly, we went to drinks and we're just hanging out. And he basically made it very clear to me that he was not interested in actually reifying this texting thing. He was

happy to have it just stay as this sort of nebulous, like, oh, we had this intense text stuff going on. We made out once, but I don't want to date you. I'm not interested in you. And he made that quite clear. And for what it's worth, I think I was a bit caught off guard by that, but I had, my heart was kind of all over the place because I had been dating someone else over the summer and I wasn't too bothered about it. But the reason I bring this up

is because now I'm thinking to myself, it's been, I don't know, six years. Why now are you interested in dating me if you weren't interested in dating me when we were 22 at the same school you know going into your year six years ago it was do you i think i think well i think it's a fair question to ask them why now it's it is. But it's stupid to compare it to like why not back when we were 22 at the same college.

You know what I'm saying? Just keep the why now about why now. Not comparing it to any other time. Do you think, just this is more of a philosophical question, but do you think that it's possible for someone to not be into someone at one stage in their life,

but then to decide or to come into feelings for them later? Sure, I mean, you guys have gotten to know each other and evolved and it wouldn't, the way you're describing this story is that you've always kind of, there was obviously some kind of attraction, right?

And maybe, you know, 22 at college, I mean, that's kind of, that's fuck boy days. And maybe he, you know, but seriously, it's just like I have this girl where it's just like she's pretty and cute and fun and I definitely don't want a girlfriend and I don't want to ruin, I literally don't want to ruin that thing.

So like we had this text conversation, he set some boundary, I don't know. But over time, you've evolved this relationship meanwhile he's like you know ran into these like super bizarre women who are sending these wild fucking texts and he's like you know what well i like a little cray cray i i definitely would prefer more kind of normal behavior and then like you just kind of popped in but there's definitely the risk that he also might be in a period of a little bit of loneliness and and and he's he's like you know what why don't why don't i try this out the reality is though, like you are going to be trying each other out. So yeah, I mean, he,

his feelings of wanting to give this a shot is not a proposal, nor it should be. And you're not accepting one, nor should you. There is a part of you that was excited when he said it. And there was a part of you that was kind of like, I don't know if we should. And I assume there's a reason why he said it. And the only thing you have to check in with him is that he's not delusional Matthew. You want it to be kind of pragmatic matthew you want to hear from

him all the reasons why now that still include this might not work out you want you want him to be realistic you don't want him it would you don't want him to go back into the fantasy world of making jam and all that bullshit. But seriously, have him just decide, you're the one. It's going to be you. Nothing's going to get in our way. Because that's just kind of weird and intense. You want more of a level-headed approach to, we both deserve to give this a shot. And you know what? Giving this a shot might mean the end of this friendship, but whatever. It was going to end

eventually anyways. If it's not with Matthew, you're going to meet some guy and you're going to tell him about Matthew and he's going to be like, you know what? I'm not saying you can't be friends, but maybe we just kind of let that fade away. And you're going to be like, you know what? Yeah, probably. And his other wife is not going to be down.

That woman was not going to be cool with you guys being pals. You know what I'm saying? So there's not much to lose here. So if your initial reaction was excitement, then give it a shot. Do you reckon that these conversations such as discerning expectations and all of what you just said is something that ought to be had in person?

Or is that something that can be... I think you guys can FaceTime. Okay. And so I've thought about what you said. I'm kind of excited. Okay. But also here are some immediate concerns. And those immediate concerns can include just like high level kind of macro concerns about like, hey, just just so we're clear, this is what we're considering.

We're considering investing each other romantically and it could not work out. And if it doesn't work out, it's probably the end of this friendship. And I'm I've and that's something I thought about the past few days. And while that makes me sad, but the possibility of something ending up with you outweighs the risk. And we're on the same page. That's how you're seeing this too. Because that's the only way to see it.

And you want him to confirm that. You don't want any kind of delusional, like, oh, it's totally going to work out. That would be a red flag. Or he's like, well, we can be friends if's totally gonna work out that would be a red flag uh no or he's like well we could be friends if it doesn't work out no you don't want him to him you if he's gonna do this you want him to be all in without this like like ability to be like oh we'll just be friends if it doesn't work out so that and then then you can also say also like you know we have a history

i know your dating past you know mine there are some things about your dating past that like you know i've as your friend it was fine i could make fun of you as your potential girlfriend i have some questions and maybe you have some questions with me but let's address that now without many you know putting each other on the spot but i just want to talk through some of this stuff. Okay. I'm not a submissive, demure person. Well, maybe I want you to choke me when we have sex once in a while.

I don't know if I want to be in the routine of making sandwiches all the time. You can definitely bring up those things and just see. And yeah, you can have that over, I think i think i wouldn't text oh no god no no i would at least i would at least do facetime but i guess my fear is that at this point regardless of even if we we give it a go that the friendship is basically done um done and that makes me really sad actually um well but i feel like it might already be done it is it is already essentially done yeah and if it wasn't going to be you know are you you're you're costing a year or two of the friendship you know but this but the point is this friendship was not like as you've probably heard me say before if you don't marry him he's not showing up at the baptism of your first kid you know what i'm saying he's not showing up at your kid's second birthday party

he's not coming to christmas with you and your family and vice versa and and if it's not him you're gonna want you want to end up you want to be in a monogamous relationship you want to start a family it sounds like and and if and he's not going to be your best, that's not the type of friend he is. He's been your friend that you guys rely on each other while you're single. And it's great to have those friends. Those are awesome friends to have, and those are friends we remember, you know, and we value, and it's like, it's good to reminisce about those friends, but they're not, this is not like, it's like it's good to reminisce about those friends, but it's a different type of friendship. And it's sad when those run its course, but it's life.

Thank you. That's helpful. All right. Best of luck. Thanks. Let us know. I will. All right.

Take care. Okay. Bye. How's it going? I'm Nick. My name's Catherine, and I'm 25. How can I help, Catherine? I was hoping you would be able to help me with an issue I'm having regarding the relationship with my boss.

An important backstory is she's my best friend's aunt. Both of my friend's parents passed away when we were younger. And her aunt has kind of taken over the parenting role, so she's very close with her aunt. In August, before I graduated, Martha, my boss, offered me a job at the company she works for and is fairly relatively high up on the ladder. And since finding a job right after college is challenging itself, I took her offer and began working a week after I graduated. I was very eager to start using my bachelor's degree and get my 401k going, get all the benefits.

So I took her offer. And I'm also currently working on my master's online. And I made it very clear that I never had experience in the banking industry. And so I wasn't familiar, but I was absolutely willing to learn. The first few months were great, but I did notice that I wasn't getting a lot of training.

And I often felt very behind. Since she is quite higher up in the company, her position takes a lot of her time and attention. Were you like her direct report? Did you work with her directly? Yes. Okay. As like an administrative assistant kind of thing? Yes. I'm an office administrator. Okay. I have been relying on other co-workers to help me. I often go to them to ask questions because they're available and my boss isn't. She said several times that I can always call and text her and come into her office if I need help with anything. However, when I do, she always says,

What do you need? I'm busy with deals. I have to make this company money and I don't have time to walk you through everything. Just Google it. So naturally, I ask others in the office questions and advice regarding any training. And she gets mad at me because I didn't ask her. And says that I can always come in and ask her questions. And she often says, there's no such thing as a dumb question.

Yet, I have experienced her telling another coworker of mine to use her brain. experienced her telling another co-worker of mine to use her brain. And she's also said to me, if you can't do this, then what can you do? She said this to you? Yes. Okay. Does she ever do like any type of like reviews or like, do you ever grab lunch or, or just, have you ever been able to say to her in a non-confrontational way, but to say, hey, listen, I'm struggling a little bit because you got to make this company money. Obviously,

training me isn't a priority. It's tough being someone's boss too. It's just like when you hire someone, you want them to be self-sufficient and you want them to be able to figure it out. You recognize that you have to help them out, but it's not a big priority for you to do that, right? Because that's not what is making you money, right? But you have to recognize that. That being said, the other stuff that you're saying she's doing

is very confusing, where it's just like, you know, if all she was was someone who didn't have the time to train you up, she would be like a lot of bosses and a lot of upper management people who are just like, it's your job to figure it out. And you need to figure out how to make my life easier. So go figure it out and offer them a little bit of grace to figure out how to make my life easier. So go figure it out and offer them a little bit of grace to figure it out. But it would be frustrating and confusing

for them to care about how you go about doing that, especially if it's not with them. And so have you been able to articulate that? I'm just a little confused because it feels like, again, I want to be respectful. So when you're busy with deals, I ask other people, but that has seemed to frustrate you. And what are your expectations of me and the best way to figure out things I don't know the answers to while you're busy? Yeah. I called her one day and asked her because I sent an email a few weeks back asking her if she had time to review a certain report that I had to send out weekly.

And she came back with, it's not that I don't have time. It's that I prioritize my time, which is what you should be doing. And so I called her immediately and I said, Hey, was there something inappropriate or offensive in that email that I sent you? I'm very confused at your response. And I just wanted to make sure

that you saw the report that I sent. And she said that she's hard on me because she wants me to be awesome. And then I had a heart-to-heart with her. And I was like, I'm really trying. And I just feel like I'm a constant disappointment with some of the things you say in reaction to my tasks and stuff. She wants me to organize certain stuff. I organize it,

but it's not the way she would have done it herself. And so she'll always say, well, look, I'm just going to do it. I'll have to come in on the weekends and not have to see my kids because you didn't do it how I like it. But then I asked her, if you have time... How do you like it? Yeah. I always ask for that. We're different people. We think differently. I'm still trying

to understand you as a boss and get your methods down so that I make this easier for you. And she just told me again, I'm only hard on you because I want you to be awesome. And then she told me she had to go. Where are you at right now in terms of how much or how willing are you are to try to make this work versus looking elsewhere? Right now, I have decided it would probably be best if I looked for other jobs. And I have applied to several just because I feel like the communication barrier that I'm having with her,

I want it to get better. But with the way that she reacts to certain things, I honestly am kind of discouraged and I don't think that it to get better, but with the way that she reacts to certain things, I honestly am kind of discouraged and I don't think that it will get better. And the biggest problem I'm having is that it's my best friend's aunt. So I've never told my friend any of these issues that I've been having with her aunt because I don't want to bring her into it at all. Yeah. The best friend's aunt, I don't know if it her into it at all. Yeah. The best friend's aunt, I don't know if it's that big of a deal.

I don't think it should really affect your decision. It might be like a bump in the road or like an awkward conversation you have with your best friend. But if she's your best friend, as long as you're respectful, you just say like, I really appreciate the opportunity and it didn't work out. And I tried really hard, but like it wasn't for me and i hope that your best friend can understand that right and you're pretty yeah and it's good that you're not like complaining or talking shit about her aunt because like you're keeping work at work and like it doesn't really matter and if you quit like i'm sure her aunt will just be like yeah whatever

you know in the meantime listen like you're most likely you're going to find something else and quit that'll be fine but until then i don't know this could be an opportunity for you to learn and i guess deal with some adversity if nothing else this could be something that you use and further interviews in terms of like people love asking questions about like how'd you over tell me about your last role and how'd you overcome initiative uh tell me about your ability to take the initiative uh and overcome adversity right you're dealing with some adversity uh how are people like to ask questions show me tell me a time where you uh had a problem you solved it on your own, you know,

and that you're creative in your problem solving. People love those types of questions and not a lot of people are able to answer them, especially with real life experience. So this is something that you have an opportunity to do and it's nothing else. It could be a great resume, something on your resume less so much

your resume but like certainly a talk track and further interviews and give you great experience to to learn some of these skills right I think you have nothing to lose with continue to try to have conversations with this person all while being respectful but you know push back a little bit just be like listen ultimately i want to like i understand that my job is trying to make your is trying to make your job easier and as you know like i'm trying to figure it out so like one question like you know like you told me that story about the excel spreadsheet but you didn't really ask what i i'm suggesting you should ask and that is in person when you find the time just lay out how you're feeling.

And that is, listen, I'm trying to figure out things to why I can make your job easier. And I just want to like, what's the best? What are your expectations? Is it Google? Is it, you know, I'm happy to ask other people. And if I need to ask you, because I can't read your mind. If you like things a very specific way,

I'm going to need you to tell me how you like them. And if just figuring it out, I'm fine also to just figure it out. But that's going to come with me not doing it exactly. And I will learn only by getting notes. Feedback is important for growth, right? So let her know that. And I'm fine with you being hard on me. I appreciate you being hard on me. But, you know, what you're asking right now is like, you're being hard on me

without giving me any direction. And I'm fine with, again, looking for direction on my own, but I'm not going to know whether it's something you like or don't like unless you tell me. And if you don't like it, I'm going to need you to articulate why. Unless you want me to keep guessing and just lay out and say it confidently. You're not worried about losing this job. You know what I'm saying? Even if she were to fire you, you don't have to put that in your resume. She's not going to give you a bad... You know what I'm saying? It sounds like this person might just say, hey, listen, it's not working out and I'll give you a good review on your next job or a letter of recommendation. She must know

that she's a little... She's not a very good manager. And good employees don't make good managers. Successful deal makers don't always make good managers. And? Successful, you know, deal makers don't always make good managers. And she's probably managing you the same way someone managed her, you know? And maybe not exactly, but, you know, I think this could be a good opportunity for you to figure out ways to try to communicate

with a challenging person, you know, and try to figure out ways to make it work. Try to have fun with it. Like, all right, how do I try to reach with a challenging person, you know, and try to figure out ways to make it work, try to have fun with it. Like, all right, how do I, how do I try to reach this person? Like right now it feels helpless. So now that you feel helpless right now, you might as well just have some fun with it. You're young. It's your first, I fucking hated my first job so much that I was like, I quit. I just quit. I didn't have have and I did the same thing I got I was so excited that I got a job offer before I graduated I started like the next Monday and I was like the fuck am I doing and it just wasn't for me you know and I worked there for less than a year and it's it's

not on my right you know like I'd do something completely different now but eventually like I just left it off my resume because it was insignificant. So it's your first job. A lot of first jobs don't work out. So I wouldn't stress about this not working out if it doesn't work out. In the meantime, try to make the best of this situation. Try to figure out how you can learn from it,

how you can use this in future interviews as to how do you describe difficult challenges and situations. Because you have nothing to lose. And as long as you're not disrespectful or cruel, but she has some bully energy, and the only way to respond to bullies is to push back a little bit. And again, I don't think you should be rude, but you just have to call them out on, it's very confusing what you're asking me to do.

And if she says, I'm hard on you because I want you to do well, just be like, I want you to be hard on me, but I'm getting no direction. And I'm fine with, again, figuring how I want, but I still need some notes from you. If you want me to keep guessing, I just don't know how that makes me constantly guessing what you want is not going to make your job easier in the short run. So like invest a few minutes in me to give me some notes so that I can make your job easier. Sell her on how you think you can make her job easier. Make it about her. You know what I'm saying? Right now, you're

just like, did I do it right? How did I do it? How do you want? You're just like, she's just like, this is exhausting. So just spin the narrative. I want to make your job easier. And here's how I can think I can make your job easier. And part's how I can think I can make your job easier. And part of that is you giving me notes. And can you carve out a few minutes to just give me a note on whether you like something or not? I'll figure it out. And if you want me to go trial by error, I'll do that too. But you're going to have to expect that it's not always going to be the one because I am not a mind reader. And the only way I'm going to learn about what you want is if you give me at least some notes. And so what do you think? Let's make this work.

Maybe she's testing you. Maybe she wants to see if you have the ability to push back. And maybe, I don't know, maybe in some kind of Mr. Miyagi type of mentor way, it's just like what she, there's a method to her madness or something. I don't know. She's often told me many times that, you know, her boss used to act the same way or was tough on her

and had, you know, similar conversations with her. And I don't know, sometimes I just think there's a way to give constructive criticism and way to give feedback and not tell other coworkers, use your brain. That surprised me also because I think I've had a personal relationship

with her outside of work. And I knew that going in, she wasn't going to be the same. She's a boss. She's held to a certain standard. I totally knew that. You have the right to respectfully push back and say, listen,

I have no problem with you being hard on me. But you can still respect me and you can still speak to me with respect. I am trying to use my brain you know but and again once again i'm fine with you being hard on me but you're at you're you're literally asking me to read your mind so again you have to explain that to her and say i want to make your job easier so and i've I've said, just repeat what I just said,

but I think you have to figure out how to communicate with her. And part of a job is being able to communicate with other people and deal with difficult people and try to figure out creative ways to get through those people. And those skills will serve you well. So you might as well practice on trying to figure out how to get through this person, you're going to have to adapt a little bit. Right? And you're gonna try to figure out how to, you know, again, treat it like a puzzle. What's how do I get through this person? How do I get her to help me help her and figure out creative ways and, and have some fun with it. And while you're while you're looking for other jobs.

But I will say, if you can make this work, even if you end up leaving this job, it'll be a story you can tell at other jobs in terms of how you dealt with a difficult situation. And a lot of this is about taking the initiative and problem solving and things like that. She's not doing a good job of helping you develop these skills. I don't push back at all right now. And also, I think that my confidence could be better when doing so.

That might be what she's testing you. And as far as it being your best friend's aunt i wouldn't i would who cares she is separating how she is outside of work and work you can do the same you're not talking shit you keep it at the office and as long as you're respectful but you can still set you know those boundaries and be respectful you can push back and she literally maybe that's what she's doing maybe she wants to toughen you up. Maybe she wants you to realize that you have to figure out how to communicate with people who are difficult to communicate with.

But it is a life skill and it's not something people are very good at. And the people who are can be very successful in business. You just have to be creative and understanding and learning how to empathize and see her point of view and figure it out and surprise her. Thank you. I really needed that advice. All right. Well, good luck.

Thank you. All right. Take care. How's it going? Good. How are you? Good. What's your name? Anna, and I'm 26 years old. How can I help, Anna? So I started to give you a little background. I started seeing the guy I'm with right now

back in August. We met at a bar and he graciously walked me home that night because I had way too much to drink. So I got kind of lucky there with not being taken advantage of as well. But the next day he texted me to check in and, um, and we just kind of started talking from there. Um, we decided to meet up a week later at the time. He also lived five hours North of where I live right now. So, um, we decided to meet halfway and spend the afternoon together. So we did, um, come to find out from that meeting that he has a disease that will affect his life expectancy. And because of that, he also isn't able to have children naturally. There's another way to do it, but that's a little personal, so I won't go there. But he also at the time was building a van because he wanted to drive

it out West and enjoy the winter out there so i had known that as well um i thought it was really cool and we continued to talk because we just kind of didn't really think it was going to go anywhere um things started getting what do you mean you continue to talk because you didn't think it was going anywhere um i feel like i just kind of at the time i was seeing a lot of other people, so it wasn't like so serious to me, if that makes sense. Um, I just thought it would be kind of fun to talk to someone at that moment in time. Um, but things started getting kind of serious. And a few weeks later, we decided to meet up halfway again to spend the weekend together. up halfway again to spend the weekend together. It was probably one of the best weekends of my life. I had never been so happy and elated to be with someone. So we both left that weekend deciding that we would only see each other moving forward. So it was kind of fast in that sense. So then a week or two after that meeting, he came down to the city that I live in and he spent a few days

here. Um, we said, I love you pretty early on too in that week. Um, but I really meant it. And I know he did too, just because of the way things were moving really rapidly. And we kind of knew as well that he was eventually going to be leaving. Um, not sure when he was going to be returning to where we live. So anyways, we spent a lot of the fall together and then he left to go drive out west after Thanksgiving. About two weeks later, I flew out to go visit him. The weekend was good, but the only thing that really bothered me when I left was the fact that we didn't have plans to see each other again and we kind of had decided that we were going to do long distance um and I also should probably backtrack a little bit in the fall as well we decided that we were exclusive but we weren't putting a title on it which was fine with me in the moment because I

was like okay well I've only really been seeing you for a month and a half at the time totally fine with me um we'll just see how things go but it was clear that you guys were not going to be hooking up with other people right right for context because I'm curious does that mean you couldn't date other people or just not sleep with other people was it specified like what yes it was both they weren't seeing other people and weren't sleeping with other people so despite a label you guys were boyfriend and girlfriend yeah okay exactly um so then yeah so he dropped me off at the airport and I was super emotional and I was like well when do you think we're gonna see each other again because we hadn't spoken about that and it was kind of bothering me the whole weekend um and he was like well you're gonna he's like you're gonna fly out here again I'm gonna come home whatever I was like okay so um

then you know December January go by still haven't made plans to see each other also need to backtrack a little bit he had also mentioned to me before like when we first started talking that he eventually wanted to move out west and I was just kind of like okay yeah cool like kind of thinking that it wasn't really going to happen which i guess in retrospect it was kind of naive of me um so when he had been out west in the in december january he was telling me that he was looking at land to buy out there i was like oh cool cool didn't really think it was going to happen. But his diagnosis, his disease that affected his life expectancy,

are we talking like a year or two? Or are we talking like a decade? I guess I don't really know that because it's being treated, but eventually he would need some type of transplant to I guess be able to live.

But it's not like death's doors knocking. No, no, no. He's pretty healthy right now, despite that. Okay. So anyways, he was telling me that he was looking at land. I was like, cool. Supported it. that he was looking at land I was like cool supported it um and then February came and he was looking more at a piece of land that he wanted to buy out there I didn't really again

I guess my issue is I'm kind of go to go with the flow sometimes I don't really always say exactly how I'm feeling so I didn't really say much about it I was kind of getting upset so then I reached a breaking point early February. And I was just like, listen, I'm frustrated because we haven't made plans to see each other. And it's been two months at this point. And I was just really upset. And then he said, because you're upset, I'm going to tell you this.

I've been planning to come home and surprise you in a few days, whatever. So I was excited about that. So he came a few, few actually I guess at this point it's been like almost a month so he came to spend the weekend and it was pretty good we did get into some arguments at some point um we also had um well the one was my fault because we went out one night and um we had been drinking and we home, and I made a comment about inviting another guy over, which was not cool of me. I was just trying to do this thing where I stir the pot a little bit

to get a reaction sometimes. And so he got really upset, obviously, and we got into a fight. It was resolved the next morning. But prior to him coming as well, we had said that we were going to be talking about our relationship. So that was also in the back of my mind. So I think maybe I was just kind of feeling a little anxious and worrisome. And I just kind of wanted to see how he was feeling.

So the weekend goes on. We still haven't talked about it and I was getting frustrated. So then a few hours before the day he left, I said, listen, we really need to talk about this. I told him how I felt, told him what I wanted, that I wanted to just put a label on this because this is like you are my boyfriend. I am your girlfriend is essentially what's going on here. I don't understand why we just can't do that. And he had said to me before, like months prior, the reason why he didn't want to put a label on it was because he didn't want me to be like people, oh, my boyfriend's out west. And it sounds like he kind of like left me in a sense, which I understood.

But then as time has gone on, we say I love you. Are you still saying I love you to each other on a regular basis? Um, not on a regular basis. Just like sometimes I don't. Yeah. Yeah. His excuse is bullshit. It's not for him to decide what you say to your friends. People take road trips. People do long distance.

It's more weird to be exclusive with someone, whatever you want to call it, and be like, well, no, it's not my boyfriend also no i can't go on a date with you but he's not my boyfriend but like what that's that's actually weirder yeah so i'm obviously really frustrated about that and also i should also backtrack a little bit but he did end up purchasing land out west so he's going to be moving out there so part of the discussion it was before he left on the day he was leaving was me potentially moving out there eventually but I told him that we would have to really commit to long distance and I'm not doing this whole I'm gonna

see you every two months or something like that's not working for me and I expressed that to him and he he looked at me, he was like, I mean this in the nicest way possible. I'm going to be really honest with you. This conversation kind of caught me off guard. Like I thought when you said that you wanted to talk, that you were going to end things with me because you were just kind of like sick of my bullshit, basically. I was like, well, no, because I like actually love and care about you and I can see a future with you. Like, that's why I'm trying here, but here but like it takes two I'm not going to be the one putting an effort so he we decided that he or we both need to kind of digest the conversation he expressed that he wanted to

be able to make me really happy and stuff like even though he wasn't going to be here and be able to be a reliable boyfriend whatever so. So again, that was about a month ago. Right now I'm feeling like really frustrated about it. I'm annoyed, anxious, just all those things. But I guess I'm having a hard time expressing that to him. And like, at this point, I'm kind of like, this can go either way for me. I'm not sure if I like want to put the effort and make it work or if I'm like okay this isn't really worth my time anymore haven't brought it up to him and I kind of was hoping that he would be the one to initiate that conversation because I feel like I've done a lot of the initiating in the in the past few months so um I guess I'm just

kind of looking for some guidance and like your perspective and what you think. Well the fact that he was preparing for you to break up with him and he seemed to be okay with that. I mean he might have been sad or disappointed that like hey you know it's the end but that's not necessarily

a reaction but well I think my girlfriend's gonna break up with me today. It's a bummer. I guess I want to keep doing this but okay yeah i'm ready uh you know yeah so i guess to kind of give you more of a perspective and to paint a better picture of him he is very much like i want you to do what makes you happy i would never ask anything of you like if this isn't he said to me before like if this isn't working for you, I understand. I don't want to complicate your life. I know that meeting me and going through the emotional rollercoaster

with him and the way he lives his life, he lives his life differently because of his diagnosis. That was my next question. What conversations have you guys had about not necessarily planning the future with each other, but I want to hear what he communicated about what he wants. And then I'd love to hear from you what you want and see if those line up.

But I'm less interested in what he said about your feelings. So he said to me before about his future that if he ends up getting married, great. If he doesn't, then it is what it is like he'll be fine alone i mean listen you like you met a nice guy you like him there's a lot you guys have going in terms of chemistry both through his words and his actions he just sounds like a guy who has resided in the fact and maybe it's listen i i cannot begin to imagine what it'd be like to get a diagnosis that says you know you you can expect a shorter life expectancy and i can only imagine how that like changes your life perspective and what you want and he knows he can't have kids and

there might be a lot of insecurities i can imagine being a little closed off and about like with people saying, I need to be so self-sufficient because, you know, I don't want to, it's like kind of like, listen, if I find someone who loves me for who I am, then great. But if not, I'm not going to, you know, waste this limited time I have on pining over people not accepting what God or life has given me, right? And that, and I get that. And that honestly might be the best way for him to go about life, but that's certainly gonna close him off to certain people.

It's not your job, even though you might want to, cause you care and love about him to try to convince him to open his heart to you you also have to be honest with yourself about as sad as it might be and as much as you like like him that you know wanting kids and his inability to have it unless he really wants to make it a priority and do some non-traditional things. That is reason enough to maybe move on. But it sounds like, interestingly enough,

he's still being a fuckboy. He might be justified you know there's a little more you have a little we all have a little bit more empathy for someone who's been giving a diagnosis like he has to be like i get why you just kind of want to prioritize yourself overall or anything else you know certainly date and and and connect with people it sounds like he's a pretty respectful guy, right? And he's always like, hey, listen, I don't want to be responsible for your feelings

because I don't want you to commit to me and I don't want this. And all because he realizes he's prioritizing himself. And so him saying all these things to you is him just trying to be the best guy he can be because he knows that at the end of the day he's going to live for himself. Right.

And that's kind of where you're at. And you can't make him choose you. You can't get him to choose you. You can't try to convince him to you know see life a different way. This is how he's, all you can do is put yourself out there like you have and try like you have. But eventually you're just going to have to decide that,

you know, he's a great person, but he wants this and I respect it and it's not in line with what I want. And you can only compromise so much like you can compromise on this your willingness to do some long distance for a period of time while he goes out west and and and maybe compromise the fact that like I don't have plans to move but like if if he was willing to commit to me and prioritize our relationship and make me prioritize us and and maybe we have some conversations around like what does family planning look like for us in the future if we decided to come into this relationship?

And that would be reasonable for you to do. Still big sacrifices potentially, but reasonable. Yes. But he's not willing to do any of that. And he's not willing to have those conversations. He's not willing to make you a priority despite it being long distance and you're he's leaving you with nothing and so yeah you don't have to and i only say that not to be mad at him it's that he is you you don't have to feel

bad about your choices you you you he's making the choice for you, right? So don't make the choice so complicated that you feel bad or worry if you're walking away or worry about you doing the wrong thing or worry about if you're giving up on a nice person. He has shown you that right now, and I understand why, he's really living for himself.

And he's going to let people who fit in to his priorities be a part of his life and once they start wanting more he understands that they might want more but he's just going to let them move on on their own you know it makes sense yeah I also have like kind of noticed recently that he's, it seems like he's like pulling away a little bit, but like then when I bring it up to him, he's like, no,

everything's like fine. Like we're good. He'll, he'll, he'll most likely have you around as long as you're willing to stick around. But I'm getting the impression he's never going to, uh, go any further because he,

you're not, you're not the priority. Right. Unfortunately. And your ability to empathize with a situation makes you more willing to kind of compromise on the things that you want. But it's still at the end of the day, you have the right, despite a situation, to make yourself a priority and he has

the option to make you a priority too and he's choosing not to right that's a good point i've never really thought about it like that i just thought maybe he was being kind of like spacey or sometimes i feel like he's so far removed from where physically where i am right now because we're not in the same state and he like kind of forgets and he's always on the move and stuff so but that's a good point I feel like you're right he hasn't really made tried to make me a priority and now I'm thinking about it in this situation it sounds like he could still and he could yeah you know because the he could want to make you a priority and then you would be forced to make a choice with is, okay, this guy's willing to make me a priority. Am I going to truly fall in love and invest in this,

what I know to be probably temporary, and if I want kids, it's going to come with some risk and complications and some cost or whatever, and that would be a choice you have to make. But he's not even giving you that choice yet. Yeah. The only choice you have right now is to, do I just kind of become a second prior,

like a less of a priority than I want to be in a relationship with someone who still can choose to make me a priority? And you are confusing like his situation with an excuse to not make me a priority. And you are confusing his situation with an excuse to not make you a priority. And while it's easy to empathize with the situation, it's still not an excuse.

He still could, and he's still not. And that's okay, but you have the right to choose yourself. Right. That's a good point. So you're just like, I love you, you know I care about you, but at So you're just like, I, I love you. You know, I care about you.

But at the end of the day, I feel like I'm compromising on too much of a regular basis of things I just needed in a relationship. And I'm more than willing to make sacrifices to be with you, but it doesn't feel like you want to make sacrifices to be with me. And I understand why, but I just don't want to keep doing that. Okay. That's fair. That's exactly how I'm feeling too. So thank you for putting it into words. Just try my best. All right. All right. Well, thanks, Nick. I appreciate your time.

My pleasure. Thank you. Bye. All right. Take care. Bye-bye. Take care. Bye. I appreciate your time. My pleasure. Thank you. Bye. All right. Take care. Bye-bye.

Take care. Bye. Thanks for listening. Don't forget to send in your questions at asknickatcastmedia.com. Cast with a K. I'd love for you to pre-order my book. Link is in the show description. Shane on Wednesday for Going Deeper.

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